#so i hope you dont mind too much?

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i think. i need to go for a drive and get myself a tasty beverage

#anyway so being alive right. its a ton of fun through and through < sarcasm! #i love the constant discomfort and terror and stress and isolation and existential dread <3 #sigh. anyway #what is this about again? #oh yeah. floor tiles #sometimes i stare at grout and feel a little too much kinship with it. and that is All! #dont mind me just. using art as an outlet as its meant to be! #please dont ask me about this! #its very self explanatory anyway! theres not much else to Say! #floor tiles! you see! #every day i wake up and i lay motionless in bed while my brain screams at flesh melting decibels #Floor Tiles!!!! #lying on the floor asking the grout if it screams and claws at its own insides too #will keep you all updated on the answer (there will be None) #no tags posting it Late in the hopes that no one sees me coughing blood all over my own blog. Again.

[napoleon-usher]

KEYFRAME TUTORIAL FOR THOSE WITH A WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF PHOTOSHOP AND GIFMAKING

This is my gif with the coloring I want it to have eventually (including the manipulated color). I changed the yellows and reds in the scene to be purple. I want the majority of the gif to be purple and cyan, but do not want it to be on her skin.

First add a layer mask to the adjustments that are creating the color you want to remove. I used several layers to create the purple coloring, so I grouped them together and added the layer mask to the group instead of having to do them individually. In this case, I erased anywhere the purple was on her skin.

She is walking away in this scene, so this layer mask alone is not enough. This is where keyframes come in.

In the timeline window, scroll to the layer that your layer mask is on (or in my case, group). On the far left side, each of the layers should have an arrow which toggles a drop down menu. Click it and it will list options for Opacity, Layer Mask Position, and Layer Mask Enable. Make sure the current time indicator (small blue arrow and red vertical line in the timeline window) is positioned at 00:00:00 and then select the clock icon next to Layer Mask Position. It should place a small yellow diamond at the same place as the indicator. Each successive move of the mask will place a grey diamond at the timestamp that you move it.

CMD+click on the layer mask in the Layers window so that the area of the mask becomes outlined with a dotted line in the main workspace. Click the chain icon next to the layer mask in the Layers window to unlock the mask's movement.

The next steps are the most tedious. You have to manually move the layer mask every few frames to a new position that follows the movement of the gif. I usually zoom the timeline in so that each second is broken into six sections and pick a new layer mask position at approximately each section. If there is more rapid movement in the gif, you may have to pick new positions at more frequent intervals and vice versa.

After the initial layer mask is set at the 00:00:00 point in the timeline, select the next interval that you want the layer mask to move to. Do this by moving the time indicator to your chosen point. Now with the move tool, click within the layer mask and drag it to where it needs to be to keep coverage on your desired area. The longer/more frames in the gif, the more keyframe points you will have to select. This gif was about 2.5 seconds long and I used 14 different points.

These are just a few of the keyframes I made on this gif. You can see here that the original area that I erased in the layer mask doesn't quite cover all of her skin throughout the movement. I just erase a bit more until I'm satisfied with the coverage.

Once you have mapped all the points out, deselect the mask area and click the blank space where the chain icon was to make it reappear and return the mask to a locked position.

Scrub through the gif to make sure that the mask covers everything you want and also that the keyframes make it move smoothly. Shorter intervals and minor position changes between keyframes usually keeps choppiness (this normally presents as the mask noticeably jumping to a new position) to a minimum. You should not be able to notice the mask's movement except in the way it removes color from specific areas as intended.

Export and save the gif as normal.

