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septembersghost · 3 years

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the long running narrative theme of dean mirroring mary and sam mirroring john plays into the finale bc losing dean is losing mary with the opposite consequence (action having equal opposite reaction), leaving the life of hunting rather than immersing in it, both being forms of abandonment, both being amputations of aspects of the self, but life still being defined by the person that was lost, everything being framed around the person who was lost, to a singular, fixated point despite other things happening, other things existing, and living in what is imagined/hoped as tribute to that person, yet not entirely achieving it, yet with the weight of waiting for the day when you can be released, when you can be together. there’s a boy who stands in the chasm of the loss and represents the missing person, but they are not that person, they never can be, part of what you have is abiding love for their shadow. the intensity of the grief at losing that person, still young and still beautiful, sanctifies them to the one left behind (it wasn’t perfect until after (s)he died), you miss what is gone and idealize what you love, trauma wraps around in a circle to a fire in a house in the nursery to a fire on a pyre, and in both cases you can never go home again (you can go anywhere you want, but never home), because home is ash in your mouth and smoke in your eyes and the wound you still see spreading when you close them at night, and you pass it down in incremental ways even if you don’t mean to, and you force yourself to breathe in and out until you don’t have to keep reminding yourself that you must. walk in the footsteps, walk in the tragedy, walk in a world that doesn’t quite make sense, that isn’t the world you understood. one day you’ll cross a bridge.

#this makes sense in my head but not on paper so i'm spouting nonsense like a fool #it's...literally generational echoes tragedy bloodlines #i can't explain why but i thought of that atwood quote #up on a pedestal or down on your knees it's all a male fantasy #(in reference to writing choices not to the characters)#to be clear i am not in any way shape or form saying sam did to his son what john did to his bc i do NOT believe that #that's not what i mean when i talk about how they mirrored their parents #fixation/obsession/anger/responses to loss etc is where they share those pieces #just like dean isn't mary but he wears and carries aspects of her and her role #they weren't allowed to escape this so they reverse engineered it and it's...devastating #it hit me randomly in all the discourse happening about why sam did what he did #we say it doesn't make sense (and we're right) but there's this massive theme at play #that probably made a certain writer think they were clever when really...that is not the case #i mean. there's a way to unfold it where it could've been but absolutely not in the exact way that it happened #anyway #sorry this is very dark following me aiming for more light #15x20 #spn finale #spn liveblog #i'm just filing stray thoughts there that have nothing to do w my rewatch at this point #and now that i've hurt myself for the day i'm going to bed

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i-roll-my-eyes · 4 years

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Stupid.

Just stupid.

#imma fuck off now #read all the metas and stuff and fucking try to argument where is the logic in that #take a s5 ending + uno reverse card is bullshit #so they just give us the best destiel season #then have the frickin nerv to allow Jens to say Dean was in love all along #and then fucking slam our head on the ground #30% happy? show me them #finale good for a change?#kiss my ass #family my ass #love my ass #justice my ass #what the fuck was that about #castiel winchester #dean winchester #destiel #deancas #spn 15x20

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aturnoftheearth · 3 years

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running list of my lord huron amvs

lonesome dreams:

the ghost on the shore (jack)

in the wind

in the wind (afwp)

setting sun

setting sun (full song)

strange trails:

love like ghosts

until the night turns

la belle fleur sauvage (saileen)

fool for love

the yawning grave (godstiel)

louisa

the night we met (13x01)

the night we met (10x22)

the night we met (13x05)

the night we met (4x01)

the night we met (speedrun)

the night we met (8x17)

the night we met (15x18 and 4x01)

the night we met (dean losing him)

the night we met (reverse speedrun)

the night we met (15x20)

the night we met (15x03)

the night we met (afwp) (15x18 confession scene)

vide noir:

when the night is over (collab)

never ever

wait by the river

emerald star

long lost:

the moon doesn’t mind/mine forever*

love me like you used to

twenty long years (dean)

not dead yet

i lied

what do it mean (castiel)

time’s blur

*new one :)

#okay they all have youtube links too now which was. so funny to me #there are like- 12 lord huron videos in a row now oh well #reminder to come back in november to update the links

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sortasirius · 4 years

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15x20 Coda

AN: I guess it’s a coda, or a fix it, who knows lol

Spoilers for 15x20

Dean has no clue where he’s going. He just gets in the Impala and...goes. He doesn’t have anywhere to be, he doesn’t have to be anywhere. The sky is clear, a cloudless blue, the temperature is perfect, and he can drive with the windows down, rolling through the asphalt that cut through the forest, listening to his favorite cassettes.

He’s cruising along, just about to switch the tape from Metallica to Motorhead, when something catches his eye. It’s a little turnoff, almost hidden in the trees, but the sign where the mailbox should be (guess there’s no USPS in Heaven) says C. Winchester. He rolls to a stop and throws it in reverse, not really thinking about why exactly, but just feeling the kind of pull that told him he needs to see whatever was at the end of this road.

The driveway isn’t too long, isn’t too short, perfectly wide enough for the Impala, leading him to a bright little clearing facing a clear glass lake. There’s a detached garage nestled in between the tall trees, and a small house positioned with a perfect view of the water. It’s such a pretty place, and something tells Dean to get out of the car. He follows his impulses, turning off the car and leaving the keys in the ignition, no one’s going to boost it in Heaven, after all.

He walks around the side of the house, feeling a sense of calm familiarity wash over him, even though he’s certain he’s never been here. The view is killer, with two deck chairs sitting at the shore of the lake, like they’re meant for him.

He takes one step towards them, when he hears the back door of the house creak open. He whips around, hand going to the gun that likely doesn’t fire anymore, only to have the air taken out of his lungs.

It’s Cas.

Cas, in a t shirt and jeans, with messy hair and a wide smile on his face, striding towards Dean.

Dean doesn’t even realize his legs are carrying him forward until they crash together, and he clings desperately to Cas’ back, trying to control the shaking in his legs.

They collapse on the ground together, Cas still laughing, running his hands through Dean’s hair.

It takes Dean a minute or two to get control of himself, of his breathing, but when he pulls back, he’s greeted with a wide smile.

“You made it,” Cas smiles wider at him.

“I made it?”

They laugh at the echo of their words, bouncing between now and Purgatory all those months ago, when he had thought he had lost Cas...again.

“What is this place?”

“Well, there aren’t shared Heavens anymore, but Jack...he figured I might like a place like this.”

Dean huffs out a sigh, drinking in Cas like a man dying of thirst would drink water. He can’t get enough of him, he’ll never be able to get enough.

“Cas.”

“Dean.”

“I-” he takes a deep breath, willing, at long last, to let go of the years of tamping down he’d been doing, “It’s always been you, man. You know? All this time, I kept thinking that it was me that wanted what I couldn’t have, that there was no way you could, you know, feel that way about me. Because I thought I was broken, that, that I was poison, but you showed me that I’m wrong. That I deserve you. I love you too.”

