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#so he would probably only be slightly less jaded and his awkwardness would just weigh it out a little more
oceanwithouthermoon · 2 months
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ive never liked powerless saiki aus because the entire conclusion of the series is him accepting his powers as being a part of him that he cant change so like.. in aus where the power remover works, half of his development is erased..
if he had been "powerless" for longer, we wouldve gotten to see him realize this himself and im genuinely sad that we didnt.. we got to see him realize that being powerless wasnt the change he wished it would be and that its something he cant change, but its literally over a two day long period and we miss out on sooo much potential development..
and then in aus where hes born powerless, people think he would have the exact personality and development that he THOUGHT he would if he got rid of/didnt have his powers, like NO ? "without powers he would be another satou-" NO he would be a shy, borderline flamboyant, weird, awkward, genius LOSER.
he would have a more normal relationship with his brother (still probably competitive but in a way more average sibling way and kusuke wouldnt have had the motivation to become so murderous) and he would probably be even more friendless but with less trauma.. he may or may not have ever befriended akechi at all, and the classroom incident wouldnt have happened.. even some of his current friends might not be around if not for coincidences due to his powers or direct involvement from his powers.. (nendo and kaido would for sure still be there though, but this only ensures the idea that he would be the biggest fcking loser ever)
he would still be saiki, but. his powers are a key part of him. he would be totally different without them, but NOT in the way he thinks he would..
#also realistically he would be just as much of a stubborn asshole tsundere without his powers cmon#like yea his anxiety might present itself more as shyness than it does in canon him#but hes still an awkward stubborn asshole tsundere like thats just who the guy is#hes extra shy and maybe extra cute without his abilities to make people not find him cute#and is also like extremely ditzy and clumsy like he is in canon but its more visible to people because he doesnt have the powers to hide it#idk the point is his little quirks he thinks he wouldnt have would still be there but he wouldnt have the same faux justifications for them#need canon saiki to see an alternate universe him where he was born powerless#and hes like 'wow im going to see my ideal average me!'#and then au him is some super quirky ditzy clumsy kid with severe anxiety and also dysphoria#and he doesnt have powers to avoid being bullied like we see him do multiple times#this guy doesnt realize he will always be a loser no matter what#he loses key parts of himself and doesnt even realize that a lot of the parts left behind are still parts of himself that he hates#i know a lot of people think he would be much less jaded powerless which i get but#a lot of aspects of his personality that have less to do with his powers are a lot of the parts that he doesnt like and gets made fun of fo#so he would probably only be slightly less jaded and his awkwardness would just weigh it out a little more#though its hard to pinpoint exactly which aspects of him are only due to his powers#a lot of them are but i personally think those specific key personality traits would remain#anyway i would love to see what his relationship with his family would be like if he was born powerless#and i want to know who his friends would be#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post
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fairestwriting · 3 years
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Sorry for adding onto your (most likely) already busy pile but is it alright if I put in a request?
I was wondering how/what Leona, Azul, Riddle, and the Leech brothers (all separately) would act/do if they have a crush on a hopeless romantic female reader? (Maybe how they’ll try to “woo” them/get them together?) Emphasis on crush, they’re not together yet 😅
In my opinion hopeless romantics are not so much about the perfect dream lover (chivalrous, gentlemanly, etc), but more about finding “the one” that we’re meant to dedicate all our time to. Sure, we do find ourselves more attracted to guys that’ll fit the description of our “perfect”, but generally we’re able to accept just about anyone, so long as they show their sincerity. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it’s the feelings behind them that counts. Small gestures with undeniable feelings behind them are weighed much more heavily than big gestures with little thoughts behind them. Not my words but I feel like this sentence describes it perfectly “Hopeless Romantics are in love with love”. No, they don’t have to sing me poems and proses, gift me flowers at every meeting, or serenade me under the balcony. Though I’ll admit that I had written pages upon pages of love poems on a single crush We are obsessed with the idea of finding someone made just for us, for us to love and be loved in return.
Just me turning to fictional characters to cope with the harsh reality... we really aren’t made for modern society 😔
+ if you like my writing, you can buy me a ko-fi to support me!
