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heymeowmao · 2 years

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2022.06.12 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324779642396738164

Happy weekend~

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers’ Liu Yuning. Welcome~! LYN: I had some work to do tonight and when it was finished I figured it was still early. It’s only around 9p- I think that’s quite early. Also, it’s a weekend so I’m guessing a lot of you are at home, so I would stream for a little while. C: “A little while” means you’ll stream for at least three hours. LYN: I think I’ve given people trauma- when I stream you get the feeling you’ll have to stay up all night. If you can’t stay up, go sit at the children’s table. LYN: I just want to make sure you’re full. Mon-Wed my drama is airing, Thu-Sat is the variety show The Truth. When that’s all over I’ll come and stream on Sunday. I’ll make sure you have no time to feel bored.

C: Ning-ge, it’s my birthday today. LYN: I’d like to wish anyone who is celebrating their birthday a Happy Birthday, and I think that if you are here on such a momentous day, then you really consider me a friend. I’m honored to be your friend. I’m sure everyone else in this stream will wish you a Happy Birthday as well. Congrats on gaining a year and I hope that you’ll be... better and better.

C: Lao-da, I’m 美美星球 (MZY’s NPC ID on The Truth) LYN: You can be who you want (I don’t care).

C: Ning-ge, did you not wash you hair? LYN: I did. I do every day. Do I come across as someone who doesn’t care for his personal hygiene to you?? I hope not. I wash my hair, every day.

C: How long will you stream today? LYN: What do you care?! When you ask me that question- especially when I’ve only just started- to me, it’s a little rude. First of all, I don’t even know and secondly, that’s an industry secret. This is just like you and your colleague are working the same job, but you ask them what their salary is. They wouldn’t tell you.

C: Have you fixed your audio interface yet? LYN: I haven’t changed it out yet. If it cuts out when I’m in the middle of talking, please be understanding. Sometimes when I get excited, the board can’t take it. If it cuts out, just wait for me a bit.

- people are calling him ‘刘下水’ because that’s what he accidentally called himself during The Truth. His alias in that program is actually ‘刘下来’ LYN: A slip of the tongue and now I’ve become a laughingstock...

C: Ning-ge, you can tell you’re having a lot of fun in that program. LYN: I AM having a lot of fun, though. It’s a really interesting program. I’ve said before that when I go I’m very relaxed. The people are great and after interacting with one another for one or two weeks we’ve become a lot closer and we can make jokes together now. You know what type of person they are and are able to joke around with each other, so we’re relaxed. Since we’re having fun, you have fun watching too. LYN: I remember the six of us did a live-watch, and I saw a comment that read we looked awkward. That we weren’t close at all and were forced to interact. My goodness, this is plain nonsense. We’re already very close. After shooting for so long we’re already the closest we can be. You tell me what you consider “close”? Do you want us all sitting on each other’s legs or what? We’ll braid Zu’er’s hair together? LYN: How close do you want us to be? We’ve filmed a program together for 10 days, did you want us to become lifelong friends? That’s pushing it. We’ve gotten very close, that’s enough. The longer we play together, the more of a group mentality we developed. You’ll see, just watch. C: You looked a lot more put-together in the second episode (the second case). LYN: Honestly when I was filming for the first episode- I can’t say the same for anyone else- but I really went in there blind. I’ve never filmed such a program before. When I was doing the singing shows I knew what to expect- If I had two songs to sings, the most we would do is rehearse them. But for a reasoning show like this, there’s no way to practice. I went in without knowing anything. When shooting the first episode I was afraid to relax, because I didn’t know what I should or could say. I tend to have abundant thoughts- mostly nonsense- but I was afraid that if I went on the show and spewed a bunch of nonsense the viewers would think I’m an idiot. It wasn’t an idol-burden, it was a burden of intelligence. I was afraid to speak my thoughts, in case the group members would think I was foolish. After filming one episode I thought about it, and they’re pretty on par with me (in intelligence). There was nothing to worry about (looking stupid) so in the second episode I was able to relax a lot. I figure they felt the same, so filming went a lot more smoothly later on. C: There’s still a limit to intelligence. LYN: Honestly, we might not have the brains for it, but the process was a lot of fun once you start getting into it. There’s no need to show off how smart you are. We were just working together to solve a case- the process itself was fun. From finding the clues and interrogating, and all of our thought processes in between. If you wanted to show off how smart you are, you chose the wrong program and should have gone on The Brain instead. This is just a more peculiar variety show program, not a competition of who’s smarter. In any case, I had a lot of fun.

C: Ning-ge, you can give The Brain a try. LYN: Friends- I don’t want you to become numb in the process of chasing stars. Just because you like a person or idol, don’t think that they can conquer the world. Even if they say that 1+1=2, you can’t say, “Wow, that’s amazing. You’re a genius.” Please have a little awareness. Ning-ge, honestly, is not that smart. If I were I would have gone to college, why would I have gone to cooking school?? LYN: If I got to one episode of The Brain, I’ll come out of it thinking I can just throw my brain away. I can take it out and just feed it to my dog. Because there’s no use in keeping it.

C: If The Brain is no good, how about 男生女生向前冲 [t/n: like.. ninja warrior] LYN: If I go there I'll end up thinking that not only is my brain bad, my whole person is useless. In terms of physical fitness and stamina- you all know, right? Forget about this show- any show I’ve been on previously that required me to run or jump a little nea rly made me throw up. It wasn’t even that demanding- just normal a normal entertainment program. I don’t know why, either. But in any case, I’m not good (for physical demands).

C: Then, you should go on 向往的生活 (Back to Field). LYN: When you say that, I feel like I can do anything again. I’ve never been on the program, but I’ve seen it and I think mostly they sit around chatting, right? I think the only advantage I have when chatting is that I can easily backtalk at people, in order to joke with them. But if I go on a show where everyone is my senior and I start back-talking them?? I’d be cursed to death. LYN: If I ever go on that show I think the only thing I’ll be good for is cooking. I’m confident in that, at least.

