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disgruntledkittenface · 1 year

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Thank you @hellolovers13 and @neondiamond for tagging me! I loved reading your answers to these questions.

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 11

with love on the line

i get so lost inside your eyes

still, somehow

like sun on the rise

subverting expectations

Darling, so it goes

baby, you’re the end of june

The Referral

something to dream about

enough to make a girl blush

make you mine this season

2. Word count posted for the year: 288,979

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Nick/Harry/Louis, Niall/Zayn, Liam/Louis, Nick/Harry, Harry/Louis, Louis/Harry/Tom Hardy, Niall/Louis, Zayn/Harry, Nick/Louis

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: baby, you’re the end of june

Bookmarks: Darling, so it goes

Comments: make you mind this season

the rest under the cut!

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Darling, so it goes. I’m proud of myself for finishing it, because it took about three years to research and write and I had about three bouts of horrible writer’s block on it during that time. And I’m proud that it’s exactly what I wanted to write and that I posted it even though I wasn’t sure if people would respond to it. It has the heart and warmth that I try to infuse my writing with. It’s me, on a page.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): something to dream about. I still feel like reworking it, even though it posted in October. I don’t think it’s bad, but I think it could be better.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I would say this year it was the experience of posting make you mine this season and getting comments and reactions every day. I’ve never had people engaging with a fic that way because I’ve never posted a wip before. I gave myself some anxiety a few times (Will people be mad I didn’t write the scene with Louis’ family?? Is this zarry ending the kind of happy people want???) but everyone was so kind and lovely and it really made my heart grow three sizes.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: It’s kind of hard right now. I don’t feel very motivated or excited about writing, even though I really like my current wip. I think it’s because I’m having a hard time at work, it’s kind of killing my motivation to do anything, I just want to curl up on the couch and self soothe all day.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: In enough to make a girl blush, I thought it would be more of a slow burn before I got to the smut, but truly the first time the Louis and Niall characters hung out, they wanted to hook up right away, so that’s what they did!

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: from like sun on the rise

“I don’t know if like is a strong enough word,” she confesses, continuing to open boxes so she doesn’t have to look at Louis while she spills her guts. “Like… if that was anyone else trying to talk to me about casting a circle, whatever that means, I would think they were full of shit. But with Harry, it’s like I can tell she really means it, you know? And I start to think, oh, maybe it’s not so bad, I guess I get how that might be comforting to believe in.”

“Whoa.” Louis stops unpacking the box and just looks at Nick.

“I know! It’s like, who am I?” Nick stops working too and sits on one of the unopened boxes. “With every other girl I’ve had a crush on, I’ve always kind of mentally edited out the stuff I didn’t like about them. You know? Like remember Ariana?”

“Yeah, she was hot.”

“So hot, and funny and cool and smart and–”

“Pretentious.”

“So fucking pretentious,” Nick agrees, running a hand through her hair. “So I kind of just ignored that part. That way, I could still have a crush on her.”

Louis shrugs, laughing. “Been there.”

“But Harry.” Nick blows out a breath. “Harry is different. All of her weird stuff, like auras and spells and whatever – that’s exactly the type of thing that I would usually just ignore. I do this all the time, I get a crush for a few weeks, I ignore some stuff, maybe we go out a couple of times, and then it ends because they were all wrong for me. But with Harry, everything I learn about her just makes me like her more. It’s… intense. And I know I haven't known her that long, but I’m starting to think that maybe this isn’t just a crush.”

“So why do you look sick to your stomach? Isn’t this a good thing?”

“But what if she doesn’t like me back?”

“Nick.” Louis levels her with a look. “Are you serious?”

“Is that a rhetorical question, or–”

“Of course she fucking likes you back,” Louis says, turning back to the opened box next to her and unearthing a bag of filters. “She’s been coming here to study every time you have a shift. You text constantly when you’re not together. You speak in shorthand, you two don’t even need to finish sentences around each other.”

“So you think–”

“I know she likes you. And listen, Nick,” Louis says, looking over her shoulder, “don’t fucking hurt her, okay? Or you’ll have me to deal with.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: By trying different things! I love challenging myself that way. I wanted to see if I could good alpha/omega girl direction smut (and I think I did!). And I wrote my first advent fic! After I came up with the basic idea, I had to think about how to pace two stories and interconnect them and keep each chapter short enough so people could read along if they wanted to, and I’m really happy with how it turned out.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: By continuing to try new things!

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I have SO MANY positive influences, truly my little community is an embarrassment of riches. I’m going to say @queenofquiet17 who doesn’t even go here but always cheerleads my fics and helps me when I need it. She gave me a lot of suggestions for queer literature to include in make you mine this season, and then for my birthday she went to the bookstore from the fic and bought three of the books for me! When I opened the package, I cried. She always makes me feel like I’m part of the queer community and like I’m enough, and that means so much to me.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I wrote still, somehow after my husband trimmed my split ends for me. I was in the middle of a depressive episode and I didn’t realize until I was writing in Liam’s voice that I felt guilty about it, even though it’s not something my husband would ever resent me for.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Take each piece of writing advice with a grain of salt. Something that works for one person might not work for another. If you want to use adverbs, use adverbs. Write for yourself.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I definitely feel more excited about the american tragedy au idea after posting about it, so I might actually attempt it this year even though it’s a darker idea and my fics always end up being nicer than I think they will.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@uhoh-but-yeah-alright @homosociallyyours @louandhazaf @kingsofeverything @wabadabadaba @littleroverlouis @onesweetworld18 @brightgolden @absoloutenonsense @allwaswell16

#annual writing self evaluation #grace kelly au #f/f advent fic #nouis omegaverse #gryles soulmate au #harry/chris pine #an american tragedy au

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residentdormouse · 1 year

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Character Interview Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @bardic-tales, @mrsmungus, and @chickensarentcheap! - I figured by the third tag, I better get this turned around instead of it sitting half finished in my Google docs, huh? Yeah. Wow, am I getting bad at doing these in a timely manner. I miss being on a writing schedule…

Rules: Answer the 15 questions below as yourself or in character of an OC of your choice. Also tag 15 people if possible.

I’m going to go with Hayden, since she is my main OC. Pulling her for questioning from the middle of ‘Just Keep Diving Down’ because some answers are reliant on story events, and could change depending on when she’s asked. This point in the timeline would be the only spot she could truly give you a decent answer to the full lot of them.

(Although, if you have the time and are curious, I would recommend starting with Something Like A Spiral. Chronologically, it comes first. Just Keep Diving Down picks up where Spiral stops. Spiral is a canon storyline to the Stand, and Diving is after canon events end.)

No Pressure Tagging: @asirensrage @tsunderewatermelon @verba-writing @karimac @late-to-the-fandom and Open Tag to anybody who would find joy in doing this.

1. Are you named after anyone?

No, but also, kind of yes? I guess that doesn’t have as simplistic an answer as most. Sorry about that. My parents decided on my name after hearing it in a TV show. I don’t believe there was any particular attachment to the character, they both just liked the sound of it. But to be fair, you could also say I was named after a little girl in Arnette, Texas.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Oh. Jumping right in it then. I suppose a couple days ago? It has been a, well… a slightly trying time, to say the least. Sometimes it all just catches up with you, doesn’t it? Feels like death’s been surrounding us for so long. You think you get away, but you never really can, can you? It’s always a possibility, especially when you have a life like mine.

3. Do you have kids?

No! No. That’s nothing I would responsibly be able to do. Doesn’t seem very fair to them. No, I couldn’t do that. Won’t do that.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Sarcasm always seems to have this type of negative connotation to it. I prefer snark. Sass. Cheek, maybe? Playful banter? I give shit a lot. And armchair therapy depending on who you ask, I suppose. If it makes it any better, it is our group speak. Love language perhaps? Ah, it's understood between us, I guess is what I’m getting at.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Body language and posture. Most people will tell you who they are before they even say a word. It gives a decent gauge to see what note to start a conversation on. What to potentially expect from the exchange.

6. What's your eye color?

Brown, but there are some days they take on a slightly more hazel tone. Mostly brown though.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Oh, I have enough going on in my life to skip over the scary. Had my fill, thank you. I’ll take happy endings from here on out if you don’t mind.

8. Any special talents?

Some people say I have a knack for understanding how things work, but I don’t know. Seems like that’s just something that would come with being naturally curious, wouldn’t it? You have to understand how things work if you want to use them to work for you? Its a universal concept, whether its technology, magic, music… You have to know the principles before you can begin to successfully alter them.

But that said, I would personally say the piano. I’m not the best at it, more mechanical than natural about the movements, but I still enjoy it. Or more appropriately, I enjoy the music.

9. Where were you born?

A little absurd, but apparently, my mom liked telling the story, so here goes. I was born at our home in the bathtub. My mother had a very high pain threshold. Things that could break other people were nothing she would blink at. The stories surprise me sometimes, but digressing. She thought she was having braxton hicks, and went to soak for a few moments. Doctors told her that’s when her water broke, not that she would know. So without the normal alerts that would send most moms to be to their hospital, mine was quite content to soak until the water started to take on a red tint. Thankfully my dad had a level head.

10. What are your hobbies?

Oh, I guess the piano answer should have went here, huh? Not that I’ve had much time to do anything with it lately. I get a few breaks here and there when we’re down at Gru’s, but for the most, it's been research and practice. Wash, rinse, repeat. Although, Glen does make it a mission to make sure I take sporadic breaks. Mostly he pulls me along on his paint outings. Not that I give him much resistance, the area here really is beautiful, and the company is quite pleasant. I like watching him work.

I won’t turn down a good story though either. Books on a rainy days are always welcome.

11. Have you any pets?

Had? Yes. Have? No. I think that would be much like the kid question, slightly irresponsible on my part, I’d think. I would love it, though. I’ve had many pets before, and I love animals. Plus, I’m pretty sure Glen misses Kojak, although, good luck getting him to admit that. He still claims to not be an animal person, but how they got on, you couldn’t tell. Liar.

That does bring up a good point, though. We would not turn away one in need. If another situation like Kojak comes along, and we are better than any other alternative…. But we aren’t about to seek one out though. Not with life as it is now. Maybe someday…

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I never was much of a sports fan, not gonna lie. Small get togethers with a round up softball game or something, alright, fair. But all for funsies. Nothing organized, or for an extended period of time.

13. How tall are you?

About 5’7”, a little over. I’m pretty average, I think, but I’ve had a few people say I give off tall girl vibes, whatever that means. I think it was meant endearingly, but it's hard to tell when it comes from Max.

14. Favourite subject in school?

They all have their pluses and minuses. Overall anatomy, not my favorite, but once it came to neuroscience specifically, it was fantastic. You can’t have one without the other though. Programming. You can’t advance before you understand the basics. Same with teletporation and dimensional studies. I guess it really comes down to one of my prior answers: You have to know how it works before you can manipulate it, and that can be tedious. Learning the basics is dull sometimes. But the end game is so much more rewarding.

15. Dream job?

I honestly wish I could go back to the way it was before. Studying in my lab. Proposing and testing theories. Pushing the boundaries of what we know. What we’ve seen. Connecting to other worlds in ways we would have never imagined before. Seeing out beyond our reach. It was exhilarating. Maybe one day, it will come back to that. I can hope.

#mouse's tag games and reblogs #mouse is back on her nonsense #oc: hayden flynn #something like a spiral #just keep diving down

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chaoticaptendyte · 1 year

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Get to know me :3

Was tagged by @grippysockgang :3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Apparently after a sri-lankan first lady

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhh well yesterday afternoon i had a terrible bout of acidity after lunch and everything hurt so bad that tears came to my eyes, does that count?

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, i mean i am only 20. But i want to one day, two kids, I'd love if they're twins too

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Uhhhh not really no, i use it to the normal extent ig

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

Hm, damn i people watch on the train everyday and yet i cannot for the life of me tell u this. I suppose the way they're dressed? And then their hands maybe 👀

6. What is your eye color?

Dark chocolatey pools for you to drown in :)

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I am actually scared of horror so no, not scary movies EVER unless i have someone to cuddle into and can hide my face in their chest okie. Once my friends forced me to watch conjuring, i spent a month thinking my mom's possessed. Happy movies ftw. Forever.

8. Any special talents?

Hmmmmmm, idk lemme see. I think I'm kinda a decent photographer. I can cook well, don't do it often cause college and I'm kinda lazy and my mom does it for us anyway but yea. Oooohhh, I'm the official taster in our family. Anytime anyone is cooking anything and they need to know if the balance is right or something they come to me :3 which is pretty cool, i guess that counts as special.

9. Where were you born?

In an operation room ✌🏻. I was a C baby. Refused to grow any further so they had to pull me out.

10. What are your hobbies?

Um well it's been a while since I've done some of them tbh butttt- cooking, painting(watercolours), writing poems and fanfic and stuff, origami?, stargazing on my roof, doodling(which i do all the time actually), uhm watching shows and listening to music if it counts? There's prolly others too, just can't think of it rn. Ooh reading too, but it's been a while.

11. Do you have any pets?

Nope🥲, I've always wanted a dog though, a little shih tzu or fox terrier. And somehow my feed everywhere is always full of cats. I used to have goldfish but they kinda died extremely brutal deaths 💀💀💀 they kinda got sucked into the water filter cause the suction was too strong and got kinda uh shredded and another time one of the fish kima uhhh ate all the others 💀💀💀 so haven't got anything after that

12. What sports do you/have you played?

Rn i don't play anything, but i used to play pretty much all of em in school- badminton, tt, basketball, throwball, volleyball, football, cricket. Oh and i played pool once tho idk if it counts. Board games too lol.

13. How tall are you?

5'6 ^w^

14. Favorite subject in school?

Science :3 especially physics and biology. But i also loved English just as much tbhhh. Had a phase where i was super into history and geography too and also in like the fifth grade and twelfth i was super into math, like the satisfactionnnn of solving a problem is just *mwa*

Basically I've liked everything at some point

15. Dream job!

Honestly, not having one. That's my dream. I just wanna live in a nice little cottagecore world and bake pjes and cookies and just take care of the house and chill in the farm and look out at the world everyday and be content. If i could I'd love in the 'Anne with an E' world. Or in the hundered acre woods in a treehouse with Christopher Robin <3

This was funn, @astr0-j4y @gamerboyafterdark @alt3r-ego wanna join in?

#me #mine

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captawesomesauce · 1 year

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15 questions for 15 mutuals! I was tagged by @killsandthrills

Are you named after anyone?

Yes, but I can't remember her relation to me except her nickname was Chashka and so my hebrew name became Yechezkel! My first name is just because mom wanted Mike and Michelle, and Mish was born first so it was obvious what I'd be

When was the last time you cried?

I honestly don't know. W might remember better than I would, but it is really rare so it doesn't really stick in memory. A better question would be when was the last time I slept a full 8 hrs… wait.. I don't know that either… W might!

Do you have kids?

Sometimes it feels like you are all my kids and I'm the only adult in the room!!!! - Beyond that, nope nope Nooooooooooooooooooooooooope no nyet nada.

Didn't want any and managed to not have any all this time!

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

LOL me??? Noooooo never, not even once… why I am shocked you would even ask this! SHOCKED, I tell you! My lord, sarcasm???? Me???? Perish the thought!

What sports do you play/have you played?

In HS I played everything because… well… we were a very, very, small school. So I played on an 8 man football team that had a total of 11 players. I played basketball, I played baseball, I played volleyball. I played it all!

Later on I was a competitive shooter and was decent at it.

At LMU I would often walk down to the marina and help crew sail boats in little races, like from LB to Catalina and back.

But I'm really not a sports person. I have favorite teams like the Steelers and Panthers in the NFL, but I actually kind of feel weird wearing a hat or shirt because I feel like my "passion" is at a 1 or 2… and everyone else is full on 10!

What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Hands… I have even taught W this as well. When you first see someone, look at their hands and it'll tell you a lot about their intentions. It's not just for threat detection but also to see how relaxed they are. If they're clenching, or rigid… it's a red flag… if they're fidgeting or constantly moving… it's something to be aware of, and if their hands are loose and relaxed, see if that fits the situation and their posture, it could mean they're comfortable and chill.

In my old jobs, I was looking for things like favoring one side that might have a weapon or a detonator.

What's your eye colour?

Just plain brown.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I don't do scary/horror. Nope. So I guess happy endings.

Any special talents?