This is my finished result:

#userfanni #omgari #usersunny #userbells #userkraina #tuserabbie #tusergabriela #useroli #userangelic #supervalcsi #userphe #keyframes #*tutorial #tagging a couple of you who have been like ‘how tf did you make this’ on sets that i used this technique hope you dont mind #idk how coherently this reads or if it even explains it well enough but feel free to ask for clarification #there are also other keyframe tutorials on here that are written much better so check those out too if mine doesnt make sense #but yeah this is how i make my vibrant gifs that have movement in them #i'm going to make a tutorial explaining the actual coloring process too eventually #might make a part two of this explaining how to use this method for more complicated movements #like when your subject moves in multiple directions or there are multiple subjects #riah.gif #riah.txt

[awakenthebeing]

Duskmist Posting(bc there is SO much of them) BUT i might as well leave all this silly mega man related au critters here for storage/safekeeping,,, i'm very happy with how these have all turned out!!! <:3

#i should really make a tag for myself so i can locate these more often on my profile #but i hope you all have been well... dont mind these too much i still wanna use this place for art storage #be careful out there critters and take it easy!! 🦩💓💓🙏 #megaman au creachers #LMAO GUPPIVERSE #could use that for guppi related things... #guppiverse

[alpharossi]

gotye, somebody that i used to know // olivia rodrigo, enough for you // taylor swift, cruel summer // lana del rey, ultraviolence // unknown source // lana del rey, hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have // richard silken, crush

#gotye #olivia rodrigo #enough for you #taylor swift #cruel summer #lana del rey #ultraviolence #hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have but i have it #love #web weaving #parallels #tw violence #ask to tag as always :))) #ive had this floating around in my head for a while now and finally decided to put it together for real #some of yall on here are poets and have the mind for this but i dont plus i have no knowledge abt the deeper lesser known quotes and stuff #so enjoy my awful attempt at making one too <3 #also if u know who wrote the one or i credited someone wrong just let me know some of these ive had sitting around forever and i forgot !! #richard silken #crush #i made this months ago and im so much happier now so im gonna post it i love yall <3 #edit two finally posting this two years later #being in love at 16 is wild

[musubiki]

hello! quick question, i know this is very soon after you posted the comic of young lime trying to bully mochi, and i’m sorry if a question like this has been asked before, but when mochi sees the candy bits and is able to recognize what spells they could be used in and the effects they have, is that from studying magic a lot or is it like a natural identification ability/instinct that she has? thank you!! i hope you have a good day :)

oh thats a great question actually!!!! it comes from studying!!!!

as a kid she was already trying to be a very diligent witch-to-be!! she would spend a lot of time with her mom while she was making spells, so between reading a lot of spellbooks + hanging out when her mom was making potions + wanting to be like her mom, shes good at spotting things that could be used in spells even from an early age!!

(that being said, as a kid she still messed up a lot on the right ingredients. shed bring home random items and be like "I got us spell ingredients!!" and tiramisu would be like "Oh!! Thanks sweetie!!" and didnt have the heart to tell her that whatever she brought home was some useless piece of grass or something jkldj)

#i guess nothing is really USELESS to a witch but there are items that are like. dont really grab those #either cuz theyre abundant enough that you dont need to collect them or the effects are so weak its not worth it #baby mochi had such a passion for magic and was so excited to be a witch and have magic one day #but when she gets magic and works with it she gets hella discouraged #she frequently wishes she had the mind of her 5 year old self who was so full of enthusiasm #but she messes up so much as a witch and its so exhausting it becomes more like a chore #like how you have a childhood dream of being an astronomer or artist something #but once you grow up you face so many struggles pursuing it you lose the love for it #magic burnout is mochis character arc #she finds herself again eventually and becomes confident in magic #but in a more mature way that uses it responsibly and loves it for what it really is #and less like her baby self that wanted to make cookies and fireworks appear out of thin air #the tags got serious but the question was cute #i hope you have a good day too!!!!!!!!!!! #new thing i never touched on: mochi character arc #you see hints of it in the webtoon though. its rough for her starting out. pom was not easy on her #but i think its the kind of familiar she needed

[adhdsocialist]

ok so saw a post recently that implied that thing again where critiques even jokey ones of usamericans are always completely void of nuance. and uh. i dont think thats true.

