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bizarrepotpourri · 4 months
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Chansta's Execution by Simon Carr (@scarrart)
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dash-of-me · 10 months
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Adventures in New America Episode 1 - The End Transcript
I'm so miffed there aren't any transcripts for this series, so I made it myself. Some words I couldn't catch so there might be some errors. Please let me know if there's any so I can edit and fix it.
Adventures in New America
Episode 1 - The End
[Intro song jingle]
Narrator : Hello, and welcome to Adventures in New America. Where each week we bring you new tales from the tragic American After.
This week, the first episode of Tetchy Terrorist Vampire Zombies will be coming to you in stereo right after these words from our sponsors.
[End intro jingle]
[Ad jingle, sounds of coins depositing into a jar]
Character 1 : Heya Jim, whatchu doing?
Character 2 : Oh, hey Tom. I’m just throwing away these pennies.
C1: Throwing away money?
C2: I mean what’s the point? Citizens are throwing away money every day when they don’t separate the pre-1982 pennies from the rest of their change.
C1: It’s that bad?
C2: Sure! With inflation the way it is, a 1982 penny is worth three times its face value, but people just keep using them at the stores. Maybe I should be like them and throw away my money.
C1: Stop! There’s a better alternative. Send your change to Clico Metal Retrieval.
C2: Clico Metal Retrieval?
C1: Clico Metal Retrieval. It just makes good sense.
For more information, call us at KL-56120 or write to Clico Care Of: P.O. Box 247, Old New York, New York, 10038.
[Ad’s end jingle]
[Organ’s opening song]
Narrator: If you grew weary of this life and were to leave your dwelling, you would’ve eventually find bumper to bumper traffic, and past all that traffic, past the buildings and the houses, and the farms, you would find a rocky shore, a budding and expansive waters so immense that even disappearing into the horizon, would take the better part of your day.
Beyond the shore, and the great water, there’s a new land. Whose early settlers christened New America in memory of a fabled Land of Plenty.
This land is as large as the great water is deep and as varied as the acidic snowflakes that pelt its mountain ranges. There are people living in deserts and in swamps, in backwater retreats and in cities built on faults that mark where massive tectonic plates meet.
Wind roams across the heartlands, shaping the landscapes, along its people.
It is an accident and a mystery.
Man 1: It’s no good. I’m moist.
Man 2: You’ve got too many layers.
Narrator: Over the coming twelve episodes, our program will focus on the denizens of a cluster of islands on New America’s eastern coast, where a large amount of this nation’s wealth and poverty are concentrated.
These islands are turtles made of stone and on their weary backs rest the hopes and nightmares of a population ravaged by fear.
Man 1: I know I got too many layers. I take it off and what do I do with it huh?
Man 2: Shut up. Can’t we just repaste these posters?
Narrator: Fear has gone hand in hand with New America ever since its final invaders first took a stroll through its virgin forests.
But today, the people are scared of a new peril. Monsters in human form that stalked the night looking for their next meal. A myth for some, and a menace for others.
By day, the city is yours, at night, these streets are owned by the Terrorist Tetchy Vampire Zombies from outer space.
[Woman singing]
Woman: [Singing] As far as I can see, see, they all see me and I’m gone gone gone. See ya fellas.
[Microphone feedbacks]
Woman: Alright, see y’all later.
[The woman laughing and walking and then singing]
Woman: Ooh, a cold one tonight.
[Sound of the men pasting posters]
Man 2: Maybe you can take off your jacket.
Man 1 : I’m taking off my jacket. I’m taking off my jacket. (Said annoyingly)
Man 2: Quiet! You hear that?
Man 3: That’s just the sound of wheat pacing.
Man 2: No, listen.
[Woman singing]
Man 2: A fire in the night. Let’s fly.
Man 1 : Come on, not too fast, I have a fungus on my toes and I can’t cut them. It’s terrible.
[Sound of wings flapping]
[The woman suddenly stopped mid-singing]
Man 2: No, don’t stop. Let that cute little soul of yours rise.
Woman: Excuse me? Man? Sir?
Man 1 : How is it that you people have such big black souls, twice as filling as a white soul, yet look at you, society’s trash.
Woman: Trash?
Man 1: I can already taste the indigestion.
When we eat you, we’ll do the world a favor.
Woman: Eat me? No, no, wait a minute. You sound tetchy.
Man 2: You’ve heard of us then?
Man 1 : Did you hear good things?
Man 3: They always got it wrong.
Woman: Yeah, my momma warned me about you. My poppa did too. See, you never bathed in the light. You’ll never be free. Sugar-free sweet Moses, I can’t let you monsters prey upon good people. I gotta warn them. Tell them you’re real. You boy, stay away from me.
[Sound of bones crunching, the woman groans in pain]
Woman: What’re doing? Get off me. Let me go.
Man 2: Eat the extremities first so that she can live longer. So she could watch.
