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zeinnit · 3 years

Text

the fall

all parts list

warnings: small injury mention

you waited a few seconds, your hand remained over the young girls mouth, until the bird hybrid looked under the car. you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding and looked down at the girl. even if you werent 100% sure that you wouldnt be mauled to death by the other one, you had felt as if you could trust the winged lucky. you hoped this girl could as well.

as soon as you were out, the second lucky immediately pushed you back into the trunk of the vehicle; the winged lucky helped the young girl into the back as well, much to the others disappointment. they seemed to get in some sort of argument, the winged lucky speaking while gesturing angrily in the unknown language. the other lucky didnt seem to speak, only snorting and huffing. you took this time to look over the new lucky and young girl.

the new lucky was most definitely some sort of piglin; if it werent for the attire, you would have assumed he was one of the nether beasts. despite never daring to go into the nether, youve heard stories and have been witness to the piglins that became zombified and harmless. the lucky in front of you wasnt dressed in the normal rugged, brown clothes that the piglins wore with undeserved pride. he was dressed as more of a pirate or maybe an undressed king. however, he also had a crown tied to his belt.

turning your full attention to the young girl next to you, you gave her a small smile. she had dirty blonde hair and big, sad hazel eyes. she wasnt too badly injured, just a small cut on cheek and some bruising on her arm. she looked over at you when she realized you had been staring. tears pricked her eyes, but she hadnt cried yet. she looked around the age of 10, maybe even as low as 8.

"hi there," you started quietly, "whats your name?"

she sniffled, "hailey."

"hello, hailey. im (y/n)," you told her as you moved a little closer to her. "how old are you hailey?"

"im-- im 9. i turn 10 next month," she whispered, wiping at her nose with her wrist. despite the unintelligible arguing, your words made her calmer.

"well, hailey, how about we get to know each other a bit more? whats your favorite colour?"

you and hailey spent most of the rest of the day chatting, talking about everything and anything you could think of. in that time, the two luckies had stopped fighting, seemingly have coming to an agreement. you tried to communicate with the piglin and while he did seem to understand you, he was unable to respond. or maybe he could and he just wasnt interested in talking. he had patched your arm up, and gave hailey a bandage earning thanks from you both.

it was now a bit late. hailey had fallen asleep around 20 minutes ago and the two luckies had managed to miraculously fit it the truck. the winged lucky was laying on his stomach, letting hailey lean into him to sleep; one thing you had quickly noticed about him was that he was very good at earning others trust. and that scared you. the piglin lucky put himself in front of the broken window. all three of you were still awake.

despite having a full stomach and not being in as much pain as before, you couldnt sleep. you were thinking of ways to communicate with the other two awake beings in the car when an idea hit you.

the piglin could understand you but he couldnt talk to you; maybe you could get him to write some things? it was worth a shot.

you reached into the front seat - which earned some suspicion from the piglin - and searched for anything you could use. you ended up w a red ink pen and a blank envelope which was fine. you sat in front of the piglin, pushing the envelope and pen to him while the winged lucky watched you with confusion.

"i'm (y/n), do you two have names...?" you stuttered out, now less confident in yourself at the thought that they didnt have names or maybe didnt remember them. the piglin grunted and began writing something down much to your joy.

after a few minutes of writing, he finally handed it back to you. you knew not to expect anything big from the non-verbal, four fingered piglin, but you got more than what you expected. on the page were two names as two other, slightly further away names. you shot him a confused look. he sighed, grabbing the paper back and pointed at one of the names. "techno." he then pointed back to himself. "phil" he then proceeded to point back at the winged lucky who seemed happy to hear you say his named. the last two names you didn't read out, he pointed to them and then pointed outside.

"uh... are they here?" he shook his head.

"are theeeey.... coming here?" another shake of the head.

"i dont know? im not good at guessing games," you joked. he rolled his eyes and began writing something more. techno turned it back towards you.

"oh.... youre looking for them," you guessed. he nodded sitting the paper down.

on the paper were two names and a drawing. the names being 'wilbur' and 'tommy.' a small drawing of an eye sat in between the names.

--------------------------

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mtfstuff · 3 years

Text

My friend John's body

I'm straight. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. It was a hard time for me but my best friend John was at my side. We know each other since Kindergarten but since highschool something changed. I always felt better when he was near me. He was this good looking, muscular womanizer and I was the skinny guy. He always dressed nice: tight shirts, leather jacket and boots and so on. Something about it turned me on and he sometimes felt it. He joked about it, sometimes he jokingly said if I want to sniff him. Of course I said no as I'm straight but that moment never left my mind.

Now that I was in a bad mood because of my break up he came over to cheer me up but I had different plans.

I opened the door after he knocked and let him in. Closing the door behind him, I grabbed the rag with chloroform from my back pocket and pushed it from behind onto his face. Totally shocked, he tried to push me away from him but I clinged onto him like a used gum to the sole of a boot. He went on his knees which caused his leather boots to creak.

I started to feel that he got weaker until he passed out. I didnt remove the rag for quiet some minutes to make sure that he really is unconscious. I pulled his limb body onto my bed and tied him up.

I never saw him sleeping so this was a new experience too. He looked so handsome passed out.

Even though I was able to grow a good beard I always were skinny and with that a bit jealous of my best friend John. I now knew the feelings I had when he was near me. I always wanted to be like him. Tall, muscular, good looking. I wanted to strip him and put on his clothes and he should be able to see every single step of it. Of course I dont want to loose him as a friend after this so I already bought a bottle of forgetful potion for him when I finished.

I waited for him to be awake again to start with my plan.

"Dennis! What did you do to me?", John shouted after he noticed that I tied him up on my bed.

"I thought you wanted to cheer me up Jonathan.", I answered. I saw in his eyes that he was scared, I never called him by his full name before.

I continued:"I want to feel good again. I love the way you look Jonathan! I'll strip every single cloth off of you and I'll put it on myself, starting with your boots. After that I want to have some fun with you..."

I looked at him with dead eyes as he tried to free himself, but he had no luck. When he looked back at me I saw the fear and sadness in his eyes.

I came closer to him and started to stroke his leg while I opened the first lace of his boots. I pulled them of his feet, closed my eyes and started to sniff them. The smell of sweat and warm leather turned me on. I noticed how my dick raised.

When I opened my eyes again I saw that John's bulge has grown too.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who likes this.", I commented while staring at his bulge.

He growled back and I saw a tear run from his left eye.

I turned back to his clothes pulling each wool sock from his feet. I knew that he was ticklish so I ran my fingers down the sole of his foot.

His body cramped and moved uncontrollably because he wanted to suppress his laughter. Satisfied with his feet, I began to undo his belt. He tried to fight back but he was without a chance. I pulled down his jeans to reveal that he wore a jockstrap. I let out a quiet laugh, I never thought he would wear something like this. I pulled it down too to reveal his massive cock. Satisfied with what I get to play with later I started to get into his clothes. I undressed completely and started to get into his jockstrap. It was to large for me so I had to hold it up until i put on his jeans and closed the belt. It felt So good to wear it I could smell his parfume and sweat, I was so turned on. I put on his thick wool socks he wore in his boots. They were cold as they were drenched in his sweat. I let out an uncontrolled moan and smiled at him.

"Looks like your feet were really hot in there.", I said to him, lying on my bed, his lower half completely undressed and his cock standing at a right angle to his body.

His eyebrows drew together in an angry look. "I'll kill you as soon as I'm free!", John shouted. I belittled his words as I was so hyped to get into his boots!

They stood in front of me and as I grabbed the first one I felt my heart beating faster synched with my cock. I knew I'd cum as soon as I put them on and it was an honor for me to do it into John's jockstrap. After I put on his first boot I felt something weird in my body. My blood felt warmer and I thought I grew a little bit. I dismissed it as an illusion and grabbed his second boot. As soon as I put it on I felt the same again. I looked at John and he was shocked as if he had seen a ghost. I looked down at myself and I couldn't believe what I saw. It was John's body. Everything was there from his muscles to his veins and I lost my chest hair. I ran to a mirror to take a selfie. I had to save this moment for myself.

When I came back to John it looked like he has made peace with the situtation he was in. I knocked him out again to strip him of his beautiful black leather jacket and his grey v-neck tshirt that defined his muscles.

I played with my new body until John was awake again so he could continue to put on the last parts of his clothes. I felt so good, strong and masculin now, I didnt want to change back to my old appearence.

"I think I'll stay in your clothes for some days John. Dont you see how good it fits me?", I said to him.

I crawled onto the bed kneeling now over him. I ran my, no, his fingers down his muscular body and stopped when they reached his hairy ballsack and huge cock.

"Let us see if you're really straight John...", I said while starting to stroke his dick. It got even harder than it was before and he started to get an orgasm and almost cum. It was so pleasing to be in this body, to have this clothes on to see that your love of your life is almost cumming while you stroke his dick.

I put his dick into my mouth. It was warm and pulsated in a rythm. I somehow knew I had to get him to cum into my mouth to get to my orgasm too. I played on his dick with my tongue and I started to suck really hard. John moaned and shot his first big load right into my throat. I felt how he started to climax and I sucked even harder as he shot his second load into my mouth. I started to notice that his cock started to feel smaller in my mouth. I looked at John and saw that his muscles started to deflate and that chesthair started to grow on him. When I saw his face I was shocked. I looked into my old face. I continued to suck until his dick was dry.

When I stood up in front of my bed I couldnt believe it. John took the appearence of my old body. He looked dazed.

"John?! Is everything okay?", I asked him.

He looked at me and answered:"Johnathan, why are you calling me by your name. You know I'm Dennis."

I was so happy. I freed him and ran to the bath. I took of the boots and to my surprise I didnt change back into my old body so I put them back on.

John, I mean now Dennis, stood in front of me as I opened the door again.

"Is everything okay John? You look as if you've seen a ghost.", he said.

"Everything is fine. I have to go now.", I mumbled.

I grabbed John's, now my, car keys, said goodbye to Dennis and left his house.

That was three months ago. Dennis is now back together with his ex girlfriend, the reason for all of this. I'm happy to be in this body and I dont want to switch back. I think I'm doing it more justice than the old John. I know have an incredible leather jacket and boot collection I can cum off of.

Dennis and I are still best friends as he doesn't remeber what happened on that day and I'll never tell him.

#body swap #body switch #male possession #male body swap #male body switch #nerd to jock

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sxngshine · 4 years

Text

Phobia

• Pairing: Chan x reader

• Word Count: 4.26k+

• Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

• Warnings: a bit of drinking, car sex, oral(M receiving), unprotected sex(wrap it up), switch!reader, dom!Chan idk what else but don't read if you don't like smut.

• Summary:idk how to explain without spoiling shhsshhs just read it.

• Notes: This was a long overdue story dedicated to @braveshin djsjxs. I had it half done but then went ia but now I'm kinda back so here you go🤧🤧. This is my first full/complete smut so apologies for the lack of knowledge in that part lmao. Happy reading💞! [Edited but possible mistakes lemme know if I missed smtn]

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You hadn't seen him in ages. After you both confessed to each other you thought everything would be all rainbows and peaches between the two of you. And to be honest it was. But then there was just one issue, the both of you were super awkward when it came to intimacy.

You always had the regular kisses and hand holding and hugs like every other couple. But the issue was that neither of you tried to go father in fear that the other wouldn't like it or would be uncomfortable.

That was 2 years ago. Now the both of you live separate lives without each other. He had gotten his dream job as an artist, you saw him on TV quite a lot and it made you miss him even more.

You got your dream job as well, one that allowed you to travel a lot and on the side you were a well known content creator. People admired you for being able not only work through a super busy schedule, but also create original content for your viewers.

The both of you had tried maintaining a long distance relationship, but you felt like you were drifting away from him because of your busy schedules and being unable to talk. You had enough of it one day, missing him and hating that he was never around anymore.

In the end, you both decided to stay friends but lost contact with each other in a matter of months.

There were many regrets that you had, many things you wish you had said and done but it was too late now. You never even once told him that you loved him properly and you always wished you could go back in time to tell him.

After so long, you would think you'd finally be over him, but here you are sitting in a club drinking your problems away.

You didn't really want to be here, you were on break for a few days and wanted to mope around your apartment after seeing him perform his newest album , but your friend dragged you here with a hope of loosening you up and after getting you to drink 6 shots of whatever concoction she stirred up, it started to work.

You didn't drink too much though, enough to get your mind off of things but not enough to be super hungover the next day.

You expected the night to go by with you sitting alone with your glass of whatever your friends gave you as you watched your people dance too close too each other.

What you didn't expect though, was to see him walk through the door. You were beyond shocked, what's he doing here?

It looked like his old group of friends dragged him here. You watched him discretely -or at least tried to- as he looked around the place with clear distaste in his eyes, wanting to be anywhere else except here. But the moment his eyes met yours, all those thought flew out of his head like they were never there in the first place. Your eyes widened and it was like time had stopped.

The harsh music in the background was nonexistent at this point and the other people disappeared. It was just you and him. His friends went to go find a vacant table but he made his way over to you instead.

You looked away and prayed he wouldn't come over but it was useless because in a matter of moments, you were faced to face with the one and only person you were trying to forget about.

"Y/N? Is it really you?" He asked, clear surprise in his eyes.

"Hey... Chan," you greeted, smiling nervously as you looked anywhere but his eyes.

"How're you? I haven't seen you for so long I almost didnt recognize you! You look so different," He exclaimed.

It was true, you completely changed your look after the both of you lost touch. Your once short hair was now at your waist, the once all black and baggy wardrobe was replaced with bright, slightly more fitting clothes (you were quite sad but you loved your new clothes so it was okay). You held yourself high with confidence which was foreign to him because you were normally so shy.

His eyes raked over your outfit, you wore a tight sparkly navy blue dress that ended mid thigh. Your shoulders and collarbones bare due to the skinny straps and low neck.