I just dont really like how I'm not allowed to live my life without understanding the cultural and sociopolitical intricacies (and culture) of a country I'm never going to visit, that don't expand my understanding of my own country's culture and history, coming from people who have no interest in learning about my country at all.

I dont know any of you and you have no interest in knowing me. My ability to spot american anti-blackness isn't helpful in a country with a different kind of anti-blackness.

Its an expectation of American ideas from the citizens of a country whose governments goal is colonialism and a frustration to not fall into the category of people who automatically understand Americanisms.

I dont know what Walmart is but i've Never Needed To Care. How is saying 'I'm not actually interested in every monster energy drink because its the worst brand on the market here' dismissive of American minority groups. I dont really care and its weird to insist that me trying to curate an online experience relevant to me is Xenophobic. idk. block me if its upsetting.? Theres literally millions more people in your country to interact with, and likely a couple thousand young people here who are willing to memorise this shit, but I'm not super interested personally.

'oh no perry hates americans' NO! perry hates having important info about his immediate surroundings squished because he is required by the internet to know about Joe Biden. its just funnier/easier/less frustrating to say 'lol americans are annoying' when this occurs.

#hope i'm not sounding too harsh but like. sigh. #also obviously this frustration about american stuff doesn't apply to people who I actually know and engage in fun discussion with #if you aren't expecting me to know or retain information about a country with little to no relevance to me #and remember relevance includes a close friend being from there #then I dont mind as much :) #people who this post doesn't apply to include: Shelby who has not tried maltesers by god girl we are gonna get u some #fingers crossed nobody looks at this and goes 'ah so you are willfully ignorant.' #because um. the point is that im the opposite of that and im tired of allocating brainspace to something both irrelevant to me and upsettin

[milkweedman]

I ended up needing to decant the exhaust dye when I put the next 2 ounces/56 grams in, which I still have not added back in, and the new fleece is already dark with color. I'm going to let it cook overnight regardless just because I think it's good practice but wow, buckthorn berries are crazy potent for a natural dye. This was like one scant double handful (I didn't weigh them RIP) of dried berries and I'd be surprised if I got less than 6 ounces (130 grams) of dyed wool out of it.

#sorry if the conversions are wrong i often check but im too tired #doing them in my head #hope it doesnt rain tonight i want to get some more from the ground tomorrow if i can #i also read someone who took the skin from fresh ones and got blue #i dont think theres any fresh ones left at all at this point but im keeping it in mind for next summer #she said it was incredibly time consuming though. coming from a spinner and natural dyer you know thats gonna be rough #so intruiging though #ive been trying to see if anything has been eating them #the squirrels dont nor do the crows. not much else in this part of the city #man the squirrels have been acting weird too #they keep laying down ? have been awash with squirrels everywhere ive ever lived and ive never seen them lay down #until now. bizarre. it was two different ones in quick succession #anyway. i do spend a lot of time staring at like 3 trees i will admit #whenever im home alone pretty much. not that often maybe #natural dye #buckthorn berries

[catcze]

Hello Catte! I drew you a little something, as a thank you for all your work.

I saw your OC and my brain connected the dots on Wrio and her owning a tea house lol I hope you like it. Sorry if I butchered something in her design :'D

WAIT OH MY GOODNESS 😭😭😭 Wait omg im actually about to cry ?!?!?! THANK YOU SO MUCH this is so cute AAASDJHAJS 🥺🥺🥺 You drew them both so so well ?!!? Like literally oh my goodness ajhbdhjashjas Wait im actually so lost for words im abt to curl up into a little ball and cry AAAAA 🥺💕💕💕💕 Thank you so much ?!! Holy fuck 😭😭 Literally thank you thank you thank youuuu I'm gonna hold this so very very gently in my hands for the rest of time and look at it whenever I feel sad 💕💕💕💕💕

