#sorry im just a private person on main accounts

[cosmicarcanist]

getting boops when i dont post much and reblog a lil (i dont scroll super far most of the time) feels exactly like being the weird autistic kid and getting actual valentines in ur lil box

#sorry im just a private person on main accounts #but i love the boops i feel like im getting valentines #cosmic chats

[kkolg]

Basic Rundown of my BATIM au

Ok so I’ve only been here for a little so I thought I’d give my basics for my lil au I made. Please keep in mind I’m still sorta working on it so it might change- also I’m not the best writer so sorry if this sorta sucks lol. Also also- IK LIL BENDY ISNT HENRY BUT HERE HE IS, THIS WAS MADE BEFORE BATDR AND HIS APPEARANCE IS PRETTY IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT SO DONT COME FOR ME PLEASE IM SORRYYYY- 

NO THIS IS NOT A FUCKING MAFIA AU SHUT UP

Tags: vigilante batim au - well-   you could guess it’s for the au

          vigilante au comic - important/lore comics that are decently drawn

          vigilante au comic # - that REALLY important stuff/in order of timeline/main story

          batim au lore - I think I’m the only person who uses this so this will be for usually written lore stuff about the au and sometimes drawn stuff, depending usually

Setting

So this au takes place in the early to mid 1920s somewhere around Brooklyn, New York I think, not sure when and where exactly yet- It’s been 6 years since some past events, (which I’ll write about later) and this is also when the Prohibition Era started, so speakeasy’s and small bootlegging joints are starting to pick up.

Characters and other stuff

In this au Bendy is one of the top bootleggers for “The Vigilante” speakeasy, a pretty successful and popular speakeasy at that, located on the edge of a forest and under the ownership of Mr. Allen. Bendy’s best friend and main partner is Alice (just because why not) and usually go together when doing pickups, robberies, etc… Their getaway driver, William Click, is also good buddies with the both of them and is the one who takes the booze back to “The Vigilante”. William is also the bartender at “The Vigilante”. There are other partners that Bendy and Alice work with but it’s usually for bigger jobs. Phill or Philip is the “Vigilante’s” personal nurse, he lives over in the forest in a decent sized house and that is where anyone seriously injured is sent over. He’s very reserved so he’s usually not in the speakeasy. Margret is Mr. Allen’s personal assistant and maid, she’s very kind and loves company and reading.

There’s a rival speakeasy called “The Chokeberry” whom’s run by Betty Francis. The two speakeasies are equally popular, but they don’t usually ever cross paths. 

Now to the good guys ig, Detective Stein (yes he’s a private detective here) with fake first name Martin, his two partners Tom “Boris”, and Allison usually are the accompany him to crime scenes and other things of the sort. He’s not usually supposed to be let in since he’s a private detective- but he’s been able to work his way around that a few times. Detective Stein is pretty well known in the area as a very kind man and extraordinary when it comes to solving cases. Tom is the brute force of the trio while Allison is usually the gunner.

Detective May is a detective in the local police department and usually rivals Stein when solving any case. She usually gets very upset whenever she see’s Stein at a crime scene. Linda Howell is her personal assistant (yep she’s here too), she usually files the paperwork that May doesn’t want to handle, although she does wish to be on the scene investigating instead of lying around in an office.

Det. Stein and Linda also work together in secret to get more information on the “Ink Demon” case specifically because the both of them take quite an interest to it. The reason it’s secret is because if May found out she would definitely not be happy-

That’s basically it, again expect changes and little edits here and there because i might change or add smth to the story later :)

Edit: If you wanna see the characters and character profiles just go to my account and some will be there! I’m still doing them so it might be a little while but thx anyway :D

Another thing to note is that Bendy doesn’t know Det. Stein is Henry since he’s a cartoon now and yk changed his name

——————————————————————————————————— I love dubs btw! Just credit and link me to it cause I’d love to hear it! This applies to all comics I make for any fandom :)

The newest comic look (NEW PAGE) here | For all the ask info pls look here | For character refs pls look here | Character Sexuality’s look here | Discord look here | Voice Claims here and here| The Vigilante speakeasy here

OTHER LINKS TO FIND ME: YouTube, BlueSky, Insta

#batim au #idk what else to put #this took too long #vigilante batim au #batim au lore #batim #1920s

[hello-naptiime]

Hi gang

I see were talking about Jonathan Piss ass ToiletJon again

And as someone who was fucking THERE, WORKING FOR HIM WHEN EVERYTHING DROPPED

Oh my FUCKING GOD AM I SO PISSED OFF.

Welcome to my rant/vent

Mutuals look away Im sorry

Tw// for grooming and manipulation. General gross things in that area

Also Jinbop.

First of all Ashlie and Jon did was gross, but where Jon failed at literally everything Ashlie succeeded.

When the news dropped of what happened in 2017 Jon made a fucking video of him crying like a little man child, and then pressed charges (also doxxed himself like an idiot) WHICH IS INSANE BEHAVIOR. Even in his written respone he was only making excuses.

At that time I was in very close connection with him, I was on his build team, I played multiple games with him. He would come into vc and hang out with us for several hours, you could consider us friend maybe! I wouldnt.

But I was at the very least in a lot of personal servers.

So when things dropped I knew almost all of the behind the scenes BULLSHIT that was happening. How everyone waited for it to blow over and stuck by him. (I got kicked out of servers too cause people knew i was against him but I was still told everything by friends who were still in there)

Then February happened. And so much more, much worse things got exposed. From only his end. I won't mention who was involved, out of privacy reasons and because I dont want to drag them into this. But holy shit dude everyone left him after that. It was over, his gross behavior with minors (included me now that i think about, sir why are you calling me and my friends cute we are 15-) His awful and manipulative behavior with people he finds useful, how he treats his teams

. He never credited anything, I made his goddamn Dimensions s2 designs, Eddie made the skins. Only Eddie was mentioned, once on a stream.

Eddie also made designs and skins for Rosethorn, and got credited in video no less.

Its not that hard and yet!

The main point is

He was still acting in 2020, the incident was in 2017. And he was acting like this, in late 2020. Into 2021.

I wanted him to get better. I really did, I had been hyperfixated on this group of people for years it hurt a lot.

But its been almost three years and he infact has stayed the same!

