#shawn mendes non au fic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tirednotflirting · 1 year

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I posted 3,022 times in 2022

303 posts created (10%)

2,719 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@caramelcalum

@daydadahlias

@burstingsunrise

@calumsash

@pxrxmoore

I tagged 2,615 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#l - 335 posts

#5sos - 205 posts

#a - 168 posts

#c - 126 posts

#h - 97 posts

#m - 68 posts

#cake - 60 posts

#tmh22 - 53 posts

#lashton - 30 posts

#cashton - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#y’all ever have something you reference all the time around people you only ever remember have no idea what you’re talking about until after

My Top Posts in 2022:

hi look at him

thank you

46 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

a fic rec list that quite literally no one asked for

I’ve felt incredibly uninspired lately with fic. It’s a shit feeling. I may just be done writing. TBD. But as I’ve been sitting around trying to determine my feelings on fic, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about how I read fic. I’ve been reading it for awhile. I like to think that even in the 5SOS space, I’ve read a really good variety of things. So I wanted to make note of the fics that come to mind when I think of fics that have inspired me/made me feel something/are just really good. This probably will not be very organized and I apologize for that now.

I’ve been very VERY lucky to get to know a few of the folks whose works I mention here. I feel so grateful to have had even small glimpses into your creative processes. Just before the world Stopped a couple years ago, I was shuffling toward a mindset of writing off fan fiction as a thing of my younger years and I’m thankful that so many people metaphorically hit me over the head with their incredible works.

there’s some 1D, 5SOS, Shawn Mendes, and also solo 1D boys in here. i think a lot of them are at least a touch nsfw at points but not all of them? yeah. i think everything that is is noted of on the pages they link to? certainly not an exhaustive list of my favorites but these were the ones on my mind today.

Okay, in probably a really strange, completely non-linear order, here we go.

sugar on the asphalt by @justanchorandhope

I genuinely cannot even begin to describe the love in my heart for this fic. this is the fic (and writer tbh) that kept me around on tumblr in 2013 and is the perfect example of everything i loved about 1D fic back in the day. an OC to die for, the perfect dash of so many different tropes, CUPCAKES, southern charm, it has it all. just the sweetest cast of characters. i cannot believe i was 15 when this fic was first posted and now i’m 24 and re-reading this still feels like a curling up with a cup of tea at the end of a long day.

okay basically everything written by @harryandmolly but specifically the following:

like the back of my hand + fear and loathing in mandeville canyon

okay so fun fact i was so thrown off the first time i read the first fic listed there (the second one listed is a sorta AU of the first one taking place in early pandemic/lockdown times btw) bc the OC’s bff uses the exact same nickname i used in high school. okay but Lilly is a GOD TIER OC. i love a story that takes place over a really long period of time + really shows the progression of a relationship. also super random but as a woman in my mid-20s with crazy unrealistic dreams of living in a big gorgeous house with all my friends, the descriptions of the house Lilly lives in make my heart sing. for a story that takes place in a totally normal version of the world, the world building (maybe the wrong term here idk) in this is so great.

i could write it better than you ever felt it

three words: warped tour au. no but seriously there’s this blanket of nostalgia over this whole fic bc of the setting that is so fucking fun (she says having never gone to warped tour but shhhhh). another bright and brilliant OC, SO many lovable side characters, really driving plot. reading this feels like summer in all the best ways. (+ a brilliant sequel of sorts.) perfectly captures silly punk boys + hayley williams is there just being the goddess that she is. my introduction to jasey rae lol. so many things and all of them so great.

the emancipation of ginny

got momentarily distracted reading the teaser sorry i’m back now. ginny: bad ass and gorgeous business woman lady navigating being the assistant for an international pop star who is also her ex. andrew gertler is so stressed the whole time. i like a story that jumps around in time and this one does it in such a unique way. the writing in this is STUNNING, i feel like i am in every scene feeling the misty fog in london and the sun in my eyes on a summer festival tour. a Masterpiece imo. also the niall in this is wonderful in all the ways he can be + taylor swift shows up for a minute.

perfect teeth by @stylesmoothie

why yes i am in fact linking you to MIBBA bc 1DFF was the only other place to really find this i think rip to our fallen hero and what a throwback adlskfjdsl. i am NOT joking when i say that i literally cried when people started reblogging around the final update for this a few years back bc it had been like 5 years since this fic was updated. this fic holds such a special place in heart (as so many 1D fics from this era do). ezra is a brilliant OC and her story is SO GREAT. something i loved about ~this era~ of 1D fic was how expansive the backstories for the OCs were and ezra’s especially just made me fall in love with her. i remember that reading the conclusion to this story (so many years after starting it) felt like this beautiful sense of closure. i had very few constants in my later teenage years but stories like this one were one of them. love love love this story.

(took a brief pause so anna and i could hunt down an old zayn fic from back in the day slkdfjlds leesh came to our rescue bless her)

nom de plume by @stylesprimes

another fic that truly feels like it just? defined an era of my life???? (just had to do some internet wizardry to verify this was a 2014 fic lol) another OC with just the most sick backstory and story told throughout the fic. in this era of fic i was a HUGE fan of the harry styles london indie crew kinda fic. could not tell you why aside from how fucking cool i thought alexa chung was. you really get to see everyone make mistakes and grow in this story which i really admire from both a reader and a writer standpoint. like that’s not easy to do sdlfkjdsl. i love all the twists and turns and it’s a story i love returning to every once in awhile. cecilia’s experiences in this are so so unique and i’ve never really read anything quite like this story. the dynamic between the characters and just the overall vibe of ndp has always been so novel. i love it.

scene 14 by @daydadahlias

this FIC OH MY GOD. so backstory: i feel like i was the last person to read jess fic esp this one like. i was so intimidated by the fact that everyone had already read this and i had all of this knowledge of the vibe and how much everyone loved this that reading this almost felt like being introduced to a friend of a friend, ya know? this fic is Stunning. like i didn’t think it would be possible to be so impressed by college au world building at this point in my life (i’ve been reading college AUs for like. literally over a decade) but this little world that jess created was SO immersive. these characters were all so bright and i loved and cared for each and every one of them despite how many there were. i laughed, i cried. reading this reminded me why i love fan fiction and i feel so SO grateful to be in this fic space at the same time as jess.

love would burn this city down for you by @calumcest

helen has shared so many amazing stories but this one is always going to be my favorite. there’s so much soul and heart and love in this short little piece. i barely have the words for it. i started writing myself bc i felt inspired by the space that helen was helping to create a couple years ago and it’s pieces like this that i think had a lot of influence on the style i would try to adopt in certain ways. she’s so great at showing love in the little, quiet ways. pieces like this one feel like a secret and i’m so thankful i get to be in on it.

another night of takeout by @roselirry

lol i’ve had the second part of this bookmarked on my computer for MANY years and just realized there was a third part to it i had never read. this is a niall fic, little slices of three different days from the perspective of Vee, niall’s assistant in a solo era world. reminds me of a lot of the reasons i love the emancipation of ginny. one of my favorite tropes, a bit of that ‘omg they’re so in love but just refuse to really fully acknowledge it’ kinda situation. only three little bits in this but through the bits of background you get such a FULL story (despite the fact that it’s technically not finished i think?). SUCH a comfort read, i’ve read this so many times that it feels like a cozy, worn cardigan. (also i’ve historically been SUPER picky with my niall fic and this one has really stood the test of time for me)

all the things yet to come by soysauceharry

so i’ve never been a big self insert fic kinda girl. i think i just started out with OC fic so it was just this foreign thing to me for so long. i’m also a very big character person so when a character is really vague for the purpose to trying to be easy to fit a variety of looks and/or personalities into, i struggle to find enjoyment in it at times. but jesus christ, this story is cool. for me, reading this story gives the vibe of like a dream where you’re watching yourself do something? so despite the fact that it’s written in the second person, i don’t feel like i’m watching the story from the eyes of the OC. also despite all of the ‘you’s i just have never read this as a true self insert. i have an MC in my head that is very much a unique character. MC is a graduate psych student, Harry is her graduate advisor for a min and then later just a colleague. follows MC through her graduate studies. the setting and the story are just so pretty and lifelike. i think i read this for the first time in the winter while i was still in school which added a lot to the vibe. i return to this whenever i want cozier vibes.

If you dance with me darling, if you take me home… Will we talk in the morning? by @kaleidoscopeminds

i love a meg fic for so so many reasons. i love this one especially bc the tone of it to me feels like how you tell the story of a fun night out. it feels fun and silly like the stories you tell the night after the night out about all the wild shit you did in the early hours of that same day. i’ve always been very fond of this fic because meg posted it when i was feeling very VERY down about the world and it just made me smile. this fic feels like laughs after shots idk how to describe it just good fun. she is the cake QUEEN but i always found so much inspo in her earlier lashton pieces. they remind me of all the good things about summer 2020. i’m glad they can still take me back to those times of first getting to know some of the folks that i just love so dearly now (baggy salt forever <3)

sail the wildest stretch by @beautifulletdownfics

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47 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

hi i would like to discuss

thank you

119 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

5sos playing the same fest as green day, good charlotte, and blink???? can someone check on those boys omg???

124 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i can’t believe ashton is the cutest dude on the planet and we just have to deal w that

227 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #my year in review #truly my top tag being my luke tag is hilarious #and by like…a lot alsjdldj

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wholesomemendes · 4 years

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Fallen on Deaf Ears

Summary: You’re Shawn Mendes’ personal assistant which is all fun and games until feelings begin to change between the two of you. Words are said that could either ruin your friendship or help it grow into something more.

Author’s Note: Hi guys! This is my first attempt at writing for Shawn, but you have to start from somewhere. Anyways I hope you enjoy it! And please let me know what you think!

“You coming out with everyone tonight?”

The sound of a voice brought you back to reality, snapping your head up to be met with the most beautiful brown eyes you had ever seen. “Oh, um I don’t know, Shawn. I have a lot of emails to catch up on and I haven’t even started the calendar for May yet,” you responded, tearing your eyes away from where he was leaning on the door of the green room. After tonight’s show, you had sneaked away to the green room to finish up some work that was piling up lately, only after giving Shawn his celebratory hug of course. He didn’t have another show for 3 days, meaning the boys usually wanted to go out to drink, something they couldn’t do on a show night in order to preserve Shawn’s vocal chords. You honestly could go without the drinks, knowing you would have to stay mostly sober in order to take care of your giant man child. Even though you were off hours, being Shawn’s assistant meant there was never really an off time. If he needed something, he knew he could rely on you, either as an assistant or even a friend, and it went both ways. Although as much as you loved spending time with him, probably more than you would like to admit, you needed to catch up on the work that he had been distracting you from lately with his daily exploring.

“Pleaseeee,” Shawn borderline whined, “You have two days of doing absolutely nothing coming up, can’t you just do your work then?” The soft pitter-patter of footsteps got louder as he approached where you were sitting comfortably against the armrest of the couch, lifting your legs up to put them in his lap.

You peered at him over the top of your laptop, losing your focus for a second over the way the muscles in his arm were practically begging to rip open his shirt from the way he was leaning his head on his hand, “Becauseeeee I have a feeling someone is going to prevent me from doing said work on those next two days off. Would I be wrong in saying that?”

“I don’t prevent you from doing work!” he feigned offense, placing his large, tattooed hand over his heart. You glared at him again, earning a scoff from him, “I don’t!”

“Sure you don’t,” returning back to your work, you forwarded an email to Andrew about some radio interview in the next couple weeks before your laptop was pushed shut, almost pinching your fingers in the process. “Shawn!”

“Please come tonight,” he pleaded, giving you those puppy dog eyes he knew you couldn’t resist, “I don’t want to go if you don’t.”

Of course he was guilt tripping you. And you both knew he meant it when he said he wouldn’t go without you, the boy didn’t lie. You stood your ground, trying to act like his adorable face wasn’t breaking down your facade, “Fine, I’ll go, but don’t expect me to save you when you get so drunk you can’t stand.”

“I won’t I promise,” he smiled that genuine, happy smile that filled up his whole face before launching himself into your lap to hug you, “You won’t regret it.”

__________________________

You regretted coming. It was hours after midnight, your feet ached, the stench of sweaty, drunk people consumed your senses, and Shawn was no where to be found. After 2 hours and countless shots later, he transformed into the clingy, manchild that is drunk Shawn, meaning that you had to be on high alert to keep watch of him. But your bladder could only hold out for so long, which is how you found yourself in the present situation, aimlessly looking around for any signs of the tall, curly haired giant that had wandered off while you went to the bathroom for two minutes.

Just as you had almost given up hope, you felt a large hand wrap around your arm and a warm breath against your neck, feeling the presence of someone much bigger than yourself behind you. Before you could even think about trying to pull away, a familiar slurred voice filled your ears, “You know, you look awfully pretty tonight m’lady.” You let out a sigh of relief and turned to see the beautiful boy staring down at you with glazed eyes and a wide smile, a bright blush on his cheeks from the alcohol.

“You scared me,” you laughed, shaking your head, “Thought you were a stranger.”

“’M not a stranger,” Shawn responded, eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, “You work for me, remember? You’re my girl right?” He placed his hands on your shoulders and stepped back so that he could extend his arms fully and scrutinize your face. His eyes scanned you up and down, finally settling on your face with a satisfied huff of approval, “Yeah, you’re my girl.”

He pulled you into his strong arms as you laughed, “I remember bubs, just couldn’t see you from behind me. You told me you would stay at the bar while I went to the bathroom.”

“I did?” he questioned, pulling back to look at your face, “Are you sure?”

“You did, what happened to that?”

“Got distracted or something,” he mumbled into your shoulder, “Don’t remember. I missed you.”

“Did you now?” you asked, ruffling your fingers through those curls you love so much, earning a muffled yes in response.

A few moments of silence passed, his body engulfing yours as the two of you stood in the middle of the crowded club, “You smell so good, honey. Wanna make you mine.”

Your heart stopped for a moment, heat rushing to your cheeks from his drunken slurs. “Shawn,” you cupped his face in your hands for him to look at you, “you’re drunk, we should go back to the hotel.”

“Will you come back with me?” he asked, silently pleading with you with those damn puppy dog eyes.

“Yes, my room is kinda connected to yours,” you laughed as his face lit up, mumbling something along the lines of “’M so lucky” under his breath. You called an Uber as he leaned his weight against you, stumbling out of the club for the night.

__________________________

“Come on, Bubs, just a couple more feet and then you can get to bed.” Getting Shawn in his bed at this state was near impossible, but on duty or not you weren’t going to leave him on the side of the road for tomorrow’s headlines to pick up. Finally collapsing on his bed, you started unbuttoning his dress shirt to get him ready for bed.

“Hey, hey! You can’t undress me, I have a girlfriend,” he protested, pushing your hands off him.

“Since when do you have a girlfriend, mister?” you raised a brow at him, watching as his eyes fought to stay open.

“I don’t. But there’s this really pretty girl that I wanna date and I don’t think she’d like it if you were taking off my clothes.”

“Oh really? What’s she like?” you tried to distract him as you continued to take off his shirt.

“She’s gorgeous, like a literal goddess and she’s got the most beautiful eyes that I just get lost in all the time. She’s also super smart, like I think she could be on Jeopardy she’s so smart. Did you know I’ve been on Jeopardy before? Well not on Jeopardy, but like as a question? I’m not smart enough to be on Jeopardy cause I’m not as smart as she is. But I also didn’t go to college like her cause I’m not smart enough for that, ‘s why I became a singer.” A chuckle left your lips at his little drunken slurs, allowing you to take off his shirt and begin on his shoes. “Oh, and my girl is also the kindest person in the entire world. She has the biggest heart and that’s saying a lot cause she’s teeny tiny. I can rest my head on her head when we’re standing, but it’s ok cause she’s cute. Really cute. And she also makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches when I ask her to come over in the middle of the night, and sometimes she gives me throat massages before or after my shows.”

Your hands still where they had begun to unbuckle his belt, his words making you realize just who this mystery girl he was talking about was. “Shawn, I work for you, we can’t date.”

“Wasn’t talking about you, was talking about my girl.”

“Mhm, this girl sure does sound a lot like me.”

He took your face in his hands and began to stare into your eyes, “You do look a lot like her. Are you her?”

“Yes, I’m her, Shawn and we can’t date,” you removed his hands from your face and turned back to his belt.

“Why not?” he asked hurt, his drunk mind not being able to comprehend why the girl of his dreams didn’t want to be with him.

“Because I’m your assistant, bubs, I work for you which means we can’t date,” a pleased sigh escaped your lips once he was finally left in his boxers and you began to stand up so that you could head back to your room for the night’s sleep you were looking forward to.

‘But I like you.”

“I like you too,” you told the curly haired boy with small smile. I love you your mind screamed, but your rational brain did what it did every day and told you it wasn’t possible.

“Then be my girlfriend,” he huffed, reaching out to take your hands and pull you between his legs.

You stared at his disappointed face, threading your fingers through his long curls you loved so much, “I can’t, bubs. Besides, you’re drunk right now. Let’s get you to bed, how does that sounds?”

“‘M not going without you,” pulling you into his arms, pressing his face into your stomach, “You’re not going anywhere.”

You sighed trying to push him away to no avail. What harm would one night do? It’s not like the two of you hadn’t shared a bed before. It wasn’t rare to find the two of you cuddled on a couch between interviews or as a result of a night out, bodies intertwined under the covers. Nothing ever happened, but a small part of you almost wished that it had, and that was the part aching to just hold him for one more night. “Ok, just let me grab one of your shirts to put on instead of this dress.”

Ruffling through his drawers, you found a spare t-shirt that you knew would end up looking like a dress on you, opting out of finding a pair of sweatpants. You slid out of your skin tight dress, sighing in relief at the feeling of being free of it. “Wow,” you snap your head at the sight of Shawn sitting on the edge of the hotel bed, a dopey smile on his face, “You’re really pretty.”

A soft blush creeps up onto your cheeks as you pull the shirt over your head and climb into bed next to him, “Thanks, you’re not that bad looking either, rockstar.”

He situates himself under the covers, maneuvering so that his arm was laid across your waist with his head on your chest, legs intertwined, “I love you.” His soft voice is almost incoherent in the night, but your ears pick it up in the silence. Your breath catches in your throat, and hearing his steady breathing gives you some courage, knowing the words will stumble on deaf ears. “Shawn?” you whisper. Nothing. Not even a hum. “I love you too.”

__________________________

Mornings meant consequences. The bright Miami sun filtered through the hotel windows, causing you to squint your eyes at the unpleasant light. A heavy weight was placed around your body and it felt like an absolute dream, causing you to close your eyes once again and bask in the feeling. That was until you felt a hot breath on your neck that made your senses wide awake. You tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but that only made his steel grip on you tighten. “Shawn,” you whispered, failing to move his arm. He hummed in response, pulling you closer to his partially covered body. “Shawn,” you said a bit louder, making him hum again, “wake up.”

“’M tired,” he mumbled into your hair, “Just wanna cuddle.” He pushed his body onto yours, his hips pressing into your lower body, causing you to freeze.

“Shawn get up,” you say quickly shoving him off you, much to his dismay. He covers his eyes with his arm as you sit upright, trying to process the past few moments.

“Stop yelling,” he whines, letting out a deep breath, “my head is pounding.”

“That’s what you get for recklessly drinking last night.”

“At least I’m not stuck up all the time and too worried about my job to let loose like someone else I know.”

“Excuse me,” you asked looking over at him, shocked and frankly hurt by his words. It wasn’t your fault that you didn’t have a perfect singing voice and good looks to be a multi-millionaire recording artist like him. Yes, you won’t deny that sometimes working for him just felt like hanging around an old friend, but at the end of the day you worked for him. It was work and whether he liked it or not, that’s how you had to treat it.

“Listen, I shouldn’t have said that,” he sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“Are you really? Cause sometimes I think you do believe that.”

“No I don’t, I just-” rubbing a hand over his face in an attempt to open his eyes, he stares up at the ceiling, “Sometimes I wish you would just stop treating everything so professional all the time. I don’t understand why you can’t just enjoy something without worrying about your job.”

“You know what, Shawn, I take care of everything for you! I organize your schedules, I help you get ready for concerts, pack your bags, take care of you when you’re sick, I even help you when you’re drunk god knows where in the middle of the night because you want a ride home! And that’s just the tip of the iceberg! I know sometimes we act like we’re friends, Shawn, but this is my job. So no matter what happens between us, at the end of the day I’m getting paid to be here. That’s why I’m here. Not because I’m your friend.”

He watches as you stand up, grabbing your clothes from last night, leaving his heart to ache in his chest, “You don’t mean that.”

Before you turn the door handle to your room, you spare a glance at the broken man in his bed, your own heart weighing heavy knowing you’re the one that caused the pain on his face. “I’ll see you around Shawn.”

__________________________

Nothing could have prepared you for the tension that would have followed between you and Shawn. He didn’t speak to you for the next two days, unless he needed information on something, which usually resulted in an email or text from him even if he was only 5 feet away. You didn’t blame him. You knew your words hurt him and you wanted nothing more than to take away his pain and be there the way he wanted you to be. But you knew you couldn’t do it. You weren’t going to be Shawn Mendes’ personal assistant forever, and when it comes to finding a new job, you know that someone that had a relationship with their previous boss wasn’t exactly the type of person companies were lining up to hire. Besides, the bigger issue at hand was what would happen if it didn’t work out. How would things turn out? Job aside, you don’t think you could handle it if you lost Shawn. Nothing could be worse than this, you reasoned with yourself, but you couldn’t help but think that if the two of you broke up, there would be no way of getting your Shawn back. Then again you didn’t know how much longer you could take this.

Everyone in the team could tell something was wrong. The two of you went from an excessive amount of contact to absolutely nothing in a matter of 24 hours and no one could wrap their head around what happened. Neither one of you would talk about it and would brush someone off if they asked, so for the next week, there was a growing tension in the air. No talking between the two of you. No cuddles. No teasing. And no after show celebratory hugs.

__________________________

Day 8. 8 days without Shawn and you were starting to go insane. You missed him so much you were physically hurting on the inside and all you wanted was to melt in his arms while he held you tight to his chest. That’s what led you to knocking on his hotel room door in the middle of the night, knowing he would be awake. After not receiving a reply, you slowly opened the shared door that hadn’t been used for days and peered your head inside, finding him strumming his guitar on the hotel balcony. You stepped into the room, quietly shutting the door the best you could before making your way to where he was sitting, beautiful melodies flowing out of him. It was entrancing listening to him play, and from what you could make of his quiet singing, it was another beautiful love song being created in his mind. “I’m surprised you’re here,” his voice broke you out of your trance, “Thought we weren’t friends.”

“I came here to apologize, I feel terrible for what I said....and I missed you,” you confessed, watching your toe move around the cold concrete, the only thing grounding you right now. He stayed silent at this, continuing to move his fingers methodically on his guitar. “Its beautiful by the way,” he looked up at your words, your eyes meeting his for the first time tonight, “the song.”

