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no-ur-spam · 7 years

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001 | custodial matters

A/N: Hi! I’m trash and I can’t come up with my own ideas so I figured I’d use other people’s concepts and make them into stories. I might oneshot some of them or I might turn them into way too long sagas, all depends on my mood. This based off of a concept by @lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks which you can find HERE. Hope you enjoy! I’d appreciate comments but tbh no one will probably read these so I’ll get lit by myself rereading these when I’m thirty and lonely.

(and lol I spell-check but I don’t really proofread so bear with me)

“Well… don’t mind if I do!” a woman’s slurred voice paired itself with the sound of the opening door. She leaned her body against the frame and casually took in her surroundings. The room was warmly lit with a gentle afterglow that was probably more from the vodka than anything else. She ignored the man staring at her in astonishment, not having the motivation to greet him yet. Anna, you’re being impolite, she admonished herself, but then quickly retracted her statement with a scoff. The door appeared in her living room. The door interrupted her blissful drunken Sunday evening. If anything, the door should be compensating her for her time. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, trying to clear her blurred vision. While she allocated Sunday as her day of inebriated nirvana, sometimes it wasn’t enough to sate her utter loathing for the world. Her bloodshot eyes and subpar vision were a result of too many nights reading while intoxicated. As a result, she failed to notice the two horns protruding from the man’s head. To be honest, she hadn’t noticed the wings or the tail either. The man stood up slowly and moved as if to approach her, but thought better of it. He motioned to the empty seats positioned around a low wooden coffee table. Anna repeated herself as she plopped into the proffered seat, “Well… don’t mind if I do.”

The man’s voice was warm and inquisitive, obviously he didn’t see this drunken and spongy woman as a threat. If squeezed, her alcohol saturated body would’ve definitely deflated. The man concealed a smile with the back of his refined hand. Besides, this would save him the trouble of finding a suitable host for his child. Her magical aura seemed strong enough to withstand the burden of producing a hybrid child. She might even survive the birthing process. He smiled wickedly, he would make this woman his, manipulate her into bearing his child, and then rip the newborn out from her arms and watch her drown herself in her misery. If her alcohol consumption was any indication, this woman would definitely drink herself into numbness and eventually wither away. His smiled widened as he contemplated the ways she would despair. Wait… I don’t actually care, he thought to himself as he cupped her cheek tenderly. He admired the softness of her skin and the euphoric look in her eyes before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. No response. He knew she was conscious. She blinked, breathed, and shifted her body at random intervals. Perhaps she couldn’t comprehend her situation. He sighed, almost pitying her utter ignorance. He kissed her again, more passionately than before and wound his fingers through her hair. This time, she tilted her face upwards and pressed her mouth into his. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss before finally releasing her from his captivating touch. Of course this simpleminded woman would be no match for the demon king, he praised himself, not like it mattered in the end.

Demons were laid-back and naturally lazy folk. With their immense magical power and their enhanced physical capabilities, they felt no need to dominate neither the human nor the supernatural worlds. They remained in their vast underground paradise and ruled with law and intelligence. Physical fighting was tedious and since their race rarely came into contact with one another, the laws from centuries ago still readily applied. Despite his avid interest in magical research, the demon king Lucifer was no exception. Wanting to devote the rest of his life to his studies, but unable to find a replacement demon king, he resolved himself to producing a child. He would use human parenting methods to convince the child to become an upstanding member of society and take over the administrative work of managing the demon world. Then, he could retire, enjoy the patronage of the demon king and research in peace.

He allowed his summoning circle to determine their landing location. He only needed to find a woman with adequate magical power, not one of specific socioeconomic status or special physical appearance. Frankly, Lucifer couldn’t understand the human world’s standards of beauty. The constant manipulation of natural appearances defied his innate lack of extrinsic motivation. And since this woman had walked into his own home, he also needn’t bother himself with the pesky entrance ritual. Demons tended to stay away from the human world because of the restrictions from ancient times. In the days of religious fervor and satanic lust, the protectors of humanity (perhaps they were called saints or gods… who cares to remember) cast a safeguard that repelled demons from entering anything belonging to a human unless they received permission to do so. Negotiating and basic social skills were too much of a hassle for the demons, and their natural lassitude prevented demon invasion just as effectively in modern times. This woman entered his place of residence, effectively bypassing the need for the antiquated protection charm. His slipshod plan progressed quite nicely. If he cared enough to be surprised or pleased, he might have expressed it at that moment.

She knew the man kissed her; she was painfully aware of how pleasant his warm lips felt against her alcohol stained lips. Then again, alcohol and kisses always tasted delightful together. Usually kisses couldn’t stand without the astringent bite of vodka. She considered herself somewhat of a connoisseur. The unsweetened Hemingway daiquiri is paired best with the sweet kiss of a thought-provoking lover while the Moscow mule served as the best complement to ginger flavored goodbyes. What currently coated her tongue wasn’t unpalatable. In fact, it tasted like opportunity.

“What’re you doing?” she asked abruptly as the man attempted to put a gumball sized sphere inside her mouth. He seemed taken aback at the sudden lucidity of her remark. She smirked, “Did you really think I was that drunk?”

He sighed tiredly, “I have prepared remarks since explaining would be extremely bothersome.” He handed her a sheet of paper with only a few lines of writing.

