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#so hopefully I can promote them well
laur-rants · 5 months
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So for Christmas, I returned to some roots: printmaking. It's hard to make prints by hand without a press, but I was pretty determined on this one. It sparked something in me I thought long lost.
My parents asked for a print of something Celtic, if we had one lying around (either a painting, or a photo Mat had taken at some point). We didn't have anything, so I did the next reasonable thing: made up a 9"x12" linocut print of a Celtic cross that I designed myself. It's not perfect, but I learned a lot, and it resparked my love for printmaking.
Of course, this framed image went to my parents. But in the process of making one, I now have other prints. If anyone is interested, I now have this print available on my website as a purchasable print ($75 USD). It's currently only shipping to North America (US, Canada, Mexico), but if it sells well, I will be opening up international shipping.
Thank you for the support in 2023 and please be sure to look for more of my prints as the year progresses; I already have two more designs in mind! https://www.bagleyarts.com/prints/celtic-cross-linocut-print
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veethefreeelf · 7 months
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How many chances are too many chances? Y.JH
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This is part 2 to ‘How many times does it take to get smarter?’ Get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions and I’M SORRY ฅ՞•ﻌ•՞ฅ
Summary: 
It’s been 6 months since the night you and Jeonghan went your separate ways. You’re sure he has moved on and you… are working on moving on. Nothing can go wrong, right?
Wordcount: 14k (SORRY)
Warnings: pussy slapping, some spanking, slut is used a lot, oral f. receiving (face-sitting), vaginal penetration - unprotected sex, Jeonghan is hot and bossy - dom af, cream-pie, slight dumbification 
Requested: yes, by popular demand 
P.S - Italic is for thoughts mainly from the characters’ perspective and quotes. Bold is for text messages/calls/voice messages between characters
It’s been 6 months since you had seen each other. Since you told him everything you had been holding back for years and he walked away from you. He walked away from your friendship as if everything you two had shared over the years had been meaningless. As if you were replaceable.
You were doing okay. In the first few weeks you had cried yourself to sleep. You even destroyed all the pictures you had with him like a teenager in a movie. But eventually, it started getting easier. Waking up and not getting a single text from him or call during the day got easier. You started getting used to the silence.
You had also put the pictures you ripped apart back together. Very clumsily but you tried. You loved some of those pictures and they contained some of your very favorite memories with him and all the boys. You couldn’t get rid of it. You couldn’t also look at them so after you fixed them, you decided they would now live in a permanent corner in your closet in a box and hopefully, one day, you’ll be able to look at them again and smile.
In these 6 months, things have been going well with everything else in your life. You got a promotion. You and your family had been closer than ever and you had great friends who had helped you put everything behind you. Well… most of your friends.
Some of them, like the one calling you right now, wanted nothing more but for the both of you ‘to stop being fucking idiots and be together’. It’s been a struggle balancing seeing the boys and not seeing Jeonghan. You had mostly skipped all of your usual gatherings because you knew he would be there. You knew you would be the one losing the boys. They had been friends for far longer than you had been in their lives, so when a falling out like this happens, of course, you would be the one that would walk away.
This however, has made all the boys very annoyed. They have all called you at some point to tell you they were angry at you and wanted you back with them. ‘It isn’t fair’ they kept telling you.
You agree. Nothing about this is fair. It’s sad. For everyone. Everyone lost something, somehow and you blame yourself for it.
You should answer the phone though, otherwise, the boy known as your twin would cause absolute mayhem in all of your lives. He has already threatened you about it enough times for you to know he would do it without hesitation.
“Hello, Kwannie. Calling in the middle of the day is not very on brand for you. You good?” you asked.
“I’m amazing. I am calling you in the middle of the day because you have decided to ignore Soonyoung and he is now pouting and making my life hell. I have many questions. Number one: How dare you?” Seungkwan is the first one they use when they want something from you. Fair enough. Not even you want to deal with the anger of your friend.
“Kwannie… Now, now… That’s no way to speak to me even if you are using Office quotes which I very much appreciate” you said with a teasing tone.
“Haha very funny, Y/N. You have been hilarious in the past 6 months, you know that? Amazing. And as much as I would LOVE for you to continue being this way, I am the one that has to deal with the consequences of you ghosting all of us” he stated in an incredibly monotonous tone. You know what’s coming next and it’s mostly why you have avoided them all.
“Seungkwan, I haven’t ghosted any of you. I’m busy, you know that… That’s all…” you said in your best apologetic tone.
He laughed dryly and added: “You can’t be serious. I know you’re busy, promotion and all. But you also know after everything that happened, communication between us and you has been extremely difficult. You barely show up to any of our usual outings, you don’t speak in the group chat. Look… I get it, I do. But we shouldn’t all be punished because one of us is a complete idiot, and I know you know that too”.
You knew he was right, they didn’t deserve any of it. It wasn’t their fault. But how can you just show up to things with Jeonghan there? How can you join in the group chat with everyone while you know you have his number blocked and deleted everything related to him on your phone? 
You had done a pretty good job moving on in every other part of your life. But not here, not with the boys. You didn’t know how. You hadn’t found that balance yet and you weren’t sure you were ready to see him yet. Or at all.
“Your silence is deafening, Y/N” Seungkwan spoke on the other side of the line.
“I’m sorry… You know I am but… I’m not ready, Seungkwan. And to be honest, I’m not sure I ever will be” you said sadly.
“Hey… We’re your friends too, you know? Don’t push us away, please. Not anymore. That’s all we’re asking. Well… Soonyoung is also asking for you to come to his party this Saturday. The guys’ performance team was picked to go to the international competition and he wants you there to celebrate. We all do”.
Seungkwan always knew what to say to get you to cave. It was why everyone called you twins, you always knew what to say to get the other one to do whatever you wanted, no matter what. 
“They made it? That’s fucking amazing. Tell them--”
“Tell them yourself, Y/N. Saturday. Soonyoung’s place. 8:30. Not gonna lie to you. He’ll be there. But you don’t have to interact with him. It will be a big party and I won’t leave your side. Promise.” he interrupted you but you get it.
You’re not sure if you should go. This doesn’t sound like a good idea at all. But you miss them. All of them. Hanging out like before, playing beer pong, letting Seungkwan destroy everyone at Karaoke…
“And this has nothing to do with your personal interest in beating Shua and Vernon at beer pong, Boo Seungkwan?” you asked to lighten the mood a bit.
“Well… If your falling out with Jeonghan gives me the opportunity to pair up with you after all these years, finally, and destroy them… I call that an added bonus!” he said jokingly.
“Is there a theme? Hoshi always has a theme…” you asked.
“College. Yes, I know… Don’t ask. He said college and everyone went with it” he said with a distaste but you know he loves Hoshi more than he would like to admit. Even if he swore to keep calling him Soonyoung out of spite.
“And, if I go, which by the way, I am not saying that I will… You won’t leave my side? The whole night?” you asked and he reassured you right away.
“Of course. I promise. He won’t have a chance to talk to you, I’ll keep him away. I would also volunteer to take your phone but we both know you have him blocked so that’s not going to be necessary”. 
Weird. You haven’t told anyone you blocked Jeonghan. I mean, it’s an easy assumption to make but he seemed confident when he said it. You wondered how he knew.
After you promised you would think about it and heard Hoshi cheering in the background, you talked a bit more about your lives and what has been going on and you hung up after a while of catching up.
You spent the rest of your Sunday thinking about this. You know Seungkwan will keep his promise and you know this isn’t a trap but… you’re not ready to see him.
You don’t know if you’ll be strong enough not to speak to him. Sure, you haven’t spoken to him in the last 6 months but you have thought about unblocking him multiple times. Maybe going to this party is not the best idea.
Friday night comes at you fast. You were so busy the whole week that the week flew by and you are now panicking about tomorrow. You hadn’t thought about this party most of the week, you hadn’t had time and here you were. In front of your closet, trying to pick clothes that say ‘college’ apparently and wondering if you should even go at all.
You know if you called any one of them right now and told them you weren’t going, they would collectively be mad at you and even plot to get you there somehow.
It’s too late to back out. You’re going tomorrow. And… you’ll be fine. Seungkwan will be with you and you will hang out with the boys and you will ignore him. 
You started laughing out loud. Ignore him? Please, you want to think you are so important in his life but if you were, he wouldn’t have left you the way he did. He probably doesn’t care that you’re going. Why would he even want to speak with you? Leaving was his choice. 
After 30 minutes of hurting yourself and staring at your closet, you start getting several messages from all the boys. You knew it. They weren’t going to let you out of this one and they had decided to collectively torture you. Using Shua and Vernon’s emotional blackmail was a bit much but you knew they were throwing everything at you to make sure you were going.
You pulled out your regular college outfit and set it in your chair next to your bed, made yourself some warm tea and went to the couch to binge a show. ‘Hopefully the tea and the show will make me fall asleep’ you thought.
You were wrong. You barely slept. You kept moving around in bed, trying to fall asleep. Heart beating out of your chest. You don’t know how you’ll survive this.
You decided to keep busy the whole day. It had worked during the week so you went to visit your sister and see your nephew. He would keep you occupied. He had brought a light into your life you didn’t know could be there and you know he will always keep you entertained and you will do the same for him.
This had all gone well until your sister tells you they have a birthday party to attend at 4:30 so you’d have to leave pretty soon.
Great. Of course. 
As soon as you got home, you got a FaceTime call from Lily. 
Lily was your best friend since middle school. You had been through everything together and you were as close as sisters. You had introduced her to the boys shortly after you had met them and she fit right in. Not only that but she fell in love. She and Seungcheol have been together since they met. ‘Love at first sight’ they both said. You had always been jealous of that. It had always been so easy for them. Meeting, falling in love, growing together. You were also unbelievably happy for them, especially Lily. She deserved the world.
“Let me guess… Outfit check?” you asked after answering the call.
“Duh! Let me see what you chose! We could match tonight. It’s been such a long time since we wore matching outfits, Y/N! Since college actually, which is the theme. Do you see how perfect this is???” she asked excitedly.
“There’s a reason why we haven’t done that since college, Lil” you laughed. 
“Oh come on! It would be hilarious!” she tried to convince you.
“Seungcheol left you high and dry, huh? So now you come to me for a matching outfit? Your second choice, really? Hmm… Not very convincing, I must say” you started teasing her.
“Hey, it’s not my fault you are both boring…” she said pouting.
“Look, I already picked it out. You’re not gonna like it, so Seungcheol is probably your best option between the two of us” you laughed as you warned her.
You knew her taste, she had always been way braver than you when it came to outfits for parties and, only on special occasions, did you let her win and change your whole outfit. This is definitely not one of those times. She knew that too.
“Fine. Don’t need either of you. See you there. Will be mad” she said and hung up on you.
You knew the game, she’ll pretend to be angry but by the time the party starts and you’re there she has already forgotten and all the love comes back immediately.
It was still fairly early. 5PM. You had 3 and a half hours to kill. You were tired. You had barely slept. ‘A nap it is’ you thought.
It sounded like a great idea and it felt like a great idea until you woke up and realized you had forgotten to set your alarm. It was now 9PM and your phone was blowing up.
Everyone was pissed. Damage control. Call Hoshi. He seemed the angriest from all the texts and missed calls you had. You explained it to him and told him you will be there. He sounded skeptical but he finally let you off the phone to get ready.
You had gotten ready in record time and managed to get to the party before 10PM. 
As soon as you walked in, you felt at home. You missed this. So much. Too much.
You hear several screams and noise and you know you've been spotted.Seungkwan and Hoshi rush over to you being the loudest people in the room as usual.
“You boys sure know how to make a girl feel welcome” you tell them with a big smile.
“Took you long enough. The beer pong tournament will start soon. Start drinking, warm-up. Come on, Y/L/N. This is THE YEAR” Seungkwan tells you.
“Quiet, Seungkwan. This is the outfit you chose, really?” Hoshi looks you up and down.
“How dare you? I spent most of my college years in this sporty outfit. I look amazing, thank you very much” you stated and squinted your eyes at him.
“You also didn’t get laid often in college did you, Y/N?” he asked cockily.
“Well, not all of us can be the slut of the campus, Hoshi. You earned that title, very early on” you teased him.
“I missed you… Never disappear again, we will all chase you down” Hoshi said sincerely.
“Yeah. yeah. Emotional get together, we are all in tears, wow. Now, let’s go, Y/N. We need to destroy them. Warm up” Seungkwan interrupted your moment with Hoshi. 
Suddenly, you see out of the corner of your eye movement towards you three. 
 Shua, Vernon and Seokmin are all running towards you. Seokmin picks you up and spins you around very excitedly.
“Is this a rom-com in the nineties? Put her down, Seokmin, we all missed her and want a well deserved hug” Shua said.
You hugged the three boys. Vernon didn’t say a word, just gave you a knowing nod. Very typical. 
“Congratulations on the promotion, Y/N! We all heard about it and we are so happy for you. You worked so hard, you earned it” Seokmin said while holding your hand.
“Yeah, we wanted to take you out to celebrate but… it’s been hard reaching you most of the time” Vernon said looking in your eyes. There it is. The guilt trip. You deserved this and they knew who to choose to make you feel that way.
“I know, Hansol. I’m sorry. I’ll be better from now on. Promise” you said sincerely. 
While you were all silent, sharing this moment, a scream, more like a screech, echoed through the party and you all looked in it’s direction.
Lily. Yup. Very obvious. She is walking as fast as she can in her heels towards you with a huge smile on her face and with Seungcheol right behind her.
And there he was. Right behind Seungcheol. Walking in your direction. 
And he wasn’t alone. Of course. Next to him was this cute, small girl with big eyes. She looked so innocent and small. Just his type.
All of your worries disappear. He’s not going to talk to you. He never cared. You truly had been such a fool for so long. You wonder how you never saw through it. It doesn’t matter. You decide to focus on the people in front of you that truly love you and are so happy to see you.
“You were right about the outfit. I hate it” Lily says after hugging you and dropping her smile.
You rolled your eyes. 
“Yeah, yeah, it’s the reason I didn’t get laid in college. You’re too late for that joke, Lil. But thanks, for the clear and unconditional support on your side, as usual” you said annoyed.
“Come on… It’s not the only reason… Your resting bitch face and bombastic side eye were the main reasons you didn’t get laid in college” she said and everyone laughed.
“Okay, it’s been nice seeing you all. Leaving now. See you all in a year” you started to turn away.
“No way you’re leaving. It’s been months, you owe us this. Better bring your A-game tonight, Y/N. Some of us aren’t in a merciful mood” Seungcheol pulled you back into the group.
“That’s all you got for me, Seungcheol? You’re getting soft” you said, challenging him.
“It’s your fault. Left me all alone with all of them. You brought this on yourself” he said, narrowing his eyes at you.
“Hi, Y/N. Congratulations on the promotion” Jeonghan spoke, almost whispering. He sounded nervous. 
Everyone whipped their heads around to look at Jeonghan and then you. They kept looking between the two of you. Some of them expected you to blow up and some of them expected you to be polite and cordial. You surprised all of them.
You looked away from Jeonghan without speaking a word. You turned to Seungkwan and locked your arm with his.
“So? Lead me to our victory, partner. Or should I replace you before we even start?” you asked him.
“Absolutely not, you’re mine. We’re gonna destroy all of you. Prepare yourselves” he stared at Vernon, Shua and Seungcheol specifically.
Then he led you towards the alcohol. You were extremely thankful for him.
Seungkwan might have met Jeonghan before he met you but there was a reason everyone said you must have been twins in another life. He suffered the way you did, his reactions were similar. Your side eyes? Unmatched. The only thing you were mainly different was in pettiness. He had the ability to be much more petty and cruel if needed than you. Until tonight. 
Seungkwan was proud of you. Maybe it didn’t look polite but Jeonghan had ripped your heart out, put it through a blender and served it back to you on a silver platter. You owed him nothing. He made his choice when he left you and he is reaping the consequences.
Hoshi and Seungcheol stood on top of the living room table and warned everyone:
“Beer pong tournament starts in 30 minutes. Sign up with your partners now!”
“Keep drinking, warm up, I’ll sign us up. We got this!” Seungkwan tells you immediately.
He was way too excited for this but you understand him and everyone else. It had been far too long since you had all been together, relaxing like this, having fun. And it had been even longer since the beer pong partners had changed.
Usually, you and Jeonghan were always a team. The cheater and the angel who convinces everyone their moves are within regulation due to some unchecked loophole. Shua and Vernon, the americans. Always a team. Always made it to the finals against you and Jeonghan. Seungcheol and Hoshi were always a team. An unlikely one but one that always worked. Seungkwan always forced Woozi to be his partner even though Woozi just wanted to be left alone. Everyone else was pretty okay partnering up with whomever was available and they didn’t put too much effort into fighting everyone for a partner. Mingyu and Wonwoo, Seokmin and Dino, and lastly, Jun and Minghao. They were the good ones. The ones that played for fun only. At least in this game.
This time around, Woozi finally thought he would get some peace but Jeonghan was forced to pick him since obviously you would not be pairing up with him. 
You joined everyone around the table and started a conversation with Lily who always got bored watching you guys compete. Well, until Seungcheol started to lose, then she got mad at everyone. It was adorable. 
You could overhear Jeonghan trying to convince Woozi to join him and at that moment a voice you did not know breaks you out of focus.
“Hi! I’m Haneul! Jeonghan invited me here tonight. The guys are pretty close, huh? Wanted to see if I could join you girls while they play and maybe find out a few secrets about Jeonghan” she giggled.
Lily looked at you and then back at Haneul. 
“Hi, Haneul. I’m Lily. This is Y/N. We met the boys in college. Or, Y/N met some of them in college and then we all got put together into this insane group. How do you know Jeonghan?” She asked her. 
She really knew you inside and out. She knew you weren’t going to speak a word to this girl and at the same time, you wanted to know everything about her. You hated it. You hated him. He made you this way. This poor girl had done nothing to you, yet here you were hating everything about her for absolutely no rational reason.
“Oh, from work. I just started at the company and I got assigned to Jeonghan’s team. He’s such a great guy--”
You walked away. Nope. Not tonight. You worked hard to get over him. You knew this would be a reality one day. Sure, you thought it would happen much later but you have to face it now. He’s here with someone he thinks is worthy of him and that he clearly wants to have a serious relationship with. He never brings anyone around the boys unless he means it. And she was so perfect for him. Your complete opposite.
You want to vomit. You hate this. You hate it here. How are you supposed to play a game and have fun when this is happening? It was way too soon. You shouldn’t be here, you knew. You knew this was a mistake. You started thinking of ways out. Trying to find a way to sneak out, turn off your phone and hope in the morning, the boys feel forgiving.
“Stop trying to figure out a way to sneak out” Seungcheol spoke beside you. 
“How did you know?” you asked him, sounding sad.
“Because if I were you, I’d be thinking about the exact same thing” he answered and put his arm around you to comfort you.
“I missed you, Cheolie” you said, resting your head on his shoulder.
He kissed the top of your head and asked “Is that why we barely spoke these last few months?”
“Not you too, Cheolie…” you said as you moved away from him.
“Come on, you know we have to. You disappeared. You both said your… ‘situation’ wasn’t going to change anything but it changed everything. You both deserve the shit you’re being handed by all of us” he said as he sipped his beer.
“So you’re giving him shit, too?” you asked, also sipping your drink.
“Oh he’s got it so much worse than you, Y/N. You have no idea the kind of pain we unleash on him on a daily basis” he said and smiled at you.
You knew he meant it too.
“Good. He’s earned it” you said and you both laughed.
“LET US BEGIN!” Hoshi yelled at the top of his lungs.
He jump scared everyone in the room and Seungkwan was ready for murder. Poor Mingyu had to hold him back from Hoshi as Hoshi ran off laughing as loudly as possible.
‘Some things never change’ you thought to yourself.
The tournament started and everything was going well. You were distracted and having fun, finally. And Seungkwan never left your side. Well… that’s not entirely true, but every time he did, he made sure one of the boys was there to prevent you from running away. 
You and Seungkwan had made it to the Semi-finals. A place Seungkwan had never been in all of these tournaments. He always blamed the cheaters but now here you were. And you were going to face Jeonghan and Woozi in the semi-finals.
Of course. You looked up and sighed. The universe really enjoys watching you suffer. It’s like it knows how much you love competitive Jeonghan and has decided to torture you even more. Because it’s not enough he looks that good and it wasn’t enough when he walked towards you with a little girlfriend behind him, no. That wasn’t enough. You needed to suffer more.
Seungkwan grabs you by the shoulders and makes you stare at him.
“A little creepy, don’t ya think?” you asked him and laughed.
“Stop laughing. Look at him. I want you to put your pain to use” he said, and almost growled at you.
“Excuse me?” you asked, but you knew what he was going to say next.
“He brought a girl here. Look at her. Very cute. Just his type, isn’t she? And, he barely tried speaking to you. Get angry, let’s destroy him” he told you while staring at you.
“Seriously, Seungkwan? That’s low” you said.
“You know what’s low? Knowing you were coming and bringing her. Use it. I need this win, Y/N and so do you” he said as he let go of your shoulders and started focusing on your adversaries.
