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havin-a-wee · 3 years

Note

could u ever do a smutty one where h and y/n had a fling in the best or are just each others occasional hook ups but when h has a date y/n gets like really upset and he finds out so he makes it up to her and confesses his feelings saying stuff like „y're my best girl, y'know that petal?“🥺👉🏻👈🏻 love ur writing beyond words, have an amazing day :))))

Date Night

warnings: unprotected sex

word count: 1.6k

to whoever sent in this ask im so so so sorry it literally took me like two months to answer it i feel so bad but i like how it turned out so i hope this makes up for it!

You shouldn’t be crying. You really shouldn’t. Yet tears are spilling down your face as you break down in choppy sobs, your chest heaving and your cheeks hot.

You have no right to be jealous, and you know that. You and Harry are only friends with benefits, and nothing else. He is allowed to be on a date right now, and it’s not his fault that you’ve managed to fall in love with him throughout the course of your relationship. You met through a mutual friend, began hanging out and then later started hooking up. And while he sees you as his best friend who he just happens to fuck sometimes, you see him as so much more. And you wish that maybe it could be different between you. That maybe he does reciprocate your feelings and if you just told him how you feel he’d tell you he feels the same way.

But as far as you know, there is no chance of that happening. Especially considering the fact that he’s currently at a restaurant with some hot blonde girl he met last week.

Your thoughts are put to a halt when your phone rings, and you pick it up to see none other than Harry himself calling. And as much as you want to decline the call, Harry would never decline yours no matter what, so with a hefty sigh you bring the phone to your ear.

“Hi”

“Hey petal, the date was a bust, all she wanted t’talk about was m’money.” Harry laughs weakly over the phone, and you smile at the news that it didn’t work out. You shouldn’t be happy about it, and it does make you feel guilty because Harry deserves happiness. You just wish he could find that happiness with you.

Lost in your own train of thought, you forget that you’re supposed to be suppressing your tears. Another salty droplet rolls down your cheek and your sniffle.

Suddenly, Harry begins talking again, and that’s when you realize your mistake. “Petal? Y’okay? Sounds like y’crying.” His voice immediately switches from joking to sympathetic and worried, and you can imagine how he looks right now, creased forehead and wide eyes.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” You wipe the tear off your cheek with the sleeve of your hoodie, clearing your throat to try and hide the sound of your throat that's sore from crying.

“No y’not y/n, I know what y’crying sounds like. M’already going in the direction of y’house so m’coming over and staying till’ y’tell me what's wrong.”

The tone of his voice tells you there’s no changing his mind, so you sigh and murmur an “okay” before hanging up the phone.

It took about five minutes for Harry to knock on the door. During that time, you went into your bathroom and attempted to hide the red, puffy skin that had overtaken your cheeks. It didn’t really work, and you were still trying to hide it when you heard him knock. So with a disappointed sigh, you slump over to the door and open it.

Harry steps in quickly, placing his coat on a hanger and then turning back to you.

“What’s wrong pet, hmm?” He places his ringed hand on your cheek, thumb running over the skin that's been reddened from your tears.

And despite the years you’ve spent hiding your feelings, despite the hours you’ve had to listen to Harry retell stories about his hookups, despite the yearning you’ve felt for your best friend since you met him, this was your breaking point. Tear after tear after tear. They flow uncontrollably down your face and all you can manage to do is look up at Harry. He pulls you into him, placing one hand behind your head and one around your waist.

And you just cry into Harry’s shoulder.

You don’t know how long you’ve been standing there, but Harry eventually brings you couch, and as soon as he sits you both down you curl up into his warm chest.

“Y’gonna tell me what’s wrong? Y’don’t ‘ave to, just hate seeing yeh cry.”

Finally, you pick up your head from where it’s tucked into his torso.