If Cas had been smiling before, it was nothing compared to what he was doing now, and it was so blindingly bright, so pure, so beautiful, that Dean doesn’t even hesitate, he just leans forward and kisses him, like he’s been doing it all his life.

#i should be writing meta but i dont want to watch the ep again lmao #spn #spoilers #my writing #destiel #dean #cas #spn 15x20

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nefeviibata · 3 years

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2am thought: I never really liked AUs for my ships. Don't get me wrong I admired and adored people who poured their heart into their 200k coffeeshop AUs and the like, but they were never for me and I certainly never even attempted writing an AU of such kind myself.

For me it was always: "I really like the canon setting the characters are in, I just want more of that plus the ship that I like."

But with the supernatural finale being what it is I find myself actively searching out alternate universe fics over fix-it fics or even fics set in earlier seasons. Hell, I'm more invested in the incoherent storyline of my edits for the reverse!verse than I am in my own writing for an alternate season 15 ending. (In fact I haven't touched season 15 since I watched 15x20 except for two edits I made and both times I felt sick to my stomach while looking for material.)

I don't know what changed exactly, but my guess is that I was so deeply hurt by how they chose to end this series and by what is irrevocably canon that I just want to escape into another reality where the canon ending isn't THAT and I have some sort of control over how things go down.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe I'm just asking... does anyone else ever watch scenes from the earlier seasons or read a cute fic now and then when you're like "This is so great. They're happy here." you remember how it ended in canon and just feel... empty?

#vii talks #2am thoughts #I should go to bed #i'm just sad right now

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pallasperilous · 4 years

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So It Goes

So, forgive me this indulgence as somebody who does not ordinarily write meta; a friend asked me why I thought that the manner of Dean’s death in 15x20 is an incredibly lovely and mature writing choice. I think it is so, for reasons that also happen to explain why so many fans of the show fucking loathe it.

There is some Vonnegut at the end. Hang in for that.

PART ONE:

Chuck's story direction has always made sure that the boys, if they died, did so in a mega intense or glorious fashion (minus the *Mystery Spot* meddling by Gabriel, and those weren't meant to be permadeaths). Those deaths were awesome heroic television deaths that FED the story rather than ending it. Every time, the surviving brother would do some extremely stupid and destabilizing shit to bring the other back, often feeding an entire new cycle of death and retrieval.

If he *didn't* (cf: Sam in the Cage, Dean in Purgatory), it caused a massive rift between them, which then fed *further* wild-ass decisions. The dudes were in the dictionary under 'codependency'. People knew that killing or capturing one of them meant the other wasn't far behind.

Chuck's endgame for Sam and Dean was literally to *die fighting God.* How much more heroically wanky can you get?

But they beat him. They’re free. Jack takes over, and makes it clear that he isn’t going to be a God who meddles or directs; he’s not going to be their in-house writer. He’s just going to set things back where they belong, reform the systems that Chuck established out of ego or cruelty, and then integrate himself with the universe so that anything that happens to it…happens to him, too. He’s won’t be a character anymore. He’s a setting.

PART TWO:

So, minus Chuck, with Jack’s goodbye and Castiel’s sacrifice…the boys get to experience plain old…real life. Tuesday! Drinking beer, kicking the laundry machine, filling out shitty job applications, enjoying the little consolations of food and pets and free time. (I think that messy room and dog-bonding and staring into the internet bespeaks a Dean who is really doing his goddamn best to not implode with grief as he has in the past, but to try to thrive in the face of deep grieving).

When Sam expresses grief over losing Cas, Dean's response is basically: yeah, it sucks. But our job, that our loved ones sacrificed for us to have a shot at… is to stop trying to reverse all of our losses, and to learn to live with them, like normal people have to. That’s the price of the gift they’ve been given — accepting whatever real life deals them.

They can literally do anything they want; circumstances won’t herd them into Season 16. What’s the first thing Dean really does, after this little break?

He hears “missing kids, dead parents” and he dives right back in. He opens his Dad’s goddamn notebook for the info. He’s immediately choosing to go right back to where they started, for the sake of helping other people. He books them to fight some of the very first basic bitch monsters he and Sam dealt with. That is unforced 100% Dean’s choice.

(Sam has demonstrated an ability to not take on the responsibility of eliminating all monster-based misfortunes in the world and pursue a life beyond just hunting, so long as Dean has been off the map…but Dean’s one attempt to take a job and settle down with Lisa ended up being so obviously hollow that Castiel felt SO BAD he took time off from RUNNING HEAVEN to rescue Sam FOR DEAN.)

PART THREE:

Remember Chuck's little fit earlier where Dean wound up getting his teeth drilled etc? That bad luck was being magnified by Chuck being pissed at them, but the brothers truly did find themselves facing ordinary people shit they had never really had to deal with. It drove the point home -- Sam and Dean had been exempt, this whole time, from the petty little ways that failure and misfortune work in the normal world. That extended to their hunting, too — they found out that there were people they could fail to save, despite their best effort. People who, according to the rules they’d been operating under, should have been savable.

So we see this hunt — which is really rough and tumble. They’re still doing amazingly considering how outnumbered they are, but this was some of the most intentionally graceless fight choreography I remember seeing on the show. They seriously almost lose the fight, and Sam kills that last vamp pestering Dean with the kind of “whew!” last minute heroics we’ve come to expect from the show.

And Dean realizes: something has gone wrong. Something that no pulp TV action genre writer would ever, ever draft for a hero’s death. There was some scary rebar sticking out and Dean got shoved into it in the scuffle and it hath Fucked Him Up. It’s the kind of shit that happens on construction sites. It’s an accident. It’s a random misfortune. It has nothing to do with his heroism or skill or the cleverness or powerfulness of his opponents. It just happens.

Under show rules, here is what would happen next: Castiel would heal him. Jack would heal him. Sam would call an ambulance and Dean would be DOA and Sam would whip out his cellphone and call Rowena or a crossroads demon or Sister Jo or research a spell and we’d be off and rolling for Season 16.

But Dean says: Don’t do that.

Because that is what Chuck would write.

Dean realizes — this is exactly the world they have fought to exist in. A world that is randomly wonderful, randomly shitty. This happened because he chose to be here. Nobody made them pursue this hunt. Is he surprised that it happened so soon, that he ended up having so little time to give unscripted life a shot? Yes, to the point that he clearly thinks it’s honestly kinda funny. Cuz who’d write it like that? Nobody! He likes the part that he gets to die on a hunt, standing up, in his boots — that’s what he’s always seen for himself. Not in a bad way, not in a “killing machine” or a “daddy’s little soldier” way, but because it means he kept fighting for other people up to the last second. He’s upset that Sam is so upset — he’s more worried about calming Sam and reassuring him than he is about how cool his death is gonna look on IMDB, or how they can cheat circumstance to buy him more time.

Instead of buying more time, at the expense of living like real people instead of TV characters…he decides to make the most of this one moment. He tells Sam how much he loves him. He tells Sam that Sam will be okay; he’s going to go live a whole life on whatever terms he and the universe can work out together, and the fact that Dean isn’t there is gonna be a painful but acceptable part of those terms. Dean says: don’t go running off trying to change this. Just spend this last little bit of time with me, while the universe does its thing. That’s what they do.