He is a grown ass man acting like a toddler on a public twitter account, what makes this man some one to respect in any sort of way.

Theres so much more shit I know about this man, that I can't fucking say because of the people involved not giving me permission too. And I respect that. Thats their story to tell.

Now ashlie on the other hand.

Ashlie made a concise apology and owned up to her actions, shit she made sure not to happen again. She went to fucking therapy, she broke off that relationship first and has made so much effort to distance herself from that and apologize everyday of her life.

She went to therapy after breaking things off, and she went again after the callout just to double fucking check she wasnt a horrible person.

She initially handled everything that happened in 2017 in private, like youre supposed to do. Not have a public twitter meltdown. And in late 2020 still handled mostly everything privately. She wrote out a full explanation and apology that is still very visible on her yt channel, not her twt her full 100k subscriber yt channel

I THINK, THATS GROWTH and she should be respected for that. She's actively changed as a person from the 20yr that made mistakes

And what's crazy is that Max and Ross still make youtube videos with her.

Max and Ross, YKNOW. The people who made sure fucking Jinbop got arrested and stomp Sky's name into the fucking ground for the shit that Sky did. I 100% trust those two to make a decision about a person in their circle when theyre doing some FUCKED SHIT.

IN FACT, THEY DID DROP ASHLIE WHEN THE ALLEGATIONS CAME OUT. SHE WAS IMMEDIATELY KICKED OUT OF EVERYTHING INVOLVING THEM

And they came back. They came back and started making new things and videos with her, Ross is an active participant in almost all of her videos.

I think that speaks wonders about her.

Don't drag her name through the ground I respect that woman and all of her endeavors in the future, she has more than made up for the fact.

Jon is still an awful person, and I dont think he will ever change. He's had more than ample time to and acts like whinny child on Twitter. Actively tries to pull nostalgia bait on his dying yt channel and mocks his ex "friends'" work. I want him gone from the youtube sphere and to get an actual life.

#for my beloved mutuals who dont know a clue about this please look away #theres a clown on out block an Im mad about it #rant #tw grooming #eddie gave me perm to talk about things #i was there man #dont speak the sacred texts to me i was there when it was written #i dont want this on my tumblr but I have been quiet about everything for so long #i dont like stirring drama #but here I am #i am at my limit

[fivewholeminutes]

Im very new to st and all ive seen today is chaos. Wtf happened if you dont mind answering

Hello there anon! I don't mind at all 💖 but what a time to be new to st, aw man. My condolences. (I am mostly kidding. But also, not really.)

First things first, i promise you, it's not always like this. Generally we're way more chill here on tumblr. I can't vouch for other sites, but if you don't want their identities spoiled and be around very chill people, stay here. Avoid pinterest and google and, for your own mental health, tiktok and twitter. (First two will guarantee an identity reveal and former two will guarantee that + psychic damage.)

Back to the drama!! So, you probably know they're anonymous. And VERY adamant on staying this way. If you check their very first interview or the voice messages from the 2023 US tour, you would see what i mean. Their identities are not important, their art is.

But. Some entitled little shit found their anonymity is a personal insult to them or something. So they decided to publish iii's birth certificate and some other personal info + there was something about them wanting to stalk iii (i really don't know the details, because i got rid of my twitter account a few months prior, but it was definitely vile behaviour). And it's. Not a very legal thing to do. I mean, if you're really curious, you could google them and find their identities in less than 5 minutes, no extremely personal info release needed. What i am trying to say, this is the 21st century, you're not some kind of sherlock to find personal info about anyone, no need to boast. Or, you know. Do illegal things to prove a point, because you feel entitled to someone's identity.

So, as a result, iii deleted and/or made his socials private (the ones related to his st activity, anyway). It is not the first time he did that, because people were getting too straightforward or rude before too, just not on that scale. It all happened a few days ago (2? I have no perception of time passing, sorry). It was understandable, he got doxxed, he did what had to be done to protect himself. Another drama started when the main band account removed all its posts on instagram today and changed the description to "nothing lasts forever". Which is a catchphrase they use from their very beginning, so it is not a worrying thing in itself. However, the circumstances have made people believe the whole band will disband (not dismember, alex, do not write dismembered AGAIN), because of the invasion of iii's privacy.

However, in the end, i believe the consensus is that since they have changed their masks for the Wembley show and had the "new era" captions (+ other bands tend to do that too), the insta post purge is just a PR tactic before the new era's introduction. Which i am prone to believe, really. They are mysterious, sure, but if something is happening (like iii needing to leave the German rituals in December because of personal reasons), the band notifies the fans about it. So if they were to disband, or iii was to leave, they would just communicate this. They didn't, so we're waiting for their next move, whatever is might be.

But i don't think they're going anywhere. They have finished their trilogy with the latest album, so Wembley was the best way to end it all, as a finished project. It didn't happen. They already have 2024 tour dates announced, so we know they're not done. So it's all fine, just unfortunate timing/their legal team telling them to do that/their way of showing they're done with annoying people/just a new era's insta purge. Or something else, which they would soon inform us about, if they want to.

All we can do is wait for more news and keep supporting them in our own ways. And not stress about it 🖤

#hope that clears things up a bit!! #if not i am sorry i am an incoherent bastard on my good days let alone this month (january my beloathed) #thanks for the ask anon 🖤 #asks

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

proper post on the Thing™. tws for grooming mention and nsfw mentions im sure everyone gets the drill. im kinda obligated here to make a full reply since i was involved with the issue but Hopefully there wont be another post on this matter. if anyone has issues about what i say/think i didnt address something, talk to me in private yea im more than willing to listen and exchange views. i consulted with several people to make this post in the first place

i havent been keeping up with every response under the sun but i did see opal and blue-jester and some other people in positions of responsibility apologize, so im not gonna rag on them or go on and on about "they should know better!!" because they already know that now. instead ill talk about why i did what i did and why i thought what i did

yep i called opal a groomer at one point. oops thats on me and i shouldnt have thrown around a serious term and accusation like that without getting a better grasp on the situation. lets get that out of the way

to start, how the situation played out was i got an anon saying that i was mentioned in a callout post mtthrw made.

