#so this thinking is the biggest trigger possible for his rage and hatred

[viviennevermillion]

Some thoughts about Rollo

not really an analysis per se. sorry if this lacks structure, this is just a summary of me rambling about rollo on discord

warnings: mention of alcoholism, glorious masquerade spoilers

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I feel like Rollo is never truly going to get over his hatred for magic. If he heals he'd probably be like "okay you do you" at most but he likely spent +10 years holding so much anger and rage at mages and magic itself in his heart, I don't think he'll ever truly get rid of it. It's kinda like when your deadbeat dad is an alcoholic and kicks the bucket and for the rest of your life you're never truly comfortable around people drinking or get like, annoyed at it, and the best you can do for yourself is find some friends who don't drink or talk about drinking all the time and engage in some activities you like where alcohol isn't involved.

Healing for Rollo might involve a future of basically living magicless in a predominantly magicless community despite being a mage. And somehow trying to go his own way and making the best of it.

Even though the death of his brother is the source of his hatred and rage, the literal years he spent with those feelings while constantly in the presence of mages and seeing magic treated like this amazing enriching thing while he feels completely differently about it but tried to blend in all these years....I feel like that made it so much worse than it was originally. Even before he started blaming magic for the death of his brother, magic was probably something he associated with the incident for a long time but could never take a break from. Like when you have a trigger but you're continuously exposed to it. And that just fueled an amount of rage that hurts Rollo first and foremost before it does anyone else. If you've ever been consistently furious about something internally for months on end, you'll know that this becomes really exhausting really quickly.

So yeah, Rollo needs some distance from magic as a whole to heal and ground himself imo

He probably thinks his hatred for magic is less obvious than it actually is. People likely know he's not the biggest magic enthusiast but he definitely mellowed it down from how bad it actually is.

Also there's the fact that people knowing his true thoughts would likely make him unpopular. If people knew how he felt a lot of them probably wouldn't like him or want to be around him. But he can't help the way he feels. I like the idea of a younger Rollo at some point trying to get rid of those feelings and failing miserably.

I've seen a lot of people say Rollo talks the way he does to Yuu because he wants to recruit them to his side but that's not what I read into this. I see a dude who is trying to hide his true thoughts from everyone around him all day every day despite how he's suffering on the inside; that he is so desperate for someone to understand him and for a place where he can be his true unadulterated self, that he's making an attempt to latch onto the first person who could possibly feel the same way he does

I'm seeing a lot of frustration from Rollo. The "if this thing didn't exist, I literally would have 0 of the problems that I do" kind.

His magic isn't just ironic because his unique magic is the very magic that killed his brother, it's also a metaphor for his own anger burning him alive from the inside out

The relationships he has with the vice prez and aide for example are built on a lie and that's precisely why the fate he got at the end of the event is such a punishment for him. Because he has to keep living with that lie or be truthful but left alone. Regardless of what choice he makes, he's going to feel alone. Being alone with his experiences and way of viewing the world or being alone, literally; those are the choices he has now.

I really like what Twst did with Rollo's character because his backstory and personality makes him feel less of a radical advocate for an existing belief system but rather someone whose hatred and anger are so incredibly personal and something he mainly deals with on the inside and then acts on it on the outside. It's less of "this is Rollo he is this and that and believes this and that take of a radical splinter group" and more "this is Rollo and his experience and feelings are so radically different from everyone around him and he's silently suffering on the inside until he fucking snaps". Because as humans we love to assign labels to people based on the thoughts and feelings they voice but Rollo as a character is more complex than that and that's what sets him apart from og Frollo for me. I like that direction they took with his characterization.

#twisted wonderland #rollo flamm #twst rollo #twst jp spoilers

[butter--peanut]

I changed my mind just straight off killing minato wasnt right but the fact that minato killed rin instead of trying to find *any* solutions rubs me in the wrong way. I dont know, they could let her live outside of village in some shelter, if seal activates by arriving to village. And while she is in it, try to find ways to deactivate it. Even if they never find a way to do so, she could like befriend isobu, or anything. Or just live a life outside of Konoha. With kakashi and obito, bc they will never leave her. Is it that bad? Konoha isnt essential to live a somewhat good life. Yet instead minato chooses to agree with his 13 yr student sacrificing her life for village. If i was kakashi i too would be angry as hell i think

*pitch black spoilers* Yeah, I agree it’s a very bad look from Minato and it makes sense that this would make Kakashi mad! But we also saw this through Kakashi’s PoV, so it’s possible that we missed some important info. We don’t know how long Minato and Rin were talking together. We don’t know how much they talked about different options. We don’t know how strong Rin’s seal driving her back to Konoha was. Minato said it “couldn’t be broken”, so maybe it was the sort of seal where if you break it it kills the person it’s sealed on (like extracting the Isobu would). And Rin could have made friends with Isobu but I doubt Minato would have seen that as a possibility; he wouldn’t have understood that the Bijuu could be friendly if you stop treating them like demons… So yeah, of course I don't think he should have made the decision to take her life, and it’s possible that Minato didn’t take the time to think things through, but he also might have tried and we just didn’t see it on screen. (In this answer my find-it-difficult-to-have-a-strong-opinion-unless-it’s-through-a-character’s-eyes is showing. :P). 

#bp answers #pitch black #this is also in the context of war with child soldiers who regularly sacrifice themselves for the state #a system that Minato grew up in and is part of and accepts as a way to safeguard the village #which is obviously a horrific system but it means that he is used to these kind of sacrifices #so from his pov it is a terrible loss but a necessary in a context where there is so much sacrifice every day #kakashi of course has been indoctrinated to hate this system of sacrifice at the expense of your teammates now #so this thinking is the biggest trigger possible for his rage and hatred #madara played his pawns well...until they played him :P

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Imagine a scenario, where the country representative develops romantic feelings towards their soldier, who 100% loves them back, but thinks about it as "I-its just a patriotic love, r-right??" And what's worse, it's a wartime, and the soldier is so loyal, that they're willing to die for their country with no regrets like a hero, without realizing how much it might hurt representative's heart. Even though the victory is extremely needed, (c/n) can't leave their soldier to sacrifice themselves, but they can't be together all the time either (cuz soldier is a mortal human, and country.. is a country). Note that they probably won't confess to each other until the war ends. (Or until some dramatic event, if you choose an angsty route)

So.. what do you think about it? I'd ask you to make axis&allies hcs on this, but I think it's a way too much xD You may choose any of countries you like to explore this~

This sat in drafts too long. I apologize for getting caught up in the Headcannons so much that I'd didn't do the exact thing you asked for... (I have a habit of doing this and I'm extremely sorry) but if the countries heard news that their soldier was injured they'd all 100% fight to get to them. I also changed the scenerios up a little For each country because it just fit better for the Headcannons. I.E I had a scenerio in my head, and it leaked all over the ask :3

Trigger warnings: Blood, mentions of violence, and amputations, minor mentions of alcohol. (If I missed anything let me know!)

Allies and Axis x Treasured!Soldier: Battle Scares.

Allies:

America:

The amount of panic set in was unbearable.

It was bad enough he had to painfully separate himself from England, but to hear news that he might lose his best soldier?

No, they were more than that, but he was so busy with the war he forgotten all but how he truly felt.

Even more so, he had to distance himself because a country and a human love was (at this time) unheard of.

He tried but seeing them laying on a dirty table, whiskey in hand to numb the pain, that was the final straw.

Running over and fighting past the nurses and doctors he stood at their side, caressing their face.

"Sir? Why are you here. I can still hear the gunfire. They're closing in on us..."

The soldier's illusions did nothing to stop Alfred from spilling his emotions to a mostly drunk, and badly injured human.

The worst pain came from the lack of response, and being pulled away from their table side.

Back at the main base of operations he was too distracted to be drinking over a victory.

To him, it was still worth the freedom, but not worth the loss.

Then it burned him at how many others felt this pain.

His head spun from the alcohol, but not being fully drunk, he was hyper aware of the whole place that had gone silent.

Looking around for the cause of the broken happy atmosphere he spotted his beloved soldier, crutches under each arm, and missing a leg.

Yet they still gave him the biggest smile.

"Was I not invited to the celebration?"

England:

"Too soon" he thought, no he begged to whatever cruel god would allow this to happen. How his soldier became cannon fodder was beyond him, but he's going to best the life out whatever general allowed them to go the first wave of attack.

Not only were they badly injured, but they were still somewhere in enemy territory. The other soldiers couldn't find his top combatant, but England is.