TL;DR — this death is fucking awesome because Chuck would absolutely fucking hate it. He wanted Sam and Dean to go down in a ball of fire together, fighting their coolest foe ever, CHUCK!

Instead: Dean dies like a normal person, from an accident bred under circumstances that he chose for himself. Chuck loses half his prize, not to some other big bad, but to a damn piece of construction material on a mundane job. And Dean gets to die in a way that unshackles Sam’s fate from his own. Like Castiel did for him, he gets to say: I love you. This is enough for me. Go live your life.

He finally gets to drop his kid back off at Stanford.

Chuck would be so pissed.

And we, the viewers of Supernatural...well, hell, we’re ultimately fans of Chuck’s writing, aren’t we? So of course something so unprecedented, so un-heroic or badass, so mundane and intimate and random...of course it shocks. Because that’s not the show we’ve been watching!! But isn’t that the point? The author is dead. We can put aside his tastes, and we can look at Dean’s death, and say the words of Dean’s actual favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut -- So it goes.

#spn meta #spn finale spoilers #spn criticism #I liked what was in the finale and grieved what was not #death of the author hell yeah #dean winchester

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deaneverafter · 3 years

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All the other Dean girls: we love Jensen but we don't agree with his opinion, and though it hurts us, we respect him and will continue to love and support him and treat him with the respect deserving of a human being (because Dean and Jensen girls are decent human beings. Some, of course, are "unstanning", but those were never true to begin with and we don't need fair-weather friends anyway ✌🏻👋🏻)

Me: aight, fess up, who tried to gaslight my manz and then put a sniper on him to force him to say this??? Cash me outside, I wanna talk

(This is absolutely not a dig at anyone else, you guys' feelings and thoughts are completely valid and understandable and I love you guys and am so sorry for all the hurt we're all going through 😞 This is a self-burn, about my inability to believe that Jensen could ever really mean that Dean didn't matter, based on everything he's ever said and the current context. My understanding of it was that he was saying IF one of them had to die, it was Dean and not at all that Dean HAD to. Even this is a complete contradiction to what he's said in the past, so I have my own thoughts about why he said it. Combined with the look on his face every single time a finale related question came up and his constant effort to avoid those questions, his mention yet again of a revival, even the look on his face when he said this.... well, call me deranged, but I don't believe that this is really how he feels. The way I processed it was that on top of trying to logic a very very bad situation if he absolutely had to, which is IF he wasn't actually completely forced to say this, this was also frankly a burn to Sam's self-centeredness and a nod to Dean's endless, deep love, but maybe that's just me. Honestly, I imagine what he actually wanted to say was that if it had been Sam, Dean would've brought him back, but that was too much of a direct insult at how bad and illogical the finale was and so he didn't. Side note @ people who are twisting this to say that this was evidence that he LOVES and wasn't merely forced to accept the finale, if he really believed that this was the "right" and the "ending", would he have a full-fledged reboot idea in his head, just ready to be made?? I'd imagine not. Anyway, this is just how my sleep-deprived brain understood that cursed part of the panel).

#dean winchester #jensen ackles #in this house 15x20 doesn't exist #not until we get a reboot to reverse it anyway

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 3 years

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Ok, so in the reboot, all this mess can be fixed by one plot-twist, which will explain literally everything, but which everyone will hate: retroactively make Jack Chuck's sockpuppet/self-insert character since the moment of his conception. Chuck uses Jack to sow discord and manipulate TFW and that's why his behaviour and motivations change almost every episode. He doesn't understand free will, so he can only offer Cas a new cause to serve and a little bit of brainwashing. 1/2

2/2 He wins no matter the outcome in 15x19, and that's why Chuck is so careless in that episode. He is also a petty obsessed bastard, so he still forces his bad ending onto Winchesters in 15x20 and gives Dean the dumbest death possible. Did he really free Cas from the Empty? Is Dean actually dead and not in some djinn/Zachariah style AU? Who knows! Everything is possible now!

Actually it would make plenty of sense. What’s the most horrific thing Jack does? Oh, reversing that resurrection Amara performed, which undid the very foundation of Chuck’s plot? Back then people speculated that Chuck messed up with Jack’s head, causing him to be under that intense weird stress that makes him snap, or even that Chuck messed up with Jack’s head to make him believe that he had killed Mary by snapping, but in truth Chuck had killed Mary, making it look like Jack’s powers had done it although he hadn’t meant it. That would have made a lot of sense.

He doesn’t really need to be entirely Chuck’s puppet, just something Chuck orchestrated for plot reasons, like almost everything else. Which, hey, seems blatantly the case to me. You have seasons’ worth of Chuck-style drama involving Jack.

I think that, in canon, the moment Jack stops being part of Chuck’s manipulations is when he goes to the Empty and Billie recruits him for her plans. Which is why he makes him die again in Unity, and Billie brings him back again, as the “power vacuum” that defeats Chuck.

(But then they had to ruin the entire storyline, villainizing Billie as a plot device, dropping the Empty entirely, and doing the thing with Jack as god which, bad.)

I think you can leave things pretty much the way they are until 15x19, but then JackAmara doesn’t work for cosmic reasons, Billie comes back and is in character, the situation with the Empty gets fixed, and the cosmos gets a makeover, Death is the only cosmic force that regulates the universe via cosmic balance. Everyone human endgame. You’re welcome.

#my spn thoughts #jack #chuck #spn #anon

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boringlibrarianthoughts · 3 years

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Spn Series Finale - and How It’s Still Destiel Endgame

I’ve been thinking more about the finale and have finally assembled my thoughts on it.

While I understand many fans hold to “the finale wasn’t real/canon,” to me, it was because that’s what was shown on tv, so I’m attempting to come to terms with it. You don’t have to feel that way and that’s totally fine. That’s just how I feel. So, here are my very lengthy thoughts:

*keep reading below*

I’m gonna be honest and say that I have always felt 100% sure that Dean would die at the end of the show. I started watching during like season 3, and I’ve believed that from more or less the start, so I went into the finale expecting him to die. Dean’s self loathing resulted in risky behavior on his part that was definitely indicative of someone who would never reach old age. That doesn’t mean I wanted Dean to die. Quite the opposite. His character deserved a chance to break out of the vicious cycle that had damaged his entire life; I wanted to see an arc of redemption and coming to love yourself (this would have been huge given Dean’s self-hatred). I wanted to see Dean move beyond the life his father trapped him in. As far as character development goes, it actually made more sense at the end of the series for Dean to get out of hunting and live a quiet life (with Cas) and Sam to continue the hunting lifestyle (with Eileen). This is what I hoped for, but given that for some reason showrunners and writers seem to hate their audiences and want to punish them for enjoying their shows, I figured this was unlikely.