C: Go on Sisters Who Make Waves. LYN: Alright, that’s enough out of you.

LYN: I’m not that popular, that every variety show out there is looking to book me. Who do I think I am?? It’s not to the point where I WANT to go on a show and they arrange it for me. I don’t have that much fame to my name. And honestly I’ve very little time left in the year for variety show programs. For variety shows I think two a year is my limit. The rest of the time is for my other work. The Truth is the first one for this year, and maybe near the end of the year- when my drama finishes with filming- I might do another one. That’s a possibility. But in the middle (between jobs) I really don’t have the time.

C: When are you entering the new crew? LYN: In just a few days. It’ll start shooting mid-June. I’ve recently returned to Hengdian and even before I came back, what have I been doing? After Floating World finished, I’ve actually been in Hengdian all this time- I wasn’t here to play or to travel! The guzhuang drama I have lined up (after the modern one) is already starting to have meetings in Hengdian. I’ve done script-reading with the director and screenwriter for about a week. We’ve finished the reading and now we’re in the editing process. When the edits are done we’ll probably have to read it over again; so I’ll be meeting with the director again in the next couple of days. We have to iron-out the character and make sure everything goes smoothly. C: No wonder I haven’t seen you around. LYN: Isn’t that already all over the internet? Did you all see that video, of the day I was carrying Daimi over my shoulder, wearing a purple shirt? It was that day that we had finished going over the script. LYN: I’ve also gone and finished all the OSTs I owe people. C: Wasn’t (your next drama) a modern drama? LYN: No- the modern drama is the one that’s about to be starting soon. But first I have to finish making the preparations for the guzhuang drama AFTER it. One of the big things is the wig- which is important for these types of dramas. First they’ll stick a wig cap on, and then start gluing wefts according to the shape of your head. I have two wigs to be made- each one takes four hours. I’ll be sitting there for 6-8 hours... Last time I already had two made; there are four wigs for this drama in total. LYN: When that’s done I’ll enter the reading for the modern drama coming up. That’ll take about 3-4 days and after that’s done we can get the wardrobe fixed and start with filming.

C: How long are you going to stay in Chengdu. LYN: Did I /say/ I was going to Chengdu? Did you not see the ending of The Truth, where we have a lawyer explain that it’s unlawful to look into people’s private information?? C: You said so in your last stream. LYN: Oh, did I? I’m sorry- I exposed it myself. That’s my fault. In that case, yes, I am going to Chengdu. Apologies- I’m getting older and my memory is failing me. Looks like I won’t be going on The Brain anytime soon. I’m not qualified; I don’t have a brain.

C: If you’re going to be filming later in the year will you still have time to stream? LYN: Of course I will! I’ll take all my equipment with me and stream when I can. Sometimes when I... am stressed from filming I might come to stream. It’s not a sure thing- we’ll have to wait and see. It’s not like I can stream every day just because I’m having a hard time filming- that wouldn’t look good. At least once a week is my limit. I still have to work; I have my group to keep employed and my career to develop. I still have to keep putting my effort in.

C: Then did you return your rental in Hengdian? LYN: Why? You want to rent it? You want to come sit in my streaming room? You want to come here and experience what it’s like to live in a space LYN lived in, is that it? Sorry- I didn’t and can’t stop renting it. I still need to come back here to live later. - retells the story about how an actor he knew was moving out of Hengdian, and so LYN asked if he could rent out the soon- to-be-vacant space. The actors said it was fine, but when LYN asked the realtor about it, they actually hiked the rent for that space, because “a celebrity used to live here” XD

C: Please sing 剑魂 (Soul of the Sword). LYN: I can’t, actually. Because I don’t have the arrangement for it. I was able to sing it on the show (Hi!6) because they received the right to play it. C: Lao-da, please change the bgm. LYN: Why? You don’t like it? Your musical tastes are so good that you have the right to decide what I play during my streams, now? I’m the DJ- I get to play what songs I want. C: Sing it acapella. LYN: Friends, please tell this person who they remind me of. You tell them! // My second-aunt... LYN: Didn’t someone ask me if I would have the chance to show off my talents on the programs? Variety shows are like this- whatever you have to offer, they will give you a chance to show. There’s no way I can escape singing. C: 黑夜一束光 (A Ray of Light in the Dark Night). LYN: There are a lot of my song-fans here today? Oho~ :D I can sing- I haven’t sung in a while. 黑夜一束光. Whose song is that? C: Liu Xialai’s. [t/n: his alias on The Truth] LYN: LOL. You want me to sing it AGAIN. /sigh/ [t/n: because he’s sung it TWICE on The Truth to prove his identity] - looks up the lyrics to his own song LYN: I don’t know if my computer will explode or not; If I sing too high of a note the sound could cut out, but just bear with me.

-- 黑夜一束光 - as he predicted, the sound cuts out. [35:18 - 36:28]

LYN: /SIGH/ Let’s just forget about it, friends. LYN: When this stream is over I’m just going to smash this audio interface to pieces. I’ll buy a new one later. LYN: ... Now my keyboard is broken. (is able to get it fixed though)

LYN: Let’s just chat. C: Did you use that much force? LYN: I didn’t, it’s just broken. There’s no use keeping it. I’ll smash it to bits. When there are problems with equipment, to a singer it’s like a kind of betrayal. I’ll film a VLOG for you later- “Smashing my Audio Interface”. C: Sell it secondhand. LYN: How can you be so bad?? We all know it’s broken and you want to sell it to someone else to use?! Who does that... I would never, and you shouldn’t either. C: Raffle it. LYN: Forget it, let’s not. // I was only saying (I would smash it), these things could be fixed... It might not even be a problem with the interface, it COULD be my computer. But my computer is almost at its limit... let’s smash it as well.

