#so im just. tired and sad and miserable

[dilfpassing]

Man this is the first birthday I've sat alone in my room and sobbed on

#this fucking sucks #my dad called me to say happy birthday and i started crying because i got so bummed out #he was going to come up and visit and we had to postpone because i got covid #and then 20 other things went wrong already this morning #and im sick and exhausted and sad #and then i got dizzy while walking the dog im pet sitting #and i got stuck behind bikers taking up the whole lane #and then behind a pickup truck full of mulch going 20 under #and i had to cancel my birthday party #and my mom is at the beach without me spending time with her racist loser boyfriend and bragging about it to our family #and this was supposed to be the year i finally did something for myself on my birthday like it was supposed to be different this year #and im alone in my room #tired and sweaty and sad and lonely and miserable and sick and awful #and i just want to hibernate until this is over

[semiotomatics]

hahahaha i fucking hate my insurance company and i want them to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#i also hate the healthcare system!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and capitalism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and my entire fucking miserable life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #holy shit i understand now why people request maid for treatable conditions #i would literally rather die than have to continue going through this torture for years just to survive #like whats even the point? whats the fucking point? #clearly none of these people care if i live or die #so why dont i just get out of their hair!!!!! #oh my god im so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and tired and hopeless and sad and fucking!!!! mentally ill!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!! #i legitimately think they want me to make an attempt #i think thats the only way theyll fucking believe me #i need to be hospitalized or committed or whatever #fuck them!!! like seriously fuck them!!!! #and then if i do theyll be like “welp she shouldve sought help” LIKE #FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU #oh my god i am FURIOUS #BIRTH IS A CURSE AND EXISTENCE IS A FUCKING PRISON AND IM OVER IT #fuck #sorry to put this on main but i am SO FUCKING MAD and i want literally everyone to know it #what do i need to do!!! #please tell me!!! #do you want me to die!!!! #cause ive been trying desperately to avoid that all this time but it seems to be the only option rn!!!! #fuck!!!! #fuck im not in danger im safe nobody needs to worry i just #god #im so goddamn fucking exhausted of this

[petrichoraline]

ive been struggling and i feel like i might be for a while

#im so tired and anxious and ..sad isnt even the right word but miserable feels offensive to ppl going through more #talking about it doesnt prove helpful either nowadays like its not a novelty its been years #talking is good it helps people and i always recommend it #but for me now its just #why bother #wish i could blame it all on pms and seasonal depression

[widevibratobitch]

.

#how many vent posts can a girl make in just a few days you ask #the answer is A LOT #last year i bought the cutest fucking dress that i was so excited to wear but it was already too cold when i bought it. #and now it doesn't fucking fit anymore. #i just feel so profoundly sad and helpless. this is so stupid. but im just so tired. #this whole recovery bullshit is pointless. i hate myself so much for ever deciding to try and quit the ed #id rather go back to having panic attacks about calories and pulling out fistfuls of my hair than THIS #i am still fucking miserable???????? so like whats the point lol

[bonesrbleaching]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!' #'i wouldnt lie to you!' #okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time. #its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!' #yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up. #i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up. #and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense. #shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else. #im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that. #and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares. #and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look? #then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness. #SORRY RANT OVER. #im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric. #tw homophobia #tw transphobes

[be-good-to-bugs]

im glad i wont have to wait much longer to know how thingd will go but im scared that i might find oyt things will go bad soon

