#sweetish original

[sweetish-original-story]

Chapter 18

Back in the cold, dusty halls of Sammy's home the echoes of faint panting bounced back and forth against the walls, the floor and the ceiling. The muffled, rhyming sound of perfectly aligned footsteps acted as a beat to the primal sound, and had it not been trapped in her ribcage, be accompanied by the procession of her heart. The Tiffany Arrows album had run out of songs to play, and Sammy didn't feel like pressing replay or thinking of something else to play. The treadmill she uses costs more than her rhinoplasty. Granted, her rhinoplasty was only a simple file down, to make her nose more sharp.

Somehow that thought distracted her from the beads of sweat rolling down her brow and the dryness in her lungs. That nose job was the first and most defining treatment she ever had, not counting the never ending diets, never ending vitamins, military level workouts and fully prepaid spa treatments. The way she looked before, while still considered more than beautiful by her peers, was too round and soft for the standard set in her circle. Her culture believed that outer beauty was one of the most defining factors in a person's life, and she's heard horror stories of people who were thown away as children in the past for looking too ungodly. For as much Sammy thought the whole thing was stupid, she couldn't help but admit that she herself had memories of being treated as less than when she first started making her own clothing. In that moment, a voice crossed her mind;

"What a horrible thing to think! Back home, people like that were seen as miracles, a gift from the depths of the ocean to cherish! How could your people leave your very own out to rot!" Dulce. Of course it was his voice that crossed her mind. Sammy decided to turn the treadmill down a bit to focus on this one amongst the sea of other thoughts scratching away in the back of her mind. She can't focus if she's breathing too loud.

Dulce always made being a good person seem so... effortless. How does someone do that, just to be a good person, a kind soul with no flaws whatsoever? Well of course there are the OBVIOUS ones, but if her country didn't have that stupid social standard they would ALL see it too. When she was younger she heard whispers about their race being uneducated thieves who live in caves because they were too ugly to be seen by The Serpent. How they would spend all day getting drunk and belligerent and all night cannabalizing anyone and anything that bothered them.

 Even as a child she thought they were horrible rumors, but to her shock, just a couple of weeks ago the dumbest one of all turned out to be true. Who would have guessed Murfolken were born with a golden tooth on their forehead? Why? What was it used for? And why does it fall off? At the time she was too embarrassed to ask anything further, but now, especially with the swarm of emails and fan letters asking about it during the last issue....

She turns the treadmill down again. A nice simple trot. Focus. 

Her own people were not as magical in her mind. Sirpentborne were just so... predictable. Easy. Too easy to categorize. She tries not to let her own biased inform her relationship with others, but each and every day, having to look at the same grey skin blue cheeks and the same beesting lips under the same sharpened nose under the same stoney brow over the slightly different shade of grey or blue or black or whatever eyes is maddening. And then having to perfect it all? Mass producing photo after photo, everything being clean and safe and the only difference being mole, a season, photoshopping out any leaf that's less than green and any flower that didn't bloom?She'd rather die right now, right in this moment, by being run over by a sentient gelato truck that reincarnated into a duck. An angry gelato truck. With wings.

Dulce never felt that way. He loved every bit of what she captured, the dust, the dirt, the picture she kept in her personal folder of him sitting on the floor of his shop after closing, absolutely demolishing a crunchy walnut burrito, doused in cheese and hot sauce. That was REAL joy. REAL life. He didn't need a wedding with irisis shipped in from the west or to have all of his kids wearing the exact same dress, tailored and clean pressed. She didn't need A jeweled arch or to wait 5 hours so the sun could be in the right spot. He didn't even notice what a shabby job she did when setting up the stand at the food fair. She didn't think he even realized the table fell over because of her recklessness. Of course, shed have done a better job of she wasn't late but he didn't even bring it up. He was just... grateful. For everything she did. 

The sound of her machine slowly gave way to the near imperceptble sound of heels, clicking away at marble, and the jingling of keys. It Sammy moved to her room now, her mother would take it as an invitation to have a "conversation with her. She had to stay calm. Quiet. Unnoticeable. A piece of background art in her own home. Like the echoes on the wall and the dust on the ivory. Complete invisibility.

The sound stopped for a moment, and so did Sammy's breath. The opening of a drawer. The low grumble in her mom's throat. More clicking. A door. A door? And then... silence. All was silent besides her feet and her machine. Her mother simply forgot her day clutch. She had been spared. 

In quiet relief, Sammy decided to turn the entire set up off. 

#original story #sweetish #candy #original character #fasion #original writing #sweetish original #sweetish upload #romance #soundcloud

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I (early 20s nb) be the asshole for "rushing"/taking over the responsibility my partner(early to mid 20s f) took to rehome a cat we adopted together?

🐉🐱 <- so I notice myself

Tw for cat death

I know this sounds terrible just from the title but please read the whole thing. I'm just so emotionally done at this point and it's getting dangerous for us. This is also long lmao and please don't post this to YouTube or TikTok, I don't wanna deal with it, even if I changed names and a few ages.

So I've been living with my partner and her family for almost 3 years. I moved 10 hrs away from my home state to live with her because my parents were abusive. We dated for about 2 years prior to me moving. My partners family are equally abusive just in different ways. My family had some verbal and emotional/mental abuse while her family has constantly threatened physical abuse and lots of mental and verbal abuse.

Either way, I was screwed but I'd rather at least be able to come home to the love of my life instead of only being able to text her. I should mention here that my partner works full time while I'm working to get on disability for mobility issues so I am with our cats every day. I bring a little income with commissions on my crafts but it's not enough to soully sustain us.

When I moved in, my partner had 2 cats, let's call them Salem and Vector. Salem was a 10 yr old male cat and Vector was 2 yr old male cat. About a year after I moved in, in the beginning of 2022, Salem died suddenly from kidney failure and we were devastated. Salem wasn't originally my partner's cat (she'd gotten him from a friend only a year prior to me moving in) but we still loved him deeply. He was the first pet I ever put down and I'll never forget my partner's sobbing. About 2 and ½ months later, we got a kitten, lets call him Arthur, a 3 month old male. We shouldn't have but my partner wanted one, I thought I was ready and Vector was very very lonely and depressed.

I named Arthur and Arthur was feisty from the very beginning but he was sweetish. I told my partner, in a panic late at night a week after getting him; that I wasn't ready for a new kitten, i regretted getting him, we werent bonding, etc etc and she told me to just relax and breathe and give it time so i did. I gave it a full year and a half and... I'm ashamed to say I still don't feel that love connection with him. It started out small; chewing and destroying wires, food aggression (not like he'd bite us if we went near his food, more just got very excited and would painfully climb us to get to our food or any food) and because he was so jumpy, he'd freak out over every sound and rip us up trying to jump off of us.

We got Arthur from a cat colony being watched over by my partner's coworkers however he was born indoors, spent the necessary time with Mom and was handled from day one so he wasn't feral. He'd wouldn't beat us up but anytime he got excited to play or get pet or get wet food or anything we got scarred. His destruction has just gotten worse the older he's gotten, hes very very loud all the time (we like vocal cats but he screams) and he's not affectionate at all. He's not mean but he's just not interested in any cuddling or pets or anything. I don't want a rug I have to feed and clean up shit after.

About 4 months later, we ended up with, let's call her Coral. Coral was another kitten, female this time, when she crawled up in my car. She was feral from the start but she quickly became very loving and cuddly and sweet. She still very much so is. I wanna say, although I never grew a particular fondness for Arthur like my partner has, I've never mistreated, abused or neglected Arthur in any way. I've never yelled at him or treated him differently from our other cats. He got the same cuddles and attention Coral and Vector get, the only difference is that Arthur is crated at night so he doesn't make us lose an eye from some hard zoomies or get into food or dangerous things when we can't watch him. He's out all day and is only crated from 12 pm to 7 am when my partner gets up and let's him out. He's got a bed, food and water, a few toys and a small litter box in his crate so he's covered and he can see us and his siblings the entire night so hes not have separation anxiety.

Now onto the hard part. I'm done with Arthur. Emotional and physically, I don't want Arthur anymore. I'm exhausted from being constantly ripped up and screamed at and having important things destroyed by Arthur the spider cat. No amount of clicker training or treats or sprays of water or redirections can stop him from ripping the room apart(said room is a small apartment, not a normal small room). He gets played with by us all the time and he's got 2 energetic siblings who play with him, we don't know why he acts this way. I could handle Arthur's antics for a bit longer if needed but 2 new issues have made me finally put my foot down about Arthur's further residence with us.

1. Arthur is constantly trying to dominate Coral to the point of hurting her and fur flying fights and scratches. It should be noted that all three cats were neutered/spayed the moment they were of age to do so so it's not a male cat thing. Arthur wants to be higher in the hierarchy but Coral won't take it and thus, some nasty screaming hissy cat fights. Almost very other time they are fine it's just when he gets humpy. There is also a near weekly occurrence of him not reading her " I don't want to play anymore" signals and fights ensue. I'm not gonna stand my cats hurting each other and Arthur is the constant instigator. He tries to fight with Vector too but gets put down immediately, he picks on Coral and not in a playful way. I'm not playing favorites because I love Coral and I'm not connected with Arthur, if Coral was aggressive, we'd take the issue just as seriously but Arthur is the aggressor and Coral is smaller and younger than him so she can't stand up for herself.

2. We need to get out of this house. Her family's abuse is worsening and they constantly joke about hurting our pets and their own pets (the pets have never seen each other, different floors of the house so Arthur's aggression has nothing to do with them). We could barely afford an apartment in the current housing crisis and can barely find ones that allow 1 cat, let alone 2. We have never and probably will never find one that allows 3. All this ignoring the fact we'd lose our deposit instantly from Arthur's destruction.

All in all, Arthur needs to go. I'm noticing myself getting more and more stressed and frustrated and short with a Arthur and he doesn't deserve to live with someone who doesn't love him. Even if he's treated no differently, I'm sure Arthur can tell and even if I feel justified in my lack of love for him, I know he's not trying to hurt us or destroy things maliciously. I'm not nor will ever hurt him but I'm just done with constantly flinching cause he jumped on the bed or dreading letting him out of the cage in the morning because it was so peaceful before then.

I told my partner about 8 months ago (June of 2023) that I was fully done with Arthur and if we ever wanted to leave here, he'd have to go. I told my partner I wanted to start this process in Sept and hopefully have him either rehome or in a no-kill shelter by the end of Oct. I know my partner gets very attached to her animals so that's why I gave her 3 months to process things and a month to rehome him. I was very gentle but stern about this because it would be what's best for him and best for us. My partner agreed but asked if she could do the rehoming and to not talk about it until Sept. I obliged.

Sept, as you can see, has long come and went and now it's Jan of 2024. I've been asking my partner about once a month about the rehoming process and how it's going with mixed results. She made a pet profile on a rehoming site but when I read the description, she didn't really "sell" him well aka mentioned every possible bad thing about him and didn't mention any positives. It felt like she was sabotaging it but I let it be. She showed me a list of 40 no-kill shelters in Dec but she had only checked off 4 of them. She promised me he'd be rehomed by the end of 2023 and he's still here and we are no closer to doing it.

I don't want to wait till the week we move out to rehome him, the stress of the move and changing of the household will be too much stress on us and on Coral and Vector. I don't wanna wait for kitten season to swing back around and we'll never find a place for him. I know it's hard for her but she's breaking a promise for a cat she's admitted herself she's starting to hate. I know rehoming is a process but it's not moving and I feel like my say on his continued residency is being disregarded. I'm not trying to rush my partner but she's broken a promise, it's been 8 months since she could start preparing for this and 5 since she's "started the process" she's dragging her feet intentionally.

So, my idea is that I'll take over the process. I'll offer to help and find the places and get things in order so we can get one less stressor in our lives and Arthur can live in a home with the attention and patience he deserves. I wanna ask her if she wants my help but I don't want her to feel rushed to do it and get upset with me for doing what she promised she would.

I feel like she's waiting for me to just give up and give in and let him stay but she's not the one who has to deal with him all day every day and we don't make enough to find a bougie apartment to take in 3 cats. He'd need to be rehomed even if we got attached because we can't take them all. So, would I be the asshole for taking over the rehoming process for a cat me and my partner no longer like because my partner is intentionally dragging her feet on it or am I justified?

(to note, my partner brought up the possibility that Arthur has a mental illness/possibly be inbred due to the cat colony situation or that we could get him professional training. The issue is we live in a very rural area without a lot of money, 1. We would not be able to afford any mental illness controlling medicine for the long term when we can barely afford our own meds and 2. Classes to train animals are very expensive and the places that could train Arthur are at least a 3 hour drive away. Its not feasible for us, especially when I don't have a license/might not be able to drive on my own due to my disability. If he was properly sheltered, they could get him that help/training or his new owners could afford to but we can't. We can't put him in a kill shelter for moralistic reasons either.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[vincess-princess]

in darkness shall you be reborn

Chapter 5

Word count: 6894 Warnings: rape attempt, description of a panic attack A\N: fun fact! originally the word punk meant “female prostitute”, then evolved to mean “a boy or young man kept by a much older man for sexual purposes”. do what you will with that information.

“Rise and shine!” Mick’s voice pulled Vince out of his hazy slumber. He didn’t get a decent sleep this night, falling in and out of consciousness, jerking awake at every sound then lying in darkness listening to his heart race until the fatigue overtook the anxiety, and then repeat, repeat, repeat. His eyes burned from the lack of sleep, his entire body hurt like he’d been badly beaten up yesterday. Oh wait, he kind of was, he recalled.

“Wake up, princess. Sorry, there’s no servants to help you get dressed. Not that you need it anyway,” Mick prodded Vince in the side with his foot. Weren’t Vince so tired, he would have made a fuss about this, but now it felt too hard an effort. At least it wasn’t a kick.

His throat was parched, his mouth tasted bitter. He sat up and groaned as his body strained up with the movement, his bruises beginning to ache. When he rose to his feet, his legs were so wobbly he had to grab onto a wall. There were no clean mugs in the kitchen – he wasn’t in the condition to wash the dishes the night before - so he grabbed a dirty one from the tub and poured himself some beer from the barrel.

“Your second day here, and you’re already drinking first thing in the morning?” Mick laughed.

“I had a bad day yesterday,” Vince murmured, downing the beer in three big gulps. He didn’t even stop to think whose dirty mouth had been drinking from this one the night before. His shirt dried up during the night together with all the blood on it, and the fabric now stuck to his skin where the cuts and slashes were. He tried to tear it off, but tugging at them hurt. Oh, and it also stunk like hell, the sweetish smell of rotting blood filling his nostrils and blocking all other smells. His empty stomach spasmed, sending bile up his throat to his mouth. Vince swallowed it and poured himself a second mug of beer.

Damn, he sure was no cleaner than any of the pirates on the ship, if not worse, he thought with resignation, downing this one to wash away the taste of bile.

“Can I take a bath somewhere here?” he asked just in case, fully prepared for a rejection. And reject him Mick did.

“Sorry, Your Highness, this ship does not provide such services,” Mick mocked him light-heartedly. “We simple folk drink fresh water rather than wallow in it. But-“ he looked over Vince critically, “you do look and smell like shit. You gotta wash up and change, I don’t want you to contaminate the food. I think I’ve got a spare shirt somewhere…” he pulled a small chest from under his bed and began fumbling in it. “You can wash up once we arrive at Port Royal – it’s tonight, you’ll manage until then.” Then he pulled a piece of clothing out of his chest and unfolded it.

“Oh, now I remember why I don’t wear this shirt anymore,” he said thoughtfully. Brown and black spots of different forms and sizes littered its front, with holes on the elbows and a sloppily mended tear across the chest. “Right, the hassle we had with Metallicos… that was one hell of a fight. A little bit too worn for Your Highness’s taste, maybe, but at least it’s clean.” Mick threw the shirt in Vince’s direction. Vince reached out to catch it, and his body didn’t like the abrupt movement at all.

“Thanks,” he murmured through gritted teeth, closed his eyes and pulled at the ragged remains of his shirt with an effort, tearing the fabric away from the wounds. Then he dragged it over his head and dropped it on the floor, putting on Mick’s shirt instead. This one at least wasn’t falling apart at the seams.

Then again there were dishes. Vince tried hard not to pay too much attention to the porridge boiling on the stove, but it didn’t really work – his hands were trembling and his stomach kept spasming painfully as the smell tickled his nostrils. He had never been so hungry before. The beer on an empty stomach only made his hands shakier and his vision blurrier, its taste soon turning bitter in Vince’s mouth.

When he dropped a plate for the third time – thankfully, it didn’t crack, but its rattle echoed across the galley – Mick let out an exasperated sigh.

“You ain’t got a penny to your name now. Stop dropping my plates if you don’t wanna pay for them with another meal.”

“I’m trying,” Vince exhaled, despondent. He seemed to have entered a vicious cycle: the longer he went without food, the more likely he was to break something.

“Try harder,” Mick said harshly, but when Vince turned towards the tub again, his head low, he heard the knocking of a plate against a counter, and then – the clinking of a ladle against the pot.

“You ain’t supposed to eat before the captain and the gunners, but I’m making an exception for today. You tell anyone, I’ll make you eat your own shit for the rest of your short and miserable life,” Mick said, putting the plate down onto the counter with a bang.

Vince raised his head and looked at him, oily water dripping from his fingers.

Next second, he was already by the counter, wiping his fingers on his shirt. The porridge was made on water and without any butter, but he realized that later – now he was gobbling up the hot substance and not even noticing how it burned his mouth and throat. The meal was not fancy to say the least, and even a chimney sweeper at the Wharton villa ate better food, but it was hot and filling. Sadly, it was all gone too soon, but at least the emptiness in his stomach was gone too.

Mick’s knife was tapping at the cutting board in the other corner of the galley, so Mick definitely wasn’t looking in Vince’s direction, but Vince knew he watched him with well-disguised satisfaction.

Vince dropped the empty plate in the tub and said, “Thanks,” staring at the wall.

“Now don’t you drop another plate again,” Mick grumbled, his tapping fiercer.

***

It was a foggy morning, and his ship following The Shout was almost completely hidden in it. Vince’s heart skipped a bit when he looked in that direction. He could only see a silhouette of her in the white, milky fog; but from what he saw, the deck looked deserted. Apparently, the pirates didn’t bother much in guarding the prisoners. On the other hand, what could the remains of his crew do, chained and starving in the hold?

“This shit’s tastier than usual,” the curly-haired pirate that escorted him to the captain’s cabin yesterday said, poking at the porridge. “Even edible, y’know.” Others murmured in agreement.

“You don’t like the food, Slash, you don’t eat it,” Mick responded sharply. Slash? That couldn’t be his real name. A nickname, then? “Unless you can cook better, keep it shut.”

“Hey, man, I ain’t saying anything!” Slash raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. Mick was far from being the most intimidating person on this ship, but he was certainly respected. “I even said it’s better, what’s your problem?”

“Mind your words, punk,” Mick didn’t relent, turning away from Slash to indicate that the conversation was over. Vince expected Slash to get offended – he certainly would if he got called that – but Slash just shrugged and returned back to his porridge. No one around him seemed to mind the insult either.

“No, for real, Mick, what’s in it? It tastes heavenly, and I’d never think I’d say this about oatmeal,” the tall blonde, Duff, chipped in. “Kinda reminds me of honey. I had it once when I was little. Nothing beats it.”

