#re: getting back into writing

[yellowlaboratory]

💖🎯🤲

brizz my love, as with all things I do, I tried to make this as short as possible and I failed miserably aksdjfhlkasdjf i hope you don’t mind

💖 What made you start writing?

In terms of, like, writing in general, I don't really know what made me start! I was always writing stories, but I really got into writing towards the end of middle school, and I think I "finished" my first story in eighth grade, when I had an English teacher who made us write a journal entry every day, and instead of writing anything about myself, I wrote a story about a character (i think she was a mermaid? I can’t remember)(also $50 to whoever can guess my favorite coping mechanism 💀). But, after middle school, I had a bit of a falling out with writing, and I put myself in a position to either do engineering & math & science related stuff, or do writing related stuff. Idk why I thought I couldn't do both, but obviously, I ended up becoming an engineer, and while I wrote a little bit in high school, I completely gave up writing in college.

Then, covid happened at the end of my senior year of college, and I suddenly had, like, a renaissance lmao. I had nothing to do and so much time to do it, and then I ended up watching the first season of Outer Banks nine times through (yes I know I’m insane, but we move), showing my family and then various friends during zoom parties, and I became obsessed with figuring out Kiara's story. I had a doc full of questions based on throw-away lines and I don't know when it turned from "conspiracy theory about kiara carrera's background" to "actual legitimate story (kind of)", but it helped me A LOT when I was going through the early pandemic. So, I guess, obsessing over Kiara Carrera got me back into writing?? lmao. also having a lot of feelings over the pandemic and being locked in my hometown and isolated from my college friends while being much, much closer to my middle/high school friends?? idk. I clearly had a lot of feelings to wrestle with tho aksjdfhlkasjdf

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

LMAO yes!! I think almost everyone guessed just about every plot point in pltc, which is very expected when I was literally writing it to fit as well as it could into canon. I also had a few other fics where I read people's comments like "ah yes at least my foreshadowing works" 💀 I think there were a lot of those comments especially with like daisies underneath! 

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

for you, Brizz, a snippet from my upcoming fic for the music festival au space on my bingo card!

There’s something kind of thrilling about having him so close. She knows her makeup is beyond fucked, and her hair is in disarray, and she has a string of plastic gems trailing down her cheek that are worse off than they were last night, but it doesn’t matter. The music is too loud for them to maintain the sort of distance that she would normally expect from a complete stranger, and he leans in close, his blue eyes fixed on her with a piercing gaze.

She doesn’t know a lot about him, but she can sense how momentous it is to capture all of his attention for any period of time, like her body had cataloged every distraction he had found throughout the day and now marvels at the singularity of his attention. 

#ask games #brizz my bestie #re: getting back into writing #I don't deal with anything upfront but i do deal with it in writing aksjdfhlkasjdf #my grandpa died earlier this summer and obviously i was heartbroken and instead of facing that head on #i wrote 'the luckiest bastard alive' faster than I have written anything in my life #so #I love writing #and I do write when Im happy and things are going well #but I write particularly fast i need to process shit #ya know? #no? #just me? #that's on unhealthy coping mechanisms! #and when I say I have hoards of unfinished stories and planned but halfwritten novels #I mean that #a conservative guess would put the number of unfinished stories in the hundreds #I remember being in eighth grade and the most popular girl in my class's mom heard I loved to write and she asked what I wrote #and like ????? idk maam #words? #and so I was like scrambling for a way to describe the very intricate and bat shit crazy shit my 13 year old brain had thought up #and I was like #uh. romance #and she was like #ROMANCE #like miss girl don't get excited #I was a full 13 year old #even 25 year old me is painfully unspicy

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Master manipulator vs Master manipulator

 [First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #xue yang #a-qing #The scenes with XY and A-Qing are so delightfully tense and anxiety inducing #They are both so deep in the mind games with each other. Convinced they have the leg up when in reality they do not know the full scope #Also is is just me or do XY and A-Qing give off the vibe of internet nemeses? #A-Qing coming in hard with 'Oh you think blind people cant do XYZ? Get canceled idiot' #Meanwhile XY is the kind to purposefully use leet speak in descriptive text to antagonize the screen reader population. #a teen girl and a 4-channer who found his way to tumblr would be awful to watch fight irl but the vibes are equivalent. #Meanwhile XXC is going on a nice little walk to pick grass. I love him so much actually. #through writing these notes I have also gone down the rabbit hole of trying to pinpoint Xue Yang's age. Hello? Is it actually not known? #The best resources I could find put him as 1-3 years younger then xxc and song lan #So? early twenties? late teens? Someone who has absorbed more mdzs knowledge...Please help #Oh no I'm even deeper in the rabbit hole now. What do you mean the ages are mostly just relative? #What do you mean cultivators can age differently (usually slower in xianxia) #Oh no oh no wwx doesn't have a golden core. I was too accurate in my homestuck AU re: lifespans. I want to go back. #(I love angst and am now marinating this thought in my little thinking chamber)

[simplyavatrice]

in this life

#avatrice #warrior nun #avatriceedit #warriornunedit #ava silva #sister beatrice #alba baptista #kristina tonteri-young #still here #still right here months later #gonna do a re-watch soon #and keep writing #anyway #them <3 #and ava's back so they get their happy ending #myedits

[paintpanic]

Kirbtober Day 24: AU

[In which Panic posts art for her AU which she's never explained before.]

