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uncanny-tranny · 7 months

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I love (sarcasm) that the two options for working when disabled are:

1. Work at the risk of (permanently) disabling yourself further. Go home to a paycheck that won't cover much, but at least you have money. Fight the urge to cry when you're home because you're in so much pain and you can't do basic things anymore

2. Don't work. You'll be in just as much pain, plus you will have even less money. Getting a disability check probably won't cover anything, but chin up! A single dollar is better than no dollar, right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Nobody should be forced to make the decision to work or starve, but there's an added layer of torture when your body literally cannot handle these options. My heart goes out to us all, the world can change for the better

#disability #ableism #ableism tw #i'm still in pain after this shift i am feeling so fucking pissed #NEITHER of these are necessarily a 'privilege' and there are layers to this fucked-up cake #having money is better than having no money. but nobody should have to put their lives on the line because there is no. other. option.#i'm glad i can work but i'm so afraid of my body and my safety and my future. i'm scared that i'm only going to Get Worse because of work #every disabled person on government support should get $60004737 as their funds for the month #also point two is sarcastic are the end if that wasn't clear #kinda scared for my future ngl! 👍👍

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gordon-freeman-phd · 4 months

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It's time to suit up, Gordon.

#gordon freeman #half life 2 #blood tw #idoindeeddraw #ponderingradioactivedecay #please notice that the id tag on his shirt is the same as the sample number of the crystal that he pushed into the ams #and caused the rescas with #pleaseplease please notice #i just #i just think he would have a flashback or an epiaode of sometype when he realizes that he has to put on an hev suit again #internal struggle over the need for survival and the fear of what that suit has come to mean for him #i have an idea for what happens when he first sees the suit as well #i think he freezes so i decided in my lore that kleiner trys to read him the guide before the suit becuz safety obviously #amd barney then says theres no tie for that #that gives gordon a moment of dread the build of anxiety #and then the hev suit is revealed and he freezes #and what breaks him out of it is lamarr and instinct takes over and he tries to kill her and that places him in the protective but #maladaptive mindaet that he needs to put the suit on again #reblog

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neuroticboyfriend · 8 months

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finally tried hydrocodone for my back pain and THIS is the ~big scary opioids~ they've been talking about?! i know they're still ykno, serious medication but. i. feel. fine! i even took my other medication todayy!? i'd be angry but im honestly just. WHAT. i'm not in pain! yall coulda gave me this YEARS ago but you just didnt! i shouldnt have had to have figured this out all on my own especially with how it coulda easily gone sideways if i didnt have some awareness of what im doing?? fuckkk the war on drugs man. fuck it. shit.

edit: to be clear no i am not prescribed this i found some in the house it aint mine

#in terms of euphoria and anxiolysis this is equivalent to the barbiturate i got prescribed for migraines. which.#granted i drained the bottle in a few days but #STILL.#i feel like i deserve to choose between severe ending pain that makes me near housebound and stuck in this recliner all day #and potential addiction #like i feel like i should have that choice #especially since they're coming out with more treatments and safety measures for opioid addiction #ALSO especially because denying me adequate pain management is leading me to abuse other shit in ways that have nearly Killed Me #fuck the medical system so hard #fuck #julian rants #opioids tw #drugs tw

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quietwingsinthesky · 8 months

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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!

There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!

I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)

And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.

#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive #at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just #makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up #hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the #parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the #time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this #part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who #can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him #being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and #then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn #dean winchester #tw abuse

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vampiregokudera · 2 months

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YoungJusticeFashionWeek2024 EXTENDED (and fashionably late) Day 7 - Free day!

I designed the peacock suit for Bart quite a while back but i really wanted to add colours to it ^^

Added the forget me nots Bart so the fun (albeit awful quality thank tumblr for that 😔) gif is less obtrusive 👍

And with that we bid adieu to fashion week and thank everyone who participated 💗💗💗

It wouldn't have been as fun without you <3

See you again next year 🥳👋🧥

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fuck-comphet · 4 months

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Hey mom, if you really wanted your house to be a safe space for me, you wouldn’t invite a known homophobe over while I’m here, and then call me sensitive when I tell you that I’m uncomfortable interacting with this person

