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#such as how often you do x
steviesbicrisis · 7 months
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All these two lovesick homosexuals did was go for a walk in a monster-infested forest for 5 minutes, share clothes and one very wrong hetero-dating advice for my brain to stop functioning for 14 months and still counting.
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inkskinned · 1 year
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year
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Sometimes, I'm sad about the hobbies I have abandoned or have been too intimidated to pick up. But... what good is it, to just beat myself up over that? My bass is sitting in the corner, patiently waiting, and so is everything else. My life isn't over, and I've got nothing to answer to. I'm wading through a sea of time, and I'll pick up the seashells that interest me, and it's okay to put one back in the sand. The current's waves will bring it back to me if that is to be destiny. I can not hate myself into productivity, so I must swim on.
I think the same can apply to anybody. It's okay if you have dropped something, such as a hobby or passion. Human beings are like that sometimes, it isn't reasonable for you to beat yourself into submission. You, too, can not hate yourself into being a well-rounded person. You must cultivate it like you would a garden - with patience, time, and care.
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snowdrop-yoongi · 8 days
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my favorite thing about baek hyun-woo's portrayal is that he isn't even a loser. he's an incredibly cool and competent lawyer who also happens to act like a loser
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lemonwisp · 7 months
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Jedediah thinks about the Roman Empire everyday, but that’s cause he’s gay
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yellowocaballero · 3 months
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Omg hi Ms. Yellow Caballero big fan of your work <3 For real though, I'm really excited that your sharing the Weekenders, it was a joy to read and I'm bongocat-ing now that others also get the privilege to read it as well.
Referencing your tags, would you please elaborate of ableism in fandom and, like you said, how fandom treats characters with unpalatable disabilities?
Hi Ms. Bud Lite I'm a big fan of you <3
TL;DR A fear of writing characters of highly marginalized identities shields you from criticism and discomfort, but it's actively stigmatizing to people of these identities and as a writer you really need to get over yourself and write The Icky People.
I guess I'll come out swinging on this one and say that fandom doesn't like severe mental illness. (As a note, when I say severe mental illness (SMI) I mean illnesses such as psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, etc)
Obviously, nobody likes people w/SMI. It's just insanely egregious in fandom to me, since fanfic writers absolutely love writing characters or HC characters with depression, anxiety, or a specific variety of PTSD That Isn't Scary. People actively reject any character HCs for a SMI. When people write a character with SMI, they nicely downplay it, ignore it, substitute it for a disorder they like better, or rewrite it. It's completely untolerated, in both headcanons and in fanfiction, and every time I bring it up I always get the most interesting reasons why somebody couldn't possibly acknowledge a character's SMI in their writing. I've heard all of these:
"I don't know enough about the disorder to write it accurately." Do research.
"I'm not X, so I can't really depict it." You probably aren't a cis white man, but you depict those guys just fine.
"It feels insulting to the character." There is no shame in having a SMI.
"I can't understand what it's like, so it's better to be cautious and avoid giving characters stigmatized identities." There are LOTS of experiences that you'll never understand because you've never had them - you just don't want to write anything you're uncomfortable with. People with SMI make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to write anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or think of a comfort character in an uncomfortable way. SMIs are marginalized differently than solely depression/anxiety/The Nice PTSD, and by refusing to write them you're actively contributing to the stigma.
I think (?) I've spoken in the past about how I believe that the rigorous external and internal policing of writing people of marginalized identities is actively harmful towards efforts to increase diversity of experience and background in fiction. A lot of fanfiction writers are just terrified to write people who they can't directly relate with, because they're worried 'they'll get it wrong' and be Big Cancelled. I think this is negative enough when it prevents people from going outside of their comfort zone, but on a macro level I think this results in people refusing to write characters of marginalized identities as all. It's an insidious thought process, and it's reflected in people's unwillingness to diversity their writing or acknowledge canon diversity.
'Well, I don't understand what it's like to be Black, so I don't want to write Black people'. 'I want to project on this character, so I only want to write them with mental illnesses and identities I have'. 'If I write a marginalized character incorrectly people will yell at me, so I won't write a marginalized character who's marginalized differently than me at all'. Can you imagine writing a lesbian character with a boyfriend because 'you feel uncomfortable writing lesbian experiences'? It's blatantly homophobic. But people do that with disability and race/ethnicity ALL THE TIME.