“One, my name is Lucifer and I am the king of demons. Two, I am looking to relinquish my current position, but need an heir to do so. Three, since demon women find the position of queen or queen mother troublesome, I needed to find a human woman. Four, you will be the host for the child. Five, it will be like a normal human pregnancy and I will claim the child when it is born. Six, I will grant one wish in return for this service,” she read out loud. Hehe, this must be my lucky day!

“So? I’ve distilled the child producing spell into this sphere and all you need to do is swallow it. Then, just do whatever you do for nine months and I’ll be back for the child,” Lucifer flicked his tail impatiently.

“Oh? And earlier you were going to place your child inside of me without telling me of these terms? I think that violates one of those breaking and entering rules that the demons fellow?” Anna’s knowledge of demons was a bit rusty, but she wasn’t going to let him know. This was her time to turn her lousy situation into profit. When there were things to be gained, she never allowed herself to be complacent.

Lucifer eyed her suspiciously, but decided it would be troublesome to find another woman. She didn’t seem taken aback by his character reveal. Perhaps demons had become mainstream in the human world? He hadn’t heard of any demons venturing outside, but then again he hardly paid attention. “Umm, I guess so? But since you’re cogent, we can probably get on with it. What do you want in exchange?” Anna positioned herself more comfortably in her seat, all signs of drunkenness gone. The change in demeanor made Lucifer anxious and he flicked his tail nervously. Humans generally wanted immense wealth or tried to ask for infinite wishes. Some attempted to gain magical powers or enslave him. He eliminated most of the troublesome ones. The immense wealth wishes he could easily grant while he refused the infinite wishes one. On a whim, he had granted some magical powers, but he rarely gifted any useful ones. Since he didn’t want to find another host, he would most likely grant her whatever she wanted. He could always deal with her later.

Anna cleared her throat and pulled out her cellphone. Pulling up a document from her cloud, she showed it to the demon king. He peered at it curiously, and read the first line: “In the event of a demon encounter…”

This time, it was her turn to smile wickedly.

“What’re you looking so surprised for? I gotta be prepared for everything, I’m a fucking contract lawyer.”

Read: Chapter 2

#stolenconcept #writing #fiction #fake fairytale #writtenspam #custodial matters

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chimtaera · 7 years

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imagine CEO kim seokjin.

you have the most handsome boss in all of creation, good luck.

first things first, kim seokjin is heir to one of the great business empires on his side of the planet.

for the moment though he’s just managing a few of the smaller branches as well as all the charities and his passion project, a moderately successful chain of restaurants.

you find work in one of these aforementioned branches, filling in as his secretary when his PA needs time off to care for their sick mother.

and he’s so stressed and busy he doesn’t even notice until around lunchtime when he bursts out of his office in a frenzy.

“assistant choi! you’re not assistant choi. where’s assistant choi?”

you remind him and he’s like “oops, i thought that was next week.”

because he can manage twelve charities and two businesses at once, he can clothe and feed himself because he’s a big boy, but he can’t organise anything. that’s what he needs you for.

also he can’t tie a tie properly.

he probably went to harvard business school, but he can’t tie a tie for shit. it’s always askew or crumpled or something, so you look knots up online because you’re just itching to fix it for him.

but you don’t actually approach him with the offer for a while, that would be inappropriate. instead you wait for him to tie it himself and ultimately fail, before you offer your help.

he accepts gratefully, and watches you concentrate in the agitating piece of cloth as if an angel just descended to save him from drowning.

later he admits that was when he knew he would fall in love with you.

and after that, whenever he has an important meeting to attend, you gotta fix his tie for him. it’s like ur lil ritual, and it helps him calm down and prepare.

sometimes he neglects to eat though.

like when he’s trying to stay on top of events and important paperwork and running back and forth between meetings and you start to wonder if you should be organising meals for him as well.

he works so hard you end up feeling like you can’t just leave him alone in his office even if the work day is technically over, so you sit around answering emails as you wait for him to dismiss you.

eventually you just Go For It and order a bunch of food in, not knowing what he likes, because you’re hungry too dangit.

so at like 7pm you knock softly and ask him is it okay if you bring him something to eat.

kim seokjin could cry at that moment, but also he’s like “wait, you’re still here? why are you still here?”

you recite him his dinner options and by the end he’s almost visibly drooling.

“that sound amazing, do i have to choose?”

“well, one of them was for me.”

“which one?”

“whichever you didn’t want.”

“can’t we just share all of it?”

and so you and your new boss end up sitting across from one another on his plush expensive carpet, and have a virtual take-out feast.

and you’re both exhausted so you know he’s killing it with the dad jokes and his windshield wiping laughter just makes everything ten times funnier. lbr you probably peed yourself a little.

it’s late when you finally leave, so he drives you home.

the drive is nice and quiet and before you know it you’ve fallen asleep.

also you don’t know this but he was parked outside your house for like ten minutes before he mustered up the courage to wake you, like “ok we’re here!!!! hahahaha,,ha,,,ha,,,,, ah”

weeks pass, and jin’s dad is constantly piling more responsibility on him, which means more branches, which means jin has to travel more, and he takes you with him because he’s useless without you.

and you two are just so comfortable around each other from the start ??

but more importantly you really enjoy one another’s company and are constantly drawn together.

so eventually, always eating room service together turns into always spending time in the same room, which turns into eventually only booking one room with separate beds.

because more money saved is more money to charity.

right?

right ????

and guess what.

eventually the hotel fucks up, but everything is so hectic you don’t even notice until it’s too late and you come back from a conference at night to find you only have one bed.