You couldn't help but look him over as well. He was clad in black ripped skinny jeans and a black tshirt, blonde hair untamed on his head. His chains sparkled under the flashy lights of the club and his leather jacket was doing his arms wonders. In other words, he looked hot. But you couldn't just say that.

After shamelessly checking each other out for a solid 2 minutes Chan cleared his throat.

"So uh, mind if I sit down?" He asked, giving you a small smile in which you returned with a nod.

The both of you started catching up, talking about your accomplishments and old memories you shared. You wanted to get some fresh air after a bit so the both of you grabbed your things and walked outside, the cool air sending pleasant shivers up your spine. You strolled down to the parking lot and Chan offered to drive you around in his car which you accepted.

"If you don't mind, can I take you somewhere?" He asked, after a few moments silence.

You nodded and Chan drove you both to wherever he wanted to take you. Fifteen minutes later the both of you arrived at a cliff that overlooked the city.

You remembered it being a place you and Chan visited often during the night, the city sparkling under you as the both of you goofed around. You had made many memories here.

"You still remember this place?" You asked, getting out of the car and walked over to the edge, leaning against the railing. "I haven't been here in ages!"

"How could I forgot? This was an important place to me." He answered, coming up beside you, looking over at the city illuminated by thousands of lights.

Then a silence fell upon the two of you. You didn't feel the need to say anything, just enjoying the silence and the distant buzz of the city. It was... comforting.

"I missed you Channie, I missed you a lot." You said out of nowhere. You weren't looking at him, but you could tell he was looking at you. The alcohol was getting to you but you didn't mind, needing the extra confidence.

"Ever since you left, I started regretting not doing so many things. I never got to tell you how much you meant to me, how important you were. I wish I could've told you how much I loved you and cared about you. How I never actually wanted to break up and how broken I became when we did," you felt tears form in your eyes as you poured your heart out to him.

"I said I was doing great before but I lied, I spent a good month locked in my room just crying. I was such a mess and then we just stopped talking and my whole world just broke apart and I just-" your voice cracked as tears now fell freely down your cheeks. You bent down and buried your face in your hands, sobbing hard.

Chan was so caught off guard with your confession, but he knew right now wasn't the time for him to be acting like that. He bent down beside you and pulled you into a hug, allowing you to cry as much as you needed while he rubbed your back.

When he felt like you had mostly calmed down, your hard sobs turning into small sniffles and hiccups, he released you from the hug.

"Y/N, look at me," he said, his hand coming towards your face. You reluctantly looked up at him, your eyes red and puffy with mascara running down your cheeks.

"When I left, it took everything in me not to just drop everything and stay. I was in a terrible state when we broke up, my members kept saying I looked like a literal zombie. There were so many times where I was gonna call you but backed away cause I thought you wouldn't want to talk anymore," he admitted.

"R-really?" You stuttered, trying to even out your breathing.

Chan nodded, his eyes flickering to your lips before going back to your eyes.

"Can I-" Chan tried to say but was cut off by your lips smashing into his. He wasn't prepared for it and fell back from the force, pebbles digging into his palms.

But Chan could care less, the only thing on his mind was how soft your lips felt against his. All that built up tension between the two of you had resurfaced and neither one of you were going to stop till you were relieved.

The both of you pull away after a long heated kiss, looking deeply into each others eyes.

"Wanna continue at my place?" Chan asked, breathing heavily. You shook your head and moved off of him.

"That'll take too long and I'm not in the mood for waiting." You said, standing up before lending him a hand.

Chan was surprised by your response but it turned him in even more. "Car?" He asked, taking your hand.

You nodded and dragged him to the back seat of his car, opening the door before pushing him in gently. Once he was in you climbed in after him and closed the door.

Wasting no time, you crawled onto his lap and cupped his cheeks. "Are you okay with this?" He whispered.

You nodded, whispering a small yes and kissed him again, your lips moulding together in perfect sync. You both of you have shared kisses before, but they were only light pecks, nothing more than that. If you knew kissing Chan would feel like this you would've done this a lot earlier.

Chans hands, which rested on your waist started travelling south to your ass and squeezed. You gasped into the kiss and he used the opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth.

He moaned as his tongue explored your wet and warm cavern, your tongues swirling around in unison. Chan lowered you onto the seat, hovering over you as he groped your ass.

Your arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, fingers pulling at his hair. You were in such a euphoric state you didn't realize that Chans hands had left your ass and were now removing the straps of your dress.

He moved to sit up so that he could see your half naked body, dress pooled at your hips and everything else exposed for his eyes to take in and admire. "Fuck you look so gorgeous.." Chan cursed before diving into your neck, leaving dark bruises all over your throat and collar bones.

"Chan.... take it off," you mumbled, pulling on his jacket as he attacked your neck. "I don't want to be the only nude one here,"

Chan quickly sat up and began removing his jacket, throwing it to some random corner in his car. He had been distracted trying to remove his shirt, and you took the opportunity to switch things around.

Before Chan could process what was happening, you had flipped him over onto the seat and straddled his legs, looking down at him with a mischievous smirk as you ran your nails down his solid abs, causing a shiver to run up his spine.

"What're you-" he tried to protest but you shushed him by placing your finger to his lips.

"I may have seemed like I'd submit to you before , but that's not the case here baby boy. I can dom quite well too," you winked at him, licking your lips at you took in his smooth pale skin and hard muscle. "Let me show you how much I love you too,"

You're head sunk down to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "Just relax and let me do the work," you whispered into his ear.

Chan decided to obey your wish for now, wanting to see where this would go. He was becoming harder every passing second as he felt your hand trace his abs and your mouth do wonders to his neck and chest, leaving hickeys all over.

You ground your clothed heat against his covered crotch and it was driving Chan crazy. "Quit teasing me and take it off already," he rasped.

You smirked and moved away from him. "Yes sir," you whispered, softly grinding your hips to his as you took your time unbuckling his belt. Chan had about enough of your teasing and quickly sat up, pushing you down onto the seat once again.

He glared at you as he quickly pulled down his pants, bringing his boxers down with it and brought a little relief to his rock hard cock.

You gawked at how large it was and Chan sat down on the seat, legs spread. "Put that pretty mouth to use babygirl," he demanded.

You knew exactly what he wanted and moved to first remove your dress off your hips, leaving you in just your panties. Grabbing his red and hard cock, you pumped it a few times before pressing a soft kiss to the angry red tip, eliciting a moan from Chan's mouth.

You licked a stripe from the base of his shaft back to his tip before taking it into your mouth. Chans fingers threaded into your hair and held the strands tight, pushing you all the way down his dick so your nose was touching his pelvis. Chan let out a loud groan, tip hitting the back of your throat as he pulled it out then back down your throat.

You felt tears prick your eyes has Chan showed no mercy to your throat. Your scalp was sore from the vice grip he had on your hair but you liked it, feeling your core become wetter than it was before.

You felt Chan twitch in your mouth but he pulled you off before he could come, hissing to himself as he held his orgasm in. When he felt as if he could continue without cumming with one touch he quickly motioned you to lay down once again

"You can show me how much you love me some other time babygirl, but right now I'm in charge," Chan said, hovering over your body once again.

His lips attached to your breast, rolling his tongue over the hard bud as his fingers hooked around your panties. He removed his lips from you at ask you for permission which you nodded to.

Instantly his mouth returned to working its magic on your nipples as he pulled your panties down your legs. He dropped them onto the floor, fingers slowly caressing up from your calves to your thighs, ghosting where you needed him the most.

He switched to your other nipple, once again ghosting over your core and you let out a small whimper. "Chan.. please I need you," you whined.

"I don't know... I'm having fun teasing you like this," Chan mused, moving his head away from your chest. He finally looked down at your core and smirked widely.

"Look at how wet you are babygirl, and I still have yet to touch you there," Chan's pride had gone through the roof, pleased that he could make you feel this way.

Finally showing you some mercy, he rubbed his fingers against your core, cause you to moan and buck your hips against his fingers, trying to get more friction.

Chan held your hips down with one hand while the other collected your wetness on his fingers, dipping in into your entrance. You let out a gasp as you felt his finger push inside you, not used the feeling.

"Goddamn Y/N, I only put in one finger but your still so tight," chan groaned, pumping his finger in and out of you before slipping in another one.

You moaned, bucking your hips against his fingers. You were so lost in trying to reach your high you didn't realize Chan stopped moving his fingers.

"Shit- that was so hot." Chan cursed. That's when you realized he wasn't moving. Your eyes snapped open and looked into his dark ones already staring hard at you.

"Do you like fucking yourself on my fingers? Does it make you feel good?" He asked, pulling his fingers out of you.

You whined, feeling your orgasm slipping away each second he wasn't touching you.

"When I ask a question I expect an answer babygirl," Chan demanded.

"Yes! Yes I do," you replied quickly, hoping he'd start doing something again.

"Do you want my fingers to make you come?" He smirked, his wet fingers lightly rubbing your folds.

"N-no! Please Chan I need you," you cried out when he pressed his fingers on your sensitive bud.

"What do you need babygirl? Tell me," he continued teasing you, fingers circling your entrance.

"I want you to fuck me please," you whimpered, hips twitching from his agonizingly slow movements.

"You'll need to do better than that," he retorted, stopping his actions.

"I-I want you to fuck my pussy with your cock Chan- hnmf!" You tried to say but were cut off by Chans fingers being pushed into your mouth. You instinctively swirled your tongue around his fingers, sucking your essence off his fingers.

"Such a good girl..." he muttered, taking his finger out of your mouth. He lined himself at your entrance before cursing under his breath.

"Can I go in raw? I don't have a condom on me.." Chsn asked, looking at you for permission.

"I'm on birth control, it's okay," you confirmed. Your heart swelled at how he still asked you for consent rather than just going in for it.

Chan didn't waste another second, slowly pushing his head into your throbbing pussy.

"Fuck..." you both moaned. Chan slowly eased his way into you, giving you time to adjust to his thick length stretching you out deliciously.

Your jaw fell slack when he bottomed out, feeling so full with him completely inside you. He gave you a second to adjust before drawing out of you almost completely and then pushing in again, setting a slow pace with deep thrusts.

You couldn't do anything but moan, fingers clutching Chans biceps as he lowered his head back to your chest.

"Chan.. harder.. go.. harder," you panted, letting out a loud moan when he did just that.

Both of you were lost in a euphoric state, trying to chase your own highs. You felt a knot like feeling in your stomach, one that was growing tighter and tighter with each hard and deep thrust Chan gave you.

"I-I'm so close," you cried when Chan hit a particular spot that really had you screaming.

"Cum baby," Chan whispered in your ear. And that's all it took for that tight knot to come undone.

You moaned Chans name as you came all over his cock, walls clenching around him so tight that it had him shooting his hot seed deep into your womb.

Chan help both of you rode out your highs, but didn't pull out just yet. You could feel him becoming soft inside of you.

"That was amazing..." you panted lightly, a smile gracing your face. Chan stared down at you, nodding his head in agreement.

He slowly pulled out of you, cum dripping from your pussy to your ass. Chan quickly grabbed a box of tissues from the back and cleaned the both of you up.

You sat up and pulled your dress back on, not liking how quiet Chan was being.

"Chan? Are you okay?" You asked. Chan's head snapped up, turning to you.

"What- oh uh.. yeah I'm okay," he said, but you were unconvinced.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong?" You pressed. Chan just sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I-I feel like I this was a mistake. I spent so long trying to get over you. I thought I was while I was overseas but then I was pulled to that stupid club and saw you. And all that time I spent getting over you went down the drain just like that. And to makes things worse, I just fucked you!" Chan admitted, frustrated he ruffled his hair aggressively.

You felt your heart shatter. He thought this was a mistake...? You swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from forming.

"Y-you think what we did just now was a mistake?" You asked, voice cracking slightly.

Chan realized what he said and instantly started denying it. "No no no, I don't! It's just that, we spent so long getting over each other, you yourself said you're not over me. And i just made it worse for you,"

"I don't regret it Chan." You stated, looking at him with glassy eyes. "Everything that just happened, I don't regret any of it."

Chan looked at you sadly, pulling you into a hug. You buried your face into his shirt, feeling a few tears come out of your eyes and soak his shirt.

"Chan, if you could, would you date me again?" You mumbled, feeling kind of drowsy.

"Definitely. I wouldn't hesitate to ask you again," Chan answered. You thought for a second before replying.

"Then why aren't you saying anything now?" You ask. Chans brows knit together in confusion. He sits you up straight and looks into your eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's holding us back from dating now?" You asked, looking right back into his eyes.

"Y/n... I'm gonna be travelling a lot. I'm only here for the week then I'm going to be going on tour for the next 2 or 3 months. We'd never work out. The same thing that happened before will happen again and I can't go through another heartbreak." Chan said dejectedly.

"I-I'll wait for you Chan, I swear. No matter how long it takes. I was selfish before and only thought of myself. I'm more open minded now, I don't mind waiting. Just please don't leave me again." You pleaded, hands clutching his shirt.

Chan felt his own tears forming, a small smile forming on his face. He cupped your cheeks, wiping the tears from your face.

"Are you sure? You'd have to be very patient with me then. I won't be able to text often, I'll be out of town at least 3 times a week, I won't always answer your calls. I'll be tired and unable to take you out on proper dates most of the time, they'd be pretty rare. Do you think you'll be able to handle all that." He asked, resting his forehead against yours.

"I'll be as patient as I possibly can. No matter how tired you are, or how far away you are or how busy you are. No matter what mood you're in. I'll support you however I can and be as understanding as possible. I promise." You answered, a smile forming on your face as well.

"Well then L/n Y/n, will you be my girlfriend... again?" Chan asked, giggling a little. Your smile turned into a grin and you kissed Chan softly.

"Does that answer your question?" You asked after pulling away. Chan pecked your forehead and nodded.

