Konan: That’s a really pretty ring.
Deidara: Thanks, hm! Danna gave it to me!
Konan: Oh? Is it an engagement ring??
Deidara: Well I don’t want to brag, but —
Sasori: We robbed a jewelry store. I told him to hold that, he stuck it on his finger but it was too small and now he can’t get it back off.
Deidara, hugging Sasori: Isn’t he romantic?! He picked such a clever way to propose, hm!
Sasori: You’ve got until 6 o’clock to loosen that thing, or I’m chopping your finger off.
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what tf am I doing that there’s always dirt under my fingernails?
an au fic where Sasori is a wealthy businessman traveling from city to city attending different meetings, he’s very jaded with the dull, all work no play life he’s living, and one night in his hotel out of boredom and loneliness decides to order himself an escort, and to REALLY switch it up by ordering a MALE escort. a knock comes on the door and this gorgeous blonde creature is standing there but right away Sasori is like I’m sorry I thought I requested a man and the person scowls and says in a deep voice I am a damn man! so Sasori let’s him in and they have a few drinks and the guy is trying to speed things up to the sex so he can get paid and go home but Sasori is enjoying just being in this guy’s presence so much because he’s so random and eclectic; nothing like the stodgy coworkers and subordinates Sasori is used to being around, so Sasori offers the guy (whose name is Deidara) a lot of money to just stay with him for the week that Sasori is in this city, no sex necessary just be there when Sasori comes back and hang out, and Deidara thinks Sasori is nuts but whatever it’s a lot of dough and he’d be a fool to pass it up — long story short over the course of the week the two actually start to fall in love with each other because Sasori embodies the calm stability that Deidara’s life has always lacked and Deidara radiates the childlike sense of wonder and zest for living that Sasori has lost sight of for too many years, and when it’s time for Sasori to go back home he takes Deidara with him and I’m thinking all this because I wrote a very similar story like this but with slight differences and it was Kylux-themed but I never stopped to consider it would work in SasoDei terms too 🤔
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*Deidara and Sasori, having a series of pictures taken of them by automatic camera*
Deidara: *puts his arm around Sasori; Sasori doesn’t move*
Deidara: *makes rabbit ears behind Sasori; Sasori doesn’t move*
Deidara: Geez, Danna ... can you lighten up a little, or smile, or something?? You’re so stiff, hm!
Sasori: Interesting that you choose to complain now, considering last night you were begging me to give you something “stiff”.
Final Picture: *Deidara’s face completely red and jaw hanging open as Sasori hugs him and laughs*
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Sasori, working at his desk: I don’t need to go to sleep yet, I’m fine, not tired at all.
Deidara: But I need you to come cuddle my warm, smooth, naked body for eight full, uninterrupted hours, Danna, hm!
Sasori: ... are you trying to seduce me into a healthy sleeping pattern?
Deidara: Is it working?
Sasori, climbing into bed: Looks like it, dear.
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*camping in the woods*
Deidara, in sleeping bag behind Sasori: Danna? Danna!
Sasori, half asleep: What?!
Deidara: I heard a noise, hm!
Sasori: Just your imagination; go to sleep.
Deidara: I’d feel a lot better if you held my hand, hm!
Sasori: *grumbles and reaches behind him, groping around in the dark* There; now shut up.
Deidara: ... that’s not my hand.
Deidara: But I feel much better now, hm!
Hidan, getting up: I’m not sharing a tent with you fuckers anymore.
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While the Akatsuki do enjoy their time together, sometimes there's a need for a little extra peace and privacy...
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*Sasori and Deidara at a museum*
Deidara: All these old paintings are boring, hm. They don’t even explode! Let’s make out or something, liven things up a bit, hm!
Sasori: ‘Make out’? How immature are you?
Sasori: And besides, I can’t kiss you; there’s a big sign right there that says not to touch the masterpieces.
Deidara: ... did you just ...
Sasori: However, as an artist myself, it’s hard for me to see a work of art and not pin it against the wall.
Security Guard passing by: Gentlemen! This is a public place, put your clothes back on or you’ll be kicked out!
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Before my life became a dumpster fire I drew this and never posted it. So I'm putting it here now. Idk the angle I was going with it, I just wanted to draw different clothes and hats. 🌵🏜🐎
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Can I die Yet?
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Deidara: *eating ice cream*
Deidara: My mouth is so cold, hm!
Sasori: Want me to warm it up for you, brat?
Deidara, blushing: Y-yes?
Deidara: *puckers lips*
Sasori: *hands Deidara a mug of hot tea*
Deidara: Oh ...
Sasori: This is what you meant, right?
Deidara: *holding back a scream of disappointment* Y-yes, hm!
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old men update!!
it’s a short mushy drabble. another lil drabble coming soon!!
