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resident-gay-bitch · 1 year

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“oh, look, you were still a filthy little shit as a child too, my love.” remus said with a doting smile, holding up a picture frame with an image of sirius and regulus as small children. in it, regulus looked like the perfect angel child, and sirius was picking his nose.

“you are so good to me, moony.” sirius glanced at him, “such a kind soul.”

“i do try.” remus grinned and set the picture down.

they were cleaning out the bedrooms in the old black estate so there would be beds for the weasleys, and harry, and the granger girl, and whoever else needed shelter here. it was the first time since azkaban that sirius had been able to step foot in regulus’s room. its the first time he’s stepped foot in it since he left for the potters whilst still in school.

that seemed like a lifetime and a half ago now.

“how are you feeling with all this, padfoot?” remus asked, tossing more junk into the box he had under his arm.

“alright, considering…” he shrugged, because he really was doing the best he could. it was hard, being in here, still grieving the loss of his brother. never getting the closure he needed. he still grieved for everyone, even remus, “the abnormally romantically desperate poetry is keeping me sane- you know, if regulus was here right now, he’d actually cut off my hand and gouge out my eyes for reading his journals.”

remus laughed.

sirius held up one of the journals, an old one, “i remember when we were boys, regulus had just started to write and he’d left his page open on his desk and i… i started to read, and he stabbed my hand with his pen.”

remus just looked at him.

“you can laugh, you know? it’s funny.”

remus tried his best not to laugh.

“he was an aggressive little creiten.” sirius said with a smile, “you know, i’m wishing more than anything that he just… pop up out of thin air and stab me with his pen again for reading all these.”

remus let a little laugh out at that.

“i shouldn’t snoop, i know i shouldn’t, but…” he sighed and slapped the book down into the box he had beside him, “it’s all i have left of him, and so, i think it might be the closure i need.”

“i’m sure he’ll understand, sirius.” remus offered and then pondered the thought for a moment, “he might still have a violent outburst about it, but he’d understand.”

sirius laughed and nodded his head, “you’re right, moony. why must you always be right?”

remus tapped his noggin, “old and wise.”

“old, perhaps.” siris muttered under his breath, and remus threw an old little velvet box at him in retaliation.

sirius laughed before opening it, inspecting the insides. there lay a ring, one with regulus’s initials. sirius had a matching one, all the blacks did. a signet ring gifted to them before departing on the hogwarts express. an expectation to make the family name proud and grow into a fine young man with poise and prejudice.

fuck that.

sirius wore his ring for a total of seven hours before he’d removed it after getting sorted into gryffindor and got that horrid letter from his mother. he’d thrown it into the black lake the day he found out regulus had become like them, when his skin had been marked and his fate was sealed.

if only he knew, back then, that regulus wasn’t like them after all. that he just wanted to be seen, the same as sirius did.

sirius slid the ring onto his finger and hoped that wearing it would be enough.

he sighed and reached under the bed for another box. this one was smaller, a chest of sorts. he opened it to find a collection of letters.

sirius opened the one on top, it had the most wear and tear, and he smiled when he read the first line.

“oh, remus… have a look at this.” sirius laughed, holding up the letter, “regulus has love letters.”

“absolutely he did not.” remus shook his head.

“a whole box of them.” sirius nodded and held the paper back out to read again, “look, it says, dear regulus, my love.”

“who’s it from?” remus asked, leaning up against the counter.

“i’m not sure,” he shrugged, “it’s signed from his sun.”

remus squinted, “we’ll go on, read it out.”

“sorry, brother.” sirius said and cleared his throat, “dear regulus, my love, i hope this letter finds you well. i can’t bear to be without you. this summer break has been most painful, i miss you dearly. as you told me before we parted ways, you will look to the sun to find me, but i’ve noticed the sun has hidden away these past few days, so i am writing to you so you may find me like this instead. i still look to the sky every night and blow a kiss to your star. i think of you as i lay awake at night. i dream of you when sleep finally takes me, but it always comes easier with you in my arms- oh, remus. whoever this sun is, they’re a bloody sap.”

remus laughed, “yes, almost as sappy as you, sirius.” he smiled, “reminds me of james, a bit… he was such a romantic with lily.”