****

Chan was driving you home, not realizing how late it had gotten. He held your hand in his while keeping the other on the wheel, refusing to let go when you told him to keep both hands on the wheel.

You and Chan caught up along the way, with Chan talking about his music and future albums and you talking about your life as a content creator and your job. Chan, much to your dismay confessed to watching your videos when he was bored or too lazy to continue working, claiming that your videos were very entertaining and creative.

"The way you were trying to get dress coded at work had me laughing like crazy!" Chan exclaimed, stilling laughing while imitating how happy you were when you finally did get dress coded.

"Everyone's worn that shirt at least once! I was determined to wear it as well. Besides you gotta break the rules every now and then," you winked, giggling right after.

The both of you were silent for a little while, simply enjoying each others presence before you accidentally snorted out loud. Chan glanced you with an eyebrow raised. "What was that?"

"Sorry," you giggled, a faint blush on your face out of embarrassment. "I was just thinking about everything that happened. We did everything in the wrong order. You were supposed to asked me out first, take me in a date and then we'd get to the fucking stage. But we went straight to fucking then you asked me out."

"We're unique. We don't follow the rules." Chan laughed. "By the way, I'll take you on a date tomorrow."

You snorted again, loving how messed up your sequence was. "Okay, I can't wait."

And from then on you and Chan found yourselves living your best lives with each other. Nothing like the first relationship you had. Rather than showing a lack of affection and communication like before, you were much more the opposite. And that's exactly how you'd perfer it to be.

Fin.

-------------------------------------------------------

Should I make an alternate ending or a part 2👀? I kinda wanna make y'all cry jdsjka.

#skz au #skz scenarios #skz fluff #au #bang chan #bang chan fluff #bang chan fanfic #bang chan ff #fluff #skz angst #skz smut #bang chan x reader #bang chan smut #chan angst #chan fluff #chan imagines #chan smut #smut

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newtedison · 3 years

Text

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in.

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

#my fingers hurt from typing lol #the crank palace #the maze runner #newt #newtmas #anyway...

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officialleotolstoy · 3 years

Text

Oh Dolokhov/Hélène Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov/Hélène playlist annotations!

I stole several songs from a playlist my friends have and I’m not gonna put those on this list, I won’t pretend I came up with those

The ship playlists (since they aren’t for canon couples) are very much based on my headcanons. We don’t get to see them interact literally ever so I’ve just extrapolated what I can. Several of these songs are at least alluding to sex, I don’t really think they actually slept together for various reasons I can enumerate if someone asks, but it’s more about the vibes of the song.

Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco

It’s literally in the title. Bestie how much more explanation do you need? I don’t even like this song but it’s got the right energy

Those Nights - Bastille

“Aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? Looking for somebody you can wake up with?”

Being drawn to each other because of mutual loneliness is a Thing in my interpretation of their relationship, and this hits the nail on the head.

But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

“Praying for love and paying in naïveté”

Again, mutual loneliness and desperation for anything resembling love. Also the “isn’t this exactly where you like me” bit fits because they won’t admit to liking each other outside of their weird intimate moments.

Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco

“Drop our anchors in a storm”

The circumstances of their lives arent super fun at the moment so they find refuge in each other but in a very weird kind of unhealthy way! “We are a hurricane” sort of alludes to knowing that you’re causing problems/your relationship isn’t great.

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

“I’m almost me again, she’s almost you”

It’s about not really being In Love but kind of convincing yourself you are because it makes you feel better in the circumstances. I don’t think either of them were fully into their relationship for various reasons. Not as in they didn’t want the other, more that they were both too aware it would never work for long.

Hall & Oates - Satchmode

“I want to be in love again, with you”

This one’s about wanting the idea of love and companionship more than you actually like the other person, which I feel like kind of fits. This song is framed as one person in love with the other and one hesitating, but i think this works for both of them to hesitate.

Feel Something - Jaymes Young

“Touch me, someone, I’m too young to feel so numb”

The I have tried like six times and I can’t word why I think this song works. I don’t even like it, I skip it every time, but I think it’s got something to do with loneliness and desperation for love driving them to look for it in places they wouldn’t normally? Who knows. Send me an ask if u do.

Another Place - Bastille

“Don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break”

They could never actually be together for SO many reasons and I think they’re both pretty aware of that. They have no desire to pretend that their relationship is anything other than what it is (“we only ever wanted one thing from this”).

When You Were Young - The Killers

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you”

I do not think Hélène expected Dolokhkov to save her from anything except maybe monotony and loneliness, but this song slaps and if I can stretch the lyrics to work, I will

broken - lovelytheband

“I could be lonely with you”

Almost every song on here (including this one) is just. We’re messed up and I know we won’t really find love in each other but we might find solace for a while and be less lonely so uhhhhh wanna kiss me or what

Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

“You stand up, stand up, before I drag you down”

They are NOT good for each other! Toxic relationships uwu

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

I believe in bi4bi Hélène/Dolokhov

Enemy Fire - Bea Miller

“Sweet words from a serpent’s tongue”

This song is kinda complicated and parts of it don’t fit but the energy of “everything sucks including you but at least we can hide from the suckiness together” is sorta there. Originally I just added it for the soldier vibes because I was testing out songs but I realized i can fit some of the lyrics so on the playlist it goes

Angel of the Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

“Her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean”

They are horrible and cold to each other as a love language. This song is essentially just “Wow my evil scary gf is so hot” and you’re right Fyodor. She is.

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

I won’t lie this one’s mostly a joke, I just think the vibes of telling someone to shut up as (maybe because) you’re falling in love with them is Dolokhov/Hélène energy. Ignore all the parts about wanting to be with her forever and her being his destiny that is not why I added it.

Lone Ranger - Rachel Platten

“I’m just gonna leave, ‘cause baby I’m a lone ranger”

I do not think Dolokhov was intending to stay with her forever at all. Very rude of him. However, she probably also knew it wouldn’t last forever, she’s not stupid.

House of Memories - Panic! At The Disco

“Promise me a place in your house of memories”

This is very much post-duel, their relationship has fizzled out but it was pretty important (do I mean emotionally or to the plot? I’ll never tell) and deserves to be remembered.

American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy

“I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”

SO MANY of these lyrics are so good for them like. Hélène’s beautiful Dolokhov’s a psycho... “you take the full truth and you pour some out” can you imagine them being open and honest with each other? Yeah, me neither. “We were pity sex” They were just sad and lonely! That was what allowed anything to happen at all in my head (not sex but bear with me it’s not my fault those are the lyrics). “All those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep” because Hélène is married to someone else, they really have no right to think of each other that way.

Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne

“He wasn’t good enough for her”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. Hélène’s complaints about Dolokhov staying with them are just the quoted lyric. “They had a problem with his baggy clothes” yeah Dolokhov’s not as rich and bougie and the rest of them and he’s certainly rough around the edges. And then the skater boy ending with a successful music career vs Dolokhov ending with a successful military career and a great reputation and both the women in the songs having sad endings...I’m not wrong.

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?”

The affair vibes. The AFFAIR VIBES. And the concept of “I will never end up like him [the husband]/ behind my back I already am” in reference to using Hélène and deciding he hates her right after deciding she’s hot...okay! I see you kinning Pierre, Dolokhov. You ARE being just like her husband :/

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame”

This is just Dolokhov’s massive I Hate Women monologue condensed. Stop blaming beautiful women for YOUR attraction to them maybe 🔫

Death Valley - Fall Out Boy

“Don’t take love off the table yet”

This is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is n-

I didnt add it for that reason it was about a vibe but then. I realized. Now the original reason doesn’t even matter.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

“I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake”

Tell me the quoted lyric does not SCREAM Hélène/Dolokhov. You can’t. Also “I’ll weigh you down I’ll watch you choke/You look so good in blue” really captures hatred as a love language.

This is Love - Air Traffic Controller

Ok I stole this from my friends’ playlist but I did want to explain it because it’s not JUST Dolokhov and Hélène in my mind. The whole jealous fool second verse gives me Pierre around the duel energy as well

Bad Boy - Cascada

“Be my weekend lover but don’t be my friend”

Bernie Sanders voice I am once again asking you to hear me out about the unironic meme songs on my War and Peace character playlists. It’s got the refusal to admit that she actually likes hanging out with him down. The line “after some time you just pushed me aside” referring to Dolokhov teasing Pierre about their affair because he got bored. “I dont need you in my life again”...YEAH I’m fairly sure they dont interact in canon again after that.

Hayloft - Mother Mother

“My daddy’s got a gun”

This song started playing on accident once when I was listening to this playlist and I was like huh. It fits though. The gun thing is twofold: 1) Though he is not her father, Pierre does have a gun in the duel and 2) I think Vassily would happily shoot Dolokhov for his relationships with Vassily’s kids. It’s also just the general forbidden love vibes mixed with the violence vibes.

affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS

“I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places and we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

Have I been clear enough about my thesis that their relationship is based in mutual loneliness? Also, I like the acknowledgment that this is in fact the wrong place. I think they’re both very aware of that.

Walk Away - Franz Ferdinand

“Yes I’m cold but not as cold as you are”

This song is for them post-duel. Especially the “I cannot stand to see those eyes as apologies may rise/I must be strong, stay an unbeliever” because 1) I hear the word eyes, I think of Dolokhov and 2) I think she’s too smart to believe any apology he would give her, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. The song kinda reads as someone trying to convince themselves they’re happy that the relationship is over, which I think is definitely what happens for both of them.

Van Horn - Saint Motel

“Tell me do you hate me? Or do you wanna date me?”

Obsessed with the dynamic of “I like you but that’s embarrassing for both of us I’m gonna act like I hate you instead”

#war and peace #helene kuragina #fedya dolokhov #my post #w&p playlists #helenkhov #is that their ship name??? idk #someone tell me what it is ill owe u my life

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cherishedkids · 4 years

Text

fight || tokito muichiro x reader

anime: kimetsu no yaiba warning/s: sad, spoilers from the manga, mentions of injuries and character deaths words: 1,686 pairing/s: tokito muichiro x reader request: “Manga spoilers to the ppl who didnt read the manga!!! au where Tokito Muichiro lives and gets a happy ending with a gender neutral reader?” -anon

A/N: thank you to the anon who requested this!! gosh ive been writing so much muichiro lately 😳 i hope you enjoyed this!

The sun streams in, touching everything in its path. You were no stranger to its harsh nature, as you saw countless demons die by its hand. But as its rays touch your own face, you are reminded of a new day. A fresh path was open to you.

Muichiro lay on his back, bandages wrapped around his body. It had been a few months after the brush of death with Kokushibo. Thankfully, the gods saw fit to let him survive. The most that happened was the loss of his right leg and a coma right after. You knew his body needed time to heal, but you had no idea as to how long.

The first time you saw him in that state, you almost cried. Forget the noble cause of fighting for others, forget eradicating demons; he was ready to give himself up for the corps. Those who witnessed him fight the demon praised him for his bravery and abilities—those who were still alive, at least. Hundreds of thousands of his comrades had fallen before him, cursed to die in their work. You were scared for him, yes, but the passion in his eyes burned, and you knew that he’d do everything in his power to kick into gear the death of demons. It was especially present in the fight with the Upper Moon One. He was fine when he left you that night, but the next day, he came back to you, unconscious and battered.

But he survived. And he conquered death. So many times, he was close to dying. So many times, tears fell from eyes, worried sick. So many times, you prayed for him to be alright.

Everyday, for the past months, you waited for him to awaken. You needed a distraction—something to hold on to while Muichiro was not available. So after the first week, you decided to build your own house. It was difficult at first; finding free lands, contacting workers, and getting an architect to make plans for it, but it would be worth it in the end. You expected a lot going in. Money wasn’t a problem, as Ubuyashiki’s family was eager to help its demon slayers, but the stress of the project was big. You devoted yourself to it, as the fantasy of living a normal life with Muichiro gave you motivation. Even the finest of details—what polish to use, the type of wood, and even the lacquers, you paid attention to.

It was all for Muichiro. You had no idea the pain he felt as he laid there, thinking it might be his last moments. You wanted to alleviate that, if only a little, with a promise of a home after he wakes up. If he even wakes up.

The project was long done, the house sitting pristine atop a hill. It wasn’t grand—just enough for a couple to live in. But even so, Muichiro showed no signs of stirring.

Exhausted, you sat back down on your chair and waited patiently for him to open his eyes. The staff at the Butterfly Estate had looks of pity on you whenever you visited them everyday, but you were used to it. If you had no hope for him, then who else would? His flickering light needed someone to shield it, and if it took years, you were perfectly fine with that.

Again, his face lay in a peaceful state. The airy-ness that it exuded was nowhere to be seen. He was fine this way, he seemed happy. But you needed him awake.

For the umpteenth time, you reached across to hold his hand. If you could take away all the pain he had ever felt in his life, you would. He did not deserve this.

“Muichiro… please, get through this,”

Like all the other times, he didn’t reply. There were no tears to escape your eyes. They had already long dried out. You let out a sigh, but you never let go of his hand.

Maybe it was how the sun rose to the sky, carrying light with it. Maybe it was how the moon sank down below, yielding to the superior being. Maybe it was just the result of faith and months of prayers.

Muichiro’s hand intertwined with yours. The force of this wasn't lost on you. When you looked up, his blue eyes stared back at you, full of life and confusion.

“Muichiro!” You almost hugged him, but you weren’t sure if he was well enough for big commotions. You stood up, shaking from excitement. “Hold on, I’ll call Kanzaki—“

His hand doesn’t let go of you. “Please, stay with me for a while,”

You sit back down, ready to answer any of his questions.

“How long have I been… asleep?” This question, you’ve been anticipating.

“About five months,”

“And the others, what happened?”

You swallow the stone stuck in your throat. “Kokushibo died after you lost consciousness, and, well…”

It was clear from your demeanor, and Muichiro understood and nodded. “So they all died…?”