You get what Seungkwan is doing and you know if you were Sengkwan you would be able to channel all of that energy and anger towards winning, but you’re not Seungkwan. This is where your personalities diverge completely. Right now, all of those thoughts, everything that has happened tonight… You are trying your hardest to just not cry. Do. Not. Cry. 
Long story short. You lost. Bad. You sucked. Bad. And you wanted out. Bad.
As soon as the final shot sinks and the match ends, you get out of that living room and you go hide. 
You need to breathe, you can’t breathe there. You’re suffocating.
You don’t know how long you stay in the guest bathroom. You’re on the floor, tears running down your face and your breathing has finally started to stabilize. ‘You’re fine. You’re okay. You’ll be fine’ you kept telling yourself over and over.
You get up, clean your face, take one last look in the mirror and try to make yourself look presentable. You needed to leave this party. This was too much, too soon. The boys would have to understand.
You leave the bathroom and as you’re about to leave the guest bedroom, he spoke up behind the bathroom door.
“Not even a hello, love?”
Your heart started beating so loudly, you started shaking. How dare he? How dare he do this to you? You looked back at him over your shoulder and said:
“Don’t make the wrong choices and expect no consequences, Jeonghan. You shouldn’t keep Haneul waiting.”
And you left.
You left. This time, you had the power. You closed the door behind you and you started getting ready to leave. Some of the boys ran over to you.
“I had fun, I did. But I have to go, okay? I’m sorry Soonyoung. And congrats to you boys, you deserve this. You worked too hard so kill it, okay?” you said with a weak smile on your face looking between Hoshi, Jun, Minghao and baby Dino.
They all gave you a huge group hug and let you leave.
You got home and you cried yourself to sleep, again.
You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry for him anymore, no matter what. But here you are. In bed, crying.
You wonder if you even understand Jeonghan at all. If you ever did. He left, didn’t try to contact you but tried to speak to you when you first walked in the party. Brought a new girl to the party he knew you would finally be at and pretended to sulk when you didn't answer his greeting.
You have no idea what he wants. You never did. But it doesn’t matter. Not anymore. 
In a way, now you can heal. You saw him with someone else, the worst possible scenario in your head and you survived. Barely. But you did. You’ll learn to navigate these feelings and you’ll get better at forgetting him.
Tonight was difficult but tomorrow will be better.
It had been two weeks since the party. You had been busy and hadn’t had time to think much more about it. And, you also didn’t want to think about it or talk about it at all.
So, you may have been ignoring the texts the boys sent and even Lily. You just didn’t have the energy at this point. You were still drained and trying to find your bearings.
You knew this wouldn’t last much longer. They were very persistent when they had to be and when they wanted to be. 
Today you decided to have lunch delivered and eat in your office. It was one of the days you needed to be in the office and you were already drained. You didn’t expect any visitors, especially at lunch time but there’s a knock at your door.
“Who is it?” you asked from your desk, pausing your Youtube video.
Lily doesn’t even reply and just opens your office door and comes right in.
“Well, hello there. Why did you knock if you’re just gonna make yourself at home either way?” you asked her playfully.
“I’m mad at you. This is the silent treatment, in case you’ve forgotten what that feels like” she said as she crossed her arms.
“Not much of a silent treatment if you stalk me all the way here AND speak to me or is it?” you asked again.
“You’re unbelievable you know that, Y/N? We barely speak or see you for 6 months, you show up to one party, leave abruptly in the middle of it and start to ignore us again and you still think this is a joke? Keep pushing us away like this and one day none of us are going to push back anymore” she said and your smile fell from your face.
“I’m sorry, Lil. Jeonghan caught me alone at the party and… I had to leave after that. I couldn’t be there anymore. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t ready to see him yet and definitely not ready to see him with someone else so quickly after our falling out” you said honestly.
Lily sighed and smiled sadly at you. 
“Let’s talk about it? You haven’t talked to anyone about it since the falling out. I really think it’s time you share your burden with someone. You can’t keep carrying this alone. It’s going to keep suffocating you. Let it out with me, yeah? Tomorrow? I can come over, we can spend the day together, talking and binge eating and drinking. Like the old days. Let me be your friend, Y/N”
“Deal” was all you said but it was enough to make Lily smile more brightly. 
She hugged you and said her goodbyes and your day continued.
Maybe she was right. You had not talked about it with anyone. Maybe you’ve healed as much as you can on your own. You need support. You need your friends.
The next day you woke up and you were excited. You hadn’t spent a full day with Lily like this in a very long time. You missed this so much. 
You went out for a quick grocery run to get all her favorite snacks and drinks and some other additions you needed for your home and you decided since you weren’t going to bring too much back that you would walk to the store. You could use the fresh air.
As you were walking there, you kept thinking about what Seungkwan had said before. He knew you had blocked Jeonghan but how? You hadn’t told anyone and sure, it could be an obvious assumption, but he knew. With certainty. 
You couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of Jeonghan having tried to contact you after that night and finding out he was blocked. How did that make him feel? Why did he tell Seungkwan? And did he try to contact you more times after that? How many more times?
‘Why do I care? Why am I torturing myself?’ you asked yourself. But you know why. Deep down (maybe not that deep down) you wanted him to try to contact you. You wanted him to feel like shit when he realized you blocked him, and you wanted him to keep trying to contact you.
You just wanted him.
How pathetic is that? He keeps hurting you and you keep wanting him. Always.
After you got home and prepared everything for Lily’s visit, you sat on your kitchen counter staring at your phone next to you.
‘Don’t do it. Don’t do it. I shouldn’t do it. This is a fucking bad idea. Stop being weak. Don’t do it’ you kept telling yourself over and over again. As you were about to do something very stupid, your doorbell rings and you thank all the heavens and Gods above.
You opened the door and a very excited and happy Lily barged in.
“Did you miss me? How long has it been since we did this? Feels like forever…” she said as she started taking out her blankets and pillows and setting up your living room for a proper girls day.
“I want to unblock Jeonghan. Is that stupid?” you asked abruptly and so quickly that Lily thought she misheard you.
Lily slowly turned around and looked at you with an eyebrow raised.
“Why?” she asked.
“I just… Seungkwan mentioned before that he knew I had blocked Jeonghan and I thought that was weird because I didn’t tell anyone anything and it got me thinking that yeah, I know, he could’ve made that comment based on an assumption but you know Seungkwan, he doesn’t say or do things he is not certain of and that made me wonder if Jeonghan had tried to contact me after that night and if he did, what did he want to say and how did he feel after being blocked by me” you said all in one breath and so fast that Lily almost laughed at you.
“Easy there, we have all day, no need to say things in one breath like that. Don’t want you passing out on me” she said, now laughing out loud.
“Sorry… So… Is it stupid?” you asked her again.
“Of course not. What you two shared… I know we never talked about it but I actually saw myself and Seungcheol a lot in you two but you know, in a completely dysfunctional and delusional way of pretending you didn’t love each other” she said as she laughed lowly and you sat down on your couch.
“Look… I don’t know what he wanted to say but I can confirm he has tried to contact you after that night. Several times actually. Seungcheol told me. I’m assuming he told Seungcheol, Seungkwan and probably Vernon and Shua. He knows they would be his best bet at convincing you to unblock him but none of them wanted to help, I guess. At least Seungcheol didn’t.” she said and you looked down.
“I know he fucked up. But… and don’t hate me for saying this… You did too. And I think you know that. Sure, he fucked up in a much more serious and permanent way but you two just kept hurting each other for years. It’s always been so complicated when it should’ve been easy.” she continued.
“I also know the Y/N I know is a very forgiving person and has always given people second chances. Not saying you should forgive him just like that. But maybe you can hear him out. He clearly wants to talk to you about it and you clearly miss him and want to know what he has to say. Just because you give him a chance to explain, does not mean you will forgive him and want him back in your life.” 
She finished her speech and you looked at her with tears in your eyes.
“How long have you been holding that in?” you asked and laughed.
“6 whole months actually. Seungcheol kept stopping me from saying anything and he kept saying you were too angry. Not ready to hear it just yet” she said and was crying with you now. 
You both looked insane. Crying and laughing at the same time, holding each others’ hands but this was exactly what you needed.
“I hate it when he’s right” you said and laughed.
“Oh, same. And he is always right. The boys were all on your side, you know? Always giving Jeonghan shit.” she added.
“I bet… Seungcheol told me that at the party too” you told her.
“So… Unblock him. Don’t tell anyone. I won’t either. And we’ll see if he tries to contact you again or not” she told you and moved to turn on the TV.
“To be fair, it’s been 6 months. Not sure he would keep trying for that long” you told her as you started to open some of the snacks and drinks.
“Don’t say that. I know for a fact he kept trying and hoping you had unblocked him so he’ll definitely try again” she said as she started helping you with the snacks.
You nodded and… Unblocked him. You did it. It felt weird. You wanted him to reach out but you were also scared of what he would say if he did. And, if you were being honest, you were still so angry at him for leaving you. So you’ll know that if you decide to hear him out, that first conversation is not going to be pretty no matter what he has to tell you.
The rest of the day went by fast. You talked and vented to Lily about everything. Just like you did with Jeonghan on that day. You had told her everything, you had cried together and laughed and after all of it, you just watched a few episodes of a show and before you knew it she had to leave.
You said your goodbyes and promised each other you would do this way more often.
You felt happy when she left. Lighter. You cleaned most things up and decided to go to bed early. You were feeling tired. You were feeling as if today you were finally going to get some real sleep. Lily was right. You needed this. You needed to vent and share your burden and now that you had, you felt relieved.
You wanted to take full advantage of this opportunity. You turned all your notifications off, did your nighttime beauty routine and went to sleep. You fell asleep so fast and you slept like a baby. At last.
Sunday morning you woke up so well rested and a bit confused from sleeping so much. You honestly don’t remember the last time you woke up after 11AM and it felt great. You stretched, yawned, opened your blinds and smiled. 
Wow, you really did feel so much better after being and talking with Lily. It helped with some of the pain and she was right. You didn’t know if you would give Jeonghan a chance to explain himself yet but if you did, that did not mean that you were going to forgive him and that your lives would again intertwine. 
After showering and cooking breakfast, you went to your dinner table facing your window to eat and you remembered you had turned off your notifications for the night so you went back to your room to pick up your phone and turn them back on.
You started eating and checking your notifications when you receive a notification you didn’t think you’d receive this soon.
It was a text from Jeonghan. Apparently sent late last night.
“I know I haven’t texted you since before the party. I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry isn’t enough. I wanted to give you time but these weeks have been shitty. I’m miserable. I wish you could read my messages and see how much I’ve been suffering without you. I keep texting you pretending that you read them. How pathetic am I? Doesn’t matter. I’ll keep being pathetic until the day you give me a chance to explain everything. I miss you terribly, love”
You kept reading it over and over again. You didn’t know what to do. This is not something you can do over text. This also is starting to seem like a very bad idea at this moment. You know he probably saw the message was delivered, unlike his previous ones. 
Jeonghan is very much feeling like you. Confused. Not quite sure what to do. Send another text? No. Not over text. Call you? Maybe it’s too soon, maybe he should wait to see if you reply at all and then try to call you. A voice message? Hmm, not ideal but it would give him a better platform to at least try to convince you to meet with him and let him explain everything. 
A voice message it is. But it can’t be any voice message, he decided. He needed to write down everything he needed to say in this message. He needed to be clear and straight to the point. Just like you always have been.
After hours of writing points down and recording himself and hearing it back, he decided to just go for it. No matter what, it won’t be perfect. But it’s all he’s got. He has this chance and he can’t afford to waste it. He can’t afford you blocking him again and not being able to get his second chance.
You spent hours trying to avoid staring at your phone. You cleaned your whole apartment and decided to play some games to distract yourself. ‘You don’t have to respond. If he means it, he’ll reach out again. Be patient, Y/N’ you told yourself.
And sure enough, your phone dings a text notification. You’re so nervous. It’s just a text and you’re so nervous. You look down at your phone. It’s a voice message. No. You can’t hear his voice. Why does he know you so well? 
You wanted to wait to open it. You really did. But you couldn’t. You reached down and listened to it.
“Hi, love… I… I don’t really know how to start. I can’t believe you unblocked me. And, don’t worry. I know this doesn’t mean that you’ll hear me out or forgive me but you know I have to try, right? Maybe you don’t. I know you’ve been feeling like you never mattered to me. Like you were never worthy of me. And it’s all my fault. In all these years, I’ve been so blind and I’ve hurt you so much. I wanted to beg you for a second chance but… This isn’t my second chance. It’s not even my third. I’ve hurt you more times than I can keep count and you have given me multiple chances to redeem myself and I always disappointed you. I kept asking myself, if I were you, would I forgive me? Would I give me another chance? How many chances are too many chances? How many times will you forgive me before I learn? Truth is, if I were you, I would be done. Completely. I’m sending you this on the very slim hope that you are better than me and that you will at least let me explain everything. Even if after you hear it, you won’t forgive me. Please… Let me explain myself. Meet with me, one last time, love.”
He was crying for most of his message. You could hear it and it was tearing you apart.
Part of you wanted to meet with him but the other part of you was still so mad. Could he just beg and cry and get away with everything? You deserve better than all of this, you know that now. You’re not sure what to do. You needed to weigh your options. 
You sent him a simple text: “I don’t know. I’ll think about it. Please, don’t message me anymore. I’ll reach back out when I have an answer.”
He liked your message and added nothing else. Jeonghan knows you well and he knows to respect your boundaries, always.
You spent the next few days thinking it over. You kept remembering Lily’s words. Listening to him does not mean you will forgive him and it might even help you with closing this chapter in your life, if that’s the final choice you’ll make.
But somehow, every time you tried to message him and tell them that yes, you will hear him out, you couldn't pull that trigger. You were scared. You couldn’t pinpoint what was holding you back.
You decided to call Lily. She would help you, she would know what to say to help you through this.
She picked up after a few rings.
“Hey! How have you been? How’s the… situation we talked about Saturday?” she asked and you could hear some background noise and echo.
“Am I on speakerphone, Lil?” you asked back.
“Yes, I’m cooking dinner and Seungcheol answered it for me. Is this not a speakerphone conversation?” she asked you and you replied right away.
“Actually, if Cheolie is there and wants to give his input, I would appreciate it. I’m… confused? I don’t even know the right word to describe what I’m feeling right now…” you replied and you immediately got an answer from the other side of the phone.
“I’m here. Tell us” he said, straight to the point. You too had always had that in common. Cut through the bullshit and get to the point.
“Well, Saturday after me and Lily spoke, I decided to unblock Jeonghan. I just… Wanted to know if he tried to reach out and if he would again and he did. That same night actually. Long story short he sent me a text and a voice message begging me to meet up with him and let him at least explain. He said a lot of things… I don’t know how to feel about them? I told him I would think about it and I thought about it. A lot. I want to hear him out but every time I go to message him the fear and hurt resurfaces again and I just… Can’t… I mean… Does this mean I shouldn’t listen to him? I need help…” you said and waited for a response.
“You should hear him out” Seungcheol said simply.
You didn’t know what to say so he continued.
“What’s the worst that can happen? You fight? Good. You need to fight. You both need to tell each other everything you’ve been holding inside since you met. You need to scream at each other and understand how annoyingly frustrating you both are. And if after that fight you decide it’s not worth it, you’ve given him too many chances, then you’ll know and you’ll be able to finally get closure and truly move on. Let’s face it, Y/N. You won’t fully move on until you get your answers. All of them.”
“I really do hate it when you’re right…” you said and the three of you chucked.
“But I’m always right, Y/N. Meet up with him and come running here if you need to” he told you.
After you hung up with them, you decided you needed to rest. You had a migraine. Tomorrow will be a new day and tomorrow you’ll let him know.
The next morning you decided to call Jeonghan before starting work. You knew his schedule and you knew he would be up. You couldn’t do this through text and you won’t.
He picked up immediately.
“Hello, love. Good morning. Did you sleep well?” he sounded the same. Asked the same questions he used to before. It felt familiar and nice.
“Hi, Jeonghan. Good morning. Yes, I did, thank you. I hope you did too. Look, I’ve decided to hear you out. I don’t want to talk through the phone or in a public place. I have a feeling this conversation will be… difficult to say the least for the both of us. Can I come over after work this week or is the weekend better for you?” you asked him.
“Tonight. Come over tonight, please.” he said without any hesitation.
“Okay… Tonight it is. I’m working from home so I should be done at 6PM. I’ll be there by 7” you stated plainly.
“Okay, love. I’ll be waiting” he said and he sounded as if he were smiling. It made you want to smile as well but you didn’t.
“See you then, Jeonghan” you said and hung up.
You weren’t ready to see and speak to him but were you ever going to be?
Tonight, everything will be out in the open. Finally. You will both put all our cards on the table. No more secrets. No more hiding. And then, you can both decide how to move forward. Together or separate.
6PM comes quicker than you anticipated and it’s time to get ready and meet with him.
You got to his apartment and the nerves started kicking in. ‘You got this’ you told yourself right before you rang the doorbell. 
He must have been right by the door because the door flew open almost right after you rang the doorbell.
“Hi, love. Come in, please�� he said and gave you room to walk towards the living room. He sounded nervous. He looked nervous too. It made you feel good to know you weren’t alone in this. 
You walked in the living room. It was clear he prepared for your arrival. The room smelled like the candle you loved and kept buying for him so he would always have it when you came over. The lights were dimmed and he had put music on in the background. He had water and snacks on the coffee table and your pictures together were still up and visible to anyone who walked in his house.
Fuck, you missed him so much. You want to stay strong but you are already feeling so weak.
You sat on the couch, turned your phone off and looked up at him with raised eyebrows, silently asking him ‘What are you waiting for?’.
He sat on the couch with you, turned his phone off and started speaking.
“I love you. And no, I don’t mean in a ‘best friends’ type of way. I’m in love with you. And yes, I am fully aware those are the exact same words you said to me 6 months ago. And you should know I’ve wanted to say these words back to you ever since that night. I’ve always loved you. Since the very beginning. I have been trying to figure out why I didn’t see it or why I kept telling myself that I didn’t love you like that but honestly, I don’t know why I did it. I know I’ve always been afraid to lose you. To have you look at me with disappointment in your eyes. But before that night, I told myself we were just friends and were always going to be just friends. I had convinced myself of that fact and I don’t understand why.” he said with tears in his eyes now. 
“Fuck, I know what a cliché it is to only realize what I have in front of me once I lose it, trust me. But the night I left, I remember thinking how happy I had always been with you, around you, in your presence. How lost I was before you walked into my life and it all made so much fucking sense. You and I made sense.” he continued. 
You were staring in his eyes and it was your turn now to turn your poker face on.
“Only after I met you did I set up all these rules about my dating life. No one was ever worthy of dating me simply because they weren’t you. I kept making these excuses… To myself, to everyone around me. But I was just too stupid to see that I was making these rules in hopes of finding someone like you. Because I’ve always known since I met you, Y/N, that I’m the one that is and never was worthy of being with you. But if there’s anything I have learned in all the years we’ve known each other is that there’s absolutely no one like you, not for me” he continued.
“I wanted you for so long that when I saw the chance of having you, I took it. No hesitation. I don’t regret that first night and never will. What I will regret is never having kissed you that night and the conversation that took place after it all happened. What I said, the way I acted. Like you were just another ‘fuck-buddy’. I will never forgive myself for that and I don’t expect you to either” he said as tears kept flowing down his face. 
He never wavered and kept looking at you while he finished up his speech.
“I know I don’t deserve another chance. I don’t deserve forgiveness. But I still had to ask. I had to try. I love you and I am begging you to give me another chance. At everything. Being your best-friend, your lover, your partner. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll let me” and he was done. 
The only sounds in the room were the sounds of you both crying. Why did he only decide to tell you all of this now? Why was life so unfair? You don’t know if this is enough. His words are beautiful but they always have been. You needed more. Much more. 
And your anger starts winning over your forgiving side. You still have a lot to tell him before you even make a decision about this. He needs to hear how much he has hurt you. 
“Am I just supposed to be moved by this and forget all these years? Forget all the words you’ve said to me, all the little comments and jokes you made about me not being your type and not even being close to what you wanted?” you asked him.
“You know me well, Yoon Jeonghan, which means you know my memory never fails me. I remember every single cruel thing you said and smirked about. I remember the restaurant you never took me to no matter how many times I begged you to because ‘That is way too romantic for us, love’. And you want me to believe that after you’ve said all of these things you went home and felt bad about it?” you were getting angrier and angrier.
“You don’t love me. And you didn’t love me back then either. You love the way I make you feel. You love how desperate and pathetic I am and always have been for you. You love that I worship the ground you walk on. You love the feeling of having someone willing to do anything for you, willing to sacrifice their own beliefs and self-esteem to get even a small portion of your attention. You love having someone beg you to take them out, begging you to see them. You love all of these things and anytime someone gave that to you, you stayed” you were getting harsher now. 
“That’s how you found your ‘fuck-buddies’. You always chose the most desperate ones because you always loved the way it made you feel about yourself. That’s why you kept me around. You kept all of us around for different feelings. We were all desperate for you, yes. But their job was to keep you satisfied sexually, while mine was purely emotional. It wasn’t love. Not for them and not for me.”
You said and started getting up from the couch and collecting your things.
“I was never different from them. Not in the core of the matter. In the end, we all got hurt and you always left, unburdened and ready for your next fling to satisfy your ego” you said as you began to walk towards the apartment door.