He was gone for hours, even if he found them dead, bleeding out, or worse they would be found.

Meanwhile the rest of his army grew sick with either guilt, or shame for not trying harder.

Back out on the field, underneath fallen trees and broken up rocks laid his gem.

His gem. He tried to avoid it. Tried to sweat it off as admiration, but it was to no avail.

Heart sinking, he screamed and hollered as he dug out the fallen soldier from the rubble and debris.

Soft groans made his heart flip as his treasured soldier shifted.

"shh, shh, shh, shhh- do not move love."

He tried to quiet them, but what they said next surprised him.

"Love, huh? I can't tell you how long I've wanted to hear you call me that..."

Blush across both faces, they made it back to base.

Since then his feelings towards them had grown, and he had them the new general of his army, that way they were able to stay as close as possible.

France:

This was the worst case scenario.

Everyone was celebrating in the mess hall, the final victory was won, but something was off.

When he realized his top soldier was MIA from the party his face paled. Panic setting in, he rushed around and questioned everyone.

How where they not accounted for? His heart ached and body was shaking viciously as he went to check their room.

Nothing. His soldier was nowhere to be found.

Tonight was the night he was planning on flooding a private room with his feelings towards them. But now...

Then it dawned on him to check the infirmary. He almost regretted it.

Sat up right, bandage on their side they sat. Alone.

He rushed over asking a thousand questions. Why, how, what.

He was surprised and utterly ticked off when they told him they had hidden their wounds, and had fixed themselves up.

He still had someone check them over, just in case. Despite their proper knowledge of these kind of wounds.

He wanted to say it. How heavy they made his to give feel, and how fast his heart would beat.

But he refused to cause any more strain to them. For now, they drank and ate in private. Plans of a new tomorrow giving them both reassuring hope.

China:

He froze, the enemies retreating.

All around him his men cheered but his heart lumped up in his throat as he darted over to a figure a few feet away.

The battle was exhausting, and a good handful of his calvary had fallen. Including his soldier, and close friend.

They had given a shrill shriek moments before the battle was won, and China couldn't see where they were through the fighting. Not until the enemy cleared way did he see them on their knees. A blade embedded in their back.

Once he rushed over the others followers through and it was a team effort to get them somewhere safe to examine them.

He was now under the assumption that his fighter was not going to make it to sun rise.

But he did not leave their side. He was not going to let them die alone, and though they faded out of consciousness, he took his time filling their ears with his confession.

Chokes and tears filling his eyes he laid his head and slept.

Then morning came. He stirred but refused to look up at the body that rested before him.

That is until he heard a faint snore.

His face flushed and he sprung up, almost missing the fact their hand had made it's way into his. A silent acceptance of his feelings.

Russia:

The blood spilled from the enemies as he easily cut open into everyone of them. His anger raging inside him.

Part of him recognized his blood lust, the rest of him not understanding why.

The only thing that gave away to his true feelings was the tears that tricked down as soon as he saw his soldier staining the snow with their own blood.

Moments and blinding rage passed quickly as he stayed worldless, carrying his favored human to the closest infirmary.

He sat by their side as the nurses and doctors worked at them. Refusing to move, and dare they fail him, punishment would be considered.

Dark violet eyes hummed with regret, hatred, and sadness.

If anyone had stared long enough they would see the broken breaths he had, the only sign of his inner emotions.

He did not want to lose something- someone so precious to him. To be left alone and so quickly after building trust between them was more than he could bare.

The gasps and coughing of his soldier stirred him, and he rose from his chair.

They coughed up blood, and cussed. Eventually they gave Russia the news that they had been unconscious, but not too badly hurt, but complete recovery would take time.

He nodded and thanked them for their work and left. The only sighs of his true affection was the rich delicious food and paper flowers that would show their way to the soldier's room.

Yet the war wasn't done yet, so Russia had plenty of time to figure out his own feelings, and hoped that his soldier would help him with that.

Axis:

Germany:

Hands dug into the fabric on his knees. He was side by side with his soldier, yet somehow some stray debris had found its way into their arm, almost severing it.

He was also injured, but not as badly. His knee was scrapped up but that pain was nothing as he was forced to watch his top soldier squirm and writhe in pain as their arm was... Taken.

He wasn't allowed past the curtains, his own wounds needing to be addressed.

The only comfort he could offer was his words of pride, and praises for their courage. He knew it wasn't enough to help them as the screaming stopped, and he felt a creeping fear grow stronger. Concern over their life taking over.

Moments went by, and he was finally allowed up, so he waltz right past the curtains and stood beside their linen bed.

Grabbing a washcloth and water, he softly cleaned up what was left of the blood, both on the bedding, and on the outskirts of their less brutal wounds.

He would take care of them when the others couldn't. He would be the reason they would recover, he had to be.

The day they fully came too, they requested to see him specifically.

It was Germany who was in shock of their confession.

"I needed to get it off my chest, guess that meant the arm had to go too..."

They laughed and he almost choked on his tears as they asked for a hug. He obliged.

From there on out Germany kept his own promise to make sure their life was worth living for. With or without mutual feelings.

Japan:

He's never touched anyone before. But this was a dire situation. His general, and most valued fighter, had been struck down by the cares, and was bleeding badly.

Japan had managed to fight off the enemies ambush, and was ripping sleeves and excess fabrics to stop the blood flow. The sounds of his close friend echoing through the trees shook his core.

He struggled carrying him to a medic, and his concern never waivered.

He almost walked away, unable to handle their screams as their wounds were treated.

He decided to tough through it anyway.

In that time he reflected over the situation, and he didn't realize the tears that had fallen. He wiped them away as best as he could. But the memory of their skin against his hand had set forth an unfamiliar urge.

It wasn't anything romantic, but the desire to protect them had increased, and it took him weeks after they started healing to come to his senses and admit his feelings.

The air was silent, and if felt stale. What was being asked felt almost forbidden.

Almost.

Italy:

White flags, after all, were just white flags. And some enemies did not take treaties lightly.

With Italy being under control of another country, his own army had suffered greatly. His heart weighing heavier with each loss, or vanished person.

But the one that hurt the most was a soldier he had praised time, and time again for risking their lives when he,.or the others couldn't.

A few scratches here and there were almost normal, but one day they had returned badly wounded.

Italy felt a surge of panic and fear as he ordered anyone to help treat their wounds.

His guilt for not staying closer grew with each passing second. He grew depressed as days went by. His soldier not arousing from their slumber.

Then one day they were gone. Confusion and hurt swelled within him.

He was close to just accepting the fact he just lost someone he had come to love, and almost openly.

He grew more fond of all the rejected passes and flirtatious remarks he gave his soldier. It was a little cat and mouse game for them both. But you can only play with fire for so long.

Then the door to their safe space swung open. His dear soldier at the door way, an enemy map in hand, blood on their shirt, and a smug grin in their face.

They had successfully infiltrated enemy lines, and came back with an advantage.

Italy wasted no time holding them, regardless of the others, and whispered his love to their ears. His solider promising to submit to his past affections and remarks as soon as they have more time to breathe and rest.

Yeah- y'all thought I wasn't going to get this sappy. Y'all thought wrong~ (just kidding I got super sucked up in this prompt I don't think I answered it correctly but ya know what. The sappiness stays!). Ignore literally any and all inaccuracies Because I know nothing about history or how armies work. These scenerios are purely created to fit the prompt and my style of writing so... There.