[The woman is struggling against them, sound of munching]
Men :
-Keep singing.
-Hey, give me back my share of the thigh bone.
[The woman groans and shouts in pain till her last breath]
Narrator : She screams her last softly. A New American dies.
[Sound of a rooster crowing]
Narrator : By day, the horrors of the dark are replaced, swept away by the more ordinary nightmares of our day to day lives. On a different island, the next morning, Ian Alseed (?) Olivier stands astride the busy sidewalk, dressed in his ill-fitting beige guayabera shirt, cargo shorts combo like a party barge that has run out of beer. Tall, but out of shape, overweight, defeated, old beyond his years. He steals a dragon fruit from a sidewalk produce vendor, and tries for the fifth time this week to get arrested.
Vendor : You like that dragon fruit? 3 dollars.
I.A. : I don’t think so. I’m a thief and I’m stealing this dragon fruit and you should call the police.
Vendor: [Laughs] What are you talking about?
I.A. : I’m stealing from you. Look, I’m walking away. Call the police.
Vendor: You paying? You put it back.
I.A. : I told you, I won’t pay. I’m a criminal. I’m a black man.
Vendor: Oh. I see. Are you hungry? Look, just take some fruit, hun.
I.A. : No, no, see, I’m not hungry, I'm a thief. I’m gonna smash all these fruits with my feet. I’m gonna steal your apples, I’m gonna steal your durians if you don’t call the police.
Vendor: Come here honey. That’s right. [The vendor hugs I.A.] Oh, that’s alright, I’m just hugging you, baby.
I.A.: Let go of me. No, I don’t want a hug. I’m a thief. I’m a thief.
Vendor: That's right. 1,2,3. Good boy. That’s right. That’s right.
[Scene changes. I.A. on a stage, talking to the audience]
I.A. : Lights. Hey, what’s up? It’s your boy, I.A. Olivier, and I’m embarrassed to say that was me not too long ago. Couldn’t get arrested to save my life, literally. I can say it now, I was lost. Lost, until the day I met Simon Carr. I can see some of you already know Simon, but if you didn’t clap when I said her name, don’t worry about it. As we all know, ‘clapping is not mandatory’. [Audience repeats this slogan] That’s right, oh yeah.
Now, I want to tell you how I came to Simon.
Back then, I would’ve said my life is a mess, without even realizing that I wasn't truly alive. Crazy, right? I was still trying to get arrested and I thought, I thought this one would work. I wore a sandwich board that said ‘Marijuana & Narcotics 4 Sale Here’ with the numeral 4 as opposed to the word. Carried a bullhorn, went down to the court at Nassau and Liberty street and well, let me just show you.
Lights.
[I.A. on a bullhorn]
Attention society, I am selling illegal marijuana for a fairly decent price and an assortment of other narcotics available for your immediate illicit consumption. Ask me how to take advantage of this splendid offer.
Policeman: Sir, could you take off the sign?
I.A. : Hello, officer. Yes, yes I will. [I.A. turns off his bullhorn]
Policeman: Could you empty your pockets?
I.A. : Yes.
Policeman: Keys and a phone? You don’t have any narcotics do you, sir?
I.A. : No. I am prepared to be arrested. Take me away.
Policeman: Arrested?
[The cop takes away I.A.’s bullhorn and smashes it]
I.A. : Hey, my bullhorn.
Policeman: So you can tell them this dumb shit is some kind of art about Wall Street or whatever? Waste my time again and they won’t find you.
I.A.: I’m sorry.
Policeman: You understand me, professor? They won't find you.
I.A.: I understand.
Policeman: Excellent, have a nice day.
I.A.: Oh, what am I gonna do? If I don’t get arrested soon. I’m gonna die.
[Wheels screeching]
Simon: Move, move, move, move. Watch out!
[I.A. screams]
Man: Damn, they ran right into each other.
Cop?: Stay right there, buddy.
Simon: I’m not resisting.
Old man: That’s him, that stole the console. That little shit. Stole it from my store.
Cop: There are two little shits here, sir. Can you be more specific?
Old man: The fat one did nothing. It was the black girl.
Simon: Hey, nah, nah, nah, nah.
I.A.: I stole it! I stole this... this Playstation. Arrest me.
Cop: You telling me how to do my job?
I.A. : No, I just… See, I was the lookout. And my friend and I-
Simon : I do not know this person.
Old man: He’s lying. The black girl stole it. This fat fuck was just standing there.
Cop: Fat? You think he’s fat?
I.A. : I am a little husky.
Cop: Husky. I would say husky.
Old man: It doesn’t matter how fat he is. Arrest him!
Cop : Hey, you already got one down with that fat remark, keep telling me what to do and I’m gonna arrest you. Got that?
Old man: Always the same. Give them a pat in the back and a participation trophy. Fucking millennials.
Cop: Millennial? I’m Italian you racist fuck!