#「 🐈‍⬛ 」 strawberry.milk #「 🎋 」 Mao Hua !! #MAO HUA AND WRIO LOOK SO GOOD IN UR STYLE TOO 🥺 #BUT MY BBYGURL ESP you drew her so PRETTY ILY 🥺 #I hope u dont mind im saving this n making it into one of my desktop backgrounds hasjkdnajks #This had me smiling and kicking my feet and screaming so much you absolutely made my whole day thank you very very much 🥺💕 #Mao Hua 🤝 Wrio; bonding over tea HAJSDHJA

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Everyone's talking about Wish right now.... The only thing I can say about WISH.......let's hope it's like a Frozen 1 type thing. Where the trailers were ABSOLUTE ASS but then the film turned out really good. TT0TT

I mean.....there is a difference between the two. While the west got weird trailers that didn't matter for Frozen (Olaf vs Sven carrot thing), JPN and other countries got trailers that actually showcased the plot and drama in an interesting way.... And Wish.....well...... Wish at least gives us a villain and a part of an argument.....and I can't see that argument leading anywhere.....great tbh. So maybe not the best comparisons but let's hope for the Frozen 1 vibe!

Anyway I'm not liking what I'm seeing so far, but I'm hoping its better than the ass disaster Frozen 2 and Ralph 2 were. ;w;

#silly talks #disney #WISH #frozen #as frozen's first fan and the one that didn't care the trailers were ass......my heart goes out to Wish fans rn kldjsafkljsaf #'silly that's pretty bold of you to consider yourself THE FIRST frozen fan-" i drove that damn bandwagon y'all just jumped on later #no really around 2009-2010 i remember looking at the Snow Queen disney page wikipedia page to see if it finally got taken off of hiatus she #*off the hiatus shelf #i remember the damn day the announced Dinsey would take a crack a the Snow Queen adaptation again #then when they announced Kristen Bell for a character (super estatic cause i wanted to hear her singing even more after watching Veronica m #*after watching veronica mars) #The Snow Queen has been a fav fairy tale of mine since i was a baby so yeah I was excited to say the least TT0TT #and yeah 5 seconds into the movie (the day it released mind you! yes I was there I remember how dead the theater was) i was like 'I love it #I ended the movie and wanted to go back in too i loved it that much #safe to say I was BLOWN AWAY by how much OTHERS loved it esp after everyone was bitching abt it leading up to that film TT0TT #anyway love frozen 1 it's my fav #hate frozen 2 it's hot garbage I never felt more lied to by trailers than this movie holy shit #i'm like 8 rants away from writing a complete dissertation on how Frozen 2 completely misunderstood Frozen 1 in it's entirety #(note: I dont think F1 is perfect nor do I think it's a masterpiece I just happen to love it a lot uwu) #anyway I hope wish has a similar thing (sleeper hit release part....not a shitty sequel part)

[muselexum]

<3

#sending you all so much love #it's crazy how a year has zipped by #every so often i'll come by and check up on the dash and i love seeing all the familiar names <33 #I'll prolly write a more official post in the new year at some point #but im so eager for this work contract to end at the end of this year #im grateful for the job in many ways but in others it was really burnt me out and drained me #ready to turn a new leaf in the new year #and hopefully get some of my creative motivation back when my mind clears #ive put even art/painting on the sidelines as well this year which is something im sad about #but on the positives I think ive had a lot of personal and emotional growth this year that im really proud of!! #(still dont have a driver's license though.. LOL OOP) #and ive really worked on my anxiety and depression. like even if this job is burning out and depressing me// I don't feel DEPRESSED ya kno. #ive just been experiencing a lot of personal growth and change #and the people around me in my life have told me that they've seen changes in me this year too so :') #BUTTTTTT #I so so miss my creative outlets and I feel like I've neglected that this year #I went from escapism to fully avoiding the outlets so now I think it's time to transition into the healthy middle #anywaaaay #hope yall have been doing amazing #love u all and ill probably pop in here for the holidays <33 #blows u all kisses #ooc #tbd

[coulsonlives]

That person's attempt to smear the roleplayer's rules is astonishing, sheesh. I wanted to thank you for dispelling it, and say I agree with your reply! Because I had similar rules once upon a time.

