#right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

so-many-fandoms-here · 2 days

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hi! idk if youre taking requests atm so in case u don’t, feel free to ignore this :-) anyways, i’ve been obsessed with the way you write and i was wondering if you could write something with niragi, inspired by house of balloons by the weeknd!! i think his character kinda suits the lyrics so i thought that could be fun!! it can be anything rlly, smut, angst or just anything :-) tysm and have a good good day!!! 🫶🫶🫶

Heyy :)) This is my first request since quite a while so I'm actually pretty excited right now :D Thank you so much <3

I listened to the song a few times beforehand and you're right, it really suits Niragi.

I took a lot inspiration from these verses:

You look into my eyes You can't recognize my face You're in my world now

So just don't blame it on me, girl 'Cause you wanted to have fun

Oh this is fun fun (...) This is fun to me

—

(English isn’t my first language so feel free to correct any mistake you notice)

• Characters: Suguru Niragi, fem!Reader

• Genre: Angst

• Warnings: abuse, bullying

Remember

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

I have no idea how I was able to survive so long without anyone by my side. I lived like a stray dog for months until I met these really nice guys (who probably just wanted to fuck me). They had a fucking car and told me about this place.

The Beach. That's how they called it. It used to be a resort back in the real world. Some crazy guy, Hatter, found it and created some cult-like society. I didn't had the best gut feeling but anything was better than my current situation. So I let them touch my tits a few times and in return they took me with them.

The Beach was a way bigger deal than I thought. Dozens of players lived here and there was food, water and electricity. This place was actually alive.

Yes, it still was a weird cult-like place, but a safe place afterall. I was just supposed to bring the cards I own to Hatter (they didn't exaggerate, this man was definetly some kind of crazy) and had to wear swimwear so I couldn't hide any weapons on my body, which actually made sense to me.

The guys that brought me here explained a bit more to me. At first I didn't want to listen, but when they mentioned the militants I started to pay attention. Because they where allowed to carry weapons with them.

I didn't really care about anything else they had to say about them.

They where allowed to carry weapons with them!

Call me paranoid but I would feel so much more safe around here if I had a gun or something. These people might be in the same boat with me but everyone would safe themselves first from drowning. Me too.

They wanted to survive. I wanted to survive. And in the time I was here I lost a lot of my empathy because it would get me killed in the blink of an eye.

"Who is the leader of those executives?", I ask, swirling my (h/c) hair around my right index finger while putting on my best doggy eyes.

They looked at me like I was just as crazy as Hatter but after a few seconds of hesitation they answered anyways. "Aguni. Really short hair, scar on his face. It doesn't matter though, you instantly feel that he is the leader, when you are around him."

I took note of the facts about his appearence anyways, just in case.

"He is never alone though. His comrades are like flies, pretty sure this man doesn't even shit alone." I ignored his comment and was already looking around.

"Imma head to my room guys", I said without looking at the men. "I'm tired." They either didn't caught my lie, or they simply didn't care. They just nodded and let me head off.

I was of course not going to my room. I was way too curious about this Aguni. The things I would do for a stupid gun...

The sun was long gone when I saw him. The boys where right, he had this aura that basically screamed at you. And as expected, he wasn't alone.

For a second my confidence began to fade. Did I really want to talk to this guy? Would that be as smart as I thought? But I caught myself quickly again. I would die one way or another, where is the difference if it's through a game or his hands?

After I took a deep breath I stood up from my chair I had sit on and walked straight up to him. People stared, some whispered but I ignored them.

"Are you Aguni?" I ask him when I arrived in front of him but before he could even think of an answer another man slipped around him and build himself up in front of me. A big gun rested on his shoulder and the amused look in his dark eyes showed that he wasn't afraid to use it.

But there was something else in his eyes. Something so familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Maybe we went to school together? That wasn't so unlikely based on how many people were here.

"Do you really think our boss has time for a stupid chick like you?", he asked while he grinned like an idiot. A hand placed itself on his shoulder and shoved him to the side. "Niragi." A voice scolded him.

The name didn't ring a bell. I probably saw him around school sometimes. Based on how he acted here he probably was one of those bullies in school that degraded literally anyone. You didn't even need to look or act different, sometimes you where just at the wrong place at the wrong time and your school year was literally over.

"Let her talk", the voice appeared again. Agunis voice.

I tried to make myself taller than I was and tried so desperatly to look brave, that I probably looked like a fool. "I want to join the militants."

I held my breath while biting my tongue. I really didn't know what to expect. Maybe he would kill me right on the spot? Or maybe not. I didn't know which one I would prefer.

He tilted his head and eyed me from head to toe. "It's not that easy." "I don't care!", I interrupted him and felt the heat spreading into my face immediatly after I spoke.

There was silence for a short while and I was absolutely sure that someone would kill me on the spot, but then he laughed quietly which scared me even more. "Or maybe it is that easy after all", he said eventually.

I felt the burning eyes of his subordinants and for a second I thought I would throw up on Agunis feet. "I like you. You're in."

I didn't know what just happened. It was so much yet nothing. All it took was for me to interrupt the leader? This had to be a trap, right?

"Nobody dared to talk to me like that since I came here", Aguni explained. "Don't think I would tolerate it, I don't, but at least you're somewhat reckless. If you're reckless in other aspects too, this could work." His hand dissapeared in the pocket of his jeans and came back out with a pair of keys which he handed Niragi. "Show her the guns."

Niragi looked far from happy about this order. "Why me?", he asked rather irritated. Aguni looked him dead in the eyes. "'Cuz you're my right hand. And you do what I say."

It looked like Niragi wanted to say something but bit his tongue. Instead he turned around and stormed off. Without saying a word I followed him, now even more scared than I was before.

Niragi walked quick and with big steps he crossed the halls of The Beach. At a heavy door he stopped and turned around to wait for me. "Hurry up!", he yelled annoyed while waiting for me. Slightly out of breath I stopped next to him and looked while he opened the door which revealed a rather dark stairwell that only lead down. "It's downstairs", he explained before starting to walk again.

I tried my best to stay beside him while we walked down where I supposed was the basement. Here were probably the generators and all that kind of stuff.

We crossed another long hallway until he stopped at the last door on the right side. Then he used the key to unlock the door and before I could process everything properly I found myself between dozens of weapons and guns.

Niragi pushed me inside and quickly closed the door behind him. Then he locked it and turned around to look me in the eyes. Fear crawled up my throat and my heart started to beat faster than it ever did in my whole life.

"Long time no see (Y/n)", he said. The keys dissapeared into his pockets so I had no chance to get them. Confusion mixed with my fear. "You know my name?"

His smile appeared back on his face for a second but then faded again. "How could I forget?"

My confusion grew while I desperatly tried to remember from where I could possibly know him.

"Come on", he cooed while he looked at me with expectant eyes. "Don't you remember?" He raised his free hand, made a circle with his thumb and index finger and held it in front of his eye, mimicking glasses, while tilting his head to the side. Then he pushed his lower lip slightly in front of his upper lip, frowning exaggerated.

It hit me with such force that I felt nauseous again. The sad face he put was badly played, but I could see it anyways. I saw the boy with the glasses in front of me, crying while my brother swung the baseball bat. "There it is", Niragi whispered. "The recognicion."

All those years I tried my best to forget these eyes. And I did. But now it seemed like this was a huge mistake.

„When I saw you upstairs my stomach dropped. I thought one of us would die when Aguni said I should show you the guns. The thought of all the feelings you could bring up again did something to me but I must admit that it’s rather pleasant to be alone with you.“

I stumbled back, tried to get more distance between us but Niragi instantly closed the distance again by taking the same amount of steps in my direction I took to get away from him. Not because I was scared, not only, but because I was emberrassed.

"How's your brother?" My eyes locked with his. As I looked longer into them I see how broken they are. Just like back then, but still different somehow. The eyes that looked into my direction, screaming for help, which I avoided like the plague because the guilt shook through me. The guilt that I didn’t dare to help him.

My brother made me look how they tortured him and for everytime I looked away, he would hit me when we got home. With his fist, with his belt or he would throw plates or glasses at me.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, tears stinging in my eyes. Again I avoided his eyes but I couldn't for long because his hand found my face and forced me to look at him.

"I remember your black eyes, the gross swelling shimmering a different color everyday", he whispered and I felt his breath on my face. "Blue, violet, yellow, like a violent, ugly rainbow."

Niragis eyes studied my face, stopping at the scar over my eyebrow. I knew he looked at it because I it suddenly started to throb just like the day I got it.

"That was for when I didn't threw the baseball at you", I answered before he could ask anything about it. It felt good to remind him, remind me, that I didn't want this to happen. When I refused to, he threw a mug at me. It broke it half when it landed on the floor, then he picked it up and threw it again. It cut into my skin leaving the about 2 inch long scar behind

"Where is he now?", he asked still inspecting my scar. I shrugged my shoulders. "I came here alone." I was scared that he might thought I was lying but he seemed to believe me, which made me relax a bit.