So yes, I wasn’t shocked when Dean died. As soon as I saw that friggin piece of rebar on the screen, I knew that was it. So my main issue wasn’t that Dean died (again, I didn’t want that at all, but I knew it was coming), but what happened during the death scene. Like, I get that now without Chuck keeping them alive to entertain himself and Jack deciding to be totally hands off, the odds of Dean or Sam dying accidentally would increase exponentially. So yes, I could even cope with the rebar death (I know, I know).

What actually bothered me about the death scene was how Dean’s death is made completely about Sam. Wtf? Like, it seems the indication is that Dean’s death is a noble sacrifice for Sam to be happy.

I don’t like that.

While the first few years of the show focus on the tension between Sam and Dean and the struggles of family, it eventually moves past this (thank goodness, too). Their relationship becomes more or less settled and they are comfortable with their brotherly bond and no longer feel angry or bitter about it for the most part. That was satisfying to see. Instead, the focus shifted to other relationships. Sam would have girlfriends, a fun relationship with Rowena, and learn to trust himself more and grow into a leadership role. Dean would struggle with himself rather than his brother, but he would learn to develop friendships and grow closer to Castiel. The brothers were no longer codependent.

Dean’s death did a complete 180 and shifted back to the pathetic codependency of the early seasons. Dean saying his life was always about Sam blah blah blah was gross and a mean thing for the showrunners to make Ackles perform. Dean and Sam had outgrown this period of their lives. Reverting to it was out of character for Dean.

Now, I am certain this was done to “bookend” the show. Have the relationship between Sam and Dean go back to the way it was in the beginning - and this could be done since every other character was written out of the finale. There was no one left for them to care about anymore except each other. I think that if the show had ended like this around like season 5, it would have fit fine. Dean and Sam’s relationship was sadly like this, and Dean felt he had no worth beyond what he could do for Sam.

HOWEVER - the show has been on for 15 freakin seasons. A lot will change during that time. During the last 3 seasons of the show (at least) the main relationship in Dean’s life was that with Cas, not with Sam. Whether you believe the relationship between Dean and Cas was platonic or romantic, you can’t deny that Dean valued Cas very, very highly and loved him in some way. To me, it seems pretty straightforward that Dean had been actively trying to repress romantic feelings for Castiel for the last couple years of the show but whatever.

Dean’s speech during his death was out of character. And yes, as others have pointed out, Sam definitely could have done SOMETHING to keep Dean alive.

Here’s where I think his feelings for Cas were suggested in the episode (as an aside, I genuinely think that the COVID delay allowed for some... nervousness on the part of showrunners or whoever regarding Dean and Castiel’s relationship being explicitly romantic, and the tonal shift of the last two episodes is the result of that). Dean wanted to give up and die. He didn’t fight. Sam had been trained by the best witch around (Rowena) and surely could have come up with something. Call the friggin ambulance. Do the vampire reversal thing y’all have mentioned. DEAN DIDN’T WANT ANY OF IT. Now, we’ve seen before that Dean becomes suicidal when Cas is dead. I think this is a continuation of that theme. By killing Cas and then not bringing him back, the writers created a situation where Dean had literally nothing to live for anymore. And that’s really sad. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be so attached to fictional characters (whatever), but I really care about Sam, Dean, and Cas. I wanted them all to be happy after all the crap they’ve been through.

Dean’s closest companion was taken from him in a really, really awful way that would doubtless be traumatizing for Dean. He would likely feel intensely guilty about Castiel’s death and that he didn’t tell Cas how he felt (however, it’s clear Dean’s actual response to Cas’ love declaration was cut, so who knows what happened there - I wrote another lengthy post about that, actually).

I think Dean’s death happened a couple years after they defeated Chuck - the montage in the beginning of 15x20 represents that. Dean didn’t literally die on the very next hunt. However, a couple years still is not a long time, and doubtless Dean would have spent that time struggling with the idea that he couldn’t save Cas no matter what he did. That’s terrible. Who knows what he might have tried during that time to bring him back from The Empty, and the thought of him fruitlessly working toward that before finally giving up and having to live with the finality of Castiel’s death is really depressing. Of course, he wouldn’t know that Cas wasn’t even in the frickin Empty anymore because Jack pulled him out, which makes it even more sad. Now, I’ve seen some people wondering why Cas wouldn’t come back to Dean... it seems pretty clear to me that when Jack said he would be hands off, he meant the forces of heaven in general. That means Cas would be in heaven working to improve it and not be able to leave or communicate with Dean and Sam.

So Dean dies, alone in life and likely still feeling like he’s a failure. Not cool, Spn writers. The best we can assume is that he took Cas’ speech to heart and was trying to be a better version of himself (as shown by being merciful to Chuck).

Then he ends up in heaven where he’s greeted by Bobby (and not Cas - remember Becky’s little Funko POPs display of Dean and Castiel together in front of The Roadhouse? I think that was the initial plan before someone got cold feet). Anyway, I really think someone involved with this show was honestly trying to throw us a bone with the Dean/Bobby conversation.

Bobby points out that Heaven is basically like living a normal life again and not just reliving your memories because Jack rebuilt it.

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Bobby says Heaven is now “What it always should’ve been. Everyone happy, everyone together,” then mentions some side characters (no one too important so we wouldn’t ask why the actor wasn’t in the episode) and Dean’s parents being nearby.

Now, I totally get the John Winchester hate (he’s abusive, no way around it), but I think Dean had always dreamed of getting to know his parents in a good way and not the way life on earth had been. This is giving him that chance.

Then, this is the big line to me.

Bobby: “It ain’t just heaven, Dean. It’s the heaven you deserve. And we’ve been waiting for ya.”

This is everyone’s shared heaven now, not just Dean reliving some memory. This is everyone’s heaven. And yet, Bobby emphasizes that Dean is the focus of this. Dean. Dean was the motivation for this new heaven - the kind of heaven that Dean deserves and ought to have and everyone has been waiting for Dean to be there to enjoy it. Why? Frickin why? “Why,” I asked myself upon watching this episode live. Sure, Jack loved Dean and wanted Dean to love him back, but that seems weird for Jack to do this for Dean.

And then Bobby explains what actually went down.

Dean: “So Jack did all that?”

Bobby pauses and says meaningfully: “Well, Cas helped.” He looks meaningfully over at Dean and then raises his eyebrows suggestively. This is a hella weird response if you take it as anything other than an indication of a (future) romantic relationship between Dean and Cas. Castiel, as Jack’s adoptive father, would have helped, guided, and advised Jack on what to do, and Cas’ motivation for all of this would be to prepare a heaven for Dean that would make him happy. That’s an incredibly loving gesture. Like, Cas is really into Dean.

Likely, Bobby has learned things he didn’t know during his mortal life. He doubtless has either learned or inferred that Castiel and Dean love each other. If Dean didn’t love Cas back, Bobby would not have mentioned his being in Heaven so suggestively. If someone wiggled their eyebrows about my bestie being nearby, I’d be weirded out because I’m not into my bestie in that way lol. I’m into my husband, who is my romantic partner. Seeing Cas busily working to improve Heaven with Dean in mind would be a dead giveaway to Bobby about what was going on between the two of them.