Old man: What I need to give you for you to do your job, man? Money?
Cop: That’s it. We’re going back to your store to have a discussion about manners.
I.A. : He’s under arrest? But I-
Simon: Officer, sir, can my friend and I go? Do you need us?
[Old man arguing with the cop, resisting]
Cop: No, I got all I need.
Simon: Come on friend, let’s be other wheres.
I.A. : Other wheres? Leave me alone.
Simon : The sun isn’t good for your skin.
Cop: Oh hey, kid.
I.A. : Yeah?
Cop: You're not fat. Alright? You’re fine just the way you are.
I.A.: [To Simon] Hey, let go.
Simon: Use your feet, fool. Bye.
[End scene instrument plays]
Narrator: We’ll be back with more Adventures in New America on the Night Vale Presents Network after these words from our sponsors.
[Ads jingle, coins dropping in a jar]
Father: Well hello there Billy, whatcha doing?
Son: I’m counting all my coins, dad. I want to take Suzy to the VidFlex this Friday.
Father: How much do you think you have?
Son: Oh, about 20 dollars.
Father: Are you sure? Did you check the dates on those coins?
Son: Dates? Why, no, pop. What do you mean?
Father: Look at this cent piece. It’s from before 1982. That’s when they change the metal composition of coins.
Son: And?
Father: And? Why, the metal in this cent piece is worth three times the face value.
Son: Gee, how do I cash it in? Should I melt it?
Father: [Laughs heartily] Oh, no, son, it is a federal offense to melt coins that are still usable as a currency.
Son: Looks like I’m back to 20 dollars.
Father: Not at all. Send your coins to Clico Metal Retrieval and they’ll pay you dollars on the pound for your old currency.
Son: Clico Metal Retrieval?
Father: Clico Metal Retrieval. It just makes good... ‘cents’.
For more information call us at KL56120 or write to Clico Care Of P.O. Box 247 Old New York, New York 10038.
[End of ads jingle]
[Ads jingle]
Mr. Deeds: Hello, are you hungry for something good? Come to the Ambrosia Diner in Red Hook. Want a burger? We have burgers. Grilled cheese, chicken salad, bagels, we have it all. And, while you’re here, why not buy some raffle tickets? They're only a dollar each. And the prizes are out of this world. 200 Coffey Street in Brooklyn by the east river. Can’t make it to the diner? Buy your tickets online on our website ambrosiadiner.net. We can’t send you a slice of
Miss Trixie’s birthday cake online but you can’t have it all. Or can you?
At the Ambrosia Diner.
[Ads end]
Ad notifier: The following is a paid for advertisement from the Church of Children of the Apocalypse.
Man: Are you afraid to walk the streets at night? Do you know someone who has gone missing?
We all do. The police blame recent events on gang violence but more of us are waking up to the truth. Terrorist tetchy vampire zombies. People have witnessed them feeding. There’s evidence at crime scenes. The vampire zombies are real, and the police refused to do anything about it. How long must our children suffer, locked inside our houses? Losing their moms and dads. When will our spineless mayor take action?
These fiends don’t just rob and kill, they destroy the very soul of our city. They drain its life, blood, they eat its brain, they carve and kill and despoil and destroy and what’s worse? They do it with a complete lack of sartorial style.
If you care about the future, join us, The Children of the Apocalypse. Services daily at 106 7th Avenue and remember…
[Ads end]
Narrator: Hello, and welcome to act 2 of tonight’s episode of Adventures in New America.
I.A. and Simon Carr have just met and escaped the law together for the first time.
I.A, wants to go home. But Simon Carr has convinced him to tarry in a Poke Bowl restaurant.
[Simon laughing]
Simon: Okay, I don’t know how you did it. But all I know is I am not under arrest. So, cheers. You saved my life back there.
I.A.: That’s not my fault. I was trying to get arrested.
Simon: How, how's that?
I.A. : I’ve tried everything. I’ve stolen, I’ve rode a motorized bike on the subway. And when I do get caught, nothing comes to it.
Simon: That’s why lunch is on me. I’m hanging with you for the rest of my life. You my good luck charm. The only black man in America who can’t get arrested.
My name is Simon. Simon Carr. Your friendly nebro-hood sociable sociopath. Shake on it, whitey.
I.A. : Whitey? [Coughs] What’re you talking about? I’m not white, I’m black. I mean I’m half white on my father’s side. Creole.
Simon : But in this world, you are whatever color the cops think you are. But cops see you as nothing. Hell, seems everybody sees you as nothing.
I.A. : Excuse me?
Simon: It’s not about race, though. It’s your face. You’re so unremarkable and nondescript. Your presence so anodyne. Your spirit so-
I.A. : Uh, drab?
Simon: Yes, drab. Good word.
Now, I can peep you in size, I know you contain multitudes, but
surface, let’s face it, if you’re a shower, we can nay-nay all day and you ain’t never get wet.