“Pretty close,” Mick said after a pause. “Sugar.”

“What’s that?” Duff asked, leaving Vince dumbfounded. Sure, sugar wasn’t a staple in a regular man’s diet, but how come he’d never even heard of that? He squinted at Duff, waiting for him to burst into laughter, but his expression remained surprised for too long to be fake. He wasn’t joking.

“You don’t know?” he couldn’t hold back a question, and everyone turned towards him, making him the center of unwelcome attention. He suppressed the desire to hide in the hold, away from their curious gazes.

“Well, we are simple folk. Surely Your Highness’s diet has been more varied than ours,” Duff smirked. “Is that some kind of a spice?”

“Well,” Vince kept searching for a taunt behind his words that everyone else but him could hear but found nothing - or it was too well-disguised. “Kind of. It’s sweet like honey, but looks like salt – white and grainy. At… home,” he swallowed a lump in his throat, “we had it in desserts. Expensive stuff, but delicious. It’s shipped from overseas. From Americas.”

“Yeah, your friends are gonna get pretty familiar to it soon,” Mick said with a one-sided grin. “But you’re lucky, so it’s probably the last time you taste it. Enjoy yourself.”

Oh, right. Vince forgot about the plantations. Theoretically, he had known before those weren’t paid workers that harvested sugar for his father’s company to sell. But he never spared them even a second of his thoughts, neither of their hands callousing nor of their backs burning under the sun. He could almost hear the whip whizzing in the air, leaving red striped on their skin. He shuddered.

“Look, he ain’t too happy about that,” Slash’s laugh pulled Vince out of his thoughts. “You sure we want to keep him?”

“It’s up to the captain to decide, not you,” another voice answered him from behind Vince’s back. A chill ran down his spine. Tommy. “Captain is up and pissed about not getting his breakfast,” he told Mick, his gaze sliding past Vince like he wasn’t there. “Send the errand boy over to him.”

Vince froze in his place, blood flushing away from his face, his heart sinking. Tommy didn’t say his name, didn’t even look at him directly, but he said errand boy, and who else could it be but him, now the lowest rank on this goddamn ship? Send the errand boy over to him… It meant seeing Nikki again, now, so soon after their first meeting. And Vince didn’t want to see or even hear him ever again, scared of the outburst of emotions his mere presence could elicit from him. He, Vince Neil Wharton, a grown man of noble heritage, who could count on the fingers of one hand the times he cried in his life, was now on the verge of tears because of a dirty pirate, in front of the entire crew of thugs and cutthroats. Losing control and exposing himself in such circumstances was more than he could bear.

Mick looked at him quickly and rose himself. “He doesn’t know Nikki’s fancies.”

“Well, he gotta learn in some way.” Tommy put his hand on Mick’s shoulder, holding him in place. “We took him in to ease your load. Relax, man. Drink a beer, smoke a cig, enjoy the dawn.” He patted Mick on the back.

“The captain could also climb down from his high horse and have breakfast with his men for once,” Mick said in response, his eyes flickering between Tommy and Vince. He was unsure, hesitating, and it was like watching the only wall between Vince and Nikki crumble. The rest of the crew, fascinated by this exchange, looked back and forth from Mick to Vince as if they were watching a ball thrown between two kids.

“He spends enough time with his men to take some of his scarce free time for himself,” Tommy retorted, unfazed. “And you’re an old man with a bad back. Spare yourself all the walking.”

“I may be old, but I still can fuck you up,” Mick’s mouth creased in indignation. “And I can carry a damn tray from the galley to his cabin with no trouble.”

“We know, man, we know,” Tommy said soothingly. “We cherish you dearly. Which is why I insist that you don’t bother with that.” He pressed down on Mick’s shoulder, forcing him to sit down. Mick sent Vince a quick glance – I tried, his eyes spoke, - and turned away, slumping in his seat. Vince’s last beacon of hope dissolved like the sunlight would fade for a drowning man - with every inhale his lungs filled with more cold water and his body sank deeper and deeper into the dark, hopeless abyss.

“Hey, blondie! Whatcha waiting for? I know you heard me!” Tommy stepped towards him, his voice nonchalant, but his fixed stare riveted Vince to his place, rendered him paralyzed. He later recalled with shame how he shrank his head into his shoulders and clenched the wooden plank of the bench he was sitting on so hard his knuckles went white.

“Don’t you fucking make a scene,” Tommy hissed when his fingers closed on Vince’s forearm, and there was so much undisguised threat in his voice that Vince did what he was told and let Tommy pull him up and away from the rest of the crew towards the hatch to the galley. He could feel their gazes burning holes in his back. Of course, they all knew what was going to happen. Maybe even anticipated it – except Mick.

Once in the galley, Tommy pushed Vince inside and slammed the door shut. He was so tall he barely fit in there, having to duck when going through the door.

“Throw together a meal,” he ordered, waving at the half-empty pot. “Make it fancy. He’s a devil when hungry. There was some white bread left. Don’t forget the beer.”

Vince obliged, his body going through the motions his brain barely registered. It was too busy thrashing about inside his skull in panic so intense Vince had to remind himself to breathe. His entire body still hurt, and the ache between his legs hadn’t subdued in a slightest over the night. He could not go through something like this again, not so soon- no, not ever.

As he staggered past Tommy to the pot with a plate in hand, his hand landed on Vince’s shoulder, holding him in place. Vince stopped dead in his tracks, avoiding his intent gaze – he knew he didn’t have enough self-control to remain calm while looking Tommy in the face. He wasn’t the one to violate him, but he facilitated that. After all, he was the one to hold a knife against his throat, and he enjoyed it.

“Now listen to me,” he told Vince quietly. “If you wanna get outta that unharmed, you gotta shove your pride deeper into your ass than Nikki can reach. The more you defy him, the more you try to fight, the heavier he will strike back. He gets off of your flimsy attempts at self-defense – he’s a freak like that. You wanna get out of this with minimal damage – just submit.”

Vince stared at him, the words taking several seconds to settle in his brain.

“You suggest I just spread my legs in front of him?”

“Oh damn.” Tommy rolled his eyes. “I dunno if you noticed, but nobody here cares about honor, or pride, or whatever the fuck else you moneybags fuss over so much. You get by with what you have, which is usually nothing. When I was little, I dug out food scraps from the dumps behind the fancy restaurants your kind frequents. If I had been as picky as you, I wouldn’t stand in front of you now. Get off the clouds and down to earth and think reasonably, for fuck’s sake.”

“How can you compare food scraps with that-“

“Yeah, you know, actually you’re right, I shouldn’t compare them.” Tommy interrupted him, and as he spoke further, every word felt like a whip on Vince’s skin. “My life was at stake back then. Eat shit or die. You are still fed and have a roof over your head. Don’t you dare complain about a sore ass or a couple of bruises. That’s small a price to pay for the mercy we showed you.” He shoved the tray into Vince’s weakened hands and pushed him towards the exit. “You can listen to me, or you can get your ass kicked so hard you will shit blood for the next two weeks. Up to you what to choose,” Tommy said harshly, kicking the ground from under Vince’s feet in all senses but physical. Not giving him time to take it all in, he dragged him back to the deck, not paying attention to the tray shaking and the porridge in the bowl swerving dangerously close to the rim.

Vince didn’t remember crossing the two ships and the shaky plank between them. It seemed he blinked once and the door of the captain’s cabin materialized in front of him. Tommy gave him a last exasperated look, knocked on the door and turned away to leave.

“Wait-“ Vince began, even Tommy seeming good enough of an ally now. But Tommy strolled away without even sparing him a look.

The lock in the door clicked, the doorknob turning painfully slow.

Nikki was disheveled, as if he just woke up, and wore only pants, unbuttoned ones at that. Just now Vince noticed an intricate tattoo covering his entire right arm and spilling onto the right side of his chest. For a second, he was enthralled by it – his eyes could get lost in this labyrinth of lines and shapes.

Then Nikki spoke, and the feeling disappeared.

“Look who’s here,” he said, grinning and leaning against the doorframe. “Here to serve your master?”

Vince pressed his lips together to not let a witty comeback seep through them and pushed the tray against Nikki’s chest, but the captain didn’t take it, forcing him to hold it on stretched-out arms. Of course, there was little hope that would work but losing even that little bit hurt.

The slap on the cheek following it wasn’t at all surprising. Predictable, even. Vince exhaled slowly, persuading himself not to land the tray on Nikki’s head like he did with Tommy last night. The consequences would be much harsher.

“You seem to have forgotten over the night the manners I taught you yesterday,” Nikki said sharply. “Maybe I should have kept you here to drive them in properly? Maybe I should still do it – this night, for example?”

He tilted his head to the side, his gaze chilling Vince to the bones.

After several seconds of tense silence, Vince couldn’t hold on any longer.

“No,” he said through his teeth. “No need.”

“I’m not convinced,” Nikki raised his eyebrow. “You gotta show me. Now, take that in and put on the table. I expect you to serve me during breakfast.”

Vince almost staggered back, appalled. Cooking, washing the dishes – such work, though lowly and dirty, he could endure, on condition that it was under Mick’s command; but serving this outlaw, this butcher, this-

“Wow, wow, what’s that look?” Nikki mocked, hooking his finger under Vince’s chin and pushing it up. Vince shook his head to get rid of it. Nikki grinned, but his hand just gripped Vince’s jaw tighter. “Are you trying to burn a hole in me with your eyes?”

Vince forced himself to avert his gaze, realizing just how much Nikki reveled in his hate. Why was it so enjoyable for him to provoke Vince’s hate – why would anyone even wish to be on a receiving end of such a negative emotion?

“No,” he said, looking somewhere above Nikki’s shoulder. “Although your body does lack some more holes, especially artificially made.”

Nikki’s eyebrows flew up as Vince slowly realized what he had just said. He outright wished the captain to get shot. Right in his hungover face.

He involuntarily pushed the tray forward to create some sort of a barrier between him and Nikki. Not that it would stop him or help Vince in any other way – just make a loud crash, maybe, when Nikki would undoubtedly try to snap his neck or kick out a couple of his teeth.

Instead, Nikki stood there, his eyes narrowed, not a muscle on his face changing. Vince even began wondering if he had heard him. Maybe he should repeat? To drive it home, to say so?

Nikki’s hand holding Vince’s jaw unclenched. He slowly lowered his arm.

“Come in and put the tray on the table,” he said calmly, too calmly to be true. Vince frowned, examining Nikki’s face, trying to decipher an emotion behind it, but got nothing: it was as expressive as a brick wall.

“You’re in my way,” Vince reminded him. Nikki huffed, but moved away from the doorframe and into the cabin.

The cabin changed so much overnight Vince’s heart shrank. It was still recognizable, but a mess that the previous owner wouldn’t have allowed already desecrated it. The bed was unmade, the sheets were crumpled, seemingly still in the shape of Vince’s body. A pair of worn, dirty boots lay right in the middle of the room, accompanied by a heap of dirty clothes. Beer mugs, plates with chicken bones and bottles lying on their sides, some with liquid still dripping from them, littered the table. The air reeked of beer, and so did Nikki. Judging by his slightly too upright posture and his tight grip on the doorframe, he’d already had at least one bottle in the morning.

“What a mess,” Vince murmured, wrinkling his nose.

“Don’t like it?” Nikki smiled widely, baring his teeth. “Good news – it’s gonna be your duty from now on. So that you don’t stay idle in those pleasant after-breakfast hours.”

What, does he want him to also clean up after him? Touch all this filth with his own hands? Wash his clothes, so saturated with smell of alcohol and sweat it would leave oily traces on his hands, his underwear too?

Oh God, he’d rather die.

Vince tossed the tray onto the table, knocking one of the bottles onto the floor with it. It rolled away, clinking, leaving a trail of drops behind it. The porridge almost splashed out again. Alright, he did what he was told. Now he could just leave-

Vince turned around and collided with Nikki’s body. He couldn’t hold back a yelp, half-surprised, half-terrified – Sixx moved good several feet forward without making a sound while he was putting the tray on the table and was now standing right behind him, their bodies mere inches away.

Vince pressed his arms against Nikki’s chest, trying to establish a barrier between their bodies as panic rose in his chest. Then he attempted to squirm out of the position and flee, but a promptly shoved forward knee didn’t let him do it.

Maybe Nikki did take offense for Vince wishing him to die.

“Not so fast.” Nikki grinned, his hand grasping Vince’s forearm tightly, securing him in place. “You’re not done here.”

“I’m not gonna-“ Vince began. Panic was bubbling inside him like water in a kettle, but the rage at the smugness of Nikki’s grin overpowered it – just for a second, though. Nikki’s heavy palm on his mouth turned the rest of his objection into unintelligible mumbling.

“I’m in a good mood today, so I’m gonna give you one more chance,” Nikki said almost softly, brushing his fingers on Vince’s cheek. The touch could even be called tender if not for the cold rage in Nikki’s eyes. “What’d you wanna say?”

He moved away his palm, but his hand kept holding Vince in place firmly.

“I’m- I’m not-“ Vince stammered, trying not to wince in pain – the shoulder Nikki was squeezing was the injured one. A staunch refusal was hanging on the tip of his tongue but Vince hesitated to release it, remembering very well what Tommy told him. Don’t talk back. He enjoys it. 

“Not – what?” Nikki pressed on as Vince fell silent, unsure what to say. Was he to keep up his initial attitude, he would surely do a brave thing – he would stand up for himself instead of surrendering to the events of the last night. It would be stupid, of course, but brave, honorable even. Would it be honorable to get beaten and raped again – that was another question. For all its worth, honor was obviously not the most valuable quality on this ship, and when in Rome, do as Romans do, they say. If he- if he just didn’t resist- what would happen then?

Vince’s breath was shaky, his chest went up and down in sharp, jerky movements. He pressed his lips together tightly so that no unwelcome sound could escape past them.

No. No, that wasn’t right. There was no better choice here – for him, at least. Whatever he chose, Nikki would find a way to hurt him, in one way or another, physically or mentally, just because that was what he wanted. Vince was at a loss in this twisted game from the very beginning – having no other cards to play with but himself.

Himself.

Himself, you say?

“Well?” Nikki attracted his attention with a light shove in the crotch. “I’m waiting for an answer. And my patience is running thin.”

Vince inhaled deeply and unclenched his fists in an attempt to relax. Ultimately, he failed, tension unwilling to go away with Nikki’s body pressed so close to his, but it didn’t go unnoticed – Nikki frowned slightly, bewildered by the change, but not angry or irritated. Well, that was progress.

Vince swallowed a lump in his throat and spoke. He had to push the words out one by one, so heavy and sticky they felt on his tongue.

“I will let you do what you want… on one condition.”

Nikki looked at him like one would look at an exotic insect.

“Really?” his grip tightened, and Vince flinched – his voice had a predatory undertone to it, as if Nikki was a curious scientist looking for additions to his bug collection. “You’re not really in a position to bargain here, princess.”

That word again, hurtful like a whip to skin. Did they all collectively decide to label him woman-like just to humiliate him?

“I’m not asking for much,” Vince replied, voice just on the edge of trembling. Don’t break now, don’t break now-

“Come on! What’s that?” Nikki groaned impatiently. But he didn’t try to get his own way – he kept listening. That was a good sign. Probably.

“Just…” Vince lowered his gaze in what he hoped to be a seductive manner, frantically recalling all those maids he flirted with. Batting his eyelashes felt a little too overboard, but, judging by how sharply Nikki inhaled, hit just the right spot. “Just… ask nicely.”

Nikki looked at him like that scientist would if the insect had just asked him for a smoke.

“Really?” was the only thing he said, his eyebrows arching.

Vince didn’t reply, afraid of his voice breaking. He felt as if he had just been dragged through dirt. Just mastering the flirtatious tone took all the remains of stamina he had.

But it seemed to work, because Nikki released his shoulder and stepped back.

“Huh,” he murmured. “Maybe you ain’t as much of an idiot as I thought.”

Vince realized he had been gripping the edge of the table so tight his fingers went numb. He released the grip, his fingers tingling, blood rushing to his ears under Nikki’s fixed stare. He couldn’t decipher the thought process behind it, and it made him anxious. What was this man thinking? Was he going to beat him, bend him over the table or let him go?

Nikki made one more step back, as if to see Vince better, head slightly tilted to the side. Vince couldn’t hold back a little sigh of relief at no longer feeling his sharp knee between his thighs, bony fingers digging into his skin, the heat of a muscular body against his own.

Now what?

“I see the night at the galley taught you something,” Nikki finally said with a one-sided grin. “Or maybe Mick did – though he usually isn’t into that kind of thing. Anyway. If you have spat in the porridge – I will skin you alive and hang you on the mast upside down by the balls. Now move.” He pushed Vince away from the table and plopped down onto a chair. “Damn, my mouth is dry like a desert. Pour me some beer.”

A couple seconds passed before he looked up at Vince. He stood where Nikki had pushed him, completely still. What he feared so much seemed to pass, yet he couldn’t move, as if something was holding him in place. Fear, maybe. Shame also. Guilt, perhaps? Or all of the above?

The spoon rattled on the table. Nikki rose from his seat. His eyebrows curved into a frown again. When he stood upright, the top of Vince’s head barely reached his chin, and he wasn’t a small man either. Well, some of it had got to be his platform boots, right?..

Nikki stepped forward, his chest now mere inches away from Vince’s - again. Vince’s breath faltered, everything in him screaming to move away, to leap out of his reach, but Vince was frozen to his place, staring at the tattoo on his chest to avoid his heavy gaze. The tattoo looked old but well-kept, with no blurred lines or faded color.

Nikki picked up the full beer bottle from the tray, and for a second Vince was sure he would smash it on his head. When Nikki’s hand began to rise, he closed his eyes, waiting for the hit.

Instead, a hand forced his palm open, and the other shoved the bottle in it. Vince instinctively curled his fingers around its neck so that it wouldn’t fall.

“Pour. Me. Some. Beer.” Nikki said distinctly, each word like a slap.

This time he didn’t add a threat, which was worse than when he did.

“Fine,” Vince said finally, his voice a hoarse whisper. “Fine.”

Nikki returned back to his chair, looking at him darkly the entire time. Vince must have crossed the border of threats and jabs and ventured into the unknown and thus even more terrifying territory of menacing silence. He wondered if he would he be able to get out of it safe. Unlikely, his subconscious concluded. Was his effort to please Nikki, the effort that made him feel like he was smeared in tar and feathers, fruitless then?

Nikki didn’t seem to need much help during his breakfast, despite his previous demands. Not that anyone but the smallest infants would – that was just porridge, after all. It was a wonder that the captain ate the same food as lower-ranking sailors and even a kitchen boy, but maybe it was normal among pirates. They were all outlaws and rag-tags, so there was hardly a lot of difference between them and their leader, except maybe in fighting skill. Which Nikki possessed quite a high level of – Vince doubted that even his swordsmanship teacher would be able to beat him, and Vince was his best pupil.

“I see Mick found use for the sugar from your ship,” Nikki said as he was finishing the porridge. “We usually sell it, y’know – none of us ‘s got a sweet tooth, I believe, and hookers ain’t cheap – but I ain’t gonna scold him for that. You live only once, right? You gotta enjoy life once in a while.”

“You seem to be enjoying it to the fullest already,” Vince replied bitterly.