Leona Kingscholar
For a while now, Leona really did think he found hopeless romantics stupid. He just doesn’t get why someone would put so much importance in something as vague and fleeting as romantic love.
Then he ends up falling for you.
Needless to say, his crush is something that constantly taunts him. He really feels so confused around you, as if he shouldn’t like you as much as he does. He never thought someone like you would catch his attention, you just seem so... soft, sometimes. Leona is usually straightforward about his interest in people, but when it comes to you, he doesn’t really know how to go about it.
He knows you’re not somebody who would be swayed through his meaningless teasing, that you’re the sort of person who wanted devotion. And it isn’t like he doesn’t want that with you -- Though, he’d rather die than admit this right now -- but he doesn’t know how to express it.
He still wants to show his interest, but for you, he does it differently. He flirts more subtly, teasing you less, and when you’re alone, he almost acts sweet, way easier to fluster. When you’re sweet to him back, he feels so stupidly warm and fuzzy and he loves it hates it.
Falling for a hopeless romantic definitely is the way to break Leona. It might be the only way to catch him off guard romantically, even.
Azul Ashengrotto
Similar to Leona, Azul kind of looks down on the concept of love, but for a slightly different reason. For him, it’s that he doesn’t like being vulnerable, so letting himself have this level of closeness with someone feels just... too troublesome. The chance he’d be hurt is just too much.
So he didn’t do anything about his crush on you, at first, he was trying to just wait it out like he usually does. Then, he hears your opinions and expectations with love, and things change a bit inside his head.
He’ll always be uneasy trying to make moves on people regarding that, but knowing you were so... sincere, it made him feel like trying might be worth it, this time. Ironically, what a dubious guy like him wants is someone genuine, who he didn’t feel the need to play all these games with.
He gets a little bolder with you. Inviting you to Mostro Lounge often, letting you try new recipes that still weren’t in the menu, sometimes taking you out, even buying you small gifts of things you seemed to like. He wants to show you that you’re special to him, while still keeping some subtlelty.
Riddle Rosehearts
Oh, so you’re the same!
Riddle never talks about it, but everytime he thinks about love, it’s in a similar way to you. He wants to find someone who would be his one and only, a girl who would love him just as much as he loved her. He’s endlessly embarrassed by this, sort of convinced that his expectations are just too unrealistic, but he can’t help but dream.
When you two launch into a rare conversation about relationships and he finds out you agree with him... man, if he already had a thing for you before, now he was just smitten.
Sadly Riddle is very awkward when it comes to romance. He feels like you two would make such a good couple together, he’d be the best boyfriend he possibly could be! But he gets shy when it comes to expressing his feelings, and in the end, all he can do is hope you catch on to what it means when he’s trying to spend time with you often...
He shows his affections mostly by... sort of mundane things, like inviting you to the Unbirthday Party and asking you to sit next to him, or offering to help you study, or inviting you over for tea when you have free time, being sure to remember you favorite drink and desserts... if you’re also oblivious, it might be hard to know he likes you. 
He’ll be working hard on a confession plan, though, if you two want the same thing, then he’s more willing than ever to risk it all for a romantic relationship.
Jade Leech
As he starts understanding his own feelings for you, he starts trying to gauge information about your preferences so he could plan how he’d woo you, and that’s how he finds out you’re a hopeless romantic.
He thinks it’s so endearing, honestly. Jade loves to spoil, he wants nothing more than to be the one to give you all this love you crave. He thinks often about how well he’d care for you.
He makes sure to be sort of obvious about his crush, wanting to get his feelings across more than he usually would. Jade is always there for you, happy to help and advise, he’s an acts of service kind of guy so it’s mostly how he’d try to express the fact that he loves you.
It takes a while to get an actual confession out of him though. He knows you have high expectations and has sworn he’d meet all of them. Even if you’ve told him you didn’t put that much weight on grand gestures, he did want to make his confession something impressive, if only subjectively. He wants to make sure everything is meaningful, and shows through how much attention he’d been paying to you for a while now.
