#she understands being deeply in love

[caeslxys]

here's the thing. laudna would have stopped it. if she knew delilah was about to fracture the gnarlrock. if she could parse her own feelings from hers.

and here's the thing. imogen has been plagued by nightmares for a decade. and this rock is the first bit of solace outside of her trust in laudna that she has ever had.

and laudna was just involved in shattering it. this tiny bit of solace.

and. here's the thing: laudna would've stopped it.

and. here's the thing. imogen would've stopped it. the only reason imogen didn't go is because she was specifically afraid that she would attempt to intervene and ruin their relationship with the volition before it ever began.

and here's the thing. liliana set out 25+ years ago specifically to spare her daughter. and that seemingly has not ever wavered as her core motivation. but people keep being drawn to the moon. kids keep being drawn towards the moon. and liliana is a mother. she was a mother before she ever knew she was an exaltant.

for 25+ years she has worked to "cure" imogen. the only solace she probably ever received was in at least attempting to console the kids who found themselves lured in by her same pull.

liliana begs imogen not say that they may have to kill each other. she breaks at hearing imogen's resolve. but there's kids, imogen. there's kids here. imogen. she can't leave. she's a mom.

and, here's the thing: imogen's her daughter. the daughter liliana left. or tried to leave. the daughter she only had through dreams. and imogen is working with the volition. and imogen has been her sole drive for 25+ years.

and imogen might have just been involved in shattering the little solace she might have ever had.

and, here's the thing: imogen would've stopped them.

#DOES.THIS MAKE SENSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. I AM RUNNING ON THREE HOURS OF SLEEP AND AM HALLUCINATING I THINK #imogen temult #Liliana temult #laudna cr #critical role #cr spoilers #'did she know!?' well! yes but no! #god liliana. you awful hypocritical woman. PLEASE let me kiss you on the mouth #I do fear my writing which is meant to be more Perspective Driven will sound defensive rather than deeply interested but. alas #the anger in liliana just threw me back to imogen's post gnarlrock and I was like OHO. OH. INCH RESTING #I love when women are not great and bad #that being said. I do feel some of you are forgetting that liliana didn't like. steal kids from their families lol #she's a sympathetic villain! she's a tragedy! #anyway it is just far more compelling to me that she is lost in the sauce but ultimately we'll intentioned than just like. an idiot. #as some seem to think #ANYWAY. again. I just love women. and liliana is a woman and also a loser. what am I to do

[welcometogrouchland]

Babygirl I can concieve of stephcass dynamics you couldn't even imagine (arospec Cass not understanding why "probably bi but has a job so she doesn't have time to think about that" Steph apparently needs a man (she doesn't, it would just be nice) and doesn't want to platonically settle down with cass in their old age)

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #stephcass #another sure to be no-notes banger #anyway I think steph and cass are both very. meh on labels #like i said Steph has a job (in my heart it's retail or like a fast food joint or something but in canon its just being batgirl/spoiler) #so she's not thinking about that rn #and cass was raised so outside of conventional society that she. technically understands why ppl want labels for things #but when you grow up in essentially a few rooms with just you and one other guy 90% of the time it just feels unnecessary in her heart #likewise she was raised so far from conventional romance and has such strong emotions about those she cares about #that she's just. not that interested in delineating romantic vs platonic feelings. She Likes You. Deal w/ it #steph on the other hand. oh boy steph #I'm not gonna say comphet I genuinely think she was deeply madly in love w/ tim and that's important to her character #but at the same time she's so. she's so #steph puts a lot of stock in her romantic relationships bc shes on a perpetual quest for connection and to be seen and appreciated #but. at the same time. she resents that part of her i think (at least early spoiler characterization does?- #-local girl desperately wants your approval and would rather be waterboarded than admit that to herself bc that's embarrassing) #so she's just kinda. acting like she's in it for the fun of it but that girl is searching for a soulmate #i genuinely think pre break-up she thought tim was the guy she was gonna marry. not consciously but if it were anyone it'd be him #and the whole ''married with kids'' thing IS something i think she wants. not every female character wants to be married/a mom #but Stephanie does imo #(also lets not even get into how much her breakup with tim SHOULD'VE effected her considering how it went down- #-and how that was never really gone into besides being hinted at in batgirls and kinda. dismissed in Tim's pride special- #-like on the one hand i get it bc of optics but on the other hands. he's really important to her! this should make her so much more upset!! #ahem. anyway #I'm not even the worlds biggest tim/stephanie guy i just think they're inch resting #and Cass. is close w/ Tim and Steph and should Get all of this since she's so adept at reading ppl #but like I said she's bad at categorizing platonic/romantic feelings in herself and doesn't totally Get it w/ steph #i should just write fic about this at this point these tags are too much