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do people still like half baked barely there/not fully written fanfics i got like a million of them sort of written and i impulsively want to post them all the time but i know so many people who hate unfinished works and it’s like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my open office docs are screaming
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Deidara to Sasori
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*arriving late to an Akatsuki meeting*
Deidara: Oh no; all the chairs are taken.
Pein: There’s three empty seats right —
Deidara: *plops down in Sasori’s lap* Guess I’ll have to sit here, hm!
Sasori: Serves you right for being late, brat.
Deidara: Oh no; my bed seems to have caught on fire and burned dowm!
Konan: Deidara I literally watched you take a match and —
Sasori: Tsk; you’re so irresponsible, brat. But as your partner it would be irresponsible of me if I didn’t make sure you had a place to sleep, so you’ll have to come stay in my bed.
Deidara, already planning an accident to ensure he has no pajamas to sleep in: You’re so kind to me, Danna, hm!
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for the short fic ask meme: 15, sasodei
15. meeting in the E.R/A&E au
Deidara stumbles into the ER at 3 AM. It's a private clinic, which means there will be fewer people and he can get in and out faster. It's a trick Deidara learned years ago, and why he pays for private insurance.
There are three other people in the waiting area: a couple, sitting in a corner and looking mortified (a little late night kink gone wrong?), and a guy who appears to be arguing with the check-in lady.
"But whose finger is it?" the check-in lady asks. She sounds annoyed.
"I told you, my muse," the man says. He's shorter than Deidara, with neat, pretty features and bright red hair. "He's on his way."
The man is holding a ziploc bag of ice. There's a human finger in it.
"And why are you checking in and not-- your muse?"
"Well, I didn't want him to bleed in my car," the man says, as if this is obvious. "He's walking. He'll be here soon."
The check-in lady stares at him for a solid ten seconds. Deidara clears his throat and limps forward.
"Hey," he says. "It's me again."
The check-in lady gives him a particularly long-suffering look, which quickly collapses back into pure irritation.
"Deidara," she says flatly, tapping away at her computer. "Symptoms?"
"I'm bleeding," Deidara says, gesturing at the line of bloody footprints behind him.
"Excuse me, I'm not done," the redhead cuts in. "I was here first."
"You don't need to be checked in," the check-in lady snaps back. "Come back when the actual patient gets here."
"I'm expediting, so we don't have to wait--"
Deidara comes into the ER almost once a month, and he's never seen the usually unflappable check-in lady look this close to screaming.
"So," Deidara continues, stepping in front of the redhead, who hisses at him. "I think I melted my shirt to my side. I also have some minor burns on my--"
The redhead slaps some cards down on the counter, elbowing Deidara directly in his bad side. Deidara yelps in pain.
"I have all of the patient's information," the redhead says. "ID, insurance card, credit card--"
"One of us is actually having an emergency," Deidara cuts him off. "Like I said, I have excess bleeding, and--"
"My muse's finger was cut off--"
"Well, he's not here, is he!"
The check-in lady finally snaps, screaming at the that she will call security if they don't shut up.
"You," she says in a tight voice, pointing accusingly at Deidara, "will be faster-- do not argue with me, Sasori-- because I already have your information memorized." She poises her hands over her keyboard. "What art project did you blow up this time?"
Deidara gets about halfway through his story, involving clay and some surprisingly flammable paint, and this Sasori guy starts laughing. It's a mean, sharp laugh.
"You call that art?" the man says. Deidara twitches. "That sounds like the work of a child--"
Deidara doesn't care if he's dizzy with blood loss. He tackles him. The ziploc bag of ice goes flying, bursting open on the floor, and the finger and ice cubes go scattering across the ER floor. Sasori hisses some more and jabs Deidara in the ribcage.
The check-in lady calls security.
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Sasori: I’m home.
Deidara: *hugs him* Welcome home, hm!
Deidara: Do you want dinner or —
Deidara: *poses seductively against the table* Or would you rather have “dessert”?
Sasori, completely oblivious: Dinner is fine.
Deidara, mumbling to himself: Great; now I actually have to cook.
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Konan: It’s important to appreciate the little things in life.
Deidara: You’re right, hm!
Deidara: *hugs Sasori*
Sasori: What are you doing, brat?
Deidara, squeezing tighter: I’m appreciating you, Danna!
Sasori: ... I’m not that short ...
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Sasori: You’re really quiet today, Deidara. What’s on your mind?
Deidara: It’s Hidan, hm. He’s really confusing.
Sasori: How so?
Deidara: Ever since I told him that me and you are together, he keeps asking who tops and who bottoms. But we only have the one bed, hm, not bunk beds.
Sasori: Deidara —
Deidara: And then he says that he’s positive that I’m on bottom, hm; but if we had bunk beds, you’d let me have the top one, right?
Sasori: *kisses Deidara’s forehead* Yes I would, my sweet, innocent idiot.
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