He nodded, focusing his eyes on the strings once again, ”It’s about you. They all are.”

You sighed, slowly walking over and taking a seat next to him, “I’m sorry, Shawn, I really am. I didn’t mean what I said at all I just...I don’t know.”

“You know for someone who’s so smart you never seem to know anything when it comes to how you feel,” he quipped and you couldn’t blame him for acting bitter towards you.

“I know, and you can hate me all you want, but I can’t do this anymore. I miss you. I miss your little jokes and your cuddles and I really miss the look in your eyes before you hugged me after a show. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I want things to be back to normal so bad.” You couldn’t stop the small tear that fell from your eye and suddenly, as Shawn’s guitar playing stopped, the sounds of the cars in the streets never sounded so loud. You fiddled aimlessly with your hands, never looking up in fear of what you’d see on his face, “I like you a lot, Shawn, but I’m scared. I’m so scared because you’re you and I’m just me. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future and I’m terrified. Yes, I worry about how my career would be impacted if I dated my boss, but the main reason I’m so scared is because I can’t lose you.” At this point tears were flowing down your face and you placed your head in your hands, unable to stop them.

His hands were rough and calloused from years of playing guitar and a stark contrast to your smooth skin as he moved your hands away and cupped your face. The dark blue sky shined down on the two of you, and as you brought your eyes to his, you swore he was a god by the way the moonlight was glowing on his face. He smiled softly at you, his eyes holding such sincerity and truth in them, “Listen to me, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Hell, I don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow. But what I do know for sure is that I need you by my side to get through it. I want you in anyway that you’ll give me, but I promise that if you give your heart to me, I won’t break it. And I don’t break my promises.”

“I know you don’t,” you let out a sad laugh before wiping your tears, causing Shawn to take your head in his hands again to wipe your tears, “I want to give you my heart, all of it.”

A smile broke out onto his face, making your heart glow just from seeing him happy, “Really?” You nodded and he brought your face closer to his, resting his forehead on yours. His eyes looked at your lips and you found yourself doing the same, longing for the feeling you had been dreaming about for years. “Can I kiss you?” You didn’t respond, instead leaning forward and connecting your lips.

You didn’t know if this was real or a dream. But there was no way that this could be a dream because it felt better than anything you could have ever imagined. His lips were soft against yours, which was no surprise given how obsessed he was with chapstick, and the feeling of it was enough to make you dizzy. When you finally pulled away he kept you close, afraid that if he let go, you would disappear, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” except this time, your words didn’t fall on deaf ears.

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softboywriting · 5 years

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Hitched | Shawn Mendes

Summary: After a wild night in Vegas you and Shawn end up married according to the tabloids. Will these rumors change your dynamic and be the push the two of you need to finally admit your feelings for each other, or will it be the end of your relationship both professionally and personally? [personal assistant reader] [fake married] [accidentally married] [non au theme]

Word Count: 8.5k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Early morning sun blinds you through the windows of your hotel suite. Your head pounds, body feeling like it's been hit with a sack of bricks. Your mouth is dry like sandpaper as you reach for a bottle on the nightstand. There's a heavy weight across your stomach and you look down. An arm. A bulky thick arm with the tattoo of an orchid in a light bulb. Shawn.

You push back the blankets to reveal the sleeping giant. He is sprawled out beside you on his stomach, arm across your waist, face pressed into the pillows. This wasn't the first time the two of you ended up in bed together, and it wouldn't be the last. At least he went home with you last night. As soon as the tequila shots had come out, you started to worry. Shawn and tequila don't mix well and he gets a little crazy.

A pang of sickness washes over you and you need to get up. It's not like you to drink when Shawn drinks. It's sort of your job to keep him out of trouble and on task. But shit happens. At least he's with you, like you said. You did your job well enough. You push at his arm and instead of removing it, he curls it tighter around you, pressing on your stomach.

“Shawn, I have to get up. I feel sick.”

“Mmm.” He groans and rubs his face into his pillow. “No, stay with me.”

“Shawn. Now.”

“Stop talking.” He rolls over, toward you, and tugs you closer to him. “My head hurts.”

“You're hungover.”

“Probably.”

You run your hand over his hair and glitter falls out. You have no idea where that came from but it isn't what you're really focusing on. No. The ring on your finger is what catches your eye. It's Shawn's, his pinky ring, the rose gold one. Why were you wearing it on your wedding ring finger? Why were you wearing it at all? Oh no. A portion of the night comes flooding back to you. Brian had been joking with Shawn that since he lost his passport yesterday morning, he was illegal in the USA. Oh God Shawn no. You love Shawn, hell, you know him better than most at this point. It's hard not to fall in love with someone like him, but those feelings were counterproductive to your job and he could never know. Though you suppose he already does, the two of you couldn't deny looks and familiar touches. It was complicated.

“Shawn get up,” you push him off of you and he sits up quickly. “What happened last night?”

He holds his head and groans loudly. He'd had far more to drink than you did. “I don't remember.”

You put your hand out for him. “Did we get married?”

“What?!” Shawn grabs your hand and studies the ring on your finger. “No! Why would we do that?! I know we got smashed but fucking christ.”

“I don't know! Call Brian. Maybe he remembers?”

Shawn pats around under the pillows and produces his phone. “Fuck,” he turns the screen toward you and there's a bunch of missed calls and texts. You can't help but notice his background is the two of you backstage at the capital summertime ball last year. He picked you up on his shoulders to see the stage and Brian snapped a photo. He calls Andrew instead of Brian since the missed calls were all from him.

“Morning newlyweds,” Andrews voice crackles over the speakerphone between you and Shawn. “Hungover?”

“Andrew what happened last night?”

“You guys must have been seriously messed up. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.”

You sigh. “Andrew what happened?”

“Well Brian convinced Shawn that because we can't find his passport, he had to marry a US citizen to stay in the country. Which is ridiculous, because I just had to go get a temp until we can get back to Toronto and get a new one. Anyway, you and Shawn ditched everyone and went to get hitched in the basement chapel of the hotel by some Elvis impersonator who was on site for a gimmick wedding being hosted last night.”

“It's probably not even legal then. We didn't sign anything, it's just a ceremony right?”

“No, not technically, he was a justice of the peace though. Registered and everything. Brian and Zubin were your witnesses.” Andrew sighs and you roll your eyes. “Luckily it was just you four idiots and no one but us knows about this.”

Shawn holds his head. “Okay well, it's fine then.”

“Perfect. Thank Andrew.” You click to hang up and stare at Shawn. “You're so dumb y'know that?”

“Oh shut up. You obviously agreed to go along with it, so you're pretty dumb too.”

You shove him and he shoves you back, pinning you to the bed. “Shawn I swear to God if you-”

He leans down and gets close to your face. His breath ghosts over your cheek and jawline. He's going to threaten to lick you. Somehow he found out that spit grosses you out; the wet feeling, the knowing it came from someone else's mouth, all of it just squicks you out. He found out and now every chance he gets he uses it against you when he doesn't get his way or wants something. He was a damn man child sometimes. “Take it back or I'll do it.”

“Never.”

“Last chance.”

You close your eyes and wait for the worst. You'll never admit defeat. He was dumb, the whole marriage thing had to be his idea. How he convinced you in your drunken state to marry him you will never know. Obviously your brain had decided to put feelings for Shawn over work, rational thinking and common sense last night, but it's still definitely his fault.

He opens his mouth and you can feel his breath hotter than ever. You struggle against his hold and then go still when his mouth connects with your cheek. It's not spit, it's not his tongue. It's his lips, warm and soft against your skin.

“What're you doing?”

“What?”

You peek one eye open and look down at him. “Aren't you going to lick me?”

“Nah. You're my wife now.” He grins and kisses your cheek again. “I guess I gotta be sweet on you.”

“Oh shut up! I'm not actually your wife!” You shove him as he releases your arms and falls over laughing. “Get dressed chuckles. We have to be at the airport soon.”

____________________

“So are you taking my last name then?” Shawn asks with a smirk from the seat beside you. “Because I think it suits you.”

“I'm not talking to you anymore.”

“You have to! You're my assistant and my best friend.” He slides his hand over yours on the arm rest between the two of you. “Please talk to me?”

You let his fingers curl around yours as you close your eyes. He always held your hand when the plane was taking off. It's just how it was. You needed something real to hold on to until you were in the air and he was always that something. “What am I supposed to say?”

“Just answer my question. Are you taking my last name?”

“Why does it matter? We're not actually married so who cares?”

“I care.”

You cut him and glare and he isn't even smiling like he was joking. “Why?”

“I just do. Hypothetically, would you take my name?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Shawn looks satisfied with himself. You have no idea why that mattered. It wasn't like you were actually married. Well you were officiated but, y'know, whatever.

____________________

All hell breaks loose when you and Shawn walk into the central concourse of the airport you've landed at. The screams are deafening and louder than you've ever heard before. Jake tries to keep a minimum distance as you and Shawn make your way to the front doors with Andrew and the rest of the crew in tow.

“What is going on?!” You yell and Shawn falls back to put his arm around you and lean down to hear you. “I said what's going on?”

“No clue. People must be just extra excited to see me today.”

“Shawn! Shawn! Is it true?! Have you been in a secret relationship with your assistant for years?!”

Shawn looks over to the well dressed woman who's running alongside the group. She's asking all sorts of questions about you and Shawn. Obviously a reporter.

“Keep going!” Andrew yells over the crowd and comes up close behind you. “Don't answer any questions! Me and Brian will take your bags, just go!”

Shawn passes his suitcase to Brian and you give yours to Andrew. Shawn's hand finds yours and it's sweaty as he pulls you closer to Jake. He's nervous, anxious as his eyes start darting around to what you can only assume to be over a hundred people in the concourse. The two of you were used to crowds, it came with the job, but this was a swarm.

Jake pulls the two of you into a security office with help from some of the local airport security personnel. One moment you're in deafening loudness and the next it's muffled silence. Your ears are ringing and you feel like you've just survived an apocalypse. Shawn's hand is gripping yours so tight his knuckles are white and he's shaking.

“Shawn, hey,” you say softly and he looks down at you.

“Pull the blinds please,” Jake instructs to an officer by the door. She turns and pulls the blinds on the two floor to ceiling windows looking out to the hoard.

You sit Shawn down in a rolling chair behind a desk covered in paperwork. “Hey, look at me bud.”

The two officers and Jake move to the farthest corner from the two of you and talk among each other about how to clear up the situation outside the door.

Shawn looks at you and you run your hand over his hair. “Sorry, I just got overwhelmed.”

“It's cool. You know you just have to tell me and we'll fix it.”

“That woman knew. She knew about us.”

Us. As if there was really something going on between the two of you.

“She doesn't know anything. People have speculated for years about us. She probably just saw us talking when we got through the gate.” You scratch his scalp gently as he leans his forehead against your stomach. “Relax, deep breaths. Wanna do a vocal warm up to let it out?”

“No, it's fine. I just want to get to the hotel as soon as possible.”

“Jake,” you look over and he looks at you. “What's the plan to get out of here?”

“Security is going to escort us out. They've got more people coming down here to help. Just a few minutes. I've let Andrew know we're alright.”

“Thank you.”

Shawn stands up and pulls you into a hug. He presses his nose into the top of your hair and sighs. “Sorry I keep making today so stressful for you.”

“No, Shawn, it's not your fault.” You rub up his back and down again. “Things happen. We'll be okay. We always are.”

_____________________

Turns out the news has broken and the world knows that you and Shawn allegedly got married. TMZ was first to announce so you're sure that the Elvis impersonator spilled his guts for a couple hundred dollars. That son of a bitch. As if Shawn wasn't already having a hell of a time with stress on tour, this had to happen.

You don't even want to go out of the hotel now. The comments on every social media platform are enough to make you want to peel your skin off. There's two types of people it seems. Ones that think you're amazing and ones that hate your guts. For the most part it's people hating you.

“We're going to get dinner, are you coming?” Shawn asks, poking his head into your room.

“I'm gonna stay in. I don't want to go out.”

“Is it because of the gossip?”

“Yeah. I'm tired of being called ugly, fat and worthless. Why give people more fodder to keep the fire burning?”

Shawn steps in and closes the door behind him. “Why are you reading that crap?”

“I can't avoid it. Everywhere I go it's all people are talking about.” You flip through your Twitter feed and hold it up for Shawn. “Oh this is my favorite, gold digging whore.”

Shawn stalks across the room and snatches the phone from your hand. He throws it into your suitcase and squats down in front of you. “They're jealous. Angry jealous people who have no idea who you are.” He takes your hands and kisses over your knuckles. “They have no idea how beautiful and smart and funny you are.”

“Shawn...you're just saying that.”

“I'm not.” He looks at you over your hands. “I'm honored to call you my wife, real or fake, it's an honor. Any man who marries you is lucky.”

Tears sting the corners of your eyes and you look down, lip trembling.

“Let's stay in. We can rent a movie on the TV and order something to be delivered.”

“No, you go with the guys.” You pull one hand out of his and wipe your wet cheeks. “I'm fine.”

“I won't go.” He stands and crawls on to the bed, sitting behind you and dragging you between his legs. “I'd rather spend my night with you then watch Brian try to pick up the bartender for three hours straight.”

"Can we get Chinese?"

"Of course." Shawn pulls his phone out and scrolls through Google to find a local place to deliver. "You want your usual?"

"Yeah. Extra dumplings if they have them."

He brings the phone up to his ear and smiles. "Anything you want."

____________________

Two days later. Heading to the venue where Shawn is playing isn't usually a stressful thing. You've done it countless times. But you've never done it with everyone thinking you're his wife. The back of the transit van is silent, uncomfortably so. Shawn is on his phone, Andrew and Brian are staring out the windows and Connor is messing with something on his camera.

You hold your bag tight against your lap and sigh. Shawn opens his his legs and bumps your thigh. You look up and he's smiling. “What are you doing?”

“Can you hand me my notebook?”

“Yeah sure.” You dig around in your little black backpack and produce his tattered leather bound journal. It's his writing notebook and if anyone besides you ever had it he would probably explode. “Got an idea?”

“Yeah, just something that's stuck in my head.” He takes it and slides the little pen out from the side and starts writing. He looks so focused as he scribbles away, striking things out and looking annoyed. His brain never stopped.

“Hey.”

You look away from Shawn to Connor who is across from the two of you and has his camera up right. “Yeah? Need something?”

“No, nevermind.”

“We're here,” Andrew says as the van comes to a halt.

Shawn closes the notebook and hands it over. “Are you nervous?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah but I have you, so it'll be okay.” He grabs your hand and squeezes. “Everyone ready?”

Everyone mumbles in unison and Jake pulls open the side door to the sound of fans yelling beyond the barriers a few yards away. No questions. No photos. Just straight into the venue.

The second you're inside the venue there are coordinators ushering you to the question and answer area that's set up in a meeting room. Usually sound check would come first but you had arrived a little later than planned due to traffic and now everything was off schedule.

Shawn goes out and the fans in the q&a scream and greet him. You take a seat behind curtain that is put up as a backdrop in the front area where Shawn sits. You open up your laptop and start working on the checklist for the show tonight while also looking up local gyms for Shawn while he's in town.

Twenty minutes pass and you hear Shawn say your name. You pull out your headphones and listen to what he's saying, wondering what the question was. He just wants a bottle of water and you grab one off a cart nearby.

You don't think anything of it when you walk out in front of everyone to hand him his water. You've done it a hundred times. You don't realize that you've really messed up until the fans are awwing and suddenly asking questions over each other.

“Did you guys get married for real?”

“How long have you been together?”

“Are you really his assistant?”

Shawn sighs and you can see Jake who is off to the side next to you just shake his head. “I'm sorry, I didn't even think about it when I asked for water.”

“It's fine. Just act like everything is normal.” You grab his empty bottle and he pops open the top of the new one. “And don't answer any questions about me.”

“I promise I won't.”

You turn and walk away, giving a little wave to the fans as you go around the back again to take your place at your laptop on an amp box.

____________________

The next night you, Shawn and a couple of the guys go out to a bar near the hotel. It's a really upscale place, private too. It's nice being able to relax and just let loose the stress from the last few days and not have anyone recognize you for a few hours.

Drinks are flowing, music is playing, you are dancing with a couple people. It feels good. Someone's hands find your waist from behind and they pull you against their solid warm body. You stiffen up, not comfortable with the sudden contact.

“You smell really good.” Shawn murmurs against your hair. “Like really good.”

You relax, trusting him and no longer worrying about it being some stranger making a move. “I just washed my hair with my usual stuff.” You turn in his hold to face him and he drops his forehead against yours. His eyes are focused on you, a little glassy from alcohol and you wonder how many drinks he's had.

“You are so beautiful.” He smiles and closes his eyes. “You just...wow.”

“Shawn, you've had way too much.” You reach up and play with the curls at the back of his neck. You've had a few yourself. “I thought you weren't going to drink much because your next show is in three days.”

“I'll be fine.”

“It's not like you.”

“I just wanted to relax.” He leads you over to a lounge area with some couches and falls back on his ass, pulling you down on top of him.

You sit on his lap and he smiles at you like a cat who caught a canary. “What are you grinning about?”

“You.” He runs his hand up your back and you loop your arm around the back of his neck. “I wanna kiss you.” He leans up so he's face to face with you. “I want to kiss you all over.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to kiss my wife.” He grins.

You roll your eyes. “I'm not your wife doofus.”

He leans in closer and bumps his nose with yours, breath ghosting over your lips. You're too drunk to handle this right now. Everything in you wants him and it's so hard to say no. You've kissed before but it wasn't like this, well, it was. You were drunk then too but it wasn't in public and with speculation of being married hanging in the air.

“This is a bad idea,” you whisper, eyes going to his pink lips and he shakes his head slightly. “Yes it is.”

“Stop talking.” He leans in and kisses you, hands going to your hair as he licks into your mouth. You take a deep breath and re-position yourself so you're straddling his thighs. He drops one hand to your waist and you feel like you just can't get enough. You can't seem to break away from him as he kisses you better than anyone you've ever been with. You know the two of you will end up going back to the hotel together, there was absolutely no doubt about that at this point. It's just a matter of how far this was going to go.

____________________

The next morning you wake up and it's like deja vu. Shawn's arm is across your stomach and your head hurts. Only this time you remember the night before. You remember walking with Shawn back to the hotel and making out in the elevator. Fumbling with his key card to get his room open. And then watching him literally collapse on the bed and pass out. You knew he'd had way too much.

“Morning,” you says softly, running your hand through his hair. He rubs his face into his pillow and groans at the morning light. “Hungover?”

“Very. My head is throbbing.”

“Let me help.” You sit up and guide him to lay his head on a pillow you pull over onto your lap. You massage your fingers into his temples and he groans softly.

“You're the best.”

“Mmhmm.” You massage over his eyes and cheeks and he just let's his jaw go slack. He's so soft like this, trusting in you completely. The last few days have been a wild ride and gone farther than your professional relationship with him should go. It's like since finding out you got hitched by the Elvis impersonator, all inhibitions were gone. The line between coworker and relationship was getting blurrier by the second and you have to redraw it before it is too late.

“You're a really good kisser.” Shawn mumbles, smiling to himself.

“So you remember some of last night?”

“Mmm yeah.” He opens his eyes and you stop rubbing his temples. “You can't deny that there's something more between us.”

“I can't, but there shouldn't be.” You return to rubbing and go down around the back of his neck eliciting a soft moan from him. “I'm your assistant first and foremost. We need to remember that.”

“Yeah.” He says softly, closing his eyes again. You know he isn't going to cave that easily. It's not like him to drop a subject just like that but you know he doesn't want to argue or anything with his head killing him. And that's just fine.

____________________

Shawn wraps his arms around you from behind and walks with his head on your shoulder. "What're you going to get?"

"I don't know, we came for you to get stuff."

"Yeah, but...I know you want something."

The two of you round the corner to the health care isle in the little 24 hour convenience store. The two of you had come down for snacks after Shawn said he needed some jerky and a Snickers. The funny thing is that those two things were your usual period cravings, and you happen to be on your period.

"Shawn, did you want to come here because of me?"

"What do you mean?" He pulls away and grabs a box of Tylenol off the shelf to toss into the bag you're carrying.

"Come on. Snickers and jerky? That's my craving snack."

Shawn grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. "Am I that obvious?"

You roll your eyes. "You're transparent."

He walks over and puts his arm around your shoulders. "I just wanted to help. I saw you were having bad cramps earlier during rehearsal."

"Is that why you brought me tea from the catering cart?"

"Yeah."

You lean your head on his chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He kisses your head. "Lets get those snacks and head back."

____________________

“You're still wearing the ring,” Shawn says, pointing to your hand curled around the clipboard you're holding. The second show this week is about to start and he's getting his in ears put in.

“So?”

“So? Why didn't you take it off? It's been like five days.”

You shrug and touch the little rose gold band. “It's pretty. I guess I didn't notice.” You point at his hand and he has one of his gold bands around his ring finger still too. “What's your excuse?”

Shawn shrugs. “I guess I didn't notice.”

You narrow your eyes at him and he grins. “Maybe you want to be married to me.”

“Maybe you do too.”

“In your dreams.”

“I've had a lot of dreams come true y'know.” Shawn laughs and goes to the side stage to get ready to go on. You follow him over and touch his arm gently. “Hmm?”

“I forgot to tell you to have a good show.”

He leans over and kisses your cheek, making your heart race. “Always do.”

“Pinkies for luck?”

Shawn hooks his pinky with yours and the rings click together, making him grin. You pull away and run your hand over his hair to fluff it up as the band starts playing his intro. He keeps smiling at you and walks out on to stage, bringing his mic up to greet everyone in the arena. You twist the ring around on your finger and it sends an ache through your chest. Why hadn't you taken it off?

____________________

The show is going great and you are beaming at him the whole time. He keeps doing this thing where he looks over at you and you try to keep out of view so people don't know what he's looking at. Connor asks if you'll follow him during Bad Reputation because he doesn't want to hit anything while he watches the camera screen. You've done it several times and you know all you have to do is literally walk behind him and tell him if he's going to hit an amp or something.

Zubin and Shawn are going to town on the guitar when it happens. You're following Connor but he's walking too quick, your eyes are on Shawn as he does a little grabby hand wave at you and you trip on a set of cables sticking out off the light box at the base of the stage. You go sprawling, scraping your knees on the hard concrete floor of the arena.

“Fucking shit!” you yell as you turn over and dust yourself off. Your jeans are torn in the knees and there's blood starting to stain on the left one.

Suddenly Shawn is by your side, guitar on his back as he kneels down beside you. “Are you okay? I saw you go down behind Connor.”

“What're you doing!? Get back up there!”

“It's fine Zubin is doing his thing.” Shawn puts an arm behind your back and the other under knees, lifting you up bridal style. “Ah shit your knee is bleeding.”

