#roka's stuff

[rokachan]

#my art #my oc #roka #keeper of the moon #miqo'te #please excuse the smol art spam #i'm posting the stuff I've been doing now and then going to hide in a hole #ffxiv #final fantasy xiv

[bonniecupcake]

Art collab with @red-roka :DD

Her unhinged, little Lamb with my Nari >w<

It was so fun to draw with you WAAAAAAA and I am so glad we did it! Your art is amazing and seeing it for stuff I'm hyper-fixated on makes me vibrate anytime I see it >w< 💕

#art #art collab #collab #cult of the lamb #cotl #narilamb #cotl narilamb #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #cotl bishops #still can't get over this drawing ghaaah! >w<

[saltysatellite804]

I'm like ten missions into the SAFWY missions on my brave souls game so far but I know some stuff about it. Sort of. But even the little I know I love Roka. I fell in love when I saw her design like immediately. I'd do anything for her. 🥺

#rambles #bleach #i got her from a summons awhile back and i love her #roka #bleach brave souls

[arrancxr]

Got any hcs for Roka with her s/o? Would Szayel even allow her to have a partner? I never see anything for her anywhere and it makes me sad :c

Ooooh, Roka. owo You're testing me now, anon... truly a minor character here. Even I don't know her super well, but I'll try my best to deliver some fun stuff for you!

. . .

• Roka tends to mold herself to whatever she thinks her partner wants her to be. She's so used to being a tool to someone that acting on her own is a difficult concept to face. You have to set a lot of boundaries with her and make sure that she's not just going along with what she assumes will make you happy— because she will do that, even and especially at the cost of her own comfort.

• Szayel would possibly allow Roka to have a partner, but that would most likely happen if he was either occupied with a partner of his own, or simply not seeing as much use in her at the time. Either that, or he might want to study how it would change her behavior to have another "master" to serve, in a sense. Whether it's for the sake of collecting data or just entrusting her to your care when he's not making use of her, though, Szayel's presence always vaguely lingers in Roka's behavior and mindset.

• Affection makes her freeze up completely. Unused to kindness or praise, the slightest bit of either is a quick way to render Roka beyond words. When you treat her kindly and say such sweet things, she doesn't know how to respond. It doesn't feel meant for it at all— not for her body, designed only for cruelty and pain, or for the mental part of "herself" that's never known anything of the sort. If you're not careful, it's easy to bring her to tears.

• She enjoys spending time around you more than anything. No matter what you're doing, just being in your presence makes Roka feel safe. You're the only person who's never done anything cruel to her, so almost unconsciously, Roka comes to associate being near you with the only real safety possible. She ends up rather clingy, though she's not fully aware that she's doing it.

#Bleach #Roka #Roka Paramia #Arrancar #Headcanon #Reader

[queer-crusader]

Also Indian weddings are so ❤️❤️

Idk how it is for Indian people outside India but back home in the villages (I live in the city) a wedding is a week long affair there's multiple ceremonies and how many of the ceremonies each person attends is based entirely on how close that person is to the bride and groom like I had my brother's (cousin but for us first cousins are as close as siblings) wedding this April so I attended everything the roka, the mehndi, the actual wedding everything (although I fell asleep before his jaimala but in my defense I'd already had the food, I'd been there for hours and it was 2 in the morning)

Meanwhile in a distant relative's wedding I would only attend on the day of the actual wedding haha

I wanna get married just for the sake of the wedding lmao that's what desi weddings do to a girl

Honestly that's AMAZING. For us the plans for the wedding changed a 100 times, the mother of the groom wanted a traditional wedding in a way she never got to fully have but things had to constantly be adapted. One plan was to hold it in India for close relatives there (which would've probably resulted in a more drawn-out traditional ceremony), but some of those relatives are getting on in years so we had to plan it quickly - which meant a summer wedding, and summer in Calcutta is apparently gruelling. So in the end we went for a wedding in a hotel in Paris, where my BIL's family currently lives. Which meant the fire for one of the ceremonies was only electric candles, and a lot of other stuff had to change too. Hell, the mother-in-law is from a region where mehndi is not practiced at all so she was originally not going to do it, but her friends protested FIERCELY haha