#kirbtober #elfilin #chaos elfilis #TL;DR: morpho getting absorbed at the end of forgo dreams fucks some shit up and a bunch of powerful souls get loose and come back to life. #drama happens and shenanigans ensue #some day i'll properly write it down #<- unlikely #bright colors #EDIT from the future: #res!au

[boxboysandotherwhump]

I polished an old piece of mine, trying to get into creating stuff again :3

#whump art #my art #digital art #whump #I finally found a solution for the first act of this story (which was stopping me to get started) #and now I'll try to slowly get back into writing and creating #in the hopes of being able to share this story with others #but I have sooooo much to do and a lot of brain fog these days so who knows if I will be able to write #but re-vamping this drawing of mine was a ton of fun non the less <3

[the-illustrative-interloper]

Jonathan Harker’s Journal - May 28th

#ignore the bs shorthand #I wasn’t about to learn how to write in it just for one visual #a funny thing happened while I was working on this #page by page I could see my work getting faster while still staying consistent #the final page took about an hour and a half #while the first probably took like 3 hours #very encouraging for when I eventually start making more longform comics! #anyways I would apologize for how long this took except I’m proud of myself for not pushing myself into burnout like I sometimes do #I hope you enjoy the finished product #dracula daily #dracula daily art #re: dracula #jonathan harker #count dracula #comic #comic art #bonus points for anyone who can figure out which panel I went back and completely redrew before I was done

[tiredbonbon]

Despondent

Yan! Albert Wesker x reader oneshot ~

A.N: I finally got motivation to write something again 😭 Resident evil has consumed my life in and out help. This was pretty much a no brainer to write so do excuse me if its not that good yet.

Summary: You made a foolish attempt to get away from him, and now your gonna endure the walk of shame back.

Warnings!: implied Kidnapping, mention of needles/medical equipment, obsessive behaviour, hurt/little to no comfort, implied manipulation, major yandere themes

“You know, this was an imbecilic plan to begin with.”

“I know.”

“And after all I do for you, it’s a bratty gesture.”

“Im sorry.”

“…” He didn’t respond to your silent apologies, still walking onwards, his heavy combat boots tapping loudly against the floor. He was meanwhile carrying you like it was nothing, and for him it probably wasn’t. His arms rested under your thighs, holding your body against his as your arms lazily hung over his shoulders and your head rested on his shoulder, your whole body language displaying defeat, because thats what you were, defeated.

The worst thing was that he wasn’t even wrong, maybe it was imbecilic to plan this out for weeks, only to miserably fail and be carried back like a toddler after throwing a tantrum.

Its been maybe 2… 3 months since this situation had began, and if you didn’t know the experience of a living nightmare, then you did now.

Chains, Belt Straps, Needles, Pills. Those were all images that flashed through your mind when you tried to remember how the time had been so far. The first month was scarce of any memories, you were a fighter most your life, so initially you were fighting him too, tooth and nail, at first he found it cute, but it didn’t take long for him to start pricking and feeding you with fast acting and heavy sedatives. The injections and pills in turn hazed your memory to an extreme, along with lots of other side effects.

The weeks after that were monotone, which was why none of them stayed in your memory much either, he’d monitor your health and gave you vitamin supplements for the lack of sunlight, you initially refused to take them, but after a while, he beat you to it too.

You really thought this could have been it, that you had outsmarted him and found a safe way to get out of there, to get your life back, but no. The faked submission so he’d put his guard down, the extreme weight loss to fit through the tight spaces in means to get out, even the combat your practiced when you were alone, it was for nothing.

Because this was Albert Wesker.

And now you were here, laying pathetically in his arms as he carried you back to the inevitable, a walk of shame. You didn’t want to fight him, no, god no, he’d break you in all senses of the word, no matter how much measly combat you practiced, his reflexes, speed and brute strength would make quick work of it, overpowering you would be easier than squashing a fly.

“I do admire your determination though, my love.”

“…” Your eyes narrowed, because you knew in his eyes determined was just another word for reckless.

“You’ve grown awfully quiet, you know?”

Tears pricked the sides of your eyes.

“I hate you.”

… he chuckled

“I know.”

#resident evil #RE #albert wesker #Albert Wesker x reader #Wesker x reader #resident evil x reader #oneshot #yandere #yandere oneshot #Yandere Albert Wesker #Yandere Albert Wesker x reader #angst #fanfiction #this is honestly just to try and get back into writing for me

[lesovyart]

im so obsessed w them that I made fanart AND my own playlist

#気になってる人が男じゃなかった #the guy she wasn't interested in wasn't a guy at all #gays bonding over 90s grunge and dad rock #no like u don't understand I'm a wlw who was raised on rock and blues since as far back as I can remember #reading this manga has been SO en #SO enjoyable #I can't believe I didn't get into it sooner!!!!! And I love the NOFX Green used all through the series omg #Also re the fanmix #I know Aya and Mitsuki are super into 90's grunge and hard rock specifically #but I added in some diff stuff from betwee #Also I tried to the playlist follow the chronology of the story and might continue to add to it/edit 🤔 #Anyway I'm really interested in the way both charas relate to music? I feel like they both see music as a place for enjoyment and discovery #but Aya is quite aware of and #secure in her emotions so uses music as an outlet for them: a way to arrange and communicate how she already knows how she's feeling #while Mitsuki seems more to use music as a way to actually understand both the world around her #but also herself... I love them both so muc #god my tags are horrific but writing tags on the tumblr app is literal hell #aya oosawa #mitsuki koga

[lizstiel]

Dean’s sitting at the kitchen table eating meatloaf when it all sort of hits – and he’s desperate to remember it exactly how it happened.