I.A. : Whatever, look, I’m not into meeting new people right now, alright?
Simon: Simmer down. Here comes the waiter.
Waiter: Hello, what can I get you?
I.A. : You, you have burgers?
Waiter: We have poke bowls.
I.A. : What’s a poke bowl?
Waiter: Uh, it’s kind of like sushi but with kale and hotdogs and shit.
I.A. : Yikes.
Simon: We’ll have two poke bowls.
Waiter: What kind?
Simon: Whatever the main one is. The Mario.
Waiter: Great.
I.A. : The Mario?
[The waiter leaves]
Simon: The Italian stereotype from the video games. Big moustache.
I.A.: Yeah.
Simon: The Mario is the first option, the most regular. It’s not Wario, way out there with pineapples and spam. It’s Mario. Straight up the most normal.
I.A.: I hate sushi.
Simon: Okay, let’s try something else. How about, what’s your name?
I.A.: Uh..I.A.
Simon: I.A.? Like initials? What’s that stand for?
I.A. : Just call me I.A..
Simon: I’m gonna call you L.C. (?)
I.A.: [Sighs]
Simon: What’s wrong with you?
I.A.: Nothing. So, you steal things often?
Simon: All the time. That’s my job. I’m a sneakthief. It’s a gas.
I.A.: Well, not for me.
Simon: But you keep stealing anyway.
I.A.: And etcetera.
Simon: To get arrested. Why?
I.A.: [Sighs]
Simon: I gotta go to the room where people go to throw up. While I’m gone, why don’t you sit there and think of what superhero origin story you gonna tell me.
And then we’ll eat our Marios.
Don't leave.
[I.A. listening to the other customers conversation]
Customer 1: I don’t feel like going.
Customer 2: You never feel like going anywhere. What is it? Are you afraid to spend time with me in public?
Customer 1: We’re in public now.
Customer 2: You know what I mean.
Customer 1: This is my only day off. I just want to relax and maybe play video games.
Customer 2: There you go. You'd rather spend time with that Playstation than with me.
Customer 1: It’s an Xbox! You see why I get uncomfortable? You don't know anything about me. I'm just some placeholder husband you could project a life onto.
Simon: Hello?
I.A.: Oh, sorry, sorry. I was eavesdropping on that couple over there.
Simon: Wow, you’re always in the audience.
I.A.: Ugh, what are you talking about?
Simon: You got any friends? You single? Never married? When you meet someone new, do you start making your breakup playlist?
I.A.: Please, stop.
Simon: Cheer up! No escape from me. Tell me what this is all about.
I.A.: Okay. [Clears his throat] I got fired.
[Scene change music]
[In an office]
I.A.: Mr. Chambers, did you move my desk?
Mr. Chambers: I.A. Please, come in.
[Door closes]
As you know, all employees must now belong to our new Focus First Health Care Plan.
I.A.: I opted in for that plan.
Mr. Chambers: Quiet right. They called and you have been deemed ineligible for health care coverage due to a preexisting condition.
I.A.: What preexisting condition? I’m totally fit. I am a little pudgy.
Mr. Chambers: It’s not really my place to discuss your health deficits with you. What your doctor tells me is privileged information. It’s his job to tell you about your cancer. It’s mine to say; since we cannot provide you with health care insurance, we also can no longer employ you. You’re fired.
I.A.: I’m losing my job? I don’t understand. Did you say cancer?
Mr. Chambers: You really should talk to the doctor. Thanks for all your work here. You enjoy the time you have left.
[At the doctor’s office]
I.A.: But doctor, I feel fine. Tired maybe but uh-
Doctor: Yeah, that’s the cancer eating you slow. Fortunately it is a relatively easy tumor to remove if we act fast. It’s not so much a challenging tumor, as expensive. Your insurance will take care of it.
I.A.: I had insurance through my job, which I lost because your screening revealed my tumor.
Doctor: Oh, that’s no problem. We take cash. Should be about 300,000.
I.A.: Dollars? I thought this was a free clinic.
Doctor: Okay. We should operate soon though. You have about six months.
I.A.: I have…[looking through his wallet] 85 dollars.
Doctor: Oh no, I don’t handle the money. I’m the doctor. That would be weird.
I.A.: What happens if I don’t have 300,000 dollars?
Doctor: I would have a stiff drink and figure out how to get it.
[End of doctor’s office scene]
[I.A. sighs]
I.A.: Excuse me, is this a bar?
Bartender: No, it’s the subway platform for the 23. All aboard.
Man: Sherl, turn up the tv.
I.A.: Scotch and water, Neat. No ice.
Bartender: Neat means no ice.
I.A.: I really don’t want ice.
Man: Sherl.
Bartender: I’m coming.
Man: Sherl.
Bartender: I’m coming!