Dean’s smile in response to hearing this is honestly how I smile when I think about something that makes me happy but I don’t want anyone else to know about. And that’s how I think Dean is reacting.

Next, Dean drives around. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be a montage of time passing for him and he doesn’t literally just drive nonstop or if it’s really just a little while in Heaven time before Sam shows up.

Now why wouldn’t Cas appear? Well, couple reasons. Firstly, it would’ve been “too gay” for the higher ups involved in the finale. There really wasn’t a non-gay way to reunite them. I think this is ultimately why Collins wasn’t in the episode.

As far as the in-show story, I think it makes sense for Castiel to be a little shy of Dean. I mean, he did confess his undying love for the man assuming he would never have to face Dean again. Castiel didn’t know Jack would resurrect him. He was literally like “ok, I love you, sorry, gotta go die now.” Now he’s got Dean in Heaven with him for eternity. There’s no rush for them to meet up again. I think Dean would want the resolution of knowing his whole family is in Heaven again, and it makes sense that Castiel would be bashfully hiding in a corner until Dean called him. Then once they met up, it’d probably be some messy making out and pure joy at being together again (sorry not sorry lol). I really think that was supposed to be our takeaway from this finale regarding Dean and Cas’ relationship. Was it ideal? No, but I do think there was something.

Some other thoughts: Eileen was perfect for Sam and not explicitly showing them together was a major cop-out. I think that because Padalecki had a new show coming out on the same network, they didn’t want to show Sam settled with a specific woman thinking “oh we want the fangirls to imagine they could be with Sam” which is dumb but probably their line of thinking. This also explains Sam’s totally random and unnecessary shirtless shot in the finale. I’ve known these characters for so long and care about them and that shot was like seeing your brother naked. No thanks.

I think this also explains the choice to revert to Sam being the main character and Dean’s only focus in the end. That’s how the show started out, and it makes sense from a marketing standpoint to emphasize Padalecki’s performance.

Anyway, I’ve probably left something out that I planned on including, but this is already crazy long lol. So there you have it - I finally wrote down my thoughts on a finale that aired 3 months ago. I’m clearly on top of everything.

Plus, I feel pretty confident they will do a mini reunion series within a few years, so hopefully some of these issues will be corrected before too long lol.

#spn #supernatural #spn finale #15x20 #spn 15x20 #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #destiel #deancas #dean and cas #ugh my heart #why do showrunners hate their own audiences #spn meta #original post

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sidecarghost · 3 years

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My Reaction to Destiel in Spn 15x18 to 15x20

Notes: this will contain spoilers for up to series finale 15x20.

I am in LGBTQ+, and this is my personal opinion on the treatment of Destiel, Dean, and Castiel in episodes 15x18-15x20. The LGBTQ+ community is complex and varied, just like any community, so I do not intend for my views to be seen as representative. I think any reaction is just as valid as mine.

Castiel’s Declaration and Dean’s Response

I personally thought Misha Collins’ performance of Castiel’s declaration of love was earnest and authentic. It was beautiful, and I loved every word of it. What bothered me about 15x18 was Dean not reciprocating. I understand that love doesn’t always work out, but this is a LGBTQ+ relationship. There are so few LGBTQ+ relationships on tv, so it’s difficult to understand why anyone would see the need to add an unfulfilled LGBTQ+ relationship that leaves the queer character unloved. LGBTQ+ are just as worthy to be loved as cishet. Before this viewers could use their imagination, but now it’s pretty final that Dean never thought of Cas as more than a friend, and that Dean is vaguely to deeply disturbed by his BFF being in love with him.

I think 15x20 tried to firmly establish Dean as cishet (retconning any prior subtextual queer coding) by having Dean show more affection to his car joining him in Heaven then he had to his LGBTQ+ friend near death. I hate that Dean is so cold to Cas during that declaration scene, and then no other insight into Dean’s feelings is ever shown. So we can only infer Dean’s feelings from that scene and the reaction reads confused, disturbed, shocked, and disbelieving. And I feel second hand crushed for Castiel. That would not be a happy moment for me at all. Just because Dean doesn’t feel any attraction to Castiel I don’t think that excuses his coldness during the declaration. This was a heartless way to react to a close queer friends admittance to an attraction, and the cold shoulder reaction seems really OOC for Dean.

Dean is typically much more sensitive about other people’s feelings. I know he is often painted as tough and unfeeling, but that’s really when his own feelings are in question. Usually he seems very in tune when someone else needs emotional support, and here he is just like mentally checking out. Dean appears to be thinking “Oh my BFF is confessing his love, I will just gawk at him like he is some kind of crazy.” Then Dean’s last words to Castiel are “Don’t do this, Cas,” because he’d like his final message to be invalidating. And then there is HUGE problem that Dean was so disturbed by Cas’s declaration that he never mentions it over the course of 15x19 and 15x20. Even though his friend gave his life for him.

Bad Representation more Harmful than No Representtion

I could be wrong, but I feel like the inclusion of Destiel this late in the game just to make it unrequited was malicious. And that’s because Destiel is a big thing for fandom and especially LGBTQ+ in fandom. Even non-Spn fandom LGBTQ+ know all about Destiel. I never dreamed the ship would go canon, and that was fine because the show could play out and I could read and write fic. Destiel was a fun ship, because the characters had wonderful development from the show, and the actors had great chemistry and were good looking and talented. Dean and Cas were complex and multi-dimensional and ready to run a coffeehouse or become pop star wannabes in a televised singing contest.

The show never told fans Dean and Cas wouldn’t love each other, so it was so easy for me to imagine they would love each other. That has changed since I watched the finale. I personally can’t ship Destiel anymore because all I remember now is the angel giving the hunter his heart, and Dean being so cold and uncaring. Dean stays so far away from Cas like he can’t stand to be close to him. When the two characters used to be in each other’s personal space all the time. It’s like the show wanted me to know how wrong I was to ever read a romance there. As though I had personally offended Dean Winchester. I always thought Dean could be bi, but now he is canon cishet to me. Because if he was going to be attracted to a guy it’d be Cas, because he is the most badass character on show. I’m okay with explanation that Dean was shell shocked in 15x18, but Dean’s continued indifference in 15x20 makes it more likely to me that the show intended for Dean to just not feel that way about Cas.

LGBTQ+ Character Erased

The show ended 10 days ago, but many LGBTQ+ spn fandom members are still reeling from Castiel’s erasure from the story as soon as he came out. There was so much hope that the show was giving LGBTQ+ fandom a ship they never expected in 15x18. The way everything seemed to signal that Dean and Cas would be brought back together in 15x20. And theories abounded on possible scenarios. My personal favorite was Dean rescuing Castiel from the Empty in 15x20 as a reverse of Castiel rescuing Dean from Hell in 4x01. This felt historic to see an actual fandom mlm ship finally get validated on the show, like LGBTQ+ were being seen and told we were just as valid as cishet by the show we loved.