“You can’t get too much of a good thing. You will always want more,” Nikki dabbed his mouth with a yellowish napkin that sometime in the past had been decorated with embroidery and lace. Now only lace tatters reminded of its former glory. Vince wondered whose officer’s or noble’s lifeless body this napkin was taken away from. Maybe it still had a signature in the corner?.. “Which is a curse and a blessing at the same time. For example, I was hungry fifteen minutes ago. Now I’m full, but I’m still not satisfied: one desire replaces the other. Take off your pants.”

The last phrase hit Vince like a lightning bolt from the cloudless sky. He staggered back, dumbstruck, until his back hit the wall. Nikki followed him so swiftly he didn’t even register his movements: one second he was at the table, the next his hand slithered under Vince’s shirt, his body pressed against Vince’s, a stark contrast between its heat and the coldness of the wall behind his back. The hand under his shirt grasped the fabric and pulled it up, baring Vince’s stomach.

Nikki leaned forward to him, his hot breath burning Vince’s ear.

“Have I mentioned that you’ll have to take care of my morning wood as well?” he murmured. “How’d you say, ‘ask nicely’? Well, I’m asking.” His hand drew slowly across Vince’s stomach, his fingers hooked onto the waistband of his trousers and pulled them down, ignoring all his attempts to hold them in place.

“Asking implies that I can refuse,” Vince whispered desperately. He couldn’t do this again, not so soon, not with the pain still throbbing in the lower part of his body and the gruesome details of the scene still burned into his brain, floating in front of his eyes whenever he wasn’t actively distracting himself. “You don’t give me a choice.”

“Your opinion doesn’t really matter here,” Nikki smiled condescendingly. “I take whatever I want, whenever I want. I could just as well tie you up and fuck you dry again – or I could do it gently, but only if you behave. These are your options.”

Nikki slowly, almost tenderly, tucked a stray strand of Vince’s hair behind his ear, baring the barely closed cuts on his neck, and leaned closer to them. His hot tongue slowly drew along the deepest cut, leaving a wet stripe there, making the cut tingle.

“I’m not ready,” Vince finally murmured, his voice breaking. “I can’t do it again. Not today.”

“Oh, your little tight asshole still hurts?” The corner of Nikki’s mouth twitched into a smile. “I’d never believe you were a virgin, y’know – until I fucked you.” His other hand slid down Vince’s back and grabbed his butt cheek through the fabric of his pants. “Still can’t get my mind over the fact that I was the one to pop your cherry. There’s no way there weren’t any willing before me.”

My acquaintances are not sodomites, unlike you savages, Vince wanted to say, but didn’t, with effort swallowing the words that kept trying to slip from his tongue. Nikki didn’t hurry him, observing him from under half-closed eyelids, as if he could see the mess of Vince’s thoughts inside his mind. Just comply, said some of them. Just comply, it will hurt less. Where’s your dignity? shouted others. How weak do you have to be to break so soon, at the mere prospect of pain?

“I can feel your thoughts racing in your head,” Nikki said finally with a sly grin. “I have to admit, your insults are even somewhat entertaining. But I’m not in the mood for a verbal joust. Now, on the bed face down.”

Before Vince could utter a word, he was dragged to the very same bed he was raped on last night. The bloody trails were still there. Nikki slept on that? Disgusting.

His back hit the soft mattress, his shoulder wound sending spikes of pain down his arm. Then Nikki was hovering over him, biting at his neck, his hand grabbing his chin and pulling his head to the side for better access.

Vince whimpered when another bite grazed one of the cuts. Nikki licked a wet stripe along his collarbone while his hand began pulling Vince’s pants down.

Vince gave in.

“No, no, no,” he murmured, trying to grab Nikki’s arm and pull it away. “Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.” Panic rose in his chest like the tenth wave, crushing the last remains of self-control Vince tried so hard to preserve like a tsunami would crush a fisherman’s hut. He pushed Nikki back, fruitlessly trying to wriggle out of his hold. “Don’t touch me!”

The shove gave him but a mere moment to escape before Nikki threw himself onto Vince, pinning him to the bed, his knee pressing down painfully on Vince’s crotch.

“What the hell was that?” Nikki hissed, his eyes dark with rage. His hand squeezed Vince’s throat, not strong enough to suffocate but enough to make his heart beat faster and breath become quicker and shallower. Vince grabbed his hand on his neck and tried to pull it away, barely aware of what he was doing, not realizing how much worse the situations was getting with his every movement. Please don’t, please don’t, please don’t-

“Stop putting on a show,” Nikki demanded, slapping Vince on the hand that was trying to unclench his fingers. “You look like you’re gonna piss yourself. I won’t clean up after ya!”

Vince almost didn’t hear him, too busy trying desperately to inhale. It was only partially Nikki’s chokehold’s fault - the air refused to go into his lungs even when he gasped for breath. Any attempt to even out his breathing made him suffocate even harder. He could barely feel his own body, like a prisoner in the cell rather than an owner of the house; it was so big he could get lost in it yet so small he couldn’t even turn his head. Nikki’s angry voice merged with the noise growing inside his skull; Nikki’s frowning face blurred together with the surroundings.

Vince didn’t know how much time had passed until someone yanked him by the hair, pulled his head up and forced the mouth of a bottle between his teeth. Cold, burning liquid rushed down his throat, making him choke, but its coarseness grounded him, dragged him back into his own body. He coughed and jerked his head, trying to free his hair from the grip, but the hand held tight.

Slowly, colors started coming back and the shapes became well-defined again. Especially clear was Nikki’s face right next to his – it was his hand that still gripped his hair. His eyebrows were curved in a frown, but the off-putting glint in his eyes that appeared when he was enraged wasn’t there now, nor was there a sadistic, gut-churning curve to his smile. He looked… alarmed, even.

“What the hell, man?” he said, his tone teetering on the edge between anger and concern. “I thought you were gonna pass out right here.”

“I… don’t know,” Vince replied, his voice hoarse. “Couldn’t breathe.”

“Next time I won’t use my premium whisky on you, so don’t get your hopes up.” Nikki huffed and in three big gulps finished the rest of it, then threw the empty bottle on the table where it landed with a loud clink. Was he going to finish what he started?..

“Get yourself together, crybaby,” he said sharply and rose from the bed, turning his back on Vince. “There ain’t no servants with smelling salt ready anymore. Next time all your begging and crying won’t help you. Try to pull anything, you’re going on a date with sharks.” He sank into an armchair on the other side of the room and waved his hand at the door. “Now get the hell out of here. Don’t forget the dishes.”

He didn’t have to ask twice. Vince’s legs were still shaking when he got back to the galley, miraculously not having broken a single dish on the tray despite his trembling hands. Mick wasn’t there, thank God: for a while he had the room for himself.

He threw the tray into the tub, ignoring the clanging with which it landed onto the dirty dishes, and slid down the wall onto his sleeping spot. Hot tears welled behind his eyes; he was alone here, so he let them slide down his face while he bit into his wrist to hold back the crying. Pathetic, he could almost hear Nikki say. Oh, our princess is upset? Tommy echoed, and the entire crew laughed. That’s not a Shout-worthy behavior, Mick said gravely. You want to survive? You grit your teeth and pull through all the obstacles on your way. Death isn’t an easy way out, his father’s voice said distinctly. Death is a way of cowards. Are you a coward, Vince Wharton? Are you no better than this gang of rapists and murderers?

“Shut up,” Vince murmured, not sure if he said that out loud or inside his head, but it didn’t really matter anyway. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew the voices weren’t real, none of them; he was alone here. He was alone, and yet he wasn’t. He was. He wasn’t. He was. He wasn’t…

Later, Mick found him curled on his blanket, staring at the wall with empty and suspiciously puffy eyes.

#motley crue #motley crue fanfiction #vinikki #vinikki fanfiction #tw: rape attempt #tw: panic attack #phew. this was a lot of work #also yes i know i know there is a plot hole. im sorry but i am too lazy to fix it and it's 2:35 am now #i keep cutting the gerund forms and they keep showing up 😭 #ok but my last update was almost a month ago so this one is a lil bit chunkier to make up for the trouble of waiting #i know at least one of you does wait for the next chaps. ily #ok i should go to sleep #nikki sixx #vince neil #tommy lee #mick mars

[jazzimay2]

Happy sweetest day to all the real Lovers 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖😍

I hope you like my vid I made💯

Music by Avery Wilson! He sounds so good 😊 I have no rights to his song.

[xtruss]

A Lager Darkly — In Search of Culmbacher, One of America’s Great, Extinct Beers

— Words By Michael Stein | Illustrations By Colette Holston | Published: March 17, 2021

A recipe for Culmbacher lives on in archival perpetuity in the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C. Introduced to American drinkers in the second half of the 19th century, the Lager style was born in Kulmbach, Germany before it found a receptive audience overseas. As its popularity increased in the ensuing decades, scores of breweries started making it, from New York to California.

According to source material, the original, Old World Kulmbacher was a dark beer. It had a pronounced malt flavor and a sweetish taste. For American brewers, it had Bavarian characteristics, in that it was brewed along the lines of a Bavarian Lager, with a strong starting gravity. Perhaps the greatest variation between the German original and the American adaptation is that U.S.-made Culmbacher was sometimes brewed to be a near beer—that is, high in extract and low in alcohol.

Borrowing a page from Germany, American brewers sold copious quantities of kegs to the beer-drinking public in biergartens adjacent to their breweries, or elsewhere across town. In Washington, D.C., where the historic Washington Brewery Company once produced large volumes of the style, numerous biergartens were run by German immigrants. Another was run by a Frenchman who, every July 14, staged a reenactment of the storming of the Bastille. And down by the docks, where there is still a seafood market today, customers would crush foaming seidels as they cracked hard-shelled Chesapeake crabs.

But for all the ways that Culmbacher reflected the push-and-pull of German-American beer culture and identity, the style was not to last. Ultimately, the nativism and xenophobic sentiment that sprung up around World War I meant that German beer traditions began to fall out of favor. Later, the hope that Culmbacher would weather Prohibition was a fanciful one, as most breweries that produced it ultimately closed. Today there is little trace of the style, beyond the recipe for “Kulmbacher” (it was spelled with a “C” in some places, and in others with a “K”) that remains in the National Museum of American History’s archives, on a single, typewritten page.

Still, discovering this trace—knowing that a shadow of this beer existed, even in obscurity—convinced me that Culmbacher could, and deserved to be, revived. When I read the recipe for the extinct near beer, I knew then, there in the archives in 2016, that I had to convince a brewer to help me recreate it.

Two Countries, Two Recipes

As early as 1831, Kulmbach began exporting beer to Saxony and other parts of Germany. Around 1863 and 1864, Kulmbach was exporting as much as 96,000 hectoliters of beer—or over 81,000 barrels. In 1868, the U.S. and Australia were listed as export markets. By 1896, Kulmbach was producing 600,000 hectoliters of Kulmbacher, or over half a million BBLs.

Beer historian Ron Pattinson has, in his collection, an 1879 Kulmbacher Export recipe made with two German malts, Munich and Carafa. The German recipe yielded a beer at 6.2% alcohol by volume, which was typical: In the 1880s, analysis of the Bavarian export showed it ranged from 5.2% to 6.6% ABV. (Once it arrived in the U.S., the style diminished in strength in many cases—Milwaukee’s Blatz Brewing Company, for instance, brewed a Culmbacher at 4.75% ABV.)

There are still many mysteries surrounding Kulmbach’s eponymous style, including its spelling. To begin: Is “Culmbacher” just an anglicized version of its name?

“I would have said ‘Culmbacher’ was an anglicized version, except I’ve seen a Heineken version with that spelling,” Pattinson says. “Which leaves me wondering where the hell it came from.”

“Beers were named after their hometown but they came to be brands and styles brewed elsewhere as well,” says Mark Dredge, author of A Brief History of Lager. “I don’t know why the ‘K’ or the ‘C’ in the spelling. Perhaps it was due to not wanting trademark infringements, as there were plenty at the end of the 1800s.” As an example, he notes the seemingly small but important differences between “Pils” and “Pilsener”: “Heineken was one of the first to add the extra ‘e’ in Pilsner, so maybe that’s why they had a ‘Culmbacher,’” he says. The difference between Dutch “Bok” and German “Bock” is another form of this discrepancy.

Further complicating our understanding of Kulmbacher is the fact that it could be brewed as a very low-alcohol near beer. In the 1920s, Pabst’s Kulmbacher contained less than .5% ABV. As for the recipe I found in the Smithsonian’s archives, which was donated by Walter Voigt—the son of German immigrants who was born in 1906, and who was a member of the Master Brewers Association of the Americas—the piece of paper reads in all capitals: “Malt to be used for various types of near beer.”

Voigt’s Kulmbacher recipe contains four malts: high-dried, pale, caramel, and black. Missing from the recipe are hops, corn, and yeast. As Pattinson puts it, the recipe “looks to have been adapted to U.S. malts. You wouldn’t see high-dried in Germany. The equivalent would be Munich malt.” He goes on to speculate that it “could also be that they had added different malts to give the near beer more body. Body might well be the reason for skipping the adjuncts, too.”

Dark Lager's Bright Rise

In Bavaria in 1863, master glassmaker Simon Hering began brewing on a large scale. His brewery, Export-Bier-Brauerei Simon Hering, started exporting beer to the United States in 1864, during the Civil War.

Hering was the first German brewer I could find who exported Kulmbacher to the U.S. However, there seemed to be earlier awareness of the style: In a German-language newspaper in the Library of Congress, an 1861 article published in Minnesota states that Benzberg’s Dampfbrauerei made Lager in St. Paul, and that it was as good as Culmbacher or Nürnberger.

“Eventually, as the years wore on, the U.S. began to import less Lager in favor of brewing it at home. That change happened gradually, as German-American brewers began to produce their own versions of traditional styles. ”

It was becoming common in the mid 19th century for exported German Lager to be bottled and sold stateside. Such beer wouldn’t have made the trip to America without demand. The largest contingent of immigrants in the Union army were German soldiers. Kulmbacher appealed to those immigrants as a product they could buy from the old country, in the new one.

Eventually, as the years wore on, the U.S. began to import less Lager in favor of brewing it at home. That change happened gradually, as German-American brewers began to produce their own versions of traditional styles.

In 1875, a saloon owner in Wheeling, West Virginia began his Lager beer-bottling business, and would deliver pints and quarts throughout the city. The same dealer advertised Kulmbacher in 1880. In 1889, a Pittsburgh brewer manufactured Culmbacher and Vienna Lagers for city use. And in 1889, the Washington Brewery Company sold more Lager in D.C. than all breweries currently operating in the District today: 36,000 BBLs of beer in 1889, versus a combined 35,857 BBLs from 12 breweries in 2019. By 1900, the Washington Brewery Company boasted that its Culmbacher equaled the finest imported beer. This would become a common claim for American brewers who wished to convince the beer-buying public that their product was just as good as, if not better than, German imports.

As domestic Lager proliferated at the turn of the 20th century, American breweries made dark beers from coast to coast. In its heyday, Culmbacher was brewed everywhere from New York City and Washington, D.C. to Milwaukee and San Jose. By 1909, Kulmbacher and Pilsner were even available at the Criterion Hotel in Honolulu, Hawaii. The beer was likely the imported article, though Honolulu did have its own brewery in 1909, making Pale Lager in the German style.

Today, former Culmbacher producers like Pabst and Blatz are better known than their historical competition. But in addition to businesses like the Washington Brewery Company, little-known breweries like the Fredericksburg Brewery in San Jose and the Lion Brewery in New York City also manufactured Culmbacher.

For Relaxing Times

In the early days of Culmbacher’s spread, the style was advertised mostly on draft. If you wanted it in Los Angeles in 1884, it would cost you five cents a glass for the Kulmbacher Lager brewed by the Fredericksburg Brewery, which could be quaffed at both Jake Phillipi’s Buena Vista or the Grand Central Hotel saloon.

The later transition from the saloon to the biergarten likely allowed brewers to sell more beer. In many cases, it benefited drinkers, too. At the Washington Brewery Company, for instance, the brewery’s biergarten was right next to the brewery. The Culmbacher manufactured, cellared, and eventually sold on draft there never traveled more than a hundred yards.

The concept of drinking for pleasure, rather than intoxication, is commonly credited to the influence of German beer culture. And if it was American to have drinking in saloons limited to men, it was German to have women drinking in biergartens. In 1885 in D.C., one saloon—Kozel’s Saloon on 14th Street—expanded to the back of a lot and took over a second floor. The second floor became a special room for women patrons.

Even if American societal norms frowned on women drinking Culmbacher in public, a case of beer for home use could be delivered in unmarked wagons, lest your neighbor judge. Washington Brewery Company encouraged consumers to “keep your ice box well supplied” with Culmbacher, which was also sold in 24-pint or 12-quart bottles. By the end of the 19th century, the brewery was marketing directly to women: Its beer was pure. It was as good as the imported article. It had double strength. And it was the best of all tonics. In fact, it was unsurpassed as a tonic. Alongside claims that it was calming to a woman’s nerves and stimulating to her appetite, depictions of women drinkers were featured in its ads.

“Double strength” here implies an alcoholic beer, at a time when we know some Lagers were 3% ABV and that the export beer coming out of Kulmbach was 6% ABV. While the Washington Brewery Company’s Culmbacher might not have had the same recipe as the Kulmbacher in the National Museum of American History’s archives, there is no doubt it was advertised to the public as “heavy in body.”

According to Truth, a London periodical in 1889, “American lager beer breweries possess great advantages over others, as thin light beer is the national drink of the United States, and suitable to the climate.” While thin light beer may have been the national drink, it had competition in the rich, potent Dark Lager sold across the country.

Several breweries that made Culmbacher, in addition to other Lager styles, were successful enough that they made attractive entities for acquisition. In 1889, the owner of the Washington Brewery Company was paid $400,000 for his brewery—over $11 million in today’s money. Similarly, in 1891, Valentin Blatz Brewing Company in Milwaukee sold for $3 million to a London investment group, or for between $80 and $90 million today. And while there’s no proof that these breweries were bought directly because of their Culmbacher production, they were able to build their reputations—and their fortunes—off the back of such Lager styles.

By Prohibition, an irrevocable transition had occurred from Kulmbacher as an import, bottled stateside, to Culmbacher, a domestically brewed beer. In the course of five decades, the recipe had also changed: The beer had gone from a strong Bavarian beer brewed with German malt, to, in some cases, a non-alcoholic near beer brewed with American-grown barley.

While the Washington Brewery Company went out of business in 1917, it is noteworthy that Blatz brewed the style even after Prohibition’s repeal. Blatz’s Kulmbacher won silver at the first-ever judged Great American Beer Festival in 1987, in the American Lagers category. At the time, the brewery was owned by G. Heileman Brewing Co. of La Crosse, Wisconsin.

Evil, Traitors, Spirs

Lagers remain America’s most popular beers today. But there was a point in time when temperance advocates and anti-immigration backers viewed them as too German.

At the beginning of the 20th century, Germans still made up the largest ethnic group among immigrants to the United States, as they had done throughout the 19th century. Between 1820 and World War I, nearly 6 million Germans arrived in the United States.