“Hopeless romantic” might be part of his type, honestly, Jade is a guy who lives for this mutual devotion you strive for.
Floyd Leech
A hopeless romantic and Floyd would be... a complicated pair. 
Floyd is very casual about love, you see. The second he knows he’s fallen for you is the second he decides you’re his, and he’s yours, and that’s it. He’s casual with his affection and doesn’t mind things like relationship labels at all, he doesn’t even see the need for an actual confession, really.
So he’ll be so affectionate with you, he’s constantly showering you in love. But... he’s so casual about it, his feelings might not get through completely to you. You might not realize he’s crushing on you at all, because of how chummy he acts with everybody else.
It’s a strange situation, because you’ll be talking about how wonderful you think it’d be if you found your one and only, and Floyd will be right there wondering why you’re saying things like that when he’s right here, he’s your one and only, right? Are you telling him you just haven’t noticed that he loves you?
He’s confused when you talk about love, if you were all about sincere gestures why aren’t you catching on to his feelings? He’ll actually blurt that out one time, probably. Floyd isn’t one to keep quiet about his crushes for too long.
Once you understand where he’s coming from with all the affection, he might actually be a good partner for you. He loves you so, so, so much, and it shows! Just in, you know, kinda odd ways sometimes.
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themeatlife · 4 years
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Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - A Review
AND Reranking the Star Wars Movies
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The Finale (Maybe)
2019 saw the end of several major pop culture series: The Avengers, Game of Thrones, and the Skywalker Saga of Star Wars (or at least it was proclaimed, we shall see a decade from now if it is resurrected). Having a major finale was en vogue.
So here is the spoiler-free review. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker was enjoyable. It was imperfect, with a handful of glaring flaws, but nothing that would prevent die-hards or casual fans from enjoying the experience. You get the scale of things and at moments visually it is almost overwhelming. The action set pieces are fantastic. All-in-all, worth seeing in theaters.
Now for the spoiler-rific review below the line. If you haven’t seen it and don’t want to be spoiled (why are you reading this) then scroll until “The Star Wars Countdown” headline is at the very top of you window/phone screen.
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I’m probably going to skip a few things but this is the main storyline.
Palpatine has never really left. He’s been in the background in the Unknown Regions raising the Final Order, a super-ginormous fleet to rule over the galaxy once and for all.
We catch up with our new trilogy trio of Rey, Finn, and Poe and what is left of the Resistance, led by General Leia. Leia has also taken the lead in mentoring Rey in the ways of the Force. News of Palpatine gets to them and the trio find themselves planet hopping on a quest first to find a dagger which is the key to finding Palpatine and then a programmer to get C3PO to translate script on said dagger. Along the way they are being hunted by the First Order and Kylo Ren. This sequence is very Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, but better executed.
Once the dagger is decoded, it leads them to the remains of the second Death Star where they must retreive a device with the coordinates to where Palpatine is. There is first a showdown between Rey and Sith Rey a la Luke in the forest in Degoba. Then is the showdown between Rey and Kylo where Rey ends up stabbing Kylo with his own lightsaber (Kylo was distracted by a dying Leia, Force-calling out to her son with her last breathe) and then Force-healing him and leaving him on the planet using his Tie Fighter with the device. Kylo then sees a vision of his father Han Solo telling him Kylo Ren is dead and his son Ben lives. Ben then leaves to chase after Rey to attempt to help confront Palpatine.
So Rey arrives on Exegol where Palpatine and the Final Order are gathered and preparing to deploy, leaving a signal for her Resistance friends and Ben to find. While Rey confronts Palpatine, the short handed Resistance tries to take down a communication tower in an effort to prevent the fleet from deploying. Epic battle ensues. Lando Calrissian comes with reinforcements for the Resistance while Rey almost gives in to Palpatine in an effort to save her friends. Ben comes in and they both fight Palpatine. Ben goes down and Rey uses the lightsabers she and Ben were using (coincidentally Luke and Leia’s lightsabers) against Palpatine’s Force Lightning, eventually killing him and herself in the process. Ben revives Rey and then kisses her (WHAT?!?) and then dies. The Resistance takes down the Final Order. The Resistance returns to their base, the new trio hug it out. Then the film ends with Rey returning to Tatooine where the saga began, burying Luke and Leia’s lightsabers and with their Force ghosts looking on takes on the Skywalker last name.