Man: You see this motherfucker on his way to Club Med? And when I die, what, where’s my kid going?
Man 2: You can’t think like that, Charlie.
News reporter: Johnsson was convicted in May of defrauding investors to the tune of 3.7 billion dollars.
Man 1: This prick. He’s gonna get full cable, free gym access and better healthcare for free than what I pay for.
Man 2 : Come on, Charlie, it can’t be that sweet.
Man 1: You know that Polish kid, Carl’s his name. He got two years for beating up his girlfriend’s old man. So, he’s eating one day in the mess and all of the sudden, he’s wigging out, shaking, can’t control his body, collapses on the floor. Turns out he’s got a brain tumor.
Man 2 : I hope he’s okay.
Man 1: He IS okay. Son of a bitch took it out. Free surgery paid for in full by Johnny Taxpayer. Fucker didn't even have any debt. Spends more money at the OTB than I do on rent.
Brain tumor cured, just like that. For free.
Bartender: 10.50, sugar.
[Echoing words: Brain tumor cured, just like that. For free. 10.50, sugar. Tumor cured. For free. For FREE.]
[End scene jingle, then back at the diner]
I.A.: So now, I'm trying to get arrested.
Simon: For free healthcare?
I.A.: Yeah. [While chewing] This poke thing is not that bad.
Simon: That is quite possibly the worst idea I've ever heard ever. How are you gonna get a big enough jail sentence for a long term care pretending you stole a Playstation?
Besides, you will be in prison where you will be a punching bag for some incarcerated monster, fucking your ass and-
I.A.: Please.
Simon: Sucking your titties.
I.A.: Please!
Simon: Look, I’m in a dire straits. Jail is the only place in New America with mandatory healthcare.
Simon: Not all the time, dammit. You gotta advocate for your rights inside. You expect a major jail sentence as a pretend petty thief? Wanna get REAL arrested? Why not get a gun and bankrob a bank?
I.A.: Because I'm against violence. I couldn't, I wouldn’t want to injure someone or cause terror. Maybe I can burn a flag.
Simon: [Gasp] You better not!
I.A.: Why? It’s just some piece of fabric.
Simon: Piece of fabric? How many forefathers and foremommas died, laboring for that piece of fabric? You’re a terrorist. No. Worst, a pacifist. I.A., do you hate New America?
I.A.: No, I do not.
Simon: Say I love New America!
New America.
New America.
I.A.: Sit down. Quite.
Simon: Love it or loathe it, you can never lose it or leave it. Embrace what makes New America great, man.
I.A.: Oh, my god. SIt down. You’re embarrassing me.
Simon: You should be embarrassed. Exploit your freedom, homie. You sittin’ on your ass is like watching Superman not fly. A gift gone wasted. How do you do that, bro? Is it a half-white thing?
I.A.: I wasn’t good at getting arrested. Maybe there’s things some people just can’t do.
Simon: That’s true. I know a dude totally incapable of getting laid. You could stick a splint on his dick, put a write-in (?) and a girl would evaporate as such, so long as it didn’t happen.
I.A.: I, I can get laid.
Simon: But you can’t get arrested.Like a biological immunity. Look at it from the other side. Why stay in your lane? Use your gift.
I.A.: Not being able to get arrested is not the same thing as being good at crime.
Simon: Cards on the table. You saved mine. I save yours. I will raise your 300 grand. All you have to do is follow my lead.
I.A.: Fuck you. You can’t do that.
Simon: No. But together we can. You’re the invincible black man to the cops. That’s the most important position on the team right now. And me? Anything I put my mind to, I can achieve. I just never had a reason to go big before. You’re my reason, I.A..
I.A.: Once again, fuck you.
Simon: That’s no way to say goodbye.
I.A.: I have serious problems, I don’t need this.
Simon: I’m not joking. I’ve got a good feeling about us.
I.A.: Us? Look, I appreciate the offer, but I got a plan. I’ll stick to it.
Simon: Your plan is dumb.
I.A.: But, it’s mine.
Simon: You’ll come around. Let me see your keys.
I.A.: My keys? Why?
[Gunshot]
I.A.: Woah, what the-
Serena: You won’t listen to me? Listen to my big noise. This is a stickup!
Simon: Oh, her.
I.A.: Wait, you know her?
Simon: That’s Serena.
[End jingle]
Narrator: Friends, we’ve reached the end of this week’s Adventure in New America. Will I.A. find a cure for his cancer? Will Simon succeed in exploiting I.A.? And who is Serena?
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stateofsport211 · 2 years
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[Late Post] Daniel Cukierman def. Simon Carr 6-2, 3-6, 6-4 mid-match stats (3rd set)
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📸 ATP Challenger Livestream (via website)
It seems like the end of the third set reconfirmed my thoughts about the error sprees, who benefitted from them, and why was that possible. This is how I would sum it up.
