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aldbooks · 10 months

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ACOTAR Masterlist

AO3 ALDBooks

ACOTAR 🥀

Like After Images - Valkyrie Week prompt 'Blood Rite' *TW*

Several weeks after the Blood Rite, once the excitement of Nesta's mating ceremony and the birth of Nyx subside, the Valkyrie wade through the aftermath of what they faced in the Blood Rite

The Temporary Roommate - T - 3/3 - 13,951words

ACOTAR Secret Santa 2022 gift Mor's meddling family sends her and Emerie away to her estate for two weeks. It's either the best, or the worst thing that ever happened. She hadn't yet decided.

A Strange Melody - M - 12/12 - 19,752

ACOTAR Secret Santa 2023 gift for @sunshinebingo - a Gwynriel Little Mermaid AU

ACOTAR Writing Circle 3

A Friendly Wager - M - 1/1 - 2,205 words

Gwynriel oneshot fluffy fun - Alternate storyline A Fresh Spark

“Because of you I didn’t sleep at all last night” prompt Gwynriel

“I’m guessing you stole them?” Prompt Gwynriel

Azriel and his mother headcanons

Gwynriel/Kanthony headcanon

The necklace - Angsty Gwynriel

Snap me baby one more time - Nessian 2,175 words

Inspired by all the gym bro thirst traps that keep crossing my FYP that remind me of Cassian. Here's a silly little Nessian one shot with a side Gwynriel and Emorie plot (naturally)

Bodyshop - E - 4/4 - 19,441 words

Inspired by the song Unholy by Sam Smith & Kim Petra Mor and Cassian drag Azriel to Rita's the strip club the partially own with their friend Rhysand to see a new troop of dancers. A trio of women who go by the name Valkyrie.

Don’t you wanna be more than friends? - M - 3,839 words

Azriel and Gwyn have been growing steadily closer thanks to their midnight meetings in the training ring but, tonight, something is different... TW: mentions of SA

“Who says I want to reject it?” - Elucien

Drunk confessions - Elucien

Elucien angsty Drabble & Part 2

More angsty Elucien

The haircut - Lucien cuts his hair and Elain has feelings about it

Gwynriel/Elucien drabble

Should've Stayed Dead - M - 4,437 words

Nessian (sort of) Lucien receives a message requesting a meeting with the Night Court. Specifically, the Archeron sisters. Cassian's POV

Angsty prompts requests:

Elucien [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11]

Gwynriel [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Lucien/Feyre [1]

Her tears like diamonds on the floor - 1,610words

Angsty Gwynriel Starfall drabble

Embrace - E - 14/? :

Collection of Smut prompt requests including the following ships:

Amren x Varian

Gwynriel

Helion x LoA

Feysand

Elucien

Viviane x Kallias

Jassa

Nessian

Gwynriel week prompts:

Solstice Night

“You’re the new ribbon Az”

To Win a Prince - Cinderella AU

Future Elucien story inspired by Persuasion - The Remembrance of Regret

Rosaline inspired Gwynriel scene

Gwynriel sparring

My Jolly Sailor Bold - Gwynriel mermay

I thought my demons were almost defeated but you took their side and you pulled them to freedom - Gwynriel based on @acourtdelaluna head canon

Moth to Flame - Gwynriel Summer Solstice

Frost and Flame - Pure angst from Lucien's POV, no happy ending

A Court of Light and Shadows series - Elucien/Gwynriel

This series consists of an Elucien prequel then a Gwynriel and Elucien story that run tandem to each other - the directions for the tandem read are in the notes of each respective chapter for those interested

A Breaking - M - 1/1 - 2,899 words

After witnessing the almost kiss on Winter Solstice, Lucien makes a decision.

A Court of Shadows - E - 37/37 - 94,718 words

Azriel has begun to notice that his thoughts regarding a certain priestess have begun to shift. Before he can fully set aside his more inappropriate musings, Gwyn makes a proposal he can't resist

A Court of Light - M - 31/31 - 88,258 words

A year after the events of A Breaking, Elain feels a tug on the bond and realizes her estranged mate is in danger. Lucien, now returned to the Night Court, wonders if he might have been too hasty in his decision to leave, and if there might still be a chance for him with his mate

#acotar fanfiction #masterlist #gwynriel #elucien #emorie #helion x loa #nessian #amren and varian #feysand #kallias x viviane #jassa

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cloveroctobers · 6 months

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OCTOBER PROMPTS 🎃 — 8. Hector

A/N: the way I always had something in the drafts to write for my beloved man like back during the summer time. The universe had other plans and what better time than to revisit this episode on Halloween! I think this is my first time ever writing on the day of this superior season?! Happy Halloween people 🧡 🪄

WARNINGS: language + hints of sexual tension 😅

PROMPT is from HERE + I’m using: “I love you, I swear I do but we’re not wearing matching costumes.”

₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚

[~October. 2000’s~]

Oh the wonders of being a big time celebrity during the month of Halloween. That’s right, a whole entire month! Which felt like so because you were constantly in the limelight with people not only dissecting your love life but also your roles which consisted of either being the lead scream queen in a thriller series, supporting actress in horror movies, and also being the star drummer (on some Sheila E shit!) and backup singer of a Alt-Pop girl band on the side.

So yes, you stayed busy and were worth talking about.

“Whatever you decide to be this year has to be big. I mean Destiny’s child, Britney Spears, Zac and Vanessa, and Halle Berry are all gonna be here at your party this year.” Your manager/publicist ranted as she paced the floor in your open concept closet.

You’re lounging on your studded chaise lounge chair, texting away on your blackberry while chewing on some gum, half listening, “Halle’s my god-mom, of course she will be here to support but who else is on this list exactly?”

“I invited pretty much everyone, the hottest stars even those who may or may be in your age range. It doesn’t matter! As long as you get good pics that brings fresh press.” Natania voiced as she began flipping through a notepad.

You hum knowing the deal, considering you’ve been in the limelight since you were fourteen so this was not anything entirely new. “I’ve got the perfect outfit for Hector and I.”

Natania glances up from writing, “funny you mention him after I say press.”

“Him has a name and who also happens to be my boyfriend?”

“Don’t remind me,” Natania mutters, “and just to think you could still be with Taylor Lautner right now. His stats are only climbing after ‘Breaking Dawn Part I,’ dropped and I can only imagine how much more attention he’s gonna get.”

Shrugging your shoulders you say, “I’ve got more than enough attention with and without a guy by my side. It was fun while it lasted but as soon as he booked the role for twilight, the distance just grew. It was all only a matter of time.”

At sixteen and seventeen years old you got into a relationship, naturally with who everyone may know as Jacob Black but he was just Taylor to you. You met way back in a martial arts class that your uncle actually taught but you didn’t end up sticking with it thanks to a tv series you booked. You met again not long after at a audition for “Sharkboy and LavaGirl.”

“Well the both of you could have at least faked it for a little!” Natania almost stomped her feet before sighing, “I mean Taylor still talks highly about you although you decided to pick a old paparazzi instead as your new fling.”

“I wouldn’t expect him to say anything less,” you blinked, “wasn’t a bad break up anyway and I don’t pay you to make judgements on who I date. I pay for you to manage my career, not my personal life, sooo mind yours.”

Natania rolled her eyes beneath her glasses, “whatever, you’re right. I’m just saying you could have done better. There’s just something off about him—Hector and not the whole follow people like you around for cash either.”

“Nat!” You hissed, “shut up already, hector’s coming over, he’s gonna be at that party with me and that’s that. When’s the stylist coming over?”

Natania puts on a forced smile and glances at the watch on her wrist, “in about a hour.”

“Great! Hector says he’ll be here in fifteen so that gives us a little down time. You can let yourself out whenever you’re ready.” You state laying back to rest your eyes.

You’ve been up since six thirty this morning doing a extreme workout routine you didn’t like with a trainer who took it too seriously. You were more of a cardio person than juggling ropes, jumping and squatting, and flipping over tires.

Soon the door bell rings and you pry one eye open to see the monitor by the door glowing, making you aware who it could be. Groaning you took your time getting closer to the screen, seeing no one there. Shrugging to yourself, you plopped down on the lounge just as your closet door budged open revealing your stylist and no other than your boyfriend, Hector.

Lounging on your elbows you smile and wave at the two.

“No, please. Don’t get up, I got it.” Your stylist wheeled in a rack while you laughed at the usual sarcasm.

“Hey, baby.” You craned your neck to meet Hector’s lips as he leaned over you in greeting before sitting next to you, “what happened to fifteen minutes?”

Hector laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck, knowing that he was late, “traffic? Even on my bike and Hunger…”

You hum at this.

“Just burgers.” Hector whispers as you shrug your shoulders.

You knew what it was like, actually dating someone in the supernatural world. It could always go one or two ways and of course there were heavy rumors surrounding Hector since he was there at the time of Mazey Day’s death. He should have been dead—especially with the amount of damage done to his body, you knew what he and Bo were up to and the pictures Bo showed you was not something you would forget.

However Hector was meant to live and see it through…and he did with the help of your family.

They got to him first.

That’s right, a long history of, “werewolf or wolf training,” depending on which form. You had more experience with simply wolfs while the higher skilled like your parents and siblings dealt with the werewolf’s. Due to your involvement with the spotlight you didn’t have much time for…family activities but you weren’t completely clueless.

If you were able to get to Mazey Day in time, perhaps things could have been different. No one really knew and some still didnt accept what it was.

Werewolves were fucking real and you so happened to be dating one.

“Soooo,” you drag pushing yourself up once more to face Hector with a tired smile, “I’ve got an idea of what we should be for Halloween.”

“Aw but you didn’t see what Freddie brought yet.”

“Oh it’s in there alright,” you push off the chair to head over to Freddie who has measuring tape draped over his shoulders.

You do the honors of taking the protective cover off the clothes and run your fingers over the various fabrics, “we have DoubleDare contestants from the 90s, or you can be Cupid and I’ll be a large fuzzy heart, or my personal fav: little red riding hood and her werewolf of a grandmother.”

Hector blinks after briefly studying the costumes and says, “I love you, I swear I do but we’re not wearing matching costumes.”

“Uh oh,” Freddie mutters while you frown at the curly haired man.

“And why the hell not? The last option is the best one.”

“I get that one,” Hector replies with a knowing look in his dark eyes, “but don’t you think it’s a little…corny?”

“We’re supposed to be corny! You’re my boyfriend and I’m your girl.” Digging your fists into your hips and peer at Hector who snorts.

“Yeah but—

“At least try it on! I mean if we’re gonna be at my party together shouldn’t we at least match?”

Hector lightly grips your wrist to pull you from Freddie’s ear shot, “it’s gonna be a full moon that night.”

“Even better.”

“For who? Not me.”