“Put me down. I'm fine.”

“No you're not! Look at your knee!”

You glance down and yeah your jeans were pretty much destroyed by the big bloody patch. It was starting to ache too, a dull throb right over your knee cap. “You're really not helping with the rumors right now y'know.”

“I really don't care.” Shawn places you gently on an equipment box backstage as Jake and one of the stage hands come over with a first aid kit.

“I'll be fine. Go back out there.” He starts to protest and you grab his face and force him to look at you. “Leave me and go do the show.”

Shawn leans in and kisses your lips quickly before turning and running back out on stage. Your heart stops and you are left in a stunned state, just gawking off at the stage. Did he really just kiss you? What the hell? He...you weren't...fuck.

“Hey, hello!” The stage hand, Nick, waves his hand in your face. “I can't clean it with your jeans on. Can we go to the catering room or something and have you take them off?”

“Yeah....yeah sure.” You bring your focus back to your knee and as you try to stand up on it, you wobble. Nick supports you as you head for the inner concourse and Jake stays behind.

“I'll tell him where you are when he gets done, don't worry,” Jake says with a smile. You know he seen the kiss, hell, anyone in the vicinity saw it. Shawn was not making this easy.

As soon as the show ends Shawn is in the catering room with you. He's pretty sweaty when he comes in but you don't really care because he's got eyes for no one but you. He kneels down beside you and cradles your knee in his big hands, fingers ghosting over the gauze wrapped skin.

“You had to cut your jeans?” He asks, sliding his hand over your thigh where your jeans are cut off just over the wound.

“Yeah. I couldn't get my jeans off and they were already ruined.”

“Let me carry you to the car.”

“Shawn I can walk. It's not that bad now.”

He gives you a hard look. “You're hurt.”

“It's just a scraped knee.”

“Please, let me carry you. You're my w- it's my fault. If you hadn't been watching me wave at you, you wouldn't have tripped.”

You sigh, defeated. “I'm not going to change your mind am I?”

“Nope.” Shawn gets up and picks you up bridal style again, holding you close to his chest. You can smell his shampoo from his damp hair, curls falling in his face. “Let's go, I'll have one of the guys bring my stuff.”

“I need my bag.”

Shawn leans down and you grab your backpack off the couch you were sitting on. With that he carries you alongside Jake as he heads for the cars out back.

The second you get to the doors you see a bunch of fans waiting around to hopefully get a picture with Shawn beyond the security fence. The fans start screaming as soon as he walks out in the open carrying you toward the car. They’re waving and calling out both of your names as camera flashes go off.

“You can go ahead and take pictures.” You say to Shawn and he shakes his head. “Seriously, just drop me off in the car. I'll wait.”

“No. I want to go back to the hotel and shower and relax with you. Besides they've got their pictures.” He grins.

“Shawn.” You touch his cheek and he leans into your hand. “Please. I know you want to go say hi.”

“I do, but I really want to relax too.” Jake opens the door for Shawn and he lowers you to your feet and helps you into the car. “And relaxing comes first today.”

____________________

“Hey, are you feeling up to going out?”

You raise your eyebrows and he smiles sheepishly, knowing that you're not supposed to be seen together alone until the whole marriage thing blows over, but you're still his friend and assistant and honestly that concept of hiding it had gone out the window days ago. “Like...where?”

“Ed's in town. He texted me and asked if I want to hang out and see the show tonight.”

“Sure. Anyone else going?”

“I think Brian is gonna go.”

“What time?”

“Around seven.”

“I'll see you then.”

The concert is loud as hell, just like Shawn's are. You're stood in a private section with a few other people from Ed's crew and it's just you and Shawn. Brian didn't ever show up, and honestly you think Shawn didn't actually invite him.

Nearly forty minutes pass and Ed ends castle on the hill and starts up the chords to Perfect, his final song on the set list. Shawn wraps his arms around you from behind and you look up at him.

“I found a love, for me...” Shawn sings along softly with Ed.

“You planned this didn't you?”

“Planned what?”

“Being here together and without Brian. This is a date, isn't it?”

Shawn rolls his eyes. “A date? Really? We're just seeing Ed.”

“A concert can be a date y'know.”

“Shh.” Shawn lays his chin on your head and starts humming along to the song. The arena is dark and everyone has their phones out, swaying along to the song. It's beautiful. “Dancing in the dark, with you between my arms.” He sings softly against your head and you hold onto his arms now wrapped around your shoulders.

You take his hand and he turns you around, stepping back and grinning at you. He keeps singing as he slow dances with you, swinging you out and bringing you close in time with the music. “You're ridiculous,” you laugh and he just holds you against him.

“You love it,” he says quietly, turning you around once more and pulls you back against his chest. “And you look perfect...tonight.”

The song comes to an end and you hold Shawn's hands in yours. He kisses the side of your head and you're absolutely gone for him. He's knows it. You know it. The whole damn world probably knows it by now. ____________________

“Where's my notebook?”

“In the suitcase.” You point to his bulky black bag. “Outer pocket.”

Shawn digs into the bag and brings it out, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and writing furiously. You learned ages ago not to bother asking what was in that little journal. You know usually it's lyrics or little bits or inspiration. You never read it, no matter how many times he has you carry it in your bag, you never ever open that book.

“We've got to get going Shawn. Can you write in the car?”

“No.”

You drag his bag off the bed and over to the door. Yours is already there waiting, you had brought it over to save you from grabbing it later after helping Shawn get everything together.

“The plane won't wait.”

Shawn looks up and rolls his eyes. “Just a moment.”

“Alright.” You lean against the door and close your eyes. You're exhausted, the concert with Ed had ended up going until around nine and then visiting lasted until well after midnight. Every time Shawn and Ed got together it was like a recording session. The two were definitely of the same bunch. Now you had a six hour flight to get on back to Toronto.

“I’m ready.” Shawn whispers in your ear and your eyes fly open and you jump, making him laugh. “Let's go home.”

You swat at his chest and he grabs his bag handle. “You're such a turd.”

“I just like teasing you. Come on.”

The two of you head down to the lobby to meet Andrew and Brian and the rest of the crew. “So, what're you writing in that book?”

“Curious?”

“Well yeah, that's why I'm asking. I know usually you don't tell anyone. You've just seemed very engrossed in it lately.”

“I've been writing lyrics. I want to meet up with Teddy and see if we can't get something together. I've just...got this feeling and I want to put it into words.”

You round the corner to the lobby and Andrew looks up from his phone. “About time you two.”

“Leave the love birds alone, don't you know, they're newlyweds.” Brian teases, dragging his suitcase around behind the two of you toward the doors.

“Fuck off Brian!” Shawn yells and you elbow him for yelling in the lobby.

The rest of the trip home goes smoothly, you sleep on the plane with Shawn leaning against you and it's possibly the best sleep you've had in a few days. Landing back in Toronto is a bit annoying, as fans have come to meet you and Shawn at the airport like usual. Only now they're rowdier than ever due to the news about your alleged marriage.

"Don't pay attention to any of it." Shawn says, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and staring down at your phone. You've just arrived at his apartment and you'll be leaving tomorrow to go to your own place in New York. "We'll just lay low and then in a few weeks it'll all be over."

"Yeah I guess. How exactly do we convince fans we aren't hitched?"

"Probably should take off the rings."

You pocket your phone and hold your hand out in front of you. Honestly you've grown accustomed to the little ring on your finger. It fits so comfortably.

“Maybe being married isn't such a bad thing.”

You look up from your hand to where Shawn is now across the bedroom lying on the bed on his stomach. “What?”

“I mean, aren't we already kind of married?”

“No?”

“Think about it. You know more about me than anyone. You can read me like an open book. We're always together, I trust you more than anyone and we definitely have chemistry. We have such a connection, it's insane. Maybe it's not such a bad idea.”

You close your eyes and sigh softly. “You cannot be serious. We can't be married. We just can't. I'm your assistant, not your wife.”

“Technically you're both right now.”

“Shawn. It wasn't a legal binding ceremony.”

He gets up and walks over to you, taking your hands in his. “Come on. You'd get so many benefits as my wife. You could come to awards shows with me, walk red carpets, be on my health care plan. I can also avoid the “when are you going to have a girlfriend?” conversations. I really don't see any downsides.”

“Really? No downsides? What about dating? What about falling in love and wanting to marry someone for real? I can do pretty much all that other stuff as your assistant if you want me to. None of it has to do with me being your wife or not. And why don't you have a girlfriend? You're like the most eligible bachelor in history. Rich, gorgeous, young and talented. What's the deal?”

“You know why I don't. Besides I don't want to marry someone else.”

“What? Are you kidding me? Why the hell would you want to marry me in the first place? And on that note, no, I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend, besides being on tour and stuff.”

“You really don't get it do you?”

“For the love of God, why can't you stop talking in riddles for like five minutes?”

“It’s because I'm in love with you.”

Your heart stops. He doesn't mean it like that. He can't. He isn't allowed to. No. He can't. You didn't want to hear those actual words, it made it all too real.

“Shawn, I think you really need to think about that. You can't just say that lightly.”

“I have thought about it.” He walks you over to the couch just past the doorway into the living room. “It's all I think about all the time. I've wanted to tell you for the last three years but how do you tell your assistant that sort of thing? And I wanted to be sure you felt the same, or you at least had an interest in me. You're hard to read though. I could never figure out what you were thinking until this last year, hell, the last few weeks when I realized you've been holding back.”

“Shawn... I-I don't know.”

He takes your hand and threads his fingers between yours. “Don't hold back. Do you want to be with me?”

“I mean, yeah, of course. More than anything Shawn, but...we can't.”

“We can. We absolutely can.”

"But my job and the fans...it's a lot to handle."

"And yet we've been doing it for the last week basically."

“I...I should go.” You pull your hand away and stand. You grab your bag and head for the door. There isn't really anywhere to go besides your place. The second you get out the front doors you call a cab. It wasn't as if you didn't feel the same way about him, because you did. It's just...it would never work. If you mixed your job with your relationship it could end badly. That's what you've been telling yourself anyway. There's a line, a very clear line, and you can't bring yourself to cross it...though you've definitely been bending over it a bit. Well, maybe a lot.

____________________

The sun is just starting to set as you take your seat on a plane flying to New York. You're alone, carry-on bag in the compartment over your seat. You called and talked to Andrew about what happened. He was fine with it, in fact he'd rather Shawn be with you then deal with bringing a whole new person into the picture, but you still don't think it's for the best. Four years, four long amazing years and just like that you find yourself out of a job and heading back to your hometown.

You didn't say goodbye to Shawn. You couldn't. The next time you see him will be...well, no, you don't know when that might be. You lean your head back and fight the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. You want to stay, you do, but you can't hurt Shawn if things go bad or just don't work out. The stress and tension that would put on your professional relationship would be too much. You won't break his heart, you just won't.

You put on your headphones, lean your head back and put on a sleep mask. If you just tuned it out you would be fine. Minutes pass and you feel the plane start to move, taxiing to the runway for take off. You feel your nerves getting the best of you, hand curled around the end of the arm rest. You never flew alone, you always flew with Shawn.

A hand covers yours and you jump, jerking away. You pull your sleep mask off to see who the hell thought it was okay to touch you. Your heart drops when you see Shawn in the seat beside you.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asks, irritation evident in his voice.

“I'm going home.”

“You're running away.”

“I'm not. It's for the best.”

“The best for who?.”

You look away and clench your jaw. “You don't get it Shawn.”

He reaches over and turns your head to look at him. “No, you don't get it. You are running away because you're scared. You're scared to admit that we have something special because you're afraid it won't work out. But let me tell you what, you've seen me at my worst and my best and I've seen you in both lights as well. I think you know just as well as I do that we're meant to be together.”

“But what if it doesn't work out?”

“And what if it does? You can't try and take the safe route every time. There is nothing about our relationship that says it won't work. Please, do you know how hard it was to be told that you quit all of a sudden? That after spending a good part of four years together, you were just going to walk out of my life? Do you know how bad that hurt?”

“I just thought it'd be easier. I didn't want to hurt you.”

Shawn pushes up the arm rest and scoots closer to you. “Nothing is going to be easy. It never is.” He grabs your hand and threads his fingers between yours. “Please don't leave. You're my best friend. You don't want to hurt me but this, leaving, is going to kill me.”

“How'd you find me?"

"You always fly Delta when you go home. I just checked for a flight to New York and got a ticket. It doesn't matter."

You sigh and lean your head on his shoulder. "You really want to do this?"

"Yes. And we don't have to be married, we can just date. I just want you in my life, please."

"I want you in mine too." You hold his face and he tilts your head up to kiss you gently. "I suppose we're just a little backwards on all this, getting married and then dating."

"I guess this is where we start then."

You smile and he kisses you again, and again and again.

_____________________

Three months later

"Babe, did you get the email from Teddy about the song?" Shawn asks as he pulls on a suit jacket.

You glance over at his stylist who's holding up two shirts to the jacket. Shawn is standing there with his arms out like a dork while she works her magic. "I haven't gotten any emails from her. I have one from Connor though?"

"What's Connor sent? It must be a big file if he can't text it."

"Let me open it." You click the link and it opens a video in the media player on your laptop. The playback opens with you sitting on Shawn's shoulders at capital summertime ball, the moment Shawn had on his lock screen photo. From there it cuts to you and Shawn backstage playing slaps before a show and him squealing every time you faked him out. Then it's the two of you sharing a strawberry shake from McDonald's. You remember that day, he said he didn't want anything and ended up stealing half of your order.

"What is it?" Shawn asks, sliding off the suit jacket and walking over to lean on the back of the couch.

On the screen you and Shawn pose like goofballs in his new merch for the tour. The two of you sleeping on a couch backstage at some event. Shawn putting his jacket over your shoulders during a late night video shoot. Then there is recently, the two of you in the back of the car when he asked for his notebook. You can see that Shawn is stealing glances as he writes, something you hadn't noticed at the time. There's footage of Shawn at the concert jumping off stage to pick you up after you tripped. And finally, the last little bit is when the two of you were boarding the plane home and you grab Shawn's hand as you walk through the boarding tunnel.

"Wow..." You laugh softly, covering your mouth. "We're so transparent."

"Connor...he really did that." Shawn leans over and kisses your cheek. "I guess everyone knew we were together before we did."

"Yeah. Obviously."

"I'm going to have Teddy send you a copy of the new song." He turns back to his stylist and she holds out his shirt she's chosen. "I want you to listen to it tonight and tell me what you think."

"This is the song you've been keeping top secret for the last month?"

He grins sheepishly. "Yes, I promise it's worth it."

"Your songs are always worth it. I'm pretty sure you've never written a bad song."

"You're so sweet."

"Only to you."

_____________________

Shawn goes out to sit at some awards show and you stay behind in the green room. You've had enough with award shows in the last few years. They're usually too loud and full of cringey dialogue. You put in your head phones and press play on the file that Teddy sent to you. She didn't send any explanation other than a little winking smiley face and honestly you're suspicious. Shawn has never kept a song from you before.

"Put my heart on the line so many times, but when I'm with you I know I'll be fine. I'm falling, falling in love with you. Can't stop this feeling I know it's true."

Your eyes go wide as you realize this song is definitely about you. "Oh my God. Shawn..." You laugh to yourself as you begin to tear up. It's catchy and touching and...how dare he.

You finish the song and go to find him out in the crowded ballroom. You make your way through the room full of people and find his spot empty near the front next to Ed and his wife.

"Where is Shawn?" You ask Ed and he points toward the doors you came through saying he got up a few minutes ago.

You turn and double back to see if he's in the bathroom but there is absolutely no one in the halls.

"Honey, what're you doing?" Shawn laughs, and you turn to see him walking out of the green room. "I thought you wanted to chill in the back, I came to see how you were doing."

You walk up to him and he puts his arms around you. "You wrote a song about me."

"Yes I did."

"Everyone is going to know."

Shawn grins and runs his hand up your back. "Yes they will."

"A song!"

"Yes. You inspire me, I couldn't not write something about how I've felt for ages. Teddy helped me make it into something amazing. I'm really excited to release it."

You lay your hand on his cheek and he leans into it. "You're lucky I love you."

He kisses you softly and smiles. "What're you doing later?"

"Going to the after party with you?"

"Yeah, well I heard there's a wedding going on here tomorrow. Maybe the officiator will be around."

"Shawn."

"Maybe I should make you a legal Canadian citizen this time around." He grins and you narrow your eyes at him. "What do you think?"

"I think you're soft."

He slides his hand into yours and brings it up to kiss your joined hands. "It's been almost three and a half months and you haven't taken off my ring."

You flush and look away. "Yeah well...it's nice."

"Mmhmm."

"Okay, yeah...I want to be more than your girlfriend." You smile and look up at him. "I've wanted it for ages, but isn't it a little fast?"

"I don't think building up to this for three years is fast."

"You're right...I've just been thinking about it as the last few months but it has been years hasn't it?" You chuckle and shake your head. "Are you proposing to me then?"

"Yes." He drops down on one knee and reaches into his jacket pocket. "Will you be my wife, my assistant and my best friend?"

"You...have a ring on you?"

"Yeah I...I got it a while back." He looks at the ring and up at you. "I've just been carrying it around and waiting for the right moment to give it to you."

"You're such a sap."

"Yeah but, you already knew that. So, tell me, will you be my everything?"

You slide off Shawn's ring and pick up the ring from its box and slide it over your ring finger. "Yes. Yes I will."

Shawn stands and cups your face, kissing you softly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The end.

__________________

Thank you so much for reading! Please reblog if you read and if you enjoyed it.

Shout out to @shawnm521 for help and inspiration with this one, you are seriously the ultimate muse and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Please let me know what you think, what your favorite parts are and more via ask, reblog, reply or message. Thank you again!

-A

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thatkidwhodreams · 4 years

Text

The Lie

Chapter Four

Masterlist

Chapter Three

Warnings: A heated argument? Is swearing even a warning anymore?

The ride to the club wasn’t that long and you and Cade had a little Carpool karaoke on the way there. That managed to make you smile and forget about Shawn in that moment and that you were grateful for.

When you both stepped into the club you were greeted with many bodies grinding on each other, girls twerking and some men joining in as well. There were some drunk ass people in the corner and many couples felt the need to put their lips on one another. You made a mental note to avoid being around them as you didn’t want to remember Shawn in the process of loosening up.

About 10 minutes in you had gone to get a drink and came back to find that Cade had completely disappeared. You cursed him silently in your head, rolled your eyes and went into the mini bar in the corner so your drink doesn’t get knocked out if your hand.

You were by yourself when a guy decided to come up to you and you started small talk. He said his name was Tom and next thing you knew you were both on the dance floor dancing your asses off. There was still no sign of Cade and you were getting a little tired so you took a little break.

As you were observing everyone you saw someone you thought you recognised but weren’t sure of. You both locked eyes and saw his tall figure approach you.

“Y/N?! Is that you?” You were baffled and didn’t know how he knew your name. You stared into his eyes a little more and found some resemblance to Shawn in his features, then it clicked.

“Luca?! Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you in so long. You just all of a sudden disappeared off the face of the earth!” You exclaimed.

“So I’m guessing Shawn didn’t tell you, huh?”

“Tell me what?” You asked.

“Never mind, how have you been? Are you my brother still a thing?”

“Yup. Three years and counting.”

Luca hummed unsurprised and nodded his head. There was something in the way his expression was that didn’t sit well with you.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen while you were gone?”

“You could say that. I mean I got a new job and had to leave for a while. I never would’ve thought I’d run into you but that just makes it a whole lot better.”

You and Luca spent the next few minutes talking and catching up with each other when Cade decided to appear with Tom looking like they had just fucked each other with their clothes on backwards and their devilish hair.

“Where the hell have you been? And is that Tom?! Did you guys fuck in the bathrooms?”

Tom quickly waved at you and his cheeks became tinted from embarrassment, you were guessing that he wasn’t planning on running into you again. Cade on the other hand had the brightest smile on his face.

“You know where I was. Besides you didn’t need me, we both needed to loosen up so I did and I hope you did-” Cade started eying Luca up and down.

“Well hello and who might you be?” Cade asked. Luca chuckled and said “look dude, I’m flattered but I don’t swing that way and I don’t think your man over there looks very happy.”

Cade then turned and looked over to Tom who looked annoyed and irritated with his arms crossed.

“Well he’s not exactly my ma-. SHIT, SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK!” Cade shouted.

You Luca and Tom all looked over to where Cade’s line of vision was and you saw an angry looking Shawn storming your way. You turned to Cade and your face matched Shawn’s who was trying to get through the crowd of people.

“What the hell?!”

“So you know how I said ‘we ain’t gon tell nobody’? Well Shawn called because he knew you’d be with me and threatened to cut my balls off if I didn’t tell him where you were.”

“Wow! You didn’t even tell me, just watch when I kill you motherfucker, it’s gonna be slow and painful.” You were about to slap Cade and he braced himself for the sensation when Shawn managed to intervene.

“Y/N what the fuck are you doing here?” He turned to see who was next to you and once he did he closed his eyes, inhaled and exhaled and opened them again.

“Hey big bro. I assume you haven’t told cupcake over here about me. Am I right?”

Shawn gritted his teeth and said “No I haven’t. But that’s because you’re a low life who doesn’t deserve to be talked about and you have nothing to do with Y/N.”

“But don’t I? Hmmm that’s very strange.”

You darted your eyes back and forth between the brothers and Cade and Tom joined in too. It was interesting to see their encounter after many years. Shawn had never talked about Luca around you and you just assumed that the reason they had beef had nothing to do with you. Eventually Shawn and Luca took their argument outside and you could see the wrinkles forming on their faces from just being around each other.

You could see that it was a very heated argument between the both of them so you decided not to interfere and you’d just ask Shawn after. Well after you decided his silent treatment was over. Shawn walked over to you and grabbed your wrist and you resisted but that only made him tug harder until you slapped him and he let go.

“What the actual fuck?! I came here to get away from you and you just decide to come here all high and mighty trying to take me back home?! I didn’t even get a damn apology from you as to why you were gone for so long! I’ll come with you, but only because I want to go home and relax, I don’t want you near me when we get home your presence disturbs my soul!”

You stormed off out of the club and waited for Shawn. A few moments later he came out of the club and stood in front of you.

“Why are you staring at me? Open the damn car door! Gosh.”

Shawn opened the car door but not before giving you one last glance. He knew he was in deep shit when he got home. The man acted like he couldn’t live without you so this lesson would be a sweet one for you.

When you got home, Cade called to make sure there weren’t any problems and you told him you were fine and thanked him for allowing you to loosen up a bit. Tom was also staying with Cade in his room for the night and you didn’t want to know what they were going to get up to so you ended the call. You got changed and put on your pyjamas because you were becoming really tired and needed to be in something comfortable.

Shawn tried to move to you but you did not give him the time of day. He attempted multiple times until he had you against the fridge in the kitchen whilst you went to get food with both of his arms on each of your sides.