whoopsie daisy~

honestly though you’re both so exhausted because you flew in early that morning, jin falls asleep with all his clothes on and you don’t even care and pass out beside him like two minutes later.

when you wake however, he has shrugged out of his blazer and you’re snuggled up to him, head tucked beneath his chin, cheek pressed against his chest.

to save you the embarrassment he pretends he’s still asleep while you untangle yourself. but breakfast is still awkward as heck to say the least, and he lowkey won’t stop smiling to himself the entire time.

and every time you attend a charity event with him everyone assumes you’re dating because you’re always laughing together and they’re used to seeing him with assistant choi.

and one time he mishears someone asking if you’re his date and he says yes so you run with it and link your arm through his and call him pet names and he goes sO red and stutters and it’s worth all the death glares he sends you the rest of the night.

after that he’s kinda tense and weird and you end up apologising for your behaviour because that was very unprofessional of you and you crossed a line and you really need this job please don’t fire me.

and as you arrive back at the hotel he’s like “yeah, it’s cool, whatever, i need a drink.”

and you’re like “idk about you but there’s a minibar in my room.”

and he just stares at you until you realise what you’ve said and when you die of embarrassment he’s like “now we’re even. goodnight.”

eventually, one fateful evening back at the office, jin completely buckles under the weight of it all and you find him with his head in his hands, papers all over the floor.

he confesses to you how it’s all too much and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to keep everything together, especially as his responsibilities keep growing and without assistant choi around to help him out.

you spin his chair around to face you and sink down to his level, take his face in your hands and tell him firmly that he’s got this. it’s okay to doubt yourself and to crack under the pressure, but he’s got you and he’s got this and together you’re gonna kick this thing in the ass.

and he laughs and hold your hand, leans in a fraction but hesitates until you tell him he can also kiss you if he wants.

and he does.

he kisses you over and over and over until you have expensive carpet burns, wink wonk if you know what i mean.

anyway, nsfw under the cut.

your late nights at the office gets a lot later after that.

because oh bOY imagine gagging jin with his tie when he is being too vocal during his lunch break.

or him gagging you for that matter.

tbh his ties get a workout because he’s constantly getting distracted at work thinking of new and exciting ways to restrain you with it.

you two riling each other up all day.

like he’s got the blinds open and you walk in to drop off a file and just before you leave you lean in and tell him “i wish you would press me up against that glass right now, for everyone to see.”

he goes so red !!!!!!!!!!

and then you just drop the mic (or in this case a pen) and swagger out.

you guys could do this shit all day.

you’ll pretend to drop something so you can bend over for him, or spill something on him so you can lean over and grab him through his slacks.

or you’ll get handsy or even go down on him during a phone meeting, because just imagine the panic in his eyes when his voice cracks.

and he’ll walk right up behind you at your desk and pretend to look over the schedule with you while whispering the most sinful promises and vulgar compliments in your ear.

and sometimes, when he leaves his door open, he’ll just stare at you and take one hand slowly off his desk, and you just know he’s rubbing himself through his trousers and it drives you mad.

and finally, when the last person has left for the day you just fucking tear into each other like you trash his office i feel sorry for the cleaners.

but at the end of the day jin is soft and loving af.

he adores you and the way you’ll rub yourself eagerly against him on a slow sunday morning.

and he wants to take you to all the best restaurants, or just watch netflix and eat fast food, it doesn’t matter as long as he gets to go down on you at the end of the night.

he just thinks you’re really cute when you squirm.

and you just love to watch him flush.

and so you live happily ever after :’)

#kpop smut #bts smut #seokjin smut #jin smut #kpop imagines #bts imagines #seokjin imagine #jin imagine #kpop scenarios #bts scenarios #seokjin scenarios #jin scenarios #bts au #seokjin #jin #kpop reactions #bts reactions

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lady-nevermore · 7 years

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Session 2

Before I begin talking about what happened in Therapy, can I just say how relieved, and am low-key/sorta glad, that I actually managed to get a good night’s sleep last night? I actually fucking managed to go to bed early, get 8 hours of sleep, and woke up around 6 AM without feeling like I was gonna pass out from sleep-deprivation (Yess! Take that insomnia)! >:D

Yesterday, as well as last Saturday (and even the earlier part of Today), were actually some pretty good days for me; These last couple of weekends Me and mom have been going to church for the last couple of Sundays around 6AM (most would be surprised with me being semi-religious/agnostic, but it was nice actually, calming even....) and closely afterwards we’ve been trying to make a habit of walking to our local library that’s close by (where there also happens to be a local duck pond in conjunction with said library). And Yesterday, on our way back from church, we even managed to help save this poor kitty (that had it’s head stuck in a jar).

So yeah, woke up around 6 AM in the morn today, and took a walk with my mom to our local library. It was nice (soothing even) just walking around in the crisp cold fresh morning breeze, and looking at the reflection of the pond whilst taking in the local wildlife: ducks obviously, a couple of squirrels, robins, crows, hell we even saw a fish (Salmon I think) jump and flop back into the water like twice, as well as saw a falcon on the rooftop of the library at one point too. It was nice, seeing these animals just go about their business, frolicking and whatnot. It made me smile. :)

We’re trying to make this a habit of sorts, (this the third time/third weekend now that we’ve done this, so far so good right) in order to help me get used to getting out of the house more often and make a ritual of getting some low-key exercise along the way.....Umm, does walking for half an hour or even an entire hour count as exercise?. lol ^^;

Anyways, I’ve also managed to accompany my parents to the grocery store during these last past couple of weekends aswell; and yesterday, I even plucked up the courage to go with them to Lowes and helped my folks pick out and buy a new washing-machine (the last one we had, has been on it’s last/final legs for like effing years now, so this was def. a long time coming).