“It’s been a year already,” you slip your hand down to squeeze his, “you’re gonna be fine.”

“That’s not what your mom believes.” Hector’s shoulders almost slump, which irritates you, the fact that your mother was always getting into his head was not something foreign to you but when she started to do it to people you cared about, that’s when it became a problem.

“Newsflash, she doesn’t know everything like she claims.”

“I mean I should listen to her since…”

“Since she’s more skilled than me? Ah alright well I get it. Look, I’m not gonna peer pressure you. I just know I wouldn’t have you here if I didn’t think you could handle it. We’d take all the proper precautions a few days before just like I planned but if you really don’t feel comfortable…we’ll just make sure to take the pictures in advance and we’ll go from there.”

Hector studies you then. He knew that it was hard to be around each other sometimes whenever the moon shifted. He was thankful he got another chance at life…sure but life just become a whole lot more difficult now with this new lifestyle and being legit involved with someone in the public eye. No doubt he’s thought about it before but never pictured it happening and Bo also told him it was a bad idea after figuring out that he basically resurrected and could transform into a hairy ass creature!

You lived one way and he lived another, there were contrasts to you just like the sun and the moon, the pair of you worked taking turns to let the other breathe separately. Space was efficient when it came to your relationship but when you were together? That opened up a whole new feeling. A scary one. He wasn’t sure if this relationship would be long term but he had the chance to see you for what you are beyond the lights and that was a treat in itself.

He exhales, lifting a hand to cup the side of your face, “…let’s try these costumes on then.”

And you squeal, hopping into his arms and he holds onto you as you lock your legs around his hips, his beaming smile meeting yours as you peck all along his handsome face.

“We look foolish,” Hector comments as he readjusts the gingham hat on top of his head while you stand side by side in a full length mirror.

You laugh as you wrap your arms around the curly haired man in the floral green nightgown, “correction: we look fine as hell.”

“Fine enough to where I don’t need to spend two hours sitting in a chair having ass cramps and getting wolf prosthetics on?” Hector slips on his circular glasses and peeks over them at your reflection.

Red was certainly your color.

You snort, “you could always let the moon do it’s thing.”

“That’s not even funny.”

Pressing your chin against the back of his shoulder you say, “Wanna give me a little snarl or something?”

Hector sends you a pointed look as you trail one hand up to twist one of his damp curls, “Oh Granny, what pretty curls you have.”

“All the better for you to tug my dear,” Hector begins to play along.

A smirk makes its way onto your red painted lips, “Oh granny, what a beautiful face you have.”

“All the better for you to,” Hector starts before quickly twisting his body to yank you tight against his body, “sit on.”

You see the specs of ember swirling in Hector’s ink eyes now and you know you were pushing it as the length of his nails began to poke at the fabric of your red hood.

He then places a open mouthed kiss to your beating throat, “you didn’t say anything about my teeth.”

Standing up some with your hands locked around his neck now, you lean just a bit closer so that your forehead presses against Hector’s; you reply just as some knocks sounded at your closet door, “Now that’s satire.”

Hector let’s out a small laugh as you untangle yourself from his grasp to get the door, making a show of pointing the makeup artists in his direction only.

With your confidence in him and against the full moon, Hector can’t help but to shrug his shoulders and take a seat peeking at the face he got used to over the years. Somehow even this skin felt different and not just the scars embedded.

He just hoped you were right but knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Well…here’s to a new change of course for Halloween! That might actually be terrifying but as long as he had you on his team, his doubts and speculations from outsiders—which he used to be—didn’t seem to matter as much anymore.

₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚

Continue along with my fall anthology prompts here.

#black mirror #halloween writing prompts #black mirror mazey day #mazey day #black mirror Hector #danny ramirez #Danny Ramirez x reader #october prompts #Spotify

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ladylooch · 7 days

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Can you do something along the lines of T telling Emma he has to get surgery🥹

The news is not what Timo had hoped for, but it isn’t anything he wasn’t expecting.

He walked out of his physical with an ultimatum from the medical staff: Get surgery now or risk further, permanent damage. The last few seasons his shoulder has really been bothering him. Ice and pain management medications had been working before, but with the new pressures in Jersey, they weren’t cutting it most of this year. With playoffs seemingly out of sight with two weeks left in the season, Timo’s mind had begun to drift towards surgery.

But then there is the baby elephant in the room. They were supposed to be going home and get settled as soon as possible. The training staff told Timo he would be able to fly in the next two weeks, which would put Emma right at her international flight cap of 30 weeks pregnant. Decisions like this are no longer just about him.

Timo glances across the couch at Emma who is laying on her left side. Her legs scrunch the pregnancy pillow between them as she traces circles on her belly over Lio’s foot.

“You stop it.” She murmurs, poking at him. “I don’t want to miss the renovation reveal because I have to pee.”

“We can pause it.” Timo suggests. Emma contemplates, then sighs, beginning to move.

“I better go.” She agrees. Timo helps her get up, not because she needs it, but because he wants to help her. He loves doing things for her now. She is doing so much for them. Offering a hand where he can is the least he can do. He pats her butt as she heads towards the bathroom. “Pause it, babe.” She reminds him over her shoulder. He rolls his shoulder in a circle, rubbing at the tenderness he feels there.

He doesn’t want to keep living this way. He can't keep living this way. Not when an 8 pound baby is going to need to be held in this same arm on a consistent basis.

When Emma comes back into the room, he gets her settled back into the couch, then clears his throat.

“Before I hit play, can we chat for a second?”

“Mhm.” She murmurs, reaching a hand across the couch to run her nails along his arm comfortingly. “What’s up?”

“My shoulder has been bugging me.”

“Yeah.” She acknowledges with a pout. Living with him has given her more insight into how much it really nags him. It used to be icing every so often when they were together, but it’s been multiple times a week since she returned to Jersey.

“I think the next step I need to take is surgery. It’s not getting better. The pain is almost unmanageable at times. I don’t want to keep getting shots in me mid-game…” He trails off.

“Okay. You should do it then.”

“They want me to have it here though. With the team doctors.” Emma contemplates.

“Okay. When could they do it?”

“Early next week. Then I have to wait a few days before we can fly home.” Emma inhales heavily, then nods her head.

“Okay.”

“Is it okay? If you want me to wait-“

“I want you to feel better and get the care that you need.” Emma assures him. “Plus you need that shoulder to hold our baby this summer.” She lifts her lips into an excited smile. Timo grins back at her.

“I should be able to lift him by then.” He reaches out, stretching a big hand across the globe of her belly. Emma runs her hand along his, then grips his wrist to keep him there. “Maybe you should still go now?”

“No, I want to take care of you. So we wait. Until you’re ready. Then we all go home together.” Emma sits up, wiggling her way forward so she can kiss his eager lips. His eyes are still closed when she pulls away.

“Nothing about this season is what I thought it would be.” He whispers. Emma smiles and nods in understanding.

But somehow, it’s all still going to work out for them.

#tm: loving & leaving

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communistchilchuck · 5 hours

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Sohaib reached out to me to help share his father's fundraiser. His father Bahaa, a Palestinian architect, is urgently raising money to help evacuate he and his displaced family from Gaza to Egypt and receive medical treatment. He has only made kr1,040 SEK out of his kr1,630,000 goal so far, and the IOF's planned invasion of Rafah is imminent. Please share and donate, and if you can't donate, please still share!

Sohaib's Twitter/X account: @sohaibjazzar

From Bahaa's GFM:

please note

conversion rate is (100 USD = 1087 SEK)

Dear compassionate supporters,

I extend my heartfelt plea to you, driven by the urgency of the dire situation my family faces in the chaos of Gaza, a war-torn region. I am Bahaa Aljazzar, an Architect and university lecturer with more than 23 years of experience, I come to you seeking your generous support to evacuate my beloved 21 family members from the hazardous conditions we currently endure in Gaza and relocate us to safety in Egypt.

I tell my story as one of thousands of stories in the Gaza Strip. I am 47 years old. I support a family consisting of 10 members, me, my wife, six sons, and two daughters. I hope God protects them for me. I also support my father's family, who is 73 years old, and my mother and two sisters. May God protect us all in the light of a fierce war. A person is not the guarantor of his life or the life of his family, especially since my parents and I suffered from chronic diseases (diabetes and high blood pressure) that have affected our health. In the past few days during this war, I suffered a stroke that led to an obstruction in my movement on the right side of my body. I seek to find a speedy recovery.

Meet my remarkable family:

Me(47 years): A creative architect, university lecturer with over 23 years of experience, and the breadwinner of this family.

Eman(35 years): A loving, ambitious, and struggling mother and wife who was the reason for most of my successes.

Sohaib(22 years): My eldest son is ambitious and has big dreams in the world of software development, as the war prevented him from continuing his academic career in his final year of Bachelor of Application Development.

Basmala(19 years): She is diligent and persistent, as she completed her high school studies last year with impressive distinction, with a grade point average of 96.4%, but the occupation soon prevented her from achieving her dream of studying human medicine.

AbdulAziz(17 years), Deema(14 years), Moath(12 years), Anas(10 years), Kinan(8 years), and Fathi(6 years): The rest of my children were attending their schools, but since the beginning of this year and in light of this cruel war, their hope has been cut off and their dream of completing their studies has become almost impossible.

My father's family:

Dad(73 years): A civil engineer who implemented many reconstruction projects and worked with many local and international institutions.

Mom(66 years): Amazing teacher.

My Sister Najwa(32 years): She holds a master's degree in the fundamentals of religion.

My Sister Maha(31): Arabic language school.

I would like to draw attention to my sister Najla (46 years), who is displaced with us. Her husband was martyred and she lost her home in Gaza City. She has a son whom she seeks to raise, Obaida (19 years). He finished high school last year, but the war also prevented him from studying at university, she also has a daughter Afnan (26 years), who is enrolled in studying for a master’s degree in laboratory analysis, but the war stood in the way of all ambitions.

I also want to talk about my brother Muhammad (35 years), who is younger than me and supports a family of 4 people, his wife Hanaa (30 years), and his two daughters, Lana (6 years) and Raneem (3 years). It is difficult for him to fully support them due to the physical and psychological pressures of war, as he worked before the war. Graphic designer and technology educator.

As I write to you, the Israeli army’s planned invasion of Rafah grows ever closer. Asking for help is not easy, but we are left with no choice if we want to survive. As we strive to rebuild our broken lives, we are very grateful for any help you can give. Thank you for your kindness and generosity in our time of need.

Urgent case:

I suffered a stroke several times, the last of which was several days ago during the war when there were no medical services or hospitals, which made doctors unable to diagnose my condition accurately because there was no CT scan and the a lack of appropriate treatment.

And also my parents who need health care.

