this will sound like one of those "let men be masculine" level niche internet community brained posts, but i honestly really was embarrassed of how much i like drag for a while. in the circles that i run in, liking drag too much is seen as pretty cringey and for wealthy cis gays. like everybody knows a few cool avante garde local performers that they fuck with who run queer dance parties that are inclusive and the like, but very few people that i know will just go to a drag show at an entertainment or social engagement for their own sake. it's almost seen as a tourist thing, a normie gay thing.
but its one of the few spaces where i can actually recognize a lot of feminine men and nonbinary man-thing-girly-freaks like of the particular type that i am. leather bars are so masc and buff and im often invisible. bear bars are really nice and i do feel welcome there! but people are only feminine in their mannerisms, not presentation very often. the more explicitly gender inclusive trans/queer spaces cater to more of a wlw and adjacent crowd whose relationships to masculinity and femininity are different from mine. circuit gay bars are obviously terrible.
drag is nice. there's guys with weird little haircuts and long earrings who aren't buff and are swishy and dress interestingly but are a little uncomfortable as their regular selves and have to don alternate personas in order to be outgoing. and i even like that it's okay to be bitchy and insulting sometimes in drag world, like sometimes that is just your genuine feedback on the work someone has done and it's not the end of the world. there's lot of open conflict in the drag world that actually works out pretty alright.
it's a local nightlife scene like all the rest, its got its theater kid bullshit and egos and superficiality out the ass and so many people are trying to be famous or make money, but even to this day i forget that i can just be a really weird feminine guy until i'm around some of them and watching them prance about. i worry about how i look or am being read and then even just watching a fucking drag race episode i'll see like 9 different guys who are so fucking androgynous with their weird assymetrical self cut haircuts that they pass less than i do and they're cis men. they have bodies or faces like i do. and in the local scene it's obviously even better because you're looking at real life people. maybe i should be over it by now but im not, i need to see weird little awkward feminine guys with funny outfits playing dress up and crying and fighting with one another because they never got over their last picked in gym class baggage. its meeee i relateee. i even like that its a little toxic! we've got some issues out here, let's joke with them and make a character of them instead of pretending to be nice!!
i tend to be pretty skeptical of "representation matters!" type shit but part of that is probably because i never really feel represented. i know, boo hoo, thin white man doesnt feel depicted on screen, sounds very silly. but then i see kade gottmik on drag race and i swell with emotion and suddenly feel like who i am is POSSIBLE in this world and i realize that even with all my privileges i am starved for representation and that it does benefit you to have it. theres trans guys on screen but thats not close enough to ping that ooh!!! ahh!!! i can love myself!! radar for me. it has to be a very particular kinda person. matt bernstein makes me feel similarly
I really truly don't get this whole bucktommy and buddie rivalry.. I mean I love buddie and I really like bucktommy and don't understand the problem of liking and rooting for both. yeah, at the same time. what happened, everyone forgot about multishipping? why can't two ships coexist in peace??
say hi to me
i don't know, i just remembered being so much
brighter, i guess
cigarette ash like wildfire
burning holes in the nighttime
open scars feel like barbed wire
white lies flying high like a ceasefire
dropping flags on the shoreline
this is as far as i can feel right
'cause what you don't know can haunt you
and all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty
highlights to want to repeat
let's get away from here and
live like the movies do
i won't mind when it's over
at least i didn't think for a while
don't drag it out
living like that doesn't mean a thing
so let's, make a great escape
and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway
it doesn't matter who we are
we'll keep running through the dark
and all we'll ever need is another day
we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away
and live like shooting stars
'cause happy endings hardest to fake
and i wanna let you know
i wanna let you go
but i just can't bring myself to speak
but this is how it goes
the end credits, they roll
this bridge was built over kerosene
but we can watch it
and all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty
highlights to want to repeat
let's get away from here and
live like the movies do
i won't mind when it's over
at least i didn't think
so let's run, make a great escape
and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway
it doesn't matter who we are
we'll keep running through the dark
and all we'll ever need is another day
we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away
and live like shooting stars
you can wish away forever
but you'll never find a thing like today
there are a lot of reasons i'm really, really impressed by how well sdmi portrayed the dynamic of an abusive relationship with pericles and ricky, and one of the big ones is how accurately they show what it looks like when abuse starts to escalate.