W says I am very patient with peoples bullshit and that I have an ability to grasp concepts really quickly and easily. I think my real special talent is that I can just find a way to connect with most people and talk to them out of the blue.

Oh, she just sat up and said my real special talent that annoys the fuck out of her is that I always have an innate sense of when timers are going to go off, even if I have no idea when they're set, how long they're set for, or anything… .I always just ask about it right before it goes off.

Where were you born?

In Valley dude! I am a totally gnarly bitchin radical valley kid!

What are your hobbies?

It's been a long time since I could indulge in a hobby/free time like I used to. I used to be very heavily into photography and got paid very well for my published shots that ended up in magazines, calendars, all over the news and in books. But it's been a very long time since I picked up my camera and shot anything.

I don't know… I used to sail, I used to go shooting, I used to have real hobbies…

Now the biggest one for me is just reading. I am like the guy in the twilight zone episode.. there is time now… there's time now!!! So i read, and I read a lot, and I am enjoying it. My goal is after the move is over, to spend more time reading at the beach!

Do you have any pets?

W is such a cat, that has to count! She is so much like mystic (the awesomecat) that it's funny sometimes. i show her pictures of him that she's never seen, and she's like OMG I do that! Especially the way she buries her face into my arm when she sleeps lol

I used to start my mornings with an arm and chest covered in cat drool… now it's W drool lol

Someday she and I will get a kitten but not yet.

How tall are you?

5'7… not that tall. W had a fucking meltdown in shock and laughter the other day when she realized we have the same length legs. Top of her hip is the same as mine… I just have a longer torso!

Favorite subject in school?

Elementary - History and Physical Sciences

High School - French and German language classes

College - I actually had a lot that I loved. Urban Planning with a focus on sustainable cities through planning and architecture. GIS/Remote sensing - not so much the cultural/political maps but the processing of aerial photography, satellites, and other imagery along with vector and rasters from other sources. Physical & Enviro Science classes too.

I hated math at every level and it's still the bane of my existence.

Dream job?

I never had one. I just wanted to work just enough to live comfortably and happily. I was a Marine, I was a Firefighter, I worked for a news paper, I worked for a law firm, I was a career counselor, I was a photographer, I had my own networking support business, I have done a lot in my life.

Now I'm entering the field of humanitarian aid and emergency management…. and I'm relatively enjoying it.

But I never wanted to be anything… maybe a doctor… I always just wanted to live a life where labor wasn't the focus.

I'm supposed to tag 15 people, but I'm tired, it's been a long few weeks... so if you see this, and read this far... TAG YOU'RE IT!

#personal

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rrxnjun · 1 year

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oh my god thanku really love the date cuz its a national holiday here so every year i'm getting fireworks🤭🩷💗also can i ask when is ur birthday or is that top secret information?👀

oo i'm really glad u were able to keep the idea🥳🥳(but really cuz other wise i might have not found ur page and that is just heartbreaking when i think about it💔)

tbh i'm down if u end up coming just tell me cuz i'm 80% sure i will go🫡 i don't understand why they are not going to vienna like i remember it being so popular for concerts cuz i was so salty about the fact that it's just the neighboring country and they couldn't have come a little bit closer🤣 AHH MAN NOOO THATS SO SAD☹️☹️☹️I HOPE U WILL BE ABLE TO SEE THEM ONE DAY!!!!☹️

U ARE JUST AMAZING FOR THAT!! best tendencies 🤣 yeah i was very shocked as well but i didn't get edits about it luckily cuz i think that would have made me so much more sad🫡 I UNDERSTAND THAT SO MUCH I WAS THE SAME FOR AGOOD WHILE MANS WAS ON MY MIND 24/7 (and still he is very much there although not as much as he used to:/)🤭 IDK I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THERE ARE BASICALLY NO TREASURE WRITERS HERE??? but i really think u would be an exceptional writer for them👀sooo i'm waiting for a treasure fic if u don't fall out of them ofc (although that is kinda hard to imo) ooo u know i think just a drabble couldn't hurt anyoneeee🤗 THEN IM WAITING FOR UR FIC EVEN MORE🥳

HOOE UR DOING WELL AS WELL!!! and i'm not too sweet u are too sweet!!!!!🩷💘💘 (and sorry again for the very late reply school sucks☹️)

(and i also wanted to ask that should i send u asks on ur other acc if i see something that i would bring up here just so i don't pollute this page anymore than i already did🤣like i just keep bringing up random topics here so sorry)

(liebestraum anon🌷💕💞)

omg thats so cool???? fireworks on your bday every year must be so amazing woah,,,, my bday is not a top secret dw 😌😌 its quite literally in 2 days (apr 16) lmao i feel very old and i also forgot its my bday this sunday so when my mum mentioned it i was like what already???

hhhh i am too!! i am currently actively writing it just so you know<33 if school doesnt kick my ass as hard (which it might bc i have my first final in 10 days LMAO) i think it should be done before summer AHAHA

have fun if you end up going!!! i had a talk w everyrone and came to the conclusion that i just cant go this year so thats :// maybe next year.... manifesting vienna fr that way i could be home the same day if i tried hard enough. VIENNA USED TO BE SO POPULAR W CONCERTS i swear every pop punk band and their mothers back in the day had a concert there. what happened im gen so confused i keep searching for it on every tour but nowadays no one goes there

you know the song TV by billie eilish??? thOSE edits make me so heartbroken. like 'dont know where you are right now, did you see me on TV?' bitch stop puting mashidam onto those lyrics i will have a full on meltdown. but anyways my man jihoon is still on my mind 24/7 and its gotten even worse man i need serious help i think. somebody call an exorcist. and stop supporting that drabble i will nOT write it (i am trying really hard to contain myself rn)

school sucks and it should be cancelled. >:(( i hope youre doing well i enjoyed hearing from you,, hope life treats you good in the next couple of days!!! mwah

also you can send asks whenever you want!! honestly this is my space and i dont mind clogging the dash djfkdlj if anyone minds these they can just block the tag, they curate their own tumblr experience :p but if you ever wanna send anything to mosviqu or my other blogs i honestly welcome you everywhere!!!

#replying to this on my laptop so excuse the lack of emojis #hope i dont sound dry LMAO #💌ask #liebestraum anon

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ayamturd · 3 years

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bisexual│mcyt hc

warnings: small mentions of hate, fluff

prompt: (requested 1 & 2) “Hello uh I saw one of your posts about the dream smp reacting to you coming out so I was wondering if you haven't already done it can you do dream smp reacting to you coming out as bisexual?”

“Hello yamturd so I was wondering if maybe you could do tubbo, Tommy and Ranboo reacting to reader coming out as bisexual or lesbian if you haven't already done it :)”

pairings: irl platonic! dream, ranboo, tommy and tubbo ; c!technoblade

a/n: if i offend or misinterpret anything in this hc, please feel free to message and correct me otherwise. i will always try to correct or delete this post if asked so <33

sending my love to all those who identify as bisexual <33

wc: (1.5k) - m.list

dream -

considering his prideful personality sometimes, you probably wanted to play with his ego and drop subtle hints

not anything too obvious, but enough to make him kick himself when he realizes

though it was admittedly difficult since he plays into the dnf ship so much that he thinks you’re also joking more than half the time

imagine you two were in a voice call one evening and randomly discussing the recent fanon and what would be funny to turn into canon (to mess with the fandom)

you’ve been recently shipped with two other content creators, both of opposing female and male gender, separately and together

“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind hitting that.” “Which one?” “Both.”

He’d laugh, but you didn’t.

“Wait, you’re serious? You actually identify as…?” “Bisexual. Yeah, I’m pretty sure anyway.” “Y/n, that’s amazing.”

takes pride in the fact that you trust him, but would feign being upset that you messed with him for as long as you did

be jokingly offended if he found out someone knew before him

“Wait…” “Yes?” “You told Bad??” “Yeah, he was one of the first.” “W— Why??”

It was your turn to laugh while he gawked in disbelief.

“It’s Bad! Of course I told him.” “… Fair enough.”

hate is a given, and he’ll always be there to support and defend you

he’ll always ask your permission before taking any action, however, because he respects you too much and knows you can fight your own battles

dream is someone will show relentless support, whether that be through words or moral support, he’ll always be there for you

c!technoblade -

i honestly feel like you never officially came out to techno

as you began to recognize yourself as bisexual, you slowly expressed yourself around him more openly to the point where he unconsciously knew

it’d probably would have hit him in the most random moment after months of assuming he knew

imagine you’re in the midst of battle when techno paused entirely with wide eyes

“Y/n!” “What!?” “Are you gay??”

you would tease him when discussing your love life in one-sided conversations with him; him basically choosing to ignore you when you talk to him

“Honestly, Techno, how could you not want to hit that?” “Please, just stop.”

(i’ve written this before but will stand by this that) he truly doesn’t care for your sexuality

you’re a friend, someone he trusts and relies on, he doesn’t need to consider who you’re attracted to since he sees you for your skills and friendship

the only, and only time he is mindful of your sexuality depends on others unnecessary comments about it

the smp is a known judgement free land, but there will always be someone with ignorant opinions that he is always quick to shut down (or kill)

nothing much can be said besides the fact that you’ll always be y/n to him: a loyal friend and someone he would fight the world for

ranboo -

oh sweet ranboo, dear ranboo

considering how openly supportive and kind he naturally is, you didn’t question the idea of telling him

i’d like to imagine that unlike most where you planned or waited to tell, the moment you knew, he would know soon after

imagine you called him before he began his lore stream to hype him up

you both were talking about more mundane things to calm his nerves as people joined when you brought it up

“Oh actually, before you start, I wanted to tell you something.” “Sure, what is it?” “Well, I— I’m Bisexual.” “…You’re tELLING ME THIS WHEN I’M ABOUT TO START MY STREAM??” “Y/n! I’m so happy for you, that’s amazing!”

he’s incredibly patient concerning how you wanted others to know or when you were ready to be completely out

similar to c!techno with the same beliefs you’re still y/n, and nothing has changed besides you coming out as yourself

he’s your go to when days are rough, because he knows how to help you understand you’re still loved as the same y/n and nothing less

“Hey, hey, listen to me. I love you, y/n. We all do, and you’ll never be alone when things get rough, alright?” (love /p)

knows how to silently deal with hate in his chat unless it becomes evident enough to address it (doesn’t want to bring attention to meaningless words until it becomes serious)

ranboo’s your rock and makes show that he’ll never believe anything other than that you deserve love

tommyinnit -

as someone who took pride in defending the LGBTQ+ community, you had no hesitation when coming out to tommy

if any, your reluctance would come from accepting yourself to the point to be open with other people

it’s not as if he didn’t accept you, he could never imagine doing so in the slightest, but he probably wouldn’t know what to say initially

imagine you both were in the midst of playing bedwars together in a recording for a video

he had been busy gathering emeralds while you remained at the base, and the comforting silence gave you the confidence to blindly address it

“Hey Tommy?” “What, y/n? I’m in the middle of something right now.” “Oh, um, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” “…” “…Tommy?” “…” “T— Tommy?”

it’d be dead quiet for a few seconds before you heard the noise of him rustling in realization

“Wait wait wait, you’re serious? You’re bisexual?” “Haha yeah, yeah, I am.” “WHA—!”

he was happy for you, to say the least

tommy loves to joke, and one he loved to make would be your attraction to both genders

you like women? pog!

you like men? a shame, honestly

if you were publicly out, his favorite bit would be to include you in his obnoxious swooning

imagine he was streaming while talking about his love for women

“Boys, honestly, the ladies just can’t resist me.”

The ding of discord notified you entering the call, the sound of your laughter immediately coming through.

“I agree, Tommy, I definitely agree.” “Y/n! You are attracted to women, and I am also attracted to women. You can agree women are amazing, yes?” “I can, Tommy. Women are indeed amazing.” “Good lad!” “Tommy, you do realize I’m not only attracted to w—” “Shush, we don’t speak of that.”

he showed his support by normalizing your sexuality, his acceptance quick and easily integrated into your lives

(this is getting long but—) tommy was well aware he lacked some knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community, but openly voiced his ignorance as a sign of awareness itself

he was always quick to correct either himself or others, he refused to accept slander of any type in his streams

would probably try to keep it light heartedly, but scold nonetheless

tommy was your figurative cheerleader, always there to include and uplift you, whether that be through the smallest gestures or loudest cheers

tubbo -

poor tubbo

since he wasn’t the most careful with secrets, you probably withheld telling him till you were ready for most to know

this isn’t to deter anything of not trusting him, he’s still supportive and loving tubbo that wouldn’t dare do anything purposeful against you

if anything, you might have forgotten that he didn’t know when you were casually taking about it within a group

imagine you and Ranboo were trying to get him to sleep one early morning but gave up

you started talking about personal stuff and the topic of your love life came up, specifically the attraction to someone of the same gender

“I don’t know, Ranboo, I mean, I think I like them but at the same time I’m not sure.” “That’s fai—” “Wait, y/n. You’re gay??” “Bisexual, actually.” “WaAA—”

his very sleep deprived state was extremely happy and emotional for you

he’s like the little duckling with a knife, like he loves you completely but will try to hurt anyone that offends you

like tommy, he has no personal knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community but will solely learn for your sake

whether you’re younger or not, tubbo never fails to remind you that he looks up to you

he gives his all and won’t hesitate to provide in any way he can if needed

“You matter,” he’ll always say, “you’re important and no one else’s opinion matter.”

is proud to be your friend and expresses his platonic love in full, for you’re you and are so brave to be yourself despite all

choosing not to tag my usual taglist just cause its a headcanon with a specific request <33 (huge ty to @basilly and @inniterhq though for the advice/motivation to finish this)

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pascalpanic · 3 years

Text

Caffeine Rush: Chapter One / Americano

Javier Peña x f!Reader

Summary: Working a dull December morning shift, you meet a seemingly disgraced DEA agent by the name of Javier Peña.

Warnings: Language, talk of death and canon-typical Narcos violence

W/C: 2.3k

A/N: YOU GUYS i am so excited to share this story with you all!! i fuckin love Javi and coffee so this features my two favorite things! big thanks as always to my beta readers for helping me out- especially with chapter 2 (which i was stuck on for 3 weeks lol). I hope you guys enjoy! this story has some twists I don’t think y’all are gonna see coming ;) I’m planning to update this fic once a week! I just wanted to get chapter one out there :)

previous chapter || next chapter || masterlist

Americano: espresso and hot water; has a similar taste to a brewed coffee, but still darker and more caffeinated thanks to the espresso.

Work is blissfully slow on weekdays, allowing you to putz along at your own speed. Today, however, is boring as hell. You’d had approximately seven customers since the morning rush, meaning about seven drinks to make. There weren’t even tables to clean, no customers having sat in the cozy coffeeshop. You and your coworker had joked around, swept and mopped, and cleaned the espresso machines twice each.

At this point, with nothing else to do, you sipped your third peppermint mocha while perched atop two stacked milk crates, leafing through your worn copy of The Great Gatsby. It was a common occurrence when evening rolled around, but rarely so early in the day. Since you were the one on barista duty, Mandy kept watch for customers and allowed you to relax with your book. It was routine for the two of you. She mindlessly fusses with the product wall and the coffee grinder, cleaning everything for the third time.

The door opens and you pop up from your makeshift chair excitedly. The weather is blustery and cold, with heavy snowflakes starting to fall outside the large windows, and the man who enters is pulling his jacket tight around himself. He looks up and you quickly dodge behind the espresso machines before you can make eye contact. It’s instinctual, and you’re unsure why until your brain reminds you of the man’s face. He’s handsome, even though you got maybe a second’s look at him. Dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed mustache, eyes an even darker shade to complement his tanned skin.

You bite your lip and grab a large ceramic mug, bringing it to the espresso machine. No one would be crazy enough to order a cold drink in this weather. Mandy takes his order and a few seconds later, his receipt pops up through the printer at your end of the shop:

Ticket 114 - 12/3/93

Name: Javier

LG-Redeye

!memo: darkroast

Javier. The name suits the man, you think to yourself and smile as you begin prepping the espresso for his drink. As you walk to Mandy’s station to fill the mug with drip coffee, she smiles and nudges your side. “Isn’t he cute?” She murmurs. You look at the printed ticket then at the coffee warmers: there’s no dark roast.

“Very,” you giggle a little and fill the mug with light instead. He’s seated in the corner. “I call dibs,” you tease, and Mandy shakes his head. She’s married, but she knows your type, and it’s exactly the man sitting there, staring at a newspaper.