“don’t remind me.” sirius glared at him, “i had to hear every musing of that love fest.”

“i think i’ve heard enough, have you?” remus sighed, “you don’t want to invade their privacy any longer.”

“oh, but he was in love, moony.” sirius sighed, “there is no name! and i’ll only read this one.”

“i really don’t think you should-“

“sometimes, when i miss you so much it hurts my heart, i hold my hands up to block out your brothers face and pretend his smile is yours. it’s not quite the same, but it’s close enough. i find you everywhere, reg- wait, oh, they- they blocked out my smile?” sirius glanced up.

remus swallowed, “you should really put that down, sirius.”

“you know something.” sirius glared at him.

“i don’t.” remus pressed, averting his eyes.

“you do. you are a terrible liar!” he gasped, “you can’t lie to me, moony- what do you know?”

“it’s none of your business, sirius.” remus huffed, “your brothers' relationships are no matter to you.”

“but he was in love!” sirius pressed, “my little brother was in love, remus! he was in love with one of my- oh my goodness, is it you? did you write these-“

“oh, sirius, shut up.” remus sighed and glared at him, “your brother was a very handsome boy back in school, but i prefer long haired shit heads.”

sirius smiled with a little pout, “you are such a romantic, moony… and speaking of romantics-“

“sirius.” remus pressed.

“it’s torture not telling sirius about this, i tell him everything, but for you i’ll keep this safe. for you i would do anything, my love. i hope you don’t mind, but i may have told remus- you do know!” sirius gasped, “what do you know!”

“i made a vow to never tell you, sirius.” remus shook his head out, “i made a vow to the both of them, and even though he’s dead, i do not intend on breaking a vow with regulus black.”

sirius hummed, “you’re probably right to do that. he’s slimy. he’ll find a way to harm you for it.”

remus nodded.

sirius sighed and looked back at the letter, “i’m going to keep reading.”

“okay.” remus groaned, “but you can’t get mad.”

“why would i get mad?”

“you just would.” remus said.

“oh, it was lily.” sirius nodded, and the way that remus scrunched up his face told sirius that it certainly wasn’t lily, “peter? that… bastard-“

“not peter.” remus shook his head and got back to cleaning.

sirius sighed and read the letter again, “i just couldn’t keep this to myself anymore. he vowed to never tell a soul, and promised to make the same vow to you if you’d like. i have to tell someone about you, my love, about your letters. about your poetry. about your love. you are my everything, and i hold you so dear in my heart. i love you, regulus, more than all the stars in the galaxy. enjoy your solace, bask in it, i have to go listen to sirius talk about david bowie for another three hours, and then we’re going shopping with mum, so- wait!” sirius froze and read the last part out again, he could see remus tense up out of the corner of his eye, “shopping with mum, so pray for me. i’m kidding, i do love your brother very much. i hope we can tell him about this soon, i hope he will be happy for us. love, your sun. oh remus…”

“yes?” remus asked.

“it’s james… isn’t it?” he swallowed, “james was the one in love with my brother?”

“i can neither confirm nor deny.”

sirius dove back into the box of letters and kept searching until he found one with an address written on it, as well as a bedroom- james room. it was james. james had been writing his brother. james was in love with his brother. james was- “what the fuck?!” sirius shouted, waving the letters out and looking up to the sky, “you filthy, lying, brother-fucker! james- oh! i’ll- when i get up there, you’re dead! how could you lie for… for so long- oh, james… you- i’m so sorry.”

remus swallowed, “he wanted to tell you… after regulus died. he- he couldn’t bring himself to after he was marked, james felt completely betrayed. but… when he died, it hurt you so deeply, he didn’t want to risk angering you or hurting you more. and then after that, he just… he never found the time.”