It might be the daze you’re in from the emotions swirling through your head. It might be the glass of wine you downed earlier to help drown out the feeling of jealousy. It might be all the pent up frustration from years of pining for someone you could never have. Or it might have been none of those things. Whatever it was, there was something inside of you that snapped. Like a damn collapsing and letting the water topple over and flood everything. The barrier you spent so long building broke in two, allowing all of those emotions to spill out.

“I love you Harry.” His eyes snapped open, and his mouth moved to speak, but you cut him off. “And not just as a friend. I’ve always loved you, and I know that if you don’t feel the same way, things will be awkward, but I don’t care anymore. Seeing you excited to go out with another girl hurt, because all I’ve wanted for so long was for that girl to be me.”

He stares at you. There was a second where you debated getting up and running out of the house, afraid of what his response would be. But just before you could put that plan into action, his lips collided with yours.

Your mouth meld perfectly, soft lips biting and nipping at each other. His tongue slips past your parted lips and twirls around your own. You’re breathless by the time he disconnects, the feeling that you had been longing for sent your mind spinning.

“Y’don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that,” he pants, green irises staring deeply into yours. Without another word, you lean in and kiss him again, this time with more vigor than before. Much to your dismay, he separates the two of you again, however he keeps his arms tangled around your body and holds you close.

“Y're my best girl, y'know that petal? None of those silly girls could ever replace you.”

As your lips touch for the third time, it’s clear that both of you have been waiting for this moment for a long time. You savor the feeling, taking short moments to pause and soak in the feeling of his lips on yours.

Slowly, his hand creeps down the small of your back, but you can tell he’s hesitant to move it down further. But you want this, so you remove the hand that’s stroking his hair and place it on his, moving his hand down to your ass manually. He pulls his lips away, looking into your eyes for a sign of confirmation. You realize what he’s looking for, so you nod vigorously in response.

Quickly, he lifts himself off the couch, placing you on your back and positioning himself on top of you.

“H- please, I want you to make love to me,” you whine. His expression fills with hunger and he reaches to unbutton his jeans, shimmying them off quickly and tossing them to the ground. You can see the bulge pressed up against his boxers, and you reach out to palm him through the thin material.

“Fuck petal, y’gonna be the death o’me, y’know that?”

Harry dives into kiss you, using one of his hands to pull down your soft pajama shorts along with your panties. “Harry-”

“I gotchu petal, I gotchu, don’t worry.”

You assist him in pulling off his boxers, his large erection springing out. He’s huge, but you can’t say you didn’t expect it. The precome on his tip is calling for you to lick it, but you just want him to be inside of you, so you make a mental note to do that sometime soon. He grips the base of his cock, lining it up with your entrance. “M’gonna go slow alright?”

You hum your approval, and he responds by pushing the head inside your tight, soaking hole. Even with just an inch inside, you know it’s going to be a stretch, so you take a deep breath and hold onto his shoulders.

Inch by inch, he pushes himself inside of you. Harry stills for a minute, sensing the discomfort in your demeanor. Luckily, it doesn’t take long for the pain to subside and the pleasure to kick in, and soon enough you are moaning out for him to move.

He takes your instructions swiftly, pulling almost all the way out of you until quickly thrusting himself fully back in. “Fuck!”

Your cries are muffled when he leans down to kiss you, his hips continuing to rock as he pushes his length into you.

The air is hot, filled with moans and the smell of sex. You haven’t ever felt this good in your life, especially when he thrusts in extra deep and hits that special spot inside of you. “Harry- god,”

“Sweet girl, am I makin’ yeh feel good?”

“Mhm..”

“Tell me petal, who makes y’feel like this?”

“Harry! Only Harry,”

“Good girl.”

He slams into you, speeding up his thrusts and colliding his hips with yours. Both of you are groaning messes, caught up in the moment and unable to form any coherent sentences. You feel his cock twitch inside of you, and you know you’re close too by the way your stomach and pussy are clenching. He can feel it too, hitting deeper inside of you to bring you to your climax.