With his fork raised halfway to his mouth, a dollop of meat and sauce perched precariously on the tines, his eyes wandered over to where Cas stood by the sink in a pair of ratty pajama bottoms and one of Dean’s old t-shirts. (One of Dean’s old t-shirts, because once Cas gets his shoulders into them they never really sit the same way.)

He’s got soap up to his elbows, scrubbing methodically at the dishes Dean just dirtied, his brow a taught, concentrated line. He’s bringing the same kind of meticulous focus to the dishes that he used to bring to leading the armies of Heaven; that singular kind of attention, both unnerving and admirable. (Dean had once tried to explain that he didn’t need to wash them quite so vigorously, to which Cas had deadpanned, “Do you know how many food particles remain on the dishes you wash, Dean?” It quickly became his job, after that.)

It’s early July. About 6:30pm. The window over the sink is cracked, and the front door is wide open, letting the sound of cicadas and crickets drift in with the summer breeze. The sun’s starting to set behind the field, casting the world in that particular orange glow that has always made something in Dean ache. In the other room, the record player Sam got them for Christmas plays a beat up Janis Joplin record he’d found at a secondhand store in town. The opening chords of Me and Bobby McGee have just started, and the cicadas are humming, and the crickets are singing, and the sun is setting, and Cas is standing in old pajamas washing dishes Dean just used to make them dinner and –

Cas tilts his head.

This isn’t revolutionary. He does it a lot. A very ingrained behavior, some might say. But he isn’t confused, he’s reacting. To the song. He doesn’t react to music the way Dean wants him to, never has, but in his own way, it’s almost like he’s leaning closer to hear it. An infinitesimal thing. The smallest gesture. The corner of his mouth twitches, and Dean has never loved him more than he does at this moment: backlit by a summer sunset in their house in the middle of nowhere, hand washing dishes and listening to Janis Joplin.

Cas turns when the sound of Dean’s fork clattering on the plate sounds, but Dean just scoops him into his arms, chases any worries away with a kiss, and then another, and then one more for good measure. Cas laughs against his mouth, desperately trying to keep his soapy arms away from Dean’s dry clothes. “Dean,” he chides, squirming and chuckling, trying to extract himself from Dean’s grip. “I’m not finished.”

“I’ll get ‘em tomorrow,” Dean promises, peppering sweet little kisses down the line of Cas' throat. He hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. It tickles all the way down. “Love you so much,” he says, because he wants to. Because he’s so full with it he’s overflowing. Because if he doesn’t tell him right now, in this moment, and every moment after this one, he might die. He needs him to know. It’s vital that he knows.

Cas’ laughter warms, and he slides one soapy hand to the back of Dean’s neck, eyebrows raised in challenge when he shudders at the sensation. When Dean doesn’t immediately shoo him away, he slides the other soapy hand up Dean’s arm. “Dean?” He’s not worried, the timber of his voice is honey-smooth and light, but he’s confused. Not that Dean doesn’t tell him often, and loudly, how much he loves him, but to be fair this did kind of come from nowhere, so he understands. It’s just much too much. It’s not enough and it’s everything. It’s everything in the world Dean has ever wanted.

Janis Joplin is singing freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, and Dean’s arms are loose around Cas’ waist, and he loves him, god he loves him so much, so he kisses him on one corner of the mouth, and then the other. Janis says, nothin’, don’t mean nothin’ hon’ if it ain’t free, no, no – and he rocks their bodies together, slow, to the beat of the music. Cas’ arms come to wind around his neck automatically, and his smile starts to sprawl into something reserved for only the really good moments. Wide and gummy and for Dean – and feelin’ good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. He presses his forehead to Cas’ and they just sort of sway there like that, smiling at each other like this might be the last chance they ever get.

Cas says – “I love you, Dean,” just as Janis is singing, you know feelin’ good was good enough for me – and it occurs to Dean that he’s dancing in the kitchen with the love of his life. He thinks back to the longest, loneliest nights he spent staring up at the night sky, believing wholly he’d die bloody and alone on the backend of some random hunt, and how the smallest (but loudest) part of him had wished for exactly this. For someone to hold him and see him and dance in the kitchen with him, barefoot and covered in soap.

He kisses the tip of Cas’ nose, the lines under his eyes. Doesn’t realize he’s crying until Cas is wiping tears away with the pads of his thumbs and soothing hands through his hair. He’s crying, too. Laughing and crying and telling Dean he loves him, he loves him so much, he’s loved him from the first moment he saw him.

It settles in Dean then – really settles deep, and true, and good – that he was meant for this. He wasn’t born to be a weapon. Wasn’t born to be a son, or a father, or a brother. Wasn’t born to save the world or to end it – was just meant to dance. His arms were meant to hold. To sway them both around the cheap linoleum floor, to sling low around Cas’ waist and spin them both ‘til they were dizzy with it.

They laugh and kiss and Janis is saying – good enough for me and Bobby McGee – and Dean is thinking – Yeah. Yeah, it really is.