So my issues...
So, Palpatine is back? Last we saw his body fell down a shaft in the short-lived rebuild Death Star, thrown over by Vader in an effort to save Luke. I’m not sure how that even works that he’s back. I know they touch on it in the movie but seemed like we were done with the Emperor three (or is it six?) movies ago. But as a villain, Palpatine is effective.
The quest for the dagger and map device thing was a bit much. That actually could have been a movie itself. Like could have essentially replaced The Last Jedi with that quest. As much as I liked the The Last Jedi, I think a lot of the internet fanatics didn’t. And that hurt the Star Wars powers that be. And much of The Rise of Skywalker felt like it was actually attempting to write a lot of The Last Jedi out of the Star Wars timeline.
And yeah the Ben-Rey kiss was sudden. They seemed to have a very non-romantic connection so that was kind of out of place. Maybe it was more a goodbye kiss from Ben than anything, but it felt out of place.
And then the new trilogy as a whole. Although there was a new trio of main characters, the storyline was really dependent on the trio from the original trilogy. If the Force Awakens was the Han Solo movie and the Last Jedi was the Luke Skywalker movie, the Rise of Skywalker would have been the Leia Organa movie. And in many ways it was, but then it wasn’t. There is only so much you can do with extra footage. Rest In Peace Carrie Fisher, this movie needed more of you in it.
But with all that, it was still an enjoyable experience. It was imperfect, but that’s okay. No Star Wars movie is perfect (except for Empire). If you want comparison, better than Game of Thrones, no where near as satisfying as Avengers: Endgame.
The Star Wars Countdown
I ranked these almost two years ago. It didn’t change that much but I did switch a few and added the newer ones after I rewatched all the movies in the lead up to the Rise of Skywalker release. I FINALLY got my wife to watch them all with me. Disney+ and Netflix came in handy. So here are the updated Star Wars standings. I’ll do my college football wrap up later this week.
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11 – Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Surprise surprise, I know.  But yes, Episode I is by far the weakest and most disposable of the series (as evidenced by the omission of it in the Machete Order). Most of the major plot points are brought up again in Episode II, so not really that important to watch.  And the action in it, while okay for the most part, do not make up for the most annoying and boring parts of the film – Jar Jar Binks, child Anakin Skywalker, and the Pod Race.  If you must watch it, the main scene you need to watch is the battle on Naboo where Liam Neeson’s Qui-Gon Jinn and the Ewan McGregor version of Obi-Wan Kenobi take on double-lightsaber wielding Darth Maul played by martial artist Ray Park.
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10 – Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
While Attack of the Clones is a step up from Episode I, this episode is plagued by two things: awkward pacing and the unnatural evolution of the love story of Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker.  The way the movie was paced it felt like it was going by too slowly at times.  Obi-Wan’s story arc kept me interested as he investigates bounty hunter Jango Fett and discovers the clone army.  But man, that Padme-Anakin story is rough.  Anakin comes off with a stalker-like creep factor obsession for Padme, and somehow Padme is infatuated with that?  Yeah I’m not convinced, that dynamic always felt super awkward and forced. Not that Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen couldn’t have chemistry.  It’s just that in this movie, they didn’t…at least not convincingly. Cool stuff on the back end of this movie is the battle on Geonosis featuring a gladiator-style survival scene for Obi-Wan, Padme, and Anakin as well as the Jedi coming to their rescue. Samuel L. Jackson’s Mace Windu and Frank Oz’s Yoda show off some lightsaber skills as well.