#hetalia #hetalia american #hetalia england #hetalia france #hetalia china #hetalia russia #hetalia germany #hetalia japan #hetalia italy #hetalia world stars #aph #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #tw blood #tw violence

[pccrunfortunatesouls]

|| Get to know  VALERIE GRAY who’s TWENTY-SEVEN years old and works as a FASHION DESIGNER in town. She is from CHICAGO and is often times mistaken for NAFESSA WILLIAMS while others say she reminds them of  VALERIE from DANNY PHANTOM. ||

raised by a doting father that wanted nothing more than to make her happy, valerie was raised with everything she could have possibly asked with and more. feeling a strong sense of guilt when valerie’s mother left to start a new family with another man when valerie was only five years old, her father showered her with material things to show her love and buy her happiness. it unsurprisingly turned her into something of a spoiled brat, and she expected to get everything she wanted when she wanted it.

valerie could be sweet as sugar when she wanted to be, completely wrapping her father and other adults around her finger from a young age with the bat of her eyelashes and an adorable smile. to people her own age she was cruel and judging, and it was only natural that she fit in with the popular crowd at school.

as far as she was concerned her life was perfect; everyone at school looked up to her. guys wanted to date her and girls wanted to be her, and she always got away from being casually cruel to anyone that she deemed to be beneath her — which was anyone other than paulina, dash, and kwan. nothing could possibly go wrong to ruin that. that is, until the incident that still haunts her to this day.

a ghost attack at the factory where her dad worked security caused him to lose his job, and with it valerie lost everything. forced to give up their luxurious home for a run down apartment, she had to sell nearly every single one of her most prized possessions and get a less than desirable job as a fast food mascot just to help her father make ends meet at home. it was a spectacular fall from grace, valerie going from hero to zero in the blink of an eye.

along with losing all her money, valerie lost her status, popularity, and closest friends. learning that her best friends didn’t care at all about her if she couldn’t afford the latest fashions or the hottest concert tickets was an extremely low blow to her ego. now being treated the way she treated so many people that she once deemed to be beneath her, she had to take a hard look at herself and her actions, humbling herself in the process. there’s still a part of her that believes herself to be a little bit better than most, but she works hard on curbing her ego, trying her best to be kind at others and at the very least give people a chance before she judges them.

extremely angry and bitter about the circumstances in which she lost everything, valerie swore revenge on the ghost that completely ruined her life. while she originally had no idea how she would do that, she woke up one day to a package on her doorstep from an anonymous source, providing her with all the tech and weapons she needed to defeat the ghost. she didn’t give much thought to it, never even stopped to think that she’s potentially being manipulated into doing someone else’s bidding. instead she strapped on the outfit, learned how to use the weapons, and never looked back.

the majority of her teens and early twenties were dedicated to fighting ghosts, spurred on by a blind rage that she was never able to shake. she wanted justice for herself and her father, and defeating ghosts seemed like the only way she could get that catharsis. even as ghost sightings started to die down, valerie never truly gave up, patrolling the streets of chicago for ghosts no matter how exhausting at it got at times. a part of her wanted to live a normal life, but a much bigger part of her found it impossible to do that when she had the knowledge of ghosts that she did.

once she lost her popularity, there were a lot of things valerie was willing to give up. she said goodbye to the newest and most expensive tech, she gave up weekly manicures and trips to the spa, she missed out on concerts and stayed at home sadly listening to cds instead. unable to step into a second hand store without gagging, though, high qualify fashion and the newest designs were something that valerie simply couldn’t part with.

if she couldn’t afford them, she would simply have to make them herself. valerie spent countless hours teaching herself how to sew, until she could make pieces for herself that replicated the newest trends and designs. valerie wasn’t herself if she wasn’t looking cute, and designing her own outfits made her feel cute as hell. after graduating high school she went on to study fashion design with the hope of becoming a well known designer one day.

she was twenty-four when her dad came to her telling her he got a new job doing security on a place called corona island, and while she was old enough to stay behind in chicago, she couldn’t bare the idea of being that far away from her dad. he was her biggest supporter and number one fan, and she couldn’t bare the thought of being that far away from him. she packed up her bags without a thought and moved with him to corona.

valerie looked at corona island as a fresh start, a way to leave ghost hunting behind and shake the pain, anger, and resentment she still harbours for the ghosts that ruined her adolescence. this is supposed to be her chance to focus on her love of fashion and make a name for herself in the industry, but that dream is shattered within weeks of arriving on the island. it doesn’t take long for rumours of people with magic and powers to reach her, and not so long after that she hears the stories of other spooks that have made the island their home.

twelve years of hunting ghosts under her belt, she sees the supernatural powers on the island as just as much of a threat, and it doesn’t take long before she’s strapping back on her hunting gear and hitting the streets of corona to track down the spooks. years of resentment and hatred for the supernatural has her unable to see the humanity in the people with powers and she spooks, seeing them as a a danger that needs to be defeated. valerie views herself as a hero, protecting the streets of corona from harm.

for her first few years on the island she laid fairly low, patrolling the streets at night but not causing much harm unless necessary. the disappearances at halloween were what really triggered her into overdrive, a belief that something supernatural was behind it. she’s started actively seeking out supernatural beings now in a desperate attempt to put a stop to them before they cause more damage.

while her main focus is on hunting, she isn’t willing to completely let he dream of becoming a fashion designer slide, and hunting certainly doesn’t pay the bills. after moving to the island she got a job at haus da vil as candice da vil’s personal assistant. the job is insane hours and there’s no denying that her boss is more than a little bit crazy, but she worked her way up the ladder until she was trusted to start designing. if she’s not out hunting, there’s a good chance she’s doing something related to her job.

spends big hours in the gym. hunting takes a lot out of you and she puts in a lot of work to make sure she’s in good shape. lowkey buff as hell.

one of the most stubborn people you’ll ever meet. don’t try to convince her to do something she doesn’t want to do or talk her out of something she has her mind set on. she simply will not listen and will do the opposite of what you want in the pettiest way possible.

has very little free time between work and hunting and she’s very picky about what she does and who she spends her time with when she does have a break. she has very high standards an she makes it known whether or not she deems you worthy of her precious free time.

very few people on the island know about her secret. she doesn’t trust people easily and doesn’t want to risk letting people in on the secret and risk that they could blow her cover.

she comes up with increasingly ridiculous excuses as to why she’s regularly in the emergency room with hunting related injuries. she tries to make it seem like she’s extremely clumsy so that people won’t think twice that she’s regularly injured or banged up, but it’s definitely started raising some eyebrows among those closest to her.

very nervous about what superhero-type nickname the island might give her as she starts to become more visible around the island. they called this ghost kid in her home town invisobil which is just about the dumbest thing she’s ever heard in her life. if her nickname is that dumb she will simply jump off a cliff.

incredibly well dressed at all times. you’ll never catch her slipping.

very loud and every opinionated. you’ll hear her coming from a mile away.

she has good intentions and a heart of gold deep down, you just have to dig a little to see it.

#💛 headcanons ( valerie ) #💛 visage ( valerie )

[ironwoman18]

The Worst Third Date Ever part 15

Chapter 15: We don't need a gun to kill someone.

"There are certain clues at a crime scene which by their very nature do not lend themselves to being collected or examined. How's one collect love, rage, hatred, fear...? These are things that we're trained to look for." James Reese

After they returned home from New York, Spencer and Max returned to their routine. She has to go to the school and the next week she will have a new presentation at the Smithsonian.

He, on the other hand, has a few small cases. The biggest of them was a man who wanted to find his perfect family and killed women and men.

So now that he is back home he wanted to spend time with her. He was so used to their dynamic of the past two week that he now missed it.

They planned to have dinner that night. He ordered thai food and when she arrived the food came shortly after.

They decided to not talk about work at dinner. So he told her about JJ thinking about leaving to New Orleans for a job there at the bureau, she would be chief there.

He was happy for her because she had been growing so much in all these years but he will miss her and his godsons.

She also told him about a teacher who may retire at the end of the school year. This teacher had been working for 35 years at the school and everybody loves her.

So she planned to give her a present made by the kids.

"That's really sweet of you Max, I'm sure she will love it" he smiled at her and after dinner they laid on the sofa and talked some more. Just be together made them happy.

"Have you ever invited your friends in?" She asked rubbing his arm around her "because you told me about Luke invited you all to his house to host Kristy's baby shower and Rossi who hosted every big party of the unit and even Penelope hosted some reunions but never heard of you doing it"

"It's because I never really invited someone else in here. I was germaphobic when I started to work in the BAU also I was nervous to get attached to those people, even though I ended up being attracted to them but truthfully I'm not sure if all of these apply as a reason"

"I understand and I think you should. As you follow your therapist about having a normal conversation, you should follow mine about invited them in. After all you share more time with them than anyone else"

He laughs softly and kissed her head "ok I will do it" she smiled and turned to face him and kissed him softly.

"Good boy" she laughed and hugged him tightly.

After that they share more time like that then she said she has to leave, it was getting late and she had to wake up earlier.

"I wish you didn't have to leave" he said as he walked her to her car, for protection.

"Me too but we aren't talking about moving in together. And I didnt want to mention it"

"Why?"

"Because it's what screw up everything with Mike" she looked at him "you meant so much to me to screw up"

He looked at her "you won't. You are amazing and when you are ready to take that step I will be right here. Ready for it"

She smiled "and this is why I love you you Doctor Reid"

He laughed and kisses her softly then she opened the door of the car and got in "see you and remember what your new therapist ordered you" she winked and he laughed and nodded.

"Yes ma'am" he smiles as she rolled her eyes and left. He looked until the car was out of his sight and returned home.