“Muzan was defeated,” At these words, he turned to you, eyes widened. “Tanjiro and his friends and the water hashira are the only ones left,”

“While I was asleep, huh,” You didn’t know what he meant by that.

“At least you’re here now!” He returned the smile you shot him and pressed your hand to his lips.

“Yes. With you.”

After calling Kanzaki Aoi to have a look at him, she deemed him fully recovered from his wounds. Muichiro expressed sadness when he saw his right leg… or lack thereof, but shrugged it off.

“It was the sacrifice I took to see you again,” He said, and your heart rejoiced at those words.

Tengen Uzui, Kamado Tanjiro and Nezuko, Shinazugawa Sanemi, and Tomioka Giyuu were there to greet him. He was one of the people who risked his lives, so naturally, they rejoiced at his awakening. Tengen Uzui welcomed him into his retired life, and pointed at his missing left hand.

“We’re kind of the same, aren’t we?” He laughs, and Muichiro can only smile at his joke.

Shinazugawa and Tomioka regard him, but only Tomioka brought a gift. It was a sword, as he recounts that his was lost in battle.

“Just for protection,” He reassures Muichiro. He accepts the gifts and thanks him. You secretly hope that he never has to draw that sword in any sort of battle.

Kamado Tanjiro and Nezuko approach him. They were both older than the two of you, and their presence was full of warmth.

“Nezuko, the last I saw you…” Of course, he is dumbfounded. He missed out on a lot while he was asleep, after all.

“I know! It’s nice to talk to you as a human again,”

They don’t see it, but the look of contentment crosses his face.

He is eventually cleared off, and was given a wheelchair to sit in. While crutches were given to him, his other leg had atrophied, so he had to train himself to walk. Almost everyone in the Demon Slayer Corps retired after Muzan was defeated. Although some stayed, to protect the Ubuyashiki family. But that was out of your hands now.

You took him to the house you spent so much time working on. Of course, he was blind-folded, so he would not see the surprise. It was already afternoon, and you were sure that he was hungry, so you had to make this fast.

When you finally take off the blindfold, he stares at the house before him. He is silent, taking in sight.

“You…” He says, after a while. “Built this for us?”

You nod, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he gestures for you to come closer, and you do, waiting for him to say his thoughts. But instead, he grabs on to your kimono and kisses you. When you both pull away, he has a blush on his cheeks.

“Thank you, for everything,”

The both of you go inside, and his stomach rumbles. He doesn’t even try to hide it, as he whispers that he is hungry.

“Just sit tight, okay?” You rush to make lunch. Thankfully, you hadn’t thrown the head of lettuce that you ate the night before, and it was still relatively fresh. You get a pan and make his favorite food. It was chicken stew, complete with side dishes. After an hour, you pop out of the kitchen and set the table. He tries to help, but you disagree.

“You’ve been fighting for your life all this time, it’s the least that I can do.”

He smiles and sits back. He can’t deny the fact that he wants nothing more but to assist you, but he knows how long you’ve been waiting for this moment.

The lunch you prepared for him puts him at ease. It’s a reminder of the things that could be, and things to come. If anything, it reminds him of hope—of home. Of what was once his, but lost to unfortunate events.

As he sips the broth, tears start pouring down his face. He can’t contain himself, he just feels so sentimental that moment. When you see this, a look of worry crosses your face. Was your cooking that bad? But he waves it off, and wipes his cheeks.

“I’m just so happy that you stayed for me,” He admits, and you wonder just how long he was holding that one in.

“Of course I would!” It would not make much sense if you just left him just because he was unwell! But he looks at you with uncertainty. So you hold his hands in yours again. “I love you very much, Muichiro. No matter how long, or whatever happens to you, I’ll always be there for you,”

Something had changed inside him. It was tiny, and no one really noticed it. But you did.

“I love you too, ___,”

You were just so happy to have him back, and even if the future was uncertain, you had him with you. And that was enough.

The sun may have gone down, but you had your own sun in your home.

#kny #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #tokito muichiro #tokito muichiro x reader #muichiro x reader #tokito x reader #tokito muichiro hcs #tokito muichiro headcanons #kny headcanons #anime #anime x reader #happy ending :))

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riofann · 4 years

Text

Surprise Birthday

GIF by: @alfiessolomvns

Warnings: alcohol consumption,cursing

A/N: Part of the Spooky Series

You looked outside the window just to make sure they weren’t pulling up “Alright Cesar you have to be in the front, he won’t shoot you but he might everyone else” you say as you place him in front of the door

“Oh so i’m the dummy?”

“Yup! its for your brother! Thanks”

“Are they close?” he asks

“Waiting to hear from Baldie” you say as you check your phone

“Isn’t that Baldies car?” Oscar asks Sad Eyes as he notices the car parked further away from his house than usual

“Nah that foo is on the other side of town, with some hyna”

He sat back in the chair. Glad that the day was over all he wanted to do was chill and sleep. Sad Eyes had kept him busy all day like you two had planned.

A few more minutes pass and you get a text from Baldie telling you their location

“Alright guys they are getting ready to pull up!”

“Turn your phones off, turn the light off!” Cesar directs as you all crouched down

You hear them walking up to the house, the keys jingling against the door, as soon as the door opens you switch on the lights and scream a mixture of “SURPRISE!!/SOPRESA!!”

He backs up in shock hand behind his back on his gun “Yooo what the fuck?!”

“Don’t shoot” Cesar says, cautiously walking forward

“What’s going on?” he asks still not wanting to enter the house

Sad Eyes pushes him inside “AHHHH get in there homie its your birthday bro you think we wouldn't celebrate?!”

“Damn men you did all this?” he asks Cesar, looking around at the decorations, it wasn’t much but enough to signal a celebration was taking place

“Nah your girl did, but happy birthday Mano love you”

“Love you too”

He makes his way around the room receiving birthday wishes and greeting from the crowd before he makes it to you

“Surprise!” you say excitedly “You like it?”

“Yea.. you didn’t hav...”

“Come on!” you say cutting him off and grabbing his hand, pulling him to the back where he they were cooking food. He remembers smelling the food and wondering who in the neighborhood was grilling, feeling hungry himself. “I got the owner of Apetito’s Food Truck to come cook for you!” Apetito was his favorite food truck in L.A.

“You did this for me?”

“Yes!”

He feels a rush of emotion, but before he can express himself the Santos boys step outside.

“Drink up big homie!” Lucky hands him a cup “we gotta get you fucked up! Come on!”

He looked at you

“It’s okay go I’m not going anywhere” you were actually watching the Apetito guys cook the food so you could replicate it in the future.

After everyone eats you guys sing happy birthday to him. He’s asked to give a speech, when he does, he starts to get emotional halfway through and cuts it short saying “LETS GET FUCKED UP TONIGHT!”

~~~A few hours pass and you two finally have a moment together, he walks up to you licking his lips rubbing his chin which causes you to laugh. You always thought he looked funny when he did that.

“You look good!” he comments

“Gracias guapo!” you say reaching out to caress his neck

“You did all this for me?” he asks moving closer to you

“Yea!” He smiles leaning in to give you a kiss “Uh!Uh!” you shake your head pushing him away, avoiding his kiss

“What?” he asks seizing you up before looking you in the eyes

“We are not....” He reaches for you hand and holds it above your head “do a spin for me” You do so as instructed “damn you look good and you all mine?”

You put your hand up to stop him “We are not together remember?” you point out the very heated confrontation you two had 2 weeks ago where he almost killed Sad Eyes, if it wasn’t for you blaming it all on you he would have beaten Sad Eyes to a pulp. But when you blamed it on yourself his wrath turned to you. “What did you call me?” you look up at the ceiling, finger on your chin “Oh! a thot? Puta? Prostituta? Verdad?? There were other words, and you kicked me out of your house told me to get my shit!” you recant jokingly. At the time it was shocking for you to hear all those words thrown at you but you knew that you couldn’t tell him the reason you were with Sad Eyes or it would ruin the surprise.

“I’m sorry bebita” he apologizes sincerely, invading your personal space “Don’t be sorry Spooky” in the heat of the moment he had told you to never call him Oscar it was Spooky from here on out “and I’m not bebita, I’m Y/N remember?”

“Don’t call me that. Come on what i gotta do?” he pleads

You put your hands on his shoulders “Enjoy your party, stop worrying about me!” there were issues you two needed to discuss and you didn’t want to sweep them under the rug

“But what if you’re my party”

You give him a look “I am not your party!”

He laughs

“Here take a shot with me!” you bargain grabbing a shot glass

“You really not gone give me a kiss?” he asks in disbelief “just ONE kiss?”

“Nope!” you hand him his shot glass “here to you and your birthday, salud”

“Salud,How bout a hug?”

You laugh shaking your head “No hug”

He throws his head back whining “come on mami please” he begs

You smile watching him throw a fit, without warning he leans into you causing you to have to support his weight “Oscar!” you complain in between a giggle fit

“Who's gonna take care of me then?” he speaks close to your ear

“Cesar, Sad Eyes,” you state matter of fact

“I don't want them i want you” he says wrapping his one arm around your waist

You shake your head and hum “Mm-mm! Not me i'm going home after this, I’m tired this took a lot”

He smacks his lips and stands up straight “you really gon leave me on my birthday?”

“I am with you on your birthday!” you argue

“Bebita lo siento!”

“I know stop worrying about me, come on” you say pushing him off “dance with me!”

He smiles as you pull him into the makeshift dance floor. He grabs your hands and pulls you closer to him, he puts them behind your back and holds them there as he leans in for a kiss which only makes you lean back, you two play this game until he gives up, and puts his forehead on yours.

“Mad at me?”

You shake your head

Letti interrupts you guys to say “Your girl got love for you Spooky, consider yourself lucky” “Trust me I know” “Happy birthday cabron”

“Thanks Letti”

When she walks away he returns his attention back to you

“So why can’t i get my kisses?”

“Because we need to talk and it's your birthday i just want you to enjoy all of it!”

“Why can't we talk about it now?”

You shrug “I just..”

Before you finish he cuts you off “No i want things to be cool between us now!”

“In time mi rey. But in the meantime we drink and dance and eat cake and be merry!”

He pouts

“Come on it's your birthday, your family is here, you’re around good company” you try to lighten up his mood

“Yea but you won't kiss me”

“I don't need your kiss for us to be okay” “Yea but I do” you learned early into the relationship that one of his love languages is touch. It didn’t matter what was happening he had to touch you in some shape or form the only time he refrained was when you two were in public, but even then as you two grew closer he cared less and less about his reputation as ‘Spooky’ to onlookers. Plus it wasn’t like he couldn’t switch up in a moment's notice when needed.

“How about kiss on the cheek?”

“No i want our kisses, our special good luck kisses”

“Friends don’t kiss”

“You're not gonna let this go are you?”

“Nope!”

“Fine i'll do what you say”

“FINALLY! Now let's drink!” you say as you hand him another shot

~~~~The night proceeds as planned and by the end of it he is so drunk you need some of the guys to help you put him to bed. You spent the night but left in the morning, you had errands to run, you planned on returning later in the day, so it wasn’t a big deal. When you do return he’s still in bed. Laying on his back looking at the ceiling. You assume trying to get over a monster hangover.

“Hey” you speak softly as you walk in he lifts his head up before plopping back down on the pillow “You had fun last night?”

“You left me” he states flatly

“I did not! I was sleeping right there!” you say pointing to the space next to him,

“So how come I woke up to you gone?”

You can’t quite tell if he’s mad at you or he’s feeling the full effects of the hangover

“I had to go!”

“Here you go with that i had to go shit” he hates when you say that

You giggle “Here” you say handing him bottles of Gatorade. “Drink these, i got you a sandwich from your favorite place downtown, go shower then we can talk”

He looks up at you and sighs before sitting up

“If I didn't care about you would I do all this?”