“Are you going to let me explain?” He asked. You huffed and attempted to look anywhere but his eyes. Keyword anywhere. His head just followed where you were looking until you were sick of the game.

“You so realise I’m pissed at you right?” You asked and he nodded. “Because I need answers I’m going to ask you what your problem was with Luca. I mean he’s your brother you haven’t seen him in years and I know if you did you'd tell me because I haven’t seen him for three years. I miss our friendship.”

Shawn sighed and removed his hands from your side. He stood in front of you as you raised your eyebrows with your arms crossed waiting for him to speak.

“I’m waiting.” You said impatiently.

“So it all started before I met up with you in the library.”

A/N: It seems like Shawn is about to spill the beans about what really went down. We’re tired of waiting anyway, is it just me or are these chapters too short? It’s okay you can tell me how it was, ya’ll should know I don’t bite by now haha❤️.

#shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes angst #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes fanfic #shawnblr #shawn mendes #shawn x y/n #shawn x you #shawn mendes smut #shawn peter raul mendes #mendes army #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes non au #shawn mendes fics

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stilesloverdaily · 4 years

Text

I’m Proud Of You

Shawn Mendes x Latin!Fem!Reader

Words: 2k

Note: mentions of a restraining order, legit the tiniest piece of spanish, based this on a dream I had. slightly smut implied, fluff

The zip to your red and white striped jumpsuit, was slid up up your back, Shawn’s soft hands resting on your hips afterward. He swayed the two of you for a moment, and you couldn’t help the small smile that graced your face.

This was your first real appearance as a couple, the Latin American Music Awards, Shawn’s song with Camila was nominated which is why your tall, white, brown haired boyfriend and you were going. Both of you had been spotted around in public after the Camila situation died down, but the fans thought you were his friend as they thought Camila was still dating your Canadian boyfriend.

You and Shawn had technically been dating before the ‘Shawmila’ dating stunt. At first you were fine with it, but then you were threatened by Camila who wanted Shawn for real, which although you knew wasn’t gonna happen, you broke up with Shawn mid-tour as it ‘wasn’t your scene after all’, not mentioning the Camila part, as you want them to succeed anyway. Shawn eventually flew to where you lived after finding out from Connor exactly why you broke up.

Fast forward, here you two were happy, the tour had finished, you were living together with Brian, and you’d never been happier. After Camila harassed and assaulted you twice, you got a restraining order against her without the public knowing to keep Shawn’s reputation and Cuban woman’s as it was the right thing to do; no matter how you were treated. They had a song together and it was best to do it under wraps.

You eventually told Shawn and informed Camila through her lawyer. Brian having helped you, was by your side during the whole thing as you’d thought of the idea whilst having a drink by the pool at the house (a Cola for you and him a beer, as you weren’t much of a drinker).

The contract between Shawn and Camila for dating had ended the week before the LAMAs. Meaning you could both go together, Shawn wanting to take you anyway as you were Latin American, not 100% but half.

You bit your lip bottom lip out of nerves, as this would be a proper outing as a couple, not a friends. Shawn’s hand came up from your waist to move a piece of hair to behind your ear, pressing a kiss below it. “Ready, gorgeous?”

Smiling, you hummed in agreement. You turn it his arms, eyeing his outfit, white pants with a red dress shirt, the shirt fitting him nice around the biceps and chest. His top buttons were undone, showing of the little chest hair he had, which until you had met Shawn, you didn’t like chest hair. “You look charming.” His soft locks were gelled to perfection as always.

“You look absolutely breathtaking.” Shawn looked between your nude painted lips, and brown eyes surrounded by a red shadow with a white inner corner and highlight. Mascara graced your lashes, a layer of concealer on your face set in place with setting powder, your makeup not being much as that’s how you liked it. The gold metal belt around your waist helped tie in your tan skin tone. The shoes on your feet were a red heel.

Blushing, you looked up at his beautiful light brown eyes, “Are you sure, you want to do this? I mean what about Camila and the restraining order? What will the fans say? What about- ”

You were cut off by Shawn’s soft lips, his smile noticeable through the kiss. After a moment, he pulled away, “Of course I’m sure, I love you and I talked to the people running the event and they are making sure Camila and you don’t sit near each other. The fans already love you even though they thought we were friends. I’ve seen edits about you on instagram and any other queries are just you worrying about things, it’ll be fine. I promise. Plus, I’ll need a translator.”

Chuckling, you smile at the thought that through everything he’s stuck with you, and although you have this restraining order he still wants to be seen with you and for you to come with him, even going as far as organising that you sit a certain distance from her. “I love you, you know that?”

He grins and his eyes look at you holding nothing but love. “Oh, I know. Trust me.” He kissed you again, careful not to mess with your lipstick.

The two of you were about to walk the red carpet, your hands were fiddling with each other, your tattoo on your wrist catching your eyes. Breathing in, you think of the man next to you chatting with the lady about to announce your arrival. She held signs saying ‘Shawn Mendes & His Date’ followed by your name. The fact that your name was on a laminated sheet of paper made you both nervous and confident, like you were supposed to be there.

Shaking your head, you try to rid of the negative thoughts, like how you suddenly felt bloated and ugly. Shawn placed his hand on your lower back, instantly calming you. The April weather of Vegas made you feel the perfect temperature. The lady who was just talking to Shawn led the people in front of you to walk on to the carpet, whilst Shawn turned to you.

“Alright, so we’ll walk on when motioned to.” You nod, taking slow breaths. “We’ll get shouted at from all angles, but just look in different directions at the paps. We will be taking joint photos then single photos, just to show off outfits.” The fact you would be photographed without Shawn in front of all those people made you tense. He felt it and added, “It’ll be fine and I’ll be close by, it will be about a minute and if you need to leave, just say my name.”

Breathing out, you nodded as the lady came back. “Your turn.” She spoke to you and Shawn with a slight accent.

Shawn’s hand stayed on your lower back as you walked out with the lady holding the sign to the paps. You matched Shawn’s pace, not wanting to walk too fast or too slow. Gulping, you stopped on the marker with Shawn, and smiled at the flashing cameras, trying not to blink too much.

You’d seen Shawn do this many times, and with his anxiety he seemed fine, so you relaxed.

People shouted your name and his as you stood and posed with him, making it look as natural as possible. Soon, it was time to take single shots, so Shawn moved to the next marker and you stayed where you were.

You smiled with teeth and not, your arm on your waist, leg extended a little, looking over your shoulder and looking forward. Trying to show the outfit as much as you could, whilst still making it natural. This kinda made you nervous, but honestly, mainly confident and sexy.

Glancing to Shawn after a moment, he was ushering you to him which you obliged to, as you might have messed your eyes up with those flashing lights. Both of you moved further down the carpet to the billboard interviewer, who asked about both of your outfits and the nomination. She then mentioned how Shawn had brought you to which he replied sweetly, “I wanted to bring someone special as this is my first time at the Latin American Music Awards, so I brought Y/N to share this experience with and also translate the Spanish spoken. But mainly, cause I thought it was about time to.”

He said no more, even though it was clear the interviewer wanted more, but we were ushered from the carpet into the venue. Apparently, Camilla was arriving. We were shown to our seats on the right side of the Venetian, the stage in full view.

“I’m proud of you.” Shawn whispers in your ear.

Smiling you whisper back, “Espero que ganes, preciosa.” [I hope you win, gorgeous].

“I have no idea what you said, beside preciosa, but it sounded beautiful coming from you.” He leaned in and kissed your lips.

Shawn had obviously won ‘cause he’s amazing and talented. Him and Camila walked on stage to accept the award before disappearing backstage, leaving you alone for a bit which was uncomfortable, but he soon reappeared apologising. But you didn’t care, cause he’d won and you loved his smile, and the hard work he puts into his projects. Oh, and you loved him.

You were both at the after party now and were dancing to Mi Necesita, you were low key grinding against Shawn, which he really didn’t mind. His hands followed your sides down to your legs, making you all hot and bothered. Shawn leaned his forehead into your neck, which wasn’t as much of a bend since you were in heels, trotting kisses along your neck as you leaned back into him with a smile on your face.

Oh, how you loved him.

His hands slid from your thighs upwards to your waist, resting on it as you swayed. “You wanna get out of here?” He whispered into your ear.

You smiled, nodding. Turning in his arms, you saw his lazy boyish smile, kissing his lips quickly. “Come on, Bub.” You motioned with your head to head to the exit, your hand in his. “I have an idea where we can go.”

Your shoes were somewhere on the floor with his, you had made a quick stop at the drugstore. Shawn held you close as you danced away in your laces, your feet gliding together. Lips tangled with each other as you kissed, smiles on both your faces. His cheeks were rosy as was his chest, his chest hairs teasing you.

Pulling away, you chuckled at how cute he looked.

There your 6”2 boyfriend stood, rosy cheeks, hair a mess because of your curious hands, shirt untucked from his white dress pants, nose red, and of course, the ice skates laced on his big feet. You held a hand to your face as you shamelessly checked him out. Shawn spun in a circle when he noticed you checking him out, being dramatic, he bowed afterwards. Laughing, you almost slipped in your own skates, he quickly helped you regain your balance before, you smirked and skated off, pushing him playfully.

“Oh, I see how it is.” He skated after you, as you giggled. Shawn watched on as he chased you, a smile on his face at how cute you were. You still had your jumpsuit on, hair down, his jacket on you as you were cold and to finish off a perfect look, the ice skates on your feet. Now, you were fast, but he was leaner and faster with his hockey experience.

He caught up, grabbing your waist through his jacket which swamped you, spinning you in his arms. You laughed as he tickled you slightly, wrapping your legs carefully around his hips, as your eyes held contact. His brown eyes held on your eyes, a look of love held in them. Both of your lips held each other in a passion filled kiss, one filled with love and happiness.

The rink only had you two in it, along with Marty the Janitor who always let you two lovebirds skate around late at night. Even if it was spur of the moment and you had to stop to get socks.

Shawn was proud of you in every way. The award show, the red carpet and how far you’ve come in general, with your confidence and anxiety. He loved you and stood by you through every second.

“I’m proud of you.” Shawn whispered against your lips as he pulled away slightly, his eyes finding yours again.

Your fingers ran into the hair on the back of the neck, and you couldn’t help but smile at his words and how he leaned into your hands as you scratched the back of his hair. Shawn’s head fell back and leaned down and kissed his Adam’s apple, forcing a small moan from him.

“Oh god, do I love you.”

Tagged: @itsnolongerteen @justsomewritingsandshit

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zankivich · 4 years

Text

The Assistant: Shawn Mendes x Personal Assistant: A One-shot

a/n: this is just me seeing if I could even still write for this man tbh. I’ve been getting very good at separating my emotions about the pr stunt, and I think that’s because I literally have blocked it from my social media in every way, shape, or form. Honestly when I wrote this I envisioned a black woman because that’s just where I’m at in life, but I never specified so....do with it what you will. K bye.

WARNINGS: mutual pining, fluff, love.

“Stop it, jackass.”

“No Shawn, seriously. Stop!”

“Stop! We’re going to be late, and if I have to hear Andrew complain one more time about it, I’m kicking your ass, do you hear me?!”

Being the personal assistant to Shawn Mendes is basically the best job in the world. You got to travel all the time. You got to learn more about the music industry than your internship at a record label had ever taught you. And he just happened to be the sweetest, most wholesome person on the planet. Except for when he was getting on your goddamn nerves. This just happened to be his favorite past time.

You’d been his PA for four years and no one knew him better. You knew his coffee order, what size underwear he wore, and the brand of cough medicine he trusted most. You knew what made him scared in life, what one sigh meant from another when it came past his lips, and when he was hungry or tired or emotional. What you hadn’t been prepared for was for Shawn to learn these things about you. And what you should have prepared yourself for was the trouble that this would bring.

Shawn had spent the last twenty minutes playing with some nerf gun that Brian had bought. He thought it would be a wonderful idea to see if he could hit you with it from multiple points around his hotel room. Shawn was usually business all the time, and so you loved any opportunity for him to get to relax and be a twenty-one year old. He had taken advantage of this and was more excited for a nerf battle than the business meeting he needed to be at in forty-five minutes.

“You have goooooot to relax a little bit.” He sighed rolling his eyes and dropping the gun.

He made his way over to you and slid his oversized palms onto your shoulders. Screw him. He was so warm and tall and chiseled. Dumb. So dumb.

“I could relax a lot more if you just let me do my job.” You pouted.

He snorted softly and let his thumb touch your chin.

“Is this you pouting now? You’re gonna try and guilt trip me with a pout?”

“That depends....Is it working?”

He licked his lip and you honestly could have swung on him. There was no need for him to behavior is such a sensual matter. Damn him.

“I’ll get my shoes on.” He hummed in defeat. “Just don’t be sad.”

You smiled up at him. “Thank you.”

He paused for a second, his hands still poised on your shoulders. There’s a moment of silence where it’s just the two of you looking at each other. You up at the mammoth you called a boss, and him down at you with those honey brown eyes. You hated when he looked at you this way, like he might wanna try something, like he might actually care about you the way that you cared about him. All it did was cause you unnecessary hurt, and very vivid daydreams.

See there’s a running joke in the Shawn Mendes team. If you want Shawn to do anything, then you simply just call y/n. The two of you were closer than closer, and he seemed to trust you with his life. Eventually you had become friends. Close friends. And so it suddenly became less “go buy me a juice” and more “can I lay my head in your lap until my migraine passes”. When the road was cold and lonely and he had no one, it was you he cuddled up to. For Shawn it was the convenience of it. You were there and you could provide him with what he needed. But for you? God touching him was like lightning. And you hated every second where it wasn’t real, where it didn’t mean the same thing to him. More than anything you hated the way that you loved it, because it meant being in his orbit.

“Go get your shoes on. Please?” You whispered.

He nodded slowly and pulled away finally giving you a moment to breathe.

The ride to this meeting was a quiet one. You struggled with Shawn’s affectionate touches and the ridiculously soft glances. Every now and again it got to be too much, and you had to preserve yourself if you were going to stay afloat. Working for Shawn was a joy, but that didn’t stop it from hurting sometimes.

The car pulled up to the destination and Shawn went to open his door only to stop when you didn’t follow him.

“Aren’t you coming?” He asked.

You shook your head. “I’m gonna go pick up your suit for your party.”

“Oh...Well you’re still coming to the party right?”

“Of course. I’m on duty, Shawn.”

He frowned. “No you’re not. I invited you as a friend.”

“Yea well Andrew knows better than to let you go to an open party with alcohol without me, so...I’ll be there regardless.”

“Okay well...I’m sorry you have to put up with me for the night.” He mumbled closing the door.

You sighed and let your head fall back against the headrest. Now you were both in a bad mood. Ugh.

***

New Year’s Eve was testing your patience. Here you were looking good as hell, ass all poised and waiting to be grabbed. What did you get instead? Nothing. Not a look, not a squeeze. You took another sip out of your vodka soda and went to stand up only to figure out that the previous two drinks before it, were a little stronger than you remembered. Shit.

“Woops! I’m sorry!” You gasped knocking into someone behind you.

“Sorry I--Oh, hey.”

You bit you lip and peered up at Shawn. The suit looked even better on him now then it did when he first stepped into it. And then there were his rosey cheeks and the heat of the room getting to his curls by the moment. He was absolutely stunning, and you couldn't believe you were about to enter another year of being practically suffocated by the weight of him.

“Hi.” You murmured reaching one of his arms to stabilize yourself. “How are you doing?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been alright. It’s been kinda hard to have fun though. My best friend’s been MIA.”

You snorted. “Is that so?”

“Yep. She got mad at me earlier, and I’m not really quite sure why. Perhaps you could tell me. I hear men are pretty dumb.”

You let your body weight lean into him, and sighed happily when his hands fell to your waist. Usually you’d do anything to stay away from this kind of contact, but vodka is a hell of a thing.

“It’s fine. I’m over it.” You assured him.

His eyebrows scrunched together at your words. That sort of Canadian pout of his. It was extremely effective.

“See, but I don’t even understand why you do that. Sometimes it’s like you're pissed at me, and then maybe you decide to get over it all without ever telling me what I’ve done in the first place.”

“Look let’s just enjoy the night, huh? It’s New Year’s Eve. All your friends and family are here. Let’s not make it more complicated.”

“Fine. But only if you promise to stop sulking in a corner and come have fun with me.” He mumbled. “I’ve like missed you all day.”

It was moments like that that you just wanted to shake him and yell. How could he not see what he was putting you through? How was it not incredibly obvious how in love you were with him? But you could tell just by the look on his face that he was being as sincere as ever. Shawn was just too kind for his own good, and for yours apparently.

“Yea, okay. Let’s have fun.”

*two hours later*

You are drunk. And the only reason you know how drunk you are is because you’ve lost your ability to measure other people’s drunkness. As far as your ass is concerned, everyone is living their best life and no one is any drunker than one another. Dumb. You should have known Shawn was drunk off his ass the minute he started hugging strangers. But alas, if Andrew’s expectation was that you were meant to keep him out of trouble then...you just might be fired tomorrow.

“You smell amazing.” Shawn whispered in your ear as he threw himself onto your back, arms wrapping tightly around you. “Where have you been all my life?”

You giggled. “I’ve been here, kiddo. You know, controlling your day to day life, keeping you afloat?”

“Not like that. I mean...I mean like...where have you been ya know?” He mumbled taking a sip out of a champagne bottle.

Sober you would’ve gotten him straight to bed at this point. Drunk you was a little dumber.

“No I don’t!”

“You just...God you’re so beautiful ya know?” He huffed bringing your foreheads together. “It drives me crazy.”

“What? What did you say?”

“Y/n I--”

“Shawn!”

And just like that, one minute the boy you like is hovering over you with heart eyes and the next his friends are practically picking him up. Jon, Brian, and Connor descended like wolves, quickly rushing Shawn away from you.

“We’ll be right back!” Bryan called over his shoulder.

You were left to your own devices and the only thing you could think to do in your drunken state was...to go complain to Aalyiah about how dumb her brother was. You know, like a crazy person.

“Hey what’s wrong?” She asked softly, not nearly as drunk as you. It must have been the whole underage thing.

You shook your head. “Your brother is an idiot.”

“Oh I’m aware. But why in particular is he an idiot this time?”

“He just can’t communicate jackshit unless it’s in a song. Can’t tell anyone how he feels. Just likes to stick his dumb, big head everywhere with his dumb big eyes and his dumb smile. I’m sick of it, ya know?”

Aaliyah smiled softly at you and squeezed your shoulder.

“Oh you poor thing. You want me to talk to him?”

You eyes widened. “No. Oh no, ‘Lyiah, not at all. I was just blowing off steam.”

“Uh huh…”

“No seriously. Promise me you won’t say anything.”

She rolled her eyes. “But y/n--”

“No promise me!”

“Alright, alright, Jeez. I promise.” She groaned. “But for the record if this is how complicated adults liking each other is, I want no part in it.”

“‘Liking’? Who said anything about liking?”

“Oh y/n...Please.”

“I liked you better when you were younger and shyer.”

*meanwhile in the corner on the opposite side of the party*

“What the hell guys!” Shawn muttered still trying to peer over the heads of people to see y/n.

Jon clicked his fingers in front of his face. “Excuse me? You told us not to let you get carried away with y/n tonight, remember?”

“...No. not really. And I retract my statement, now if you’ll excuse me...Goddamit, guys!”

They weren’t budging. And Shawn was pretty sure he was thinking clearer than he had in years. Save for the bottle of champagne in his hand.

“Bro, stop being an idiot, you’re blowing my high here!” Brian yelled at him. “You don’t want to fuck things up with y/n remember? You don’t want to mix business with pleasure! These are your words.”

“But...But...she’s so pretty.” He whined closing his eyes in despair. “So pretty.”

Jon snorted. “Oh to be young and in love. What a travesty.”

“Look we’ve got ten minutes until the ball drops. Let’s get you a fresh bottle of champagne and try to relax, aye?”

Shawn couldn’t quite do anything but pout.

“Fine. Let me go dammit.”

And thus the two were separate as the party began to re-hype for the ball drop. Brian got Shawn a bottle of champagne, his friends surrounding him on all sides so that he didn’t make any mistakes. Y/n was left to chill back in her corner. Without Shawn to hang out with, and his friends--which used to be her friends--being assholes, it was a lost cause.

At some point you were just waiting for the night to end. You wanted to go back to your hotel and sleep and forget all about Shawn’s dumb face when he told you how beautiful you were. What a joke. This whole night was a joke. Usually Jon and you would’ve spent the whole night making fun of all the white people, Connor would have hung on your hip like he always tended to do. Even Brian was a cocky son of a bitch who let you give it right back to him. But Shawn didn’t want to be near you for some reason. Friends. Yea right.

It wasn’t until everyone begin counting that you realized you weren’t in the mood at all. The excitement. The joy. It just wasn’t there. So you decided to leave. Meanwhile, at the clock struck midnight, Shawn busted open a bottle of champagne to spray his friends with. It’d been a hell of a year and he knew he deserved to celebrate a little bit. So the hugs go all the way around and he squeezes them tight enough that he hopes they know how much he loves them. He’s drunk and he’s happy and when those two things happen there’s typically on one person he wants to share that with. But it only takes one look around the room to see you’re not there. And that’s the opposite of what he wanted.

“Hey! Hey! Have you seen y/n?” He asked Jon who had quickly discovered his girlfriend’s throat after the ball drop.

“No man. And you shouldn’t either.” He huffed.

But Shawn had no time for his friend’s bullshit. This was the woman of his dream they were talking about here.

Brian was practically tripping balls and extremely ineffective. Connor was sympathetic but hadn’t seen her. His next best guess was Aaliyah, who was looking a little wobbily like maybe she’s stolen a drink or two. (He was too drunk and too fixated on y/n to remember that he’d been the one to give them to her).

“Sis, have you seen y/n? I can’t find her anywhere!”

She rolled her eyes. “No! But she probably got tired of the games and went back to her room.”

“What games? What are you talking about?”

“She’s tired of you acting like you want her until it gets too serious and then backing away and pretending you’re just friends. It’s bullshit and it hurts and she probably got fed up. Let me guess tonight’s plan was to have the guys keep you away from her?”

Having a sixteen year old sister who’s smarter than you is truly terrible.

He stared at her dumbfounded. “I…”

“Yea, that’s what I thought. Look if you don’t want to be with her just leave her alone. She’s not some play toy, alright?”

“I’m not--that’s not even remotely what’s going on!” He muttered at her.

“Well that’s what it looks like! Women aren’t stupid and you’re not clever, dumbass. Stop messing with her. It’s driving her crazy.”

He rubbed his hands over his face thankful when the music finally cut down as people took the time to huge and squeeze their loved ones for the new year. His little sister had never been one to let him off the hook, and it was nice to know some things weren't going to change in 2020.