sirius’s heart clenched for his best friend. he loved him. he loved his brother, and he braved the pain of losing him alone. he let sirius cry to him day in and day out about the pain and loss of regulus, and he was feeling the same. he was feeling it too. but he put on a brave face just so sirius wouldn’t hurt so much. so sirius had a stoic shoulder to cry on.

oh james.

you beautiful mess.

sirius prayed he had peace there, in the afterlife, wherever it may be. he hoped he had lily close by, and regulus too. he hoped james was happy again, and he’d be there soon. and the very first thing sirius plans to do when he meets his fate, is hold james just as tightly as james had held him all those years ago, and then he’d hold his brother the same.

sirius sighed and looked down at the letter in his hand, “we’re they… they were happy?”

“very.” remus nodded, “from what i know, james loved him very much.”

“oh, james.” sirius sniffled, holding back some tears, “my brother, why didn’t you tell me? you were- you were hurting just the same as i was- you- you let yourself go through all of that alone?”

“he wasn’t alone, sirius.”

sirius looked up at remus with a weak smile and nodded, “thank you, remus… for looking after us both.”

remus walked over and crouched down in front of sirius, swept some of his hair back behind his ear, “is that not what love is for? caring for one another?”

“it is.” sirius clutched the letter to his chest and let out a tear, “i’m glad regulus had love, remus… before he died- both of them. they both deserve so much love.”

“and they have it.” remus whispered and kissed sirius between his brows, “as do you. i love you. they love you, even in death.”

“i miss them.” sirius sobbed, “oh, i miss them so much.”

“me too, my love.” remus let himself cry too, “me too.”

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mourningliliesmorningglories · 30 days

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I didn't have it in myself to go with grace, and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves.

“Leaving, brother? Without even so much as a goodbye?” Sirius turns to see Regulus perched on the stairs of Grimmauld Place. There was a reason Sirius didn't say his farewells. Neither brother had any discernible expression on their face, nothing that any stranger could ever pick up on. Regulus' brow was furrowed, only just, an expression of despair, of disappointment. Sirius' mouth was set in a thin line. Regulus knew that this was his resignation, shame even, in leaving this place and not even extending a hand to his little brother. Regulus knows why Sirius chooses to leave quietly. You cannot blame a ghost for haunting a house in the opposite way to which it once lived there.

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same.

Regulus stands, he chooses to do this face to face. "Goodbye." Sirius' voice is rough around the edges. His skin is sallow in the candle light, hair limp and tangled. He looks like a Black. He looks like every Black that ever had their face burned off of the tapestry. Maybe this is their curse, not the actions of the leaver but the suffering of the one left behind. “It was always my life for yours.” Regulus' voice is cool, collected. He will not acknowledge his brother's inner tempest, simply because it isn't his. “So naive brother. This is not her letting you go. This is her telling you, never come back. This is her telling you, I knew I’d have to have a second son.”

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, you turned into your worst fears.

Regulus sees Sirius shudder. He cannot falter, he must play his part. Everything in their lives is an orchestra. Regulus was no better than a puppet, but this act of the play matters. “I paid for your freedom, Sirius Black." Regulus' voice was almost melodic, mocking. Sirius stares directly into his brothers eyes. He tries to understand this parable but he cannot reconcile his brother into the role of both the punisher and the punished. He turns and his footsteps echo down the corridor. To Regulus, the slam of the door sounds almost like the snap of marionette strings. The deed is done. The demon is free of the body that once controlled it.

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years.

Sirius would always be Regulus’ first and last word. It echoes around the cave like salvation. Sirius. Saved. Sirius. Saved. Sirius. Saved. Regulus knows their eyes are identical. Regulus knows he will die. Sirius will always carry a part of his brother, and Regulus will die with a part of his. Regulus finds only relief in the knowledge that he would be free from his punishment. He thinks it to be natural, this yearning to be his brother's other half again. Regulus hopes Sirius can understand him, that one day he'll revere him as an oblation. He hopes he is his brother's favorite sacrificial lamb.