“‘They [Germans] changed America, notably its own beer-drinking culture, and America changed them right back. Naturally that led to some friction ranging from friendly to violent. And for all their ‘palatability’ to white, Anglo-American sensibilities, they could never seem to fully shake nativist animus either. Anti-German xenophobia during World War I showed that.’” — Brian Alberts, Historian

“They [Germans] changed America, notably its own beer-drinking culture, and America changed them right back,” says historian Brian Alberts. “Naturally that led to some friction ranging from friendly to violent. And for all their ‘palatability’ to white, Anglo-American sensibilities, they could never seem to fully shake nativist animus either. Anti-German xenophobia during World War I showed that.”

Anti-German sentiments flared leading up to World War I. From 1850 to 1870, Germans largely gained acceptance from white Americans. But, Alberts says, Germans “were the ‘other’ in a predominately Anglo-American society because [they thought] their neighborhoods stunk of sausage and Limburger cheese, and they let the Lager beer pour every Sunday.”

According to Alberts, Sunday festivities, parades, and biergarten picnics “seemed sacrilegious to some.” These modern aspects of German-American beer culture were regularly celebrated, but the xenophobia associated with bringing your family to the biergarten was often glossed over.

During World War I, that xenophobia extended to food and drink. Sauerkraut was rebranded as “liberty cabbage,” and hamburgers became Salisbury steak. Symphonies were banned from performing Beethoven. Teaching German was struck from many curriculums and angry mobs attacked German-American citizens. Violence resulted in beatings, or even murder.

In 1917, the Trading With the Enemy Act legalized seizing citizens’ businesses and livelihoods. New York brewer George Ehret’s mansion and brewery were both seized. At the time, his Hell Gate Brewery was the biggest in New York City. His estate, property, and possessions, worth $40 million, were all taken.

I asked Maureen Ogle, historian and author of Ambitious Brew: The Story of American Beer, which had had a bigger impact on German-Americans’ lives—the state-sanctioned xenophobia or the daily harassments they experienced. “Probably the state-sanctioned attacks, because those, in effect, gave regular folks ‘permission’ to act violently towards German-Americans,” she says. “Certainly the news, national, that the AG [attorney general] had gone after brewers’ property affirmed a belief that German-Americans were evil, traitors, spies, etc. Never mind that they were American citizens.”

Even citizenship could not save German-Americans from having their property seized, being beaten, or in the case of at least one man, being hung. Robert Prager was a German immigrant who was lynched in Collinsville, Illinois in 1918. Prager had been a mine worker, but was denied membership in the United Mine Workers of America. The dispute ultimately led to his death at the hands of an angry mob of hundreds. The marauders made Prager kiss the American flag and sing patriotic songs before ultimately taking his life. There were no convictions in Prager’s murder, and the 12 men indicted walked away from the trial.

Of course, angry mobs have used terrorism, and lynching, for centuries in America, with Black people making up the vast majority of the victims. Multiple anti-lynching bills have passed the House and the Senate, but never at the same time. The Dyer Anti-Lynching Bill, first introduced in 1918, passed the House of Representatives in 1922. And while the first anti-lynching bill was introduced in Congress in 1900, still to this day no bill has been passed by both houses and signed.

The Comeback of Culmbacher

It’s tricky to pinpoint why Culmbacher was lost to history. In the U.S., multiple factors led to its decline, while according to Pattinson, Kulmbacher isn’t even brewed in Kulmbach today. Other traditional German styles can be found in breweries in Kulmbach, he says, but “no one really brews a beer in what I would call the ‘Kulmbacher style’—something that’s 16 degrees Plato, virtually black, and loads and loads of hops in it.”

Perhaps that’s why, when I saw that typewritten recipe in the museum archive, I knew I had to at least attempt to bring it back. So I reached out to the master brewer who helped me take my first homebrew recipe commercial in 2012: Favio Garcia, the director of brewing operations at Dynasty Brewing Company in Ashburn, Virginia.

“‘Certainly the news, national, that the AG [attorney general] had gone after brewers’ property affirmed a belief that German-Americans were evil, traitors, spies, etc. Never mind that they were American citizens.’” — Maureen Ogle, Historian

Garcia first brewed a Kulmbacher in 2016, sticking entirely to the historical malt bill outlined in the Smithsonian’s archives. Its requirements were 11 lbs of high-dried malt, 33 lbs of pale malt, 3 lbs of caramel malt, and 1 lb of black malt. In 2016, this was translated to 11 lbs of Vienna malt, 33 lbs of pale malt, 3 lbs of Caramunich malt, and 1 lb of Carafa Special 3. We hopped it with the American Empire hop, which originated in Sweden but whose new stock was propagated on a farm on Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

The resulting beer was historically accurate with its malt proportions, but it wasn’t dark, and it wasn’t the immaculate beer Garcia is renowned for. The 2-BBL batch had a bitterness that clashed with the black and caramel malts; the resulting beer came across as a dry Lager. It was not the full-bodied, sweetish, rich Bavarian beer described in the source material.

In 2020, Garcia returned to the recipe. In addition to a mild tweaking of the recipe from the archives, Garcia also came armed with more primary research conducted by Ron Pattinson. He employed a decoction mash with two steps, and used German and Czech hops instead of American.

Garcia also selected Virginia malt from Murphy & Rude Malting Company. In the mash tun, Pilsner and crystal malts mingled with Vienna malt, made from a 2-row variety of barley called Calypso. It was grown on the Brann & King Farms in Christiansburg, Virginia. Later, he added black malt to color the wort. In the end, Garcia used 660 lbs of Pilsner malt, 300 lbs of Vienna malt, 50 pounds of crystal 40, and 50 pounds of Carafa Special 3.

Where the first batch of Garcia’s Kulmbacher was pale brown, the new iteration looked like a Stout. There was an unmistakable German and Czech hop character to the beer, and it had a perceived sweetness on the first sip, followed by a subtle bitterness and a pleasing dryness on the finish. It was a wonderful expression of fresh malt, and featured a deep bready character that was somehow sweet, full, dry, and very digestible all at once. At 6.2% ABV, it was stronger than most of the Lagers Garcia brews.

The beer, Love Vigilantes, is named after the New Order song. It was a three-part collaboration beer with Dynasty; Dulles, Virginia’s Ocelot Brewing Company; and my beverage research firm, Lost Lagers. My greater goal with the beer is to bring back something stuck in beer history that deserves a place in the beer world today.

My bias is shaped by my father, who came to New York City as a refugee from war-torn Prague. When he came, he only had his mother. His father, a Jewish concentration-camp survivor, couldn’t get a visa. So Petr Stein became Peter Stein, and a boy who lived in a room the size of a closet with his mother wound up becoming a doctor of sociology, a published author, and the director of a graduate sociology program featuring Holocaust and genocide studies. My grandfather experienced the loss of his family in death camps while he survived his interment in the Theresienstadt concentration camp. But he had his life, and his wife and son had visas, and eventually they were reunited in New York.

In spaces where we have the ability to ask hard questions, be it about beer or what we believe to be right or wrong in terms of immigration, we, humans, have endless opportunities to improve ourselves.

“Kulmbacher” on paper in the archives, as it sat for the better part of a century, was made better with its second modern brewing. And its story cannot be told without acknowledging its origins, and the people who made and shaped the style as it evolved. I hope we can all find our own time-lost Kulmbacher—that we can discover and revive vestiges from the past that still speak to, and make sense of, the world today.

— Michael Stein is President of Lost Lagers, Washington, DC’s premier beverage research firm. His historic beers have been served at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History and the Polish Ambassador’s residence. Senior Staff Writer at DCBeer, his work appears in Washington City Paper, Brewery History Journal, and CIDERCRAFT Magazine.

— Source Material: Delving into the archives, digging up artifacts, and finding voices in the dark, this series illuminates old traditions that we're still part of today (whether we know it or not). Beer's past shapes its present and future. Follow along as these historians and writers take us back to the source.

— GoodBeerHunting.Com | September 10, 2023

#Source Material #Creating Baverage Brands #Feel Good #Michael Stein #Good | Beer | Hunting #Colette Holston #Culmbacher #America’s Great | Extinct Beers #Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History #Washington D.C. #New York—California #Old World Kulmbacher | Dark Beer 🍺 #Bavarian Lager 🍺 #Borrowed | Germany 🇩🇪 | American 🇺🇸 #Washington Brewery Company #Biergartens #World War #National Museum of American History #Saxony #Beer Historian | Ron Pattinson #Milwaukee’s Blatz Brewing Company #Heineken #Mark Dredge #Pils | Pilsener #Pilsner #Dutch 🇳🇱 Bok | German 🇩🇪 Bock #Pabst’s Kulmbacher #Walter Voigt #Master Brewers Association #Malt

[mixergiltron]

Toasting the arts.

I recently went to the grocery store to pick up some more cold pressed lime juice. This stuff is awesome. It's actually better than fresh squeezed IMHO because there's zero effort and cleanup involved(I am a bachelor) and because it's a mix of many limes,the PH is balanced. Unfortunately they were out,but they did have cold pressed tangerine juice. So I picked some up to experiment with substituting for orange juice. After getting home,I logged into Facebook and found I had been given a top fan badge from MeduSirena. She's the famous fire eating mermaid,and one of these days I need to get down to the Wreck Bar to see her. Anyway,to celebrate whenever a Tiki A-Lister notices me on Facebook,I make one of their cocktails,or a cocktail that is representative of them. So I made her cocktail:

Mix #42 Sea Hag

2oz white rum 2oz blue curacao 4oz orange juice 1oz lime juice 1oz lemon juice

Shake with plenty of ice and pour into double rocks glass.

This recipe comes from the Lava Flow Inn. If you've never heard of this bar,that's because it's the personal bar of Matt Reese,one of the co-owners of Home Aloha. They had the recipe on one of their Mai Tai glasses. I tried it awhile back and found it was a bit tart for my taste. So this time around I decided to swap the lemon juice for pineapple and swapped my new tangerine for orange. These changes sweetened the drink without radically altering it,and it's how I'll make it from now on.

Here's the other toasting drinks I've made.

Mix #43 Gamma Gamma Hey

1oz Smith & Cross 1oz Plantation Original Dark 1/2 allspice dram 1/2oz passionfruit syrup 1/2oz guanabana nectar* 1/2oz lime juice 1oz Plantation OFTD

Shake everything except OFTD with ice and pour into mug. Float OFTD on top.

*Guanabana is also called sour sop and can be found in the Latin section of your grocery store.

I made this again after Ken from House of Tabu accepted my friend request. I've been a huge fan of his mugs and his Tiki magazine Exotica Moderne(that my Corsair Punch was published in). This was the drink card recipe from the original blue Gamma Gamma Hey mugs(one of my favs),and the Tabu recipes have all been delicious. Warning,it will mess you up.

Mix #44 Hippopotomai-Tai

1oz dark rum 1oz light rum 1oz lime juice 1/2oz orange curacao 1/2oz orgeat 1/2oz agave nectar

Shake with plenty of ice and pour into double rocks glass.

Kevin Crossman is a Mai Tai enthusiast who runs the site Ultimate Mai Tai. I found this recipe on Etsy. It was carved into a wooden cutting board and is supposed to be one of the drinks from the Trader Sam's Tiki bars at the Disney parks. I can't vouch for it's authenticity,but I can vouch for the fact that it makes a nice,slightly sweetish version of the Mai Tai. I think he would approve of it.

Mix #45 Chimp in Orbit

1.5oz 151 rum 2oz orange juice 1oz lemon juice 1oz sweet vermouth 1/2oz orange curacao 1/4oz creme de cacao 1/4oz grenadine

Blend with ice.

I made this for Crazy Al Evens. He's a Tiki artist who makes ridiculously cool mugs and fronts an exotica group called APE the Band. With one and a half ounces of 151,after a couple of these,you'll be crazier than he is!

Mix #17 Midori Cactus Juice

1oz coconut rum 1oz vodka 1oz Midori 3oz pineapple juice splash of club soda

Shake everything together except soda. Pour into glass,top with soda,and stir.

Moki Sato is a very talented exotica artist from Japan who was featured on the cover of issue 19 of Exotica Moderne. I really like the way he blends traditional exotica with a touch of anime. I toasted him with one of the mixings from my Midori post that was good enough to make it into my regular rotation. I just need to get one of his mugs to enjoy it in.

So now you have some delicious cocktails to enjoy while checking out some seriously cool people. Enjoy!

#tiki drinks #tikiculture #rum cocktails #tiki #mai tai #rum #rum drinks #tikimug #tikilife #exotica #mermaid #siren #tiki art #tiki bar

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

7.17.23 Monday

1:11 am

Can't sleep...Watching youtube and cleaning my nails...

This is fierce! Impressive!

My version of course, introducing myself... We are reverse...hahaha

We can sing together me and Fritzie plus the others if ever... She is super fierce just like Dra. MITCH fierce and others...Getting Fritzie to be part of my sisterhood, if ever I can have my circle again...

1:35 am

I still have windblow trap... I feel bitter... I feel bitter...

Yeah! It was once my dream to be on TV, I don't know just to feel it and gain good friends and drink starbucks everyday and gain sisterhood... I'm longing to have friends again... I wanna group sisterhood with different personalities....

How does it feel to be famous and earn money? Hmm... Will I ever change? Change into fierce or be a monster? Will people love me if I'm gonna be a monster...

1:45 am

Oh! She is white... I have to fix my other girls and me as well... Wow! Nice...

I have secret voice Fritzie... Just click it and see the whiteness of Fritzie... I'm the Queen of Betan supposed to be Egypt and then I accidentally saw Arab Men then I got nothing...

Yeah right! Be on screen and drink starbucks everyday...

You know what angels and for Fritzie the whiteness... Coz we both have voice but of course she is having her own power, right Fritzie?

Yeah! Where is Mitchan? I will turn her hair on a colorful tiger again... I wonder where is Mitchan?

2:27 am

I still have windblow trap and I feel bitter... I wanna remove my deep smile lines and gain friends and drink starbucks everyday...

I feel self-pity.... I'm so confuse... I still feel fat and ugly, my other personal issue...

Wanna do "van touring crusade"... How can we have money? Punishment for fake people on me and on the people behind everything...

I hate fake old friends... I need money and self-fulfillment...

I need collagen and I wanna prove myself angels... I want starbucks everyday... I wanna join dog show and I miss going to gym...

10:05 am

Uncle DD wow! called few minutes ago.... So cheap the strategy....I can't understand... But thankful but cheap!

From 2600, 2500, 2400 to 1k...huh? Just a canned a goods....Sounds sweetish...

10:35 am

I go for "van touring crusade" it is like a punishment, there is group in america just like this.... For 2 to 3 years they can't live or get a real house... Just like the people who followed Britney Spears....

"VAN TOURING CRUSADE" it is mainly for religion but mixed religion...

10:47 am

I still have 1 good friend here....It is Ely...

Thanks Ely for these...

It means so much to me...The facial wash per sachet is good for a week... Moiturizer I think for 2 weeks.

11:23 am

I feel bitter angels...

In the Nutshell:

It is hard to find true friends these days.... They know you from the beginning but they don't accept you...

1:34 pm

I feel bitter... I wanna do collagen and to remove deep smile lines...

My 3 main exes doctor, business man and seaman... Those 3 can give me a breast implants and my botox... I need to talk to them... Just protect me from men who will take advantage of my situation...

A genuine friend will understand and never take advantage most specially we are facing struggles right now and I have windblow trap...

They just aged me for nothing... I feel bitter...

Will be 42 in a lil while...For that 16 years they just aged me...

I'm not happy being flatten unfairly... I wasn't able to meet new uppish friends for the pull-up...

This is real story my 3 main exes I could ask for botox, I could ask for butt smoothening and my collagen... The first one is now a doctor ( Doctor Rocky) and he got me during our younger years that I was almost perfect coz I was young and fresh... On JP (the butt king) he knew me since we were 19 or 20 and I was young and fresh and so white... On the seaman ( Ryan Denosta ) I wanna be a returning mayor in their place coz they are the original tyrant of that place the Denosta but due to life situation, they need to prepare and find the next Queen and it is supposed to be me... But on him I could ask for perfection coz we had papers and you became a partner on papers, it is responsibility of a partner to fix you coz he used you ... But I can gain brazilian friends and I can have bags all over the world...

2:35 pm

This is real, something is wrong...

2:37 pm

So many fake relatives....They are happy for 16 years showing themselves that they are wealthy and they have their honeybee that Betsilogz and BurgerZ!

In the Nutshell:

The "Van Touring Crusade" it is more of prayer... But where are the guilty or culprit people?

I need a mature lead like Dra.Mitch if she did a movement that I didn't know...

I need a sponsor for this and I need to know everything coz I can't understand their own personal movement.

I need mature people coz we need to figure out on creating money on "Van Touring Crusade"...

My personal case:

Whew! I have windblow trap... I feel bitter...

5:51 pm

Super Inday is here, the super hero! I still feel bitter no extras but thank God to my friend Ely for the care and he accepted me as I was my original entity!

They are not good people angels... For making the budget super tight... Be thankful that "Super Inday" is here...

6:55 pm

I still hope and pray to talk to Mr Lopez, I need an ally... I lost my glamour coz that's the plan of Cavite...

I feel bitter... I still wanted to have collagen and my botox... I wanna leave the hometown...

I still have this fake windblow trap...

7:17 pm

I need a job and I need money... I need a lot of stuff... I wanna collagen and gluta... I feel fat and ugly... I have complex...

I feel self-pity...

7:28 pm

Super plastics this Uncle Jun I just bought a mouse trap and he reacted negatively... Why I bought that mouse trap it should be on the food only...

Just eat whatever is there for now, right angels? Coz the small rats are so many these days that I have to really kill...

9:02 pm

I feel bitter... How can I have new friends on the upper just to pull me up, I can't exist correctly... I lost all my old friends.. I feel hurt and bitter and self-pity...

In the Nutshell: Remember on my previous post I posted traits of men that I like... I still have windblow trap...

I want someone who can be supportive of my beauty coz I feel super ugly... I feel self-pity... I wanna have collagen and I wanna remove my deep smile lines and I feel jealous if I feel ugly...

Coz there are men who hate women if they are fixing themselves, that kind of men I'm really avoiding.

I always want to loose weight.... I can't go back to the old me, I want sensitive man who wants me to be his Queen ( meaning having the killer beauty). It is one of my dreams to be adored by people coz of my beauty and leadership ( One of my dreams is to be a politician wife coz I want to be adored)... But me and my 3rd partner loose our way coz of the windblow trap but God has reasons but 16 years of being stagnant is too much of damaging my entire future...

I wanna see donkey and camel...I have complex now... I want to be adored by men on my original bracket or on the uphill.. I want to have progress in life...

Special Note:

I badly wanna see my 3 main exes and talk to Mr Lopez to be my ally...

9:20 pm

I went to the local market awhile ago.... I hate Uncle DD for giving 2k ( I feel like it is bullying ) aside from being chipay ( cheap ).

So, I figured out the veggies were higher or much more expensive than the grocery store... It is kinda difficult to buy food in the local market coz there is no cart there, so you have to carry it on your arms ( that is the hassle part of being in the local market ). Plus, there is no ac...

The advantage of buying food in the local market, if you have extra money to buy on enormous amount of food or fruits, it is better there... There so many different kinds of fruits and cheaper in the local market.

Corns, fruits such as apple, orange et al better in the local market if you will buy on an enormous amount.

The other meats are no longer fresh in the local market... There is no fish in the afternoon as well...

I also observed that the canned goods are expensive in the local market, 8 to 10 pesoses higher than grocery store...