All of those three that I mentioned boiled down to "who used more chances." There was one turning point earlier that Cukierman got broken because of his 7th double fault and I was afraid earlier it all went downhill from there, but it turned out Carr went on his error spree as well towards the end of the match, and I needed to credit Cukierman's returns for that–and thus his victory.
(Somehow, I told myself one time that "if you are not a servebot, then please be considerate" because that might have contributed to those numbers of aces and double faults coming from Cukierman). Regardless, both went almost equal, except for Carr's BPs, which I thought those conversions might have benefitted from Cukierman's errors, but it seemed like the match gave me the impression that Carr made more errors until the end.
Since the qualifiers were already placed, Cukierman would then face Jason Jung in the first round–the winner of this getting either Evgeny Donskoy or Constant Lestienne at the next. Wow.
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emotinalsupportturtle · 6 months
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my favourite bit of pop culture trivia is that Natalie Holt (composer of the Loki TV soundtrack) threw eggs at Simon Cowell that one time
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and she's so proud to hit him not just once but TWICE
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bonus: This is the only correct way to respond - propose marriage on the spot (i don't know what I would do if Noel Fielding proposed to me, pass out probably)
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175 notes · View notes
lasaraconor · 10 months
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330 notes · View notes
tobybestupid · 4 months
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Masterlist
★ So sorry this took absolutely forever and TOO long to write!
Also, if requesting please add what gender you would like if it is for NSFW!! (Gender neutral is okay too!)
Btw! Please, do not spam like my posts! ★
Before we get into this, info for requests and such!
★ I do nsfw, angst, fluff, ECT.
★ I do NOT allow/do racism, homophobia, rape, icky bodily fluids ect.
★ I will do character x character (if you're reading this I'm doing apex legends now :3)
★ I also do Reader x Character/Band member and/or Character/band member x Reader x Character/band member!!
★ you can request any of the bands that have been mentioned here!
★ hope this makes sense!!
+ if I missed anything I'm so sorry!
----------------★---------------
Bands I do
Guns n Roses
Mötley Crüe
KISS
Hanoi Rocks
Megadeth
Other
Apex legends - Maybe coming soon? (IT'S COMING PLS REQUEST!!)
COD mw2-mw3
----------------------★-----------------------
Mötley Crüe
All of them together x reader
Mötley x reader hc's
🖤Nikki Sixx🖤
Sick mötley x reader
Mötley dealing with you being drunk
Taking care of him after tour
Fourth of July with mötley
You pampering mötley
Big ol' crybaby
Doing so good
⛓️Mick Mars⛓️
Sick mötley x reader
Mötley dealing with you being drunk
How to take care of him after tour
Fourth of July with mötley
Please, stay
Bubble bath- with cats?
Peachy Keen
You pampering mötley
Mick Mars x Reader injury (appendix, I think)
NSFW hc's
🌜Vince Neil🌛
Sick mötley x reader
Mötley dealing with you being drunk
Fourth of July with mötley
You pampering mötley
NSFW Alphabet
❤️‍🔥Tommy Lee❤️‍🔥
Sick mötley x reader
Mötley dealing with you being drunk
Fourth of July with mötley
You pampering mötley
You're still beautiful
🥀Terror Twins x Reader💣
Terror Twins x Reader hc's 1
Terror twins x Reader hc's 2
Terror Twins x reader hc's 3
Terror Twins x reader hc's 4
Terror Twins x reader hc's 5
Terror Twins x reader hc's 6
Sick!Terror Twins x reader hc's
My turn
So, so good
Cuddle..sex?
Calm down, ey?
(y'all are so hungry for Terror Twins omg...)
Hanoi Rocks
🌚Razzle🌝
Late night kisses
🌺Micheal Monroe🌺
Coming soon!!
🕸️Sami Yaffa🕸️
NSFW Alphabet
Such a tease, huh?
🥀Andy McCoy🥀
Coming soon!!
KISS
💫Paul Stanley💫
Snow
🎭Gene Simmons🎭
Coming soon!
🌌Ace Frehley🌌
Coming soon!
🐾Eric Carr🐾
Coming soon!
Guns n Roses
🎩Slash🐍
Do you love me more?
They fell asleep with your kid
❤️Axl Rose💋
They fell asleep with your kid
Axl x Kurt Cobian sister!Reader hc's
NSFW Alphabet
Cold baby?
Bad day?
🎸Duff McKagan🎸
They fell asleep with your kid
🚬Izzy Stradlin🚬
Sick as a dog
Sweetheart
They fell asleep with your kid
🍿Steven Adler🍿
The, fell asleep with your kid
Paradise City
NSFW Alphabet
Megadeth
🍃Dave Mustaine🍃
Your not my baby
Tour rat
NSFW Alphabet
Call of Duty (COD)
🦴Alex Keller🦴
Coming soon!!