Financial Details:

Travel company (YA HALH) costs $5,000 for people over 18.

And $2,500 for people under the age of 18.

A total of $87,500 to evacuate the Aljazzar family from Gaza to Egypt.

And $5,000 to cover the expenses of treating Bahaa and his parents who suffer from chronic diseases (diabetes and blood pressure).

And an additional $30,000 to cover the cost of living and basic family needs.

Thank you for your kindness during this challenging time. Your support is crucial in this humanitarian endeavor.

any additional donations will go for their survival in Egypt and their return when the war ends.

Gratefully,

Bahaa

#palestine #free palestine #gaza #mutual aid

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seeasweetsmile · 10 months

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To my miraculous fans followers

I'm sorry but more the serie continues, more I’m turning myself into the dark side (aka the ml salt).

Maybe you saw that I didn’t reblog gifs from episodes since S4 (just a few) like I did for S1-S3 and to be honest, the wait between seasons/episodes and the way I’m slowly detached myself from the show to discover others cartoons or animes didn’t help either.

For S4 and mostly S5, the traitement of the characters, the Ladynoir/Adrinette chaotic relationship, the way Lukanette and Adrigami were killed at the first two episodes of S4, Marinette’s hypocrisy, Gabriel’s madness and his growth grudge towards Marinette, Chloé’s caricatural treatment, Lila being mastermind, no adult has a brain anymore, even if there’s globaly good ideas and so much potential, the fact they were awkwardly or badly executed were a pain to watch.

And you know what is the most painful? I loved that show.

Because is that : I loved that show.

It’s been 7 YEARS (almost 8 years in september if I remember correctly) since the serie debut, and like so many fans, I grew attached to the worldbuilding, the characters, the bond between all of them, the humor or the banters, the lore about the miraculous, the design of the superheros and the supervilains, their powers and how complex/funny/interesting they were... and if you have the inevitable urge to read/write fanfics, look/create the fanarts, or even read analysis/meta post about the episodes, you grow even more attached to the characters and the show!

But when you watch from a objective point of view, you realize there’s so much problems consistency issues (I don’t list them, others fans on tumblr and salty hashtags do it better).

Like I said in a previous reblog, if the writers didn’t want to make episodes just for shocked the viewers (remember when they said each episodes of S4 were equivalent of Chat Blanc??) because all the excessive drama around ladynoir or adrinette, if they didn’t push these things to the extra way, if they didn’t get anyone involved (Alya, classmates, adults) to tell Adrien and Marinette what to think or what to do, it could have been so much better. I firmly believe that friendship is a fondamental piliar to any relation. Adrinette started with a good way (cf origines), but they shaped Marinette into another girl who idolazed Adrien without sincerly knowing him (and when they start to give Marinette some retrospective of her behaviour, what we got? we got Alya to tell her she kNoW AdRiEn instead of listening genuinely her best friend and step back), and Adrien, even though he sincerely liked Marinette and held her in high esteem, he ends up becoming the perfect boy madly in love with her who forgets everything as soon as she is in his field of vision or as soon she breathes. If the others characters had LISTENED to Marinette when she questioned herself and preferred to remain friends with Adrien because she realized she didn’t fully know him, and if the others characters had LISTENED to Adrien when he told them he wasn’t agree with their crazy plans (they didn’t listen and the MCs sighed, abandonned their spine column when the classmates insisted a little bit too much), I repeat myself ; it. could. have. been. so. much. better.

To leave Marinette and Adrien figuring out how to do the things at their own rythm. Instead of a healthy, good and solid friendship that transform into romance, we get a forced ship. Because “ThEy MaDe FoR eAcH oThEr” like everyone said in millions times (I was temped to rewatch since the beggining to counts exactly how much the characters say this stupid sentence but I’m not strong enough). And they say this as if we were dumb and we didn’t know Adrinette was the endgame since day one.

Also, another thing that bug me : since S4 to S5 –and I don’t know if anyone felt that– but I have this distrubing impression that Marinette and Adrien mostly were just puppets in the theater/playhouse and they didn’t have a soul. Sometimes it push me out of the show when I watch the episodes.

Anyways, if you made it until here, thank you for reading my rant post. Two more episodes to left for S5 that will air early july (I read the script of the finale and boy...) and I still don’t know if I will watch the S6. With Gabe and Chloe out of the picture, Lila stepping as main vilain (still wait for her background) and Emilie being here, maybe they’ll do something correct ? But as I said in a previous post, if I watch the first few episodes and if it irrated me, I’ll stop.

I’m tired to hurting myself.

#ml salt #ml writers salt #ml spoilers #ml season 5 spoilers #adrinette salt #ml fandom salt #my post

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maiemorrae · 5 months

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Dead Darlings Tag Game

Saw this from @sunset-a-story and thought it would be fun to do since I've been looking at older work lately.

Rules: Share a part of your writing you love that got cut for the greater good. It doesn't matter if it's a line or a paragraph. It doesn't matter if you might work it back in. If it's not currently in a WIP and you want to share, please do.

For this, I pulled a section from what I'd consider to be the very first draft/version of What Makes a Seeker. At the time I was writing this, it was going to be a story that followed Ellis, at the time using the name Eriana, as she grew up and how she came to be a seeker. Eventually, I had instead decided to start the story with her joining the seekers, that would have been version 2 of the story. Then it changed again into the story I'm currently writing and have up on my website.

While some of this is still relevant and the flavor of it still matches Ellis' story, I've shifted and adjusted her backstory a good bit by now. One of the major differences between this version and the current version of her backstory is that in this, Ellis is around 5 years old whereas in the current version, this event wouldn't have happened until she was around 8 or so.

I did a bit of patching up on this but still kept her name as it was in this version, just know that Eriana is Ellis, I simply shifted the name between versions 2 and 3 of the story.

Soft tagging @amaiguri and @moonfeatherblue for this if interested.

The quiet of the night was interrupted by the loud sound of a low dolorous bell. Mathias quickly sat up, having been startled awake by the loud sound. He looked over at Cadia as panic quickly set in. Eriana slowly woke up from the sound of the bell and her father’s frantic movements.

“No, no, no, Cadia please, no…” He reached around Eriana and gently moved her aside to check on Cadia. “Please be someone else…”

“Papa, what was that?” Eriana sleepily asked, her question ignored as Mathias’ actions grew frantic.

“No, no, this… this can’t happen. Not you.” There was no breath or other signs of life from Cadia. There was no denying the source of the bell, Cadia was dead.

Mathias sat back, almost in a daze and not wanting to believe what had happened. Meanwhile, Eriana crawled over to her mother and gave her a gentle shake. “Mama, what was that noise? You’re a heavy sleeper if it didn’t wake you up.” She continued to poke, waiting for a response. “Mama…? Why aren’t you waking up? Papa, why is Mama so still?”

Silence greeted her questions on both sides. Mathias sat in silence just trying to process what was about to happen. Soon tears begin to spring from his eyes and his shoulders slump. “Eri… mama… mama is…” He choked on his words, not able to get them out. He was about to try again when there was a stern knock on the door. He looked up, knowing already who was on the other side and knowing that nothing could change what has and is about to happen. He almost seemed to harden as he stood up from the bed, giving a heartbroken expression towards Cadia. “Eriana… go, go and sit at the table.”

Another sharp knock was heard at the door as Mathias went towards it. Eriana looked confused, not moving from her spot next to her mother. “Why, who's at the door? Papa, why won’t Mama wake up?” Before a response was given Mathias opened the door to those waiting outside.

Standing outside the door were three figures. Each of them wore an ornate mask with copper detailing covering the lower part of their faces. One of them wore a well-kept uniform consisting of a black coat with gold trimming. Running down the front and back of the uniform is a fine red cloth with the same gold trim. The other two were in plain clothes though they were fancier than anyone from here would wear. The expression in their eyes was hard, here for a purpose, and were determined to do that job. The one in the uniform spoke up.

“Sir, we are here to collect the dead.” His voice was firm, sounding as though he’d said this a thousand times.

Mathias, at this point, was nearly numb and merely stood aside to let the men into the small room. The two in plain clothes began to walk to the back of the room where Cadia lay and Eriana sat still on the bed, giving a nervous look to the strangers who’d come into her home. “Dead… wha, what do you mean?” The strangers paused, one of their expressions softened at the small girl. He stepped forward and kneeled to be at eye level with the girl. He looked back at Mathias, who'd grown still and purposefully was not looking at that side of the room, he let out a small sigh before speaking to the girl.

“I’m sorry child, but your mother is dead. That's… that’s why she’s not waking up.” He paused for a second and watched the girl's face. “And why we are here.”

“No… you, you’re lying.” She stood on her knees on the bed, between the strangers and her mother. “Mama can’t be dead, she… she’s just sleeping!” Eriana gave a fierce look at the stranger, but tears began to form as doubt began to creep in. “She’s… just sl-sleeping right?”

“Rook, Moss.” The sharp voice of the uniformed stranger came from the doorway. The two shared a look before the one kneeling stood back up. His eyes showed genuine sympathy as he followed his orders.

“I’m truly sorry, but you need to move child.” He put a hand on her shoulder and tried to gently guide her off the bed. “We’re here to take care of your mother so that she can rest easy.”

“No! You can’t, mama is resting here! We can take care of her!” She yelled at the two men, pushing back against the one trying to move her as tears ran down her face. After a few moments of struggle with the hysterical child the one who had been speaking to her lifted her off the bed, keeping a hold despite her kicking and weakly hitting him.

“Rook, get a move on.” The one who held Eriana, Moss says to his partner. Rook gave a solemn nod and laid out a large white cloth on the floor. Rook then carefully moved Cadia off the bed into the center of the cloth and wrapped the woman up, carefully tying the cloth closed once he was done. The full process took a few minutes and by then Eriana was no longer lashing out, instead merely shaking with tears running down her face in a near-endless stream. Moss had set her down but kept a firm grip on her shoulders.

Rook gave a final look to the child, his expression unreadable before he bent down and lifted Cadia’s form, and began making his way out the door, past the uniformed stranger. Moss looked down at the child turning her around and kneeled once again. “I promise child, she will rest easy now. We make sure of that.”

#dead darlings tag game #old writing #luctine #Ellis Mourn #writing #creative writing #writblr

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year

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r u familiar with the enneagram system? if so, i'd be curious to know what u think dazai, akutagawa, yosano, or anyone else's type is. of course, that's just a suggestion. i really like ur blog and hope life's going well for u.

I am familiar with it!

I'm not a huge fan of it for several reasons that I won't get into here, and as a psychology student I do feel compelled to alert people that tests like the Enneagram and MBTI, while fun, are not statistically valid or empirically grounded, and that I absolutely hate how these kinds of pseudo-psychological tests are still sometimes used by companies in the hiring process. They have no place there.