"He'd be surprised what his little games did to me. What I have become…" He let go of me but I still looked at him. "I always liked you, you know? You understood." I nodded. "I will kill him if I ever see him again." I nodded again. "And will make him suffer how I suffered." I nodded a third time while I took a glance at his pierced tongue. The pictures of the dirty needle my brother pushed through it popped up in my head again.

"I will find him and then we will play my game." Niragi walks up to one of the shelves and took a gun, rather small compared to his, then some ammo and handed it to me. "Our game."

I looked at the gun in his hand. It was my choice. If I take it I would make a pact with him. I hated my brother with all my heart but I was still hesitant. Is vigilantism the way? My way?

"It's your choice", Niragi reminded me. I took the gun. There is no justice in Borderland, so why not make it myself?

"I will make it my world", he said. "Where no one will look down on me ever again. On us."

His eyes practically burned into mine but I couldn't look away. My iris's where tied to his and I wondered if somewhere inside was still the Niragi I met in the past or if it destroyed him completly.

#fanfiction #x reader #alice in borderland #aib #alice in borderland x reader #alice in borderland x y/n #aib x reader #aib x y/n #angst #alice in borderland niragi #niragi alice in borderland #suguru niragi #niragi suguru #suguru niragi x reader #niragi x reader

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aquarianlights · 3 years

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I am in a serious financial bind. 😥 If anyone is in a position to listen & help or signal boost, pls keep reading...

This is from my apartment complex. I am in low-income housing. I called them & sent them proof I could pay on the 23rd. I told them I could (just barely) put 100 down now & they said that was too little.

They said they would file for eviction on the 16th, which adds $150 to my rent. They will cancel the court date and eviction on the 23rd when I pay.

But that doesn't cancel the $150 filing fee.

Idk where that $150 would come from. Idky they think it's fair that someone who cannot pay should be forced to pay even more??? That makes no sense. I can only just barely afford my rent every month as is.

These are from my energy company. I apparently owe them over $600. I genuinely do not know how this happened. We were on the phone for a very long time trying to figure it out & I was in tears for the latter portion of it because I swear I paid.

I usually keep record of my payments via taking a picture of my receipt since they are electronic, but my dog chewed up my phone (which I have pics of if need be for evidence) and broke it, so I had to get a replacement phone sent to me from the insurance company & nothing transferred from the old phone, so all my pics were wiped.

I found no record in my emails, either.

The meds I am taking to try to go into remission and the autoimmune disease itself both cause brain fog and issues with time warping, so it is possible maybe I skipped a month or something, but I highly doubt I would have skipped up to 600+ dollars worth of payments.

I have tons of electronic and hard copy calendars & they are all synced and constantly updated so that I know when payments are due. I also have text and email reminders sent to me, but I could find no reminders in my email for MONTHS now until they were telling me they were going to shut my power off if I didn't pay this. Idk why I was not sent reminders for months???

In the end, I agreed to set up a payment plan. Paying, like... 50-60ish on top of whatever my electric bill is every month for 12 months. It was the lowest they could go.

I can barely afford my electric bill as it is, so idk how I will be able to do this? They did give me a list of charities in my area so I will be using what little energy I have to call around & see if any of them would be willing to help me pay this. Idk how those work (they're mostly churches???), so I'm just gonna try & see what happens. 🤔

On top of all that, I *think* this is telling me my Medicaid has been cancelled but I'm not 100% sure?????

I'm going through treatment for a very serious, disabling problem that should last ~1 year and rn Medicaid is picking up what my Medicare doesn't cover and some of my doctors/specialists and treatments are medicaid only.

If I lose this, I'm basically done.

I know they'll do backpay if I get it back, but Idk if I *will* get it back. I'll be trying to get it back, but in the meantime, I guess I'll just have to pay out of pocket, idk??? Which I do not have.

I have lost almost ALL autonomy due to this autoimmune disease, which (in a very simplified form) is basically my immune cells "eating" my muscle tissue. I can barely get out of bed. Treatment should put me in remission & give me my life back. I am seeing a rheumatologist, neurologist, dermatologist, PCP, physical therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and going to a holistic pain treatment center that does a different kind of physical therapy to bring down pain levels (which I was put into that program by my rheum). All of these are in relation to & necessary for my disease. I am going through TONS of testing almost weekly now & trying out treatments like IVIG and chemo where I am in the hospital hooked up to an IV for 4-6+ hrs of that day and the cost of those things without Medicaid picking up what Medicare doesn't cover is astronomical. I have to sign waivers every time I get my blood drawn (which is almost weekly now), do tests, and do treatments saying I will pay if Medicaid does not pick up the extra.

I already have crippling medical debt; I don't need more. I'm scared they won't let me do any more tests or treatments if they see I am just letting it all go to collections & am not paying.

This could mean the difference between having a life worth living (to me) where I am happy & thriving & autonomous or being bed-bound & living a life of just existing from day to day & miserable & in pain & suffering & unable to do anything for myself. This is literally life and death for me because I wouldn't be able to handle continuing to live in the latter scenario. I cannot handle living like I am now. Knowing my treatments are progressing is what keeps me going. Knowing I can go into remission is what keeps me going. Knowing my future is one completely different from now is what keeps me going. But if I cannot have that and am destined to live in this current state, it's just not worth it. I don't know a person alive who would want to live like this.

Finally, my anger noodle needs to get to the vet for MULTIPLE things. Nothing is, like... life threatening or super immediate like his cancer was last year, but they're things that need to be addressed in terms of preventative care & to make sure he isn't in pain.

He needs his trachea checked, possibly x-rays for that, maybe more...

He needs some medication updates, needs a physical, needs a full groom & nail clip under anesthesia (for those who are not familiar with Echo, he has extreme fear-based aggression & usually gets this done under anesthesia; since I worked with him so much, he had his first non-anesthesia nail clip at the beginning of quarantine, but he has gotten worse during quarantine & with my muscle eating disease, I can no longer restrain him & don't have the physical strength to run a brush through his thicker fur as his winter coat is in, so I can no longer groom certain areas of him at home, so his tummy & back legs are matted & I fear he may need to be shaved... which breaks my heart since you don't shave double coat dogs unless medically necessary.), he needs a full physical, & needs to be checked over for MCT's.

He may also need a fecal test or something else, as he has been having odd bowel movements. 😥 His tummy has been upset lately.

I have been crying myself to sleep every single night & often during the day because I cannot get him to the vet. No, it isn't urgent or life threatening. But he is reverse sneezing more than normal & I worry about tracheal collapse, which is a common small dog thing & even MORE common in pomeranians specifically. Every time he has a fit, I think "Oh god, this is it. This is the time I'm gonna have to rush him to the e-vet & get slammed with a huge bill & he is not gonna be okay..."

It breaks my heart to see his legs & belly matted. He is horrible about letting me groom him coz of his aggression so he only gets a full grooms at the vet, but I do short grooming sessions at home with him nightly. Takes about 2 hours just to do the majority of one side of him (not even all of it; just most) coz he needs breaks & lots of praise every few strokes or he will tear me to shreds & hurt himself snapping on the undercoat rake. 😥

But now that my autoimmune disease has atrophied my muscles to the point holding up my phone without something to prop it up feels like I am lifting weights & tires my arms out with a lactic acid burn & pain, I can no longer groom him with the patience he needs & can only groom in 20 minute intervals at the VERY longest. By the time I have gotten one leg done during the week, his entire other side is matted. 😞 Matting on dogs---especially double coat dogs---hurts them. It's like if someone were to wrap your hair around their fingers & then pull it taut. It's a constant pulling pressure on their skin... it's painful & irritates the epidermis. I feel miserable feeling the matting on his back legs & tummy & now feeling the mats beginning to form on the rest of him. He hates me working them out, even with the detangling spray. I know it must hurt so much...

So he may need to be shaved at this point & that will destroy me. I feel sick thinking about it. But anything to get him out of pain. Maybe it is what's best for him while I go through this year of treatment & get my muscles back. But in order to do that, I need to get him to the vet.

The stress of not being able to get him to a vet is tearing me apart & literally making me physically ill.

He is my world. My everything. My #1. My heart dog. My priority in life. My entire universe revolves around him. I would do anything for him. Not a single person, animal, thing, etc, comes before him. It is KILLING me that I cannot provide proper care for him right now. I always always always make sure to sacrifice for him if need be & his things ALWAYS come first, even if it means I'm not eating or not paying bills or whatever. As long as he is taken care of & his needs & wants are met, nothing else matters to me. And right now........ I feel he is suffering because of my finances & the fact my treatment with building my muscles up is not going fast enough.

I cannot control the latter one, but the first one is something I can at least ask for help for. So that is what I am doing.

If anyone is in a place to help, these are my venmo & cashapp codes. I also have paypal.