🖤Simon "ghost" Riley🖤
Reader with sensory issues
‼️König‼️
Dating him head cannons
🧼John "Soap" Mactavish🧼
Coming soon!!
🌜Farah Karim🌛
Coming soon!!
🥃John Price🥃
Coming soon!!
🌺Kate Laswell🌺
Coming soon!!
☠️Keegan Russ☠️
Coming soon!!
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proverbialschoolmarm · 5 months
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thrilled that jimmy carr finally feels confident enough to live their life as the gender they were always meant to be, lots of love from the lgbtqia+ community!!
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alright this might be me being delirious but, do you think in ep2 felice forgot her math book on purpose so sara would sit with her and wille could sit with simon?
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kwebtv · 7 months
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Young Joe, The Forgotten Kennedy - ABC - September 18, 1977
Drama / Biography
Running Time: 100 minutes
Stars:
Peter Strauss as Joe Kennedy Jr.
Barbara Parkins as Vanessa Hunt
Stephen Elliott as Joe Kennedy
Darleen Carr as Kathleen "Kick" Kennedy
Simon Oakland as Delaney
Asher Brauner as Mike Krasna
Lance Kerwin as Joe Jr. (age 14)
Peter Fox as Simpson
Steve Kanaly as Ray Pierce
Robert Englund as Willy
Gloria Stroock as Rose Kennedy
Tara Talboy as Elinor
Ben Fuhrman as Hank Riggs
James Sikking as Commander Devril
Ken Swofford as Greenway
Sam Chew Jr. as Jack Kennedy
Patrick Labyorteaux as Teddy Kennedy
Shane Kerwin as Bobby Kennedy
Margie Zech as Jean Kennedy
Kirsten Larkin as Rosemary Kennedy
Rosanne Covy as Eunice Kennedy
Deirdre Berthrong as Pat Kennedy
Lawrence Driscoll as Anderson
Michael Irving as Billy Harrington
Gardner Hayes as English Major
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nerds-yearbook · 2 years
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In the infamous Green Lantern #54, cover date August, 1994, Alex Dewitt was murdered by Major Force and her body crammed into a refrigerator. This issue prompted discussions and even a website discussing the trend of hurting, raping, maiming, and killing women as a simple plot device for male character arcs. These cases have become known as "WiF" ... Women in Fridgerators. ("Forced Entry", Green Lantern #54, Comic, Event)
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stateofsport211 · 2 years
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🎥 ATP Challenger Livestream (via website)
Of course, another work-related thing delayed this post (and the stats round-up later on), but to some extent, Carr's FH error down here really benefitted Cukierman at the brink of the error-sprees in the last two games, in which Cukierman won the third set 6-4 and thus won the match.
I would like to round-up my thoughts at the next post, I have something to say (especially towards the end of the match that I could see).
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challenge-ant · 11 months
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viggggoooooooo!!!!!!!!!
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mychameleondays · 1 year
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Paul Simon: There Goes Rhymin’ Simon
Gatefold
CBS 69035
Released: May 5, 1973
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catilinas · 4 months
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Hello! I apologize if im bothering, and wish you all the best in upcoming year! I wanted to ask, do you perhaps have some suggestions for modern plays ( written in last 20 or so years) inspired by greek tragedies (either serving as motifs or beibg retellings), particularly Oresteia? I am asking because I see lots and lits of literary retellings, but with few exceptions, rarely dramas. Thank you anyway, sorry for bothering, and have great holidays!
hi!!! i can think of a few but but because i'm more of a roman epic person the list is mostly plays i've actually seen. i think literary retellings are probably easier to find people talking about online because like. they aren't performed and so there's not the access barrier of needing to Go And See The Performance. and then also there are plays where you then can't get hold of the script! i'm also assuming you're interested in plays that aren't just translations / close adaptations of tragedies, because those are a lot easier to find and also like. more common?
here are some plays that i have either read or seen that fit your criteria and also fuck immensely:
the burial at thebes: a version of sophocles' antigone - seamus heaney
antigone the musical - marina mccready (does cool things w genre; version of antigone that has made me feel the most genuine sympathy for creon)
the cure at troy: a version of sophocles' philoctetes - seamus heaney (this isn't quite within the last 20 years but you may be interested anyway!)
phaedra's love - sarah kane (also a bit older but it's sooo good. although it is maybe more senecan tragedy than greek tragedy?)
phaedra - simon stone (based on euripides' hippolytus but also the plays by seneca and racine. but also it isn't any of them. but also it IS)
oresteia - robert icke (maybe my favourite play of all time ever) (robert icke has also done a version of oedipus but it was in dutch and i don't think it's possible to get the script?)
girl on an altar - marina carr (inspired by the oresteia but. not. also very cool in that it incorporates a Lot of iphigenia at aulis and yet iphigenia never appears. and then the whole play is about her)
also! if you aren't aware of the archive of performances of greek and roman drama productions database you might also want to rummage around in there! like i am Aware of things like a recent musical version of medea / iphigenia in splott but they are almost certainly in that extremely filterable database :D
also also clutuals pspspspsps if you have any particularly cool additions to this list. hi. hello.