“I’m in love with her!” He bursted. “I’ve been in love with her since the moment I saw her, and I didn’t want to let her go, okay? She’s amazing at her job and she’s my best friend. And I need her in my life. So, I thought I’d rather have a part of her forever than ever face the possibility of losing her. She’s not some plaything alright...she’s--she’s everything.”

And just like that the anger on her face twisted to happiness and she quickly reached to pat him on the shoulder. Teenage girls were practically navy seals mixed with ninjas or some shit.

“See, now was that so hard?”

“Look don’t take this the wrong way but I think you might be a sociopath.”

Aaliyah rolled her eyes again and pointed over his shoulder. He turned to see y/n standing there with her jacket in hand looking about as shocked as he felt. Suddenly the room was much warmer than he remembered, and his hair felt sweaty against eh back of his next. The cat was out of the bag.

“H--How much of that did you hear?” He asked you, walking slowly in your direction.

You bit your lip. “I showed up around the ‘love’ part.”

“Oh...okay. Do you wanna--can we maybe go somewhere and talk?”

“I don’t know. I’m drunk. You’re drunk. I’d probably just go to sleep thinking I made the shit up.”

He shook his head. “That couldn’t be y/n. I meant it. Every word.”

“Yea? Then prove it.”

“Prove it? How?”

“I don’t know! I’m drunk, shit.” You whined.

He rolled his eyes up at the ceiling and stalked closer to you until you had to peer up in order to see him. His warmth was intoxicating, the smell of campagne still fresh on his lips. This is dangerous territory. There are witnesses. No room for him to go back when he changes his mind in the morning. His fingers cup your cheek.

“Shawn.” You warned jaw going slack in his grip.

“You drive me absolutely crazy, you know that?” He whispered, breath fanning your face.

“Yea, the feeling is mutual...Don’t play with me right now.”

“I’m not. I swear to you. We can figure the rest out tomorrow, but for now, I love you.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it.”

There were tears in your eyes threatening to fall, and your body as lose as it was from the alcohol was still struggling to let go. You’d dreamt about these words long enough that reality has begun to blur. Who knows what’s real and what isn’t.

“I mean it.” He hummed so softly against your lips. “I mean it, I mean it, I mean it. I love you. Let me show you.”

Leave it to your New Year’s kiss to come fifteen minutes late. But there’s not a care in the world when his lips are on yours. Your toes dig into the carpet as you lean up to kiss him something soft and chaste turning more dominant by the second. If this was a dream, let them never wake you up. Because it felt so real. So right. So soft.

“Happy New Year sweetheart.” He whispered against your ear.

And a happy new year it was.

The End.

Taglist:

@liliane106 @wokeupinjapanisabop @sinplisticshawn @lifeoftheparty74 @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean @bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana @loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi @september-lace @disaster-rose @dimestorebieber22 @sinplisticshawn@MixerMani @justbeingoceana @qcoachcartier @simpledomain @kamahriii @lifeoftheparty74 @valedictorian65

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idk-mendes · 5 years

Text

earrings | s.m.

summary: shawn gets a little sad regarding his earrings but you’re there to comfort him (ft. a pillow fight)

warnings: fluff

w/c: 774

masterlist

Right smack in the middle of the bed lays Shawn, the duvet wrapping around his body which alludes to him rolling around incessantly in bed. Only his face was left exposed and he looked like a little boy, or maybe swaddled baby – you can’t decide which one fit this situation better. The white glow of his phone screen illuminates his face.

“Turn your brightness down or you’ll go blind.” You caution him light-heartedly.

He huffs and rolls over. He has been on his phone for the past hour or so doing nothing but scrolling through his social media feed and refreshing every 5 minutes.

The only other times you’ve seen Shawn like this were immediately after new releases, where he would stay glued to his phone for one full day post-release to gauge audience reaction or to see what the critics say (no matter how many times you’ve told him that what people think doesn’t matter)

“You okay, babe?” You sit on the edge of the bed, kicking off your bedroom slippers.

“Fine,” He replies, unmoving.

You scoot up the bed and turn to face him. His forehead is scrunched up into a frown and his eyes narrow along with the frown. His lips press into a thin line as he sighs loudly

“Hey, hey, now,” You coo as you lean over to where he was, gently placing your hand over his own and turning the phone face down.

He sighs heavily, “Sorry for being an ass. It’s nothing.” Shawn turns his phone off, placing it on the nightstand before rolling back into the now messy duvet.

You glance at him questioningly, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

“Oh, come on, don’t give me that look!” He pleads playfully as he shoves a pillow in your direction.

“–You didn’t just do that”

“Oh, but I did,” Shawn wiggles his eyebrows in response, eyes narrowing and grin widening.

You grab the pillow nearest to you and send it hurling towards Shawn (or at least that’s what happened in your mind). He retaliates with equal might and throws two pillows in your direction, one of them hitting your chest and the other completely missing you and landing on the floor. You push yourself off the bed and lunge towards the pillow on the floor, grabbing it and launching yourself on top of Shawn.

“Okay! Okay! S…Stop!” He pants in a giggling fit as he tries to catch his breath.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong!” You insist, chest heaving up and down from the pillow fight. You raise your arm that was holding the pillow above your head and got ready to strike.

His hand reaches up to grip your arm tightly before he blurts out, “Fine. It’s about my earrings.”

His glance shifts uncomfortably to anywhere around the room but your eyes. He hides his head in his hands as he continues, mumbling quietly, “It’s stupid, I know,” his cheeks are now flushed in embarrassment, “people don’t seem to like my earrings…”

“No way!” you break into an amused smile, moving his hands away from his face with your own, “they’re so cute! I’ll kill whoever said that!”

“Hun, there are so many people who don’t like it,” he sighs as he sits up, “don’t think you can kill them all.”

His lips are set in a slight pout and his back is hunched. Your heart aches to see him so affected by what others think. You remember when he first started wearing earrings again; how his face lit up with impish glee when trying them on and how excitement washed over him like sunlight on white linen.

You place a light kiss on his lips before softly whispering, “babe, it doesn’t matter what they say,” you place another kiss on his cheek, “because you like it,” and another on his other cheek, “and I like it,” and finally one last kiss on his forehead, “and that’s all that matters.”

“I love you, you know that?” He hums absentmindedly while you comb your fingers through his curls.

He looks up at you through his eyelashes, eyes glimmering with something you can’t quite put your finger on. He takes your hands out of his hair, chuckling softly when they get slightly tangled in his mess of curls. He laces his fingers through yours and plants a kiss on the back of your hand. The warmth of that kiss lingers on the back of your hand, hovering over you and letting it’s presence be known.

As your mind quiets, the room too falls into a comforting silence; a silence padded with soft kisses and quiet affirmations.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes comfort #shawn mendes fics #shawn mendes masterlist #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes writing #fluff #my writing #shawn mendes imagine #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes x reader #shawn x reader #shawn mendes au #non-au

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harrys-kiwi · 5 years

Text

It Ain’t Me

summary: (y/n) gets tired of Shawn’s partying and brazen lifestyle so she breaks up with him. Unfortunately, she still very much loves him and he knows it, so he takes advantage of it. Based off “It Ain’t Me” by Kygo, obviously.

category and warnings: pure angst. mentions of/implied drug use. I think two swear words.

authors note: I am back after all this time... with a Shawn piece. Enjoy! Feedback is very much appreciated. Requests are open.

word count: 2.4k

It was hard to pinpoint when it had happened. Somewhere between the stressful tour dates and the long nights in the recording studio, going out had become a way to blow off steam. Although he usually preferred staying in with his girlfriend, he welcomed the change of scene that his friends introduced him to.

At first it was going to the pub for beers. (y/n) didn’t mind - she knew how hard Shawn worked and she loved that he was having fun with his friends. He invited her to join them often, but most times she would decline, not wanting to intrude on the “guys night”. Shawn and (y/n) had a perfectly balanced relationship that way; they knew each other, they loved each other, and they trusted each other. (y/n) was happy when Shawn came back home at a decent hour and sober, and he always did. He would find her in bed, on her laptop or reading a book, and break out into a huge smile. Then he would tackle her into the mattress, cuddling her until they fell asleep.

He started to come home a little later than usual: there was a slight swaying to his steps and slur to his words. On the odd night when (y/n) was still awake, he made sure to curl up beside her and kiss any part of her he could get his hands on. She would giggle and cuddle into him, falling into a deep slumber. But on most nights, (y/n) was sound asleep already and Shawn would always mentally kick himself for coming home this late. He reminded himself to watch the clock next time.

The situation remained constant for some months. It wasn’t every night. Shawn would text her to tell her he would be going for beers with the guys and invite her to join, she joined every now and then but stayed home mainly. She was more or less the only girl there, and could never contribute to their conversations anyway. Shawn would text her throughout the night, and her heart fluttered at his messages telling her how much he missed her. She would go to bed the same time as always, sometimes falling asleep alone and sometimes getting playfully mad at Shawn when he stumbled into the bedroom more drunk than he had intended to get.

She noticed that he stopped texting to let her know he would be going out, only finding out when she tracked him on ‘find my friends’. He would send her a message every now and then telling her that he missed and loved her, but she found herself falling asleep before he came home more often than before. She missed his cuddles and kisses, but was always delighted to wake up next to him and make up for lost time then.

Maybe she had been too naïve. She loved Shawn, and wholeheartedly did not mind that he went out a couple of times a week to drink with his friends. But she had unwillingly been nurturing a habit. Although they had talked about it a few times and were always on the same page, (y/n) began to notice that his behavior was changing. Going out became more frequent than she remembered it. She was always fast asleep when he came home, only realizing how drunk he had gotten when she saw what state he was in the next day. The pub days were long gone, as she found out from tracking him and the various fan pages that would post videos of him at clubs.

(y/n) began to wonder how she did not notice this earlier. It had happened to gradually, and it felt as though nothing had changed when they were together. But when she realized that something wasn’t right anymore, she began seeing things more clearly. Shawn would never text her anymore, except for the odd drunk text she could not make sense of. She had no clue what time he got home, or what he had been doing while he was away.

She asked herself why he had stopped communicating with her, and why he did not want to spend time with her like he used to anymore. On the nights that he would stay in with her she didn’t mention anything, not wanting to face the situation yet. She got far too lost in his eyes and his gentle touches to ruin the moment. But she was only human, and she got tired of falling asleep alone most nights of the week, worried about her boyfriend (and his health).

…

It was nearing four in the morning and he was still not at home. She decided to stay up for once, wanting to see for herself what time he would get home and what state he would be in. (y/n) didn’t know why she felt so emotional all of a sudden, but she felt the entirety of the weight of the situation resting on her shoulders. She felt worried, frustrated, and exhausted. A lone tear fell down her cheek and she rushed to brush it away as she heard the door open. Her heartbeat quickened as Shawn neared the bedroom, eyes falling on his figure when he walked through the doorframe. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but this wasn’t it.

“What’ve you done?” she whispered in disbelief, taking in his tall frame. He was drenched in sweat, pupils blown wide, cheeks flushed, chewing feverishly on a piece of gum. He broke out into a huge grin, and made his way over to his girlfriend. He planted a kiss on her lips, quickly got undressed, and got under the covers with her. He pulled her into him, not taking any note of her reluctance. (y/n) noticed how hot his skin felt, heart clenching at what she suspected her boyfriend’s night out consisted of.

“I love you so much, do you know that?” he asked her, pulling her in closer and kissing her temple. He stroked her arm, as she tried to ignore his unnaturally fast heart rate.

“Shawn, where were you?” she questioned, ignoring his previous question.

“I was out with the guys and some of their friends. We went to this new club in town - why didn’t you come? You should have come. I missed you like crazy.” he kissed her temple again, moving down to her cheek, and kissing along her arm. Even though she loved the feeling of his lips on her skin, she moved her arm away.

“You need to slow down, Shawn.”

“Am I speaking too quick? I’m sorry baby I’m just -“

“You need to slow down with all this partying.”

She was met with a dumbfounded gaze.

“What? But I don’t even go out that often, nothing bad happens, baby. You should join more often! You always say no when I tell you to come.” He reached out to kiss her hand, but she pulled it away, sitting up.

“Nothing bad happens? You must be worse off than I thought if you think going out and doing god knows what with your new friends isn’t a bad thing.” (y/n) said courtly. She felt herself become emotional, her throat became tight and her eyes stung. She couldn’t deal with this right now. Her perception of famous people changed a lot when she got together with Shawn and partied with them a few times. Everyone got drunk, high, and had sex only to forget about it the next day. That was the main reason her and Shawn decided staying in was more their scene, and why they decided to stay in Toronto rather than move to L.A. It just wasn’t who they were. But she had watched the boy she loved transform into the exact thing they said they hated merely a year ago.

“Baby, don’t be mad at me, please.” Shawn said, shaking his head, lip quivering. (y/n) didn’t want to do something that would set him off and cause a bad trip, so she tried to recompose herself. Shawn reached out to pull her to him again, and despite her lack of comfort, she allowed it. She tried to fall asleep, but Shawn’s clammy skin and racing heart acted like a slap in her face for thinking that everything was fine.

…

Shawn sat on the bed, face buried in his hands as he tried to breathe steadily so that he could say something, anything, to stop (y/n) from leaving him.

It had been several weeks since the night (y/n) found out what had truly been going on, and although he had promised to work on himself and his going out habits, not much had changed. It’s not that he didn’t want to change. He loved (y/n) more than anything and he knew how much she hated what he was doing - hell, he hated it too. He wanted to stop, both for her and for himself, but he couldn’t. The lure of the club scene was too powerful for him to overcome, and although he tried to make up for it by inviting her out and texting her while he was out, he knew that wasn’t good enough.

Shawn knew (y/n) wanted things to go back to the way things were, and although she had not said it, he knew that unless that would happen, there was no reason for her to stay with him. The thought terrified him beyond measure, so when he was out he tried his utmost to forget the disappointment he would be causing his girlfriend if she knew what he was doing.

But she was not naïve anymore. His inability to change something that was so important to her translated into one thing: he did not love her enough. Why would she stay with him?

It wasn’t easy for her, in fact, it was the most difficult thing she ever had to do. She loved Shawn with all she had, but this relationship was bad for her. She gave much more than she got, and she knew she deserved better than that.

“(y/n), please, please don’t leave me,” he choked out in a desperate attempt to keep her by his side, tears streaming down his face. “I know I fucked up. I know that. I know that you’ve had enough. I know you deserve better, but I want to be the one to give you that. Please, give me the chance to give you that.” he sobbed.

“I already gave you that chance. And you know it,” (y/n) explained, trying to stay calm. “Maybe, if you figure out who you want to be, we can try again. But we need time apart, I need time apart.” She kissed his forehead, while he clung onto he hands, not believing what he had done to drive away the girl he loved so much.

…

(y/n) tried to ignore the blare of her ringtone as it rudely awakened her from her peaceful slumber. She glanced at the alarm clock which flashed “4:53” as she groaned and reached for her phone, answering it grudgingly.

“Hello?” She grumbled, laying her head back down to the pillow.

“(y/n)?” A familiar voice spoke through the phone. (y/n) sighed and brought her free hand up to rub her face. This wasn’t the first drunk phone call she got from Shawn since she left him. Although she really didn’t want to know what he did or where he went or who he was with, it was hard to ignore when he would call her every now and then, asking her to please come pick him up and drive him home.

Why did she do it? She loved him too much to say no to him. She knew it was wrong and that she should just leave it and block his number. But the way he would cry into the phone made her heart wrench and she couldn’t hurt him that way, even if seeing him in the state he was always in killed her.

“I’m on my way.”

(y/n) pulled up to the club she knew Shawn would be at, and braced herself as Shawn opened the door and sat on the passenger seat. He turned to her with a sheepish smile, thanking her for coming to get him. She didn’t say anything, not knowing what she could say. He spoke up when they arrived in front of his home.

“They all left, you know,” he muttered “they left me.” (y/n) looked over to find him already looking at her. “This happens every time. We come together and they’re my friends, we spend ridiculous amounts of money, but at the end of the night I always find myself alone.” He slurred. “But you,” he looked over, moving closer to her, “you’re always there for me, (y/n). I love you, so much. I know that no matter what, you’ll always be there for me and that’s what makes you so amazing.”

(y/n) closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself before looking back at him and telling him, “well maybe it’s time you realized that they don’t care bout you, Shawn. They don’t care about you! They care about themselves, about having a good time, and they don’t care who they have to use in order to chase their thrills. And fuck, it hurts that you chose that over me, but it hurts even more that you won’t let me move on. You know exactly what you’re doing when you call me from the club, drunk and alone, and it sucks that you’re using me that way. I left you hoping that you would remember the person you used to be, but you’ve become one of them, Shawn.” He stared back at the girl, tears streaming down his face. She reached over, opening the door on his side. “Go home. Do whatever you want, but leave me out of it and don’t call me again, cause I’m not doing this anymore.”

#Shawn mendes #shawn #Shawn Mendes imagine #Shawn Mendes one shot #Shawn Mendes fic #Shawn Mendes x reader #Shawn x reader #Shawn Mendes angst #Shawn Mendes writing #Shawn Mendes blurb #Shawn Mendes fanfic #Shawn Mendes fanfiction #Shawn Mendes oneshot #Shawn Mendes story #Shawn Mendes non au #Shawn Mendes fluff

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loveturtlesx · 5 years

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Masterlist

New to posting my work. Writing is an outlet for my stress. -- xx.

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”

—Ernest Hemingway

Bar Musings (First Piece) - Not Complete

She sits alone at a bar mulling over her current mess of a love life when a chance encounter takes her by surprise.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Thanksgiving Blurb

Sometimes holidays are hard. Having someone to hold your hand through it all helps. Light and Fluffy. (Blurb)

The Christmas Tree

He wants a real tree. She wants a fake tree. They can’t see eye to eye (maybe that’s because he’s freakishly tall). (Blurb)

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allwaswell16 · 3 years

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{Recently Read 1D Fics}

July 2021

These are all the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in July. There are 16 recs here in all and are in order by word count and organized by pairing. You can also listen to my podcast to hear me talk about each of these fics as well as an overview of what was posted on ao3 in July including the fics on this month’s fic roundup which you can find here! Please let the writers know if you liked the fics by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

Fanfictional Podcast #27 | ko-fi | fic recs

-Larry-

playing by hands by @bottomlinsons

(M, 164k, sequel to adjudication, historical au, royal au, Prince Harry, Prince Louis, politics, war, violence, arranged marriage, political alliances, slow burn, angst with a happy ending, character injury, engagement, marriage, a new favorite, I'm still reeling from it, JUST READ IT)

this charade (was never going to last) by @scrunchyharry

(E, 68k, spy au, fake/pretend relationship, fake marriage, witness protection, enemies to lovers, major character injury, violence, crime, hurt/comfort, intrigue, hacker Harry, rescue mission, smut, this was a RIDE, such a page turner that I couldn't put it down!)

Hint: I want to be yours by bluegreenish / @greenblueish

(M, 11k, a/b/o, alpha Harry, omega Louis, Louis pov, fwb, painter Louis, physiotherapist Harry, pining, rut, smut, this was so much fun!)

Trust Me Tonight by 28sunflowers / @vintageumbroshirt

(E, 10k, royal au, King Louis, French Louis, Prince Harry, historical, Regency era, arranged marriage, sexual inexperience, first time, virgin Harry, mpreg Harry, smut, this was so sweet and lovely)

I'm Tripping Over Your Every Single Move by lookingfortherainbow / @andtheywerebandmates

(T, 6k, uni au, lifeguard Louis, swimmer Harry, pining, disaster gay Harry, embarrassing situations, meet cute, first date, kissing, no smut, humor, I was literally lol, I'm obsessed with this)

Hot Chocolate by @kingsofeverything

(E, 6k, butthole series, stand alone fic, meet cute, sculptor Louis, artist Louis, baker and chocolatier Harry, social media, Instagram, thirsty Harry, embarrassing situations, humor, masturbation, this (butt)crack fic was hilarious and genius and I loved it so much!)

tangled in self loathing by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes) / @lightwoodsmagic

(NR, 2k, crime au, hitman Louis, angst, exes, gun violence, revenge, non descriptive smut, ambiguous/open ending, I'm still reeling from this one whew)

Sofa So Good by SunTomato / @sun-tomato

(G, 2k, moving in au, humor, meet cute, first meeting, omg this was so funny and cute and the banter was hilarious between ot5)

In the Shallows by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(T, 2k, merman fic, merman Harry, human Louis, lake, water, enemies to lovers, surprised Louis, apologies, apologetic gestures, getting together, the worldbuilding was amazing and I adored this fic and this writer's brain)

take the time for you by pixies / @tomlinbuns

(G, 1k, speed dating au, meet cute, twist/surprises, ahh I loved how even though Niall isn't in the fic he plays a big role haha, just read this so you know what I'm talking about, this was so fun!)

If I Had It My Way... by @fallinglikethis

(T, 1k, swimming pool au, insecure Louis, pining, recent coming out, summer, hot weather, sun cream, touching, kissing, this made my heart flip over in my chest)

An Advanced Position by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf

(E, 1k, canon, established relationship, wall sex, sex positions, asking for help, practice, Harry and Louis are having trouble achieving wall sex and it's hilarious lol)

-Lilo-

Blow Me Away by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(E, 6k, Louis/Liam, canon compliant, established relationship, touring, hotel rooms, bus sex, communication, oral sex, anal sex, bl, sexual frustration, this was so good omg, very hot but also sweet at the same time, Louis doesn't know why Liam doesn't want a bj fic)

-Shiall-

Oh, Pretty Baby by abrighteryellow / @a-brighter-yellow

(G, 4k, Niall/Shawn Mendes, teacher Shawn, hot dad Niall, kid fic, crush, meet cute, flirting, omg so cute)

-Tomlinshaw-

I'mma Give You A Promotion by @lululawrence

(NR, 4k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw, canon, quarantine, work from home, secret relationship, determine the relationship, humor, radio, fluff, no smut, so charming and I love how they just fit together)

Use You As A Focal Point by Jiksa / @jiksax

(E, 2k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw, sequel to Use You As A Warning Sign, canon, sexuality crisis, internalized homophobia, angst, falling in love, oof I loved the first one and the second one hurts just as good)

#fic rec #trackinghome #1dsource #tracksintheam #trackinghappily #28th appreciation #larry fan fic #tomlinshaw fan fiction #lilo fan fic #shiall fan fic

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princecharmingmendes · 3 years

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Heart by Heart | Chapter I | Raul Mendes

*secret agent AU*

Y/N and Raul have been friends ever since they could remember. And falling in love with your best friend can be pretty tricky and messy 99% of the times, add that to the fact they're constantly risking their lives side by side on the field since they're both secret agents, and the best team that's ever existed. Perfect recipe for disaster.

