My Mind Is A Mess In The Morning
A/N: Hi! I haven’t written a blurb in a long long time, so I apologize if this sucks. I am easing back into writing again. Feedback and criticisms are welcome! Thanks xx
The song I was listening to when this idea came to mind was called My Mind Is A Mess in the Morning by Nick Leng.
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“‘Cause, oh, my mind is a mess in the morning
And you've seen when I break and when I fall
But somehow, it's the same, you love me through the rain
I'm amazed that you wanted someone like me”
You awoke to the sound of rain drumming on the window. You blinked as you let your eyes adjust to the dim light filtering through your curtains. The streetlight outside the window flickered ever so slightly. You became aware of an extra weight on your body and looked down at the sleeping form half laying on top of you. Your boyfriend’s head was tucked snuggly under your chin, one arm and one leg draped across your body. You remembered falling asleep like that- he claimed it helped him fall asleep faster when he could listen to your heartbeat.
Sighing, you slid out from under him, careful not to jostle him too much. You grabbed a throw blanket that was draped over the old chair in the corner and wrapped it around your shoulders as you shuffled quietly out of the room. You made your way to the bathroom, where you blinked at yourself in the floor length mirror. You dropped the blanket, letting it pool around your feet. Your eyes scanned your reflection. You stood there in just one of your boyfriend’s oversized t-shirts. You weren’t sure how long you stood there for- totally still. But with every passing moment you hated what you were seeing more and more.
You looked at your face. It was too round, and your lips were too thin. Your eyes trailed downward. Your waist wasn’t as thin as it used to be… wasn’t as toned as it was once upon a time. Lower still your gaze dropped, settling on your thighs. Bigger than you remembered them being- when did they start to grow? You looked at yourself up and down again. This time, when your eyes met the ones in your reflection, they glinted with tears. You barely even recognized the person in the mirror.
You sank to the floor and pulled your scarred knees to your chest. Now the tears were flowing from your eyes as you pressed your lips to your knees, hoping to muffle the sound of your sobs. You had to be quiet- your boyfriend, Will, was a fairly light sleeper and you didn’t want him to find you like this. He knew you had body image issues, but you had managed to hide your darkest moments from him thus far. You knew his heart would break at the sight of you curled up on the bathroom floor, sobbing over your appearance.
But, alas, it was too late. Between your ragged breathing you heard gentle taps on the door.
“Love? Are you in there?” Will asked, his voice hoarse with sleep.
“Yes, Will. I will be out in a minute. Go back to bed.” You said softly, hoping that your lowered tone would hide the watery sound of your voice.
There wasn’t a response, but the doorknob began to turn. You cursed under your breath at the sight of it. I should have locked the damn door, you thought to yourself. The door eased open and Will’s head poked into view. His bedhead would usually make you laugh, under different circumstances. It stuck out in different directions, falling into his eyes, which squinted against the fluorescent lighting of the bathroom. A flare of panic shot through your chest, and as if on queue the rain on the roof came down harder.
“Y/N, wha- what’s wrong?” Will stuttered, his eyes widening as he threw the door open the rest of the way.
“Nothing Wilbur, I’m fine…” You started, but even as the words came out of your mouth you knew they were futile. Will had already seen you, the façade wouldn’t work now.
Will, shook his head, his expression soft. Without saying a word, he sunk to floor, shifting and repositioning until he was behind you, a long leg on either side of your legs. His arms snaked around your body, pulling back against his chest. Your eyes met his in the reflection, and he smiled softly at you. He remained silent while you caught your breath, his hands gripping yours tightly. You were grateful for the silence. You didn’t feel much like talking, and honestly- Will’s presence was enough to calm you down.
“Feeling a little better, Darling?” Will asked, nuzzling his chin into the spot where your neck sloped into your shoulder.
“A little, yes,” You nodded your head. “Thanks, Will. I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“Don’t apologize! I will always be here if you need me,” He started, his voice soft. “Maybe you could tell me what had you so upset? I can talk it out with you, if you want?”
You were unsure what to say- you didn’t want to burden him with your silly body image issues, but you knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “It’s nothing really. I was just looking at myself in the mirror and I was just overwhelmed by how unattractive I am. I don’t know when I started to look like this but something has got to change…” You trailed off when you met his eyes in the mirror. For a moment, his eyes sparked with what looked like anger.
“You, my love, are the most beautiful person I have ever seen,” He nearly shouted, shock coating each word. “You have no idea how many times a day I think about how lucky I am to be in a relationship with someone so beautiful, genuine, funny, kind-”
“Alright, Wilbur. I get that you feel that way, but I don’t feel that way majority of the time. It’s hard Will… I scroll online and I just see the most gorgeous people in the world. Every other post is some instagram model with the most insane body… It’s hard not to compare myself-” You played with his fingers absentmindedly as you spoke, but you stopped speaking when his hands abruptly left yours and he was suddenly twisting your body to face him.