He smirks before taking a sip of the drink “faking it”

Your mouth hangs open “how rude!” you say picking up a pillow to hit him with

He erupts in laughter dodging your hits

“See this is why we need to stay friends”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” he speaks quickly, trying to repair whatever damage was caused. He pulls you closer to sit on his lap You cross your arms “Mhmm”

“I didnt even get birthday sex! So you can’t be mad at me”

“Sex is no gift, told you that before”

“Speak for yourself lady”

~~~~~Roughly an hour passes before he feels refreshed and ready to listen to you.

“So what you wanna talk ‘bout?”

“So!” you begin

He chuckles, it was always funny how you started your ‘serious’ conversations.

“Laugh all you want but we might not be getting back together”

His smile fell, “stop playing”

“I am not playing. I came to the realization when you almost freaking punched Sad Eyes you don’t trust me!”

“I do!” he says reaching for you

“You don't, stop” you say pushing his hand away

“Why?”

“I need you to listen to what i'm saying to you.”

“Okay i'm listening mami” he sits back

“Okay so after I came to the realization I decided that we can’t get back together until we address your trust issues. Then I started wondering hmm did i do something? Was there anything about my behaviour, anything that I said that warrants lack of trust from my boyfriend? And no! There’s nothing, maybe in the beginning when we are getting to know each other but no i have been what do y’all say? ‘10 toes down’ in this relationship and you my good friend you have been half way in half way out. You’re 5 toes down i don't know where the other five are they are somewhere in the abyss maybe with that girl that flirts with you every chance she gets”

He shakes his head “That's not true”

“So why don’t you trust me?”

“I do”

“You don’t, not the way you reacted, it was like you had prepared yourself for something to happen. Or maybe you were looking for a reason not to trust me and I gave you the perfect excuse.”

“Y/N”

“Oscar, I got into a fight with my mom over you!” you finally reveal “Slap right on the face.” you point to the cheek that was slapped. “Only for my boyfriend to be partially committed!”

“I am committed, but you're right i do have trust issues and i need to work on them bebe”

“Did i do something?” “No magdalena”

“Are you sure?”

“YES” he stresses

You narrow your eyes not believing “Hmm”

He reaches for you and pulls you closer “Come here I’m sorry, i apologize, lo siento, what do i have to say?”

“You don't have to say anything i don't want you to be sorry im not mad”

“You're not?”

“No i just want to know why”

He remains quiet looking at you

“You think i'm gonna get up and walk away one day? Is that it? I’m just gonna up and leave and be like ‘yup i’m done, i don't care about you anymore have a nice life. I’m done with you, done with this shit’ is that it?”

Even though he says nothing he adjusts, and if you know Oscar like you think you do. You know you hit a nerve.You wait for him to respond but he just looks at you

“Oscar”

“Hmm” he wears a blank look on his face

“I asked you a question!”

He runs his hand down his face, and takes in a deep breath “yea, actually i do think one day you’ll decide you don’t wanna be with me”

You move closer and rub his cheek “i would never hurt you like that”

“But you will get tired of this gang shit”

“Yea,” you say with a duh tone “who wants to live like this? But i'm not gonna walk away remember we talked about you walking away”

He nods

“So we will figure it out”

You two stay silent doing nothing but staring at each other, before a smile creeps up on his face

“Why are you smiling?” you ask leaning back

He shakes his head, pulling you to straddle his lap “nothing just realized how much I love you, got me looking like a softie in front of everyone”

You roll your neck smiling “Got you eating out of my palm”

He pulls you in to give you a kiss, and after he is satisfied from the kisses he pulls back so he can look at you “We good?” he asks as he caresses your cheek

“I guess we can reinstate our relationship status”

“So about that birthday sex..”

“Oh god”

He laughs as he plants kisses on your neck.

A/N: Alright tell me what you guys think!

#on my block #cesar diaz #spooky diaz #oscar diaz #oscar diaz fan fiction #oscar diaz imagine #oscar diaz ff #on my block fanfiction #on my block fan #omb #ombff #fan fiction ideas #fan fiction #imagine #writrblr

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swampgallows · 3 years

Text

i was writin it in the tags before i maxed em out but it had me thinking about how much more shit i did in college because i actually had access to shit. for one, there was a viable public transit system there. there was a bus stop literally outside my dorm, and i used to take the bus all kinds of places and just walk around the city and shit. i did tons of things i previously would not have accessible to me because i didnt drive. back when disney passes were cheap as fuck i had days where id swing by disneyland after class just to hop on a ride or two and then go home. i went to parks, beaches, the aquarium, the movies, clubs, raves, morris dancing, restaurants, the mall, and all kinds of shit on my own because i could actually physically fucking get there. the only real challenge a lot of the time was if i bought anything to get it home (i remember walking half a mile with a full length mirror back to my dorm because i kept missing the bus). but the point is that i DID SHIT. i wasnt constantly being micromanaged by people in my environment about what food i bought or what i ate, where i went and when, etc. and i had the resources to actually go fucking do things.

it all came crashing down, i think, when i got into that series of bad relationships. i dont think i was aware of it at the time, but that was about the time that things were ramping up toward something great and then i was betrayed by people close to me and continuously shot down. i didnt know how to process those toxic relationships, and part of me still doesn’t. almost ten years later im still trying to recover from the damage of them. yes, it was the same time that i was having heightened anxiety and the worst period of panic attacks in my life, which were and are awful and shitty, but i also had very understanding and supportive friends who were there for me during that time. it would be no different than if i got very sick and had friends who took care of me. i was having a human experience and because i had a good support network, i was able to cope.

so like. of course i got depressed when my boyfriend would hate-fuck me and embarrass me on purpose in public or in front of his friends. of course i felt too scared and sad to go to class when i was constantly being told my art wasn’t good enough and was a waste of time and “useless to society”. of course i hid in my room playing video games with rude assholes because at least they couldnt touch me. of course i didnt want to open up to people when they told me it was “fascinating the way your mind mistreats you”.

of course i got suicidal when i got zero weekend days off for three straight years. not even easter sunday, even though greek easter usually falls on a completely separate sunday. of course i didnt want to live anymore when i couldnt see or be with my friends or express myself naturally. of course i would be depressed about waking up at 7am every day to stand in a cold room alone for 8 hours and not even be paid enough to live.

friends and family and past teachers on facebook can encourage me to go on medication, but for what? will a SSRI pay me a living wage? is celexa going to make men treat me better? will prozac install a public transit system in my area, or help me move to a place where a better one already exists? xanax didnt sit in the car with me to teach me to drive and offer support, but it did help me recuperate from the dozens of screaming crying fits and panic attacks i had while orchestrating my own exposure therapy. it took years for me to get acclimated to just sitting in the driver’s seat of my car while it was off without having a complete meltdown and slamming it full speed into the garage to kill myself. because i am still so mad that i learned so late, that nobody gave a shit about me enough to teach me, that i had to shell out hundreds if not thousands of dollars on lessons with complete strangers to learn this skill that has become mandatory for survival in the place i live. i had to use money to replace the love and support normally given by family or my community.

i am trying to condition myself to see my car as an emblem of freedom, but it feels like a cage. it costs so much money, it is so scary and exhausting to operate it, and everything in this world and society is forcing me to use it. and honestly it feels like, because i have it, i have run out of “excuses” for not being employed. that if i have a car, i should be able to go to any job whatsoever and sit in my car in traffic for four hours a day like every other average person in l.a. even at the trader joes i interviewed at THREE TIMES before they eventually didnt bring me on, i would have to drive anywhere from 30-45 minutes to work every fucking day just to work at a fucking grocery store. i know people see those numbers and go ‘psh that’s nothing! my commute is so much longer!’ and that just feels like hustle propaganda. like why are you proud that you have to sit in your car in fucking traffic every day to do a job that you probably could (and now probably do) work at from home?

the shitty case worker i had, tonya, could not offer a suggestion to me when i brougth this up to her. how is medication going to make me more employable? how am i not supposed to blow my brains out when my life is going to be sitting in a car that i struggle to operate to go to a job that doesnt pay me enough to live and then doing that forever until i die? why dont i skip all that and just die right now? why live through that? all she could say was “well, that’s just how it is.”

The much more obvious answer is that mental disorders, while influenced by genetic factors, are largely caused by trauma and context, and that oppressed groups of people experience way more trauma under capitalism, and are way less able to navigate the context of American society because it was built without them in mind, and in many cases to intentionally harm them.

this is why im going to be mentally ill forever, man. because i can’t fucking adapt to a society that doesn’t care about me. why would i do that? is it not inherently harmful and mentally ill to perpetuate an unhealthy environment? why belong to a society if we don’t care about the people in it? who is society for? if these circumstances were due to a partner, they’d tell me to leave them. if these circumstances were due to my living situation with my family or roommates, they’d tell me to move out. so must i leave society? do i have to live off the grid? do i have to hunt game and skin animals for fur and build my own shelter? even if i wanted to, like many natural peoples, capitalism is taking those things away too. look at first nations and indigenous people. look at the multitudes of the people experiencing homelessness and mental illness simultaneously.

it is all so obvious when you’re on the outside. no one expects, or wants, people like me to survive. the whole point is that we do not belong to society. the whole point is that capitalism wants me dead. my suicidality means capitalism is working as intended.

#blathering

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laissezferre · 5 years

Text

the terror (2018), last 3 eps

this is primarily for @corinthes, whom i’ve been yelling at for the past few days bc of this show. it got a bit lengthy and and i doubt you’d enjoy reading this from the chat box. spoilers beware for anyone curious enough.

i feel like episode 8 is the calm before the shitstorm that is ep 9-10 and it certainly has the feel of a filler episode, but i love it nonetheless. people talk! people have lines and are given the time to deliver them! francis and james have this important conversation even before the credits roll and that makes it all the more important. i love this scene; i see what you mean about how it belongs to a stage. it's just two guys having a heartfelt convo, beautifully acted. when the camera goes further and shows them standing apart, right in the middle of the frame, in this vast wasteland, looking at each other and having an understanding--gaawwd.

tobias's delivery of "i would like that very much" was so good! so vulnerable and open and hopeful. even now, he needs validation and it's important that he gets it from francis. and francis--having labeled the ship as a confessor--fills the ships' gap and becomes the confessor for everyone apparently. and at this point, he's reached god-like zen bc seriously he looks so put together after everyone's spilled their guts out to him. til the end, he dispenses "i forgive you" and "you did your best" and "you're a good lad" like pancakes. and he starts calling people by their first name too. and this, coming from a francis crozier who has known to be miserable and disagreeable, is called d e v e l o p m e n t. further on, when tells his lieutenants that if they got sick, he wouldn't leave them either, i thought "yes, i would die for you, i would follow you to hell and back". thank you, jared, for this performance.

i loved the almost-hanging scene too. it's a very looong scene and it's sad how so few shows actually take the time to have their characters talk! i can easily imagine this on a stage, complete with atmospheric smoke and sepia lighting. i knew that letter was gonna bite francis in the ass. i was waiting for it and hickey put down that card in the best time possible. hickey, you are a murdering, mutinous son of a bitch, but i also can't help but admire you.

ep 9 is like one sucker punch after another. god wants you to live, can we sleep, bridal carry, what can i do for you sir--this is... too much. special props tho to goodsir bc he has been through some shit. this show has added so many actors to my watch-for-next-projects list and that includes paul ready. he goes through such a transformation, so filled with hope and optimism and empathy and by the time they ask him to butcher gibson, he just looks so fucking done. we know he's going to die and it won't be by anyone else's hand. i love the part where hickey stabs gibson and they get into a struggle, but it’s less a physical struggle and more a battle of wills. can't believe they brought out the bits of glass from episode xX. his death was so beautifully shot. first, from where he sits still and looks in the direction of the camera while the tent canvass behind him thrashes wildly. that was hauntingly beautiful. then when he cuts his wrists but we can't see his face, only his spasms. and then when he pictures the flowers and shells. that broke me. he was a science man to the death.

i have words for jopson but i will reserve them for ep 10.

francis gave a service for james but they did it alone. ok then! fuck me up some more! this, plus blankly's revelation that he's gonna die soon, chips at francis' state of zen and we see him break a bit. i love how his voice breaks in "why didnt you say aything?!" and then they're laughing and crying at the same time and yeah, there is no toxic masculity in this murderland, just a whole lot of love.

this show like oprah giving out prizes. "you get a monologue! and you get a monologue! and you get a monologue!" and i love it! hodgson and tover are relatively minor characters but they are given time to speak up, and despite their shitty actions, you can't help but empathize. and their breakdowns aren't the same either. goodsir breathes heavily, hodgson is still and haunted, tover hugs himself and shudders, and they all do it so well! how is everyone in this show so good?? jared did mention that most of the cast was theater-trained so i guess that played a part.

i have to tell you that before bingeing the last 3 eps i watched almost all the terror crack videos on youtube, so these last eps were, though still heartbreaking, were also a bit funny for me, in an absurd kind of way. when james fires the rocket, i can hear "rocketman" in the background. when goodsir mixes the poison, i almost yelled "chemistry time!". it's just... i needed to make fun of it or i wouldn't surive the heartbreak. which leads me to:

jopsoooooonnn! the best boi! the goodest boi! the most loyal boi who did no wrong! apart from his death, what's more heartbreaking is that he thought crozier left him. he didn't know that the captain was abducted so he thought he's been deliberately abandoned. his hallucination reduced me to tears. he was probably starving to death and here was all this food but no, he! just! wanted! his! captain! he sees the captain in his best form--well kempt, alert, emphatic--and at the end of it, his captain is turned away from him. fuck me up seven ways to sunday. i desperately want bts pics from this scene bc the eeriness of having a full dining table in the wastes must be jarring.