But, like I said, they are fun to do and I think my young teenage self, who spent literal years trying to rework some of these tests to yield more consistent results when analyzing fictional characters, would like it if I gave it a shot!

I'll do Dazai, Akutagawa and Yosano, and I'll add in Atsushi, Kyouka and Tachihara because of the recent episodes. :)

Dazai: I think he kind of has to be a 5w4. (I hate it I hate it that's my type arghhhh) 5s tend to withdraw and become detached observers - their ideal is to become as knowledgeable, intelligent and competent in their area as possible. The 4 as a wing meanwhile gives this type an emotional underpinning it wouldn't normally have. The 4 wing makes the 5 desire more in the way of self-expression and makes them tend to turn their knowledge and information gathering about people over hard facts. While the 4 might be considered an alternative, as 4s tend to be melancholic and feel separate from the rest of the crowd, it's also too focused on self-expression to be right for Dazai's character. 5s may have similar feelings but they deal with it more by rationalizing these feelings or withdrawing from people. 5s also tend to move towards 7s when under stress or in a bad place, which typically involves frantic attempts at spontaneity or excitement in an attempt to not feel so drained, trapped or incompetent. When in a healthier mindset, they tend to move towards 8, which enables more assertive, leader-like, and protective behaviours.

Akutagawa: I'd say a true 3. 3s are all about achievement, objectives and competency - and about gaining recognition for it. While they are normally characterized as extraverted, I think the core is there in Akutagawa - the need to win above all else, the idea that love and recognition are based on accomplishment, the projecting of their own insecurities onto others. These are traits that are present even in Beast, and likely rooted in his survivalist mindset. Akutagawa will go about whatever means are required to succeed, and he is objective-driven and direct in his ambitions to an almost extreme degree. Under stress, they go to 9, which leads them to stubbornly continue on the path they have set and put themselves under immense pressure without questioning why or branching off to something different, likely out of familiarity with the struggle and a fear of revision. This is quite clear in the main universe, with Dazai's approval being one of the only things that matters to him and making him largely unable to see alternate paths and driving him to reckless action. In a healthier mindset, they move towards 6, which makes them more committed team players. This seems to be where Beast was going, and hopefully we see that with shin soukoku as well.

Yosano: I'd say type 8w9 for sure. 8s are protectors, powerful and assertive to avoid showing weakness or vulnerability. Nothing else really makes sense for Yosano; she's always been an assertive person, and she doesn't mince her words - she likes to get to the point quickly and get things done. She also projects an image of intimidation and doesn't reveal much about herself to her coworkers. The 9 wing brings a more mellow side to the type 8 and focuses their protectiveness more on places of safety - like the Agency for Yosano and how protective she is of it and the people in it! Under stress, 8s move to 5, which causes them to withdraw into themselves as they try to detach from what's going on and question themselves and their usual confidence... yeah... In a healthier setting, they move towards the 2, which enables them to put their confidence and control towards helping those who need it, instead of focusing only on minimizing their own vulnerability.

Atsushi: I waffled between 2 and 6 for him before deciding on 2w1. 2 makes sense with its emphasis on helping others to be needed and building an image of being someone who helps others so they don't have to bother/deal with their own issues. 6s are too suspicious and focused primarily on security to be a good match for Atsushi, who, while he doesn't want to be hurt anymore and loves having a supportive group of people to come back to, is uh. Often very reckless. The 1 wing is that undercurrent of not just doing helpful things for others, but of doing helpful things that are also morally right and just. Underdeveloped 1 can result in some black and white thinking, which Atsushi can be a bit prone to, especially early in the series. 2s can be prone to becoming strongly prideful via their good deeds, but they can crash hard if they neglect their own needs for too long or somehow "fail" another. They are not supposed to be "selfish", and I think we see Atsushi struggle to fit his own needs into his image of the "one who saves others" he thinks he needs to be to be worthy. When under stress, they tap into the sudden aggression of 8, which may cause them to try to exert power to stop feeling vulnerable, but the growth towards 4 lets them explore their own feelings and perceptions to figure out what they actually want.

Kyouka: Probably a 9w8. Kyouka has very simple, straightforward wants and needs - part of the beauty of her character is that while everyone is angsting over big picture things (and she does too, continuously questioning her own goodness and worthiness), she also pretty quickly gets to the heart of it - "the crepe was delicious" "i like bunnies and tofu" - her desires are all simple little things that bring her happiness and give her a reason to fight back. Seeing Kyouka come to life over the course of the series is genuinely one of BSD's biggest joys. 9s are all about comfort, repression of anger, "going with the flow", etc. They tend not to be incredibly assertive, but are supportive and can quickly turn obstinate and quietly protective if their stability and home are threatened. Under stress, they detach, go numb and essentially keep their heads down and do what they're told, which is reminiscent of how Kyouka was so distant at the beginning of the story. In a growth mindset, they move towards the 3, which allows them to actively pursue their goals, not just for others but for themselves. The 8 wing was chosen due to Kyouka's sudden action and decisiveness when someone/something she cares about is threatened - she's less concerned with the morality of the 1 and more about protecting what matters to her by any means.

Tachihara: I'll be honest, I'm not entirely sold on this but I'm thinking a 6w7. 6s are all about the group, and are hardworking and committed types, but also known for being skeptical, uncertain, and questioning. The thing about Tachi is that he's actually a pretty loyal dude, he's just unfortunately attached to two different groups... what's interesting is that the resolution to this conflict is related to his earlier proclamation that "orders make him who he is", and that loyalty to the boss' (Mori's) wishes is a crucial factor in his choice to stay with the Mafia. 6s tend to feel insecure without some stable structure around them and tend to like having some direction from others. At the same time, some of the indecisiveness and uncertainty is alleviated by the 7 wing, which brings a little more impulsiveness and energy to the usually muted 6. Under stress, 6s move towards 3s, which makes them feel the need to accomplish and succeed to "measure up" - I think about Tachihara always being compared to his brother until one day he just gave up. 6s move towards 9s when in growth, and this is at the core of what a 6 wants: they really crave security and belonging, and the 9 alleviates some of the suspicion the 6 carries and makes them feel more relaxed.

#i hope this was fun anon! love to hear your thoughts if you have them #these kinds of things are heavily biased by personal interpretation so if yours differ I'd love to hear #also i did this late at night so I'm not 100% sure this was well phrased but oh well #thanks for the ask!#bsd #bsd dazai #bsd akutagawa #bsd yosano #bsd atsushi #bsd kyouka #bsd tachihara #storyrambles

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rose-grimm-spirit-does-dumb-shit · 26 days

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https://www.tumblr.com/rose-grimm-spirit-does-dumb-shit/715689037962280960?source=share all of them for alton towers/theme parks in general but I'm especially curious to hear 25

Oh fuck I forgot to respond for almost a year. Warning, a lot of the "god I hate the fandom" moments will mostly be directed at the wider community {e.g. this includes the old toxic nemesis fanboy 40 year old men and such}. The tumblr side of theme parks most of the time have semi-good takes. Anyways uh first on the docket 25: I fucking hate how for some god awful reason there's a consistent hate for the Dockyard Trio at thorpe, I'm talking The Walking Dead: The Ride, Ghost Train, and the late Black Mirror Labyrinth. Like come the fuck on man, give them a chance. They're great, especially if the circumstances align, what you want is a live actor tw day, a dead queue bml run {the high guest throughput is unfortunately what made her seem more shit than she is}, and to just let Ghost Train do her thing as her acting squad are honestly a lovely bunch who wanna give you the best they can.

24: I think right now it's who the world record for fastest accelerration on a rollercoaster is, it rightfully belongs to my bbygirl Stealth of course but if you try to talk about this to Americans, especially Six Flags Americans they will be inherently pissed because it's not Max Force.

23: There is none that I've come around to, but then again there is none I'm inherently against either.

22: The fact that the Marmaliser is it's own sentient being, it's creature but not crreature it's creature inn like how humanns are creature.

21: The 2019 Blair witch scaremaze at Fright Nights, because I'm sorry but it was genuinely dogshit. The finale was a shed that you can't see shit in, and there was supposed to be an actor there.

20: Do I need to bring up Blair Witch 2019, again.

19: I'm a Dead Creek Woods lover, and so many people would shit upon me for that take.

18: LYCANS V AMITY, SO MANY OF YOU ARE SLEEPING ON THAT AND BIRTHDAY BASH TO THE POINT THAT IT'S SAD. THEY'RE AMAZING, SHSUT UP.

17: Can we get Saw/Hyperia actually, they seem incredibly enemies to lovers/besties lesbian. That and general interactions between them in general, like Hyp kept cutting Saw's power over the summer I want people to expand upon that.

16: The idea of Th13teen being a child, like c'mon man just because the adverts had a child and the countdown audio iis a child doesn't mean your oc has to be a child too?

Branch out, be adventureous. Maybe your th13teen is a raceway-membeer who went missing.

15: The Smiler being a silly guy, like silly guy is fun and I admit I commiit to osilly guy too. But the thingi is, Smiler is more than that. Yes Marmal is a silly guy but she alsoo has issues and traumas and witnesses some cracked shit in the moj.

14: See above.

13: S E E A B O V E.

12: Everyone from Thorpe Carnival, especially the Junkyarders. Please they're so cool and fun and the actors who play them are legends, we drew mimes and they thought it was fucking amazing.

If they come back next year, please giive them the world.

11: I have none, tho I did learn that there was a point when we considered General Public as a slur fsr?

10: How whenever you look up Thorpe maps, you wilil be guaranteed to see someone's map mockups where it has planet snoopy and shit like that. The existence of them is annoying bc it clogs up search when you're looking for a specific map only to find 20 fan mockups instead.

9: The Asylum, I am so glad we've moved from that but god... Not the mental institution maze...

8: Holds up the Dockyard Trio, again.

7: I don't think there's anyone.

6: Whenever Stealth or Rita are in a straight ship it fucking irks me out of raw "broooo...", tho I think the only exception is RetrowaveRacer's bc that one doesn't bollock the vibes of Rita.

5: I've only been in 2 ddsicords, both were/are lovely. But I have heard so much bollocks about the others :)

4: Conocerningly, a lot of the time it's either pedophiliia, racisim, or ableism.

3: Gonna name drop this one as ironcially it's someone who was blocked because of the above. ANYONE REMEMBER MTCHIKA'S DOGSHIT THORPE TAKES ABOUT INFERNO "NOT DESERVING TO BE A NEMESIS" AND TWD BEING AND I QUOTE "boring ip boring ride".

2: I don't think about it nor do I have an opinioni on it.

1: Fuckin' Nemesis, entirerly because there are people who forget the fact that she's cannonically a woman.

Happy now?