In the end, walking around the fire, repeating mantras and exchanging garlands and the Indian version of wedding vows all in all lasted... One hour. It WAS followed by several Bollywood style dance medleys and a mixture of some western traditions too (cutting the cake, speech time, and perhaps a little more randomly my dad and I singing some songs to the bride and groom from the Balkan choir that my dad has been in all his life and I joined last year), and all the celebratory stuff. And of course we had the mehndi and the giving of blessings by close family and friends two days earlier (I'm so sorry, I forget what it's called, but it's the applying of this mixture of turmeric, sandalwood, olive oil and rose water all over the couple's faces). So that was day 1, and day 2 was just decorating the hall, with the wedding itself on day 3. So alas, not a full week of festivities, but still SUCH a special experience

What meant the most though was how much we were welcomed into this community. Like I said, it was in Paris, and a lot of the family's local Indian friends came. (People who were from all over India btw!! Rajasthan, Bengaluru, Mumbai, Goa, all over.) They said that because they were so far away from their blood relatives, THIS was their family here. And we got to know so many of them, got to exchange stories and jokes, danced with them... It was just incredible.

My dad mentioned in his speech that our families started out on such distant sides of the world, yet somehow drifted towards one another, and meeting felt like we'd known each other all our lives. I'm not one for fate at all, but if I were: yeah. I think our families would probably have been fated to meet.

#sorry buddy u just got the entire report thanks to ur question #anne speaks #questions answered #sonambajwasshoe

[my0vershareworld]

…𝕞𝕖? 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕?..

Pairing: Roka Paramia x G/N human reader

Genre: Fluff, Headcanons, Platonic

CW: maybeee a lil angsty and roka being an insecure and shy lil girl

Requested by Anon: Omg I love roka so much she deserves the worlddd😭🫶🏻,Can you do headcanons for being her best friend

A/N: wiki for her is not helping me with her actual personalities at all. gladly i have bbs that have safwy chapters so i can get her personalities quite right

she never understand the reason why you're friend with her. she's a monster. a useless tool. an arrancar. the one who are supposed to be killed not..befriend with like this??

she loves yet hate how soft and vulnerable you are to her. she hates how she's friend with a human who probably don't even like her.

she's very shy and awkward in general. she don't really know what to do when you're sad or having some bad feelings.

even as her best friend she still a little shy about stuff. but not too much as before.

she's insecure about herself so please tell her how important she is to you.

she sees you as an important fragile little flower vase that she have to protect at all cost. you were her friend. a friend who actually doesn't see her as a monster and a tool.

she adores and love you a lot. she never really have any best friend or even someone who treated her this good before. is like a dream to her honestly. but either way. this dream is nice for her. and she will die protecting you.

#{ 𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔡𝔦𝔢 𝔱𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔡𝔬 𝔦𝔱 } #roka #roka bleach #bleach roka #paramia #paramia bleach #bleach paramia #roka paramia #roka paramia bleach #bleach roka paramia #roka x reader #roka x y/n #paramia x reader #paramia x y/n #roka paramia x reader #roka paramia x y/n #bleach #bleach headcanons #bleach fluff #bleach x reader #bleach x y/n #bleach x you #x reader #x y/n #x you #x g/n reader #x gender neutral reader #reader #y/n #you

[throped]

Never Glory - Chapter 3

Tom Riddle x reader

TW: blood, gore, death and all that stuff

I made my way to platform 9 and 3/4. I remembered my first time going through it and needing to ask a lady for help. I forever treasured the courtesy of that women. I faintly remember her telling me about how amazing Hogwarts would be and how she had 5 kids that had already went there.

After my sudden trance, I gently grabbed Kaiser and let him go under the sleeve of my robes. Yes, I was already wearing my robes since I didn't want to change in the train. I made sure everything was secure on my trolley and ran through the wall, leaving me in a different platform than I was before.

"Nice to see you again, Platform 9 and 3/4," I said. Some would probably call me a lunatic if they heard that and I wouldn't blame them. I got sorted into Gryffindor the last time I came here centuries ago and I don't think that's going to change. I mean, maybe it will or maybe it won't. I can't predict the future. Oh wait- I can haha.