“God Y/N, I love you so fuckin much.”

That was all it took for your orgasm to come crashing down, coursing through your body with strength and fervor. The feeling of you squeezing as you came sent Harry over the edge, his milky cum shooting into your pussy and covering the soft walls.

You don’t know if this means you’re dating or not, or where his head is at. All you know is that you love him, and he loves you. And that’s enough for you.

#harry styles smut #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles fic #one direction #harry styles fic rec #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles blog #harry styles story #harry styles one shot

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sexy-monster-fucker · 4 years

Text

Selfish

Eddie Brock/Venom x Reader ANGST

requested by anon: imagine a scenario where Eddie and reader (they’re dating) get into a fight or argument but VENOM doesn’t give a shit about the fight and misses his morsel and is bothering Eddie to talk to him/her to makeup... maybe some angsty sexy longing in there, maybe Venom takes the drivers seat to be with his morsel because the fighting is trivial human shit he could care less for... 💕

requested by anon: Do you do angsty stuff? Like maybe Eddie and reader get into a bad fight and break up and neither one of them stop to think how Venom feels.

requested by anon: Howdy, just wanted to say I love your blog! Also I appreciate a good angsty fic, you're definitely not alone. Hope you had a good Halloween!

“Don’t pretend like this is okay,” Eddie slammed the door behind him...

You had just got back from your monthly office party. Your boss thought it was good bonding for everyone to get together once a month. You found it repetitive and ridiculous. Tonight had been different though. Eddie came for the first time ever, but things at the party were different. One of your coworkers had shown up wasted, “An embarrassment to the company,” you had thought. He was stumbling around, grabbing every girl in sight. He just happened to come up to you and attempt to grope you. He grabbed a handful of you from behind, causing you to jump. “N-Nice ass,” he burped out. “What the fuck,” Eddie raised his voice. “Wh-What’s your pro-problem, dude? She’s just some chick, don’t take it so personal,” he pointed in Eddie’s face. Eddie gritted his teeth, “She’s my girlfriend. And I suggest you step away from her.” You grabbed Eddie’s hand, “C’mon, Eds. He isn’t worth it.” Your co-worker pushed Eddie back, “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do-do about it, b-bub?” Eddie’s eyes went white; Venom was trying to take over. You grabbed Eddie and pulled him back, “Ed! No!” He turned to see you scared. He knew he needn’t handle things the way he wanted. He gave his attention back to your co-worker, “You got lucky this time, but it you ever try something like that with my lady again, you’ll pay.” You and Eddie began walking away when your co-worker began laughing, “What a pussy. His girlfriend convinced him he shouldn’t fight? Nah, he’s just scared-scared he’d loose.” Eddie stiffened up. You placed a hand on his bicep, “Eddie, he’s drunk. Don’t.” Eddie pulled away from your grasp and walked over to him. Eddie lifted him off he ground by his collar with one hand. Venom’s growl escaped Eddie mouth, “I won’t warn you again, insect.” You pulled Eddie away and your co-worker hit the ground. “Wh-what the hell has that guy been eating,” he muttered under his breath. Everyone in the room stared at you and Eddie. Eddie looked angry. You were embarrassed. You ran out, Eddie chased behind you.