💙 Venmo: @kqroswell

💚 Cashapp: $kqroswell

💜 Paypal: @kqroswell or [email protected]

If there is another form of payment you're thinking of, lemme know. I also have fb pay activated if you have me on FB (Killian Q Roswell).

Thank you to everyone who read through this & anyone who can help or reblog this. 💖

Sincerely,

Your v scared, struggling transman who really wants his bills/rent paid & his dog to go to the vet,

Killian 💞

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xxkellsvixen19xx · 5 years

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Forget Me Not Jim Mason x Reader 50 First Dates AU Pt 3

Jim laid a hand on her thigh out sight and casual-like. Just a light pressure to let Y/N know he was there for her.

Her entire body tightened, and she darted a glance around the table to see if anyone was watching. Everyone else was far too interested in their conversation and the joint floating around. He leaned over slightly to whisper by her ear. "You know they love you to pieces. It's going to be just fine, angel eyes."

His use of her nickname made her lips twitch. But even more importantly, to his delight she snuck her hand over his, linking their fingers together and squeezing tightly in response.

"You two got something on your mind over there?" Chad's question buzzed angrily in Jim's ears.

It was rather amazing how much disapproval could be put into such simple words.

Y/N took a deep breath, but before she could speak Jim decided what the hell. He'd sooner be skinned for the whole disaster, no matter what she'd said before.

"Not a secret," Jim announced. "We're dating."

Other than her quick gasp of shock, there was no response to his comment. Not for a full five seconds. Then an uproar of noise hit from all sides.

"The hell?"

"Since when?"

"Are you serious?"

Over all the questions and cussing lay a deep, heavy rumble, starting low then increasing in volume until Mr. Y/D/L/N's laugh broke through. He waved his sons off. "Calm yourself, boys. You really surprised by this?" He clicked his tongue. "Never thought I’d raised a pack of dullards. I saw this coming from a mile away."

Y/N gave Jim a dirty look before facing her father.

"What's that mean?"

The older man shrugged. "Means I'd seen you two making calf eyes at each other when you thought no one was looking. About time you came to your senses."

Chad stumbled to vertical, glaring daggers at Jim. "Bullshit. You can't be dating Y/N."

Jim stood to meet him eye to eye across the table. "Not your decision."

"She's still recovering from the accident. She doesn't need to get involved with anyone."

A stream of very creative swearing burst free from a most unexpected source. Jim waited cautiously until Chad looked away before also turning toward Y/N.

She'd stood as well, her much shorter status very clear as everyone loomed over her from where they’d all risen to their feet around the table. The vile language spewing from her mouth stuttered to a stop as she whipped out her finger and stuck it in her oldest brother’s face.

"The accident happened two months ago. I. Bumped. My. Head. That's it. I didn't have a lobotomy or revert to childhood. I've had enough of you wrapping me in cotton and refusing to let me do anything on my own. Yes, I have gaps in my memory, and yes, dealing with that is a pain in the ass. But you, Chad"-she glared around the table to take in all her brothers-"all of you, are even bigger pains. I did not break my brain, or my body. My sex drive did not vanish out the broken window, and I will not allow you, or anyone else, decide what will or won't happen in my life."

Jim wasn't sure the mention of sex was the wisest idea as eyes narrowed further, and fists were clenched. Only he couldn't worry about that because she'd spun her fury toward him.

"And you! You're the biggest pain of them all. I told you I wanted to do this myself. You agreed, and now you just leap in and do exactly the opposite of what I asked for? Damn you." Y/N stepped back from the table, her eyes full of fire as she planted her feet wide and crossed her arms. "Jim and I are not going out," she stated clearly.

Oh, shit. She was more upset by his taking control than he’d expected. He reached for her, but she twisted from his grasp.

"Forget it, Jim. We might be seeing more of each other in the future if you get your head out of your ass, but the only reason will be because you might be the father of my baby."

The question exploded from five male throats at the same moment.

Y/N lifted her chin, cheeks red, her chest heaving. "Yes. I'm pregnant. Jim insists he could be. That's all I'm going to say about this tonight because I'm sick of all of you. Good night."

She twirled on her heel and stomped from the room, the door slamming shut after her. Jim wavered between running after her and staying to explain to the guys.

He never saw it coming. The fist that connected with his jaw made stars burst before his eyes, and he stumbled backward before landing on the floor, five very angry faces staring down at him.

"Shall we bury him alive in the back forty?" Danny asked, wiggling his fingers to shake out the blow he’d delivered. "Hang him in the garage. We can use the welder’s torch and skin him first."

Jim shoved aside the anger inside that wanted to flare like a torch. "Let me explain, dammit."

Chad dragged a hand over his head then gestured his brothers aside. He extended his hand to Jim.

Jim eyed it with distrust.

His friend snorted. "Look, you surprised us all, but I’m not going to beat you any further, and neither will the others."

"Speak for yourself," Alex drawled. "What the hell is going on, Jim?"

"Boys, let him up." Y/D/F/N Y/D/L/N pushed through his sons to cast an unreadable stare upon Jim.

Alex looked disappointed. "Does this mean we're not killing him and hiding the body?"

Y/D/F/N rested a hand on his shoulder. "Not today, but there's still hope for tomorrow."

And with that, Jim sighed in relief. He was going to be forgiven, at least by the guys. ,Y/N on the other hand, was another issue. He'd have to watch his balls around her for the next while.

They all settled around the table, a little uneasy. More awkward than he'd ever felt with the family. "So, now what?" Alex asked.

"That one is easy," Y/D/F/N answered. "Now Jim finds a way to convince Y/N they’re a couple. If she's going to have a baby, she needs all the support she can get."

"So you’d better find a way to convince Y/N she wants you in her life, or else," Chad snapped. Chad's ultimatum pissed Jim off all over.

"There’s nothing I want more." The secret seed of fear inside was shoved down and ignored as Jim went nose to nose with his stubborn best friend. “Did you not listen to what I said about sending you an email, you stupid ass? Did you not hear the part about how I'm the one who came to her before she even told me about the baby?"

"Easy words to say when none of it can be proved."

"Still say we take him outside and work him over," Alex muttered.

"Shut up, all of you." Mr. Y/D/L/N didn’t shout. Didn't storm, but his intensely spoken comment quelled all four of his sons. "Stop poking at Jim. He knows what he did was wrong, and if my baby girl is going to have a man in her life, I like Jim."

Warmth rushed him at the man’s words of acceptance. "Thank you, sir."

Y/D/F/N turned toward him with ice in the depths of his purple eyes. "You hurt her again, though, and I'll shoot you myself."

Ahh, family. Jim straightened up and wondered if he was going to survive.

Remembering the expression of fury in Y/N's eyes, he just might be better off dealing with the guys.

*********************************************

Y/N pulled herself alert. She was only a moment away from sliding into a puddle of relaxation in the overstuffed easy chair, tired from her week and everything that had been going on.

Medina had plopped herself on the floor to apply a new layer of polish to Y/N's toes. Instead of Friday night at the pub, Medina had suggested a girls’ home spa. The laid-back evening was so much better than fighting the noise and the crowds. Y/N was in heaven.

"Skipping away from the baby talk for a minute." Heather leaned forward on her elbows. "Tell me to butt out if you're not sharing, but what's this I hear about Jim.Mason basically camping out in your front yard?"

Y/N wasn't sure if she was pissed off or pleased with his relentless attention. "I laid down the law about two weeks ago, and ever since he's been trying to get back in my good books."

"Is it working?" Medina snorted. "Jim has not yet perfected the art of the grovel, we'll just put it that way."

"Hmm." Cami and Annisa, two more of Y/N's friends, exchanged glances. "A good grovel is always nice,” Cami admitted.

"Followed by make-up sex, right?" Annisa grinned. "So, what’s he not doing right? Not being determined enough?"

Y/N stopped to think for a minute. Jim had been persistent-that much was in his favor. "I don’t think he understands what he did wrong in the first place."

"Of course he doesn’t." Heather grabbed a pitcher and topped up her drink. "He’s a guy. The words 'I was wrong' kind of stick in their throats and end up coming out as 'Get over it, little woman, I know best.'

A snort escaped before Y/N could stop it. "Yeah, that’s about the entire story."

"So, all he needs to do is say he was wrong?" Medina tilted her head to the side. "I would have thought this situation required more than that."

"Oh, 'I was wrong' would be the first step," Y/N agreed. "But until he figures out that this is my life, I'm not letting him back in. It's bad enough with my brothers wanting to make decisions for me."

"And you don’t need another big brother, right?" Ava winked at her. "I know you probably hate getting asked, but how are you feeling?"

"Much better,” Y/N admitted happily. "Morning sickness is done. Lots of energy. I haven’t got back my memory, but I have progressed in my math beyond two plus two is four."

"Hmm, too bad you have no memory of sexing it up with Jim." Cami waggled her brows. "I bet he’s got some moves."

"I can’t believe sex with Jim wasn’t memorable enough to stay in your brain no matter what. I mean, do you think he's got a teeny penis or something, and your mind is trying to wipe that out?"