#the bin #i want to know now but i also never wanat know #i think i will be stuck with an anxiety attack untill i know the answer #i could find put today though. apparently the person is coming there today so. possibly. #i cant stop crying everyday about how much i just wanna move home. im tired of living here. i miss my siblings so much. #i got to play a game with 2 of them today. i have barely got to talk to them so it was nice. but i think its made me even more sad. #i cant stand living here. im stuck being miserable. the only people i care about live so far away and i barely get to talk to them at all #i cant ever do anything fun at all. my life feels so empty. im tired of this. i didnt think i could get more isolated but i was very wrong #i just have to wait and hopefully the news is good. maybe it will be. i really dont wanna be stuck here. and i dont wanna have to find #another apartment to live in also. i wanna move home. i hate that i had no choice but to move far away from my family at 17 and then got #stuck in a place where i dont know anyone but 1 person who then ditched me. what the hell.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#what does one do when their perception cannot b trusted? im so physically and emotionally exhausted #and i can go from feeling hopelessly terminally bad to completely normal for no apparent reason. and on occasion i can go from normal to i #think i can stay up all night. i never have to sleep again. look how great i can focus. i could kill god. #and i have no emotional object permanence so it feels so stupid when im normal. i cant sympathize with myself in altered states of mind #and it doesnt matter but it makes me crazy the idea that i might not b bip0lar but i just push myself so far that under pressure my mind #splits into the catastrophically positive or negative. but i feel like this is how i have to live. i have to b perfect or pay a blood debt #and thats just how it is. and thats how its been. so at this point ive spend thr last idk 15 years of my life being d #some measure of miserable for no reason. i dont kno y i do this to myself and im 26 now and idk how to stop bc even pushing myself as hard #as i can im so far behind. how am i supposed to do less and not #and not just quit. im compulsive for a reason. there's a fundamental barrier between myself and understanding language but if i do more and #more and more then i can at least try to keep up with everyone else. idk im so tired. and im 26 and im afraid im stuck like this #and i cant even... its like ive split my head in 2 to cope. ive created distance within myself so that i cant fully feel how terrible i make #things for myself. half my brain is always like lol suffer idiot. it throws off my therapists bc i cant take my own pain seriously. ill #laugh and smile while im like yea i feel horrible like most of the time and i dont kno what to do lol. idk so it goes. i think im gonna stop #with the birth control tho. as it doesnt seem to help with my sadness levels. idk if ite making ot worse or not. guess well find out #itll b easier once i dont have to b trained on things. then i wont have to ask a question and burst into tears on my lab mate 🙄 #unrelated

[mildmayfoxe]

when are they gonna invent something that makes periods stop altogether this birth control aint doing shit

#i had to leave work early again because i started bleeding like crazy out of NOWHERE!!!! i thought this was over with!! #it's also insane bc i've been bleeding consistently since the BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER #it has been very light most of the time and i thought it was actually letting up bc i've barely bled the past couple days #but suddenly in the middle of the day i just had tons of bleeding and huge blood clots again. like it used to be #why the fuck am i taking this shit if it's not fucking doing anything. #i fucking hate it here. i'm so miserable and i'm in pain because my fucking shoulders and back are killing me #i'm so tired of living like this!!! to be honest!!!! :( #i also feel pathetic bc of my double shots yesterday so i'm just really tired on top of it all. god whatever. sorry for this post. #chatpost #i took two ibuprofen before i left work an hour ago and either it's not doing anything or hasnt kicked in yet because i also have a fucking #headache :( im so sad

[milo-is-rambling]

I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with #no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to #ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and #then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there #like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day) #(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this #inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m #normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans #are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of #getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and #I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage #where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not #like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my #friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the #only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so #long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy #forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s #what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is #destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)

[teruthecreator]

:-(

#in neg city #a little miserable rn ngl. kind of wanna start rigging explosives to my apartment #all i do is eat and sleep its so sad actually but like. im just always tired esp on the weekends #wasted my whole day doing nothing. like always #ugh -__- i kno i kno i kno i have to be nicer to myself but its rlly fucking hard #not to mention im just like barely ignoring the stress of my mom potentially coming to visit #she texted me on monday abt it and i havent answered her yet bc im too scared #im scared of my mom rn. im scared of what she'd say. im scared of the questions she might ask me #and thats like. really sad! very sad to be scared of ur own mother #ugh whatever it doesnt matter none of this matters my life doesnt matter #guess ill just keep listening to music and wasting my life away