#I cannot deal with being in this house much longer #like seriously wtf #this homophobic person is not actually coming over but the only reason is that there’s been too many other friends of my parents over #so their roster was already full #and she just casually mentioned this to me like it was no big deal???#how can you be comfortable with the idea of inviting a homophobe to your house while your gay daughter is also there?!?#how can you even be friends with that person while you have a gay daughter you say you ‘respect and accept’?!?#im just venting because Im so mad right now #watch she’s going to call ME intolerent for this #like yeah Im INTOLERENT TO HOMOPHOBIA IM LITERALLY GAY????#cw homophobia #tw homophobia #just fucking reminds me that Im not safe here and I have to constantly be on my toes because my safety is never considered

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zappedbyzabka · 10 months

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Have you talked about Kreese inviting Silver to visit Cobra Kai before the events in TTK? Silver getting to meet a freshly 18 Johnny would be fun?

I think I have, but I sure will again.

It’s very unlikely that they wouldn’t have met before CK when Kreese was gushing to Silver about him. I usually picture him just dragging Johnny along to Silver’s place and introducing them privately, but I could totally see Kreese inviting him to the dojo so he could show Johnny off.

Johnny ends up on a much different path. Silver stops Kreese from choking him, secretly worried that his captain would accidentally break that pretty neck.

He understands Kreese’ liking to see the boy covered in blood or crying; he looks extra pretty when doing so, and Silver has pushed him to his very limits before and came out of it even prouder of Johnny—but death is a little too harsh a punishment for a single loss.

He and John have always kept each other in line—and the opposite.

Johnny seemed ashamed of himself, even under all that defensiveness; clutching his second place trophy and glassy-eyed, he was barely able to look at his friends but still brazen enough to keep his head held high and look him and Kreese in the eyes. Silver’s always enjoyed his stupid, stupid bravery.

It being abo would make it so much better too. Two big, bad alphas constantly by this lithe little omega’s side, scaring off all the guys who might’ve approached him. Maybe just to make it even more toxic, Johnny assumes that since no alphas or betas are approaching him that he’s a bad omega—and Silver is right there to assure him that he’s beautiful, a muse—and drag him deeper into their all encompassing grasp.

He’d move out of his parents house so much quicker and live with Terry in that big mansion, where he has a big wardrobe of all the clothes Terry bought him and a whole room (that he doesn’t use because he always ends up sneaking into Terry’s bed—much to his delight) decorated in all his favorite things. He takes baths with Terry in that big tub constantly; he almost never gets a private bath or shower unless he demands it.

Of course he gets knocked up. How couldn’t he?

(GOOOOOOD this looks like Billy with his shorter styled hair. (eg, Greg Tolan) Now, whether that was Terry's or Johnny’s plan, who knows? Johnny is always afraid of abandonment or worse, and thought that their very own baby would keep Terry well truly chained to him. He stopped taking his birth control and wrapped his legs and arms tight around Terry the next few times he filled him up, worried that somehow Terry would know of his plan, see the excitement in his eyes.

Or maybe Terry did it on purpose, pressing in the deepest he could one of the many, many times he had Johnny trembling on his cock, pretty hole well and truly reamed around that knot as Terry spilled inside. He knew the day that he met Johnny that he had to be his forever; something that he’s never going to be willing to give up.

If it were Kreese’ choice, he would have had Johnny dressed in pretty things and round with his or Terry’s child a long time ago. The boy had far too many suiters going after him.

And hey, In a different version, he had his way. (Though he’s the type of dick to take off the condom without asking, he’s lucky Johnny had already been clamping his legs tight around them so they really couldn’t pull out in time and laid face down ass up after getting filled to make sure it took.)

(Anywho: picture this last gif as Johnny smug as hell looking at Silver and Kreese because they can’t ever leave, and don’t want to.)

#This is Robert Redford’s fault for looking like their kid #Also that one ask about omega Johnny getting preg by accident #cw breeding #tw dubious consent #tw unhealthy relationship #tw grooming #He would have ruined their lives if they hadn’t mated him though #would have gotten enough on Sid’ good side so he could have the money to ruin them #I would tag it cobra hubbies but theres not nearly enough to do so #But they had weird shit going on with each other #safety first #nsft #Krilverlaw #silverlaw #kreerence #a/b/o

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uncanny-tranny · 4 months

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Okay, are belly button piercings "trashy," or do you just associate them with femininity, or women, or sex work and strike it down as inherently less worthy? Are 'tramp stamps' "trashy", or do you just associate them with femininity, or women, or sex work and strike it down as inherently less worthy? Is pole dance "trashy", or do you associate it with women, or sex work and strike it down as inherently less worthy?