Hell, today, I even managed to get some spring-cleaning done and dusted the crap outta my room and living room (haven’t dusted my damn room in ages, so it’s been a long time coming) and I’m not gonna lie, but it feels so much nicer/cleaner/fresh now that it’s not soo goddamn dusty, it’s nice. ^^;

And tbh all things considered, doing all of this as of late (even if it may seem miniscule to everyone else) has all really made me feel somewhat productive, and I think that it’s helping me a lot.

But anyways, back to the actual therapy session itself...

May 22, 2017

So, Second day of Therapy today...

And well, shit.... I mean knew it was gonna happen eventually (and here’s me thinking it was gonna take like ages for this to happen cause, if there’s one thing I really hate and can’t stand: it’s me crying in front of people, especially people I know or am emotionally attached to; it makes me feel soo fucking vulnerable, uncomfortable, exposed, and worst of all weak) but yeah, I didn’t actually think I was gonna cry this early on in our sessions (I mean we just barely got started). >_>;

...At first, My therapist just asked me how I was feeling and I told her that I was feeling nervous, nervous that during this session, we were actually gonna start digging into deeper, more emotional stuff, than the simple mere evaluation she did during our first initial session. and that’s when we started to talk and go through basically a timeline of my entire life up to this point so to speak.

- Age 5-6: Emotionally (and sometimes physically abused) by my Aunt whom was living/sharing a household with me, my parents, her husband and son at the time, let’s call her “Aunt C”; I felt like I was living in a broken home, a household full of domestic fighting (screaming matches) between my poor victimised mom and my poor excuse of an aunt who was basically a control freak and snapped / flew off the handle at every little thing. My parents were always working hard trying to make ends meet, they weren’t intentionally neglecting me or anything like that, they are good decent people (we grew up poor), but they just never really had the luxury or time to be spending time with me let alone take care of me (and so left me in my Aunt’s care cause they had no choice and it was convenient). The fighting was so bad that at one point I remember being horrified and in a state of utter shock as my “Aunt C” held my mom up against the wall with her hand around her throat (the memory of My Aunt almost attempting to strangle my mother will forever be burned in my mind). My younger self took refuge at school, My therapist says that due to the fact that I didn’t feel safe (nor was I getting enough consistent: love, attention, etc), that I started to block out everything that was happening at home via focusing on my school life, and thereby using my teachers and friends as substitute parental figures and family respectfully, in order to fill the void of what lacked in my home-life (I’ve done this all the way up till high school, I always consider my teachers as parental figures, adults I could legit trust, and each group of friends as my second/replacement family of sorts)....My therapist ain’t wrong: That’s why I always loved going to school, why my friends were the bright lights in my life from elementary school all the way up till high-school, and why I felt so damn attached to my teachers growing up, even all the way up till I graduated from High-School, to me they were my heroes (and it’s the main reason I wanted to become a teacher myself growing up.......and why I personally took one of my Teacher’s/Mentor’s/Old Friend’s death/passing soo damn hard during the year 2011, well that, and because I was actually a close friend to them, as well).

But none of that made me cry what struck a nerve, what really effing struck a nerve was the fact that when I was a Junior during High School, my dad had heart surgery (I was around 16 at the time), and my dad needed my mom to stay close to him (cause he was really scared and felt helpless without her), and I ended up staying at my “Aunt C” and her family’s house for a while.... And see here’s the thing, Aunt C has a son (my cousin) and I remember him telling me that he felt like i bullied him when we were kids, and in my mind we were just rough-housing, messing around as kids do when they’re 5-6.....He was serious when he told me he felt like I bullied him, and I felt absolutely fucking disgusted with myself, like sick to my stomach disgusted with myself, because in my mind I resent being put in the same category as my Aunt C or even being compared to her; because I always and will forever visualize/connect bullying with abuse (that and I personally hate the idea of people hurting other people; this all thank’s to my Aunt C).....funny how things came back full circle huh?......But anyways, when my cousin told me this, I apologized, and sincerely too....it was a serious moment between the two of us (because my voice started to crack with emotion, from tearing up in front of him), he accepted my apology and we never spoke of the incident again.

When I was explaining all of this to my Therapist, I didn’t even realizing i started to cry (like the silent, suffer in silence type of crying too); what really made me cry harder and struck a nerve was that she told me (after me telling her that I wished I would have known better as kid) was that it wasn’t my fault, that I shouldn’t be blaming 5-6 year old me for something that I wasn’t even mature enough to truly comprehend in regards to my actions and their respective consequences/repercussions.....I thought that I already made my peace with all of this in the past.....but to be honest, I think that really I needed to hear that from my Therapist.

We talked a lot about other moments in my life as well, like when I was 7 years old, my parents had left me with my godparents for like a week, and this was during Summer Vacation mind you (cause they didn't want me near my Aunt C anymore, and they were scrambling, looking for another place to live); I felt abandoned, like my parents abandoned me; my silly 7 year old self couldn’t emotionally comprehend what was happening, and didn't realize that it was only a mere short week( but in my mind at the time, it felt like months)....That was the first time I ever had a panic attack, the night my parents left me with my godparents (my godparents are and were good people mind you, I just wasn’t close or didn;t really know them all too well at the time).