[rackartyg]

bringing astarion along for the mystic carrion quest is so fun. the whole party is doubled over panting from spell rot, meanwhile astarion gets to feel smugly superior

#interesting that necromantic energy has good vibes to him. makes sense though #everyone else gets deeply unnerved from handling any of the organ jars iirc #she speaks #arctic plays bg3 #astarion #love when him being undead actually comes into play #i understand making his creature type undead would've presented Problems but listen it would've been so fun

[bonefall]

naruto as a whole is a fucking mess and i say thisas somebody whos read the entireseries 3 times over. “naruto is going to change the system! haha teehee never mind hes not doing anytning about the child soldiers and slave castes and the genocides.” “sasuke can be upset at his brother for committing a genocide but actually genocide against an oppressed bloodline is good if theyre getting uppity and its sanctioned by the government and also have a genetic predisposition to be evil so he should just get over it and be okay with it” “sakura needs to stop obsessing over a guy whos not even interested and become strong for her own sake. actually shes a housewife now”

kishimoto im going to blow you up with my mind

YOU GET IT

For real though I think what they did with Sasuke's arc was one of the most baffling fucking things I've ever seen. "Actually. Your brother who carried out a genocide loved you :( he only put you in the Torment Nexus for several days because uhhh he wanted you to hate him and not find out about the government who ordered it. Everything he ever did was actually to protect you. And Uchihas are actually kinda rotten anyway so it's good an entire GROUP OF PEOPLE died. Don't think about any babies or children who were also slaughtered btw uhh nope all of them were bad."

Sasuke: "Yes I understand. I will now rule the world through fear. Actually nvm Naruto won our fight so, my philosophy is gone now."

Thank goodness that Evil Sasuke killed the three Bad Government Officials before that point, though. We had this whole theme going about toxic structures, cycles of abuse, and how oppressive regimes can propagate themselves even when a leader is well-meaning... but, like, Naruto REALLY wants to be Hokage, so actually if you just kill these Three Bad Governors it's gonna be fine.

There is no need for systemic change. Slave castes and child soldiers are fine. It's ok as long as the president is blonde :)

#It also bothers me unreasonably. And HAS bothered me since I was like 15. That in the final-- #--scene where sasuke finally lets Naruto Into His Heart he goes off about how they were both just Lonely Children Looking for Love #Like... no!! No actually! Sasuke's WHOLE THING was that EVERYONE was praising him as a prodigy #But that he was pushing away everyone around him because his brother put him in the fucjing torment nexus #It would have been more appropriate to talk about how THEYVE BOTH BEEN MADE INTO WEAPONS #For Naruto to realize (now that he is Useful to his war-obsessed society) that Sasuke was also undergoing a sort of dehumanization #It should be through THEIR GROWTH AS PEOPLE that they finally have a deeper understanding of each other #THEY DID NOT HAVE A COMMON ORIGIN #THATS THE POINT. THEY BECAME FRIENDS IN SPITE OF IT #iM FLIPPING TABLES #They had the opposite problem as each other but through self-imposed ostracization and proving one's 'worth' *NOW* THEY GET IT #But we cant do that bc you'd have to admit that Sasuke hada fucking point and wasnt just wrong the whole time #And that this system is ROTTEN and that Naruto shouldn't become Hokage but DESTROY THE POSITION #because dictators choosing dictators IS BAD. #They should have changed the government to democracy and then Sakura wins the first free election #Because she's actually deeply connected with the people of the fire nation especially outside of the capital city #For like her humanitarian work during the timeskip #And for being the disciple of Tsunade who was a respected leader #And then have a cute moment where Naruto and her banter about it. That she fulfilled HIS dream lmaoo #And also let the three of them be friends im beggign OTL #She gets over her crush on him and theyre just friends #Animeposting #I shouldn't have mentioned sakura now im yelling about naruto on the cat blog

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!'' #i have several grips about that interpretation #going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply) #to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take #a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his #inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect #him to be that smart #but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way #it fine #what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao #who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3) #3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too #like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's #rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc #the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭 #also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw #unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it) #like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her. #she's his friend. #but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones #where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭 #anti steddie #not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone #edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel #drowned in st3ddie posts #like something isn't right here

[mymp3]

Aigis and Minato are like escalators.