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed. Look at how my tears ricochet.

The Daily Prophet arrives at Sirius Black's window like it does every day. Remus is making breakfast. This isn't routine and this isn't normal. It's 1979 and the first time in months neither he nor Remus were doing something for the Order. The normalcy, the domesticity almost puts him on edge. He skips to the best part of the Prophet - Obituaries. He's always had a morbid obsession with betting on which Black would go next. He sees his brother. He reads his name. He watches Regulus blink up at him from the portrait with the exact same eyes Sirius thanks him with.

#marauders #harry potter #sirius black #regulus black #remus lupin #angst #black brothers angst #i couldn’t stop thinking of them and this song #ouch ouch ouch #regulus deserves to have his story told #regulus you are the priest's favorite sacrificial lamb

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emryyyyyss09 · 1 month

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OKAY hear me out hear me out.

we know those ship things like "in every universe". we've seen wolfstar in every universe, but NO ONE??? has ever shown me??? STEDDIE as one of these??? pLEASE it's perfect!!!!!!!

like:

pls

let's bffr

(credits: no clue, twas on google via Pinterest, but if you do know, please tell me, and, @lunopal )

#steve harrington #marauders era #sirius black #marauders #wolfstar #steddie #remus lupin #eddie munson #stranger things #and no one told me #i had to watch the fucking show myself #for you #ig #i always put that there #cause idk who 'you' is #could be made for you

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lunapwrites · 1 year

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There's a part of me that wants MWPP to have built a treehouse in the forbidden forest, just to have a secret place to go to that's just theirs (because the shack is different, it just is.) It's all cobbled together out of spare wood they found and bits of the shack that moony ripped up and the ladder is crooked and there's a little overhang where they'd stand to have literal pissing matches ("Bet I can hit that tree" "Yeah? Bet I can hit your mum") and there's things all carved in the trunk that are mostly worn away with weather and time, but inside -- inside is where the magic is.

There's full on conversations all over the walls, written in black ink. Graffiti immortalizing these four asshole teens in all their immature glory. Outlines of their bodies on the floor, and Remus had drawn X's for eyes and a frowny face on his. Someone drew an impressive rack of antlers on James. Someone else drew an impressive rack on Peter. (Below the left one there's a line that says "fuck u Sirius" and below that another that says "get in line xx") and there's the remnants of a dart board, holes dotting the wall around it, and there's a scoreboard that isn't for the darts but rather for the number of times one of them punched James in the nuts (Sirius was winning)

(James was also inexplicably on the board, with many question marks around his name)

And it's just this glorified lean to stuck up in a tree but there's so much history there -- so much stupid humor -- that Harry has to catch his breath when he stumbles across it, starts reading. Starts laughing at the notes reading "here lies James Potter, ripped a fart during Charms and died of embarrassment" / "THAT WAS YOU HAHAHAHA"

And it's all covered in moss and dead leaves and the ghosts of dead men and Harry preserves it anyway because it was proof they were alive, they were real, they were human.

I just think they deserve a little gremlin tree fort okay

#mwpp #remus lupin #james potter #sirius black #peter pettigrew #hp #tree houses #james. bestie.#how did you manage that #no one will ever know #so many stories #never to be told #bc everyone who knew them died #and now I'm sad

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fiendishfyre · 6 months

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Made more picrews of my darling boys because if you have one, the other must be there. Heart ones is them giving each other letters on Valentine's Day, hahaha.