Helloo, this is the first chapter of this series and I'm super excited about it. Please read the warnings on this one, if you don't feel comfortable with the contents listed on the "warnings" section, please read something else, there are a lot of other works on my masterlist and on the "fic rec" hashtag on my blog. I plan on posting a chapter weekly, which means new chapter every Thursday (and maybe a sneak peak every monday). Please give me some feedback and I hope you guys like it as much as I did. I'll stop rambling now, byee. Happy Reading!

masterpost | next chapter

*Word Count: 3.4K+;

*Warnings: cursing, descriptions of violence, blood, injuries, hostage situation and a whole lot of teasing. Please don’t read it if any of this subjects make you uncomfortable, feel free to check my masterlist for other writings.

*Posted: July 1st, 2021.

-*-

Raul Mendes was a pain in the ass. Y/N loves him way too much for her own good, but he was a pain in the nonetheless.

He was the only person she knew who could be in a possible life-or-death situation and still make fun of her through their communicators. And sure, that made the whole thing lighter and less scary, and sure, he was the best agent she’s ever met, but damn did he get on her nerves. And Raul always knew how to get her frustrated or squirming, he enjoyed it more than he was willing to admit. Sure, they’ve been friends for a long time and she should be used to him, but it never got easier. The fact he had a killer smile, the looks of a legit greek god and had this whole tough guy exterior, but secretly had a soft spot for her did not make her case any less complicated.

Y/N and Raul knew each other ever since they’re basically born. Their parents met when they worked together at a company of secret agents, it was only a small corporation back then, and they were known as the best agents at the time. After they retired from field missions and eventually desk jobs, they became only advisers and emergency contacts. But despite that, they kept their friendship going though all the years and that’s how Y/N was introduced to the triplets. They’re always together, doing everything with each other and protecting themselves. And of course she loved Peter and Shawn with her whole heart, they’re like family to her, but Raul was different. Y/N wished it wasn’t, but there are certain things in life you can’t exactly control. Like falling in love with your best friend.

And it’s not like she stood a chance, to be honest. Regardless of his looks, he treated her like she hung the moon and stars on the sky. Sure, he was a tough guy, who rode motorcycles and wore leather jackets, and wouldn’t admit alive that he cried while watching Lion King. But he took care of her when she was upset or having a bad period, he would take her driving around town at midnight on random occasions just because he knew it would make her feel better, and would always be so mindful of everything involving her. And yeah, he teased her endlessly, but it was part of it and in reality, Y/N didn’t mind it that much.

So when they started growing older and decided to follow their parents career, it only made sense they trained their asses off and got the job together. The company their parents worked for grew a lot, a team that was originally formed by 15 agents turned into a massive business, with over 100 employees, doing various functions. Shawn was picked for a more diplomatic field, always in meetings with important people and traveling around the world. Peter became a tech engineer, developing the coolest gadgets and weapons imaginable, something out of Totally Spies! Raul was clearly a field agent, an expert on body combat and weapons, best out of the four when it came to their physical test. And Y/N was the one who guided the operations, the hacker and responsible for strategies, also for the tech part and best sniper out of the three of them.

That made her and Raul an unbeatable team and the best duo ever. Their chemistry on the field was recognized by their bosses on the first week, basically glueing them together for every future mission and it worked. For the company. But it only dug her little crush deeper on Y/N’s heart. And obviously no one knew it. She was a spy for fucks sake, she knew how to lie and she wasn’t going to be the one to tell him. Raul didn’t date, working on this field made everyone’s love life a bit harder than it was already, and he never seemed interested enough in anyone with the same career to have a long lasting relationship with. That didn’t mean there where a lot of people interested, which made Y/N’s heart twist in her chest.

“Sweetheart, you still with me?” Raul’s voice came through her earpiece bringing her back to reality.

“Of course I am, you idiot, I take this job really seriously” Y/N replied rolling her eyes as if she didn’t just daydreamed a bit.

“Oh sorry, doll, didn’t mean to insult you hard working” he chuckled “but could you please check in the corridor number 6, half the team is heading down there right now”

“Sure” she quickly typed on her computer changing cameras really quickly, perks of being Peter’s best friend is that she could usually take extra stuff and the newest gadgets on the market “It’s clear and, by the way, you look pathetic with this glasses”

Raul laughed clearly amused, throwing his middle finger up in the air in the direction of the security camera he found “Oh really? Tell that to Peter, he’s the one who created them”

“Technically their still a prototype, so make sure to let him know”

Raul scoffed playfully as he climbed another set of stairs, the man and woman with him following without questioning, used to his ways of leading “Of course, I’m sure he’ll like to hear your fashion critiques to his million dollar glasses”

“I’ll write it down, now careful, you’re approaching the level where they’re at”

“Sure, mom, I’m always careful” he said in a hushed tone signaling to his teammates to keep quiet and try to find the possible security team they left to watch the hostage.

“Shut up” Y/N said trying to hold back the smile from stretching her lips, already letting the airway team know to be ready to pick them up as they approached their target.

They’re currently in the middle of a mission where they needed to recover another agent who got caught up in an ambush two weeks ago, and now they’re being kept as a hostage. Raul’s leading a team to retrieve the agent as quickly and as silently as they could, two with him and three other on the opposite side to meet halfway. All that while Y/N’s on the under construction building across the street seated among her gear, gun in hand following their every step and guiding them through the camera system and the big windows that other building had. It’s not the worst mission they’ve ever been, no apparent violence or blood bath, just a simple rescue mission, but they still felt a little jittery and always worried about each other’s lives. And through the years, they noticed that their copying mechanism to make this less stressful (at least a tiny bit) was through light banter and jokes. That somehow brought a bit of normality to their very non ordinary job.

Y/N did her best to keep them hidden while they crashed into the building as quietly as possible, trying go unnoticeable since they didn’t have enough munition or people on the tactic team. It would also prevent them from moving the target around or opening fire. And despite the fact Raul kept on trying to joke around and that she’s been doing this for at least four years, the fact that they’re working with a less experienced and fresh out of the academy crew made her a little jittery. Not that she didn’t trust Raul to command everything and boss everyone around if things got messy, she just didn’t want him to get in the middle of a crossfire again.

He had the terrible habit of playing the hero in the most inconvenient times, like when they were little and a guy twice his size, with three friends mocked her pigtails. He didn’t stand a chance, but he went after them anyway. They ended up having to run as fast as they could so they wouldn’t end up with a black eye or something. And that was nothing compared to the stupid shit he could do on field. And Y/N couldn’t be more pissed whenever he came home with more bruises then he should just to play Superman or something. Sure, that was admirable and the fact that he put everyone on his team on his top priority was definitely something fantastic for a captain, but not for Y/N’s heart.

And for that reason, she was always extra careful, but when he had a newbie joining him on the field, Y/N tripled the attention to avoid putting the kid in danger, and, consequently her best friend.

Raul was quick to take down two man on their level without raising much alarm, grabbing their munition, dragging the unconscious bodies away from where they’d be easily seen and moving forward to another set of stairs. He was a very skillful agent, with great physical development and worked great under pressure, with quick thinking and a natural leader. So it didn’t shock her when he was able to do that as if it was the most natural thing in the planet. While Raul was more of a passionate person, Y/N was more rational, was analyzing every possibility and coming up with creative solution, she was also really cold on work (she just had one exception) and was a quick thinker, great person to rely on. It’s almost as if the complimented each other and that’s why it worked. That’s why when she tells him to shoot, he does without thinking, or to jump, he wouldn’t blink before doing it head first.

And that’s why they’re able to reach the hostage without much trouble.

“Told you to chill out, I knew we could make it” he murmured through their coms and she giggled, shaking her head incredulously.

“You should watch the entrances while your teammates take care of the hostage”

“That’s why I have you, sweetheart” he said with his infamous smirk stretching his annoyingly pink lips.

Y/N shook her head when she felt her face warming up a bit, stupid boy “Well, actually I’m pretty busy calling for our ride, so watch your own back this time, you’re a big boy, I’m sure you can do it”

Raul scoffed but did as she say either way “fine, are we clear?”

“On your floor yes, climb three more levels and meet me on this side of the street, don’t stall champ, they’re going to notice there’s something wrong with the cameras and their man who aren’t responding, so be quick”

Raul chuckled as he helped balance the hostage on Roman’s arms and signaling them to climb the stairs again “Yes, ma’am, anything to keep you from frowning and scolding my ass”

Y/N rolled her eyes smiling, sighing in relief that half of their mission was done and it went as smoothly as it could have been “Great, now get your ass out of there now, Raul”

The tactic team started moving to the floor they’d have access to jump, and everything was going too smoothly to be true, not even a minor inconvenience. And that was not normal, at all. That’s when Y/N started getting worried.

Everything was great until Seth, from loosing a lot of blood and being severely dehydrated, started loosing his conscious, making Roman’s job a lot more complicated and making everyone move slower. And while that was happening, Y/N saw when one of the guys saw his partners laying limply on the corner of a hallway and finally the pieces clicked. Luckily she was able to caught it quickly enough to be able to mess up their coms, so instead of a dozen men, they’d have to deal with two. She was also quick to let Raul know, so he jumped into action, telling everyone to rush and grabbing Seth’s right side, basically carrying him alongside Roman up the stairwell.

But as they’re almost reaching the door, Raul heard footsteps rather close, rushing Roman up the rest of the way, warning he’d be right behind him, that he was only to be a bit far back so he could hold whoever was coming.

He ran downstairs, quickly blocking the door to the staircase with a fire extinguisher, running all the way upstairs to reach his teammates and jump to go home. But as he had just reached the door, his colleagues waiting for him with their gear (and also his) ready to cross to the other building, he felt the barrel of a gun touching the back of his head. Raul raised his hands in surrender, his teammates staring at him with horror in their eyes as they aimed their guns to whoever was behind him, but he knew they couldn’t do much before he got shot. He also knew they’re too young, apart from Roman and Cara, who were both holding Seth up, they weren’t experienced enough to do something like that. But before the person could pull the trigger, they grunted in pain and Raul felt the barrel slipping away.

He turned around to watch the guy on his back in the floor, clutching to his left ribs, a little pool of blood already forming underneath him and gun long forgotten. Raul looked around to see if it was anyone from this guy’s side or anyone on the stairs, only to be met with silence and a single security camera with the green dot on, meaning Y/N was still in their system. He shook his head in disbelief, dragging the whining man outside of the room, quacking his gun down the stairs and managing to lock the door so they could escape safely.

“Still with me, baby?” Y/N’s voice teased mimicking the way he said it earlier.

Raul shook his head with a smirk on his lips, before moving to where his teammates stood still a bit shocked with all that happened in front of them “Wouldn’t dream of leaving you, sweetheart”

“Alright boys, the helicopters are coming for us, meet you all on the roof in three” Y/N said through the coms for the whole team, quickly shifting to a line only the captain, Raul, could hear “and if you dare be late just to make a big entrance or another dramatic scheme you can think about, I swear to God I’ll leave you behind”

“You wouldn’t dare”

“Try me” Y/N sing sang picking up her stuff and quickly shoving them down in her backpack, gathering the rest in her hands before turning around to climb to the rooftop.

As she climbed the last set of stairs, Y/N saw their helicopters approaching as the seven agents she was waiting for used a special gun to shoot a line to her building, before locking them in place before zip-lining their way to meet her. She helped Seth, the agent that was kept hostage climb up the little wall since he was in a pretty bad shape, throwing his arm across her shoulders and basically dragging him to where they thrown the stair to climb up to the helicopter with the medical team waiting for him. Cara and Roman climbed first since they’re going to report what they saw and assist Seth as best as they could. Roman grabbed him and the rope stair, shouting to pull them up so he could be taken care of.

Raul was the last one to arrive, as always staying behind to insure everyone got there safely and no one would try to kill them or anything. He graciously climbed the all as if it was nothing, pulling the gun from the string and cutting it so no one could follow them up there that quickly. Raul told everyone to climb onto the helicopter and they’re quick to follow his order, only one person stubbornly waiting for him, as always. He held back the relieved smile from stretching across his features, noticing how warm and relaxed he felt only by seeing Y/N standing besides the hope ladder. She looked worried, a frown on her beautiful face and Raul wanted to smooth his fingers over it as if it would ease all of her troubles away.

She nodded as soon as he was close enough, Raul being quick to pick up the heavy backpack she was carrying and leaving the rest to her “Are you okay?”

“What? Of course, Why do you ask?” he knew why she was asking, hell, his heartbeat was still a bit too fast to be normal, and yeah, partially was because he was standing in front of Y/N, but on the other hand he almost got killed. She only arched her brow at him and he sighed in defeat “Of course I am, doll, you know me, I’m always okay”

“That’s what’s scares me the most” she said with a sad chuckle and started climbing the rope ladder to the helicopter and Raul was quick to follow behind.

“Dude, that was insane, I can’t believe you didn’t miss or accidentally shot Raul from across the street!” the youngest guy from the mission shouted as soon as they reached them on the vehicle, Raul closing the door behind them.

Y/N only giggled in response “yeah, a bit crazy, isn’t it?”

“That’s because she’s the best, Tommy, but she won’t believe it” Raul said as he sat on one of the vacant seats, waiting for her to join him.

“Oh shut it” she said unable to stop the smile from forming.

They kept on talking about the mission for a while, Tommy and the other two kids who recently joined still high from the adrenaline, but Y/N couldn’t be more worn out and Raul was quick to catch it. He leaned closer to her and she automatically laid her head on his shoulder, a movement that was almost mechanic to both of them. He gently grabbed her hand that was placed on her knee and interlaced their fingers together, letting her play with his hand to pass the time.

Y/N sighed and mumbled after a while, when most of the kids were too distracted to pay attention “Are you really okay? Don’t say that you’re always fine, I mean it”

Raul had mastered the art of the poker face. He could easily be having the worst time of his life, but he would never let it showcase always with a quick sarcastic remark and an easy smirk on his lips, ready to flirt with anyone to distract them from the real problem. Raul was not the best when dealing with feelings and emotions, always thought it was easier to push them away, but Y/N saw right through him. She always did, ever since they were little. After that, he never tried to hide it again from her, always being as honest as he could with her about how he was, and obviously it didn’t always work, but she understood and respected it. It’s not like he needed to say anything for her to know.

But at the same time, she didn’t know that he would always be fine, as long as she was safe and right next to him, the rest didn’t matter.

“I promise you I’m fine, you saved my beautiful ass and we’re going home, I’d say we’re fantastic” he said after a while, pressing a long kiss to the back of their laced hands.

That seemed to be enough to convince Y/N, since she huffed through her nose and let out a tiny giggle, before leaning closer to him and Raul took it as a sign to drape his arm over her shoulder pulling her closer to his chest “your beautiful ass is really annoying, you know that, right?”

“Oh, I do, but you love it anyway” he said with a giggle, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, as she just showed him her middle finger, making him laugh even more.

Yeah, he was definitely fine. For now.

-*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

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tirednotflirting · 2 years

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a fic rec list that quite literally no one asked for

Okay, in probably a really strange, completely non-linear order, here we go.

sugar on the asphalt by @justanchorandhope

okay basically everything written by @harryandmolly but specifically the following:

like the back of my hand + fear and loathing in mandeville canyon

i could write it better than you ever felt it

the emancipation of ginny

perfect teeth by @stylesmoothie

(took a brief pause so anna and i could hunt down an old zayn fic from back in the day slkdfjlds leesh came to our rescue bless her)

nom de plume by @stylesprimes

scene 14 by @daydadahlias

love would burn this city down for you by @calumcest

another night of takeout by @roselirry

all the things yet to come by soysauceharry

If you dance with me darling, if you take me home… Will we talk in the morning? by @kaleidoscopeminds

sail the wildest stretch by @beautifulletdownfics

holy shit y’all this story. the way this story is told feels so so unique. as i’ve gotten more into adulthood i’ve found myself appreciating stories like this a lot more. stories where adults are being adults and maybe shit romantically gets complicated but their lives don’t just get put on pause to resolve those complications. like that feels real, it makes sense. to me this has always felt more like a story about Amelia rather than AmeliaandHarry, which i appreciate and really enjoy. it feels like a very real thing - this super fabulous friend whose life isn’t as super fabulous as it appears. the characters in this are so human. they fuck up and have to figure out how to apologize for that. this is such a unique kind of fan fiction story and one that i will never stop recommending.

#no genuinely no one asked for this #this is for me i asked myself for it #fanfic is so fucking fun you guys wow #1d fic #h fic #5sos fic #nh fic #sm fic

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wholesomemendes · 4 years

Text

Morning Kisses

Summary: Shawn’s home from tour after 3 long months and the two of you decide to just stay in bed all morning.

Author’s Note: This gif I used is from a post by @yashalex and I’ll probably reblog the whole post after this because it was the inspiration for this whole entire fic. Anyways this is about 1.6k of pure fluff of things I want with Shawn so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! As always, please tell me what you think, I love your feedback!

The bright Toronto sun streamed in through the large open windows of the bedroom, a result of the two of you being too caught up in the others’ presence last night to worry about closing the blinds. Shawn’s flight had arrived close to midnight and after he showered to get rid of the awful airport stench, the two of you headed straight to bed, wanting nothing more than to be able to just hold each other all night long. It had been a long 3 months apart and you were planning on making up for lost time at any chance you could before he had to leave again for the next leg of the tour in a couple of weeks. You missed him more than anything in the whole world and no call, text, or FaceTime could ever compare to having him by your side. He pulled you into his arms that night, humming some unknown melody quietly into your ear causing you to fall asleep soundly for the first time since he had left. When you finally awoke, head on his chest and legs intertwined, a small smile graced your face as a content sigh left your lips. His arms were wrapped tightly around you, fingers mindlessly tracing up and down your back, but the even breathing you felt through his chest was enough to tell you that he was still peacefully asleep.

It felt like heaven being so close to him after so long and you couldn’t help but breath in his scent that had slowly begun to fade from all of the clothes of his that you had stolen while he was gone. You were never one to be in love with fragrances until you met Shawn and while you couldn’t quite describe just what he smelled like, to you it always felt like home and love. Your head lifted with each breathe he took, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. You took the opportunity to admire him as he slept, blinking your eyes open as you lifted your head slightly to see his relaxed face. Your hands traced his bare chest as you turned your body, never having a single complaint with his habit of sleeping with only sweatpants on so that you could trace his smooth skin when you awoke. You had always loved to gaze at him if you were the first to awake, outlining his beautiful face and chest before he began to stir. A sad smile fell on your lips as you stared at the sleep ridden boy and thought about how this was probably the first time in months that he had slept without worry, knowing how his anxiety and nerves got to him while he was on tour. Every time he came home he had new purple bags under his eyes, a telltale sign of his lack of sleep even if he tried to convince you he was fine. But he wasn’t fine. You wanted nothing more than to take the burden off of his shoulders and make his worries go away, a slight voice in your head always pleading to force him to take a break for his own health. But you stayed silent. You couldn’t ask him to stop the one thing he loved more than anything in the world, even if it meant you had to watch it slowly kill him from the inside out. It made you appreciate the moments when he was with you even more, loving the way the creased lines on his forehead would vanish slowly the more he was around. You cupped his face gently as to not wake him and stroked his cheeks gently with your thumb, giggling to yourself when he absentmindedly leaned into your hand in his sleep like a puppy wanting attention. Your fingers went up to brush through the mess of curls on his head that always seemed to be fluffier and curlier after he went to sleep, enjoying the softness of them between your fingers. Shawn had begun to grow his hair out on tour, much to the dismay of many of his fans, but you weren’t complaining. Not when it meant that there was more of his hair to play with when you gave him head massages, which just happened to be both one of yours and his favorite things to do while cuddling. You threaded your fingers through a particularly knotted section of curls, massaging his head a little to prevent any pain while you pulled your fingers out, earning a sigh that escaped his plump, pink lips.

You traced the outline of his face down to his sharp jawline before placing a soft kiss to his cheek, peppering light kisses down to his jaw and neck. You placed a final one on his collarbone, looking up at him through your lashes to see a content smile playing on his lips. Shawn let out a small groan, tightening his arm around you and turning the both of you on your side, earning a quiet squeal of surprise to leave your mouth. His eyes slowly opened so that you were staring into a pair of honey, brown eyes and a small smile tugged at his lips after seeing the most beautiful woman in front of him. “Morning, beautiful,” he whispered, a lovely rasp accompanying his morning voice as he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers linger on the side of your face to rest on your shoulder. Twisting a piece of your hair between his fingers, he let his gaze fall back to your eyes, and he found himself lost for a moment, thoughts consumed with everything about you.

You stared into his eyes, seeing nothing but love behind his gaze, “I missed you, rockstar.”

“I missed you too, honey, more than you will ever know,” he whispered, bringing his finger to trace down the center of your nose, ending with a tap on your nose as a soft boop escaped his lips. You giggled at the man child in front of you and he took the opportunity to surge forward to meet your lips in a kiss the both of you smiled through. Shawn pulled back carefully, leaving his forehead resting on yours with a hand on your waist to pull your body even closer to his, “I don’t wanna ever leave you again.”

You sighed, rubbing your nose with his, “You say that every time, Shawn.”

“I know, but I mean it this time, I’m just gonna stay here with you forever. Just gonna cuddle you every day of my life.” He rolled you over so your back was pressed against his chest and he nuzzled his face into your shoulder, pressing soft butterfly kisses into his oversized tshirt that adorned your body. His eyes closed again with a smile on his face as his large frame encased your body, legs intertwined with yours as he pulled you tight to his chest. You let yourself live in the fantasy of being like this every morning, never having to worry about waking up to a cold bed, and you allowed your body to relax further into his.

“I wish you were here every morning,” you confessed, “but you know I’d never ask you to do that.”

“I know,” he mumbled into your shoulder, “and you know I’d never ask you to quit your job to come tour with me.”

“It’s like the world is against us all the time. “

“Doesn’t matter what the world thinks, you’re the love of my life and I don’t care if the world wants to believe that or not.”

You blushed at his words, but you could feel the seriousness behind them, and you hated that you made his first morning home so somber, “No music is the love of your life, I’m just the girl that gets to kiss you sometimes.”

“Excuse me?” he asked, his face turning from worried to a feigned offense once he saw your teasing smile when you rolled to face him, “Haven’t you realized that I’ve given all of the love I have to you?”

“What love, I’m so unloved,” you tease, hand coming up to rest dramatically on your forehead, “Never been loved by anyone before, always second place.”

“Oh shut up,” he whined, turning away from you and stuffing his face into his pillow, “You don’t appreciate my love.”

You giggled at his stubbornness, knowing he was hiding a smile behind his hurt facade and scooching closer to his giant body in order to wrap your arm around his chest. “Was just kidding, bubs,” kissing his shoulder tenderly, you let your lips linger on his warm skin, “You know I love you.” Your lips moved to his cheek and he lifted his head to meet your lips, causing your heart to grow at the movements of your lover.