#i'm sorry god. #mine #my fic #this literally. listen. #this came to me like a premonition #i was playing stardew valley and then it was like #if I don't write this incredibly self indulgent sappy shit I will EXPLODE #trying to get better about listening to that voice instead of ignoring it #bc i'm not like. great at writing but it makes me feel good. or it used to #and i wanna get back to that #anyway. #love how every few months dean and cas come into my life like ;)))) hey. #remember when everything you made was about us #and i'm like. god you're so right #destiel #deancas #spn #gonna try not to re-read this a thousand times until I hate it too so if it's like #trash that's why lmao #why am i so afraid anyway #ANYWAY

[sollucets]

wrote a whole long post that didn't make sense because i'm a fic writer not a meta writer and the point comes down to this: sand and ray are both Such Bad Liars

they have honest faces. nobody, in-universe or in the audience, is ever really fooled when they pretend things are other than they are.

when sand is hurt you can tell, it's in every line of his body. ray is expressive and straightforward but hides his hurt a little better, not because he's better at lying but because the hurt hardly ever goes away.

ray can see sand freezing up and looking upset when he's called a friend or not prioritized, he can see the lie, but it doesn't matter compared to what sand's actually saying and what it'll mean if it's (not) true. he's gotten a lesson recently about pushing. and sand, i think, can see ray caring but he can't imagine it could be enough, that he could matter the most or be a priority. when ray calls sand a whore it's the only lie he told that night and sand knows it

when they hurt each other sand lies and pulls away and ray can tell, and similarly ray lies and pulls away and sand can tell, and theyre stuck in limbo because of it. awful. hate it. 10000 more just like it please

#again as always there are other layers #ray pulls back out of self-loathing (less of me will always be better for the other person) and a sort of clumsy kindness and fear #sand lies out of wounded pride and longing for something he can only get through pretending and out of self-preservation and out of fear #sand is sometimes so honest it hurts (and when he is you can see ray falling in real time) #and ray lies too now and again to try to keep people from seeing just how bad it's got #also to be clear this applies to sand's girlboss gaslight manipulation moment too #like he's better at it than regular lying because he's had time to prepare but ray still sees straight through it #just bc ray ends up telling mew anyway doesn't mean he can't see sand's ulterior motives from a mile off #this is very melodramatic of me i know but like. this is how i have to get my shit out they are rotating in my brain 24/7 #i am actually also writing fic in another tab as we speak im literally overflowing constantly thinking about them #rowan chatter #re: only friends

[toutallyahoe]

re4 remake is trying to get me to revive my account i see lmao

anyways, bitches here need content. it is i, im bitches. yall better give me or im fucking rioting

He should be asleep. It was too early in the morning for this shit, not to mention they literally fucked like wild animals last night. That should've satiated his partner. Should have. That's what [Name] had thought as he let out a tired sigh as a groan leave his lips at the pleasure spreading throughout his body.

[Name] removed the white blanket that was on his body, and he wasn't honestly surprised to find his cock was nicely wrapped around Luis' warm and wet mouth. [Name] may have not been able to look at the alarm clock that was settled on their bedside table but he knows it was early in the morning, and the sun was barely up! But what can he do when his partner was just an eager whore?

"Morning to you too," he tiredly greeted as [Name] sat up and then gently ran his hand through Luis' messy hair, looking at his partner eagerly sucking him off. Luis looked so pretty as always but at that moment, the man looked like a desperate whore greedily taking his cock. "Isn't it too early for this?"

Hearing his voice, Luis moaned around his cock as the man began to slurp messily, making [Name] moan from his actions. Luis gave a few more messy slurps as he then finally pulled off from [Name]'s dick, not before giving the tip a wet kiss as he did. Luis then gave a large, innocent grin towards his lover as his hands settles on [Name]'s thighs.

"Finally awake, guapo?" Luis giggled as he wiped the drool slipping from his lips. "You kept me waiting," he said as [Name] barely bit down a groan when Luis took his dick in his hand and began to slowly stroke up and down as Luis would often playfully squeeze to get a moan out of him. "So I had to proceed by myself." Luis leaned down to take [Name]'s cock back into his mouth again.

[Name] swore under his breath at the audacity of his partner. In the end, he decided to take control and punish him a little. Luis can't get away with being a cheeky little whore, not this time. [Name] thrust his hips up into Luis' mouth, keeping a firm grip on his partner's hair to stop Luis from moving as [Name] slowly but surely fucks his cock down Luis' throat.

Luis let out muffled moans as he began to hump against [Name]'s leg with desperation, rubbing swelling dick against [Name]'s leg as he whined and drooled over his lover's cock. It really seems like last night's sex truly wasn't enough for Luis.

#top male reader #tou thirst #resident evil x male reader #luis sera x male reader #i loved him in the og and i was thirsting when i saw his remake design a few months ago #now my bitch boi is here and i demand some crumbs of content #please #me and cn are fucking starving #also not me cackling at seeing yall re simps coming here because i saw my resident evil posts getting attention once again #especially the leon kink list and the belly bulge with ethan chris and karl akdbakdakdbakdjskd #luis sera is out here making me write again #goddamn its been so long #sorry for fucking off once again yall #i legit really havent been in a writing mood #busy and shite #but im back and still a simp

[thatonegayship]

I loved the cowboy comic so much that I wrote a oneshot for it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934235 🥺 your art is BEYOND amazing, ty for the food

INCREDIBLE!!!!!

#billdip #I honestly loved this story start to finish with the ambience and quick pace #hadn't considered the possibility of Bill and Dipper actually working *together* but it's always a good time when they do ❤️ #sorry it took so long to reblog 🥲 #I read it like- Right when you posted. But I had to catch a plane and then drive an extra hour home and immediately get on zoom for class #and today i was just all around exhausted so i slept roughly 70% of the entire day dndsjdndnd #all that to say that I had your fic in the back of my mind and I very much wanted to set some time aside and re-read it when I got the chan #honestly with how well you set things up I would've loved to see your own rendition of their first kiss #You established their relationship really well at the start and brought them together by the end after outsmsrtong those bandits #it feels like you have a better understanding of who they are to each other than even i do 😌 very much a fan #i love when stories incorporate those sort of 'habits' that the love interests fall into #that confuses character A while character B is so clearly using it as an excuse to get close and spend more time with them #i squealed like a maniac when Bill was like oooph lemme walk you home 😏🤠 #sir i am going to wrangle you up if you don't compose yourself #and Dipper's just wary of him because people as handsome as bill used to pick on him 😢 #little does he know he's grown into a 10/10 cutie patootie that any cowboy would be stupid NOT to smooch #I'm a simple man. I read oblivious low-confidence cowboy being pursued by a hottie on a horse. I lose my shit #Awesome wonderful writing!!! so happy to have caught your eye and i hope to continue pumping out content for this wonderfully weird ship