A non-human becoming a person, a person becoming something all but. One's starting their journey at the bottom, and the other at the top. At the end of everything, Aigis is on ground level, with SEES as her newfound friends in the same boat, with the same mindset. Minato meanwhile, starts at the bottom, with everyone, all of the people, and slowly leaves until nobody can reach him anymore.

Their journey's intersect but they're not headed to the same place.

They briefly touched, but in the end, they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

#compendiumnotebook #ive been thinking about this for a while #i hope this makes sense #but Aigis who needs a person #Aigis who is a person at the end of everything #she loves life and humanity so much and she's ready to live #Minato never got to live a life he wanted but he loved everything and everyone and he's ready to go #I firmly believe that Minato's his happiest when he's dead at the end of the game #not that he's not scared #because of course he is. he's deeply scared. just also deeply depressed. #Minato sees himself as a monster. He loves humanity but they could never love him #Thats why at the end he gets to fight for something he wants to #he gets a choice #He was always going to die but he could actually choice for the first time in the entire game and that choice was provided by the monster- #-who lives and shares his soul #also if you think that him growing up like that means he's a fully adjusted person with absolutely no trauma im not sure what to tell you #that boy has complexes for days. #anyways #minato getting to become the thing he always thought he was and finds comfort in (a giant fucking Eldritch door with NINE WORKING EYES) #while being with the one thing he feels that understands him how he is (Ryoji) at the end of the game is such a happy ending for that boy #even if you say it out loud its quite possibly the saddest thing youve ever heard #but thats Minato's life baby! #persona 3 #minato arisato #aigis persona 3

[ickypuppi3]

there’s something about the thought of steve and billy’s mom interacting that makes me feel a lot of things

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #billy’s mom #like it makes me deeply unwell if im being honest #it’s one thing billy interacting with her #it’s another thing having someone who loves billy and only knows #about the situation from an outside perspective interacting with her #there’s so many ways it could go #i just feel like steve would have such a grudge against her even if he didn’t make it known to billy #like he’s just gritting his teeth the whole time #trying to be happy for billy #but also wanting billy to understand that he didn’t deserve to be abandoned and she literally did do that #it’s so complicated #but then billy’s like no it’s ok i’m over it #(lies) #and then steve catches him just having a full on breakdown #‘why did she leave me?’ #GOD

[anemonator]

One of the reasons I find Lizzie so interesting as a character is that, of all the interns, I feel like her characterization is the hardest to nail down.

Like, she has an aesthetic, to be sure, and a bit of a sarcastic, irreverent demeanor, and I think most fanon is content to run with that-she’s the punk, the rebel, the delinquent. But if you look at what she actually says and does over the course of the game, it doesn’t really align with the surface level interpretation. She’s the Bad Girl-who uses less profanity than either of the ten-year-olds. She’s the delinquent-who thought she got a buzz from a pickled onion. She’s the slacker truant-and one of the few interns to actually work on their assignment. She’s the edgy badass-who runs around in the woods pretending to be a vampire.

But it goes beyond just subverting her surface aesthetic. She comes off as almost chronically indecisive. She takes part in the intern’s shenanigans, but almost never on her own initiative, always as an accessory to another intern’s antics. She’s the one to suggest Raz use mental connection to change Hollis’s mind...and then she seems to immediately get cold feet about the idea, if her passive-aggressive “You’ll get kicked out of the Psychonauts for trying, but what the heck?” is any indication. (Interestingly, this the second time she brings up getting expelled from the Psychonauts as the inevitable consequence of rule-breaking.) She spends almost the entire middle third of the game hemming and hawing about getting a goat to follow her, without actually doing anything. She has tattoos, but are they real? Temporary? Drawn on with marker? Projected figments a-la-Helmut? Honestly, given that we only know her for half a week at most, it’s entirely possible that even her goth getup is a more recent development than we might think- it certainly does have an amateurish “i’m gonna wear all this cool stuff at once” vibe about it.