Shawn rolled onto his back and pulled you down so your face was hovering over his, “I love you more than anything, baby.” You leaned down and planted your lips gently on his and he cradled the back of your head carefully. “More than the moon,” he mumbled between kisses, “The stars. And most definitely more than music.” He disconnected his lips from yours to stare into your eyes, a serious look behind his own. ‘You know I’d give it all up for you if you asked,” he told you, cradling your face in his large hands.

“I’d never ask you to,” you murmured, eyes dropping before meeting his again, “But I will be selfish and ask you to love on me while you’re here.”

“Now that’s something I can do easily,” he smiled, lips molding into yours in a passionate kiss as he promised to himself that he would do anything to have a thousand more mornings like this with you.

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softboywriting · 5 years

Text

Alone Together | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You and Shawn have been friends since you were in high school. The two of you never got together, the time was never right. Now at twenty five you’ve got a lot on your plate and Shawn is there to help out. [non-au] [fluff] [sfw]

Word Count: 10k

|Masterlist In Bio|

A wedding dress hangs in the closet of a house that's not yet lived in. New things fill the rooms, the paint smell and new wood odor not completely gone yet. Funny. You're not sure why you decided to bring the dress to the house first, maybe just to put new with new, maybe just to remind you of what was never meant to be. You look around. Everything is perfect, beautiful and so...lonely. Never in your life had you had a new home, never did you have all new things. This was a first and you just have the hardest time wrapping your head around the fact that this is all yours. It's all yours and no one else's.

The phone rings and you pull it from your pocket. It's Shawn. Your best friend from high school, your long time crush, the one guy you trust above all others. “Hey,” you answer softly.

“Hey, what's up?” It's so good to hear his voice. Soothing and just as calming as you remember. It's been ages since he's called. You always text, and even then with his hectic schedule he doesn't always have time to chat.

“Nothing. Just bringing stuff to the house.”

“Oh you did get it! The documents were in your name then?”

“Yep.” You lay back on the unmade bed and stare at the fan overhead turning lazily on low. “Everything is in my name. The house, the car, I took everything.”

“I still can't believe Evan did that to you. I wish I could beat his ass.”

“Yeah I know. God, can you believe I actually thought he loved me? What a joke that was.”

Shawn sighs and the two of you remain in silence for a while. “He really just wanted you for the money huh?”

“Yeah,” you chuckle sadly. “Glad I figured that out. How he managed to skate by for two years without letting me know he was collecting disability on a fake injury and using most of it to buy alcohol, I will never know.”

“Disgusting. Well I was just calling to check on you. I know it's been a few months and we've talked a few times but I just wanted to make sure you're good.”

“I'm figuring it out. Thanks for calling though.”

“Of course, don't feel bad about calling me if you need me. I'm in town.”

“I'll keep it in mind, but anyway, I'll talk to you later okay?”

“Can I stop by at the end of the week?”

“Sure. I'll be all settled in by then. You're actually home?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, I'm home. Talk to you soon, later tater.”

You giggle and let the phone fall beside your head. Shawn always made you feel better. He was truly a gift from the Gods.

_________________________

“All moved in?” Shawn asks as he walks into the house and looks around. “Looks great.”

“Yep.”

“You don't sound thrilled.”

“I'm not. It's so big and empty without anyone here. I should have just sold the place, but I had all the furniture already and I even picked out the counter tops. God. This shit blows.”

“Honestly I can relate to the lonely house feeling. It's pretty garbage, so I always go out or have company.” Shawn flops on the couch and sighs. “I can stay over a few days if you want?”

“I don't know. Aren't you worried about getting followed here?”

Shawn shrugs. “Paps don't bug me in Toronto unless I'm at the airport. I'm not too worried, besides it's a semi private community.”

You sit next to him and he rubs his hand up your back. “I guess it'd be nice to have someone familiar around for a few days.”

“It's a deal then. I'll crash on your couch and you can have a piece of mind. We can be alone together.”

You lean over against his shoulder and he rubs your head. You really missed having him around all the time like it was back in high school. Between you going to college and then graduating to his touring and making a career as an entertainer, you just hardly had time for each other anymore. Somehow that felt like it was going to change.

_________________________

Monday morning. It's just after five when you get up and get ready for work, opting for a messy ponytail and your pink scrubs. Working as a nurse in a children's hospital was nice, no one cared if you looked a little tired, and the kids loved your bright colored scrubs. It was your dream job and you honestly couldn't be happier than you were the last year and a half on the staff at Clarkson Children's Hospital. Well, happy with the exception of your ex fiance but that was in the past now. You were done with it, refused to let it haunt you.

The kitchen is dark and you flip on the light just to be startled half to death by the form of a nearly naked man in just his boxers with his back to you. In an instant you register that it's Shawn and you should definitely not throw the nearest object at him.

“Morning,” he chuckles, a cereal bowl clattering in the sink as he turns to face you.

“You scared me.” You can't help the way your eyes travel down his chest and over his dark boxers. He is... impeccable. You are in awe of his body, and honestly you can't remember seeing it this close since you were teenagers at the pool, and even then he made your stomach flip flop. “Why are you awake?”

“Couldn't sleep.”

“You can sleep in my bed. I mean, like, if it's the couch that kept you awake.”

Shawn chuckles and pushes off the counter. He saunters over to you and puts his hand on your shoulder. “It's not the couch that's keeping me awake. But thank you for the offer.”

“Oh...okay.”

He kisses your cheek and wishes you a good day, saying something about being home late tonight and that he doesn't want you to wait up. You will though. You won't be able to sleep without him there.

_________________________

A few days pass and you are appreciative of Shawn being at the house with you but it doesn't seem to be enough. It seems like no matter what you do, you can't shake the fact that Evan was supposed to be in that house with you. That he was the one who picked out the furniture with you. Everything reminded you of him and it was getting under your skin like crazy.

You end up getting sent home on Friday because you're so exhausted, having not been sleeping hardly at all. Your best friend and coworker Liz won't have you passing out at the nurses station every ten minutes, so she offers to cover your shift for the rest of the day and Saturday.

It's Friday night and you're not feeling the least bit tired anymore. You aren't sure what to do because you don't want to just leave, you have nowhere to go. And frankly you don't want to leave your bedroom because everything outside of it reminds you of Evan.

“Anybody home?” Shawn asks loudly from outside the bedroom, getting closer. “Hello?”

“I'm here!”

Shawn opens the door and peeks his head in. “Hey, how are you doing? Did you come home sick or something?”

“No. I was just tired.”

“...and they let you go home?”

You shrug.

“No no no. What's wrong?”

“I haven't been sleeping well.”

Shawn comes in and flops on the bed. “You wanna get outta here? The high school is having an open house, we can go for a walk down memory lane?”

“I dunno. You wanna?”

“Yeah!” Shawn grabs your hands and pulls you up to sit with him. “We can see if the scuff on the wall is there from when I fell down the stairs and broke my arm.”

“Oh my God that was gruesome.”

“Yeah I know. Let's go, come on.”

Half an hour later and the two of you are strolling into the lobby of the high school. There are parents and teens everywhere, wandering from classroom to classroom. You and Shawn walk toward the back stairs where Shawn broke his arm.

“They painted and fixed it,” Shawn groans, fingers smoothing over the place where the scuffed dent from his head hitting the wall used to be. “Lame.”

“You're so weird. Oh my God, remember my junior year locker? It was next to the men's bathroom and I was always getting investigated for having cigarettes because the guys who smoked in the bathroom always stuck the butts in my locker door.”

“Yeah!” Shawn grabs your hand and drags you up the stairs and down a hall to your old locker.

“God it still stinks.” You put your hand on the blue locker and shake your head. “Remember when we used to all wait here before classes started in the morning because it was closest to the vending machine down there?”

Shawn looks back at the vending machine that provided many a quick breakfast. “Yeah, I ate so many fruit snacks from that thing.” He turns back, leaning on his shoulder against the locker doorway. “I remember the first time I kissed you here too.”

“Oh, yeah. That was my first kiss.”

“What? I never knew that.”

“Yeah,” you laugh. “God I had such a crush on you after that.”

“Oh yeah? That why you made out with me at homecoming that year?”

You flush and look down, embarrassed and annoyed at the same time. “I didn't make out with you at homecoming.”

“Yeah you did?”

“No that was Sarah Linskey. You thought it was me?” You can't believe he really didn't know. All these years and he thought that was you.

Shawn pushes off the locker and folds his arms over his chest. “I definitely thought it was you. Damn, no wonder you were so cold to me that next week. I had no idea.”

“Wait, are you saying you wanted to make out with me? Not Sarah?”

“Yeah why wouldn't I have wanted to? I thought maybe I was really bad at kissing or something and that's why you never talked about it again and cold shouldered me.” He runs a hand over his hair a laughs, taking a few steps back. “We never got together because of a misunderstanding. Ain't that something.”

“We were so stupid. God, if we would have just talked to each other we could have been together.”

“Maybe it wasn't the right time.”

“You're right.”

Shawn throws his arms around your shoulders and tugs you against his side. “Let's get out of here. I'm tired of memory lane. We can grab some fries and go home.”

_________________________

Saturday. Shawn wakes you up with plans for a housewarming party tomorrow. You're not usually one for parties let alone hosting them, but it might help you get out of this funk to have all your friends around you. Besides, you really need to get your life back to normal.

All day you plan things out with Shawn, from food to music to setting up a volleyball net out back. He is bound and determined to get you settled and comfortable in the house.

Shawn walks in that evening with a bag of food for tomorrow's party and you're leaning against the counter, staring at the ring Evan had given you when he proposed. It was the only thing you had left of him.

“Hey you,” Shawn says to get your attention.

“Hey.”

“What's wrong? You look confused or something.”

You watch as he unpacks cheese and meat and a variety of vegetables. You're not sure what to say, how to explain that you don't know what to do with the ring.

“Talk to me.”

“Do you think I should keep it?”

“What?”

You push the ring toward him and he steps over to the island to see what it is.

“Is that the ring from Evan?”

“Yeah. It was expensive probably, I just..don't know what to do with it.”

Shawn picks it up and turns it over in his fingers. It looks so small compared to his hands. “Sell it?”

“But...”

“No buts. Sell it or throw it out. Get rid of it. The damn thing is haunting you with the energy it has from him gifting it to you. Let it go and let yourself be free.”

You grab it off the counter as Shawn turns away. “You really think it's that bad?”

Shawn stuffs the plastic bags from the groceries into a bucket under the sink and stands back up to lean on the counter opposite you. “I don't think so, I know so. That thing is bad.”

“It's just a ring though. Just metal and rocks.”

Shawn comes around and takes the ring from your hand. He walks back around to the sink and drops it in the trash compactor.

“Shawn! NO!”

He reaches over and flips the little switch behind the sink and the blades come to life, whirring and clanking the ring around loudly until it stops and you assume it's fallen into the disposal bin. “It's gone. I took care of it. No more ring. No more Evan.”

You stand there, staring at him in complete shock. Part of you hurts and is angry he just did that, but part of you feels relieved that it's gone. You don't even know what to say. Thank you? Fuck you?

“Stop thinking about him. You're never going to get over this if you keep letting everything remind you of him.”

You look down and shake your head. “You're right. I need to stop caring. I don't think I ever really wanted to marry him anyway. I think I just said yes because I was happy enough and he was alright.”

“You don't have to do that. It's okay if you're hurting, you don't have to marginalize your relationship with him or see just the negative to get over it.”

“I was so stupid.”

Shawn comes around and cups your cheeks and turns your face up to look at him. “No you are not stupid. You had a bad experience and he didn't turn out to be who you thought he was. At least you found out before it was too late, before things got too out of hand. It's okay you can be upset and angry and you're allowed to feel heartbroken, but you can't let it control your life.”

Tears burn your eyes and you let out a soft sob, eyes searching Shawn's for comfort. Of course you had cried and of course you were angry about the fall out with Evan. But it has been months now and shortly after it happened you started boxing it up, shoving those emotions in the dark cubby holes in your mind. Repressing just to get through work and buying the house and everything, but now the cubbies are too full and they're starting to spill out.

“It's okay,” Shawn whispers, thumbs swiping away tears. “I'm here.”

“You don't have to deal with this. It's not your problem. You have your life and stuff. Go be a rockstar.”

“You know my family and friends come first. Besides, I'm just working on some tracks here at home. I'm on a break for a while.”

“Yeah...well... whatever.”

He chuckles, kissing your forehead. “Yeah whatever yourself. Go get cleaned up. I need help preparing all this food for the party tomorrow.”

“I don't even wanna throw a party anymore.”

“We already invited everyone. Please?”

You roll your eyes at his big brown eyed puppy dog look with his lip poked out and everything. He always got his way. Damn him for making you soft. You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand and sniff a little. “Fine, fine. I'll go change and get cleaned up. Don't burn the place down.”

_________________________

The clock on your night stand reads a quarter past two in the morning. You can't sleep. That much is obvious. Your mind is racing, jumping from thought to thought as you scroll down your Facebook feed. What if Evan was the best you could do? What if you don't find anyone else who will want you? How do you explain to your friends that Shawn lives with you? Is Shawn living with you? Round and round the thoughts go, keeping you tossing and turning for ages. One thought leads to another and another and eventually you're lying there remembering how Evan called you a selfish bitch. How he said he loved you, that he was the best you could get. How you owed him. You roll over and your phone slides off the bed, landing with a thump on the floor.

Your chest tightens up and you let out a sob. Why couldn't you just forget? Why couldn't this all just go away? He left you so broken it wasn't fair. He was probably out there scamming some other girl by now.

A knock on your door makes your heart stop. For a moment you're terrified that on the other side is Evan. For a split second you think he is back and you think you're going to be sick. Until a voice comes through. A soft, kind, soothing voice. It's Shawn.

“Hey, are you awake?” He asks, opening the door just enough to get his head in. “I just came up to check on you, I heard something fall.”

“It's was my phone,” you croak, desperately trying not to sound upset.

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

“Would you be mad at me if I came in anyway?”

You remain silent. He could come in if he wanted. It wasn't like he didn't already know you were crying, you were doing a shit job of hiding it.

The bed sinks beside you and you roll towards him a bit. His hand comes down on your shoulder, pulling you over to look at him. The room is dark, not pitch black but dark enough he shouldn't be able to make out your puffy eyes and red nose.

“Do you want me to sleep with you?”

Very good question. Did you? Would it help? Would it somehow make your brain slow down enough to sleep, or would it get worse because it would switch to thoughts of Shawn? There was no right answer. You have no idea what to do right now.

“I don't know. Maybe.”

Shawn shifts around until he is under the blankets, warm body aligned with yours. His arm snakes around your chest and pulls you back against him. He is a pillar of comfort, of warmth and safety. His cologne alone is enough to make you relax your shoulders you didn't know you were holding so tightly.

“Is this okay?” his voice is like a purr, vibrating through your back as he speaks low and into your hair. “I know when I'm overwhelmed it helps to have someone to hold onto.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“I don't mind staying until you're asleep.”

“Can you stay even after I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

He presses a kiss to the back of your head. “You're welcome. Go to sleep.”

_________________________

The housewarming party is in full swing when you find yourself in the bathroom an hour in, clutching the sink with both hands, staring at your reflection. No one had asked about Evan yet. Maybe they wouldn't, maybe everyone knew he was a sore subject.

“In the drawer by the fridge!” Shawn calls out in answer to something someone has asked and you hear him getting closer, footsteps loud on the wood floor.

You flush the toilet for show and open the door just as Shawn approaches it. “Looking for me?”

“How'd you know?” He smiles.

“I just knew.”

Shawn grabs your hand, tugging you closer. “Come on let's go get drinks.”

The two of you walk into the kitchen and your friend Liz eyeballs you like you've got egg on your face. You shrug at her, sending a look of “What? Something wrong?” To which she does a little head shake and turns back to opening a bottle of wine. You knew she was up to something.

The next few hours go great. Everyone has a good time, drinking, eating, chit chatting about the house and how work is going for you. No one brings up Evan. Not once. It's perfect, and you think maybe Shawn was on to something when he said this would help you get out of your head about him. It was definitely helping, making memories in the house that didn't involve him.

The night winds down and you find yourself a little drunker than you mean to be. You're on the deck and Shawn is sitting on the swinging bench, your mutual friend from high school, Brian, beside him. They're talking about something to do with recording that you aren't really making out. The two deck chairs are taken and you're about to go back inside when Shawn catches your hand with his as you pass him to go through the sliding door.

“Yeah?” You ask and he just smiles warmly, cheeks rosy. He's drunk too.

“Where ya going?”

“Inside. There's nowhere to sit out here.”

Shawn leans back and pats his leg. “You can sit with me?”

“You don't mind?”

“Nah. Come on, Brian and I were just talking about the studio I want to have one day so I can just record anytime I like.”

You take a seat on his lap and the bench swings out a bit, making you fall back into his chest. He puts his arm around your middle and situates you so you can lean against him. It's intimate. Far more than you think you've ever been with Shawn, but it was comfortable.

Brian pauses for a moment, discussion on hold as he watches you get comfortable. He picks right back up though, saying how a studio would require a house to set up in if Shawn wanted to do it in comfort. The two talk a while longer and you find yourself passing out against Shawn's shoulder.

“You wanna go to bed?” He asks softly against your ear.

You nod.

“Alright.” Shawn tightens his grip around your waist. “Brian, I think it's time to head out.”

Brian gets up, going and bumping the arms of the two guys over on the deck chairs. They get the hint and the three of them head for the door to inside. You and Shawn follow close, his hand on your back as you see them out of the house with thank you's and see you soon's.

“You coming Shawn?” Brian asks, last to leave as he stands in the doorway.

“Nah, I'm gonna stay and help clean up a little.”

Brain raises his eyebrows and you yawn. “Wanna grab lunch tomorrow?”

Shawn grabs the door and starts to close it. “Maybe. See you later dude.”

The moment the door is closed and Shawn flips the lock, you're wrapping your arms around him and pressing your face into his back, eyes heavy. “Thank you for setting this up. I had a lot of fun.”

“Of course. Now come on, you're tired.” He turns around and puts his arms around you, walking you back to the base of the stairs.

“Carry me?”

“Really?” He chuckles, looking down at you with his hands on your hips. “I'm not sure I should.”

“Come on. You can do it.” You put your arms on his biceps and squeeze gently with a giggle. “Big...so...big.”

Shawn leans down and kisses your cheek before whispering in your ear, “You're really drunk.”

“You are too.”

“Yes,” he crowds against you, hands squeezing your hips. “And I can't carry you right now or I might fall. So please walk upstairs with me.”

“Will you stay?”

“The night?”

“In my bed.”

Shawn hugs you close, hand across your back and one in your hair. “As long as you want me to. I will.”

_________________________

“When did you and Shawn start dating?”

“What?” You ask, nearly inhaling your iced coffee from the cafeteria. “Excuse me?”

Liz puts her hands on her hips and stares you down across the nurses station. “He's staying with you isn't he?”

“I-I uh...”

“Oh please, just admit it. The man knows where your wine opener is, his boxers are in the bathroom and he has a razor in the sink cup. You're staying together.”

“It's not like that.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Really. He's just staying with me while I get acclimated to the new house.”

“Yeah, sure. You moved in like a month ago.”

You grab a patient clipboard and get up to go check on them since it's nearly noon. “Liz, please. The moment something is going on between me and Shawn, you'd be the first person I tell.”

“You better. That man is fine with a capital F, not to mention rich as hell and insanely talented. God, you'd be dating a rockstar.”

You roll your eyes. “He is still just Shawn. He's the same guy who puked spaghetti down my shirt in freshman year. Rockstar or not.”

“Gross.”

“Yeah. Now, I'm going to check on Marie and get her meds started for the afternoon. And you are going to....”

Liz huffs, crossing her arms and looking annoyed. “And I'm going to drop the subject of Shawn and you.”

“Thanks Liz,” you sing sing as you walk down the hall towards room 156 with a little wave.

_________________________

A few days pass and you and Shawn get even more comfortable with each other. Liz's words are really getting in your head though. What was this? Why didn't Shawn go home? You and Shawn were sleeping together, making each other breakfast, sharing laundry, doing everything a couple does. But you're not a couple. Are you?

You walk in the house and hear someone speaking to Shawn in the kitchen. Your first thought is that he has Brian over or maybe even his manager Andrew. You'd be surprised because he didn't seem to ever have anyone over, it wasn't his place after all.

“Yeah, so the bill will include the parts and labor. Just sign the bottom line and I can take a check or card.”

You round the corner and Shawn is standing there with a man in a blue uniform. The bag of tools on the counter says Manelle Repair. What on Earth was broken? You can't recall a problem with the sink or the oven or anything.

“Hey,” Shawn says softly, looking up from the bill of service. “The garbage disposal was broke.”

“A ring!” The repairman laughs. “Can you believe that?”

“Oh...wow,” you eye Shawn who looks guilty. “Wonder how that got there.”

“Dunno, could have been there when you moved in and just got lodged. No worries, I fixed the problem. Your husband here is just finishing up.”

You nearly choke on your own tongue. Husband. Shawn. Your husband. That was rich. “Oh he's not-”

“Yes I am paying for it.” Shawn interrupts loudly, cutting you off and handing the bill over to the repairman with his credit card. The man slides it on a device plugged into his phone. “I promised I would.”

You eye him, skeptical as to why he wouldn't let you correct the repairman's comment, but you remain silent. You follow the two men to the door and Shawn thanks the guy for coming out so soon before turning to you with the guiltiest smile you have ever seen.

“Don't be mad, it's fixed. Don't worry.”

“You broke the garbage disposal.”

“And I paid for it. It's fine.”

You cross your arms. “Where's the ring?”

“It's gone.”

“Liar. Shawn tell me where it is.”

Shawn reaches into his pocket and holds out the ring in his palm. It's practically unscathed from it's trip through the disposal. “I didn't want you fretting over it. I was just going to toss it when I went to the studio next. You've been doing so well lately, I didn't want you to have a reminder again.”

“It's mine. I'll get rid of it.” You go to take it off his hand and he curls his fingers into yours. “Shawn...please.”

“Can we get rid of it right now?”

“How?”

“We can go to the park on Leavenworth street. Remember the one we used to go to after school and hang out?”

“Where I lost my shoe in the lake. Yeah...yeah! I can throw it in the lake!”

Shawn releases your hand and you take the ring. “I'll drive?”

“Let's go.”

Almost half an hour later and you're back in your hometown. It's like nothing has changed since you left. Granted it's been just a few years, the place brought back a sense of nostalgia. You remember riding bikes to each other's houses and to the park after school because neither of you had a car. Sneaking out to go to Shawn's house on weeknights to get away from your parents for just a little while. Walking to the donut shop for dollar a dozen donut holes on Wednesdays. It felt so good to be home.