C: Is Daimi going to Chengdu, too. LYN: Yeah, I’ll probably take her with me. The thing is, Hengdian allows pets- since there are so many actors and their pets here. But I’m not sure about Chengdu, I’ll have to see. I might have to make her live in the RV, or end up renting out a house. We’ll see. I’ll know when I get there.

-- 成都 (Chengdu)

LYN: Oh, no. You guys. Let me tell you something- when I was filling up my glass earlier, I spilled onto my keyboard. Now it doesn’t work. It just keeps typing “qqqqqqqqq”. Oh? It’s fixed now- but it distracted me while I was singing. LYN: I have a lot to smash today- my audio interface, my computer, and now I can’t even keep my keyboard. C: Smash the model figures? LYN: Why can't they survive? But I’m telling you- if the cabinet fell over right now, the models wouldn’t be safe from my fury. But they haven’t done anything to me yet, so why should I smash them?

- can’t talk about his new drama, will wait for the official announcement; when the time comes he’ll tell us the story of how he got this job bc (like all his other ones) it came to him in a mysterious way - complains about how he’s told everyone exactly how he got his previous jobs, but people still don’t believe him LYN: If it weren’t true then why hasn’t there been anyone to come out and say, “No, THIS is how it really went down.”? Because what I’ve told you is the simple truth- there’s nothing else to it. Maybe it seems a lot more exciting the way I describe it, but that’s really how I got them- from having a meal, and being recommended by people I’ve worked with. This industry is really very small- you never know where your next job is going to come from.

LYN: I saw a comment the other day... it counts as hate-material, because they were trying to put me down, but-- LYN: Look, it’s (the keyboard) doing it again. Again with the “q”. I really, Thank-Q. - pats his keyboard so aggressively a key falls off. LYN: Whatever, let’s ignore it for now. LYN: ANYWAY- It said, “LYN looks too common; Our company once invited a bunch of celebrities over, and LYN looked so common he was escorted back outside. He looks like a commoner, nothing star-like about him.” I don’t remember from where I saw it, and it doesn’t really matter, but I did. First of all, ever since I’ve debuted I’ve never once attended any company’s event- public or private. People who know me know that I don’t go to these business events. With the exception of Tianmao, PDD, Taobao, etc.- friends, help me out here. I shouldn’t have mentioned a brand to begin with... >.< What else is there... that’s about it, right? Anyway- if there’s a public gala/event I will attend but, I have never attended a company’s private event. Not that anyone has ever invited me... but even if they did! I would not go. So this is... complete nonsense. Secondly, they must have mistaken someone else for me. If I attend any event, I’m there to sing. Think about all the makeup they put on me- no matter how “common” I look, with makeup that thick even if I don’t pass as “handsome” I’d at least pass as a “ghost” right? Or do you think someone who looks like a ghost also looks “common”?? There’s no need to forcefully disrespect me. I think this person mistook me for someone else. Another thing is, IF this situation were true, then I think that their company is extremely unprofessional. LYN: If you really understand or know me- even if you don’t and listen to what they say about me online- if you’ve seen even one of my streams, you will know what sort of person I am. When have I ever gone on broadcast to compliment my own looks? I’ve said that I myself have a strong mentality and can take a few blows, but I have never said that my visuals could. Why are you using this to criticize me? I’ve never said I was good-looking at all- I even always call myself ugly. Is that not okay??? It’s fine- I know I’m not good-looking. It doesn’t matter. Also, I don’t REALLY want to go get plastic surgery. I’m afraid that after I do I won’t be able to move my face- I’m scared.

- looking at his phone LYN: Director Zhu is nice- he sent me a message, to let me know that he saw my car outside.

- advises people not to go around complimenting his “good-looks” to people LYN: I count as a special product- a limited edition- only liked by a small group of individuals. I just don’t fit into the majority’s opinion of what is considered “good-looking.” There’s nothing I can do about it- to each his own.

LYN: Everyone saw Hi!6, right? The program was a lot of fun and the games were based on the old wuxia stories and the names of the techniques and OSTs... The last round- guessing the song- that was made for me. That’s up my alley- I SING OSTs. C: Did you know them all? LYN: OF course, I did. Also, the program would have chosen songs that everyone is familiar with. They couldn’t pick ones that were too obscure. But as an artist- you can’t just do everything for your own benefit, you still have to have compassion for others. The jianghu isn’t about fighting and killing- any line of work is not about the fighting and killing, it’s about the relationships you make with other people. It’s not like I could have gone and answered- if there were 10 questions- all 10! What about the other guests?? So I didn’t want to fight to answer. Even if I knew the answer I would tell whoever was sitting next to me, first. To let them go answer. - Zhu Xudan is in the chat~ C: If you had answered them all you would have “blown up”! LYN: I didn’t need to burn my bridges just because I want to be popular. Who does that? They must be crazy. There was no need. As long as everyone is happy. Even if I DID answer all the questions correctly, what would I have gained from that? Would I have gained a ticket to attend The Brain? No. So there was no need. The process of playing was the fun part, anyway. Especially because I was more familiar with the guests/crew. C: If you HAD answered all of the questions you’d be cursed to hell and back. LYN: That’s not worth it! C: Ning-ge, when you answered the question about the Toad Magic, why did you have to get on the floor? LYN: That was the original rules of the game- you had to name the technique and act it out a little. That was the rule of the game- do you think I really wanted to act like a toad??

C: Ning-ge, my mom said you don’t look like a good guy. LYN: Bias. It’s like this- everyone’s aesthetics are different. Auntie- hello. I don’t know if you are a fan of my acting or not, but you must have watched me act as a villain, right? You probably think Bai Choufei is not a good person. Honestly I think I did a really good job with picking that role. ... But Auntie, the drama is the drama and in reality I am me. Try not to be too biased because of what you saw.