If you need to buy sack or plastics or cloth gloves cheaper in the local market but there is no rubber gloves...

Mouse trap is cheaper in the local market,less 5 pesoses...

There is hungarian sausage cheaper in the local market and worth to buy that hungarian sausage of pampanga's best in the local market.

9:54 pm

I wanna trim my nose ( on perfection )... I wanna get a job first and I wanna be adored...

#Youtube

[bhagwatiayurved]

Ayurveda for Diabetes - How Can Ayurvedic Treatment Can Help

The metabolic disease of diabetes is becoming more and more common in our western society. In the specific case of type 2 diabetes, this is mainly due to a lack of exercise and an unhealthy diet. The disease leads to faulty regulation of the sugar balance in the body, as too little exercise and too high blood sugar cause the body to produce excessive amounts of insulin. At some point, the pancreas becomes overworked, and the body can no longer lower blood sugar enough, so insulin production stops. The World Health Organization estimates that 422 million people worldwide suffer from diabetes.

Conventional medicine treats the disease in its patients through lifestyle changes and blood-sugar-lowering medications. Ayurveda for diabetes can, in this case, be particularly useful in order to achieve a change in one's lifestyle. Bhagwati Ayurveda offers a wide range of Ayurvedic Medicine for Diabetes that lowers the blood sugar level by strengthening Pitta and Vata. In the following, you will explore how this ancient Indian science evaluates the disease and which measures are used in Ayurveda against diabetes.

The causes of diabetes from an Ayurvedic point of view

Ayurveda describes diabetes as a form of Prameha, a metabolic disorder. In the specific case of diabetes, it is a Prameha with excessive urine production. Ayurveda generally distinguishes 20 different forms of Prameha, all related to different signs and symptoms of diabetes. Prameha is the result of a weakening of your digestive fire. Since a weakened digestive fire is a breeding ground for a disturbance of the three doshas, it stands to reason that diabetes is also linked to an imbalance of the doshas. In this case, an excess of Kapha leads to the insidious onset of the metabolic disease in question. In the later stages, Vata or Pitta disorders often merge and change the clinical picture.

Ayurveda recognizes three stages of diabetes: Sanchaya, accumulation; Prakopa, provocation and Prasara, diffusion. The high blood sugar that occurs with diabetes is described in Ayurveda as an excess of Kapha, which characterizes the spreading phase of the disease. The origin of the accumulation of Kapha is identified in the digestive tract and then passes to the kidneys and the urinary bladder, where it triggers the first symptoms of diabetes: sweetish and frequent urine combined with great thirst.

Ayurveda for Diabetes: Healing Metabolic Disease with Indian Wisdom

Following is how Ayurvedic Treatment of Diabetes helps heal metabolic disease.

Provocation stage - Ayurvedic Treatment of Diabetes should take place in the provocation stage. At this stage, there is not yet an imbalance in the doshas, and an excess of Kapha can still be avoided.

Necessary lifestyle adjustment - As far as the treatment of metabolic disease is concerned; Ayurveda sees the solution in the reduction of Kapha and in a necessary lifestyle adjustment.

Balancing kapha and pita dosha - In Ayurveda, Kapha stands for the earth element, which is characterized by constancy, resistance, and stability. But the water element, which represents cohesion, freshness, and viscosity, also plays a role in the Kapha dosha. Indian wisdom balances a Kapha disturbance with the elements of fire and air, Pitta and Vata. Therefore, important pillars of therapy are strengthening Pitta and Vata, above all through adequate nutrition and the use of spices. But even basic detoxification through purifying Ayurvedic Medicine for Diabetes can be very beneficial for diabetes.

#Medicine for HSV #Best Treatment for Herpes #Herpes Treatment #Best Treatment of Herpes #Herpes Simplex Medicine #Genital Herpes Treatment #HSV 1 Treatment

[finch-the-foolish]

Day One - Starry

Mcytblr's Fancharacter Fest

The Stars and the Night, by Lqmie

TW for the abyss/void, many eyes, small mentions of death/sacrifice

Avaeliss glided slow over the nothing, tattered wings still carrying them across the blinking, airless abyss.

They sighed, swooping down towards that off-yellow stone of the islands, getting terribly close to a stretching branch of chorus before twisting and dropping to the ground.

Stretching, they sat down on the unforgiving stone, wings extending in an attempt to remove the aching pain of flight. Then, they curled in around their thin form, twin shields against the barren land.

Avaeliss sighed again, gazing out into the abyss once more. A purple, swirling, terrible nothing, one which threatened to consume all who ventured too far from the islands. They were all too well aquainted with the beast which was the void, all too well knowing of the impossibility of taming it.

There was only compromise to be made with the void, a give and take. Sacrifice for survival, wings held aloft on empty air in exchange for the taste of death it so desired.

The void was a fickle creature, yes, of countless flickering eyes held off in the nothing, boring into all who ventured there.

They were almost used to the stare of heaven–almost; one could never truly settle beneath that omnipresent gazing.

And so they settled for staring back, mauve eyes reflecting pinpricks of light which shifted with each blink. Reality here was broken like that, a torn wound of the multiverse left open to fester.

They'd never known why, merely learned to accept it like the few others who lived in this godforsaken place.

Avaeliss shook their head, silently pulling a piece of chorus from their pocket, nibbling on it. It tasted bizarre, an empty nothing with a sweetish taste, texture just off enough to bring a shudder even after all these years of consumption.

They'd need to raid one of the structures later.. they usually held some amount of food and supplies.

With a soft groan, Avaeliss stood, flexing their wings again. They shoved the remainder of the chorus back into its pocket, stepping to the edge of the island.

They stared down a moment, into the blinking, starry abyss. The abyss stared back.

For several moments, that gaze held. A silent understanding, a silent agreement. They were both of this realm, now, though neither originated in the broken wastes.

The stars broke away. Avaeliss's gaze rose. Shaking their head, they opened their wings, taking off into the eternal skies.

#the ruins lore #lqmie says things #my writing #minecraft au #Minecraft #mcytblr #mcytblr's fancharacter fest #coffeecraft smp #<- the SMP I play on where my Ruin lore originated #if anyone happens to play on there lol #please dear god someone ask about this project #please I need to infodump and my server discord doesn't have a spot for that xd #writing #snippets #tw multiple eyes #tw the void #tw death mention #tw scopophobia

[anantradingpvtltd]

Price: [price_with_discount] (as of [price_update_date] - Details) [ad_1] Product Description Taste: Thick, powerfully tannic, and ample in the mouth. The cup is brisk and heavily-fired but fluid, too and with a sweetish-tart finish. In it, charcoal-like flavor emerges strong followed by slight nutty undertones, which lend some sweetness to the cup. Accommodates cream and sweetener beautifully How to use: 1. Take 2g coffee in a cup. 2. Add hot water/milk/sugar as desired 3. Stir well and enjoy Ingredients: A blend of Arabica + Robusta Coffee beans; item_form:ground Flavor Name: Original; [ad_2]

[sweetish-original-story]

Chapter 17

The sound of chopping and sizzling was almost as loud as the scent of the healthy, seedy breakfast Dulce was prepping for his baby birdy. He knew doing this every morning is spoiling the poor thing, but he just couldn't help but want to provide for the little thing. It certainly gave him some purpose the past few years, made him feel like he mattered to someone, at least. When he left home things were hard. He already looked different, and that already made things difficult. If not for the fact that one of his cousins already gifted him property to sell out of, and live in if need be, he'd have been in much worse circumstances than he had been.

The chopping grows louder and faster as he silently reminiscence on his circumstances. Bubo peeped at its mom in a concerned tone as it recognized the change in attitude. His mothers illness is affecting him again, and Bubo was prepping himself to fly onto his favorite perch, the safest place in the house, as to not get caught by the ricochet of his outburst.

Dulce was a good man. A hard worker. Detail oriented and strong. He had been shamed out of his home for not wanting to fulfill a role that was not meant for him, or for anyone with a brain. They tried to convince him it was for a greater purpose, tried to keep him I'll and dumb and small, so he would never grow curious. But he was curious. And clever. The chopping speeds up.

It wasn't fair. All those good souls he let crumble to dust. All that work, being fed lie after lie. He was told he was creating medicine for the war, to heal the scars their allies had created as a "necessary sacrifice" only to find out they were the ones helping create the very poison that doomed them.

And then, as a killing blow, he finds out his elders were praying for more. And yet it's HE who is punished?

There is a long silence as Bubo fluffs his feathers and prepares to take flight. The chopping resumes. All Dulce ever does is give love and light to the world like his Gods told him to and all his own people have ever done was use him and his family as tools for a purpose that was tainted by-

If Bubo hadn't dealt with this his whole life, he'd have been flattened by the hot frying pan that came flying out of nowhere. Beebirds are fast flyers after all, and nobody is quicker than him. He ziped up to the perch in the ceiling and healed his tiny little breath as his mom succumbed to his illness once again.

The walls shook with each hard blow to the concrete. The rock vaporized under Dulce's fist as he momentarily lost his sense of humanity, leaving piles of rock and dust and tiny treats that fell to the ground from the impact. From the outside, his neighbors patiently waited for his outburst to end. They all knew what he was going through, and though they didn't understand what went down, this oasis of angels knew the war was nothing but horror for his people, and it seems anyone in his region who survived the final day either went into hiding, dove into vices or turned into this.

Beasts. Beasts of burden, beasts of war, their very own undertakers. Howls and screams erupted from his home as the worst parts clawed deep into Dulce's mind. Into his skin. Into his lungs. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He was being attacked, but he couldn't find who was doing it to him. Shadows surrounded him in army uniforms. One particular shadow in the shape of his priestess slowly reached for his neck as the others held his feet and thighs in place. No. Not again. This is not happening again. He knows what to do.

Bubo closed his eyes as he watched his ill mother pick up the first attempt at breakfast, still burning in the flames, with his bare hands, allowing his arms to alight in a roaring flame. The fire has always protected him. If he had fire, he had power. He had strength. He had his family, his real family. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Bubo had to stop this. Dulce lunged at the evil priestess, beating it into ashen pieces on the ground. Suddenly a loud screech filled his eardrums and knocked him out of his hallucination.

When Dulce came to, he noticed there were 17 new holes in his poor perfect kitchen, and

His brand new coat rack was in dismay. It would cost more to fix it than to get a new one. He can never have nice things. He also noticed he was on fire. He should probably handle that.

After dousing the flames in the sink and cleaning up his clumsy mess, he whistled to his baby boy to call him over. Bubo happily flew into his mom's hands as he was showered with apologies and kisses. When he was tiny it was scary, but luckily Bubo knows his mom would never EVER hurt him on purpose, and if he does, he gets to have berries and treats and fruit all day long until he gets fat and has to go to Doctor.

It's hard taking care of his big, bald, ugly mother, but he will find a cure no matter what. No matter what it takes. Bubo is the main character of this story, a hero, and even with the world on his shoulders he will never give up. He wasn't built for hardship but by Gods he will go the distance, and this nightmare will be nothing more than a memory.

Miles away, Sammy, a total side character who doesn't matter to the story in the least as much as Bubo, turns her treadmill onto maximum overdrive, while playing her favorite album from the platinum collection by Tiffany Arrows as loud as the speakers will play them. After five minutes, she also turns on the TV.

#candy #original character #original writing #fasion #soundcloud #sweetish original #romance #sweetish upload #tw ptsd #SoundCloud

[jiyasimran]

Food and historical places of Kolkata

Kolkata is famous for its food and culture

“Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate.” and “Culture is a way of coping with the world by defining it in detail.”

Famous food of kolkata

1. Mishti Doi

Made out of fermented sweet yogurt, this Bengali dessert is one of the most popular culinary sweets. Though packed Mishti Doi is available in grocery stores all over the country, you should try the fresh one from one of Kolkata’s legendary sweet corners at least once in your life.

2. Macher Jhol

Fish is an integral part of Kolkata’s kitchen and something Bengali can’t live without. Macher Jhol, fried or curried and paired with rice, makes for a wholesome meal that seafood lovers should try while in Kolkata. It is a spicy curried traditional dish, which includes potatoes and tomatoes other than fish. Seasoned with garlic, onions, grated ginger, and turmeric, Macher Jhol is one of the best dishes in kolkata.

3.) Rasgullas

Who’s not familiar with Rasgullas, right? They are actually small balls of cottage cheese and semolina dough dipped in chashni or sugary syrup. While most people in India believe that Rasgullas are a Bengali dish, it is truly a sweet dish originating from Odisha. Bengali sweet or Odisha snack, no meal in Kolkata is complete without gulping down a pair of Rasgullas. 

4.) Puchke

Puchkas use a mixture of boiled gram lentil and mashed potatoes as the filling, the chutney is tangy rather than sweetish and the water is spicy. Puchkas are also slightly bigger in size and the pani-puris are darker in color.

Famous historical places of kolkata

1.) Howrah Bridge, Kolkata

Howrah Bridge Commissioned in 1943, this grand structure over River Hooghly is a fine example of architectural brilliance and is perhaps the most famous landmark of Kolkata.

Renamed as Rabindra Setu in 1965, this is the world’s busiest cantilever bridge. It shoulders daily traffic of around 100,000 vehicles and more than 150,000 pedestrians.

Location:Howrah, Kolkat

2.)  Victoria Memorial, Kolkata

Victoria Memorial is an outcome of Lord Curzon’s wish to create a fitting memorial to honor Queen Victoria. This white marble memorial, established in 1921, is surrounded by 64 acres of garden and consists of an opulent museum. You can see the figure of the Angel of Victory on top of the memorial’s central dome. The museum houses 25 galleries displaying an array of collections including sculptures, arms, rare and antiquarian books, paintings, etc.

Historical significance together with architectural magnificence make Victoria Memorial one of the most famous tourist places to visit in Kolkata.

Location:Queen’s Way, Kolkata

3.) Fort William, Kolkata

Fort William, one of the must-visit forts in Kolkata, stands as an iconic structure, reminiscent of the city’s colonial legacy. Sitting on the eastern banks of River Hooghly, the fort covers an area of about 70 hectares. Named after King William III, this fort dates back to the year 1696 and is adorned with intricate stonework.

Presently, the fort serves as the Indian Army headquarters of the Eastern Command and so, entry to the inner sections of the fort is restricted for civilians.

Location:Maidan, Kolkata

4.) Jorasanko Thakur Bari, Kolkata

Jorasanko Thakur Bari, another prominent historical site in Kolkata, is the ancestral home of the Nobel laureate Rabindranath Tagore. This 18th-century residence was built on a piece of land donated to Dwarkanath Tagore, the poet’s grandfather, by the renowned Sett family of Burrabazar.

Also known as Tagore House, this is the home where the poet was born, spent a major part of his childhood, and breathed his last. At present, the house serves as a museum displaying a rich collection of books, manuscripts, and other antique items related to the poet’s life. 

Location: Girish Park, Kolkata

"Its all the beauty of kolkata with food and culture"

[blackknightgargiefoodtopia]

Cengkih Restaurant & Catering Services

I noticed that there was a new blood called Cengkih Restaurant & Catering Services in town, so I took this opportunity to check it out with my part-timer friend

This is the signboard and entrance of the restaurant. It's situated in Kiarong Complex, just across the street opposite our block, same row with Kaizen Sushi, KNY Kitchen and Fleur-de-lys (which I may blog about sometime soon). Technically this restaurant was originally called Lil' Hub Cafe, but somehow it seemed that their business must've failed big time because they shut down for goodness knows how long and finally came out with a new management and new signboard. Makes me regret that I never tried it first before it shut down

This be the interior of the restaurant. Looks nice and simple, simplicity being the best in the design, but it was bloody cold. Really bloody cold. Thank goodness for sweaters and long sleeved clothings

This be the menu of the restaurant. Nothing much, and it was really dirt-cheap food there, and we noticed while we were deciding on our food that apparently people leave a lot of leftovers behind after their meal, indicating that there is a possibility that food might not be so hyped up as it should, so to be on the safe side, we chose something that was cheap

My part-timer friend ordered iced lemon tea, though it looks more like one of those instant lemon tea that is ready made in cordial form instead of the actual lemon tea itself, judging by the taste

I ordered warm Horlicks, and it somewhat tastes slightly bland. Prolly needs more sugar

This is what we ordered: Indo-mee with chicken (mine is the one with egg on the side). It really looks like one of those meals where you get what you paid for, because it definitely did not look like the Indo-mee you are usually used to eating from, and it tastes kinda bland, like as if they were skimping out on the seasoning and they have sorta cut back on the noodles or something. The only good thing would be their chicken. It tastes pretty good and cooked in a sort of sweetish tang, I'll give em that much

So far, it's more or less a not-so-favourable impression on me from this restaurant, with plenty, no, wait, A LOT of improvement to be looking forward to. Only come here if you're not a picky eater like I am

[teasideblog]

[Image Description: Two images. First shows small, narrow, dry, dark greenish-brown tea leaves in a halved piece of bamboo. Second shows a white teacup of dark orange tea beside a small bronze clay teapot holding brownish green tea leaves. One leaf is open and quite small.]

This is a fun tea! It's zi cha, which is a naturally mutated instance of assamica dehongensis, a wild varietal of camellia. It's a purple tea. This one was processed as a black tea, and can be brewed like one, but the taste is still markedly different from most black teas. I used a nixing clay pot here.

Tea: Purple Needle Black Tea of Jing Mai Mountain from Yunnan Sourcing (March 2020 harvest)

Origin: Jingmai mountain area, Yunnan province, China

It's floral and sweetish, just mildly in both cases. The floral taste reminds me of violets, though the fact that it's a purple tea might have put that into my head. There's a small amount of bitterness present, but no real tannic flavour. The bitterness never dominates the other tastes, but balances them out.

While no one aspect of the taste is especially strong, the combine to create a very pleasant, full-flavoured tea. It can be brewed quite a few times, too.

#tea #black tea #purple tea #chinese tea #teablr #gongfucha #ID #about a tea #tea details

[katistrophe]

Occasionally, I have a sort of original idea… this time, I present a really good sandwich from Disco Elysium! Or, well, what Our Protagonist thinks the sandwich contained, as I’m following an LP where he failed at getting it.

It’s got garlic and ramson butter on both slices, then turkey breast (because that was on sale), tomatoes, and caramelized red onions (the game says marinated, but shush), all held together with some mayonnaise. The pickles are missing since I wouldn’t manage to use them up on time, but this is still one great sandwich. Salty from the turkey breast, then the onions are almost sweetish, the tomatoes actually have flavor, the creamy mayonnaise brings it all out, and then there’s a base of garlicky goodness. Next time (and there WILL be a next time) I’m adding the pickles for sure, because the acidity seems like it’d work really well with the rest of the flavors.

#food #fandom food #kati's kitchen misadventures #disco elysium

[halothenthehorns]

TLTNL- NUMBER TWELVE, GRIMMAULD PLACE

"I'm sorry," Harry said at once, dying to know the name of this brother as he felt entirely sure he'd heard of for some strange reason. It was odd though, as he was confident he'd never even met another Black besides his godfather, but there was something he was missing in that connection-

This was clearly the wrong response though, as Sirius snorted softly and shook his head, waving the apology off and muttering, "nah, just surprised me a bit. We were only close before I started school, then I think we never had more than one proper conversation." His face twitched for a moment as 'conversation' was not the right word to describe his last real meeting with his brother.