“Yeah, okay,” she shakes her head but smiles at you. “No wedding ring either. I think you should bring his drink to him instead of calling out the order.”

Staring down at the filling mug, you shake your head. “We’ll see,” you chuckle softly and return down to your end of the bar, pouring the two shots of espresso. “Javier?” You call in your barista voice, and the man lifts his head and walks to the bar.

“That’s me,” he says, a small begrudging smile on his face.

“Hi,” you chuckle and hold up the mug. “We’re out of dark roast right now, so I had to use light. Could I put some flavoring or cream or sugar in there for you?” You offer. “Otherwise, I can most definitely make you something else. An americano maybe?”

He pauses for a second. “Yeah, an americano would be great,” he nods. “What kind of flavors… are there?” he asks.

“Oh, we have a ton,” you say enthusiastically, grabbing the syrup rack and pulling it your way. “Any of these. Hazelnut, vanilla, raspberry,” you smile, rattling off the flavors, “otherwise we also have caramel and any flavor of chocolate.”

Javier raises an eyebrow as he looks at the small display. “Never been somewhere with so many options. Could I do dark chocolate and cream?” He asks, and you nod.

“Of course,” you tell him, dumping the previous mug and grabbing another. “I’ll have that right up for you. You can head back to where you were sitting,” you inform him.

He shakes his head. “I can wait here. Save us both a trip.”

You nod. “Sure,” you say with a smile, prepping more espresso. “The redeye and americano are pretty different in caffeine though, the americano is going to have more since there’s more espresso.”

“I just need as much caffeine as I can get. Tough day ahead,” he nods.

“I’ve been told bartenders and baristas are wonderful ears to listen,” you offer, a sweet smile on your face.

His guard has fallen like a wrecking ball through a house of cards at the way you smile. “Well, I’m with the DEA.” It feels strange, openly admitting that around here. Colombians weren’t exactly welcoming to American agents, but it felt like citizens around here saw them as some kind of superhero.

Your eyes light. “Shouldn’t it be a fantastic day for you then?” you ask. “I mean, it’s all over the news. Escobar. Do you know the guys in the photo?” You ask with excitement in your voice.

He nods. Escobar was killed yesterday, and it’s all over the news, including the paper back at his table. “Yeah. The blonde guy in the red shirt is actually my work partner. It’s a tough day because I didn’t get to be there when it happened. I’ve been down in Colombia for years now, and they catch Escobar two days after I leave.”

The smile on your face turns to a frown. “That’s… awful,” you nod, eyes full of sadness for him. “I’m so sorry. At least it must be nice to be home?” you ask, tilting your head slightly and pouring the espresso shots into the mug.

He shakes his head. “D.C. isn’t home. I’m from Texas,” he admits, and the way he speaks finally registers as a slightly slowed speech pattern from the area. “I’m happy for Steve though. The blonde one, my partner. He deserves it. We’ve been down there for… Jesus,” he sighs and looks at the ceiling as he counts the years, “well, a while now. Couple of years. I fucked up, bad. Honestly, I think I’m up here to get fired.”

You frown slightly as you pump the chocolate into the hot espresso and water, swirling it around with a spoon. “You worked on Escobar for years?” you ask, and Javier nods. “Well, then I personally doubt you’d be getting fired. You guys just caught him, everyone must be in a good mood. I guess it depends on how bad you fucked up,” you shrug as you tap the spoon into the sink and bend down to grab the cream.

“I… do you know who Los Pepes are?” he asks. You shake your head as you stand, pouring some cream into the steaming drink. “Well, they’re a radical group who did some crazy shit to try to weaken Escobar, and I got involved with them. I have a meeting today with the review board.”

You finally make eye contact with him, wincing for him. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound great,” you admit with a chuckle, putting the cream back in the little refrigerator beneath you.

“It’s not.”

“It’s not necessarily why you got called up here,” you shrug and grab a saucer, putting the mug on top of it and on the bar for him to take.

“Well, I don’t know, I suppose,” he agrees and takes the drink from you.

You shrug. “Best of luck, Javier,” you tell him with a genuine smile of encouragement.

He nods, looking at your name tag attached to your apron. He murmurs your name before looking back up at your face and into your eyes. “Thank you.” He takes his drink and returns to his table, and you sigh and return to your makeshift chair in the corner.

Mandy pulls up two crates next to you, sitting down across from you with gleaming eyes. “Did it go well? You two talked for a while,” she asks, raising her eyebrows and encouraging you to tell her more.

“A little, but just… how I would with anyone, I guess,” you shrug as you sip your mocha for a moment, drinking the last of the warm coffee. “Not like I got his number or anything.”

“He’s sitting down to drink his coffee. Go offer him a refill when he’s done.”

“That would require me to stare at him, Mandy, and I think he’d notice that,” you shake your head as you stand to make yourself a new drink.

She stands with you, pushing the crates out of the way. “I’ll keep an eye on him for you. I’ll signal to you when he’s done or getting low on coffee, and you can bring him a refill. How does that sound?” she asks you.

You nod with a sigh. “Since you’re apparently not going to let this go, fine. I will.”

Mandy claps her hands together excitedly. “Yay!” She sings. “Oh, will you make me a drink while you’re at it? I’ll have a-”

“Skim hazelnut latte with no foam and light whip,” you recite before she can finish her order.

“You’re a babe,” she sings and heads over to clean the tables that haven’t even been touched since she wiped them an hour ago.

You make her drink and set it aside, then work on your own, fourth coffee. The peppermint and the coffee swirl together deliciously in the air, fitting the weather and the time of year. It’s December, and the snow outside and the warm feeling from the man across the coffee shop contrast in your heart. You sneak glances at him a couple of times, biting your lip to hold back a smile as you admire the handsome face peeking above the newspaper he reads.

About ten minutes later, you look up from cleaning the machines to see Mandy tucked behind a wall where he can’t see her. She’s frantically waving at you, pointing towards Javier once she catches your attention. Go, she mouths excitedly, beaming at you.

You wipe your hands on your apron and walk to where she stands. “Fine, I will, but you’re making the drinks if anyone else comes in.”

“Oh no, how will I handle it?” She asks in a deadpan, eyeing the shop that’s empty except for the two of you and Javier. “Go,” she says, giving you a light shove and giggling.

You shake your head but walk over, placing a hand lightly on the table. “Coffee’s looking low. Could I get you a refill?” you offer.

Javier looks up at you, and you feel like turning to jelly as you look into his big brown eyes, filled with confusion but also admiration. He furrows his brow, creating small creases between his eyebrows. “Uh… sure. How much is it?” he asks, reaching for his wallet and setting down the newspaper.

You put a hand on his arm, giving a gentle smile. “You need it. It’s on the shop,” you tell him.

“No, seriously, what, like $5?” he asks, but you put a hand over his.

“No, Javier,” you chuckle lightly. “Don’t worry about it. Another americano with chocolate and cream?” you ask.

“Uh… make me whatever you like best. And bring one for yourself too.” He says, well, really asks, nodding to the empty chair across from him. “It’s not too busy to talk, is it?”

You swallow hard before you break into a grin. “No, not at all. Uh… do you like peppermint?” you ask.

“Peppermint is good,” he says, giving you a small smile.

“Perfect,” you smile softly at him, picking up his empty mug and saucer. “We have a peppermint mocha, it’s seasonal. It’s my favorite, I’ll be right back with them,” you say, giggling softly and biting your lip as you turn and walk back to the bar.

You’re hidden behind the espresso machines as you finally grin and giggle, and Mandy rushes to your side. “Oh my God,” she laughs happily. “He’s so hot. What were you guys talking about?”

“He asked me to sit with him,” you giggle excitedly, preparing four espresso shots.

She nearly squeals with excitement, grabbing your arm closest to her. You scoop some chocolate chips and pour milk into a pitcher, putting it under the steam wand. “Holy shit. What has he told you so far? What’s his story?”

“Well, he said he’s a DEA agent. He’s on leave from work right now, but the guy in the red shirt in that picture of Escobar after they killed him? That’s his partner,” you tell her, letting the excitement speed your words up. “He’s been in Colombia for a couple of years working on it. Isn’t that cool?” You laugh.

“So cool,” she nods in agreement. “And he’s so fucking cute. Girl, you need to get your ass back there before I steal him myself.”

You laugh as you pour the shots and then the steamed milk into the mugs. “I’m trying, but you holding onto one of my arms is holding me back, love,” you tease her and she breaks away. You top both mugs with a perfectly peaked whipped cream layer, then sprinkle candy cane pieces and chocolate chips on top. “Wish me luck,” you practically sing as you walk back with a mug for each of you.

Javier’s holding back a grin himself as you make the drinks. He can see your head bobbing along behind the bar, the other woman chatting with you. He’s more transfixed than you than he should allow himself to be, but all fears fade as he sees you approaching with a grin and two large, whipped cream-topped drinks.

You set the drink down in front of him and he smiles at you. “Wow. This…” he looks down at it and smiles a little. “Well, it looks sweet.”

“I have a sweet tooth,” you admit with a soft laugh and sit down, taking a sip and sighing softly. “It tastes like winter. I love it.” He nods and takes a sip too. It’s sweet, but not as bad as he expected. “I added extra espresso to yours,” you tell him, a shy smile on your face.

“A woman after my own heart,” he chuckles and sets it down, licking the foam off of his mustache.

You smile a little wider at that and hold back a laugh. “Did you want to talk about the meeting?” you ask him, tilting your head, your expression softening.

Javier’s already falling, and he curses himself as he looks at you. Not a thought except him. He’s already thinking of a sly way to get your number. “No, not really. I just spilled basically my entire life story to you.”

“Then you’ve had a very short and boring life. That was hardly anything. I’ve had customers come in and cry over divorces or lost family members; the whole job situation was mild,” you chuckle and admit, tracing the rim of the mug with your fingertips and staring down at the steaming drink.

“Really? You seem like a therapist and a barista in one,” he teases lightly.

“Well, I did just graduate with a Masters in psychology,” you shrug. “I just graduated with it from Georgetown. That’s why I’m here,” you tell him and look up. “Working here part-time while I decide what I want to do.”

“No shit. I did my undergrad in psych and sociology,” Javier says with a small smile, making your smile grow too. “Texas A&M though. Nothing as prestigious as Georgetown.”

“A&M isn’t anything to sneeze at,” you chuckle as you look over at him. His eyes are deep-set, deeper than they probably normally are. They’re bloodshot and hold bags beneath them. After a breath, you bite your lip and look him in the eye. “You look tired. I don’t know you normally, I understand. Maybe you shouldn’t finish this,” you tell him with a concerned smile, scooting his mug towards you. “Too much caffeine.”

“No, I need it, please,” he says, tugging it back and sipping at it again. “Just… until after this meeting. Then I’ll know what my future holds, then I can rest.”

“What time is it at?”

“5:00.”

There’s a beat of silence. “I don’t have any plans tonight,” you say gently, looking at him with a question in your eyes. “Would you like to get dinner? Talk things out, once you know what your future holds?” You offer, a soft smile and hopeful eyes. “I already know enough about you. This could be practice therapy for me,” you tease softly.

Javier thinks for a second, though he knows what the answer will be. At least pretends to think, surprised that you could hear all he had said about Los Pepes and working in Colombia and that you still offered. “I’d like that,” he nods, his voice soft when he looks at you. “I don’t know the area well. You’ll have to tell me where.”

“Do you have a car up here?” You ask him, and he shakes his head. “I can pick you up,” you offer. “Where are you staying?”

He grabs a napkin and pats his pockets for a pen. You hand him the paint pen tucked on your apron and he quickly thanks you before writing down the address to the hotel. You take the napkin and the pen and grab another napkin. “And this…” you say and write down your phone number, sliding it to him, “is where you’ll call me when you’re ready for me to come get you. Okay?” You ask.

Your voice is so soothing, Javier thinks. More than sleep or reassurance or even a hit of Escobar’s private stash or really anything could be to him right now, it’s a comfort. You must be a miracle, he thinks, some kind of blessing for something he isn’t quite sure of, but he must have done something right in the eyes of the Almighty to be here, right now, talking with you. “You know, I was raised Catholic,” he tells you and leans in a little. “I don’t know that I am anymore. But still… I think you might be an angel in disguise.”

Biting your lip, you giggle and look down. “I don’t know about that,” you chuckle as you look up at him again. “Just… right place, right time, maybe. I’ll see you tonight, okay?” you ask him, placing your hand over his and standing.

Javier nods as he looks up at you. “How should I dress?” he asks and tilts his head. His eyes are so expressive, you notice and smile a bit. They betray exactly what he’s thinking.

“Um… what you’re wearing now would be fine. A button down and jeans would work,” you tell him with a nod, patting his hand and picking up your mug. “I’ll see you then. Good luck,” you tell him with a sweet smile and retreat to the back. Javier can’t say anything in return, just sips his peppermint mocha.

Three minutes later, you return with a muffin. “Eat this. You can’t have all that caffeine and no food.”

“Thanks,” he chuckles and looks down at it. You’re gone when he looks back up, and he breaks off a piece. What a weird day. It’s only about to get weirder.

taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @blo0dangel @binarydanvvers @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @lv7867 @greeneyedblondie44 @hunnambabe @astoryisaloveaffair @emesispo @pedritobalmando @magikfanatic @yooforia @oceanablue @sara-alonso @pedrosmustache @feelingmadclever @hnt-escape @radiowallet @obsessivelysearching @a-court-of-feysand-and-elorcan @linnie0119

#javier peña x reader #javier peña #javi peña #javi peña x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x you #javier peña x you #caffeine rush

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kirishimas-manly-eyeliner · 3 years

Text

pt. 2!

@missmorosis asked:

AHHKKK OKAY OKAY- how they would comfort you if you're crying?? 🥺 w/ hinata, kageyama, tsukishima, and tanaka annNNDDD I LOVE YOU AHHH YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING AND IM HONORED TO EVEN SPEAK WITH YOU SDFJKLSKDJFLKSDJF ILY ILY ILY ILYYYY

ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ʙʙ 🥺 ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴅᴇᴅɪᴄᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ’ꜱ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴀ ʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴘᴀᴛᴄʜ. ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ꜱᴏ ꜰᴀʀ ɪɴ ʟɪꜰᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ᴅᴏɴᴇ, ɪ’ᴍ ꜱᴏ ꜱᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜ.

-> part one is here

[ TW: hinting anxiety and/or depression. if you ever need help, please don’t be afraid to reach out to me, i’m open whenever you need me, it’ll be okay ]

Tsukishima and Tanaka with a crying reader (pt 2)

🌼 kei tsukishima 🌼

【🌼】you had felt numb for quite sometime, but you never really cared

【🌼】to you, feeling numb was better than feeling too much... or maybe you felt so much that your brain “stopped working” as a defense mechinism?

【🌼】you didn’t know, and you didn’t exactly care, either.

【🌼】you went to go pick up tsukki from his latest volleyball game, but he realized that something about you was... different

【🌼】you were wearing an oversized hoodie, hands stuffed in pockets, and on your phone almost every given second. but for some reason, this angered him

【🌼】“y/n,” he said, getting a sip of water. he opened his mouth to speak, but you didn’t say a single word to him and nodded. you didn’t make eye-contact either, and fear started to replace the rage inside him. “...let’s go home.”

【🌼】while you were walking home, tsukishima on-reflex opened up his hand to hold yours, before he realized that your hand wasn’t there to hold, so he snuck his back in his pocket 🥺🥺

【🌼】he fought back every urge to confront you about what was going on. something didn’t feel right, except he also wasn’t sure if you were okay with him asking you questions, so he simply asked, “how was your day?”

【🌼】“it was good,” you said, looking back at your phone as you walked over to the bus station.

【🌼】“...is that all?” tsukishima spat without a second thought.

【🌼】however, you didn’t get angry, and instead, you shrugged and said, “yeah.” you were so tired of speaking-- all you wanted was to be alone, in the comfort of your own room.

【🌼】an uneasy feeling began to settle in his stomach, and he was just so worried for you, but couldn’t find the right words to say.

【🌼】you two went on the bus, and it was pretty late at night, so there was barely anyone else around, and all the seats were open.

【🌼】his heart literally shattered when you willingly sat on a seat across from him.

【🌼】“I...” tsukki didn’t finish speaking and waited until you got home.

【🌼】once you actually opened the door to get back home, you were already a few feet ahead of him, always going two steps forward. when he closed the door, he stopped you.