One could reasonably argue that these inconsistensies are simply the result of the limitations of writing and screentime - obviously Doublefine can’t fully flesh out every secondary character in the game. But given the writers’ attention to detail, and the relatively consistent writing of the other interns, I can’t help but wonder whether this apparent incongruency speaks to some deeper facet of Lizzie’s character. How does she understand herself? Does she even know who she is?

#imagine youre a neurodivergent scapegoat child with strange and maligned powers #where the only other person who even remotely understands you is your manipulative golden child older sibling #and then one day you suddenly find yourself in a place where you feel like you might finally belong #surrounded by both peers and elders who might finally accept you #how much would you cut out of yourself that connected you to your life before? #how desperately would you try to convince your new friends you were a cool person and worth keeping around? #and how deeply would you enmesh your identity with the aspect of yourself that got you there in the first place? #Lizzie's proud of being psychic - we can be fairly certain of that #is she proud of anything else? #tldr we love a dorky 15-year-old with identity issues #lizzie natividad #psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #psychonauts headcanons #anemonator rambles #listen y'all had your turns with the character projection and now its mine

[genderqueerpond]

amyeleven fivenyssa crossover

#the three people who would like to read this get excited and then get disappointed because i never finish anything #but the thing about fivenyssa is that she's his daughter #and it's supremely fucked up #and the thing about amyeleven is that she's his Everything and it's supremely fucked up #and also she's the one who asked the doctor if he's a father and well. she'd get it the second she saw nyssa #i know that line was SUPPOSED to be about susan and susan's hypothetical parents but in my heart it's about nyssa of traken #and the thing about eleven and nyssa is that they'd have extremely deep and intimate conversation about being the last of their kind #she's probably the only person in the universe that he could talk about it truly openly with and it'd be like. #nyssa I'm so sorry i never fully understood you. i couldn't. i do now #and she'd be so SAD about it because she never ever wanted that for him #she never WANTED him to understand her like that because the only way he ever could was to go through the same thing #and nyssa would never consider that price to be worth it #but now she knows it's going to happen and she can never tell her own doctor #and it's devastating devastating but also deeply healing for them both but especially eleven #.... #and the thing about amy & five is that she'd know him. of course she would. she'd Believe he's the doctor and Understand about regeneration #and immediately tell him about the first time she met Her raggedy Doctor and he'd be like. you shouldn't be telling me this but #he'd be stunned and captivated by the amount of love and also possesiveness in her voice and wouldn't be able to bring himself to stop her #and she'd see straight through him and make him feel naked and raw and at the end she'd hug him goodbye and kiss him on the forehead #the way eleven does her because he's a CHILD to amy compared to eleven and he can't hide that #and the thing about eleven and five is that they'd each be deeply ashamed of the other #and finally #the thing about amy and nyssa is that they'd make out sloppy style #..... #............ #voices offscreen: #'i can't believe you called her my daughter and then made out with her' #'yeah and how many times have you made out with my daughter what's your point' #lavender thoughts #dw

[stardustdiiving]

Suddenly cursed with the desire to write out detailed paragraphs about my dozen aro and/or ace headcanons for genshin characters

#fern.txt #I MAY BE OUT OF THE WOODS WITH MY HARDEST MIDTERM BUT I STILL HAVE WORK :/// #genshin #see it’s sometimes hard for genshin chars bc alot of my hcs I notice go hand in hand w chars having trauma #so sometimes I less want to assign them labels n moreso have thoughts on how trauma impacts their #relationship w sexuality or romance #so sometimes I less have a hc and more like an insane introspective concept Abt this character weighing between #aroace identity vs coping and unpacking trauma #so u have a range of like my aroace hc for yoimiya is just bc she probably feels she jsut loves everyone deeply #and doesn’t rlly feel she experiences attraction that stands out compared to this sort of general love for ppl #cynonari are in a demi-aroace sort of relationship where both of them just feel very disinterested sbt romance n sex #but bc they have such a deep bond with e/o #they’re just more comfortable with kind of having some sort of relationship/dictation of e/o as a ‘partner’ of sorts #n then I have my collei hcs where I think if u talked to her Abt it #she would say she consciously thinks her relationship w attraction is rlly influenced by her trauma but she takes comfort in IDing as xyz #aro or ace identity bc she thinks it suits her n she’s ok with the fact she handles attraction differently than other ppl #I think her being around tighnari and cyno who she feels understand her experiences helps her a lot) #but then in contrast if I were to write an wanderer fic in line w my ace hcs for him #it would honestly be more of a narrative of as he has time to process n heal from trauma he moves away from the ace label more #bc I think I’d see him conclude yeah I think alot of my repulsion and detachment from attraction comes from my trauma #and while I still relate to alot of ace experiences I think it might be more helpful and accurate to how I feel #identity wise to try to repair my relationship with it #instead of resonate with the label and idea I don’t have interest in these things nor experience these attractions

[musical-chick-13]

Thoughts on toxic yuri?