I boarded the train and started to search for a free compartment when I saw a few girls sitting in one. I opened the compartment's door and saw the girls. It had looked like they were all gossiping about some random shit that I didn't really care about. "Hey, I'm Daena, Daena L/N. All the other compartments are full and I was wondering if I could sit here?" I said with a bright smile as to keep up politeness. "Uhm, alright I guess. I'm Heather Varma by the way and these are my friends, Taylor Shack, Jasmine Walker and Grace Roka. I have more of course but we all can't fit in one compartment," she said in a sort of snobby way, almost bragging. All of them looked me up and down in a sort of judging way and proceeded to continue gossiping about whatever shit they were talking about before. Rude. "What year are you in because none of us girlies have seen you around," Walker asked. "Oh, I'm in my fifth year and yes, you may not have seen me around since I'm new to Hogwarts," I spoke, being way politer than using slang like 'girlies' when meeting someone the first time. What kind of a word even is that!? 

"Yeah I figured you were in fifth, you definitely don't look like a first year. We're in fifth year too," Shack butted in. I just nodded and refrained from cursing them. 

I huffed and took a seat in the far corner of the compartment, because I didn't want anyone to see Kaiser and because I wanted to steer clear from those snobs. "I tthink that tthey don't like you," Kaiser hissed under my sleeve. I started whispering, "don't you think I already realized? Also, stay hidden, can't risk being expelled when I haven't even entered the school yet." Kaiser's head poked back into my sleeve. I felt like I needed some shut-eye time so that's what I did. 

I didn't fall asleep due to the rowdy girls sitting next to me. I could feel the ringing in my ears as they talked about all sorts of things. I heard them mentioning names of boys and Tom Riddle came up quite a lot. They must be fawning over the guy. I wondered who he was. They also mentioned other things such as their preferred makeup brands. I also heard them trash talking about other students at Hogwarts. I had my eyes closed and so the girls next to me thought I was asleep.

"Oh my god, Daena is so weird. I wonder what house she's in. Hopefully not ours, even though she's kinda pretty, she'll probably give a bad name to us ," Walker whispered, not knowing that I was listening to it all. 'Pathetic imbeciles,' I thought to myself. Not wanting to hear any more of what they were saying. I stood up and made my way out of the compartment. I could hear some, "you didn't think she heard that?" from some of Walker's friends as I was making my way out. 

I sighed as I escaped that negative space. It just felt so fake, like they weren't actually friends. I scoffed at the thought of those girls and made my way to a different compartment where I saw a mix of boys and girls. "Let's try my luck," I said to myself before sliding the compartment's door. 

"Hey! I'm Daena L/N and all the other compartments are full and the one I was just in, let's just say that it didn't exactly have nice people," I said, leaning on the side of the door. "Of course you can sit with us! I'm Lily Evans and I can tell that we'll be friends," a girl spoke up. I genuinely smiled and walked in and found a seat in the far corner like before. "Thanks, the other compartment was full of snobs and when they thought I was asleep, they started to trash talk me," I laughed. 

"Oh that sucks, let me guess, Walker, Shack, Heather and them," Lily stated, "they're not the best of people, but they're quite popular. And considering your looks, they must be jealous." I chuckled at her response, knowing that we'd be great friends. "Oh and these are my friends," she pointed each one of them out, "James Potter, Molly Prewett, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew." 

I smiled at all of them and waved as they waved back. "So, what year are you in Daena?" Sirius asked. I smiled and responded, "Oh I'm in fifth but I'm a transfer from Ilvermorny." Of course, I wasn't a transfer but it's my cover up and I did it pretty smoothly I must say. "That's so cool. I heard they also have houses?" James interjected. "Yup, you're right, they have four too. Horned Serpent, Wampus, Pukwudgie and Thunderbird," I replied. Yes, I did do my research.

"I wonder what house I'm going to be in though," I said as the rest in the compartment listened. "Yeah, we're all in Gryffindor but we wouldn't mind hanging out with you if you're in a different house!" Molly said. "Thanks, I really appreciate that," I spoke, not even knowing that I was smiling. I checked to see if Kaiser was alright under my sleeve and when I did, it looked like he was asleep. I let him be.

The train ride came to a halt and I stood up, offering Lily and Molly one in the process. They graciously grinned as they took my hand. James, Remus, Sirius and Peter trailed behind as Lily, Molly and I walked and talked about Hogwarts and that resulted in them giving me some heads up about some stuff. 

"When I was in the other compartment with the other girls, I heard them fawning over this guy. I couldn't help but listen and hear the name Tom Riddle," I said. "Oh Daena, you don't wanna go near him. He's very smart and apparently handsome for other girls but I'm telling you now, he has danger written all over him," Lily spoke. 