You looked over your shoulder and told him: “I don’t know if I can forgive you. I know I don’t believe you. I wish I did. I really do. But my memories of every little thing you did over the years that hurt me are keeping me from letting go. I’m glad we both got to say what we always needed to say to each other. I’m not sure we’ll see each other again, but if we don’t, we can at least have closure now. Goodbye, Jeonghan.”
You got home that night and you were just… Numb. You couldn’t cry anymore. You didn’t want to scream. You just sat on your couch, staring at your wall, not knowing what to do and how to move on from this. From him. 
You fell asleep on your couch that night and woke up the next day feeling even worse.
You reached out to both Lily and Seungcheol and they were very supportive but they also made sure you knew they weren’t going to advise you any further. The next decision was entirely up to you. 
The next week went by so slowly. You still felt like shit and it seemed to only get worse each day.
It may sound stupid but you missed him. You had just seen him. You had a bad fight. Yet, you missed him. 
You went to your closet and took out the box of pictures you had hidden there. You started looking over each one of them. All of them were attached to such great memories. Memories of days together, nights together, vacations together. You were always smiling brightly. You remember all those feelings. Everything he had made you feel when you were together. 
You started to regret some of the things you said last time you saw him. He cared for you deeply. You could tell from the pictures and from all the good memories you had. He always protected you and made sure you felt safe and warm. Your friendship was nothing like the flings he had. You went too far. You wanted to hurt him but you weren’t fair in your accusations.
You’re pretty sure that’s why you feel like shit. You thought saying these things to him and hurting him would make you feel better. It would leave you satisfied knowing he was hurting like you did all those times. But it didn’t. It made you feel so much worse than before. 
You fucked up and now it was your turn to fix it. You knew if you went back there, it would mean you would forgive him. Were you ready for that? Was that what you wanted?
You dropped the pictures, grabbed your keys and left. 
You were standing in front of his door wondering if you should ring the doorbell. He might be busy. He might not even be home. You didn’t even know what you were going to say. Fuck, this was a terrible idea. You need to leave. Now. Go home. Regroup and come back with a plan.
The door opened and a tired Jeonghan was staring at you, blinking in confusion with his jacket halfway on his body.
“Hmm… Hi… I wanted to talk to you. I should’ve called or texted before. Sorry. I should leave. Sorry” you were shaking and started to leave but he grabbed your elbow and stopped you from moving.
“No. Stay. I’m not busy. Talk to me. Please” he asked you.
“You were leaving though… I feel bad… I--”
“I was out of whiskey. Was going to buy more. It doesn’t matter. Stay. Come in. Talk. Please, love” he interrupted you and he never let go of your arm. 
“O..Okay. Yeah. Okay” you nodded and went inside his apartment.
He took off both his jacket and shoes and you did the same. You looked around. The house was messy. Very unusual. Jeonghan was a creature of habits and he hated messiness. This was your fault.
You decided to be blunt again. 
“Did you mean it? What you said last week? All of it?” you asked him nervously.
“Yes. Every word. I know it’s hard to believe but I meant every fucking word” he responded just as bluntly.
“What about Haneul? You brought her around the boys… To the party…” 
You hated that you asked but you had to know everything before giving him a permanent answer.
“She invited herself. Pretty much blindsided me into joining us. She’s been following me around the company. I’ve made myself very clear. I’m not available and it will never happen but she wasn’t backing down. I’ve been really tired. Exhausted, after losing you. I had no strength left in me to fight her. I would just ignore her until she gets the message. Not my finest moment but I couldn’t care less” he said plainly.
You nodded and started getting really nervous. You gulped and asked him your final question.
“I was an asshole last week. I’m sorry. I said a lot of things that weren’t fair. I wanted to hurt you. I regret most of it. After all I said, do you still want me? Want us? Want to spend the rest of your life making it up to me?”
“That’s all I want. I want all of it. I deserved your words. I deserved to be hurt. I should be the one apologizing. But fuck yeah. If you give me that chance, this last chance, I will never let you go again” he said as he walked closer to you until he was so close you could feel his breath on your lips.
You looked up at him.
“Deal. I want to forgive you. I want to move forward with you. With us. But I have a few rules…”
He looked in your eyes and started to smirk. You were giving him a taste of his own medicine. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy but he would do everything to earn you back.
You moved away from him and started to put your shoes and jacket on, getting ready to leave.
“No sex. Not in the beginning. I want romance. Lots of dates. We have similar tastes and you know me better than anyone. Choose wisely” he laughed and nodded along.
“Kissing is very much allowed and encouraged. This is obviously an exclusive relationship and I am to be called and to be treated as your girlfriend, always” he kept smiling and was starting to tear up. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was.
“Anything else, princess?” he asked.
“No princess. I like baby much better. Or angel. Other than that, no other rules. For now” you answered him. And before you left, you walked towards him, intertwined your hands and asked him sincerely:
“I missed you, Hannie. Don’t make me regret this, okay?”
“Never, baby. You’re mine now. I missed you so much, too. Let me take you out tomorrow, yeah? First date?” he asked back.
“I can’t tomorrow. Friday I’m free. Pick me up after work?”
“I’ll be there, baby” he said and you turned to leave.
Right before you left he told you “I’ll be texting you. Don’t ignore your boyfriend, baby. He’s very needy”
You laughed as you nodded and left his apartment.
You got home that night and you couldn’t sleep. You were so happy. Is this even real? This wasn’t a dream, right? And as you were having these thoughts, Jeonghan texted you just as he promised right before you left his apartment.
Next thing you knew, a month flew by. Your first month together as a couple.
So far he’s kept all his promises. He was the one worshiping you now. He always texted or called to make sure you were safe and happy. He took you out on multiple dates a week and always made you feel like you were the only two people in the whole world.
On your first date he took you to the restaurant down the street from his place that you always wanted to go. You had a feeling he was going to pick that place and you made fun of him for it but he kept saying ‘I told you, baby. From now on, I will do everything to earn your forgiveness and love. Clichés and all’.
After your first date, he took you home and kissed you so gently by the door. 
You never thought you would feel this way. You felt complete. The happiest you had ever been.
During this month together, he never made any additional moves on you. 
You had kissed. A lot. 
Made out like teenagers. A lot.
But he always stopped it and ended your date there.
You knew you asked for this in the beginning as one of your rules but you couldn’t take it anymore. 
You needed him. You knew you had to be the one to make the move or show that you are ready. Otherwise, he will keep respecting your boundaries no matter how hard you want him to disrespect them.
Today you met up with Lily for lunch. The guys and Lily had barely seen the two of you. You only had time and eyes for each other and everyone was letting you two enjoy this new relationship without any interruptions.
“You are glowing, you know that, Y/N?” she asked as she ate.
You laughed and told her “I’m just so fucking happy. I never thought this would happen. He’s been so amazing. And it doesn’t feel different. I mean, our friendship. We’re still infuriating with each other but now we just have the added benefit of kissing to shut each other up.”
“And fucking” she said loudly and you hushed her while you two giggled.
“We’re in public, asshole. And about the fucking…” you said.
“Nothing yet? I gotta give it to him. Never thought he would be able to last this long without making a move. Good for him” she said and kept giggling.
“Good for him? I am dying here, woman. I’ve tried everything. All my moves, all the signs and he just won’t do anything” you whispered.
“It’s your fault. You made it a ‘rule’. You should know that not only would he take this seriously, but he would also use this to torture you for as long as he could. Possibly until you begged him to fuck you” she said again way too loudly in this very public restaurant.
You looked around after shushing her and you realized what she just said. Oh my god. He’s doing this on purpose. Of course. You should’ve known better. You gave him a challenge and he was punishing you for it, the little shit.
“I love that you are only realizing this now” she said and kept laughing.
“Shut up and finish your food” you bit back at her.
You had a date tonight with Jeonghan. You had offered to cook for the both of you. More of an intimate date. And you were going in for the kill tonight. You were done waiting but you were also going to have some fun with him.
You had this pink dress in your closet that you bought almost a year ago. You were saving it for a really good date or so you kept telling everyone. And we’re here now. 
Pink is not your usual pick but this dress is a killer. And an added bonus: Jeonghan loves seeing you in pink. This dress is just short enough. Obscene cleavage. A bit corseted. Enough to let your natural curves speak for themselves.
Underneath the dress, the smallest thong was covering your pussy and of course, no bra.
You had covered your body in the watermelon body lotion he loved smelling on you. Very little makeup and hair down. Just how he liked it on you.
Everything was ready and waiting for him. Food was ready and in the oven. You had set the mood with the candles, lighting and music in the living room and dining room and your bedroom was certainly refreshed and ready to greet him.
When you opened the door and he had the chance to see you. You knew you made all the right choices tonight. He stared you up and down and gulped.
“Like what you see, Hannie?” you asked and walked away from him towards your kitchen.
He came up behind you before you could reach the kitchen counter, turned you around and kissed you. Deeply. Full of passion. Until you were both out of breath. He started touching the bottom part of your dress with his fingertips very lightly.
“‘You look absolutely gorgeous tonight, baby. Why haven’t I seen this dress before?” he asked.
“Well… You weren’t exactly the best boy to me for a while. But now… Now you deserve to see it. All for yourself, too” you said, still panting and recovering from the kiss.
And in a very Jeonghan fashion, he completely surprises you with his next question.
“Has anyone else seen you in this dress, baby? On a date? Who have you worn this for before me, hmm?”
You smiled and whispered in his ear: “No one else but you.”
He almost growled at you and started leaning in again to kiss you. He had that look in his eyes you knew all too well and you moved away from him.
“We should eat. Food is getting cold, Hannie” you said and moved towards the oven.
He stared and narrowed his eyes at you but he knew what you were playing at. He knew you too well. Let’s see who has the most self-control tonight, then.
You had a great meal. He complimented your cooking as usual and kept holding your hand every time he saw the opportunity to. 
Everything was perfect. 
You two started cleaning up after eating and you kept talking about everything that was going on in your lives.
Everything was always so easy between the two of you. 
You both sat on the couch and decided to watch a movie together. He was very touchy during the whole movie. His hand was moving higher and higher up your thigh and every time he moved it higher, he sighed, almost moaned. 
You were so fucking wet and he had barely done anything. Tonight had to be the night, right? ‘He wasn’t that evil’ you thought.
When the movie ended and his hand was almost completely underneath your dress, he moved closer to you, leaned in, held your chin in his hands and started to whisper against your lips.
“I should go, it’s getting late”
He laughed after watching the disappointment in your eyes, got up and started getting ready to leave.
You also got up and grabbed his jacket to stop him.
“You can’t leave yet” you said shakily.
He hummed.
“Why’s that, baby? Something you want from me?” he asked as he walked back over to you.
Okay, you can say it. It’s fine. Just ask him. Tell him, do anything.
“Ugh… Nevermind. Just… Drive safe, I guess” and you tried handing his jacket back to him.
He licked his lips, ripped the jacket from your hands, threw it on the couch and started walking you backwards towards the living room wall.
Once you were backed up against the wall, he placed both hands on each side of your head.
“Is it so hard to ask to get fucked, hmm? Not like you haven’t done it before. What’s with the pride, baby?” he asked.
You stared at him with uneven breaths but stayed silent.
“You know me, baby. Either ask me what I want to hear or I’ll leave you here against this wall in your probably very small and very wet panties” he said and started kissing down your neck.
“Stay. Fuck me” you said hurrily and barely in a whisper.
“You have to do better than that, baby. Ask me nicely since you’ve been a tease all fucking night” he said and now one of his hands was on your thigh, rubbing circles.
“Please, fuck me, Hannie. Please. I can’t wait anymore. You’re driving me crazy” you begged and he must have liked it because you felt him chuckle against your skin.
He pulled your dress up and slapped your clothed pussy. You moaned.
“Now that wasn’t so hard was it? You’ve wanted me to fuck you for a while now. Was wondering when you were going to start acting like a greedy little slut. My greedy little slut” he told you while he cupped your pussy.
“Hannie…” you moaned.
He moved away from you and started walking to your bedroom. You followed him. He sat on your bed and started unbuttoning his shirt while licking his lips and staring at you.
You stood in front of him.
“Take it all off, baby and come sit on my face” he told you.
You were nervous. You hadn’t done this before. Not with him. But you were also excited.
You took it all off, just as he asked and you started moving closer. He layed back on the bed and beckoned you to join him.
You did. You laid on top of him completely naked and you started kissing each other. His hands were everywhere. You couldn’t get enough of him. 
He stopped kissing you and started moving up on the bed to straddle his head and he dove right in. No hesitation. No words. No more waiting. He was eating you out like a starved man. You were holding on to the top of your bed and his hair.
He was being sloppy and loud and moving up and down between your clit and your hole. He spanked you hard and moved one of his hands to your folds. He started fingering you using two fingers while sucking hard on your clit. 
You were so fucking close already. This was fucking embarrasing. You start shaking and moving away from his mouth and he spanks you again.
“Don’t fucking move away from me again. Don’t you dare. Don’t be embarrassed and cum. Let go. Cum” he told you then while pushing your hips back down on his mouth.
And as soon as he pushed you back down and continued his movements, you started falling apart and moaning his name so fucking loud. 
He didn’t stop then. He kept going.
“Hmm… Sensitive… Can’t… Hannie…” you whined.
“Shhh baby, you can give me more. I know you can. Fucking give it to me. I’m fucking greedy” he started fingering you again, slower this time and started marking your thighs with his mouth until he saw purple marks all over your inner thighs. 
You kept moaning and whining and you were getting louder and impatient. He laughed and moved back on your clit.
This time he added a third finger and kept sucking on your clit. It was a mess, you were sure of it. His face, his fingers. You had never felt this wet and this sloppy before and you were getting closer and closer.
With his free hand, he cupped your breast and twisted your nippled between his fingers and you came again with a cry of his name.
You started slumping on the bed while you were still panting and he moved you off of him and laid you on your back.
He started kissing down your neck and taking his clothes off.
When he was fully naked and on top of you, you grabbed his face with both of your hands and you looked in his eyes. You wanted to know what he was thinking. How he was feeling.
“I love you, baby. So fucking much. Let me have you now, yeah?” he asked as he looked into your eyes. Almost as if he knew that you needed that, you needed to hear him say it.
You kissed him again and tangled your hand in his hair.
You both gasped when he started pushing into you and you both moaned when he bottomed out completely.
“Fuck, I missed you so fucking much. This pussy was made for me. I might not last long, baby. It’s been too long since I had you” he whispered in your ear.
“Hmmm, what about since your other ‘fuck-buddies’? How long ago was that?” you asked and he stared in your eyes and got very serious. You hated that you asked it but you need to know the answer.
“I haven’t been with anyone else after you. I thought that was obvious, baby. I want you. I spent all these months wanting you. No one else” he said and started kissing you again.
You stopped kissing him and asked him to start moving and he did.
He held your hips in place with one hand and with the other he intertwined your fingers together and he started pounding into you. No mercy. He was desperate for you and you for him.
“Fuck, Hannie… So good… Feels so fucking good… Don’t stop, please…”
He grunted in response and kept pounding into you.
You were getting closer again and he felt it so he moved the hand that was holding yours to push down on your stomach and kept pounding you hard into the mattress.
“You’re so close aren’t you, baby? I can fucking feel it. You’re squeezing me so hard, baby. Fuck… Let go. Let me feel you”
He leaned his forehead against yours and you came again. This is the loudest you have probably been. You feel shy all of a sudden but you can’t say anything coherent. You’re mostly babbling at this point and he starts laughing at you.
“Don’t tell me I fucked you stupid, baby. Use your words properly, you’re a big girl”
“Hannie… s’good…”
He kept laughing and kissing you and he leaned back to move one of your legs and place it on his shoulder.
He was now squeezing your thigh of the leg on his shoulder with one hand and grabbing your tits with his other hand and he started slowly thrusting into you. So you could feel every vein and every ridge on his cock moving inside of you. This felt like torture but you knew he was delaying his orgasm as much as he could.
“Look at you… My angel… You’re so gorgeous like this under me… Fuck, I’m never letting you go. My good girl… Hmm? Are you my good girl, baby? Answer me”
You started nodding.
“Yes… Yeah… Yours.. Good… Good girl…”
It was your turn now to surprise him. You grabbed his hand that was on your tits and moved it to your neck.
“Fuck, baby… Want me to choke you? Can’t have anything nice, can we? Calling you my good girl and you start acting like a greedy little slut again”
He chuckled and started thrusting into you with much more force and speed. The hand on your neck started squeezing lightly and you started whining and feeling closer and closer to the edge again.
“Gonna cum one last time, hmm? With my hand around your throat like a slut? Yeah… Fuck yeah… Cum with me then, angel”
He leaned down to kiss you and you started cumming again. This time your vision turned white. You thought you were dreaming. This felt surreal.
You kept repeating his name over and over again and when you said ‘I love you’, he finally came inside you with a grunt and a low moan in your ear.
He laid down on top of you as you both recovered and he kept playing with your hair and calling your name.
“Baby… You okay? Was that too much? Come back to me, don’t fall asleep yet, we need to clean up”
You laid with your eyes closed and hummed.
“I’m here, Hannie. Just… Give me a few minutes… I think you broke me” you said and you both started laughing.
“Good broken though?” he asked.
“Fucking amazing broken” you answered and you kept laughing together.
After a few more minutes of laying together in pure bliss, he convinced you to get up and take a shower with him.
He had to hold you up for most of it. You were so tired. He kept poking fun at you and all you could mumble was ‘your fault’ and he started chuckling.
You shared a bed for the first time as a couple that night. You remember feeling like this was supposed to have been happening since the very beginning of your friendship. 
You knew you wanted to have him with you here for the rest of your life and all you could do was hope he meant every word he said and that he would want the same with you. It was the best sleep of your life that night.
You woke up the next morning to the sounds of Jeonghan singing to the music he was playing and what sounded like cooking. 
Fuck, you were starving. But first, you had to make yourself look presentable. He always looked so good in the morning and you… Well.., you had more of a rough appearance in the morning so you needed a moment to collect yourself before following the sound of his beautiful voice.
You went to the bathroom to do your morning routine and afterwards you joined him in the kitchen.
“Good morning, Hannie. What are you cooking, baby?” you said as you hugged him from behind.
“Hmm… Morning, angel. Just some eggs and sausage. You didn’t have much more”
“Sounds delicious, thank you” you said as you moved to sit on the kitchen counter behind him.
“We have to replace all those photos, baby” he said as he turned around to look at you.
You knew he meant the pictures you had ripped apart and put back together after your falling out.
“I don’t want to. I like them this way. It tells our story. It’s a little broken but in the end it got put back together” you said and smiled at him.
He smiled and turned back to the stove.
“You just want to get our kids on your side and have me as the bad guy, huh?” he asked and you chucked.
“Kids? Getting a bit ahead of ourselves, no? Let’s not make promises we can’t keep. We both have done enough of those” you said and he nodded and laughed.
You felt so happy when he said that but you didn’t want to sound too eager. You knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him but you still were scared that he would regret this eventually and leave you again.
What you didn’t know was that this time, he wasn’t going to let you go anywhere, and he was never going anywhere without you.
He was going to spend the rest of his life by your side, earning back every once of trust and love he lost from you before.
He was okay with you still being guarded. He knew you had nothing to worry about and he would prove it to you. Soon enough he will take out the engagement ring he bought after your first date and he will make sure you stay by each others’ side always.
The ultimate pinky promise.
It’s here guys and it’s a monster 😭 I really hope it lives up to your expectations. I’m still nervous about everything I write! Please let me know in the comments and such if you liked it  💕 Thank you for supporting me! CHEERS 🥂
Taglist (if you requested specifically): @woofie-nctzen-fanarts @lannadray @cvixmei @feat-sun @cvpidxo @yunjinified @shuahasmyheartffs @jjjzzz @starlight-night0 @rendeciu @momoxxchewz @miniseokminnies @meowmeowminnie @sofix-hc7 @aaniag @shinetogether17 @goodforgyu @sharkipoonis
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leclercstarrs · 25 days
Text
eternal sunshine.
pairings: lewis hamilton x fem!singer!reader x ex!carlos sainz.
warnings: mentions of cheating, carlos slander, and inspired by ‘eternal sunshine - ariana grande.’
in which you collaborate with your friend and release a song about your ex while simultaneously revealing your new relationship.