"Not the size of the equipment, it’s how well they use it," Annisa quipped innocently, batting her lashes at the laughter that rose from the other women. "Well, that’s what they say, right?"

"No, I doubt Jim is lacking penis power. Unless he's shoving socks into his jock strap, the guy's got the goods."

Like a barometer, Y/N’s cheeks had responded to the chatter. She didn't really want to speculate on Jim's... equipment. "Sorry. Memory loss doesn’t pick and choose to save the juicier tidbits for repeat consumption. We'll have to stick with 'I don't remember’ on this one."

Laughter exploded, and Y/N relaxed back into her happy haze of food and friends. It wasn't the size of Jim's equipment that interested her -well, okay, not completely. But if she remembered the act, she'd know for sure who was involved in making the baby in her belly. She slipped her hands over the slight bulge beginning to show and wished again for a miracle, like total recall. It didn't come, but the friendship and warmth around her helped. Helped a lot.

The next morning Jim shifted uneasily on his feet and waited for Y/N to answer his knock. It was just past ten. Late enough she would have had time to sleep in a little and dress, because he didn't need any temptation to mess this up.

It sort of worked. She was awake. The woman who pulled the door open had bright eyes and a rested face; only she was still wrapped in a mass of soft terry cloth. Her robe ended at mid-thigh, and Jim snapped his gaze back up to safer territory.

He swallowed hard. "Hi."

She lifted one brow in a perfect Vulcan imitation. "Hi." Jim paused. "How you doing?"

Y/N nodded. "Good."

Ah, fuck it. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I was an ass, and I had no right to butt in and go around your wishes."

She opened the door all the way and they headed towards the kitchen. She watched with a bemused attitude from where she’d pushed herself up to sit on the counter. "What are you doing, Jim?"

"Apologizing." He lifted his glass to her. "Trying to find a way to truly be there for you and make up for my stupid move at dinner a while back."

Y/N lifted her hand to touch his jaw where the final tinge of a bruise was slowly fading. "You got worked over by my brothers that night. I'm sorry for leaving you to them."

Jim stood stock-still as her soft fingers caressed his cheek. "I blew it more ways than one that night."

"You did." She patted his cheek gently then leaned forward to whisper, “But I'm ready to forgive you. Only for heaven's sake, stop acting like some ball-less dweeb."

Jim couldn't help but to laugh. "That's blunt."

Y/N shrugged. "It’s the new Y/N-I tend to speak my mind a little sooner. So here’s the deal. You will not fuck up and go against my express wishes, and I'll stop my brothers from beating on you."

Jim nodded. "And you'll let me get involved in your life; however it will help you the most. Whether that’s getting things ready for the baby's arrival, or being there to rub your feet or ..." He'd spotted the circle on the calendar on the wall. "Or going to prenatal visits with you."

She hesitated. "I don't know how I feel about that."

"That’s not true." Jim laid a hand over hers where it rested on the counter. "Come on, new Y/N, tell me what's racing through your mind."

She stared down at their fingers. "I'm afraid to let you in, I'm afraid to have you around and then have you taken off down the road." Her head lifted and those beautiful eyes stared into his soul. "I want you to be there for more than just the baby."

Jim stroked her fingers lightly. "I’m here. In spite of your fears." In spite of his own. "I wanted you before the baby was in the picture, and I'll want you no matter what." That much he could say with full and complete honesty.

The moment hung between them. Anticipation and longing right there. All his concerns and worries were overwhelmed by the need to have Y/N make the decision for him. To be with him, and give him a chance. Even though her accepting him would open up a world of nightmares-facing those would be worth it. Had to be worth it. He'd chosen to be a better man than his father, and this was the place that he made his stand.

Y/N moved so slowly, but finally she did move. Leaned toward him and rested her head on his shoulder. He slipped up a hand to brush the inch-long hair over her scalp, the softness against his palm like satin.

She leaned away. "Okay."

His heart raced like an out-of-control train. "Okay?"

She nodded. "You can come to the prenatal with me. And you can do some stuff around here, to help get things ready for the baby."

Jim waited, then got tired of waiting. "And us?" He demanded.

Her tongue snuck out quickly as she moistened her lips. "Well, I suppose we could start seeing each other."

He wanted to toss his fist into the air and shout, but that might freak her out. So instead he picked her up and twirled her. Hugging her close as she laughed. "Put me down, silly."

Jim lowered her carefully, reluctant to allow her warm, soft body to leave contact with his. "Does that mean we can go on a date?"

"Yes." She got an evil look in her eyes. He lowered himself onto the open space next to her, leaving room between them. There would be time to make a move on the physical side of things soon enough, now that she was letting him in. Letting him have a chance to do the right thing, and more.

She leaned back, the sunshine in the window making her soft and edible, and incredibly beautiful. "You have any plans for the day?"

"You are my plans."

Her smile bloomed, and Jim's heart swelled a little. It wasn’t what he’d expected to be doing, but in the big scheme of things-it was right.

@michael-langdon-appreciation

Credit to @carolthors

#jim mason #tribes of palos verdes #fan fiction

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rainyrowan · 5 years

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Sunkissed - Chapter 1

description: Wedding of the century rolls around as the previous college clique, along with the rest of their family members, stay in preparation for it. During this time, Riley meets Lucas, a gorgeous, green-eyed wallflower who happens to be immediately taken by her. Little did she know, he has a deep secret. One that will either change her views on him forever or make her feel closer to his world.

word count: 2,626

pairings: riley x lucas

Song: Annabelle’s Homework by Alec Benjamin

chapter one; riley

Sparkley Farkley: Did you know that the slowest marathon time ever is 54 years, eight months, six days, eight hours, 32 minutes, and 20.3 seconds? Yeah, in 1912, an Olympic marathoner from Japan supposedly disappeared during the middle of a race. Some say that he stopped to get a drink from an outdoor party, but ended up staying longer than he should have. Risque, if you ask me. Anyways, he was too embarrassed to finish the race, so he flew back to Japan instead. Years later, he decided to finish what he started by running the whole marathon himself. What I'm trying to say is WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Riley, you're seriously taking much longer to get to the boardwalk than this Japanese marathon guy. Hurry!!

I looked at the horrifically long paragraph Farkle had sent me and sighed. Being best friends with him also meant being best friends with your very own encyclopedia, which can be extremely useful at times. Although, it really isn't when your phone is constantly being bombarded with numerous texts about everything and nothing.

Gentle reminder that I live farther from the beach than you do. I'll be there soon! Don't miss me too much :)

I quickly text back. I gripped onto my camera strap, which is draped over my shoulder, as I start quickening my pace.

When we became closer over the years, Farkle and I both created a tradition of spending almost every Saturday down at the boardwalk. In regards to this, the main rule that we've agreed upon would be that if one of us couldn't make it, we would have to have an extremely valid excuse. Me being the more "laid back" friend, I've been pretty lenient on Farkle if he couldn't make it. Wish I could say the same about him, though.

Last night, I had to stay up till two in the morning helping my mother out at the flower shop. Arranging flowers isn't as easy as one may think. In result, I woke up later than usual, causing me to be about 30 minutes late. So far, I've received a fact text from him for every minute I ran late. It truly amazes me how he could just drop these facts off the top of his head.

I'm practically already running when I see Farkle by the entrance, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry!" I pant. I take a second to breathe before I continue speaking. "I.. I woke.. Wow, I'm not cut out to be.. an athlete, huh?" I joke.

He rolls his eyes as a grin forms on his face. "Where were you?"

"I was up all night helping my mom with the flowers. I woke up super late. I'm so sorry."

He nods in approval of my excuse. "That's okay. However, I don't think we could go to the diner now. Brooklyn and her minions are there. Seated in our spots too!"

The thought of Brooklyn made me sick to my stomach. Brooklyn was the Regina George of Harbor High School, and basically all of Santa Cruz. Like your typical teen cliche, she was the popular girl who also the prettiest. Brooklyn also had her own entourage, as she always had two minions following her. With her bitchy personality, you may say that it's surprising that she gets all the guys. With her body, though, it really isn't. It's probably how she had my crush of four years and counting, Charlie Gardner, falling for her.

"Well, I guess we would have to postpone our meal then," I say, linking my arms with his. We enter the boardwalk and head straight for the arcade. We're surrounded by all the games you could never ever get tired of. From Dance Dance Revolution to laser tag to racing games, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk Casino Arcade has you covered. Farkle and I have our common favorite, air hockey.

He let go of my arm, dashing straight to the air hockey table. "You ready to get your ass beat?"

He asks, slipping in a token. We love each other very much, but when it comes to air hockey, it's like we're two different people.

"You should be asking yourself that, Minkus." As air starts to shoot through the tiny holes from the table, we both grabbed our paddles. Suddenly, the puck falls through my pocket instead of Farkle's. "Well, that's a first! I guess I'm starting."