i dont know who sent this ask and it doesnt particularly matter. i just went to go check out the post, which was public and tagged with the main tags. this was not something given to me in private which i decided to spread publicly. first of all it was still in its 242 page glory and had minors discord ids and a lot of peoples discord developer ids (the string of numbers connected to your account that you cant change) on it. i wanted to boost the post eventually, but i was aware that i shouldnt boost something with that kind of information on it, so i dm'd the person who created the doc and gave them my suggestions first (i was the reason why the doc was shortened down to 54 pages later, for example).

they said theyd keep the former doc on the post as well, but i thought they wouldve taken out the developer ids and discord ids of minors in that one too. to be honest i dont know the extent they censored on either document, i was busy talking to other people (like quakey and another adult involved in the callout doc) at this time and then the docs got taken down before i could see them again. also note that i definitely shouldve asked them to censor the names of minors In General and not just the ids, so again, sorry, thats on me. anyways continuing with the actual events that happened, i made a vaguepost warning people to block the "negative" tag if they didnt want to see drama. (unrelated but yeah, also my bad for calling it tea/drama instead of taking it more seriously. i apologized for it after getting an anon about it later.) when i made the vaguepost i got a ton of people asking what was up, so i dm'd them.

i dm'd five people in total for this, all of which except for one or two i considered friends. that said, i have no clue how many people got access to this doc directly because of the people i shared it with. i made a lot of careless and irresponsible mistakes in my handling this, and im sorry for that. but for reasons ill cover in more detail as this post goes on, i dont think the person who made the doc had malicious intent or meant to cause harm to the minors involved.

yall see all the apologizing i just did right, now its time for me to state my case on why i seriously thought opal was a groomer at the time i called her one. btw im not gonna work to cover mtthrws ass on this, thats something they can and should make a comment on on their own.

for some reason some people think that i called opal a groomer because i personally dont like them or have personal beef with them which. Dude?? no?? i dont go around calling people groomers because of petty bullshit. as i said before, i dont know how many people saw this doc itself. i dont know how many people are commenting on this based on context other people are posting only. the doc was not up for that long, so i want to make it clear the ways opal was shown acting in the screenshots provided. this is not to send harassment or to rag on her, shes since stated she will change how she deals with these matters in the future and i am aware of that.

excuse me for not having the screenshots to back my words up (or if i do the screenshots are mad compressed), or not having complete recollection of the exact parties involved. as said ofc the doc was taken down, im reciting this to the best of my recollection, but i think people who saw the doc themselves will be able to back me up on a good portion of this at least. during the magowhore saga, there were a lot of people who came up to opal with their concerns regarding her interaction with minors and the suggestive content she was posting, as shown by her posting the anon asks she got in the planet-popstar discord. both these screenshots and her (as well as some other adults in the server) reactions to them were recorded in the doc.

types of reactions she had were; saying they're just jokes; (joking about it in itself); it was magolors fault for being horny, not her*; thats just how magolors character is; there's a difference between a character and the person writing it so she doesn't need to take responsibility (second screenshot below); (when initially getting vagueposted about her irresponsibility regarding the magowhore saga) lamenting about how people who she liked or looked up to had liked the vaguepost/agreed that she was being irresponsible (first screenshot below); directing blame onto kirbypurrs; assuming people sending her asks with concerns were part of kirbypurrs' clique** and thus disregarded them; called asks with concerns hatemail; deflecting responsibility onto minors if they saw or were interacting with her content; said that people who had concerns about her interactions with minors should just block if they dont like it; being extremely aggressive about people coming up to her with concerns in general; saying that people getting on her ass for the whole magowhore saga was breaking her stride/lamenting about how all this had to happen right as she thought she was finally getting somewhere

and, while not opal saying these next things specifically, i thought these were notable enough to mention about that servers culture: there were people around her advising her to not say anything publicly and to just lie low and wait until this whole thing blew over because people would accuse her of deflecting responsibility if she just said it was magolors fault again, and people called anyone who came up to her with concerns "purity culture nuts" and that they needed to stop infantizing minors

and of course, we cant forget about the stuff in the document not concerning the magowhore saga, like talking about kinks in front of minors or knowing minors were reading/seeing suggestive stuff and letting it happen, as well occasionally talking to minors about suggestive things directly. and her knowing that there were minors in the server, some people who she was speaking to were minors, and people in the community were uncomfortable with her behavior around minors

*yeah i know magolor is her headspace buddy or something of the sort. still not remotely okay to effectively put your legs up about the whole affair because its not Really you doing it

**i got shittalked in this server too btw (by blue-jester and one other person) because ppl assumed i was part of purrs' clique. which, rude i havent spoken to or interacted with them in like 6 months. no clue why people are so rabid about purrs all the time.

with all that said, my point here is that i do not believe it was out of line in the slightest to believe that opal would not have listened to or taken peoples concerns seriously if asked directly, considering her stubbornness and aggressiveness about the situation for so long. i considered this behavior and her unwillingness to change or do whats appropriate as guilt and maliciousness by aggressive inaction, and her aggressiveness on the topic in general led me to believe she was going to continue this behavior for as long as she could get away with it. i understand why mtthrw thought this warranted a callout and needed more eyes on it for things to change. thats not to say i dont think they shouldnt have at least tried to settle this with the involved people in private beforehand, but i think people have downplayed what opal did (or at the very least, i havent seen anyone comment on the sheer extent of her stubbornness regarding this like above) in favor of getting up in arms against mtthrw for calling opal a groomer when they arent. which again, yeah yeah i know its totally fair to get upset at them for that + the leaking minors names thing, but the thing thats baffling me here is that i keep hearing people say mtthrw wanted minors to be hurt by making that doc. i think this was a callout post made with good intentions--mtthrws openness with hearing out and taking suggestions and concerns with the doc when i initially came up to them about it said a lot--but handled rather badly and needing a lot more peer review before being posted publicly.

thats really my view on this.

also for the record, since some people think this conflict is a "we need to protect the pure teenages who cant handle hearing the word 'penis' uwu" issue, its not. im not an idiot, i know people get into all that stuff before theyre properly of age all the time. its practically a teenager rite of passage, frankly id be more surprised if they didnt get into that somehow. my issue has always, always been concerns with minors and adults engaging in suggestive talk in the same space. i literally could not give less of a shit if it were two 15 or 16 year olds talking about sex together in a server of only minors. opal is a college graduate, 21+. the minors interacting with her were 15-17. the adults in that server didnt groom them, but acceptance of that behavior leaves those minors wide-open to being okay with similar scenarios with people who don't have good intentions in the future.