C: My mom said you’re too loud. LYN: Turn the volume down, put in your headphones. But I’ll... speak a little more quietly. LYN: Friends I’ll let you hear the “sound of a playboy/jerk”. And then... don’t disturb your mother. LYN: /suddenly barks/

LYN: Yesterday I was watching The Truth- wasn’t there a “human face mask” in there? I saw a comment go by that read, “Props department, do you think you can sell me that mask? I’ll put it on my husband.” and then later there were more that read, “That’s right. Sell it to me, so I can put it on my boyfriend.” They wanted to buy a LYN version “human face mask”. If your husband or boyfriend saw those comments I’m sure they’d break your legs. That’s really overdoing it. They’ll fight you to the death. They can’t live any longer! LYN: It was really well made, but honestly there’s no way it can look exactly like me. Which is to say- I had to act as both those characters! Those parts- me in the video with Baojie and me throwing stuff in the hallway- I had to go back and keep filming after everyone was gone to make up for those parts! Everyone else changed their clothes and were headed back to their hotels for a good night’s sleep and I had to change outfits and keep filming! You didn’t REALLY think there was such a realistic face mask, did you?? C: Ning-ge, you seemed to know all the clues about this episode. LYN: There’s no way I could have known completely. If I knew everything then there would be no point to me playing the game. I was under suspicion for the second case, but they ended up ruling me out pretty early on. Since it was my story, they only give the guests a small script. It will tell you who you are, where you come from, and what you do. But the plot mechanisms- the puzzles and riddles- there’s no way they could let you know how to solve them. You go to set only knowing your identity and your relationship to the other NPCs, but everything else you have to solve on your own. The rules of the game are that only the murderer can tell lies. But then people started being really strict with it asking, “Then why did Liu Xialai say he didn’t know who Song Huo was in the beginning?” Later you found out I did actually know him. Honestly, it’s one of the ways to play the game. You didn’t have all the clues before, and only when you KNEW that there was a connection between the two characters, could you (as the murderer) deny or refuse to answer. If I had said I knew him from the start, it would cause a line of questioning that renders the whole case pointless. LYN: In the later episodes you have to remember: as long as there is not relevant information or sufficient evidence to connect the NPC to the case, you can choose to deny or refuse to answer. Otherwise the game wouldn’t be any fun, if you can’t lie at all. In that case, from the start we’d ask each other: “Are you the murderer?” [t/n: ?-? this is.. confusing. you can lie (even when you’re not the murderer) because it isn’t revealed that you are part of the case yet...? After it’s revealed you are related to the NPCs, you have to tell the truth (unless you’re the murderer, who can lie)?]

C: Which episode is Zhao Liying in? LYN: ZLY..? You must be her fan. Let me think, I forget.... If not the 7th then the 8th episode. I think it’s the 7th. Or is it the 6th?? I don’t know- I’ve forgotten. The 6th. I think it’s the 6th. LYN: But even if you’re ZLY’s fans, I want to give you a piece of advice. If you want to know what she’s there for, you’ll have to start from the first episode. This show is different from all the others, you can’t just pick an episode and watch as a standalone. If you do that, you won’t understand anything. So I advise you to start from the beginning, especially the second episode- that’s my episode. :) C: Which episode is Zhu Xudan in? LYN: ZXD..? ZXD is... 7th or 8th? You all know- she’s nearing the end. But the same applies to friends who like ZXD. If you watch starting at the end you’ll have no idea what she’s there for. I still advise you to start watching from the beginning.

C: Ning-ge, can you talk about the scene of mutual recognition in the second episode? LYN: What’s there to chat about? It’s... normal. I gained a brother. I even predicted this would happen, you know. Because one of the pieces of evidence we found hinted that there was a possibility he could be my brother. His name was Liu Xiahao, right? SO I thought he could be my brother. [t/n: this isn’t the mutual recognition they want, probably. They want to hear about MZY. X’D] LYN: The role of the NPCs is so that we can more easily fall into the act. So they’re all doing a very good job at it. After we shared all the information we had found I thought that he could be my brother.. it wasn’t even written in my script! The script told me I had a brother named Liu Xiahao, but I didn’t know he would he Hao Baojie. The more I thought about it, I was worrying how I should act out the reveal when the time came. It was so awkward I could die. I was conflicted, but the end result was pretty fun.

C: Is Liu Baba and Liu Mama what you thought of on the spot? LYN: It really wasn't. In order the help us remember character names, the program would not give us anything too complicated. What is Liu Xialai’s father called? Liu Baba (Father). Very easy to remember. What is Liu Xialai’s mother called? Liu Mama (Mother). His second aunt? Liu “Eryi”. Very normal. They’re all like this. In order to help you remember the names. His uncle? Liu Jiujiu. It’s the same. If he had a sister- she’d be called “Liu Meimei”. Liu Gege. LYN: My brother is called “Liu Xiahao”- I’m “Liu Xialai”- if we had a sister she’d be called... Liu Xiahuai. One “good” (hao) and one “bad” (huai), and one “come” (lai).. another can be named Liu Xiaqu. [”go” (qu)]

C: Who is “Liu Xiashui” to “Liu Xialai”? LYN: ...

C: Talk about the proposal. LYN: It wasn’t a proposal! You’re just here to cause trouble. I just knelt down to put the watch on her. It was a whole situation - two instances of mutual recognition. The first time I gained a brother and the second time I gained a girlfriend. She ended up to be a fake and stole my watch, too! I had to sing twice, also. It was pretty fun, but I was really embarrassed.

- talks about how ridiculous it was that he clearly knew that “Fake Xiaomei” was the same person as “Real Xiaomei” but still had to pretend the didn’t just interact with her. LYN: Do you know that feeling?! I was into the act plenty enough. C: You acted very well. LYN: I wasn’t acting! I don’t know- when I’m in a variety show I can’t “act”. It would be weird, you know? To be the only ones acting while everyone else is laughing at the act. I can take it a little more seriously, is all. But also keep the sense of humor needed for a variety show. If I had really gotten into it- for example, “You’re my brother.” And then I cried. “Ge!”- that would be TOO awkward. LYN: When I first got cast for this program I asked them if I needed to act. I asked them what my identity was, and what I did for a living, and if I needed to ACT- as if I were in a drama. They told me I wasn’t acting, but that Liu Xialai was me. They wanted a variety show route, not a drama. There’s a separation- when we’re finding and deciphering clues I’m LYN, but when there’s a story cut-scene I’m LXL. At first I thought it would air like a drama, but its a combination of the two so it’s fun and relaxing- not as much pressure. LYN: It’s all improvising, because you never know what’s going to happen next. All of a sudden I gained a brother and a girlfriend. It was a little mystical.