#sirius black #james potter #prongsfoot #hp starbucks #starbucks #starchaser #sirius x james #james x sirius #james is scraped up because he went into the forest to collect a rare new moon toadstool for a potion he wants to gift Sirius #that ring is their wedding one #because i said so #lily told them muggles give each other rings so they did #sirius ring is on the hand you don't see #hahahaha

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whinlatter · 5 months

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i MUST hear your thoughts on "im your man" by mitski and how it's the ginny/harry/sirius trio anthem in "beasts"...must hear

what have you done asking me about this...... a great and terrible mistake........ the air is thick with sirens...........

basically i'm your man is an absolutely perfect song about feeling unworthy and undeserving of the love someone gives you, and a feeling of great dread that one day the other person will realise it and leave. it is - for this reason - so eye-wateringly ginny-sirius-harry coded i simply cannot bear it. that whole album (the land is inhospitable and so are we) is heaven and there are so many songs on it that have been absolutely dynamite for getting the juices flowing with this fic (the frost and star are my hinny anthems for chapter 12 👀)

so i am taking a short dissertation writing break to offer an entirely unhinged rant about i'm your man complete with some mild beasts spoilers because apparently i care a lot about this inexplicably. thank you so much for humouring me!

you're an angel, i'm a dog or you're a dog and i'm your man you believe me like a god i'll destroy you like i am

the first verse plays with the idea that there are three tiers of being - dog, man, angel/god - that all exist in relation to each other. the narrator sings the song to put themselves down. you're an angel, i'm a dog - meaning, i'm lowly nothing compared to your pure divine greatness. in the next line, a twist and advance on that idea: you're a dog (faithful, honest, loyal, loving easily and with such trust) and i'm your man (the one who is responsible for you, who you look to protect and sustain you, who is unworthy of that kind of adoration). you believe me like a god - you trust and believe in my power and ability to take care of you and guide you. but then: i'll destroy you like i am - the only real godlike power the narrator identifies with is the capacity for destruction and ruin.

ok partly it's... you know....... the dog thing because i am very on-the-nose. (obviously sirius as padfoot, but also the distinctions in the wizarding world between beings as the moral civilised entities vs the beasts, the wild and lawless and violent magical creatures). but it's also this suggestion of hero worship and adoration from one character to another, and the object of that kind of love struggling to feel worthy of it and fearing the power it has given them over the other person. it's such a huge vibe for how i'm thinking about these characters !! i feel like it works both for harry and sirius' relationship as well as harry and ginny's: the love and reverence harry has for sirius, when sirius is filled with so much self-loathing and guilt and awareness of his own failings as a parent figure, and the way harry comes to love ginny and think of her as this pure singular light and symbol of all his hopes for a bright and good future, which (i think!) would be a lot for ginny to take on and live up to and feel deserving of. there's even shades of it in how i imagine ginny feels about sirius in the flashbacks - little ginny looking up to sirius like he's a god, hanging off his every word, sirius backing away from being responsible for this child's admiration and desire for guidance from him.

i'm sorry i'm the one you love no one will ever love me like you again so when you leave me, i should die i deserve it, don't i

i mean this is a pure sirius verse imo also with such harry shades to it ('i deserve it don't i' pure ootp harry angst). but i see some of ginny in this too ('i'm sorry i'm the one you love' - her wish that she could just be such cool and chill and easy and trying to live up to this idea harry sometimes as of her as so strong and stoic and able to deal with things, and then her feelings when all that comes crumbling down....)

i can feel it getting near like flashlights coming down the way one day you'll figure me out i'll meet judgment by the hounds

the feeling of being hunted! sirius and harry as wanted men! ginny getting found out and caught in her secrets and half-lies! 'i'll meet judgement by the hounds' god. god

people always gave me love others were never to blame after all you believe me like a god i'll betray you like a man

i think of this verse as the sirius and ginny verse. here the narrator locates the source of their unworthiness internally, not in being deprived of love by others, but in something fundamentally broken and tainted inside them. sirius as a character can't blame a total absence of love for what he's become - he was loved, he blames no-one but himself for the loathing he feels for himself. ginny, too, could not have been more loved, both before the TMR ordeal, but also thereafter - she comes from a family that adores her, she is widely liked and admired; but still, there's something missing in her sense of self. i do not wish to spoil future chapters but yeah this is bit is a Big Mood as we come closer to understanding ginny's war and what it asked of her

in chapters 10 and 11 of beasts, i started to play with this idea of the traitor, of a person who has made a great and terrible choice to betray the people close to them and in doing so revealed a true self that was there all along but lay dormant. so far in the fic, i've tried to thread in a lil drip-drip-drip of questions about the self, who a person really ever is, and about the choices characters make because of their sense of who they are, especially moral choices, in a war and under a regime that must, ethically, be resisted.