【🌼】“y/n.”

【🌼】you turned around, your hands shuffling in the pockets of your hoodie. you knew confrontation would happen eventually, but you just weren’t ready for it. “...yeah?”

【🌼】“what- what happened today? what’s going on with you?”

【🌼】“nothing!” you said nochalantly. “i’m doing perfect, really. i don’t know where you even got that idea,” you yawned, and opened the door to your room. “i’m so tired, i’m gonna-”

【🌼】“y/n, please,” tsukki said, chewing his lip. his final “please” was only heard as a soft whisper as he stepped closer towards you.

【🌼】the way he was acting, the way his hands were figdgeting-- (and he never fidgeted), how he was standing still in place, his hand reaching out for yours, made you swallow as you turned around.

【🌼】“I...” you hesitated, before looking into his eyes, filled with so much hurt, anger, confusion, fear, and you thought he was going to hit you when he raised his hand-

【🌼】but in his eyes, you also saw love.

【🌼】he put his cupped his hands around your face before pulling you into a hug. “i know you’re not okay. but you can say whatever you want around me,” he looked at you wiped away a tear on your face with his thumb. “it’s okay to be weak, that’s something that took me a while to realize. being weak can be a good thing sometimes, because then you can get help from people you least expect.”

【🌼】“everything’s going to be okay, y/n. you’re safe. it’ll get better, and whatever it is you’re going through, i’ll be with you, every step of the way.”

🌷 ryūnosuke tanaka 🌷

【🌷】it was late at night, and it was happening again.

【🌷】just like it did every single night. you’d feel too much, too little, things would be too loud, too quiet, and your brain just wouldn’t shut up as you sat in bed, feeling disgusting in your own body and scrolling on your phone.

【🌷】every single night for what seemed like the past year had been like this. nothing ever changed-- people always said, “you’re strong! you’ll make it!”

【🌷】but... did any of them ever mean it?

【🌷】you sat in your sleeping bag in the gym’s backroom, because you didn’t have enough money to rent your own apartment. you sat in the back, your phone light and the buttons of the heater being your only sources of light

【🌷】11:42, the clock glared.

【🌷】you didn’t want attention. you didn’t want people touching you, all you wanted was someone to understand.

【🌷】someone to listen to you.

【🌷】you fell asleep with your phone still playing music into a restless sleep, praying that tomorrow the sun wouldn’t rise again.

【🌷】the door clicked at around 5 am, and you instantly jolted awake-- was it a robbery? who was it? and why were they here? who was-

【🌷】“y/n??” a voice exclaimed. you still had your bed-head as your eyes locked with tanaka’s, who was staring, eyes as wide as saucers

【🌷】before you spoke, tanaka spoke first, “i’m so sorry, beautiful woman! it’s just- i wanted to practice early, please don’t report me, goddess!”

【🌷】you laughed, he seemed like a small puppy. you wiped the tears from your face, “of course-”

【🌷】“huh?” tanaka’s face instantly dropped, his face melting into a concerned frown. “were you... crying?”

【🌷】honestly speaking, it was insane how fast his demeanor changed. “you were-- it seemed like you were wiping tears from your face, are you okay?”

【🌷】”i’m fine, don’t worry about me, just-- my eye was itchy,” you started packing your sleeping bag.

【🌷】tanaka’s eyes widened. “you- you sleep here?”

【🌷】“yeah, i don’t have much money...” you sighed. “but i’m okay! i can manage, it’s okay-” your voice broke as tanaka’s expression looked so heartbroken that you thought he was the one who was hurt.

【🌷】before you knew it, his arms engulfed you as he started crying into your shoulder.

【🌷】“I- ryu, what are you-?”

【🌷】“you’re so strong, you know that? and i’m not even kidding when i say this, because I-” he let out a weak laugh. “I joke around a lot, so what i’m telling you right now is the full truth.”

【🌷】you hugged him back. “you’re serious?”

【🌷】“the fact that you never told me what was wrong, or anything personal kinda hinted most of it, being honest,” he scratched the back of his neck. “and then you told me you sleep here? you can come over with me- i mean, if that isn’t too weird for you! but just... take care of yourself? you’re so insanely strong, and that’s attractive,”

【🌷】you let yourself grin, but you stare up at him. “you really think so?”

【🌷】“yeah. well, now that i think of it... you always smile even when you don’t want to, you always help others when you feel down yourself, and... you’re scared to reach out to people, i get it. but promise me, promise me one thing!” he said as he kissed you on your forehead. “promise me that you’ll take care of yourself? please?”

【🌷】you didn’t even realize you were crying until now. “i... okay, baldy,” you chuckled through your tears. “thanks,”

【🌷】tanaka beamed and held your hand, saying, “you know what? i’ll go get you something tasty to eat after practice, what do you like?”

if you’d like me to do any other characters, please lmk! i write these to help you mentally, physically, emotionally, whatever it is, please know you can always reach out to me whenever. you standing here, you getting through the day is more than enough, and you should be insanely proud of yourself. don’t feel guilty for being on your phone all day, or not doing anything productive, because those rest days are the moments that help you the most! i love you so much, please take care bb.

tag list!: @cathwritestragediesnotsins, @mari-bug, @missmorosis, @maddiemadill, and if you’d like to be added, ask here! take care of yourself please 🥺

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jinxedpanda4life · 3 years

Text

DamiRae Hospital AU?

No I am not writing one, if I could write well I would though! So here are some HCs for a hospital AU. If someone decides to write this then I’ll be your first reader. Also I am sort of basing things off of Grey’s Anatomy just a bit and my limited knowledge of the medical field.

- Starts of as 1st year residents, specialties may vary

- The “Titans” are residents and 1st years that show great promise, this doesn’t really play a role its just what people call them behind their backs

- Dr. Kori Anders is a OBGYN (women parts and birth) resident, a year or two away from finishing

- Dr. Richard “Dick” Grayson is is a surgery resident, trained by the hospital owner Bruce Wayne (who is a world renowned surgeon, has awards, etc), specifically general surgery

- Dr. Garfield Logan is pediatrician (kid doctor) res, bonds well with kids, but is considering going back to school to become a vet instead

- Dr. Jaime Reyes is an oncology (cancer doctor), having had cancer as a teen and is now forever trying to rid the world of it, works mostly with kids and teens

- Dr. Jonathan Kent is a physical therapist that works with pain management. Up beat guy and is always trying to brighten his patient’s lives.

- Dr. Damian Wayne is a surgical intern, blood thirsty little thing, hoping to become a neurosurgeon (brain, spine) (or cardiothoracic (heart, lungs) both are competitive)

- Dr. Raven Roth is an anesthesiologist (the drug person that knocks you out) and is starting her surgical internship (she wanted to do more than just help people get high essentially or whatever) has no current preference for any specific surgical field

- Add in characters:

-- Dr. Jason Todd, trauma surgeon (fits too well)

-- Dr. Timothy Drake diagnostician (medical detective basically)

-- Dr. Donna Troy gynecologist

-- Terra Markov is a nurse (i don’t like Terra but nurses are the actual best)

- Story stuff:

- Damian and Raven meet as they are put under the guidance of the same resident

-Damian has an automatic dislike for Raven because she knows everyone already and is equally, if not much more, knowledgable about surgery, the OR, the ER, protocol, etc He also thinks she is cold because she rarely shows emotion (pot kettle Damian)

- Raven can always be found in the medical archives researching old cases and studying new ones, Damian stumbles upon her when looking for an old cardiomegaly case (enlarged heart).

- Raven gets along with all of the past ‘Robins’ making her a go to intern

- Garfield can be seen whenever he is not needed trying to flirt with Nurse Markov and often goes to Raven to sulk

- Damian and Raven are always early to pre-rounds and are typically the first ones there (usually early in the morning, getting there before 500)

- Jon bumps into Damian more often than not and they start becoming friends (Damian is reluctant at first and is still you know Damian about everything), Damian even recommends patients to him

- Though Damian doesn’t want to really ‘hang out’ with anyone he reluctantly hangs out with the Titans, because of Jon and Dick

- When in a large group when at a bar, club or whatever Damian tends to stay close to Raven because 1) they actually have things to talk about 2) she isn’t loud

- Raven & Damian are both assigned to a case that is frankly befuddling and have to start spending long nights and early mornings together to figure it out

- Over that period of time they learn things about each other:

-- Raven learns:

Damian has a dog (Titus) and cat (Alfred)

He is single (Kori told her) and lives in an apartment close to the hospital

He has lived in various countries

He is trained in multiple martial arts

He prefers his tea with brown sugar and a slice of lemon

His eyes are a true emerald color with a ring of gold and flecks scattered within

He may hide it well but when Raven compliments him he becomes flustered

He speaks to himself in Arabic when he curses, trying to remember something, doesn’t want anyone to know what he is saying

He isn’t always an asshole

When he actually smiles a true and genuine smile, she has heart palpitations

-- Damian learns:

Raven has two tattoos (neither are a bird), a gang tat (she is saving up to get it removed), and a mantra in Azarathian; Azarath Metrion Zinthos

She immigrated from Azarath when she was around 8

Her notes are in Azarathian

She actually feels a lot of emotion and knows how to control them

If she is not reading about a current or past case she is reading any book or file she can get her hands on, he has caught her reading in multiple different languages; Azarathian, English, French, Russian, Arabic, Dutch, Mandarin, (could be more or less)

She lives alone and has a cat, Nevermore, and thanks to Dick he already knew she was single

She likes all tea, no matter how prepared, but prefers the sweetener to be honey

Her hair is black but shines purple, especially under the ER lights

Her eyes are a purple that at first glance look blue, like Elizabeth Taylor, he realizes though her eyes are galaxies on their own

When she smiles the world actually stops moving, her eyes shine like stars and he never wants the world to start moving again

She always wears a necklace with a gold and ruby ring at all times (it was her mother’s wedding ring)

- When Damian starts having le feelings for Raven he considers actually seeking medical advice as this has never happened to him before

- Raven tries her best to contain her feelings when at work, going so far as one day a month staying home just to scream, cry and feel her feelings

- It does not help that new feelings towards Damian start popping up, especially since he starts bringing her tea and hanging out with her at work

- During the middle of their 2nd year of residency someone holds Raven hostage in the hospital to fix someone that person loves (this person had connections to Trigon and knew who Raven was)

- That was not a fun time for either Damian or Raven; Damian was outside the hospital pacing trying to figure something out with the other Titans trying to calm themselves and him down

- Shots are fired and when all is said and done, Raven gets shot in the abdomen and the hand (she was in ICU for a hot sec)

- Damian seemed to be there every time Raven woke up, he was always checking on her during rounds even though he wasn’t on her case

- Raven did have to have surgery on her hand and in her abdomen (idk where i’m not getting that specific), she hated being, in her words, coddled

- Even though Raven was right handed (the one that got shot) she learned how to do everything, writing, eating, going to the bathroom, etc. (many of the other residents are impressed since she keeps working on it after her other hand heals)

- Raven’s room also becomes a space for other residents to destress and just vent about their day. She listens and gives advice, all without looking up from whatever she was doing.

- During this time Raven becomes hooked on Pretty Pretty Pegasus

- Raven’s room is also full of cards, flowers, etc all from fellow staff and some from patients. When she leaves (she spends a couple weeks in thanks to multiple surgeries, recovery, and other minor injuries) all of the gifts litter her apartment, the cards end up in a box by her desk, she presses the flowers, and stuffed animals are donated to children’s shelter (she keeps some that she has grown attached to)

- During this time Damian is more of an ass than usual (people notice and tease him)

- Damian at some points keeps working without breaks/sleep for hours on end. Dick pulls him aside after noticing, scolds and forces him to sleep in one of the on call rooms. (He really wanted him to go home, but Damian wasn’t leaving)

- Once Raven was discharged Damian and Garfield help her back home (clothes + gifts + Raven w/a healing hand/other injuries = need help) the other Titans would have helped but were needed at the hospital

- Garfield leaves after dropping off Raven and Damian (and her stuff) as he is called in on a Peds case (could be fake, may not be) and Raven & Damian spend the rest of the time basically watching terrible movies. (with Nevermore sitting on both of them)

- That is the night Damian realizes that not only does he like Raven, but he like likes her. He starts devising plans on how to get her to date him.

- All his plans basically are thrown out the window because of one reason or another (he kept overthinking it)(poor guy)

- It is not until their 3rd year of residency that Raven realizes her feelings towards Damian (Have I made it clear she likes him? I can’t remember...)

- She realizes her feelings when she has to crash at his place for a night (because he lives ridiculously close to the hospital, like how expensive is that??) and he tries to make sure that she is as comfortable as possible

- She never realized how much he cared for her? Like she was always helping him out and there for him but she never realized he reciprocated that care? *Shocker*

- Raven becomes kind of a mess because of all her emotions that she is trying to bottle up. (all the corks are disintegrating and the jar is overflowing)

- Raven is during her Ortho rotation (bone surgeon people, they are cool, ik from experience) that she actually gets a good release for her emotions (setting peoples bones and drilling and hammering in pins is actually therapeutic)

- Raven thinks that may be the specialty she chooses

- Damian saw her as a mess and could not fathom why she was said mess, he figured it was about a romantic interest after someone made an offhand comment about her love life and she became a blubbering mess (very un-Raven like)

- After all of well *motions with hands* that Raven asks why Damian doesn’t have a s/o or someone

- He says there is only person that he has been meaning to ask out (looks pointedly at Raven)

- All Raven says is “Go for it.”

And that is where my HCs end. Now if anyone who happens upon this post decides to write a Medical AU with any of these please tag me, tell me, message me.

You do not have to give me credit, I just want to read it.

This took me a couple of days to write up, so if it is disjointed I apologize.

If anything needs to be corrected for any reason let me know!

I hope this fuels some imaginations!

-I may post more HC AU things if they come to mind, we will have to see.

#damirae #damian x raven #demonbirds #teen titans #raven #damian wayne #rachel roth #headcanon #medical au #au

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threecrowsinatrenchcoat · 3 years

Text

Paint My Spirit Gold

Dukeceit Week Day 2: Green/Yellow

Fans of the YouTubers "Deceit" and Remus "The Duke" Sanders start to suspect that maybe, just maybe, the two of them are more than simple internet pals.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 2187

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a watercolor-style painting of a snake. The snake appears to be made of melting chocolate, and there is a large bite taken out of its tail. Cherries and jam are leaking out of the snake at the bite wound. The snake's expression of horror is overly-exaggerated to the point of comedy. The caption reads: "liked your snake boi, @SerpenThyme. thanks for the inspo." /end ID]

A notification ding cut Janus off mid-sentence.

“Wow, someone left their cell phone on, so professional,” he said, giving the camera a dramatic eye roll. That someone was him, of course, because he was the only one in the apartment- just him and the running livestream- but that was no excuse not to be a drama queen about it. He finished wiping flour off his hands and grabbed his phone to silence it; but the notification made him pause. He flicked his eyes up toward the camera and gave a slight smirk.

“My goodness, I’m famous,” he drawled. “The Duke himself has graced little old me with some fan art.”

Most of the comments in the chat wanted him to show it, so Janus opened up Twitter to see the full post he’d been tagged in. It was a watercolor painting of the coiled-snake chocolate sculpture- lovingly named Jake by his viewers- he’d made for his YouTube video last week; it was wearing an expression of such comedic horror that Janus had to stifle a laugh. He flicked his phone screen toward the close-up camera on his counter so his viewers could see.

“How kind of you, Remus,” he said. “All of you should go scold him for what he’s done to poor Jake here.”

Most of his viewers would know he was joking- after all, they were the ones to nickname him Deceit when he provided neither a real or fake name for his online persona. They knew full well what he was like by now.

The oven timer dinged. Janus silenced his phone and set it aside.

“And our first batch of cookies is done. You know, why don’t we show the Duke some appreciation?”

[ID: An Instagram post by user @SerpenThyme. The photo is an artistically-framed shot of a stack of sugar cookies with green, yellow, and pink icing. Propped up against the stack is another cookie, with an intricate icing-drawing of an octopus. The photo appears to have been color corrected to have high contrast, low saturation, and a dark vignette at the edges. The Instagram user @OctoDukie is tagged. No caption. /end ID]

“You know, I have often been accused of actually being a little old lady, what with my fondness for knitted jumpers, rocking chairs, and incredibly fucked up murder mystery books. Today I am doing nothing to dispel this accusation, by making soup.”