C: Why isn’t there a bed in you room? LYN: Keep watching. Maybe by the last episode you’ll have an answer. There are two possibilities: 1. It’s part of the plot. 2. The program just didn’t give me one. Let’s continue to monitor this situation until the very last episode. The third possibility is that the props department forgot.

- the answer to the riddle he was asking in the beginning of E2 (case 2) is in the BTS.

-- bathroom break LYN: I misheard. I’m in Hengdian right now, so it was just another drama crew filming. A misunderstanding. C: If you can’t hold it, just say so. LYN: Obviously people who know me know what I just went to do. I just think it wouldn’t be very elegant to say I need to use the restroom, so I find other excuses to leave the room.

C: How come you’re streaming AGAIN? LYN: /sigh/ Let me find some music... /plays a sad song/ Isn’t it because I have nothing else to do? I think everyone in every job has moments when they have nothing to do. What do I do in these moments? I stream, because I know there are a small group of people out there who are looking forward to seeing my smiling face. If making fun of me can bring them happiness, I am willing to be their clown. Can you not see my shirt?

LYN: I hope that by coming here and fooling around can make you feel happiness. But even if we have no work to do right now, I think it’s important to retain an upright and positive attitude. To await the day work comes to us. Many of you might not have a job right now or any plans for the future, but don’t rush. Relax, just like your Ning-ge. Don’t worry- the day your luck finds you will come. C: Enjoy life. LYN: That’s right. People don’t have that long to live. Just live life how you want to. If you want something, then you can work towards achieving that goal. There’s no need to just sigh your way through life. I saw something in a drama the other day that really spoke to me. “If you worry too much about what-if’s then you will miss out on much of life.” Don’t over-complicate things, is all.

LYN: I was watching the drama (Heroes) and saw people saying I had poor posture. It’s true, as I am pretty tall. It’s a habit I developed since I was young- slouching. I can’t compare to you (in height) but maybe it’s because I got tired of bumping my head all the time. Everywhere I went I would knock my head and it hurt. That’s why I’m a little more foolish now that I’m older; I’ve hit my head too much. I can’t use this as an excuse, though. As an actor I have to hold myself up to certain standards, so I bought myself something to help with my posture. I’m not trying to sell it to you- I just want to share. I’ll grab it to show you. LYN: When I’m at home with nothing to do I’ll use this. It’s like a cross. Like this- C: Does it work? LYN: I don’t know, I’ve only just started using it for three days. I don’t know if it’s good or not but in any case I think there’s a stretching effect. I don’t recommend anyone to buy it, but if you have some mops lying around at home you can ask your dad to make one for you. C: I don’t think it works. LYN: I’ll try it out for a few more days. C: Is it tiring? LYN: A little. But the amazing thing is that this object does not only have this one function. Do you want to know what I do with it? I use it as a weapon to practice. // Today I’ll show you how I practice swinging my sword. Since the sword I have is made of wood, it’s not very easily handled. Also, it’s a bit long and I’m afraid to break something. So I take this to practice with.

- shows off how he swings it; hits himself in the gut and does down X’D

LYN: One object, multiple uses. It can help me with my posture and help out with when I’m filming guzhuang dramas. C: But you’re going to be shooting a modern drama next. LYN: Yeah, that’s why I chose this song. Have you still not figured out why? I watch this drama when I have time and study how to act in a modern setting. I saw a lot of you typing out the name of the drama so I’m guessing you all are watching the drama too. *(U Sung Eun - Till the End, Again My Life OST) C: Do you like it? LYN: It’s just okay, but I already like the lead actor so that’s what helps me watch. Who doesn’t like watching a handsome guy, right?

C: You’re trending. LYN: Do I have such good fortune? Do I have the right? I don’t believe you. I’m not worthy.

C: You’re streaming again. LYN: Why do I feel a little unhappy when people say that? It’s like there’s an unspoken “Do you not have any work to do?” tacked onto the end. I.. I have work! ;A; I just stream in my downtime! Other people probably go play Honor of Kings, but I can’t play so I just stream! C: Ning-ge, they’re saying it on purpose. LYN: No, it’s okay. I know. I am also doing it on purpose. I’m not that weak, alright? I’m not three years old. I know my fans like to call me Ning Sansui, but after hearing it I think it’s an insult. Because no matter how you look at my face, I don’t LOOK three years old. Then, you can only be referring to my intellect. You can call other, younger and more handsome people “Sansui” but when you call me that I think you are saying that my intelligence is on par with that of a three year old’s. Like my dog. Don’t people say that smart dogs have the intellect of a three year old child? Now you’re saying my brain is a dog’s brain.

- sad that he doesn’t have any “youthful feel” to him anymore - sings TFBoy’s 宠爱 (Chong Ai) to make himself feel young; puts on his cartoon watch LYN: Really, not a lick of “youth” to me. I have “middle-aged feel” though. // Let me find another. - 青春修炼手册 (Manual of Youth) LYN: /pretends to retch/ LYN: Excuse me, I’m sorry. I disgusted myself.

LYN: Friends- I saw some of you typing “Greasy Uncle”- I know I’m not young, but I’m not at the point where I’m GREASY am I?? Isn’t there an in-between from “young” and “middle-aged”- can’t I be... “Young but Promising”? (年少有為) ♪ If I was young and promising- not inferior. If I knew what was precious- ♪ Something like that?