of sirius, harry, and ginny, so far it's sirius who knows most about what it is to be a traitor: someone who spent the bulk of his life assumed to be a turncoat, who is consumed by his hatred of wormtail and the memory of his treachery, who can't even begin to grasp the layers and dimensions to his own brother's betrayal, and who fundamentally still thinks of himself as a traitor to his best mate, believing himself to having 'as good as' killed lily and james. harry is the one who's full of trust, throughout the war:

'“No,” Harry said out loud, and they all looked at him, surprised. The firewhisky seemed to have amplified his voice. “I mean . . . if somebody made a mistake,” Harry went on, “and let something slip, I know they didn’t mean to do it. It’s not their fault,” he repeated, again a little louder than he would usually have spoken. “We’ve got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don’t think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort."'

“No, I think you’re like James,” said Lupin, “who would have regarded it as the height of dishonour to mistrust his friends.” Harry knew what Lupin was getting at: that his father had been betrayed by his friend, Peter Pettigrew. He felt irrationally angry. He wanted to argue, but Lupin had turned away from him...'

ginny, of course, knows what it is to be betrayed - by her first real friend, by her own brother. but i just think these two final lines, the twist on the first verse, are such a huge huge mood for drawing some of these ideas to the surface as the plot inches (v slowly lol) forwards - the idea of a character who has had every faith put in them by someone who loves and believes in them, who fears that they wll buckle under the weight of it and betray that love and trust in terrible ways. to betray you like a man - for the great moral sin to be something inherent to no other creature or being but man - is just such a powerful cool as shit line that is really gettin me going for writing the next bit of this fic.

wow i didn't even know how much i cared about this song but turns out it's a lot???? troubling for me!

#beasts #sirius black #hinny #mitski the woman that you are #that whole album is fire #i got told off for insisting i don't like my mind was a christmas song and sticking it on on christmas day #like sorry it's MY song of worship?#beasts spoilers

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floralembarrassment · 1 year

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Part and Parcel (1/1) (jegulus | wolfstar)

James can't think of anything else as he sips his tea, listening to his Regulus, his Sirius, his Remus. Listening to them chatter and joke and watch as each rolls their eyes bigger than the last. Listening to the life he always wanted and would protect with all of his might.

James loved nothing more than Regulus. He wouldn't tell that to Sirius of course, but it was true. Remus understood in the same way that Regulus was his best friend but Sirius, well Sirius is his reason for being. All four of them belonged together, the sun and moon amongst the stars. But the moon waxed and waned, making room for the brightest star shine, where the sun warmed the cold space surrounding the star and set to give it time to be free.

Sirius and Regulus end up with two brothers and another half. Enough people to love and care and challenge them.

Regulus can't think of anything else as he sips his tea, listening to his James, his Remus, his Sirius. Listening to them talk and laugh and watch as each jumps from their seat higher than the last. Listening to the life he never thought he deserved and would fight tooth and nail for.

Regulus needed nothing more than Remus. He wouldn't tell that to James of course, but it was true. Sirius understood in the same that Remus was the love of his life but James, well James is the air in his lungs. All four of them belonged together, a brotherhood of water and wine. But as blood spilled and poured, water cleansed the wound, where wine shared after numbed the pain of a wound unseen and gave a second heart to bear any weight.

James and Remus end up with two brothers and another half. Enough people to hold and scold and swat at them.

And maybe there are those that we love and maybe there are those that we need, but in the end, after all this time, in every universe, that might just be the same thing. Loved and needed, given and chosen, water and wine, moon and sun and stars... all pieces of each of us.

And maybe, just maybe all parts fit.

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