I hit the puck as hard as I can towards his goal. Hoping that this time my first hit would make it, he blocks the puck in a swift move and smiles. "Not today." This goes on for quite a bit. I concentrate on the puck as it glides across the table back and forth. That is, until a distraction came my way. Charlie.

I offer him a double take before actually realizing that it was him. He probably didn't even notice me, which was a good thing on my part. I didn't want him to know that I was here. Out of impulsive thinking, I ducked down to hide behind my side of the table. This wasn't really the best decision, though. Farkle managed to make a goal and yell on behalf of his victory. I don't even have to see what's happening to know that attention was surely brought towards us.

"Farkle!" I call out in a whisper. He walks around the table and takes a seat next to me.

"So, explain to me why we're hiding behind- "

"Riley!" Charlie exclaims. Mortified, I lift my head up to find him standing right in front of us.

"Hi, Charlie." I saw awkwardly. Thankfully, Farkle gets up off the ground and pulls me up, as I was too scared to even move.

Farkle clenches is jaw subtly enough that no one could notice, except for me. It's safe to say that he never liked Charlie. I don't blame him. Most of the time, he can be a total jackass.

I'm not too sure how or why I've liked him for so long, and still currently do. I like to think it's because of the fact that I'm always seeking the best in people. I don't necessarily like making assumptions out of people based on looks or first encounters. For Charlie, I realized how much of a good person he is, deep down, whilst working on a school project with him in the public library. My father, who so happened to be my teacher, assigned both of us as partners for a project that we had to turn in a matter of three days. Within those three days, we'd head to the library at night to work, but we were never productive. All we did was talk. Well, all Charlie did was talk. About himself, of course. I would just sit and listen. It was kind of odd not taking part in the conversation, but I mostly did not mind. As a matter of fact, I remember feeling like it was for the best since I would most likely say something stupid. Plus, I got to learn more about him and who he truly was. The downside of it was that I had to take our project home and finish it myself, but I thought that it was worth it. From that moment on, I couldn't help but keep thinking about him, about us.

Charlie extends his hand out to Farkle, expecting a shake, but he steps back. "I'll wait for you outside." He tells me. No, no. Please don't leave me alone with him.

"Well, that was awkward." He laughs. "But anyways, I am so glad I caught you. I was wondering if you're free like right now? I was hoping that you could help me out with something."

Crap. As much as I would love to help him, I promised Farke that I would spend the day with him. However, as I was looking up at Charlie's mesmerizing brown eyes, I seem to have ignored that fact. "Um, sure." I squeaked. I clear my throat and try again. "What would I be helping you with exactly?"

"You see, we're doing headshots in drama, and you're kind of known to be a really talented photographer," I blush as he says so. Along with the fact that his words make me swoon, another thing about Charlie that I liked was the fact that he is a performing arts fanatic. I'm presuming that it's something that he would like to achieve in the future. He's actually really talented if I'm being honest.

"So, would it be alright if you got a couple of portrait shots of me by the beach?" Charlie asks.

"Maybe in return, I can buy you a milkshake afterward."

Farkle is so going to kill me after this. "Er, okay."

"Great! C'mon, let's go." He starts heading towards the exit as I trail behind him. Hoping that he was the gentleman I thought he'd be, I expected him to open the door for me. Instead, he ends up leaving it to close behind him. I sigh, disappointed for getting ahead with my thoughts. Once I've exited the arcade, I immediately scan my surroundings in search for Farkle.

"I'm here." He calls out from behind me. I turn to find him leaning against a wall.

"You're going to hate me," I confess.

A smirk creeps up on his face. "Not gonna lie, I was already kind of assuming."

"You're not mad?"

"No," Farkle says softly. "I still hate that bastard, though. But I mean if you like him that much-"

I pull him into a hug. "Thank you," I whisper.

"Yeah, okay." He wraps his arms around my back and chuckles lightly.

"Riley?" Charlie yells.

I pull away from Farkle and adjust my outfit. This would technically be the first time I get to hang out with Charlie alone, so I obviously want to look presentable. However, that's clearly not the case since I'm currently in my maroon Harvard sweater that Farkle had actually bought me from when he visited last year, along with a pair of faded ripped jeans.

"Do I look okay?" I ask.

He holds two thumbs up. "Can't say no to a girl in Ivy League gear."

"I love you, and thanks a bunch!" I plant a quick kiss on his cheek before running towards Charlie.

Once I've caught up to him, we both head to the beach together.

I truly do love the beach. I love the ambiance of waves crashing against the shore, along with the wailing of seagulls as they soar across the sky. Not to mention, the smell of the ocean beach as well. Everything about the beach is so captivating and peaceful, especially since it's a little early and not a lot of people are here. The afternoon is the absolute worst time to visit the beach. The fact that there are so many people who usually come on a day to day basis, makes me a little anxious to go.

Charlie leads me to where the dock is located. Farkle and I would usually come to take pictures underneath the dock. This area is quite aesthetically pleasing.

"I think this is a great spot." He says, placing his bag down as I begin to adjust the settings of my camera. I let him know that I'm ready once everything's all set. Charlie then runs towards the shoreline and starts posing of a shot. Since I'll be capturing portrait shots, I made sure that my camera is set so all my photos can have a shallow depth of field. This way, Charlie will be in focus as the background will be a bit blurry. After taking a few photos here and there, I stop to look at them. Charlie was perfectly centered, the lighting was on point, and all shots have great composition. Perfect. I think to myself. However, Charlie apparently doesn't exactly think so when he sees them.

"Yeah, this situation just isn't working for me. Let's try something different." He looks around for a moment. "Here, why don't you get some bird-eye shots of me laying on the sand."

I was a little offended that he didn't like the photos I originally took. I spoke out, irritated. "I thought we were taking portraits?"

"I'm just trying to think outside of the box here, Riles. Maybe the photos will turn out better." I scoff at what he had just said. What difference does it make? You're just going to be lying down. And I thought all headshots were portraits. There he goes acting like a douche, but here I am, still taking interest in him.

Charlie lies down on the sand and places his hand behind his head. From the looks of it, he could pass for a Hollister or Abercombie & Fitch model. I stand directly on top of him to get good shots. If I'm being honest, this isn't the ideal position I'd want to be in. It's a little uncomfortable and weird, really.

Suddenly, water hits the shore and Charlie attempts to save his khaki pants by jerking straight up. Instead, jerking straight up somehow caused me to tumble forward, allowing both of us to fall back down. I also end up dropping my camera on the sand. Water continues to run beneath Charlie, which caused his whole outfit to be soaked. "Shit!"

The water still kept going around us. I panic as I watch it slowly ooze towards my camera. Miraculously, the water stopped before it could reach it. I graciously let out a sigh of relief. "Will you get the fuck off of me now?!" He yells in annoyance. I flinched when he does so and realize that what was happening: I was on top of Charlie Gardener. Because I was on top of him, I didn't get hit by the water at all. I quickly scurried to my feet and grabbed my camera. I turned to Charlie, who was still really angry that he was drenched. He got up from the ground and gathered his stuff. "Thanks to you," He snaps. "I am soaking wet, and I have rehearsals for the musical after this!"

I feel a familiar tightness gripping my throat. As Charlie continues to curse at me, a burning heat rushes through my body and I can hardly breathe. The DJ over by the boardwalk starts blasting music that seems to be ten times louder than usual. My surroundings then become too horrifically bright. My hands become clammy as I start to lose control of my body. My vision starts to get blurry and my heartbeat begins to speed up to the point where I could hear it.

Once Charlie finishes grabbing his stuff, he walks over to me. He stops and takes a deep breath. "Just email me the photos whenever you can." And with that, he walks away. When I've lost sight of him, I walk towards the pebbles near the ocean. I stare out to sea, trying to take big breaths. I stay until I've finally coaxed my heartbeat back to normal.

#gmw #rucas #riley matthews #lucas friar #my fics #girl meets world #well here she is! my lil project that ive been ingacnito with #hope you enjoy!#chapter 2 is linked to my wattpad #so feel free to check it out:))

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topherfoxtrot · 3 years

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Nosy neighborhood

(or a reflection on the bittersweet nature of nostalgia)

What about a one shot about a tv show I never watched? It sounds fun doesn't it? Well it contains spoilers for the third Webisode of the walking dead called "The Oath" released in 2013. It can be easily found on Vimeo. Trigger warnings include grief and pessimism. Also I wrote this one on first person because I just think first person writing is neat😄

Everyone was gathered in the building that used to be a church. Except from the obvious architecture though you couldn't even tell. Even the beautiful stained glass was mostly gone. And there was no giant wooden cross in sight. Only tables full of food, drinks, and of course the band composed of four singing voices, an acoustic guitar, two saxophones, half a set of drums, a fucking button accordion, a xylophone and a def. Basically every instrument the scavengers could find over the years. Since the world has ended our neighborhood united to form a urban fortress.