These are examples, but I find it interesting when people link things with womanhood or femininity or - gasp! - sex work and then immediately condemn, scrutinize, and dehumanize those who even dapple a little in these things, even if it isn't for sex work or to "look trashy." It's funny how the feminine or woman is seen as trashy until proven otherwise, and it's shameful that people still hold the bias that women must prove their humanity by not "being trashy" or "acting like a hooker."

#feminism #look i'm not arguing sex work with people but it's funny that SWers are seen as less than human unless they have a sad story or they hate..#...themselves for 'stooping so low.' and it's funny that women bear both brunts of misogyny (sarcasm)#i'm saying this as a man who is also 'trashy' because i exercise my bodily autonomy every chance i get #just got my belly button done and i think it's a lovely body mod that can be so versatile #same with lower back tattoos!!! some of them are SO pretty in design and artistry #misogyny #misogyny tw #as i get older i realize just how deep the misogyny and policing of ESPECIALLY femininity and those who are/are forced to be/ect women #frankly a woman should be able to 'be trashy' or 'act like a hooker' and not fear for their safety or wellness #again i say all this as a man but i also want women* to feel safe and able to exercise the same bodily autonomy i do as a man

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pridelessdaydreamer · 5 months

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✧ liberosis: the desire to care less about things. :3

obscure sorrows drabble prompts (still accepting bc i'm sillay)

// blood and death.

Linhardt, again, feels sick to the stomach.

The first time today was when they had first set out on this mission; though they knew they were in the care of a highly capable mercenary (well, Professor now) and that their enemies were no more than mere bandits, there had still been an unease that they couldn’t quite shake away. It was haunting, in a way; a ghost.

That unease is here as well, staring down at the lifeless bandit body before her. How quickly it had gone from threatening her life to being dead on the floor: a corpse. She remembers the sudden approach, the swing, her impulsive retaliation–

He cannot explain why he feels so upset about it; he simply does.

( You did this, Lin. )

As an act of self-defense (get up)—but that does little to lessen the nausea. It is nothing, he knows, in the face of all the bandits’ previous victims; it is a service, even, to put an end to those who terrorize the common folk. (The blood is still flowing.)

Does this life matter so much more simply because you can see them bleed?

It is a desire to care more and less all at the same time—less, that they might feel nothing and move on without another thought; more, that their determination to help others may override their predispositions to begin with. They are in the middle ground of their emotions—caught in the moment in the worst way.

He curls into himself then, trying to hold his insides together. (Everyone else had been so excited—so eager to demonstrate what they’ve learned.) Linhardt alone was the odd one out; he could not stand the sight of blood.

If only I could be more like Caspar. (Perhaps she could see this as entertaining somehow?)

Standing, sinking, then standing and sinking again; just breathe, Lin. (You have to continue after all.)

“This is terrible,” they mutter to themself. But it’s the only way to make sure he’s safe.

#[‘i do believe you’re right.’] (asks)#[‘i can see the appeal…’] (drabbles)#blood tw #death ment tw #// was thinking recently about linhardt has the will to be on the battlefield when #// a) they hate exerting themself #and #// b) they hate the sight of blood #// and i could probably write a meta or smth on it now but #// tl;dr - if you have the power to ensure the safety of those you care about most. wouldn't you do so?#// and there's more to it than that but ya.#// linhardt strugglebus moment ig :person_shrugging:

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bluebellcloud · 5 months

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tw : mentions of dangerous situations

so i unlocked a past life memory and i deeply apologize because my dumbass as angel!crowley might have created a quasar or a pulsar . i was either too reckless or too angry . probably both options . i’m a menace 😀