[oh-lacy]

yknow i think going to one of those rage room things would heal me a little bit

#im just always one second away from screaming and crying and strangling a pillow like an absolute toddler because i'm just so tired and sad #and exhausted and miserable and i just need to break something and get it all out

[diableriepervert]

bro im just losing all motivation for everything

#everyday is so much longer and lonelier than the last and i have no idea how much longer i have to stay like this #the pain in my legs and hips are getting worse and this isolation is making me feel even more miserable and worthless #i just want it to end #but i definitely dont have the money for all the tests they keep making me do #i don't even know whats going to happen when i have to do surgery. like the cost and how long that'll take for me to recover from #this is so stupid #i hate this #im tired of acting like things aren't as bad as they are #when im actually so damn tired and alone #im scared and sad and i hate this

[whimsyprinx]

i realize that I have a very,, like idk I have a very pouty/bitch/sad looking default expression and also like will speak like very like monotone or just flat sometimes as well and it’s just hit me that maybe that’s why people think I’m a bitch irl

#whimsy whispers #like I can be peppy and like smile n shit but like for example rn I’m tired and in my neutral state #which means I look sad and bitchy and am not making an effort to sound peppy while I talk to people #and like I’m sure people think I’m so rude when I’m like this unless they know me ahhdjfjt #also this is the south so they’d especially assume I’m being rude #im sorry y’all this is just my like idle self idk what to tell you i just look and sound miserable

[pepprs]

uhm…. Despair. literally despair

#i wish i could move on from it and just be happy and productive. im embarrassed and ashamed that i can’t. but it’s really hard right now. i #am not having a good time. i just am so sad. it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. it wasn’t supposed to be like this. the future we worked #for is not the one we get to live in and right now the benefits of it being this way are too close up for me to see or feel and i just am m #miserable. i don’t like being miserable all the time. im embarrassed. but god. this sucks. it sucks and i am so hurt and sad all the time i #just want to scream and cry from being in pain. i shut down earlier today but feel very articulate now which is a blessing bc idk how i got #to that point but like. good fucking god. i am miserable. i need help and the person best equipped to give it to me in some ways just #fucking left like it was nothing. and the thing is i can’t even tell if it WAS anything or if it actually is nothing. lol #delete later #purrs #it literally is so unhelpful. everyone is tired of being sad. but i can’t stop being sad. i can distract myself though LOL so let me scroll #thru my dash for a bit and try to do that bc idk what to even do with myself rn actually

[carlinha-xx]

This life is fucked. How long can an existential crisis last? I feel like I've been in a constant state of one.

#sad thoughts #im so fucking tired #honestly I'm miserable #depressing post #existential crisis #ana trigger #its not as simple as just eating #tw disordered thoughts #i want to be sk1nny #ed diet #fat ana #intrusive thoughts #why am i so fucked up

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#welp im back in the desert again #its so weird everytime i go home bc i feel so normal. like a normal human being #to the extent that im like: ...did i just imagine being miserable??? #so we'll see how long it takes me to devolve back into a sad sack #but we really did so much. visited my old school and old prof. saw some parks. went to the lake #collected rocks. saw some dinos. did lots of hiking #and it was so green!!! and the weather was so nice #and its so strange to me that people just like go do things. like deviate from routine and just do things #like thats insane to me. how? #and i saw more of my sister than i thought i would #hopefully it's helped heal me a bit from the burnout. i guess we'll find out #shout out to spending 4hrs of my last day in urgent care tho lol my poor fucked up lil ears #apparently i have a weird ridge in my ears that probably is inhibiting drainage :-( #i guess maybe thats my advantage if anyone tries to stab me thru the ears #woof im tired #unrelated #god im so irritating tho. i kno so many paleo facts now and i refuse to shut up abt them