I was in a corner with some friends not really interested in the conversation. My eyes scanned the whole place looking for the handsome, tall man with his long blonde straight hair. When I finally spotted Paul grabbing some food I whispered without actually intending to.

"There you are!"

"What?" One of my friends followed my eyes, "Oh my god are you really going after the man?"

"Dude is just introvert!" Another friend rolled his eyes, "That's why he is always in his basement."

"That is simply not true!" I said, "Y'all know how much I hate people, alive or otherwise, and yet I'm always here for our sunday gatherings."

"You know what?" my friend finished her beer before continuing, "Fucking go after him. If it turns out he's just lonely you will get my cleaning shifts for the whole month. And if you find a big secret of his or whatever I'll get yours. How about that?"

"It sounds like a deal!" Me and my friend shook hands with smiles on our faces.

"I can't believe you're going to bother the poor man just because he likes to eat by himself." My other friend shook his head in disapproval before smiling too, "But anyways if you find anything please spill the beans to us!"

"Gotcha!" I winked at them before making my move.

Paul put a lot of food inside an old Tupperware and walked towards the door like he usually did. I moved between the people trying to avoid being seen by him. Paul briefly talked to one or two people before leaving. I left the church a little after, making sure to give him time to step further from the door.

Most of the people were at the church so the streets were empty. I sneaked around corners and alleys and cars like I did so many times outside the walls. I still remember before the outbreak when not everyone needed to be a soldier in order to survive. It's been almost seven years but I still caught myself getting nostalgic sometimes.

I followed Paul for a few blocks. Housing was an issue in our community. Over the years more people started to come and babies started to be born once we reached a certain stability. Paul was one of those people who duo to his efforts towards the community gained the privilege to live on his own instead of in one of the communal houses like I did. He was one of the scavenging teachers after all. And my favorite one, I might add.

Besides being handsome he was also super quiet about anything that didn't concerned the classes. And to become a survivor as good as him you gotta have a past. We asked about it before but he always avoided the topic. This made me even more curious. I've always felt like he was hiding something and tonight I would finally figure out what!

It took a couple minutes for him to reach the big house with two floors and a front yard. Instead of entering the front door though he bypassed the house to enter through the basement door in the back. Paul lives in a basement just like a character from a book I read before the outbreak. Something about a woman watching her neighbours or something. I don't remember the details but I do remember one of the characters lived in a basement like Paul does.

I leaned on the wall and listened carefully as Paul opened the metal doors. After listening to his steps gradually fading as he went downstairs I sneaked into the entrance feeling glad he didn't lock it. I waited there for a while until I was confident Paul was distracted enough not to realize the sounds the doors would make. I opened just one door super slowly and checked every few seconds to see if there was any abrupt movements inside. When I closed the door behind me everything was in darkness expect for the light coming from one of the rooms. My hand instinctively reached for my gun but it wasn't there. I didn't carry my gun inside the walls.

I cursed myself in silence and started to walk downstairs. I wish I could see all the furniture Paul had but I couldn't announce my presence so my only option was to follow the light, which I did swiftly. I could hear a voice but it took me a while to make any sense of it.

"I know you would love those parties they make every Sunday." Paul's voice came from the only room with light, "We even had those back in the day, you remember?" He let out a deep sigh, "I still miss those days. We didn't have much like we do here, but we were happy, weren't we? I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything but I miss that, you know? I miss you, Karina."

There was not a sound to be heard expect for Paul's voice. The easiest explanation was that Paul was probably talking to a portrait ou painting like so many of us do. Death is such a common experience among the survivors. With this conclusion I could leave the house, but I wouldn't be satisfied. I wanted to know more about this Karina woman he was talking to. And about those old days.

I reached the entrance of the room but didn't dare to look inside. Instead I stayed there in silence, all my muscles stiffed. Quietly listening to Paul eating his dinner.

"Dominic talked to me again. You know, about the shifts and all that." Paul chuckled, "I'm not sure if we are just talking or flirting at this point. I know you are as terrible at this as I am but a little help would be good."

Paul chuckled again and a moan was heard. I felt my spine freeze as I obviously recognized the sound. A guttural and tired moan only a walker could make. I finally peeked into the room. There was no bed or beside table or any fortnite whatsoever. Paul was sat on a wooden chair eating his dinner with a fork. The most shocking thing though was the walker. The undead had it's arms tied tightly in a straightjacket. Saliva was falling from her mouth in the most grotesque waterfall I've ever seen. Paying special attention I realized her mouth was toothless. There was almost nothing left of hair in her head and the skin was this unnatural tone of grey. That walker was old. A thick chain kept it near the wall.

"What the fuck?" I whispered in terror.

Faster than I could even register Paul got up and pointed his revolver at me. I put my hands up and froze still.

"It's me! It's me! Please don't shoot."

It didn't seem like Paul would shoot me but he didn't put the gun down either. Instead he looked deep into my eyes. I tried to read him but as usual it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

"What are you doing here?" He asked finally with a deep voice.

"I... I was just-" the truth is that there was nothing to be said. I was there because I wanted to know what was up with him. And now I did.

"You shouldn't be here." He said firmly.

"I k-know!" I stuttered, "But you know what I'm already leaving, actually!"

"No!"

I stayed still. Paul took a deep sigh and finally put his gun down. The silence was only broken by the walker's unnerving sounds. Paul walked across the living room and brought a chair with him. Without saying anything he invited me to the room with the walker. I sat with them. Looking at it made me so uncomfortable all I wanted was to runway from there as fast as I could. Still, I stayed.

"This is Karina." Paul started, "We met in a settlement right after the outbreak."

"She died." I said, "And you couldn't let go of her."

"It's a little more complex than that."

I tried to look into Paul's eyes, but he was facing the ground. Once he was ready, Paul looked up at me.

"We made and oath. We wouldn't abandon each other no matter what. And when would fight for each other. One lives, all live."

Paul lifted hir shirt a little to show a huge scar on his belly. It looked well healed, "Our camp got raided by walkers. Me and Karina were the only survivors. I got this scar as a souvenir. But it looked bad, and I went unconscious for a couple hours."

At this point I kind of realized where this was going. I read Romeo and Juliet back at school. I hate tragedies. Paul lowered his shirt and shifted on his chair a little.

"Karina couldn't face the world on her own. She wanted to end all this pain and suffering."

"Oh no..." I covered my mouth slightly.

Paul tilted his head, "She killed herself. Once I got there it was already too late."

He stayed in silence for a while and I realized there were actual tears dropping from his eyes.

"But we made an oath!" He cried out. "We vowed never to leave each other and that's what I did!" He said even louder. The tears cleaning his face. "That's what I did-!!"

He choked on his own tears and couldn't say anything else. Paul just buried his face on his hands and cried while the walker (or should I say Karina?) moaned quietly in it's never ending hunger.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, no knowing what to say.

Paul got up still facing the ground. I quickly got up too and hugged him. He was taller than me so he had to bend a little to hug me back. That made his weight fall upon me. I had to stiff my legs in order not to simply fall down. But I carried him. He kept crying louder and louder. The walker got agitated but it didn't left it's place due to the restrains. I closed my eyes shut wishing with all of me for this to be over. Not Paul or the walker. Just everything else.

Pain and suffering left a scar on everyone. And I couldn't help but think, clouded by my own nostalgia, how much better things were before.

#the walking dead #the oath #Wyatt Russell #FoxtrotFanfic

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myvelouri · 5 years

Text

Update:

Well I have hsv-1

That's basically saying I have herpes. Um. I literally haven't been with anyone. The only girl I was with doesn't have it. I asked her back then and she had been tested and everything too.

Um. I kissed a random girl who's name I can't even remember WAY back then. I'm wondering if I got it from that.

So my parents are being retarded and saying oh it's not the "bad one" and oh everyone has it. NAH NIGGA, herpes is fucking herpes. It doesn't matter where .

I'm not totally sure that's the only problem. But maybe. I don't have it on my dick. I basically get these scabs in my nose. You can't always see it. But it's really painful. Sometimes I get a horrible painful fever. And yeah. It's been happening every month.

The doctor is down playing it. Acting like I'm not supposed to freak out. Like, first of all, this fucks up my future possible relationships, this fucks up just having fun, sure, that's all there. But the thing that's really fucking me up is how bad I'm affected when I get this shit coming back, the pain, the fever, being bed ridden. My body can't handle this well.

Apparently 90 percent of the population has hsv. Apparently all of you would test positive for this too.

The doc, a specialist was so unclear. Maybe a bit of a language barrier. I kept asking, so is it MRSA in my nose I keep getting, or herpes.

I'm so angry. When this first happenened, I went to the doctors and adamant about it being herpes. They kept saying it's not. Like hardcore about it not being herpes. They said what I have isn't what herpes does.

So to be fucking honest, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't FUCKING get it. I just have the bloodwork that says I have hsv-1. Even the doctor said he has that and he would also get a positive result from that. Like. Okay. He said he hasn't had a flare up in 30-49 years.