“They don’t have anything on you, Darling. I promise you that.” He stated earnestly, and for some reason you believed him. It was like every doubt in your mind was melting away.
“It really amazes me sometimes, you know that?” You asked, cupping his face gently, your thumb tracing the curve of his lower lip.
“What does?” He asked, one eyebrow quirking up in interest.
“That you wanted someone like me.” You stated matter-of-factly. But before he could respond, you pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. When you pulled away slightly, you knew you wore the same lovesick smile he had on his face. You wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him close to you. He took that as an opportunity to lift you off the floor as he stood to his full height. You giggled as he carried you to the bedroom and tossed you down on the bed. He climbed onto the bed, settling half on top of you again.
Sleep started to take hold again, but just before you gave in and let sleep take you, you heard Will murmur into your chest. It was hard to understand, but you were pretty certain it was something along the lines of “I’m amazed that you chose someone like me.” And just like that, you fell asleep under the weight of your boyfriends body, without a worry in the world.
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Bitter Beginnings And Sweet Endings
Image sources: all found on Pinterest
In which- the most "desirable" family isn't as desirable or joyful when you become a part of it
Series info: Alcohol consumption, trauma infliction, neglect, disregard of safety, drug references, derogatory language, escape, panic and anxiety attacks, isolation, reader POV (occasionally switches POV), reader has a good relationship with Techno (o7), lowercase intentional, not canon (however it does include some canon info and events). This is overall info, but I will add warnings to the chapters
A/n: I was listening to music on a car trip and I heard a bunch of songs with good storyline so I added them to a playlist and created this :). The "Series info" covers the entire series
Pronouns: Varying (You/Yours or They/Them)
Playlist:
Masterlist:
Chapter 1 - I Overheard (That She Was Nineteen)
Chapter 2 - I Just Want To Make A Change (I Just Wanna Change)
Chapter 3 - You Said Something Dumb (Again)
Chapter 4 - I Just Wanna Slam My Head (Against The Wall)
Chapter 5 - Suck It Up (Suck It Up)
Chapter 6 - Places, Places (Get In Your Places)
Chapter 7 - They Taught Me Everything (Just Like A Daddy Should)
Chapter 8 - I Said Too Much (It Overflowed)
Chapter 9 - It Goes, All My Troubles (On A Burning Pile)
Chapter 10 - But I'll Know (I'll Know)
Bonus 1 - Your Only Daughter Drowned (Today)
Bonus 2 - But I Don't Need (The Comfort Of Any Lies)
Bonus 3 - You've Ruined The Colour (Blue For Me)
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[IVE - LOVE DIVE: porcelainrose song series]
Psd: @opulenceps
IVE png’s: @harupsds
Other content: freepink and rawpixel
네가 참 궁금해 그건 너도 마찬가지 (Ooh, ooh)
이거면 충분해 쫓고 쫓는 이런 놀이
참을 수 없는 이끌림과 호기심
묘한 너와 나 두고 보면 알겠지
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
눈동자 아래로
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
감추고 있는 거
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Yeah, it's so bad (So bad) it's good (It's good)
난 그 맘을 좀 봐야겠어
Narcissistic, my god, I love it
서로를 비춘 밤
아름다운 까만 눈빛 더 빠져 깊이
(넌 내게로, 난 네게로)
숨 참고 love dive
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SONGS THAT EVOKE MEMORIES XI
I. 天空之城 (李志)
港岛妹妹 我们曾拥有的甜蜜的爱情
condensation gathering on bathroom tiles
the bright, cheerful laughter of a child
watercolour paints drying on a canvas
the first raindrops of a thunderstorm
the sweetest bunch of summer strawberries
catching dandelion seeds in the wind
listening to the warm voices of your grandparents telling stories
(august 2017)
II. 稻香 (周杰伦)
回家吧 回到最初的美好
fireflies lighting the way home
a paper airplane which flies straight and true
the aroma of a fresh bowl of rice
the invincibility of a child’s dreams
the winding curvatures of rice paddies
a smile as bright as golden sunlight
standing before an infinite horizon
(june 2019)
III. 太陽 (PikA)
不管是多遠的遠方 不要害怕我在身旁
a crown woven from wildflowers
the first golden rays in the eastern sky
fresh linen hanging from the laundry line
waves breaking against the shore
a picnic basket with wildflower honey
the first buds after a long winter
a promise full of trust and hope
(october 2019)
IV. 光辉岁月 (Beyond)
今天只有残留的躯壳 迎接光辉岁月
freshly peeled mandarin slices
mountains behind the mist
the final step of a journey
the point where the road meets the horizon
the crinkled edges of a well-loved photograph
a ray of light slipping out from behind the clouds
rediscovering a cherished lost fragment of the past
(january 2020)
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