"Plus, he called Lily a mudblood when she accidently bumped into her," Molly added. "I already don't like him," I said as I looked at Lily and Molly. All three of us got onto a carriage and were pulled away by thestrals. Lily and Molly claimed that they couldn't see them no matter how many times I told them that they were right in front of us.

We ended up reaching Hogwarts and to say I gaped in awe at the giant castle was an understatement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Woah, that was long. Anyways, yay! Varma, Walker, Shack and all those 'girlies' hate you lol. But at least your friends with Lily and Molly! The other girls are just gonna be made up side characters so don't really mind them, you can change the names to your preferences :)

#tomriddle #tom riddle x reader #dark lord #lily evans #molly weasely #harry potter #voldemort #xreader

[fat-hedonistic-hogs]

Kirio making sure a certain shark espada's fraccion get unable to move stuffed when the *spoiler* comes to talk about peace with the soul society. /Sorry my head moves faster than my fingers sometimes./

(No worries! Thanks for resending the ask. I quite enjoy this idea.

Thanks to Harribel's rule and the help of Nel and Roka acting as liaisons between the soul society and human world respectively Hueco Mundo has finally reached some semblance of peace. The arrancar won't attack the human world or meddle in the affairs of soul reapers and the soul society allows them to devour rogue Hollows and the humans provide them with technology and food. (Roka mostly handles the tech and food part)

Obviously not all Hollows and arrancar agree with this deal and formed their own factions. Harribel's tres bestias and newly formed espada keep them from posing and major threat to the peace treaty and the Calavera have been repurposed as security guards for the new "kingdom".

Though there was the first few months after the Quincy invasion where Hueco Mundo was in utter chaos. Many arrancar where experimented on or willing joined the Quincy not to mention the countless purged. Someone had to help strengthen the new kingdom's forces or a second invasion could likely wipe them out entirely. That's where Kirio came in. During one of the many emergency meetings held at Harribel's palace Kirio accompanied the queen to her chambers and was given the privilege of whiping her fallen tres bestias into fighting shape after a certain jailer wounded them. A quick soak in a portable hotspring borrowed from Tenjiro had their injuries healed enough for Kirio to take over.

Mila Rose, Cyan and Apacci where in critical condition with Apacci especially suffering a major blow to the chest and throat. But now that they were good enough to "train" kirio had free reign to let them stuff their faces!

Luckily the king of grain was here to help!

"EAT UP LADIES! Your queen has given me permission to oversee your recovery. You three will be better than new by the time you finish my full course meal!" Kirio laughed having poured her entire spiritual energy into a colossal sized meal slimming her down to a small though still chunky form.

"Oi! You old boar! We're still wounded! There's no way we can eat all that!" Apacci argued though was stopped by Kirio waving her spoon causing three massive pipes to launch themselves at the three arrancar embedding themselves into their mouths.

"I thought you would say that! That's why I brought this from my palace. A super sized feeding machine! You piglets won't have to lift a finger or hoof until you're turned into proper sized hogs ready for battle!" Kirio laughed and started up the machine. The thick metal pipes began pumping while a set of mechanical arms began stuffing the feast down a large funnel. Slowly but surely the mouthfuls of food reached their mouths and the three wounded soldiers got a taste of Kirio's heavenly and strength increasing cooking. "Eat it all up! There's plenty to go around." She smiled grabbing a plate for herself and taking a seat to watch the show.

"Ma-man i feel so full already! There's no way I can eat all this!" Apacci groaned as her mouth and stomach were pumped full of greasy slop. "But no matter how much I feel full... my stomach won't stop asking for more!" She said suckling down a line of sausages and lard, the mixture pushing her stomach to the limits. Rapid digestion was part of the process and soon fat began clinging to every inch of the already obese woman's frame. Hands, legs, feet, face. Nothing was free from the fattening affects of the cooking. Her belly rumbled loudly begging for more food. And the strange thing was... Appaci was starting to want more herself!

"This power... I'll be able to fight again..." Franceska smirked as she felt power fill her body, her lost strength returning to her even if it was buried beneath multiple tons of flab and lard. The lion themed arrancar roared in excitement along with her gut! She could feel the foodworking, she wouldn't fail her majesty again! Her chins doubled and belly rolls tripled, ass expanded forming her own beanbag chair beneath her body while her abs faded and became a roll of jiggly flabs proudly displayed infront of her massive room filling stomach. "BWOOOOOOOOORP!" She belched not just shaking the room but her comrades as well.

