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gingergesusuphurglingelwiwi · 1 month

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i love rue x jules — but they have a double standard

It's hard for Jules to have ever really loved Rue like Rue loved her when sm of their relationship is filled with anxiety and claustrophobia from Jules feeling responsible for Rue's sobriety and like she can't ever get too invested/treat their relationship with too much normalcy bc the parts of herself she does share and the access she does provide will always be twofold in furthering Rue's dependency, yet making the fall out when Jules is no longer enough or romanticized by Rue worse (and being made the responsible party for not meeting those expectations ─ which is what I think the audience also did and why they have sm vitriol for Jules), and yet at the same time feeling like she can't not be there for Rue bc she will relapse (which she was proven right on lol). Basically a whole bunch of inherent inadequacy issues — damned if you do, if you don’t.

In many ways people expect Jules to be Rue's caretaker, whether it's bc she's hyperfeminine, whether it stems from unassessed transmisogny (or both compounded — with ppl bolstering conventionality onto her).

But people fault Jules for not staying with Rue and always point to Rue going through the worst period of her life (which rue VERY readily, and selfishly weaponizes against jules, but as a rue stan & kinnie, when ISN’T rue going thru the worst time of her life? she was 2 weeks away from unaliving in her s2 opioid spiral, but in the later half of s1 she was relatively ok and seemingly only dismayed by jules pulling away, so what was so different then that its supposed to trump jules being blackmailed, having her underage sex tape AND nudes in the possession of the blackmailer, the man she slept with being the blackmailer’s son, threatened with incarceration, her mom relapsing, being harassed, romanticized/stifled by her addict friend etc ETC that has ppl rallying behind rue’s entitled tirade as if she’s spitting facts and jules is getting her comeuppance as if rue didn’t lie to the daughter of an addict abt being sober after being told she didn’t want to be close to someone who was on drugs and endangering their mortality.

and why is there no space for both of their struggles, why is it competition??

as if JULES herself hadn't been mentally and emotionally exhausted and going through the worst period of her life too, and that her putting her needs first and not staying to be someone else's emotional pacifier was a morally reprehensible thing to do. Like she has to apologize for putting herself first and being unabashed about that? Yes, Jules should've explained herself, but Rue also should've asked instead of assuming it was as shallow as her moving onto the next girl (which is Rue projecting bc she's always putting herself in competition with someone else and ascribes her own fleeting tendencies and dependencies onto Jules — which isn’t to say it was ALL projection, rue feels rightfully slighted by jules’ wavering affection, but her hyperfocusing on that is reductive).

In actuality, the pure vitriol ppl meet jules with despite her having [in the words of a reddit user] profound childhood scars that led her to that boundary, Rue lying about it when they got back together, as well as gaslighting her about it, is a substantially more unethical, dangerous and scarring thing to subject someone to, esp when you realize rue’s dishonesty [specifically wrt elliot] is a big reason jules cheated in the first place. Furthermore, ppl have this massive [and inconsistent, the smoke ppl give Jules is SEVERLY overblown, esp when contrasted with similar figures like cassie e.g s1, and even maddie] vitriol towards Jules when her peers and even girlfriend have done much worse. A teenage girl being messy and shattering idealized expectations somehow eclipses rue’s aforementioned transgressions and later verbal/emotional abuse (interesting to note how rue weaponizes “whore” against jules bc she noticed how it hurt her in their first joint discussion with elliot) and Rue is NEVER held accountable regardless, which i understand but ppl are VERY selective with their grace. At the end of it all, jules is STILL the one that apologizes to rue and ppl still malign and undermine her traumas and depth… [sigh]

People never put the onus on Rue it's always on Jules, and in that, they end up reinforcing the exact reason Jules ran away: bc Rules was never really ever allowed to be about Jules. ─ It's why she cheated, bc in s2 Rue always seemed to be keeping things from her (Elliot. Her being high during their head scene. Her being high, period), undermining her feelings (Elliot and newyears) and not paying attention to HER needs (Elliot swooping in and affirming her in ways she clearly wishes Rue would), which Jules is sort of equally as guilty of, but when she DID try to be there, Rue would get snippy with her (in the car with the ddrink, when she told Leslie about the pills and the head scene), there was always distance and pretense between them in S2.

S2 was the season of relapse, the season of false perfection, and that's equally as true for Jules, she tries to rectify her mistakes by striving for Rue's validation and reclamation (aka trying desperately to fix her perceived faults through external means), but when Rue is seemingly uninterested she falls back into her usual, safe vices of male attention.