...You held yourself tightly. Eddie had embarrassed you in front of your co-workers. You knew he was just protecting you, but he did not have to take it so far. “You’re really going to act like that guy didn’t make a pass at you,” Eddie yelled in anger. “Please stop yelling,” you whispered. Eddie blew his breath out. “Oh? Is that how it is? Just normal? You’re not even upset,” Eddie’s voice cracked. You placed your hand over your mouth. “Whatever,” Eddie scoffed, “Just pretend like it didn’t happen. I wouldn’t expect you to be upset anyway. You never are unless I am the one who messed up.” You turned and felt warm tears falling from your eyes. You had a lump in your throat, “OF COURSE I AM UPSET, EDDIE!” Eddie’s expression changed quickly when you raised your voice. “I can’t keep doing this, Ed. You know it upset me! But you didn’t have top flip out so immaturely! No woman wants to be groped by some drunk guy! I could loose my job over how you acted! You embarrassed me!” Eddie was silent. He stared at you while you cried. He did not know what do to. He was still so angry, but he knew he had hurt you. “I-I’m sorry, Y/N,” Eddie whispered. You were frustrated, “YOU ALWAYS ARE! Maybe if you’d think for five seconds before acting you wouldn’t have to be sorry all the time!” You could feel your heartbeat in your ears. You were beyond angry. Eddie stood in front of you, a frown painted on his face. “I’m leaving, Eddie. We need some time apart,” you stated walking past him. Eddie went to grab you and you pulled away, “No, Eddie. We can’t keep fighting all the time. I need a break.” You walked out.

Eddie began crying. “Oh my God, what have I done,” he held his face in his hands. Venom appeared next to Eddie. He was confused. Not completely understanding where you had went and why you had left. “Ed, what happened? Where did our princess go,” Venom questioned. Eddie leaned against the door, slowly sliding down it until he sat on the floor. “She broke up with me,” Eddie whispered. Venom did not understand, “What does that even mean?” Eddie blew his breath out, “She decided she did not want to be my partner anymore, V. She is no longer a part of our life. And it’s all my fault.” Venom snarled. He was angry that Eddie had made such a foolish mistake. “What’s wrong with you? Why would you do that,” Venom hissed at Eddie. “Listen, Venom. These kinds of things happen. People break up. Trust me, this hurts me a hell of a lot more than it hurts you,” Eddie was cold in his words. Venom growled at Eddie, “You are going to get her back!” Eddie rolled his eyes, “Don’t be an idiot.” Venom pulled Eddie up to his feet. He made Eddie’s hand grip the doorknob. “NO,” Eddie argued. “YOU! ARE! GOING,” Venom demanded, causing Eddie to open the door. Eddie was angry, yet relieved.

You stood outside in the cold. You were waiting on a cab. You heard someone approaching you from behind. You knew it was Eddie, “Listen, Ed, I’m not-” It wasn’t him. It was simply another attendee at the apartment. The man gave you an odd look because you had spoken to him. He continued on across the road. You were disappointed it hadn’t been Eddie. You would not admit it, but you wanted Eddie to come chasing after you. It was childish and immature. You should have just worked things out like adults.

“I can’t, Venom,” Eddie argued with the beast. Venom was getting desperate and threw Eddie out into the hallway. Eddie slammed into the wall, falling. Eddie groaned in pain while he tried to force himself back up. “She is going to be gone soon,” Venom panted. Eddie rose, “I don’t see why it matters so much to you.” Venom’s tone changed, “I love her, Eds. She means the world to me. I feel so attached to her. She can’t just leave us. I want her back, Eddie. And you did not even put up a fight when she tried to leave. I can’t go get her on my own. Eddie, please.” He was sincere. For once, the monster had human emotions. Eddie could feel how real his feelings were and he began to feel them too. Eddie had been fighting his feelings for months. He continued to push them and you away out of fear of him not being good enough. He knew he loved you. Loved you more than he had ever loved anyone. He had no idea how to tell you. He was scared it would scare you. Scared it would seem too soon in your eyes. “I’m sorry, V. I didn’t even think about how this would affect you,” Eddie apologized. “Edster,” Venom began, “You can make it up to me by getting that girl.” Eddie smiled at Venom. Eddie began to rush down the stairs.