But in the end, the LGBTQ+ relationship was just a tease. A queer angel declared his love and died. Then Dean died so he’d never get chance to process his feelings (if he had any). Dean and the viewers learned Cas had been saved, but Dean never bothered to pray to Cas or make any other attempt to reconnect with him. Had Cas escaped before Dean’s death? Had Cas just let Dean die? We never find out. Whether intentional or not, Castiel no longer had any significance in the life or death of the man he loved so strongly. If you related to Cas the exemption was a gut punch. I saw Cas as important and he was my voice and my story, and then 15x20 had Castiel as unimportant to the story and he was silenced.

The Bury your Gay trope

Cas had come out, and now his last scene was his death. Castiel was written out of the show, and no one seemed willing to give him more than a passing thought. The series regular and reoccurring character of 12 years was treated like he was never very important to Dean or Sam. This wasn’t historic, this is the “bury your gay” trope and a real problem for LGBTQ+ representation in movies and shows.

Negative impact of teasing LGBTQ+ romance in movies and shows

15x18 didn’t just feature Cas coming out, his coming out could have been handled just like Chuck’s in season 11 by dialogue stating he liked guys too. Castiel’s coming out was part of a declaration of love to his best friend. This teased a possible LGBTQ+ romance between two male leads with no intention of follow through. Heteronormative fans can state my perspective was invalid, but I’d like to challenge them to see LGBTQ+ as just as valid and normal as cishet romance.

If unintentional:

this was insensitive and bad representation

If intentional:

at best queer baiting (Dean was cishet so any fans that thought reciprocation was possible were wrong. Never mind all the subtextual queer coding of Dean that non-heteronormative viewers had observed.)

at worst outright homophobia (if you read Dean as a closeted bisexual that is fridged before he has chance to come out)

The Intention of C* Spn?

I have to wonder what the LGBTQ+ in Spn fandom ever did to make the show runners so mad at us. I would really like to get the perspective of the show runners, because without that, it is just too easy to believe the worst.

Perceiving the Finale Message of We don’t Belong

And the worst is heart wrenching. The marginalized members of fandom that related to the outcast angel were excluded from the Winchester’s ending. Even though we cared about them so much over the years. Many members of fandom had found families, and were validated by the reoccurring theme that family doesn’t end in blood.

But the finale retconned that message. Castiel was queer, and he was erased. He wasn’t a part of Sam and Dean’s ending. Fandom that related to Castiel could see our affection for the brothers wasn’t reciprocated. We just helped when we were useful but in the end unworthy of love. Family actually did end in blood, and we were naive for believing otherwise.

Spn queer baited LGBTQ+ one last time to drive up viewership, so the marginalized part of the audience could bear witness to Castiel’s exclusion from the Winchester’s finale. We never belonged. This wasn’t our story. This was the story of cishet white brothers, Sam and Dean, that were the product of their cishet white parents, John and Mary, that lived up the road in their Heaven. The queer angel of the lord was not going to intrude in their story any longer, despite his devotion to them over the past 12 years. We didn’t belong, because Castiel didn’t belong.

Other Views are Valid

I just want to reiterate that everything I’m saying is just my own opinion. If other LGBTQ+ thought the episodes were perfect that is also very valid. If you are not a LGBTQ+ then I appreciate your support, and ask that you check any biases before disagreeing with my opinion. Cishet will never be made to feel marginalized, inferior, or abnormal because of their sexuality or gender. And if you want to save LGBTQ+ lives you can try to change your view to see queer as normal and become a LGBTQ+ ally.

TLDR;

Misha’s performance was amazing. Bobo Beren’s writing was brilliant. After 15x18, the romance was like a puzzle that had all the pieces carefully together except the last one. Then 15x20 took that beautiful, nearly complete puzzle and dumped it in a metal trash bin, soaked it in lighter fluid, and burned it to ash. I blame the showrunners. They should never have had a LGBTQ+ come out to have his love unrequited, die, and then get erased from the story. Bad representation is worse than no representation.

#spn #Destiel #my spn thoughts #spn ending #spn 15x18 #spn 15x20 #spn season 15 #supernatural #deancas #Andrew Dabb

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thisknightisbi · 3 years

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Hi Ely I am having a gloomy day and was wondering if you could rec any canon verse fics?

hey!! sorry about your gloomy day!! (and for getting back to you late, i was a bit busy today unfortunately) here are some fics i found ! most are codas tho, just a warning....

a 15x20 coda with trueform!cas a 15x19 coda a 15x18 coda because i guess we’re fixing all three eps in reverse order on this list?? and then uh, most of my writing is canonverse!!

(i hope this helps but i am a bit headached lmao so sorry for the short list!! feel better, love!)

#ely answers #anonymous

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thisbisexualbrainrot · 3 years

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15x20: Soft Epilogue

Here I go writing fix it fic again. It’s almost 2am and I couldnt sleep until I posted it. I hope its enjoyable. Definitely fluff and a little angst thrown in as well. The soft epilogue with happy endings that Sam and Dean deserved. I didnt get a good place to mention this in the fic, but I believe Sam and Eileen would have rebuilt the American Men of Letters together. :) _________________

Sunlight glinted against the black impala as she flew down the back country road. It was midday and the air was warm. Turns out when you are fighting for your life, you forget to pay attention to the seasons change. Sam was grateful they could pay attention to that now.

He checked his phone again. No response yet. Where is she?

“Hey um... Eileen hasn't called me yet and she's not answering. Do you think she didn't come back?” Sam asked, glancing over at Dean who was tapping his hand on the wheel.

“Jack wouldn't do that, he would bring her back with everyone else. It's okay Sammy. She'll be there.” Dean assured him, he gave Sam a smirk and looked back at the road. “She probably just doesn't have a phone remember?”

“Yeah, you're right.” Sam sighed, running his hand through his hair. She has to be there. Dean noticed Sam fidgeting and stepped on the gas.

In the backseat, Miracle barked in approval.

Before Dean even had the car in park, Sam opened the passenger door and ran up to Eileen's door. Dean chuckled as he watched Sam bound up and the front door opened quickly. Eileen ran out to meet him and the two crashed into each other. Smiles, kisses, laughter. Good Dean thought Sammys happy. For the first time, Dean isn't worried about his little brother anymore. They changed the world, for good, and now Sam has a real chance for a real relationship. Eileen is good for him.

Eventually Dean got out of the car, Eileen gave him a hug and signed while saying “Thank you.”

Dean looked at Sam, who hadn’t stopped grinning ear to ear, and smirked “Yeah well, now he's your problem.” “Yeah okay” Sam laughed. “I’ll call you later”. Eileen wrapped her arm around Sam’s waist and Dean was confident he wouldn’t be hearing from his brother for a while.

“Yeah yeah” Dean smiled, “You kids have fun.”

“I'm 37, Dean.”

Dean gave them a shit eating grin and slid into the impala “I'm gonna go check on Jody and the girls. Apparently Claire is really pissed she got zapped and missed everything. She keeps texting me.”

Dean put the car in reverse and he noticed Eileen jump into Sam's arms and kiss him as the car pulled away. Deans phone was laying on the passenger seat and it vibrated with another text from Claire:

How is Cas? Is he with you?