As a youtuber – Shanspeare notes, in s2 most of the characters get what they thought they wanted but are consequently faced with its dark side, as well as the dark side of themselves. Because the story is told from Rue's perspective and s2 is her finally getting what she's always desired, she's confronted with Jules' flaws and insecurities which is building off of s1's finale and how Jules, ultimately, chose herself over being Rue's crutch (bear in mind Jules never asked for Rue's romanticization, she never asked for those unattainable standards, she never obfuscated her truth, faults and all — Anna was not a mistake and that's undeniably and equally as problematic as its repeat in s2, but she encapsulated a freedom and empowerment counter to Rue. At the season's end, Rue chose to leave her and Jules chose the same, and given that their budding relationship was predicated on emotional vulnerability, it tracks that smth as dubious/shaky as Rules would be trumped by smth grounding and solid).

And thusly, her idealization was shattered, which allows Jules to exist as she truly is, no longer a manic pixie dream girl or a symbol, but now a fully-fledged person. Jules is in the low point of her arc as opposed to regressed, as many characterize her — her trajectory makes sense in light of s1. She's still herself, just dealing with challenges. It's not easy to free yourself from your vices, especially when it's stuff like comphet, insecurity and toxic relationships.

However, seemingly, now that her angst and struggles aren’t deemed permissible by the audience, nor are the circumstances in which they are manifesting [and she isn’t palliating it through maternal-adjacent placations/is of diminished use to our main], the empathy and humanity granted to her are all readily revoked, her very teenage tumultuousness deemed unacceptable [even by comparison], a transgression against idealization and expectations — PLUS she’s no longer hyperfeminine and preoccupied with gender conformism, making ppl doubly susceptible to maligning her – her ethereal, soft, palatable veneer removed, subconsciously or not — but you can't have believable character development if a character's vices don't actually challenge them and have extended baring over them. And you can neglect a person’s struggles and flaws, but that doesn't make them any less HUMAN. Like is jules not allowed to be a bit messy and confused and fucked, both mentally and in her coping mechanisms, considering ALL that she went through, and wouldn’t a degree of empathy towards that be expected? (apparently not lol – that’s the answer).

*Which, is why, upon writing it out, Elliot doesn't seem as inconsequential as many people make him out to be. He represents Jules' need for external/normative [male] validation, and the barriers between Rules in their relationship. Her cheating with HIM was not random or contrived at all, it's her seemingly taking back agency within the relationship and getting to keep smth from Rue too/have access to smth Rue wanted to keep from her. It's her putting up barriers too (but also knocking them down bc now Elliot is theirs ─ if that makes any sense).

While someone like Tyler felt safe to her, he also felt like an anomaly, a cishet [white] man who amidst all the transphobia and sexism and toxic masculinity that normally cloaks the most conventional and powerful members of society, Tyler was different. He could provide her with the stability and love she'd been craving *(from white cishet society ─ which makes her relationship to Rue doubly interesting bc Rue is a black, lesbian, gnc, lowkey asexual girl, the opposite of everything Jules wants, but in many ways smth she NEEDED to experience). I also to some extent agree that she didn't love Tyler for him, moreso the life she thought she could access through him (eg. when she forgets that Tyler's dad is no longer in his life, the things she likes abt him being super generic, their life together being super idealized), Tyler is more of an ideal to her than a person, but that doesn't mean her feelings weren't real.

All that to say that I love Rules, and I LOVE Rue, she’s my favorite character, which is why I acknowledge all these realities while still loving and accepting her. Rules are one of my otps, but the onus placed onto Jules is unhealthy and unfair, and is revelatory of a lot of inherent bias and ingrained expectations ppl have of girls like Jules, as well as the double standards these expectations expose. You can’t truly be for Rue and Jules while prioritizing one over the other. People’s fervent need to both adultify and reduce Jules to an emotional pacifier deprives her of humanity and grace and goes to show how placing ppl on a pedestal is not inherently favorable — only allotting empathy on the basis of conformity and acceptability as opposed to ppl inherently deserving it unconditionally. Jules is a human being and she deserves to be acknowledged as such. Circumstance was the unfortunate downfall of not only Rules, but the clouding of her love for Tyler [and dare I say her unwitting attraction towards Nate, which is for another post lol].