He's so old fashioned that he said to forget girls. (Lol yeah okay) and forget drinking, drugs and bad friends.

Like dude. I don't do any of that shit. But I'm so young. I'm not forgetting girls. Are you nuts.

He said focus on school and your degree. And get married. BRO I DONT WANT TO BE MARRIED

And for FUCKS sake, I AM focusing on school and working. What the fuck do you think I'm doing here? I'm here because I keep getting sick every month, because I keep getting so ill that I become bed ridden for 3 weeks. EVERY MONTH. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WORK AND STUDY WITH THAT SHIT HAPPENING. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

I haven't been sleeping around or anything to be honest. I've hit on girls but I do that so I can get to know them first. Like, I'm not trying to hit on girls just to fuck and go. I LIKE people, it's not, it's not like I'm trying to just fuckin be a hoe. I try to make friends, if we have sex, we have sex, big deal. But I won't just fuck anybody. And I'm devastated

I'm devastated. Literally everyone I know has sex constantly, new people every month, I swear all my friends are hooking up so much. None of them get any STI or STDs. Me? I was in a relationship for 3+ years, got out, kissed a girl and your telling me I got herpes? LOL.

KILL ME.

I'm such a clean freak too. So I feel disgusting having this. I also have that other virus... But that one will go away, it's not permanent.

I absolutely haven't been with anyone so I don't know how I got that virus either.

Also my back pain hasn't been properly addressed. I don't know what's going on... It's bad. Very bad.

I can't believe the specialist looked at my bloodwork and said everything looks good. Ffs it says I have hsv. He said I have no STDs. This is just fucking WORDS. I have an STI, right? You think I give a fuck if I have a DISEASE over an INFECTION? they're both as bad as one another to me. Ffs this is for life. Apparently the flare ups might stop after a while.

I'm not contagious. I don't have any flare up now. In fact, when I get the scabs, well, last time I had it, it went away in like ten days and it was a lot more mild than before. So I'm hoping it just never comes back again.

I told my family to get tested too. Cause I don't see how I got this. It's absolutely ridiculous and absurd. My luck can't be this bad. Are you kidding me.

Am I gross now?

I am really thinking about suicide and ways to kill myself. This was the last straw. After everything I've had to endure that a lot of people probably wouldn't have by now, with all the extreme bad luck, this? This was a fucking satirical joke I used to say to myself "lol bet I'd have all these sex problems, body problems, health problems, everything but I BET I'LL GET AN STD/STI WITH THE FIRST PERSON I'M WITH LOL" and now it's reality. Are you fucking kidding me.

And don't give me that shit, where I'm being told "well, people live with cancer" FUCK YOU, I've done that my whole life and with every single ailment I've had and CURRENTLY live WITH. I'M DONE GIVING A SHIT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT, OR HOW BAD THEY HAVE IT, I USED TO SAY THAT TO MYSELF. "Man, other people have it worse, I shouldn't complain, I can't." NAH, FUCK THAT. I'M HURTING AND I'M TIRED OF ACTING LIKE IT DOESN'T COUNT -JUST- CAUSE SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE HAS IT WORSE. As if I don't already know. It makes me feel WORSE knowing people are out there having a worse time than me. It does NOTHING to help me, it's just awful. Everything

#personal #i just found out

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keywestlou · 5 years

Text

I'M THE PRESIDENT.....IT STAYS IN!

I realize I am writing more about politics and world event in recent weeks and less about Key West. A reason therefore. The illness took a lot out of me. Pushing 6 weeks now. Still have extreme tired spells. Ergo, I am watching myself and moving slowly.

I plan on going out tonight. With a date. Will see if Mary is available. I’m in the mood for the Chart Room followed by dinner outside at Pier 1.

Enjoyed doing Tuesday Talk with Key West Lou last night. The show provides the opportunity for me to vent. A multitude of items were covered.

If you have not heard the show, join me next tuesday at 9. Actually, you do not have to wait till tuesday. Each show is archived immediately. Go to my home page .keywestlou.com. On the page you will find a listing for Tuesday Talk shows. I think it is on the top bar second item in from the left. Click once. Then again on what pops up. Voila! You should be there.

As I look at today’s title, I sense it could be subject to a double meaning. Only one is intended. It involves Ronald Reagan. It can only be good!

Two years ago, I wrote about Reagan and the speech he delivered at the Berlin Wall. Today is the anniversary of that speech which Reagan delivered in front of the Berlin Wall in 1987.

His words etched in stone for history: “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

The world knows Reagan’s words. Few however are aware how difficult it was for Reagan to get them into the speech.

Presidents have speech writers. They write and the President goes over the speech making changes. The speech goes back and forth several times before there is a final draft.

His writers were pussy footing around with the strength Reagan wanted the speech to reflect. On his first reading, he added “Tear down this wall!”

The speech went back and forth several times. Reagan would put the words in and his writers would take it out. They thought it was too strong.

Reagan wanted the message to be strong.

The fifth or sixth time around, a young staffer was with Reagan as he went over the speech. The words had been omitted again.

Reagan said to the staffer, “I’m the President, aren’t I?” The staffer responded, “Yes, sir.” Reagan said, “Then it stays in!”

Strange things happen. Especially deaths when a person is in police custody. What follows is one of the strangest!

On April 9, 2018, Everett Palmer was arrested on some insignificant charge. Jailed.

Palmer a veteran and father of 2 children.

A few days later, Palmer died when in his cell. The police report indicated he kept banging his head against the bars and such was the cause.

The family did not buy it. He was not the type to bang his head against bars.

Not satisfied with the police report, the family hired an attorney and an independent pathologist. The pathologist reported Palmer’s body was badly bruised and his heart, throat and brain were missing.

The family was correct in their suspicion. Something stunk in Denmark.

The Police Chief thereafter concluded Palmer’s death was a homicide and would be under investigation as such. The family awaits the determination of the homicide investigation.

Jurors are instructed to follow the law of the case they heard as set forth by the triall judge. In rare instances, a jury will not agree with the law nor the facts as presented. They sense something amiss.

Such is called jury nullification. Defined as when members of a criminal trial believe the defendant may be guilty, but choose to acquit him anyway because the jurors also believe that the law itself is unjust.

An immigration case. Tried by a federal court. After a one month trial, the jury could not agree. It was “hung.”

A criminal defense attorney will tell you a hung jury is as good as an acquittal. Your client walks out of the courtroom, not into a jail cell.

The case can be retried by the prosecution. Some are, some aren’t.

Scott Daniel Warren is a 36 year old geographer. He is also an activist re the rights of immigrants. He is involved with the group Mas Muertes. Translated, No More Deaths.

Warren is highly respected by the people of the Arizona area where he resides. He is referred to as “an apostle of humanitarians.”

He had been charged with 3 counts of human smuggling.

What did he actually do? Two immigrants had come across the desert. He discovered them in the bathroom of the Barn. A building that cared for immigrants. He did not bring them there. He came upon them.

His “crime” was providing them with food, water, beds and clean clothes.

People of Arizona sat on the federal jury. A number did not agree with the prosecution. Nor did they agree with the law. That is why, in the vernacular of defense attorneys, Warren walked.

Justice was served.

Trump’s new toy are tariffs. He uses them as a weapon to gain concessions from other countries.

There is an old adage something to the effect that one should beware of those he steps on while climbing a ladder. He will meet them again on way down.

Trump brought to mind Chamberlain over the weekend.

Chamberlain was Great Britain’s Prime Minister. He went to Munich to confer with Hitler. A last minute desperate attempt to avoid war. He got a signed document from Hitler assuring him there would be no war if certain concessions were made. Chamberlain made them.

There is a famous picture of Chamberlain when he returned to England. He is stepping off a plane waving the agreement. Shouting to the people…..Peace in our lifetime!

It became obvious over the weekend that Trump, pursuant to his usual course of conduct, had not been completely transparent with the American public re the tariff negotiations a few days earlier with Mexico. Trump claimed a U.S. victory. Per his usual custom.

A problem. The Mexican authorities said that basically nothing new was in the agreement. Matters therein had been agreed to several months before.

The media killed Trump for 48 hours following the disclosure.

Yesterday in a hurried news conference on the way to his helicopter to fly off to Iowa, Trump was asked about the agreement, when agreed to, etc.

He replied no problem. He put his hand in his inside jacket pocket and pulled out a one or two page document and waved it at the reporters.. Like Jack Horner pulling out a plum and saying what a good boy am I!

Trump said here is a secret provision in the agreement that clearly makes the U.S. the winner in the negotiations. He would not show the printed words nor tell the reporters what was in the paper he was holding. He said it was for Mexico to disclose and if they did not, he would down the road.

Chamberlain and Trump birds of a feather.

Now comes the best of the best.

The Guardian reported yesterday that Jared Kushner is part of a firm that has taken in $90 million since 2017. The monies coming from unnamed foreign entities.