Quickly forcing himself to stay on track he smirked, "Thinking about making a toast my deranged parents have finally gone beyond the veil though. Just, you know, thought my brother really was smarter than what I knew he was going to do." Really, the blow wasn't hitting anywhere close to him finding out he was going to lose James. It wasn't even that hard to imagine, as Sirius had told Regulus this was his fate when he went to join Voldemort's crew. Still, the thought wouldn't quite hit the smug feeling he thought he'd have at being right. He'd said a lot of harsh things to Regulus during their last meeting, and he had in return. Now there was a highly likely chance they'd never even make up for it.

What he was really left wondering was how soon until it happened? Had someone in the Order already done him in without even realizing it? They didn't always take off those Death Eater masks when they did a body count as more often than not they were in a hurry after those kinds of fights happened.

Remus wouldn't let him linger on the thought long though, an odd twisted smile in place as he said, "I'm trying to figure out how this even came about? The last place on earth you'd have a poke around after you got out was this place to even realize you were now the only heir.”

  Sirius could only shrug for that, almost wishing Remus was joking, but even now he couldn't imagine the point in looking up where his Death Eater of a brother was staying, Sirius couldn't imagine he'd have bothered looking him up after twelve years in Azkaban.

James was watching Sirius' face become steadily more drawn with confusion as he kept thinking about this, so he butted in saying, "no offense Sirius, but I still can't imagine why the Order wound up there. Last I heard, you weren't even in line to posses such a treasured object as the Black house." The way he said treasured object made it sound like a bomb about to go off.

"I've no clue," Sirius shrugged. "She may have disowned me and blasted me from that stupid wall, but maybe the blood magic binding that house never left, or she couldn't figure out how to erase me from it." Then his eyes brightened as he truly grasped what he was saying, and he full out laughed. "Merlin's Holy Socks, that place is the Order of the Phoenix's Headquarters! Oh this is brilliant! That woman's surely having fits in her grave!" He dissolved into insane giggling that James quickly joined in on.

Remus passed Lily the book and Lily quickly gave her child to James as she went to start, trying to ignore the boys while Remus still had an unfocused gaze. Sirius may enjoy the irony for now, but he'd seen his friend the last time he'd been at that place, and he wasn't looking forward to hearing how Sirius was going to be acting inside that house. He found it funny from the outside, where the description had fallen so far none of them would have even guessed it as the same grandeur place of Sirius' childhood home, but even knowing what it's usages were, he was sure old Padfoot was trying to spend more time out of that place than in it. He probably wasn't even there now when Harry arrived, or maybe he would brave those dank walls again to see his Godson. It was an honest coin toss.

Harry began to ask what the Order was, but Moody cut him off to wait till he was inside.

"Which reminds me," Lily butted in before they could go too far into the story and she could question this now after Sirius had gotten over his shock. "What even was the point of Dumbledore writing you that note just as you were outside the house? Surely if he wanted you to know the address they'd have just given it to you at the Dursleys. What's the point of the note at all?"

"Hope I ask Dumbledore," was all Harry could say.

Moody took the parchment back and set it on fire while Harry reexamined the houses. There was an eleven to his left, and a thirteen on his right, but no twelve in sight.

Sirius blinked in confusion as he again recalled such a disgusting neighborhood that seemed to have fallen well out of shape from his time there. Surely that had all happened after everyone was dead, but what on earth was happening to make the house completely not there? There was already a ton of enchantments set in place so that no one could enter unless they were invited in, how much more had Dumbledore done to the place to make it safe?

Harry again began to ask where this place was, but Lupin whispered for Harry to think of the note he'd just read.

Just as he finished, a battered door appeared from nowhere right in between the two existing places.

"What in the world?" Remus demanded as he studied the book like it too would suddenly grow its own house.

"That sounds like the Fidelius Charm,"* Lily wrinkled up her own brow as she tried to understand this magic she'd never seen used. Her hand automatically sought out her husbands and they held tight to each other for a moment as they remembered all that spell would lead to for them.

Sirius' face had screwed up with the force of his trying not to automatically start screaming and shouting at the mention of that Charm again, what he'd lead his best friend into all because of his mistake. He couldn't fathom a second how he'd ever worked out that rat was in any way a better option than Remus or even himself, this is what he got for trying to be clever with some decoy, his friends death. Merlin they should have just used Harry since he couldn't have given the location to anyone!

Remus gave Sirius' shoulder a sympathetic squeeze, whispering some words of comfort, but still waiting for Sirius' terse nod before waving Lily to continue.

Like someone was inflating a house, walls and struts began spanning into sight, pushing the other two houses away to make room, but the stereo in elven kept thumping on, not a light flickered anywhere, no one seemed to notice such a thing but him.

Then Moody was prodding Harry in the back to get him moving again.

Sirius was now in far less of a good mood as he imagined going back into that house for even a second, not even the thought of his old hag of a mother's angry face could make this amusing anymore and now he hoped he'd just spot Harry coming in and drag him right back out for some quality time.

Harry uneasily followed up the crumbling steps to the shabby black door that only had a serpent doorknocker with no other decoration.

Lupin pulled out his wand and tapped it to enter, and then Harry was pushed inside while being whispered at not to touch anything.

"You guys were starting to freak me out." Harry hadn't meant that to come out as a whisper, but the mention of that charm had seemed to sap all life from the room and he couldn't think of anything better to say.

"That's sound advice though," Sirius ground out for Remus. "That place is a walking death trap if you don't know what you're doing." It wasn't even entirely the house's previous occupants, there were a lot of objects in that place even Sirius had never fiddled with too much after he'd once seen Regulus stick his nose into a box and come back out with it almost scale covered. His mother had fixed him right and then scolded Sirius for letting his brother play in that room.

Sirius couldn't help it, his original good mood on the subject had vanished, and the more he thought about it the more he realized he didn't care of how much good use it was being used for, he really didn't think it was worth it just for all the memories that were sweeping him he'd thought he'd repressed because of this place.

Harry stepped over the threshold into the almost total darkness of the hall. He could smell damp, dust and a sweetish, rotting smell; the place had the feeling of a derelict building.

Harry was watching Sirius growing more and more agitated as this carried on, and Harry was starting to feel the same way. Harry could just feel the emptiness and hatred pouring out of the walls of that house and something of thinking about Sirius in there cut him deep, which was odd when he blinked again and felt like he'd grown used to the old building...

The rest of his guard piled in behind him, though none moved past towards the stairs or the entrance to a lower set of stairs. Instead they waited for Moody to release all of the lights back to the street, and come back inside to break his Disillusionment charm. Then they all still remained quiet and still while Moody got some light going.

"Why are they still whispering when they're inside?" Lily asked in confusion, her own voice sounding a little loud in the suddenly eerie quiet of this room, but she wanted to at least try and keep some level of normal about them.

Sirius wasn't helping, for once he seemed to have no need to voice his opinion about anything as he just shrugged and kept his eyes on the fireplace instead of that book.

The others hushed voices were giving Harry a feeling of foreboding as he kept trying to pick out details in the gloom, from the dusty creaking floorboards do the dust covered chandelier above and the multiple picture frames that hung crooked on the wall.

James watched a smile creep back across Padfoot's face, but it was a twisted looking thing full of mocking hatred that his mother's precious house had clearly fallen into such disrepair.

He could also detect soft scuttling of little feet just out of sight and more serpents shaped into legs of tables.

Then he heard distinct footsteps, and Molly Weasley arrived from the bottom hallway.

Harry at first felt a smile flash across him at her reappearance again, then he blinked and all of those feelings he'd felt over that summer began simmering just under the surface as he muttered, "so Ron's really there, right at Headquarters."

Remus gave Harry an uneasy look for that tone, but had no real response for him. He wanted to say more than likely that their kids were all old enough to be home alone at the Burrow, but even that wouldn't have felt like much comfort to Harry as he could have just as easily been there with them as well.

She beamed at the sight of him, though Harry noticed she looked much more pale than the last time he'd seen her.

Lily sighed in sympathy, she knew she often looked just as strained after Order meetings.

She greeted him at once with familiar kindness, already saying he looked too peaky,

"He always looks peaky after he leaves that place," James grumbled.

after releasing him from a forceful hug, but he'd have to wait for dinner. Then she turned to the others and said that he'd arrived, the meeting had started.

"Finally," Sirius muttered, "I'll consider this whole place worth a visit if you go give Dumbledore a good telling off for your summer."

Harry made some frustrated little noise both in agreement, and depressed that he wasn't even a little convinced this happened.

The trope began heading down the hallway, but when Harry tried to follow Lupin Mrs. Weasley caught him.

"Hey," they all suddenly pouted. Harry'd been left with nothing for a month, how long was he going to keep being held back?

She told this was for Order members only.

"You mean Harry isn't automatically one?" Sirius began glaring at once. "I mean, he's kind of the whole reason the Order exists again, I think that automatically qualifies you."

Lily watched the boys around her automatically agree, but suddenly some of her protesting dimmed as she glanced down at her infant. She of course would be going crazy not knowing what was going on, she certainly was during school with no way to help. That didn't mean she wanted to toss her son into this though, she was fighting now so her little infant never would have to. She couldn't claim she was really against him sitting in on this either, but she just wished he didn't have to.

Ron and Hermione were upstairs and he would wait with them. She'd show him the way, and insisted he keep his voice down.

Harry asked why, and she said she didn't want to wake anything up.

"I meant why can't I come, but that's odd too," Harry rolled his eyes.

He tried to ask what, but Mrs. Weasley said she'd explain later, she was in a hurry, she'd just show him to the rooms.

"So he's going to stay there the rest of the summer?" Lily blinked in confusion, not really wanting to imagine her son sleeping in that place, couldn't he just Floo to the Burrow from there?

Her question was drowned out by Sirius' louder one though.

"Why is Molly even the one doing this at all?" If Sirius' face got out any more sour, he'd have that puckered expression made permanent. "I should be the one up there greeting my godson, and I'd let him down there. What's she think she's doing?" No meeting should be important enough it would stop him seeing Harry again.

Remus could only offer his original idea, "Maybe you're not even there, even now imagining trying to get you inside there would be a living nightmare. It would be easier to train a niffler."

Sirius just huffed and grumbled something as he didn't find this a better answer.

Pressing her finger to her lips, she led him on tiptoe past a pair of long, moth-eaten curtains, behind which Harry supposed there must be another door,

James blinked in confusion at that as he told, "I don't remember that." True he'd only been over once, but it had been vivid enough the place had lingered and that object hadn't.

Again, Sirius only shrugged without a trace of care.

and after skirting a large umbrella stand that looked as though it had been made from a severed troll's leg they started up the dark staircase, passing a row of shrunken heads mounted on plaques on the wall. A closer look showed Harry that the heads belonged to house-elves.

Lily's face squished up in disgust as she glared at the book, trying to resist the impulse to turn the same look on Sirius as it's not like he'd been the one to do this, but suddenly she realized that Sirius may have taken something from his parents though he'd never claim to. If this was how they treated their old servants, than she suddenly wasn't as surprised if Sirius learned to treat them that same way.

All resembled each other through the same nose.

Harry's confusion for the place grew, what were they doing in a place that look as if it belonged to the darkest of wizard dwellings?

"Well you've got that one right Harry," Sirius huffed.

Harry tried to ask another question, but again Mrs. Weasley cut him off saying Ron and Hermione would explain. She left him at a door on the second landing, and he'd only just turned the doorknob, again a snake heads, and got a glance and more dim walls two twin beds and two owls fluttering overhead before a mound of bushy brown hair tackled him.

"I missed hearing about this," Remus managed to find a smile again at the mention of Harry's friends.

"About time," Sirius seemed to be refusing any good mood right now.

Hermione was squealing in delight, shouting at Ron that Harry was here! Already babbling on about how furious he was with them? She knew he would be, there letters had been useless,

"Well at least she admits it," James actually did get in a grin for this.

but they'd sworn they wouldn't tell him anything because of Dumbledore, and oh those dementor attacks and the Ministry hearing! She'd done her reading on it, and they just couldn't expel him, he was allowed to use magic under the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction-

"I've missed hearing about Hermione like this," Lily grinned again for that little first year who'd babbled herself silly about books on their first train ride.

Ron cut in to let him breath. Harry at once noticed he'd gained a few more inches in their month apart.

Hedwig landed softly on his shoulders from the wardrobe above.

"And just where has she been?" James demanded with an eyeroll.

Sirius though narrowed his eyes as he insisted, "no, that's a good question, did someone there really lock up your owl and not let her back? Why! It wouldn't be that big of a difference just to allow Hedwig to come back so at least Harry-"

"Sirius," Lily cut in.

"What?" He barked back.

She met his scowl with a sad little frown before telling him, "it was wrong of them to keep Hedwig away, but I don't know what you're yelling at us for." She thought she did though, when she noticed his eyes tighten at the 'them.' He was clearly wanting to strangle someone for whoever kept messing with his godson, even himself as he clearly wasn't doing any good.

Ron watched the snowy owl with unease as he told his best friend she'd been in a state since she'd been here, pecking their fingers off.

Harry was ashamed to see a deep cut on his index finger.

"Ouch," Lily winced in sympathy. She hadn't actually expected Hedwig to follow through on Harry's threat, but at least was relieved to see Harry looking just as repentant.

Harry began to apologize for that, explaining he just wanted some answers.

Ron agreed at once they wanted to give them, Hermione had been going spare saying Harry would do something drastic if they held back news,

"She was almost right," Harry sighed, knowing if those dementors hadn't attacked he still wouldn't have lasted there much longer.

but Dumbledore had-

made them swear not to say, Harry finished coldly. Suddenly the happy warmth at seeing his friends again had been dumped right out again.

"So I'm guessing this won't be your next Patronus memory about them," Remus muttered uneasily as Lily flipped the page.

All of a sudden - after yearning to see them for a solid month - he felt he would rather Ron and Hermione left him alone.

"Well I get that you're pissed at them," James cocked his head to the side, "but that was just a little cold. They explained themselves in the only way they could."

"Yeah," Harry grumbled, "that didn't make me feel better."

There were all starting to watch him in a way they hadn't before, but they'd never seen this bubbling anger before either. They'd only gotten a hint of it when he was arguing with Dudley, now they were all getting a bad feeling it might make a reappearance, maybe worse if that look on Harry's face was any indication...

There was a heavy silence before Hermione kept trying to say Dumbledore was doing what he thought best.

"And everyone always does what Dumbledore thinks is best," Remus murmured as he watched Sirius already growing as angry as Harry, though still at himself for not having disobeyed Dumbledore already and thinking his pup deserved far more than the Headmaster seemed to think.

Harry gave a snappy agreement as he kept petting his owl and now looking anywhere but at them. Suddenly he looked at the marks on both their fingers again and didn't feel as sorry.

"Harry!" Lily snapped at once.

Harry felt like he'd just been snapped between two worlds, the anger he remembered feeling so vividly at his friends suddenly drowned out by the sound of Lily's voice and now replaced with plenty of real shame for that nasty little comment.

"I really am sorry," he whispered, but it seemed more to himself than her as an aching stronger than ever reared up in him and he wished he had his friends here with him now instead of having no clue where, or even when, they were.

Ron began to say Dumbledore had told them he was safer with the Muggles, but Harry snapped back didn't do him much good when the dementors had showed up.

Ron agreed that's what the Order following you had been trying to stop,

"They knew I was being followed!" Harry suddenly barked, then he groaned in misery as his emotions were leaving him feeling torn in half. At fifteen and angrier than he ever had been in his life at them, and now with a longing so deep it hurt more than he ever would have believed.

"Harry," Sirius sighed at his side. He forced himself to concentrate on his godson rather than his own equally foul mood and instructed, "take a deep breath pup, and just remember it all does work out for you. You'll get your grievances with Ron and Hermione out and then everything will be fine."

Harry struggled for a moment to get his lungs working normally again, but the confident tone to Sirius' voice truly did ease him back and he forced himself to concentrate on one mindset only, this time here and now, and push down the anger for his now absent friends. Then he gave Sirius a winning smile for the reminder.

Sirius returned the grin at once and waited until Harry looked away to throw a guilty look at James, knowing the father would have much preferred to have been able to do this, but then James surprised him by smiling right back with only the smallest bit of tightening around his eyes for having to watch. James had forced himself to come to terms at watching this for some time, and it honestly warmed him seeing Sirius was good at it.

Harry felt a jolt shock him as he realized everyone knew he'd been followed! He had to fight every bit of him to stop from yelling the words that it hadn't done any good, he'd still had to look after himself.

Hermione whispered how angry she'd seen Dumbledore when he heard, it was scary.

Harry blinked in confusion as he remembered back to how Dumbledore had looked at the end of last year, both at the realization of what had been done to his friend and when he'd defended Harry from Fudge. At the time he'd been warmed beyond belief to see his headmaster come to his defense, now it wasn't computing with the same cold man who'd abandoned Harry all summer. What had he done so wrong to change his headmaster's opinion of him?

The others didn't notice Harry's burning silent questions, they were too busy shivering as they easily pictured their anger quantified to Dumbledore's levels over that instance.

Harry snapped back he was happy Mundungus had left, otherwise he'd have probably been left there all summer!

"He, he wouldn't really," Remus tried to protest, as Dumbledore must know how miserable Harry was at that place, surely Sirius would have been vocally against that enough...but there just wasn't anything in him to say any of that was true. He could easily picture Dumbledore doing this if he thought that was what was safest, and if he was using that argument to keep Sirius quiet, well that could actually have worked.

"That's not what happened though," Lily tried to pacify for everyone around her, even herself all going grim at the statement.

"Only because I did what I wasn't supposed to," Harry raised a brow at her, "that hardly makes it any better."

Lily made a disgruntled face at him for the tone but couldn't argue that point.

Hermione's voice lowered significantly as she asked if he was worried about that Ministry hearing?

"Was that an attempt to change the subject?" James cocked his head to the side as he gazed at the book. "Hermione truly needs to read a book on how to do that."

Harry instantly lied no, as talk of that would not put him in a better mood.

He began examining the rest of the room, but the only stand out was an apparently empty painting that Harry swore he heard snickering as he walked past.

Sirius made a noise of disgust, so quickly trying to find any excuse to put off what Harry could just feel pounding through him Harry asked, "what's that?"

"His name's Phineas Nigellus," Sirius rolled his eyes, "you might have spotted him in Dumbledore's office at some point, cause he was once a Headmaster of Hogwarts. There's also a portrait up of him in that house in one of the guest rooms."

Topic of the inside of that house hadn't seemed to make Sirius feel a lick better so Harry let it go, but he still wondered why he felt something significant about a painting of all things.

Harry demanded why Dumbledore had thought he should be kept in the dark? Did they bother to ask?

He glanced over at them just in time to see them exchange a look.

"Wouldn't make anyone feel better to feel looks behind your back," Lily sighed even as she was gazing wearily at the next page where she saw a lot of capitalized letters. She forced her eyes not to skip ahead and tried to pretend like she didn't know where this was going.

Ron insisted they'd told Dumbledore they wanted to tell him, but he's been busy and made them swear not to write anything important in letters because the owls could be intercepted.

"A very real threat," Remus tried to say in hopes to keep the logic up front for them all, but clearly no one agreed as it shouldn't have even been needed.

Harry snapped back owls were the only way to talk to people now?