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9 - Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
This ended up being not as bad as critics made it out to be. It was fun and action heavy. I slightly different take on the Han Solo character by Alden Ehrenreich. It was fresh and it was Han as a young man less jaded than his original trilogy self. It was cool to see Woody Harrelson (Beckett), Thandie Newton (Val), Emilia Clarke (Qi’ra), and Donald Glover (young Lando Calrissian) in the Star Wars universe. There were a few things wonky with the movie though. I don’t know if I liked the live story between Solo and Qi’ra. The whole Lando and a droid thing was weird. And resurrecting previously deceased Sith Darth Mal felt a little empty (I know he’s appeared in other Star Wars projects but the cliffhanger at the end of this was Darth Mal’s first film appearance since Phantom Menace).
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8 – Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Out of the prequel trilogy, I like this one the best.  And while it was a longer movie (2 hours 20 minutes), it didn’t feel weighed down by some of the pacing issues of Clones.  The ever-present forced romance between Padme and Anakin is still there though, and it becomes the primary reason Anakin turns to the Dark Side.  While the premise seems feasible, the unnatural feel of the relationship hinders this reasoning.  Over the course of the prequel series, they did a good job of planting seeds to make it seem like the Jedi are plotting to take over the Republic. So as a secondary reason for Anakin turning to the Dark Side, this reasoning works.  Some people had a problem with the whole calling kids “younglings” but I didn’t really see that as a problem.  The Old Republic could have talked like that, so it wasn’t an issue for me. So minus the whole Padme-Anakin thing and an unintended hilarious “NOOOOOOOOO” moment when Anakin turns into Darth Vader, it was a solid movie.  It was sad to see several points where Anakin could have turned back but didn’t.
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7 – Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
Before going into this film, I have to say that doing away with having the episode number in the title was a welcomed change away from the George Lucas era awkward titling. When I first saw this movie, I was awestruck.  Filled with nostalgia.  Almost like seeing a Star Wars movie as a kid again.  But the second time around seeing it, I quickly realized that even though there were new characters that this was more or less a very borrowed plotline. It was basically the original Star Wars, only updated.  Rey (Daisy Ridley) was like Luke (Mark Hamill), Han Solo (Harrison Ford, of course) like a less-Force oriented Obi-Wan.  The First Order is basically the Empire resurrected, the Resistance is the Rebel Alliance.  Starkiller Base is the Death Star.  And Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) killing Han like Vader defeating Obi-Wan.  But I was still thoroughly entertained, and the intro of Rey, Poe (Oscar Isaac), Finn (John Boyega), and BB-8 was a welcomed addition to the Star Wars universe and The Force Awakens put down a solid foundation for the franchise to build upon for its new trilogy.
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6 - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
See above for the review. I will say for all it’s problems it was enjoyable for the most part and entertaining as hell.
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5 – Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)
While The Force Awakens feels borrowed, The Last Jedi felt more like its own things.  Some critical of The Last Jedi felt it similar to The Empire Strikes Back. While it did have some similarities, I think the major differences (particularly the Force Chat and dynamic between Kylo Ren and Rey, and some of the backstory behind Luke and Kylo Ren’s relationship) make it so much of its own story. It is the peak as far as quality of the newest trilogy. One of the coolest scenes in the entire Star Wars franchise was Kylo and Rey taking on Supreme Leader Snoke (Andy Serkis) and his Praetorian Guard.  And while clearly the main focus of the film is the Kylo-Rey-Luke dynamic, the side plot of Finn and Rose (Star Wars newcomer Kelly Marie Tran) to Canto Bight in search of a hacker to disable a tracking device while Leia (RIP Carrie Fisher) and Poe try to lead the Resistance away in escape of the First Order were welcome storylines. Don’t listen to the haters online, this one is the best of the new trilogy.
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4 – Star Wars (1977)
Wow, trailers back then are nothing like they are now. Yes, I refrained from calling this film “A New Hope,” simply because that was not the original name of the movie.  I respect this movie.  It’s the origin story of Luke Skywalker.  It featured ruthless villain Darth Vader (before we knew he was Luke and Leia’s father), a love interest (Leia before we and Luke find out they are brother-sister), and the cool rebel too cool to be in the rebellion (at first) in Han Solo.  But as most movies of the time, the special effects feel dated (much more so in this film than the other two in the trilogy).  And while it is the origin story, it was merely the tip of the iceberg. A strong foundation to build the rest of the franchise, but not the most compelling plotlines of the series (that is to come later).