little doesn't get enough credit, because while he did mess up, his loyalty is also something to be admired. they were hungry and sick and dying--they could very well have just kept on south but he was still insistent to save francis. "you would leave our captain with that devil of a man?" yes, little, you did your best. you deserved to die last.

if tunbaaq is meant to be a metaphor for nature and balance, it's absolutely fitting how it's defeated by lead and chemical poison. ultimately, how we've used technology and industrialization kills the environment--or at least that's how i read it.

i really have to applaud adam nagaitis for his performance here and i do think he deserves top billing as much as the lead cast. by the end of it, he draws as much screen time as crozier and you can even say that he holds the last 2-3 eps together. and you genuinely fucking hate his character. were those really james' boots he was wearing? does that mean they dug him up and looted him? that unforgiveable swine, may he rot in hell, but gawwd adam pulled it off well.

i've been debating with myself if it was kinder and more poetic to have crozier die at the end so that he wouldn't have to grieve or go through survivor's guilt, but for my own mental health, i'm glad he survived. it's a small mercy but i'm glad he got to live. i'm glad he got to see what happened to his men, that he saw jopson one final time, and little too. his survival also sends the message that the one most willing to adapt (and respect the culture) will survive. he tries to follow silna but stops when the chief says "it's just how we do things". he understands and he lets it go. he learns the language and the way of life--and he lives.

i've watched featurettes and interviews for this series and from there you can really see that this show was a labor of love. it was a product of collaboration, research, open-mindedness, and a solid cast and crew. you can have all the special effects, all the expensive costumes, but at the core of it, what makes a good story is Dialogue. i can honestly say that it's one of the best scripts this decade has ever produced. the showrunners set out to tell a story and they did it to the best of their ability. i'll be coming back to this series for the next few months and rewatching it many times over.

thank u, thank u, thank u for introducing this to me. now come yell at me back

#the terror #the terror amc #thoughts #i have feeling--a lot of them

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

avoiding the winter sky

A/N: 1374 words. it’s me, back again with a All The Queen’s Men ‘verse mini fic that makes me feel that Riz Ahmed ‘im sad’ picture. anyways..... im sad.

[And All The Queen’s Men ‘verse Masterpost]

September, 1991.

“Mornin’ ‘Zelle.” Jim opens the door for her, giving her a smile and a hug in greeting, she’s got a stack of paperwork in one hand and tupperware contained full of cookies in the other, and she offered him one.

“Rog and Lilith made them yesterday, they’re good, though the kitchen may never recover.” The cookies are chocolate chip, and he takes one with a quiet laugh and thanks, leading her through the house to where she could hear the sizzle of something cooking, and Freddie humming cheerfully. “He sounds bright.”

“Yeah, he’s very cheery today; always looks forward to seeing you.” There’s a smile in Jim’s words that Gizelle can hear without even seeing his face, and when they enter the kitchen, Freddie’s positively beaming at them.

“I think we should go on vacation.” He says, in lieu of a greeting, sitting at the kitchen table chopping onions, his eyes watering just a little. Giselle laughs lightly, swanning over to him to press a kiss to his cheek and put her papers on the table.

“And what makes you say that?” She asks, and he resumes his work as she put her folder down on the table. It’s tradition, they have lunch together on Thursdays, Giselle brings some of her cases with her to look over, or sometimes they watch a movie or play board games, but usually they just end up talking, about everything and nothing, distracting themselves from how tired Freddie is, and the marks that keep appearing on his skin.

“I want to go somewhere warm, everything’s so dreary around here.” And he wasn’t wrong; even though it was only the start of Autumn, the sky was grey more often than it was blue nowadays. “I want an adventure, I miss our adventures.” Once he was finished with the onions, he passed them off to Jim, who was quietly cooking over by the stove, smiling to himself.

“We could go on a pub crawl; see all the bands London has to offer in one night like we used to.” Giselle offers, something in her chest tightening as Freddie’s expression brightens.

“Oh yes, I love a good chance to dress up in disguise.” His eyes shine with amusement at the idea, reminiscing fondly about their old haunt at the edge of town where they used to head when they wanted to remember their roots.

“I could wear a wig and put on a fake nose!” Giselle grinned, getting up and moving around the kitchen with practiced ease, pouring all three of them a glass of orange juice.

“So could I!” Freddie enthused, his smile only brightening as Jim chuckled.

“I think you should both invest in a bright pink bob, very subtle.” He added, thanking Giselle again as she pulled out three plates, smiling at his husband’s obvious delight at the suggestion.

“Oh, we should tour together again! A reunion tour, a new and beautifully bright wig every night!” And Freddie leaned back in his chair, watching with an endearing smile as two of his favourite people finished plating up lunch. The serenity only lasted a minute before he was overcome with a violent coughing fit, and Giselle was by his side as Jim fetched him a glass of water. “Perhaps a tour isn’t for me right now.” He mused, a small, self-deprecating smile on his face as he accepted the drink and hummed with contentment when Jim kissed the top of his head, before heading back to the kitchen.

“What if I go on tour, and you come along as my main backup dancer who sings when he’s not coughing his lungs up?” Giselle offered, and there was something grateful in Freddie’s gaze that she tried not to dwell on.

“And if I do start coughing my lungs up on stage?” He asks with a raised eyebrow, Giselle waves him off.

“It’s interpretive dance; kids these days love that sort of stuff.” She half laughed, and Freddie chuckled.

��Touring’s such hard work though, darling, I don’t want to be dragging dear Jim halfway across America.” He mused, gaze sliding to fix the man in question with a fond smile, which, when he looked up from pushing eggs onto the final plate, Jim returned in kind.

“You think you’ll be dragging me along? Dear, I’ll be right there beside you, whether you like it or not.” He informed them, matter-of-factly, bringing two plates over to the table, before getting the third, all three plates stacked with neatly arranged eggs, bacon, sausages, and cooked onions, along with a slice of toast.

“Well lucky for you, I love it.” Freddie grinned at him, tucking into brunch with Giselle and Jim on either side of him doing the same. “But it is work, touring, I don’t think I have it in me, can’t we just go somewhere nice and warm? I’d love to lie on the beach somewhere.” He mused, and Giselle grinned.

“And which beach would you prefer?” She asked, as if she were already making plans, taking a large bite of her egg on toast.

“Oh, you two pick, I could never decide, I’ve seen too many beautiful beaches to have a favourite.” Freddie grinned, and they sank into silence, all contemplative.

“I haven’t seen nearly as many beaches as you two have.” Jim said, quietly, though he didn’t seem unhappy about it, just thoughtful. Without hesitation, he reaches out, taking Jim’s hand across the table.

“Then we don’t have to pick, we’ll see them all.” Freddie announced firmly, giving Jim’s hand a squeeze.

“All of them?” Giselle asks, eyebrows raised, and Freddie turns back to her with a bright and toothy smile.

“All of best, all over the world; we’ll start with Australia, right after Christmas I’ll fly us there, a holiday present! We can bask in the sun while it’s snowing here in dreary England, how does that sound?” He’s lost in his own world, eyes glazed over as he sits on the edge of his seat, food all but forgotten in front of him; he can see the scene before him, can practically feel the sun on his skin.

“Sounds lovely, Freds.” Giselle said, quiet and kind. “I think we could all use a holiday from this city.” She agreed. “We could visit some friends, oh,” eyes lighting up, Giselle reached out to take Freddie’s other hand, “I know it’s not a beach, but Jim has to see Venice, we could visit in the middle months where no-where’s really right for beaches, we could visit Elton’s little place up there.”

“That does sound pretty nice.” Jim agreed. “I mean, a world tour without the actual tour bit? I think I could handle that; what do you think, Freddie?” And finally, hearing Jim’s voice, Freddie feels his fantasy slipping away, and all he can do is smile.

“Sounds perfectly wonderful, exactly what we need.” And there’s almost a dreamlike quality to his voice, which vanishes once he spots his food going cold before him. “We should eat up, I wouldn’t want to let your cooking go to waste.” And he smiles at Jim, taking back his hands from his companions to keep eating, but Giselle just smiles softly at him.

“I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth if you asked me to.” She tells him, surprisingly serious, and when Freddie looks at her, there’s something a little sad in his eyes as he gives her a fond smile.

“I know, Gizelle.”

Neither one can bring themselves to say it, but they never get past the planning stages. Their time together over the following months is spent poring over travel magazines, Giselle fills a binder with tourist traps they’re determined to see, and picturesque sunset shots they’re determined to recapture, and she pretends it doesn’t hurt her heart when Freddie’s expression fall and he has to outright skip all the pages with actual booking information.

They plan and they fantasize about cocktails at sunset, and when Freddie’s gone, Gizelle puts the folder in the back of her closet, and can’t bring herself to open it again.

#freddie mercury #jim hutton #and all the queen's men #freddie mercury & oc #jim hutton x freddie mercury #jim hutton & oc #im sad #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #the angry lizard writes

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harry-niclach · 6 years

Text

TS TS

Virgil had been going through tics all his life whether or not it was more noticable now he was seventeen was a different story, as a kid he had always had very small and barely motor tics but now he was seventeen they included twitches of the head, arms, the scrunching up of the eyes or the face, rarely he would become paralysed and end up falling somewhere and he would just lay on the ground until he could stand again which usually took around ten minutes but on bad days it was longer, the only good thing about the paralysis one was that he didn’t twitch when it happened, he made involuntary noises and he often said random things but up until this point he had been very alone, no wanted to hand out with him because he didn’t fit into friend groups the only thing that helped him feel better was that when he was sixteen (last year) he had been officially diagnosed with tourette's syndrome, and at first it had been heartbreaking and he had looked at the news as debilitating which it really was but he soon began to look at it in a different light as his dads really encouraged him to embrace it and they didn’t ridicule him or stare and they somehow never seemed embarrassed but one of the most helpful things they did was to do with his coprolalia which made him swear and say inappropriate phrases and they didn’t happen often but when they did he always hated it they happened a lot when he was stressed which was becoming a lot more since exam season was coming up and he was always stressed about his grades. His dads never ever ridiculed him and they even laughed with him and the times Virgil wasn’t laughing, they would comfort him.

Virgil wasn’t on meds because they did nothing for him and he had met some awful people on his way to where he was but now he was joining a new high school as they had just moved to a new town, he didn’t mind they moved often but his dad Patton was certain they would be staying here for as long as they could and his Pa Logan had agreed and Virgil was perfectly content with it as this house was one of the better ones and the town seemed to be too.

He had to get two buses to school though which was a pain, because he wasn’t very good at suppressing his tics and even if he was he didn’t want to because it hurt and when he stopped suppressing them a lot more came out and the silence he had made didn’t compensate for the tics that came out.

It was on a Tuesday that his life changed a bit more that he would’ve thought, he was sat on the bus trying to muffle his vocal tics which was working somewhat, it was fair to say that today wasn't a particularly good tic day but he had had worse, his physical tics however were not doing well, his head kept twitching to the side and his hand and arms kept stretching, he kept kicking his leg out in front of him, luckily no one was sat in front of him. He kept taking deep breaths which worked for about twenty seconds before the slight flailing came back,

Before he could think about how to stop them though someone sat next to him and he immediately panicked and that didn’t help at all and right after the person sat down Virgil’s right arm shot out and punched this person in the arm, but they didn’t say anything, they turned with a smile and held their hand out,

“Greetings! I am Roman, Who might you be?” He seemed to be in the best mood even though he had just been harshly punched for no apparent reason,

“I’m -lemon!- Virgil,” He shook Roman’s hand before looking down but it didn’t last long as his head jerked to the side and his eyes screwed shut before relaxing for a few seconds, then his arms began to flail a bit but this stranger- Roman- didn’t seem to mind at all, in fact, he seemed to be ignoring the tics altogether which, in Virgil’s opinion was brilliant!

“Do you go to Golden Oak?” Roman once again was smiling as he ignored Virgil’s ticing he thought it the nicest thing to do and the boy seemed very self conscious and nervous about his tics so Roman decided not to bring it up,

“Yeah -lemon!- do you?” Virgil’s arms id some weird flinging thing, his leg kicked a couple times and his head jerked right and then left a few times before flinging back and then finally relaxing again,

“I sure do! It is one of the most magnificent schools i have been to! And I absolutely adore that you will be attending it too! Oh! Do you have your schedule yet?” Roman was basically glowing,

“Yeah,” Virgil pulled out his schedule and passed it to Roman who scanned it quickly and then beamed,

“We have every class together except for biology, i do Spanish, and art because I’m in drama!” Virgil was, honestly, relieved because this Roman dude seemed really nice but he supposed it was time to explain himself,

“Cool, I feel -F-fu- that I should ex-fuck- explain myself, I have tourettes -Pancakes!- and i do a lot of -Lemon!- ticking, I don’t think about -Pancakes!- or lemons as much as I say it,” Virgil’s head jerked a little and both his legs swung and kicked, his gloved right hand punched his chest as he squeaked,

“I guessed that was the case! And don’t worry about it! Last year I wrote three different papers on tourettes!” Roman seemed so nice and Virgil couldn’t help but smile back, since being diagnosed he had learned to laugh at life and he would often laugh at his ticks because they were awkward and the best way to dismiss that was by laughing about and sometimes his tics were funny but sometimes they were just exhausting, especially in classes.

Roman and Virgil made small talk until the next stop where they needed to wait for a different bus,

“Lemon! Fuck! Pancakes!” Virgil’s vocal tics could just be let g for now because the only ones getting on this bus were Roman and Virgil and if Virgil was very lucky not many people or none would be on the bus, while they waited Roman began to speak,

“If you don’t mind me asking, and you can totally say no, but would you like to...be friends?” Roman sounded remarkably smaller and a little sacred and Virgil wasn’t going to deny him, in all honesty, Virgil would love to be Roman’s friend,

“Lemons! I would like -f-fu- that,” Virgil suppressed his swearing tics as much as possible but most times he couldn’t stop, plus it hurt to suppress tics. Roman visibly brightened and then without warning hugged Virgil before backing off a little, it was short and sweet, and in all honesty Virgil enjoyed it,

“Do you think -pancakes!- that you could sit -lemons!- sit with-” Virgil stopped being able to talk as his jerked and his arms flailed too much to keep talking as he just couldn’t get the words out, so he waited it out, it lasted five whole minutes but he was fine, Roman seemed worried though,

“Virgil? Are you okay?” He seemed hesitant to ask but his worry outweighed his hesitancy,