Basically, I did collaborative writing for over 15 years. In the end, I had a rules page that was fairly no-nonsense too. Mainly because over that time, I met hundreds of people with various quirks. Some partners were very incompatible with me, and I quickly learned the reasons why, but others stuck around and we hit it off really well, and I learned the reasons for that, too. Over time, those bits and pieces of knowledge made it into my rules. Specifically... I block people if they expose me to dumb drama. I don't do public url shaming because of the dirty laundry aspect. And I don't do purity culture bullshit. I avoid people with DNI lists in general, because those lists are usually just performative bullshit. And I only write with people who tend to be descriptive, because I love description and hate one-liners; it doesn't feed my imagination or fulfill me as a writer or reader. It's also pretty soul-sucking if I write 3,000 words and someone gives me a single line that isn't even 10 words back, haha. I also tried to write with multiple partners who'd only ever written one-liners and tiny paras, and they expected me to teach them how to write novellas on the fly. I was like, how on earth would I have the time or energy for that?! Am I getting paid?! I just want to write, without also feeling like I had to keep tabs on someone else's writing, too. It wasn't long before that became a rule - I couldn't teach people how to write longform stuff. I just didn't have the capacity. And that's just how these rules are born. It's not malicious, it just happens with experience and knowing your own limits, and being responsible enough to articulate them for others.

Anyways, informing a possible roleplay partner about these things is not a fucking "friendship contract" like OP implied. It's a courtesy. A heads-up along the lines of, "we're doing collaborative writing, and investing a lot of time into this. The least we can do is ensure things go smoothly, and ensure we're on the same page about our preferences, our overall sensibilities, and what we want to achieve with our characters and our writing." Because some of these collabs last years. OP wants to talk about something being a contract? I've seen rules that were super nasty, demanding, and micromanaging to the point of making you wonder how the person even functioned. The OOP doesn't come close to that. I've even seen a rules page that was 15,000 words, and it took me a whole damn evening to read through it. But even that wasn't a contract, or nasty. The person had memory issues due to a disability, and most of the page was explaining their complex tagging system, and telling people what to expect when they were writing together. Could they have chopped it in half? Maybe. But it, like OOP, isn't worthy of ridicule.

My own rules page never became overbearing, but it did become more informative for possible partners, and that was helpful for everyone in the end. It saved us so much time, and it helped me find so many amazing partners - people who had very similar mindsets to my own! Knowing that, the person in the screen cap is definitely not alone; I could pull up ten names who have the same kind of rules page right now, and who made it that way for precisely the same reasons I did. And I'm sure I could find ten more within minutes, because any roleplayer who's been around for long enough will have boundaries like the above ones, or more. Of course, sometimes even other roleplayers (usually ones who are very green to the scene) will balk at these rules, but it's essentially because they're uninformed (like OP and the other commenters in that post), and they haven't experienced what the more seasoned roleplayers have. They act like it's overkill but as time goes on, most of them will ultimately adopt the same stuff, lol. I've seen it happen.

As for the other stuff, yeah, it's all just basic blog and follower maintenance. Most roleplayers dislike having mutuals they don't actively interact and roleplay with, because it's inefficient, and they especially don't like following someone who isn't even following them back, because most of the time, it means they won't be able to write with that person.

Of course, I don't roleplay any more because of all the anti bullshit, but yeah. People like OP submitter can meet me in the damn pit, I'm old and I have zero fucks to give when it comes to defending sensible communication in the RPC. Which is all OOP is doing. There should be more of that.

Anyways, cheers. And sorry for the long-ass ask.