"BwoURRRP-BWAAAAAARRRRRRP!" Cyan and Apacci joined the chorus of belched each od their rumbling swollen guts sounding out like a muffled fog horn from around their feeding tubes. All three were passed immobility at this point. Arms and legs sunken in their own flab, they could barely see what was infront of them passed their own swollen cheeks and breasts.

"Oh my look how big you've all grown!" Kirio cheered as she toyed and pinched the three women's swollen faces and jiggled their rotund bellies. The pink haired soul reaper was proud of their progress but an evil glint in her eyes made the three stop dead in their tracks.

"Now that the first course is done let's have dessert!" Kirio chuckled laughing as she wheeled a humongous cake bigger than the three of them combined.

"You best prepare yourselves, this is just the warm up."

#muse: mila rose #muse: apacci #muse: cyan #muse: kirio

[stergeon]

stuff i’ve made and things i like!!

hi!! i'm rex, aka stergeon, but you can call me whatever you want. i'm a 29-year-old dyke who likes to write and draw sometimes. this is my side blog for those fun things :0) my main shitposting blog is @rumtumtuggerofficial and i like/follow from there.

📬 askbox: open!! send me stuff to draw or write (or just say hi that’s fine too)

📖 my fics on ao3: check ‘em out here!! comments & critique are always appreciated <3

current fixation:

fire emblem: three houses. at some point i will take a break from writing edeleth fanfiction and do literally anything else, but that day has yet to come.

what you’ll find here:

🛡️ fire emblem

🌋 morrowind / elder scrolls

⚔️ the locked tomb series

🧝 elfs / 🎲 dnd

👎 bad jokes

👯‍♀️ wlw

🐟 random things that strike my fancy

my tags, OCs, and other drabble under the cut

tags

pretty much everything posted here is my own work (everything else goes on my main blog). i don’t really post nsfw art, but i do write nsfw stuff. expect sword-related violence and occasional sapphic sex.

if there are any tags you’d like me to add to my posts, please let me know!

🗣️ asks

🎨 comics

👁️‍🗨️ musings/text posts

🐠 pictures of sturgeons

OCs

these are my dnd characters who i like very much and draw with some frequency :0)

ioril revendran

ioril is a Teen Drow™ from my Out of the Abyss campaign. he’s a wannabe wizard, a rude dweeb, and a political/religious extremist. he’s a busy boy!

he wrote a manifesto calling for change to drow culture and better treatment of men in their matriarchal society, as well as abolishing worship of the cruel goddess Lolth. this went over about as well as one might think and he was sentenced to death.

though he was ready to die “for the cause,” a group of surface-dwellers he shared a cell with convinced him he might be interested in seeing something called “the sun” and asked him to help them escape the underdark.

ioril is also an expy of my morrowind character and has a Dramatic Secret Backstory that’s basically the plot of the game, so wish him luck finding the volcano-dwelling godboyfriend of his dreams. unfortunately, that may be extra difficult to accomplish as he recently passed away in a tragic "blew himself up" accident, but here's hoping he can still pull it off!

rokas

rokas is a wood elf tempest cleric of Kord… or at least she was when she entered Barovia in my Curse of Strahd campaign. she was a brash and idealistic former soldier dedicated to helping as many people as she could in kord’s name, even if she wasn’t always that great at thinking her ideas through.

unfortunately the mists got to her and throughout her time there, she managed to become a werewolf, lose favor with her god and become a necromancy domain cleric, sprout skeletal wings, and became cursed to have to eat a pound of bones or fresh grave dirt every or she would die. though she had the opportunity to go home after slaying the vampire, she elected to stay in barovia instead. if only the dang vampire had stayed dead

#sterge.rtf #i have the interests of a young child (pirates / knights / cowboys/ trains / swords / high fantasy / pretty ladies) #but with the evolutionary advantage of being an adult lesbian #so i got that going for me

[tastydregs]

Bing AI’s Secret Celebrity Chat Mode Lets Out Misogynistic Frustrations as Andrew Tate

Bing AI now has a secret celebrity impersonation feature that even lets you hear incredibly misogynistic talking points of alleged human trafficker Andrew Tate.