#ask gamme #god this took ages

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hecckyeah · 7 months

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Hi so you don't have to if you don't want to but. I'm curious about your thoughts on all the main characters of The Rookie. So, on a scale of one to ten (ten being you would die for them and one being you really dislike them) where would you rank the main characters (and anyone else you feel like talking about!)

DUDE are you kidding me?? I don’t think you understand how much I would LOVE to subject my weirdly specific opinions about The Rookie onto unsuspecting followers. Fair warning: this could get lengthy. I have a Lot of Feelings.

HERE WE GO!!

(disclaimer: I’m only rating the main characters that have stuck around until/are new in season 5. there are just too many temporary ones to keep track of everyone)

starting off strong with my best dude, my main squeeze… John Nolan himself.

Solid 12/10

1 point off for his current taste in women (see Nune, Bailey)

BUT a million 3 extra points for being the straight shooting square golden retriever dad we all know and love 🫶 He (along with Grey) is the most constant, reliable entity on this show and I really appreciate that about him. I think season 5 had so much potential in watching him grow and learn in a teaching role, but unfortunately the writers did him dirty. Between teaching Celina and dating Bailey (neither of whom have solid relationships with any other main character) he felt isolated from the rest of the team and therefore weakened; the opposite of what he’s been in seasons 1-4. I hope it’s something they change going forward. That said, I still adore this man. Nolan my absolute BELOVED

Lucy Chen

10/10

TEN out of TEN. This woman owns my heart, she’s way too good for this world, too pure. If the sun and the moon were one person, they would be Lucy Chen. I absolutely adore her tenacity, her scrappiness in a tough situation, and her insightfulness not just in her job but in all her relationships and especially with herself. It takes a quality person to have so much self awareness, and she is the master of that. Also she is a CINNAMON ROLL and we LOVE her for it. Top marks all around, no notes.

Tim Bradford

9.9/10

Bradford my BELOVED. Minus .1 point for making me low-key hate him in the first season by being such a hardass, but ultimately a million points for being just an all around really solid character. His characterization is spot on: consistent, layered, intriguing, sometimes surprising (coaching little league?? who would have thought), and the most fiercely protective and badass-est of them all. I LOVE how we get little glimpses at his softer side, mostly around Lucy but even with random kids and his sister and occasionally the rest of Mid-Wilshire. Him being Angela’s man of honor was ICONIC, and it seriously fit his character so well. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s easy on the eyes ;) I didn’t expect him to steal my heart like this but here we are!

Nyla Harper

Honestly? 8/10

I think she’s incredible and has the potential to be a really complex character, but something along the way fell flat. It's almost like the writers got scared of pushing the envelope with her too much. One of my absolute favorite scenes with her was that first time she quickly went undercover as Crystal in the laundromat and scared poor rookie Nolan half to death. We just haven't seen her like that in her element anymore, and her character feels shallow for it. Such a bummer, because she's awesome!

Angela Lopez

Also a good, solid 8/10.

I think her character has been WONDERFULLY done. She balances being the badass cop with being a no-nonsense, protective mother and wife. We get some really amazing insight into her backstory and a lot of her quirks (the part with her apartment being so messy made me feel SO validated lolll). I absolutely adore how close she is with her coworkers, especially Jackson and Tim. It feels natural and real, coming from years of trust and experience. I think where Nyla has fallen flat, Angela has really shined (shone? shin? lol). She's one of those that I wouldn't label as my favorite, per se, but I'm never mad when she's onscreen :)

Wade Grey

Grey, my man! 7.5/10

Listen. This man has almost retired at least thirteen times over the course of the show, and I'm pretty sure it's his insane dad instinct telling him to stick around and watch over his kids crew. He's predictable (in a good way), steady, unflappable... all the things a good sergeant should be. I love the subtle character development he's been through, mostly regarding Nolan and how he was so skeptical at first but now believes in him more than anyone else, basically. I love him for the glue that he is for the team, but he's not on an I would die for him tier. I'm honestly surprised he's lasted on the show this long lol but we LOVE Sergeant Dad around here

Wesley Evers

8.5/10, no hesitation.

Wesley is an ANGEL. I can't believe he and Lopez work so well together, but that just shows his incredible depth of character. He's a rich kid turned almost-philanthropist, who just wants to help people through his skills as a lawyer. He's real, with raw emotions guarded behind a wall of professionalism, that only slips once in a while... but when it does, it's heartbreaking. Ugh he's just SO good. A very very chewy delicious character, as some would say. I think there's a level of relatability with him that I've really become attached to. Incredible dude. Need more of this guy.

Aaron Thorsen

Amazing. 6/10

I think I feel sort of disconnected from Aaron, just because he's very much a background main character, if that makes any sense? His training was kind of breezed over, and so much of his introduction to the team/audience was based on the murder accusations and documentary that I feel like we never got to know the real Aaron aside from being rich and going through a tragedy. Kind of ironic and meta, eh? That said, I love him, he's absolutely awesome, and I REALLY hope he's okay :(

Tamara

Adorable. 7/10

I LOVE that they kept Tamara around after her first appearance. I love how much of a literary foil she is to Lucy. They’re opposites in a lot of ways, and she serves as that little sister figure, there for Lucy to protect and care for, but also she allows us to see the main cast and the police station through younger eyes. I think she’s a fantastic character, adorable and lovable despite all her Gen Z apathy.

Quigley Smitty

2/10

Plus 1 point for being comedic relief once in a while. Hard dislike. This dude is a waste of screen time.

Bailey Nune

3.5/10

I just. I WANT to love her, I really do. But as a character she’s just incredibly shallow. She’s disconnected from the rest of the team, and while I can see the value of having a main character who doesn’t work at Mid-Wilshire and isn’t a lawyer, the showrunners really dropped the ball with Bailey. She and Nolan have zero chemistry. It all feels extremely forced, that they’re pushing Nolan into a relationship simply for the sake of him being….in a relationship. And it pulls him away from the team, so we don’t see as many quality interactions with him and Chen anymore, even though Lucy is on record saying that the three OG rookies were inseparable. It also limits his interactions with everyone else, especially Bradford and the detectives. And it really hurts the quality of the show, with Nolan being the main driving character and all. Not to sound crass, but it almost would have been more poignant if Bailey died in the Rosalind tank and we had to watch Nolan grieve while still training Celina and walking her through her own lasting grief about her sister. It would have thrown a healthy wrench in the story, in my opinion. But aside from all of that, I wish I could like her…..but I just can’t.

WOW yeah so this has been initial thoughts on the main characters of The Rookie with yours truly 😂 I might come back and add a little addendum to this with some other thoughts, but for now!! this is what I’ve got!

#the rookie #asks #Katie’s sleep deprived ramblings

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wondereads · 1 year

Text

Personal Review (11/28/22)

Song of Silver, Flame Like Night by Amelie Wen Zhao

Summary

The Last Kingdom of Hin has had a tumultuous history, the most recent of which is an invasion by the Elantian Empire. Years after Lan's mother was brutally murdered in the initial invasion, she works as a song girl at a tea house, surviving under Elantian rule and seeking answers for a mysterious seal her mother left on her arm, one that only she can see. Zen is a practitioner, someone who utilizes qi to manipulate the natural world, an art almost entirely lost to history. With an Elantian magician hunting them down, the two of them work together to unravel the mysteries of their pasts.

Plot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

This book is fairly fast-paced, which I appreciated. The plot gets started within the first few chapters, and it moves pretty steadily for the rest of the book. There are some parts that are predictable for the genre and age group, but there were also some good plot twists. Lan's mother's seal in particular went in an unexpected direction for me; I was anticipating something different being hidden in it. There were a couple moments here and there that dragged a little, but for the most part, there was always something happening.

The worldbuilding is very interesting. There's a lot of symbolism to be found in that practitioners utilize the natural energy of qi while Elantian magicians use refined metals, and it is explained well. The fact that there's a lot of historical erasure and revisionism going on allows for Lan to be Hin and familiar with mundane elements of the Last Kingdom while still being fairly clueless about practitioning, allowing the reader to learn alongside her.

This book reminded me very strongly of The Poppy War by R. F. Kuang, in a good way. If someone were averse to the extreme content of The Poppy War, this would be a great alternative since it deals with similar moral dilemmas and worldbuilding styles.

Characters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Lan and Zen were pretty typical for YA protagonists. They were well-developed and their characterization was consistent, they just had a lot of traits that you would expect to see. As such, I don't think I was as invested in them as I could have been. While the plot provided some good twists, their character arcs were predictable for me. I like them both, especially Lan, as people, but I want some more complexity in their characters. I think the second book will provide that, especially for Zen, for reasons that are definitely spoilers.

One thing that definitely intrigues me is that the entire book is in Lan and Zen's POV—except for one chapter at the very end. That chapter is from the perspective of Lishabeth, a member of the Elantian army. It isn't even the epilogue, which is Zen. It makes me wonder if maybe she will become a staple point of view in the next book, which would be very cool.

Of the side characters, my favorite was definitely Dilaya. I just really like characters that are difficult and clash with the main character in certain situations but know how to put aside differences when shit hits the fan. I really hope she and Lan's relationship develops as the story continues.

Writing Style 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I'd say the writing is also standard for YA. Nothing about it particularly stood out to me, but nothing was bad about it either. I liked that it was split perspective since Lan and Zen work very well as deuteragonists since they share similar pasts. Getting to see the way they react to certain situations, especially considering how alike they are, was very interesting.

The pacing was pretty good; other than a few moments of drag it stayed steady for the most part.

Overall 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I enjoyed this book. I think the plot is particularly strong, and it deals with a lot of issues that are intriguing to me. The main characters are a little predictable, but I want to see how they'll develop, and there are some really strong side characters. The worldbuilding is super interesting, and there are certain things, like Hin history and Elantian magic, that I want to know more about. The writing is pretty standard, but there's nothing that irked me. Overall, a very solid book that I would definitely recommend to fans of The Poppy War. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for a copy of the book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

The Author

Amelie Wen Zhao: Chinese, currently living in New York, also wrote Blood Heir, has a great Tiktok full of Chinese culture and jokes about C-dramas

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every week, and I do themed recommendations every once in a while. I take suggestions! Check out my about me post for more!

#books #reviews #song of silver flame like night #amelie wen zhao #ya #fantasy #xianxia #chinese mythology #arc

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otaku-tactician · 1 year

Text

My Sleep Paralysis Demon: An In-Depth Study

A few years ago, I posted an image of the goddess I saw in a dream. But actually, I have experienced a much deadlier presence during my sleep paralysis and dream episodes...a dude who has been consistently by my side for years (and has me convinced that I may actually be fucking insane seeing as he's still here). Say hello to the epitome of inner turmoil, my sleep paralysis demon!