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3 – Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
I had this film actually up at 2 when I ranked this a year and a half ago. It isn’t an essential movie to the overall Skywalker storyline of the main Star Wars installments.  But you get the sense of urgency and the sacrifice it took to steal the Death Star plans.  Rogue One is one part chase movie, another part heist movie.  Two types of movies I always enjoy.  The characters fill out in a short period of time and feel so rich.  It is the only Star Wars movie where all the main protagonist characters you are focused on the entire movie dies, making it not feel like a Star Wars film.  But the death scene with Donnie Yen’s Chirrut Imwe and Jiang Wen’s Baze Malbus as well as Felicity Jones’s Jyn Erso and Diego Luna’s Cassian Andor are equally heartbreaking and powerful.  The feels!  While the film doesn’t add to the overlying plot of the entire series, it does add a bit of understanding of just how big the stakes were in getting those Death Star plans and how invested the Rebellion was outside of the core characters of the series in trying to topple the Empire.  And then, well, Darth Vader totally owning the Rebels while trying to board Leia’s ship is badass and leads right into the original Star Wars.  Loved this movie.
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2 – Return of the Jedi (1983)
A great conclusion to the original trilogy. We see the movie open with Jedi Luke displaying his control of the Force as the team rescues Han from Jabba the Hut. The Rebellion wants to strike one last blow to the Empire by taking out the rebuilt Death Star. The fight culminates on the forest moon of Endor. Luke reveals to Leia what she probably felt but didn’t recognize, that they are brother and sister. One of the strongest scenes was that final confrontation between Luke and Vader that ends with Vader saving Luke’s life from electrocution from the Emperor. Some people had a problem with the cute, fluffy Ewoks but I was okay with it. This is the movie where the extras added by George Lucas in the 1998 theatrical rerelease (and updated again in 2004) hurt the movie experience though. The extended musical scene at Jabba’s place was unneeded. We don’t need extra celebration scenes on other planets when its mission accomplished. And we didn’t need Hayden Christensen’s ghost in place of original Anakin actor Sebastian Shaw standing there with ghost Yoda and old ghost Obi-Wan Alec Guinness.  But other than that, this was my second favorite Star Wars movie growing up.
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1 – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Out of all the series, this is the masterpiece. If you ever want to make a successful sequel that continues the original story and add to the overall depth of a film series, here was the blueprint.  From the opening battle on Hoth, to the core team getting split up, to Luke’s journey finding Yoda and training, to Han and Leia being chased down by the Empire, all the way to the climax of the film on Cloud City, we find our heroes being tested and pushed as well as finding themselves.  The Han-Leia love story holds up and feels realistic.  Luke’s internal struggle to train and fight off the darkness in him while confronting his fear of Vader feels realistic as well. And of course, the mic drop of all mic drops in sci-fi and maybe movie history – “I am your father.”  I was eight or nine years old when I remember first watching and actually understanding some of what was going on.  I remember yelling “WHAT?!?” as I watched.  The most iconic moment of the series.  It made this more than just a space opera.  More than just a sequel to a sci-fi hit. Those words made Star Wars into an expandable series that they have since built upon twenty-fold.  It turned Star Wars from a battle of good vs evil into an internal family struggle – the Skywalker family saga that impacted not just that family, but the entire galaxy.  Luke’s fear was no longer about confronting some ominous unknown bad guy. It was Luke confronting his father, one he never knew.  And the 1980 special effects hold up pretty well in this one.  
The Force will be with you. Always.
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Educational Time With Jade - part 2
The day Mazin learned how to behave like a proper human being would… probably be the day I would start getting worried.
Until then, I would accept that he sometimes hung from the roof and kissed me. Upside down. And with a smile on his lips. At least he paid handsomely for it. It was worth the second of shock.