[okitanoniisan]

new rgg fans will never know what they missed back in ye olden days of the fandom (like, 2019), doubly so now that scott strichart's deleted his twitter and jon riesenbach's privated. twitter was so fucking fun and then whatever-the-hell at sega of america happened and caused a fucking snowball effect and now we have shitass localization and resulting discourse that makes every release nigh unbearable, misinformation, confusion, people complaining about "bad writing/mischaracterization" not realizing it's because of the shitass english loc, i'm sitting here like jesus christ these loc bitches massacred saejima's character voice, people will never see him as he was intended, as original yakuza 5 localization Correctly painted him, and now they're coming for kiryu. god help us. we used to be a proper fandom. before everyone was subjected to the remastered localizations and shaky eng characterization. no one had even played yakuza 3-5, people still called morning glory "sunshine" orphanage, kiryu was our only protagonist and people still called him "boring", it was beautiful...

anyway gaiden uses affective instead of effective because the current localization team is full of careless dumbasses who don't give a fuck about ensuring they're using correct english grammar and this is not an isolated incident

#ada speaks #ive been playing through the series again from 0-5 and. yeesh #it goes from LIFE IS GOOD. LOC IS GOOD. to. oh. #yakuza 5's original localization is near perfect and they couldve made it better but instead #they opted for the cost cutting approach and decided NOT to retranslate and instead #just fucking. re-localized the localization and SO much is wrong. so much. #im playing simultaneously with a friend (myself on ps3 them on pc) and seeing the differences #and it happens in y3r and y4r too where #the original line is localized > the remastered line takes it and runs with it bc they have no original translation context #ie. in 3 rikiya says he likes 'wild' dancers. (re: strip club) it gets localized to be him liking 'aggressive' dancers. #in 3 remastered he says he likes AGGRESSIVE DOMINEERING WOMEN and that gets his Gears Turning #or. in 5 shinada says that uno is 'a little sad up top' re: his hair. and 5 remastered he says 'kinda mopey' #because they misunderstood the original english loc and so. completely fucked up the line to mean something else entirely #its like broken telephone #the same is SOMEHOW also happening in 8... i dont know HOW but somehow it fucking is #meanwhile im revisiting zero and going OH YEAH GOOD CHOICE. THAT MAKES SENSE. GREAT WRITING. WOW THAT'S AN A+ INTERPRETATION OF THAT LINE. #i miss the old loc team so bad. bring me back. #its mostly frustrating because i can see the shitass eng writing and still enjoy the game beneath it (unless it's not voiced.) but #i feel so bad for everyone flying blind and forced to take the loc at face value #its been like this since lost judgment but the main story was Fine (if a bit rushed) because. scott was still doing his thing #the substories in lost judgment also felt like they were of the same calibre (shit.) as remastered and. idk. #it seems like its been a shitshow at SoA behind the scenes for Years #and it shows.

[alexis-royce]

Out of character I just need the Warm Amber like everyone else, so it’s a normal grind. But in character I think The Ex-Disgraced Academic is just plain getting high on honey and music at Buckingham before crawling off to Helicon to cry on Leoidea’s shoulder and talk about paintings.

They’re just not doing well right now.

#fallen london #Firmament #I really enjoyed the first chapter #Really bombastic and fun and I think I understand what’s going on #Like as much as you’re supposed to when a mystery is being set up #It’s a mysterious setting so I’m happy to be intregued and interested #And the re-writing stuff is of course my jam so I’m terribly excited about this #We never found out what was the true nature of the peril from the Horticulture Festival so heck yeah getting back to that #Mwah my compliments to the chef thank you for the good fucking food

[queenofbaws]

i will not stand here and say the quarry's writing is perfect by any means, but man. that moment. in the beginning. when chris absolutely loses his shit and you see every last one of the hacketteers freeze..............shocked, wide-eyed, so taken aback they don't move even to look at each other.............

and then, realizing what just happened, chris scrambles frantically to grab hold of the situation again. he tries to grin at ryan ("tries" being the keyword), he tosses him the keys like nothing's wrong. he tries to go back to being mr. h - he does, he tries so hard - and finally when ryan talks to him, there's what waver in his voice. that absolute lack of understanding in his eyes. ryan's not just surprised, he's not just shocked......for a second there, he is scared, and chris sees that, realizes it, and peels out of there before anyone can say anything else. just.....

JUST............

i think that moment is 100% the moment i realized UH OH I THINK I LOVE CHRIS HACKETT because that's when we see the counselors have been around this guy for two whole months (some of them even longer, possibly), and not once. not once!!!!!!!!!!! had they realized who he really was.

ugh. UGH. i LOVE IT.