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yourusername 📍 los angeles
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liked by landonorris, arianagrande, lewishamilton, and 2,382,466 others
yourusername just motivation to get back into the studio ig 🍷
view 922,738 comments
landonorris one positive to this situation, we get new music 🤲
yourusername 🫡
user7 lando norris is the one and only y/n fanboy
user34 lando!! run that man off the track for us pls!
arianagrande love you girl!! 🤍
liked by yourusername
lewishamilton can’t wait to listen to the new music!
liked by yourusername
user12 shooting his shot now that carlos is out of the picture LMFAOO
user8 lewis save y/n from carlos pls 🙏
user9 y/n l/n x XNDA
user72 HE FUMBLED BAE!!
liked by yourusername
user63 guys she liked this 😭 that means he for sure cheated, they weren’t already broken up??!
user2 he’s so icky
user21 ARI X Y/N COLLAB???
user38 yesss y/n was listed on the track list for ariana’s new album as a feature on one of the songs
user75 AHHH I CANT WAIT
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, and 3,251,655 others
yourusername eternal sunshine by my bestie ari featuring me is out now and available to stream on all platforms ☀️ so grateful that ari wanted me to be on this diamond of a song, it means so much to the both of us!
view 1,728,882 comments
arianagrande omg i love you! thank you for joining me on this song, hopefully we can collaborate again soon!
yourusername yes ofc 😭🫶🏻
charles_leclerc love the song ❤️
yourusername ty cha!! i miss you!
user7 omg cuties 🥹
user92 ohhh ik charles has beef w carlos rn 🫡
landonorris stream the song guys
liked by yourusername
user53 yesss promote her iktr 😝
lewishamilton amazing song 🩶
yourusername ty lew 😊
user12 LEWWWW? omg adorable
user38 lewis is about to steal carlos’ girl 🫣
user9 yea she’s not carlos’ girl…womp..he’s a lame cheater
liked by yourusername
user24 NOT HER LIKING YOUR REPLY LMFAOOO SHADY I LOVE HER
billieeilish be mine
yourusername ily.
billieeilish we’re collabing next
user67 BILLIE?
sabrinacarpenter hot girl activities.
liked by yourusername
chappellroan beautiful girl! love the song!
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user95 Y/N…THE LYRICS ARE CRAZY
user11 did ariana write the song or y/n??
user89 pretty sure ariana wrote most of it but y/n mentioned she was doing some of the writing as well…sooo maybe 👀
lizgillz love ya both!
yourusername love you more xx
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lewishamilton
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liked by yourusername, georgerussell63, charles_leclerc, and 5,627,811 others
lewishamilton met gala 2024 🩶
view 2,863,720 others
yourusername 🫶🏻🫶🏻
liked by lewishamilton
user12 OMG?? Y/N?? LEWIS??
user7 so happy for both of them 😭 she deserves better than the way carlos treated her
user11 AHHH FREAKING OUT RN
user0 not her being a grid hopper, i see why carlos left her 💀
user93 ummm stfu you flop 😟! he cheated on her and she left him….booooo 🍅🍅 you suck
landonorris better be treating her well 😁
lewishamilton of course 😊
user94 HELPPP
yourusername
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liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, and 1,723,266 others
yourusername i found a good boy and he’s on my side 🫶🏻
view 673,829 comments
charles_leclerc so happy for both of you ❤️
liked by yourusername
alexandrasaintmleux love you. you deserve nothing but the best. 😽
yourusername love you alex 🥹
lewishamilton i love you so much my gorgeous girl
yourusername love you more xx
user39 SO CUTE
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lackadaisycats · 1 year
Note
I’m so sorry if you’ve already answered this somewhere, but how do you design your characters?
I’ve been trying to make an OC from the prohibition era and it turns out there’s basically nothing to work with for men’s outfits, so I’m curious how you made this many that look unique and fitting to the characters
There is so much to work with, though! You will tend to find more of a focus on variety in women's fashion, but there is still quite a lot of menswear to ogle too. I suppose it's just a matter of searching out ideas and inspiration in the rights corners. Here are a few suggestions:
Old Clothing Catalogues -
Collections from Sears-Roebuck and other popular clothing retailers are pretty easy to find compiled into relatively inexpensive books, or just floating online.
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A fair bit of it is in the public domain now.
--Here's an entire 1922 catalogue of stuff to flip through.
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Contemporary Artwork -
Some phenomenal illustrators were working in this field amidst the "Golden Age of Illustration" and featured prominently on the covers of magazines and on the ads inside. There was a lot of emphasis on fashion.
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Collier's and The Saturday Evening Post are a couple of the more prominent and easily searchable resources. The costuming on the cover art always has a lot of personality.
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There's Rockwell, of course, and it's almost impossible to go wrong with J. C. Leyendecker. He's probably best known for his Arrow Collar ad art, but even his sock ads are like…
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There were numerous other amazing and influential illustrators working at the time too. Here's a list of some of them. Here's a bonus Henry Raleigh featuring some of his fabulously-dressed people.
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Blogs and Articles -
There are so many of them! If you want historical accuracy, be wary of write-ups pulling all of their references from film and television. There's nothing wrong with using those for inspiration if you aren't too concerned with historicity, but there are some pretty comprehensive and well-researched things out there with more of an eye on actual fashion history too:
--Gentleman's Gazette - What Men Really Wore in the 1920s
--The Fashionisto - 1920s Men's Fashion
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Digital Collections -
There are numerous digital historic image collections stemming from universities, museums, libraries, and the government that are free to peruse too.
--The Metropolitan Museum has a searchable catalog of exhibits that includes fashion and photos
--Here's some things from the New York Public Library
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Photos at Large -
If you aren't sure where to start, image searching for any of Hollywood's early celebrities will typically turn up a bevy of production stills and promotional photography featuring a variety of fashions. Here's a random Getty images search for Harold Lloyd. A lot of standard 3 piece suits, but a lot of stuff with added character too.
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Photography was generally quite accessible by the 1920s, though, and you can find a lot of authentic photos of people from all walks of life, out in the wild wearing all sorts of clothes.
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This is by no means the limit to the resources available, but hopefully it'll provide some leaping-off points for designing looks for your characters!
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Text
Bad Boys Get More
I had been working my office job for years now, at least 3. I talked my way up and had been happily ready to be promoted. But last time someone got it over me, no big deal. I wasn't concerned. I mean he was here longer than even I was! So of course he did! And then this month I had applied and interviewed again for a manager spot. Even higher than I got before. Unfortunately... I had been passed up again.
This time was different though. This time was much much worse. It was some guy with tats all over his body. That wasn't the only problem either. Devin, the new "manager" and guy in question, just didn't show up to work some days. So I decided enough was enough and I tried to confront my boss about it. It was his decision ultimately.
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"Hey." I said a bit annoyed, but trying to conceal it. "Mind if I have a piece of your time, Henry."
My boss looked at me, he was also a bit younger... not as young as me but not old old? Probably just about 40. "Yeah sure, what's it about." He said a bit plainly as he walked back into his office, me following.
"It's about Devin." He nodded, knowing what I was going to say. "Why was he chosen over me? I mean... he has such shit attendance! He barely even did his job!"
By now Henry was a bit upset, I had been talking about this for the past week to other co-workers and he had overheard it. This was his decision and now he'd let me know why. "You wanna know why Devin got the job instead of you? One simple reason. He's chill."
"What?"
He continued as if I hadn't said a word. "Devin's a cool guy, he's been here a little less than you, sure, but he won't complain when someone else gets the job instead of him." He looked at me and nodded, as if knowing something.
"But he hardly looks professional!" I blurted out.
"Neither do you, Colt." Colt? Who's Colt? "But don't worry, we don't discriminate here against what's on someone's body. Which by the way, what are all of yours about?" He pointed to my arm... what was happening to it?! Black writing was going down it and ink filled it up. Making images, Henry came over and looked at my arm.
"Oh that? That's a meaning between someone and... wait... no..." I tried to resist.
"No need... dang, what gym do you go to? I would ask the next question on our interview but you've worked here for a while and I do know you can lift more than 50 pounds now." I looked at my bulking up physique. I tried to stop it but it just looked like I was flexing more. I held back a chuckle.
"Well... I think the interview might be done. You have the job, unless you have questions for me."
"I-I... What did you do to me?!" I stood up and looked at my body. My clothes clung to every bit of me, an outline in my pants and pecs obvious.
"Why Colt, I just made you able to get the job you wanted. Trust me. We were going to give it to you anyways but with how you were acting? Devin put in a good word at least. Said all you needed to do was be more like him. So... there ya go." He stood up and shook my hand.
"You'll get used to your new life during your shift with Dev tonight, shouldn't take long. Tons of changes... hopefully you find them all for the better." Henry smirked as he walked out. Devin came into the room.
"Glad to see you finally got 'your' Position dude. We're gonna have fun tonight..."
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dallaji · 7 months
Note
can you do bada lee smut, where bada wants to film while 🤟🏻 with reader HEHE i'm gonna leave the others to u:*
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♡ bada lee x idol!reader / NSFW❗
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WORD COUNT: 5k
CW: exactly what it sounds like tbh!! established relationship, porn without plot, once again giver!bada, filming 🔞 (consensually)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: this is loosely a part two of this / "Hope we make it to the Cloud". i received these two requests and felt they were alike enough to "combine" the two, hopefully that's ok! 🩷 thanks for the request and hope you enjoy. (ꈍ꒳ꈍ) ┆ ┆ ┆ ┆⋆
Living alone wasn’t so bad.
When spending a long month performing, interacting with hundreds of people every day and flitting from one schedule to the other, getting to wind down in the comforts of your humble apartment almost felt like a privilege. And as soon as your promotions had ended, you had to take the time to get reacquainted with the place that you called home; time spent away, sleeping in cars or planes, almost made you forget what it felt like to have your own bed. 
Sometimes you felt pangs of loneliness, when you were no longer experiencing the rush of backstage and the fleeting interactions with other celebrities, some of whom you now considered friends. The feeling was especially present when you were on break, fighting the urge to get a pet to keep you company on several occasions. Though calling it a “break” was a bit premature, your team always surprising with a last minute schedule on your calendar. 
Still, living alone wasn’t so bad when you finally got a break from bright stage lights, sore limbs and buzzing eardrums. 
Besides, you aren't so lonely nowadays.
It was the middle of the day and you were watching a game show, feet propped up on the table and hair tied together, when you heard your front door unlock. 
“Honey, I’m home,” A tired voice sounded.
Tossing the spare key you had given her a few weeks prior into the little bowl on the table next to the door, Bada entered the room with the nonchalance only a person who spent a lot of time here could have. And well, she did spend a lot of time here.
As you beamed up at her from your seat, Bada was kicking her shoes off: donned in her practice cargos and a comfortable sweater, she looked as effortlessly attractive as ever. If you didn’t know her well enough by now, you would’ve almost missed the metaphorical thunder cloud hanging over her head.
You patted your lap eagerly. “C’mere!”
And with quick shuffling footsteps, Bada made a beeline for where you were seated, first dropping her backpack to the floor with a sigh and then unceremoniously flopping onto the couch, her head snuggling into your lap.
Your hands immediately caressed along her face, fingers gently pushing her bangs aside as you ran them through the pink streaks. 
“Long day?” You asked as you fanned her hair over your lap, combing through and detangling the knots.
Her eyes were shut, zoning in on your soothing touches. “Maybe I need a manager,” She muttered quietly, “I don’t know why I thought three choreo sessions in one day would be doable.”
You placed your forefinger between her eyebrows, smoothing over the frown that had started to form there. “Try not to hire mine. Before you know it, three sessions become six.”
Bada laughed at that, eyes opening to gaze up at you affectionately. “Missed you.” She mumbled, head turning to nuzzle into the palm of your hand.
“Is that so?”
She sat up slowly upon hearing your playful words, turning to face you with half-lidded eyes. Leaning in, gaze dropping to your lips, she placed her hand atop your thigh and gave it a firm, meaningful squeeze. “Want me to show you how much I missed you?”
You held your breath expectantly, leaning closer with a barely-there nod as Bada inched towards you to close the gap; she tilted her head and your eyes fluttered shut.
But then, the growling of a stomach sounded through the room.
Bada groaned as you erupted into giggles, shoving her off of you: “Please go eat! There’s some leftover rice and salmon in the kitchen.”
Her disgruntlement faded immediately at your words and she swept down to press a peck to your lips. “You’re the best.” 
“I know...” You hummed against her mouth, tugging her down again to steal seconds, feeling self-satisfied when Bada complied without hesitation.
You let her scurry off to the kitchen with a smitten grin plastered across your face.
“Did you finish the routine for that boy group?” You asked, watching her scavenge with your chin propped on the palm of your hand.
Bada dug into the rice cooker as she nodded, already chewing on a piece of salmon: “Yeah, it came together nicely! Wanna see?”
Clasping your hands together, you perked up. “Yes, please!”
“Laptop’s in my bag. All my recent recordings should be on it.” 
Bending over to unzip her backpack, you carefully pulled her laptop out and set it on your lap. You heard Bada heat up the remaining salmon as you booted up the computer. Her password was just her birthday, which she had sheepishly confessed to when you were still practicing your choreography together. As you opened her files, a screen popping up with over fifty recordings, Bada came to stand behind you, shoveling food into her mouth as if the bowl would sprout legs and run away from her. 
You scrolled through the recordings, which were arranged chronologically, until you noticed a thumbnail with a very familiar practice room.
As your mouth fell open in disbelief, your mouse hovered over the picture of what was undoubtedly Bada hunched over you in front of your practice room’s mirror; both your backs turned to the camera, but the scene all too recognizable. 
You didn’t know why, but you felt your lower stomach warm up at the thought of her having kept the recording. You barely registered the audible gasp behind you, and you turned around.
Bada was frozen in her tracks, chopsticks motionless at her lips as she stared at the laptop on your lap. 
“Oh my god, I—” She began, eyes searching the room for a place to set her bowl down as your eyes scrutinized her, “I could’ve sworn I deleted that! How did that— How did that get on my laptop?” She was stumbling over her words, and always had been a terrible liar.
You wordlessly navigated to the top of the screen and clicked on ‘Sort by last opened’, the videos reorganizing at your command.
The video was the third one on the list, even though it was over two months old. Once again your stomach curled, face heating up at the implication spread out in front of you.
Bada pressed her lips together in a fine line, face beet red as she was unable to meet your eyes, entirely unaware of your inner turmoil and instead cowering away from you. “I’m sorry, you— you can delete it. I shouldn’t have—”
“I never told you to delete it, back then.” You cut in hurriedly, and it was true, but you felt embarrassed at the words leaving your mouth all the same. “You’ve watched it?”
Bada stared at you in bewilderment, but she nodded, perhaps comforted by your words and thus no longer seeing the point in lying: “Several times.” She admitted bashfully, gaze moving back to the laptop.
You felt lightheaded, briefly imagining Bada alone in her studio with her hand between her legs and her eyes glued to the screen. 
“Oh,” You responded, “Why didn’t you...?” Unsure of how you were even trying to finish that sentence, you trailed off.
“We’ve just been so busy…” She said, sounding solemn, leaning over the backrest of the couch as her arms draped themselves over your shoulders. You leaned back into her embrace, your hands curling over her arms. 
It was true: between a grueling comeback schedule and the heightening demand for Bada, especially following the release of your single, made it difficult to see each other regularly. Bada had visited you backstage a handful of times, the both of you savoring your short moments together, hungry lips meeting while hiding away in your dressing room, until you were inevitably whisked away for your next schedule. Similarly, you dropped by her studio whenever there was an opening on your calendar, but the curious eyes of her students made it difficult to do much of anything. It was then when you had given her a spare key to your apartment, hoping you could meet each other halfway more often.
“I miss you so much.” She murmured, cheek resting against your temple, and the way she said it left you breathless. It had a hidden meaning to it, clear to no one but you. It almost sounded like a plea with the way she nosed into you.
“You were gonna show me how much you missed me.” You whispered, angling your head to look up at her properly. Her eyes were already on you, gaze heavy. You didn’t have to say the words back to her with the way you looked at her.
She barely gave you a moment to let the words hang in the air before she pressed her lips against yours with a desperate inhale, hand curling over the crook of your neck. The position you were in brought you right back to your first time together; Bada crowding over you with an insatiableness she only reserved for you as your mouths fit together, her warmth washing over you. You felt her nails scrape along the nape of your neck, her lips parting against yours, pleading, as you slipped your tongue past. She hummed pleasantly, lips closing around the wet muscle and sucking as her fingers dug into your hair.
Suddenly overwhelmed with the need of wanting her all over you, the couch separating your body from the comfort of her lean figure, you parted the kiss unwillingly. Before you could beg her for anything more, however, she moved her lips to your neck; immediately sucking a bruise against the unmarked skin. You gasped, instinctively baring your neck for her.
“Bada-” You began, but the words died in your throat as the tip of her tongue circled the mark.
“Click on the video.” She spoke in a hushed voice and only then did you become cognizant of the laptop resting on your lap, cursor still hovering over the video. “Fast forward a bit.”
With your eyes locked onto the screen and without moving your head, afraid you would lose the warmth of her mouth against your skin, you did as you were told; skipping through the recording until you found the exact moment Bada had turned you around, her chest pressed against your back. The sounds that came from the laptop speakers after you unpaused the video were sinful: the smack of lips gliding together and your quiet gasps as Bada smoothened her hands along your figure. You were feeling overwhelmed already and the two of you had barely done anything.
“You’re so beautiful.” Bada spoke as she watched the video from over your shoulder, still pressing soft kisses against your neck.
You could say the same about her with the way she was, and still is, able to command your body like an instrument. You were putty in her hands then and now, turning whichever way she conducted you.
She straightened her back slightly, looking down at you as her hands lowered to your front. In tandem with the Bada in the video, she found the hem of your shirt and pulled upwards, your arms raising to aid the process. You weren’t wearing a bra, and the cool air of the room made a shiver run down your spine. Bada, however, was delighted, warm hands immediately cupping over your breasts.
You craned your neck, chasing after her lips and she let you indulge: with your head tilted backwards your tongues met before your lips did, Bada angling her head to deepen the kiss impossibly more, fingers pinching your nipples inquisitively and stiffening them. You were sensitive straightaway, gasping into her mouth.
Then, an idea. Your fingers managed to find the space button and pressed, effectively pausing the video. Bada parted the kiss reluctantly, curiously peeking at the screen before looking down at you.
“Do you have your camera with you?” You asked, voice breathless.
She blinked at you in wonder but nodded: “Yes, in my backpack.”
You gave her a suggestive look, hands coming up to rest atop hers; still covering your breasts. “Do you… want to film a new one?”
You hoped you hadn’t misjudged Bada, and for the few seconds she was silent you feared you had ruined the atmosphere, but that feeling didn’t last long. The look she gave you was nothing short of infatuated.
Bada smiled, albeit entirely flustered, before giving you another kiss and you sighed in relief. She walked to her backpack, where it still laid on the floor, and began searching through it for the camera. As you shut the laptop and moved it off your lap, Bada reemerged with the familiar device.
The display was already flipped open, Bada’s fingers fiddling with the buttons with an almost childlike excitement that made you giggle. She looked up at you as if breaking out of a daze, and softened instantly at the sight of you: topless and patiently waiting for her. She lowered the device.
“You’re certain you’re okay with this?” Her eyes looked into yours, searching for any hints of doubt or apprehension.
“More than okay,” you assured, “Just tell me what to do.”
And as soon as the words had left you, Bada hit record. “Be you.”
She slowly walked around you, angling the camera as her eyes were glued to her display, taking in your appearance with the delicacy of someone who practiced this often enough in their head. You were starting to feel skittish, despite her attention on you almost feeling reverent, and fought the urge to cover yourself up.
Instead you crossed your legs, head tilting to the side as you looked straight into the lens of the camera: “I hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to keep your distance the whole time.”
You heard the buzzing sound of the lens zooming in on you, though you had no clue what exact part of you it was focusing on. “That would be impossible when you look like this, baby.”
The nickname, which was usually reserved for when the two of you spent time tangled up in each other, visibly flustered you. You sucked in your lower lip to hide a growing smile and glanced down, Bada smirking at your reaction. 
“Trying to set the scene for my future self.” Bada added meaningfully, and the implication made you feel warm.
She strode over towards you, eyes still focused on the camera display as she sat down on the table in front of you. You followed her movements intently, anticipating whatever request was burning on her lips. But instead of asking anything of you, Bada wordlessly nudged her knees in between your thighs, forcing your legs apart, and you adhered.
“Take your pants off.” She commanded and virtually immediately your hands dropped to the waistband of your trousers, tugging it below your hips. You would have time to ponder how embarrassing your submission to her was later, but for now you wanted to give her everything she asked for. 
With her unoccupied hand she helped you pull the fabric all the way off, with an almost impatient tug, and you made sure to stretch your legs as elegantly as possible, doe eyes never losing track of the lens; hyper aware of the camera following your every move as if this were just another music video recording. 
You let your hands slide up your thighs, fingers momentarily hooking into the straps of your panties before snapping them against your skin. Bada angled her camera, tracking the movements of your hands intently as her tongue peeked past her lips; wetting them. The palms of your hands moved along the curve of your waist, trailing them higher and higher, until you were pushing your breasts together ever-so-slightly. Then, you brought one hand behind your neck and leaned back into the couch. Your other hand dropped back to the strap of your panties, toying with the fabric between your fingertips, granting a sneak peek for the skin underneath - not that there was much more left to the imagination. 
For a moment Bada’s eyes moved away from the display, zoning in on your ministrations, and then she leaned back herself, the movements forcing your thighs further apart by the dull push of her knees against yours.
“You’re a natural.” Bada said teasingly, but remained cemented in her spot, much to your frustration.
You pulled the strap of your underwear below your hip, blinking up at the lens through long eyelashes, and pressed your crotch down into the couch. Subsequently, you slid your hand to your front, fingertips digging below the waistband of your panties; your eyes never losing track of the lens. You went lower and lower, gauging the taller girl’s reaction.