Sirius wanted to snark that had been his point all along, or even messages shouldn't have been needed and Harry should have properly been with him, but further grumbling of that just wasn't going to do anyone any good.

Then Harry decided no one had trusted him,

"Now you know that's not it," Lily said at once.

"Sure felt like it," he grumbled back.

or that he couldn't take care of himself.

"I still don't see what that has to do with anything," James sighed. "He won't be sending you out on any missions that you're thinking of while you're still in school."

Harry sighed with frustration as his school was mentioned again, so many feelings for that place all jumbled into one a migraine was already threatening to break again.

Hermione tried to interrupt no one thought that, but then Harry blasted then how come he'd been left at the Dursleys while they'd been here all along?

Ron insisted they didn't know much of anything, his mum kept them out because they were too young.

Ironically they might have agreed, fifteen was too young to be dealing with anything involving Voldemort. They hadn't really even known there was anything to do against him until they'd left school, and hadn't started questioning it until their sixth year. Problem was, Harry would be involved, and so would his friends by default. It was just sad all around to realize both how young they were, and how it couldn't be avoided.

But before he knew it, Harry was shouting.

Lily sighed as she looked at what Harry was fixing to belt out, but she just couldn't bring herself to shout that all out. She couldn't even bring herself to raise her voice that much, she knew the others already grasped what level Harry was at by the boys sheepish look at all the feelings pouring out of him at once on his friends.

Every last thing he'd ever been thinking over the past month about how much he'd handled, like the Philosopher's stone, and the basilisk, and the dementors!

"Harry," Lily groaned as she rubbed at her temple, letting the book dip slightly so she could eye him better.

"I know," Harry mumbled without being able to meet her eyes. First his dad, now his mum, he just kept disappointing everyone lately.

She kept staring at him though until he looked up and met her eyes while she told, "it's not as if I can blame you for your temper snapping, no one can control that, I just wish you weren't taking it out on the ones who don't deserve it."

Harry gave her a bleak smile as he still forced himself to concentrate on his every breath, on Sirius at his side shaking his head at Harry's display even while he wanted to do a bit of shouting of his own, to absolutely not think about how angry he'd been at the time so he wouldn't get lost in his mind again.

Every bitter thought that had lingered in him came pouring out now at his loudest volume, causing Hedwig to take flight in shock and Pig to begin zooming around the room even faster.

"You have a knack for scaring your owl away, don't you?" James muttered like he hoped that would stop Lily from continuing for a moment, but it didn't.

He'd been the one to get past every foul thing in that tournament last year, he'd escaped from Voldemort with his life!

Lily's voice hitched as she once again was forced to remember all that Harry had been through, all on his own, always with no one there to help him. It really was no wonder he lashed out because of the summer he'd had to suffer after all that.

Ron was standing there with his mouth half-open, clearly stunned and at a loss for anything to say, whilst Hermione looked on the verge of tears.

Harry kept sinking farther and farther into his cushion as shame managed to burn out any ill will he'd once held towards his friends, for now at least keeping his mind level in the here and now. His mum was right, this really had come out on the wrong people, he couldn't believe he'd done this to his friends.

But why should he be told what was happening!?

Hermione tried to cut in she'd wanted to tell him,

"Brave little one," Lily murmured, it took a lot for someone to interrupt someone else's shouting.

but Harry wasn't done as she howled back that Dumbledore had made them swear! Four weeks he'd been on his own trying to find out anything, and they'd been having a laugh without him!

Hermione tried one last time to cut in how sorry they were, she understood he was furious and she'd be as well if it were her.

"I think I'd fear for my life to hear of her in a furious state," Lily sighed in relief before telling them, "least you seem to be done shouting for now."

Harry hardly looked over at her as he kept flattening his hair and trying to vanish from sight, or more preferably go hunt down his friends and properly apologize to them.

Harry continued glaring furiously, his chest heaving while Hedwig hooted glumly down at him.

When the silence rung though, he demanded what this place was?

"A torture chamber," Sirius grumbled, which seemed to be true even for Harry. He hadn't been inside there five minutes when he was already showing his worst. Sirius had often wondered if that place was enchanted to bring out the worst of people, and this wasn't disproving his theory.

Ron instantly answered Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix.

Harry began tartly that no one was going to bother explaining to him what the Order of the Phoenix was.

"Well you've hardly given them the chance to do that," Lily couldn't completely stop her rebuke. "You did just walk in there and start this up."

Hermione cut off his sarcasm by explaining it was a group founded by Dumbledore to fight back against You-Know-Who.

Harry demanded who was in it, and she returned a lot of people, probably even more than they'd seen around here.

Then Harry just stood there glaring at them, demanding 'well?'

Ron hesitated before asking hesitantly, well what?

"You really can't start so open ended Harry," James at least tried for a smile while he corrected Harry in a less harsh tone than Lily had managed. "Even I'm not sure what you're asking for and I'm following your head."

"Thought it was obvious," he rolled his eyes at James, honestly wanting to make the father laugh for a moment as just days ago Harry had seemed too afraid to speak to him, now he was literally mouthing off. It was quite a turn to see such a change coming through him so quickly, though it just made him all the more sad this was the closest he'd ever seem to get to watching his son grow up, years taking place over days.

Harry shouted Voldemort at once! What was he doing, what had he been up to?

Hermione reminded they didn't know, the Order was keeping them out, but she had some ideas she finished quickly at the look on Harry's face.

"You weren't really going to start shouting at them for that?" Lily couldn't stop a frown at him now. "It's not their fault they aren't allowed in."

"They certainly made their letters feel a lot more obnoxious than for 'we don't know.'" Harry grumbled back, still not entirely able to replace the bad mood this book was reminding him of it seemed.

Fred and George had invented some Extendable Ears,

At the word invented, everyone finally felt their spirits lifting again. The twins had always been a foolproof way to make them feel better, and their adventures in inventing was the most entertaining thing going on in the background of Harry's life.

and they could be used to eavesdrop on conversations. Only problem was their mum had found out about them and went berserk on her twins, tried to bin the lot of them.

"Really?" Lily demanded, finally turning her sharp eyes off of Harry and onto the book in disapproval. "She's still doing that to them? Mother yes, but I can't really say she has a right to be trashing their things like that."

"I can't believe she's still trying to," James sighed. "At some point it really does boggle the mind how she's still fighting them on something they so clearly want to do, I'd like to think she'd start encouraging them when she realized how badly they want this."

Harry had to resist the temptation to tell them both to knock off Mrs. Weasley, instead he put as much conviction into his voice as he could, "I'm convinced she'll ease up on them in no time." He truly felt it in him the mother would be proud of her boys, but he was weary of saying that in case it caused another spur of pain. He'd managed to keep anyone else from continuing on this for now though.

But they'd gotten some usefulness out of them before they'd been found out, like how the Order was following some known Death Eaters keeping tabs on them, some were trying to recruit more members to the Order, and they talked a lot about guard duty, though they weren't sure what exactly.

"I guess I should be flattered I get discussed at these meetings," Harry scowled, even as deep down he could feel something about that was off...

Harry snidely said that last one couldn't be about him?

Ron agreed that made sense with a look of dawning comprehension.

Sirius couldn't help a mean little laugh Ron really hadn't put that together? What exactly had he really been thinking about all summer for not having realized that? Had he and Hermione been that cozy?

Harry gave him a hard nudge to get him to stop, he already felt bad enough for how he'd reacted to seeing his friends, he didn't want to hear the others picking on them now.

Harry just snorted at him as he resumed his pace, still demanding answers that if that's all they knew, what had those letters been about with them being so busy?

Lily was still frowning at him, wishing he'd drop the tone already.

Hermione insisted they had, they were trying to make this place livable again. It had been empty for ages and now they were trying to decontaminate all the things that had been breeding in here.

Sirius snorted in surprise before starting to giggle like a maniac as he imagined the look on his mother's face if she heard that. It seemed Kreacher had passed away, a blessing he was more than happy to hear as well.

They should be starting on the drawing room tomo- she cut off with a squeal of surprise.

Lily hadn't meant to shout that so loud, but she'd yelped it more in surprise than anything causing the others to jump as well.

With two loud cracks, Fred and George materialized out of thin air in the middle of the room.

Harry just couldn't shut off his spikes of annoyance lately as he grumbled, "is it just me, or is the system really unfair towards Muggleborns? Just because you've got magical parents they can't tell you're doing magic during your summer holidays, but when I do it," he finished with an obvious enough look.

"To be fair," Lily tried, "it is intentionally biased. There's just no way possible to detect a single person's magical energy, though studies have tried. The trace is only set to detect that of magic for underage people, not even individuals. So instead they have to do it by location, and just trust that parents aren't allowing their kids to do so during holidays."

Something of what his mother said tickled in Harry's mind, and suddenly he snapped his fingers and said, "that's it, that's why Tonks and Moody could use magic at my place. Lupin was talking about that to Kingsley when I was coming back into the kitchen, but it didn't make any sense at the time. He said something about how because Mr. Weasley had been using magic before at my place it was going to be overlooked. I didn't know what he meant because Mr. Weasley wasn't even there."

Remus blanched and avoided all eyes for a moment to pretend he hadn't just heard Harry automatically slip back into calling him by his last name again, now right in this room.

"That, kind of makes sense," James frowned in thought, "he was there to pick you up last time, and so long as he forewarned the Ministry again he was going to pick you up, they'd just ignore magical energy at your house for that time period because they'd just assume it was Arthur doing it."

"I wonder why Arthur wasn't there?" Sirius frowned, "he couldn't have been at work, otherwise that wouldn't have worked."

Harry just shrugged for answer, though something of what Ron said tried to bubble to the surface. Guard duty? Had Harry been watched even more closely after the dementor attack? No, that didn't make sense, there wouldn't be a guard on the house while he was being picked up, so what-

"Well I'm just happy you won't be in even more trouble for that," Lily sighed in relief as she went back to the book.

Hermione clutched at her chest in surprise as she snapped at them to stop doing that!

She was ignored as George grinned at Harry, saying he'd thought he'd heard familiar dulcet tones.

"I'm sure it was hard to miss," Sirius grinned.

Fred agreed it wasn't good to have all that bottled up, and be sure to let the rest out. There might be people fifty miles away who hadn't heard him.

Harry gave a sheepish smile while everyone around him laughed, though it did make Sirius wonder if the Order had heard this and no one had come up to check? They might have blocked out the noise outside of the room though in an effort to keep the kids out.

Harry just grumpily surmised they'd passed their Apparition tests then.

"You've been saying everything grumpily lately," James told him pleasantly.

"Can't seem to shake it off when I keep getting annoyed," he snipped.

Fred agreed with chipper, while Ron grumbled at them it only would have taken them thirty extra seconds to walk down the stairs.

"I would just like to take this moment to remind that they were complaining of Percy doing this last summer," Sirius grinned.

"I'm positive the twins have flamboyant answers for that," Remus snorted.

James suddenly blinked as he eyed his two friends, before cracking up laughing.

"You going to share the joke?" Sirius demanded when he'd subsided enough but the baby was still giggling in his arms.

"I'm honestly just picturing their reactions when they realize who they're in the same house with," James stated with a stupid smirk in place.

It only took them a minute before they exchanged impish grins with each other, but Harry shot down the idea at once as he said, "well I never told them that I knew who the Marauders were, so unless Ron did, I don't think they even know."

Sirius was suddenly pouting at him as he demanded to know why.

Harry answered simply, "when would it have come up?" The only scenario he could see was if Sirius or Remus had referred to the other as their nicknames, and while they swapped between the two often enough in here, Harry hadn't once heard Sirius or Professor Lupin do the same in his time.

Sirius and Remus were starting to look disappointed now, after the twins had gone on about them when the Map had first been introduced they'd love to think they got a chance with a real chat to their follow up pranksters.

Harry grimaced as he realized he was just killing everyone's mood of late, and insisted to his brain to cut it out already at least in here. What was it about this year that was putting him in such a foul mood no matter what?

Fred waved that off as he turned to Harry and scolded he was interfering with their reception.

"Harry, how dare you!" James mock outraged as he wagged his finger at him.

Harry forced a smile he didn't really feel at the picking, now struggling with himself to understand why he couldn't just laugh along like he had in the past. This couldn't all be because of his rotten summer and lingering shame for what he'd done to his friends. What on earth was happening to him this year to cause such a resurgence of these bad feelings he was having so many problems shaking?

He showed Harry a long, flesh colored string and better described their new Extendable Ears, that they were trying to use to hear what was going on downstairs.

Ron warned they should be more careful with those, if Mum caught sight of them again-

Fred waved his brother off, saying it was worth the risk as they were having a major meeting.

Sirius sighed in disappointment Fred had skipped a perfectly good opportunity to use his name. Harry clearly needed the laugh he was sure it would have given.

The door opened and a long mane of red hair appeared.

Harry suddenly smiled for what felt like the first time in hours as he chuckled at his own description for seemingly no reason, and the others didn't even care enough to question it, they were just happy to see him fighting to get past whatever mood he was in.

She greeted him casually enough, saying she'd thought she'd heard his voice.

"Apparently everyone could." At least this time his voice had come out more self deprecating than angry. Then his face managed to brighten even more as he said, "I think that's the first time she's outright said hello to me like that."

"Only took her three years to do so," Sirius grinned, "maybe by next summer she'll carry on a conversation."

Then she turned to Fred and George and told it was pointless with the Ears, Mum had put an Imperturbable Charm on the kitchen door.

"Darn mothers who think ahead," Remus pouted.

George pouted as he asked how his sister knew that.

Ginny explained Tonks had told her how to tell,

"Tonks keeps getting better and better though," Sirius smirked at the idea of that little kid growing up to teach kids such valuable things.

just throw stuff at the door and if it bounces off the Charm's in place. She'd flicked a few Dungbombs around but it was a no go.

Fred gave a disappointed sigh as he said he'd wanted to know what old Snape was up to.

"Snape?" They all chorused in disgust. Lily broke free of that first though as she thought back to wondering just what Snape did for the Order, and Dumbledore's rather interesting instructions to him at the end of last year. She remembered distinctly Dumbledore's words in saying Snape had turned spy for them and that's what had kept him out of Azkaban, and while the boys had initially dissed the idea as they refused to trust anything by him, Lily could almost feel hopeful for it even if it didn't make sense. What reason did he have to do this that hadn't been there when he joined in the first place?

Harry yelped his surprised while George agreed that he was downstairs giving a report now, while Fred added on he was a git.

Hermione reproved them, saying he was on their side.

"Doesn't make him not a git," James scowled.

Ron snorted that didn't stop him being a git.

"Here I was wishing Ron would appear here," Sirius smirked, "now I don't have to miss him."

James just chuckled as he agreed, but also said, "honestly though, any sane person but Hermione would say the same."

Ginny agreed Bill still didn't like him like that settled the matter.

"I wonder which brother Ginny looks up to the most," Remus snorted.

Harry wasn't sure if he was still angry or not, but the thirst for information was keeping his continued shouting held back.

"Whatever works love," Lily sighed, still wishing he'd apologize rather than just deciding to blow the matter over.

Harry asked if Bill was around, and Fred agreed he'd officially moved back from Egypt to get a desk job, with benefits.

The grin on his face made Harry question what that meant, and Fred asked if he still remembered Fleur Delacour?

"Oh?" They all muttered with intrigue, having thought nothing of the casual flirt mentioned in Harry's last year.

Well she'd gotten a job at Gringotts to eemprove er Eenglish, George mocked in a fake French accent, while Fred snickered along that Bill had been giving her private lessons.

"Well congratulations to the two, I hope they enjoy those lessons," Lily smirked while the boys outright began giggling as well at the news, or at least the way the twins had delivered it.

Charlie was technically in the Order to, George added on, but he was still in Romania as Dumbledore still wanted some foreign wizards out there and Charlie was making contacts when he could.

"I don't see why Bill couldn't have done that?" Remus said innocently enough, "I don't see how he needed to come back for just a little desk job."

"I'll explain it to you later Moony," Sirius smirked as he patted his friend's shoulder.

Harry asked wouldn't Percy be better for that job.

"Oh yeah," the three Marauders muttered, seeming to forget about him more often than not.

Harry though tensed all over again, a sudden blackening trying to shroud all memories he had of Percy.

Harry had last heard of that Weasley working for the Department of International Magical Cooperation at the Ministry.

"Well I'm happy you brought him up," Lily smiled, "I was curious if he got to keep his job in the department, I'd be really happy for him if he got something so young."

Harry just gave her a sad little frown as he resisted the impulse to start bracing himself for some very bad news.

At Harry's question though, all the Weasleys and Hermione exchanged darkly significant looks.

"Uhoh," James frowned in confusion as he tried to lean around Lily and see what that reaction was. He was no fan of Percy's but that hadn't been a pleasant start.

Ron at once told Harry not to mention him around his parents, while Fred told it was because Dad broke whatever he was holding and Mum started crying.

"What did he do?" Remus struggled to get out in a non-accusing voice, but it was hard to imagine him doing something to cause that reaction in his parents that wasn't terrible.

Ginny sadly agreed it's been awful to watch.

"Look Sirius, she is technically having a conversation with me," Harry muttered just to try and keep that bad feeling from washing over him any second.

"One on one then," Sirius corrected, his eyes still trained menacingly on the book and not to be distracted, even by this.

George agreed they were all shot of him now.

Harry insisted what had happened? Fred explained that his brother and Dad had a row, it was pretty out there, since Mum was usually the one who shouted.

Lily's eyes flipped wide in shock, she couldn't imagine having such a terrible fight with her child it caused that kind of reaction.

Ron went back a bit and said this was during the first week of their vacation, and they'd just been fixing to head over here. Percy had come home all smug because he'd been promoted.

"Wouldn't that be a good thing though?" Sirius' tone was still more icy than confusion, he'd never liked hearing about Percy and he wasn't at all liking how this was starting considering the last thing he'd heard about the Ministry hadn't been a good thing.

Harry was stunned at the news, since Percy's first job hadn't gone over well since he'd managed to neglect the fact that his boss was slowly going insane. (Though the Ministry and Harry differed on why that was.)

"No one noticed, I'd hardly think Percy had been blamed for that," Remus huffed.

George agreed they'd all been surprised since Percy had gotten in trouble for not reporting what was going on with Crouch, he'd gotten a hearing saying he should have told a superior.

"I guess I can kind of see that," James sighed, though he still didn't see how this had to do with having such a terrible fight with his parents.

Harry was still confused why he'd been promoted now, and Ron was almost eagerly explaining this to Harry just to stop him continuing shouting it seemed.

Harry winced with renewed chagrin at what he'd done to his friends, now realizing how his friends had felt all the more because of how his dad had shouted at him this morning.

Explaining he'd been all pleased that Percy was now working right in Fudge's office,

"Oh bollocks," Sirius groaned as he ran a hand miserably down his face. "Fudge didn't really try to do this did he?"

"Percy didn't really fall for this," Remus countered with a calculating look. "It's been made obvious Harry favors the Weasley's, and if Fudge really hates Harry now, then doing something like this for a Weasley doesn't make any sense."

Lily was fidgeting uneasily with the pages before she pressed herself to go on, now sincerely hoping this fight hadn't really been about what she was thinking.

as Fudge's Jr. Assistant.

"Really?" James demanded. "That, that's just so-" he cut himself off as he seemed to run out of words for how idiotic that felt. What was Fudge's game here?