#who or what the heck made me so angry at that moment oml #this is probably the main reason that made me fall #note to self : please don’t get angry when you shift realities as angel!crowley #i have ouranophobia ( fear of heaven ) so catch me scripting that i am not forced to go to heaven #you know what since i am not gonna be forced to go to heaven it’s unlikely that i fall from heaven or from grace so that’s a win frl #i don’t mind if they consider me a fallen angel at some point tbh so i am not worried about that #jesus this turned chaotic too quickly 😭#btw ima script safety in space as well because the more i find out about astronomy the more scared and amazed i am ngl #there’s gonna be repetition so #repetition in the tags tw #crowley kin #angel kin #fallen angelkin #demon kin #kin memories #reality shifting #shifting realities #shifting script #shifting ideas #shifting community #shiftblr #reality shifter #let’s be honest this kept becoming more chaotic #forgot to add the “spiritual fictionkin” tag next to the other kin tags #this is a mess #is anyone still reading this ?#bluebellcloud

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dryemiddi · 1 year

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I know you've probably gotten this a couple times. But as you're probably aware, the original creator of Vantablack was diagnosed with DID, where Vanta was present as a fictive alter. Vanta, alongside other alters, were the ones grooming and sexually abusing minors and adults alike. I won't say the host, or the original creator you knew, was innocent, but most of the problems arose from his alters.

Being that Vanta was a major abuser, and possibly a lot of his victims are becoming aware of this revival of project, is it possible that you could make and design your OWN Ink/Nightmare fusion, to spare them from triggering content? It would be in theirs, and your, best interests to consider doing so. Don't subject people to a sore reminder of their traumas. You've already removed most of the other characters created by the original creator, so why not the one who was centred in the drama surrounding the grooming and abuse thanks to a fictive of him? Please. As a friend to a few who were victims, I just want to ask if you hear me.

I do hear you. And I recognize the victims that we're affected by J's actions. But I also recognize the grey complexity of this current situation, at least in how it pertains to myself and my decisions here. I see Vanta (the character) and Vanta (the fictive) as very separate in nature; one of them is a real person who is responsible for their own actions. I've never properly met the fictive and I know very little about him besides the news of what he did (and honestly I'm very grateful for that). Perhaps the closest I've ever gotten to interacting with him was when J had a hostile meltdown in front of me after announcing my pull of my work from the old project (I was later told that it was Vanta who had that meltdown, but I'm unable to confirm it). I was never groomed. But that does not mean that I don't hold a large share of trauma that stemmed from my interactions with J. My memory of my time with him is foggy, perhaps repressed, but it's clear to me that he's left a sizeable negative imprint on my psyche-- if my innate fear towards him (even before hearing the news of what happened) is anything to go off of.

I do know that, at least for a while, I considered him to be my only friend. And knowing what I know now -and the fact that I am the same age as one of the victims- that scares me in ways I cannot even begin to describe. Does that make me a victim in some sense? I'm unsure. There is no simple or straight answer here, as there is with a lot of what I am and will be talking about. I don't want to force a simple conclusion out of all of this. I don't want to make this situation black and white: because it simply isn't. That would ultimately be a disservice to me fully processing the events that did occur. (Ironically enough, J wasn't the one out of the admins to leave me with the most trauma, but that's its own complicated story that I will save for another day.) Now Vanta, as a character, I still hold dear to my heart. I was responsible for designing him (both his initial and updated designs), as well as co-writing and coming up with major parts of his character. I see Vanta no different to any character I created entirely on my own, seeing as I was the second largest contributor to his character. It sort of just made sense to me to take him under my wing after what happened. For better or for worse, I can't bring myself to replace him. Perhaps I'm just stubborn or too sentimental for my own good. I love Vanta, in spite of everything J has done. And I want to give people the chance to enjoy Vanta without all that horrific baggage-- and that includes myself. I am willing to make an accommodation or two, however. As a compromise, I am willing to give Vanta a redesign (no drastic changes, unfortunately) as to further dissociate him with his past iterations. I also will aim to give my own spin to Vanta's personality to some extent. It isn't much, but it is something I am willing to do if it helps. If people are still uncomfortable with Vanta (especially victims), I certainly don't blame them. That being said, it is their job to curate their online experience to best suit their individual needs, whether that's ignoring posts, blocking tags, or even unfollowing me entirely. I'll respect that decision, as I ask that they respect my decision in turn, whether they agree with it or not. . I am thankful that you were able to approach me about this in a respectful manner. I applaud you for that. It's nice to be able to have a civil discussion about tricky topics such as this, as many are quick to be reactionary towards things they don't agree with. If you have more to say/ask and would like to, anon, my DMs are open.