Once again you heard the noise of the lens zooming in, and your fingers finally found the top of your heat. You were already wet, spreading your folds with a quiet hum, and began lightly rocking against the fabric of the couch. The friction made you gasp, the thrill of your predicament making you feel increasingly more responsive to any touches. 
Bada parted her lips, watching on in awe. “Take those off.” Her voice was almost uncharacteristically deep, dripping with want.
And because you knew her well enough to know she couldn’t hold off for much longer, you gave her the most coy look you could muster and answered: “Come do it yourself.”
The sound of the table moving backwards echoed through the living room, Bada using her body to push it away. You didn’t cease your movements however, dragging your crotch against the couch again as you watched Bada in anticipation. She had placed the camera on top of a stack of books lying on the table, pointing the lens at you in a sideways angle, and stepped towards you. She towered over you before pulling her sweater over her head, and you watched as her slender frame appeared; still touching yourself. She was unbelievably pretty.
Then, she dropped to her knees, arms hooking under your legs as she pulled you to the edge of the couch in such a sudden motion you couldn’t help the soft yelp that fell from your lips. Her thumbs hooked under the straps of your underwear and pulled them off brusquely, leaving you completely bare in front of her.
She settled in between your thighs like she belonged there and leaned up, her hand on the side of your neck as she brought you in for a hungry kiss. The noise you made was desperate, but she silenced it immediately by plunging her tongue into your mouth; licking into it with a groan. Your fingers tangled into her hair, clinging onto her as your body begged for more, tongue gliding back against hers through parted lips. 
Bada cupped your jaw tightly as she swallowed the sweet noises you made, and parted the kiss to catch her breath; your own chest rising in exhilaration. Her thumb trailed along your bottom lip, moist from saliva, and pulled it down: “Just look pretty for me.” She muttered.
With that she slid down your body, lips leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck and to your cleavage, her hands feeling along the shape of your upper thighs, squeezing them. You felt your lower stomach curl when her lips pressed to your navel, and you put your arms at either side of your body; palms pressing into the couch as you gave your body away to her.
Her thumbs pressed into your hip bones when her mouth got closer to your core, but she immediately pivoted to the inside of your thigh, teeth grazing the skin before parted lips began to suck down a bruise.
Your head lolled to the side, letting out another soft gasp as her lips covered every area except the one where you needed her the most. You were going mad, wondering if you should start begging.
Her eyes met yours and she had the audacity to smile, a happy glow dusting her cheeks as her fingers dug deeper into the skin of your thighs. She pressed another openmouthed kiss near your hip bone before speaking: “Anything you want me to do?”
Your hand automatically moved in between your legs, but Bada stopped you with a firm hold on your wrist.
“Nuh-uh,” she tutted, “I’m directing here. Tell me what you want.” Her gaze was intense, smile growing wider as you grew more flustered, thighs twitching.
“I—” You began, struggling to find the words, “I want you to touch me. However you want.”
“However I want?” She tilted her head to the side, feigning confusion in a sweet voice.
“With your hands.” You added quickly, something in you stirring at the way her grip on your wrist remained resolute. “Please, I need it so bad.” More words escaped you before you could dwell on the humiliation: “I’m so wet for you.”
The look in Bada’s eyes darkened as she placed your hand back onto the couch, grabbing onto your thigh once again. She looked down at your glistening heat, momentarily sucking in her lower lips before meeting your eyes again. “For me?” She asked again, knowing the answer well enough.
“Only for you.” You near whimpered, and she finally released you from your misery.
Bringing her hand to her mouth, she lapped at her fingers before promptly lowering it to your vagina; spit-slicked fingers moving along your folds to spread your wetness with a purpose as her other hand held down your thigh, making sure you kept your legs apart for her. A groan of relief escaped you before you could realize and you bit down on your lower lip, feeling her explore. You heard her suck in a breath between her teeth as you glistened underneath her, marveling. 
You felt yourself get impossibly more wet from her touch, and Bada immediately took advantage of that. She started to rub against you in slow, circular motions as your hips involuntarily jerked from the sensitivity. With a soothing shush, her grip on your thigh tightened as she let her fingers dig into your folds with more pressure, a soft moan falling from your lips. 
“I’m starting to think you like begging.” Bada whispered longingly, fingers that knew exactly where to be circling against you with a deepening pace. 
Unable and unwilling to answer, you brought a hand up to your mouth and pushed two fingers past your lips; you sucked around them, muffling your moans. The look Bada gave you was simply ravenous, and you then realized you were here to put on a show for her camera. Her thumb brushed down against your clit, and your eyes fell shut in pleasure, the ministration sending electric shocks across your lower belly as you were unable to stop your hips from rutting into her touch. You withdrew your fingers from your mouth and brought them to your breast, rolling your nipple under them.
You heard the taller girl cuss between your thighs, her fingers dropping lower as she followed the noises you made; spurring you on. Then, you felt her forefinger catch at your entrance, drawing circles around and all you could do was hold your breath. 
Bada sank a finger into you, slow enough that the burn wasn’t overwhelming you, but you moaned all the same. She tentatively crooked her finger inside of you, intently watching your reactions, the grip she had on your thigh almost bruising. She began pumping her finger in and out of you, not too fast but fast enough to have you gasp her name, rewarding every honeyed moan with a curl of her finger. 
“More…” You begged, toes curling.
“Yeah?” She whispered, pressing a kiss right where your inner thigh and core met before handing you exactly what you wished for. 
Her middle finger pushed into you along with her index finger, and this time you felt the stretch more acutely. You audibly keened, nails digging into the fabric of the couch as she scissored her fingers inside of you, whispering soft praises encouraging you.
“That’s it, baby, let me make you feel good.”
Soon enough the burn was barely present, making way for an electrifying bundle of pleasure running up your spine. You rocked into her touch as much as Bada’s iron grip on you allowed, and she met you halfway, fingers pumping in and out of you at a steadily building pace. 
The way she looked up at you was maddening: somewhere between wondrous amazement and self-satisfied smugness, drinking in every second of the way you opened up to her in more ways than one. She gave a sharp curl of her fingers, and your thighs twitched dangerously. Bada caught on immediately and began moving her fingers inside you in a come-hither motion, pulling every sweet noise from you that she could. You thrusted down harder, mouth agape as you zoned in on the ecstasy that overtook you.
“Third finger, baby girl.” And you somehow found a way to part your thighs almost impossibly further, your body eager to receive more.
While her two fingers were still curling inside you, the third one joined, and you choked on a moan. This time Bada didn’t give you time to get used to the stretch, as all three fingers curled inside you over and over again.
Feeling overwhelmed almost instantaneously, hushed cusses spilling from your mouth, you inadvertently wriggled backwards; but Bada immediately pulled you back, keeping you locked in place as she pumped her fingers in and out of you at an unforgiving pace. She knew your body too well, because soon enough you had your head thrown back and thrusted back into her motions, her long fingers finding the spot to curl into.
“You’re so fucking hot.” She mumbled, and before you knew it her mouth was on you, tongue digging between your folds as she continued pumping her wrist. 
With her arm still curled around your thigh, she brought you closer to the edge of the couch; she wanted to dig in. Her name came out as a yelp as her lips closed around your bundle of nerves, sucking harshly as her moans began to reverberate against you. You brought a hand to the back of her head, fingers digging against her scalp as you held her in place, needing unfathomably more from her. Anything she was willing to give.
She swallowed around you so eagerly, so greedily, and then her hand let go of your thigh: she brought it between her own legs instead, fingers digging into her trousers.
You had to force yourself to look away or you would orgasm right then and there, feeling your eyes roll back instead. She was touching herself, rocking into her own hand as her mouth bobbed against you; her other hand still fucking into you. She was getting off to getting you off. 
You thought you were going insane, only able to give into your instincts and rock into her movements, all the while pulling on her hair which she seemed to relish in: the both of you building up to a pace where she pushed in exactly as you thrusted. You felt your toes curl again as that familiar pressure in your lower stomach began building up, and your head lolled to the side. You were a sweaty, writhing mess, and Bada was moaning against you so loudly it made you lightheaded. 
You noticed her own movements getting messier, too. Her wrist circled against herself as she slurped around you, and you brushed her bangs from her forehead to watch her own desperation overcome her. She curled her fingers inside of you again just as she sucked down on your clit, and you could've sworn you saw stars.
“Bada, I—” You began, warningly, as you fucked back against her, chasing after the uncoiling of your lower stomach. 
Bada hummed encouragingly, nodding against you in a frenzied state herself and crooked her fingers sharply, beckoning you to let yourself go.
Something about the way she gasped and moaned against you, yet still remained so dedicated to give you exactly what you wanted, is what did it for you. You felt your orgasm ripple through you so sharply you felt dizzy. You clutched onto Bada’s head between your thighs as you shook all over, her fingers curling into you harshly as she sucked on your clit through your implosion, until you felt her tremble against you too.
She fell forward, teeth pressing down on the inside of your thigh as she came with your name on her lips, rutting into her hand. You moaned, sensitive all over but running your hands through her hair soothingly, nails caressing along her scalp.
The both of you stayed like that for a solid minute, catching your breaths, until Bada leaned up on her trembling knees; far enough to wrap her arms around your waist and lean up for a tender kiss. Completely smitten, you kissed back despite the heaving of your chest and you wordlessly urged her to get on the couch with you. The taller girl obliged, immediately climbing on top of you and nuzzling into your hold with a tired smile, her cheek pressed against your collarbones.
The both of you giggled at nothing in particular, your fingers tracing delicate lines along the side of her face. 
As if experiencing a déjà vu, your eyes went to the camera perched on the table, inevitably recording, but the both of you too spent to do anything about it. 
“You know,” you began, fingertips still absentmindedly caressing along Bada’s jawline, “You’re gonna need a better password for your laptop.”
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Guilty as Sin? - Chapter Two
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pairing: professor!javier peña x f!reader
rating: series is 18+ only, minors DNI, lots of yearning, derrick disappoints us, javier flirts...kinda, law school stuff that i'm researching as i go so bare with me actual lawyers and law students, mentions of a crime/DV (used as an example), reader wears skirts (for the sake of future smut)
word count: 3.8k
series masterlist
After a long night of imagining Dr. Peña’s stern eyes peering into yours from between your thighs, it was time to face him yet again. With his Criminal Law class Monday through Wednesday, and his Intro to Forensics lab Wednesday through Friday, it seemed you’d have to learn to get used to his dizzying effect on you or else you’d never get a full night of sleep. It didn’t help that both Nina and Alondra had guests over last night, their explicit noises forcing you into sleeping with headphones on. 
Ears aching and eyes tired, you carried on with your day as usual. New lectures in Advanced Forensics and Criminal Profiling in the morning, and Dr. Peña’s class in the afternoon. Derrick followed you around in between classes, eager to prove himself to you by buying your latte and carrying your bag—even when you insisted you were fully capable of doing both on your own. 
You weren’t sure what had gotten into him over the summer while he was away with his family in the Hamptons—a luxury you could only imagine as you spent your summer working as an underpaid secretary for a law firm. Perhaps it had to do with his older brother’s engagement and recent promotion to an attending physician that compelled him to be so pushy when it came to you. Unfortunately for him, you had no interest in getting married this young, not when you still had so much to prove. 
“Hopefully there’s a seat in the back today,” he said, opening the door to the lecture hall for you. While he may have a good reason for not wanting to be the center of Dr. Peña’s attention again, there was a decent sized part of you that adored his attention—even if it meant a scolding. Maybe especially if it meant that. 
“Yeah,” you lied, swallowing down your nerves as you stepped into a much more crowded room than yesterday. You scanned the room, now full of hopeful women and men who must have heard about Dr. Peña’s looks and transferred out of their old classes to get a glimpse of the man. Only five seats remained, four of them scattered around the auditorium and one in the front row. 
“Shit,” Derrick swore, scanning the room. “Guess we have to split up.”
You fought away the smirk threatening to spread across your face and frowned. “Sucks. Well, I’m gonna be in the front.”
“So he can pick on you?” Derrick asked, raising a brow. “There’s a seat near the back, take that one.”
“I’m fine,” you assured, giving him a glare to admonish whatever control he thought he had over what you chose to do. He scoffed, watching you as you made your way down the steps of the hall to the front row where you found a seat beside a girl you were friendly with during undergrad, Mayte. “Is this seat open?”
“Yeah,” she chirped with a smile, moving her bag from the seat to let you sit down. “Crazy how full this class is. I don’t feel like it was this packed yesterday.”
“It wasn’t,” you chuckled, unpacking your notebook and pen. 
Striding in in a red button down and almost skin tight black slacks that you couldn’t help but notice bulged out at the zipper, the reason for all the new transfers became clear. The hush that fell over the room was telling, a silence that filled you with so much jealousy you thought you might be sick. 
“Afternoon,” he greeted, setting his back down in his chair. After pulling out a stack of papers, he gave the room a quick once over, his shock written in the lift of his brows. “Full house today.”
The room filled with flirty laughter, your eyes rolling in response. Heading over to Mayte who sat at the start of the row, Dr. Peña handed her the stack of papers, his eyes flickering towards yours as he spoke, “Take one, pass it down.”
You looked away, the window now seeming far more interesting than it had a second ago. 
“Today’s lecture will be on the fundamental elements of crime,” he said, reaching his podium. Hearing your name called, you shrank a bit in your seat. Still, that thrill of earning his attention raced through your veins, daring you to meet his eyes. “Can you tell the class what these elements are?” 
You nodded, flipping to the page in your notebook you’d filled out the night before while studying. “The fundamental elements of a crime are actus reus, mens rea, and causation.” 
The corner of his mouth tilted upwards as he gave you a nod, his eyes hesitantly shifting from yours to the row behind you. “Mr. Velasquez, define actus reus for me.”
“Actus reus refers to the act of committing a crime, either knowingly or unknowingly,” he said. 
“Very good,” Dr. Peña commended. “Simply put, actus reus—which is Latin for guilty act—refers to the ‘what’ in a crime. These criminal actions must be considered voluntary and done during a lucid state to constitute a crime. For example, a sober man comes home from a hard day at work and assaults his wife. This act was done both in a conscious state and by his own volition. Now, if the wife were to be in a state of survival and had no other choice than to respond to the assault with an extreme measure, this is an entirely different story and does not meet the qualifications for actus reus.” 
“Murder is murder, isn’t it?” Derrick asked from somewhere in the middle row, causing you to roll your eyes. Did he really not understand the difference between murder and self defense this far into the law program?
“Murder is murder, and survival is survival, Mr. Crawley,” Dr. Peña explained, crossing his arms over his shoulders. “Do you disagree with this logic?”
“Sort of, yeah,” he said, matching Dr. Peña’s arrogance without possessing any of the charm. “There are ways to defend yourself without killing someone?”
“Do you think these victims have the time to strategize when they have a gun pressed to their temple? If there’s a blade to their throat?” he challenged. “They do what they have to do to survive. It’s not our place as lawyers to judge them, it’s our job to uphold the law.”
“Laws that are written with double standards,” Derrick scoffed, earning a shush that sounded an awful lot like Nina. 
“Perhaps if you make it to the end of the program you can change things,” Dr. Peña smirked, glancing at you before turning back to your friend who was looking an awful lot like a stranger these days. “But I’m not so certain that’ll be the case for you, Mr. Crawley.”
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After the scene that was class, you met up with Alondra at the library, both of you determined to avoid the noise that came along with Derrick having his male friends over at the apartment. Beyond the obnoxious volume they all spoke at, you hated the way they watched you, whispering amongst themselves about how jealous they were that Derrick got to live with three beautiful girls—nevermind the fact that none of you wanted anything to do with him in that sense. 
“What are you doing your paper on for Arman’s class?” Alondra asked as she typed on her laptop. 
“Not sure yet,” you said, taking a bite out of the banana you’d hoped would fuel you until dinner. “Maybe capital punishment.”
“That’s good,” she commended. “I was thinking of analyzing the process of trying someone with psychological disorders.”
“Still interested in criminal psych?” 
“Yeah,” she smiled. “Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve done the psychology route instead, but there was no way I was going to convince my parents to fund that.”
“Why not?” you frowned. 
“They don’t think mental illness is a real thing, which is funny considering they both exhibit traits of bipolar disorder and narcissism,” she laughed, hiding her trauma behind a thin veil of humor like she always did. Not that you minded it. The whole expressing your feelings thing never really came that easily to you. “Oh, shit. I forgot to tell you something.”
“Oh, no,” you winced. 
“So rumor has it that you and Derrick have a little date on Friday?” 
“Yeah,” you sighed, shaking your head. “I just want to get it over and done with so he’ll drop the whole thing. I mean, four years into being friends and I never felt a thing for him. Does he really think that changed overnight?”
“Knowing him, probably,” she chuckled. “Anyways, I heard from a very credible source—“
“Sabina,” you guessed. 
“Maybe,” she blushed. “Anyways, she told me that on the first night back, Derrick hooked up with an undergrad and caught a case of the clap.”
“Shut up,” you gasped. “Chlamydia? At his grown age?”
“I know,” she laughed. “So, just be careful if you decide to—“
“Believe me, I had no intentions of fucking him before and I sure as hell have none now,” you assured, cringing at the thought. 
“Interesting conversation for a library, isn’t it?” Dr. Peña’s warm timbre sent a chill up your spine as he stood behind your chair, Alondra’s eyes wide and cheeks flushed. 
“We were just…gossiping,” she offered, shrugging the embarrassment off. “Women, am I right?” 
“Two very bright women who’d be far better off studying,” he challenged. 
You refused to turn around, his leather and vetiver scent combined with his proximity already too much for your system of self restraint to handle. Instead, you flipped the page of your textbook in strained silence. 
“I actually was hoping to speak to you about tomorrow’s lab,” he continued, now speaking directly to you. 
“8 p.m., got it,” you said, your tone clipped with frustration at your dirty mind. 
“It was actually in reference to your…clothing,” he returned, causing Alondra to raise a brow as she pretended to resume her typing. Turning in your seat, you peered up at him with furrowed brows. 
“What about my clothing?” you inquired. 
“You seem to wear a lot of dresses and skirts,” he noted, though he looked as if it was torture to even have this conversation. “I just wanted to remind you that appropriate PPE is required for all labs, which means—“
“Pants. Understood,” you said, turning back to your book. 
“Good,” he managed, almost sounding as if he’d lost his voice with how strained his tone was. “I’ll leave the two of you to your gossiping and studying, then.”
Alondra watched as he walked past your table, his hands tucked into his pocket as if he owned the place. 
“Hot,” she whispered, biting her lip. “I’m pretty gay, but that tension…” 
“There’s no tension, he’s just a dick,” you snapped, feeling your cheeks heat as you replayed the interaction over and over in your head. 
He really paid that much attention to you? So much so that he felt compelled to remind you of lab etiquette you learned back in high school? 
The delusional part of your mind swooned while the logical part recoiled. 
“Please show up in a mini skirt,” she begged, her hands clasped together in front of her chest. Snorting at herself, she proceeded to mimic his deep voice, “I thought I told you no mini skirts.” 
“I’m begging you to shut the fuck up,” you sighed, rubbing your temples. 
“Yes, I’ve been such a naughty girl, Professor.”
“Would you look at that. Seems like it’s time for me to get the fuck out of here,” you said, closing your book and shoving it into your bag. 
“Don’t be like that, I’m just trying to paint an image,” she teased, laughing as you hustled to get your things packed. 
“Sorry, I’ve got a date with my bed,” you snarked, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 
“How convenient,” she smirked, tapping her pen against her chin. “I give you a brand new fantasy and now you’re off to bed.”
“Someone’s moans kept me up all night so I’m exhausted,” you retorted, laughing at the way she kept staring you with that knowing look of hers. “Fuck off.”
“Love you more,” she called as you turned and walked away. 
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After another night of restless sleep and inappropriate fantasies of Dr. Peña’s hands sliding up your skirt, it was time for yet another day of this back and forth. You’d expected Derrick to keep his distance after his humiliating interaction during CrimLaw, perhaps brood about like he usually did when things didn’t go his way, but it was business as usual today. He followed you around like a lost dog, talking your ear off about his upcoming project for his mock trial in his Criminal Procedures class as you wandered off in your mind to a reality where he hadn’t changed into this hyper masculine man you didn’t recognize. 
“I’m excited,” he beamed, rubbing his hands together. “First time to prove myself in a courtroom.”
“An artificial court room,” you clarified, earning a scowl. “Hey, I have to get to Peña’s lab.”
“We’re, uh, still good for Friday, right?” he asked, catching your elbow as you moved to walk away. 
“If you want,” you shrugged, looking down at where he still gripped your arm. “I should get going.”
He nodded, letting your arm go. “I’ll see you at home.” 
After managing to ditch Derrick, you assumed your walk to Dr. Peña’s lecture hall would give you a moment of respite, but of course fate had different plans. 
You didn’t even recognize him until he was already approaching with a cocky grin and his arms held out wide. Micah, the man who’d ruined your entire undergrad experience with all of his back and forth bullshit. You fought the urge to scrunch your nose in disgust over his new mullet and pitiful mustache he likely spent all summer growing. 
“Hey,” he chimed your name, creating an absurd desire inside you to change it just so you’d never have to hear it on his lips again. You feigned confusion, as if you could ever forget those green eyes that still haunted every dream. “Shit, you don’t recognize me.” He laughed. “It’s Micah.”