The next day he invited all the team to go to his apartment if they didn't have a case. Dave could not but the rest decided to go.

They talked while eating Chinese food then Penelope mentioned her thinking about a new job offer.

At first he was shocked because he was more used to think other members would leave first than her.

Luke was shocked too and he could see, even with their constant fights, that both care about the other.

Then JJ and Prentiss arrived and they did some games and had a good time.

Then they left and Spencer looked at them smiling. He called Max "hey Max"

"Oh hey Spence. What's up?"

"I did what you want me to" he smiled looking down.

"Really? That's awesome babe, you won a kiss" she smirked and he just laughed "I would like to heard all the details. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Sounds great" he smiled at that "see you tomorrow. Good night"

"Good night" they both hung up then he went to his bedroom, changed and went to sleep.

The next day, after his coffee with Max, Spencer decided to look for Rossi. So after he could not find him in his office or other places he would be. So his last option was the first office of the BAU.

There he was with all his evidence about Lynch on the wall "I don't know why it didn't occur to me yesterday that you'd come down here to recharge" Spencer checked the wall full of photos and details of Lynch "it's been a year since we first encountered Lynch"

"Yeah, I'll probably forget my wedding anniversary but I'll never forget that day" David's eyes focused on the room as his fingers played with his cup of coffee "and this is where the BAU began. It's the one place I can still hear Gideon's voice, prodding me to, um, 'think outside the box'" the last thing was an imitation of Gideon's voice.

That made Spencer laughs softly "something like, uh, 'I am the unsub'" said Spencer trying to make and imitation of the former member of the BAU.

"'Who's your daddy?'" That made the young doctor laughed "that's what we've been missing"

"Roberta gave us the name..."

"Roberta lied. She just wants to appear to be helpful to everyone. She's got her own agenda"

"What are you thinking... Get paroled, find her son and get revenge for the death of her granddaughter Grace?"

"The trifecta"

"Killing your own child is far more common than most people think and in filicide cases, mothers are just as likely as fathers to be killers"

"Which is why Roberta doesn't want us to get in the way of her taking care of family business "

"Still, filicide not only requires that she harbor deep resentment, but also that she disassociates from her relationship to her only child"

"Which she did when I showed her the photo of Grace's dead body"

"Were you gonna share all this with the rest of the team?"

"It's just theories"

"Dave, I completely understand your personal stake in this, but you and Gideon started something pretty good down here, and I think it's time that you let that legacy do what it's always done best... work together as a team" that made David to understand he was so focused on catching Lynch that he forgot the team. A team that he watched catching criminals over that past twelve years.

He nodded and both men went up to the office of the BAU to share this theory with them.

Penelope found out that Lynch was looking for a private detective to find his real father, the team speculated that maybe he was not a sociopath if killing his daughter triggered some memories of his father.

They decided to sent Spencer to observe JJ and Tara interrogate Roberta. Spencer could not see her really killing her son, she talked with hatred but he could not find a sign of filicide.

When they arrived back to the office the next day, Emily announced they will wheel up in 30 to Reno, Nevada, all the team but her and Tara. She will stay in DC and check the team.

"Fret not my intrepid crime fighters. You're no longer flying blind into the silver state. I have matched our mysterious searcher's I.P. address to business in Reno that touts itself as a 'private security firm' and it's christened Castle Security"

"Says here the company is owned and operated by Orlando Gaines" added Matt.

"What a piece of work. He's a former Concord Bay narcotics cop who spent five years in prison for selling police-confiscated drugs" commented Luke.

"It looks like either months ago, his company received a wire transfer for $25.000 from an offshore account connected to our old friend, Arthur Terrell" said Tara from the office.

"Terrell was still alive back then" said JJ.

"He was, but that account has since transferred into the hands of an Edward Myles, and Mr. Myles is turning out to be very elusive"

"Yeah, 'cause although that could be a very likely alias for Mr. Lynch, that name isn't popping up anywhere in Reno" added Penelope to Prentiss' information.

"JJ, Luke, Matt, check in with Reni PD, also our FBI field office" she ordered to those three, then added "Dave and Spence, see if you can get a sit-down with Orlando Gaines" Prentiss hung up after that last order then the team arrived to the city and they went separate ways to do what she ordered.

And in the meantime Roberta killed the father of Everett in the most salvaged way possible. After that David received a call from Lynch wanting to see him.

They had a discussion about what to do but at the end Emily left him go to meet Lynch, with JJ as a sniper for cover.

He and Lynch talked and David tried to convince him to surrender but the Chameleon showed his cards. Olivia has diabetes and they kill him they will not find her in time for her next shot so JJ took her finger away of the trigger.

After more research Penelope found the address were Lynch were living and sent it to JJ and Spencer.

Spencer could not see Roberta killing her child but the others doubted it. He knew she would not do it based on his quick profile at the interrogation they did to Lynch's mom.

They drove to the address and shortly after a SWAT team arrived there.

"Van to Montero. We need to surround and secure the perimeter" ordered JJ.

"Yes ma'am" said the captain of the SWAT team as they moved to the house door.

Spencer took his phone to contact Lynch and therefore Roberta.

After the phone rang five times or so Roberta answered it "is this Agent Rossi?"

"No, Roberta, my name is Doctor Spencer Reid, and it's important that you listen to me right now. Even though you have the gun, the moment your son realizes you're not gonna shoot him, he's gonna get the upper hand" JJ could not believe he still thinks she will not shot him.

"You're wrong... 'Cause my son is going to pay for what he did to Grace" said Roberta with tears in her eyes.

"Yes, but first you need to let Olivia walk out of there, ok?"

"Yeah" Roberta leaned to the young girl behind her "Olivia. Go, hurry, go"

"Now wait a second..." said Lynch trying to stop Olivia from escaping. Roberta did a warning shoot to the ground to stop him.

"Roberta?" Said Spencer at the other side of the line.

"Don't you worry. She's on her way out to you" after that a SWAT officer ran toward them with Olivia and JJ held her.

"Roberta, that warning shot is what's about to give you away, but we can help. Are you ready for us to come in? We can save you both"

"Ha!"

"You realize how this has to end right? Right?" She was having doubts. She wanted him to pay but her mother insists tell her she cannot kill her baby boy, even though he killed her beloved granddaughter.

"Roberta?" Spencer said.

"Yes... I'm ready"

"Captain Montero, breach" Spencer got out his gun and followed the captain of the SWAT team to walked in the house.

JJ was checking out Olivia with the paramedics when Rossi called her "Rossi?"

"JJ, Roberta isn't there to kill Lynch. She's there to die with him"

She just turned and saw Spencer walking there and she tried to run to him "Spence! Stop!" Suddenly the house exploded pushing the doctor to the ground. His head hit the ground and she cannot hear for several seconds. JJ tried to help him but he was confused "Spence, are you ok?" He looked the casualties of the team he was leading in and tried to stand up "No, no, no, no. Stay down, stay down" said JJ holding him for standing.

He felt sad because those men died because of his order. What happened? he could not understand.

The flight back was quiet and Spencer, stubbornly, denied to go to the ER to be checked. His brain was working on the plane.

He was reviewing everything from the beginning. He could not believe that Roberta was suicidal or wanted to die with her son. He held to his theory of her not being able to kill him so, why did she explode the house? Why did she let them walk in if she had that plan? She was not a mass killer.

The flight was in silence until they arrived and JJ walked to him "Spence... I think I should drive you home, just in case" he looked at her. He was tired "please?"

He sighed "ok JJ. I don't want an argument"

They both get out of the plane and headed to her car. As she drove she looked at him from the corner of her eyes "please don't blame yourself for making the call Spence. You did what you thought was correct"

He looked down "how couldn't I...? JJ six men lost their life... 6 families lost a father, a husband, a son, a nephew... because of me" he rubbed his forehead softly.

"Spencer..." she did not what to say "you once told me to stop blaming for Nadia and her daughter's murder. About that bomb that killed a bunch of marines... casualties are inevitable in this job and the people who joins in the bureau, the CIA, NSA, and more known very well they could die at any second. And so do their families"

He sighed more and looked down "I can't argue at the moment so I will just let it go for now"

She looked at him and took a deep breath "you don't look in good shape Spence. Please let me take you the hospital or at least call Max to come over" she handed her phone to him.

"I'm good JJ. Don't worry but if this makes you relaxed then I will go to the hospital if I'm still feeling bad" he said as she stopped by his apartment.

"Call Max or me if you need help. Please" he nodded and walked out. She looked at him and sighed. Then she decided to do it herself, knowing he will not do it.