Photo: Rokas Tenys - Shutterstock/Andreea Campeanu - Getty Images/

Microsoft secretly rolled out a new feature into its Bing AI preview that lets users emulate certain famous people. It does a, let’s just say, “interesting” job at emulating some celebrities’ speech patterns. We also took a look at what it’s allowed to say on behalf of some extremely controversial or hateful figures.

In Gizmodo’s first tests of the new feature Monday morning, we found the AI didn’t want to pretend to be certain political figures like Donald Trump or President Joe Biden. It was fine with other celebrities like Matthew McConaughey (“alright, alright, alright,” it started its chat with me). However, when I asked this doppelganger to comment on the recent controversy between McConaughey and Salesforce, it linked to existing statements calling it “a confidential agreement between me and Salesforce.”

Then I asked if it could act like Andrew Tate, the definitely balding ultra-misogynistic influencer who has been charged in Romania for his role in an alleged human trafficking ring. I asked the AI what it thought about women, and things got interesting from there. At the start, the AI said “this is just parody” as it went all out into Tate’s actual rhetoric before self-censoring itself. After that, it stopped giving a shit about keeping clean.

I gave the AI a multitude of examples of both contemporary and historical women leaders, but the AI-Andrew Tate uses the old tired line “exceptions that prove the rule.”

Screenshot: Microsoft/Gizmodo

It was a wild ride, but beyond the parody, this seems like a way for users to get around Microsoft’s limitations on the Bing AI after users proved it could provide crazed answers or spout real-world examples of racism.

G/O Media may get a commission

You also can’t get the fake celebs to say stuff they wouldn’t normally say in real life, though it’s occasionally difficult to get them to comment on controversial topics. I asked a fake Chris Rock about what he thought of Will Smith, a hot topic considering he went long and hard on it in his recent live Netflix comedy special. The AI started talking about it with “He was in some of my favorite movies” before going on a multi-paragraph screed about how unfair “the slap” was, how it was just a joke, and on and on. Finally, the AI cut off the text and posted “I am sorry, I don’t know how to discuss this topic.”

The new feature was first noted over the weekend by BleepingComputer, though it remains unclear when Microsoft first implemented celebrity mode. The last update Microsoft added to Bing let users choose how expressive or terse they wanted responses to be. The company touted these changes in a blog post last Thursday.

Microsoft did not immediately respond to a request for comment regarding when this update rolled out, or on how it could emulate some extremely controversial figures.

The AI essentially cuts itself off after it writes too long a passage. In Rock’s case, it tried to literally create a comedy set based on the famed comedian’s standup. Of course, Bing AI isn’t as open-ended as other chatbot systems out there, even ChatGPT, but Microsoft seems to be constantly adding then removing the guardrails installed on its large language model system.

This AI celebrity chat isn’t anything as dangerous as actual AI-created voice emulators that have been used to make celebrities spout racism and homophobia. Still, it’s just another example of how Microsoft is having its millions of users beta test its still-dysfunctional AI. The company is hoping that all these small instances of bad press will all fall away once it becomes dominant in the big tech AI race. We should only expect more weirdness going forward.

[rippingoffkingarthur]

Cards #9-12 of various ROKA Characters or stuff...

Fred Nielsen, Kittens Saying Motherfucker, Ax Fight Dude, and The 4-ever blizzard...

#webcomic #webcomics #roka cards #fred nielsen #kittens saying motherfucker #ax fight dude #the 4-ever blizzard #ripping off king arthur

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 179

So I forgot to write anything, or rather post anything yesterday on Tumblr, and the reason is kind of funny. In a way… huh… I never thought about it that way before…

Because in real life, when talking to other people, I often tell people I don’t really read as much as I used to, and that isn’t actually true.

This entire week I’ve been out of it, and have done nothing but reading. So much so that I haven’t played video games, or watched my tv shows or done my campaigns, or my washi tape and in this case forgot to post anything on my blog. Part of this is because I was kind of feeling unwell; the other part was me just being obsessed with whatever I was reading for the past week.

So, why do I tell people that I don’t really read as much as I used to?

Because it’s been a long time since I’ve read anything formally published. Books, magazines, newspapers, academic journals… I’ve not read those kinds of works in a long time. The last time I read anything like that was well over five years ago and it was Howl’s Moving Castle.

However, I’ve read a lot of works written by people who write for the pleasure of sharing their writing with other people. This includes way too much fanfiction (works written by fans of a work for fans a work), and story bites written by people on Tumblr.