The reasons for his visits were a little harder to accept. Because you never knew what exactly he came for on any given day. Some days he came to tell me about hygiene, then he interviewed me about the suitors none of us were happy about, or gifted me potted plants. Once he showed me how to use a sharpened hairclip effectively – I would not forget that lecture, certainly - or brought me a piece of Jade, so I could ‘live up to my name even more’.
And then – sometimes, rarely – he came to show me that there are still things I could learn about flexibility in anyones sex-life… or that the number of times how often I could cum in one hour was… sometimes a little higher than usual.
The visit the day before had been about… none of the above.
He had… brought a meal and paid me for the whole evening (I still sometimes wonder where the money comes from) and had a… talk with me.
The next evening would be paid for as well.
Because he felt I was the one most suitable ‘for the task’.
 I was not sure what made him say that. Asking him only brought his usual laughter (another thing that had to be accepted, if I wanted to or not).
He gave me a few instructions, though: Wide, inexpensive clothes, keep the jewelry to a minimum, keep the sharpened hairclip, be decisive and absolutely sex-positive… and keep lubricants standing around.
There was another condition he let me swear on: I had to be completely and – if necessary – brutally honest and say every single thing that came to mind out loud. Be as vocal as I possibly could.
When I asked him if I was supposed to annoy my customer to completion, Mazin wriggled his brows and told me I shouldn’t worry, the two of them are close acquaintances.
Which… alright. Fair.
He usually never shut up.
And used crude language. At all times.
So, I would not need to hold anything back.
His constant giggles when I asked what was so different about this customer were a bit unnerving.
‘He has a ‘problem’’ usually means he can’t get it up. But the giggles did not fit to that.
Really, sometimes…
If I wouldn’t trust this guy with my life, I would have denied this nonsense an hour ago.
As things were, I indulged him. And why not, really. It’s not like he would ever let come harm my way.
The night ended with him massaging my back – he chuckled again during that. I… did not know what to do with that, really.
He told me it’s nothing, simply hoped I enjoyed myself.
Well, after a grumble I sighed deeply and relaxed into it again. There were some magical hands on this man…
  The next day, I barely painted my lips. And applied only the barest minimum of eyeshadow.
Water pitchers, lubricant, clean sheets, wide clothes, light came from above… I waited.
I’d left the door ajar, so I could hear Mazin’s teasing voice trailing up the stairs, a second pair of footsteps following him, but apparently the owner barely answered.
 Mh. Silent types could go either way.
So I sat and waited, legs crossed and V-neck obvious.
When the door opened, Mazin was talking a mile a minute and finally just shoved his companion into the room.
He did not stumble, per se. He made a step forward and steadied himself like that.
Then he made another step in.
A hand appeared on his shoulder and a wink above it: “Have fun, we won’t wait for you, see you tomorrow!”
And the big guy sighed. Deeply. Closed his eyes, too.
“Let me guess, this wasn’t your idea,” I didn’t make it a question, because the answer was somewhat obvious by the way he looked as apologetic as he did.
“… no,” he still answered, letting his shoulders sink a little.
This action did not at all take away from his… presence.
He was huge.
Mazin was tall and everything, but, like, not built like a brickwall. If you used the heavy stones.
It didn’t help that he just… stood there. His hands fidgeted a little, but otherwise he was perfectly still.
The contained-strength kind of still.
I huffed and stood: “But I suppose not completely opposed…”
I stalked over to him, hands on my hips, the fabric emphasizing curves by swaying.
His eyes immediately followed the movement, hands fidgeted less and reigned themselves in more, just grasping at air, arms strictly at his sides.
That was an answer, too.
When I put a hand on his chest, he actually stood a little straighter and took the tiniest breathm holding it in.
“I do suppose that means you are interested?”, I tilted my head slightly.
His lips frowned unhappily, then he said: “… you are a beauty”
Which sounded like a statement of fact. Which… strange?
“… thank you. Now, would you like to also feel that beauty?”, at which point I should say: I really wouldn’t mind. At all. Even if this would not be my job.
Cause… brickwall felt like a brickwall, too: All muscle. Clean shaven, smelled like he came fresh out of the bath – it was almost a shame, really – and had this… chiselled look to his face.