the extent of that is yet another thing that'll take a longpost of its own to go into, because it spans like.... the entire arc of their relationship in the show. but one thing that stands out to me in particular is their portrayal of the massive red flag that is a partner trotting out bigoted behavior against a group you're in. especially insults, and especially directed right at you.
this show has a LOT of fatphobia, jesus christ does it ever, and there are certainly some fatphobic tropes going on with ricky; but i've always been surprised and impressed by how many of the nastier ones they avoided, especially considering his role in the story and what his arc is about.
he is a major, nuanced character whose trauma is treated with full weight and sincerity. it's implied that his body type changed the way it did due to the trauma he went through when he was younger, and the ensuing mental illness, which is a pretty realistic experience for a lot of people. the things that happen to him are played for full tragedy and horror, when it would have been so, so easy for them to make light of it because Tee Hee Fat Guy and Tee Hee Male Abuse Victims Funnee. despite how his whole thing involves corporate greed, they don't go the route of portraying him as Gluttonous and Hedonistic; if anything he is very obviously not using all that money for even basic physical self-care, and the only time we ever see him eating anything it's when he's drinking wine grape juice with pericles. which, like, there's issues to be unpacked with that too, but jesus christ it's an improvement over what usually happens with characters like him.
he's a fat queer man who isn't degendered or made feminine in a mocking and/or predatory way. (there's nothing wrong with feminine fat queer men and they need more non-shitty rep, please and thank you god, but there is a lot of nastiness in the tropes they're often used for in mainstream media, and one of those tropes is when people consider 'fat queer man' and 'masc' to be oxymorons.) no one ever once calls him ugly; if anything multiple people in his life think he's attractive and desirable, for better or for worse. no one body-shames him. and no one ever mentions his weight.
except pericles.
'The Horrible Herd' and 'The Devouring' are two halves of a whole here, re: escalation of abuse. 'Devouring' is when the abuser goes full mask off and shit hits the fan; 'Horrible Herd' is the wind-up before the punch. HH is when ricky realizes things are getting Bad and he needs to put a stop to this now, and Devouring shows what happens when he tries, because by the point where it's gotten bad enough to give him a wakeup call it's already too late. it's how abusive relationships tend to go, and it's chillingly accurate.
and what's one of the things pericles says during Horrible Herd when that punch is winding up? something no one's ever said before now, including him? 'you pudding-faced dummkopf.'
he body-shames him. he insults his weight, and that's a major turning point. bigotry is something that's often there to some degree from the start, but not always, because some abusers are good at hiding things like that until they're confident they've got you where they want you. the message with ricky and pericles is loud and clear: when this happens, the walls are dripping blood. get out.
(if you can. and be careful when you try.)
when this show is good, it is really, truly good. god damn.
OKAY now that i have actually watched the episode seeing the kiss in context made me FUCKING CRY that meant so much to me like oh my fucking god they did that scene so well and OLIVER STARK UR A MF TALENTED GENIUS he fucking nailed the facial expressions / feeling of experiencing queer joy for the first time I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS FUCKING REAL AND IN MY SILLY FIREFIGHTER SHOW
fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself
Consider re: herb brides, because of the rituals and nature around ripping and tearing seams and fabric what if like “very nice” or formal ware was styled around clothing that CAN’T rip? Either very very thick and sturdy material OR like loophole designs…. Dresses and tunics woven out of like layers of cords draped over the body?
the whole of the herb brides' Things is that the uncovering of the body is the point, you have this line in p1 of a dancer saying "The body is sacred. The naked body is the most accurate image of the world." so the uncovering/the tearing/the ripping appears as like the point [one of the points] of the capital-d-Dance ("Why do you strip your sacred body naked?"/"Because I know the Dance and have the right to do so."). it's interesting thinking about material that Can't rip because it'd be like... a test of strength and of fortitude, almost. "how passionately are you willing to dance in order to make this un-rippable material, rip?" type of thing. in the same way they are forbidden from wearing shoes because the tippytapping of their steps/connection of their bare footsies to the earth is thought to be the one thing that brings the harvest i wonder what would be the #consensus on what they can wear. but also a sturdier/thicker material would make it harder for them to dance, and their whole point is that they dance, but referring to what i mentioned above maybe it's a test of sorts... it's kinda how i see the herb maidens [lore i made the fuck up] the many layers is a burden for them to prove they Can dance but they shed them during adulthood. many things to consider!