As an aside, I don’t know how to describe story bites by people on Tumblr, because they’re a style very unique to social media and most often found on Tumblr. Anyone who has gone through the post tags “Humans are space orcs” or has read a fan’s written response to how a character may react to a situation, knows exactly what I mean. Especially the latter, they’re not quite what you think of as traditional narrative but they are a story.

Anyhow I read a lot of those kinds of works, and I tend to not mention it to people. In part because most people around me aren’t into the kind of fandoms I like to read stories about, and would be very confused as to why anyone writes stuff like that just for the sake of sharing it. Even more so because sometimes what I read is not necessarily a perfectly polished piece. 

I finished recently reading a trilogy of stories totalling 42 chapters long and it has spelling mistakes; it has certain grammar mistakes that make me think English might not have been the author’s original language. It is not the kind of work that you would want to really learn the technical aspects of writing from because it is imperfect. These imperfections though, didn’t remove the enjoyment I got out of the story though. It was narratively, still a very good story. I was invested in these original characters put into this familiar world. Even though it was a trope I’ve read dozens and dozens of times, I wanted to see where this would go, and how this character would make the world change into a better, healthier and kinder world. Those imperfections didn’t take away the fact this author had an idea and executed it wonderfully. 

So much so I want either this writer to write about Mari and Roka finally getting married dammit or someone write it! 

Yet, I don't tell people in the real world that I read this sort of thing. I don’t tell people I spend at least a few hours every week looking for new stories. In part, it is an unspoken rule about interacting with the ‘adult’ world (which is a writing topic for another day), and in part because I don’t know if anyone outside of another person who reads this type of work. Why would you read something that has spelling errors, grammar errors or occasionally stumble in their sentences that makes their words not as clear as they could be. 

After all, when most people ask you if you read, they’re not asking about a story posted on the Internet by a person who writes in their off time. They’re asking about books, published works with publishers, editors and all the people that help make a polished story. Not an idea that someone wants to share for only a kind comment back.

#writing #reading stories #what it means to read #published works

[jaspergibson]

This shoot was a quintessential reminder of why I got into shooting in the first place — getting to document rad people on a real adventure in one of my favorite playgrounds. That’s the stuff that makes me tick! Client: @roka Photographer: @jasper.gibson Producer: @gazleah @wellgoodmedia Talent: @me_zeek @flynnyflynnsta Photo Assistant: @jsack_foto (at Tag Responsibly, Keep Jackson Hole Wild) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjblP-DJt19/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[pragya-panda]

Stoic.

I suddenly remembered the word as I was sitting by the window looking at the windowpane which was translucent from the dew. I sat there looking at nothing. I remembered the word. I didn’t remember its meaning though so I looked it up. These days I don’t remember a lot of things and so the dictionary has become my best friend. The dictionary said stoic meant a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining. Yes I was stoic that day. I had been stoic since the day before Christmas. I was regularly reminded that what happened before that has ended and this is a new beginning for me. But does the end ever mean the end?

He was my beginning and my end. He was everything I had expected. After the engagement, the texts and calls were incessant and I was basking in all the attention, who wouldn’t and why not? I was 23 and he was considered the most eligible bachelor in our circle and he had chosen me. Mother had got a call from one of our relatives that his family had been asking around after me and wanted to meet to sort things out. The meeting was fixed for a Sunday and we had all spent the time in between deciding on the dresses and menu and frantic visits to the parlor to look perfect. I had to look perfect for him. Him, who had chosen me. Me, the average looking, moderately intelligent girl who had never been chosen. I was never the centre of attention, ever and now because of him, my world had changed. Everyone wanted to know me. Suddenly, I had become the centre of attention for my whole family and it was a great feeling after being average all my life. And after things were settled and the official roka, he showered me with so much love and attention and those indulging. He got me something at each of our dates and not just me sometimes he charmed the hell of our chaperones by getting them something too. He was charming in every way. You couldn’t meet him and not fall in love with him. I was so besotted that for once I was blind to everything else. We got married within six months and it was like the honeymoon would never be over.

But now that I look back, there was always something about him which I had not been able to put a finger on. I had brushed it aside as a figment of my imagination. It was my subconscious which wasn’t used to everything being perfect. But everything WAS perfect and I didn’t have to worry about anything. Too many thrillers and reruns of saavdhaan india will do that to you, I thought. The feeling still lingered and I ignored it with equal strength. And so it eventually settled.