“Yeah -cats!- I’m fine,” Virgil breathed deeply as he tried to focus, he kept making noises obviously, he did that most of the time and every now and then his gloved hand would come up and punch his chest or his rams would fly up or out or back,

“What were you going to say?” Roman tried to fix the conversation,

“Could you -Lemons!- sit with me at -lime!- Lunch?” Virgil looked at Roman for a while but his head jerked and he broke eye contact, Roman smiled and nodded very enthusiastically, the truth was Roman didn’t have any real friends sure he had ‘friends’ but a lot of them were toxic and none of them really liked him, they liked the mask he put on but Virgil seemed to like him so far and if he decided he didn’t like the real Roman, the mask could always come back up.

“Of course! I would love to dearest Virgil!” Roman gestured wildly with his hands and Virgil could already tell, he was one of the most extroverted kids, but he didn’t mind because Roman seemed like a true friend, he couldn’t help but let a gummy smile crossed his face as he watched Roman prance around lamenting words of endearment.

The bus pulled up two minutes later it was packed full today and that did not bode well, Roman got on first, leaving Virgil to follow him as his head jerked and his hands made random gestures, Roman choose a seat near the back and thank god that the only four seats that weren’t taken were the two behind and the two in front but there were people sitting across from them and diagonally to them, Roman let Virgil have the window seat so that his ticking didn’t run the risk of hitting anyone except himself and Roman which Roman was absolutely fine with.

Virgil began to talk to Roman, this time he started the conversation,

“What do you -Lemons!- know about tourettes?” He had to admit he was curious, because Roman could be misinformed or he could simply not know the right things for Virgil’s kind of tics or he could simply just not know things but there was also a chance that he did know these things,

“Well, I know about a lot of different types of tics, I know about and vaguely understand coprolalia, I understand what tic attacks are and I know some random bits of information that probably won’t ever be useful but I know them,” Roman seemed really interested inn tourettes and he seemed dedicated to his papers because that was a lot of information to retain and to understand it, even vaguely was impressive,

“I’m surprised most -pancakes! Fuck! Shit! Cunt!-” Virgil’s head jerked wildly again and his legs swung forward, kicking the chair in front quite hard as his arm punched in Roman’s direction hitting him in the shoulder, but he didn’t react, unlike those around them, people were staring with looks of disgust but Virgil had a mantra for times like this,

Those that mind, don’t matter and those that matter, don’t mind.

He repeated it a couple times in his head before speaking again,

“Most people don’t -shit!- don’t understand, even -lemons!- vaguely,” Virgil had an air of confidence but his eyes told a different story, they had an undertone of frustration and anger but a set sadness and fear were buried under that, Roman could see it all but decided not to point it out,

“Well, what can I say?-” Virgil cut him off

“Except you’re welcome!” He had a bright smile plastered on his face at the brilliant reference and Roman covered his mouth ad he gasped quietly,

“You...Like Disney??!!” He seemed very excited and Virgil felt so full of joy in that moment, more joy than he had felt in the last year, sure he had experienced joy but not like this. Virgil nodded causing his head to jerk down five times before he could look back up again,

“Well what about Mulan? Let’s talk” and so the rest of their journey consisted of ignoring the snarls and looks of disgust and the not-so-silent whispers passing around the bus about Virgil, and consequently Roman as the two spoke about every Disney film and the characters and eventually they were talking about Harry potter, the books versus the movies, so far Virgil’s argument for the books seemed to be winning, but before they could continue the bus stopped at the school and Virgil got all anxious again,

“Fuck! Shit! Fuck off!” The people were now just talking about him as he followed Roman to the exit but they didn’t make it that far, they were stopped by someone and Virgil instantly knew what was coming before they even opened their mouth nd it seemed so did Roman,

Virgil held his jacket close as he slung his backpack on his shoulder,

“What is wrong with you?” This was one of the times when Virgil wished this man had some curiosity in his voice but he didn’t, all it held was malice. Roman caught the question before Virgil could answer, as his head was jerking too much, but he managed to control his arms because they were holding his jacket very tightly, his shoulder kept jerking back though, and it would hurt the next day because t always did but that was the least of his problems right now,

“Let me answer that. There is simply nothing wrong with him, he is a fine friend and i don’t believe there is anything wrong with him. Unless you do?” Roman’s voice had an undertone of danger but this dude seemed to miss it,

“Yeah, I do! Look right now, even when we’re talking he can’t focus on us! And he keeps saying weird shit! What’s wrong with him?” The man’s insults weren’t anything that Virgil hadn’t heard before but they still hurt no matter how many times he heard them,

“Like I said, nothing is wrong with him, now excuse us, we have to get going,” Roman pushed past the man and Virgil stuck close, once they were off the bus Roman let out and angry sigh and Virgil thought he was mad at him for being an embarrassment but it didn’t happen,

“I was about to punch that guy,” Roman sounded angry but he wasn’t really, not anymore. Virgil’s head jerked a couple times and there were some weird noises and the word lemons but other than that he seemed to have calmed down a little now that they were off the bus,

“C’mon we’ll be late,” Roman took Virgil by the hand, gently, and led them to their first class, Math.

It turned out that they weren’t late at all, in fact, they were the first there beside the teacher, who smiled kindly, having already met Virgil she ignored the tics which now were just noises and the scrunching of the eyes and face, which weren’t really that bothersome unless he was reading, good thing they weren’t in English.

“Is there a seating plan?” Roman spun around, Miss Kathleen (she made sure they called her by her first name) was Roman’s favourite teacher, she was by far the most understanding and she was really funny, but she was like a mother to everyone but she wouldn’t tolerate bullying and she could really be strict if the situation called for it. Roman idolised her because she was just so great!

“Oh, well there is but since you are here early and you’re one of my favourites I’ll let you pick your seat and who sits beside you,” She smiled again and Roman beamed back before grabbing Virgil's hand again and leading him to the back, left corner, next to the window, which Virgil was very grateful for, after they had their books out (Virgil getting a completely new set of books to work from) Roman began talking,

“I think this is like one of the only classes with a seating plan so I’ll sit next to you in the other ones!” Roman was radiating happiness,

“Yeah, that would -Lemons! Fuck!- be nice,” Virgil’s head went back to jerking and his legs swung out, as his shoulders jerked back every once and a while and his arms would either come up to hit Roman or to hit himself. Today was going to be a long day.

Five classes and a break later, it was lunchtime, now Virgil didn’t have any complaints about the five classes he had been through, sure he got some weird looks and people who told him to ‘shhh’ but he ignored them because,

Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind

He was sat alone at one of the far away lunch tables he waited for Roman despite not being sure he would even turn up, he was wrong though because not even two minutes later Roman bounded over to the table Virgil was sat at, his legs swinging and his eyes scrunching up, as his arm punched his chest, he squeaked too, Virgil thought his tics were the worst thing but Roman thought they made Virgil cute and oddly attractive,

Roman sat down having just come from biology and Spanish the two were talking about what the lesson had been like and Roman was asking Virgil if he had been okay,

“So, did anyone give you trouble?” Roman sounded so protective and Virgil almost wanted to tell him that the biology teacher, despite being a biology teacher, was an ignorant dick, but he decided against and told Roman about his seat,

“I have to sit next to -fuck! Lemon, pancakes- to some kid who -lemon- thinks I’m a -lemon, lemon, lemon- freak and treats me like -fuck! Shit!- an experiment, I've had worse though,” He punched himself in the chest before his arm shot out to the side and the his elbows jerked back, his head jerked left then right then left again and his face scrunched up, all before he started eating,

“I mean, if you want I could take his whole face out?” Roman seemed dead serious and that just made it ten times funnier and Virgil threw his head back in a true, full body laugh, and the best part? It was a tic free moment. Roman joined in but then as they both calmed down someone walked over to their table and they seemed to have such an air of confidence that wasn’t fake at all and that was a little worrying, to say the least,

“Hey Roman, why aren’t you sitting with us today?” This kid wasn’t even acknowledging Virgil, like at all, but that was okay because Virgil didn’t really want to be noticed, so he just continued to eat his lunch,

“Well, I just thought I would sit here for today, y’know for some...Variety? Yes that’s the word!” Roman waved his hands around and smiled brightly though Virgil could see through the smile and it wasn’t like the one he had seen only minutes ago, but he decided to bring it up later,

The girl hummed, “Okay, well, if you don’t want to sit alone, then you can always come join us,” The girl took one last look at Roman before she tried to walk away but Roman butt in,

“What do you mean alone?” His tone was ludicrous but he was always that little bit extra,

“Well, you’re sat by yourself, or at least this kid that your sat with probably doesn’t talk much so it must feel like you’re alone,” She snickered,

“Well for your information, we happen to be having the most wondrous conversations and I like his company more than yours,” Roman seemed mad but Virgil didn’t really believe that Roman was mad,

“Geez, okay dude, no need to be so harsh,”

“Irony,” Virgil couldn’t help himself, he found irony so funny and stupid at the same time, kinda like tumblr humour, not the point!

“What did you say to me?” The kid seemed genuinely curious but there was an underlying tone of danger that, while it went unnoticed by Roman, was not missed by Virgil, and you see Virgil wasn’t a violent person but he would and could fight if he had to and the weird thing was, when he got angry at someone or when someone he loved was being threatened his tics went away and it was amazing but it was also strange and it upset Virgil that it couldn’t be explained, but hey ho what can you do but get on with life,

“Irony,” Virgil repeated himself,

“What do you mean, irony?”

“Your response was ironic,” Virgil stood up from the table and turned to look at the girl who had come over,

“How dare you?!” She was mad but Virgil wasn’t sure if she would start a fight of not, hopefully she wouldn’t but you could never be sure with some people,

“What?” Virgil cocked his head to the side slightly and at this point there was a small crowd growing, Roman was still seated,

“You realise that you can’t speak to me like that?” She took three steps closer to Virgil, he didn’t step back like sh expected, he wasn’t afraid of her,

He held his ground.

They glared at each other for a second before she clenched her right fist and took a swing at Virgil’s face, she hit her target but she left herself wide open and Virgil swung his foot to kick her in the back of the knee, as she tripped, Virgil took a swing at her side just o throw her off balance a little more,

Now Virgil with only a bloody nose and this girl with a sore knee and a sure to bruise side, she tried to tackle him again but he just aimlessly dodged her and after that she was sure she wouldn’t miss again and she was right, she didn’t, she brought her fist up to Virgil’s eye and she hit him right in the left eye, he stumbled back a little but before he could be hit he elbowed her in the back before falling to the ground when something hit him in the back of the head,

He turned to see that it was another boy presumably this girls boyfriend but at this point Virgil’s vision was blurry and his head was throbbing he could only see out of one eye and he could taste his blood on his tongue, but he wasn’t done yet,

He wouldn’t lose this time.

Virgil stood up and stepped into a fighting position his eye already bruising up, the boy looked at him and laughed,

It was funny how he stopped laughing when Virgil brought his leg up in a very straight line and kicked the guy in the nose, he brought his feet back into an apprehensive stance as taekwondo was turning out to be useful he would thank his pa later for suggesting he take classes,

“How dare you?!” The boy recovered faster than the girl did and that surprised Virgil but he liked a challenge,

Virgil smiled a little as he strafed right to avoid the punches that were swung his way and then the boy decided he had had enough of being beaten he began to use brute force never leaving room for Virgil to attack back he was on the defense for the near future and he didn’t like it, his arms had been raised into an x position in front of his chest and his face to avoid a lot of pain but he had no room to attack, his arms become sore, absolutely sure to bruise heavily and he was sure he could keep it up,

Until he heard a snap.

He felt more than heard it but as soon as it happened he felt his arm become limp and it burned with pain he wanted to scream but he knew that wasn’t a good idea so he just let his tears fall silently instead of screaming or saying anything he gritted his teeth and just as the boy pulled away as he thought he had won, Virgil hugged his arm to his chest as he ducked under his arms but before he could do anything else a voice was heard over all the chanting in the crowd,

“What is going on here?!” It sounded like the head teacher but Virgil wasn’t sure, in seconds though he was leaned against the table,

Roman ha moved him.

And he was now sitting in front of Virgil asking him questions but Virgil couldn’t hear him over the blood rushing to his ears and the gasping noises he was making certainly didn’t help, the group started to dissipate but not everyone left a few pairs and the odd trio were still hanging around but Virgil couldn’t focus on anything else apart from the pain he felt,

“Vi….il….infirmary...c’mon….” That was most definitely Roman’s voice and there were shouts and murmurs in the background but as it happened Virgil wasn’t sure what was happening he wasn’t even sure how he was moving or if he was doing it himself, spoiler alert he wasn’t, He felt warmth around him though and that was somewhat comforting he would feel incredibly comfortable right now if it wasn’t for the pain he felt everywhere.

-^-

Okay so I know that was a lot and I know i don’t know a lot about tourettes I don’t have tourette's but I tried to research as much as possible and it may not be correct but I tried really hard and f you would like to massage me any feedback you might have don’t be shy I would love to hear what you think and where I may have gotten things wrong and if you want and if I get enough feedback about what is wrong and what id right then I will update it an we can work together to make to more correct and to read smoother and to sound better. I hope you enjoyed regardless of any mistakes and who knows maybe I’ll make a part two depending on how this is received who knows you might all hate it a lot but maybe some people will like it, well no matter what I enjoyed writing it and learning I love you all and of you read all of this note thanks you’re all pretty great human beings and I appreciate you,

@the-crazed-band-kid @nobodygotarrested

You both seemed very excited for this but then I don’t like it and it’s not very good but you said you would give me honest to god feedback so please tell me the good bits and the horrifically awful bits, if it’s incorrect or insults you in any way I will take it down,

Love you all

- Harry

#virgil sanders #tourettes #tourettes syndrome #roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #my writing #harry writes #ts ts

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wantbabybump · 6 years

Text

The Truth.