C: Ning-ge, I want to see Daimi. LYN: Alright, I’ll save you some face. /calls Daimi over/

C: She looks thinner? LYN: She’s not, we just trimmed her fur a little, since it’s summer. So she looks thinner. C: She came with just one call. LYN: Anyone who owns a dog would know- if you call them and they ignore you... what’s the point of raising them to begin with? C: My dog ignores me. LYN: Em... I don’t know. Mine doesn’t. LYN: I remember a line from a drama- “The one who controls the dog is not the owner. The person who feeds the dog is it’s owner.” C: What have you been watching??? LYN: Just some normal stuff... >.>

LYN: Sometimes when I hear such lines I remember them... so that one day I might be able to use them while acting. I gave BCF a lot of lines, I just can’t say. Because they weren’t quite successful. You didn’t get it, so I don’t want to say that I was the one who added in the line. LYN: I had a scene with Fang Yingkan, and I said, “Only cattle and sheep travel in herds. [..] You might be a cattle or sheep, but I’m not.” I added that line, but you didn’t get it. LYN: If there are some good lines I’ll remember them to try to use in my dramas. But if I use it during one of my streams I’m not likely to say it again. LYN: If I’m remembering correctly I added another line for BCF... I said, “I don’t believe in ghosts or gods. I only believe in myself.” It suits the character, but it’s also the song (Rang Jiu). I’ll add in lines like this, but I don’t remember if it made the cut or not.

LYN: I’ve been cursed at so much during my streams I’m a little scared now. I need to be stricter with myself or else I’ll be caught up in some controversy. I need to explain myself- I played a TFBoys song earlier to pretend to be young and then made a retching gesture. It wasn’t because of the song- I was disgusted with myself. I don’t listen to any TFBoys song and fell unwell. I was disgusted by myself when I pretended to be young. I’ve explained myself clearly now, right? I really like the TFBoys, otherwise I wouldn’t sing their songs. Alright? I’ve explained it clearly now so I hope you all can be my witness. Let’s clear this up before it becomes a storm. C: Any normal person would understand. LYN: Yet there are many abnormal people who will take it the wrong way. Some people just don’t care about the truth- they just want to make trouble. You were all here watching, so you know how it really went down. Even if you were just a passerby, you may know something. You are all my witness. If, one day, I am unjustly blamed for this incident I hope you can bravely step forward and speak on my behalf.

C: How come you’re not as hyped up today? LYN: How hyped do you want me to be?? My stream is a little different from others in that I have bgm to help me out, but I’m afraid I’ll sing and my mic will cut out. So I’m afraid to get too excited. Let me sing you something to get you in the mood, alright? What makes you happy/excited as soon as you hear it? Is there any? What type of DJ do you like? C: Something like 剑魂 (Soul of the Sword). LYN: I already told you I don’t have the arrangement for that. WSL’s copyrights are iron-tight. You can’t find any of his songs online. I need to learn from him. LYN: Someone said I wasn’t very hyped up today. I’m sorry, friends. That’s my fault. Let me fix that for you right now. I’ll adjust the lighting, too. And add some special effects...

LYN: Let me grab my guitar, too. I’m going to be fake-playing, alright? it’s just for the atmosphere. Let’s see if I can set the stream on fire with this song.

-- 别再问我什么是迪斯科 (Don’t Ask Me What is Disco)

LYN: It’s not very high, is it? It’s not like what I was thinking. How about we go for an “inner-high”?

-- 少年锦时

LYN: Thank you. How was that? Was it acceptable? C: I can have a good sleep now. LYN: If you say that it makes it seem like I WANT you to sleep. I intended to make it so that you felt reluctant to leave, but you’re telling me it did the exact opposite. That’s not right, friend.

LYN: I was joking around with my friends the other day, telling them I had a lot of stress. My friend asked, “Then what can you do about it? Should you find some way to relieve stress? Then, I suggest you watch LYN’s streams. They’re quite stress-relieving.” I said, “I’ve seen enough.” LYN: There’s no one person here who watches LYN’s streams more than I do. Because for every one of his streams I must be present.

LYN: Am I trending? Am I so fortunate? Am I so worthy? I don’t think I deserve it. I’m not amazing enough to appear on the trending topics. Don’t lie to me. It’s not April Fool’s Day. C: I came from the hot topic. LYN: Are you serious? Let me take a look. - plays the “Thank You” song that’s going around lately. LYN: Thank you to everyone who is in my stream watching me today. Because of you, I have the qualifications to be considered a trending topic. I thank you, really. I just want to say that good people will have a peaceful life. This song is for you. Let’s sing it together! LYN: ♪ Thank you, for because of you the seasons are warm. Thank you, and to you I’m grateful, for you make the world more beautiful. Thank you, for because of you there is love in my heart. Thank you, I’m grateful to you. Let’s spread happiness around the world. ♪ LYN: Of course, thank you to all my friends at Weibo, as well. Thank you to everyone who supports my stream, and all the workers who watch over my stream and make adjustments to the settings for me, and give me advice.

C: Ge, your arms are so pale. LYN: I’ve been working out. Didn’t I tell you that I’ve been using lifting weights? 2.5 kg, as advertised for use by women. -_-; I didn’t care about gender, so I bought them home to use. I was thinking, “Is fitness equipment separated by gender?? No.” So I bought them and after a while of use I think they are too light for me now. Next time, when I’m back in Hengdian, I’ll take the pair and raffle them off, separately. Two lucky winners. C: Show us. LYN: You all come to my stream for the chance to get lucky, don’t you? You come to win the lottery. There’ll be chances. C: Now do 10kg. LYN: I can’t do 10kg yet. Right now the most I can lift is 7.5kg. C: Do you pay the shipping fee? LYN: No- you pay that yourself. If I send you a signed photograph or some sheet of paper, I can swing the postage fee. But this package would be an object with a starting weight of 2.5kg. Don’t delivery places determine the postage fee by weight? It’s not worth it.