People with SMI notice that you feel uncomfortable with them. It's obvious. They notice when a character has a SMI + anxiety, and you only write their anxiety. They notice when a character displays symptoms of a SMI in canon, but you write it out. And POC notice when the characters of color are written out. I know we all like to project on the blorbos and relate to them, and in the joys of your own head do whatever, but as a writer if you only stick to identities you're comfortable with you are actively being a worse writer. Which to me is the REAL sin lmfao.
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alaynestone · 1 year
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SLIPPERY SLOPE, BROTHER.  JUST WAIT AND SEE.
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crystallizsch · 1 month
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a thunderstorm woke me up and now my veins are running on pure caffeine and (unfortunately) i have jamil on the mind.
so now i'm thinking about what if yuu has an extreme fear of thunder
imagine there's a thunderstorm in the middle of the night.
you've just been weirdly anxious, and when jamil inquired, you begrudgingly admit that you're afraid of thunder.
it's embarrassing. why would you be scared of thunder, they're just loud sounds. it’ll pass.
jamil had to stop himself from making a judgmental remark. even if jokingly.
he’s deathly afraid of bugs, he literally has no place to make fun of you for it.
at least with bugs you can get rid of them, but you can’t just fight the weather unless you’re a powerful mage.
so the least jamil can do is to comfort you.
maybe listening to music sharing headphones.
or make you focus on his voice instead so you don’t pay attention to the loud noises. either by chatting or reading a book together.
of course, maybe he could also use snake whisper on you so your mind would effortlessly cease those fears.
jamil would if you asked. but he’s not going to offer it himself.
(besides, it’s a bit weird if he’s using his unique magic on you again, considering whatever your relationship is at this point.)
and it’s not like that idea would even cross your mind when all you could think about was the agonizing dread of oncoming thunder.
plus it kinda sounds crazy knowingly asking someone to put you under mind control.
every time thunder boomed you found yourself clinging to jamil's clothes. burying your face in his chest. as if you were holding onto him for dear life.
he'd laugh if he knew you weren't deathly afraid of it. so he'd make soothing gestures instead.
the thunder was still unbearable, but eventually you found comfort in jamil’s warmth.
it really helped to drown it out. at least mostly.
this seemed to be a better outcome anyway than forcing you to just forget about it.
and it would’ve been easier, sure. but how many times could you get the chance to cozy up to jamil
and on the other hand, jamil kinda wanted this moment to last. how many times could he have an excuse for "relaxing" with you.
as much as it makes you suffer, him wanting this moment to last longer meant wishing for the thunderstorm to last longer as well.
jamil hopes you can forgive him for being selfish in that regard.
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zvaigzdelasas · 1 month
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I just don't believe anyone reposting those lists about "here's 15+ different places with Problems going on (just like palestine!!)" knows or cares enough to be able to explain what's happening in more than 1/4 of them in anything approaching the depth appropriate to doing the topic justice
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yandereaffections · 3 months
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Agapito comforting and possibly taking s/o from their shit relationship
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it would be amazing if he hadn't already killed the bastard that routinely had you upset to be honest, a true miracle that was definitely influenced by his own angel, so you wont have to worry about your "boyfriend" going off the rails.
Don't get him wrong, Agapito would lead any fucker in his way into a drug induced comatose no hesitation, unfortunately he cant take that route due to caring about your mental health so the long way round is how it has to be
If your current toy wasn't such a terrible partner Agapito would actually have to do some digging. Every so often your stalker pulls up whichever of your accounts hes signed into and seeing that your already are thinking about leaving makes everything so much simpler 
Agapito sees the opportunity to show you there's no one else to rely on like him, which isn't particularly hard when that current partner of yours is barely giving the minimum effort you need, and best believe each precious moment of his angel finally admitting to wanting more, wanting better, sends him in orbit. Agapito holds in the excitement in his chest quite well, seeming composed as if the simple sentence "i want to break up with them" while your ranting to him doesn't open the long awaited chance to punt that fucker of yours out of the way.