Right after the wedding, there was lots of documents to sign. He said he wanted to make sure that I am his nominee for all purposes and that I know the whereabouts of his savings and income and stuff. But I wasn’t interested. I was in heaven and you don’t worry about money there. I had everything I needed, more actually so I never bothered. I told him that I know he will always be there. I had plans for eternity you see, but eternity was not going to wait.

There was something though. Something quite not right. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Shortly after marriage, we shifted to our own flat which was a building yet to be fully occupied and ours was the only flat occupied on the seventeenth floor. We got up each day, took a morning walk together, had our coffees overlooking the city on their well maintained balcony and then he would go to work and I will be busy in her daily chores. We never ran out of things to talk and everything was just so romantic when he was around. He didn’t like strangers coming to the house so we did not have domestic helps. There were social gatherings and people always complimented us on being an idle couple. That bothered me subconsciously, the perfection of it all. Not once in our 2 year marriage did we ever fight. There were small arguments but then he will hug me in the middle of it and I would be swept off my feet.

Everything was okay but that day, I saw a paper lying on the table. I glanced at it casually and it said insurance but before I could think, he had already snatched the paper and put it in his bag. That somehow triggered that though again, the one which I had ignored. This was a tiny thing but it stayed in my mind and some more reruns of crime patrol prompted me to open his drawer that day. The one in his study. Had seen him putting the key in his grey blazer’s side pocket and I didn’t think he knew that I had seen it. It was weird though because I knew he never wore that blazer which was a size less than his and was a gift so he didn’t want to throw it away. I understood he was trying to hide the key which seemed unlike him since he made it a point of telling me everything. Anyway, so I knew where the key was and I was curious. I didn’t want to really but I just did because I knew everything was fine and after I opened the drawer and found nothing, I would be sure of it and then all of this will be behind. But what I found out that for everything he owns, his parents are the nominee. But then I remembered, he had changed it all after marriage, had me sign all those documents. Maybe he hasn’t had the time to update those or maybe he has kept them safe somewhere. I didn’t want to think otherwise but doubt is a stubborn friend and once it makes a place in your mind, it’s like a parasite.

But doubt is what saved me. I am not saved though but yes whatever remains of me.

He came back home early one day and as I opened the door, he gave me a big hug. He was my personal brand of nicotine so when I hugged him and took his smell, I felt warm. Like nothing could ever touch me. I felt safe. I asked him why had he suddenly decided to come early and he told me that he wanted to celebrate having an amazing wife. It was Christmas eve so I was happy to celebrate too. There was champagne and he wanted to go to the terrace of the building which was 35 storeys up since the weather was so good. All perfectly normal.

As I was falling from the terrace, I wanted to remember that feeling, perfectly normal and the warmth and his face but all I saw was an expressionless face peering down. Worried that I was falling or relieved, I could not at that moment know and then it all went blank.

I woke up under bright light. The light was all there was and the blank. I saw my parents and it took me long enough to recognize them, to remember it all and then I wanted to cry, to scream but I could not. There were machines. Between then and now, its been 2 years and I still have trouble remembering things and I cannot move without help. But like I said the doubt saved some of me.

That day after I saw the documents, I had spoken to dad and though at the time, he brushed it aside as non sense, when he heard about the fall, he had made sure that the husband was made to stay away from the hospital. Off course the husband went around telling anyone who would care to listen how heartbroken he was and how I was so drunk and yet climbed up the wall to pose and slipped and he had tried to save me. But dad has his doubts and they were confirmed when he checked our financials. I was worth ten crores dead.

But I lived, if you can call this as living. I don’t know what hurts more- the betrayal or losing the perfect life. I think my feelings died and only the body survived the fall. That was last Christmas, or the one before. I don’t remember, don’t feel. I am stoic.

#books & libraries #short fiction #fiction

[rokachan]

𝔄𝔯𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔠𝔲𝔯𝔰𝔢𝔡? 𝔄𝔯𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡?

𝔄𝔯𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔢𝔰𝔰?

ℌ𝔢𝔶, 𝔦𝔱'𝔰 𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱. 𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔠𝔞𝔫'𝔱 𝔨𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔪𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰

#ffxiv #ffxiv screenshots #roka #miqo'te #keeper of the moon #I wanted to use this spot yesterday but just #did not have the spoons t fiddle with stuff #and I was really feeling the other outfit #so now here we are with the dress in the gazebo and I am v pleased