#queenie rambles about supermassive #dont even get me started on the flashback with him and travis in the station either #we as the audience like. ONLY see chris at his worst. from the beginning he's grumpy. he's vaguely suspicious. he's screaming into a car. #but the hacketteers SO CLEARLY have not seen him like that. not even once. even when dylan jokes about the sex dungeon... #you know it's tongue in cheek on his part - trying to get a response from ryan #i just. gfdi i know i always end up feeling the most attached to the characters with literally the least screentime of all but i love chris #i really really ReaLLY love the idea of this guy who puts on the happy wholesome corny dad face #only to turn around and be eeeeevery bit as unpleasant as the rest of the family turns out to be #AGAIN! THE SCENE WITH TRAVIS IN THE FUCKING STATION!!! #this is probably just because im replaying tq and getting back into writing #the hacketts #but fuck me. FUCK ME. the thought of mr. h and chris hackett being two very separate characters is just. so. good. #anyway i'm in a totally normal place re: my mental health lately. how about you guys.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Breaking down the Comics: Elias Spector's Death

Okay. Okay. I'm going to try to be....a little comprehensible.... I'm going to fail. Just a warning. 

I want to talk about the first run of Moon Knight. Specifically the last issues of the first run. There were 38 issues in the very first run of their own comic. After that, they reached out to a larger audience and started to print differently and started over with #1 because comics suck at a comprehensible numbering system. 

In the start, we meet Marc Spector, see him have a conflict of heart, die, come back, and become Moon Knight. He starts to add in identities of Jake and Steven as a way to be anyone else but Marc Spector and claims they are just him starting over and trying to use their lives as a way to do things better. (a system that has not yet realized that it is a system. Denial is not just a river). 

We see him fight some of his villains that start to play bigger parts later in the series. We see him make friends as Jake and money and love as Steven. We see bits of his past and some stories of Marc Spector’s adventures. We meet Randall and even get to see Marc fail to save people (Crowly’s son, Randall, Gena’s friend). We see him struggle with Khonshu and his identity a bit. We even see him break down a couple times. 

But the way that fist run ends is to me the real defining moment for Moon Knight. Let’s take you to: 

Issue #37, The Ghost.

It opens with Elias dying of cancer in a hospital in Chicago. On his deathbed, he calls for Marc. 

The comic notes that they have been estranged for 18 years. 

In this comic, Steven has finished organizing the files on Marc and is still grappling with the fact that he and Marc are in fact two different people. He thinks once he has organized Marc’s life, he can lock it up and they can become Steven Grant forever and never have to deal with that unpleasantness again. 

Up to this point, we have been seeing them struggle with their identities. Still under the illusion that they are one man putting on different identities who can't decide what life to live. 

Understandable, considering that Marc does not want to be Marc anymore. Steven detests the life that was lived as Marc and Jake pushes back on both lives, wanting to be with friends and a simple man of the people. 

In many ways, Marc only surfaces when things of the past come up. He refuses to acknowledge that he's still around and when he is faced with that fact, he is stressed and full of rage. 

We've seen clips of Marc's past. We see him working as a guide for not always good people through tough parts of the world. We see him working for hire with the Feds in capturing a runner. We see the CIA and world organizations hiring him. Is it any wonder that he's so skilled? That his past is often overlooked when it comes to SHIELD and other entities, because he probably not only worked for them, but probably also carried out shady business for them. But that's a different story. 

In this issue, we see Steven watching a recording of one of the missions Marc was on. "Spector led a scout team. We took a terrorist camp in a cross border operation. The only problem was that our  .50 caliber gunners couldn't be bothered with fine distinctions between terrorists, women, and children." 

As much as we'd like to see Marc as a man of misfortune and circumstance, he wasn't always a good guy. He often tried his best to be good in his missions, often feeling conflicted and trying to save people or turning on those that he found to be of bad character, but sometimes he was a bad guy. 

It's important to see these bits so we can better understand Marc and his intense trauma, his guilt, and his self hatred. 

This issue uses this to show how far away from his father's teachings Marc fell. How he pushed so hard against his father that he ended up on the other side. 

In my books, this is the most important Moon Knight story. The story of where he came from. Of his father and his faith. 

His parents fled to America when Germany took over Czechoslovakia. In Europe, his father had been a great man that was "ordained a Rabbi at eighteen, and went on to become a brilliant scholar in the Kabbalah, Jewish Mysticism." 

They moved to the poor side of Chicago where his father tried to teach him that "God loves a poor man. [...] Poor in goods, rich in spirit." (Something Jake Lockley adheres to). 

Here, they suffered antisemitism. They were beaten and used as scapegoats for everything wrong. 

Interestingly enough, he sites that his mother died when he was just a child. with the frequent beatings, fear, and death of his mother, it's any wonder Marc suffered some trauma?He became angry at his father for not standing up for himself or them. 

His father wanted him to study to become a Rabbi and Marc turned to boxing and self defense. 

When his father tries to stop him during a fight, he punches him. His father disowns him and kicks him out. 

The next day Marc joined the Marines. He focused "for eight years" to become the best. When he was the best, he became a mercenary. 

If you jump forward several writers, you find out that he was dishonorably discharged from the Marines for bouts of dissociation and mental health. But let's stay focused on the original story. 

Steven has found out that their father is dying and he is refusing to go back. "He said he never wanted to see me again, he meant it. I won't go back." 

An important aspect of this comic is that Marlene notes herself to be Steven's lover, confidant, and guru. 

She acts as their guide in matters of the mind and heart. She's always the one that calms them and helps them to reconcile when the three of them start to fight one another and don't know who they are. 

Despite her not understanding his DID, and they themselves not understanding it, she is a huge help for them. 

I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and opinions on Marlene, but it's good to note that she was originally written as a very important part of his story. 

"Marc Spector was always an escapist. When your relationship with your brother Randall soured you just forgot him for ten long years until it was too late and he died hating you. I can feel what kind of spin you're in, Steven, but you have to accept the responsibility, make amends now. Steven Grant and Moon Knight have no fathers. Only Marc Spector does." 