You began to shiver. It was getting colder and there was no cab in sight. You heard another set of steps begin behind you. You turned to see Eddie rushing towards you. You could not help but smile, “Eddie!” He smiled when he saw you, “I came down here to tell you how sorry I am. You have no idea how much you mean to me. Seeing that guy all over you just set me off. I am so so sorry. You mean the entire world to me.” You shook your head, “It’s okay, Eddie. I was being dramatic leaving like that.” Eddie pulled you into his embrace, “I love you, Y/N.” You froze. “Did you just say you loved me,” you whispered. Eddie nodded. You felt your cheeks turn pink, “I love you too.” Eddie giggled and picked you up. He spun you around and placed a kiss on your lips.

“Let’s go back to my place, you have to be freezing,” Eddie took your hand in his. You smiled and walked back to Eddie’s apartment with him.

~~~

End

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#venom #venom x reader #eddie brock x reader #angst #tags #tom hardy #eddie brock #fanfic

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 24

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k - 4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: idk what to say tbh, not even sure ppl read these notes lol. well, i hope it was an okay chapter?

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : one but i sort of changed it a bit!

Chapter 24 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

We fell asleep together in his bed but I woke up in the middle of the night and stared at him for god knows how long. I didn't want to tell him what I did for many reasons, but mostly because I didn't want him to feel guilty. It was not his fault, he had every right to break up with me if he was not feeling the relationship anymore, and i'm the one who had swallowed those pills. Niall was not to blame and I knew it, but I was scared he'd feel bad if he found out. To imagine being weak like that in front of him was also not something I wanted. I was not really ready to let anyone see me that weak, but I was glad Louis had found me on that night. I was glad I was still there, because it made me realize I had a problem and I was lucky enough to have someone to help me with it.

I brought my hand to Niall's cheek and ran my fingertips on it gently, making him groan low. God I loved him. Just looking at him made me want to throw everything away and give myself to him, but I knew it was a pattern I couldn't fall back into and I had to be careful. Of course I had changed, and I had matured, and learned to love myself the way I was. I had worked on myself to trust me, and trust that I was worthy of love, even Niall's, and that my body didn't define me... but all of this didn't mean that I didn't question myself sometimes. It didn't mean that I couldn't doubt myself, or that it was easy to resist throwing myself into Niall's arms. I loved him like I have never loved anyone in my life. Did I ever love anyone else in my life?

It took me a while to fall back asleep but when I finally woke up for the second time, I kept my eyes closed and whimpered, reaching out to touch him until I realized he was not in bed with my anymore. I grimaced, my eyes still closed, and forced myself to sit up. It smelled like coffee and I smiled, stretching and opening my eyes before putting sweatpants and his t-shirt on, going to the bathroom and then walking to the kitchen. Niall was there, facing the counter as he was pouring coffee in two mugs and he glanced at me, sending me a smile.

"'Morning, how did you sleep?"

The sound of his voice made my lips curl and I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind and leaning my cheek on his back.

"You weren't there when I woke up." I replied with a pout that he couldn't see.

He laughed. "I'm right here!"

I hugged him tighter and when I loosened my embrace, he pushed the air out of his lungs and laughed again, turning to me and leaning his ass against the counter. My hands reached for the front of his shirt and I got on my tiptoe to reach for his lips. He tasted like coffee and I smiled against his mouth.

"You're on your second cup?" I asked, making him smile more.

"Yea you slept a lot." he pointed out before pressing his lips against mine again. "You seemed tired, I didn't want to wake you up."

I looked into his eyes and a fond smile appeared on my lips. I couldn't tell him I was tired because I spent over an hour staring at him in the middle of the night, could I?

"About last night, I want to thank you for sharing that with me." he said, glancing down before looking right in my eyes. "Thank you for trusting me. I'm so sorry I made you feel like that. I'm so sorry. I knew I had hurt you, but I never thought you were so... sad after I left. I never thought me dating someone else would hurt you that much."