Ok,ok,ok I just watched the doctor who 60th special and I gotta rant about it!
Omigod, omigod, omigod!!! It’s wonderful, it’s brilliant, it’s fantastic!!! I can’t believe i got to see a transfemme companion meet THE DOCTOR!!! MY DOCTOR!!! MY PERSONAL CHILDHOOD HERO!!!
I wish I could let my ten-year old self know that she would grow up to experience seeing herself on screen on her favourite show!
And everything about it was just phenomenal, Absolutely riveted to the screen start to finish!
i need to watch the new little mermaid SOON LIKE NOW??? i used to watch the movie over and over as a kid, i am not prepared to fall in love with the actress when i watch it now 😭😭
I’m gonna sound like a prick, but I genuinely find the fact that Tim’s big queer reveal going the way it has to be insulting. Like I keep trying to put nicer ways to say it. But honestly in the end I just find it fucking insulting how Bernard has been reduced to a fucking stereotype in every story but Travis Moore’s addition. And having Tim’s relationship with him be talked about in a way that almost feels like he used him to figure it out, while talking about his ex in a way that comes across like they’re talking down Bernard’s relationship with Tim to a level that doesn’t matter as much as his past romance for the sake of a ship rather than natural development given other things is also insulting.
Like I never flat out say it much anymore, but the main reason I harp on what Bernard looks like is because I cannot believe that no one is fucking bothered by the Bat-Family’s queer representation being partly a pre-conceived character being shrunk into the stereotype of a twink. And past that, barely ever show up in the majority of the stories supposedly about their relationship. I'm at a point where I wonder why they even bothered using Bernard. It's practically not even him besides bizarrely the guy who isn't writing Tim's ongoing story. That hurts.
I don’t damn feel represented. I feel like I’m being talked down to. Like the second story not having him was weird enough, but him being a background item to the stories, like set decoration or a plot device, to two stories in a row by the same writer just feels condescending.
The ship is held up by fans who went out of their way to learn more about Bernard, while we only have one freaking short story about them in the comics. And he's barely in that too!
It’s been MONTHS now. How come we can barely reach bare minimum?
Your hands are pressing his to the mattress so possessively...
It's sinful how loud he moans when you stop him from grabbing onto you, pinning his scrambling and twitching hands to the soft sheets of the bed he was being fucked so mercilessly on.
"Pl- Pleasheee!~" he cries out for you and calls your name soon after. His voice is broken, desperate and a clear representation of his debauched self.
The many hours he had spent under your body, receiving the mind breaking pleasure that you had to offer him had already turned his pretty little head to mush.
Oh, but he should've known better, right? Known better than to flirt with that whore at the bar. But he just couldn't get enough of your jealously filled roughness. It was truly divine, pushing his body well past its limits.
"Hic- 'm SORRY!!~♡ Re-really am- HNGH~" his voice is breaking, it's pitch is so high and whiny as he pleads for a break, for you to slow down. But he knows he doesn't really want that, he wants to be fucked brainless, turned into a stupid little slut, your stupid little slut.
Your thrusts continued their harsh pace, bullying your darling's hole just right. You kept hitting the poor thing's bruised and throbbing prostate, driving him to orgasm for the nth time that night. But.. did you give him permission? No, you didn't.
"Wuh-wait! No 'm sorry- pleashe forgive m-me! AHN!-" his little babbling apology is cut short by yet another hard thrust and another mean bite to his already tender neck. He's biting his lip as you squeeze his pretty hands tighter and pin his body down with an even firmer grip.
No matter how much the pretty thing pleads for you to stop he never uses his safe-word, only screaming out your name like its going to make you forgive him. Well.. you already have forgiven him, but were you going to pass up the opportunity to have your baby crying and begging? No, you weren't. So he's just going to have to take it for a while longer.. ♡
KAEYA, CHILDE, dottore, kaveh, boothill, DOUMA, sunday, DAZAI, NIKOLAI, zhongli, HAWKS, wriothesley, alhaitham, dabi, dan heng, jing yuan, AVENTURINE, dr. ratio, your favs...