Hey Max, is JJ. Spence had an accident in a mission. He hit his head pretty hard so please keep an eye on him. Bye.

Minutes later she got and answer from his best friend's girlfriend.

Ok JJ, thank you for the information. I'm at my dad's house but when I finished here I will go there. Good night.

Then she left to her house but the girls called to have a ladies night so she drove to Penelope's house.

Meanwhile Spencer was walking in his apartment still thinking about what happened. His mind traveled to a memory of him with Jason.

"Ok children. I'm the unsub. Why do you think I did this?" Asked Gideon to the class.

An Asian girl said "because you are suicidal?"

"No, I want to see my victims suffer. Why would I die before I complete my mission?"

"Someone else caused the explosion" said a much younger Reid.

"Correct! If you profiled that your killer isn't suicidal then something else happened and you need to check the crime scene" all the students nodded and take notes "Remember kids... your profile is everything, if you have it... you won't need a gun to kill your opponent. Just your knowledge of him"

-It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't understand how that kind of personality can choose to blow itself up-

"If Roberta gave in to him... and if he took the gun away... if he could get to a tunnel..." he was just thinking making hypothesis of what happened not really realizing his nose was bleeding "Lynch... he's still alive" and with that he passed out on his carpet.

OOooOOooOO

Ok so after this the episode 10 will be reworked a little bit.

I'm not sure if I should keep using the scenes of him into "The Light" or just show some parts of it. Like some parts of Maeve conversation, changing some verbs and adding Max to the things he love.

[krinsbez]

GI Joe: Remixed, the Stygians

Another set of OCs by the brilliant Night_stalker, this time of the Baroness’ elite personal black ops goon squad, the Stygians:

Team leader:

Name: Waylon Calthrope Codename: Obelisk DoB: Classified Orientation: Homosexual Former Affiliation: Force Research Unit Bio: Waylon comes from a long line of military men, so when he was picked for the FRU, eyebrows were raised. Yet, the hardened NCO had been chosen, so he went into it eyes open. Needless to say, by the time he was transferred out, he had picked up quite a few unsettling habits. Needless to say, these habits weren't what Her Majesty's Armed Forces particularly liked, so he was sent down to Gibraltar, in order to cool off. Alas, he was involved in Operation Flavius, which was the final straw for many of the brass. Come 1990, he was handed his kit in a box, told to leave, and politely reminded of the Official Secrets Act while on his way out the door. Naturally, he did what anyone would do in such a time, and went off to join ArmorGroup, a PMC, where he actually was doing very well for himself. Well, nobody doubted his skills, stories are still circulating throughout their barracks of his daring deeds, the problem was, stories were circulating. Including one or two that showed he hadn't quite lost those habits that had gotten his discharge papers in the first place. In an attempt to avoid losing such a highly valued member, AG just had him rotated into a training position, figuring that he could be far less harmful there then in the field. A reasonable argument, it failed to consider one possibility. Namely, that he would occasionally be called up as a Floater (Guard used to fill temp holes in schedules), which was exploited once the people in charge of staffing realized the potential gold mine they had on tap. Then the company was acquired by G4S, and one of the changes they made was letting go of personnel who they deemed to be unfit to have under their umbrella. Waylon was one such person, but this time, he had done some prep work. As he walked out the door of his old office, a worn cardboard box with the few personal belongings he had inside it, he pulled out a business card, and dialed it. The phone rang twice, before a woman with a Eastern European accent picked up the phone. "Baroness? This is Waylon, are you still looking for another member of that outfit you're setting up?" Hobbies: Knife Throwing, Weightlifting, Fantasy Football, and Homebrewing.

Members:

Name: Matsui Yunosuke Codename: Goryō DoB: June 19th, 1979 Former Affiliation: Inagawa-kai Specialty: Close In Protection Orientation: Het, Married to Console (see below) Bio: Born into a Yakuza family, Matsui grew up with the ethos of the movement as his nursery rhymes. However, he didn't seem to fit quite in. Despite his best efforts, the only things he seemed to be good at were keeping silent, and when keeping silent wasn't enough, cracking skulls. As one would imagine, while it makes him a great bodyguard and enforcer, when it comes to stuff that requires a bit more of a business mind, he didn't fit in. The local boss, seeking to capitalize on his talents, assigned him to guard his beloved sister, who was responsible for handling the books side of the business. However, even he couldn't protect her from an full sized hit squad sent by a angry rival. While in hospital, his boss tried to silence him, which failed horrifically. Once he was done recovering from some torn stitches, he was contacted by one of the Athenes, and made a very appealing offer..... Revenge for service, in essence. Stricken with rage, he agreed, and the boss was soon killed in what was described as "A gangland deal gone wrong", and what was described by a police offical off record as "The single biggest bloodbath he'd seen in his career". Hobbies: Kendo, Spider keeping, listening to punk rock, and watching trashy romance anime.

Name: Balbina Krajewska Codename: Baba Yaga DoB: Classified Former Affiliation: Medi-Vipers, before that, [REDACTED] Orientation: Asexual. Specialty: Medical/Interrogation Bio: Much of Balbina's life before Cobra is left blank. Mostly as she comes from the Medi-Vipers, and that stuff is kept classified as hell, and also because well, nobody wants to look too deep into the Abyss. That said, it is known that she's a combat medic par none, winning several commendations for her life saving methods, as well as managing to uncover a organ theft ring. Totally unrelated, according to her. That said, she did ruffle some feathers, as well as other parts of their bodies, so a sideways transfer was in order. Hobbies: Cosplaying, Ballet, Medical experimentation, and Medical Cosplaying (Don't ask. Seriously.).

Name: [REDACTED] Codename: Console DoB: Unknown Former Affiliation: Cyber-Vipers, before that, Unknown Orientation: Het, married to Goryo Specialty: Heavy Weapons/Cyberwarfare Bio: While little is known about Console's previous life, given the usual Cyber-Viper "Welcome Basket", what is known is that she's got a fondness for heavy weapons, in particular DShK's, a hatred for GI Joe that seems rather intense, implying a personal connection to them, and finally, some very interesting tattoos on her body. Or at least, the remains of some tattoos, implying the Cybers laser removed them before her conversion occurred. Hobbies: World of Tanks, Knitting, Trolling forums, and deadlifting weights.

Name: Romeo Moretti Codename: Gaucho DoB: Unknown Former Affiliation: None Orientation: Single Target Sexuality, believed to be Baroness Specialty: Long Range Threat Neutralization Bio: Growing up in the Atacama Desert on the compound of a former Argentinian military sharpshooter and his wives, Romeo's childhood wasn't really the best. Between the daily marches to toughen them up for the impending apocolaypse, the hard shooting conditions, tight rations, and the annual tradition of being dumped someplace to find their way back, well, the fact that it took Romeo until his 16th birthday before he finally put a bullet through his father's skull could be taken as a sign of how patient he was. Or how long before he was allowed live rounds and some trigger time. Fleeing the compound with a old Mosin-Nagant rifle on his back, a canteen of water, and his favorite horse, it wasn't expected he'd show up anytime soon. Yet he survived in the wilderness, becoming a poacher, and on occasion when hunting was lean, a hitman. His natural charm and skill with a rifle somewhat impressed the locals, a fact which he started exploiting, trading animal pelts and teeth for ammo and other nescessities. However, soon the heat became too much for him, both figuratively and literally, so he started looking for a way out. As luck would have it, Baroness had heard rumors about this daring man's skills, and made him a offer. It's rumored he accepted as soon as he saw a photo of his new boss, but there probably isn't any truth to them. Hobbies: Horseback riding, hunting, meditation, collecting stuff for his secret shrine to Baroness. 

Name: Goktas Muhiddin Codename: Askari DoB: March 5, 1983 Former Affiliation: Special Forces Command, Turkey Orientation: Het Specality: General Combat Bio: [REDACTED] Hobbies: Wargaming, Baccarat, playing Overwatch (Reaper Main), and cross country running. 