i myself used to consume nsfw content as young as 15. coincidently, i was also a hardcore proshipper and impressionable kid at this time, who thought they knew what they were doing and always had all the answers. i wasnt groomed or anything, but those experiences affected me. i interacted with adults in suggestive and inappropriate ways looking back at it, just like this situation. my former experiences (and the fact that some stuff the adults in that server said, such deflecting responsibility onto minors even if theyre in the same convo as adults, and calling anyone who disagreed with them purity culture nuts, closely reflects some proshipper arguments) led me to jump the gun on believing there was malicious intent from the adults in that server. so again, im sorry and take full responsibility for being so rash in my actions. i sincerely hope all involved parties learn from this and be better in the future, including myself. i've never wanted minors to be hurt from this. to people in my own discord server, i hope that my own rules regarding suggestive talk/content, even despite my server already being 17+ on its own, show that this is a topic ive always cared about and taken seriously. i do not want people to make the same mistakes i did

as ive said before, theres a line in which minors take responsibility for consuming this content. if a kid purposely lies about their age to get access to 18+ material, that's on them. if a kid is openly engaging in suggestive and innappropiate talks with adults, even as a joke, thats on the adults.

by the way, on the point of accidently hurting minors, would anyone mind filling me in on why i keep hearing people say minors will get harassed from this? i talked to like 5 people about it and literally no one had a clue. as far as i know, the two sides on this issue are "the minors were victims and the adults were at fault" and "the minors did nothing wrong because they chose to interact with the material", neither of which warrant any grievances against the minors involved. like /gen /srs if anyone knows fill me in because i am lost on why in the world people would attack the affected party

#negative #*gardening noises* #tw grooming #and before anyone says it yes i know that doc was flawed in many ways #but i thought what was there was more than damning enough #considering she also acted like stated on main #ALSO if it needed to be said. i am not mtthrws buddy or know them in any way #someone accused me of being mtthrw in private and like. no #im not even in that server and i dont have the time to make a 242 page doc #and also also if it needed to be said yeah a fucking lot of the adults in the server are at fault #im just not focusing on that because thats not mostly who the callout post was about #and jester is a whole other thing now since they confirmed theyre a minor #okay do we have our bases covered? yeah?

[skunkes]

when twitter inevitably dies are you planning on going to a newer site like bluesky? or are u just gonna stick to Tumblr? I remember u said you liked(?) having that separation between a public art profile and a personal space for doodles and thoughts

ill probably stick to tumblr, saw a post about all of bskys missing features and i dont think it seems worth it yet LOL I'm waiting for it to become more viable before any potential migration, which i know is a bad idea but ive done it before (i didnt use twitter actively at all until ppl fled tumblr)

I was gonna say "ill probably make a separate account then for talkys" but this IS my personal space blog. I have an art blog @inchworme which shld be what ppl follow if they dont wanna see my talking.... Maybe i would make a whole separate account for art anyway as my art blog is a sideblog and yea i do like the separation of art and non art dashboards as is the case with my main and private twitters (⬅️ sorry, not what u asked im jst rambling now)

#itll be hard bc comms are impossible to get on here but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it #anonymous #skunk mail #long post

[enneamage]

I got this ask as an account of a person who spent some time in Poppy, the content is very intense so I’ll be putting it under a readmore.

Tw, rape, gore, poppytwt etc. i was a part of poppytwt very briefly when i was practically prepubescent, and it's safe to say that most people i met were minors. Even while they were shunned by their "morally superior" counterparts (main as they called it) i remember very clearly that there would be call out posts done on groomers in the community twice a week. The shunning made poppytwt a very unsafe community, and that led to a lot of predators seeking it out and fostering an unhealthy space for kids. We were all private, and the priv accounts always had a dislike for open ones as they broke the "rules" that went unspoken in the community. Under no circumstances were the cc's shown or were told about the things being talked about ( being priv made that easier ). What might have been a safer nsfw community ( idk how that would work but alas) turned into one of Very very violent ones. The minors in poppytwt were mostly victims. It was their way if coping i guess? So a lot of these shipping fantasies almost always turned either violent or outright illegal. I was a part of fandom culture from a very young age, so i liked shipping and playing with characters as they were my dolls. I'm sure there were more like me ( non violent i guess? ) but the community almost always consisted of rape and violent fantasies. It pushed what normally would be a healthy thing for teenagers to think ( tommyinnit is hot! or like wow tubbo and tommy are so gay and in love ahhahaa) and turned them into INSANE ones. Poppytwt was mostly go big or go home. Either you write rape fanfiction of ur favs or you go back to main. That was one of the reasons i left, i just wanted to play around and make my favorite characters fall in love. I was in this community for about 2 months and i still somehow can't wrap my brain around it. My tl mostly consisted of 15 year olds whining about school work and talking about cc's. We were all kids man, the oldest person i met was 19. A lot of predators got called out regularly, and the things they did was absolutely INSANE. i would have to retweet call out posts consisting of literal sexual abuse, stalking, rape, and very very gore-y death threats. It was just such an unsafe community for such vulnerable kids. I was friends with alice ( very briefly ) and i had multiple people i knew go offline or off the grid because of what happened to him. I miss her very dearly, and he was also one of the reasons i left. I remember seeing him tweeting about how suicidal or guilty they felt, and there was nothing i could do about it. She was a kid. They had SO MUCH to live for. i do not endorse rape fantasies or anything of the sort, but what i am more opposed to is the shunning of vulnerable kids. why were we treated as predators when most of us were victims? I dont know. i guess im just rambling now. Sorry for any spelling mistakes, english isn't my first language.

This lines up with what I’ve seen and heard, the way that older and younger people were all in the same place for different reasons and then escalated from there. I think it’s important to keep the people who were victims of circumstance for all this in mind when people talk about Poppy, since so many of them were young troubled people as you said.