Legend! All of this tbh. 🙌 Also didn't fail to notice that most of the rules you mentioned were just common sense courtesy, "be a good human being" things that nobody should actually have a problem with reading in the first place.

#no tolerance for drama? and no clique infighting? and writing with peeps whose writing has similar depth to mine? sign me tf up fam lol. #i can't believe people actually mcfuckin expected you to teach them how to write longer stuff though wtf? why didn't they just google that? #also i think a lot of the reason new rpers freak out about longer rules is bc they think rp is some 'silly stupid hobby' #that nobody takes seriously or wants to use to improve their writing? i saw that mentality so much when i was still rping. :/ #but lots of people actually like writing novel-like stuff? heck there was a whole subreddit for it. so it can't be that rare? #tumblr rp #roleplaying #social media #bullying #psa #because this is too good not to share ngl. i hope you dont mind me tagging it as that lmk if not!

[claymorexpunisher]

Imagine trusting a man enough to let yourself be the perfect ✨passenger seat princess✨ at least 98% of the time.

Wonder what that’s like…

#one day lmaoo #✨manifesting✨ #a couple weeks ago one of my besties asked me being single has me feeling lonely. #no im not lonely. I think loneliness can cloud your judgment and can make you make poor decisions that will have you settling for less than #you deserve just to fill that void. #so no im not lonely. i have other relationships that are just as important. #but im def more open to meeting my Prince Charming. #i used to think that relying or depending on others in some ways was a sign of weakness. but now i know that there’s strength in that. and #that it can be so freeing and beautiful. and though I do value my alone time and a certain amount of independence is important- it’s okay #to pass your burdens onto someone who’s willing to take them on sometimes. and I’ve realized that Ive been so hellbent on not being #dependent on a man bc I didn’t have a man I could depend on. ever. I didnt have that example of a man in my life who would hold it down as a #father or as a husband. but I know they exist. bc I see it on the daily. the man of my dreams is out there and I’m patiently waiting to meet #him and to love him for all eternity. #i totally might delete this later lmao. #but for now if you’re reading this word vomit- I hope you meet your person too and if you already have- I hope you cherish them as much as- #-they cherish you. ♥️♥️♥️🌹 #IM IN MY FEELINGS DONT MIND ME. #🤮 😂 #love #romance #soulmates #fate #trust #romantic relationships

[deadsh33p]

#i hope you guys dont mind me posting sketches #my art #i do it to send you guys content but i just realised that it might be too much spam so #feel free to tell me if it bothers you in my ask box

[oatbugs]

. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying

#i think ive been waiting for something for a while and i will spend the next year waiting for it too #i thought i felt panic but i have decided to read it as anticipation. the thrill of rejection or of moving forward or the latter as #a result of the former. i left you with your backpack unattended in the cafe because on fridays i am done #putting my life on hold for another whim-without-a-warning #this cross country service is delayed by 26 minutes so i will grab a bucket and start shovelling the water away from the tracks #everyone is moving on in some different way and im sorry if you think im mean for telling you getting so drunk will disable you from #recording your brainwaves effectively but it seems like you think i owe you an awful lot. one year ago in four days my friend got me hegel's #science of logic for my birthday and i thanked him for proving to me the existence of things this is what i do he said #and then he will spend the rest of his life breathing philosophy and i dont want to spend the rest of my life #breathing someone elses dreams i wait for the moment of realisation. this is now a 30 minute delay. i was supposed to worship beautiful #things and that is what i will do. i think i have a best friend and i know i have a lover and i know to #restrict my love the way you have. im sorry. i hope you understand when i tell you. i am now sitting on the floor in the luggage section of #this incredibly busy train and i saw a photo of her with her boyfriend and her hair in braids smiling like a fool this is the #except a week ago you told me you almost took too much this time to live. you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and you know you #have already changed the world and it somehow was not enough. now you are smiling without any makeup on next to him #and yesterday you cried in an airport in the states when you were too full of love. this is the most extraordinary human being i have met. #tomorrow he heads off to princeton while his best friend heads to harvard. he goes there to make the world a better place. he is the most #extraordinary person i have ever met. the issue with human beings is that we are incredibly good at almost dying and keeping going. #you try to kill yourself and publish a paper and give a talk. you negotiate the seperation between your own parents and submit another #phd application. i am surrounded by extraordinary people with extraordinary minds and incredibly broken happy hearts. #i only see you smile when you talk about robotics. i still dont know how manifolds work and i love the concept anyway. i dont know. #i do know that i refuse to live unsatisfied. #you can keep drinking. im going to drink this reality up #i think i was a horrible person and i refuse to engage with that mentality again no matter what it takes.

