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rellsingsovern · 20 days

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There’s no grounds, Jawbone!

On Wednesday afternoon, three days before spring break, The Bad Kids receive their late report cards and open them together. That Friday, they are marched through a door, expecting to die.

The POV of various parents and teachers of The Bad Kids, during the days leading up to the Last Standard Exam.

Chapter 2: Denial (read chapter one on ao3 at rellsingsovern!)

Riz came home exactly when he said he would, which immediately tipped Sklonda off to the fact that something was amiss.

It was late for the town of Elmville, which meant that her night was just getting started. Who says 9:52 pm on a Wednesday night can't be the perfect time to start reviewing her court footage? She’s 20 seconds into the video and three minutes into hitting the refresh button over and over again (curse the Strongtower wifi) when the sound of a motorcycle grumbling up to the building down below blended into the whine of the single fluorescent bulb up in the ceiling of the living room (curse the Strongtower electricity). Her ear flicked of its own accord a few minutes later, registering no footsteps approaching, as to be expected of her rouge son, but picking up the rustling of papers coming from the hallway through the thin walls.

She frowned absentmindedly. Ever since her and Riz had had that talk in November she’d done her best to pay more attention to his habits and tendencies regarding his fucking insane schedule. Much like one of his boards, he kept all his belongings in an ordered chaos she doubted even Pok would have been able to wrap his head around. Sticky notes on papers, papers in folders, folders in binders, highlighters and rubber bands and paper clips in every color made their way from his backpack to his briefcase to his backpack again, leaving Riz his hands free, an intentional move on his part. Wouldn’t be a very good rouge if I couldn’t draw my gun because I’ve got someone’s homework in my hands, he’d quipped to her early in the year, before the bags under his eyes became darker than a bruise and his eyes twitched as much as they blinked, before Fabian started throwing parties Riz for some reason still went to and before Kristen roped him into-

The sound of a pin in the lock snapped her out of her own head and back into her apartment. The part of her that was Sklonda Gukgak: Mom of Riz noticed Riz stumbled through the door lacking his usual grace, most likely due to the backpack that had been progressively more and stuffed full of school supplies ever since Falinell (it made her wonder why he didn’t open his briefcase as often anymore). The part of her that was still Chief Detective Sklonda Gukgak of the Elmville Police Department noticed that in Riz’s hands were his lockpick that he used to enter the apartment and a pile of envelopes and coupon papers that was certainly their mail, bills and coupons and more bills and a dark red envelope with the official stamp of Aguefort Adventuring Academy on it.

And more bills. Great.

Her ear flicked again, and she absent-mindedly thumbed the arrow keys on her crystal laptop, the ones she knew didn’t work anymore, taking in her teenage son who was home before 10 for the first time in a while. “Hey sweetie,” she greeted, eyeing the papers in his hands. She always got the mail, on account of Riz just straight up Misty Stepping into the apartment in a rush between school and his office and school again. “I’m glad to see you, you hungry or anything?”

Riz stepped through the door, closing it behind him, looking down through the lenses of his glasses. “I’m fine, thanks mom. Jawbone ordered Bastion Market.”

She hummed, thinking of the two most recent text messages in her crystal.

3:06 pm

hi mom just finished yearbook club heading to mordred then stand-up night then home around 10 getting rides from fabian love you

4:48 pm

Hey Sklonda Jawbone here, Riz mentioned something about an event he was supposed to attend tonight but he’s decided to stay here for dinner instead, perfectly all right with myself Sandy and Lydia but just wanted to update ya in case you go looking. He’s not taking the grading news too well. I’m sure he’s told you about it but just a heads up. Working on a solution for the kids in the morning, yall hang tight 👍

Riz had, in fact, not told her about ‘it’ yet. Sklonda had had half a mind to call Sandra-lynn to see what Jawbone had meant, but decided to wait until Riz got home, although she had expected to see him way later, if not the next morning. She eyed the red envelope he still held in between his fingers, flicking the lockpick with a small thwack thwack thwack on the seal and wondered if that was ‘it’.

“Thanks for getting the mail, kiddo.” She knows he knows what she’s actually saying. You never get the mail, that’s my job, you’re home early, what are you doing?

What’s wrong?

He shrugged his seemingly 50 pound backpack off his 90 pound body, putting it on the floor but not taking his eyes off it. “Just thought I’d get it on the way up.” His voice says, steady and even-toned.

Former Chief Detective Sklonda Gukgak sees his body language say please don’t question me further.

Hah, Mom Sklonda Gukgak thought to herself. Not a chance in hell.

“Y’know,” she said, closing her laptop and pretending not to notice the way her son’s shoulders rose to his ears immediately. “Whenever you give me a time you’ll be home by, you’re never actually home at that time. And I know you’re very capable, Riz, but I worry about you.”

He muttered something under his breath, holding out the stack of bills to her, holding that damn envelope in his other hand, still not making eye contact.

Riz was a perfect rouge. He had a light step and a light touch and an impeccable aim. He had a brain that ran a million miles per hour and a goblin grit he inherited from his father. He’d been picking the lock to the apartment since he was twelve and learning to shoot a gun since he was thirteen. He was smart, sneaky and secretive.

But he didn’t keep secrets from her.

After Pok died, Sklonda had tried to keep many things from Riz. How scared she was. How exhausted she was. She would throw herself into work then throw herself into bed, crying with her face in Pok’s pillow as the signs of him faded from their life, as silent as she could so Riz wouldn’t hear. His desk became dusty, his razor sat unused, and his pillow stopped smelling like his cologne. She ran and ran and ran from the pain, never thinking about it, closing the door to his office where the ghost of her husband sat until Riz had tried to leave for school one day in shoes too big for him and a briefcase that hadn’t left the apartment in weeks.

At her protests, her nine-year old son had looked at her through his shaggy hair with big, sad, golden eyes. Pok had always been the one who gave Riz haircuts.

You never talk about him anymore, he said. You pretend you aren’t tired all the time and you pretend he’s not gone.

It hurts, mom.

Her beautiful, brilliant, investigative son had deduced what she wouldn’t, what she couldn’t tell him. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

It’s okay if it hurts. I’m still here.

She didn’t open the door to Pok’s room, and she didn’t let Riz go to school with his shoes. But from that day on Riz toted a briefcase everywhere, and on his tenth birthday she gave him a haircut, his own pair of brown loafers (still a little too big, but at the thrift store you take what you can get) and took him to Cravencroft where she whispered all her deepest fears, laid them down on the dirt under her son’s knees and in front of her husband’s grave, confessed to the bone-deep exhaustion that weighed down her arms and her legs and her heart.

Gukgaks don’t give up, Riz whispered back to her, golden eyes shining like suns, an echo of his father’s favorite phrase. She looked at his close-cropped hair and saw Pok. Then she looked at the bags under his eyes and saw herself.

After that Sklonda only had one secret to keep, and Riz had walked into Pok’s room and blew the dust off his desk two years ago in a mighty whirlwind of a 15 year-old detective hot on the case. With the blood of a dragon still hot in her stomach, she and Riz had promised to never hide anything from each other. Not their stress, not their exhaustion, and not their thoughts. Never again did she try to hide her tiredness from Riz, allowing him to replace her cold cups of coffee and lead her to bed on the days when her feet felt like stone, and when he got too jittery and manic with a drive to solve whatever mystery he was currently on she pressed at him until he eventually spilled his guts and she could get him to call a friend for backup in getting him to sleep at least four hours a night. Riz had been raised to notice all he could and never back down, and she had been the one to do it. He had his adventuring party, and she had a new job and new friends, but it was still just the two of them at odds with a world not meant for goblins, two Gukgaks in a shitty apartment, one weighed down with something they wouldn’t confess to and the other who noticed looking up through golden eyes.

Sklonda held out her hand for the red envelope.

Riz, who told her everything, who called her in freshman year every time he discovered something or murdered someone, who as soon as he got back from his spring break quest told her about Pok, who told her about the Loams and the Spies Tongue curse and Fig’s (maybe) god, did not hand it over.

Not a chance in hell.

“I’ll be in my room,” Riz started, leaving his backpack by the sofa as he turned and started away.

“What’s in the envelope, Riz.” She said, pushing as much goblin mom into her voice as possible and knowing it worked when he froze in place. “I don’t like knowing there’s a secret you’re keeping from me.”

“It’s not important.”

“Of course it is.”

He laughed under his breath, still turned away from her. “No, I mean like, it’s really not important anymore. Nothing in there matters.”

“Riz…”

He laughed again, and something in her stomach, a liquid mix of hot worry irritation worry froze into something heavy and cold like dread as his laugh broke into a dry gasp, sharp and cutting. “It’s fine, mom, really.”

“I’m sure it’s not, whatever it is, but I’m sure it’s not that bad either. You can just tell me honey, you know I won’t ever be mad.”

Her words seemed to register and nudge him away from whatever he was spiraling towards, but she still felt her lungs tighten and the cold sharpen in the pit of her stomach. He turned to look at her fully, and she didn't flinch, would never shy away from her son, but his eyes were dull, darker than she’s ever seen, as dark as her own during those first few months of just her and Riz.

He handed her the envelope with shaky hands and in the blink of an eye was suddenly sitting down on the other side of the couch, pressing himself into the flat cushions like they could swallow him whole.

She opened the envelope with no small amount of trepidation, wondering what could be so bad that her son came home at a reasonable time at night.

Reaching inside, Sklonda pulled out two pieces of paper, one significantly bigger than the other. Looking at the smaller one first, her heart at first fell and the soared with pride as she beheld a small slip of paper detailing that her son had earned an A+ in his rouge track during his most recent semester. Student shows signs of mastery at mundane and arcane lockpicking. Student shows signs of mastery at detecting/disarming mundane and arcane traps. Student shows signs of mastery at dealing damage with both short and long range weaponry. Student shows signs of mastery at remaining unseen by others.

The list went on, and she turned to Riz with elation. “This is amazing, Riz!”

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, sinking further into the cushions. “Read the other one before I vomit again, mom.”

She flicked open the larger paper with confusion, starting to read, and with every word the ice in her stomach turned back into red hot anger.

Dear parent/guardian,

Your child, Riz Gukgak, has been moved to PASS/FAIL academic status at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy due to FAILURE/EXPULSION of party member Kristin Applebees. PASS/FAIL academic status will nullify any and all extra credit earned from extracurriculars including athletic teams, school-sponsored clubs, and volunteer work in compliance with the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Your child will be allowed to remain at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy for the duration of their current school year. They must attend graduation and complete their teacher evaluation(s) in order to be accepted back into the Aguefort Adventuring Academy the upcoming year. If your child is a part of any multiclass program they will not be accepted back into their additional academic tracks and must remain only in their primary class the upcoming year. PASS/FAIL academic status cannot be removed or rectified from a student’s academic transcript with exception of the undergoing and completion of The Last Standard Examination. Please contact guidance counselor Jawbone O’Shaughnessy with questions, comments, or concerns.

Regards,

Interim Vice Principal Jace Stardiamond

Failure. Expulsion.

Kristen Applebees.

“-and I don’t even remember if we’re eligible to take The Last Stand this early in the year or if we have to wait until the last semester, but Kristin will be forced to leave this Friday, so if we can’t take it, I don’t know what we’ll do, Fabian, Gorgug, and Fig will be screwed next year and-“

Her blood was boiling, her ears were ringing, drowning out Riz’s voice.

Failure. Expulsion. Campaign manager. Someone else’s homework. People who call him The Ball.

Kristin Applebees.

“-hates her, and I don’t understand why, it’s just not fair-“

“It’s not fair,” Sklonda hissed out, a mirror of Riz’s, her snarl cutting through the air and making the words die on her son’s tongue. Forcing her hands to be still, pushing down the hot flash of rage in her belly, she schooled herself into the professionalism of Public Defender Sklonda Gukgak. Her son needed the cool head and steady tone that she prided herself on, her analytical eye and her forthrightness.

She could fret later. Her son had been blindsided by something she really should have seen coming ever since November, and it was time to address it.

She continued, voice low, watching her son’s posture relax bit by bit. “It’s not fair. Thank you for showing me, baby. We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

Riz turned to face her fully on the couch, knee nudging hers, and the hotness of worry irritation worry surged behind her eyes for half a second as she noticed a vein on Riz’s forehead that had never been there before. “You’re not mad?”

“No, kiddo, not at you. Never at you.”

“But…” He worried the chain of one of his necklaces between his teeth, a nervous trait he told her he’d picked up over the summer. He had sat up out of the cushions, but his knees were still drawn up uncomfortably, pressing his arms into his chest. “Without the pension, and without the extracurriculars… the scholarships-”

Stress was a thing Sklonda was familiar with. It lived in her apartment walls, on the underside of the peeling wallpaper. It filled the rooms in the flickers of darkness when the lights stopped working. It sat in the bottom of her coffee cups, and she’d admit that she found herself chasing it like her son chased clues, with a lot of intensity and only a little self-awareness. She knows her son too well, just like his mother and father in all the best and worst ways. Riz had too much in common with her, too many bad habits, and she’d sooner go back to her old job than ever let her son send himself more into the same stress-filled state she lived in for his party members.

“It’s not your fault,” she said, shuffling closer and putting an arm around Riz’s shoulders, wincing when she felt they were far too tight. Something in her quietly cooed when he laid his head down on her shoulder, glasses being knocked askew, strands of green hair falling and tickling her chin. “I’m not mad at you. I know how hard you’ve worked this year, and I’m so sorry Kristin messed it up for you.”

The shifting of chains between sharp fangs stopped. “...What?”

She rubbed his shoulder, keeping her voice low and soothing. “You’ve been doing far too much for her since the beginning of the year, Riz, it was really a matter of time before-”

“Mom, stop!”

Worry irritation worry confusion dread pooled in her gut as Riz shoved himself off her side and stood up off the couch furiously. “You can’t say that about Kristin, mom, how could you?”

She blinked hard. “What do you mean, how could- she got expelled, Riz, I know she and Fig aren’t academically inclined but c’mon, at least Fig is actually trying.”

“And what makes you think Kristin ‘isn’t trying’?” Riz scoffed, claws making quotes in the air with a harshness that rivaled when he tore into Kalvaxus two years ago. “She tries harder than the rest of us combined, she works so hard-”

“At what, Riz? Her campaign? The one that you run for her?”

“You don't get to talk about Kristin like that!”

This is exactly the opposite of what she wanted to happen. She wanted to hug her son and tell him it would all be alright while texting Sandra-lynn and Jawbone about what the heck The Last Standard Examination was and how Riz could take it. She could count on her fingers the amount of times conversations with Riz had turned to shouting, and even then they were always family matters, never about his party.

Sklonda loved Kristin, she really did. From the back half of freshman year until spring break of sophomore year Kristin spent a lot of time in Strongtower, rotating between the Faeth house and Gilear’s place down the hall before he moved out, wherever Fig was staying that week. Then it was down a few floors in Jawbone’s; sometimes she could still hear the shrieks of laughter echoing up through the thin floors as a gaggle of 15 year old adventurers ran through the halls far later than they were supposed to (not that she ever had the heart to tell Riz to keep it down when he hung out with his friends). Riz was a quiet kid before he went to Aguefort; Sklonda got the idea that Kristin had never been so. She always said what was on her mind, even if it was exceedingly inappropriate (she’s heard enough stories from Sandra-Lynn about her and Tracker during spring break). Always loud, always chaotic, a girl who jumped from idea to idea like she jumped from home to home.

That was a little cruel of her to think, Sklonda had been the one to order the raid on her house, after all.

Kristin had gotten a little quieter after spring break, Even Sklonda, whose building was no longer the Bad Kid’s default hangout spot, could see that. But she had also gotten a lot more chaotic.

“Kristin’s a good kid,” She said slowly, frowning when Riz shoved his hands under his glasses. “But you have to admit she struggles to stay on track sometimes.”

Riz glared at her through his fingers. “Doesn’t give you the right to insult her.”

“I’m not insulting her! It’s just the facts, sweetie, I know she’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose. But-” She waved the paper towards him, and he flinched away as though she were brandishing a gun. “-there’s two names on this paper, one being my son who joined every single extracurricular at the school and one being a girl who’s name my former coworkers apparently know due to several dropped charges of trespassing at the steelworkers factory?”

“You know I’ve probably got stuff on me too, mom, my midterm in December was to break into a warehouse downtown and plant a non-lethal arcane grenade set to go off when discovered.”

She remembered. It hadn’t gone off until February. He’d gotten an A+.

“That’s different, and not the point. Yours was an assignment for school, and Kristin’s apparently not been doing hers.”

“She’s got reasons to struggle, her god died, mom, I was there-“

“She can still cast, can’t she? You do everything for her, why can’t she at least maintain a C?”

“Oh my-” Riz dragged his hands down his face, muffling his next words. “You don’t understand-”

“Riz, I just worry that-”

“It’s not Kristin’s fault!”

“Then who’s is it?”

“I’m trying to explain-”

“Riz, don’t make excuses for her, she brought this on her-”

A sound filled the room, a short, sudden thing that sliced through the air. Riz’s eyes went wide, claws half curled at his side, and she realized the sound had just come from him.

Pressing his lips together as though he could stop the violent hiss that just came out of his mouth, Riz turned away and fled down the hall to his room, leaving his backpack and briefcase and a burning sensation behind Sklonda’s eyes that she couldn’t tell was rage or tears.

Another swing and a miss from Sklonda Gukgak about her poor, poor, boy.

A light flashed at the corner of her vision, startling her enough that her eyes were pulled away from the corner Riz disappeared behind. It was coming from within the couch cushions, and she reached in to pull out a blinking crystal.

10:02 pm

u alive the ball? kristin and I are still out here i wont leave until you respond

10:03 pm

i know u dont want to but if u told ur mom shed understand im sure of it

10:08 pm

we’re still herwogoTAKD2739/@(

10:08 pm

ITS KRISTIN I STOLE FABIANF S CRYSTL TMRW MORNIGN FIRST THIGN BOBBY DAWNS OFFICS I HAVW AN IDEA

10:09 pm

I L OVE OYU MAN THat assholes gonna pay for failing me on a fuckin technicality

What?

The blood rushing in her ears drowned out the incessant drone of the fluorescent light, but straining her hearing she realized that several floors down there was still the rumbling of a motorcycle.

Someone else’s homework. People who call him The Ball. Campaign manager.

Kristin Applebees had dropped Riz off from her own house, had stayed with Fabian and refused to leave until he texted them back, and here Sklonda was blaming her and probing at her son until he hissed and ran from her.

All sensation left from her, and numbly she got off the couch and started toward Riz’s room, crystal in hand. Stopping outside the closed door, Sklonda didn’t bother to knock. She knew he knew she was there.

The door didn’t open.

I don't understand, I don't have all the facts, I don’t know what’s going on, please tell me, she wanted to yell at the door like making more noise would save her from her mistakes.

“You left your crystal on the couch.” She murmured softly instead.

A pause. More rustling of papers, and when Riz opened the door he was holding his glasses in one hand and what looked like a map in the other, eyes dark. She held the crystal out.

He took it gingerly, and the numbness faded by just a little bit when his eyes got a little brighter, flicking over the crystal screen. He didn’t smile, but his face lost a little bit of tension.

He bit his lip and looked at her. “… I’m sorry I hissed at you. I didn’t mean to.”

She tried to smile, but wasn’t sure she succeeded. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain, sweetie. I’m all ears.”

He glanced at his crystal again, something changing in his posture. For a moment she was afraid he would close the door again, and even though she wanted nothing more in the world than to demand answers, she would let him.

“I don’t think I want to talk about it anymore tonight.” He said slowly, cautiously.

Sklonda nodded, thinking desperately about asking Sandra-Lynn out for drinks tomorrow.

“I just…” Riz looked down at the map in his hand, the words Ashgrove Cemetery scrawled in his handwriting at the top. “We’ve all worked so hard, Fig and Kristin and everyone, and-”

He swallowed. “I was gonna find the rouge teacher, mom. And now it doesn't matter.”

She could think of a million things to say, but all that came out of her mouth was, “Gukgaks don't give up.”

Her brave, smart, resilient, beautiful son’s eyes filled with tears, and he shut the door to his bedroom.

Stumbling back to the living room, Sklonda clumsily grabbed her crystal from the coffee table and sent a text, claws clicking against the screen.

10:13 pm

Jawbone, Riz just got home. What is The Last Stand?

The rumbling of the motorcycle faded from earshot. A few minutes later, her crystal lit up.

That oh so familiar heaviness of exhaustion and fear, the stress that lived in the bottom of her coffee cups, in the papers spilling out of Riz’s backpack hit her like a truck as she read Jawbone's response.

The lights flickered, and in the flash of darkness she saw a vision of her son, slumped over a desk, a paper in front of him with a dark red A+ written in goblin blood.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #the bad kids #sklonda gukgak #riz gukgak #the last stand #fantasy high junior year #fhjy spoilers #how does tumblr work

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princelylove · 1 month

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Part two of my interpretations of la squadra esecuzioni.

Ghiaccio is like a smaller Risotto. He doesn’t have a very distinct waist. He’s so picky with his food that it’s a wonder he even got that much distinct muscle- or maybe it isn’t, cutting is effective (in moderation, starving will only set you back on your progress). He mainly works out for his job, Ghiaccio doesn’t really care what he looks like.

He has a strong nose, and although his lips are small they aren’t quite in the thin category, he has really nice bone structure… He just doesn’t realize it because he’s horribly insecure and feels inferior. He copes by not trying, so he can always rely on the ‘Well if I actually tried it’d be better’ type of logic. Once a year Prosciutto gets to wax his eyebrows.

Not only does he know what mogging is but he knows where it originated. Because he was there. I’m dying on the hill that Ghiaccio knows what green text is. He’s appealed countless bans that all sounded like “I’ve never even fucking been on /mu/ you stupid fucks” (that all got approved the night of). He fills his mind with toxic masculinity, but isn’t into alpha male bullshit. Somehow he thinks hunter eyes are a thing but he draws the line at “smooth brained jock bullshit.”

I cap Ghiaccio’s height at 5’9” or 175 cm. 5’10” or 177 cm with his shoes on. He’s got fantastic posture for someone that sits at a computer all day. Ghiaccio’s sensitive about it, teasing him about his height is a death sentence. What a good way to end up in a freezer.

While he has a horrible temper, he cools off the second he gets it out of his system. Just moves on after smacking the shit out of his designated rage pillow like nothing happened. At least he’s coping. Not well, but an outlet is an outlet. It’s the same when you piss him off- he gets upset, says things he doesn’t mean, and then moves on. He apologizes like a father would- none at all, but brings you a snack or buys you something you’ve been asking for. He’s a big fan of the “Check if there’s mail.” approach. He genuinely does feel bad, but he’s not a little bitch that’s gonna tuck his tail in between his legs because he made his darling a little sad.

He smells like absolutely nothing at all. It’s actually a bit frightening. Zero smell presence.

Melone keeps every medicine known to mankind in his room, under his bed. He’s a great person to befriend if you find yourself in the hands of one of his roommates, but to be entirely honest with you, he’s selfish. He doesn’t really care about your agony because it’s got nothing to do with him, how does it benefit him to give you meds when he doesn’t even know you? (He budges if you belong to Prosciutto or Ris- he’s not pissing off his pseudo mom and dad.)

Melone is thin and mainly gets his exercise from running. His stand takes care of hits for him, he just needs to worry about the set up, so it isn’t really an issue. There’s no need for him to lift heavy, or really lift at all. Doesn’t really matter if he’s stronger, he just needs to be faster than you are. Sure, bash his head in, pick him up, aren’t you getting tired, though? Real sleepy? Go to sleep, it’s gonna be ok.

Mel’s stand is possessing an actual computer he modified. He runs tests consistently with the blood samples he’s managed to store in his room- he knows the best combinations to get him what the boss wants, and as long as he’s got ample blood left over, what’s wrong with killing a few juniors off in the name of science?

I classify Melone as apathetic and a bit mean. He’s an asshole. He gets a lot better once he’s comfortable with you, look at how much he plays with the rest of his ‘family.’ It’s just that he doesn’t know you, and doesn’t want to waste time on you if you’re going to get in his way long term. When you do spark his interest, of course, he gets obsessed and oh-so-curious.

He’s still very playful- Melone likes to hang off of Formaggio’s shoulders and tease Ghiaccio, but he’s calm. He’s not very smiley, he’s not very giggly, he just can’t force himself to react in the ‘correct’ way most of the time, but he’s totally having fun! Melone loves you a lot, he just doesn’t look like he’s having fun most of the time. It’s hard for him to care about things, but you quickly rotted his brain- isn’t that testament enough?

His seemingly cold nature makes it hard for him to form genuine bonds. Melone thrives with other difficult types- he shares a room with Ghiaccio (alternatively Formaggio) because they’re short on space and Prosciutto won’t share a room since The Incident they get along surprisingly well.

In the beginning of your new life, it isn’t uncommon to hear Formaggio gently push Melone in the right direction. “Come on, Mel, you’re scarin’ the poor thing. Smile a little.” (Which is normally met with “I’m running tests, go away, Formaggiooo…”) Melone’s shy- he’ll just stay off to the side, and speaks to you in a very formal manner. You might feel like you’re being tested on by a medical student. Which is wrong! Melone doesn’t have any medical experience! I mean, he’s taken classes, but he’s a genetics student. Oh, yeah, he’s in university.

Once he gets used to you, he falls into his normal, playful routine. He still doesn’t smile too much, but he’ll speak more openly, which… is it better to not know what the iv in your arm is, or to fully understand? Melone’s quite the talker, and is happy to (over) explain.

Melone doesn’t hide you like the others would- it isn’t shameful to him to kidnap a whole person, and he needs them to keep you here when he isn’t. Morals aside, you need to be socialized. It isn’t good to keep someone isolated and cramped in a room they don’t like. If you don’t want to talk to him, talk to anyone else. You’ve got options. Maybe not Prosciutto, or Illuso, they’re not going to play host as easily… (Although Prosciutto might ask what Melone’s “little friend” is gonna be having for dinner)

Formaggio’s body type is similar to Guido’s. He’s fairly bulky. Formaggio spends all of his free time playing whatever sport he can think of, neglecting to do his chores (You’re starting to think he likes Prosciutto yelling at him), annoying Melone, and blowing your phone up. He spends a lot of time working out, but he considers that to be more of a daily ritual than a hobby.

Since his only real responsibility is taking care of his cat and his job, he’s not stressed at all. He’d be a lot more stressed if he had to cook, and clean, and, I don’t fucking know, be an adult or whatever- like the shit Pro and Ris do all day!

If you ever ask him about it, he’ll go “I mean, it sucks that Boss is watching us and all, but to be honest, who cares? You don’t like being on camera? It loooves you.” and leaves it at that.

His psychology is a bit odd. He seems like a typical, immature guy- the type of guy you meet at college that does sports and seemingly nothing else. No interest in philosophy, religion, general culture, etc. While I think that his personality is close to a casual type like Guido or Squalo, he seemingly lacks any depth at all. There’s no “Oh, he’s actually very smart!” thing going on here, Formaggio is painfully average. There’s no reason for him to be a mafioso other than bad timing and a lack of drive to get away from it.

He’s actually pretty simple. He’s just a guy that wants to relax and have a little fun- who doesn’t like fun? But Formaggio is crazy insecure. He takes almost every negative reaction as a jab- neutral ones, too. If you’re not into his lifestyle, what, he isn’t fuckin’ good enough? Huh? You think he’s some fuckin’ nobody that doesn’t have the real talent it takes to be where he is?

You can calm Formaggio by stroking his ego, and by that, I mean stroking him. He’ll forget about any transgression if he finishes a few times.

He only speaks italian, and will “Huh?” you to death if you do not. He’ll buy you an italian-english dictionary to help you understand him, but won’t make any real effort to learn english.

Formaggio’s kitty was a stray before he snatched her up. She’ll try to comfort you while Formaggio is gone- but she’ll abandon you if he comes back. Little traitor. He calls her a ridiculous amount of pet names- sometimes he’ll reuse whatever name he calls you on her, and will pretend he’s always called her it. Awww, my little pwincess, my cuuuutie, my baby, my angeelllll. He treats her very well- she’s a bit pampered. While Formaggio’s cat is able to relax fully in his arms, you probably will not, unless you’re a masochist. He loves good, old fashioned sadism- no prissy mind games or punishments, he does it for absolutely no reason other than how funny your reactions are. He’s like that asshole boyfriend that throws a basketball into your face and laughs when you groan. Come on, it’s just a ball, don’t be such a baby. It’s just a joke. Aw, your face stings? You want some ice? Hey, that’s a great idea, why don’t you go get him something from the fridge?

#yandere la squadra esecuzioni #yandere la squadra #yandere ghiaccio #yandere melone #yandere formaggio #i wrote most of this a while ago but #im so tired of them get them away from me #just kidding #i just dont wanna look at this take it from me

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thatsatricky1 · 27 days

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𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Angst, Fantasy, Fluff, Gaming, Humour, Sci-fi, Thriller.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5,4k+

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Swearing, character death, angst, anxious scenes, break down scenes, if you have a fear of space dni.

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: This does not depict an accurate picture of Nct Dream and this is strictly fantasy/fiction for entertainment purposes.

Author note: Hey hey, while everyone is waiting on chapter updates for my fic series’ here’s a little angsty fic :)

The constant hum coming from the ship had become a barely noticeable background noise to the crew onboard the ship after two years in space.

Light steps tapped against the metal corridor floor heading towards the main area of the ship. Where their makeshift living room,kitchen and dining area was. It also happened to be their meeting room too.

Seven people already waited in the meeting area, seated at the metal table. The gravity was turned on and usually stayed on if they could. Floating around wasn’t always the most practical way to get around or live. All seven heard the familiar footsteps coming their way from their eighth crew member.

Y/n’s figure appeared as the metal doors opened with a quiet whoosh. Freshly bathed as her hair was still damp, but not damp enough to need a towel. Her pace was average in no rush as she made her way towards the meeting area, sitting between Renjun and Donghyuck in the last spot left.

Mark stood up as soon as she was seated to officially start the meeting, a weekly report meeting.

“Since everyone is here we can start the meeting. It shouldn't take too long.” He explained. A sentence he said quite often to start the meetings enough the Chenle had mouthed it silently toward Y/n who just shook her head amused.

Mark moved to sit back down at the head of the table looking around at everyone. Each person reports briefly on their assigned expert area’s. The last report to be spoken on was Y/n’s.

”Everyone already reported what I’ve observed for the week so I’lol just report on my specific area.” She offered while tapping against her tablet to bring up her brief notes.

Y/n was specifically chosen as the medically licensed doctor on board, but was also picked to help out in all areas when a second or third pair of hands were ended due to her excelled studies in basic area’s outside of her specific area.

“Alright, from casual week progress everyone is in the green zone with minimum injuries this week.” Y/n read off her notes, eyes scanning their latest vital signs. No one particularly intensely on this note as it happened every weekly report.

“Though I should remind you all that the physical check ups are next week.” Her words finally catch their attention.

Physical check ups happened every six months, as it was a requirement during their time onboard. This specific check up was overdue by three months, meaning they hadn’t had one in nine months due to schedule conflicts.

“What day?” Chenle asked out curiously, leaning forward in his seat, his chest abdomen touching the cooled metal table.

“Everyone will get a check up on different days, since the check up was delayed they will take longer than normal. Starting in two days we’ll go from oldest to youngest, one a day for seven days.” Y/n replied to his question smoothly as she placed her tablet on the table.

Chenle let out a whistle at the fact it would be long physicals to the point Y/n wanted to only do one check up a day.

“Alright, I think that’s a good way to go about it. I’m the oldest so I’m first up on Monday.” Mark agreed to her structure on the situation.

The crew never stopped going by the week days, dates, time and calendar overall. It was the way they could keep a little sanity stuck in a metal box up in space. Keeping a somewhat good sleep schedule for most of them, but a few suffered through insomniac tendencies.

“Don’t forget to fast the afternoon beforehand as well, we will be doing blood draw tests too.” She added on as a reminder since certain crew members tend to be ‘forgetful’ about that. Jisung looked away as her eyes met his when she spoke, one of those crew members she’d been mentioning.

The meeting continued for about thirty more minutes nearing the end of it.

“I just think we should change up the group music playlist when we play it over the intercom. I'm tired of hearing the same songs over and over again.” Donghyuck groaned, clearly pressed about it.

Y/n sighed refraining from pinching the bridge of her nose instead standing up needing to stretch her legs from sitting still for that long, Renjun’s hand absentmindedly following her as he fiddled lightly with her combat pants pocket.

“It’s an open playlist Donghyuck, you can add and remove songs anytime.” Y/n explained slowly as he looked up at her about to open his mouth to say something only to be cut off abruptly before he could even start.

A large sharp groan came from the as something hit the side of the east wall. The ship shifted and jerked at the sudden impact with no warning.

Y/n’s eyes widening as she lost her footing feeling her body jerk in the direction of the table, Renjun’s grip on her pocket not being tight enough in that moment to help as his fingers were ripped away from it with force as her side made harsh contact with the metal table side.

A pained noise escaped her lips at the sudden brutal pain shooting through her ribs as it spread around her side.

“Damage detected on East wall, Bay c. Object unknown, damage warning, immediate attention required.” A robotic voice alerted over intercoms.

“Y/n-” Mark stood up once the ship stilled, eyebrows creasing in worry for her but was cut off as she stood up straight holding one hand against her side and the other up to stop him.

“I’m fine, we need to check what that was and why the warning system didn’t pick it up in time before it hit.” Y/n brushed off her pain holding back a wince, slightly winded.

Mark stared at her for a second but the robotic intercom repeated what it had said beforehand and that’s all it took for Mark to nod at her and start blaring orders left and right.

“Renjun, Donghyuck you're with me, we will go to the controls. Chenle and Jisung go down to the panels to make sure everything is still working. Jeno, Jaemin and Y/n suit up, you’re heading out. We’ll need all three of you out there to see what damage was dealt to the east wall.” The orders were flying from his mouth naturally.

“Hang on would it make sense for me to go out, Y/n just got her ribs crushed by metal if you forgot.” Chenle argued, glancing over at where her hand was subtly still rubbing soothing circles into her side.

“Chenle you’ve been outside once, it’s too risky for you out there in an emergency, Jeno and Jaemin can’t be distracted. Y/n has more experience.” Mark denied his suggestion without a second of hesitation focused on the state of the ship.

Chenle bit back a retort grabbing Jisung hand to tug him away down towards the panel room, the two not exactly okay with it since the panel room was furthest down and was a black spot, no communications got through down there.

Jisung hand lightly grazed Y/n’s shoulder as the two passed in a silent way of worrying over her without having to say anything. She patted his back as he passed in return.

With that Y/n stood up fully from her slight bent form ignoring the sting against her side in favour of grabbing Jeno and Jaemin’s hands, tugging them away. Their feet heavy against the metal corridor floor as they rushed off.

“Suit up at Bay c, I’ll do the perimeter check.” She suggested letting go of their hands, turning to go down the opposite corridor only for Jeno to grasp her hand again, pulling her to face them.

“You just got injured, you shouldn’t be out alone on the west wall, go with Jaemin to Bay c. I’ll do the perimeter check.” There was no room for argument in Jeno’s voice and time was ticking.

Jeno and Jaemin had more say in it than she did as they were specially trained for this compared to her with basic knowledge and half the amount of time of outside experience.

Y/n stalled for a few seconds before agreeing. With that Jeno didn’t wait longer, jogging towards the west wall area while Jaemin and Y/n turned, racing now towards the east wall.

“Mark we’re here and suiting up, Jeno’s heading to the west wall to do a perimeter check to make sure there’s no hidden damage on the other side.” Jaemin called over their earpieces, their earpieces crackling to life as Mark responded immediately his breathing rushed from also racing to the control room.

“We just got here too, you're clear, suit up.”

As the two suited up Y/n frowned as she saw her fitted suit pack had fallen during the abrupt hit to the ship. Instead of double checking it she rushed to put her suit on because of the time crunch.

Moving to place her helmet on letting it click into place, too busy to notice the slightly delayed click.

“We’re suited.” Y/n called out as Jeno followed up “I am suited too on the other end.” From the west wall.

“Alright. We’ll depressurise the room and unlock the gates on both ends, get yourselves ready, gravity is going to be turned off.” Mark announced as he watched Renjun and Donghyuck go to the controls.

Y/n moved to clip her float safety belt to her suit before grabbing onto one of the metal bars on the wall. Jaemin, not looking at his float safety belt as he clipped it onto his own suit.

Without a second to waste Y/n’s hand grabbed at Jaemin as the gravity was turned off their bodies naturally floating.

“Gates opening in 3… 2… 1.” Donghyuck warned them with a countdown as the door released open. Opening them up to the wide, truly beautiful yet terrifying sight of the ever expanding space.

Y/n took a breath in as her suit filtered oxygen through, barely noticing the moistness of it.

“You ready?” Jaemin asked Y/n glancing at her eyes flickering down to her side covered in the suit. Only getting a nod in return, his eyes crunching in wonder when he sees her breath fog the slightest bit against her helmet but chalked it up to her temperature being higher from running.

Both grabbed at the walls as they floated carefully out of the ship into the dark abyss of space. Only stars faintly shining against the dark area. Both clipping the other end of their safety float belts to the sides of the ship.

Once the two had made it outside, Donghyuck closed the gate turning gravity back on for the ship, his feet hitting the ground. Jaemin and Y/n glancing at the east wall. There was thankfully no severe damage to the ship wall, mainly things that would be fixable with time.

“What could hit the ship with that amount of force without severe damage to the ship?” Jaemin wondered out loud as he scanned the area again trying to make sure he wasn’t missing anything.

As the two broke off from one another floating, Y/n’s eyes fluttered after taking in a deep breath, feeling as though she was sweating even if it was cold.

“Y/n, your vitals are stable and slowing down, they were in the orange zone before.” Renjun called out as he glanced at Jeno, Jaemin and Y/n’s vitals on screen.

“Most likely from getting winded and running before.” She explained the orange zone reasoning while hanging onto the side of the ship.

Green zone was good, orange zone was worrying, red zone was emergency levels and black was the zone no one wanted and feared for themselves and their crew members.

“Damages are luckily minimal on the east wall, bay c will need repairs but there’s no time pressure or too concerning signs.” Jaemin reported, satisfied with the outcome compared to what he’d previously thought would happen before seeing it.

“Good… that’s good.” Mark muttered yet their earpieces picked it up as he asked out “Jeno how is the west looking?”

“She’s looking gorgeous as ever on this side.” Jeno replied on the outside of the ship on the west wall as he moved slowly and steady along the side of the ship keeping his eyes peeled.

Y/n shivered feeling as though her suit temperature had dropped. A funny feeling in her gut just as a wet drop slid down her nape.

Renjun scanned the screens, but his eyes locked on to a small warning sign that suddenly popped up coming from Y/n’s suit, with her body temperature on her vitals screen dropping further.

“Y/n it says your liquid oxygen tank is having a delayed reaction and trouble processing fast enough, what is it looking and feeling like in there?” Renjun asked out, referring to her suit. Mark walked up behind Renjun to look at the screen himself.

Jaemin turned his floating body with his arms holding onto the ships side to look over at her, they were separated but not too far apart.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeno asked from his side of the ship in worry after hearing Renjun’s words.

Y/n cracked her neck from habit as she felt a few more drops slip past the back of her nape.

“I think it’s letting liquid slip, because of the slow processing.” She replied to Renjun a shiver running down her spine from a particularly large drop down her nape once again.

“Oh fuck that.” Jeno nearly hissed out, not at all comfortable with her outside with a faulty suit, the feeling mutual for the others.

“Alright, Y/n I’m not letting you stay out any longer, especially with a faulty suit.” Mark decided easily it was a massive safety risk for her and was a no go.

“Make your way back towards the gate, I’m going to open it.” Donghyuck moved his hands over the control panel.

“Y/n I-” Jaemin started to speak as they shared a look right as Mark saw a warning pop up yelling “Take cover and hold on! Object incoming!”

All three outside tightened their grip on the ship on instinct, pressing their bodies against it as well as they could with the sudden warning.

The object slammed against the side of the ship so fast no one could see what it had been or how it disappeared. But it was the least of their concerns and problems because of what was to come.

Jaemin’s float safety belt that held him in place as a safety measure from floating too far away had been damaged and went unnoticed when they’d first went out. Through the blunt force his float safety belt had snapped though his grip on the ship kept him steady.

“Is everyone okay?” Mark called out as Jeno confirmed his safety from the other side having felt only a slight tremor in comparison to the other two who’d taken the direct hit.

“My safety belt snapped, I’m holding on.” Jaemin grunted out, mind spinning from the sudden impact.

“Y/n make your way over to him and grab him, the both of you are getting back inside.” Mark ordered not caring if any additional damage had been done to the ships side, he wasn’t risking his crew, his friends, at this moment.

“O-one second.” Y/n gasped out as her mind spun trying to keep a hold on the ship.

“Shit.” The curse flew out of his mouth as Mark heard the warning ping from Y/n’s suit on screen. The screen showed a massive break in her oxygen tank.

Renjun swallowed as he gazed at Y/n’s vitals slipped getting into the orange zone.

“Guys, I don’t know if you’re s-seeing it on screen, but I’m losing air, my helmet is flooding.” Y/n managed to get out, crushing their hopes of it being a false warning.

She cringed at the feeling of dangerously cold liquid starting to pool against her neck at an alarming rate.

“No, they need to go back inside right fucking now, Donghyuck open the gate.” Jeno called out feeling helpless on the other side of the ship, going against protocol as he started making his way up the ship wanting to get to the east side.

“Y/n you need to conserve your air. I need you to try grabbing onto Jaemin before Donghyuck opens the gate.” Mark instructed trying to sound calm and steady for reassurance but inside he was screaming, frightened at his friends state.

“Okay.” Y/n managed to huff out as the cold temperature started getting to her, staring to climb back towards Jaemin trying to ignore the slosh of liquid against her neck.

“Slow and steady Y/n.” Jaemin called out watching her stiff figure, his stomach tightening at the sight, being able to see the liquid filling her helmet now.

Jaemin knew he was in a shitty position, if he let go or lost grip on the ship it would be hard to grab back on and not float away from the ship, isolated. But as he watched her making her way over as the liquid pooled around the helmet at its alarming rate he couldn’t stomach the thought of how suffocating it must be.

Chhhhhh!

Jaemin winced his hands releasing the hold he had on the ship to cover his helmet from damage on instinct when a stream of hot steam flew towards him from the ship not to get his suit damaged though his hands scrambled to grab onto the ship again. His fingers grazed the side of the metal but his body was forced away from it by the pressure of steam.

A curse flying from his mouth as he felt his heart drop. Y/n’s hand swiping towards him but he was just out of reach. A frustrated cry leaving her mouth as she started tilting her head up liquid reaching her chin now.

”Fuck Y/n jump for him, your float safety belt is okay.” Mark ordered body tense watching now from a window, eyes glazed in worry seeing Jaemin’s form better than Y/n’s.

“No stop Mark she’s got no more time left open the gate, she’s going to drown.” Jaemin called out gazing at Y/n as the liquid in her helmet was leveled with nearly her bottom lip.

“GET HER INSIDE! I’m almost there, I'll grab Jaemin.” Jeno practically yelled as he made it to the top of the ship only to curse as his float safety belt got caught, turning to tug at it wondering where it had snagged onto.

Donghyuck did not need to be told twice as he slammed the button with his finger but panicked as nothing happened, repeatedly pressing down on the button.

“Error too much damage on East wall, bay c gate, gate release denied.” The robotic voice announced at Donghyuck yelled, as he continued pressing the button as Renjun rushed over to try overriding the command.

Everyone outside hearing the access denial, Y/n’s eyes shifting to look over at Jaemin, liquid sloshing over her mouth, having to breath through her nose now with restricted air flow.

“Fuck I’m stuck somewhere! Hang on!” Jeno yelled out as he had to float back down a bit to unhook where his float safety belt was stuck.

Jaemin locked his eyes onto Y/n barely making out her helmet now that he was floating away, the distance far but his heart belated faster at the glint of liquid filling.

Y/n knew with the door being jammed on this side there wouldn’t be any time for her to get back to the next closest gate, Jeno wouldn’t make it in time to Jaemin, his belt wouldn’t be able to extant as far as where Jaemin would have floated off to by the time he got there. She had to make the obvious decision.

Y/n took one more sharp deep breath in as the liquid filled past her nose right afterwards. Everyone hears the sharp inhale.

“Y/n no!” Jaemin yelled out desperately as he watched her push with force against the wall with her feet to float outwards towards him.

“Tug yourself back with your belt right now Y/n that’s an order!” Mark stressed out as his hands flew to the press against the window.

Y/n ignored his order, something she never did before. Concentrating on keeping her body steady as she floated her way towards Jaemin.

Jaemin spread his arms to get ready to catch her as she finally got close enough to two, careful not to float any further. Jaemin’s heart rate spiking on vitals as he finally got a clear view of her helmet. The liquid had flooded past her eyes now yet she kept them wide open.

With the pure liquid most likely damaging her eyes permanently from keeping them open as Jaemin let out a sob. Mark, Renjun, Donghyuck and Jeno freeze at the sound of crackling and a weird noise fizzling from Y/n earpiece indicating her helmet’s fully flooded state.

“Hang on, just hang on!” Jeno yelled out as he’d started traveling back up the ship side.

Y/n tried her hardest not to shut her burning eyes, everything blurry as she unclipped her float safety belt from her suit movement slowing down as she shook her head inside her helmet to focus as her hand fumbled with Jaemin’s suit clipping her belt not him instead.

“Just hold on tight Y/n, don’t breathe in even if you want to, I’ll pull us back in, it will be okay, everything will be okay.” Jaemin was desperate at this point, denying the obvious, everyone hearing his words. Y/n couldn’t hear, her earpiece flooded.

Her eyes glancing at the ship as her lungs chest stung from managing to pick up the steam releasing from the ship, knowing there was no time.

Glancing back at Jaemin through blurred vision seeing him shake his head. Her grip traveling to his shoulder causing a small hope flicker in his at her listening to his please only for that hope to drop and get stalled by the pit in his stomach as he watched her fold her legs inwards.

Y/n pushing her legs out against the anti gravity against Jaemin’s suit causing Jaemin to start floating backwards towards the ship, his hand barely missing her leg in an attempt to grab her.

Jaemin screaming her name out as he traveled back towards the ship, watching her eyes flutter shut floating in the same exact place Jaemin had been stuck in previously.

Jeno had made it towards the east wall climbing down fast as he screamed in frustration at the sight in front of him.

Renjun finally overrides the gate denial as the gate slides open from Donghyuck’s constant button pressing.

Jeno grunting as Jaemin’s body hurdled into him pushing the two inwards, right back into the bay c room. The override lasted two more seconds before being automatically shut closed. Gravity turned on as the two landed harshly, falling against each other.

Jeno the first one up as he rushed towards the closed gate slamming into it yelling “Open he fucking door right now!” While Jaemin ripped his helmet off, eyes flying up to the vital signs showing on screen on the wall with the camera screen showing the outside of bay c.

Y/n was in the red zone, the numbers rapidly plummeting towards black zone, Jaemin’s eyes stuck on the screen watching her body floating.

“I SAID OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR SHE’S STILL OUT THERE!” Jeno roared out now, his body repeatedly slamming against the gate door with his shoulder in frantic desperation.

“I can’t, it’s not taking the override code anymore!” Renjun yelled back, reeking of anxiety and stress. While Donghyuck stared at the screen, hand still pressing down on the button, eyes locked on to Y/n’s vitals while Mark was at the window, hands still against the glass as he watched her figure.

Y/n couldn’t hold it any longer as she let her breath go, bubbles floating past her lips before her body automatically sucked in the liquid desperate for air, the liquid burning down her throat like melted metal into her lungs filling.

Mark couldn’t look away even as he saw her body instinctively flinch, suspended floating. He knew she’d finally breathed in, succumbed for her need to breathe.

Donghyuck moved his gaze away knowing he couldn’t stomach the sight of seeing her vitals reach the black zone as he hears Renjun’s frantic typing.

“Open it, open it, just open the goddamn gate!” Jeno yells his shoulder aching with the amount of force he continuously slammed against the gate.

A noise pinging through out the ship as Jaemin’s eyes stared at her zone level. Eyes never leaving it even as Jeno continues slamming against the gate door.

“Jeno stop.” Jaemin called out softly not looking at his friend, his crew mate.

Jeno didn’t. He wouldn’t give up. Not when there was even the slightest chance of getting her back inside.

“Jeno I said stop… it’s black.”

Jeno got four more hard shoves against the gate before his body gave in, knees dropping harshly to the metal flooring. Panting heavily as he raised shaky hands to release his helmet letting it fall loudly to the floor, moving to press his head against the cool metal gate.

“It’s not… it will never be.” Jeno denied trying to run from the truth, from reality.

Though Jaemin had watched it slip from the red to black, watched her heart rate go to 0, watched her body’s automatic flinch from drowning, suffocation on the liquid that was supposed to help her survive.

“Mark?” Donghyuck shakily asked out lost, not knowing what to do, not processing her vital signs properly.

Mark heard him, his hands sliding down to glass and to his sides. Swallowing as he turned around knowing his next words would kill them internally.

“It’s too risky to go out right now, all suits need to be checked for damages before anyone goes outside to retrieve..” Mark couldn’t even utter her name, it would make it real, it would show the reality no one was ready for.

“Fuck…” Renjun whimpered, letting his head slam down over the control panel he’d been typing on, the metal stinging him against the harsh drop on his forehead.

He’d not even 20 minutes ago had her sitting next to him, fiddling with her pocket and listening to her talk about their health check ups and know it would never happen now. she won’t be sitting with him at the next meeting, he won’t her her scold them, wouldn’t feel her play with his fingers in boredom, or fill his mug with coffee without a word noticing when it was empty for him, wouldn’t share midnight talks, feel her lips brush over his forehead when he missed home, none of them would.

Mark felt it in his stomach, the guilt pooling there just like the liquid had pooled in her helmet. If he had taken Chenle’s words she’d still be there. Chenle’s suit wouldn’t have been faulty like hers. He shouldn’t have told her to jump for Jaemin, it had stuck to her mind even if she’d done it without his orders, he should have been harsher with ordering her to tug back towards the ship with her belt then watch her continue her path towards Jaemin. Yet he’d just let it happen.

Donghyuck couldn’t bare the silence from his captain, nor the slighted cries of Renjun as he denied the truth. Running away from the problem as his hand left the control panel rushing out of the control room, shoving past Chenle and Jisung without even a word.

The two frowning having just come back from the panel room, the black out spot where no communications got through.

“Panels are all steady, no damage at all, not even one thing will need repair.” Chenle reported as the two made their way into the control room, only for Jisung’s hand to press against Chenle’s chest noting the tense atmosphere.

Chenle feeling his heart drop to his stomach as he watched Renjun look up his face soaked in tears, a rare and never good sight. Eyes shifting over to Mark’s figure who watched outside.

“What happened?” Jisung barely managed to get out his question yet no one responded.

Chenle took a deep breath in as he rushed over to Mark to push past him to see what he was staring at. It was Y/n, now safety float belt on, as she stayed perfectly still outside.

“Why is she out there without her safety belt, where’s Jaemin and Jeno, they need to get to her before she floats too far.” Chenle turned out of instinct to check her vital screen only to blank upon the sight.

Jisung had already looked when Chenle had been talking as he shook his head hands flying to his head gripping his hair tightly repeatedly saying no as his head shook. He’d eaten breakfast with her, she’d cooked, he’d touched her only 20 minutes ago. How could she be gone in just 20 minutes of last seeing her, it was impossible. His hands started to tug harder against his hair as his breathing pitched, desperately gobbling air into his mouth panicking.

“What the fuck did you all do! What the fuck happened!” Jisung yelled in panic as he felt his fingers pull a few strands of hair out as he lost it, something that hadn’t happened in a year.

“Get her back inside!” Jisung continued dropping into a crouch to hide away from his own emotions that gripped his tight.

“I already said we can’t not right now. All suits need to be evaluated before we can go back outside-” Marks words were cut off as Chenle shoved his hand against his captain's chest, a bold move.

“Are you serious!? By the time the suits get cleared she will be too far to reach!”

Jaemin finally stopped grazing at the dreaded screen looking down at his hands. He shouldn’t have let go of that stupid metal wall, he wouldn’t have floated off, she wouldn’t have had to grab him. Why didn’t she just listen and let him pull them back, it would have been a slim chance of her surviving but it was better than staying still and shoving him back, why did he let go of that metal wall.

Jeno stared at the metal gate as his head was still laying against it lost in thought. He remembered the times he would joke with Y/n outside, they’d become too used to it, to desensitised to it. To the danger.

His fists clenching as he remembered how he’d told her to go with Jaemin, if she’d followed through with her plan to check the west wall perimeter she’d still be alive, she’d still be here. Yet he’d thought he was in the right, putting her with Jaemin, safety in numbers. How could he have predicted the faulty suit, or the beltline snapping. He couldn’t yet he was desperate for something to blame it all on, blame it on anything.

So lost in his thoughts he didn’t even hear the shuttle shifting in the air vents, as Jaemin sat there unable to move just yet his eyes had gone back to the screen.

“You know… she once nearly drowned as a kid.” The thought slipped his lips before he could stop them as Jeno sent a sharp cutting glare his way at the inappropriate choice of words even if it was Jaemin’s way of processing the situation.

Back on earth the control center would find out about the loss of the main medical expert which would be unfortunate but to the crew, who’d known her since training even before getting on board two years ago, they’d lose a part of them.

5 had lost their best friend, one lost their best friend and unrequited love and one person lost their best friend who was their secret lover, their soulmate.

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @rotinyzen @wonyoungmywife @snflwrhaerecs4u @thegreenlynx @serinebsblog @delululi @bubusebu @hanniehq @molensworld @morkiee @marvelahsobx @kaciebello @kgneptun @bluedbliss @haechansbbg

(If you want to be tagged in my Nct Dream writing/content comment, inbox or message me)

Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed. Don’t forget likes, reblogs and comments are always encouraged and help keep writers like myself motivated to continue our stories.

See y’all next time

𝐊𝐩𝐨𝐩 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭:

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emma-cantmakeuphermind · 1 year

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Just A Project | VI

Nathan Prescott x Reader

Masterlist

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Warnings: swearing, no nathan :( kind of shit writing, second half is mostly filler

Words: 1.2k

I woke up at 8:47 this morning completely ready for today. I got up, did my morning routine and put on something comfy but casual (A/N: you can wear whatever you want, I'm not a fashion slut). I organize my room a little bit, because why not. It’s still a mess, but now an organized mess. As I look around my room at the subtle progress I made, my stomach growls in hunger. The thought of a Two Whales breakfast teasingly enters my mind. Suddenly I’m leaping to grab my pocket essentials, heading out of the dorms to the bus stop.

While I’m waiting for the bus I am completely zoned out, daydreaming about that beautiful breakfast. When out of nowhere I feel a pair of hands on my shoulders pulling me out of my thoughts. I jump slightly turning around to the sight of Rachel Amber and Chloe Price. The startled expression quickly dissolves into a smile. I don’t know Chloe that well, the only times I’ve really interacted with her have been with Rachel as well. I’d consider her my friend though, she’s really cool, and she inspires me to not give a fuck.

Rachel on the other hand? We’re pretty close. All because Dana spontaneously joined the Drama club and asked me to join as well. Drama was never really my thing so I opted out and was a part of the Tech Crew instead. That was freshman year, feels like forever ago. At first our friendship just started as casual conversations during rehearsals, then she asked to hang out after one night, then boom. Our hangouts became almost a daily adventure. Even when she met Chloe, she didn’t forget about me or hangout with me less. That's just how good of a person Rachel Amber is.

“Well if it isn’t the dynamic duo, Rachel and Chloe.” I smile at both of them, their company is always welcomed. “What are you guys up to?” Knowing well enough that they’re always up to something. Rachel chuckles and says, “Well,” She draws on, “we saw you all peaceful like, and we just couldn’t have that, now could we?” I giggle at her antics as Chloe leans over Rachels shoulder. “I mean, what kind of friends would we be, if we just let you have peace?” The blue haired girl smirks. Rachel swats a hand at her and asks, “What about you, Punzel? What were you up to before our presence graced you?”

I roll my eyes at the nickname, a smile never leaving my face. Punzel, I earned that nickname when I first met Rachel. She was trying to get my attention, but didn’t know my name. Back then I had long Y/H/C hair that basically reached my thighs. So she just called out ‘Rapunzel!’. That was the beginning. Ever since she shortened it to ‘Punzel’ because she deemed Rapunzel was too much of a mouthful.

“I was just about to catch a bus to The Two Whales. I’m dying of hunger.” I state with my head thrown back dramatically. “Oooh, breakfast sounds good!” Rachel's eyes light up and she turns to Chloe, “What do you say, Price?” Chloe nods, “Yeah, I’m starving too, and hopefully, if I show up with you two, Mommy Dearest will bless us with a discount!” We all share a laugh before Chloe continues, “But we are not taking the bus.” She haphazardly turns around and pulls her keys out of her pocket and waves them in the air above her head. “Onwards to the Chlo-Mobile!!!”

—————————————————————

We arrived at the diner after a short while, the ride was filled with laughs and a little bit of weed. Mostly on Chloes part, she offered me a puff, but I declined. I did have things to do today after all.

Once we settle down in one of the booths we spend a few moments chatting and catching up. Chloe tells me about Deputy Dildo and their latest conflict. I hate dealing with him at school as is. Imagine having him live in your own home. About half way into the conversation Chloe gets a little too heated resulting in Rachel calming her down. They are the cutest couple, totally perfect for each other.

I told them about the whole Nathan situation, both of them having opposite reactions. Chloe was shit talking him in five different languages, while Rachel did her best to defend him. Sometimes I forget that they’re friends, they seem so different. Then again, she is with Chloe.

It’s not long before Joyce strolls over to our booth and asks for our drinks and orders. I settle with a classic breakfast consisting of crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, and some toast. I also ordered (your choice of coffee or tea), it’s a must for early mornings like this. When our food arrives we all dig in getting lost in conversation.

—————————————————————

The rest of our morning is spent bitching about whatever comes to mind and we all come to a conclusion that we need to hangout more often. When we're all done eating, I check the time. 10:42, I still have about an hour until I have to meet Nathan at the track field. The three of us pay and head out back to Chole’s truck.

The drive back to Blackwell was pretty silent. I just enjoyed the scenery of Arcadia Bay, and realized that I needed to do that more. That must sound pretty ironic coming from a photographer. But hey, I’m human too, sometimes life just gets in the way. My mind then drifts to Nathan. Here comes that burst of excitement again. God, I need to chill out, this meeting is just for the project.

We pull into the Blackwell parking lot and I hop out. “Thanks for the ride guys, I owe you!” I say. Rachel waves me off while Chloe speaks, “Are you kidding? Don’t worry about it Y/N/N, you can catch a ride anytime.” They both give me a smile, and Chloe winks. My face goes red at the action, and they both chuckle at me. “Bye, Punzel!” Rachel says, I wave and walk away, as they drive off.

I wander the campus a bit, looking for anything to try and kill time. I see a few friends like Hayden. I go up to him and sit down next to him at the tree he’s under. “Heyy, Y/N! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Hayden smiles at me warmly. I smile back with a chuckle. “Hi Hayden. How are you?”

I’ve known Hayden for a while now. I also know he’s one of Nathan’s best friends. Rachel and Dana both say he has a crush on me, but I don’t see it. For all we know he's just being kind, though he does act flirty, I’ve seen him act like that with others too. He’s just a really good friend, probably one of my best, like Dana and Rachel.

We talk for a while, mentioning whatever comes to mind. He also brings up Nathan and the project. Wait, does that mean Nathan has been talking about me. I hope that's a good thing, I don’t really plan on getting on his bad side.

—————————————————————

I don’t even know how much time has passed talking to Hayden until my phone dings. It’s a text from Nathan.

N: “nrd, where u @” 11:54

I shoot him a quick response.

“hey, omw :)” 11:54

I say goodbye to Hayden and head over to the track field with a smile on my face.

#life is strange #life is strange x reader #lis #life is strange imagine #nathan prescott #nathan prescott x reader #nathan prescott imagine

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obstinaterixatrix · 2 months

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also went on a paddle boat with sister, it was fun I haven’t done it in like 7 years. we stopped by a book store, and

1) there’s a physical copy of A Hero in the Demon King’s Castle which was surprising to me because syohei(/inutoki)’s got really off-beat style so I’ve figured they’d be too niche to be licensed, plus it had a dust jacket WITH author/artist bio AND the extra comics on the actual cover… I didn’t get it because I’m not quite ride or die for it, but I am reconsidering because syohei’s art is just really fun. plus it’s just a well-printed book, how often do you see manga printed in eng with dust jackets? I’ll probably reread it and see if I Really Do Want It. if anyone wants a bit of a wacky read with interesting art, give it a look. I actually… really like inutoki & syohei’s other anthology more because I really like the love interest of the main oneshot but it also has one oneshot that’s pretty vicious to the point I’m not sure I’d actually get a physical copy lol

2) speaking of pretty vicious, a physical copy of one of asada nemui’s works was there which I think is pretty cool, her art is sooo interesting to look at. it’s not as crazy as syohei’s, but it just feels… direct? impactful? just an appealing style. I wouldn’t buy a physical copy of that one, but I’d get one of sleeping dead… I’d consider getting the anthology but she really paired two of my favorite oneshots while having the main story have My Hardline Exclusion Criteria 😞 I’d get the other anthology tho, no hard no’s in that one. where was I going with this? well, if you like strange morose rancid toxic romances, definitely look up asada nemui and also a list of content warnings

3) on that note, it made sense to list manga alphabetically by title back when it’d take up a single shelf max, but I think book stores really need to rethink manga shelving, especially since more bl with smut/het with smut/yuri with smut is getting licensed and distributed

3a) by the way there were quite a few yuri titles, which is a cool change! I already had the one I liked

3b) buy ‘5 seconds before a witch falls in love’ it’s so good. I LOVE the main story. I am lukewarm on the other oneshot. the main story is SOOOO fun, zeniko sumiya has kind of a more shounen-esque art style and she usually draws bl so you need to treasure her fun & dumb witch/witch hunter shenanigans

3c) I mistyped shenanigans as shenanigals lmao that kinda fits still

3a) and the other ~15 I’ve read and dropped because I wasn’t interested in them (I showed sister the cover of SHWD—like, I also want muscular women but I cannot get over some of the anatomy, those are beach balls attached to her chest? like it’s not the aesthetic of Anime Titty Jiggle Physics but I really cannot get over it) but I’m glad there’s more yuri. mostly. I hate that the gamer one is there, the art and writing is so weirdly uncomfortably… H for something that is a SFW slice of life, and I didn’t like a few of the other series that sister pointed out because they were really. too long with not enough sense of direction/momentum to have satisfying character/relationship progression. BUT IT’S GOOD THAT MORE YURI IS BEING LICENSED.

3) anyway I was thinking that there should probably be more a delineation between either genres or age of audience, but at the same time, that’s tricky—having an 18+ section could make it uncomfortable for folks who enjoy being able to browse without a glaring neon sign that indicates they’re looking at smut, dividing by genre can make it tough for folks who want to take a look at gay romances/lgbtq autobio more surreptitiously,

3d) well, I would imagine it’s less of a huge deal now than it was ~15 years ago, but homophobia still is a thing

3) so in the end I have no defined conclusion to my thoughts on manga shelving in english-speaking countries

4) I saw several copies of nagisa furuya’s works! I might go back for number call, that was the first one of hers I’ve read and it’s really cute. I was telling sister, this might sound bad but I like how… standard her art & writing is, it’s very clean and pleasant, her low(ish)-stakes slice of life fluff is really good. also nice to have sfw options for introducing folks to bl

5) this is completely unrelated to this bookstore trip but a couple of weeks ago I saw an m/f romance and was like. do I know this artist from bl??? but I looked up the artist and didn’t see anything I would recognize, it’s just… the way older men is drawn is so…

5) like I know I’m stupid biased because I read an inadvisable amount of bl but he looks like a guy straight out of my miserable office worker bls. I feel like I should know him from bl. I guess I just forget that m/f fans also like older men because all the josei romances I’m involuntarily exposed to are very (…) Like That

5a) mangaplanet REALLY needs to reorganize its genre divisions. hardcore josei smut shouldn’t be lumped with shoujo. hentai should not be lumped with shounen. guys what is going on there

5) but I’ve been thinking of reading it because even by style alone it looks like it’ll at least be unique m/f (though, if I’m gonna read m/f, my preference would be for a miserable older office lady and kinda punk-ish younger guy, but oh well…) it’s just, the cognitive dissonance of squinting at this guy and being like. you belong in a bl.

6) I need to get back out of the habit of reading bls to pass out at 2am 😔 for a while I finally dragged myself back to sleeping at 1am with my baby leash (screen lock) but I’m back in my bad habits. I could at least look at the unhinged horror m/f racher’s been begging me to read just to diversify what I’m pouring into my brain. oh, also sister gave me night is short walk on girl to read and the writer really did deserve all his awards, his character voice is extremely arresting

#my ramblings

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wellexecuted · 5 months

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So last year was the most seismic year of my life. I consider my ‘long 2023’ to have started in August 2022, during my first break up.

I had never experienced heartbreak like that. I threw myself into the gym and my new teaching job (and first full time position after uni). I discovered online dating for the first time, to my peril. I became extremely thin, and totally revelled in my sadness. I thought myself so profound, and this was compounded by numerous and terrible situationships. I went through what was probably my second genuine heartbreak.

Come about March- time, I started to ‘fix up’ emotionally. I met some of my best friends, and was partying every weekend (… and some weeknights). It was the busiest few months of my life. I then met my now- partner, who introduced me to another lovely circle of people.

March to December have been the happiest, silliest and busiest months of my life. I made some incredible memories with my friends and deepened my relationship with my partner. However, I’ve gotten pretty physically unhealthy, and… blew through what were already pretty meagre savings.

I regret nothing. The expense, ultimately, was worth it. As I progress through my twenties I’ve come to think of my life in terms of periods and seasons, as opposed to linear and unfaltering progress. I still worked hard this year, professionally. I had an article published in a blog, and successfully applied for my September apprenticeship. But this aspect of my life- my self- development and self- care- must come first now.

This year, I must calm down. This is certainly not punishment for my happiness. I have had a blast and I would not change a second of it. I just am acknowledging that I need to re- route (and re-root) myself.

I’m starting a new position tomorrow, as a cover teacher at a school closer to my home. Then, in September, I begin my official teacher training year. In the interim, my focus is on my health, my mind, and my existing relationships.

At my core, I thrive in my aloneness- I love to write and read, draw and paint. These things fell by the wayside in what I’ve been calling my ‘recovery’. I’m on day 7 of not smoking (a silly habit I picked up to make friends and ended up sticking), and I’m back in the gym. I’ve cleaned my room for the first time in months, and I’ve been hitting 8 hours of sleep most nights.

My socialising now consists of wine- free restaurant meals and chats over coffee. I have a few glasses of wine once a week, and have made my friends swear to only invite me ‘out- out’ once a month from this point onward. My partner and I take it in turns to dream up ‘weekend dates’, and spend our time traipsing museums and looking up life drawing classes.

I want this blog to reflect these things in the coming weeks and months. I am studying in my spare time in preparation for my training year, reading copiously, learning freely. As an aside, I’m, like, actually drinking water and eating vegetables again too. I’m going to try to stay consistent with an 100 days of productivity challenge. Please do join me! I love and miss my posting on this blog.

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iistardust-and-sprinklesii · 1 year

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I’ve seen this… hot take being thrown around a lot and it’s seriously gotten to me so here’s a post dumping my thoughts about some viewers’ reaction to Willow’s arc this episode (coming from someone who’s kinned her since season one).

First off, her alleged tone-deafness with regards to giving Hunter a photo of him and Flapjack. Some people were really mad at her for that, and it genuinely pissed me off. Sure, it wasn’t what he needed in that moment, but it was done from a place of nothing but kindness and acceptance of him. Willow’s always been an outcast and for the longest time only had Gus as a friend, and when Luz came along, the combined compassion between the two of them helped her to finally find confidence in her abilities and to not doubt her talent like she had for so long. Her go-to response to Hunter isolating himself from the rest of the group was to remind him that he had a support system he could rely on whenever he felt alone. She acknowledges the similarities between them and their struggles with self-esteem in the past, though her way of helping him unintentionally made him sadder. In that moment, how does one respond? Willow immediately panicked because “Oh no, I didn’t want him to upset him even more than he already is” which is a perfectly normal emotional reaction to have (despite some people claiming she was being selfish). Look, when your friend is upset and you don’t know how to help, sometimes you panic. In that moment, she felt helpless. Then, when she realized she was actually drawing more attention to herself, she felt even worse. So she left. She made a mistake, and I don’t think she’s been given the grace she deserves in that moment.

Others have said Willow’s leadership role and the mental turmoil she experienced “came out of nowhere” when it… didn’t. For years she’d been in the background and was rarely given so much as a second glance from her peers. Then Gus, Luz, and eventually Hunter came along and she desperately wanted to ensure they didn’t leave her behind. Amity betrayed her (though not of her own volition, but Willow obviously didn’t know that) because she kept slipping up and messing up her magic, which she clearly internalized because of course something like that would seriously mess a kid up. The moment she became more confident, there were more eyes on her admiring her and asking to befriend her, which can be jarring and overwhelming for someone who initially came from nothing. It’s clear from her past that a natural progression in Willow’s character would be to showcase her struggles with abandonment (manifesting, in this case, with her carrying the burdens of her friends so she could potentially prove herself to be a worthy and strong enough witch to be around). Her breakdown allowed her to finally realize that she doesn’t have to “prove herself” to anyone. She can just be the same Willow she’s always been and no one will think any less of her for it. She doesn’t have to constantly put others first to be their friend.

So… yeah. As someone who projects heavily onto Willow, I just really needed to get this off my chest.

#the owl house #the owl house season 3 #the owl house analysis #toh #toh willow #toh hunter #toh gus #toh luz #toh amity #willow park #the owl house willow #the owl house willow park

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the-hinky-panda · 8 months

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Strings: Part III

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Les Packer x Fem! Reader

Summary: You and Les had been high school sweethearts. You're going to be a music teacher, he's going to climb the ranks of the SAMDINO MC. The only thing that stands in your way is his mentally unstable brother, Isaac. Things fall apart and fifteen years later, your daughter calls Les for help when you're in a coma and she's trying to figure out how to stay out of foster care. Les is faced with figuring out if you daughter is his or possibly Isaac's. Either way, he can't walk away for a second time from you and your daughter.

“When was the last time you ate?”

Zoey covers her mouth with her hand as she chews the massive bite she just took out of a hamburger. Her eyes crinkle in the corners as she smiles behind her hand. “I’ve had a lot on my mind. Kinda killed my appetite.”

Les forces a smile at the comment, memories of shoving greasy bags of take out into Isaac’s room whenever “inspiration” took hold of him. Isaac would write, paint, sing, draw, whatever outlet of creativity happened to strike him at the moment. He would become obsessed with self-expression to the point that he would forget to eat or sleep. Les was once again shoved into the position of caring for his younger brother. The fact that Zoey shares in that temperament kills Les’ appetite and he slides his untouched burger over to her.

“So CPS is off your back and you’re feeling okay with that?”

She nods her head emphatically. “I was so scared of where I was going to end up. My friend, Tilda, her foster family actually made a request for me to live with them.”

Ah yes, the friend with the handsy foster father. “Tilda, that’s your friend who sleeps on the floor and takes care of the kids, and…”

Zoey grabs a fry and dips it in the small plastic cup of ketchup. “Yeah, that’s her.”

It infuriates him thinking about the possibility of Zoey being in that same situation. “What’s the family’s name?”

She looks up at him with those hopeful eyes. “You can get her out of there? Can she live with us?”

Les holds up his hand. “Slow down. First of all, I’m only here until your mama wakes up. So ‘us’ is very temporary. Second, I don’t know what to do about your friend but I’m willing to look into it. If something can be done, I’ll do it. But don’t go giving her false hope.”

Zoey nods in understanding. “I get it. Thank you, for whatever happens.”

He snags a fry off her plate. “Your mama got me into dipping these things in hot wing sauce whenever we would go to music festivals. If we couldn’t find that, we used bbq sauce.”

Zoey smiles and slides a couple of the ketchup cups towards him. They’re not filled with ketchup but bbq sauce. “She taught me that too. So is that how you two met? At a music festival?”

Les takes another fry from her plate. “No, it wasn’t a music festival. We met in high school.”

Isaac had been caught smoking a joint in the boys bathroom that afternoon. Thank God he had unloaded the crack he had brought to school that morning or else Les would have been waiting for him down at the police station and not at the high school. Their mother was on her way to the school but she had to finish her shift at the steakhouse before attending another sit down with the principal over her out of control son. Their father just flat out refused to even speak to the school anymore.

So Les has an hour to kill before Isaac is released into the frustrated hands of his parent and he ends up going where he always goes: the music room. No one knows he plays the guitar, that he started teaching himself at the age of ten. His father took him along to one of his motorcycle club’s parties and one of the guys had a guitar sitting in the garage with an inch of dust on it. Les had found a music book in the beaten up case and taught himself how to play jingle bells that night. It only progressed from there. He can now play by ear and has his own instrument stashed behind a stack of tires in the garage.

But as he approaches the door to the music room, he hears music already spilling out into the empty hallway of the high school. It’s a mix of guitar and percussion. He peers through the small window to see who is in the room but he only sees you. He watches as your fingers dance along the frets and strings, and then he sees you strike the body of the guitar with the heel of your hand. That creates the percussion sound. He doesn’t even realize he’s opened the door and stepped inside until silence replaces the music.

You stare up at him with wide, surprised eyes. He takes in a breath to say something but you jump to your feet. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave.”

He holds his hand up to stop you. “No, don’t go.”

“I don’t want any trouble. Please.”

Fucking Isaac and his reputation is starting to pull Les’ reputation under as well. Les is a senior, keeps his grades just above passing even though he could have straight A’s. He thought he was just playing it cool but perhaps his actions were listing him into degenerate space. He doesn’t like seeing the fear in your eyes, the tremble in your hands around the neck of the guitar.

“No trouble. Promise.”

He gives you a small smile and that seems to calm you somewhat. “Okay. Um, do you…do you play?”

He sticks his hands in his jeans pockets and shrugs. “A little, yeah. Not like you though.”

You duck your head in embarrassment and brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “I was just messing around. It’s not exactly traditional skills. Mr. Elledge would kill me for hitting the body of the guitar like that.”

“I thought it was beautiful. Could you teach me?”

You think about it for a minute before nodding. “Okay. Sure.”

He remembers taking that guitar from you, the strings still warm from your hands. He remembers the scent of your shampoo, rosemary and thyme, as your hair fell over the both of them as you maneuvered his hands into the percussion positions. He remembers the warmth of your body pressed against his back. He remembers the desire that settled under his skin that prompted him to seek you out every day after that at school.

“My mom plays the guitar?”

The question wounds him. “She used to play all the time.”

“Huh.” Zoey sips at her soda. “I’ve heard her play the piano and a little on the cello, but never a guitar.”

He wonders what it was exactly that made you give up the guitar, the instrument that was constantly in your hands. He hopes he’s not the reason why you gave up the thing that brought the two of you together. That thought causes him to worry what your reaction will be when you wake up from the coma. “Well, when she comes to, you’ll have to ask her to play something for you.”

Zoey nods silently, taking his words as they were intended: hopeful.

#les packer x you #les packer x reader #les packer soa #les packer mayans #les packer fic #les packer imagine

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serpentinearchitect17 · 1 year

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Hi there 😊

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, but I just had an idea for a particular scene today, so I decided to write about it. I’m taking a break from anything Red, White & Royal Blue related to focus on my current love and hyperfixation: Avatar the Last Airbender. I started watching the series last fall, and I haven’t been able to turn my mind off from it since then. Unsurprisingly, I quickly became obsessed with and fascinated by Zuko and Katara’s dynamic. They’ve become my muse lately. I’m working on a Zutara fanfic as we speak, and I’ll create a post about it once I get it up on AO3.

In the meantime, I wrote this very short scene. It takes place several months after the end of the 100 Year War. Zuko has made great progress as the Fire Lord, and Katara is now an Ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe. They’re in a committed and loving relationship at this point. I used some direct quotes from the Brooklyn 99 episode, “Chasing Amy.” This was initially meant to be a quick, humorous thing, but it turned into something sweeter (I have no regrets, heh). Full disclaimer: If you know anything about the reference to the B-99 scene, you’ll understand that Jake and Amy did have a significant moment of affection on that rooftop, whether it was technically love or not. As for Zuko and Katara, I personally don’t believe they were anywhere close to feeling love or deep affection in the Crystal Catacombs, but I think it’s the first time they truly connected on an emotional level.

Anyway, without further ado…

*****

After a long day of beginning preliminary discussions with the Earth King about the newest trade agreements among the Earth Kingdom, Southern Water Tribe, and the Fire Nation, Ambassador Katara snuck off for some alone time in Ba Sing Se. She managed to convince the Earth King to let her down into the Crystal Catacombs, even though most individuals in the city have been strictly prohibited from ever entering the area again. It’s still in the process of getting repurposed for better, more humane uses. She gave him some flimsy excuse as to why she wants to venture into the cavern. Despite the deep frown he gave her, he apparently didn’t question her motives, and had a couple of guards (thankfully, not the Dai Li) follow her to ensure that she made it there safely. She didn’t need the protection, of course, but she didn’t feel like arguing. She had told the Earth King not to let anyone else know where she was; she promised him that she’d be back to her guest house later.

Now, she finds herself back in the same spot that she was imprisoned with a then-banished Fire Prince.

Just as she runs a hand over one of the crystals, she hears soft footsteps behind her and turns around to find the love of her life.

The Fire Lord is dressed in his formal regalia, but he’s taken his crown off, and his top knot is undone, leaving his shaggy fringe hanging over his bright, golden eyes.

“There you are! Thank Agni,” he sighs in relief, drawing nearer.

A look of surprise flits across her face. “Hey, how did you find me?”

He raises his eyebrow at her. “Well, the Earth King didn’t want to tell me at first, but I figured it out. If I recall correctly, a long time ago, Master Katara and the banished Crown Prince Zuko were trapped under Ba Sing Se, in the Crystal Catacombs.” He gestures to their surroundings, and his lips quirk into a tiny smile. “This is where we were the night you fell in love with me.”

Katara snorts, shaking her head. She crosses her arms and gives him a half-hearted glare. “Zuko,” she warns, with just a bit of an edge to her voice.

“All right, fine. The night that you flirted with me for 20 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever,” he amends sheepishly, his cheeks flushing.

“That’s slightly more accurate.” She steps closer to him, so that there is barely any space between them. She reaches up toward his face, tracing her fingers over his scarred cheek.

“Are you okay?” he murmurs, automatically leaning into her touch.

“Yeah,” she answers softly. “I guess I just wanted to come back to see what it was like, now that things are so different.”

He swallows nervously, though he keeps his eye contact steady. “I understand. I kind of did, too, honestly. I hope…” he pauses, looking like he was choosing his words carefully. She waits patiently for him, and in the next moment, he continues, “I hope we can associate better memories with this place. They’ll never be perfect, of course, because of all the bad things that happened here before. But, maybe when we think of it from now on, it won’t be quite so grim.”

She nods before pulling him into her arms. He hugs her back with everything he has in him, pouring all of his affection and love, and apologies and regret into the gesture.

He lets her go briefly to press a kiss to her forehead. “Do you want to head back up?” he asks quietly, cradling her to his chest with his chin resting on top of her head. “We can probably explore more parts of the city before our next meeting, if you want to.”

She glances up at him and smiles. “Not yet. Let’s just stay a little while longer.”

He agrees and holds her, while the green crystals glow around them.

Yes, she thinks to herself, we’ll have better memories from now on.

#incorrect atla #avatar the last airbender #inspired by brooklyn 99 #zutara #zuko x katara #zuko and katara #katara #zuko

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brodingles · 1 year

Photo

Year in Review, 2022

I actually made a couple of these, because it was hard deciding what really encompassed my year. The version above is the one with my Aesthetic version, which has the pieces I think were the prettiest or most aesthetically pleasing ones I did for that month.

This post has my thoughts on the pieces and some overall thoughts on my progression through the year! I’ll post one with just the image afterwards.

January

I spent most of January coming off the end of IR and DMP, and as such I had a lot of. Juniper, Dorkus, and Angie on the brain. I actually made a few of these little comics. >:0 Dorkus is one of my favourite expressions I’ve done in a long time, and it lives in my army of Discord emotes haha.

This kind of WAS my meme for the month, my favourite thing overall.

February

This piece is actually part of a set that I did on stream! It’s part of a set. Keep this artstyle in mind, it will come back later!

Was still drawing Triad Shenanigans this month. I just wanted to share Discount Chocolate Dorkus.

Despite what it may seem like, I actually spent this month planning Tiny Gents! I made headshots for every important NPC for the first oneshot I ran ever in my life. Very shaky knees, but everything went well!!

March

I have no idea what came over me for this one I just went as feral as Barbeau haha. This HAD to be when we were talking about doing a certain DnD game, but the DM and players have been so busy all year we never played. Maybe 2023 is the year Barbeau comes into fruition??

Not the full comic and no Dorkus because I’ve already shared plenty of Dorkus and Juniper needs to be in here SOMEWHERE, but apparently I was still going strong with these in March?? Wild!

We ran the second(?) Tiny Gents session this month. I am including Tiny Gents because it was such a big part of the year in total haha. April

I actually don’t like this piece very much, if I’m honest, but I made it and that should be worth something!! I had the song Eyes Don’t Lie going on loop for this, and I put it on my Rememdium playlist, which is probably my most played playlist of the year (If not, it’s TG). This song is going to come up again, but it definitely put me in A Rememdium brainspace.

I actually spent the month drawing more Tiny Gents stuff. Pictured above is one of the “Feral Group” PCs (featuring Charming reading a book). I did some more character design stuff this month, mostly sketching traditionally.

May

This piece is actually from a LIST of pieces that I did in a row for the Song Meme. This one just looks the nicest when cropped to me haha.

I also redrew a classic comic with the newer designs for the TG RA’s. I...got so much done this month haha.

June

Pride! Emilio and (then) Geon! This was actually NOT the highlight of the month, because this month I created Aine!!

She just POPPED into existence while I was listening to Eyes Don’t Lie and then she took over my brain for a while.

I also did more Tiny Gents art because I had brainrot all year.

July

ANTHONY TOKEN

So Anthony, my boy, came into existence a little before this month, but I didn’t draw him much or think about him much until AFTER I drew his token. Now I’m obsessed with the goober. I plan on redrawing this, I’m not as happy with it now.

I actually posted this one here recently, but I did this as a send off with the Feral Group for TG. They haven’t played since and I miss them ;v;

August

I did a lot of doodles? This month? It was a little slow. I created Hisscisca (the half orc) and Jamie (the pink goth). I actually did frames for an animatic done by @anatthema-art

Also created another character with the help of @churrobird

Got back into Triad shenanigans and made Dorkus a gf. I also did a set of outfits for Juniper! I’ll try to post these separately, this post is getting long.

BUSY MONTH.

September

More Tiny Gents. I did so much Tiny Gents. Not so much art but just doing Tiny Gents.

BUT I ALSO WENT INTO ANTHONY BRAINROT

I HAVE SO MUCH ANTHONY. I DID AN ANIMATIC FOR ANTHONY I WEEP. I SOB. I CRY.

October

I drew this one in a haste and for love of the game to do MOTI’s Songtober! It was a really fun piece to do, and I’m surprised I have not done more fanart for this game ohoho. Omori made a big impact on my art.

I also tried really hard to do a TG comic this month, and I did 3 pages. Hooray! I can’t find it in my files, but it sure is a thing I did.

I also did like...3 birthday pieces because I have so many OCs with October birthdays.

I actually also spent this month working on an even bigger project...

So Monkey’s Paw is not mentioned ANYWHERE in this summary, and that’s because I forgot I had to do a ton of art for it despite it consuming my being for several months. It is a surprise I got anything else done, really. I don’t even remember when I drew these-- technically they should be earlier. I’m glad the song and video are out haha. Also yes I put an Omori reference in the video.

November

This piece kind of changed how I approach my pieces in general? There was a lot of reference gathering and editing that went into it, even though it didn’t take long to actually draw. I just wanted to try something cool, and it seems to have succeeded. Really this month I did a bunch of cool art with Anthony, I’m also quite fond of the sword piece.

I have so many feelings about this image you don’t understand.

December

I actually don’t know if the person I did this for has a Tumblr, but it was a Secret Santa gift! I did other smaller pieces this month, a lot of them, actually, but I mostly just chilled out. December was very reflective for me personally, and I became so grateful for things that happened this year. This summary is very visual heavy and I apologize for that, but there’s so much art to share this time around and I wanted to do that! Conclusion

I spent this year working mostly on my own projects, which was very surreal. I’m very grateful for being able to do that, and would like to continue working on projects throughout 2023 as well!

#summary of art #summaryofart2022 #summary of art 2022 #art #long post #dingaling crossing

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makemeanangelpure · 2 months

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March 22, 2024- again.. I’m chicken shit to weigh because I know there’s no progress.

I have to start somewhere.

I threw up this morning because I ate again after throwing up last night, so drunk, I just ate with the full intention of purging after because I knew my partner was passed out. I’m hungry now obviously because I threw up again, and I’ve had 4 saltines, a green monster and bread and butter pickle juice. I want to eat to make the feeling go away, but I’d feel like a fatass for eating. I made them macaroni and grilled chicken from the freezer because they’re hungover today and that’s what they wanted so I scooped a ton into their bowl, and just now put the rest in a tuba-ware. I smelt it like 4 times, made myself think I didn’t want it but typing about it, thinking about it I want to go over there so bad and just eat it cold. They kept putting their hands under my shirt to warm their hands and eventually I had to say “ please don’t touch my stomach right now.” Which lets them know where my brain’s at even though I already assured them I was fine today. I know if I eat that, I’ll want to throw up again and won’t be able to, so it’ll be better to be hungry and sleep in a few hours rather than eat it, because they can eat it. Because they are off the next two days and I shouldn’t have any because it’s theirs now, I made it for them.. and I ate all the croissants this morning and purged like a moron. I feel so guilty.. I love been drawing since I cooked, trying to organize an old playlist and distract my brain, finish my monster, I tried to go over and kiss them while I was cooking and be affectionate.. but I’ve been very introverted today since they’ve been home.. they said they missed me and I got slightly annoyed because I’ve literally been over here for an hour just doing my thing- one night we haven’t watched something on tv together and suddenly you need attention when you said if I need time, I need time.. I don’t know and I put away my stuff like I was gonna go sit with them and stop drawing and now she’s asleep. Which they need to be to rest from the hangover.. god dammit I still want to eat it. Kill me I hate the way the saliva builds in my mouth.. I hate being a binger.. it’s being weak. It’s being fucking weak.. and tomorrow we’re supposed to go to this cafe with board games and I already don’t really want to go because I want to wear clothes but I don’t look the way i want in them and over half my closet doesn’t fit.. I can’t wear bras or panties or skirts or shorts or certain shirts without being reminded of how fat I got. They want to invite friends and I said no so fast because 5 years later and I’m still not seeing my friends because I’m trying to lose a crazy amount of weight first. And I keep thinking I should just eat today to give myself something to go off of.. start tomorrow.. I’ll have coffee.. I WONT order anything to eat at the cafe.. I can’t I don’t have money.. I’ll appreciate a coffee.. that’s what I get.. FUCK AM I EATING IT..

I ate it.. I hate it.. half way I wanted to be done but I’d put Cajun and pepper all over it and they eat it if I do that . So I also ate all of the lemon bread they got me and left one so they can have it.. and of course I’m full and feel sick and gross and horrible and god bad shivers.. so nervous the whole time they’re gonna wake up on the couch and they just did for a second while I’m eating bread..

I’ll get something tomorrow that keeps me under 42 for the day.. and for dinner I’ll have 2 cucumber slices and plain tea. Fuck.. it’s so hard to pick something a cappuccino or a latte are both gonna be about 100-150 as well as a cold brew.. I could just have a cup black and bring my own zero sugar sweetener and have pumpkin flavour like that.. might do that.. then I could have milk in my tea or something or maybe there’s creamer singles I can grab in there hell I don’t know.. anyway fasts started wooo

Staying under 50 cal I’m sitting for 44 hours should be easy especially with these first two days being 42’s.. and I can do it.. I’d rather drink slightly more bitter coffee and keep under my limit than have foam and OR OR OR I could do my fix it fast out of order and do a 442 tomorrow

ALRIGHT and I work 4 days coming up,, so in accordance hereS how it’ll be ( moons for work days )

Sat: 442

Sun: 742

🌙Mon: 42

🌙Tues: 42

🌙Wed:42

Thurs: 742

Fri: 742

🌙Sat: 42

Sun: 742:

Mon: 42

Tues: 42

Wed: 42

Okay after next Sunday I don’t know yet if I work on mon or Tuesday but either way it doesn’t matter cause work days would be 42 and ITS PERFECT TO END THE fix it fast because will be burning so much fat on 4 days at 42 cal.. ughhahahahajaajaj

Okay okay.. this will be good.. tomorrow rises a skinny bitch and soon my body will show for it.. especially after this.. I don’t know.. guess it makes sense to try and aim for losing 7 pounds soo assuming I’m 113, goal is 106 on April 4. 113 is probably where I’m at since after purging I’m weight 115 ish.. and a day or two of fasting would put me at a more accurate 113.. alright 106 in 12 days. And 12 is soul’s number… it’s PERFECT. I’m doing closing shifts so that’s perfect too. I work right through dinner, and I can come come and make it a ritual to have green tea or the peppermint one.. I’ll write down my stretches and mini workouts to do.. maybe on my off days I’ll wake up steadily earlier and earlier.. and go on morning walks for 42 minutes.. ah I’m excited! This will be good. I can do this.