The park looks the same too. The old merry-go-round is just as worn and faded in color as you remember. The swings are still there, the rocking dinosaur with the goofy face. Really the only difference is that the slide is gone, probably rusted apart finally. You and Shawn walk toward the edge of the small man made lake where the ducks lived. It's quiet, just after five in the evening. There isn't any kids out playing but then again there wasn't a lot of kids around any more. The sun is going down slowly, a burning ball of orange light dipping over the horizon. It's beautiful. Like reliving a moment from your childhood.

Shawn bumps his hand against yours. You ignore it the first time, thinking it's an accident. He does it again and you let him slide his rough calloused fingers between yours. His hand feels so big compared to yours, and so incredibly warm.

“Can I ask you something?”

You look up at him as the two of you approach the retaining wall along the water's edge. “Of course. What's up?”

“Do you think we would make a good couple?”

“What do you mean?”

“I talked to Brian the other day, after the party. He said he thought we were together and it got me thinking. Maybe the one I've been searching for my whole life has been right under my nose.”

“Liz said the same thing after the party. She noticed you had been staying, your stuff was around the house.”

“Andrew has been up my ass about not staying at the apartment. I've been telling him that I've been going back home to my parents. He's going to catch on. I should probably go home soon huh? You've gotten used to the house by now.”

You squeeze his hand in yours. “I've gotten used to the company too, and yes, I think we would make a good couple. Y'know I was thinking... I don't use the basement, and it's soundproof from the last owners using it as a theater room.”

“Uh huh?”

“If you wanted to record down there, like put some equipment in and a booth. I think it would be a good idea.”

Shawn takes a seat on the retaining wall and you do to, sitting close enough your thighs are you snug side by side. “You realize I'd never leave your house if I did that.”

You shrug. “I don't care. It would get Andrew off your back, and give me company. Besides, I love when you are in your element. There's something incredibly attractive about watching you make music. It's truly an experience.”

He presses his lips to your temple in a tender kiss and leans his head against yours. “We’ll see.”

You fish the ring out of your pocket and turn it over in your fingers, the setting sun glinting off it's embedded jewels. They probably aren't even real now that you think about it. Evan didn't have any money, let alone any to spend on something this beautiful. He probably paid twenty dollars online for this thing. Son of a bitch.

“I guess we should get rid of this.”

“It's all you.”

You pull your arm back and send the ring sailing out over the water. It lands with a little plop several feet away. There was no getting it back now. No repairman to pull it out of the trash. No pawn shop to resell it so you might possibly see it again one day on someone's finger. No. It was gone. Non existent as your relationship with Evan. Good riddance.

“How’s it feel?”

“Good. Liberating.” You smile, looking over at him and he looks so warm in the evening glow. Breathtaking really.

He tilts your chin up with his fingers and leans in. Just like that he's kissing you. Suddenly you're sixteen again and you're standing outside of the English hall at school. Your locker is behind you, cold against your back. There are kids everywhere waiting for class to start. Shawn's there, leaning against the lockers with one arm, telling you that he needs help in Math if you're free. The next thing you know he's bumped against you, catching himself with his arm against the lockers, caging you in as his lips crash against yours. It's an accident, obviously, but he lingers and so do you. Just like that your first kiss was stolen from you, but at least it was by the one person who deserved it.

“You okay?” Shawn asks lowly, eyes locked into yours.

You realize that you've just been sitting there like a statue while replaying the past in your head. “Do it again.”

He chuckles and leans back in, soft lips on yours. His hand finds your hair, guiding your mouth against his as he deepens the kiss. It's a gentle exchange and one you're much more present for this time around. He pulls back with smile and your lips are a little damp. It's been forever since you've been properly kissed.

“I've wanted to do that for so long.”

“I think I've wanted that for even longer.”

_________________________

You're pretty sure you're in hell after that kiss with Shawn. The next day the two of you were woken up to his phone ringing off the nightstand. Quite literally vibrating on to the floor and crashing, scaring the crap out of both of you. It was Andrew, his manager. Apparently you weren't as alone as you thought at the park.

Shawn lies through his teeth in the sleepiest voice ever as he gets berated for not being home, lying about where he's been going, and not telling Andrew about you. Shawn tries his hardest to protect you, to say you were a friend that it was a spur of the moment kiss. That he has been at his parents. He's desperately trying to get you out of the mix.

Half an hour later and you're laying in bed alone. Shawn had gotten up and got dressed while still on the phone with Andrew. He needed to leave asap to get to his apartment before Andrew showed up and called him on his lies. You roll over, his side of the bed smells like his cologne and shampoo. You breathe deep, heart full of love as you crave his touch.

Your front door bell rings, snapping you out of your sleepy fantasies. You get up and make your way down there, wondering who would be stopping by on a Thursday morning. You open the door and find your sister standing there with a suitcase.

“Jennifer? What are you doing here?”

“I'm home for a few days and I wanted to come see you!” She pulls the screen door open and puts her arms around you. “I have a few days before I go to Alaska and I figured I'd come see my baby sister in her new house.”

You wrap your arm around her and return the hug. “You're going to Alaska next? Why?”

“Work. I guess they need a good IT tech up there at the air base.” Jen hauls her bag in past you and pushes it against the stairwell bannister. “So, how's the house?”

“It's great. A little empty, but it's all mine.” You shut the door and wonder how the hell you were going to explain Shawn to her. Of course he wasn't there now, but he would be back. You could always tell him not to come home but he would probably need his guitar and...his wallet...that's sitting on your island counter.

Jennifer walks around the living room. “It's very much your style. I love it. Is the couch comfortable?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Oh...well...I was hoping I could crash here tonight before going to mom and dad's place. They're out of town until tomorrow for that car show they go to every year.”

Of course she wanted to stay over. Nothing could be easy in your life, could it? If Shawn wasn't going to be coming back you wouldn't be so worried, but the thing is he was going to have to. And when he did Jennifer would see him and start asking questions. Questions that would lead to her running her big mouth. You love your sister to death, you do, but this was one thing you'd like to tell her on your own terms.

“I'm not sure I'm ready for visitors yet.”

“You just had a housewarming party?”

“Yeah...but they didn't stay over. I'm still getting used to the place and being alo-”

The front door opens and Shawn walks in, freezing when he sees your sister standing opposite you. He looks to Jennifer, then to you, and back to Jennifer. “Hello?”

“What's going on here?” Jennifer laughs, pointing between the two of you.

“I left my wallet?”

“At nine in the morning?” Jennifer looks at her watch and shakes her head. “You have got to be kidding me. You've been hooking up with Shawn?!”

You feel you self deflate. So much for hiding it now. So much for your own terms. “Jen, I need you to chill out. We are not hooking up. He just came over and helped me move some stuff last night.”

“Uh huh.”

Shawn crosses the living room and goes to the attached kitchen to grab his wallet. “I'll call you later,” he chuckles nervously as he heads back for the door.

“Yeah, thanks.” You wave and he ducks out, leaving you with Jennifer once again. She looks less than sold on your lie and you know she's going to harass you into giving her all the details.

_________________________

Around two in the morning Shawn comes back. You only know this because he makes a racket taking his shoe off in the corner. You sit up, alarmed as you turn on the bedside lamp. Before you is a half dressed Shawn, holding your necklace stand and looking guilty.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers as he sets your stand down and picks up a few other things he knocked off. “I tripped on your heels.”

“What are you doing here?” You seethe, and he crawls into the bed. “I told you not to come back tonight.”

Shawn flops down beside you, arm going to your waist. “I couldn't sleep at the apartment. I figured if I snuck in then it'd be fine. I'll just sneak out in the morning.”

You groan. “Shawn.”

He leans over and cups your face, turning your face towards him. “Please don't be mad at me.”

You stare at his puppy dog eyes, so brown and golden and you can't be mad. Not over this. You touch his jaw and kiss his nose. “You better not get caught by Jen. It took everything in me today to convince her there was nothing going on between us.”

“But isn't there something going on? I know we haven't discussed it or anything...but y'know.”

“Not now. It's almost four in the morning, go to sleep.”

Shawn leans in and kisses your forehead, humming in agreement. He snuggles against you, tucking you into his chest and holding you tight. You never want to sleep without him again, and you might not have to.

_________________________

Shawn is gone in the morning. It's just after seven when you wake up to the empty bed. He only had a few hours sleep, so you aren't sure how he was functioning but he obviously managed to get out of the house. You roll over and rub your hand over the imprint he's left in the bed. Sheets wrinkled and pillows divited, remains of the soft giant who laid there cuddling you through the night. It's still a little warm, you assume he must have left fairly recently. He had even folded the blanket back over how you liked, preserving the heat from his body under the covers for you.

The smell of bacon gets your sense going, bringing you to full alertness. Funny. You don't remember buying bacon this last week. You get up, feet hitting the cold wood floor as you search for your slippers and make your way downstairs to find out who had bacon.

The moment you round the staircase you see Jen in the kitchen, moving back and forth from the counter to the island, cooking up a breakfast you are sure would be too much for the two of you. She always loved to cook, and she was very good at it. Who ever she settled down with one day would be a very lucky person.

“Morning,” Jen cheers from the stove as you walk in and grab a cup of coffee. “Wanna talk to you.”

A cold chill of dread runs throughout your body as your fingers close around the hand of the coffee pot. You don't want to talk to her anymore, not about anything that wasn't her life or yours not involving Shawn. Her grilling of you last night was enough to break a hardened criminal. Thankfully she finally relented a while after dinner and you were able to get sleep in peace. Besides, you had to work at nine, you didn't have time to do much besides eat, shower and get ready.

“Can we talk later? I have to get ready for work.”

“You have time to eat.” Jen turns and dumps an omelette onto a plate with some canned corned beef hash you had in the cupboard. That made sense of the bacon like smell. You were saving that can, it was one of those weird things you liked on occasion. She pushes the plate toward you insistently. “I'll do most of the talking anyway.”

“Fine.” You take a seat and start eating while nursing your hot coffee. “What is it?”

“Does Evan have keys to the house?”

“What?”

“Does Evan have keys?”

“God no. I signed on the house, it's my place. He never got a key. Why?”

Jen cracks a few eggs into the skillet she's working with and dumps some vegetables from a cutting board into it as well. “I thought I heard someone come in last night. I was on the couch, so obviously my back was to the door and everything. But I swear I wasn't dreaming.”

She had heard Shawn. Christ could he have been any louder? Real subtle Mendes. Good job. “Well I'm the only one with keys. You must have been hearing things.”

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“Yes. He never even touched the keys to this house.” You finish off your eggs and dump the plate into the sink. “You're losing it sis. Almost thirty and you've already done lost your mind.”

Jen hip checks you and you laugh. “That's not nice. You'll be my age before you know it. Now go get ready for work. I'm gonna make you some food to keep in the freezer.”

“You don't have to do that. I can cook.”

“Yeah but you're a nurse, I know when you get home you're exhausted. Go. Let me do something nice for you.”

You roll your eyes and head to your room to get ready. Somehow the idea of leaving Jen alone in your house all day was uneasy. You know Shawn's stuff is all over, hell, Liz noticed his boxers in the bathroom and his razor at the housewarming party. There was no way there wasn't evidence of Shawn everywhere. You can't worry about that now, you have to get to work.

_________________________

Shockingly Jen seems to leave the subject of you and Shawn alone. When you get home, an hour late because of an emergency on your floor, you walk in and collapse onto the couch. Jen offers you dinner, saying how your parents were back in town and she was going to go see them before she headed out of state again. Things are normal. Either she's found out Shawn is there semi regularly and she is leaving you to your privacy. Or she hasn't found any evidence, unlikely as it may be, and she is convinced of your lies that he was just helping you out a few times. Whatever it is, you're grateful and see her off at her car with a tired smile, a hug, and best wishes in Alaska.

Shawn comes back that night, after you texted him the all clear, and lets himself in to find you on the couch in your pajamas a little after ten.

“You look cozy,” he smiles, stripping off his denim jacket and boots by the armchair adjacent to the couch.

“I'm exhausted. It was a very long day at work.”

“Yeah? I know you can't tell me much, but what happened?” He peels his shirt off to reveal a black tank top beneath it. You can't help but let your eyes wander over the expanse of his shoulders and chest, down to his slim waist. He is truly beautiful.

“There was an emergency medical evac for a kid on my floor.”

Shawn unbuckles his belt and slides it out of his jeans, tossing it by his jacket and shirt. You can't help the smile that turns up the corners of your mouth. “What?” He smirks playfully, tugging his tank top out of his jeans.

“I didn't know I was going to be treated to a strip tease tonight.”

He actually flushes. The dork. Twenty five and he still flushed like a teenager. Lord he was cute in the hottest most down to earth way.

“Is that what you want? A strip tease from me?” He saunters over, fingers tugging playfully at the button of his jeans. “I'll give you one if you like.”

“Shawn!” You laugh, kicking his thigh gently, shoving him back into the the armchair.

He lands with a little oomph before sprawling out, legs open, arms up behind his head. It reminds you of when he did the shoots for Lumio Vogue when he was nineteen. He's such a little shit.

“Maybe this is better,” he tugs his tank top up, showing off his lower stomach while rubbing a hand across his chest. “Is this doing it for you?”

You laugh, absolutely baulk at the man before you. “You're ridiculous! Quit posing and come watch my show with me.”

“Ahh, but baby don't you want me?” He says in the most outrageously horrible “I'm sexy and I know it” voice.

You roll your eyes and he drops the schtick, standing up and pushing his jeans down to kick them aside and join you on the couch. He flops down beside you, putting his feet up on the foot rest and tucking one between yours. He wraps an arm around you and leans his head on yours.

“What are we watching?”

“Kids baking championship.”

“Sounds good to me.” With that he pulls the blanket off the back of the couch and throws it over your laps. You snuggle against him and hit unmute as the show returns from commercial. You could get used to this.

_________________________

A week passes and you're so incredibly happy with Shawn. The two of you talk over coffee every morning, exchange “have a good day” kisses and just live domestically. You haven't discussed what you are. Neither of you want to bring it up and you almost wonder if it's fear of ruining whatever this is. As if giving it a label would shatter the illusion of a normal life together.

Shawn even started making plans for the basement, deciding to take you up on the offer to turn it into a a studio. He wants to get it all set up before telling Andrew about the place. Of course Andrew would have questions about your relationship, and maybe by then you would have a solid answer. You think maybe the studio would seal the deal for you two. Give you that push you needed.

It's Saturday night and you're fast asleep, having worked an early morning shift for Liz, you turned in early. Shawn didn't mind, he could sleep any time it seemed. The sound of pounding from somewhere below in the house wakes you up. It sounds like someone slamming a fist against your front door.

Shawn sits up and looks around, confused as you are by the sound. “What is that? Did we put on laundry before bed?”

“No. I did everything yesterday. That sounds like someone at the front door.” You pull the blankets back and walk around to the bedroom door to investigate.

Shawn stops you, a hand on your arm as he steps in front of you. “Let me check it out.”

“No! What if you get hurt?”

He cups your face and rubs his thumbs over your cheeks tenderly. “And what if you get hurt?”

“It's my h-”

The sound of the front door being kicked in startles you, making you yelp, eyes going to the closed door beside you. Someone was breaking into your house and you are pretty sure you're going to puke.

“Call the cops.” Shawn grabs his phone since it's on the dresser close by and hands it to you. “Stay as quiet as you can.”

You fumble with the phone, typing in his passcode wrong the first time. He opens the door and slips out, closing it quietly behind him much to your dismay. You open it back up enough to peek out, phone to your ear as it rings.

Shawn inches down the hall along the wall opposite to the top of the stairs. You can't believe he's being so stupid. What if the intruder was armed? What the hell was Shawn going to do?

The operator answers the phone and you give her your address and tell her you're pretty sure someone has broken into your home. She asks you to remain calm but your hands are sweating and you feel like you can't breathe.

Footsteps on the stairs makes your stomach drop. You go silent as the operator keeps asking questions, repeating herself over and over until you let out a little “uh huh” when she asks if you're still there. From your position you can see just past the top of the stairs as the intruder reaches the landing of the second floor.

The moment Shawn sees someone appear he swings, fist colliding with the side of the intruder's head and knocking him to the floor with a loud thump and groan. In a moment Shawn is on top of him, clearly larger as he twists the guys arms behind his back. The intruder doesn't fight back, you assume because he's been hit so hard he is reeling.

“Get my belt!”

You drop the phone on the dresser and grab Shawn's belt off the the laundry hamper, hurrying over and he ties up the guys hands, still sitting on his back. You flip the switch for the hall light and before you is a face you hoped to never seen again.

“Evan?! What the fuck?!” The sound of sirens in the distance lets you know that help is on the way and you remember the phone on the dresser with the operator on the line still. Didn't matter. Help was coming anyway. “What are you doing here?”

“I want my ring back. I bought that, not you!” He's slurring his words and the closer you get you realize he reeks of alcohol. Big surprise. He probably wouldn't have the gall to break into your house sober.

“So you break into your ex's house? Why not try calling next time?” Shawn growls, tightening the belt around Evan's wrists as he lets out a groan of pain.

“Who the fuck are you?” He twists himself under Shawn enough to get a look at his face. “Oh for fucks sake. Really?”

“What? I'm not allowed to have a relationship after you?”

Evan scoffs. “No, now I know why you ditched me. How can I compare to a rockstar? Bet you were screwing him behind my back the whole time.”

“The only screwing going on in our relationship was you screwing me out of my money.” You could just kick him square in the mouth. The fact that he had the audacity to try and pin the ending of your relationship on you was just something else.

“Fuck you! Give me my fucking ring!”

“It's gone pal.” Shawn hauls Evan up, one hand on his bound wrists the other in his hair. “We threw it in a lake.”

“You bitch!”

“Toronto Police!”

“Up stairs!” Shawn yells and three officers appear, guns drawn as they make their way up the stairs. The cops take over for Shawn, properly cuffing Evans hands so Shawn can step back and put his arm around you.

“Cheating little bitch, I want that fucking ring I know you didn't throw it in a lake!”

“Do you know this man?” One officer asks as the other jerks Evan toward the top of the stairs.

You explain the situation briefly as the officer takes Evan down the stairs and out the front door. The two of you follow the other cops downstairs and give your statements. The front door frame is splintered from being kicked in and you groan, knowing that would be couple bills to repair. You and Shawn thank the officers and start cleaning up the mess Evan made. The door closes fine but won't stay locked by any means. The two of you decide to shove the armchair against it and go back to bed, not that you would be getting much sleep anyway.

Morning comes with a whole new shit storm. As if Evan's drunk breaking in entry wasn't enough, some pap must have been camping outside your house and took photos of the whole thing. At just after six in the morning Shawn was showing you headline on a celebrity news site. “Shawn Mendes home broken in to” “Shawn Mendes and mystery girl's wild night, it's not what you'd expect”. You assume the pap followed Shawn home from his apartment or the recording studio in light of rumors he was seeing someone after the kiss at the park a few weeks ago. You just can't deal with that and you go back to sleep, exhausted and not ready to face the world on two hours of sleep.

Within an hour of seeing those headlines, you're waking up again because Shawn is in the living room with Andrew and Jake, his head of security, and there is an awful lot of yelling. You head down with caution, hearing Shawn's raised voice reverberating throughout the house makes your stomach flop.

“What is the problem with me trying to live a normal fucking life Andrew? I'm twenty five! Besides, she didn't sign up for this shit! Why should I have to drag her into any of it?!”

“Shawn you're famous. You've been famous since you were sixteen years old, I thought you would have sorted this out by now. Jake and I need to know what is going on in your life to keep you safe, this is a major breach in security.”

Shawn opens his mouth to say something in retaliation when he spots you standing on the last step gripping the banister post. “Shit, we woke you up didn't we?”

“What's going on?”

Andrew turns to you and sighs heavily. He thought his life was rough, what a joke. “Shawn has been staying here and not informing myself or Jake of his whereabouts, which is a major safety concern.”

Shawn walks over and puts his arms around you, kissing your cheek. “I'll deal with this. You can go back to bed,” he whispers softly.

“You're serious about her?” Jake asks and Shawn looks over at him. “Don't you want to keep her safe?”

“Of course I do.” Shawn hugs you against his chest and you lay your cheek against him. “And yes, I'm very serious about her.”

“Shawn, Jake and I don't want to take away your privacy. We just want to make sure you are safe, both of you.”

You look up at Shawn and he just sighs. “He's right. We should see about getting an alarm system and stuff.”

“Are you going to be living here? How long has this been going on?” Jake asks Shawn.

Andrew sighs heavily. “Months, I can tell you that. I just haven't been able to find out where he's been going.”

“Listen guys, I'd really like to stay here. We're setting up a recording studio in the basement. I'm thinking about getting rid of the apartment and I've already talked to my mom about helping put it back on the market.”

“I just don't understand why you've been hiding all of this from us. It's fine if you want to move or you're seeing someone. I know you want to live a normal life but you gotta let me know man.” Andrew looks around the living room. He shakes his head. “I'm glad you've found a place and someone to settle down with. I just want to make sure this place is safe and private for you. We've had our share of problems over the years with the apartment and I'd hate to have fan and stalkers show up here to your home. I need you in one primary location. Either here or your apartment.”

“Here. I am staying here.” Shawn leans back to look down at you. “If that's okay with you?”

“Why wouldn't it be? I don't know what I'd do without you here.”

“Good.” He leans down and kisses your lips quickly.

“It's settled then. Jake will be out with a team to set up a security system and check out the community security.” Andrew heads for the door. “I'll see you later Shawn. Don't forget the phone interview with GQ tonight.” Jake follows Andrew out and the two of you are left alone.

Shawn puts his arms around you, walking you back against the stairs. “Y'know, you've stolen my whole heart and I don't want to ever leave.” He reaches up and twirls a piece of your hair around. “I know we haven't talked about it entirely...but I love you. I love you so much and I have wanted to say it since the day I kissed you for the first time.”

Your heart clenches and you feel like you can't breathe. How dare he say the first I love you and seal the deal on whatever this was out of the blue like this. But it was time. The two of you were basically married from the first day he slept on your couch, and you couldn't deny that you felt the same way after the kiss when you were sixteen. There was absolutely no denying it, you've been in love with him forever.

“I love you too. I think I always have. Maybe I was never meant to marry Evan, because I was supposed to be with you.”

“Fate is a funny thing. But we're here now,” he smiles big and leans his forehead on yours. “And I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I never want to stop saying it.”

“Then don't.”

He leans in and kisses you softly. “I” he kisses you again, “love” another kiss, “you.”

You can't help the giggle that bubbles out of you and you wrap your arms around his neck, just smiling back at him with your heads together. Things worked out sometimes, whether it be fate, luck or something far greater, you don't care. Shawn was yours and you were his.

The end.

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Major Shoutout to @shawnm521 without the two of us bouncing ideas around one day, this probably never would have existed.

Thank you so much for reading! You're all amazing and I appreciate every ounce of support I receive on my writing. Please reblog and share this fic if you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think as well, I absolutely live to read your comments, reaction gifs, asks and messages.

Thank you so much to everyone who reads my work. ❤️❤️❤️

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