We also talked about My High school Graduation, and how I noted that i felt depressed, sad, alone, and how I felt somewhat distant/abandoned by my friends (which I obviously blamed myself for); and how afterwards Grad-Night (they still do these nowadays right?) first kicked off my insomnia. -___-;

And the fact that one of the reasons why I feel so anxious is the fact that I’m afraid of encountering or spontaneously meeting up with some of my old teachers or high school friends, She asked me why I felt like this; and I said it was mostly because, I was mostly known as the straight A student, a teacher’s pets; and that these people had high hopes for me, hell I had high hopes for me; and that I’m afraid of feeling their disappointment, anger, rejection, of the the fact that I wasted my life after high-school, that and well.......that I’m also ashamed that I cut them all out of my life after I fell into a deep deep depression and had a mental/nervous breakdown (after my Mentor/Teacher/Friend passed away, and me shortly after failing all of my college classes, and dropping out of community college). Because if there is one thing I value above all else: it’s Loyalty and Friendship (I also told her that i’ve always had trouble keeping friendships in the past due to my trust issues, that stem mostly from my abusement from my Aunt C...cause if you can’t even trust family, how can i trust anyone else; but trust me, I fight against that anxiety-filled reflex as hard as i can, in order to still continue to strive and open-up/connect with people, especially those i consider and am honored to call: friend).

But the second thing that made me cry was the fact that My Therapist told me that she thinks that I’m a really strong person for willing to try to come to therapy in order to get better, and that I still had my whole life ahead of me (I’m 25 mind you, am a college dropout, doesn’t know how to drive, still live with my folks who deserve a better daughter than me, never even had a job before and am housebound, and all of this makes me feel like a goddamn failure), and that it wasn’t too late......hearing someone else besides my parents tell me this, solidified the possibility of there being some actual truth to what she was saying, that there was actually hope, and that was what made me cry, because of nigh possibility that there was still fucking hope for me.....well, that and that it might not be too late for me to reconnect with some of my old high-school friends from the past, even if it’s been 8 years too late (this one still scares the crap out of me mostly for fear of confronting them, their rejection and disappointment, facing their anger, etc).

....After a while, she told me that I placed waaay too many high expectations of myself (am too damn hard on myself) and she told me, that, that is my anxiety talking not, me.

And that she was glad to hear that I started putting in the effort of me trying to voluntarily going with my parents to the grocery store during the weekends (these past three weekends), as well as that fact that me and my mom have been trying to go to church, and take walks near our local library (you know the one with the duck pond).

Feeling sorta drained right now, gonna try to head to bed at 10:30 or 11 PM, in order to wake up early again (really need and want to kick my insomnia’s ass)....I’m sure there are loads of stuff I forgot to mention, or that I accidently skipped...If remember, I’ll probably do another one of these blog posts, and call it: “Therapy Session 2 Part 2″ or something like that. heh xP

- Lady Nevermore

#personal #therapy #therapy blog #session 2 #second day of therapy #i can't believe i actually cried #didnt think I was gonna cry this early on....#social anxiety #anxiety #depression

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roboromantic · 7 years

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i miss feeling confident in a religion i Hate being a ~seeker~ but nothing feels right hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

bc like I want a community and a history-I want a religious culture. I abandoned my old one and there’s a huge aching gap there

but also like I’m not sure I believe in a(ny) god(s), prophets, messiahs, etc. I also don’t really believe in sin or that material stuff is bad (although that deserves its own post tbh)

I guess that’s why I kinda hang w/pagans? they’re pretty chill about ~rules~ but they still have the ritual elements I like and generally don’t require belief in literal gods-seeing them as archetypes is (from what I’ve read) pretty common.

Unfortunately since it’s largely Neo-Wiccan stuff there’s a Lot of gross gender essentialist stuff and also it’s only like 60 years old so there’s not really a super rich history. and other paths tend to focus a lot on ancestor veneration which is not really something I’m into?

I tried pop culture stuff for a while but that didn’t really work for me, and I don’t think making up my own stuff will either-though it might have to suffice until I do find something I can commit to.

♫I’m spiritually lost and probably doomed to stay that way forever, fml♪

on a side note I just remembered that some anon sent me a message a while back that was like ‘Oh I see you have a religious tag, have you tried Jesus?’ and just. why do people assume that non-Christians have never heard of Jesus. Christianity is Very hard to avoid here.

and like if this anon had bothered to actually read any of my posts they’d’ve known that I grew up in what’s basically a Protestant cult like I fuckin............went to church every Sunday morning/night and every Wednesday service.

We were taught Bible verses and creationist stuff as part of my homeschooling. I went to Lads to Leaders events and the Bible bowl (which means I know Esther and Nehemiah better than any other books lmao) My church had an entire week of CoC Bible camp, during which I studied the Bible furiously to try and find out why Christianity didn’t feel right anymore.

When I graduated high school I went to a college built by and for members of the Church of Christ where you were required to attend chapel services every morning AND take one Bible study course per semester (or year? I don’t recall-I didn’t stick around long lmao)

Obviously this doesn’t make me an expert on ALL permutations of Christianity but I’ve!! fucking tried it my dude!! the B-I-B-L-E is NOT the book for me!!

#religious ramblings #this one's V long bc I kinda got distracted whoops

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thatfestivallife · 5 years

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Girls all in independent designers: Kokomo Design perspex dress, Palace Flophouse skirt & Duvet Days trousers & Rosa Bloom top!