"It wasn't you fault." I replied after breathing it. "It was me. It was my pain, my insecurities. It was my problem and my decision to do that. A bad and wrong one, a decision I'll never make again, but it was no one's fault but mine. You could date whoever you wanted, Niall. You didn't owe me anything."

"I'm still sorry. I'll always take part of the blame for that. But you promised you would never do that anymore, remember?" he added, raising his eyebrows. I just nodded with a soft smile and he smiled back. "Good, just a reminder."

We just looked at each other with loving smiles for a while and I felt something in my stomach. I was not sure if it was love, lust or affection... or maybe all of those feelings at the same time. All I knew was that they were all directed at him.

I felt the fingers of one of his hands run in my hair and smiled more, letting my hands run down his chest as I kept staring in his eyes. I always felt the need to be close to him and touch him and when one of my hands reached his dick, he groaned low and the grip in my hair tightened.

"Don't be a tease, petal." he whispered, making me bite my bottom lip hard.

"I'm always too horny to be a tease, you're the tease."

He chuckled and he pulled gently on his hand, making my head tilt back a bit more as my hand kept stroking his cock slowly over his sweatpants.

"I just think it's been way too long since I put your cock in my mouth, what do you think?" I whispered, sending him an amused smile. "Let me get on my knees for you."

His smile faltered and his eyes roamed on my face for a few seconds before he let go of my hair, his arm falling on his side. Quickly, I took my shirt off and his eyes fell on my breasts, making me hold my breath. It was not my best feature but the way he stared at them avidly made my heart jump in my chest. I let my shirt fall on the floor and got down on it, trying to save the pain on my knees that the cold hard floor could give me. I kept my gaze locked with his again for a few seconds and then looked away, trying to focus on his cock. I pulled his pants and boxers down, feeling my pussy throb at the sight of how hard he was but something else caught my attention. Something was not like it used to be and it had nothing to do with his dick. I frowned but my lips parted and I had to blink a few times to understand what exactly was written.

"Oh my god." I whispered, bringing a finger to it and brushing the tip of it on his skin. "Did you get a fucking tattoo?"

I glanced up and he was looking down at me with a frown. I opened my eyes wide and he grimaced, letting out a low groan.

"Darling, please, can't you see how fucking hard I am?" he pointed out. "You were about to do something?"

"I'm sorry but I can't do anything before I get an explanation.." I admitted with a nervous chuckle. "That's literally my name there?"

"I was drunk, found an old letter you wrote me, decided to get your name tattooed just like you tattooed mine." he explained quickly with a shrug. "Now your mouth? Please?"

My smile grew and I licked my lips. "Why this spot?"

"It was the only spot I could think of that wouldn't be visible for anyone, or almost."

"You... you hate tattoos." I just replied, shaking my head.

"I do not hate tattoos, I just never wanted to get one. I didn't see the appeal. And I still don't." he admitted, staring down at me. "But it's your name, and it's you, and I love you. I don't regret it, and I think it's just.. fair."

I pressed my lips together and swallowed hard, tilting my head. "What a guy wouldn't say to get his cock sucked."

"I mean it, Olivia."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and my gaze moved back to the tattoo on his skin. It was not even swollen anymore but even if it was small, I couldn't pretend it didn't make me feel special.

"Seriously, Nee, I can't see my name written near your cock every single time I give you a blowjob!" I chuckled, half-joking.

"Well, get used to it!"

I laughed a bit louder before realizing he was still just as hard despite the whole discussion we just had and quickly, I brought my mouth closer, running my tongue on his length gently and reaching the base before moving it down to his balls. I heard him groan as I sucked on one and when I moved back to the tip of his cock, I looked up only to see his head had fallen back slightly. He was holding himself with both hands on the counter and I just wrapped my lips on his tip to suck on it. His fingers gripped the counter harder and I grabbed his dick in my hand, pushing his skin and running my tongue between it and his tip. One of his legs tensed and he let out a few curse words in a whisper.

"Don't stop petal." he murmured as I kept doing that for a minute or two before taking him completely in my mouth. "Fuck, I want to cum in your mouth so bad."