This character has been haunting me for almost 8 years of sleep paralysis HELL!! He shape-shifts a heck of a lot into a shitload of different forms that he abandons on a whim, and recently adapted to look like another anime character but luckily he dropped that form XD However, he seems to like taking the form of one particularly popular character the most. That is also his default appearance- it's basically the knock-off version of a certain fate character (it will become pretty apparent who he's picked once you see some of his forms).

But anyway, this guy appears in a lot of my nightmares etc. Worst is when I'm in half asleep sleep paralysis mode, he becomes like a full presence that can talk and everything. Also, his presence feels like thorns that bite into the skin (pretty creepy).

First up is his first form. This form comes out whenever his favorite popular anime man disguise falls off, and it looks like a vampire cosplay.

Form One- Duke Megalovania Grimhield VI

Bro, even his name is fake.

This form is the one he takes whenever he wishes to sneer in my face in my dreams- like a 'haha KONO DUKE MEGALOVANIA DA!!' moment. This guy is smug and annoying, but that's actually just a way to cover up his hidden insecurities. He says he wants to be adored, dominant and loved by everyone.

Form Two- War Maiden

I don't know much about this form, other than the fact that she tried to give me psychological damage in a nightmare about my past that was completely inaccurate to my past (she made it all up?!) In fact, I did not even draw her properly (I forgot her hairstyle). This form loves warfare and battle, a complete military maniac. However this form was abandoned after only ONE DREAM. He only adopted this form to play havoc, but as it didn't work out; he abandoned her like a moldy slice of toast.

Form Three- Thirsty Angel

If he was on Instagram, he would be the KING of Thirst Traps. This form only appeared twice, mainly to inflict sleep paralysis trauma :(

He reminds me of Matou Shinji, which is definitely not a good thing. However, unlike Matou Shinji he does not have much of a personality. To him, his appearance and seductiveness is what reigns supreme to him. -.- I think he chose this form to try and deceive me, and it worked very well. He is a MASSIVE SADIST, he derives great pleasure from mind-breakingly skillful betrayal.

Form THREE POINT FIVE- Thirsty Angel is Actually a DEMON

This is another one of his 'fake true forms'- basically he reveals an alleged true form which ends up not being true at all. He is like a Matryoshka Doll. In this form, he grew a pair of black horns, and the scar on the right side of his face feels like sandpaper to the touch (it is very scratchy so be careful!)

This form of his is very insecure, like a 'little meow meow'. He mainly spends his time lamenting over his need to be loved and valued in this form- its a very melancholy side to him. He feels very self-conscious about his appearence in this form, and is worried that he looks ugly (if only he knew about monster fuckers). In addition to this, I would state that this form looks incredibly similar to a truly demonic terrifying beast form of his that is over 10 ft tall and has ridiculously long black nails (worst sleep paralysis nightmare ive ever had btw).

Form Four- 'I'M SLEEPY GTFO'

This is the form that he takes whenever he haphazardly pulls an appearance together. As he tends to focus on having his pussy pop as much as possible, this form is as rare a sighting as a blizzard in the midst of summer- blink twice and its gone!

In nightmares with this form, he is super grumpy and doesn't resort to his usual charm tactics at all; which gives the impression that this is what my sleep paralysis demon is like when he's sleepy and has no energy. This form is also extremely desperate, willing to go to any lengths to achieve his dreams and exert his innermost desires.

Form Five- Inner World Form

Whenever I do visual meditation, I see this guy. I cannot explore my inner world without seeing him nearby. On default, he takes the appearance of a certain anime guy, but oftentimes his demonic nature takes hold and manipulates his appearance into this slightly more malevolent exterior.

This is his most nonchalant form, most likely as a means of respecting my inner space. This form enjoys taking casual strolls by the beach, talking about life and sharing hugs. However, he almost trapped me within an abyss in one meditation episode, so he can't be trusted either (you'd never guess with how affectionate he can be in this form). dude i sound completely bonkers writing this

However, thanks to him...meditation is pretty hard to do sometimes.

Form Six- Deity Form

This form is really surreal. His main symbol is that of the grape (and its for reasons that are too absurd for me to disclose). Despite being a shining deity, he is incredibly mysterious and evasive, so it's hard to get to understand him. He also roasts like hell in this form, and can be pretty cruel (well he is the same existence as the others, after all). ALSO THAT OUTFIT!!! HE IS BASICALLY COSPLAYING AGAIN!!!

TRUE FORM- ULTIMATE DEMON

This form makes it pretty clear what Fate character he was inspired by...it is the greatest shame of my life to know that my sleep paralysis demon has exactly the same favorite character as me XD

This form is the ultimate cumulation of all of his other forms. In this form, he is dominant. He doesn't worry about being unloved or neglected. He turns on the charm to a bedazzling degree. However, actually that is not true. He is every bit as insecure, possessive and controlling in this form as he is in all of his other forms. This grand appearance is nothing but a filter for him to cover up the pain that he goes to such great lengths to avoid. This guy works really hard to control how he is viewed- to even the most minute details.

Basically, in this form; he DOES NOT WANT TO BE PERCIEVED AT ALL. Just to be admired and desired, to rule over others. That is the true function of his ultimate sadistic form.

Also wow his hair is super long! And his horns are massive! And his high heels are actually made up of three massive spikes. YES, HE WALKS ON METAL SPIKES.

In order to make sense of his two main appearances, I made a guide to showcase his deity side and demonic side. Those are the sides he likes to swap between whenever his main disguise as a certain anime character fails him. However, sometimes he can appear as just light and a shadow as well.

And then finally, here are some forms that he used only a few times for the sole purpose of being the worst sleep paralysis demon to strike my nightmares :(

Form on the left- some guy with white hair that pretended to be an angel soulmate

Dude in the middle- used for a nightmare

Dude on the right- WHO IS HE!

I hope you enjoyed my sleep paralysis demon showcase as much as I did ^^

UPDATE: NEW FORM UNLOCKED YEA BABEY

#artists on tumblr #sleep paralysis #demon boy #demon oc #angel art #personal #sleep paralysis demon #illustration #LMAOOOOO this post is not very sane but i feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest for making it #the dank archives

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fagraymond · 2 years

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TITLE : In time, Sugar sweet (NSFW)

PLOT : He's known Penelope for years, and he had yearned for her touch, and her love, and her attention for equally as long.

WARNING(s) : a lot of emotions, if it isn't obvious, this has a load of sex things here and i dont know how but there's details about solo sessions here too because i got carried away

EXTRA : ran out of time so. there will be. edits even after i post this <3 but here you go babes, my somewhat lengthy garceid fic because i can't control my love for them, also self beta read because what can you expect from me, set in season 4 and up? after he turns 30 because that's how i calculated the times and everything would fall apart if i literally wrote him any younger than 30 ( oh and the AGES, the ages and the timeline in general drove me nuts, there's no time consistency with this show i swear, i just made garcia and reid have a three year age difference )

"Penelope please" He all but begged.

desperately asking to be shown even just the smallest illusion of touch, allowing himself to go dumb for the possibility — like the millionth time that night.

arching his hips towards her, in the most vulnerable, least innocent sweetest way and Penelope did nothing but watch.

Watched as he ached for her so openly, it was almost hard to believe that this was the same man she had worked with for years.

Normally so in his head with his constant brainstorming, filled with patience and animated expressions that would never border on something so carefree like he was now, in front of her. And she was the cause of this, the professional facade is broken down to someone as drunk as she was for him.

He was the sweetest thing, but she wanted to see him become even sweeter. Just for her. "Relax for me, your wait will pay off I promise you my sweets" and those words made him burn. along with the words lingering in the air that he knows like a popular symphony.

Her promise; I'll give it to you, only if you were to be so kind as to lose yourself to me. and He was ready to do that, with no hesitancy. to give himself up for Penelope Garcia.

Dr. Spencer Reid has been associated with Special Agent Penelope Garcia for 8 years; 96 months, 417 weeks, 2,920 days, 70,128 hours, 4,207,680 minutes, and 252,460,800 seconds and never once has he been this close to her, physically.

There were a few close calls. fingertips touching, hips bumping, and shared hugs with the identical urge to never let each other go, but that was before there was a spark, a mutually reciprocated spark. Before long gone as the past, when the duo was still so stuck in their heads, thinking that the other side would never see a romantic opportunity ever develop between them, during their job, and at the eye of the storm, there laid an incredibly oblivious Derek Morgan.

And by proxy, the barrier. As he had so kindly named himself during his incredibly detailed shovel talk with the couple.

Which Spencer had thought, at the time, to be a little dramatic yet as he reflected beyond those silly little moments spent with banter, It was almost obvious— too obvious that Spencer's days were dulled down majorly because of the closeness they shared.

None to him, because of course, Never to him. Just famously, Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia, lovers made for one another; soulmates to an extent that came off to Reid as baffling. No matter how bad that sounded on paper.

He had even shared advice once, to the flirtatious pair. when he was a spectator given front row seats to the two during the age of 27, but he had not told Penelope yet, He was a coward to risk their friendship for something as taboo in the workplace as it was; the chance of being her partner for as long as she'll have him.

5 years, 60 months, 1,826 days, 43,830 hours, 2,629,800 minutes, and 157,788,000 seconds with a portion of those wasted by him pondering when he should've seen it.

Barely subtle hints with the words 'I love you too, Spencer Reid' were plastered on the walls wherever and whenever she was there with him. In neon pens, with stickers and glitters and a lot of lipstick surrounding them, and blinking hearts.

Another one of their many days shared, was spent in a mansion.

9 years; 108 months, 469 weeks, 3287 days, 78,894 hours, 4,733,640 minutes, and 284,018,400 seconds and never once has he been this close to her, emotionally.

another celebration with Italian food, smiles showing teeth, drunk stumbles and amused hello's from sober people towards their loved ones who couldn't recognize them through the haze that is Alcohol. Nothing surprising in the Rossi mansion, at least to the BAU, who were the stars of the night.

They always were, they knew their ins and outs, even when Hotch tried his best to deny that the porch wasn't the comfiest thing in the world to a sleep-drunk Prentiss and a William LaMontagne who had no idea what was going on but he was way too wasted to not join in on being screamed at by the unit chief.

All of it was viewable from their spot in the kitchen. Alone and not wanting to join in on the fun they had spectated through the glass doors that should've drowned all sounds out if the bunch weren't screaming. Much to Rossi's neighbor's relief, and theirs. wanting nothing but to confront something between them, in privacy. the topic that had left tear stains on so many zebra prints and dyed sweaters to be passed off as unfortunate spills, just from the thoughts of having it.

So they moved to a different room, to another floor from how ridiculously many there were, according to Reid. Few suggestive comments were left here and there as they wondered around the halls, only to settle on a guess bedroom, at least they hoped it was.