C: I got off work and am lucky to see you streaming. LYN: You must have worked hard, it’s already 11:30pm. You can hurry to freshen up and lie on your bed to watch my stream while you relax.

C: You can bring it to my door. (still talking about the weights) LYN: You want a face-to-face transaction? LOL. I’m not SELLING them.

LYN: I often see videos of people and they have a laptop, pad, or their phone, playing my stream while they do their own work. Some are drawing, doing homework, writing essays and the like. It’s so nice. I really get the feeling that I’m able to help you relax. It’s my honor, and I hope you all do well. C: I’m doing that now. LYN: You know what this proves? That my face is not worth watching. Some people are drawn to my appearance, and their eyes can’t leave my face. For the people who are able to just listen to my streams, that means they are drawn to my voice/way of speaking. My charm is in my voice, they don’t need to see my face to be satisfied. LYN: There’s a saying, about 好看的皮囊与有趣的灵魂 (A good-looking skin vs an interesting soul). (this is also the name of a song)

-- bathroom break LYN: /pretending to answer the phone/ What? You’re having a baby?!? Congratulations. Oh, you’re downstairs? You want to show me your kid? You heard that whoever the baby sees first, they’ll grow up to look like that person? I understand, but please don’t get me wrong later. If your kid ends up looking like me, I don’t want our friendship to be ruined. Alright- then wait for me. I’ll go downstairs to let your kid have a look at me. /drags it on for a bit longer/ No, I know you just want your kid to look as handsome as me- I mean- to grow up with my same temperament. I’ll be down in a minute. Alright- I KNOW to bring you 200RMB (as a congratulatory gift)! /drags it on some more/ XDD LYN: Friends, my best bro is having a kid. I’m sure you all know what’s happening. I need to go downstairs to let his kid have a look at me. I’ll be right back. Let me play you a video in the meantime. Wait for me.

LYN: ?! /because New Year Song auto-played/ It’s not time yet! It’s still early.

C: Was it a boy or a girl? LYN: A boy. Very small. C: Did it look like you? LYN: It’s my friend’s kid, why would it look like me?? It might grow up to look like me- because he was just born and got a glimpse of me, though. People always say the baby grows up to look like the first person it sees. C: Did you give 200RMB? LYN: What business is that of yours? Are you going to reimburse me?

C: Ning-ge, the power’s out and I’m scared but I’m watching your stream. LYN: Is my stream like a glass of wine? It gives you courage?

C: Ning-ge, is your English past level 6? LYN: Why are you asking me this? Every time I stream someone comes and questions my intellect. I don’t think having a low education is something you can pick on me for, because it’s true- I’m not very highly educated. If there’s a next life I’ll work harder on my studies. I don’t have any fate with “education” in this life. I guess I’ll stick to reading more, watching the news, and sleeping. I know a lot of you are probably going through testing right now- I wish you luck, and hope you succeed. Cheers. LYN: My English really isn’t the greatest- it’s only at the junior high level. I learned pretty well in the first and second years of secondary school, but then in the third year I knew I was going to vocational school so I didn’t really put in the effort to learn. It’s like I was going to be making Western dishes in culinary school, so I didn’t think I needed to know. That was before I became a singer. For singing, English seems like it’s a bit more important. There are always phrases that come up frequently in songs: I love you, I need you, I want you. Things like that. If you don’t know English at all, you wouldn’t understand a thing. LYN: One of my own songs is called “Fall in Love”, even! If I didn’t know at least some English there’d be no way I would have released it. Somehow English suddenly directly influenced my musical career.

C: I can’t stay up any longer. LYN: It’s alright. If you need to go to sleep for work or school tomorrow, go. I’m going to play with our friends for just a little longer and then I’ll be going to sleep, too. Any ~young person~ who can stand to stay up with me, please do so. C: There’s no class tomorrow. LYN: There no class tomorrow? Even if you don’t have class, don’t worry- /preparing something/ because I will... -- 等你下課 (Waiting for You) LYN: That’s right. Even if you have class tomorrow, there will be this song called “Waiting for You”. LYN: /laughs at himself/ Friends, please don’t think I’m cheesy. I just wanted to play the song to make a humorous atmosphere, not because I am this cheesy to begin with. I used to work in a bar, right? So I know a lot of old songs and sometimes when you say something it reminds me of a song lyric. C: What about those going to work? LYN: Someone said there was no class tomorrow, and I told them not to worry because even if there was, there would be a song called “Waiting for You.” Now another friend wants to know what happens for the people who have to go to work. Friends who need to work... what else can we do. Class or work, they’re all for the same purpose. And that is... To Live. -- 活着 (To Live) -- plays New Year Song, bc NOW it is 12am; gives everyone his new years’ greetings

C: I’m ANOTHER year older. LYN: What’s wrong with getting older? -- 当你老了 (When You Are Old) LYN: So what if you get old? When you’re old you have so many memories to look back upon.

C: Thank you for making me laugh. LYN: I think laughter is normal... - /was looking for a song, but the arrangement for it isn’t available. he tries to think of a different one/ LYN: You said “Thank you for making me laugh” right? Then I want to say to you... - /plays the “Thank You” song again XD/ LYN: I think when you say “thank you” to me, I am also happy to have your companionship. So let’s thank each other. C: Thank you, Liu Yuning. LYN: You’re welcome. LYN: At this moment I’d like to take the time to say, -- 谢谢侬 (Thank You) LYN: Even an unpopular actor like me- even if I don’t have many viewers- I’d like to say “Thank you”.

C: You’re not sleepy? LYN: I’m ok.

C: Fake playing (guitar). LYN: I already told you I was! I just picked it up to help the mood. I’m playing the arrangement from my computer, it’s not like there’s an actual band behind me. C: Are you singing for free? LYN: I’m not at any level where I ask a fee for my singing- anything I sing during my streams is free for you to listen to.