BONUS: The leader of Athene, The Baroness’ personal paramilitary unit (because her boyfriend has the Iron Grenadiers and she can’t stand not being having an army of her own)

Name: Moira Burns Codename: Lozen DoB: December 19th, 1980 Former Affiliation: 1st Marine Battalion, A Company Orientation: Gay, currently engaged to a Track-Viper and a Rock-Viper at the same time. Bio: Why Moira left the Marines is a matter of some debate amongst her new command. Some claim that she was forced out before Don't Ask was repealed, and held a grudge over the matter. Others make the argument that the "Apricot Incident" was the last straw for her military career. And then we just have people who think she joined out of true love. The answer may never be known, as all parties involve remain silent. What is known is that she left the Marines with a bit of ax to grind against them, which made her rather appealing to the Baroness. Why she picked Moira for the Athene unit's lead isn't as concealed. According to Baroness: "Moira's professionalism and aggressive leadership style made her a perfect fit for the Athene Unit", which has been accepted as the gospel truth. Or at least nobody feels a desire to really push matters much further past that. Hobbies: Burning down Apricot trees, movie reviews, dog breeding, and weight lifting.

#GI Joe #GI Joe: Remixed #GI Joe Fanfic #GI Joe: Remixed Stygians

[hlycrwn]

wanna talk a bit abt my thoughts on dimitri’s  ...  “berserk”  moments  ,  or the periods where he goes absolutely feral and kills everyone with either a sense of pleasure of apathy toward the action .   [  spoilers below  ]

when dimitri’s family died the experience was  ,  as one would assume  ,  horribly traumatic  particularly for a  child  who had  ,  up until that point  ,  never been exposed to death .  during the attack dimitri felt himself  paralyzed  by fear and confusion  ,  physically unable to move or make a sound as he watched people fall around him unable to do a  thing  about it  ------  in that moment  ,  he felt  powerless  ,  defeated  ,  staring death in the face and  waiting  with held breath .  he survived but at a cost .

essentially  ,  that experience was one that he  ,  a child  ,  was made to  cope with  once it had happened and to do that his brain activated some  ...   “safeguards”  let’s call them  ,  and some serious trigger situations were created in his subconscious in an effort to deal with the situation  /  the PTSD that followed .

when he finds himself in a situation that he cannot process  “correctly”  ,  it has the same effect as taking him back to that place where the tragedy happened  &  filling him with the same sense of agony  ,  fear  ,  and hatred .  generally i think of it as an  emotional overload  that leads to a  black out rage  ;  the first time he killed anyone was during his quelling of a rebellion at which point he  lost it  and became such a monster on the battlefield that he  terrified his best friend  ,  while another time he sees the face of who killed his family and  absolutely loses it  right there on the spot .  both  of those are heavily emotional situations with the first one in particular being the first time he’s seen death up close since the tragedy  /  the first time his own hands have caused it .  in those situations  ,  he couldn’t cope with the situation and rather than allow itself to be torn apart  ,  his brain just  shut down  a portion of dimitri’s conscious to stop the overbearing wave of emotion that would otherwise paralyze him .

when that happens  ,  it is a feeling of yes  ,  being back in that helpless  ,  horrible situation  ,  but  also  of being back there and finally being able to  move .  he isn’t weak  ,  he can do more than sit and watch and wait  ;  the guilt that comes with knowing he lived while others didn’t  ,  that he didn’t even  fight  for them becomes a spearhead and  yes  he can be seen to derive pleasure from it at times  (  though typically he’s emotionless  )  because  it feels freeing in that moment .  he can’t undo what was done but he feels as if he almost could  ,  like he finally picked up his weapon  ,  finally did  something .  

once the threat has passed  /  the emotional overload can be managed  ,  he comes back to reality but  during the time he is going berserk  he has no idea what he’s doing and  will not remember it afterward .  it’s the equivalent of blinking and suddenly you’re on the other side of a field with blood all over you with absolutely nothing in between .  this  ,  as one might assume  ,  is terrifying for him .  while it’s rare that he’s triggered in that manner he’s always scared of what will happen if he  is  .  dimitri thinks of himself as a monster waiting to happen and when he feels himself starting to become overloaded he generally removes himself from a situation because he  knows  the potential consequences .  his biggest fear is killing or hurting someone he  cares about  and not being able to stop himself  ,  only finding out  after the fact .  

the situation that he is in post - time skip is both a mix of the  “monster”  and of dimitri himself .  what he’s witnessed and come to understand was so awful and soul shattering that he  broke  ,  essentially merging with his coping mechanism and creating a man who has awareness of his actions  but no longer cares .  dedue’s death was the final knife that ripped him apart and sent him to the state he’s in when you find him but because it is a  state of being  and is very much his mind attempting to  protect him  as much as it is a triggered state that he’s in  ,  that is why it’s possible to bring him back to  “normal”  ( to a degree  ;  i think there’s a lot of after effects that linger and always linger but that’s for another post )  with the assistance of others .  difficult !  but possible .  b/c he’s still  in there  ,  the dimitri he used to be  ,  he’s just ... heavily armored  ,  essentially  ,  to prevent himself from totally breaking over everything that’s happened to him .

#✦ . * : history lessons ━━ * headcanon . #long post - #spoilers - #fe spoilers - #fe3h spoilers - #this is probs longer htan it needs to be but #here we are #i grew up with two boys who had constant black out rages #n i myself have black outs ( not violent ones generally n they're rare but like they still happen lol ) #so i am ... a Tad familiar with this particular subject matter #and the brain does such whack shit to try nd cope with trauma man #making dimtiri into a monster so he can't be harmed or helpless again ? #sure . that's absolutely smth the brain can do lol #i do know he did move and help dedue but i think by that time #he was no longer paralyzed / this was a stranger and not a familiar face #so it was easier to move #but in terms of the event of his loved ones dying #he rly ... just could not do much #it was horrifying he was a babie

[bluemilkboys]

Luke - A Star Wars Character Dissection

There has been much ado about Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars ecosystem ever since his last appearance in the Star Wars films with The Last Jedi. So for my first post on this blog I wanted to take a more all-encompassing look at Luke, and how I believe the way he’s presented in The Last Jedi is actually the most faithful and attentive depiction possible for his character at this point in his life. Yeah. This is gonna be full on Last Jedi propaganda. Feed me your tears. 

So I think the most important thing to consider with Luke is that despite how much he progresses in the Force, he is still the same person. And Luke as a person is imperfect. He’s supposed to be, as the representation of the everyman, he’s a human being with flaws. His biggest, in my opinion, being his vulnerability to his emotions, and how susceptible he is to them being leveraged against him. Luke always looks for reasons for his fears and desires to be justified. As a result he is able to compartmentalize the deaths of his aunt and uncle extremely quickly because it enables him the opportunity to go pursue the adventure that's been denied to him for a long time.

Think about that. The only parental figures he’s ever had in his life are murdered by the Empire, and throughout the rest of A New Hope, he spends very little time dwelling on their deaths.

In the case of Luke being extremely vulnerable to his emotional attachments, look no further than Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Luke cuts his training short when he learns that his friends are in danger. Luke knows that his Jedi training is perhaps the most important thing in the entire fight against the Empire, and that becoming a Jedi is instrumental in defeating evil. But when that which Luke is attached to emotionally is compromised, he drops everything to attempt to save his friends. Luke abandoning his Jedi responsibilities is not new to this series.

Moving on now to Return of the Jedi, we see Luke progress even further in the Force, becoming a full fledged Jedi Knight, having displayed a mastery of his Force powers. He is still the same guy. The same Luke prone his own personal desires and attachments. Upon learning that Darth Vader is his father, Luke knows that he either must turn him back to the light, or eliminate him. In the big confrontation with the Emperor, Palpatine senses this vulnerability for his father, and exploits it, using it against Luke in order to stoke his anger and his hatred. And the Emperor nearly succeeds. Daring Luke to strike him down in anger after Palpatine mocks his plans to defeat him, as well as his attempts to redeem his father, and Luke nearly does it. The Emperor challenges Luke to strike him, and Luke nearly does, stopped only by Darth Vader, who I personally believe was trying to save Luke from falling into darkness rather than protecting his own master.

The fight ensues. Luke and Vader go back in forth, dueling for the fate of the entire galaxy and Luke again falls victim to his emotions. As the action slows, Vader taunts Luke further. If he is unwilling to turn, perhaps his sister would be, and Luke loses control once again. He unleashes his rage against Vader, delivering a flurry of strikes with the full force of his fury behind them, and comes within an inch of murdering his own father. Stopped once again only by the sight of Vader’s severed mechanical hand, Luke quite literally witnessing himself transform into Vader the more he gives into his anger. It is only then when Luke realizes what he’s done, and what he was about to do, and controls himself.