"Let's hope that there are extra sheets because after tonight? It'll be almost impossible to tell that they were sheets in the first place" Garcia had said, jokingly making cat claw motions with her hands at the Doctor as he locked the room's door.

They needed privacy, that was his excuse. And if she had seen the flush in his face when she was merciful enough to not mention it.

It had taken them a good few minutes to even start the conversation, trading awkward hi's and hello's over and over that Penelope had to hold back the floods of flirtatious comments to attempt to lighten up the situation, but she knew that Reid wouldn't appreciate that, obvious from his pacing and well-hidden jittering.

And something at the back of her mind burned because she dreaded the topic too. The topic of them, as something. Disconnected from Reid and Garcia but someone to each other as Spencer and Penelope. No professionality, in their most vulnerable states.

Not as if it was a bad thing, of course. It was everything they could ever want, something they could only dream of, no matter how dirty those dreams could get in some nights. Something that they would trade the world for, just to have a taste; of being each other's someone. they wouldn't care about the time they could spend as lovers, they wouldn't hesitate to take the titles up as boyfriend and girlfriend even if they knew they would have the same fate as Rossi and his wives had. No, they wouldn't hesitate.

But despite that, It had taken so much courage for Reid to lean against her, with as much passion as they did whenever they hugged except there was something else under those simple actions they've memorized. Words traded with heavy double meanings left behind floating in the room like ships with too many winds in their sails, they didn't wait long to finally join the BAU, in their endeavors.

And at that moment.

How Reid glowed under the fairy lights, how perfectly framed Penelope's face was beneath the flickering rainbow flurries that had begun to blur as they sunk into their little world. For as long as she had him, Spencer Reid swam and never sunk, kept afloat with her pressure against his comforting weight when they had begun to slow dance to heavy terrible club remixes that blasted in their ears.

The spark; the one Reid had for years, ignited at that moment. no matter how humorous the settings may have been. Interpreted as the time Penelope realized how much she finally loved the young genius back, except of course she was a young genius of her own, mind you, with her little dirty secrets of her own.

No, not the nights spent thinking of the man; bending him over, kissing him lavishly, spoiling him with arrays of hickeys on his untouched beautifully scarred skin. No, none of that. Her secret was that; she felt affection for him, before that situation.

As obvious as the signs were that she made herself, it wasn't when he was 27. Beyond that, as cliche as it sounded; the fire in her heart started sturring so sweetly, was when she was 26, 3 years older than the other.

The first meeting wasn't even formal, a simple hello and a little lift of his eyebrows only to move on to looking somewhere else shouldn't have made her heart beat in her ears that loud, but her heart did. And it scared her when she came home, when she came back to find that she had already started breaking an FBI insituated rule. On her first day.

Had the moment she saw him, sitting cross-legged and unashamed with his hair slicked back and still so young to be at the scene like her, behind a so-named Derek Morgan, equally unashamed. It ticked to her that maybe, just maybe by chance.

The thrill of using her knowledge to create a better environment for both the new and old generations plus being removed from the FBI's watchlist for her supposed justified crimes wouldn't be the only fuelling thoughts that would keep her going to work every. single. day.

Only to put it out with overpreparing and thoughts overthought. to meet the man again, the following day, and the next and the next until she can see his face so vividly in her mind, that she can only hope that maybe some day she can work with him, engage in conversations, without feeling like an aray of fireworks, craving the attention of crowds. Specifically, the crowd that contained him.

Only for that day to never come.

She wished it was joke, but she thinks very frequently about the doctor. very frequently, that her tendency has bled into her dreams.

A man with knowledge decades beyond his person, the only one on par with her 16-bit rhythm game, how could he ever see her in the same light? it would take a lot of time, for that possibility to breach the surface of her fantasy world.

And only 8 years beyond, would her thoughts be ever so true, once again under the gaze of the night with their shoes; worn-in converse and her glass slippers on the greener grass, blonde and cherub curls blending as the night went on past them.

Sharing body heat as if they would forever be cold until they were in the same vicinity of each other. There but barely touching the way they wanted to, so close yet so far and It had been like that for what felt like centuries, convincing themselves that they can wait.

Allowing their world to remain untainted with lust, to allow the light of emotions and struggles to be swept away by shivering winds so all that is left is the air that comes out of Spencer's winded mouth, as he let Penelope do whatever she pleases with his body.

Emotions are shown through the cracks that he had so nicely allowed go unmaintained, so she can see who he is for her. Someone vulnerable, someone ashamed and scared. Like anybody else, his knowledge didn't make him inhuman, but people treated him like it did, and it made him ache. And he had let Garcia see that.

All from his honeydew eyes, and she swears it was the trick of the light but wants, wants that she had familiarized herself with by her discretion— sprouted like a beanstalk in his eyes, something she had so foolishly thought the doctor was incapable of. Had he been so innocent looking in her eyes; oblivious to the nights with his wandering hands imagined as hers, caressing himself in the most perfect of spots. Nights spent with his fingers stretching himself out, the angelically sinful scene blocked by green-colored blankets.

It had been a topic spent under dimming lights and smooth tired whispers in the late mornings, grumpy from being waken up so early. Craving something that they knew would regret; would they be foolish enough like they were and to let themselves indulge in their pleasures, to risk being only that replaying in their brains? the only thing their body craves and craves until their blackout weeks are spent with twitching muscles?

Yes, they were.

Shared kisses, promises that became true. The moonlights, the gifts on their 6th Christmas spent with joys and jollies all around it made their cheeks ache. I love you's, not-so-subtle hand-holding under the conference table, smiles sent their way from their friends.

All of those were great, but how would it feel like to go another year, 365 days, 52 weeks, 8,766 hours, 525,960 minutes, and 31,557,600 seconds, no different from the next but instead with a barrier broken between them that consisted of their sexual fantasies coming through? what new intimacies would sprout, how careless, shameless would they become for one another?

Which circles them back to where they were now:

He had thought about it too much, Spencer.

from the early times of 7 o'clock until the shades of beautiful crimson faded in a mix of pinks and became replaced by black, with no stars lighting up the dimness in the city, nothing in the night sky, except for the moon; that knew. that it had decided to make him look so beautiful twisted in Garcia's bed, his hair falling in his face— hand trying to find a place to cling onto as surges of stimulation raked up his body.

The bed in New England, USA, the bed that Derek Morgan had told them to not have too much fun in. The same bed Derek Morgan had hand-picked for the couple because it was his home renovation project, and they were having sex in it. Betraying their promise to him, almost easily with no hesitation.

Moans and wants to fall unashamed, something he never would've dared do if only a few years ago. But all of that was forgotten in a snap, with only him and her in the world, refusing to believe anybody existed outside of them, and his voice started to drown out from even his ears except hers, her ears that were picking up every shift— every shuffle of the duvet whenever he arched, whenever he moaned, whenever he begged for her; for more.

The sight was ethereal.

It was everything she had ever wanted, presented to her on a silver platter, and she was eating it up, or in better words, eating him up.

Penelope murmured tenderly against Reid's stomach, trying to urge the shaking male to take a breather; tenseness does not make the sexy process smooth, according to her expertise and Reid would believe anything she would say in a heartbeat.

Especially when she made him feel so good; under her, practically hovering over him with his legs draped over her shoulders, and he knew that the position they always manage to find themselves in, never failed to give her the greatest access to his sensitive areas.

All the blood rushing. "Just keep still, my little love bug" Because of her, and It made him shiver. As she pinched his sides, giving him the slightest leeway of clarity before fading again to the haze that is his arousal. Unashamedly, he was thinking with his dick.

Which she never even attempted to touch, to touch him there until the end of their sessions. Because it was the main attraction, and she promises it in soft drags with her nails that were painted glow in the dark; that she'll get on to it, and with her kisses that trailed from the inner of his thighs to his cheeks that it'll feel so good.

But only if he was a good boy about it.

And rest assured, he was being such a good, brave boy about it.

#this reached over 2K words btw #penelope garcia smut #spencer reid smut #garceid #garceid smut #penelope garcia x spencer reid #garcia x reid #penelope garcia x spencer reid smut #garcia x reid smut #hi i just love emotions #criminal minds smut #spencer reid fanfiction #penelope garcia fanfiction

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dear--charlie · 1 year

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Dear Charlie,

27 Jan 2023, 11:53pm

I've been writing and rewriting my letters to you constantly for the last month. I feel like I'm at a loss for words and I don't know how to put everything together.

I think the easiest way would just be to do a bunch of bullet points detailing the time period from my last letter to now and then go about writing my letter as usual. This will be a long letter so buckle up, here's to catch you up:

- polof and I broke it off, we just weren't working together well

- I'm moving to an island with my family within the next year

- I might be getting my own apartment

- college has been put on hold for 2 months

- I dated someone for three months and then we broke up earlier this month

- I'm using psychedelics almost weekly now

- I hooked up with a guy I'd been interested in for around a year

- I'm turning 18 in a few days

- I'm doing reasonably well mentally? I think?

- frost came back

now that that's out of the way. I don't know if I ever mentioned Frost. he was my best friend, my partner in crime and someone I loved probably more than anyone else.

Frost and I were extremely close, we never left each other's side. we knew every single thing about each other, no secrets were ever kept. however back in early 2020, frosts mom died. he got sent to live with his aunt and from there things just went downhill.

within a month, frost got sent away to a rehab. Before he left, he promised me he'd find me again and come back, he said he'd only be gone for 3 months and then after that we could talk again. I got the details to the place he went to and his aunts details just in case.

I waited Charlie, how could I not?

3 months passed and I couldn't get hold of him. 4 months and I start messaging his aunt.

His aunt told me he was alright, let me know what's happening and what he's doing and overall she was decent but I never liked her. I consistently asked to get a vn from frost or just for her to tell him I said hi and she'd always make an excuse or say she would and then stop responding.

4 months turned to 8, 8 months turned to a year, 1 year turned to 2 years.

at this point I'd just convinced myself frost was dead and no one wanted to tell me. they wanted to play a sick joke and see how long I'd wait for him to come back.

then one day, I get a message from his aunt, she details how frost told her he wants nothing to do with me anymore. she said he hated me and never wanted me in his life again and that I was the cause of all the shit he's going through. she said I must just suck it up and never contact her or frost ever again because they wanted nothing to do with me. I never believed her.

I told her the minute I heard it from frost himself, I'd respect it and leave. she refused and then threatened to call the cops on me. I then got blocked.

this all happened at the beginning of 2022 Charlie, after that incident I just presumed frost was dead and left it at that.