He pushed his hips in motion with my head movements and just hearing him groan was making me horny. I kept thinking about the last time we fucked in his kitchen and it made me moan low as I was still sucking him hard. I finally moved away to bring my lips back around one of his balls as I kept stroking his cock harder and when he whispered 'I'm gonna cum', I moved back and stuck my tongue out. He looked down at me and I stared back, making sure the tip of his cock was brushing on my tongue as I jerked him off. It only took a few seconds and when a grunt escaped his lips, my heart jumped in my chest. He came on my tongue and lips, some of his cum also ending on one of my cheeks, and it made me realize how much I had missed pleasuring him.

"Jesus Christ." he whispered, his eyes shut tight. I took him in my mouth again, sucking him gently and slowly as I saw his grip loosen on the counter and his eyes open again. His lips curled into a smirk and he licked his lips. "Oh you look so good like that."

He bent down slightly and gathered the cum on my cheek before bringing it to my lips. I sucked on his finger as he stared at me and when he moved his upper body up again, I got closer and my eyes fell on his tattoo again. Slowly, I brushed my thumb on it and without thinking, I pressed my lips on his skin before getting up. He sent me a fond smile and chuckled as he moved his pants up.

"Did you just kiss my tattoo?"

"I did." I whispered, pressing my lips together.

He bent down and kissed me gently, cupping my face and slipping his tongue in my mouth. It always made me smile how he didn't care that I had his cum in my mouth just a few seconds before, and that he would kiss me anyway without even a second of hesitation.

"I haven't had a blowjob like that in..." he stopped himself and raised his eyebrows before chuckling low. "In over a year."

"Was it worth the wait?" I asked with an amused smile as he grimaced.

"Yes, but please don't make me wait an other year for the next one, okay?"

I laughed and shook my head as he moved his hands around my waist.

"You can always ask." I pointed out with a shrug. "Or, you can grab me by the hair and force me down on your cock."

The way he looked at me with lust made my heart skip a beat and he turned us around so I was leaned against the counter. He didn't say anything, he just slipped his hand in my pants and reached between my legs. He took one and held it up on his hip as I felt his fingers slip inside me.

"That made you so wet, fuck i love that." he admitted low, making my eyes flutter. "I love how much it turns you on to please me."

He started finger fucking me quickly, curling his fingers inside me and I used all my strength to keep my eyes open We looked at each other as he rubbed two of his fingertips on my clit and I held my breath as my lips parted.

"You're gonna cum, yea? I can hear how wet you are." he whispered, bringing his lips closer and brushing them against mine. "Cum darling, cum for me."

I felt an orgasm reach me and my whole body tensed as he moved closer to me, pressing his body on mine, one of his hands still holding my leg and the fingers of the other rubbing my clit as I shook against him. He moved his face in my neck and dug his teeth in my skin, making me quiver even more against him. He kept flicking his fingers on my clit slowly and gently as I came down from my high and brought his lips on mine to kiss me again.

"Next time I'm gonna spend an hour between your legs." he whispered. "I promise."

I smiled and tilted my chin. "You better."

We kept hugging and kissing for a while and I thought about the two mugs waiting for us on the counter before groaning. He moved away and frowned as I raised my nose.

"Now coffee's cold and I have bad news for you."

He frowned too and I bent down to grab my shirt and put it back on. I turned to the coffee pot and decided make fresh coffee before emptying our mugs in the sink. When I turned around, Niall was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest and staring at me.

"I have to go back home and pack." I started, making his lips part. "I have a flight for Italy tonight and nothing's ready. I'll be gone for a few days."

"Italy?"

"Yea we're supposed to cast an Italian girl for season 3 and they asked me to go. We have an interview there too and... well, I'm also going to see Dylan."

His face changed and I held my breath, feeling my heart beating hard against my rib cage as I waited for him to say something, anything, that would tell me how he felt. I could read in his face that he was not pleased but I didn't know if it was anger and pain.

"You know what I realized when Heidi sent me that picture of you in a wedding dress?" he asked, making me frown. "I mean, not at first, I was too shocked by how stunning you looked but after an hour or so, it really hit me. It's not you? The big dress, the flowers, the music and thousands of guests with a big wedding cake and your vows in front of everyone?" he paused as I stared at him. "What happened to eloping to Vegas and getting married by Elvis?"