Now we come to The Last Jedi. The common fan refers to this film as a sacrilegious depiction of the mighty, holy Luke Skywalker. But like i’ve said, no matter how much more powerful Luke becomes with the Force, he is still. The same. Person. Someone who is incredibly emotionally driven. Whether it’s ambition, love, anger, or in the case of The Last Jedi, fear, Luke is the kind of person whose actions reflect those emotions. So when his own flesh and blood, the son of his own sister displays an aptitude with the Force unlike that which he as ever seen before, the cocktail of Luke’s emotions that were connected to this situation created an incredibly volatile environment around Ben Solo’s training. Ben’s journey is a completely different story, but his turn to the darkness is the catalyst to every last one of Luke’s core, driving emotions. His love for his family and friends, his fear of the dark side returning, his anger at himself for failing, all triggered at once, leaving Luke with no other option but to remove himself completely. From the Force, from the Resistance, from all of the conflict. The same man who’s emotions drove him to abandon his home on Tattooine, to abandon his jedi training to save his friends, and to abandon his jedi instincts when provoked by the dark side, finally had had enough when his greatest failure was solidified as Ben Solo became Kylo Ren. And that’s the point of Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi. Despite his strength with the Force, despite being a Jedi legend, he’s still the same guy he has always been for decades. And the reason I believe Luke’s depiction in this film is so powerful is because it shows that all of those flaws have finally caught up to him, and we have to see how he tries to answer for them. Luke’s greatest enemy is himself, and when we finally see him overcome that, accept his failure, and allowing himself to learn from it, we see the completion of his story, and I don’t think there’s a more faithful depiction of that character you could possibly have.

#star wars #last jedi #luke skywalker #darth vader #kylo ren #ben solo #leia skywalker #anakin skywalker #rise of skywalker

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

Against Expectations

fuck i hope u guys are happy you made me finish it even tho it’s crappy so here take it @not-close-to-straight @reioka @thealextheshipper 

I made a new post because it is longgggg but here take it. Trigger Warning for self-depreciating and depressive thoughts and negative body image

It was expected that Tony didn’t have any pools or hot tubs, after Afghanistan. It was also expected that he wouldn’t want to expose himself all that much with the arc reactor. And before... before it hadn’t mattered. The girls he slept with didn’t care at all, and he never left the lights on and they were always too drunk to remember, so it never mattered much.

It was completely humiliating, absolutely disgusting. His body was ugly. He hated to look at it. He only thanked God that they were all easy to hide.

And no one questioned the fact that he never talked about it with them, because he acted as if he had no heart in the first place, and he was good at that. He always had been. It was self preservation.

It was honestly ridiculous. It defied all logic and everything he knew, and he hated that, and he hated that he couldn’t fix it, and he hated that he hated his body.

Because it hadn’t been hard to hide before the Avengers. A bit of makeup here and there, and that was that. But now... now he was terrified. Completely mortified someone would discover that Tony Stark had a heart, and it was far, far too big to be contained behind the arc reactor.

Ana and Edwin’s names had appeared first. He was four, five maybe. Those were both written just under the waistband of his jeans, easy to hide. He had been completely ecstatic that the two people who he cared about most, who cared about him most, who took care of him through sickness and sadness when his parents were away, were his soulmates. They were, understandably, surprised that their names had been scrawled across the hips of their young master. He could see their shock the first time he told them, and was afraid he had done something wrong, but they recovered quickly, and never treated him any differently. They were affectionate, and he never questioned why they asked him to keep it a secret, because they knew what was best for him. It was only later when he learned how incredibly unusual it was, not only because of the age, not only because there were two of them, but because his was not on their skin. He only found out after their deaths. When lovers asked, he told them they were real tattoos he had gotten to honor some people he’d lost. They didn’t question it.

JARVIS was next. At first he was confused, mortified and completely humiliated that an A.I. could be his soulmate. That wasn’t possible, was it? Perhaps his soul was different. He had been broken upon creation, the marks on his skin didn’t mean anything. That was printed along his right shoulder, easy to hide with some good makeup, and it became part of his morning routine to cover the mark. JARVIS knew, obviously, because JARVIS could see it whenever it wasn’t covered. But the A.I. never mentioned it. Maybe his computer was just as stumped as he was.

Rhodey was soon after that, a practiced signature on the inside of his right wrist. Mortification morphed into humiliation and he was so, so very confused. Because really, he didn’t think about Rhodey like that. Yes, he loved Rhodey, but not in a way that he was told soulmates were supposed to, and he knew for a fact Rhodey didn’t feel that way about him. He began designing his own makeup to cover the marks, almost irremovable, waterproof and smudge proof.

Yinsen was a surprise, and took him off guard, when he found the small scrawl near the edge of his arc reactor. Luckily, it looked enough like discolored skin that no one, Yinsen or anyone else, gave it the second look to see what it really was, but perhaps that plagued him as much as anything else when he got back. And the fact that he had lost him. He covered that name out of self preservation, and wished there was a way to cut it out of him.

Perhaps it said something that Obie’s name never appeared on his skin. Perhaps his soul knew what his brain didn’t. But he couldn’t help but think that the names were mocking him -- he had never met anyone with his name as well. They meant nothing. They were only a cause of pain. He started to hate his own skin.

Pepper’s was the only one he felt no desire to cover up. He wore it loud and proud, front and center over his heart, her loopy scrawl perfect with a small heart over his own. He loved it, and the way Pepper lit up whenever she saw it. But the longer their relationship went on, the more the mark seemed to pain her, and he started to hate that one as well. He never let her see his others. He couldn’t hurt her like that. He would suffer alone.

He never asked her where his name was, if she even had it.

Happy’s was small and unobtrusive, on his chest just under his right arm. Professional, looping, ridiculous. This was getting ridiculous!

Coulson was never meant to appear, but he did. The name never faded after the agent’s death, and that’s when Tony knew he was completely broken. He didn’t like going to doctors, seeing their faces when they noticed his many names. Often tears dripped down onto the signature on his left thigh, when he knew he was broken and the world was against him. That didn’t matter, because the makeup was waterproof, but he knew it was there, as strong as ever even after the shattering death. None of it made sense, but he supposed it wasn’t supposed to. It was only the universe toying with him.

He felt Steve’s name appear on him the first time they met eyes, a sharp burning along his right collar, and Jesus Christ he had never been more glad for the cut of his shirts, because otherwise that would be incredibly difficult to hide. Steve’s was neat, unobtrusive, uniform and perfect. Just like the man. And he hated it. And he hated himself. He started waking up earlier and covering up more carefully.

Bruce’s shaved itself into his skin when Hulk woke him up after the Battle of Manhattan, an untidy scrawl along the left side of his stomach, and that was when he vowed he would never take his shirt off in front of them. He would wear an undershirt with a hole cut out so they could access the arc reactor if necessary, although he didn’t particularly want them seeing the arc reactor either, but he was completely convinced no amount of makeup could cover his self hatred and shame.

Shawarma afterwards, with the others dozing around him as he carefully shifted his ribs to see if he could take the suit off; that was when the rest appeared, a physical pain that almost tore at his heart in complete disgrace. He managed not to let it show. He found them in the mirror later, in the dead of night when only JARVIS could see; Thor’s blocky letters on the back of his left shoulder, Natasha’s professional cursive on the inside of his right thigh, and Clint, damn him, had taken up residence with a tramp stamp, because of course he had.

He couldn’t let them see. No way he would let them see.

Being the master of masks and excuses, he always managed to wheedle his way out of group activities which involved any sort of skin exposure, and perhaps the others caught on to it, because Pepper started making more comments about how nice his body was and he had the sneaking suspicion they had been talking to her behind his back. Luckily Pepper was normally too busy for sex, or too much enjoying herself to look closely. He was starting to slip, and he knew it. There was too much responsibility, too much shame, too many flashbacks and too much heartache, and too many names, and he couldn’t cover them all, hell he couldn’t even reach Thor’s and Clint’s.

And then Bucky. Sweet, broken Bucky. Stumbling into the tower one day beat up and bloody, ready to spill secrets and sins and begging for respite. Tony was nearly as hysterical as Barnes at that point, if he was being honest, and meeting his eyes...

It seared across the back of his neck, possessive, right under his hairline. It was covered, thank God. The only way he could see it was for JARVIS to take a picture for him. Bucky’s handwriting was neat, surprisingly so, with a bit of a shake at the end of the ‘y’ and ‘s’ in his name.

And then Pepper, leaving.

And then. And then. And then.

And he was tired. He was so tired. He had lived a long time, too long, he should be dead, why wasn’t he dead, why couldn’t he stop living on borrowed time. And it didn’t matter anymore, it didn’t.

He was careless.

He got drunk.

He washed clean.