---

The lights flickered on in the bunker as Dean walked in with Miracle at his heels and he shut the heavy door behind them. The emptiness of it felt especially loud as he had spent the last few days sleeping on Jody’s couch in a house full of teenagers.

He sighed as he remembered telling them about Cas. He couldn't meet Jody’s eye the entire time. He kept it simple, just told them what he had told Sam and Jack:

Cas summoned the empty.

Cas saved him.

Cas was gone.

Claire especially didn't take it well and the first night she fell asleep leaning on Dean's shoulder in front of the TV. Kaia came downstairs and Dean woke Claire up long enough for her to let Kaia lead her up to their room.

Poor kid he thought as he picked up the decanter and filled his glass. He had gotten a text from Sam:

Going on a trip with Eileen actually. We thought some time away might help us find normal again, if that's even possible. Call you later?

Dean sent a short response telling Sam that was fine and tossed his phone on the library table.

What to do now?

The whole world was open, skys the limit. For the first time he had no one to protect, no world to save, no monsters to hunt...just his own thoughts in an empty bunker. Well, except for his dog curled up next to his feet. It was terrifying and Dean found himself pounding down whiskey a lot faster than he intended.

A few glasses in and he started praying.

“Cas…” he whispered to the silence “Cas..I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” Dean felt his eyes fill with tears. “Cas...why didn't you tell me before...”

“Dean”

Dean's head shot up. He must have really drank way too much because there was absolutely no way this was real. But there Jack was, standing in front of him with the same white jacket, same innocent smile on his face.

“Hello” he said, raising his hand. “I'm here for your advice.”

He said it so sincerely, Dean couldn't help but let out a sad, drunk laugh. His body relaxed a little and he looked up at him. “Man you can't just pop in- I mean you can it's just….Jack, I'm not in the place to be givin’ you advice anymore alright? Besides, I thought you were going to be all hands off?”

“I am, mostly. I think. I don't really know, I'm still figuring it out. Amara is helping me.” Jack waited patiently while Dean’s intoxicated mind took in this information.

“Alright” Dean stood up and leaned against the table, his arms crossed. Strangely, talking to Jack as whatever he was, was easier than he thought. He missed this. “What’s going on kid?”

Jack nodded at Dean’s approval to ask. “I want to take Cas out of the empty but Amara said I should ask you.”

Dean froze. His mouth went dry. Cas. “So you- you can get him out?”

“Yes, it seems quite possible. Chuck showed me how in his memories. He was able to pull Lucifer out and Amara told me it should work for Cas as well.”

Dean's head was spinning. “I..um well, why are you asking me then?”

“You are very important to him Dean.” Jack said with such firm resolve, “If you think this is a bad idea, I will respect that. Amara said it should be up to you.”

Dean's heart leaped at the thought of seeing Cas again. Panic mixed with pure elation. He was terrified but of course the answer was obvious. “Yeah..” Dean whispered. “Yeah” he repeated louder, clearing his throat “Yeah, Bring him back.” Dean swallowed and looked at the floor. His mind desperately trying to understand that this was happening, this was real. Cas.

Jack smiled “That's what I told her you would say. Thank you Dean. Give me a moment.” and disappeared. The silence was deafening and then Dean heard his phone vibrate. He spun around and almost fell over a chair getting to where it laid abandoned on the table. “...Cas?”

“No, Dean it's Sam. Are you okay?” “Sammy I um....” Dean couldn't find the words “Jack, he was here.”

“What? Dean what's going on?”

“He-...” And then Miracle started barking and Dean let his phone drop to the floor.

“Hello Dean”

He was standing a few feet away, this couldnt be real. “...Cas I..” Dean started but he lost the ability to speak. He was really there. Rumpled trench coat, crooked tie, tousled hair and bright blue eyes. Dean tried to speak again. Why couldn't he say anything else? Too drunk, too stunned and too afraid to move. Damn it. “Cas...you’re here.”

“Yes” Cas smiled “I'm here.” Dean sensed a nervous caution in his voice. “It's good to see you Dean.” “Cas, what the hell were you thinking?” Dean’s voice was low and Cas furrowed his brow.

“I was protecting you.”

Dean shook his head like he didn't want to hear it. Like he wouldn't accept that as a reason.

“Dean, BIllie would have killed us. You know that. The world needed you alive Dean. I needed you alive.” Cas paused and met Deans’ gaze again. “It was more important to make sure you were safe.”

Dean pursed his lips and closed his eyes in frustration. “Im sorry, more important?” Dean looked at Cas again, “No. You don't get to dip out. You should have told me about that deal! I could have helped you! I could have-... Damn it Cas!” Dean slammed the chair next to him and heard it clatter on the floor.

“Dean I did what I needed to do. And I don’t regret any of it.” Cas let his voice raise a little in responsive anger but he chose his next words carefully, “I don't regret what I said and I don't regret saving your life.” Despite Dean's outward display of anger, Cas knew Dean was reacting out of love. This anger was misplaced guilt. “You owe me nothing Dean. None of this was your fault.”

Dean was just drunk enough that he faltered, his voice breaking as he said “Cas, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Cas..I didn't stop you...I couldn't tell you...”

Cas moved toward him then, reaching a hand to wipe away the tears Dean didn't realize were falling down his face. Dean could feel his heart aching against his ribs. How did he tell him that images of that moment came back to him every night, swallowed up in black? Cas crying, Dean reaching, Cas disappearing. Over and over they haunted him.

Cas lifted his hand away but felt Deans rough fingers stop him, holding his hand in place. “Cas….Tell me again. What you said..please..”

“Dean...”

“No I..” Dean breathed out “I need to hear it Cas. Please tell me again.”

Cas brought his head closer to rest on Dean’s forehead, closing his eyes. Dean lowered their hands, still grasping on in desperation. Cas could feel Dean shaking as he moved closer to him. Dean let his eyes flutter closed when he felt Cas rest against him. After a moment of silence, Cas said in a quiet voice “I love you Dean.”

Dean wasn't sure if it was the whiskey or the feeling of Cas’s skin, warm and real against his face.Maybe it was just the pure joy that Cas was here or the relief that he would never leave him again. But he needed more, he needed to feel Cas. He needed to touch him. He moved in slowly, brushing their noses together. Cas’s breath staggered as he let Dean make the decision. Dean grazed his lips along the angels mouth and everything felt warm. The kiss was soft and cautious. Dean moved his mouth slowly, carefully and Cas leaned in slightly, letting Dean set the pace. And then, realization.

Oh. Oh.

The energy changed and Cas felt Dean’s kiss deepen, his hand reaching up to wind fingers into Cas’s hair. And it was then that Cas allowed himself to grab onto Dean, pulling him in by his flannel. He breathed in Dean's scent, pine mixed with bourbon and aftershave and Dean let his other hand up to rest on Cas’s neck. He could feel the angel’s pulse racing as he pulled back to look at him. “This is...okay right?”

“Yes” Cas breathed, and immediately pulled Dean in again.