The studio was dark and empty aside from Remus' workspace. Everyone else had left long ago, even his own brother, which meant that it was officially ass-o'clock in the morning (or, as most people called it, somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m.) But Remus was stuck in hyperfocus, honed in on putting the last touches on a commission that he'd been putting off for weeks. It's not that it was a tough painting- once he'd gotten started, it was actually a very creatively satisfying piece- but man, executive dysfunction could go suck a dick

“French onion soup, specifically. Because while I do like to pretend I am a classy bitch, I am also, regrettably, a lazy bitch with a distaste for anything that takes longer than one bottle of wine to make.”

Remus hated working in silence. It was stifling, almost suffocating. His brain needed noise like his lungs needed air. So when the studio had grown still and silent, Remus had flipped open his laptop and queued up some YouTube videos.

“So we have here three pounds of onions that we need to slice up, pole to pole. You’re going to cry no matter what, so if you have any memories you’ve been repressing since middle school, now is an excellent time to dredge those up.”

And if it happened to be 90% SerpenThyme videos, well. Sue him.

“Now the first rule of caramelizing onions: fast and sloppy is always better than slow and thorough… at least, that’s what every man I’ve ever slept with tells me.”

Remus choked and glanced over to his laptop screen just in time to catch Deceit's trademark smirk directed at the audience just for a moment. It was the deadpan delivery that always got him. Remus could barely hold onto a joke long enough to get through it without cackling mid-punchline, but this fucker could say the funniest shit like an off-hand comment.

He wiped his hands off on his jeans (what use were clothes if you couldn't use them as paint rags?) and pulled his laptop across the table. He typed out a quick comment, citing the timestamp of the joke, and after it was posted, he shut his laptop.

'Cause ass-o'clock was short for "get-your-ass-home-or-I’ll-kick-it" o'clock.

[ID: A screenshot of a YouTube comments section. The first comment is by user TheDuke, and reads: "10:42 wow, rude." The second comment is a reply by user SerpenThyme, and simply reads ";)" /end ID]

Janus plopped down on the couch with a slight groan. He didn’t need to stream today, but he really hated missing days. Besides… he was fine. Really.

He adjusted the camera until he was happy with the framing, and then checked the settings on his streaming software. Satisfied, he started the stream, and watched as his usual viewers rolled in.

“What do you mean I’m not in my kitchen?” Janus drawled, addressing the chat. He glanced around with an expression of faux-shock on his face. “My goodness, when did that happen?”

He chuckled, and then gestured to his surroundings. “Yes, we are in my living room today. If you must know, my closest and most trusted friend tried to murder me today- yes, Virgil, it was attempted murder and nothing less- and I survived with nary a scratch… and a broken foot, but that is beside the point. Anyway, I’m not allowed to stand for long periods of time, and I may or may not be somewhat inebriated by pain pills and couldn’t stand even if I wanted to. So we are cooking from my couch today.”

Janus paused for a few moments to read the chat messages as they popped up. A few get well soon’s, a few theories about the “attempted murder,” Virgil- who moderated his chat for him- vehemently denying the “attempted murder” but otherwise refusing to clarify the event, and a large volume of wtf why are you streaming today, take care of yourself comments, which made him smile. But one particular comment caught his eye, almost lost amid the torrent of an active chat: wait this kinda looks like the Duke’s living room?

“Oh, VampSuga,” he said, addressing that commenter in particular with a slight smirk. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, since I can’t reach my oven from here, I thought some no-bake cookies were in order. For these you will need-”

[ID: A screenshot of a Discord conversation. The text reads:

“VampSuga: Ok ok hear me out. Dukeceit.

Starstruck96: who?

IneffableSnek: lmao

FeralBeauYasha: lol

VampSuga: Deceit and Remus Sanders! They’re totally dating. I will die on this hill.

FeralBeauYasha: Isn’t the duke w/ PatPat?

IneffableSnek: no thats his brothers bf

FeralBeauYasha: ohh

VampSuga: Did anyone see Deceit’s stream today? I swear that’s the Duke’s livingroom.

StarStruck96: idk that seems like a stretch

IneffableSnek: no wait i kno what u mean

IneffableSnek: im watching the duke’s old videos and that one where he shows off all his old weapons he’s in a living room kinda like deceit’s

FeralBeauYasha: They were acting all cute on twitter too

VampSuga: DUKECEIT” /end ID]

"Hey guys, been a while since you've seen my face and not just whatever my hands are busy with, when it's within YouTube's terms and conditions I mean. They used to be way more lenient…" Remus trailed off for a moment, then shook his head sharply and plastered on a grin.

"Anyway! In June me and a few other creators did a fundraiser for the Trevor Project, and y'all smashed the goal, so I let you decide what video I'd make this month." He paused, and gestured to the mountain of clothes piled behind him on the bed. "And you had so many juicy ideas to choose from, but you decided to dress me up like a Barbie instead."

Remus paused to scroll through his phone for a few moments. "Ah, ok, here we go. Twitter user YoonIsMyCat- oh, BTS, nice- sent in this first outfit. Uh… future Remus, put up the post here somewhere." He gestured vaguely to his right. "Y'all went with either a fuckton more clothes or a fuckton less clothes, which I respect. Apparently this outfit is called…” He squinted at his phone. “Amish chic? I take it back, no respect at all.”

Remus cycled through the outfits his viewers sent in, which ranged from the aforementioned “Amish chic” to “2008 rave attire” to “ok now you guys are just fucking with me” (which consisted of one of those big puffy snow coats, lime green in color; booty shorts with the shrug text emoji across the ass; fuzzy pink boots; and a yellow cowboy hat to top off the whole thing. It was awful. Remus loved it.) The mountain of clothes on the bed gradually became a mess of clothes spread across the floor instead, until there was just one outfit left.

“Ok so Twitter user VampSuga sent me this outfit that I’m gonna call ‘sexy librarian.’ I couldn’t find this exact sweater online, but-” he paused for dramatic effect, before brandishing a sweater toward the camera like a bullfighter. “My boyfriend had something that was close enough.”

Remus hopped up from the bed and switched off the camera so he could change.

“They’re going to lose their minds,” a voice drawled from the doorway. Remus threw his shirt at him.

“Shoo, I’m getting naked.”

[ID: A Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a selfie of YouTuber Remus “The Duke” Sanders, a Hispanic man with his hair dyed green and styled into a spiked mohawk. He is wearing a yellow knitted cardigan over a black button-up shirt. He is grinning widely at the camera. The caption reads: “my viewers pick my outfits! now live on youtube. go see what i look like as a sexy librarian!” /end ID]

DukeceitStan

first and only dukeceit shipper ig

DukeceitStan

wow there’s so many of you now! Hi!!

DukeceitStan

i want this to be canon so bad omg

DukeceitStan

i mean just look

[image]

how

[image]

cute

[image]

[ID: A series of three gifs featuring Youtubers SerpenThyme, aka Deceit, and TheDuke, aka Remus Sanders. Deceit is a black man with long, dreadlocked hair, and vitiligo patches along the left side of his face. Remus is a Hispanic man with green-dyed hair styled into a mohawk, many ear and facial piercings, and tattoos covering both arms. Each gif is edited so that the highlights are tinged yellow when Deceit is seen, and tinged green when Remus is seen.

The first gif depicts a close-up shot of Deceit’s hands as he carefully decorates a cookie with green and yellow icing. The cookie art he is working on appears to be a half-finished octopus. The gif then fades into a mid-shot of Remus, with his back to the camera, facing a canvas. The canvas is blank, and Remus appears to be laying out paints on a table to his left.

The second gif depicts Deceit seated at his couch, facing the camera. He has many ingredients spread across his coffee table (including oats, cocoa powder, and butter) and appears to be in the process of laying out several more. The gif fades to show Remus seated at a similar couch with a similar coffee table in front of him. The camera is angled slightly downward to better show the myriad of knives spread out across the table. Remus is gesturing wildly with a morning star held in his hand.

The third gif depicts Deceit in his kitchen. He is pulling on a bright, yellow knitted cardigan, and smirking toward the camera. The gif fades to show Remus in his bedroom, seated on his bed. He is holding up a similar-looking cardigan toward the camera and grinning. /end ID]

“Remus, it’s almost two in the morning. Come to bed.”

“I’m coming, sorry. Twitter distracted me.”

“Mm. I can’t believe the bird app is more distracting than I am.”

“You should try harder.”

“Come to bed and maybe I will.”

“Ok, ok, I’m coming. Hang on though, is it cool if I post this?”

“Sure. They figured it out anyway.”

“Sweet. Ok, Jannie, I’m coming.”

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It reads: “Dukeceit is canon.” /end ID]

#dukeceit #dukeceitweek #remus sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides fic #kye writes

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

Helpless *Part 5*

Note: I appreciate the support guys, you have no idea. You believe in this story and it makes me SO happy!! <3

Masterlist:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 6

Tag List:

@wanniiieeee

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@word-scribbless

@dumauier

You promptly followed Arianna to the back, practically stepping on her heels.

"You're WRONG about him, Arianna. He's too smart for this, for me-- for us," You warned. "AND he works for the MAYOR. Do you really want to go to prison when he figures out our game?!"

"See but THAT'S how much faith I have in you babe," She didn't even hesitate to shut you down. "I know you would never get us in trouble..." She wrapped an arm around you.

"...EVER," The arm going around your shoulder was soon pushing you back out into the restaurant, where a now composed Rafael sat, watching you intensely.

"....What the fuck was that?" He said in an eerily calm voice.

"W-What are you talking abo--" You tried to speak but he immediately jumped over you in an angry voice.

"What the FUCK, was that?!" He asked again, then proceeded to talk not waiting for you to answer.

"I have never, EVER spoken ANYTHING about my father out loud. To ANYONE. I have spent my entire adult LIFE making sure of it. And here 30 minutes with you and I'm making a flippant comment about my childhood trauma?!" His fist pounded the bar.

"What, the fuck...did you do to me?" he growled.

Alright, keep calm. You had this.

"What did I DO to you?" You snorted, like it was the stupidest question in the world.

"Rafael 10 minutes ago you didn't even BELIEVE in the science, and now all of a sudden I put a SPELL on you? Are you out of your mind?!" You rolled your eyes with a dismissive laugh, clearly agitating him more. People tended to be easier to read when they became emotional, and certainly easier to manipulate.

"Then how do you explain it, hmm?" He licked his lips, signs of disgust. God you hated this.

"Gee, I don't know Rafael. You ever stop to think maybe it was something MORE than science, some kind of different 'voodoo'?!"

"Like what...?" He blinked at you, trying to figure out what you were implying.

"Something about you just makes me feel...safe," You placed your hand over his once more, playing with the hair on his knuckles.

"Look, I understand why you're upset. But-- you know, it's not only you who's vulnerable right now," You lowered your voice into a soft, soothing tone.

"You know, I've never told anyone else about me and Ari before," you bit your lip and looked at the floor. Sure you hadn't, except every other guy Ari had made you scam.

"You ever think that's why you just blurted out stuff about your dad? Maybe that we had a connection that was bigger than some emotional reading bullshit?" Gaslighting was always a great way to knock someone down real quick.

You saw Rafael's anger dissipate from his face; you watched as his eyes filled with hope. You knew you were preying on his very obvious need for acceptance and affection, and you hated yourself for it.

"I...well, maybe..." he rubbed the back of his neck, you saw the logical side of him fighting with his emotional side, trying to remind him that 'soulmates' or 'connections' didn't actually exist. And you watched it lose, as a beautiful smile crawled across his lips.

"Maybe you're right," He now took both your hands, and looked deep into your eyes. Right then you could see every little bit of trauma, hurt, anguish, wanting, all being pushed down by the growing look of hope, and security. And suddenly, you couldn't do it anymore.

"No, I'm not," you dropped his hands, unable to look at him anymore.

"Wh-What? Seriously?" He shook his head in utter disbelief, trying to figure out how the hell you were so hot and cold from one second to the next.

"Look just, take this," You scribbled on a check and handed it to him. "Go pay at the register, and get out of here. And don't come back,"

"What the fu-- are you on something?" he stared at the check, then you, then the sky like he was looking for answers.

"Look, I'm--I'm begging you, Rafael. Walk out of here RIGHT NOW, before Arianna comes out here," you almost whispered, praying she wasn't listening.

"....Why do you not want--"

"Just, forget it. Please, go. PLEASE," Your voice was shaking, tears lined your eyes. You had literally never been this unhinged emotionally in front of someone other than Arianna before, EVER.

"I..." Rafael was clearly shocked and disturbed by what was unfolding, but he didn't want to see you like this. You could see him backing off because he pitied you, he felt sorry for whatever inner turmoil was happening with you, even if he didn't understand it. He put his hands up and walked to the register, pay and give you one last sad look before disappearing into the night.

You felt your legs shaking, your heart beating outside of your chest. You had NEVER let Arianna down before, ever. You had never just...broken, like that. Lying was your LIFE. You barely had a moment to process what just happened before Arianna came storming out from the kitchen.

"What the HELL, Y/N? Where did he go?!"

"H-He caught on, Ari," you looked at the ground, terrified to meet her eyes.

"HOW is that possible, you never--"

You jumped over her words immediately, defensively yelling at her:

"I DON'T KNOW, okay?! He--He came from the bathroom all freaked the fuck out because he had literally never told ANYONE about his dad, and then he-- he accused me of DOING something to him! Like I was a witch or something!" Well, you weren't lying. Not like she could've been able to tell, like she said she didn't have your skills.

"He wouldn't let me say ANYTHING. He just grabbed his check and stormed out of here! I didn't have TIME to work him over, okay? I'm sorry. I failed you," The tears around your eyes now dripped down your cheeks, little did Ari know they weren't for her.

"Aw...honey," Arianna's anger vanished, you knew she couldn't stand to see you cry. She wrapped her arms around you and coddled you like a mom to a toddler.

"I know, you tried your best. And I know it must've been hard, giving up your abogado like that," she stroked your hair.

"You'd just better pray we find another benefactor, FAST" her strokes turned into her acrylic nails running down your face, mildly aggressively. You looked into her eyes, she knew something had happened. She didn't know what and she would never accuse you, but you knew she knew. She always knew.

"I'm on it," You quickly tried to get away from her. "I promise,"

------

The night wrapped up pretty routinely, and the evening went about the same. The next day, you and Ari were walking up the subway towards Fazzoli's when you saw him-- Rafael was waiting, discreetly. Well, discreetly to him anyway.

"I uh-- You know what I forgot to make change before we left, I'm gonna hit the bodega real quick. I'll meet you inside, okay?" You quickly moved in front of Arianna as you talked, praying to God she hadn't noticed him. Luckily, she was thoroughly engrossed in a game of CANDY CRUSH.

"Mmmkay," She nodded and waved you off, not looking up from her phone.

As soon as she was inside, you walked straight up to Rafael and pulled him around the corner into an alleyway.

"What did I say?!" You hissed.

"Well first of all, this is my favorite restaurant, and I was here first, so you're not gonna 'ban' me from eating here," he stated. "And second, you need to tell me what happened last night,"

"No I don't have to tell you anything," you scoffed.

"But you want to,"

"HOW do you know that? You don't know that," you crossed your arms and rolled your eyes, signaling him to back off.

"Then what was that insane Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde act? One second you're batting your eyes at me and the next you're literally throwing me out! Are you nuts?"

"YES. Yes, I am unhinged and a psychopath, Rafael. Clearly. So you need to--to stay away from me," You huffed and turned to leave, but he grabbed your arm.

"I was right last night, wasn't I? That's why you freaked out,"

"...What are you talking about?" You stopped and turned slowly to face him again.

"You're not the only one who can google," he pulled out his phone and began reading an article he had found.

"...Behavioral scientists are hesitant to teach micro-expression reading to the masses, as it can be used for nefarious purposes,"

Your face fell-- You were right, he WAS too smart for you.

"People with these skills can easily manipulate any sort of information out of anyone, if trained properly," He continued, looking you straight in the eyes.

"I...Um.." Jesus Christ this had never happened to you before-- you literally COULD NOT lie to him.

"YES, okay? Yes, I manipulated you last night, are you happy?" You threw your arms up, starting to walk away again.

"No, I'm not! I wanna know why," He jumped in front of you preventing you from leaving the alley.

"Why? You wanna know-- does it matter?" You tried moving past him, but he wasn't budging.