Goldman Sachs and the Cayman Islands involved.

Kushner prior to Trump becoming President owned more than a 25 percent share in the operation. When his father in law became President, he disposed of a part leaving less than 25 percent in his name. He did this when he went to work in the White House.

It was reported Kushner failed to report his involvement in an early disclosure form.

The Guardian further reported the investments made were legal. However the source of the cash involved “murky.”

Enjoy your day!

I’M THE PRESIDENT…..IT STAYS IN! was originally published on Key West Lou

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youwereroleplayingitsannoying · 7 years

Conversation

I'm a sucker for some vamp!lock... Pun intended!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like Johnlock.

Stranger: [vampire/unilock; John and Sherlock used to be good friends for a while in secondary school; there's been a lot of rumours going around about Sherlock is practising Satanism and drinking blood and killing animals and stuff like that; Mycroft who's a vampire as well decided it would be best to fake his dead to put an end to it and not risk that their secret would be unconvered, he made up a story about Sherlock having had a car accident and told the school he was being in a coma, asking everyone to refrain from visiting and after a month announced that Sherlock had died; it's set two years after that; John spotted Sherlock (who's calling himself William Scott now) at his university and keeps trying to prove that it's Sherlock]

Did you seriously try to lure the secretary into giving you my file? Stop spying on me. For god's sake! WS

You: [Reading, bear with]

You: No, you don't get to turn this back on me. Do you think I'm an idiot? JW

Stranger: I don't know anything about you! I just know that you tried to charm the secretary to get my fail. You might be charming, but I have her loyality. She's sort of a distant relative. WS

Stranger: *file

You: You know everything about me, and I know enough about you to know that this isn't you. How far do I have to go to get you to stop fucking hiding from the real world? JW

Stranger: I'm not hiding. WS

You: You're hiding. People started spreading rumours, the atmosphere got bad. I understand that. I was there, I saw you, I saw what it did to you when they spoke about you like that. I believed him, for a while. Mycroft, I mean. I really thought you were dead. I thought they'd bullied you to an early grave, do you know that? I thought you got so depressed from being so sorely bullied that you just went and offed yourself, and there was nothing I could do to save you. Did you know that? JW

Stranger: The official explanation was a car accident, not a suicide. WS

Stranger: I mean.. that's what I've heard. WS

You: Please, everyone assumed the worst, no matter how they might have spun it. JW

You: I deserve at least the truth, Sherlock Holmes. At least. JW

Stranger: (delayed) You should know that I wouldn't just "off myself". SH

You: How could I know? You were a mystery to me. We hung out, sure. You showed me some incredible things. But you didn't show me any of yourself. JW

You: I'm sorry that I didn't see how bad things had gotten. I should have helped sooner. JW

Stranger: Oh Christ. It had nothing to do with you or the rumours. At least not in a way that it affected my mood or anything. SH

You: I don't understand. What else could it have been? JW

Stranger: Precautions. SH

You: Precautions... For what? Did they get physical with you? JW

Stranger: No. But they did get too close to the truth. SH

You: What truth? Did you do something? JW

Stranger: You remember the things they said about me drinking blood? SH

You: Of course I do. Nonsense stuff, though, just because you're a bit pale and your hair is dark. Teenagers being shitty teenagers. JW

Stranger: Teenagers being on the right track there. SH

You: Are you talking about those weird experiments you'd do? Because I never told anybody about those, I swear. JW

You: I thought they were interesting. I liked seeing them. JW

Stranger: It's not about my experiments. I am drinking blood. SH

You: Let's humour this for a moment: Why? JW

Stranger: I'm a vampire. SH

You: Oh my God... What's happened to you, Sherlock? Did they really drive you so crazy? JW

You: I'm so sorry. I should have looked harder. JW

Stranger: And this is why I didn't tell you about me faking my death. SH

You: Because you knew I'd want to get you some professional help? It's called being a friend. I'm still here. I still want to be that. Please let me be that for you. JW

Stranger: No because I knew you wouldn't believe me. John, I didn't start to think I'm a vampire somewhere along the way. I already was. And this is certainly not the first time I've faked my death either. SH

You: Sherlock, you have to understand how this sounds. Please, I know it must be hard talking to a person from such a difficult time, but I want to help. You're not a vampire. JW

Stranger: Fine, explain to me then how I'm still alive, when I was born in 1812. Explain to me why I live of blood. SH

You: This is... Delusion, Sherlock. You don't need blood. Luckily, it's not the kind of thing to hurt if you drink it, but you need other food as well. JW

Stranger: It is something that is harmful to humans, John. Human blood contains too much iron for a human metabolism. It's poisonous in large amounts, despite that humans can't digest blood either. In larger amounts than just a few drops from a cut or something, the stomach revolts and you throw up. SH

You: You're definitely Sherlock. I'm going to fail all of my exams this term. JW

Stranger: Perhaps you should have paid more attention to your studies than trying to prove I'm alive, just to claim that I'm insane. SH

You: Not insane. Deluded. There's a very fine difference in that one comes with no control and no respect for those other than yourself, and the other just means you've been misled somewhere along the way. JW

Stranger: I was not bloody mislead! Nor delusional. You are just being a bad friend for not even trying to believe me. SH

You: You left me. JW

You: I needed you and you left me. JW

Stranger: For good reason as we see now. SH

You: Fuck you. You don't have a high horse to climb onto right now. Get over here and fucking prove it to me if you want it to be real so badly. Stop insulting me and tell me why I shouldn't be insulting you after what you did. JW

Stranger: Fine. You want proof? I've got a gun over here. Shoot me. If that wound doesn't instantly close and heal up within a couple of days, you can still consider me nuts. SH

You: I'm not going to shoot you, Sherlock. JW

Stranger: How else am I supposed to prove it to you then? SH

You: I dunno. Show me your teeth. Burn in the sun. Turn into a fucking bat, I dare you. JW

Stranger: If I show you my original birth certificate you'll think it's faked, if I'll show you old photographs you'll say they're manipulated. I have the feeling I have to be drastic here. SH

Stranger: I can't turn into a bat! This isn't a low budget movie! SH

You: Oh, sure, you being a vampire is completely sane, but turning into a bat is too far. JW

Stranger: Yes it is. Bit insulting too, it's like calling humans monkeys just because they share some of the same traits. SH

You: Find me proof from someone that isn't you, then. Show me a friend. Find me someone else you can't have faked. JW

Stranger: I also don't burn in the sun. That myth developed because most of us used to go out at night to feed because it would look a bit odd to go out in the middle of the day and bite someone. SH

Stranger: What do you mean find someone else? SH

You: Get me an opinion that wouldn't lie to me. JW

Stranger: Mycroft. SH

Stranger: No, hang on. Lying is basically his job description. SH

You: Give me a photo and a birth certificate and leave them with me for a day. JW

Stranger: How about Ms Lucas? You know that secretary you tried to charm? SH

You: Why are you so intensely set on this? Why can't you just admit to me that you're too embarrassed to tell the truth? JW

Stranger: I don't have photos from before the mid 1800's. But I have portraits, one's actually painted by my mother. And if you're going to take it anywhere, I'll come with you. SH

You: You're not going to come with me, because then you're going to manipulate the source I go to that will judge the authenticity of the date. JW

Stranger: Then you are not having it. SH

Stranger: Out of the question. No way, José. SH

You: You can come with me and wait outside. JW

Stranger: Most of my belongings are antique singletons, John. I'm not going to let some idiot calling himself an expert close to them unless I'm supervising. SH

You: Then bite me. JW

Stranger: What? SH

You: I mean it. Bite me, Sherlock. JW

Stranger: You don't even know what you're talking about. SH

You: I definitely do, and I'm ready. Hit me. Show me who you are and bite me. JW

Stranger: No you don't. You'll get high. SH

You: High? JW

Stranger: It's my saliva. It works like a drug. It's not unhealthy or anything. You just... Well, it's a bit like getting drunk, just with a shot of endorphins. SH

You: Then there's no danger in proving yourself to me. JW

Stranger: I haven't done that in ages... SH

Stranger: Quite literally. SH

You: And here's a willing volunteer, waiting right here for you. How lucky. JW

Stranger: Oh god you're really starting to annoy me. Fine. Come over then. Do you need my address or did you find that out while stalking me? SH

You: Give the address to me, if it'll make you less of a bitch about it. JW

Stranger: 221B Baker Street. SH

You: Of course you can afford to live in Central. Typical. JW

You: [If you want to move into para, would you mind starting? At least just give me a couple of details of any notable way he looks/how the flat is laid out etc]

Stranger: ((oh no, I can start it's fine.. oh and I was thinking except for the fact that he doesn't age, he doesn't look any different than normal, no hard skin, he does have a heartbeat .. I'm just tired of all the vampire cliches xD))

You: [That's okay :D I like everything so far, it's great

#vamplock #teenlock #johnlock #I'm so sorry I didn't realise how much this would spam

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