C: Have you put on makeup? LYN: What makeup?? I didn’t even go do anything today. I don’t wear makeup at home.

C: This isn’t called a stream, this is “benefits for your family”. LYN: No. Rather, I think the fact that I am sitting here and all of you have come to see me is MY fortune. I don’t think my stream is amazing, or that I am amazing. The fact that you are watching me is MY benefit. Thank you, everyone.

C: No work? LYN: I’ve got to work, it’s true. But work or no work, don’t we all have to... To Live. I’ll sing it again, friends. XD Forget it. Is there something else we can plug in here...? -- 穷开心 (Shiny Happiness) LYN: Living happily is one day, and living unhappily is also one day. So why can’t we just live our days happily?

C: It’s my birthday, could you sing me the birthday song? LYN: It’s your birthday but why..... ?_? As a normal person, the most I can do is wish you a happy one. But why do I have to sing the song for you? Do you have anything that REQUIRES me to sing it for you? It’s like this- if you had invited me to your b-day party and I had gone, I would sing for you because at least then I could get a piece of cake out of it. But right now I’m just sitting here, so what reason is there for me to sing for you? The most I can do is say, “Happy Birthday” to you. I can’t sing the Birthday song, but I can sing an alternative. Do you want to hear it? C: But why? LYN: I saw someone else answer, “He already told you why.” -- 因为我们是一家人 (Because We Are a Family) LYN: I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I used to go to work I would sing this song. And everyone knew I could sing, so they would give that high part to me.

C: I’m sleeping at 3am. Ning-ge, how about you? LYN: I’ll sleep at 2am. -- 凌晨三点钟 (3:00 AM) LYN: You’re sleeping at 3am? I’m drinking at 3am, and my head hurts a little. (the song lyrics)

C: Ning-ge, your singing has improved! LYN: Are you doing some cross-talk, saying the opposite of what you mean? I sang like THAT and it’s an improvement?? How much must I have sucked before... C: Then, Ning-ge, your singing got worse. LYN: Shut your mouth! Don’t say anything that could affect my career in my stream. You might cause me to lost OST jobs.

C: That song gave off a Northeastern Bai Choufei feel. - /tries to play 我的家在东北 (My Home is in the Northeast), but there’s no arrangement for it. plays 东北民谣 (Northeast Folk Tale) instead/ LYN: Why does it sound like a Northeastern BCF? Because I am a Northeastern person! -- 东北民谣 (Northeast Folk Tale)

C: You won’t disturb people with your singing, right? LYN: Don’t worry- the neighborhood I’m living in, they’re all artists. As we are in the same industry, I think they should have some compassion for me.

C: Is that a kazoo? LYN: Oh, a pro is here? Other than professional musicians, not many people know of this instrument. :) C: I have one too. LYN: Yes, I heard that after I showed it off one time, a lot of my friends went out to get one for themselves. They’re starting to learn music! Isn’t that wonderful? I’m helping people learn. A lot of people have hobbies, like reading and dancing, but my fans love music. Their mothers are having breakdowns, though. Saying, “You’re so old already, can you not love music to this extent??” XD I’m guessing any mother whose child picked up this hobby have headaches right now. In order to pursue music many of you can only secretly practice under the blankets. In such circumstances, you still passionately love music. This is what gets me, friends. I’m touched. LYN: What does it sound like to secretly practice under blankets? It’s like this. /tests it out with a tissue on his mic/ This doesn’t work. /tries a different way/ C: Is that what it originally sounds like? LYN: Yes, it is. A lot of my old fans call it a “farting flute”. C: I started a fight with my neighbors because of this. LYN: !! You seriously started a fight? It’s not worth it. If you really love music that much then practice under TWO layers of blankets. So that we can achieve some form of soundproofing. Uf your neighbors move away then the housing value is going to drop. C: I’ve heard my roommate practice for a week now. LYN: Your roommate is a lover of music.

C: How can you just sit there by yourself but still have so much to talk about? LYN: How can I sit here for hours talking by myself without feeling awkward and cold? Do you know why, friends? It’s because I’m lonely. LYN: Nah- it’s because I know that my fans love me a lot. They have always supported me so I’ve made them develop this habit of watching me stream. I went from just a regular streamer to a singer, and now an actor. All this while I have not given up on streaming and the reason for that is because this is the reason I even had fans to begin with. I’m not willing to let this go. First of all, I find the need to stream and secondly my fans: -- 需要人陪 (Need Company) - /tries to sing it but it’s out of his range, lol/ LYN: You get the point. My fans need some company. C: I was just about to be touched (by the song). LYN: It’s not touching, though.

LYN: It’s about time, friends. I know you’re sleepy and I also have to go rest. Thank you for your companionship and support. If you still have not subscribed to my weibo, please do so. When you have time you can come watch me stream. Thank you for keeping me company- even if you weren’t with me for very long- I’m still grateful you came to watch. Because of you I was able to get a trending topic today. Thank you for that. Later anyone who has watched my stream today can go into my online shop and get a coupon for 5RMB off my concert ticket. Of course, the shop isn’t open yet, so I’ll just keep it in mind for you. LYN: Hope you had a wonderful night. It was great to have you. See you next time. Good night everybody~

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(3:31:47)#topics:#idle chat #The Truth/variety shows #addressing some rumors/comments #hitting himself on live stream with an object he uses to practice swordplay #bcf line improv #some song association

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nevertheless-moving · 3 months

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unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.

Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.

and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.

(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)

Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self.

Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.

The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?

Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!

Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and—

Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—

You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...

What—when did you lose—

I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...

So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.

And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.

When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.

Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.

It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.

Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.

Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??

the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.

Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.

FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?

“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.

Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)

And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.

Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic, being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.

Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life.

Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.

Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.

Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.

It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal.

Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.

What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.

I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.

So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.

Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.

Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—

well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—

and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?

i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”

Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).

But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.

Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.

And then the partners change again, the moment ended.

Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.

Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.

Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.

Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.

needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.

Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.

Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )

Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?

And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?

Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell)