Tumgik
#screaming into the void because my brain is too full
vicvanvin · 7 months
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Is this somehow not flirting??? like dude, HYJ, i know you are in absolute denial about the fact that other people can like you but HYH literally GAVE YOU TO SHJ (granted its temporary but I feel like my point still stands given how brocon he is), i dont think you biting him will resolve this tension
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neverendingford · 11 months
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#tag talk#“I'm gonna spend all of today with you!” sorry you're 24 hours too late Ive already started dreaming of murdering people with my bare hands#should have picked yesterday when I wasn't uncontrollably seeing bodies dripping blood from the ceiling#anyway guess we go stone-faced today and question every single intention and context because I do not have the energy to figure out reality#please don't like this please don't respond obviously I can't stop you but I just want to complain I just want to scream#I just want to yell into the void can you give me that? I just need emptiness to scream into.#I don't want to scream into a pillow I want to scream into the endless sky.#I do not want to fill a vessel with my vitriol I want to dissolve it into a solution of sunlight and burn away the hatred I feel#I want to kill and maim and hurt. I want to be killed and be maimed and be hurt. I want to dissolve into nothing and make it all stop#I just want to be home I just want to be home I just want to be home I just want to be home#if you wanted to spend time with me you shouldn't have let me rot this long. if you move me I will crumble into punky wood full of woodlice#if you wanted to talk to me you shouldn't have left me alone inside the caverns of my fucking brain for so long#if you wanted me to be kind you shouldn't have asked for my fucking opinion#I will be normal again in a week but I am crumbling under this stress I am breaking and eroding and rotting away from the inside#it's super fucking cool how I can have the exact same experience seven years later that I did when I graduated.#congratulations you're now too old to hang out with your friends because they're two years younger than you and you're an adult now#congratulations you have to hang out with your peers who you've never connected with and always been seen as a freak to them#congratulations everyone is separating off into their friend groups and you're kicked out of your old ones so now you're alone#yeah this is a great graduation party you just sit in a corner and do nothing except wait for people to give you stale social niceties#everyone goes off with their friends and you're left to sit on the couch and read a book all alone#you'll never be invited and inviting yourself is rude so you just sit in the corner talking to yourself and fighting as your brain spins#growing up means growing out of what you know without ever having anything to grow into#growing up means being given responsibilities you've never been taught how to manage and you have no ability to learn on your own#growing up means all your support structures are yanked from beneath you because you're old enough to do it on your own now#thrown in the deep end because you should have learned to swim by now. everyone else did. why didn't you?#come on. everyone else can swim already. just try harder. stop faking it. you're just lazy. just ask for help - no I won't give you any#oh hey why are you so sad? you don't have any valid reason. stop trying to kill yourself you're literally fine just ask for help it's easy#fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck
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heavenlyvision · 5 months
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Ok so I was just eating a Candy Cane and my mind went real nasty real quick so I gotta scream into the void :
Imagine if you an Bi-Han were fucking right? Doggy style right in front of a mirror, already perfect. BUT imagine he put a candy cane in your mouth and stops fucking you every time the candy falls out your mouth but you’re so fucked out that you don’t even realize it’s out so Bi-Han puts it back in your mouth and you mindlessly start sucking on it as he fucks your brains out
Anyways-
No this is so valid, I think he would also be mean about it !!! You’ve made me open my third eye, I’m apparently feeling unhinged today because I wrote a short little thing for you over this <33
Smut below the cut | MDNI
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Bi-Han has you on all fours waiting for him, you hear him unwrapping something from behind you.
His eyes meet yours in the mirror. “Keep this in your mouth” he growls at you.
Wordlessly you open your mouth, waiting for him to present you with what he was referring to, when you see it you realise it’s a candy cane.
You take it in your mouth, sucking on it mindlessly. He’s pleased by your unquestioning compliance.
He’s positioning himself behind you, dick swiping through your wet folds, the feeling making you both moan lightly. The candy cane threatens to fall from your lips but you suck harder on it. Bi-Han hums appreciatively from behind you.
“That’s it, so well behaved,” he mumbles.
Looking into the mirror in front of you, you meet eyes with him. His gaze firm as he watches you suck at the sweet treat.
He watches your face carefully as he slips the tip of himself inside your tight pussy. A moan falls from you at the fullness and he grunts at you disapprovingly, the candy cane has fallen from your mouth without you realising. He leans over you, slipping inside you completely as he does. He grabs the candy cane and puts it back in your mouth, your lips automatically sucking onto it again, much to Bi-Han’s delight.
“Keep. It. There.” He grunts at you.
Your reply is a thoughtless hum.
Slowly, he draws his hips back, watching the way your face pinches in the mirror. He groans at the cute expression you make but your mouth drops open in a moan again, the candy falling from your mouth.
Slamming back into you, he leans forward again and places it back in your mouth. Almost every time he draws out of you, your mouth drops open in a moan and he has to put the treat back in your mouth.
He slaps your ass, bringing your cock drunk gaze back to attention. You’re looking at him, waiting for him to speak.
“Pay attention and suck on your treat like I’ve told you to,” he says, tone stern, reprimanding.
You look sheepish as you mumble, “Mm sorry, you feel too good…”
He sticks the candy cane back between your lips and you suck again.
“All you have to do is suck,” his eyes are dark as he looks at you.
You nod your head complacently at him.
He starts fucking into you again, rougher this time. You do your best to remember the candy cane but with the way he feels dragging against you, your mind floats away, eyes glazing over at the feeling. Bi-Han enjoys that look on your face immensely but he’s still disappointed at your inability to do one thing.
He stops fucking you suddenly and you whine at him in response, he again, puts it back in your mouth. He doesn’t say anything but his gaze is threatening.
The pace he set picks up again, fucking you dumb on his fat cock. And you must really be dumb right now because it drops from your mouth again. Causing Bi-Han to stop fucking you again. Which makes you whine pitifully at him, again.
He simply picks it back up and shoves it in your mouth again before continuing his brutal fucking. The sounds of your wet pussy squelching around him fill the room and you’re trying really hard to remember to suck but he keeps hitting something devastating inside you and you drop it again.
You scrabble to pick it up this time, placing the candy cane back in your own mouth, desperate for him to keep going.
He has a proud look on his face at your desperation for him to continue. His hands grip your hips tightly, his thrusts harsh. Your arms are barely able to keep yourself up, threatening to give out under your own weight. You drop to your forearms. The angle deeper now, his cock reaching further inside you. A large moan slips from you and the candy cane falls out again.
You don’t even notice this time, too lost in the feeling of his cock deep inside you. He quickly shoves it back in your mouth, too close to his own high to bother punishing you. Not when his own orgasm is so close.
You’re twitching around him, cunt pulsing with how close you are to cumming on him. His groans are loud as he fucks himself into you. His eyes are careful to watch you through the mirror.
Your own eyes fucked out and glazed over, unseeing while you mindlessly suck on the candy cane. You’re drooling around it now and the sight has Bi-Han cumming very suddenly, pumping you full of all his cum.
The way he twitches inside you pushes you over the edge, the force of your orgasm has you biting down on the candy cane, snapping it in half.
You’re both huffing, coming down from your highs together. Bi-Han’s eyes are still on your face, smiling smugly at you and how stupid you look right now. Completely cock drunk from him.
He leans down to your ear and whispers, “Merry fucken Christmas.”
His words send a shudder down your spine. Merry fucken Christmas indeed.
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cornflowerbluewrites · 2 months
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I really dislike it when someone asks me for a fic update or asks me when I plan to update a fic. Like, there is a reason why I’ve started including the ‘please don’t ask about fic updates’ paragraph in all my most recent series.
Part of it is practical. I really do mean it when I say I’m busy. I work a full time job and I’m going to grad school. I write fic in the time I have between keeping myself a functional person.
But also, some of it is just how my brain works. When people leave comments asking me to please update the fic or insisting that it’s been ages since I updated a specific fic, I know it’s just because they’re so interested in my story and want to know what happens next, but I feel so bad about not updating that I start avoiding updating because of the people telling me it’s been so long. Like, asking about updates genuinely wrecks any motivation I have to update and does the exact opposite of encouraging me.
Which is why I started asking people to not ask me about them in my authors notes!!! Like! It wasn’t just a random bit I started doing!!!
But despite my request to hey please respect this boundary I’ve stated, I still get people who ask about fic updates! And some of them even like, reference my note about not asking, so I know they’re reading it, I guess they just like, assume it’s all well and good to ignore my request if they try to be nice about it and because it’s them. I don’t know.
I don’t even know why I created this post other than to scream into the void a bit about this tho g that keeps happening no matter how often I try to head it off at the pass, lol.
Anyways, fic writers are people too, please respect our stated boundaries even if they might seem silly or inconsequential to you, thank you.
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sweet-evie · 5 months
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Satoru, Suguru, Sukuna, and Choso in a Rock Band AU... I need my brain to shut up about this and I need to quell my thirst!
✨ masterlist ✨
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I could have used J-Rock artists as prime reference, but... listening to my own playlist got me into this mess.
The band lineup in my head:
Sukuna on Drums
Choso on Bass Guitar
Suguru as Lead Guitarist & Main Backup Vocalist
Satoru as Rhythm Guitarist & Lead Vocalist
All of them can scream sing and growl, but...
Sukuna is the best at death growling + gutturals. Think Nergal from Behemoth.
Choso is a false chord scream king. Plus, for some reason, he sings like Corey Taylor in my head.
Suguru is 100% a pro at fry screaming. Also sings like Alex Varkatzas probably.
Satoru probably screams and growls like Andy Biersack or sings like M. Shadows or David Draiman... I can't decide. Although, can 100% picture him belting out The Vengeful One.
Anyways...
Satoru and Suguru are power duo lyricists... Like, they're so good at writing songs together. The themes in each album always defer, but they're really good at hammering in a message (subtle or overt) into every song.
Also also, picture Satoru and Suguru singing into a mic onstage, taking the entire crowd hostage with those never-declining face cards, fingers flawlessly gliding over the frets, pressing on the strings, playing their guitars in perfect harmony. 😩 LAWRD HELP ME, I WANT THEIR TONGUES IN MY MOUTH. 😭
Them playing these guitar solos on 3:21 - 3:55... Satoru doing rhythms at 3:21 and Suguru comes in at 3:36...
youtube
From debut, Satoru became extremely popular for never showing people his full face. The fans have never seen his eyes. Yes, he performs with a blindfold on, and during interviews, his eyes are always covered by his signature dark sunglasses.
His eye reveal was in a music video. It played a part skyrocketing the band's fame. And when the band performed live after that music video, Satoru is playing onstage without a blindfold or sunglasses on. Cue the infinite rizz.
Fans always rave that Satoru looks so innocent and cute when his eyes are on full-display (man belongs in a romcom movie) and he's not performing or screaming like a demon into the microphone.
Even after the eye reveal, Satoru still performs with a blindfold on most of the time, and he takes it off with extra flair and drama when the fans ask for it during a concert.
Satoru is very playful when interacting with fans -- a far cry from his onstage persona.
Also, fans are so tickled and pleased that for all his screaming and growling in songs and concerts, Suguru is actually very soft-spoken when he's just talking normally.
Suguru has a tongue piercing and the sexiest dragon tattoo sprawled across his back.
Need I mention the fans love the way Suguru says Satoru's name? Even in this AU, the fans ship SatoSugu. 😝
Suguru is also the one band member who gives insightful answers during interviews. Like, it's always deep with him, much to Choso and Satoru's amusement, and Sukuna's irritation.
Speaking of Sukuna...
Sukuna never wears a shirt during concerts. He has tattoos and he's showing them off like no one's business. Imagine him pounding at those drums, tattooed face, chest, and arms in full display, eyes blazing, tongue out and everything. [DON'T YOU WANT TO LICK HIM? 😜]
Sukuna's the drummer, but he has a microphone too, because he's the best at death growling and they have songs where they get into that.
No one plays drums like Sukuna can. It's a running gag in their fandom that Sukuna had four arms in another life because how in the fuck can he do what he do?
Sukuna is also famous for getting shit-faced before an onstage performance. For some reason, he plays perfectly fine even when he's inebriated or high. It's a flex! 😩
By contrast, Choso and Suguru eat super healthy.
Satoru is always on a sugar-high. Did we expect anything less?
Satoru and Suguru will write really dark songs and they will hand over the vocals to Sukuna, because it fits him so well. Kinda like this:
Satoru may be lead vocalist on paper, but all the boys in this band can sing, and they're all hot when they do it. 😝
The fans love it when Choso goes apeshit on the microphone. I imagine him singing this and it's a treat every fucking time!
Choso is baby. 😝 He's so cute and always looks out for everyone behind the scenes. The band has filmed backstage documentaries before, and the fans who've seen those love Choso so much because he takes care of all the members.
Choso plays bass and each time he has a solo in the song, it's a guaranteed eargasm. 😩🙏 Can he finger me the way he fingers that bass please?
Choso is so sweet to the fans... Always gives them attention even when he's not supposed to. (e.g., when he leaves his house and he finds them outside the gate). He just can't be mean!
Satoru and Suguru are fan service kings! Like during concerts, they don't shy away from getting super close to the crowd. They're also multi-tasking kings, because imagine playing an instrumental solo, singing, and doing crowd work at the same time.
The four of them are trolls! Satoru and Sukuna are the biggest trolls and menaces. Suguru goes along with whatever Satoru wants, and Choso tries and fails to be responsible.
They are well aware of the baseless rumors around their songs and performances (that they're spawns of hell, they worship the devil, etc.), and they play into it to annoy the haters some more and give them fodder. Hate comments are free publicity apparently.
Dating any one of them will either be fun and chill, or just outright chaos. No in-between.
I don't think Sukuna would date anyone though. He strikes me as a pump-and-dump type of man. Hooking up with him means a grand time in the sheets, but it's only good until he gets bored. After he gets bored, it's done. Bye!
Choso would treat you right, no questions. He makes time and does whatever you want to do. You want to workout with him? Okay! You want your own personal concert? Why, of course! You want time for private getaways? He's booking first class plane tickets to a vacation destination of your choice. You want to learn how to play bass guitar? "Come here, Darling. Let me show you."
With Satoru and Suguru, it's a toss up. Mostly because I think it will have to take someone super special (a person who isn't easily cowed and who loves either of them so much) to get either of them to fall in love. When they fall in love with their S/Os though, they're all in.
Dating Satoru or Suguru in this situation means having rock songs written about you. It's one of their love languages in this AU.
I also don't know what their band would be called. 😝
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house-of-daena · 7 months
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chasing childe through liyue harbor, laughing, lighthearted as you try to tag him and he slips between crowds with practiced ease. cupping your hands 'round a geo crystalfly as it dissolves, conparing the core to the pearls of his teeth. he bites down on it playfully and then spits and splutters when his tongue meets the odd taste of it. slipping your fingers beneath his gloves, teasing at his palm, grinning at the little heart hidden in its design. you wrap your arms around his waist and he kicks playfully as you haul him up, pouting when you set him back down, already insisting that you pick him up again, comrade, surely you can do it? he smiles and the stars are in his eyes, and everything aches, but sweetly.
throwing your quill at zandik. he laughs at you, and you stand, and he stands too, using a book as a shield as you pounce with terrible intent— digging your fingers into his ticklish sides as he cackles. eating a piece of rukkhashava mushroom on a dare and frowning thoughtfully and zandik gets curious and tries it too and spits it out because it honestly doesn't taste very good but you'd felt the need for a touch of trickery. he hisses and cusses as rain starts to fall during an "expedition" (date where you walk outside the city) and you grab his hand and lead him beneath a large, leafy tree and give him a kiss and he flushes a lovely red as he glares at you. he stares at the medical gloves he dons as he dissects a man, trying to see how he ticks and why he stopped, contemplating their story. he thinks about you and huffs, because there had once been a great surgeon named halsted, and he was married to a nurse, and he loved her immeasurably, and there was once a man named zandik destined for great and terrible things, and maybe in another life he could marry you, for he loved you immeasurably. years and years and years and years and years later, there is a man known as il dottore, and he is married to you like he always planned to (old, old paperwork awaiting a signature that'd been intended to be given to you once he graduated rots until it disappears along with the boy he once was) and no matter all this knowledge it does not bring him a step closer to quantifying how he feels. he wakes to another day with you and considers that perhaps this isn't something that The Doctor will ever figure out
YOU KNOW when i think about childe, i always imagine those movie type relationships where they're both so silly and full of energy, n laughing... flash backs of them just on dates, walking through the shore and shit... is so so sweet and romantic and litearally you and childe!!!! its that childish teenage romance thats perpetually in the honeymoon stage of the relationship... it feels so elating to be with childe honestly, but its not perfect as all relationships are. and thats so fascinating about it, u love him so dearly that you embrace his FL form with no fear whatsoever. you cheer him on with his ambitions, and though you worry, because he will always worry you, you patch him up, cleaning his wounds and wiping off the blood that covered him head to toe.
you're there when the gnawing pain of the abyss eating his insides and carving his bones as he writes. he used to be alone whenever it happens, thought clinging to his mind like inky hands that stuck, screaming louder and louder- but now you're here, holding his hand through it, humming a tune, fingers gently scratching his scalp and wracking through his hair... liek gydsabijkndlsa. so sweet, like the cute couple you see holding hands and laughing as you pass them by the mall, but you'll never know the boy consumed by eternal void, who will eventually devour you too, but thats okay. thats your boy, n u trust him no matter what.
okay now you're coming in here with a suspicious amounts of dottore thoughts... including him with your usual childe brain rot... hmmm well... this one is so uckgdbsijakds UGH like. stop. dont' ever talk about him ever again bc my HEARTTT
i like to think, similar to you, the time you've spent together in the akademiya will be the highlight of his memories, no matter much time has passed. centuries upon centuries, yet he still remembers the way your face would brighten up whenever you spot him walking out of his classroom, dragging him to a cafeteria and chatting away, not a care in the world if he's listening or not. but he listens—of course he does.
words you say aren't always relevant to his research, or anything really, but he listens, and he doesn't know why. perhaps there's just this certain allure in your voice? general interest to gossip you share? or was it that the time you've spent together has made him so relaxed with you that it just feels wrong not to listen to a word you say when you listen to him ramble on and on about his research? he remembers everything so vividly as if it all happened yesterday.. he has forgotten most of his creations that has been long outdated hundreds of years and yet he remembers every single thing you've done inside your little apartment where you've spent laughing, fighting, crying, and experimenting together, whether it was you kiss him and holding him in your arms, whether it was you cursing him for being a bad lover, whether it was you crying your eyes out and saying that you've missed him n that you finally forgive his sorry ass (he was honestly the worst boyfriend, why did you even forgive him? why did he feel like it was the end of the world when you walked out of the door? why did he care so much? and why couldn't be a better lover to you when you've done everything and anything for him, he wanted nothing more to keep you as his, and keep him as yours for all eternity?).
the more things became different, the more it stayed the same. he likes to think he was much better than zandik. he was not the avoidant lover who was terrified and foreign to your affections, the walls the has built around his heart (that was stupidly humane with it comes to you). he makes sure you've never shed a tear any more because of him, and always, every day he spends you with. because you're by his side, nagging him about not sleeping enough, and now you're dragging him to your shared bed, just with a ring on your pinky finger. and his? he doesn't wear it on his hands. no, no, it was far too precious, it might break from all the concoctions he makes and machinery he builds. it hangs around his neck, safe and sound, hidden from all the danger, while you keep yours on your hand because as for as long he exists, he will make sure no harm will ever be upon you.
dottore was a man of science. he has created a god, machinery beyond comprehension, advancements, cure for what said to be uncurable diseases. he was a man of everything, really. powerful, handsome and unbelievably smart. but oh, love will forever be the only thing he will never be able to completely comprehend. love can be an enigma for as long as it can be, as long as you smile with him, love in your eyes, then he could care less.
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lilyrizzy · 11 months
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i'm sorry but sometimes things need to be banished from the WIP word docs folder even if they are really morbid! cw: early onset alzheimers, major character death
Max remembers thinking, let it be over, towards the end.
Let it be over, I want it to be done.
Only when he was weakest, when Daniel was too, but too quickly that became all the time. When he couldn’t hold his head up anymore, when he couldn’t swallow. When he stopped looking like Daniel because Max realized it had been a week and he hadn’t seen him smile. When he stopped being Daniel because he was someone who didn’t remember Max.
Daniel before Max was a stranger that he didn’t totally know how to talk to, how not to hate because he wasn’t his. He would run his tongue across his teeth over and over as though surprised they were free of metal, would talk about being late for meetings with the race engineers of Formula One teams that didn’t exist anymore. He’d ask for his mum. He’d ask Max what his name was, had they met before?
He’d ask for Jemma, a girl he hadn’t spoken to for ten years, or at least as far as Max knew.
In his bad moments, Max had to bite his tongue so hard copper would fill his mouth, the only way to stop a scream of, she’s not fucking here wiping your nose and watching you die, and you cannot even remember me?
I am the one you are supposed to remember.
In his worst, he would make up elaborate reasonings for the way her memories didn’t seem to slip through the sieve of Daniel’s brain, sand through spread fingers, like every trace of Max did.
Daniel had to have been in love with her still, secretly. Maybe this whole time Max had been filling a void. Maybe nothing had been real so really, Max would be losing nothing when Daniel finally left for good.
Then as though he wanted to punish Max for his moments of spiteful selfishness, Daniel would say, “Max,” and he would be there again. Something in his eyes that made it impossible for Max to doubt that they were real while they lasted. “Max,” he would say, “I’ve missed you. Where have you been, baby?”
Like Max was the one who was leaving.
They had something real. So real that with every part of it chipped away by prions and time, it was slicing parts of Max away with it too. His ears, his nose, his fingertips, whole chunks of his flesh cut from him bloody and raw. Or at least it felt that way, each time Daniel looked at him and didn’t recognize the man he’d once called his, my Maxy, when in the mirror they both looked the same.
Now Daniel is gone gone, there is so much more for Max to regret. If he got home from a race and Daniel was in their apartment asking for her, he thinks given a second chance he could be kind. He would tell him, she will be home soon, but I am here now though and isn’t that enough? He’d make Daniel some food, his mum’s pasta that Max knows the recipe off by heart, but that he still has the card for stuck to their fridge with a little magnet in the shape of a kangaroo.
He made it once, after the funeral. Midnight on Daniel’s ranch- Max’s now, he supposed- in Perth. A whole saucepan full that he ate and then threw up within the same hour, so quickly the swirls of pasta were their whole shape in the toilet bowl.
Closing his eyes, he’d started to cry when he realized he couldn’t quite remember what it felt like to have Daniel’s fingers with their stubby nails stroke across the top of his back, or through his hair when he was sick. Couldn’t remember Daniel’s touch at all really, because at the end it had been so rare to get it.
Why would Daniel want a stranger to touch him, after all.
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brunette-crisis · 6 months
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I’m going to start writing as a way to release energy. I don’t know how it will do or tags to use, but I hope you enjoy it and it turns you on.
Lately I fantasize about being made of shadow able to drift through solid objects and make myself part of the shadow at will. This is a short story inspired by that.
If you have suggestions for specific kinks/genders/dynamics that you would like represented let me know and I will feature it. The Shadow can fulfill your darkest and filthiest desires and I would love to use my energy to put them to the page for you. I used red to emphasize words as triggers for some kinks but also to help keep you reading (tik tok subway surfer ass generation) (don’t take it personally I literally do the same thing and listen to Reddit stories while I play video games and scroll.)
This is inspired by many of my own kinks for both receiving and taking. I tried to keep both charachters gender neutral and heavily open to interpretation so that you could insert yourself directly in. That being said it may not be perfect. Thank you for your time reading.
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The Shadow: Chapter 1
One night as you sleep, you awake feeling uncomfortable in your room. You aren’t really sure what’s going on. It’s your room. The safe place it’s always been. The doors are locked. The windows shut. Your noise machine hums softly. Just a dream you suppose. As you lazily close your eyes sleep starts to overtake you, you take a deep breath.
Just as you exhale arms shoots out from the darkness clamping down over your mouth and throat. You don’t even scream. What’s happening? This CAN’T happen. Not to your Not in this room. It’s safe. It always has been. Nobody can get in. Nothing can hurt you here.
The shadows growl at you to keep your mouth shut if you want to survive, tightening its grip to show its threats carry weight. You don’t know what’s happening or who is threatening you, but in that moment you realize this thing WILL kill you and finish with your corpse if it has to. You are nothing before it. Not a boy. Not a girl. An object. A thing to be used and discarded when it no longer serves.
Just as you begin to run out of air the shadows grips lesson, allowing you to desperately choke for air, only to have your throat and mouth stuffed by darkness and shadow. Your brain tells you it’s a cock, because that’s the only thing that has been forced in your dumb whore mouth before. But it isn’t really.
If you had the bravery to look upon your attacker, you would see no shaft pumping in and out. No balls slapping again your chin with every thrust. Only cold shadow. The absolute darkness of the void dripping, condensing, and congealing with your spit, dripping down your mouth.
You feel it thrust, but the darkness. It’s too much. It’s all encompassing. It forces and retreats from the depths of your throat with a steady and unyielding pace. Your mouth is completely stuffed with shadow, like a child trying to fit marshmallows in their mouth. You always did win at that game.
You don’t know how long it thrusts. Between the gasps of air through your nose, the ethereal tendrils of darkness lick up and down your body, leaving and soft warm trail that lingers briefly before dissolving into your body. If you could see in the absolute darkness. You could see these tendrils did not move randomly, but carefully tattooed strange patterns and designs across your chest, neck, shoulders, rear, and at the entrance of each of your holes.
The shadow lets loose a cry of approval, praising you for your obedience and submission, claiming no human has ever submitted so quickly and so completly to its touch. It taunts you, reveling in your loss of trust in your own space. You hear a beastial roar that somehow fulls only your ears and a wave of darkness fills you. Its warmth fills you just like any wave of seed, yet it extends to your entire body. Its warmth is so surprising you begin to weep. Nothing makes sense anymore and you can help but notice that you want this shadow more. You want its darkness touching every inch of your skin.
The joy of its warmth is replaced with the icy cold of normal. After its warmth pulses your skin returns to a regular temperature, yet is icy cold. With dread you wonder if you might ever feel the warmth again. This darkness has spoiled you. Little do you know just how many ways it has. From the darkness something whispers, “Do not worry my child. I will see you tomorrow. And the next night. And the next. There is no escape now.
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I wrote this in bed while I couldn’t sleep, never sure what I wanted to write but just letting my fingers fly over the keyboard. Lots of potential story threads popped in my mind for future chapters.
If I learned anything it’s that I like to provide. I think I have at least decent writing skills and the imagination to create vast complex narratives. This is a creative writing experiment to explore that. I think?
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catching up on the kabsmp videos rn and i'm having normal person thoughts as usual anyway did you guys ask for a crazy ass idea on where i think the storyline is gonna go because i have a crazy ass idea on where i think the storyline is gonna go (this is gonna get long sorry in advance)
In Which I Lose My Mind Over Some Guy's Minecraft Persona In A Goofy Ahh Lore SMP
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cover image for sillies
So. Hear me out. Clown is still the overarching villain of the series. Whatever's happening with Kyle and the void is still """""important"""""" n stuff, but (totally not because i'm biased or anything (i totally am)) that's all a red herring covering up the real threat. The idea I have rn is that Clown is biding his time and finishing up whatever research he had on the void, then when Kyle is defeated, he's gonna swoop in, take the void for himself, and become basically unstoppable which'll lead into season 3 or smth.
Bits Of Info That Makes The Pepe Silvia Meme Cover Relevant
Time to be insane and dump every single bit of potential evidence on why I think Clown's a bigger threat than the others think he is, starting at the very beginning (i'll try to keep this as chronological as possible but i'm busting my brain trying to piece everything together i watched this so out of order at first).
First, obviously, is the whole him killing Pyro bit and betraying him to get to Rae, then killing everyone in the commune. hoWEVER bro just casually tore open a portal to the nether and back and none of the other people in the group can do that. It's kinda hinting that Muu knows how to make portals but other than that the original s1 group has been stuck there since the start (which maybe suggests Muu isn't from this dimension also but that's another thing to unpackage).
a side note here: lincu came from an end portal that clown made for maddy and they NEVER BRING THAT UP AGAIN????????? WHAT
In the Pyro POV that came after that, it was heavily suggested that Clown was originally a conqueror or insanely destructive pillager (not the actual mob) (like come on, "bow before the scythe emblem" or whatever the words are? just write your name in the book you're practically screaming it at this point). Then, when Branzy showed up in that cameo episode, he didn't shut up about how Clown destroyed entire villages and killed a fuck ton of people (i will scream more about this point in a second 😁).
In the Season 2 opener animatic, he dropped his manipulative buddy buddy act the moment the void appeared, stabbed Kaboodle, and fucked off. He was also shown going full aggro on Magic, trying to get information about the void from her. A little while later, he's shown reading books on the void and finds something "perfect" for whatever he's planning (brain explosion).
Looping back to the Branzy cameo, it was revealed that he, Branzy, and Ashswag worked together in a laboratory somewhere in a different dimension researching and experimenting with portals. Ashswag said that Clown pushed him into one they made, which resulted in him glitched out and broken (WHICH OPENS UP ANOTHER CAN OF WORMS ARE THEY SUGGESTING THAT THIS IS ALL ACTUALLY JUST A SIMULATION/GAME LIKE HOW MINECRAFT ACTUALLY IS???????????? holy shit if i think about this for too long i'm gonna have another huge scream fest again).
and THEN in the most recent one as of today (aka A New Issue) it's revealed that Pyro had his suspicions that Clown is otherworldly and unnatural. Bro casually soloed a 100-Piglin invasion. I already had the thought of "oh yeah this guy's definitely not from any of the three dimensions" but the only contradictory thing that popped up for that was he and Pyro used to live together for a bit with the Waste Walkers. HOWEVER with this new information that Clown was just this anomaly that popped up periodically in their group, he's practically screaming that he's not from any of the three dimensions.
BASICALLY. I'M VERY NORMAL RIGHT NOW.
i love overcomplicating silly lore as a pastime
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Also, help i fall down this rabbit hole... I did plan to write a lot about it 😅, sorry guys for the torture, please forgive me! Ok? 🥺🥺
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P. S 2.0:This is an old fanfiction that never come out two years ago, didn't have the mood to write that much...It is a bit prepared with feelings... I do plan to write more with cases and of course more SCP style since H. Hope is my SCP persona... 😅 I just got the taste of the case-detective stories 👀👀👀, oh boy... My imagination is over 9000🤣🤣♥️
...
Also part 1:->
Part 3: ->
The others strangers looked strange at her, had that look as if they could eat her, Hope was in a new completely unknown location to her, it Was scary but she had to be brave after all they Were people not anomalies.
Most teenagers and even some adults found comfort in alcohol and very fould language, they were dressed too stridently and vulgar, it Was indeed a mad world out there, the streets have so much danger on them after the sunset and With every step she took, she felt watched.
On the Site after everything that happened that day she couldn't stay there for much longer, she needed a break and her colleague understand her, for that Hope was grateful, she did not need to explain to them any forward, there was still blood, bad blood and smell, that smell made Hope sick.
While she tried to avoid unwilling conflicts a group of three boys blocked her way, that made her sigh, can't she just had a peacefully night at least once...
The blonde one said something to her, his breath smelled of cheap cigarettes and different types of alcohol, wondering how he stood on his feet by now, the middle one was shorter than the rest of those two, tried to grab Hope by her shoulder, lucky his face meet with Hope angry fist, the idiot felt down probably needed a dentist soon.
The third screams something Hope could not understand probably he had too many glass of whisky, but that kick somewhere should had wake him up.
For someone like Hope it was easy to kick their sorry lives but that wasn't something she wanted at that moment, Hope withdrew when she caught the moment.
Near the beach a detective looking at sea, the waves calmed him down, he didn't even know why he suffered from insomnia.
The moon was full and beamed with light as it looked upon him, the moon was the detective's only companion but as he sit down a noise caught his attention.
It looked like several people were chasing another person and a few swear words could be heard, this Was something that the detective didn't want to see it, his hero side come out, someone had to teach those jesters a lesson, it was incredible how society was deteriorating.
The detective had no problems When it came to fight, it is What comes with being a detective, having to know those things not only using your brain and of course be in the right shape he didn't had a problem catch up with them.
The detective had to take them by surprise so he hide behind a bush, finding a rock it throw it as far as he could, the rock made a sound that drove their attention away, following the sound they found and angry stray cat that gave them a scare, not far away two guardians having dogs come and chase those men, probably they had heard the laughter and come to see What was going on, a hotel was nearby.
As the scene was safe detective Void decided it Was time to come out, that sure Was boring but he didn't knew What happened to the fourth person, was injured, did it needed help.
As he was walking by mistake, his leg got tangled by something and in the sand his hand found a long thin rope only that it moved in his palm. As soon as it moved, it withdrew immediately leaving a thin trace in the velvet sand and clearly that wasn't a fish.
The detective follow the trace, it was obviously something was going on, he knew only one person with that tail, it was three years ago since he last saw her... And those men could come anytime soon, he had to warn her and make sure Hope was alright, not that he cared that much, sure he did not or that he tries to say to himself.
He finally found her hidden behind some rocks, the light Was weak, nearly impossible to see someone there if it wasn't for the thin rose tail that the Waves brought it ashore, he slowly gave his hand so the female anomaly would have a better chance to come out of her hidding spot.
Hope remember the young male in front of her, another strange place for a reunion but then again, they first have meet on the Site at the worst time possible, maybe next time they could have a nice cup of tea, the water in the sea was just like ice.
Just a reminder for them, they Were in an open area where they could easily fall prey, Hope made a sign, they have to move in the opposite direction, as they walked the big full moon follows them and more stars were revealing themselves.
The beach was long and wide, the sea become restless, they already were going by an half of hour, no noise, no strange figure, occasionally they heard a train passing by, the detective was silent.
Even in the darkness she could still see the sadness in his eyes,even if the detective tried so hard to hide it, something was wrong with him too, maybe he saw something that broke him too, Hope realize thst she wasn't the only one who was running from something. She knows that face too well, even in her nightmares. She got closer to the detective,as the breeze started to bother her, she still was wet from that early night bath in the sea, wished she had a towel.
Anyway deep down Hope was really happy to see the detective, since last time in a way she had missed him but then she remember her true mission and the foundation purpose, people like detective Void should be protected from any anomalies no matter the cost.
On the other hand, the silence Was killing the detective, who Were those men that were following Hope? Why Hope needed to hide from them? Have they found out? They were in danger?
The flashbacks from the recent events come before her eyes, Hope didn't even knew the detective asked her something so she tried to change the subject.
"It's crazy to think how the stars appears so small on the sky but if you would get closer to them, it can kill you."
"What are you trying to say with this?"
That wasn't exactly the conversation the detective really wanted at that moment but it had to start from somewhere plus it looked like Hope felt a little better, he saw how tense she was.
"Do you always have to let your little tail get into trouble?"
At that Hope let a small laugh, if only the detective knew, but he knows only 0.0002% of it, truth Was she always had her little tail into trouble more or less...it Was funnier this Way more or less, unlike the rest of the SCP colleague she has fun.
"I kinda wish the stars would have been this small so i could pick up some of them in my hand and make a lovely how you call those paper flowers that puts them around your neck in the old Hawai beach movies?
"For good people there will always be a compliment found."
"It's just you should be more careful... Take care of you, mister detective Void... Um, your soulmate needs you whole body and soul."
"You are sometimes weird, Hope... Why would i even need a relationship?"
"And the detectives past time activities is star gazing?"
"No. Is it yours?"
Ouch, there he caught her, she tried so hard maybe too hard to not make herself a fool well it did not work.
"Probably, i don't know, i like the night sky and looking at the many stars, at least they are not alone."
"Are you? Is that all, Hope, you are a little defensive there... When you are a detective you get to speak to lots of different people/ suspects."
"I only want someone to have a heart to heart conversation that is all. Nothing too much, or too many..."
"How was your day?"
"Great! Containment breach, violence, blood, more people in the cemetery the usually stuff. Yours?"
"Maybe i shouldn't have asked, i'm sorry... Well, i failed finding a perfect gift for someone whos birthday is about in 2 months, i can't find the right one and i am a detective i should know were to look for it."
"That is so sweet, i am sure this person knows you live them even without the perfect gift."
Hope looked at the detective and it was getting hard to keep herself up, the sad feelings were still there and it Wasn't like it could go away that easily, knocking at her doors, she tried her best to not give up anything besides good vibes, it wasn't about her anymore, it is never about her, she can go through it just fine, right? Wrong. Just thinking about those hours back the containment breach, oh gosh, it could have been anyone even the person in front of her, dead, just as cold as an ice-cream...
"Please don't go, i don't want to have you too on my consciousness. I can't protect you!"
She found herself speaking, it was true after all and if it wasn't for the professional expression mask the young detective had, that statement would have taken him by surprise. He had to admit to himself that nothing was shocking him anymore at that point, well he was wrong, they barely knew each other after all, that must have been confusing as redacted.
"I thought more than half of the foundation would dislike me, wasn't expecting this from you!"
"I don't know what your problem is but we are not evil and you are not a hero either, it's just you should live your life as a simple life nothing too complicated."
This somehow hurt him, it's not like he wanted any of this in the first place, he wouldn't admit it to anyone but this secret started to get the better of him, it wasn't like detective Void forgot his promise to forget about all of this, he really tried but fate is a cruel mistress and a twisted one.
The silence was too long and Hope decided to speak again, she didn't wanted to make him feel bad and unwanted.
"It's nice to have you in my life mister detective, i find you a funny guy with a sense of humor."
"Sense of humor? I don't think that is true about me, of course i have many qualities but that isn't on the list."
Hope started to shake, it was indeed a beautiful view but it was getting cold and colder the breeze, it was also late.
"Have you ever thought that the SCP foundation is the problem here? This secret is just a brainwash, it should have been better if people knows about it, it's the only way to confront whatever will come in the future!"
"And then what will happen? They will become so afraid that even seeing their own shadow will scare them! Some things are better left alone in the dark, if you don't know it then it won't hurt you!"
"That is not how things works, Hope!"
"Have you forgot in what twisted universe we live in?
"And does getting yourself killed solves any problems?"
"So does that means you do care a little about me? I'm flattered mister detective, please don't make me blush more than i already am."
"Eh...Why do i even bother? It's clearly i'm fighting on a war that is already lost..."
"Mister detective Void let me say something nice too, you are like a sad fairytail with a happy ending."
"That doesn't makes much sense but i will take it and please drop the mister, i'm not that old!"
"Well you sure are the detective of my life!"
Hope gave a little smile, all those books and TV series about detectives and resolving crimes, made her want an adventure like that, maybe if she asked him, Hope might have a chance.
"Again what is with this obsession about detectives?"
"Not just any detective, if i might add."
Again silence, it was fun, they just sit there on the sand and talk about ordinary things, nothing much, but neither of them mind it.
"Are you tired?"
"Yes, sort of... Mind if i let my head rest on your shoulder? So warm, i like it, ten out of ten, you would make a great pillow, detective."
"Yeah, my next great career as a pillow, a detective pillow."
Just like that Hope gave a short laugh, she already could imagine the detective pillow, at day solve cases, at night giving everybody who needs it, a great night sleep, not bad at all.She buried her face a little deeper in the detective neck, a faint blush covering her cheek.
"Come on, i saw a motel near by, i am sure they have a room where you can stay..."
She didn't wanted to go back at the Site plus too tired and she barely drag her feet, the room Was cozy points to the detective fpr knowing such a nice place, once they were in the room the bed somehow winked at her, and Hope knew how tired she Was.
"Not bad, right Hope... Oh and here i have this two coupons With 50% Off at any dumplings order, their dumplings are one and only kind, you can have them... I am too busy sometimes i forget to even eat, it would be a shame to let this coupons waste..."
The detective turned his head only to see Hope already curled up into a ball, looked like she already Was fast asleep and did not heard him, but he couldn't blame her, after that he let her a message and slowly closed the door behind him.
The detective had a lot of things on his own agenda to do, just thinking about it made him almost skip sleep that night, but that could have wait at least one more day, he could feel that he was getting closer to the truth.
The end
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vicvanvin · 7 months
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OH how forward... and somehow HYJ is fine with this but not the flirting and banter
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youwouldntlietopapa · 8 months
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Could you please do “The hug where they come running at you, jumping into your outstretched arms, making you stumble backward a little at the added weight of their body pressing against yours. No matter though, because you’re both laughing, arms only tightening around each other.” with a female reader and Papa Copia! Thanks!
I'm so sorry, I couldn't get this mental image out of my head. And now this exists. Enjoy!
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Anyone who has ever watched a full grown man make a split second, extremely questionable decision only to realise his mistake too far into committing to it will know exactly the look on Copia’s face as he flew through the air. (Okay, flew might be a bit of an overstatement, but still…) But I’ve gotten ahead of myself…
The show itself had gone about as well as anyone could have hoped. No technical disasters, no weather problems, Swiss hadn’t fallen off his platform or set his guitar on fire, and Copia was in fine form. For a band who’s performance mode typically left them all sharing a single brain cell, it was damned fun to watch. And, thank the dark lord, you actually got to see it in person.
It wasn’t always possible to come along on tour, but this time was lucky. It was chaos, it was exhausting, it was frustrating, and it was also more fun than anything else in the world. Besides, not being stuck back at the Abbey, counting down the days for them to return and spending evenings on video calls, trying to be grateful for even that would always be preferable.
The fact that Copia always walked off stage absolutely desperate to drag you back to the bus to unwind didn’t hurt either. At least, not in a way that you didn’t enjoy immensely.
When the last chords of the last song played and the screaming crowd became one final wave of noise and devotion, you waited well off to the side. Out of the way. Beaming so hard your cheeks ached. If it was possible to be more proud of anyone, you were sure that it couldn’t be much more. The day had been hot and sticky, but the night had gotten blessedly cool and a breeze made everything feel like it would be all right. All you could think about was the small bus shower and the bed waiting for you both.
Copia walks off stage after the final bows, still in business mode, talking with the ghouls. They always need a few minutes. Going over everything, discussing any issues, checking in with the backstage team. And you wait patiently. Once he sheds the frontman mask, you’ll have your Copia all to yourself.
Watching them all together is entertainment enough as it is. Swiss is already stuffing whatever junk food he get his hands on into his mouth. The ghoul is always famished after a show and it’s let him eat or deal with a hangry boy. Everyone has agreed letting him eat is easier. Dew is smoking away. Literally. Smoke rising off him and drifting off on the breeze. It will dissipate once he unwinds. Phantom stands quietly aside, hands folded in front of himself, tail twitching, just waiting to be released to go run circles around the tour bus to burn off the adrenaline. And the rest are either chattering away or half listening while more engaged in their own post-show rituals.
When Copia waves them off, they scatter quickly. Too many things to do, too much trouble to get into. They’ll be back on the bus before it leaves, but until then, you’re quite happy to not worry about it. Because the man you’re really most interested in takes a deep breath, shakes off the stress and the worry, allowing himself to really bask in the glow of a great ritual and the adoration of the crowd. The void where the tension he’d been holding is filled immediately with the need for you. The desperate, frantic, all consuming need that grinding on a mic stand will never satisfy. His eyes scan the backstage until he spots you.
“Amore!” He calls. There’s a hunger in his eyes and every stagehand who’s been around any length of time instinctively moves out of the path between him and you.
He doesn’t walk over. He doesn’t pause to chitchat along the way. Copia runs for you. Somewhere between spotting you, and reaching you, however, some very dubious decision making takes place. You’re not sure when exactly, but you can say for certain when it is that he realises it’s a bad idea.
Around the same time you realise what it is, exactly, that he’s doing.
And definitely after it’s too late to change his course of action.
Your arms are held out for him, expecting an absolutely rib crushing hug. But you watch, rather helplessly as he twists his torso with the last few steps, leaps off the ground, throwing himself directly at you. Like having Satan’s own golden disco ball hurled at you without warning.
“Copia!” You cry uselessly. Objects in motion being what they are and all. The hug you were expecting rapidly becomes the catch you were unprepared for.
You stumble backward, trying with everything you’ve got to avoid both knocking over anything expensive and dropping your most precious treasure. A feat that would be, admittedly, made a little easier if you hadn’t had the air knocked out of your lungs. But beggars can’t be choosers. And, by some miracle, you find yourself still standing, holding a very surprised Copia, bridal style.
“Amore! I… I don’t know what came over me! Forgive me!” He looks at you like you’ve just grown a second head, looking from your face to your arms holding him up (a little shakily, but all the same) and back again. Finally breaking into a delighted laugh. “Why didn’t you tell me you are so strong???”
You wheeze a soft laugh, feeling your legs shaking a bit. “Copia… my love… don’t take this the wrong way… but you weigh a fucking ton. I’m going to set you down, all right?”
“Of course! Of course!” He lands on his feet in front of you when you drop his legs, and he wraps you in a tight hug. “You are so strong, angelo mio. Mmmm… I like that. Will you show me more? In private?” His teeth tease your neck and his hands wander.
“I think I can manage that.” You giggle and he scoops you up, the same way you’d been holding him. No need to ask where he’s taking you. There’s only one place it could be. Your arms circle his neck and you press yourself tightly against him.
Copia grins cheekily all the way back to the bus, leaning in close as you near the door. “Did you see me on stage tonight? I’m afraid I was very naughty.”
You smile a little wider, biting at his earlobe. “I did see. I was getting a bit jealous of the mic stand.”
If the sound he makes is any indication, the new crotch corset trousers are certainly making themselves worth every penny paid for them.
“I only hope that my Principessa guerriera won’t punish me too terribly.”
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deusluxuria · 3 months
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Random JJBA ending-credits animations I've come up with in my brain but I just have to write them instead because I cannot animate or even really draw lol
( Spoilers: Part 3 / Stardust Crusaders, Part 5 / Golden Wind, Part 6 / Stone Ocean, Part 7 / Steel Ball Run )
"Ghosts" by Siobhan Donaghy : Giorno trying to use Gold Experience to heal the Earth. Live-action or animated sequences of climate change disasters in reverse (i.e. the BP oil spill, wildfires, birds and fish dying during heatwaves, etc.), matching with how the vocals in the song are in reverse.
"Some Velvet Morning" by Primal Scream and Kate Moss : Doppio in his crappy apartment, doing some menial task like folding laundry or washing dishes, while dancing to the song. Not because he's happy, but because he's trying to be happy. It's hard to interpret what the lyrics mean, but I like to think it's about someone who feels very powerless in their situation and they're anticipating waking up one morning to everything suddenly being okay. During the song, there are imaginary colored lights in the room as if he's in a nightclub, somewhat obscuring how grungy and bleak his apartment is. But once the song ends, the lights suddenly disappear, and he sort of collapses on the couch with his head in his hands.
"I Know the End" by Phoebe Bridgers : The apocalyptic ending of Stone Ocean. It shows every Part 1 - 6 character's most cherished memories, before showing all of them sort of disintegrating into thin air and being replaced by a massive, silent, eerie void.
"Kim's Caravan" by Courtney Barnett : Once again, Giorno trying to reverse climate change with his Stand, despite how he's just one person and simply not powerful enough to do it by himself. At the end of the song, Giorno dies, having exerted too much energy in his attempt.
"Goumari" by D33pSoul and Habib Belk : The Stardust Crusaders group embracing Kakyoin (who never had any friends) as a dear friend of theirs. Mostly they're all in a nightclub in Egypt having fun. But during one of the slower parts of the song, Kakyoin is being lifted up on their shoulders.
"Deadwood" by Garbage : Mostly focusing on Doppio (who survived after Diavolo died). It took Diavolo's death for him to realize that Diavolo was abusive and was preventing him from being happy and having his own life with his dogmatic, controlling behavior. The main visual is a panning shot of many Golden Wind characters, who are lying down in a pink and gold river full of floating flowers, as if being purified from their trauma. There are flashes in between recalling the abuse that each character went through, and then of them escaping the abuser (or escaping a different bad situation).
"My First Lover" by Gillian Welch (content warning: abuse, drug use, graphic imagery -- in this paragraph of the post, not in the song) : A rather bleak sequence of Johnny and Gyro's lives before they met each other in the race. Both abused drugs and alcohol, slept around as a form of self-harm and thrill-seeking, accepted and didn't bother to leave abusive romantic partners. There are flashes of shaky camera shots showing bruises, vomit, blood, torn clothes, trembling hands, dangerous sleezy taverns, the open mouths of people screaming, the broken mirror that Johnny accidentally threw his dad into.
"New Skin" by Siouxsie and the Banshees : A more confident, assertive version of the same idea in the "Deadwood" one (Doppio breaking free from Diavolo). Definitely would be in live-action. There is a row of dancers in the background who are all wearing the same outfit and hair as Doppio, except they all have flesh-tone stocking material obscuring their faces. Doppio himself is in front at a microphone and rather jovially singing and moving to the song. There are flashes here and there of Diavolo being trapped in the death loop created by Gold Experience: Requiem. Towards the end of the song, the dancers slowly and aggressively rip off the material covering their faces. They are all completely different looking people, conveying that Doppio can actually embrace every part of his personality and identity rather than having an abuser simplify him to once face.
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alertarchitect · 2 months
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Full disclosure, this is a long one. It's also a vent post. I'm mainly writing this out to help get the thoughts and feelings regarding this kind of organized and out of my head, makes dealing with them just a little easier. Maybe it'll help you put to words your own thoughts & feelings on this kinda shit, too, and if it does, I'm glad my screaming into the void at least helped out someone other than myself! After all, if anything I say, write, or do ends up helping at least one other person, then maybe I'm doing something right :]
Sometimes having long-time special interests in an ongoing franchise FUCKING SUCKS. Perfect example - I am both a big Halo nerd, and really enjoy the overaching lore of Bungie's connected worlds (with how Marathon, Pathways into Darkness, Myth, Destiny, and even the ways Halo originally connected before it had to become its own thing thanks to Microsoft). Here are the ways that currently sucks:
The state of Halo Infinite, the most recent Halo game, both currently and at launch. At launch, you had a buggy mess, with multiplayer that barely functioned, lacking feature parity (even just on the multiplayer side of things, not counting the campaign) with Halo Reach, a game from 2010. Currently, 343i has admittedly fixed a lot of the launch issues - there's more customization than the game has ever had before (still not as good as Reach's customization imo, but at this point I've given up hope on any multiplayer AAA game having that level of customization for free ever again), the desync issues (in my experience) are no longer happening, and it has the most powerful Forge mode in any Halo game to date. The flip side of that, though? Egregiously horrendous monetization, an armor core and coating system that both hurt the customization more than help, and a drip-feed of content with little to no communication from 343 on anything past the most recent update. Not to mention the issues that come from a focus on "Live Service" bullshit.
The issues at 343 Industries itself, which come part and parcel with the massive issues related to Microsoft as a company. Massive megacorporation, horrible management, staff getting screwed over, crunch culture, and more - it just goes on and on.
Halo 5, despite its generally negative reception, is horrendously inaccessible to those of us that want to experience it as a piece of history and/or try out the multiplayer. A perfect example of how little companies care about game preservation, despite the decent track record 343i has had in that respect thanks to the Master Chief Collection, its PC release and addition of Halo Reach, and the efforts to find, occasionally recreate from almost nothing, and implement lost & cut content in the MCC titles.
Being a fan of Bungie's overarching stuff... really bad when you are at PEAK investment into their stuff, namely my Destiny 2 hyperfixation, and they not only announce that their new Marathon game is going to be a fucking EXTRACTION SHOOTER, and thus unlikely to have one of the most interesting things about Marathon in it (that being its lore) while also being very hard to get into thanks to people treating that kind of game as a massive sweat-fest, but also suddenly lay off a bunch of employees (when previously they had a good track record of treating employees decently...) due to Square Enix levels of profit overestimations of Lightfall, the BEST SELLING DESTINY EXPANSION EVER only getting 45% of the expected sales. Because why be realistic, right? Just fuck over employees, that certainly won't hurt us in the end!
The fact that, despite ALL OF THIS and my moral convictions against the shitty nature of this stuff, my dumbass brain still wants me to just spend spend spend on it anyway because of how much of a special interest Halo & the Bungie lore are to me - it almost hurts. I generally prefer fantasy stuff, but I can't stop myself from loving the lore and stories associated with this stuff. I have to fight myself every goddamn time I have money to not fall into the traps. It's easier with Destiny - I uninstalled it, replaced my PvE needs with Warframe and Risk of Rain 2, replaced my PvP needs with Halo Infinite, and just keep up with the story from a distance. But now that Halo Infinite is back in my life? I love the gameplay, hell I'd go as far as to say it has some of the strongest gameplay in the series (though some modes could use a bit more work, for example the Infection mode just isn't as fun as the Infection from Halo Reach), but the monetization just... AAAARGH it hurts me that I want to spend on it, both for customization and to have little goals to work towards in the (thankfully well-implemented due to them being available eternally) battle passes.
I just want to be able to love something that's been so central to me for so long - I played a cracked version of the CE PC demo for countless hours growing up, to the point that to this day I know the mission Silent Cartographer back to front from memory & could do it in my sleep, and associate Blood Gulch with countless memories of Halo's multiplayer from how often I'd play it with my sister, and to add onto all of that Halo Reach is one of my favorite games ever made, period - without caveats and moral hangups. I just want to love something without justifying it every time I think of it, both to myself and others.
I know this is a massively first-world issue, having the luxury to whine about my Favorite Things going through years and years of getting fucked by their own successes driving them into corporatism, but it still sucks. Obviously not as much as other issues both myself and others deal with, and DEFINITELY not as much as the horrible shit people are enduring in several parts of the world, but just enough for me to want/need to vent about how much corporations like to shit on the little rays of sunshine that we use to feel better about life.
#vent post#halo#halo infinite#marathon#pathways into darkness#myth the fallen lords#destiny 2#corporate bullshit#fuck corpos#just let me have nice things in peace goddammit#why does everything have to be fucked with SO MUCH over time#I just want comfort games I don't have to think about the real-world bullshit of too much#but unfortunately my brain landed on options that#while not the WORST by any stretch of the imagination#I mean just LOOK at the state of CoD Battlefield and just...#EVERYTHING that was touched by the Shitty Wizard Franchise#which I only mention due to how many people I've known who had to find a completely new comfort media after JKR proved herself to be a TERF#it still sucks that it's nearly impossible to find something that isn't either problematic or actively getting enshittified#at least in my favorite genres#namely FPS games (both modern and retro) and Metroidvanias#and while the latter isn't too bad#the former just gets infested with so much assholery and corpo fuckery that#you either have to play an indie game made by one person who could turn out shit at any time and that is so niche there's no multiplayer#or just deal with the shittiness involved with getting too attached to a franchise owned and produced by a megacorporation#and unfortunately I got attached to one of the latter from a young age so#at least I can feel a little better now that I've kinda gotten the bulk of my thoughts about it off of my chest#which I honestly REALLY needed to do#so that's good at least
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orchidyoonkook · 6 months
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personal
Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.
okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.
SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.
AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.
In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.
like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.
and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????
it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.
anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.
If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..
i hope the new year brings me something good.
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the-rollerchloster · 6 months
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Found in my notes app, and no less relevant now than when I blathered it to no one back then...
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Me, a small-ish discord server owner, reading the notes on this post like: 🤔🤔 these are all valid concerns, but maybe y’all just haven’t found the right home.
My thoughts on tumblr vs discord in the fandom space is that they’re not a one or other, they should be used to boost and enhance each other.
I will admit that I have been burnt by big servers before, and I have landed in a few more that have immediately overwhelmed me and made me nope out, but I have also had some amazing conversations with people I never would have reached out to before if I’d only been following them on tumblr.
When I created @sunshineshellers I had a very clear goal. I saw a gap in the cockles/destiel corner of the spn fandom for people who needed to be able to talk freely without fear of judgement. Screaming into the void of tumblr (as so many of us with less than 200 followers do) isn’t always enough to satiate a full blown fandom spiral. It’s nice to have somewhere where you can say “is this something…?” and actually get a response, but so many spn servers sweep cockles into a dusty corner, which makes people who perceive feel like dirty little outcasts.
I love tumblr, I love spnblr, and it’s great for big brain thoughts like this, and for finding and sharing so many beautiful creations, and for collective meltdowns when something noteworthy comes to light.
But some of *my* best “content” comes to me inside the group chatter of my pocket family. A community of people who Get It is a treasured commodity in this life that can look like a hodge-podge group of people from all over the world coming together to scream incoherently about our shared love of Supernatural. We don’t agree all the time, but that’s okay because we care about each other because we understand the passion and love having somewhere that makes fandom feel less empty.
I’m not saying all this to convince you to join my server and say you must love discord cos I do. I’m saying this just to point out that much like you curate your tumblr dash to your personal preferences, you curate your discord experience to your personal preferences too, and there could be a whole corner of this community just waiting to hear your thoughts if only you’d give them a chance. 💖
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