What people dont tell you about motherhood is that it can come with a profound amount of sadness. In a world full of social media and everyone wanting to portray themselves in the best light possible cause people are so judgemental and opionated now a days. We dont see the real picture. We see pregnancy announcement, but we dont see the anxiety that comes with announcing cause maybe thats her rainbow baby. We see the maternity pictures but we dont see the girl thats struggling with her changing body and finding ways to love her new self. We see the just born pictures but we dont see the fear that comes with not knowing what to expect. we dont see the amount of pain a woman is still in cause they are pressing on her tummy every few hours. We see the coming home photos. But we dont realize that the dad drove 2 miles a hour just make it safe. We see the newborn photos but we dont see the shots where the baby cried for a hour, where they peed all over the dad. And we definitely glamourize the first few months. When you think of a newborn you think of a squishy little baby that eats and sleeps. You dont think of the fact that you will live off of broken sleep for however many months. You dont realize as a first time mom that you will be afraid to leave your baby long enough to shower but then feel like utter crap cause you havent showered. You have to learn to not be selfish. Sure maybe you were married but you didn't put all your needs.. even basic needs above your husband. You now have someone who comes first always and forever. And while thats a "burden" taken gladly its still a adjustment. No one tells you how hard its going to be. They will say "wait til you have a baby, enjoy that sleep now". But you just dont realize exactly what that means til your in the thick of it a week in going on 2hours of broken sleep a day and still have no time for yourself. No one tells you how lonely it will be. Even though you have added another person to your house its so lonely. That little squishy has you tethered to your home especially if its a winter baby. You think that you will finally fit in with your friends but they will be to busy for you and your needs. After all they have kids already. Your husband will be working most of the day, come home want to eat, play with squishy and want to sleep. Even though he didn't get up with the babe all night he probaly heard him crying and still didn't get a decent night of rest.

No one tells you just how emotionally taxing it can be. When you dont have kids and think about the thought of it. You think about the unconditional love. You dont realize the anxiety, stress, and self inflicted pressure that you will put yourself through. Emotionally you think that adding a baby will be nothing but joy and love to your life. But its kind of like picking traits in a game or skill points. If you start off with three like say social, confident, outgoing. You need to minus something to make room for the parenting trait if that makes sense. You cant have it all. Maybe eventually as the squishy gets older, motherhood begins to be in a groove and babe sleeps longer. But the first few months you wont even have the energy to be social or motivation to reach out to people. No one tells you how it has effected their marriage. Its not all lets look at this beautiful babe that we created together. Its placing blame on something that was no ones fault. Its critizing the other cause they aren't doing it the "right way". Its fighting cause you dont think one is doing enough to help. Or its fighting cause one is being overbearing or controlling. When in all reality the fights are fear. Fear of not knowing what your doing. The fights are a result of not enough sleep and everything is bound to upset you. The fights are two people trying to learn to live and be in love in a completely different way then what they pictured in their head. Ive never wanted to end my marriage as much as I did in the first year. Looking back now was most of what I was upset about completely justified, probably not. Was the lack of sleep and always feeling helpless clouding my feelings and attitude very much so. The first year your body still goes through changes. Hormonally things have to level back out. There will be crazy period patterns. Hair loss. Physicaly your body will be different point blank. Unless your a one in a million unicorn who poops out a baby and then looks like a model. But you will probably have weight you want to lose but who has time. When you do lose it your stomach will still be soft. Much softer then it ever was as your old "fat self". Pregnancy weight gain then weight loss will most like give you some type of stretchmarks. Not even just on your tummy. Your hair will always have a coat of dry shampoo in it. And you will probably hate your body. You will think your husband hates your body. But does he hate your body.. not a chance in hell. If anything you have gave him the greatest gift he will ever recieve and to him that will just be sexy. Sexy will look different in your relationship. Sexy wont be lingerie and candle light dinners. Sexy will be a frozen pizza and you wearing his shirt in some yoga pants. What you thought of sexy when you would think of your husband will change also. Sexy will be him watching the baby so you can take a bath and wash your hair and shave your legs. Sexy will be him taking a night feed. Sexy will be him offering to change a stinky diaper. I know this probably sounds all negative and you probably think jeeze why even have a baby this sounds terrible. But let me tell you all the good and the love definitely out weighs anything I wrote here. And theres a light and once you get a routine and you get use to your new life and embrace it. Once you become confident in your parenting motherhood will be amazing. I wrote this not to scare people. I wrote this so moms who are pregnant, moms who have had kids, wives who want to have a baby they know that their feelings aren't uncommon or that they are horrible cause they feel that way. Its okay if you didn't enjoy motherhood at first cause you were overwhelmed and scared beyond belief with whats the right decisions. Its normal to feel these feelings. I remember my first few months home alone with my squishies i felt so isolated. I felt like I didnt know anything. I felt like everything I did was wrong. Every decision I made I second guessed later on. And most of all I felt judged. I felt like everyone was looking at me and just waiting for me to mess up so they can rub it in... I've had 3 kids.. do it this way. That's so wrong. Instead of encouraging me. And saying in my experience this seems like a easier approach to the situation you should try it and see what you think. People are to opinionated now a days. They like to tell you whats you did wrong but they dont want to take the time to show you a better way. They want to tell you that your mother this is expected of you. They dont like to think back to their first baby. I just want to let you know. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. Things will get better.

#motherhood #first time mom #mom of twins #postpartum #mommylife #mommyblogger #ivfbaby #I beat infertility #rainbowbaby #sanctimommy

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obannthepunished · 6 years

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This weeks notes Mostly transcription this week i think, i tried my best for nott’s scene. as usual ignore the asterisks because theyre just notes to myself.

peace

Molly is Nervous (tm) abiut sticking around, or going to the gentleman

theres a fight in the evening nip, beau is fucking excited its thedd (halfling from sewers) and lewis (one of the ones that had run from the research facility)

N: "I got three gold on Thedd" M: Seems a bit late for a wager at this point N: Just you and me! M:.... fair. I'm in.

Thedd wins by standing on lewis' throat til he passes out holy shit M: (drops coins into Nott's hand) N, smug: Thank you :)

oh now Nott and Beau are fighting jesus christ. C: "I cast Haste on Beauregard." Laura: YOU PIECE OF SHIT **

J: Inflict Wounds (17 dmg) ((Fjord, changing his voice: "I GOT 5 GOLD ON THE HORNY ONE)) B: WHAT THE FUCK JESTER, Stunning Strike, (7dmg, jes fails con save (6), she is stunned, extra attack from haste, 6dmg) J: (is stunned for this round, until the end of beaus turn) B: Beaus the shit outta her ( 12dmg, 6dmg) ((MOLLY blinds her)) B: still goin, but misses 2 of em, hits on the third (12dmg) J: (goes down)

caleb: goes for the low five, and Beau just.... ignores him unintentionally bless.

Frumpkin is sent to lick the blood off of jesters face, Beau cleans her up <33

They are called to the gentleman's side

offered a forward of 500gp and a pot of 4500g to travel to Shady Creek Run, the criminals town, and free and bring back Ophelia... something, who corresponds often with the gentleman

the tldr of the second (250 adv, 1750 pot) is that the swamps are dangerous for the gentlemans safehouse which has gone dark.

theyre promised resources for missions from the gentleman

Jester: "IS HE MOIST"(re the gentleman)

they take on both, starting with the swamps. The Gentleman advises they travel the 70 miles above ground.

Fjord is so fuckin smooth talky wtf. they get greater heling potion(s)?? + cure disease? Caleb's gettin some ink + paper, but its not good for spells 8(

Nott keeps making water puns. im counting 4. and a hankie.

Jester wand of smiles Kutha again, poor kutha 8(

Caleb + beau ( + assumedly nott) go to pumat's

have they paid their inn tab??

Cay buys incense for rituals, probably find familiar lbh. he also gets his magical ink+parchment.

Beau is interested in the bracers of defence. Theyre like 1200gp tho arent they??? B: how much PS: 1200 gold B:HOLY SHIT PUMAT. [snip] B: HOLY SHIT PUMAT(S).

C: (tells beau he cast haste) B: YOU SLIP SOMETHIN IN MY DRINK CALEB??? WHAT THE FUCK MAN

they have 6 horses, 2 pulling, 6 solo. Jes is driving thr cart.

Caleb: (brings up the feywild) Jester: oh the traveller has told me about that!!

Frumpkin is (one of) the first cats yasha has seen 8'O shes fuckin loving it **

lots of fucking soldiers heading to war. hundreds, if not thousands.

night falls as they reach the origin of the. road. they cant find a campground because tal rolled SHIT even with advantage.

Jester + Fjord take first watch. (13. Nothing) Yasha + Beau on second watch. (14. Also Nothing.) B: We should huddle together for warmth??? Y: Fr- Frumpkin is keeping me. very warm. are you cold??? do you want my, my cloak? B: No, no my, my (jacket??? cant remember what she said) is fine, its htin, but its warm Then they talk about Yasha ands this is the furthest shes ever been. Y: "i like this stuff. Grass, and, things. you know." B: You appreciate grass?

B: What was your favourite part of xorhas? Y: I... dont know if i HAD a favourite part

this was the CUTEST shit

third watch is Nott + Molly (10, nothing happens) taliesin trying a jester voice makes me the heart eyes emoji

goblins canonically steal children what THE FUCK. And EAT them. But Nott, apparently, has not eaten a child. "My clan, we STOLE from people. money and clothing and things. And when things got tough, we'd steal the people too." Goblins dont do family. "I do not have an urge to kill and eat children" "i have cravings for... rats... cats-" (Caleb snaps) Frumpkin goes back to the feywild Yasha: =(

taliesin taking watch after rolling shit cmon. he gets 16. Noon, broken cloud cover, a tiny distant curl of smoke. oh not again. its a mile away tho so like

the smoke is coming from a small shack.

"For you, Fjord, I will make Frumpkin a bird." He doesn't though but its the sentiment.

Yasha gets shoulder frumpkin back!

The shack door opens to "an elderly fullblood orc" with hair and beard and all that shit.

for 1 (one) gp a month, you TOO can bother a whole old man orc. Jesus christ he had a battleaxe. puts it down, invites yasha and molly in. THIS IS SO UNNECESSARY Molly buys hide armor + 2lb of meat for 16gp. M: Perception check 10. Matt: "Okay." There is sOMETHING SUS about this.

and theyre off again, i am glad for this. i do not like elderly orc man.

yasha and molly double up on that goof "we totally killed him, three times." its very good

M + Y: What kind of meat is this? (fuck their rolls) its meat! its good meat!

M+Y take first watch, its 12. Nothing happens. Yasha collects some flowers to press awww. N+C Second watch, they roll w advantage lmao. 22. something is going to happen. "you hear the snapping of a twig. you see a shifting of shadow. a few things" Cay casts mage armor

Two arrows for Caleb. con saving throw. probably poison. 10. its poison. he is poisoned. fucks frickin sake. is it gnolls?? is it goblins??? hyenas??? furred barking things. wolves.

two ogres, a cluster of wolves, and goblin-like creatures

initiative order:

Beau: Nat20, 24 Goblins Caleb: 18 Fjord, Molly: 16 Ogres Nott: 15 Yasha, Jester: 6 Wolves

B: Jester, puppies!!

Yasha and Jester shrug off poison of those that hit them.

Caleb casts slow on one ogre. unrelated liam is so good???

oh yeah eldritch blast gets two beams of eldritch blast at lv3

Molly radiants once scimitar and cuts RIGHT through one of em. misses the second.

Caleb hit with a javelin, 4-5 inches into his stomach, holding itself upright. Caleb keeps the spell going.

Nott pretends shes one of them and aims for Caleb, hits the book instead. and nails it.

Jester (traumatised): CALEB!!! cure wounds 2nd level. but he is pretty fucked so its ok. he heals to full its ok its ok. Jester cares so much

Yasha pulls necrotic shroud! which as someone who cant watch TM, this is a reveal for me! :D

J: (to cale) Youre alive! How did- C: (monotonous) haha! funny, joke.

Fjord explodes a goblin Molly cuts one in half, vertically

Molly curses the ogre attacking beau

Nott shoots the ogre, and then the goblin next to her... but misses and is fucked

Yash gets the hdywtdt on one of the ogres

Beau @ necrotic shroud!yasha: you look... dope. You look FUCKIN HOT LETS GO.

cay has magic missile!

fjord gets the second hdywtdt w eldritch blast.

cay n molly go to retrieve stolen goods from goblin but apparently just Molly

Yasha necrotic shrouds when shes startled awake. F: Can you fly? Y: ...no J: Have you tried? Y:... yeah.

Yasha n Caleb have a conversation in celestial C: No really, are you an angel? Y: of sorts, i guess [snip] C: You will have to explain this now, or later. do you want to explain this now, or later? Y: i- ill explain it, just, maybe we should clean up first!

i have no idea whats going on but i heard marisha say "bad dragon" and im gonna die

J: Nott, are you okay? Was it weird to fight other goblins? N: it was... rewarding. I'm only sad that... one got away. B: Nott, do you share the same hatred in yourself? [snip] N: Do... do I hate myself? No. I'm... I'm cool. F: You seem excited to hurt your own kind. N: I know, I'm a goblin, for as long as I've been alive I haven't felt comfortable in, in there. I havent felt comfortable in my skin. It feels like I shouldnt be, i dont fit in with them. I feel, this feels WRONG, like I should be in a different body. The way they act, the way they are, it's not ME. They do horrible things to people, and they seem fine with it. I never felt the same with them. It's not that I don't like myself or anything, I think I'm okay, I just don't like how I feel when I see my hands, or my feet. They just feel wrong. I just want to be... different. C: Was there anyone you were close to? N: Not in my clan, but there was... someone. They tried me on different jobs but I was not a soldier, i was not a good cook, not good at sweing, or building, they stuck me with the torturer. I was the torturers assistant. there was a halfling village not far away and they captured someone from the village, they wanted me to kill him, but instead, I was kind to him. And he started talking, and my... fellow gobbies didn't like that, but they allowed it, because i was getting valuable information. [about halflings resources] I became friends with him. He was nice. J: What happened to him? N: I hope he got away J: Did you leave before him? N: We left together [snip J: Did you love him? N: .... I don't know. The halfling taught her how to speak in halfling, taught her about alchemy, when he has taught her everything, the goblins said to kill him. And she didnt want to. so she got REAL drunk, and shot another goblin in the ass. N: I hope he got away. We ran off in separate directions. I've been running ever since.

+1 to the quest log, find Nott's friend.

Beaus trying to be nice i love her.

C: I do not care. I know who you are now. (<333)

B: I think we're all a little bit of island of misfits.

F: You showed a lot of bravery tonight B: Nott, The brave. J: Maybe there is a comma.

Y: Nott, I'm sorry we made fun of you eating children N: I HAVE NOT EATEN CHILDREN

B: What got you locked up with this guy? (Caleb) N: Being me. Stealing food? C: You told me it was cherry wine. N: OKAY IT WAS BOOZE.

it is now raining.

M: Well, I'm sleeping underneath the cart! if anyone wants to join me... J: We wont all fit! M: We'll snuggle. *

Molly + Jester are under the cart.

"i tasted a baby once. ONCE. they were handing around a bowl, I didn't know-" -N Liam takes Sam's flask and takes a swig so i assume caleb does the same in canon C: "Who am I to judge?"

#Critical role #Critical role spoilers #CR Spoilers #Critical role notes

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