The hair was decidedly fluffy, though.
This man was ridiculous.
Especially since he still hadn’t answered. I leaned a bit closer against him: “Mmmmh?”
He actually squirmed.
But didn’t move away, exactly.
I grabbed his (size-appropriate) hand and placed it, without any difficulties, on my ass.
The hand squeezed.
I smirked and said: “… I do believe that is a yes”
And he turned slightly red.
He squeezed once more before he took his hand away-
Ridiculous man.
After I rolled my eyes once, I sighed and pushed at one shoulder, which turned his back in the right direction, slowly.
He still looked a little tense.
When I started to nudge him backwards he made exactly once step in the right direction before he stopped dead and said: “My name is Njall,” and looked at me. Intently.
I moved enough to be able to do a curtsy: “Jade, at your – very personal - service”
Which coloured his cheeks again. I got on my tiptoes to kiss his chin and nudged him backwards once more. It worked.
Two more of his giant-steps and the back of his knees hit the bed. Another nudge made him fall.
He really was not in his element.
Seemed like he had at least somewhat chosen to do it: His feet remained planted on the floor. No kicking legs I needed to dodge. There was a look from him to actually make sure he had in no way harmed me. Then he went back to looking somewhat worry-grumpy and laid back down. Flat on his back. Tense as everything.
I huffed. And then climbed on the bed as well. Sitting down on his abdomen, knees on either side of his body seemed like a good idea.
It was a decidedly not-soft place to sit.
We both were still very much wrapped in clothes.
I wriggled my butt a little, getting more comfortable. And felt the muscles under me tense. I could feel it, damn it. Through at least three layers of clothes!
“Damn you are ripped”, I wriggled a little more.
Njall coughed: “‘m a warrior”
“… certainly trained enough for one”, I shook my head and put my hands to his chest, stroking the skin that was available just above his shirt, “… but warriors need rest, too… you should lay down on the bed properly”
After looking at me for three seconds – still frowning – he put one leg on the bed and moved exactly once to resettle himself on the middle of the bed. No shuffling, no awkward moving-about, he put the foot on the surface of the bed, grabbed my ass to keep me secure on his non-existent belly, tightened the muscles under me, moved and resettled. As if I weighed nothing.
He had lifted me from the bed for a moment! I had clamped my knees to his sides, so my whole weight had been lifted with this!
“What the hell”, I said. It was my turn to frown. He put his hands back on the blankets. And shrugged.
“… I’ll… I’ll say that’s kind of impressive. And also… ah… I’m supposed to be honest. And you are pretty damn attractive. Also impressive. And you don’t seem to be too skittish. So. Mazin said you have a problem. I… currently… can’t actually imagine what the problem could possibly be. You are… like… a gift to womanhood or something”, seriously, even holding me in place had been gentle and it had felt secure.
Again: Given the chance? Wouldn’t hesitate to hit that.
“You’re a bit silent, but…”, I shrugged. Most of the time, that was an upside. Most men were idiots. Or pigs. Or both.
He looked at me again. And then huffed, grabbing my hips and then – again, effortlessly – lifted me to resettle me on his thighs. He had to sit up slightly for that.
There hadn’t even been a tremor. I was not the lightest woman to live in this city. Not even this building.
“… Mazin paid. But you don’t have to…”, he made a gesture. Probably meant ‘whatever he paid for’.
“Did you listen? Gift to womanhood. Could you just… tell me what is wrong? I know you are not sick, so…?”, it was a bit ridiculous.
He huffed again. And reached for his belt. Even with the fabric keeping things in order, I could certainly see that it was no problem with getting excited.
We hadn’t even done anything.
… maybe that was it.
Mh. Shame. But… he wasn’t even thirty, he can recover.
After his elaborate belt-thing had been removed (I was somewhat glad I didn’t have to embarrass myself there), he pulled his pants down far enough (definitely not skittish At All) to expose himself.
I blinked.
His hands weren’t the only thing (at the very least) size-appropriate.
My eyebrows raised and I grinned. And licked my lips.
Gift to womanhood.
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