#poppy warn tag #cw: sexualization of a minor #cw: grooming #tw: rape #tw: suicide

[nndefunctlolgoawaypls]

i was wrongfully harassed by several accounts over the fact that my snake I shipped (named Arson) to a very lovely person who wanted to take him in made some posts suggested I scammed them out of $100. but that isnt the case and we worked out details privately. Long story short the delivery truck transporting Arson was involved in a highway wreck, rerouted to another city and his shipping box was wrongly packaged with all the non-live animal shipments on that particular truck to a storage facility/local PO. Idk why they didnt have him in a temperature controlled van or truck or whatever when I paid $53.47 for overnight live reptile shipping but whatever i dont work in a PO thank god. so anyway please disregard any further posts on the subject as i have always been a very private person who wants my privacy back since the matter is settled between me and the other party involved. If Arson is alive then they are coming to pick him up in person to avoid anything like this further. Im also trying to pay back the $100 anyway since there's a chance right now hes dead in storage and I feel its very wrong to take money without handing over the final product (what people sent me death threats over and accused me of doing) etc etc. So that all said I'm not making any other donation posts or rehoming posts on Tumblr either for my mental health should something like this occur again and the information gets twisted into something it just isnt by random followers of the main ppeoole involved, yknow before its all on the table by all parties, which I fins weird because i NEVER, EVER assume guilt (though perhaps I'm too navie idk). I think it was a mistake at all to try to rehome a live animal on this site and im sorry for any drama, hurt, or anything else I caused in this intentionally or not. It isnt my fault the PO didnt immediately inform me the truck wrecked but Its my mistake for not sharing that I didn't know what was going on with his shipment before it got out of hand.

I wont be posting here again either, I'm not "running away from drama" so mucb as I have servere PTSD and shit, and I cant really find peace on a blog I got sent multiple very highly specific death threats and messages to. And was told I hope I do end up homeless on, after I have been traumatized by being homeless as a kid And as an adult. So its a tough decision but a final one, this blog will be deleted soon ✌️

Peace out, I wont be around and you'll never find me unless you know me

#snapjock #moonbearfarm

[blood-bound]

(g-c) ttrpg asks: 6, 14, 22, 24 for mark

6. what quality do they like the most about themselves?

Mark would consider it his ability to learn - in game terms this is a mix of resolve in intelligence - able to buckle down, focus on something, and apply it. When young, thats how he was able to get out of his small town on scholarships, then how he got his PhD, and now that he's dead? How he learned blood sorcery so fast :)

He's proud of those accomplishments!

14. do you have a favourite conversation that they’ve had with another character? briefly describe it!

im gonna ignore that the question says briefly

Oh wow there's been some really good ones with Sampson but actually! My favorite is a positive one :) its between him and a character named Lucius. Lucius takes a lot of explaining but in short at this point in the story he was a ghoul who was showing Mark around the chantry... Mark found out he was adopted by Gaius ... Gaius is the Regeant and Tremere primogen and as of now seemed like a hardass (also eternal enemy of Mark's sire) but Lucius is super super pure and happy and uhg. we love him.

Anyway point is he was showing Mark the chantry. There is a long secret subway ride to get to the chantry cause its far underground. So early on Lucius and Mark had a long time to talk because he'd take him down each ride.

One ride Mark ended up telling him about history, Lucius said he liked that cause normally he couldn't focus on it and learn and he said Mark was a good teacher.

Later, on one ride, he asked Mark to explain FATHERS DAY TO HIM. God. So adorable. Also in that conversation Mark commented on how he was a 'private person' and Lucius was like "I dunno, you don't seem that way to me!" because honestly yeah Mark did tell him a lot, like even that he didn't see his parents often. Anyway Mark had opened up a bit cause Lucius was a rare person he could have a nonstressful nice conversation with. He got to go 'teacher mode' too and he loves teaching. Ugh. So fucking nice.

This was in the first 2 weeks of Mark being both dead and conscious (he was keep staked for awhile) so like. Nice ray of sunshine. And really nice Rp moments of being in the subway and having tht conversation. God. Was so good. I MISS LUCIUS SO MUCH. And Mark misses him a bit too.

22. if they were to have a social media profile, what would it look like? the username, bio, type of thing they’d post about, etc.

Oh if Mark was more in modern times he'd definitely have like a professor twitter where he retweets cool historical discoveries and tweets links to papers his colleagues have published that he likes. The username would definitely be something like DrMark or something LOL. The bio would be very short and would just be like. Roman History Lover; UC Alumni; Ask me about my latest research. Very little personal stuff on it at all. His profile pic would be himself but he really wouldn't post pictures otherwise unless its of some university event.

He'd have a private twitter with a username like Markisveryfunny that has like. 12 followers. He never uses it but it exists. He mostly uses it to follow accounts he doesn't want to on his main.

24. are they good at keeping secrets? does it depend on how big the secret is?

Yes. Especially his own - he's been doing it for awhile, just being closeted for example. For other's secrets - He's ok at it, because of just like. How things are. The stakes are pretty high and such. Mark's not stupid. Secrets are only worth telling if he gets something out of it now.

And there are some people he'd never betray - Julius and Sampson - and some that would take a LOT to do so - Rose and Oswald (sorry if u dont know them but its too much to explain). And he has his own secrets that would be REALLY RELALY BAD if they got out.

He used to be even more naturally secretive but Julius has been manipulating him to be less so for his own purposes.

#mark vtm oc #OOO THSE WERE SOME GOOD ONES TY

[serenado-exe]

hey im the person who originally made the post on tumblr (not the twitter one that cherrypicked screenshots) and thank u for ur post. the main talking point in my original post was the tribe cheese and i hate that everything was boiled down to only the older screenshots because it ended with me being harassed & my life being ruined because people misinterpreted an age regression term i was using as me being a pedophile. like my life was actually genuinely ruined by this shit. so thank you for actually focusing on my main point and talking about it because i dont have any legs to stand on anymore atp

i would answer this privately if not for anon, because you've been through a lot, but i'm sorry this has happened to you. i've been doxxed several times over just, speaking as a queer afroindigenous person online and it's never easy being picked apart and lambasted. it never really sticks in a way that matters, but i know what that's like. your life will return to normalcy even if everything is on fire right now. people only care about the controversy for as long as it's trendy to talk about. if you haven't already, back up your blog(s) and consider changing your url, going private, or migrating to a new account. you're not obligated to watch everything burn, and you can choose who you reach out to and who gets a hold of you this way. if you need to talk to someone, i'll be here. i never got to see your post thanks to all the twitter screenshots flooding the discussion :( the second i saw screenshots, i knew everyone would zero in on the date and do what they did. it's heartbreaking to know that you were trying to focus on the anti-indigenous racism and even that context got snatched from you, because it always does. someone saw your intentions, decided your point about indigenous people wasn't relevant (people think we're all dead and don't play games) and divorced it from your post.

you didn't deserve that. thank you for speaking about it regardless, and i hope things make sense again for you soon.