And the next morning, there was an attack. He went to battle like that, in his boxers inside the suit. And that... that was a mistake. That was the biggest mistake of his life.

Of course it was some magic user, of course they had teamed up with MODOK. It hurt, Jesus Christ the others didn’t understand, it hurt to be torn out of the armor like that, to have the reactor strain in his chest to remain where it was supposed to be. To fall in a heap on the pavement, exposed to the world. To look up and realize that there was no way you could hide anymore.

Somewhere, distantly, Bucky screamed in rage. Natasha was cursing in various languages. Hulk was making the buildings shake with his anger.

Tony’s shoulders trembled. They had seen. There was no mistaking that they had seen. God, he doesn’t have to look, those reactions are clear enough. They hate him. He’s such a fucking freak.

JARVIS showed up to defend him, his spare suits flying in rage and glory. Beautiful. At least the things Tony made were beautiful. At least the things Tony made had to love him.

He sat there, cold, crying, until hands started to touch his shoulders, guide him to his feet. The team. They were staring at him. Of course they were. He was a freak.

But then Bucky reverently touched the back of his neck, hands shaking, where he knew the man’s name to reside. And their expressions all morphed into something Tony wasn’t adept enough in emotions to read, gently trailing their fingers over their names. Bruce was wrapped in a blanket and started to cry.

“Oh, Tony. Oh, Tony!”

Tony shivered. He knew it was disgusting. They didn’t have to cry about it.

“Coulson,” Clint breathed, tracing gently over the name, making Tony shudder with his touch.

“He’s dead,” Tony responded, his voice cracking, and the tears were back, God, how embarrassing could he be? “He’s dead. I’m a freak. I know. Please. Please don’t leave. I don’t have anything left.”

Steve frowned, glancing up at the others, before carefully rolling up his right sleeve, licking his thumb and rubbing at the skin there on his wrist. And Tony watched, not sure what he was feeling, as his name appeared like magic. Small, neat, like he had been taught by his father. Unobtrusive. Permanent. Binding.

And he watched in wonder, as the others held out their right arms, rolling up their sleeves and rubbing at the makeup there, and his name... His name... There were so many names. One on each of them. Oh God, how had he not known?

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Bucky breathed, his voice as reverent as his touch. “God, Tony, you... You’ve been hiding this all this time?” Tony nodded, his throat thick, his eyes hot.

“It’s disgusting.” It came out more like a cracking question. Natasha, who hadn’t taken her fingers off her name, rubbing over it endearingly, shook her head.

“Beautiful,” she breathed.

Tony cried.

#long post #fuck it im not cutting it #soulmate au #polyamory #tony stark #tony stark x the avengers #talon writes #marvel fic #marvel fanfic #against expectations #collecting names #jarvis #bucky barnes

[quickhitsoflit-blog]

Regarding the White Whale (”Moby-Dick” Cont.)

I guess I’m not done with this one, which makes sense. There’s a lot to unpack from this novel. 

The White Whale is one of the two most iconic symbols in American literature along with Gatsby’s Green Light. But whereas the light can be easily explained, the whale is still a complex conundrum. 

Here’s the skinny. Anyone with one concrete answer as to what the whale means is full of bologna. Even saying something really broad like “the whale symbolizes some meaning of life we search for” is 1. super pretentious and 2. does not do much to really address the breadth and depth of the novel. There is too much to pin one piece of meaning to the whale, so we shouldn’t. 

Also, the whale isn’t important. 

Like I said yesterday, the whale only physically shows up at the very tail end of the novel. I would say that regardless of both of the titles of this book (Moby-Dick, but also The Whale), it’s not at all about the whale. It’s about a hunt. Even though Ahab leaves a wife and a son behind in Massachusetts, a peaceful life most at the time would enjoy instead of the inherent dangers of going seaward, Ahab can’t be happy while Moby Dick still lives. Ahab is a man possessed by hatred. He spends hundreds of pages searching for this one whale, completely ignoring any others. His quest isn’t about money or trade. And whenever he meets another ship, he greets "Ship, ahoy! Hast seen the White Whale?" and if not, he goes back to his cabin, which is sort of rude, and ignores his duties as a shipping captain. But he doesn’t care because all he can think about, all that fuels him is the White Whale and his quest. And when he finds Moby Dick and thrusts his kill stroke (”From Hell’s heart I stab at thee!”), the harpoon tangles itself around his leg and the whale drags him underwater, presumably to drown. As soon as the hunt ends so does Ahab’s life. This sort of coincides with the generalization I made above about the whale signifying some search for meaning in life, but I don’t buy it. The hunt, the search itself does, and it gives Ahab meaning where a family and wealth failed to do so. The search is the significant part, and the whale is just the world’s most famous McGuffin, only a device that triggers the plot. The hunt is the whole story. If the whale is insignificant, then it’s not a symbol.

Except maybe not. 

Another prevailing opinion is that this novel is a statement about man versus nature, that humanity cannot seek revenge upon nature. That would make the whale pretty significant, right? Nature is neither good nor evil. It’s steeped in survival. A lion is not inherently evil for hunting and killing the gazelle. A rattlesnake is not wicked when it strikes out and bites a hiker. Even examples of dolphins and chimpanzees, who like humans, are the only animals to kill and copulate for pleasure, don’t do so out of immorality, because animals are amoral. They possess no sentience, no social context beyond basic pack hierarchy, and spend their lives trying to survive and propagate their species. When an animal strikes out against man, it’s in an effort to survive. In essence, all attacks on man are examples of knee jerk self defense. So when the whale sinks Ahab’s boat and bites off Ahab’s leg, there was no malice; it was just business. Darwinian business. The boat was trying to kill him, so he defended himself. Moby Dick has a reputation for sinking boats--he’s supposed to be the biggest whale alive, some claiming him to be as long as 90 feet, and thus would be a huge target to whaling vessels all over the sea, meaning to survuve he would likely need to sink a boat or two. It can be argued that Moby Dick wasn’t trying to cripple Ahab, but was defending himself, and possibly got a little peckish and decided to eat Ahab a little. How can Ahab vow revenge against something lacking the cognitive faculties to understand intent? And so Ahab dies, unbeknownst to Ishmael (and thus the reader) as to whether he succeeds in killing the whale. Maybe Ahab gives his life for nothing, his hunt ends up being pointless, and take note dear reader--you can’t fight nature because it will always be futile in the end. 

But wait! There’s more!

Remember the thing I said about Moby Dick having a ton of harpoons sticking out of him? Towards the end of my last post? Well let’s speculate. Maybe Moby Dick did know what was up. This is fiction after all. Maybe Moby Dick knew after the first or second time some whaling crew tried to kill him exactly what these ships were up to, and the constant pain of having several figurative thorns in his side drove him into a rage equal and opposite to Ahab’s. Maybe the reason why so many ships have fallen to the White Whale is because Moby Dick is on his own war path and seeks them out to destroy them. As literary devices, he and Ahab would be more or less the same, two angry creatures on an unwavering warpath for revenge, only to be fighting themselves. The first reading is sort of an ambivalent “this is life” sort of thing, the second is almost allegorical in that it tries to teach us about human nature conflicting with big n Nature. This third reading is more cynical. Ahab and Moby Dick are lashing out, and in the end it means nothing. Ahab never gets a leg, and whether Moby Dick survives or not, Ahab never gets to enjoy his revenge. And for all of Moby Dick’s legend, he doesn’t stop the whale trade. There is no innocence, no redemption, no meaning, just a tale told my an idiot (Ishmael) full of sounds and fury that ultimately signifies nothing. Everyone on the Pequod dies except for Ishmael, and in some early versions, an epilogue is omitted which makes it unclear as to whether even he survives the voyage. 

These are three prevailing ideas, but I have presented them in a pretty shallow means, and this barely scratches the surface of possible meanings from the book. Dissertations, criticisms hundreds of pages long have touched on so many subjects in this novel. Sexuality in 19th century maritime life--the boat is full of men who don’t see women for months/years at a time and the book is riddled with homoerotic suggestion, meaning they probably all slept with one another. People have addressed how it speaks to the working class conditions of its time that are sadly still prevalent today; it’s a boat owned by a couple rich merchants who send poor young men into danger for financial gain. 

There is a reason why this book is so revered. Do yourself a favor and build up some reading endurance (it’s pretty dense and can be super dry) and push yourself through it, because any thinking mind can find dozens of great ideas to latch onto and digest. Not only that, it’s an awesome story about an adventure on the sea, and might be one of the first American revenge tales. 

This has been a quick hit of lit. Thank you for reading. 

#mobydick