Delicious music, culinary delights, more than a dollop of cultcha and an escape to the far-flung deserts of Morroco at the end of miserable March?? I didn’t need much persuading to ‘buy the ticket and take the ride’ to the innaugral Beat Hotel festival, in Marrakech.

The Beat Hotel was already well known to me for their big venue near Glastonbury’s pyramid stage – but apart from a few showers of rain over the weekend, this offering, couldn’t have been much further from its Pilton partner…

Those Festival Facts

What? Beat Hotel Marrakech “A long weekend of live music, DJs, one-off culinary collaborations and a talks programme featuring some of today’s great minds and voices.” Inspired by the ‘Beat Generation’ of poets and authors.

Where? The Fellah Hotel, a 20-minute drive outside of Marrakech in Morrocco…. my first festival in Africa! (ticked that off the bucket list!)

When? This year it was the last weekend of March – 2020 festival not confirmed yet. It ran Thursday through Sunday with music and wellness programming from 9am – 4am.

Who? Organisers are Brits and the audience (in my experience!) were mainly from the UK with a smattering of locals and attendees from across the globe to make up the neat 2000 capacity.

Set in the Fellah Hotel, a 25 minute drive from the outside central Marrakech, the festival site was a resort made up of winding paths lined with rosemary and cactuses, cosy bedouin tents decorated with golden lamps and opulent Moroccan textiles, shimmering swimming pools and hidden indoor rooms. Within this paradise, the programming blended together the worlds of art, literature, wellness, and music.

“Follow your inner moonlight”

Skip straight to practical tips for attending Beat Hotel next year!

Undoubtedly ’boutique’ (whatever that even means any more!), this isn’t a trait I’d usually be mega keen on but here it came with the territory, a festival held in a 5-star resort is gonna have a 5-star feel! The resort setting reminded me a little of beach festivals I’ve been to in India like Sunsplash but 20 times more lavish…

What was best about this boutique-ness was the size. Apparently, a compact 2000 revellers attended Beat Hotel, which was super intimate compared to Oasis, a techno festival on the same site which has a cool 8000 guests! Whilst having the classic where have we met before / have we met before? chat with a fellow dancer on the first night…. he hit the nail on the head when he said it was the best festival he’d been to in years because it recaptured a feeling “like someone had put on a party for you and your mates”.

Thursday Opening Concert

After a day of taking in the gardens and museums of the festival’s culture-rich neighbouring city (stay tuned for my Marrakech itinerary!) we headed for our first evening at the Beat Hotel site just in time for the magnificent red and pink clad Deep Throat Choir in the ‘Interzone’, a beautifully dressed clear marquee that served as the festival’s main stage.

I’d wanted to catch them for ages after seeing their live session video from Greenman festival… the combined raw power of their amazing voices singing original material and choice covers like Little Dragon’s Ritual Union was such a perfect opening to the festival.

Deep Throat Choir

In homage to the festival’s home, The Master Magicians of Jajouka were next… which was an experience. They are a legendary family from rural Morocco who play some of the oldest musical styles still preserved on the planet! At first we thought the complex rhythms and the loud wail of their instruments (imagine the sound of 20 bagpipes, if they were Morrocan?!?) was a pretty strange choice for a 2 – hour – booking when this was the only stage open….!

BUT we decided to get stuck in at the front of the crowd and actually it was amazing… to punctuate the 4000-year-old music a small man in a fur-covered costume came onto the stage (basically their hype man) and had us totally transfixed. apparently, he was the fertility goat and everyone he hit with his stick in the crowd would soon be with child!!! Queue side eyes for two of our mates who got a solid smack…

Closing was Awesome Tapes from Africa – and he did not lie, they were awesome tapes! If you have never heard of this selector and label owner, he mixes only on cassette and has a huge collection of rare tapes that he has found from all over Africa ranging from traditional music to African disco and pop, which were all blended seamlessly and left us at the end of the night with sore feet and raucous shouts of “one more cassette, one more cassette!”

Friday Photo Tour

On Friday I headed into the medina for a tour with “conscious creative collective”; Patternity. I’m not usually one for guided tours, preferring to get to know a place myself, but with limited time for exploration this was actually a perfect opportunity to be spoon fed a speedy introduction to the city and connect with the area we were in before fully submerging ourselves into festival fun… and a nice chance to meet fellow festival goers!

View from the carpet shop roof…

Two of many cats on the Cat-ernity tour

Touring the beautiful tiled Dar El Bacha museum

We met at a beautiful palace turned museum for some tile goodness, wandered around souks, got a tour of a carpet shop, gathered on rooftops for mint tea and enjoyed a demonstration of Moroccan tinctures in an apothecary… Anna from Patternity was a wonderful host and it was definitely one of the best decisions I made on the trip – all festival should have a local tour on the first day!

We finished up with cocktails on the rooftop of some fancy riad and then I hopped in a taxi to site with some girls I met on the tour just in time for sunset over the pool…

Malika & cocktails by the pool

Zac in the lazzzers

The Friday headliners were Maribou State who were extreme levels of lush as always, a more intimate version of the magical first time I saw them, dragged to the front row of the main stage at Secret Garden Party…

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🌞 @mariboustate at @beat_hotel with all my gorgeous pals 🌞 #BeatHotel#ThatFestivalLife

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Later on, we headed through the winding paths to a tucked away stretch tent that housed the second stage ‘San Remo’ which was absolutely bouncing for Andrew Weatherall. We drank ‘Ballantines Moroccan mules’ from the sponsored bar next to the stage – there were plenty of brand partners on site but luckily it was done in a classy not overbearing way (reminding me a bit of Magnetic Fields festival actually).

The interzone adorned with Morroccan lamps.

Closed the night dancing to Hunee from the pyramid stacked next to the main stage, reminiscent of the Glastonbury Beat Hotel… Made it home and had an impromptu house party (riad party?) with a group of our lovely neighbours.

Saturday Showers

Saturday evening started with some torrential downpour and classically getting to the festival later than we meant to meant we missed a talk from Irvine Welsh (the Irvine Welsh!!) and ‘disco naps yoga’ in the wellness area Spiritlab which sounded like just what I needed tbh…

Speakers Corner

Luckily we hadn’t missed all of the non-musical entertainment and popped in to listen to a bit of a talk in the Speaker’s Corner from Scottish writer John Niven and a lounge on the luscious Morrocan rugs in the space…

The skies cleared so we headed to the San Reo for some reggae by the pool… Shout out to the best food on site, the Berber and Q stall by the San Remo bar, I had a DELICIOUS mezze plate which was 1 zillion times more amazing than the photo shows… plus top marks and bonus points for silver plates and real cutlery – the rest on site is plastic, unfortunately.

Steph by the pool

Berber & Q Mezze DELICIOUSNESS

Emma’s nailzzz

Full of food and heavy with last night’s excesses we sheltered again in the Speakers Corner for a really interesting discussion on “Music, Fiction and Mythology” from another Scottish Author (the theme of the day!?) David Keenan and last night’s best DJ Andrew Weatherall.

As the lamps were lit and the sun went down the rain came back with a vengeance (go to Morrocco for your holiday they said!) and Friday night was still taking its toll so I went for dinner #2, a veeery delish lentil, beetroot and goats cheese salad with sautéed potatoes… and then just as everyone was discussing calling it a night I decided to book a tarot card reading for 1.30am…!!

San Remo closed due to the rain and the terrain so all of the programming was moved into the pool / bar building to make a club-esque setting. As some of our pals went home we stayed for an amazing night of dancing at the Ransom Note takeover, punctuated by a couple of intense tarot card readings with David Keenan – our third Scottish from earlier!

Tarot Reading with *** in the beautiful Beat Hotel Tea Room

The last dance

Got to site late again… the problems of having your own super luxurious riad and a fridge full of food and booze!

I would have loved to have caught the writing and drawing workshops in Speaker’s Corner – but that is my constant refrain at all festivals… I always wanna do all the workshops in the morning but unfortunately, I also wanna party all night and these things don’t always go hand in hand! We got there just in time for an incredible, intense set from Young Fathers who totally blew me away.

Young Fathers

Beat Hotel

With San Remo back in action, we danced to whoever the excellent Dj was there around midnight and settled into the best night of the festival…

Me and my friend Amie stumbled on the secret room, which was above the pool bar – but apparently had moved from underneath the San Remo building into the pool bar when it rained which was originally where the cinema had originally been (wrap yer head around that)…

My favourite set of the festival was from another unknown DJ in the secret room who opened with Bronski Beat and later played a timely Prodigy track to a wild crowd (of about 30) and two tracks of the drum n bass I’d been hoping for all weekend… someone put a star sticker on my face, someone else gave me a branch of rosemary to brandish like a shaman… it was so great.

The rest of the evening included a lot of cocktails, rolling around on the beds beside the pool and disappearing for an hour because I was learning Arabic and chatting football with the medical staff…

Amie in her Duvet Days halter

We found the full crew at the main stage for the close and danced for the rest of the night (to Gerd Jansen? Maybe? There’s a theme here…) The night ended in a stage invasion and us enveloping each other into a giant group hug – bringing that proper festival flavour I have mainly only experienced in UK fields 💖

San Reno vibes

It was wonderful… so smooth for an inaugural year in a very culturally different country. They obviously cared about their audience, all the staff were lovely – for example, there were plenty on hand at the end of each night checking if people could get home okay. You could tell they’ve done festivals before, accreditation was soo smooth, the info point was informative, it rained but the stages were all undercover and any hiccups that came along (unavoidable in a festival first year) were dealt with really well.

More toilets would have been great – and compost loos would be even better, I would have liked it if they had booked a few more females across the programming… and I would have liked to have dipped my toe in some more of the wellness and Speaker’s Corner, but that might be my own fault for not getting out of bed sooner! Attention to detail like secret rooms and offsite activities meant it was so much more than just a music festival…. can’t wait to relive it at the Glastonbury version in a couple of months!!

Top tips for Visiting Beat Hotel Festival in Marrakech

Getting to the Beat Hotel

There are loads of reasonably priced flights into the local airport Marrakech (RAK) – I flew from Stanstead and then returned to Bristol. Getting from the airport to your accommodation might not be quite as easy though – we’re pretty sure everyone in our group got separately mugged off for our taxi fare… to top it off, we didn’t even have the right address for our riad, doh! Our driver did give us oranges and play some bangin Arabic tunes in the taxi though so all was forgiven…

Where to stay in Marrakech

So, we booked a couple of months in advance as we were out there for a mate’s 30th… we struck gold on our accommodation and had an incredible riad, 11 of us with a huge pool, massive kitchen and a gorgeous rooftop overlooking the Atlas mountains! And it was just over £100 each for 6 nights… If you’re in a big group I would highly recommend hunting on Airbnb to see what comes up. Most of the accommodation in town wasn’t as private as this was so it was worth being a bit out of town – it was about half an hour drive South of the city but only 10 minutes South of the festival site.