[everwisp]

hELP I WASNT PREPARED FOR THIS!!! (/pos)

@f1avovitta tysm for the tasuhoma ‘cause this fueled my motivation again, the idea is so endearing 😭😭 just seeing tasuku putting special care into the things given to him and homare dumbfounded to see the presents he gave on display ahhhhh ❤️❤️

#ever replies #i hope you dont mind posting it like this #i was really surprised to see this @ my replies because i really loved ur ideas back in my lurking days ahhh #i still love your ideas now of course so im kinda a little flustered rn ahfjsmf #no but again srsly cute i cant #tasuku worked so hard and to ensure the gifts were well taken care of despite not being able to use them #like he cherishes them so much ahhhh #idk if he’d be a little nonchalant or flustered about it too #ah this is rlly rlly cute i cant my tasuhoma hEarT #tasuhoma #f1avovitta

[hzrnvm]

emotional. happy, pissed off, all that.

#hzrn #im cool with being annoying hypothetically but the real kicker is that no form of communication exists that i can really use comfortably #every single form of communication out there. i can't use it. i can't fuckin talk bc the sounds are too hard. #i can't fuckin type bc the buttons are too hard. #i can't fucking body and hands bc motions are too hard. #i can't fucking art because art involves all those things. #damn fucking WORDS are too hard. i put so much work into them and i get nothing. nothing! #who made the world this way?! why is it that all communication and socialization is so. fucking. hard!!!! #i tried! i really really fuckin tried man! all last year i tried so so hard. #i fell FLAT on my face. NO ONE liked me. they called me a retard! they said i was scary‚ awkward‚ hard to be around! #they did coordinated social attacks on me! then when i come back to school this year and i even *think* about trying again‚ they say #'nobody wants him here. and he should stop caring' #well right about then‚ is where she gives up! she has closed her eyes‚ she has given up hope! #i gave up trying to exist socially at school. the two paths are being myself and getting bullied‚ or not being myself and getting nothing #today was a good day for me all in all but idk. #the only reason i dont hold grudges like crazy is because of my object impermanence shit #although this might as well count as a grudge. i think it's somewhat justified though‚ because in my case it's more like #if you hurt me seriously then i'll think about it pervasively until you do something to redeem yourself in my mind. #probably that's part of the reason im so scared of being myself and shit #this is probably the reason why im so scared of being myself. bc everytime i tried i got bullied‚ mocked‚ demeaned. and that shit piles up. #i just spend mosta my time not thinking about it! just like i spend mosta my time not thinking about who i am‚ my future‚ my past and on! #siiiigh. sigh sigh siiiiiiiiigh #it's ok to like this post by the way #in fact it's encouraged. im directly and clearly asking you to. #im not making this post for nothing. im making it in the hopes that someone will read what i said. #although really no one will. why the hell would anyone fucking read this. get fuckin real. #i know for certain i'll wake up tmrw with this at at maximum like. 1 like. 2 if im really the luckiest girl in the world. #and i know how i sound caring about likes and shit. but really all it tells me is someone read this. and i really fuckin need someone to re