#ask.exe

[glitchbirds]

tmi/transitioning related things (mostly centered around surgery in this specific post), mildly nsfw at points. also this is very long

ok why do i find it easier to talk about these things on here, a public account where strangers and vague acquaintances follow me, than on my private twitter where only friends (mostly v close ones) follow me. idk. it just feels less embarrassing (IE: humiliating) if i picture the intended audience as more neutral/mixed and not consisting of multiple people who have met me in person and/or who have known me since middle/high school

also this is very rambly and maybe not coherent. apologies. this has been swirling in the back of my head since last night and im just throwing it into text post form and proceeding to pretend to forget it exists.

i feel like for most of my life i was extremely ambivalent about top/bottom surgery personally because i had such a detached sense of self (let alone attachment to my physical body) that i just didnt care. and as i got older i at least reached a point of like, ok, top surgery is definitely in the cards because i dont like my chest and its more of an inconvenience than anything, but i never really thought of it as like, overtly dysphoria-inducing to have breasts? my main issue was (and still is) always just how other people view their presence on my body. ive tried wearing a binder a grand total of two times, but it was uncomfortable (esp since i am Fat) and just drew my attention MORE to their presence. and this year it finally hit me that a lot of my current issues w/ my chest are resolved if i just… dont wear bras anymore. because just like a binder, bras mean im constantly thinking about the pressure on my chest. so i dont and im significantly better off for it, even though i Am constantly worried by the possibility of people staring. like. i have a big chest unfortunately and (sorry) the nipples are constantly making their presence known. but like. even when i wore bras the nipples constantly showed and i hated THAT too but at least now i dont think about them as much when im in public unless im speaking to someone directly, but then i can at least cross my arms or something.

ftr. the knowledge that just Deleting The Nipples Outright is even an Option with top surgery was a game changer and ive been set on that for years. i honestly think if you forced me to chose between removing the breasts and keeping the nipples, or removing the nipples and keeping the breasts, id have to think about it for a long time before deciding, because i think the latter option would solve way more of my remaining dysphoria than the former. having a chest does not bother me tremendously because again I Am Fat and fat cis men can have large chests too, so it doesnt feel like it automatically makes me read as A Woman to strangers... just in combination with other factors.

(in the end i would probably settle on top surgery and keeping the nipples if i HAD to, if only because i suspect the breasts to have some connection to chronic pain, but it wouldnt be ideal for me. i want these bitches gone.)

as for bottom surgery… WELL. no one on this god damn website(or twt) likes talking about bottom surgery seriously, or at least no one i know, which is unfortunate because it makes me feel like im alone here in caring about it in any capacity. i feel like a lot of my transmasc/trans guy friends only want(ed) top surgery and dont care about bottom surgery, which is absolutely fine and i support that and love that, but it does make it feel very difficult to even acknowledge the possibility that i might want it for myself because its like theres no precedent. (and ofc theres also the possibility that out of my friends there are others who are in the same boat as me and just dont want to talk about it publicly, which. Very Fair because clearly i am also having issues just Talking About It.)

ive also gone back and forth over wanting it for years, and then back and forth about what Kind i’d want, though ive learned over time that phallo is preferred for fat transmasc ppl and its probably what i would lean more towards getting for myself regardless of that. though the fact that its more expensive/can have more complications/requires more surgical procedures and longer recovery time, Does Scare Me A Bit, and that circles back into the aforementioned "i feel like a freak talking about this at all in the first place" feeling... like i dont even know how to talk about having these concerns in the first place because i feel like nearly everyone i know has simply decided to not bother with this and will somehow judge me for wanting it for myself. even though im aware thats nonsense. idk. just the fact that its literally Dick Surgery combined with my usual aggressively high levels of self-isolation = This Is The Most Humiliating Topic In The World To Me. how dare i acknowledge to others that i possess genitalia or that i may wish to alter them in some fashion to feel more comfortable. i feel like if i DID go through w/ getting phallo i would just go radio silent online throughout the whole process for months on end because id be too nervous to even acknowledge its happening.

which, in general is also something i wish i could fix in myself. :/ i have spent the majority of my life becoming more and more private and for the most part i dont think thats a bad thing but it unfortunately is/was combined with a lot of repression and trauma and im just barely beginning to fully untangle some of that and now im in a place where i dont WANT to be as reticent as i am but it feels impossible to really stop; and/or i feel like people ive known for years will be shocked and appalled if i suddenly acknowledge the fact that i am a human being capable of carnal thought. like, man, fucking look at the way im talking about this and dancing around the subjects. look at it. i am twenty five years old. i am a mess.

i think my other major concern w/ phallo that i didnt already note above is connected to this- i dont mind the idea of having skin graft scars, but i DO mind the possibility of someone looking at a scar on my arm and being able to tell. you know? like idk, someone knowing im trans and seeing that scar and suddenly Knowing the state of my genitalia without me even acknowledging it. which is probably. me being extremely paranoid for no good reason, because phallo isnt the only procedure in the world that requires skin grafts, most people in the world are not super well versed in Transmasc Surgery details, i could chose less obvious sites for skin grafts like the thigh, etc. but the thought just makes me deeply uncomfortable. though not AS uncomfortable as it used to make me? testosterone has done a LOT for me the past few months to make some of these things matter less to me and get me over some of these hangups i have had for the majority of my life and i am deeply deeply grateful for that. like i can guarantee i would not be making this post if i was not on T because i would just be too freaked out by the vague possibility of anyone actually reading this fucking Manifesto im crafting here.

idkkkk. it wouldnt be the end of the world if i decide against getting bottom surgery in the near-ish future- or ever- but like. GRIMACING ok let me rip THIS bandaid off, i have never in my entire life been comfortable with penetration . it is either uncomfortable or outright painful. i suspect i have vaginismus or something similar, and i know there are treatments for that and i could eventually reach a point where i Am comfortable with it, but frankly i do not Care. while there are times where i may wish that this was not a problem i have, i am mostly content with allowing a significant portion of my equipment to remain in relative disuse.

so like. idk. frankly it would probably be better for me to go through the whole process of bottom surgery so i actually have Fully Functional Genitals for the first time ever. ftr even typing that sentence makes me want to die i am like at war with myself and my own prudishness even when i am as vague as possible. i am also cutting out a LOT of other details rn because i would probably just keel over from a heart attack if i Did include them.