“Oh. Hey.” Your greeting was as strained as your smile. 
“You’re looking good,” he praised, admiring you from top to bottom. You cringed at his appraisal, at his ignorance over the entire situation. “How’s, uh, how’s law school?”
“Fine,” you replied, clipped and cold. 
“Why’re you acting like that?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips. Oh, the amount of money you’d pay for the chance to slap that arrogant smirk right off his face. “You still holding onto all that old shit?”
“Four years of emotional abuse will do that,” you replied. “Anyways, I have to be somewhere.”
“C’mon, all your friends forgave me for that shit. Why can’t you?” 
Maybe today would be the day you finally lost your shit on him and ended up in jail. Though, that would mean missing Dr. Peña’s lab and you certainly couldn’t miss out on the chance to ogle him. 
“They forgave you because they weren’t the ones you fucked over,” you explained, choosing to be mature even when it ached. “So I get to decide when I want to forgive you. Not the other way around. And just as a good rule of thumb, I don’t plan on forgiving you anytime soon.”
“So what, we just avoid each other?” he frowned, daring to act as though he was hurt. 
“That’s the goal,” you said, shrugging your shoulders. “Besides, won’t be long now until you flunk out since I’m not around to write your essays anymore.”
“Fucking bitch,” he hissed, signaling your cue to walk the fuck away before you did something that would end up with you in a jail cell. “And you wonder why I cheated!”
Shaking your head to clear out all the memories of nights spent sobbing on the floor or in Nina’s bed because yours reminded you of him too much, you marched off towards the lecture hall with five minutes to spare. Thankfully unlike your Criminal Law lecture, you didn’t have to worry about finding a seat given the fact that you’d be sitting at the front of class in a desk designated to the TA. 
You passed rows of undergrads whispering and laughing amongst themselves, all of them blissfully unaware of the storm heading their way. As you reached the front of the class, Dr. Peña walked in with the same frown of disapproval he wore on the first day of your lecture. 
“Evening,” he greeted, silencing the room with one simple word. He shot you a glance, doing a double take as he noticed you were still unpacking your bag and getting settled. 
“You’re late,” he scolded in a whisper as he walked over to your desk, the cinnamon on his breath invading your senses. 
“I’m five minutes early,” you challenged as you opened your notebook and jotted down the date, well aware of the sea of freshman and sophomore eyes trained on the two of you. 
“I need you here at seven-thirty,” he ordered. “I had to prep by myself.”
“I apologize,” you sighed, half due to your run in with Micah and half due to the ever present exhaustion of trying to keep your fantasies of your demanding professor at bay. “I’ll be on time tomorrow.”
“That would be appreciated,” he snarked, shaking his head as he wandered back to the center podium with a clearing of his throat. “Welcome to Intro to Forensics. I’m Dr. Peña, you’ll refer to me as such this semester—not dude, not bro, and certainly no nicknames. I’m not your friend, I’m here to teach you. Understood?”
God, he was a dick. A beautiful, wound up dick that you couldn’t stop thinking about. 
“This is your TA for the semester,” he introduced you by name, and something about the way it sounded on his lips caused your breath to hitch. “She’ll be here to help during labs as well as tutoring on her own time. If you have questions about the material or assignments, I suggest you speak with her first. You’ll find her tutoring hours on the syllabus.”
You frowned a bit as you thought about the whole tutoring part of being a professor’s assistant. Spending your weeknights at the library helping out undergrads sounded like pure torture at this point in your life, but at least the extra cash would go a long way towards covering your bills. 
“Today we’ll be covering DNA fingerprinting,” he said, pulling up a slideshow presentation. “Can anyone tell me how exactly this process works?”
A pretty freshman shot her hand up before he’d even finished speaking, curdling your stomach with jealousy you knew you had no right to feel. “Yes, Miss…?”
“You can just call me Jess,” she smiled, tucking a piece of her caramel brown hair behind her ears. 
“No. What’s your last name?” he sighed.  
“Jacobs,” she sputtered, her cheeks turning a shade of red. “DNA fingerprinting uses nucleotide sequences in DNA to determine who the fingerprints belong to.”
“Very good,” he nodded. “And what are nucleotides?”
“I…um, I don’t know,” she admitted, that sparkling smile now long gone as she stared down at her book. 
“Figured,” he chided, skipping to the next slide. “Your knowledge doesn’t mean a thing if you can’t explain it.”
Watching him talk down to a student shouldn’t have stirred you the way that it did. In fact, if he’d been any other man talking to a woman that way, you’d have detested him. But there was something about Dr. Peña that poisoned your mind in his favor, a very annoying thing you now had to add to your list of shit to sort out upstairs. 
After a relatively silent lab where the students had to match DNA samples to their rightful owner, it was nearing ten o’clock, the pitch black sky outside beckoning you to hurry the fuck up and get to bed. Of course, nature was forgetting your very demanding professor who seemed dead set on wearing you out in all the wrong ways. 
“You take half, I’ll take half,” he suggested, splitting the stack of worksheets in two and handing you your share as you sat in his private office that was adjoined to the lecture hall. “Should be finished quickly enough.”
“Is there any way I can just do these at home?” you asked, your eyelids growing heavier with each blink. 
He studied you for a beat, those brown eyes traversing every single feature, every inch from head to toe as if he was searching for something. “If you’d prefer.”
“I’m just really tired,” you admitted, suddenly feeling small under his gaze. “Don’t want to accidentally fall asleep in your office.”
“That would be inconvenient,” he chuckled, and god, what a sound. “Grade them wherever you’d like, just make sure you drop them off tomorrow morning.”
Nodding, you grabbed your bag and carefully tucked the papers inside. 
“Tomorrow morning,” you echoed.
“I look forward to it,” he smiled, a fleeting thing that disappeared the moment you turned to look at him. “Have a good night.” 
You took in a slow inhale and offered him a more lasting smile. “You too, Professor.”
“And don’t worry about the PPE tomorrow,” he added, stopping you as you moved to leave the room. Raising your brow at him, he looked entirely unphased, his eyes once again combing you over before he seemed to realize himself. “No lab, just a lecture.”
“Right,” you said, biting your lip. “I’ll be sure to wear my shortest skirt.” 
Did you really just say that? Out loud? 
Dr. Peña cracked a smile and shook his head, turning back to his desktop. “I wouldn’t want you to cause a scene.”
“I’m not sure the sight of me in a skirt is scene worthy.”
He tilted his head to the side in consideration, his eyes still locked on his screen. 
“I’d beg to differ,” he said, wearing that taunting fucking smirk as he typed. “Anyways, be safe getting home.”
“Yeah,” you chuckled—at him, at yourself, at everything. “Night, Dr. Peña.”
“Good night,” he smiled. 
And just like that, you discovered a way to taunt him the way he taunted you by just existing. 
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269 notes · View notes
thinkingaboutjaedyn · 16 days
Note
Could you do some ashley sanchez fluff please
craving your warmth | a.sanchez x reader
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prompt: ashley just really loves your hands.
author notes: here is a fic for one of my fave white girlies 💗 i was supposed to have been wrote smt for this request but i get so sidetracked so mb gang. hopefully this is to your tastes tho!
contains: ncc!ashley sanchez x goalkeeper!reader, pure fluff like sickening type fluff, implied masc reader but nothing crazy
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the sun is starting to come through the blinds as it rises. it's early, way too early for ashley to be awake but her body disagrees with her so here she is; awake on a saturday morning at six am. there is an upside to this annoying situation through. ashley can admire you sleeping so peacefully.
usually when you feel her eyes on you, it's not long until you get all shy and tell her to look away. most of the time instead of looking away, the blonde kisses you to distract but now with you in deep sleep, she can happily stare.
she shifts closer so that her hand can trace over your features. first, pushing away the strands of hair that have fallen over your face. she's close enough that she can smell your shampoo. the smell can't exactly be described but all ashley can call it is soft. very soft. then she moves on to your eyebrows then your eyes then your nose. finally her hand lands on your lips. again all ashley can describe them as is soft.
they're soft to touch and even softer to kiss. she really loves your lips. if someone asked her what is her favorite feature of yours it would have been your lips one hundred percent.
would have.
however, lately she's been falling in love with a different feature of yours. one that's not even on your face; your hands. it wasn't until recently that the blonde really started to pay attention to your hands. of course it wasn't like she just didn't notice them before, but she was too focused on your lips and gorgeous eyes and soft hair so yeah your hands weren't her main obsession.
your hands are slightly rough. mostly from wearing your goalkeeper gloves for hours each week and your workout regimen. they're bigger than ashley's as well. big enough that you can hold her wrists in one hand effortlessly. and with how warm your body is all the time, your hands are like her personal gloves.
ashley moves her hand down to where yours are on the pillow. you're resting your face against it, making your cheek squished in such a cute way it makes ashley smile. she starts to trace over your fingers. avoiding your face to not disturb you, but apparently that wasn't good enough as you start to shift and grumble in your sleep. probably due to how her light touches feel sorta ticklish.
"babe..?" you mumble out. your eyes are still closed, but you move your hand to hold onto hers.
"yeah?" the soccer player accepts your embrace easily. letting out a soft hum of content.
you don't reply to her for a few minutes. obviously slowly dozing right back off. you two didn't have anything planned for today. no practice or games or promotional shoots to get to, so today is a completely free day. a day just for you and ashley to laze around.
finally you speak, saying, "let's sleep in?"
the way your sleepy voice sounds almost makes ashley's heart burst. it's raspier then your voice usually is and a little whiny. a perfect mix.
"mhm, let's sleep in," she agrees. when she confirms what you already knew she would say yes to, you move to pull her close (well, closer) by her waist. your hand covering a good amount of the skin there. as you pull her into your arms, ashley feels grounded like how she always does when she's in your arms.
you pull her right into your chest. basically laying half of your body over her. ashley is definitely going to tease you about this later even though she enjoys the weight in reality.
the blonde whispers out a sleep well, feeling herself already getting sleepy. however you were already asleep again. way more tired than she was.
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ashley absolutely hates being injured. it wasn't anything major, just a sprained ankle, but still she couldn't play or even train yet. all the blonde can do is sit on the sidelines at practice with a pout on her lips. one that you found really adorable, but at the same time made your heart break. knowing how badly ashley wanted to get out on the field.
the good thing about being essentially a bench warmer at practice was that she could check you out freely. if one of your other teammates pointed it out, ashley would just yell at them to focus on their exercises instead of what her eyes are looking at.
you obviously noticed how the blonde has been staring at you every single day she's been out and sitting in the empty stands at practice. maybe you have been going a little harder in training just to impress her. it wasn't like she didn't enjoy it. instead she awarded your efforts with that dazzling smile of hers and many, many kisses once you two got to the car.
she loved when you ran suicides. how good your calves and thighs look as you run could be plastered across a build board somewhere in ashley's opinion. when you save a goal and have that smug smile on your face afterwards will always do something to her. however, her favorite part of everything is after you save a goal and proceed to throw the ball back to whatever striker you were practicing with.
the way you always smile before doing that, the pure force you put behind the throw. ashley knows from personal experience strength is behind those hands and arms of yours.
she can't take her eyes off of you when you throw the ball back, she just can't. seeing the way your hand grips onto the ball reminds her of how you hold onto her. she's so focused on you that she doesn't realize that a soccer ball is flying at her.
"look around instead of checking out your girlfriend!" feli shouts, laughing loudly once ashley throws the ball back. obviously the german dodges it. sticking her tongue out after grabbing the ball and starting to move away to get back to practice.
the commotion is able to grab your attention. a teasing smile sits on your lips as you walk over to where ashley is sitting. she lets out a soft groan at seeing your approaching figure. already knowing what you are about to say.
"so you were checking me out, huh?"
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most people wouldn't think that ashley's love language is physical touch. she seems like someone who would enjoy acts of services or affirmations, which she does, but not as much as she enjoys physical touch. in her last relationship, she didn't care for it much but that changed with you.
you didn't exactly push her into it but with how affectionate you are, naturally she started to crave it.
ashley's favorite type of affectionate lately is hand holding. no surprise to you with how fixated she is on that part of your body currently. you caught her on enough occasions looking at your hands to get an idea of how much she likes them.
right now, she's pulling you along as you two walk around in sephora. ashley is trying to convince you to let her do your makeup and you aren't as keen on that as she is.
"babe, everyone does it at least once. i seen it all over tiktok," she half reasons, half whines as you two stop infront of the lipsticks.
"that's cute, really, but babe.. i just don't think it's for me," you argue back. barely as you see how her eyes light up seeing the different shades of lipstick sitting on the shelves. okay, maybe you can try it just this once.
when ashley starts one of her rambles about how you would look adorable in makeup, you let go of her hand to look more closely at the different lipsticks. while you are busy looking at what shade you want, ashley slowly realizing she doesn't have the warmth of your hand on hers.
she blinks and realizes that wait, you aren't holding her hand.
"babeee," the blonde frowns at you. holding her hand out at you. a giggle leaves you as you turn to see her hand just out, waiting for yours. the urge in you to tease her is strong but instead you stand. interlocking your hand with hers.
"happy now?" you say playfully. pecking her forehead. the blonde accepts your affection happily, pulling you closer so that you two can look at the lipsticks together.
she picks up a pink lipstick before smiling at you, "ecstatic."
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author notes: and finally i have a request done, yippie for me. this is really cute like im about to throw up but i love it 🩷
© THINKINGABOUTJAEDYN
169 notes · View notes
lipstickmarks · 3 months
Text
Steven to the Rescue
Pairing: Steven Grant x fem!reader Category: Hurt/comfort, fluff, domestic fluff Warnings: none Content: Hurt/comfort, fluff, domestic fluff, kissing, making out in public, reader has a terrible horrible no good very bad week and steven is there for her, Steven’s love languages are acts of service and physical touch, reader getting princess treatment, reader is kinda corporate girlie coded, steven being smooth, steven can cook, steven might be slightly ooc bc he is my silly putty and i am bending him to my will
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Steven loved his job. He loved going into work everyday to consume any and all things related to egyptology. It’s what makes him able to withstand the abuse from Donna– which is lessened now that he’s been promoted to tour guide and she technically isn’t his supervisor anymore. But today, he simply does not want to go. 
He’s been watching you pace around his kitchen nervously for the past five minutes, checking your phone, watch, and laptop in quick succession. It had been… a less than stellar week for you.
Firstly, your job has been stressing you out by offloading duties onto you that weren’t in your job description because someone else had quit unexpectedly. Then, there was an error with your bank and your paycheck wasn’t deposited so you had to wait an extra 3 days to pay your bills. On top of it all, your phone service provider was having some sort of nationwide glitch so you barely had any service. 
Not only did you have twice the workload but you weren’t getting any of your work emails on time. Plus, you had to be in constant contact with the bank to sort out their issue. It’s why you’d come over to Steven’s flat before work, to use his internet and hopefully get a better signal. Plus, you two wanted to see each other. 
Steven had made some cranberry muffins and vegan egg bites for the two of you but your plate remained untouched while you paced around, waiting for a bar. 
“Love,” Steven murmured, reaching out to grab your elbow. You looked up from the laptop you were cradling in your arms and Steven nearly sighed out loud at the sight of your eyes. Beautiful, but so so tired. The universe has been running his favorite person ragged and it hurt him to see you so downtrodden by life. “You really should eat something before work.” 
You sighed and sat down your devices, trading them for a muffin. Steven cracked a smile at how your demeanor visibly changed once you took a bite. You always swore Steven put some kind of happy elixir into his food because it never failed to bring your spirits up. You gobbled up one muffin and reached for another. 
“Thank you for breakfast.” 
Steven leaned over and kissed the side of your forehead. 
“You’re welcome, darling. Hate to see you so out of sorts.” 
With you finally eating, Steven finished getting dressed. He had to go into work earlier than you did so he let you stay and finish doing what you needed to do. Before he left, he wrapped his arms around you and gave you a soft kiss. 
“I’m off then, darling. You’ll be okay here?” 
You gave him a reassuring nod as you swallowed a bite. 
“Yeah, I’m gonna finish up in a little bit. I have a feeling today is going to be better.” 
Steven beamed at you. He kissed you once, twice, three times and he knew if we went for a fourth, he’d cave and stay home with you. 
“Right, I’d better get going before I lose my job again.” But Steven made no move to leave. He was staring at you with that dreamy look, the one that had been perpetually fixed on his face ever since you two started dating two months ago. Steven was the perfect boyfriend. Gentle, thoughtful, and he adored you so much. 
“Go,” You told him. “I’ll be fine, really.” 
Steven gave you one last squeeze before walking out the door. 
—----------
Steven was finishing up a tour with a school field trip and he was buzzing from how well it went. Usually, preteens were their own unique breed of nasty– making inappropriate noises, laughing obnoxiously, and just generally being awful but a boy and girl had been asking tons of insightful questions, spurring Steven on and letting him flex his breadth of knowledge. And if there was any snark, the teacher shut it down expeditiously so Steven could continue. 
It was probably the best tour he’d given since he started working there. 
Plus, earlier in the morning, the curator had pulled him aside and said they were looking for someone to give virtual tours that they could record and post online. If he got it, it would mean a pay bump and more benefits. 
Things were finally going his way!
The group was just starting to shuffle off for lunch when Steven spotted you, standing off to the side of the museum entrance. His whole face broke out into a grin and his heart skipped a beat, but that elation faded when he saw your eyes. 
You had been crying. 
As soon as everyone was gone, Steven crossed the room to you. You both reached for each other. His hands fell to your hips and you clutched his bicep. 
“Love, what’s happened?” 
You tried to smile but your eyes were bloodshot and puffy. You were holding back tears and you looked like you were on the precipice of a complete breakdown. Like if someone pricked you with a sewing needle, you’d pop. 
When you spoke, it came out small and broken. 
“I tried to call you but my phone—” Your voice died on the word and Steven’s grip tightened around you. 
“Darling?” 
“I came to ask for a favor. My apartment… they called me while I was at work. A pipe burst.” Your lip quivered. “All my stuff is ruined.” 
Steven’s eyes widened. 
“No.”
You nodded, fat tears spilling down your cheeks. 
“They said it’s gonna take three weeks to fix it.” You started wringing your hands nervously and took a steadying breath before you spoke again. “I was hoping I could stay with you.”
Steven’s answer is an immediate yes. 
“Absolutely, love. Anything you need.” 
He couldn’t stand it anymore and he pulled you into a tight hug. Your head fell lamely against his chest and he felt your tears soaking through his shirt but he didn’t mind. Not one bit. You peered up at him, face hot and flushed with tears.
“You’re sure it won’t be a problem? We haven’t been dating that long and I don’t want it to be…” You floundered, searching for the right word but Steven knew exactly what you meant. He caught your hand with his and brought it up to kiss the back of it. 
“It won’t be. It'll be like a slumber party, yeah? We’ll bake cookies and watch films. It’ll be fun.”
You nodded but Steven could tell you weren’t convinced. After the week you’d been having, what reason did you have to believe anything else was going to go right for you? You looked like you were a single moment away from shattering entirely. 
“Do you want to leave now? I can take the rest of the day off. I can find someone to cover my afternoon tours.” 
You shook your head and wiped your eyes.
“No. No, I have to go back to work. We have an important meeting.” You sniffed. Steven’s heart broke seeing you like this. You just looked so defeated. 
Steven thought hard for a moment. How could he make this better for you? How could he lighten your load? 
“How about this? I’ll pick you up after work. We’ll stop by your flat and get anything we need and then we’ll go back to mine, hm?” He brushed the falling hair out of your eyes. “We’ll get a takeaway, watch your favorite show, I’ll even let you braid my hair if you like.” 
You chuckled a bit. 
“Can we get dessert?” 
Steven kissed your forehead. 
“Anything you want, love.”
You nodded and a genuine smile returned to your face. 
“Alright, well I better get back. I’m on my lunch break and it’s gonna take me 15 minutes to get back across town.” 
Steven stopped you before you could leave.
“Darling, have you eaten lunch?” 
You looked sheepish when you shook your head. Steven wouldn’t be having that. Wordlessly, he laced your fingertips with his and lead you down to the employee lockers. He opened up his where the only contents were a book of Egyptology, his spare glasses, a Tawaret funko pop, his lunch box, and a picture of you taped to the inside. 
He pulled out his lunchbox and placed it in your arms.
“Steven, no.” You gasped. “I can’t take your lunch.” 
You took his lunch. 
No matter how much protesting you did, Steven insisted, waving off your concerns with a promise that he would get something from a food truck at lunch. He hailed a taxi for you before you could argue any further. 
“Steven, I don’t have cab fare.” You said with wide eyes as the taxi pulled up. “Remember? My bank–”
He pulled out his own wallet and handed the driver his bank card. 
“Can’t have my beautiful girlfriend going across town on public transport. Someone might steal you away from me.” 
You flushed. Your stomach was doing happy flips from feeling so taken care of. Steven took his card back from the driver and tucked it away. You were full on crying now as you wrapped your arms around him and weeped into his chest. 
“It’s alright, love.” He murmured in your ear. 
You pulled back to kiss him. It was eager and much too sloppy to do in broad daylight on the steps of his place of work but you couldn’t help yourself. 
“Thank you for going to all this trouble for me.” You mumbled as you pulled away. 