Honestly even if he wasn't dead, I didn't want to think for a second that he chose to leave me behind. I never heard from his aunt again

During 2022, I tried everything to find him. I contacted his old friends, I looked on Facebook, tried to find schools he could be in, checked the rehabs insta daily yet I found nothing. towards July, I just gave up hope entirely.

I left it, I thought about him probably every second day, I missed him but that was it. it's fine just because he was dead right? he never left me, he promised he'd never leave, he was just dead. Until recently.

a few days ago, I went out to a club, I was having a few drinks when I get a call from my younger brother, I walk out the club and answer and talk to him for a bit on the phone and eventually I end the call. as I end the call, I get a message request on insta. it was a message request from frost.

Charlie, if I say i did anything less but burst into tears, it'd be an understatement.

I just cried and cried and cried. eventually the shooter girl at the club came out to check on me and all I could do was cry.

he came back for me Charlie

In his messages he spoke about how he looked for me and eventually found me, how he thought of me everyday when he was gone and how his aunt was the one who stopped our contact while he was there, he also said something really special to me

He told me he'd never found anyone but me who he shared the same kind of spark with.

He told me that he loves me and that he'll grow old with me.

i genuinely think he's my soulmate. we've been talking for the last week and it's like nothing changed, he's like this massive safety blanket.

I'm so glad he's back Charlie. I'm so glad I finally have him again

anyways, I'm sorry for the extensive letter. I hope you and everyone else is doing well.

love,

#dear charlie #GB

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fumbliesthots · 1 year

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2022 Review + Rezzo 2023

This post is almost a week late because I was trying to take it easy after my Bali meditation + fam vacation trip. This year end trip really made me appreciate the slow life where I was really trying not to overthink and over-plan. (Also, geez, what happened to me? When did I become this sort of person?)

It's only been 2 days into the new year and I'm beginning to feel tired of the super-fast pace of work life again. I must remind myself to take it down a notch, as John Green says. I'm not working in a hospital – nobody will die if my job doesn't get done.

But first, let's recap some things I'm really grateful for in 2022, in no particular order -

Gratitude list 2022

1. My parents: They are not perfect but they are always doing their best to care for us the ways they know how. I'm learning new things about their outlook in life recently. My mom is an optimist that makes the best out of every sucky unexpected situation because she just wants everyone to feel ok. I think I probably got that from her. My father cares a lot about the world at large. Although we have different views of what "good" is, I appreciate that side of him.

2. National Library Board: Ok nerd. I feel like somehow I'm reading more books than ever this year. And really starting to get back more into physical books. Although I still love Libby for its convenience, sometimes reading on digital devices can be distracting. So I really appreciate having such a great library system in Sg – I can choose either to hang out at a nearby air-conditioned library or just to lie in bed and scroll Libby on my phone. It's the top perk of being Singaporean IMO.

3. Authors: I cannot not mention the people that wrote those books I enjoyed so much from the library. Some of the books that moved me last year:

Jon Yates - Fractured: Why Our Societies Are Coming Apart and How We Put Them Back Together Again.

Brene Brown - Braving Wilderness, Dare to Lead, Atlas of the Heart (also her podcasts have helped me so much last year)

Hank Green - I don't read enough fiction so these YA books were a surprise pleasure for me: An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor

Yanis Varoufakis - Talking to My Daughter About The Economy

4. The 3-Headed-Oracle: We completed 2 more writing challenges this year! I really appreciate the way we kept so consistent with this habit through the process, and got to know how each other thinks. I enjoyed learning how we see the world through different lenses, having their perspectives was really valuable and precious.

5. Workshops attended: Learning new self-awareness, critical thinking and communication skills at 2 in-person workshops which both happened at Common Ground - Facilitating Conversations for Change (by Shiao-yin), and Seeing & Shifting Systems (by Studio Dojo). These courses were so perspective-expanding that I wish more people would have the chance to attend. So I'm also grateful that my company has L&D funds for us to upskill ourselves.

6. Vipassana: Renewing my meditation practice at a 10-day course, and getting to disconnect from the world temporarily. Really amazing to have the opportunity to do that again after more than 6 years, such a privilege. This is my third time doing it but I somehow still gained new understanding and wisdom this time around.

7. XD Summer Offsite: Something about work - Meeting all my XD colleagues in person at our offsite in Prague. Even though this trip was expensive (they flew all of us in SG down) it was also necessary to at least start the process of gaining trust and building connections in the newly re-organized team.

8. Standing up XD Ops: Finally given the opportunity to upstand this new function officially in the group. I also learned that sometimes the right thing to do is to actively ask for things and not just wait for them to drop from the sky. Unsaid expectations and unset boundaries will just cause resentment. This is a huge theme this year for work. Clear is kind.

Intention review 2022

So what did I say I wanted to do last year? Balance? I regretfully say I did not achieve that. I was too busy balancing other people's priorities while neglecting my own. I was reading and learning a lot more, desperately trying to get more information about why things happen the way they do, trying to get more tools that could help solve the problems I see. As a result, I was feeling quite burnt out at some point, and people around me noticed.

I guess that was what pushed me to sign myself up to do a 10-day silent retreat again. I have to forcefully shut myself away and disconnect from the external world to find out what is happening inside myself.

A lot of things came up for me during my time meditating - the past, the future, imagination of things that has yet to come, assumptions of how things came to be. I have to remind myself, all these are anicca, impermanent. Stories in my mind that arise and will pass away. I am not the same person just 1 millisecond ago, what for carrying this baggage forward? What is more important is the choices I can make in the present moment, which is to sit here and observe my breathe and my body sensations. That's the only true thing.

Knowing all these theoretically is one thing, but the benefit of having these 10 day silent protected time is for us to actually start the process of rewiring our brains and stop the habitual impulse reactions of daily life.

But still, I guess these 10 days are not enough. I was refreshed and ready for the new year, yet, just 2 days in, facing all these unread emails and to-do lists leftover from last year, I'm starting to feel tired again. This won't do.

Intentions 2023

1. Spend more time practicing meditation. From past experience of previous retreats, my self-discipline has not been very strong when it comes to daily sittings. This a new strategy this time is to join a regular group. I've put a recurring event on my calendar to attend a weekly group sitting. Hopefully, this will help me maintain my practice.

2. Help my family be more healthy. In both body and mind. My parents are getting older, and although they are actively doing exercise by themselves, I think they would also benefit from learning Vipassana and begin the reduce their mental burden of growing old (and having the worrisome baggage of 3 single adult children lol). I'm also seeing how my bro is suffering from health problems because of an unhealthy lifestyle. He too could benefit from being more mindful of his habits. It may be a tall order to have them sign up for a 10-day meditation course, but hey, I've done harder things! 3. Turn things down a notch. I know it's counter-intuitive to say I have a deadline, but I've told my boss that I want to leave for my postgrad studies by the next year. So during this timeframe, I'm going to try my best to see what things I can create automated or self-running systems around, and maximize things that can be left undone. In short, how can I make myself dispensable? 4. Continue to serve others and build relationships, but be less "bottom". I used to think that there is a freedom that comes with being invisible and ego-less, and have used that easygoingness to get people to trust me and thus get what I need to be done. But I am starting to learn that doing things this way can be effective earlier in my career, but does not scale when I reached a certain level. Sometimes the right and kind actions are to actively set boundaries, keep clarifying situations, and align expectations. Don't try to be everything for everyone, instead, how can I help others learn how to help each other and help themselves?

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whatdoesshedotothem · 2 years

Text

Thursday 22 May 1834

8 55

11 ½

[real] playing and squeezing and pressing for an hour and a half last night and almost as long this morning she says she gets fonder and fonder of me and certainly seems to care enough for me now I think we shall get on very well nobody would care for me more or do more for me very fine morning F56° now at 9am – breakfast at 10 ¼ in an hour – off to the abbey of St Agatha (Easby Abbey) at 12 – walked slowly by the water side above ½ hour in getting there – one before I could leave Miss W- comfortably beginning her sketch - then left Eugenie with her and Mr Brown and took Joseph and walked up to the village consisting of an hospital founded about a century ago by a reverend Mr Smith for 4 poor old women, and 2 cottages and the hall, Mr Jacques, a man of a very low origin whose brother went to India made money and left it him and, who independent of this brother, had done well for himself - has the lead mines in the dale and ‘tries his hand at everything’ as the old woman told me - strolled along next high road and had the fine view of Richmond, then walked thro’ the village and straight forwards some distance (about a mile?) - then turned left down to the river - high limestone, rocky, wooded right back - the broad bottom of the shallow river rock or single - very picturesque - came out into the pretty road (Lover’s walk) thro’ the road that comes out almost up the abbey and back to Miss W- in 1 ¼ hour – soon left her again telling her I should return to the cottage I had just been into where she might rest - stopt to reconnoitre the old great gateway of the abbey - ground floor now filled with posts and hedge stakes, and above a granary and pigeon cote - slept ½ hour in an old wheelbarrow, then joined Miss W- at the cottage for ¾ hour while she had biscuits and wine till about 3 ½ when she had made a 2nd sketch till 5 - in the meantime talking to the old woman at the cottage or asleep there - left Mr Brown sketching, sent home the servants 1st and ourselves got home in ½ hour at 6 ¼ - Miss W- tired - dinner at 6 ½ - tête-à-tête (Mr Brown not returning) afterwards my going out put off by Miss W-‘s having me near her on the sofa and being on the amoroso so grubbled her well then read a little of Clarkson’s history of Richmond 1 vol. 4to. (1st 6 pages wanting) - Bearing of arms, originally a military institution, not established before the year 1147 the beginning of the 2nd holy war, to avoid confusion among the n° of illustrated persons, and worn on the shield - not upon the great seal of our Kings before Richard 1st who at 1st bore 2 lions rampant guardant, and the arms of Normandy, he afterwards added another lion from his being the son of Eleanor, daughter and heiress of William Duke of Aquitain[e] and Greyenne and bore them all 3 passant guardant, the present blazon for England - arms not fixed to families or hereditary, immediately after

SH:7/ML/E/17/0036

the commencement of the fashion - sometimes changed by the same person - sometimes by the posterity. Fuller says hereditary arms were not fixed to families before the reign of Henry 3 - seals common about the end of the 12th century but most of them only represented a Knight on horseback, armed cap-a-pie with a drawn sward in his hand, but without any device upon his shield – ‘about the year 1366 - the great seals of subjects went out of use, when smaller ones of arms came into fashion among the people of the 1st distinction those of prelates were of an oral shape, to which some mystical signification was attached, those of temporal lords a perfect circle See Gale, Preface, p.115 Edmonson’s heraldry volume 1 page 1832’ (taken from note to p. 24/446 + appendix p. 132) Clarkson’s history of Richmond - asleep – tea at 9 – Miss W- went to bed at 10 - I wrote the above of today till 11 5 – very fine day – F59° now at 11 5

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