Ok Well. i have talked for like 1500 words about my problems disorders and publicly humiliated myself enough for one day. if youve read through this whole thing you have nothing but my apologies. and also my gratitude. but mostly the apologies.

#i went out of my way to figure out how to disable reblogs for this post instead of just trying to make it look unappealing to reblog #so that should tell you something #txt

[thinkingnot]

introducing the great thinker -> me <-

Welcome to the Great Apartment

we are now flat m8s

pronouns: he/him (giggling and twirling my hair)

super cool with any terms to be referred as king, queen, idk hoodie, beez, mister landlord anythin really im cool and love

pseudos: Hoodie/Beez/Fern

mains: Yu Wo (author), Trevor Noah, Priest (author), Rood Chrishi & Kielnode Chrishi & Lanoste & Yujeria (characters from Black Haze the manhwa) and a bit of everyone else (just a dash, a pinch)

(colored means i think about them 24/7 :))

ask, spam notis, message, pop off. i like interactions (not very good at responding might be awkward sorry)

tags list:

#nsfw <- any post/rb that contains explicit implications via wordings, imagery, etc..

#hoodie’s ask <- send asks!!! me answer!!!! :D

#tenant <- for anonymous asks!! :]

#hoodie’s real <- hoodie irl related

#hoodie’s day ratings <- also irl related but im rating it >:)

#correct watcher entertainment quotes <- watcher entertainment hyperfixitation brrrr

batfam fic rec <- yall were right i shouldve got onto the bat train a long time ago dammit (includes: copious danny phantom and spiderman crossover)

#orv correct quotes <- omniscient reader’s viewpoint quotes yoooo

#vomit <- ??? idk ive just realized i talk about vomit way too much might as well as warn ya (i do include a warning tag, the #tw vomit)

#hoodie’s doodles <- it is what it iss

#hoodie reads

#hoodie travels

#thinkingaboutmusic <- where i think abkut music and mostly fangirl over wilbur soot, nf, imagine dragons, mitski & more

#hoodie’s definitions <- i define things for fun

#banish the baddies <- self care, for when you get not nice thoughts and maybe a little bit sad or a lot. i got some little things for you to do or maybe just a distraction. you can reply/rb to these and i will see them or maybe you can do the things in private if you want!!

#fic events things <- i join fic events

#live-fic-react <- haha so im an avid fic reader

#not sponsored but promo for cool shits <- i see good stuffs, i share good stuffs :D

#confession slash jay <- usually accompanied with #or is it cuz i make them when i am in silly goofy mood /lh /hj to all of em’

#correct mcyt quotes <- quotes that are from streams vids or idk any social medias and is canon/real - i will add the source

#fics recs <- uhhhh fics recs :D (me read, they’re good, me recs, they’re probably-definitely all tommyinnit-centric)

#gender <- when i am feeling gender :)

#ranble <- when i randomly ramble

#personal <- ehhhhhh it’s like when i’m bored imma say shit that’s well personal and nobody asked 😎

#hoodie’s art <- when i doodle on the paper and decided to bring it to show and tell

#hoodie’s achievements <- i’ve done things! hooray!! no matter what those things are (ie: felonies, awards, how lonely i am, aged,.etc..)

#hoodie’s lil siblings <- self explanatory

#hoodie’s mc skins <- i made mc skins!

so back on 23rd April my account was bleh

@thinkingaboutaus

@thinkingaboutirlstreams

o7, you’ll be missed

i literally don’t even know how all my blogs just got wiped off i didn’t even do anything

ps: if u recognize me pls tell i forgot all my moots urls ;-;

thanks m8’s

update:

im back babyyyyy

but im too lazy to re-login rn so….. actually….

idk imma just use two accounts from now (probably one on the computer and one on the fone) <- i in fact is still too lazy

[just-antithings]

just anti things: invading one of the ONLY chill fandoms left on the internet because god forbid a artist draws nsfw and puts it on a private account and their main has a few minor followers but the main is fairly harmless because GOD FORBID a person ships a humanized lizard with a child whos ability makes the lizard harmless.

God fucking dammit the antis have invaded scp and I want to die but I wont die cause i have a series to make and if antis swarm my series to complain about me shipping a shapeshifting dog angel whos as old as time with a 10000 year old cyborg, im personally fist fighting antis behind the Seven11 at 3 am.

I am angry because there is no longer a anti free fandom because god fucking dammit

I’m sorry, that really sucks

#ask #just anti things #mod erin

[franeridart]

Anon said: i dont know what blue lock is but that art you just posted is making me interested lol

AHHHHH please getting people interested in it is all my life is about lately hahahaha it’s a sports manga about soccer! Kind of!! Definitely has all the good sides of sports manga, but it’s also different enough from the usual sports manga that I know people who aren’t huge sports manga fan who loved every second of it, please do give it a try if you find yourself with the time for it! It’s such a cool manga!!!

Anon said: I don't even like BNHA anymore, haven't for more than a year, but your blog still has me shipping the characters somehow. I live for your KiriBaku content (and your KamiJirou stuff, when you post it!)

Gosh, I’m glad I can make you like them still!! It’s such a compliment, honestly ;A; <3

Anon said: so i was looking through your art and stuff and was wondering "hey i wonder if theyve ever drawn voltron stuff" and tbh, i didnt expect you to have

To be fair, if you checked it means that at least a little you thought it was possible lol I haven’t watched anything past s1 of it though, so the chances of me ever picking it up again are less than zero

Anon said: You... are one of the loves of my life... and also the main reason I check tumblr everyday lol.

Anon!!! You’re gonna make me blush here!!!!! ;;;; thank you so much!

Anon said: i started reading bluelock because of u and now im obsessed soooo,,,,, thanks!❤️😭

SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!