"YES, it matters! For fuck's sake Y/N you-- you had me thinking-- I..." He trailed off, you saw the pain in his eyes. He had actually started to fall for you, and you had crushed him.

"Because it's what we do, okay?" You sighed. "It's not personal,"

"NOT personal? What 'we' do? What, you and Arianna?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah, but you don't understand ok? We, we lived in our CAR, Rafael. We didn't eat for WEEKS at a time, we started going through garbage like actual rats,"

"And then I found this book, and I studied it, and I just tried it ONCE--Just for a meal," you looked up, trying not to get emotional.

"And Arianna latched on to it. HARD," you looked everywhere but Rafael's eyes.

"She--She grabbed anything she could with information on micro-expressions, she quizzed me, she coached me-- she helped me," Finally, you let yourself look at him.

"So you could help her," he looked at you seriously.

"So I could help US," you argued.

"In six months we had enough money for a nice little studio apartment in the Bronx and a full refrigerator!" you heard yourself defending you and Arianna's life together, but saying it out loud you didn't know how much you believed it yourself anymore.

"...And what exactly do you do," His words made you shift uncomfortably on your heels.

"Y/N....." ," He lowered his voice, emphasizing his seriousness.

"I...we...Arianna picks a target, someone who's in the public eye and has money. and I...sweet talk them," you glared holes into the ground.

"...And then I get something out of them, something they don't want the public to know, that they don't want ANYONE to know," You could literally feel how these people must have felt because this was the last thing that you ever wanted Rafael to know, for anyone to know.

"...And she finds out more information about it and--"

"And shakes them down," He finished your sentence, you could hear the disgust in his mouth.

"Look I'm sorry, okay?" Your voice shook a bit.

"I know you are," He stepped closer to you.

"....Okay? Just like that? You're just gonna believe a professional liar?" you half laughed, rolling your eyes.

"Yeah, because if you really wanted to-- you wouldn't have kicked me out last night," a very small micro smile came across.

"I--Yeah, well um-- I...I couldn't," you bit your lip.

"Which makes me think you don't ever really like doing it at all, do you?" he looked at you with knowing eyes.

You shifted uncomfortably, not willing to verbally agree.

"So why do you let Arianna manipulate YOU?"

"Because she's all I have, Rafael!" You cried.

"She's literally the only person I have. It's been me and her against the world since high school, I can't...I can't just, abandon her! I can't let us starve,"

"You have honest jobs now, do you not?"

"Yeah I know, that's why I was pissed she asked me to do you-- I mean, use you," you bit your lip over your Freudian slip.

"She KNEW I was in love with you, and she just--" you stopped talking, noticing a smirk spreading across his face.

"I'm sorry, what?" He asked you with a shocked expression. You looked at him in confusion, then realized you had just spoken without thinking.

"I--It's a figure of speech. Like, "oh my god I'm so in love with Justin Beiber I could just die","

"...Don't like being compared to the Beebz like that but okay," he chuckled.

"Just...shut up. She knew I LIKED you, and she-- she just-- PERVERTED it," you spit out the words, your anger bubbling up. You knew from the moment he caught you sniffing his glass that you and him had something pure, and she just made it into something dirty, something evil.

"So...what EXACTLY happened, last night Y/N?" He stepped even closer, lowering his voice but his tone was soft not serious.

"I...You...You came in, and--everything was fine. It was just me, and-- and you, and we were--" You waved your hands, trying to be casual about it, but he grabbed them and made you look directly at him.

"...It was real," you whispered.

"And THEN, Arianna started telling me that I needed something out of you," your face went red again. "That-- that she hadn't 'planned' on using you, or me, but when she found out you were the ADA she just-- snapped," you went on again, feeling your anger rise again.

"She thought that she could use my actual feelings for you to get what she wanted, and I played along," you folded your arms, ashamed of yourself. You looked away, but Rafael's hand cupped your chin and turned you back to him.

"...But you didn't,"

"I COULDN'T," you could barely speak, tears choked your throat. Suddenly, feeling very uncomfortable having any kind of kindness being shown to you right now, you once again backed away from Rafael and paced around the alleyway.

"I...you don't get it. Lying is my THING. And--And usually okay maybe I have moral qualms about seducing dudes and exploiting them but I get over it, and I do it anyway!" You shook your hands into the air.

"B-B-But you, with you--your stupid eyes, god dammit those eyes!" you paced faster, shaking your head. Those fucking eyes.

"These eyes?" He pointed to his eyes, a very small smirk on his face.

"This isn't funny, okay? You--You made me betray my BEST friend," you stopped and stared into those eyes.

"With my eyes," he couldn't stop a smile.

"YES! I-I gave you that sappy load of bullshit about us having a 'connection', because I knew that was exactly what you wanted, what you ," you looked away in shame.

"Wow..." Rafael shifted uncomfortably, you did know what you were doing.

"A-And you just, you ate it up! YOU, the most level headed, narcissistic, pessimistic lawyer, you just-- believed me," you almost laughed, the thought was actually unbelievable.

"And you were so happy," you added sadly, feeling the guilt rise in your gut.

"...And I think I started to believe it myself. And then I just...I couldn't--" You walked back up to him, this time taking his face in your hands.

"With everyone else I am a shark, but with you I just felt...helpless," you pressed your forehead to his for a brief moment, an intimate moment to say goodbye.

"So I sent you away. And I told you to stay away!" You literally pushed him away, gesturing out of the alley way.

"Why send me away though?"

"Because Arianna will KNOW now,"

"So? Let her know," he scoffed.

"NO," You stepped back into his face, trying to show him how serious you were.

"She's given up on you, because I told her you figured us out,"

"And she bought that?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Well not figured figured out, just that you knew something wasn't right and we couldn't risk going to prison or something,"

"But if she knows that I just...let you go, she'll start digging on her own," your eyes grew wide with fear for him.

"And she will dig until she finds something. Something other than 'daddy issues'," you rolled your eyes.

"...And you think she'll find something?" he asked.

".... You're really telling me you don't have ANY skeletons in your closet, counselor?" now you raised an eyebrow.

"...I'm not leaving you alone with her," he took your hands again.

"Oh come on, I told you. She's my PERSON, she's not gonna hurt me. I don't need protection from her," you rolled your eyes, the thought of being afraid of Arianna was ridiculous. Kind of.

"That doesn't mean I won't fight for you," he touched your face.

"Raf please--" you pleaded once more.

"Give me your phone," he ordered, and you obliged.

"Wha--Okay..."

He took it and programmed his number into it, then handed it back to you.

"Arianna is NOT the only person you have now," he took your hand and kissed the back of your knuckles, before winking and walking away.

...What just happened?

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #helpless

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captawesomesauce · 1 year

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I was tagged a long time ago by @unflappable-wolf and @serenity-made-visible and I swear it’s been on my to-do list!!!! I just got swamped with classes and life.

So here we go!

1. Are you named after anyone?

I am! I can't quite recall the connection, I know she died in either the Pogroms or the Holocaust, but her nickname was Chashka, which they then named me Yechetzkel from. (chetz/chashk)

2. When was the last time you cried?

I honestly don't remember. It's not something that happens all that often, but probably in frustration back when I was dealing with the King Asshat. That man could be so bellicose, so asinine, so fucking belligerently stupid... you'd end up screaming until tears came down your face.

He was the type of person who never suffered consequences, and always made sure that someone else did, often me... for his dumb ass choices. Like when he was driving drunk, with a suspended license, after stealing my truck, and crashed into a parked car and then claimed to be me to the insurance companies so it went on my record and raised my rates.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope.. never wanted any. Never saw the point. I was happy having a cat, and I love giving all of my time, attention, and affection to W... why bother having a kid?

4. Do you use sarcasm alot?

I do but I try not to. I understand how deep it can cut a person, and even if I think it's funny, or others think it might be funny, it's important to know how it affects the person I'm saying it to, as well as how I'm being perceived. Even if it's just being sarcastic about a situation, I don't want to be known as the one who complains/is negative/is THAT guy.

It's an ongoing process though, because if I go full on Mike.... dude.. it's a thing!

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

This is a hard one for me, because the first thing I notice is their demeanor. I spent so much of my life in high stress/dangerous places that it's really ingrained in me to look for threats. Things like always watch a persons hands, more than their face, always look at what side they favor when they walk or stand, it's probably the side with a concealed weapon, always look at how WHAT they're telling you with their body movements, their twitches, their looks, and everything else.

I hate that that is the first thing I notice. I hate that others who have done what I've done / know what I know, also notice that I'm hand watching and can pick me out easily.

When I'm not in "that mode," i think the first thing I notice is a persons hair. Dunno why, but it's just the thing that stands out more than anything to me!

6. What’s your eye colour?

Brown. (probably my only short answer for these things but what else can I say lol)

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I don't do scary movies. I don't like being manipulated like that, and that's how they all feel. Especially jump scares. The music, the lighting,... not a fan. I know all movies do that, but with scary.. it just seems more blatant and rubs me the wrong way.

8. Any special talents?

I'm a cat bed. Put a cat anywhere near me and they'll find my chest or lap, revel in the heat, and sleep for hours. It works on W too!

9. Where were you born?

Southern California! I've lived everywhere, but I always end up returning there. I still think it’s where I’m always meant to be. I’m happy elsewhere... but I miss socal, I miss the pacific ocean and being adjacent to everything that makes me happy... museums, bookstores, old places, new places. I hate the traffic, I hate the smog, I hate the earthquakes and the fires and the atmospheric river storms. I hate the hypocrisy, and the bullshit... and did i mention the traffic... cause I’ll say it again, i hate the traffic!

But it’s the best place ever.

Also no hurricanes, tornados and one set of clothes all year round.

10. What are your hobbies?

I have a lot to be honest, but reading and collecting books is primary. I was never a big outdoorsman, I was never big on tv or movies, I was never THE sports guy... but books... I do love books. I find that the one thing I enjoy more than anything, now that I'm older, is reading the same story from different perspectives. I've lived long enough to really grasp the fact that there is no single narrative, there is no single right or wrong, and that everyone involved has their own story of what happened that is just as true.

I'll give you an example... There was a battle in Vietnam that involved a mechanized infantry unit with people on armored vehicles and dismounted infantry, a navy riverine boat unit, scout helicopters, transport helicopters, airborne forward air controllers, and attack helicopters.

I read 10 books that all talked about that single day... 10... all were memoirs ... this wasn't a big enough battle to warrant having books written about it like Agincourt, or the Tet Offensive, or 73 easting... it was a small battle, lasted a few hours, but god... how very very different everything was to each one involved.

The hobby I miss most is photography and exploring.... I'm so glad W and I got to spend a lot of time going places, all over LA, even by subway, and trying and doing so many cool things before COVID broke out!

11. Do you have any pets?

Not anymore. I still miss Mystic (the AwesomeCat) so very much, as well as Sarah. I still think about them every day and every night, and they’re still a major part of my dreams. I can’t believe it’s been this long... but it’s funny .. not long after Sarah passed, Mystic showed up, and shortly after he passed, W showed up... so ... make of that what you will lol

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

In highschool I lettered in Football, Baseball, Soccer, and Basketball. I played rugby in the Marines when deployed with UK troops, and when I was fighting fires in Australia. I also once stood still, very still, on a cricket pitch and had no idea what was going on, where I was, or what I was supposed to do. I'm not even sure if I was part of the game lol

13. How tall are you?

5'7 which is exactly tall enough to fit 2 big cats and 1 small cat on my chest, stomach, and lap, and a giant lab dog between my legs with his head on my hip.

14.Favorite subject in school?

When I was young... none. I hated math though, because I was undiagnosed with dysgraphia... but it also affected how I felt about all subjects because I struggled to write what I knew.

Once I got into college, I'd say environmental science & physical geography. I like looking at things spatially and temporally, I like seeing cause and effect and looking at how things are interconnected. From reintroducing key species to correct ecological damage, to even just looking at how much a single fire can affect an area short term and long term. Few people think about how a small fire can affect a towns water suppy for decades, or how burn severity is a better metric than acres burned because of how it affects re-growth and possibility of additional fires in the area.

15. Dream job?

I know this might sound bad but I don't have one. Getting through each day is hard enough... I love that I can help W and we work so well together because it means I can focus on what's important to me... Spending time with her and being happy.

I never wanted to be a firefighter, but I did it for 20+ years. I never wanted to be an Emergency manager, but i have all the pretty paper now. I never wanted to do GIS, but we see how that turned out lol... I did want to be a Marine... and I'm glad I did that.

Now I just want to live a very long long long life, and be very happy with W and hopefully another cat one day.

#personal

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neonponders · 3 years

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WIP Wednesday

Thank you for tagging me @lazybakerart 💗💋

I’ve got two big writing projects on my plate this week lol but one thing I’m kind of indulging is a break-up/getting back together fic that I actually started in this post, but I’ll share what I have so far underneath the cut ~

(and excuse me while I overshare, because I’m still stupidly proud of this The Mummy_au post that I made if anyone wants a taste of that)

Tagging (if you want) ✨ @ghostofjellyfishforgotten , ✨ @smashmouth-hargrove , and ✨ @withoneheadlight

(also just a heads up for the wip below: it’s once again me exploring my own asexuality through Steve, but I don’t know how far I’m going to go into it. Still, that might be a content warning people may need if they’re sex-repulsed 🌹)

Ch. 1

Sex with Billy was fine. Good, even.

When they finally moved past every look and touch being a threat veiled in a tease, Steve enjoyed looking at Billy. He enjoyed looking at Billy and discovering those California eyes already on him. He liked Billy’s hands. The man had beautiful hands; strong, thick fingers but...somehow elegant.

He liked Billy’s body, even though he sometimes worried that the guy seemed determined to break it ten different ways. Cigarettes, alcohol, excessive working out, and sometimes all at the same time.

Sex didn’t always mean Steve got to cum. Usually he didn’t, actually. But he enjoyed Billy’s kisses on his neck, and the taste of his tongue, and - admittedly - he loved just having all of Billy’s attention enraptured on him. Steve didn’t mind taking his dick inside because once he got used to it, that felt surprisingly good. When he managed the pleasurable sparks and sensational tingles that mounted into something explosive, he understood why sex was great. But for the more frequent, calm nights, he’d come to think of it as a weird yet pleasant massage.

So he took it. Because it was easier on his hands and knees, for one, and because Billy had a control complex. And Steve could hide his lack of enthusiasm.

Not to say that Billy was selfish or careless. Far from it, Billy Hargrove was an incredibly doting lover. Big surprise, there. Considering how the guy

Well

Existed.

Steve couldn’t really blame Billy for never noticing that he could go a long time without sex. Because Steve liked resting his hand on Billy’s chest while they watched a show or movie. It didn’t matter how much bare skin he had access to. In fact, the more coverage, the better. A clothed body is better to cuddle with than skin that can get sticky or irritated.

Steve liked kissing. He’d always liked kissing. Kissing was the reason he’d assumed he was like everyone else: the desire to kiss, crushes and girlfriends, masturbating, even the giddiness of sex with someone new.

But something fizzled out very quickly in Steve’s brain. Once hands and intent started moving beneath clothing, Steve just...didn’t want it. Suddenly a lot of things popped into his brain that he’d rather be doing. But he persevered because he loved Nancy, and her blooming sexual prowess and bravery was sexy.

Fun.

Billy was a whole big bag of new with an edge of scary that turned out to be more endearing than Steve thought possible. So it was easy to go like that for a while.

Normal.

Eventually he had to admit to himself that he didn’t like taking showers at 1am because he didn’t enjoy being covered in his own, and Billy’s, sweat. He didn’t like feeling the drips on his skin or the tackiness of too many skin oils on his hands.

He hated admitting to himself that he felt relief whenever Billy went out of town for work. He missed Billy, of course, but a lot of things had begun to snowball together in Steve’s life: changing jobs, managing bank accounts and savings, and there were a lot of truths Steve was facing outside of his relationship.

He was tired. Damn tired. He spent many days off wondering if people in their twenties feel this tired all the time or if it was just him. It must just be him. Because Steve sees Robin just as much as he doesn’t. She’s got goals.

And Billy

Billy has big dreams. He’s ready to work damn hard and already is. That’s why he uses his hefty gas money funds, to travel around. Scout the areas. Steve even drove him to the airport once, so Billy could really gain some distance over the weekend. Expand his network.