Tricky to leave your hotel when it looks like this…

If you’re on your own or in a pair it would probably make more sense to stay in town because of traveling into the festival each day, which leads me on to…

Getting around in Marrakech

This bit is important! We struck gold with our riad location and the fact that it came with a driver. We got one free return ride into town / the festival a day and then could book later pick-ups with our legendary taxi driver Ismael.

Top tips for getting around the city and getting to the festival:

Do a bit of research on how you’re gonna get in and out of the festival, see if your accommodation can recommend your transport.

Make friends with people staying close to you and buddy up to make it cheaper. It could be a pain in the butt and really sting you for cash if you haven’t organised it properly.

The festival did put on a shuttle which you could buy a wristband for – I didn’t get it myself so can’t really feedback but speaking to people it was apparently quite sporadic and only stopped at a few places so depending where you were staying you’d probably have to find a taxi to get you through the middle of town.

Getting around town itself whilst sightseeing is pretty easy as long as you know the names of the places you’re going.

Make sure you haggle with your taxi!

Taxis can’t go down most of the winding souks and streets (but watch out for mopeds!) so download Marrakech onto the HERE we go app and mark all your landmarks on it before you’re out of wifi – this top tip courtesy of Sophie from Saints on a Plane!!

I had a couple of experiences when I was stopped in taxis from the city by a police blockade at the end of the road to the festival – the driver was made to get out and once I was… Still not entirely sure what it was all about and it felt really sketchy.

What to bring and what to wear

Weather-wise you can expect temperatures in the 20s but dropping down to about 10 at night so come prepared for both! If you’re unlucky like us it could also be a wee bit rainy…

I packed one small sized cabin bag for the duration of the trip and brought the following stuff to Beat Hotel:

Modest clothes for exploring the city – Morrocco is a Muslim country so keep your legs, shoulders etc covered when wandering the city.

But less modest clothes/bikinis etc. totally acceptable for the festival site, like Lannah’s Kokomo ‘Sunset Boulevard’ perspex dress above!

Swimwear.

Light jacket for the evening – I brought a denim jacket which was enough to keep me warm in the chillier nights but I could have done with a scarf too.

Bumbag for the festival – I brought my trusty tasseled Beksies Boutique Bum Bag.

What to Eat and drink

The food offering is not mega veggie friendly but there were a few good options which I’ve mentioned above! The stalls were run by the popular Marrakech restaurants Nomad, Cafe De Espices & Le Jardin and there was also the Berber & Q stall running int the day time. You should expect to pay UK festival prices for meals. As well as the stalls Beat Hotel also curated a series of pre-bookable banquets but at £80 a pop these were a bit out of our price range.

The Beat Hotel bars were plentiful but did run out of stock a few times and the cocktail bar staff had noooo idea what was going on for the first few days!! Was kiiind of funny being brought the wrong drinks three times in a row until I remembered I was paying a tenner a go… you aren’t allowed to bring your own supplies in so we spent a lot on the bar…

Also worth noting that Morrocco is a Muslim country so there aren’t a huge amount of places in town that serve alcohol. As we were in self-catered accommodation we bought all our food and drink from a local Carrefour which did serve booze.

Money! What to bring and what you can expect to spend…

The festival is totally cashless, my first experience with RFID wristbands! It was actually really smooth and pretty nifty but I did spend a lot, especially considering I was having most of my meals and drinks back at our accommodation. I topped up on site but the wristbands could be pre-loaded before the festival which meant you got a bonus and the chance for a refund.

£1 = 80 dirham

It’s a closed currency in Morroco so your best bet is just to get your ‘dirham’ for the ciy and taxis etc. from an ATM when you get to the airport – bring emergency cash to exchange in case your card doesn’t work or that ATM’s at the airport are out of use!

Personal Safety

As with all other festival travel – be extra careful if you’re indulging, keep your passport, spare money etc. safe at your accommodation. A good idea is to whatsapp your friends a scan of your passport and your flight ticket details and make sure you get travel insurance!!

Some specific advice to Beat Hotel Marrakech:

As explained above, get your taxis sorted, watch out for getting scammed – haggling is a part of life here don’t be shy to walk away if you don’t think the price is good, it will usually be agreed to if it looks like you’re leaving!

Cover up – there were a lot of similarities between the covered streets of the souks to the winding markets of India, but in India it’s just never-ending staring, in Marrakech it was lewd words muttered by most men we passed and swear words shouted at us down the street when I glared at them… not pleasant!

Be careful in the Medina at night time – I only went in the day and I don’t think I’d be comfortable on my own at night at all.

Similar to the urchins at Love International festival… this time watch out for the spiky cactuses!! If you do get some in your leg/arm/butt just pop into the lovely friendly guys in the well equipped medical room, they’ll have it out in a jiffy and if you’re lucky like me they might give you an Arabic lesson in the meantime!

Some more general Marrakech tips coming soon in a separate post… you can find more festivals around the world here! xx

Beat Hotel Festival, Marrakech Morocco '19 Delicious music, culinary delights, more than a dollop of cultcha and an escape to the far-flung deserts of Morroco at the end of miserable March??

#Africa #Beat Hotel #festival #festival wanderlust #Marrakech #Morrocco

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