That's a very interesting view into all their relationships and how they keep one another at arms length. Jake, Steven, and Marc refuse to believe they have the same past, responsibilities, or life. 

Yet, when Marc is struggling with dealing with the approaching death of his father, and facing him, Steven takes the floor and tries to help Marc get out of it. (Just like Jake jumping out the window later in Lemier's version of the story. Always running...Maybe I'll do something on that later...) 

While out being Moon Knight, he comes across a Synagogue on fire. He sees a man run into the burning building and finds a Rabbi struggling to save the Torah from the fire. 

"The five books of Moses. He put his life on the line for this. My father would have done the same, I'll bet. Though he wouldn't lift a finger against the thugs who bullied him. I guess every man's got his own reason for being a hero." 

He finds out that the fire was set on purpose by NeoNazis. It reminds him of when he was a child and he flies into a rage. 

"I'm not about to let these Nazi goons get off with 'Malicious mischief' and a slap on the wrists." 

He's been through this before. There is weight to the thought that a lot of Marc's childhood trauma stems from dealing with religious trauma and antisemitism. 

I think as time moves on, we forget the time period that Moon Knight is set in. He isn't just a child of a jewish immigrant. 

His father fled the Holocaust. There is a high likelihood that friends and family did not make it out. Marc grew up hearing about relatives he lost. Knowing that his blood line probably didn't make it out of Europe. That there are no pictures of his ancestors. That he can't go back and see the old houses and towns. 

His father was a Rabbi, which means he was in a big part of a Jewish community that also probably fled or flat out came from the camps. He grew up seeing the tattoos, the poor health, the people with PTSD, and hearing the stories. 

We're talking severe Generational Trauma. 

When Marc finds the Nazi scum that burned the synagogue he has some of my favorite lines that define him: 

"You know where I belong, punk? I belong with the decent and innocent folk who can't find a moment's peace. Not in the streets, not in their own homes, so long as punks like you terrorize them. I belong with the persecuted." 

Detective Flint shows up and stops him before he kills them. (I honestly forgot Flint went back to the beginning. That poor man has dealt with so much Moon shit.) 

Marc realizes he needs to face things and heads to Chicago. 

But he is too late. He arrives in time for the funeral. He's handed a kippah and he puts it on for the first time in years. 

Now, we get to learn a bit about Elias. 

We come to find him as a man in desperate search of Self and Spirit. A man who was so stern and severe but also a man that sought truth and a just way to live. 

His line of research focused on the "knowledge to see beyond the physical. To know the universe as a reflection of the divine image and to see mankind redeemed..." 

It discusses how the body cannot meet G-d, but only the spirit and only in death can the spirit travel. 

We find out later that he was seeking a way to bring back the departed who have met with G-D and the other side. 

A man that refused to fight back against those that had done him wrong, who believed that given enough time that G-D would punish those that had brought them harm. 

A man that sought for a way to face G-D after watching a world try to wipe his people off the very earth. An interesting thought. 

During the eulogy, Marlene reflects that "It's almost as though he were speaking of you as Steven Grant. A man in search of self and spirit who rejected Marc Spector's materialism to become Moon Knight - A social conscience and moral force, just, severe, unknowable." 

Steven later goes to visit their father's grave at night and comes across some thugs spray painting a swastika on some of the grave stones and vandalizing them. He’s emotional and outraged that even here there is no peace to be found. It turns out this was all a distraction as someone has stolen his father's corpse! 

Issue #38, And the dead shall rise: (I love that cover). 

We see Moon Knight struggling with his identity. Elias was not a father to them all. Marc is emotional and pissed, but still refusing to take responsibility for his part in all this. 

"Moon Knight will find his...Marc Spector's father and return him to the dignity of a final resting place..." Steven refuses to say ‘my father’. Any mention of Elias is always in relation to Marc and even Marc can’t make himself be present when talking about his father. 

Marlene is tasked with helping to clear out Elias' study and donate his papers and books to the university when she's attacked by someone who runs off with some of the papers. 

Steven returns and has a small break down. "I'll find him, Marlene, and I'll kill him for desecrating my father's grave and memory!" "That's Marc Spector the cold - hearted mercenary talking, not you stev--" "How long can I deny it, Marlene. I AM Marc Spector!" 

And Marc is finally taking charge. The first time he has taken ownership of his father and how he feels. 

He sees his father in a new light. 

"I may have misjudged my father's saintliness for cowardice and his genius and moral zeal for fanaticism. [...] And isn't moon knight in his own way a moral zealot fighting perhaps for the very same values Marc Spector once rejected?" 

Now that is an interesting way to look at it. Moon Knight is about doing the right thing. About protecting those that need it. About believing in something unkillable and powerful. Moon Knight is about an idea of man being more than he is. Is this not what his father believed in? 

We learn that Elias had uncovered a way to bring a soul back to the dead body with necromancy where it could then "utter its knowledge of God to a living Kabbalist." 

Turns out one of Elias' students decided to test this out on Elias' freshly dead body. 

He does manage to resurrect the dead body of Elias, who zombie walks towards Moon Knight. 

Marc immediately starts having flashbacks and intense guilt. Even with his dead father trying to strangle him, he refuses to fight back: "No! I'll die before I ever lay my hands on him again, I swear it! Father, forgive me-" 

Marlene shows up and manages to break the spell, sending Elias back to death. 

Marlene tends to save him a lot in the earlier runs. Just something to note. 