Oh my god I estimated and by his birthday June first by keeping all this up and togther I’ll be 93.. 1 pound below my old low weight.. after all this time.. and for his birthday! PROGRESS progress and by my birthday I’ll be 87 a pound under my old UGW before it dropped to 84 and 84 I’ll hit a week before July ends!.. I’ll be getting so skinny through spring.. and spend the beginning of summer, going from 89-84 pounds.. good god.. I have to do it. I don’t care. I don’t care. I’m ready to be toned and strong again. I’ll put in the work on my own to strengthen my core, and being consistent with work will help with that too. I’m going to be able to pay for things and make it everyday without b/p because I’m above that. I’m an Angel, I’m going to make my partner the best death weapon.. 3 months and a half we’ll have victory. I have to be strong, pure and sound, if we’re going to be the best we can be. By example it’ll inspire soul to work harder too. Match wavelengths. My hair will be back longer again too.. by end July it should be back down to my collarbone.. which means my hair should be long enough for pigtails again! I’ve missed them so much!

#ed vent

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bvannn · 4 months

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Weekly Update January 26, 2024

I am still very sick. I just took my second increased dose of the medicine, hoping it will help. Whatever stomach issue I was having a bit ago appears to have returned as well, or it could be more side effects from the surgery. Or something else. I don’t know. I tried fasting on Wednesday and felt physically better but also guilty, and I don’t want to keep doing it because I know it’s dangerous. I’m still a healthy weight for my height so I can probably get away with doing it like, once a week, but I don’t want to accidentally lose too much weight either because I’m already a 22 year old adult who buys clothes in the kids section I don’t need to be any smaller. I’ll figure it out, I’m trying to focus what I am eating on fruits and nuts, hoping it’ll detox me a bit.

I did a couple drawings this week. Kinda. The one I posted was actually sketched back before the surgery I just hadn’t digitized it yet. I only posted the one drawing because I want to hold on to the other for a bit because it’s part of that epithet prompt set I made. I’m fully not expecting to do every one of those prompts, but I figured hey since I missed a few I can do a batch of the missed prompts and release them at once. I sketched the one for this week and planned on finishing it on Wednesday but I got sick again. Once I’m feeling better I’ll try to focus more on drawings. I think I gotta scrap the big animation project I was working on due to circumstances beyond my control, which sucks but theoretically I can try other animation things too. I’ve been sitting on an idea for a short Detective Conan animation, maybe I’ll do that. Or maybe I’ll stay sick. Idk. I kinda want to figure out how I would animate Shaun, since he’s a ghost so I’d have to deal with both transparency and glow effects, plus certain aspects of his design that were meant to be more flowy, like his shirt-tail-thing. I could poke after effects again but it seems a lot more tedious than I had hoped.

I did review over comic stuff this week too, although I haven’t made any progress since I really started getting the surgery after effects. I like how it’s flowing for the most part, but I’m probably going to have to do second drafts of a few pages. Kinda sucks that everything feels so rushed, since I want to fit the whole introductory chapter into ~32 pages, which I’m totally able to do but I have to hold off on some little dialogue exposition conversations that I think people would like. Any story with ghosts is going to have people wanting to fully understand how the ghosts physically work, especially when it becomes relevant, but some of that can be put off until later because character moments are more important. Whatever, I can always keep going.

I feel super bad about not being able to do anything but I’m still so screwed up. I want to take another stab at music, and maybe I will, but I need to sit upright to play piano which screws with my stomach, and in order to pick out VSTs I want on a song I need to be able to have a midi that resembles what the final will sound like and I need to be in the headspace to listen to music without going into sensory overload. I’m pretty sure all of this is sleep related, I have the weekend to hopefully catch up on sleep, but I need to do some homework as well. And I need to stop waking up in the middle of the night. I’m afraid to double dose on sleep medicine because even though I know it’s safe after 6 or so hours, I don’t want to be reliant on sleep medicine because that’s how Michael Jackson died. Might have to wait for my surgery bs to subside before I can try to detox though.

I don’t know what to do with myself right now. I feel awful, I feel like my insides are rotting, but I know they’re not since I’m not in pain from it (or at least not enough pain to really believe that). Plus surgeon looked at me before I moved back to Uni and seemed really impressed with how quickly I was healing. Even though I probably disobeyed her ‘don’t lift more than 20 pounds’ rule. Like a lot. I did feel better this week than I did last, so I’m hoping I can bounce back pretty quick. I’ll give it another week or two before I ask my primary if I need another medicine. I’m hesitant right now because both she and the surgeon seemed to agree beforehand that I wouldn’t, and I want to trust them. I don’t know. Time providing I’ll try to do more drawings this week.

#weekly update

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dear-wormwoods · 5 months

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Happy New Year!

I know I haven’t been posting much lately, but I do like to write something every year on New Year’s Eve so I can look back on things if I want to in the future.

So 2023 was a pretty awesome year for me, to be honest. I really didn’t accomplish any of my goals from my last New Year’s post, except for continuing my Duolingo streak, but you know what? It’s totally fine. I set myself back financially and made no progress on getting in shape, but I had a lot of fun!! And that’s really what this year, particularly this summer, was about.

Travel Highlights:

Went to Colorado in June/July, had an amazing spa day and fancy dinner on my birthday, did a bunch of really cool hikes and took a ton of photos, had more fancy dinners, saw 4th of July fireworks over the Denver skyline, went to museums including the Molly Brown house and the best prehistoric exhibit I’ve ever seen, saw moose and elk, and generally had the best time ever.

Visited my aunts in North Carolina for the first time, and had a great time. They convinced me to treat myself while we were at a real jewelry store so I got myself some diamond earrings. Because why the hell not? I’m an adult with a salary, and I don’t need to save or put toward bills every penny I make.

Went to Ocean City in Maryland for the first time as well, which was a ton of fun even though I’m not the most beachy person ever. Ate crabs, got wasted, rode rides, saw wild horses, and then afterward went to Hershey Park which was also a lot of fun and had great roller coasters!

Went to Colorado AGAIN spur of the moment in November because we finally got invited to go to Casa Bonita. So we did that, of course, went on an awesome winter hike in RMNP, got massages, and had a fancy dinner at a Chianti event in Denver.

I also went to a few shows this year:

Iron & Wine in July which is definitely a highlight of the year because he is my favorite musician and I’d never seen him before. Super intimate acoustic show so I didn’t get any pics or videos but I’ll remember it forever, especially that he played my favorite song!

Modest Mouse, Lord Huron, and a bunch of smaller bands at a two day festival in August. Such a fun time, and both headliners were SO good. Lord Huron is a newer find, but I’ve been listening to Modest Mouse for over a decade and never saw them live!

Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service in September, for the 20th Anniversary Transatlanticism and Give Up tour. This was my second time seeing Death Cab but this show was special because both bands played those two albums in full, and Transatlanticism is one of my favorite albums ever.

Other cool things:

Went to a fancy tea room in Boston.

Saw Titanic in theaters TWICE during the 25th anniversary rerelease.

Saw a queer comedy show.

Practiced drawing more, but not as much as I’d like.

Went to the gym slightly more consistently.

Cooked some great meals.

Started writing a fanfic I love, which I truly do intend to finish!

Went on a couple of writing weekend trips to Maine which did of course include lobster and a dessert bar.

Had many snuggles with my cats.

Made sweet desserts for my family’s Thanksgiving and Christmas get togethers.

Played a billion hours of The Sims, and took hundreds of screenshots for my save’s very extensive family tree.

Cut down on waitressing hours at the expense of my savings account so I can have weekends back and not burn out so easily.

Other than all that, I went to work and that was fine, tried dating a few times but nothing panned out, and just kind of hung out and did my thing most days.

Huge shout out to @terieri who not only is my travel buddy, but also willingly came to all those concerts, and is the only person who is as invested in my Sims lives as I am! This year would have been super lame without her.

2023 was all about having fun, exploring, doing new things, and eating great food. It gave me a lot of memories and while I know I won’t be able to afford having another year like this for some time, hopefully I can make 2024 pretty great too!

I hope you all have a wonderful night doing whatever you choose to do on New Year’s Eve, and that 2024 starts off amazingly for you all. For myself, I like to get takeout and play video games so that’s what I’m going to do.

❤️

#new years #life #don’t reblog

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commonharlotwatchesbl · 2 years

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I’m so not normal about Vegas. I don’t think I can be normal about Vegas.

Below the cut it’s just a ramble of projecting, trauma dumping, and psychoanalysis.

Today’s episode was on the tougher side. Losing a pet is always a tender topic, but the way it was framed around Vegas’ trauma and the conversation between him and Pete about it hit too close to home. I’ve had a very similar conversation with my therapist. I have a sick pet, who was going into dangerous surgery for probably the third time. My therapist was asking me how I was feeling about it – the usual. I tried to talk about it without crying and failed miserably. I was obviously frustrated and expressed that just the potential loss should not hurt so much. She had to explain at a grassroots level to me that that is what an affectionate relationship is like and how it should be. It should be important, and that’s why it’s a good thing that it hurts. In the episode, I could imagine Vegas wanting to scream that if it’s like this, he doesn’t want any of it. But of course he cannot avoid it, since, as the episode clearly demonstrated, he’s not a psychopath and is very much capable of caring.

I love seeing people roast Vegas on how Pete gave him two minutes of therapy and the guy fell in love. As in, how emotionally unintelligent can a guy get? Well, for reference, I was instructed to do mindfulness noting techniques when I was 21: Whenever I noticed I was thinking, I was supposed to note for myself that I’m thinking. Same for feeling. However, I thought that it meant physical feelings, such as sore muscles or tingling. I did not realize that I had feelings, as in emotions, until I was 25, because I was so ill equipped to deal with them. I think they happened, I just wasn’t aware.

When you’re an extension of a parent instead of seen as an actual human, the mind has no option except perceive the self through the Other. You feel as if you are how your parent compares you to your peers. You are your grades, your progress in your hobbies, your successes compared to others. You got the second best result in an exam or a sports competition? The thing a parent like this wants to know only is why did you not get the first one and more importantly, who did? You get punished for failure. A grade B+ will give you a week of being grounded. (Really.) A child like this, in search for affection, doesn’t really develop likes and dislikes, the only way they can find human connection is learning to manipulate how others perceive you and draw positive feelings from there. This is why Vegas is so obsessed with being seen as “the second”. Anyone would think that’s an enviable position. He has an entire household of people who think he’s equivalent to a God, but he only cares about the gaze of some abstract Other he has learnt to place on himself. This, of course, he picked up from his father ever since childhood. This is why he's so perceptive of which version of him Pete reacts to the best.

The self harm… When you’re corporeally punished as a child, physical pain becomes a soothing comfort for emotions you’re ill equipped to process. When I was expressing age typical emotions at two years old, my parent considered it a failure on my part – I was being difficult and made her look bad – and used to slap me on the face. According to old documents written by her, after getting beat, I would crawl over to her to give her a kiss in an apology that I had upset her. Eventually I guess I learnt that affection is only on the table momentarily if I do something that makes her appear in a good light, and then the moment’s over. The only real attention you get from a parent like this is pain, and when you’re an emotionally starved enough child, pain is better than nothing. When you’re sad, you learn not to expect comfort, you learn to expect pain of some sort and what is familiar will become comfortable, so you do it to yourself.

Sometimes, you would find another place for comfort: another parent, maybe friends later on, maybe pets. But if you’re used to losing all of these new sources of hope, you begin to push them away right from the start to show yourself that you’re indeed not worthy of love. And when you're really desperate for human connection with a mind like this, you will think you have to chain them to the ceiling just to stop them from leaving. My only friend in elementary school moved away, my only friend in middle and high school moved away, my first boyfriend died, I’ve lost more pets that I can count. You give up and live every single moment waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every good moment is drenched in the knowledge that it’s not going to last, so why delay the hurt. Make yourself unlovable, control the perception of the Others so that they never know you, because, if they never know you, they cannot really leave you. Teach yourself to walk backwards out of any given situation. However, conveniently they can give you that little drop of good brain chemicals if you can trick them into seeing you in a light of power. For example, through violence and sadism. You can find a fan you can manipulate into seeing you as superhuman, but be all too willing to, well, shoot them I guess, because they would leave you anyway if they actually knew you. However, when you get the satisfaction of being seen positively through the other via a new state - vulnerability - you're going to want that kick of being liked while navigating a whole new experience. Vegas being perceptive to how Pete likes him, being addicted to being how Pete likes him, is going to teach him new ways of existing.

A child being put responsible for how others see a narcissistic parent is exactly how you would get a character like Vegas. A control freak completely out of touch with their own self with an emphasis on facades and impressions to whom others are only tools to either be seen through or tools to manipulate how others see them. For a personality like this, facing oneself is dangerous for everyone involved, since the toll on the psyche is not little and coping mechanisms are various.

However, if against all odds, the self survives this, what does one do with the surplus of love and affection that has previously only had an outlet in harm towards oneself and others?

I’m not normal about Vegas.

#kinnporsche the series #vegas theerapanyakul #vegaspete #kinnporsche

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