As if the universe knew, some bigwig passing through Hawkins on their way to Chicago ran right into Billy. A bigwig looking for a handsome, charismatic, young guy to mentor. It really couldn’t be more perfect than divine intervention. They’re Billy’s inlet to the business. Modeling, acting, freaking UNICEF ambassadorial work if he wants to feel extra important. If he gets big enough to have his face mean something around the world.

Within one conversation, he’s got a business card, and an appointment in a Chicago skyscraper next week to take measurements and do a rudimentary photo shoot. The manager warns him that it’s the agency getting to know him, but like any job interview, it’s his chance to interview them right back. Billy likes that a lot—feeling like he has a stake in something instead of just being a corporate pawn. And maybe he eats right out of the manager’s hand, but it’s still a shot. And he’s taking it.

He immediately goes to Steve’s work, fired up from seeing a future for the first time like he finally got the right prescription glasses. The only caveat is that Billy has to move out of Hawkins, which isn’t even a flaw, really. It’s as close to perfect as life’s ever been for him.

Steve can only listen quietly as he sits at the table in the break room. Because Billy’s got big dreams that are already coming true. Every detail of his enflamed speech is given over pacing feet; he can’t even bother to sit at the table. Billy’s got so much energy he’s already mentally and emotionally out the door.

Steve…isn’t. His mental health has been on a downward slope since before they graduated, and it won’t allow him to reach anywhere. He doesn’t have any dreams to steer him in any direction anyways.

Billy’s rant begins to wind down about what he wants to do; his fire about his dreams and his motivation simmers down to an even boil. Steve’s impressed and already proud of the person Billy will become, but Steve can also hear Billy’s frustration with him and their relationship.

For not keeping up.

Steve’s…kind of never been able to keep up. In bed or in life.

And perhaps the saddest part is that Steve doesn’t even have it in him to fight for it. For them. He doesn’t feel worthy enough to hold Billy back. So he doesn’t.

Billy snaps a little, “Why aren’t you saying anything? I’ve been talking about this for the last two years! Steve?”

He’d gotten distracted by looking at his backpack hanging on the wall. Steve’s throat hurt. Two years? God, it’s really been two years already…

He pinched his fingertips over the table as he began, “Billy, I support you. I know you can get there—wherever it is you want to be. I’m not going to tell you to stop or slow down. You’re going somewhere. But I’m…”

He took a breath to finally say it. “Not. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t think I have the energy to figure it out any time soon. You should go.”

Steve can see the disappointment sinking through Billy’s features. And the anger that he’s so used to throwing up as a shield. Billy has so much energy coursing through him as it is, Steve can’t blame him for swinging right into the direction of livid.

The real surprise comes from how soft he speaks. No yelling. No hitting the table. No wrenching Steve up by his green uniform vest. They were long past those outbursts. Which…really just confirmed Steve’s decision. Billy had come a long way. He could go so much further.

“That’s what you have to say? Just like that…you’re really giving up on us?”

Steve knows he’s gaping like a stupid fish. But it isn’t just like that, is it? Billy’s been revving his engines to get the hell out of Hawkins ever since he got here in the first place. Steve tries to say as much, but Billy cuts him off.

“I thought you’d be excited for this. You should be hauling me out of here to pack my bags.”

Steve tries to offer a small smile, but his voice betrays him. “I thought I kind of am? I didn’t take you for the long distance type.”

It’s not the response Billy wants. That should make Steve feel better than it does; the blatant display that Billy wants more of Steve. His excitement, his attention, maybe his companionship…

Steve doesn’t know what he wants—or rather, he does. That’s the issue. Billy’s wants and Billy’s problems can all be resolved by leaving one critical piece behind.

Steve.

Some more things are said, but Steve doesn’t do well on the spot. Especially when the limelight is Billy. Steve fails the tests and he fails the interview. Billy storms out, leaving Steve at the table, pinching his fingertips white before he unconsciously glances at his backpack again.

The backpack full of apartment lease papers. The papers Steve’s already signed because even with his insecurities, the mornings he woke up to discover Billy spooning him after having returned in the middle of the night were his best days. Because Billy’s silly insistence on hand poured coffee was his favorite drink. Because Billy was funny and weird like an artist and loony like a nerd with his video games, and Steve knew—or at least hoped that—Billy loved him the day he started holding his hand while driving that stupid, loud, beloved Camaro—

Because Steve’s heart was a magnet. It stayed where it landed and tugged back even when pulled away.

All he’d needed was Billy’s autograph to be given the keys. Keys to the rest of their lives, if Billy wasn’t already so far away.

Ch. 2

Robin gripped Steve’s arm, hard. A gargled sound escaped him as he grimaced and tried to pry her hand off. Her other hand pointed at one of the catalogues on the store’s many counters. When he invited her with him to pick out glasses, he hadn’t expected to walk out of the freaking optometrist’s office with bruises…

Nor had he thought he’d see a familiar face in the catalogue. Plenty of models were looking editorial chic, advertising that anyone could look as good in whatever glasses they chose.

Except Billy really did look good. The picture was just a vague image outside, the camera focused on Billy’s three-quarter profile gazing off past the photographer.

“I didn’t expect him to actually be working this fast,” Robin admitted. “It’s been…what? Seven months, give or take? I thought casting calls for models were competitive.”

“Not if you look like Billy,” Steve huffed with a quiet mixture of humor, sadness, and just a sprinkle of spite. A sprinkle of jealousy, if he was being honest with himself. The self-help book tucked under the covers of his bed talked about honesty. So he admitted honestly, “He looks that good and knows how to stand out in a room…good for him.”

He could see in his periphery Robin looking up and scrutinizing him. “Really?”

Steve shrugged with a nod. “Yeah. What’s the other option? Him struggling for work?”

Robin sighed and plucked a display set of glasses at random to try on and occupy herself. “That’s big of you, but everyone wants something cathartic. It’s annoyingly impressive that he landed the front cover of a magazine in less than a year.”

Steve opened the catalogue to give them both a reprieve. “You wanna get food after this? Take your mind off the audition?”

For all the good being a band geek did, Robin had experienced her own humbling experiences over the last few months. Like failed auditions to be in city orchestras. She and Steve were feeling very stuck in Kansas while Billy gallivanted around Oz.

• • • • • • •

The plot gets messy because years will actually go by, and Steve and Robin get married so that they can share insurance benefits (and be safe in their bi/lesbian open relationship, buy a house together, etc. It’s the life/happiness security Steve wants but obviously there aren’t any romantic feelings).

Of course this is when Billy happens to reenter Steve’s life. He’s got some hot-shot model he’s been seeing, and apparently Steve is married so there’s the added dash and twist of ~ cheating ~

I’ve been in some kind of mood, all right.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading lol.

#harringrove #wip wednesday #this is a long one i'm sorry lol #also do check out the mummy au linked above for a much happier wip lol #neonponders #lazybakerart #the art of steve in a blindfold can also be considered a wip?#i'll reblog it for everyone haha #ficlet #break-up/getting back together

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babysizedfics · 3 years

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Pink Crayons and Pinky Promises - Part 1

Summary: Being a super cool big brother is hard work sometimes. Especially when you don’t feel as big as usual, Vee doesn’t feel as little as usual, you parents are asleep, your baby sister’s pullup needs changing, you both need breakfast, you don’t know where crayons come from, and you miss your Mommy. But Mommy always calls Roman a clever little boy, so he’s gonna try to deal with all that stuff anyway! That can’t be too hard, right?

Word count: 4.9k

Take me to part 2! (There’s another link at the end of this part!)

Also on AO3!

oOo

The carpet brushed against Roman’s feet as he dragged them back and forth, over and over again. He smiled and wiggled on his butt a little where he was sitting on the floor. Then he rubbed his feet over the carpet again. Back and forth. Back and forth, really fast!

Daddy called them happy feet, and Mommy said it was stimming. Roman didn’t really care what it was called. He just liked doing it! It made his chest less stuffy and his fingers less tingly. He liked doing it when he felt bored, or when he felt bubbly, or sometimes when he felt weird.

This morning was kind of weird. Last night Mommy didn’t feel good and Daddy had to look after him while Nana came to their house to look after Vee. That was okay though because Roman was a super big brother and helped look after the baby! He was really helpful and at bedtime he even let Vee sleep in his bed because she didn’t like sleeping alone. Daddy and Mommy were gonna be so proud when they found out what a responsible big brother Roman was!

But since Roman woke up this morning, he didn’t feel that big anymore. Vee was still asleep in Roman’s bed and Mommy and Daddy were still asleep in Mommy’s bed and Nana must have gone back to his house after Roman and Vee fell asleep. So that meant Roman was all alone right now.

Roman was never really on his own, except if he was awake way past bedtime or when he really wanted to be and yelled at everyone to leave him alone… But right now he didn’t want to be alone! He wanted Mommy to play with him and Daddy to call him nice names and Vee to copy him and laugh when he did something funny.

It wasn’t a good idea to wake anyone up, though, so Roman decided to make the most of his time alone! He played his car game, like, five times already. He put coffee in his sippy cup and finished it. And since he didn’t have his parents around to tell him not to, he even snuck his toothbrush out of the bathroom to chew it!

Exactly why Roman wasn’t allowed to chew his toothbrush was completely lost on him. It was like he was brushing his teeth extra! And it tasted good and felt nice in his mouth and when he grinded his teeth on the bristly bits it made a really cool crunchy sound that filled his ears and made him rub his feet on the carpet even faster! Mommy and Daddy clearly just didn’t understand fun when they saw it. Roman thought he was a genius to discover how nice it was to chew his toothbrush. So he wouldn’t be ashamed of it anymore! If anyone asked him about it he would just tell them to mind their own business!

“Wo, what are you eatin’?” a small voice asked.

Roman yanked the toothbrush out of his mouth and let it fall inside his sleeve. It left a yucky wet trail on his wrist and it made his face scrunch up a little, but Roman quickly shook the feeling off and looked over at the bed.

Vee was sitting up against the headboard and rubbing her eyes tiredly. “We’re not allowed lollipops without asking Daddy or Mummy first.”

Good, Vee didn’t realise it was Roman’s toothbrush. And fae sounded half little going by faer voice and what fae called Patton and Logan! Fae was way easier to argue with when fae was only half little. (Mostly because fae actually understood what he was saying.)

“Yeah, well Daddy and Mommy aren’t awake yet, so.” Roman stuck his tongue out at his sister.

“Hey!” Vee whined and her lip stuck out. She kind of looked like she would cry. Roman really hoped she didn’t or he might be in trouble. Luckily she only said: “I’m gonna tell Daddy you eated sweets without asking and sticked your tongue out at me!”

Ugh, what a tattletale. Apparently Roman had no choice.

He rolled his eyes and pulled the toothbrush out from his sleeve. “Fine, I wasn’t eating candy, look.” Despite his greatest efforts, Roman’s cheeks grew warm when he showed Vee his chewed up toothbrush. He bit his lip and asked her quietly, “You won’t tell Mommy or Daddy, right?”

Vee’s eyes darted to the door, her lips twisted, then her gaze flitted back to Roman. She looked undecided.

“I promise I won’t let you get in trouble for it,” Roman quickly added. But Vee still looked a little anxious, so Roman kept going: “A-and I can cut up some watermelon for breakfast!”

A big smile broke out on Vee’s face, then it went blurry. She was bouncing up and down on her butt and squealing.

Roman knew that would do it! He laughed and rubbed his feet quickly on the carpet. This was fun! “Deal, Vee-Vee?”

Vee bounced up from the bed and tiptoed over to Roman’s spot on the carpet quickly. She dropped to sit on the floor next to him and nodded with a big smile. “Okay, deal!” Her eyes wandered over the toys on the carpet.

“Did you wanna play with me?” Roman asked, his tummy bubbling with excitement. Vee was hardly ever big enough to play with him! This was the best morning ever!

Vee nodded, but her smile dropped a little after looking at Roman’s cars. Then she pulled her thumb up to her mouth. “Um, yeah… But I’m not allowed to play cars, am I? You said I get it wo-w-wo—” She paused and frowned at herself, looking like she was thinking super hard. “I get it… wong.”

“Good job, Vee,” Roman whispered with a smile that was quickly returned. (Daddy said it was good to make Vee feel good when she tried to make her voice work better, even if she didn’t always get the words right.) “And you don’t get it wrong but…” Roman looked at his cars—his absolute favourite toys that had to be played with in a really specific, special way—and bit his lip again. “Um, but I bet we can play another fun game without my cars!”

That made Vee smile again, so Roman thought that must have been a very clever idea. He was full of those!

“Cool!” he yelled a bit too loudly, because it made Vee startle. But then fae giggled and whispered “cool” back so Roman didn’t worry too much. “F-then we—we can—we—” Roman swallowed some spit before continuing, “We—we can play, um, um… the Knight and Princess game!”

Vee’s pink-painted fingernail went between faer teeth. “Okay, um, can we play it without the dwagons and evil wizard though?”

What a silly question! “Vee,” Roman chuckled and shook his head. “Of course we can’t!”

“Oh…” Vee slipped her finger between her lips and sucked it like a baby.

“A eminent of danger is essential to the Knight and Princess game,” Roman explained (even though it was really obvious). “If there weren’t any dragons or evil wizards then I wouldn’t have anything to save you from!”

Vee’s pigtails bounced and swished when she cocked her head to the side. “W-w-what’s a ‘emimenp’?”

What a silly question! “Eminent! It’s a big kid word, it means…” Roman blinked. Mommy used the word a few days ago and Roman asked what it meant and tried really hard to remember so he could use it around Mommy to make him proud. But he couldn’t really remember what Mommy told him it meant, he just remembered Mommy calling him a smart little boy for asking questions. It would be cool if Mommy was here to call him smart now…

Roman nibbled his toothbrush then spoke around it quietly, “It means, like, a thing.”

It made Roman feel a bit better to see his little sister nodding with big eyes. “That’s a weally big word,” she breathed, clearly impressed.

There was that nice bubbly feeling in his tummy again and Roman sat taller.

Then Vee kept talking. “Um, but I weally don’t wanna play it with the baddies…”

“How come?” Roman complained, slouching in his seat. That was no fun!

Vee wiggled and instead of looking next to Roman’s face, her eyes dropped to her lap. Her cheeks went the same colour as her nails. “W-w-w-well, w-w—” she shook her head quickly and changed her voice to a whisper. “It’s just—It’s a bit scawy. And Mummy isn’t here to make it less scawy?” Vee’s voice went high and squeaky at the end. Then she pulled one of her pigtails forward and hided behind it.

Sometimes Roman forgot how much of a crybaby Vee could be. It got kind of annoying when he just wanted to play but Vee started crying and Daddy or Mommy or Nana told him off because it was ‘too loud’ or ‘too scary’ or ‘too much of a safety hazard’. Then again, Vee getting scared all the time just meant Roman got to be a cool, strong, protective big brother all the time. So it wasn’t all bad.

“Okay, we don’t have to play that one!” he quickly reassured her like a good big brother. He even put down his toothbrush and holded her hand and she squeezed his fingers! “We could play Tag or Mermaids,” (but maybe without the sharks) “or Pooh cards or Hide ‘n’ Seek or—”

Oh no! Roman’s empty hand flew up to his mouth and he stopped talking. But it was too late.

There were already shiny tears in Vee’s eyes. Fae pulled faer hand out of Roman’s to hug faer knees to faer chest.

“I’m sorry, I-I-I forgot!” Roman quickly whispered. He felt really, really bad. It was super important to not mention Hide and Seek to Vee, Mommy and Daddy said. It always made her sad because of what happened last time. “It’s okay, baby, we never ever have to play that one ever again, I promise!”

Vee whimpered. Then she lifted her little finger in between their faces. It was kinda shaky. “Pinky pwomise?” she whispered really quiet.

Roman wrapped his bigger pinky around Vee’s smaller one. “Pinky promise,” he said very seriously. Pinky promises were no joke.

Then there was a loud growl that made Vee gasp. Faer pinky squeezed Roman’s so tight it kinda hurt. But then fae let go a little and looked down at faer tummy. It growled again.

Roman burst into laughter, and it was quickly followed by Vee’s giggles.

“I’m hungry too,” he said, mainly to help Vee not feel embarrassed. “Let’s go have breakfast!”

“But, um, I thought we were gonna play somethin’?”

That was a good point… Luckily, Roman was really creative and clever! “We can play while we eat! I think I left my colouring stuff downstairs yesterday.”