He'd thought his parents would be proud.

"Well yes, if he'd earned it," Lily sighed.

"I don't get it," Harry frowned at them. "Yeah it's weird, but what's so bad?"

"If Fudge's attitude is anything like we last saw," Lily patiently explained, "than Percy getting something at a time like this should raise a red flag for him and his family that the Minister's up to something, putting someone so close to Harry Potter in his office."

"What?" Harry wanted to laugh, though his sinking gut was confirming she was right on point. "You think Fudge wants Percy to spy on me and report my favorite dessert?"

"Not in so light of questions though," Remus agreed grimly while Harry looked back to the book with worry.

They weren't, because Fudge had already been going around the Ministry telling anyone who was in league with Dumbledore to clear out their desk.

"Oh, and now Dumbledore's involved to," James groaned, this going from bad to worse.

Dumbledore's name had been tarnished in the Ministry lately because he kept trying to convince people that You-Know-Who was back.

"I can not believe any sane person would think like that," Sirius sneered.

"I don't understand why they wouldn't believe this," Harry ground out, trying his best not to shout another grievance that had been plaguing him that summer. "Ron said they were all ready to believe it when the Philosopher's Stone was nearly taken from Gringotts."

Lily looked at him sadly as she explained, "The concept is a bit skewed. There's a difference between people speculating and fearing, and outright saying it. I'm sure that if Dumbledore had declared that yes, Voldemort had been the one to do this, then people would have reacted the same then."

Harry still didn't think that made any sense, but stopped arguing the point.

George told how their dad explained Fudge was making it clear Dumbledore was just trying to destabilize their life, and anyone who was in league with Dumbledore could join him in not being welcome here.

"In league with him?" Lily demanded. "He's not the one trying to destabilize life!"

Fudge suspected Arthur of being close to Dumbledore, he always had been friendly, and that dad was a weirdo because of his obsession with Muggles.

"Which really shows more about Fudge than anything," James snapped in outrage, he found Arthur's fascination perfectly understandable and honestly compelling when Lily and Sirius treated him to Muggle education. It really showed how a person thought though when they'd hear the same things and look down on the whole civilization for not being as good as theirs.

Harry still didn't understand what this had to do with Percy, and so they told that their dad thinks Percy was only promoted to spy on the family and Dumbledore.

Harry gave a low whistle as he muttered about how much Percy would love that.

"But, Percy should know that?" Sirius forced himself to phrase it as a question. "He's smart enough to know when he's being played."

"The twins would have done it to him enough," James agreed.

Lily was just blinking slowly down at the pages now, she didn't even want to continue to what she now truly knew the fight had been about, she didn't want to hear about Percy fighting with his parents about this because she knew without a doubt Percy was wrong. The saddest part was though, some part of her still pitied the poor boy. She'd long since noticed he'd always felt ostracized from his family, and earning a promotion like this and going off his past experiences should have taught him his parents would praise him for this like always. Then they went and dismissed him, and Percy would feel shunned. It didn't excuse such a fight it left his parents in the mess they were at all though.

Ron gave a hollow laugh as he agreed, that Percy had started shouting at their dad all sorts of terrible things like how his dad had been holding him back in the Ministry.

"That sounds like completely the opposite though!" Sirius snapped. "Every time we've heard of Arthur he's out there helping someone out and on first name terms with a lot more people than Percy when his own boss didn't even know his name!" Sirius was breathing rather hard at the end, but he couldn't help it. Percy wasn't his family, but he could still feel the reminding sting of betrayal that rat had caused him as he heard of this. It was a different kind of betrayal, but choosing that Ministry over his family could not be worked out in his mind!

Harry was having trouble picturing Percy shouting such a thing when he could far more easily recall Percy splashing into the water just last year in concern for his brothers welfare. What had changed in that time to make Percy like this?

That Arthur was going to go down with Dumbledore's bad name and Percy was going to make it known he was no longer associated with that disloyalty to the Ministry.

Harry wasn't the only one scowling by the end of all that, no one could believe what they were watching Lily spit out in frustration. Of all the times they'd been agitated of hearing about Percy, they still would never have called this!

So now he'd made it clear he no longer belonged to their family.

"It's a good thing they don't know your real last name then, Weatherby," Remus sneered in disgust.

He'd packed his bags and left that night.

Harry swore under his breath at the end. He'd always liked Percy the least of the Weasley's, but even he wouldn't have called this.

"I still can't picture it," James whispered. He'd never imagined that Voldemort's return could manage to pull yet more families apart like it had his own. His eyes flickered to Remus briefly, unable to think yet again what it had implied they'd all be thinking about him in the coming year, and forced himself to listen to Lily go on.

Ron sighed as he explained their mother had been crying so much lately because of it, she'd tried going up to his place but all he'd done was slam the door in her face.

Lily couldn't stop a little hitch in her throat, even with Ron describing it she couldn't force the image into her head of any child turning on their mother like that. Molly did not deserve that for anything, especially as she was most likely only there to let him know she still loved him despite this decision.

Harry still couldn't understand why Percy would do this, he must know Voldemort was back and his dad wouldn't talk like this without proof.

"You would think," Sirius agreed nastily, "but I've never met someone so ignorantly stupid they wouldn't understand the word's Voldemort's back either."

Ron winced as he said Harry's name had been dragged in, that all the real evidence was what Percy had said, and that just wasn't good enough.

Harry watched those around him yelp furiously on his behalf again, making him smile just slightly at the defense.

Hermione sniffed Percy took the Daily Prophet seriously.

Before Sirius could even open his mouth to make his recurring joke, James suddenly half screamed, "how much was Percy told!?"

The baby in his lap let out a wail of protest at something so loud, but even while James began soothing him he had worried eyes on his best friend.

It only took but a moment for the others to realize what that implied, and Sirius lost a shade of color before he got out, "I'm sure if Percy knew anything new about me he'd have gone badgering that right to his new master."

Harry was saddened to see them all so easily flip on Percy, Sirius instantly resorting to those kinds of insults, and then confused at his own confusion as Harry was very sure Percy deserved it for the rest of his life. He was still trying to recall the time Percy had weaved himself through an angry crowd to fight back against those Death Eaters last year as the same guy who'd done this to his family. Something in him was trying to insist Percy must regret this...

"No, most likely it would have been an introduction type thing like what happened with Molly, so if I hadn't been around to their place yet, I'm sure he knows nothing about me."

It was comforting at least for the moment that Percy hadn't gone so far into the Order he would likely know more current whereabouts on Sirius at least. Did he know anything about the Order? Ron had said this had happened right before they'd been going to Grimmauld place, so surely Percy knew his family was fixing to relocate out of the Burrow and where they were headed? Maybe it had been like Harry though, and they'd only been told of the location right before they'd entered, so Percy had no clue of anything.

Harry asked what she meant by that?

Lily had to go back and reread what Hermione had actually said to set her husband into a panic, and then they were all just as baffled as Harry by the comment enough no one interrupted her in hopes Hermione would just explain.

Hermione's anxiety grew as she kept watching Harry, asking how thoroughly he'd been reading the paper?

"Why would he?" Remus began with his eyes narrowed.

Harry defended not cover to cover, just the front cover where any good news would be.

Hermione flushed as she tried to say that once a week they slipped in his name.

"Mention him how?" The others could already hear a growl beginning in Sirius' throat.

Harry tried to protest he'd have seen that, but Hermione corrected not if he'd just been glancing at the front page. They weren't big articles, just little things they'd slip in like he was a standing joke.

"A standing joke about what?" Lily began nastily, but forced herself to continue as she didn't even want to imagine what all was being said about her baby, what was being said would be bad enough.

They were all building on what Rita had said.

"Oh no," James began furiously ruffling up his hair at once. "Please don't tell me-"

Lily cut him off as her voice continued rising in sharpness.

Harry was confused, as he'd thought she wasn't writing anymore.

Hermione had a satisfied smirk in place for that, saying she was keeping to herself for now, not that she had a choice.

"I want to know if she's mentioned that to the twins, earn her a lot of respect in their book," Remus muttered bleakly, looking for anything good for just a moment.

But Skeeter's work was the foundation for what the Prophet was doing, which was how his scar had been hurting and he'd been collapsing last year.

"Could hardly forget," Harry muttered as those articles still stung him now thinking about.

She began saying all of this very fast, like hearing this quickly would hurt less,

Harry felt some distant part of him want to laugh for his friend which was not coming to him now at all of the grim, wide eyed faces.

that the Prophet was taking those old stories, and now every time someone got hurt, they'd make the snippy comment they hoped he didn't have a scar so they'd have to worship him next.

Harry really had been trying to keep himself under control, so it surprised him when his Mum didn't and she exploded a mountain of diatribe on that Prophet and what they were doing to her Hare Bare. The boys watched her vent like they just had about Percy, agreeing with every word she said so much they were just a bit disappointed when Harry gently cleared his throat and tried to cut her off.

"Really Mum, it ticked me off too, but-"

"It's disgusting," she insisted like she thought Harry was trying to argue that point. "The Ministry I work for would never force the Prophet into pulling these stunts, but clearly the editor's right in Fudge's back pocket and I can't believe anyone would do this to you!" She wanted to keep pressing her point right up into Fudge's face, but as Harry continued to look sadly at her she instead turned burning eyes back on the pages.

Harry half began shouting at once he didn't want anyone doing that!

Hermione quickly cut him off, saying they knew that, but the Ministry was telling the Prophet to say all that to keep Harry as a discredited little boy who just wants to keep being famous.

"Has he completely lost whatever a mind he had!" James gaped. "He's only famous because of what Voldemort did to him," clearly the act of saying his own murder still couldn't really get through his mouth, "what possible reason could Fudge think Harry would make that up for!?"

"If I find out, I'll be sure to let you know," Harry sighed, now feeling even more guilty for his earlier anger as he kept trying to curb theirs without success.

Harry spluttered with pure indignity that Voldemort had killed his parents!

Lily too couldn't manage to quite get that out in her tempered voice, but it hardly cooled her either as she kept going venomously.

Ginny cut in saying they knew that, and Hermione flipped to mentioning she was surprised they hadn't mentioned that dementor attack yet.

Remus' brows shot up in surprise at this turn of circumstances.

Some thought they would, because not only were out of control dementors a big deal, but Harry's doing magic would tie in perfectly with this whole image they were painting of him being so above it all. They were probably just waiting until after the trial though so they could really go to town with the scene.

"But he's not going to be expelled," Sirius snarled at once. "So apparently they're just going to sit on that story forever, poor them."

Harry managed a smile for his godfather's utter confidence in that, managing to increase his own in that outcome and increasingly improving his mood about that at least.

Then she corrected herself that's what would happen if he was expelled, but he wouldn't be, the law was on his side.

"If they abide by their own laws half the things I've heard them doing lately wouldn't be done," Lily snapped.

Before Harry had to think of a response to that, conversation was cut short by soft steps on the stairs, and the twins instantly vanished with another crack, their Extendable Ears in hand.

"Because Molly wouldn't be at all suspicious why the twins would choose to vanish as someone approached," James sighed as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, wishing he could put more energy into the comment but already feeling strained from so many stressful chapters in a row now. How was this one already worse than the last?

A second later and Mrs. Wesley poked her head in, saying dinner was almost ready and the meeting was over.

Harry still huffed with one last tick of annoyance he'd been left out of that.

They could come downstairs now, though she did ask why there were Dungbombs all across the door?

Ginny said Crookshanks at once.

"I'm so proud," Sirius blinked more in confusion than actual pride though. "She's come so far already."

"Ginny's getting more interesting as time goes by as well," James agreed at once, hoping to stay on a pleasant topic for just five minutes now felt like a miracle.

Mrs. Weasley instantly bought it, though she at first thought it had been Kreacher,

"No!"

The sudden outburst from Sirius had Harry and Remus nearly leaping from their seats in shock, which he clearly took no notice of as he kept going hatefully.

"Of all the rotten luck! My parents kicked the bucket but that nasty little blighter couldn't have gone with them! Just what did I do to deserve having that thing in my sole care!"

"I'd think you'd find it a good thing," James tried to offer up some happy suggestion for this. "Now you can clothe him and just have him out of your life for good." The odd part was though, if Sirius was going to do that he'd have done it already.

Sirius didn't offer up any more suggestions though as he huffed and grumbled a bit more under his breath while Lily tried to ignore the outburst she found uncalled for.

he kept doing odd things like that. Then she reminded they all keep their voices down in the hall.

"Still haven't explained why they have to do that," Remus grumbled as he massaged his ear and glared at Sirius, at least he understood his friends consternation a little better, but now his ear felt like it was starting to ring from all the shouting going on so recently.

Then she spotted Ginny's hands and how dirty they were, and commanded she go wash up before eating.

She made a face at them as she left behind her mother, and then Ron and Hermione exchanged an uneasy look, as if fearing Harry was going to start shouting again now that they were alone.

Harry's mouth went dry as he ducked his head all over again for causing his friends to ever look at him like that, now wishing he could give himself a good kick in the rear.

"At least you clearly regret it," James tried to pacify him, Harry had suffered enough guilt it was time he be comforted at least a bit. "I've only ever had one really bad row with Sirius, and we didn't exactly hug it out when all was said and done. You apologize to them, I'm sure they won't think on it any more."

Harry looked up towards the book hopefully.

The sight of their unease left him feeling ashamed, and he tried to begin saying something, but Hermione cut him off saying she'd expected him to be angry, but they'd only been doing what Dumbledore had thought was best, even though they did try to tell their headmaster-

Harry cut her off shortly.

"Well that could have gone better," Remus chuckled.

"But at least you seem on equal ground again," Sirius sighed as he tried to get that old problem out of his head.

He looked around for something else to say, as talking of the headmaster only made Harry want to shout some more.

"Not a good thing to be lingering on for now then," Lily muttered as she knew that if Harry's temper did break again, it really should be on him.

Then asked who Kreacher was?

"Well that's not helping," Sirius grumbled, wondering what he'd done to have so much of his family being pushed back into his mind all of a sudden.

Ron explained he was the house-elf of the place, a nutter.

Hermione tried to correct he wasn't one, but Ron said back that his life's ambition was to have his head on a plaque with the others.

"At least Walburga taught him something then," Sirius' teeth flashed with that grin in an almost predatory way, "I'm sure I can help with that."

"Sirius, you're disgusting me," Lily snapped at him before reading loudly in hopes he was kidding.

She tried to defend if he was a bit strange it wasn't entirely his fault.

Ron rolled his eyes and told Harry she still hadn't given up on her SPEW stuff.

"I think I'd be worried for her if she had though," Remus chuckled. "Little fighter that she is, I can't imagine she will until she gets what she wants."

"Least she could do is leave that elf out," Sirius huffed.

Hermione at once began defending her Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. Even Dumbledore said they should be more kind to Kreacher.

Harry suddenly felt an alarm bell going off in the back of his head, leaning just that little bit closer to Sirius and suddenly very worried for his godfather's behavior towards his house-elf...

Ron brushed her off and lead the way downstairs.

Then he held out a hand on the landing, stopping them all in place as they spotted the crowded hallway below, they might be able to hear something.

Finally they all felt themselves focusing on something they all wanted to hear about again, even the current Order members were insanely curious what was going on in this future.

The three peeked over the banister to see Snape leading towards the door.

James suddenly realized at the beginning that it had in fact ben Snape Molly must have been referring to as having arrived, and his agitation only increased as he realized Dumbledore really wasn't there to give some kind of explanation to Harry for leaving him like that for so long?

Harry leant further over the banisters. He was very interested in what Snape was doing for the Order of the Phoenix . . .

"Well all are," Sirius begrudgingly agreed, his mind still trying to work out just what exactly that was and when it would start taking place. If he started seeing Snivellus at his meetings, Sirius wasn't going to be a happy camper with his Order much longer.

Trickling down in front of their face was a flesh-colored bit of string, and Harry glanced up to see the twins had the same idea and were trying to listen on the whispers.

"Have I mentioned how brilliant those two are?" James' eyes brightened with excitement as he fully appreciated this fascinating device. "As if I needed any more proof they're set for life with all we've heard so far, this is such a cool idea I'd buy a dozen!"

It did not work though, as just as they were in range Snape and most of the others exited out the door.

Ron muttered that at least Snape didn't eat here as he grudgingly took to the stairs.

"As if there isn't enough filth in that house," Sirius sneered even as his mind tried to boggle Snivellus in his childhood home. Well the two did go hand in hand with how filthy they were.

Hermione hissed another reminder at Harry to keep himself quiet as they reached the landing where the drapes were.

"Is anyone going to explain that?" Lily grumped as it just kept being mentioned.

Mrs. Weasley, Lupin, and Tonks were bolting the door shut after the left members and were turning to head towards the kitchen with the younger ones, when CRASH.

"So that quiet thing didn't seem to work out," Remus blinked in confusion.

It was Tonks, who instantly started apologizing she kept tripping over that umbrella stand from the ground.

"She really is a clumsy little one," James chuckled at the thought.

"Best use that troll's foot ever came to, getting knocked over by that girl," Sirius smirked.

The rest of her words were drowned by a horrible, ear-splitting, blood-curdling screech.

Lily suddenly recoiled into the cushions in shock, and some honest fear as she glanced at her boy and back to the pages with concern. Before anyone could demand, she kept reading anyways.

The curtains behind them had flown open, and the noise was coming from a life size portrait of a horrifying looking woman.

"Oh she didn't," Sirius began, looking almost faint from the overwhelming disgust he could feel at such a thing existing.

Her skin was yellow and stretched tight, with rolling eyes and flyaway black hair, and all along the hall beside her more drapes were flying open to reveal other portraits that began shouting just as loudly.

Mrs. Weasley and Lupin jumped forward at once to try and close the curtains back around the screeching noises and multiple insults.

Remus was almost concerned this didn't seem to be new to him, how many times had this happened? He had a horrible idea who this vile woman was actually a portrait of, as he kept watching Sirius' face as he seemed to be in a living nightmare.

Such things as scum, half-breeds, mutants befouling her father's house!

Tonks was apologizing incessantly behind them, while Mrs. abandoned the large one and began trying to stun the smaller ones instead, while a dark haired man came charging up the stairs behind Harry.

"I think I found Sirius," James whispered to no one as Sirius' mouth was starting to drop open with horror.

He began howling right back at the portrait to shut UP!

The woman's face blanched when she saw him, doubling up her insults to blood traitor, and abomination of her flesh!

Sirius began opening and closing his mouth wordlessly, apparently too appalled for words back, for now.

He roared again for her to shut up, as he and Lupin finally managed to get the curtains closed. Now that her noise had been cut off, the others began silencing as well, as Harry's godfather turned back to face him as greeted him grimly, saying at least now he'd met his mother.

"Chapter's done," Lily sighed as she passed the book to James and took her baby back, all of them still braced for Sirius to crack and some kind of reaction to burst out.

HPHPHPHP

I did not mean to dramatically end with Sirius twice in a row, but I can't resist cutting these chapters off either because I'm a terrible person like that.

*I've had a few people ask me to explain why Lily and James weren't their own Secret Keeper, and I promise I'll bring that up in book seven when Bill mentions he's his own, but for now I couldn't think to make the same rules apply to an empty house that didn't belong to Dumbledore in any way.

#Harry Potter #The Life That Never Lived #HP #fanfiction #reading the books #The Marauders #Jilly #James Potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #Lily Potter