“It’s no trouble at all, love.” He opened up the cab food for you and didn’t shut it until you were inside. “I’ll pick you up at your office at the end of the day, okay?” 
You nodded and Steven leaned his head through the window to give you one last kiss. 
“Last chance to play hooky with me for the rest of the day?” 
You giggled and shook your head. 
“Tempting, but no. I’ve got to go be a grownup.” 
Steven smiled at you and mouthed a silent “okay.” He stepped back onto the curb and once the road was clear, your cab pulled out into the street. 
Once Steven was out of view, you opened up his lunchbox. He had a habit of overpacking in case he was stuck on the bus for a while and needed a snack, which came in handry because you were starving. You ate his sandwich, chips, soda, half a bag of grapes, and a cookie. 
At a red light, your driver turned back to you. 
“Your boyfriend is so sweet!” She swooned. 
“You don’t know the half of it.” You giggled. “This is his lunch.” 
She gasped.
“Shut up! That is so cute! Oh my gosh, you’re so lucky.” 
You grinned.
“Yeah. I am.” 
—-----------
The rest of the afternoon went painfully slow for you.Thankfully, you got so busy with work that you temporarily forgot you were broke, without a phone, and temporarily homeless. 
When it was finally time to go, you headed toward the front desk, intending to use the landline to call Steven but when you stepped into the hall, he was already there. You had to do a double take at first because you thought you might have been dreaming or seeing things. But no, this was real life. 
Steven Grant, your nerdy, sweet, perfect boyfriend was chatting to your office receptionist with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. 
“I never realized the museum was free! I always thought it cost money, that’s why I haven’t brought my kids.” The receptionist said, embroiled in a conversation with Steven. 
“Loads of people think that, actually but yeah it’s free entry. It only costs money for tours. Though, if you’re bringing your little ones, I can’t recommend the tours enough. You get loads of extra information that just reading the pamphlets won’t give you. Not to toot my own horn but I give a pretty educational tour if I do say so myself.” Steven said with a relaxed smile. Ever since he’d been promoted to tour guide, he’s been so much more sure of himself. He’s still the goofy, sweet, bumbling nerd he always has been but the constant exposure to his passion has cushioned him in a cozy little bubble of Egyptology, vegan baking, and you. How could he not feel content? 
“I think I’ll take them next weekend.” The receptionist said as you arrived at the desk. “I’d like a tour with you as well.” She looked up from scribbling the museum information on a Post-It note and saw you. “Oh, here you are, darling! Does this sweet man belong to you?” 
Just as she asked, Steven held out the bouquet to you. Red roses, pink tulips, white calla lilies, and some hydrangeas to fill it out. 
“He does.” Your cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. You took the bouquet from Steven and smelled the flowers. Steven gently pulled your purse strap off of your shoulder and took his lunch box out of your hands, holding them both and holding his free hand out for you. 
“Are you ready, love? The cab’s waiting.” 
Do not cry. Do not cry in your place of work. Do not cry because your boyfriend is being so sweet and you’ve never felt this cared for in your life. 
To avoid your voice coming out high and squeaky, you nodded and took his outstretched hand. Bidding goodbye to the receptionist, he led you out the doors and into the cab, leading you home. 
*****
It feels strange.
You’re not sure why. You’ve spent the night at Steven’s flat before, had dinner, read books, spent all night in his bed, but this felt different. 
You were standing in Steven’s bathroom, hair damp from your shower. The second you got back to his flat, you’d made a beeline to the shower, eager to scrub all of your misfortune off. And you felt so strange, so out of place. 
It was a little more intimate knowing that you’d be here for three entire weeks, which put a decent amount of pressure on a fairly new relationship. You and Steven would be seeing each other in undesirable states, have to give each other space, and somehow maintain the dynamic of your relationship despite these new circumstances. 
You unloaded the grocery bag of toiletries that you picked up from your flat on the way here. Thankfully your hygiene essentials and skincare weren’t damaged. The same couldn’t be said for your clothes, though. 
At least it was the weekend and you didn’t have to worry about outfits for work. You could just lounge around in the sweater and boxers Steven had given you, or nothing if you preferred. Steven certainly wouldn’t mind. 
“Love?” Steven’s voice came through the bathroom door. “The food just got here. I’ll queue up a movie for us.”
“Alright.” You called out. “Be out in a minute.”
“Take your time, darling.” 
What on Earth did you do to deserve that wonderful, wonderful man? 
After changing, you stepped out into the living room where Steven had arranged the takeout boxes, poured you a glass of wine, and queued up “Tangled” on the TV. 
“Steven…” You plopped down on the couch next to him. “We could’ve cooked, you didn’t have to order out for me. I don’t want you going to any trouble for me.” 
Steven looked at you with a glimmer in his eyes that only love could be the catalyst for. He took your chin between his fingers and angled your face to meet his lips in a sweet, slow kiss. 
“Darling, why would it be any trouble to care for you?” 
And just like that, as quickly as a match burns out, all of your anxieties and apprehension faded away. You didn’t feel out of place in Steven’s flat or mistreated by the universe. Here, in Steven’s arms, you only felt loved.
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simp4wom3n · 1 year
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Celebrity Crush
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Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Reader
Requested: Yes/No ~ request @meimei-a
Summary: Y/N has been simping over Jenna for years. What happens when Y/N finally gets noticed by her celebrity crush. (Y/F/M = your favourite movie) ~ Word Count: 2,190 ~ Warnings: swearing
A/N: Hello everyone!! Idk why these keep getting longer and longer but hopefully you guys still like them. Obviously because they are longer they take longer to write but my schedule has loosened so I have more time to write so hopefully the next one will be finished soon <3
Part 1 ~ Part 2
“And here to promote her new movie, the newest star of Hollywood, the amazing, and beautiful, Y/N L/N everybody!!” Jimmy announces with his iconic smile plastered on his face, his hand gesturing towards you as you walk out. Dressed in an extravagant pantsuit and heels, you wave to the audience as you make your way towards your chair. You greet Jimmy as you sit down, taking a moment to take in your first late night show, sat across from Jimmy Fallon, in-front of a large audience, cameras covering you on all angles. Sure you had done press before but this was something else.
Whilst you are undeniably nervous, the excitement of another ‘I made it’ moment overshadows any of your anxiety as you finally face Jimmy as the cheers of the audience diminish. “Welcome Y/N it’s amazing to finally have you on the show. How are you feeling?” he starts with a warm smile, instantly calming your remaining nerves. “Thank you so much for having me. This is definitely a dream of mine so a little nervous.” you explain, earning a nod from Jimmy. “I’m used to being in the audience so it’s still sinking in” you add, gesturing and glancing towards the audience, still unable to grasp the fact that your here.
“Well you have definitely earned it, I mean your incredible.” he commented, earning a chorus of cheers from the audience. A tight lipped smile of appreciation crosses your face as you reply, “Thanks Jimmy thats mean a lot”. “Now… your new movie Y/F/M, am I right in saying its your first lead role in a blockbuster film?” “Yes it is” you reply with a nod. “Now I know they are really strict on what you can say but is there ANYTHING you can tell us.” he asks with genuine curiosity in his eyes.
Despite wanting to go on and on about the movie and reveal every little detail you can, your director says otherwise meaning you can’t say a thing. “I hate to break your heart Jimmy but my lips are glued shut. All I can say is I’m really proud of it” you answer solemnly, giving both Jimmy and the audience a small smile of apology. “It’s annoyingly ironic. Like I have to sell a movie without actually talking about it.” The solemn look on Jimmy’s face is quickly replaced with one of pure elation as he leans back in his chair, letting out his signature laugh, instantly bringing a smile to your face. 
He took a minute to settle down before he moved on, “I had a feeling this would happen so I prepared a little game for you” he started with a mischievous look on his face. You matched his energy, playfully glaring at him, “Ok…” you replied with concern earning a chuckle from the audience. “So I had my team go through your twitter and try to find any common topics you talk about” At the mention of your twitter account you could feel your cheeks warm as you realise where he is going with this.
“Oh god…”. Despite having a decent following, you essentially used your twitter as a dumping ground for all of your opinions on films, actors, food, basically everything. Which also meant you tweeted a lot, and I mean a lot, about your celebrity crush. The breathtaking Jenna Ortega. You practically worshipped her. Your initial film reviews of her performances soon turned into you straight up thirsting over her, so much so you had been asked about it before in previous interviews. It was impossible to deny so you would always openly admit your crush, quite passionately if you might add.
“And it would appear there is one VERY prominent subject” he continued, attempting to hold back a chuckle after seeing the mix of concern and acceptance on your face. “Mhm” you hum as you rest your head on your hand, waiting for him to just say it. “Jenna Ortega”. There it was. You closed your eyes attempting to compose yourself as a smile grew on your face just at the mention of her. “So I thought we could take a look at a few of the more recent ones and you could explain them to us all”, he finishes with a look of satisfaction, knowing he had struck gold. “Really trying to expose me aren’t you Jimmy.”, you chuckle as you straighten your posture and face the screen, “Your lucky I’m passionate about this.” you add causing Jimmy and the audience to laugh.
“Ok first one”. A screenshot of a tweet you posted in January 2022, the day that ‘The Fallout’ premiered for streaming, came up on the screen. It read ‘Just watched ‘The Fallout’ for the first time. Jenna Ortega everybody🧎🧎🧎’. You chuckled as you listened to Jimmy read it out to the audience. “I mean it’s pretty self explanatory” you start, reflecting back on that day. “I didn’t get the chance to see it beforehand so I had been waiting for it to come to a streaming service and when it did… OOO Jimmy you have no idea.” you explain whilst the audience bursts out laughing and you just shrug your shoulders. “What can I say. Not only was her performance Oscar worthy but DAMN she looked good doing it.” you fall back in you chair with a massive smile on your face whilst they all cheer and laugh around you. 
“Ok ok next one” Jimmy says through his laughter. A new screenshot of a tweet from a week or so later, right after you had seen ‘Scream 5’, appears on the screen reading, “I’m not one for horror, but did I just binge the entirety of the Scream saga to see ‘Scream 5’ with Jenna Ortega? Absolutely. P.S it was so worth it”, Jimmy read it out as you and the audience laughed whilst your hand hid your massive smile. “Lets just say I would do anything to be able to watch her.” you say with a smirk on your face as you try to suppress your giggle. “I actually really don’t like horror that much. I hate jump-scares with a passion. I was also praying the entire time that Jenna’s character didn’t die. That was basically all I cared about.”
“Ok final ones” Jimmy states as he pulls up a tweet from only a few weeks ago from after you binged ‘Wednesday’ is one sitting. “Guys someone explain to me how Jenna played a literal psycho but was still incredibly attractive AND girlfriend material.” Jimmy read as he also pulled up another one from a few days ago, ”These bts photos from Wednesday… Someone take them away from me I need this girl as my girlfriend ASAP” you chuckle as he finishes reading them out. “I mean look I think we can all relate to a show being that much more enjoyable because an actor you love is it in right?” you question, looking at the audience who respond with nods and cheers “Right so when I saw that Jenna was playing Wednesday I legitimately counted down the days until it aired and I watched the entire show in one sitting” you finish with a laugh. “That first tweet was right after I finished it and the second one… I mean guys have you seen those photos how could I not be in love”
Meanwhile…
The Tonight Show was a show that Jenna frequently watched. She had been checking Instagram to see who would be appearing on the show when she stumbled across you. She noticed someone who she instantly found attractive, and their name sounded familiar although she wasn’t sure where from. ‘Y/N L/N…. where do I know you from’ she thought as she googled your name in an attempt to connect the dots. Browsing through your movies and tv shows, nothing seemed to trigger any realisation despite having seen some of them. ‘Weird’
Jenna set her phone aside, sat down on the couch, and took out her TV remote, turning it on and switching the station to start the show. Turning it on just as Jimmy announces you, she watches you walk out and her eyes widen slightly as her cheeks warm ever so slightly. You were gorgeous. She sat there speechless as she watched you smile and wave to the crowd, and she couldn’t help but smile with you as you sat in your chair.
If she was being completely honest with herself, she was entirely distracted by your beauty and hadn’t been listening to a majority of what was said, that was until she noticed you glaring at Jimmy. Snapping out of her trance, she listens to Jimmy explain the ‘game’ he wanted to play with you, something about looking through your twitter. ‘Wait have I seen her on twitter?’ Jenna briefly thought as he continued explaining. Her eyes shot open as she unexpectedly heard her name. ‘Wait what’, her ears immediately perking up, her attention now entirely on Jimmy.
As soon as the first tweet came on screen, Jenna’s mouth dropped open as she was suddenly hit with the realisation of where she had seen you before. She wasn’t one to frequent twitter, but whenever she did she would always notice a large amount of tags and tweets relating to you. The ones she had seen were just her being tagged in the comments of your tweets but she thought nothing of it and just presumed it was the fans messing around. She was obviously mistaken.
As you continued talking about your tweets and your love for her so openly on live tv, her cheeks burned as she sat there on her couch in pure disbelief. “How could I not be in love” is what you had said. That was all she needed to hear before she decided to binge almost all of your previous interviews, and to her surprise, and delight, you mentioned her in almost every one.
‘Holy shit’ she whispered as you wrapped up talking with Jimmy, saying your goodbyes and promoting your movie one last time. As she watched you stand she thought ‘fuck it’ as she reached for her phone, immediately opening instagram and going to her DMs.
Back at the studio…
You had just left the stage and were taking a moment to relax and think about how everything had gone. ‘I really just said that on live TV’ you thought to yourself as you chuckled and headed back to your dressing room to get changed and head home. The first thing you did was change out of your outfit because, despite how beautiful it makes you feel, your one and only real love—aside from Jenna—is an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. Once you had changed you grabbed your phone off the table and took a glance at your notifications, the number of which multiplied significantly since before the show. ‘Oh wow ok’ you mumbled as you scrolled through them seeing if there were any of significance.
You were about to put your phone down before a DM notification caught your eye, your breath hitching as you read the name. ‘Holy shit no way’. It was from fucking Jenna Ortega. ‘What the actual fuck… oh my god ok’. Deciding to wait until you got home to answer it, so you don’t seem too unbearably desperate, you grabbed your things and walked briskly to your car. As you drive along the quiet streets late at night, your mind is racing as all you can think about is her. ‘Oh my god does that mean she watched the interview?’ ‘I can’t believe she actually knows who I am’ ‘How am I going to respond to this oh god’. 
When you finally arrived at your apartment, you hurriedly got out of the car and made it to your floor before you almost crashed through the door with excitement. Not bothering to do anything else, you instantly collapse onto your couch and open you instagram, saying ‘Fuck it’ and opening the DM. “Hey cutie” it started, instantly making you blush. “I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to reach out to you. I would love to get to know you better so I was wondering whether you wanted to maybe get dinner with me sometime this week?? Absolutely no pressure but I would love to meet you in person :)” You sat there speechless for a moment. Jenna Ortega, your celebrity crush, wants to go out with you?!? ‘This is too good to be true’ you thought as your fingers hovered over the keyboard. You eventually decided to just go for it, “Are you asking me out on a date?? ;)” you typed quickly and sent before you could start overthinking it. 
You were shocked when it was read in just a few seconds, and you waited eagerly for her reply “How could I not ask such a beautiful girl on a date <3”. Here you were, on what you thought would be a regular day of press, instead being asked to go on a date by your celebrity crush. This was an ‘I made it’ moment on a completely different scale.
Part 2
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miguelschamp · 5 months
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labyrinth
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pairing: drew starkey x actress!fem!reader
summary: drew calms your anxiety at poguelandia
warnings: secret relationship, mentions of anxiety, mentions of slightly harmful coping techniques, other than that, complete and utter fluff :)
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you look around at the fans surrounding you. you were at poguelandia. the event being held to promote season three of outer banks.
you were apart of the main cast. you played a teenage girl that had been apart of the pogues since the very beginning. being best friends with jj and john b first and slowly adding in pope, kie, and sarah.
to say events like this gave you anxiety would be an understatement. it was all you could think about since you heard about it from your manager.
you were so scared of doing something wrong. literally anything could ruin someone’s image when they’re in the public eye.
you had been doing well so far, but as time went on you could feel yourself becoming increasingly anxious as it set in just how many people had come to see you.
you tried mingling with madison and jonathan to hopefully clear your mind and bring your mood up, but it wasn’t working.
luckily, madison had noticed your behavior and discretely called over the one person who could help you when you got in your head like this.
drew.
you look around as some fans call your name. you give them a smile and blow them a kiss which made them erupt in screams and shouts of praise.
you chuckle softly as you turn back toward madison and jonathan. you take a deep breath as you start to pick at your hands. a habit you’ve had the majority of your life. it was also a habit that you were trying to get rid of since it only ended in small cuts and bruises littering your hands.
“hey.” you hear. you look up as someone cups their hands around yours pulling them away from each other.
“drew ?”
“hey, what’s going on ?” he asks softly
you shake your head, “nothing.”
“you sure ?” he says. you notice that he hasn’t let go of of you.
“oh my god, drew and y/n.”
“are you guys dating ?”
“we love you guys.”
you turn toward the shouts. speculations of you and drew being together have spread over the internet like wildfire since the first season of outer banks. at first, they weren’t true. you guys really were just friends, but after awhile they were.
you and drew started dating just before the release of the second season, but you two agreed that you wouldn’t post your relationship all over the internet.
seeing as most of your lives were on full display no matter how badly you wanted to avoid it, you wanted this to be just between yourselves for as long as you possibly could.
yours and drew’s relationship was more than you could ever ask for. he treated you amazingly, making you feel as if you were the only girl in the entire world.
“hey.” he says quietly. you turn to him noticing that he’s gotten a lot closer. “don’t worry about them it’s just you and me right now.”
“i don’t know what happened. i was fine and then i wasn’t.”
“that’s okay.” he nods, “you’re doing amazing.”
“no, i’m not. this is my job and i can’t even do it without feeling like my world is caving in on itself.”
“everyone deals with something, baby. trust me when i say that you’re not the only actress dealing with this. you’re doing the best you can, alright ?”
you nod slowly as you look down at your hands. he still hadn’t let go.
“you’re gonna have to let go soon so no one says anything.” you mumble, but he heard you due to how close he was.
“i don’t care.” he says. “i’m worried about you right now.”
you look up at him catching his blue eyes shining through his glasses. “i’m okay.”
as drew looks down at you, he knew you weren’t fine. you were just trying to make him feel better about your situation. so, despite what you two had agreed to, his hand cups your jaw softly.
your brows furrow, but you instinctively lean further into his hand. you’re taken aback when he leans in and places a soft kiss on your lips.
you’re too enamored by drew to hear the gasps and murmurs of the fans that saw you guys. madison and jonathan smiling at each other at you two finally being together in public.
as drew pulls away, what just happened finally dawns on you. “drew-“
“i know.” he says, “i care more about you than what people have to say about us.”
you smile softly as he rubs his thumb across your cheek. you nod to yourself as you grab his hand that had been resting on your cheek.
you lean up and place a kiss on his cheek that earns a smile from your boyfriend. as you stand in front of him, drew gushes.
“i’m never washing this cheek again.”
you giggle as he wraps his arms around you pulling him into his chest. planting a kiss on your head as you two sway together.
your worries and anxieties washing away as you’re held by the man you love. and now everyone else knew it, too.
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hana-no-seiiki · 10 months
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// abusive/yandere dynamics (but soft and more on the emotional side ish) dom(?) reader. manipulative reader. forced drugging.
YAN! INVENTOR who’s like super fucking awkward and shy.
They were adopted into your social circle and ever since then you’ve been the one that talk to them the most and really attempted to connect.
They gain feelings quick, and create a robot just for you which legitimately surpassed much of the technology nowadays but they’re too socially inept to promote it.
There’s two ways where this scenario could go.
If you happen to love advertising and are a manipulative maniac, number one is that you promote it for them and have a partnership. Well- more like a parasitical relationship which involves you pressing them to improve their craft. They’re too head over heels to realize that you’re using them. You enter a “proper” relationship just to make sure they don’t leave your side and you can keep profiting. It very much seems like you’re the yandere in the relationship if it weren’t for YAN! INVENTOR watching your 24/7, replicating all your belongings one by one so your used ones can be used for . . . indecent acts and drugging you whenever you show the slightest bit of distance.
Number two is that you just appreciate the robot rather than aim for stonks. But there are times where you show more affection to it.
YAN! INVENTOR realizes they fucked up when they gave the bot better socialization skills than they have.
YAN! ROBOT doesn’t have shame at all and can do all your requests no matter how absurd it is. You see it as more as a pet but since these two have a twisted view of love, it craves that sort of thing along with the inventor.
You know that short movie where baymax buys pads for a character. That’s pretty much Yan! Robot but in another fucking level. They’ll break laws for you- heck do warcrimes if it meant having your approval. Besides they can transfer their data to another host at anytime. So who tf cares if they a horrid, painful death?
YAN! INVENTOR and YAN! ROBOT come head to head with the only thing the former has on the latter is that they have a human body that can please you in the way, while yan! robot was created to be more like - well a clunky machine.
but yes have these brainstorms i had before i sleep and send an ask in if you guys are interested in more!