One of my very favorite storytelling concepts, I love it when women make each other worse. <3

I do think it's important, for me anyway, to note the difference between a dynamic that's toxic in one direction versus something that is mutually toxic. The first one doesn't really interest me a whole lot, usually because it means one character suffers constantly without being allowed to do anything else--at the very least, it will come across as the more ""normal"" character not really being that into the relationship in question. I need BOTH parties to be unhinged.

The important thing for any fictional relationship (though we're specifying toxic yuri here, obviously) is that it's interesting. If there is no limit to what the women can do within a dynamic, then there are an infinite number of ways for that dynamic to go. And while you can learn a lot about a character through examining their values and positive qualities, you can learn just as much (if not more) by considering their flaws. And those flaws really come out in the case of toxic yuri; characters get to show the uglier parts of themselves in this context, which I am always a fan of. A fraught, complex relationship, when written well, can be a really great way to psychologically explore the characters: what inspires them to act this way? why do they think this behavior is acceptable? if they don't think it's acceptable, why do they keep doing it? what do they think about the concept of love as a whole? how far would they go for intimacy or to be understood? how do they view other people in general? and probably most importantly, what led to them developing the beliefs underlying their actions in the first place?

From a more "psychologically, why do people enjoy this" standpoint, mutual toxicity often goes hand in hand with extreme obsession, extreme jealousy, and a willingness to forgive a whole lot of horrible shit. Which, yeah, in real life you don't want to be in a relationship like that. But I think there's a lot of emotional resonance in exploring those feelings. The idea that someone will never leave you. That they think so intensely about you specifically that they'll break anything and anyone to stay with you. That even if you're the worst version of yourself, someone will still want you because that's still you. Someone knows exactly how to fuck you up because they genuinely understand you. Things in fiction that we would never want in real life can be incredibly interesting or even cathartic to witness from a distance. I think we all feel things that scare us sometimes (or even simply feel an innocuous emotion so intensely that it scares us), and looking at unpleasant feelings within fiction can help identify, parse out, process, and successfully cope with those feelings. And I think, at the end of it all, a lot of people want to matter to someone, in some way. It makes sense that some creators would take that concept-of meaning a great deal to another person, of affecting them deeply-to its absolute extreme through writing.

(And also, consider. That I am very gay. And that horrible women are very attractive.)

#good morning I am here to make my Thoughts™ everybody's problem :) #THANK YOU I LIKED THIS ONE A LOT #multi t(ASK)ing #also thank you for making 'yuri' pink that delighted me #me + messy wlw media <-this too is yuri #behold! a creation! #also re: mutual toxicity. I understand that this is quite a thing to claim to want when probably The™ wlw ship of all time for me is #mireille x silvana #but a) mireille is rather unhinged on her own outside of her relationship with silvana courtesy of being a highly cynical assassin #(and is herself not immune to doing some pretty intense shit for the sake of people she loves) #b) mireille is committed to KILLING silvana for said toxic behavior. #& also c) their rivalry is so DEEPLY personal that mireille is still obsessed with silvana even if it's for...not the same reason silvana #is obsessed with mireille. like the TYPE of obsession is different but the LEVEL of obsession is the same. if that makes any sense. #(also. some of the ways mireille acts suggest that hate might not be the ONLY thing she feels toward silvana. there's obvious homoerotic #tension on silvana's end but I think there's some on mireille's too. at the very least she seems to regret that silvana wasn't #the kind of person mireille originally thought she was. along with probably a sick sense of pseudo-respect) #mel screams about fictional ladies again #writing #fiction #toxic romance #(<-not really sure how else to tag this)

[spaceratprodigy]

one of my favorite things abt how faith reacts to max in fallbrook arc is her being directly faced with her own hypocrisy