“Okay!” Vee squeaked. Then she rolled on her tummy and crawled to the bed, using the bedpost to help pull herself up from the floor. The rustly pink bit of her pullup poked out from the back of her pyjama pants as she stood.

“Oh!” Roman remembered a very important thing, then grabbed his toothbrush and stood up too so he didn’t feel smaller than Vee. Daddy and Mommy usually checked the very important thing, but they weren’t here which meant Roman had to be a good big brother and help his baby sister! So he asked the very important thing: “Is your pullup wet?”

But it didn’t seem like it helped much. It just made Vee pout and pull the front of her pyjama shirt down. Kinda like if she was trying to hide her pullup. But that was silly! It wasn’t like Roman had x-ray vision to see through her pyjamas!

“I’m not gonna laugh or anything,” Roman promised, then repeated softer, “Is it wet?”

It took a few seconds for Vee to nod silently. Her cheeks were super pink.

“Okay, then you can go change your pullup while I put my cars away!”

“No!”

Roman’s mouth dropped open a little. Vee never did that! He looked down at faer grumpy face and frowned. “Vee, Daddy always gets you a new pullup if it’s wet, but he’s still asleep. And you don’t like me being there when you get a diaper change, right?”

Vee looked even grumpier just hearing it.

Just like Roman thought! He nodded to himself. “So then I can’t help you either. You gotta get a new one yourself.”

Vee’s pigtails bounced really fast this time because she was shaking her head lots.

The light, bubbly feeling in Roman’s chest was now a hard, squeezy feeling. This was way harder than it looked when Daddy did it. He didn’t really know what to do when his little sister didn’t listen to him.

“But…” Roman gripped his toothbrush handle tightly, then started chewing the bristly bit again. It made his voice kinda muffled, but he was still a big boy and could talk good. “But Daddy always—”

“No,” Vee whined, “I don’t wanna!” Faer thumb went in faer mouth and fae sucked it like a baby. “Don’ wanna, d-don’ wanna.” Faer voice was all high-pitched and wobbly… like fae was gonna cry.

“Okay! Okay, that’s cool!” Roman blurted, yanking his toothbrush from his mouth so fast it scratched his gums. He licked the scratch then carried on before Vee got any closer to tears, “You don’t hafta change your pullup. Don’t cry, baby.”

Vee pulled her thumb out of her lips and hid it behind her back. “I’m not a baby wight now…”

Roman nodded even though Vee was kind of always a baby. Gotta keep the baby happy. “Okay, you don’t hafta be a baby either.”

Even though it didn’t feel like Roman handled that very well, at least Vee didn’t look like she was gonna start blubbering anymore. He didn’t like dealing with Vee when she was crying.

Then Roman thinked really hard to himself for a moment (as clever boys do). He had stopped Vee from crying this time, but Vee always cried even more when she wet herself. And Roman didn’t like it when the carpet or the couch got wet, especially when their parents weren’t there. Roman was only a little boy, he didn’t know how to clean Vee’s accidents! So…

“But you gotta pinky promise you won’t have a accident ‘til Daddy changes your pullup.”

Vee nodded really hard and wriggled her pinky around Roman’s. “Pinky pwomise, no accidents!”

There, all fixed! Now they could just have fun!

oOo

Being little without Mommy or Daddy was fun, but it was also really tricky. Of course, if you’re a clever little boy like Roman that gives you an advantage. But it was still tricky, even for him!

There was lots of stuff he had to remember. Like when they got Vee’s spare paci from Roman’s drawer, Roman had to check if the sucky bit of the paci had fluff on it before Vee put it in her mouth. But that was easy!

And then they had to go downstairs, except they weren’t allowed to walk on the stairs when they were little and alone. That’s what Mommy and Daddy always reminded him. So Roman had the genius idea to slide down the stairs on their butts! He made sure to hold Vee’s hand the whole time—not because he was scared of falling or anything! Just because that’s what big brothers do. And to be an extra amazing big brother, Roman even let Vee hold his hand after they were off the stairs.

Making breakfast was definitely a grownup job, but Roman tried his hardest with that too. He was really careful pouring oat milk into both of their sippy cups and screwed the lids on super tight with Vee’s help holding them. It was hard ‘cause they were still holding hands. They spilled a small puddle of milk on the countertop but Vee slurped it up real quick, like a vacuum!

And when Roman poured the Cap’n Crunch into their divider plates (Roman’s being a cool, blue Spongebob Squarepants one and Vee’s being a babyish, pink Hello Kitty one) he only dropped 14 pieces of cereal on the floor! He counted them all by himself. Then he left them there so that later he could prove to Mommy that he counted them right. Plus he didn’t wanna touch icky floor food! (He didn’t let Vee suck up those like a vacuum even though fae really wanted to. Silly baby!)

The most tricky bit was when he cut the watermelon. There was no situation Roman could think of where he would be allowed to use a knife when he was little, so he just stopped being little for a few minutes to use the knife then carry everything (including Vee) into the living room.

But now he was little again! Him and Vee were colouring pretty pictures for Mommy to help him feel better and they both had yummy melon and cereal and milk. They were having lots of fun and it was all because of how clever and responsible Roman was!

“Wow boo bay pink ob cwayom aim?”

Roman leaned up from where he was lying on his tummy and propped himself on his elbows to look at Vee. “Whadja say, Fee-Fee?” he asked around his toothbrush, giggling when it made his voice sound funny.

The paci that was bobbing in Vee’s mouth suddenly shot out of her mouth. It dropped to her lap with a long trail of drool.

“Eww!” Roman laughed. It made the scratch on his gums hurt, so he licked it again. “Why’d you spit it out?!”

Vee smiled, faer lip shiny with spit. “I had to get it out weally fast!” fae squeaked and wiggled on her butt. Then faer smile went away a bit and fae pulled her shirt down and stopped wiggling. “Um, I said h-how do they think of cwayon names?” fae asked quieter.

This kinda thing happened all the time. Since Roman was bigger and older and cleverer than his baby sister, she asked him lots of questions. But sometimes Roman didn’t know the answers… so he just thought up ones instead! It was fun, but only if Daddy and Mommy weren’t around to say he was wrong. It wasn’t about being right, it was about being creative!

And about tricking his silly baby sister.

Roman picked up the crayon he had been using on his drawing and inspected the label. ‘Forest Green’.

Really quickly—so that Vee didn’t think he was lying or anything—Roman thought of an answer: “They name them after wherever they find them growing.”

Apparently that wasn’t a good enough answer for Vee. Her eyebrows went down and she said, “Nu uh, cwayons don’t g-gw-w-gw—” She shook her head to stop the stutter and tried again. “Cwayons don’t come on twees!”

“Well duh,” Roman rolled his eyes. “Not all of them at least. Otherwise they would all be named after trees. Crayons can show up anywhere.”

Vee’s eyes went wide and a giggle bubbled up in Roman’s chest, but he kept it there. It was cool to be smart. But it was even cooler to pretend you didn’t care about how smart you are—like Mommy! So Roman didn't pay attention to Vee’s reaction and just kept colouring and humming a song he heard in one of his cartoons.

“Anywhere?” Vee whispered after a bit.

Roman’s legs kicked and wriggled in the air behind him, but he kept looking at his drawing. Keeping it cool. “Yeah, Vee, didn’t you know that already?”

It went quiet for a while after that. The green crayon was making nice scratchy sounds as Roman coloured and his toothbrush was making nice crunchy sounds in his mouth. His gums were kinda hurting now, but he still wanted to chew his toothbrush so he just ignored it.

He nearly forgot what they were talking about before. That was until Vee tugged on his sleeve and Roman looked over at her.

“Where did they find this one?” Vee asked, shoving one of the pink crayons right under Roman’s nose. Her other hand tugged nervously at her pyjama shirt and her knees wiggled where she was sitting criss-cross-applesauce. She was looking at him like he was the cleverest person in the world, waiting for his answer.

A big smile stretched Roman’s lips (so big he had to take his toothbrush out!) and he grabbed the crayon quickly. He couldn’t keep Vee waiting, fae was depending on him!

He carefully read the label—’Jazzberry Jam’—then offered his wisdom. “Oh, that one’s easy. They found it in a jam jar.”

Vee’s mouth went in a little circle shape. “Ooh, like Mummy’s jam?”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“Wow!” Vee pulled the crayon close to her chest, kinda hugging it. “Does that mean it tastes like jam too?”

Roman’s throat felt tight because he wanted to laugh so bad. Keep it cool! “Why don’t you taste it and see?”

Even though Roman literally just told Vee to do it, he was still pretty surprised when Vee stuck out her tongue and dragged the crayon across it.

“What did it taste like?” he whispered with wide eyes. It was kind of exciting to think it might of tasted like jam!

Vee licked her lips and clicked her tongue. Then she pouted. “Jus’ like cwayon.”

“Aw, I thought it—uh, y-yeah, I knew it wouldn’t taste like jam,” Roman said, trying not to sound too disappointed. He shrugged his shoulders at Vee. “You need to check, y’know?”

Vee nodded solemnly. Then she hummed and started rifling through the other crayons she had left all over her scribbly paper.

“Mmm, what about… this one?”

Again, Roman accepted the crayon Vee held out to him and read the label. “Do you know what a carnation is?”

“Thas what Daddy gwows in the garden!”

“Yeah, so they found this crayon in one of Daddy’s flowers!”

“How d’you know that?”

“‘Cause it’s called Carnation Pink.”

“But how d’you know what it’s called?”

Roman sighed and pushed himself up from lying on the carpet. It was making his tummy hurt anyway. He swung his legs under him so he sat criss-cross-applesauce, and held the crayon up to Vee’s face.

“It says it on the label, see?”

Small, sticky fingers pulled Roman’s hand so close to Vee’s face that she went cross-eyed.

“Yuck, yuck,” Roman gasped and quickly pushed Vee’s hands off of his. He dropped the crayon on the floor and dragged his hand all over his pyjama shirt. The sticky melon juice made him feel gross! It made his head go jumbly and his fingers feel jittery. He whimpered and kicked his feet on the floor to try to shake off the ickies. “Vee, don’t get yucky stuff on me!” he whined.

Vee looked down at her hands confused. Then she giggled and held her palms up to Roman’s face. “Melon juice isn’t yucky!”

“It is! I don’t like it!” Roman cried, and didn’t like how his voice cracked. Tears suddenly made his eyes hot and burny, and he scrambled away from his baby sister.

Once he was a safe distance from the yucky, sticky melon juice, he hid his eyes behind his arm and squinted them tight real hard. One big, shaky breath. Another big, shaky breath. One more big, deep, steady breath. The tears were gone.

“Wo-Wo?”

After making sure he definitely wasn’t gonna cry like a baby anymore, Roman slowly looked over his arm to his sister.

Vee was hugging faer knees to faer chest and looking kinda scared. Fae pulled faer thumb out of faer mouth and whispered, “Weally sowwy for touchin’ you… Didn’t wanna make you cwy.”

“Am not!” Roman yelled, a bit too fast and a bit too loud and a bit too squeaky. His cheeks went hot. Then he tried to sound bigger and cooler. “I was—I was just focussin’ really hard.”

“Fucksin?”

Roman snorted loudly then hurriedly slapped his hand over his mouth. That made him feel a lot better already.

“Y-yeah, Vee,” he giggled, really hoping she used that word around Daddy later. That would be the funniest thing ever! “Yeah, I was ‘fucksin’ on, um… on the crayons!” He scooched back over to Vee. “I gotta focus real hard so I can read their names!”

“Weadin’?”

“Yeah, Vee, reading!”

That word made Vee really excited for some reason. Her hands started flapping and she squealed. “You a-a-a clever big kid!” she cheered excitedly and wiggled on her butt to sit closer next to Roman.

Roman’s chest went light and bubbly again! “Mhm, I’m a clever big kid ‘cause I can read!” He wanted to hold his little sister’s hand again, but it was yucky. So he put his arm around her and she put her head on his shoulder.

“A-a-a-a-am… A-a-a-a—” Vee cut herself off and growled a little. It was super small and soft though, like a kitten.

“You wanna try starting with a different word?”

Vee’s head nodded against him. “M-m-maybe I can wead too!”

Roman giggled. That was a silly idea! “Vee, you’re only a baby. Babies can’t read!”

“Not a baby wight now!” Vee looked up at Roman with her thumb between her lips and big pout.

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Roman said, unconvinced. Then he frowned. “Hey, you’re not allowed to suck your thumb. Do you want your paci?”

Vee nodded but didn’t move or look any less grumpy, so Roman reached over and got it for her.

“There you go, baby,” Roman said when he pushed the sucky bit in Vee’s mouth. It made him giggle because she didn’t even realise he called her a baby.

“Fankoo,” Vee garbled around the paci.

Roman smiled. She was definitely a baby. But if she wanted to try reading then Roman could still be a good big brother and help her!

Luckily, the crayon Roman picked up from the carpet wasn’t sticky. He held it in front of Vee’s eyes again like the last one. “Okay, see there?” He pointed at the label. “It has letters on it, and that’s the name of the crayon! You just gotta read it out, then I can tell you where they found it.”

Vee took the crayon (gently this time) with a little hum.

“Can you tell me what it says, Titch?”

After a while of squinting at it, Vee tried to sound it out quietly. “M-m-mm… Ma… Mama?”

That didn’t sound right.

“Can I see?” Roman held his hand out for the crayon.

Vee gave it to him then suckled faer paci real fast, staring at him. Waiting.

Roman read the label and blushed. “Um, you were close,” he giggled nervously. “It, um… It actually says ‘melon’.”

The paci made a pop sound when Vee pulled it out from her lips. “Wait, weally?”

“Yeah…” Roman smiled at his sister sheepishly. Then they both burst into giggles. How funny!

“Like our one!” Vee squealed.

The carpet went brush, brush, brush on Roman’s feet as he laughed. Nothing seemed so bad anymore! He barely even remembered why he was crying!

“I, um, I-I-I finished all my melon!” Roman bragged with a proud smile.

It was true! He was a big boy and he eated all his food and Daddy always told him how good that was. Which meant when he showed his empty plate to his caregivers later, they would definitely tell him how clever and well-behaved he was!

But Vee was only small, and that meant she had a smaller tummy. Roman could see Vee finished all her milk—that was her favourite—but there was still some melon and lots of cereal left on her plate. If Roman was gonna get told how good he was for eating his breakfast, he didn’t want Vee to miss out on it and be jealous!

“Vee-Vee, you gotta eat all yours too.”

Vee looked down at her plate, then back up at Roman with a pout. “All of it?” she whined.

Roman shrugged. He really didn’t care that much. “I dunno, just eat some.”

That cheered Vee up and she instantly smiled and reached for the food. Then her hand froze in mid-air.

“Wait…” She fidgeted with her pyjamas again. “Did you find any cwayons when you cut up the m-melon?”

Roman’s lips trembled with the effort not to laugh. He couldn’t let Vee think he was making fun of her.

“Nah, there weren’t any, I checked.” It made Vee’s shoulders relax… So Roman kept going, just ‘cause it was really fun. “They’re pretty rare actually—kinda like pearls in oysters. That’s why you probably haven’t seen any crayons growing in the wild before.”

Every word Roman said made Vee nod more strongly. “That makes sense,” she muttered, giving a final firm nod before grabbing a cube of watermelon without hesitation. With her bare fingers.

“Don’t you wanna use your baby fork?” Roman suggested with a grimace. It made Roman shiver just to look at the melon juice dripping all over Vee’s hands. He scooched further away from her.

Apparently Vee hadn’t heard Roman—or she just wanted to show him her answer instead of telling him. She squashed the melon against her mouth with her hand and held it there while she sucked it, looking at Roman with wide, innocent eyes. There was probably melon juice all over her face now. Gross!

“Okay, fine,” Roman sighed, picking his toothbrush back up and chewing it as he went back to his drawing. “Just don’t touch me or my drawing.”

oOo

Continues immediately in part 2! I just broke it up for readability and to give you a good place to take a break, get some water, go to the bathroom, and maybe even come back tomorrow if it's late for you and you're sleepy! The second chapter is a little longer and it will still be here when you're rested up <3

Take me to part 2!

Also on AO3!

Reblogs, comments, and asks are very appreciated! <3

#pink crayons and pinky promises #little/big series fics #little/big series #agere roman #agedre roman #little roman #agere virgil #little virgil #nana janus #cg janus #ts agere #ts agere fic #sanders sides agere

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