---

When Sam walked into the bunker he noticed the lights were on and a chair was toppled over in the library. Deans phone on the floor. But he didn't see anyone. “Dean?”

Eileen followed after him, calling out for Dean. Sam ran to Dean’s room and when Eileen followed, Sam stopped her before she called out for Dean again. He gestured into the room. “Look” he signed to her.

Dean was sleeping, his head resting on Castiel’s chest. Miracle was curled up at the bottom of the bed, her head resting on Dean's leg. Sam noticed Cas, in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt, calmly placing his fingers on Dean's temple. A pale blue glow kept Dean’s dreams peaceful and Cas ran his fingers through short hair as his hunter slept soundly.

“Cas?” Sam whispered, in disbelief that the angel was alive. Cas gently slid out from under Dean and moved to the door, shutting it carefully behind him.

Sam smiled “It's so good to see you Cas.” He pulled the angel into a hug. “I thought you were in the empty. How are you here?”

“Jack,” Cas smiled “He brought me back” Cas looked back toward the bedroom.”Dean and I have been...catching up.”

Sam smiled and let out a short laugh “Yeah I can see that.”

“I love him Sam”

“I know you do. I never wanted to push him but I knew.” Sam let out a breathy laugh and ran his hands through his hair. “Wow I cant believe Dean finally figured it out. I can't believe this is really happening. What are you going to do now?”

“Whatever makes Dean happy.” Cas said, so matter of factly that Sam shook his head in pure amazement and laughed again.

---

It was a small outdoor ceremony, but Sam and Eileen couldn't have been happier. Dean beamed with pride standing next to Sam, his tux pressed and black shoes shined. They held the reception in Jody's backyard, string lights and cheap alcohol. It was perfect.

Cas walked into the kitchen, slightly intoxicated and saw Claire sitting on the counter rubbing her feet “I hate heels.”

“They do look very uncomfortable,” Cas replied. “These suits are restricting as well. My neck is very itchy.”

Claire beckoned Cas over and loosened his bowtie. “You don't really need it all the way on anymore. Ceremony is over.” She smiled, “Your boyfriend took his off hours ago I bet.”

Cas never will be used to hearing Dean referred to in that way. “Where is he?”

“I think he’s out front on the porch.” She said, jumping off the counter barefoot and walking back out into the yard to find Kaia for a dance. She popped her head back inside “Oh hey, tell him I can work that Sunday shift he asked about okay?” Cas nodded and Claire spun around and headed to the dance floor.

Cas walked out onto the porch to find Dean. The night air was cool and crickets chirped loudly in the fields. As Claire had suspected, Dean’s tie was long gone. His dress shirt was unbuttoned enough to reveal the t-shirt underneath, and to see the necklace filled with Castiel’s grace glowing on his chest. He took another drink from his beer and looked up. “Heya Cas.”

“Hello Dean.” He paused and then remembered “Claire said she can work the Sunday shift.”

“Ah, good. That kid is killing me. That's what I get for owning a bar, I guess. I’m a freakin boss now.” He laughed to himself, “It still feels weird to say it. Like I'm gonna mess it up.”

“You’ve earned it, and you certainly are not messing it up.” Cas sat down next to him and smiled as Dean wrapped his arm around him, “How are you Dean?”

“Eh, I'm fine.” Dean looked down, picking at the label of his beer. “Sammy seems happy, huh?”

“Yes, he does.” Cas reached out and pulled Dean’s hand away from his nervous movement, entwining their fingers together. “He's going to be fine.”

“I know.” Dean says, squeezing Cas’s hand. “I just hate that he doesn't need me anymore.”

“That's not true, he’ll always need you.” Cas reassured him. Dean leaned over and kissed Cas, gazing at him for a moment before saying “I love you, you know that right?”

“I know,” Cas replied, “I love you too.” It didn't matter that they had been together for over a year, 6 months since Cas had made the choice to be human, it still made Cas shiver to hear Dean tell him he loved him.

“You sure you don’t regret giving me this?” He holds up the glowing grace pendant. Cas shakes his head “No, not once.” and Dean pulls him in for another kiss.

Jack watches from afar, a smile on his face.

The sounds of the party last long into the night.

#supernatural #supernatural 15x20 #fix it fic #destiel fix it fic #destiel fanfic #destiel fanfiction #deancas fix it #deancas fix it fic #deancas fanfiction #spn 15x20 #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #samxeileen #sam x eileen #saileen #destiel #deancas

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bluehandprint · 3 years

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I hate acknowledging 15x20 but I need to write this

Grief has always been an important and very present theme in the series. Supernatural begins with Mary's death and John being unable to cope and wanting revenge and taking his sons on this destructive journey with him. Many other characters die during the series. Some come back and some don't. But each time Sam and Dean have to deal with grief. They even have to go through the process of Mary's twice, once when the one from their childhood dies, idealized, and a second time when they really get to know her.

The last episode is even more focused on this theme than the others. Throughout the first part we see the same patterns of grieving process that the characters have had earlier in the series: the empty beer bottles in Dean's room, Sam and his manic precision. The absence of other characters is heavy. Even during the pie scene, it's all about grief and how to go on without the people who've been part of their lives for 15 years. They talk about Cas and Jack, wishing they were with them. Dean talks about his pain that won't go away, about having to go on living or their sacrifices will be in vain.

And then comes the scene of the family's murder. First the father is killed, then the two children. This is a reversal of the beginning of the series. This time it is not the mother who dies and the father and his children who remain alive and who must find another way of living, but the mother who must live having lost her children and her husband. And then we learn that the only survivor has had her tongue cut out and is therefore rendered mute. Her suffering is silenced. Like Sam and Dean’s.

And then there are the vampires. Vampires who are immortal creatures who see people die around them during their entire existence while they are condemned to eternal life.

And then there is Sam. Sam who must mourn Dean. Sam who attends his brother's funeral alone. His heavy loneliness and his suffering and difficulties to cope are shown. And then we move on to the moment when he is supposed to bounce back, to continue living. But all the details we are shown show us that he can't. There's not a second in his life where he doesn't forget Dean or think about himself. This is not how you grieve. This is not the grieving process. He knew his brother for 35 years but he has to live without him for the same amount of time (if we believe his white wig). And then we are shown that he only finds Dean in heaven, as if the last years of his existence were erased. Always this toxic codependency, this mourning that has never really been done.

And on Dean's side in heaven, which is presented to us in the episode as it came out, there are only people older than him, those who act as parents: Bobby, Mary, John, Rufus. They are the ones who are supposed to have died before him. There is no trace of the others. Of those who died younger than him or around his age. And I'm not even talking about how Castiel's resurrection is handled this time even if Dean clearly couldn't deal with that grief as we were shown at the beginning of the episode.

How do they want fans to grieve for a show that has been around for 15 years when they handled that theme so poorly in the last episode? How are we supposed to grieve for not only Dean, but all the other characters when we've just been shown characters who haven't done theirs?

#spn #spn finale #spn 15x20 #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #sorry about that #but I needed to get it out of my head #destiel #grief arc

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