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blingblong55 · 10 months
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Serving your master- Simon "Ghost" Riley NSFW
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This is based on a request:
Ok but.. as I read the title to the latest fic “Starving” I thought it said “Serving.” Can you imagine? Poor little sub reader doing whatever our sweet Lieutenant wants. He wants to use your throat? Yes sir. He wants a nice home cooked meal? Yes sir. He wants to bend you over the table to go chasing after his own pleasure? Yes sir.
F!Reader, smut, 18+, MDNI, Sub!reader, Dom!Ghost, housewife!reader, manhandling, (all topics done/said are consensual), masochism,
A/N: voted to be posted first 2/3 votes...so here ya go
A while ago, Simon and you started this new and exciting part of your sexual life. You two started things slowly, first it was him commanding you to kiss him, then slowly undress, this all started off with simple requests. Your needs were no longer his priority...well at times they weren't. If you let another man think you were single, you'd have to get on your knees, ready for his mercy. He takes his wedding ring off and slaps you across the face, each time a little harder, his little toy has been letting other men see her? yeah, he will not have any of that.
It has been months since you two started this Sub and Dom relationship, you both enjoyed it, it was the time when you can have your wildest fantasies made, be treated poorly by him but still be loved. How you loved when he took control, never letting you think for yourself. And how he loved when he'd watch you cry from pain, begging to be hurt more and how easily he complied.
-- A collar on your neck, "Crawl to bed, like the good girl you are." his voice rough and low. You nod, skirt lifting up every now and then when you'd move, his hand prints from minutes ago on your bare ass. You were always at home, so he only allowed you to wear revealing clothes. If you cooked or cleaned, it'd be only when he told you to do so. --
"Make me food, my little toy" his voice soft. He never knew you were into this, letting him be more than a Dom, over doing your role as his wife and his favourite little toy. You were in the kitchen, a somewhat tight skirt on you, hickeys on your legs as you made him lunch. He leaned against the wall, a smirk on him as he watched you make him lunch. -- "Fuckin' listen to me," another slap to your face, "been such a naughty little thing," and another slap. You plead, begging to be touched, but all he does is tie you up whilst you cry. Legs shaking from the quickie you two had in the coffee shop. The car ride back home he made you give him head, thats the reason why your lipstick is smudged and why your mascara was proof enough you have to buy waterproof when with him. -- "She'll have the pasta carbonara," he looked at the waiter and dismissed him. "I actually wanted the-" he gave you a stern look. "never think for yourself, I do that now." was a sentence he had mentioned when you two made the rules for this side of the marriage. He wasn't so controlling, only when he knew you'd be looking at him, pleading him to control you, happened every other day though. -- One night, you had to use your safe word, he had been manhandling you. Tossing you on the bed, slapping and spitting on you. "Fuckin' tight." his hips slammed against your bare ass. The pain was always easy to take and so were his words. You both are masochists, always getting off on the pleasure the wax, life on your skin brought you both. How he would lick the small trails of blood that the knife would bring. But that night he pushed it too hard. He drags orgasms over and over, but you were too sensitive, feeling a little sick and his constant ass slaps weren't helping. "Starfish." you softly say as tears run down. He immediately pulls out, unties you and carries you upstairs and into bed. The entire time he kept apologising.
"I'm sorry, love." he cuddled to you, your back to him. He leaned over and wipes the tears off. "...it hurt a little more than the other times.." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away that much.." -- Days when he came back after being gone for months and his missions wouldn't go right, he'd fuck his anger out on you. You'd go and pick him up, as always in your tight shirt and short skirt, he would get in the driver seat, you back to being his passenger princess. He would finger you, lick his fingers and park at some empty place. Take you to the backseat and start to undress you. You weren't aloud to speak, just watch as he undressed you. His fingers in you, his other free hand pressing your stomach, making you scream his name. Eyes shut as he kept finger fucking you. Your wet cunt leaking on his fingers, he would every now and then make you taste yourself. His spit on your thighs, your cheeks red from his slaps, your freshly changed nipple piercings digging a little into your skin, causing that masochist in you to be pleased. -- When you would ride it, he made sure to have your leash at his fist, just in case. Your hands on his neck, choking him lightly, dragging moans and various orgasms from him. He'd slap your face every now and then. He'd pull the leash when he'd tell you to behave, "shut it, I don't need your moans right now." But you didn't listen, you chased your own pleasure. He pulled more, choking you a little, turning you on even more. "I said shut it," a slap to your bare and sensitive tits. Cum leaking from the bouncing, he easily came four times. -- A/N: Not much of a full story...but snippets of your life as his whore...I mean sub :) Better thank me for feeding you, ya nasty whores😝
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