(hopefully i remember that i asked for the ask and don’t accidentally get angry at you guys-)
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aingeal98 · 5 months
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Something I enjoy a lot about Cass is that with a lot of heroes that don't kill it can easily veer into self righteousness. It happens with Bruce a fair amount and while it can make for a compelling character beat if done well, if done poorly it just kind of makes the reader annoyed lmao. Like why am I supposed to root for this guy when he's saying "If you shoot the man who killed your parents your soul will be forever ruined!" and acting like there's no difference between types of kill?
And the thing about Cass is that while her no kill rule is based on the experience of watching someone die and the horror she felt, and while she does project it into pretty much everyone she meets... It never comes across as unlikeably self righteous to me. Like for Cass every kill is a tragedy and while her no death rule is a moral statement it's also given more importance as an rule that gives us psychological insight into what governs and drives her. Even when she's wrong, even when the villain is so sympathetic and justified that there's no reason to root for her, the narrative always feels very self aware about it. Like when she let that father get arrested despite him just wanting his daughter back. The writer (Puckett of course) wasn't interested in convincing the reader that Cass's judgement was the morally correct choice. He was interested in what it said about her that it was the choice she chose.
And similarly when she approaches people to try and stop them from killing she always lacks the morally righteous air a lot of others carry. She's desperate and earnest and determined to get them to change but it's not because she thinks she's in any way better than them and has the right to pass judgement because of it. It's someone who genuinely believes that she's irredeemable manically trying to save everyone else because if these killers can do the right thing and turn over a new leaf then maybe... Just maybe... there's hope for her?
It's so compelling to me. The desperation and clear projection that happens when she goes out determined to enforce and/or promote her code to as many people possible. Every time she says someone can change she's speaking from experience. Because she views herself as irredeemable and beneath everyone but she's still out here trying to be good so maybe if others make the same choice it's proof that she's not doomed. That none of them are. She doesn't want the hitman to redeem himself by becoming a hero and helping his former victims. She just wants him to walk away, to start a peaceful and quiet new life. And when he fails to do that and they meet again she still won't give up on him. When she stands in front of the victims family she won't declare she knows better. She'll hopefully and uncertainty ask "But maybe... He can change?"
Like there's so much heart behind everything she does and every action she takes. Every time the topic of killing people comes up she's so earnest and clearly projecting her own issues and seeing herself in every murderer and it's so fun. It's so fascinating. I miss Batgirl 2000.
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kaisertheadvisor · 5 months
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Alright, time for some obscure Persona 3 history. I was browsing the old Japanese Persona 3 website, when I stumbled across something interesting. This is what it looks like normally (Vanilla P3 specifically)
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But on certain captures of this website on the Wayback Machine, it was set to midnight (JST). The website was coded to have a special easter egg that goes off around that time, as the Dark Hour clock appears...
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And then the site is now in the Dark Hour.
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Click on the Akihiko, Mitsuru, Fuuka, and Junpei, and cause them to disappear, and Yukari will start to glow.
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And you will have unlocked a secret section of the Japanese website! This mostly contained diary entries on various perspectives regarding the Dark Hour (on one section, there even was text regarding Strega's revenge request site), but there also were some secret downloads, namely a supposedly early version of a Persona 3 commercial (which Google translate says it was rejected by a TV station for containing subliminal content?), MP3 downloads, a video showcasing the P3 girls in maid costumes in Tartarus, and a message from Elizabeth to the player (which acted as a tease towards the new Elizabeth requests being added in FES). I have the latest capture of the secret section of the website, as well as a capture of the website during the Dark Hour so you can try this for yourself! (You'll need Ruffle for this)
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Speaking of the Persona 3 website, let's go over some of the evolution of the P3 website! Here's the original version of the website when Persona 3 was first announced.
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It was updated from P3's initial announcement in March towards May when the newer website was launched, last major update was Fuuka Yamagishi's character profile. Here's a Wayback Machine link for you to try it out yourself.
Here is the website around the time they were teasing FES. Makoto is replaced with Aigis, and there was a section containing audio messages from the developers that would help tease FES. (So far, they are lost media? Hopefully some fan manages to recover them)
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And here is the FES version of the website, with both the normal and Dark Hour variations. (Metis replaces Yukari on the Dark Hour variation of the website, though I cannot access the secret section, probably because the silly toaster is blocking the way)
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And just for funzies, I thought I'd include this link regarding P3 ads in this blogpost on the old AtlusNet. Hopefully somebody will get high quality scans of the magazine ads and promos used to promote P3 in both Japanese and English.
Now to wonder, what other crazy P3 promotional stunts did Atlus do? I know there was a countdown on the Atlus USA website that counted down the days until the release information on FES would be provided to the world, and I'm well aware of various Japanese gaming magazines that had various info on P3 (that so far only exist as JPEGS on the old Digital Devil Database and other websites), but man, I wanna know more. The fans should be archiving a lot of this stuff. Reload has re-triggered my Persona 3 phase, and I want to know more secrets about the game. I honestly think there's a lot of cool things waiting for us down the line...
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alien-girl-21 · 4 months
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The Käärijä Research Paper (tm)
aka: Error Analysis of the Use of English Articles in Jere Pöyhönen Interviews in 2023
(Before we start, a couple of clarifications: firstly, I am a linguistics student and this research was my final project for my psycholinguistics course, secondly, this was a group research and I have gotten permission from my friends to share these results with y'all so tysm to them, and lastly, the og work is LONG, 50 pages long, so I'm condensing it into the important bits)
Findings and explanations under the cut <3
Before sharing the actual research, i'm going to share some important terms for you guys to understand the overall layout of this work.
Error analysis: kind of self explanatory, it's the process of analyzing errors, specifically in one's speech, more on how we did this later.
Omission: The alienation of a linguistic form in speech (i.e. I go to (the) supermarket.).
Addition: The opposite of omission, putting an unnecessary linguistic form in a sentence (i.e. It's the maybe half and half.).
Substitution: Exchanging a linguistic form for another one (i.e. He admitted to have stolen a wallet. Instead of: He admitted to having stolen a wallet.).
Overgeneralization: Looking at a grammatical rule and thinking it applies to every case with no exceptions (i.e. finding out verbs conjugated in the past end in -ed and creating conjugations like writted instead of written). Also known as intralingual transfer.
Negative transfer: When your mother tongue (L1) seeps into your second/foreign language (L2) (in this case it's foreign language, but I'll still call it an L2 for simplicity's sake), if we're talking about Spanish negative transfer it can look like: the car red (Spanish adjectives go after the noun, unlike in English). Also known as interlingual transfer.
Local error: An error that does not affect the overall meaning of the sentence, making it still understandable.
Global error: An error that affects the overall meaning of the sentence, making it difficult to understand without clarifications.
Okay, with that out of the way, let me explain what we did:
We decided to make an error analysis on how Jere utilized articles (the, a/an) throughout 2023, for this we considered 2 interviews and 1 Instagram live, the interviews were: KÄÄRIJÄ TRIES LITHUANIAN FOOD (uploaded on 12/04/23) and Episode 3: Käärijä and friends (uploaded on 26/12/23), the ig live was the one he did to promote the release of Huhhahhei on 19/10/23, the dates are important for later.
Now, to do the error analysis in itself we followed Rod Ellis’ proposal for error analysis which follows four main steps:
Identifying errors: Self-explanatory, you see what errors one has committed.
Describing errors: Once you see the errors, you describe what exactly the error is, it can be with grammatical categories, or with omission, misinformation, addition, misordering, and substitution.
Explaining errors: After describing the error you need to explain why this error was committed, the two main ways are through overgeneralization and negative transfer.
Error evaluation: After all this, you identify how the error affected the overall message of the sentence being spoken, was it local or global?
We put these steps into a chart and listened to the interviews and identified the errors we found, it’s a really long chart, so if you want to see it fully you can find it here (hopefully). After identifying all the errors and doing our own error analysis we… well, analyzed the data, duh, according to the objectives we set up for the research.
Our first objective was to identify errors Jere has committed regarding articles in the three videos I mentioned. What we analyzed was more grammatical, so what grammatical structure he used the most. He usually omits an article before a noun and with adjectives, like in: “We go to bar with my producer…”, or “Käärijä goes to boat.”, or “I am fine, uh… little bit tired.”. Obviously, this is kind of expected because Finnish does not have articles, but he also adds articles when it is not necessary, like in: “I have the one festival.” Here are the charts of the grammatical trends:
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Then we focused on the describing errors part of our analysis. In this part, we found out that he usually finds himself committing omission errors, with 67 in total across the three videos, like I said before, expected, however, the second most common error is addition, this means he adds an unnecessary article in a sentence, and what’s interesting is that he usually does it with the article “the”. Since this is not an actual academic article I will speculate with a full chest: I think he does this because people are usually taught that “the” is the only article in English (only definite one, but not the only one), and that nouns usually have an article accompanying them, so I think that he adds the when he is unsure if an article needs to go there or not. Finally, there was only one case of substitution: “This is the lovely story.”, not really sure why he did this, but it’s interesting that it only happened once. Have the charts and graphs:
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We moved to the next step: explaining errors. When we started this research, we thought that we would only have negative transfers since, ya know, Finnish grammar and all, and we were kind of right? He has committed negative transfer errors the most, with 66 in total, but he also had 23 overgeneralization errors, which I didn’t really expect to happen with articles that much. Not much else to say here, have charts:
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Lastly, error evaluation. He made mostly local errors, which is what mainly characterizes his speech, we know what he’s saying, he just usually lacks some grammatical form that doesn’t affect his overall meaning. He did have 15 global errors that unless you have the context, it can be a little confusing to understand what he’s trying to say (like in the ig live he said “here tour” when he wanted to say “here in the tour”). Charts!
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Our final objective was to see the evolution of these errors, has he made more or less as time went on? Well, since we all can see and hear, he has made a great improvement! You already have the charts above to understand that, but I just have to explain it. In the first interview, in April, he made 50 mistakes in total, by the ig live he had cut those in half, and by the latest interview he gave in English he had cut the mistakes in half again! Have the graphs to accurately see this:
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He has improved so much in such a short amount of time! Even more impressive when he hasn’t really taken any formal English classes, just by talking to Bojan and Alessandra. There’s a difference between language learning and language acquisition that was proposed by Stephen Krashen (cool dude, if you’re interested in language learning, go check him out). He says that people usually learn more by acquiring (unconscious) rather than learning (conscious), and you can see that Jere has learnt so much by acquiring English through his friends and his own experiences! And this is just looking at how he uses articles, there is also a distinctive change in how he uses other grammatical forms (but that was too much work for just 2 weeks, maybe I’ll do it later, no promises on anything, though). Even if we’re not talking about his grammatical and syntactical forms, his pronunciation has improved as well! My friends were fascinated by how his accent seemed to develop from video to video, which was very sweet because his accent is one of my favorite things about his speech, but that’s off topic.
The general takeaway from this research is: Jere still has a lot of Finnish tendencies in his English, he has developed his own grammatical structures to communicate in English, and how much he improved in an 8-month period is kind of insane, especially for an adult (who are the age group who have the most trouble learning languages). He’s the it-girl of blowing off a linguist’s mind (me, I’m the linguist)
That would be all!! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! I'm more than glad to answer them
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fanficgirl429 · 1 year
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Returning Home
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Prompt: Y/N returns home for Iceman’s funeral and runs into her ex, Bradley Bradshaw. 
Word Count: 2k
Warnings: sex
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It had been nearly five years since Y/N had stepped foot in Fightertown. It held a lot of good memories but there were also memories that she had tried to erase.
The moment she had learned that Iceman had passed, she dropped what she was doing and booked a flight to her hometown. Ice had helped her father out in more than one way and she couldn’t imagine missing the funeral.
Her return flight was merely hours after the funeral ended- she had decided that she didn’t want to stay any longer than she needed.
Her boyfriend had offered to accompany her but she told him to stay home- she would only be gone for two days. Although he had looked slightly offended, he eventually agreed to stay.
Y/N and her father had just left the wake and after much protesting from her dad, she had agreed to one drink at the Hard Deck.
“Maverick!” Penny called, walking towards the father and daughter duo. “How are you doing?”
She pulled him in for a quick hug before looking over at Y/N. “Y/N! It’s so nice to see you again. Your dad has been sure to keep me up to date on how you have been doing.”
“It’s nice to see you too!” Y/N replied. The last time she had seen Penny was five years ago. At the time she had no idea in just a few years Penny would be dating her dad.
“I wish it was under other circumstances but I’m glad you’re here nonetheless.”
Penny walked behind the bar and handed Maverick his favorite beer. “What can I get you?” she asked Y/N.
“Oh water is fine,” Y/N said. “I want to be conscious for my flight.”
Penny laughed and filled up a clear plastic cup with water. She glanced around the bar, surprised to find that not much had changed. The piano was still in the exact same spot as well as the classic jukebox.
Memories flooded her head as she remembered standing around the piano singing with her friends and trying to find the perfect song to play on the jukebox.
“How’s Jack doing?” Penny asked, referring to Y/N’s boyfriend of just over a year.
“He’s doing good. He just got a huge job promotion yesterday,” Y/N told her, smiling.
“That’s wonderful. Hopefully I can meet him soon.”
Y/N agreed and looked over at her father. “How is Top Gun going?”
“It’s going ok. Some people aren’t too keen on my teaching strategies,” he told her, picking at the label on his bottle.
Y/N nodded all to familiar with her father’s flying antics. “Did I tell you that Bradley is there as well?”
Bradley was Y/N’s ex boyfriend. They had been together for nearly 4 years before she had decided to end things.
Y/N looked over at Maverick, eyes wide. “N-no you didn’t. How is he doing?”
Maverick shrugged. “Well he doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Well you did really hurt him,” Y/N said, taking a sip of her water.
Right after they had broken up, Y/N had learned that her father had pulled Bradley’s papers to stop him from flying. Of course, Bradley had been pissed and stopped talking to Maverick. Her dad had reached out numerous times to him to apologize but Bradley had never responded.
Y/N looked around at the numerous people at the bar. There were a few couples sitting at tables and nursing their drinks. She had learned from her dad that pilots from Top Gun often came to the Hard Deck to blow off some steam. After learning the news about Bradley being back in town, she hoped that he wouldn’t show up.
Y/N looked over at her dad, who had a scowl etched across his face. He was watching a group of young pilots who had just walked in.  
“That’s about half of my class right there,” he said, nodding in the pilot's directions. “If they bother you, let me know.”
Y/N’s eyes wandered over to a tall blonde who was rather good looking. Next to him, stood another pilot- this one all too familiar. Tall, brown hair, brown eyes, and a mustache (that was new). Bradley Bradshaw. Y/N’s ex boyfriend.
Things between the two of them had not ended well. Their relationship had been rocky for a while and after a big argument which resulted in the two of them not speaking for days, Y/N had decided to end it. It was one of the hardest decisions that she had ever had to make. Their lives were going in two different directions and they had both been young.
Bradley’s eyes locked with hers and he gave her a small smile. She smiled back, thoughts racing through her head. Should I go say hi? Should I wait and see if he’ll come over? Maybe he’ll come say hi to my dad as an excuse to come see me?
Minutes ticked by and neither of them made any attempt to talk to each other. Growing restless, Y/N excused herself and walked towards the restroom. She quickly glanced over at Bradley, who was currently talking to a female pilot. A small bit of jealously hit Y/N. Shaking it off, she walked into the bathroom to have a moment to herself.
Y/N took a deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom. Her plan was to pay her tab and then leave and get ready to go home.
Bradley was leaning against the wall, arms folded against his chest, as if waiting for Y/N to come out of the bathroom.
“Y/N, can we talk?” he said.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Y/N told him and began to walk away.
His hand gently wrapped around her arm, pulling her back towards him. Her heart skipped a beat from his touch as she looked at him.
“What do you want Bradley?” Y/N asked.
Bradley sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I-I’m not sure. I just wanted to talk to you.”
Y/N let out a laugh. “It’s been five years, Bradley. You could have just picked up the phone if you wanted to talk that badly.”
“Would you have answered?”
Y/N shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I was really angry with you.”
“Clearly. You left town.”
“I had to. I think if I would have seen you again, I would have come running back to you but we were so bad for each other at the time. I think that maybe if we were older and had our lives figured out a bit more we could have made it work.”
Bradley’s eyes went wide at Y/N’s honesty but he knew that she was right. Timing was everything.
“There hasn’t been a day gone by that I haven’t thought about you. I know that it has been years but when I said that you were the one meant for me, I truly meant it. I still think that you’re meant for me,” he told her.
Deep down Y/N knew that he was right. She thought about him at least once a day. The question of did she make the right decision was also constantly on her mind. Sure, she loved Jake but it was different than when she was with Bradley. She thought that maybe it was because Bradley was her first true love but after seeing him now, she knew it was because she was still in love with him.
Slowly reaching out, he laced his fingers with hers and pulled her closer to him. She quickly glanced around to make sure there were no prying eyes. Luckily the bathrooms were in the back and they would be able to hear if anyone was coming down the short hallway.
Y/N wrapped her arms around Bradley’s waist as he hugged her tightly. He was more toned than she remembered but she wasn’t complaining. He still smelled exactly the way that he used to and when he held her, it felt like it was just the two of them.
Slowly, Bradley leaned down and placed his lips against Y/N’s. Together their lips moved in sync, almost as if no time had passed between them. His tongue slipped into her mouth, tangling with hers.
Bradley’s hands moved down to Y/N hips and gently pushed back her so that her back was pressed against the wall. His thumb slipped underneath the hem of her shirt and made slow circles against her hip. Goosebumps rose in their wake as she remembered exactly what Bradley’s touch did to her.
A dull ache began to form between her legs and she squeezed her thighs together, hoping to make it go away but knew that it wouldn’t.
Bradley’s body was pressed up against hers and she could his erection pressing against her stomach. Reaching down, she gently squeezed him through his jeans and he let out a low moan, pulling away from her.
“Fuck Y/N,” Bradley breathed. “I want you so fucking much.”
Without pausing to think about the consequences, Y/N grabbed Bradley’s hand and pulled him towards the womans one person bathroom.
“Are you sure?” Bradley asked, hesitantly.
“Yea.”
When the door was closed and locked behind them, Bradley reached down and pulled Y/N’s t shirt over head, revealing her black lacy bra. She gave herself a silent applause as she was thankful she had chosen her good bra as opposed to her old beat up one.
Bradley eye’s went wide as he started at her in awe of her body. It was better than he had remembered. He pulled her back against him and locked his lips back to hers. This time the kiss was full of need and lust.
HIs fingers toyed with the waistband of her jeans before unbuttoning and unzipping them. He slipped his hand down to her core and ran his fingers along the outside of her underwear before pushing the material aside.
Y/N let out a moan as his fingers found her sensitive spot and began to rub against it. Closing her eyes, Y/N let the sensation take over her body. Her breathing picked up speed as she felt herself reach her climax.
Bradley placed a hand over her mouth as she cried out, reaching her high.
After a moment, Y/N opened her eyes to find Bradley smirking. She playfully hit him in the arm and he let out a laugh.
He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down along with his black boxer briefs.
Precum had already formed on his length and Y/  reached out and ran her thumb along the tip. Bradley sucked in a deep breath as she wrapped her hand along his length and slowly moved it up and down.
“I’m gonna come now if you don’t stop,” Bradley warned as he placed a large hand on top of hers. “And I want to come inside of you.”
Y/N removed her hand and reached down and unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down along with her underwear down to her knees.
Bradley placed his hands on her waist and turned her around, facing away from him. She reached out and placed her hands against the wall to steady herself. Bradley ran his length along her core, teasing her.
“Bradley,” Y/N whined as he pressed a finger against her sensitive spot.
Bradley lined himself up with Y/N’s core and slowly pushed into her. She let out a small gasp from the feeling before he pulled out and pushed back into her. He began to move his body slowly against hers.
One his hands gripped her shoulder, well the other one held onto her waist, keeping her steady. Y/N’s hands were still placed against the wall as she kept herself steady.
The small bathroom was filled with the sound of heavy breathing and occasional sounds from the other side of the door, reminding the two of them where they were. Somehow no one had knocked on the door yet.
A knot began to form in Y/N’s stomach as she climbed closer and closer to the edge. Shew knew that Bradley was close because he began to move quicker against her.
WIthin moments, her walls clenched around him as he released into her. The two of them stood still for a moment, catching their breath.
When Y/N was ready, she stood up and Bradley pulled out of her, wrapping his arms around her waist, holding her against him. Her legs were wobbly as she held onto him, not wanting him to let go. It felt right when his arms were wrapped around her but then reality hit.  
Y/N pulled away from Bradley, feeling her face turn a deep shade of red.
“Oh my god,” she said quietly, reaching down and pulling up her underwear and pants.
“Y/N, whats wrong?” Bradley asked.
“I-um-I have a boyfriend,” she told him, scrambling to pull her shirt on.
Bradley stood in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. “I meant everything that I said earlier. I want to be with you but if you don’t want to be or if you need time, I respect that.”
At this point, Y/N wanted nothing more than to be with Bradley but she hated the thought of letting Jake go, however she knew that she had to. What she had with Bradley was too strong to resist.
“I’ll call you in a few days,” she told him, kissing him quickly before leaving the tiny bathroom.
She was terrified about what was going to happen but also could not wait to see what the future held with Bradley.
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