As long as you give the word Agapito gladly eliminates the competition and claims back his rightful spot besides you, don't worry about whatever stresses you had before Agapito is here now, kissing your forehead and ensuring that you feel genuine love compared to whatever that bastard gave you
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noirleo · 10 months
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confession hcs
bayverse tmnt (aged up, dont be weird <3)
mikey
mikey has confessed his feelings for you at least twice a day since you first met. he was convinced he was in love with you from the first meeting, and it wasn’t until several days later that he realized he was so caught up in planning your entire future relationship that he didn’t actually get your name.
which, of course, just presented an excellent excuse to need to see you again. and again.
before you even realize, you have a very talkative escort to and from your apartment at night. late night walks graduate to movie nights at the lair, and before you realize it, you’re spending every weekend at the lair, watching old horror movies or carefully curated playlist of funny youtube compilations he put together just for the two of you.
you didn’t take his flirting seriously at first. mikey flirts with every person he meets as surely as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west—hell, you’ve seen him make passes at casey once or twice. you brushed it off, taking his declarations of love all in good fun.
slowly but surely, though, your feelings for him crept in, burrowing their way under your skin and stubbornly taking root in your chest. you found yourself anticipating his “come over???? :)” texts and buying him little trinkets and things you think he might like when you go shopping with your friends. the two of you have become inseparable over the past several months; the brothers claim that they never really see one without the other anymore.
tonight you and mikey are crashed out on the couch, facing each other with your legs folded over one another’s gracelessly. a bowl of popcorn balances precariously on your entangled legs, and mikey’s eyes are glued to the screen, excitement lighting up his features as he mouths the words in time with the actress on the screen. it’s the third night in a row he’s chosen terminator, and at this point you could probably quote it backwards without having to spare a glance at the screen.
you tell yourself that’s why you’re staring at him again—you’re just bored, no other reason— but you can’t seem to pull your eyes away from his face to look at the tv.
“see something you like, babe?” mikey asks cheekily, not even turning his head away from the tv. you take a piece of popcorn and throw it at him; it bounces off the side of his head before he turns back to you, mouth dropped in mock disappointment.
“aw no, wait, i wasn’t ready that time! go again,” he pleads, and you toss a few pieces high into the air. he snaps them up and raises his hands, waving to a fake cheering audience. you giggle and kick at his leg, which he easily catches, pulling you closer to him. your breath catches as he pulls you onto his lap, still giggling, and you wrap your arms around his neck without thinking.
“when are you finally gonna kiss me, ‘angelo?” the words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them. emotions flash across mikey’s face within a split second before his usual, wide grin spreads across his face.
“you saying you want me to, angel face?” he asks, not even trying to hide the hopefulness in his voice. you don’t even respond, glancing from his eyes to his lips, before he pulls you into a kiss.
the movie you were supposed to be watching ends at some point, but the two of you are much to busy to notice.
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spaciebabie · 1 year
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finally working on this one post that has been bouncing around in my head since june. here's a sneek peek ig idk lol.
it was orig gonna b a comic but i realized that in order for the joke ta hit the way i want it ta there needs ta b audio sos...video it is (there's no audio on this one tho)
that's the kid from the sun kiss comic btw lol
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getosugurusbangs · 7 months
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together forever
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rivetgoth · 2 months
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I’m a huge proponent for anyone should have access to whatever tools they need to do whatever they want to their body etc but ngl it makes me sad seeing the number of AFAB transes who speak of taking testosterone as this almost like, unfortunate thing you gotta endure to get a set list of Desired Changes, or this sorta like, thing you gotta compromise on, with this whole list of negative effects that you gotta risk if you want the positives or whatever, and just constant posts that are functionally like “how long do I have to be on T until I can stop?” or “I want XYZ changes from T but I don’t want ABC changes,” and like it just frustrates me because to be frank I love testosterone. I love everything about being on it and I consider it a miracle that modern medicine has made it possible to access this hormone exogenously if we can’t produce enough of it ourselves. I feel like fundamentally my lack of proper T levels had a negative impact on me until it was corrected and I don’t feel like I was truly myself until I began HRT. Literally the only negative thing about it at all is the frustration that I’m dependent on an outside source for the rest of my life rather than able to just make it myself but there’s no doubt in my mind that I want to be on it for the rest of my life. While maybe a bit pedantic I don’t view T as having side effects, I don’t even necessarily view it as a medication in the traditional sense, it’s just an artificial way for me to correct my body to the state it already should’ve been in. I was overcome by relief after taking my very first dose when I was seeing 0 changes and even as the initial excitement has naturally died down over the years that relief is something I never take for granted. If I could keep every change T has given me and stop taking it I still wouldn’t because beneath all the desire for the changes there is an innate desire to just be on testosterone. I just idk dude I wish that HRT at least within the FTM / transmasc community was viewed with more reverence and the perspectives of those who view it as genuinely a life saving and necessary resource were given a little more voice. I think the entire idea of hormonal dysphoria and the need to alleviate it by correcting one’s hormone production separate from the laundry list of the possible more visible changes and side effects and what’s desired or not or what’s permanent or not etc etc of HRT is seen as weirdly archaic in lots of mainstream FTM spaces and it’s a bit frustrating and isolating.