Marc once more is not present. Curled up on the floor after melting down, he is beyond emotional and most likely dissociating out the wazoo. "I found him, Marlene... I found...Spector's father." 

Once more, Marc is being protected. Marc, who hated how his father sheltered him and wanted to feel the real world in violence and brutality is often in need of being sheltered. Steven, who wants to rid himself of Marc and the past is often doing the sheltering. 

When it comes to emotions, Marc is often the one being overcome. Either in fits of anger and rage, guilt and regret, or just overwhelmed in sadness or traumatic responses. Steven Grant is usually the one that is shown to be calm and collected. 

In fact, at the start of the issues, when Steven is watching Marc’s tapes and going through his things, he’s detached and unemotional. Steven has the ability to see things from a different perspective of ‘useful’ and ‘Not useful’. It’s rare that Steven responds to things with emotion unless Marc is involved and they are arguing or Marc has put them or someone he cares about in danger. 

Frankly, it’s possible that Steven is the caretaker in the early comics. Mackay has shown that Steven not only manages their finances, but their hygiene and body care. He’s the rational and logical one. The one that can face down a villain without reacting. He’s also the one that does all the exercises and rehab when Marc puts them in a wheelchair. 

The story ends with them returning home to New York. Steven notes that they almost died because of Marc's emotions. He also notes that Marc seems to have resolved some of the bitterness that was held with his father's memory. He comments that he feels a peace of mind and like a whole new person. 

Steven and Marc featured heavily in this with Steven shielding Marc without even realizing he was doing it. And as a system that has not come to full realization yet, it is possible that Steven is starting to understand here, which is why he feels like a whole new person at peace with himself. 

This is also how the first run of Moon Knight as a stand alone comic ended. 1980-1984. 

Before this issue, Jake was featured heavily. Steven was the mansion party pretty boy that lounged around with Marlene. Jake was the one out doing his reconnaissance and hanging with Gena and Crowley. 

It was a good connection to link Steven and Marc’s past with the father and Jewish faith. Jake would have been easier to connect. Jake is the son that Marc wishes he had been. 

But Jake is emotional. Jake wants nothing to do with Marc’s bloody past. Calls him a killer and would be happy to spend all day in his cab. If anything, when Steven and Marc talk about Jake, it often feels like two older brothers talking about a goofy but kind younger brother. 

A few issues earlier, when they ended up in a wheelchair for a time, Steven lamented that he didn’t think he could give up driving Jake’s cab, as it brought him too much joy. 

So I can see why this issue needed Steven to be involved. Steven doesn’t know who he is at this point. He hasn’t been defined and given the chance to figure out what makes him happy and tick. Jake has already broken off and figured out who he is. He knows he’s Jake Lockley. But who is Steven Grant aside from Marlene’s eye candy and the rich boy? 

Settling Marc’s past, seeing who he was and where he was coming from, protecting him, and facing down the Nazi threat was eye opening for him. Much like in the show, Steven needed to see where they came from to see where he belonged. 

Does it get easier for Steven and Marc to interact after this? Not really. Marc is still self destructive and a danger to them. But I think when Marc falls down that path, it’s easier for Steven to know where Marc is coming from. To help him get out of the spiral and let them function. 

An interesting aspect is how much Marc’s past has been re-written over and over again by different writers. His mother’s role, his relationship with his brother, his religious handlings, his trauma, and his violent past are redesigned each time a new writer gets their hands on him. 

No one really knows how to handle Marc’s relationship with G-D or his specific type of trauma. Marc’s guilt is’t because he betrayed his culture or religion. He didn’t turn his back on that. His fate with heaven and hell are constructed by Christian writers that don’t understand or research things well enough. 

Marc’s pain is that he can’t let go of the choices he made. The regrets of relationships that he turned his back on weigh heavily on him. His inability to save people and the times he didn’t try when he should have are agony to him. 

“You can’t save everyone, but you have to try.” Marc’s problem is that he will break himself trying. He can’t handle the thought that he can’t save everyone. Each one he loses is a scar on him that eats away at him as another example of him destroying everything good in his life. 

Marc has gotten to the point where a flower would wilt and he’d take it as a personal hit that he didn’t try hard enough. 

He lost his brother. He was too late for his father. He couldn’t help Marlen’s father. Marc needs the reminders that sometimes he has to lay down and rest. Steven tends to be that reminder. 

When Marc forgets that he’s more than just a killer, Steven steps in and tells Marc to sit down and shut up. He is balance and control that both Marc and Jake lack and I really wish we got to see more of this, especially in current writings. 

I want to see that Marc is the emotional hot head. That Jake is the heart and soul. That Steven is the cool and collected protector. I want to see them wrestle with G-D in a way that makes sense to them. I want to see how Marc has healed and how they are processing their trauma. I want them to show that they can work together and know what one another needs. I want them to show that healing is possible without losing any part of themselves. 

Sometimes healing looks like three guys sharing time and doing their own thing. Not one guy being in control of the body full time. Sometimes healing is one guy celebrating Purim while the other two take a back seat because it isn’t their thing. 

I’m prepared for disappointment, but I hope I’m pleasantly surprised. 

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Meta #moon knight meta #I'm back on it everyone #I was supposed to be writing something else and this happened #I'm so sorry #Marc Spector #Steven Grant #I'll find a good Jake one next #I wish the new guys would go back and re-read the old stuff #There's some gold in there that should not be missed or re-written #I'm not normal about Moon Knight #Marc needs more hugs #Someone get Steven off his high horse and back into that speedo #He needs to learn to relax sometimes #Jake needs a buddy #I miss the Moon Knight friends