#I am a faith apologist but also she's whack fr #like girl you haven't been honest about yourself or your past either 💅 #she's very evasive when she's the topic of conversation #not that she outright lies but she avoids questions or answers as vaguely as possible #just because she kinda learned early in Edgewater the consequences of her trying to be truthful about her life #and how unglamorously people react #figured adopting the mysterious persona and isolating herself was her only option #because phineas was the only person she could talk to the only person who understood to some extent what she was going through #and to add to it.. #her own history with violence and anger #and even tho she became a very numb quiet distant persom because of her own past #halcyon got it's hands on her and cut her deeply and awakened a certain fire in her for better or for worse #excluding how often she has to defend herself for a variety of reasons and how it makes her feel.. #punching nelson (twice) + shooting hortense between the eyes + shooting tilda in the knee.. #girl you're not exactly a great role model at having control over your violent tendencies either 💅 #but there's something so raw abt her and max just.. knowing those feelings intimately.. and not wanting it for the other.. #defending each other.. seeing the good in each other.. /knowing/ the good in each other.. #understanding how messy and complicated they are and then understanding why and just ough bringing out the best in each other #reaching a point where they can breathe and heal and not be in such a spiraling pain anymore they can just be loved and be themselves #unapologetically. caged no longer. being harmed no longer. by others or by themselves. and taking it out on others no longer #anyway #what I'm saying is.. #the call is coming from inside the house.. #yes he had an entire revenge scheme and lied abt his intentions.. but like.. he's also holding a mirror up to her face #SORRY I just love thinking abt how complicated cap faith is lmao she's a very broken soul who is trying her best in an unfortunate situatio #the way she handles her own traumas and griefs just isn't pretty and that's a whole other can of worms she's constantly faced with #rambling #faith and max

[bumblingbabooshka]

A Star Trek Novel called “Pocket Full of Lies” really has NO business going so hard.

#IMPORTANT NOTE: I only read Star Trek Novels as they pertain to Tuvok #so I have no idea about how the novel reads overall #but the Tuvok storyline????? Damn. DAMN dude. #what if you were suffering from a loss that affected and changed you so deeply that even those closest to you no longer recognized you? #and that change is symbolized and mirrored through this alternate reality version of your best friend who in YOUR universe also no longer #understands you...could never understand you...but THIS version of her is familiar. You can share each other's pain. You understand one #another in a way no one else does. And what if your inner grief/turmoil #was symbolized again in this alternate timeline by a constant war that's been raging f #for thousands of years with no end in sight no matter how hard you fight. The fighting in the end means nothing. The violence means nothing. #The death means nothing bc when you die another will take its place. #'His death was meaningless like this is meaningless' you think initially only to find that NO! It's the holding on to the PAIN that's #meaningless. It's the SUFFERING that's meaningless. #Tuvok being sent to convince ALT Janeway to give herself up to Starfleet but being unable to do so because he sympathizes and empathizes #with her...because (on another level) she isn't ready to give up the war (the suffering grief) and neither is he because to them the war #and the pain has BECOME the people they're grieving (Elieth & Daughter) so to give up feeling pain is to give up feeling love #but that isn't TRUE!!! and we see that in how Tuvok actually rebukes the affections and concerns of those attempting to reach out to him #and offer love...in reality this 'protection' or 'vigilance' is unhealthy and closes them off from healing and love. Bad coping mechanism. #Initially Tuvok pushes away everyone he comes across but through helping Janeway he helps himself and is finally able to take steps towards #acceptance in the purging of his anger on Dayne (Alt Janeway's husband who willfully allowed her daughter to die) #and we can see this in his outlook on how to move forward. In the beginning he's like 'I will never heal from this and I'll just live the #rest of my life never feeling safe or at peace.' <- defining and living his life according to the pain he's suffered #but in the end he has a more hopeful outlook...he sees that there are people around who want to be there for him and that he wants to lean #on...maybe forgiveness doesn't mean literally forgiving those who caused you to suffer but instead finally letting go of that suffering #and living according to joy...friendship..two hands clasped together. love. #novel experiences #Tuvok #Janeway #st voyager #oh ALSO the fact that Janeway always manages to survive being turned from a good thing to a very bittersweet thing for Tuvok bc his own #son was not so lucky...-chefs kiss-

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and

#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls #girl #and i was so tired #am so tired #i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't #i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne #i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭 #just. kya batau main #i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i #liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest #i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic #everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much #draining and destroys my peace and then they leave #it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship #whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night #every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on #pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking #into a million tiny pieces everytime #i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the #sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's #she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of #i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her #but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna #die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i #need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy #does that make sense #okay bye i should really start writing a diary

[fourteenthz]

Always thinking abt how thesa/thancred know everything abt the other. How he is the one that can tell what she's feeling just by looking into her eyes.