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blueclearcloud · 2 months
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BUCKASSNWILD THEORIES FOR A BUCKASS WILD SHOW THATBIS BANG BRAVERN
Spoilers for show till episode 8, kinda.
I am ofc ignoring the obvious theory that Bravern and Smith are the same person. Everyone is saying it, so i wanna believe the anime is gonna go stupid and buckwild to be that predictable:
1. BRAVERN IS KNUTH AND SMITHS ACCIDENTAL BABY.
People with sense will ask, how? Yet no one wants to answer how robots create humanoid batteries??? I rest my case. This is probably the craziest and most darkly funny one and im basing it on her talking about "making love" so baby made AND how there was no bodies or parts found near the crater. So maybe they combined or smth.
2. LEWIS SMITH IS BRAVERNS DAD!
He loves tokusatsu so maybe he got teleported into weird space time and learned how to make giant robots. He imbues Bravern with his Isami love, and somehow finds a way to teleport him back to that time.
3. LEWIS SMITH IS BRAVERNS FATHER FIGURE!
Technically this is 2.5, but i wanted a 3 and couldn't think of one involving Lulu unless she was Braverns Dad actually, going back to theory 2. Anyway, Smith is teleported to random space somehow alive and finds a younger Bravern. He teaches him the ways of tokusatsu and Isami love to travel back in time somehow causing the time loop.
Ok done theorizing. And if Isami and Lewis don't make out by the finale at least once, i will actually have a mental breakdown.
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lesbianralzarek · 2 months
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why does every article reporting on idf war crimes go "hamas, who started the war on october 7th with their brutal terrorist attack slaughtering innocent israeli civilians, has condemned the idf's use of-"? like, nearly verbatim every single time. we know about october 7th. we know by now. half the time, hamas isnt even relevant but they gotta find some way to sow doubt and numb any potential compassion responses. will you get fired if you show sympathy for murdered palestinian civilians without first adding a disclaimer saying its all their fault for being born in gaza? if you call "palestinians under 18" children? if you use the words "murdered" or "brutal" or "massacre" for acts that didnt occur on october 7th? if you call a spade a spade? why are israeli reports front page news without proper fact-checking but palestinian reporting is always "allegedly" even when theres video evidence? why does the idf not get the hamas treatment of reminding everyone that theyre biased before treating their words as law, like they havent been caught bold-faced lying again and again?
#soooooo fucking infuriating#'palestinians are allegedly starving but thats what hamas (who are savage terrorists in case you forgot) said as well so who knows?'#'idf soldiers are allegedly bragging about and showing pictures and videos of their war crimes on social media but#its not in english so we may never know what theyre saying. palestinian ''civilians'' are translating so whatever they say must be wrong'#'in other news. heres what ''doctors'' are referring to as a ''calendar'' but is written in arabic (terrorist language) so the idf must be#telling the truth when they say its proof they are all evil and must in some nebulous way suddenly stop living'#to be fair. the 'secret hamas names list disguised as calendar but REALLY about oct 7' shit was the target of skepticism quite early on#but it really does show how often the idf lies to justify obvious war crimes#maybe they should provide verified evidence or even just be given a bias disclaimer before printing their claims as fact???#every single fucking death toll is phrased as 'hamas-run ministry of health reports death toll of x' like?#yeah? thats their fucking government? what else do you expect?#you do understand that the healthcare portion of their government is probably more reputable#than what the phrasing of those headlines are obviously trying to imply?#i understand that bias is still possible there but its not armed combatants making shit up#its doctors who receive govt paychecks doing their best to identify the disfigured bodies not buried under rubble#youre not slick with that wording
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