Anon said: Hii, do you have a Spotify account? If you do, can you share it? I really like the songs u use on your arts, and I would love to see your Playlists Sorry if it's already on your FAQ, I didn't find it And sorry for my bad English ps. I LOVE YOUR KIRIBAKU ARTS THANK YOU

I don’t! I listen to all my music from youtube, because I’m that kind of person lmao happy to hear we share music tastes, though! And thank you so much!!! <3

Anon said: What's your favorite arc of ToG both story wise and art wise?

SCREAMS I don’t know!!!! I’ve been thinking about this ask since getting it I have genuinely zero clue I love all arcs so much for so many different reasons!!!!! The first that comes to mind when I think about it is the workshop battle arc, because I love Viole with everything I have and the whole arc (plus the build up to it too!!) hurts in the most wonderful way, but then I keep thinking about it and I realize there’s so many character I live for that don’t appear in it - I love the floor of death arc SO MUCH cause for one, there’s nearly all my favorite characters in it, and also because it’s such a good, dynamic arc?? everything that happens is so much fun and interesting?? also Hockney is there, and Urek is there, and Garam is there, and the Hell Train gang is all there, so!! AH and the hell train as a whole is so damn good (the dallar show???? my whole soul rests in there, Khun’s trust in Bam!! the coin flip with rachel!! Bam’s whole everything!!!!!!!! GAH) but my fav part of it has to be the hidden floor?? because!!!!!! it’s perfect from start to end, everyone in it is wonderful, Bam’s growth in it!!! GODS! My favorite scene in the whole webtoon is in the hidden floor arc, it’s how much I love it - THEN THERE’S YAMA and the whole arc there is so so SO good too, and the latest arc!! how good is the latest arc!!!!!

so yeah I can’t pick - art wise I think it goes without saying that SIU’s art has only gotten better, so the closest to the newest update you go the more I like the art.... though, my favorite Bam is still the short haired one from the Hell Train arc haha

Anon said: Oh, wow, how stupid of me. Like 2 months ago, I sent you a message telling you how much I loved your work... and I didn’t see it on your page, or anywhere else. Finally today, I discovered I had an inbox where you answered me... 🤦‍♀️... I still love your work, by the way...

AHHH yeah I always answer off-anon asks privately! And thank you so much for still liking my things!!

Anon said: Have you read the last haikyuu chapter? How did you feel about it?

I’ve reread it at least twenty times and then I went and reread the whole of the last game again and it’s been three weeks and I’m still thinking about it more or less constantly and feeling giddy happy about everything that manga has ended up being, genuinely one of the best manga I’ve ever had the pleasure of following till the very end - that’s how I feel about it <3

Anon said: I really like looking at your art it’s so therapeutic it’s wonderful please keep drawing I want to support you on Kofi and patreon and yet I am broke please just know I love u very much ok bye

Ahhhh it’s okay anon! I try to keep as little completely unavailable for my followers as I can, and I’ll do my best to keep drawing! Can’t promise the fandoms will always be stuff you care about though haha

Anon said: This is my FAVORITE art blog. Is blog even a word that ppl use anymore?? Idk but anyways your kiribaku gives me life and cures my depression so ily and thank u

I’m so so happy to hear that! Thank you so much!!! TTATT <3

Anon said: just now realizing your oc looks like the human version of kamakiri

To be fair the only thing they have in common is the green mohawk, but I get where you’re coming from! I was very happy when Kamakiri’s official colors came out exactly cause he makes me think about my boy, after all xD my love for Kamakiri is definitely biased, in that sense haha

Anon said: Just wanted to let u know im very gay for ur oc giulia that is all thanks

Anon I’m gonna cry I’m so glad you like her!!!!!!!!!! She’s one of my oldest OCs out of that group, it’s always so thrilling to know people like her ;A; <3

Anon said: I really like how you draw kirishima’s hair

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of fun with it, though it does mean it ends up being kinda off canon more often than not haha

Anon said: hi! just a random question but how’d you come up with your name?

Fran is my name! Erid comes from Eridan from homestuck! Art is what I try to do! And that’s the incredibly interesting story behind my screen name haha

Anon said: Heya, so i sent the ask about the person who i suspect either heavily referenced or traced your art (i sent another ask about this tho im not sure if it went through) anyway, it was posted by ****************** you'll know it when you see it i think

Ahhhhhh sorry for how long this took me to answer, I went to check and it’s!!! fine, I mean, would have preferred if they had credited but I don’t think it was completely traced so I don’t mind too much, I used to copy art of people I liked too back when I was first starting, after all haha

#fran answers #many chattering tonight #anyway yes please do go check blue lock out I assure everyone it's a cool af manga #long post #also spoilers for tog in one of the answers #i went off there hahaha

[softcocoa]

Mm I went through the person’s stuff and they have a lot of private stuff there since it’s their main and they used it a lot to begin with. I dunno I feel like it’s one thing to hate ships and people who ship them and it’s another to criticize them for shipping AU characters (which, by all accounts, is what they did, never did they say they ship anything canonically so) personally I think she should have just blocked and ignored and whoever noticed them would do the same thing since That’s what the button is for to begin with. Don’t like, don’t interact.

Also ah sorry, I had been told doxxing can also include revealing the name of the person (which they did) so I was confused a bit but yeah, there’s one thing to write about AU’s and keep everyone happy and there’s another to personally create threads just so people can see it and harass them. Like I guess an example would be AoiAoi which is pretty toxic in its own but you wouldn’t create a whole thread about the shipper because of their AU shipping them, would you?

look im not going about that stuff here, i absolutely dont care. What im saying is that isn’t doxxing. If someone makes a call out about me and they say my username, which is Softcocoa. That’s literally my public and main account, I’m not gonna say someone is doxxing me by saying my username to their followers because that’s literally the account i use for everything, that’s my public username. A call out post is different than doxxing, I’m not gonna say someone is doxxing me only bc of that.

Also, if i have a carrd or i have in any part of my account, my name, and the person calls me by that name, i wont say is doxxing either. I just, I know what happened and i know this person had their name in their carrd. This is public information.

I don’t care what happened about whatever the person ships and whatever AUs they have and whatever drama that happened, but saying someone is doxxing (which is an illegal thing to do) is a serious accusation to make about someone and i sure hope you havent been saying this to other people, specially saying the name of the person you say “doxxed”. 

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

#badbitch #spiritual development #self improvement #selfcare #main character #music #singer #aestheitcs