And then how for the first time ever in amaurot he doesn't recognize what's happening inside her head. And how in ultima thule, when he sees it again, he learns something new about her that no one ever will. Lies down.

#he's the one that doesn't expect her to always be a hero always the one trying to pull the weight off of her because he knows her and knows #how hard it is for her. and he is the only one that does for the longest time. and then he feels entirely off the loop by the end of shb #bc they are so close to being something and he thinks that knowing her so genuinely is a point in his favor #only to realize that there's something so heavy abt her that he doesn't understand at all. he doesn't know that she doesn't either by then #so it just. weights him just as hard. for him to go patches like accepting that whatever. he still knows her so that will come to light #one day or another. and it does just when they are all back in ultima thule. just when he's councious again and he learns that. #not by her telling him but just genuinely watching her like he learnt most things from her. except this is different #so he just stands there. everybody else overwhelmed by everything else while he has to ruminates that new thing as well. #that 'they don't know' party meme but it's thancred watching scions celebrate and hug each other #while he slowly realizes that part of his girlfriend will never truly be known to him like it was for mf emet-selch and whoever that was #that a part of her is lost with them and maybe that's fine. bc other part of her is now hugging the twins and staring directly at him #and begging for him to come closer to her with her eyes. a part of her that didn't beg either of the other two to stay longer like she'd #been praying for him since she set foot in ultima thule. so that. that's nice. he isn't competing for anything ever #he has that part of hers to love and he is loved just as much by that part of her so yeah. it's nice I think. #...... I'm fine don't look at me. #i like how independent from each other they are and still despite that how damn in love they are. #something about the huge slow burn I have for them in my head helps me tackle that idea so much better. #like how they love for one another grew from just. how deeply theh trusted and respected each other over the years #so that will always be the base of their feelings..... sits down. they are just SO AKSJDJA BITES MY FISTS #sometimes I'm like 'i will thow away my wolship at any minute if canon suggests something entirely different' and other times im like #bitting wolcred hard. no one take it away from me pls they are my extremely respectful and healthy relationship. #dont touch them they are healing. pls. WAIT. #does this damn post means anything to anyone but me???? idek I just like the idea of thesa being so okay with emet and hythlo even #when deep down something in her isn't at all. (its me I'm not ok about them) but also she just. knows who she is at this point. #and she knows the ones behind her are the ones that she loves. its SO MUCH mirroring emet's 'the past we knew/loved' quote #SHE SEES THAG SO CLEARLY. and having that moment in ultima thule being the moment only 1 other person sees it as well. and it's mf thancred #in the end I just adore them and the whole 'you are you and its that you that I love' that they have. not who they were or what anyone else #see of them. nerds in love. disgusting. i need to make them kiss rn or I'll riot. why am I having those thoughts mid creative block DAMN IT #kelly says #wol posting

[plushiehamuko]

mitsuru and hamuko who mutually have crushes on each other but neither of them can even FATHOM the idea of their feelings being mutual, so they remain oblivious for so long... it's so important to me

#squishy talks too much #squishy plays p3p #to me it's like. #hamuko sees mitsuru and it's like. she IS the moment #she's the best student in her class. she's student council president. she's heiress to a massive corporation. she's a great leader #she is smart and strong and incredibly beautiful #of course she sees mitsuru for her more genuine side and loves that part of her too #but it's still freaking MITSURU. how would she ever return her feelings #and then there's mitsuru #who just doesn't understand being loved so genuinely. so purely and deeply. it's such a foreign concept to her #she's been keeping everyone at a distance for as long as she can remember #and hamuko is just so openly affectionate and loving in a way she's never known. she doesn't even know how to begin processing it #she couldn't make such a fool of herself by misinterpreting things so she just. doesn't #she avoids it entirely #do you get me do you understand my. yuri #about mitsuru <3 #about hamuko <3