I licked my lips and sighed, tilting my head on the side.

"It was important for Dylan, to do the big thing in front of both our families, and I wanted to make him happy." I explained with a shrug. "I still don't like big weddings."

"So you're going to spend a few days with him?" he just asked after a while.

I didn't want to tell Niall that I was going there mostly to break up with him because I didn't want him to think I did it for him, and I didn't want him to expect anything after that. I was not ready to be with someone else, not even Niall, but it was something I needed to do. I was doing that for me, because I didn't feel ready, because it was not what I wanted anymore. Of course, Niall was part of the equation, but it made me realize that I was not only scared to jump that step, but also that I didn't want to. I loved Dylan, I really did, but things were different, and I was different too. I was a different person than the one I was when I started dating him. I was even a different person than the one I was when he asked me to marry him. I was not even sure why he even wanted to marry me anyway.

"Probably, but I'll mostly be busy with auditions, and he'll be busy with filming his new movie."

I wanted to add a 'don't worry' but I didn't dare. Niall took a few steps to move closer to me and I moved my chin up to hold his gaze.

"We'll text and call each other while I'll be gone?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"I'd love to." he confessed, bending down to kiss my lips. "I'm gonna miss you."

---

The flight was horrible and it was probably the worst 13 hours I had to go through in a long time. I grabbed my luggage after waiting for way too long and just as I was about to leave, I got a notification. I almost decided to ignore it but I stopped near a wall, dropping my bags and checking my phone. I smiled when I saw Niall had sent me a video and when I saw him sitting behind his piano, my heart melted. I hit 'play' and bit my bottom lip, leaning against the wall as I turned the volume up.

"Liv, I know you've only been gone for a few hours but I already miss you. So I thought I'd send you this. I hope you remember."

I heard the first few piano notes and I knew what it was. My lips parted and I knew I was going to cry.

“Looking back through changes Where we started from Don’t know about you but I knew it wasn’t wrong You know I kept a place For you in my mind And I know you did the same 'Cause you’re just that kind.

So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We’ve known since we were young So why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I’m home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?”

I felt tears run down my cheeks as his voice and the melody brought me back to a bar over 2 years ago, when Niall had told me he loved me through this song. I brought my hand to my mouth and remained motionless as I listened to it.

“Moving on You and I started looking back Now we’ve got to make up For all the wasted time You know I’d never let you just walk on by From the day that I met you I knew you’d be mine, yeah.

So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We’ve known since we were young Why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I’m home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?”

When the bridge started, I let out a short sob but quickly bit my bottom lip. I couldn't start crying here, in public, right? I couldn't just break into tears here because of one song.

“Just started, it’s just started I’m having trouble believing it’s true Just started, just started Now we got nothing to prove."

The chorus played again but it's only when he stopped and turned to the camera on his phone again that my heart completely melted. I let myself slide on the wall until my butt hit the floor.

"I really just wanted you to remember that. To remember that this is the first song I wrote about how much I love you, but it's not the only one, and I won't ever stop writing songs about my love for you."

He paused and looked down before looking up again.

"I love you. Come back to me."

He moved closer to his phone to stop recording but I just stayed there, looking at the static thumbnail of his video, my vision blurry and my heart swollen. I loved him so much I just wanted to turn around and take an other plane to him.

"Are you okay?"

Quickly, I looked up at the voice and blinked a few times only to nod at the security guard that was frowning at me. I must have looked totally desperate because I was pretty sure it was not the first time he saw someone cry at the airport.

"Do you need me to call you a cab or something?"

I sniffed and wiped my tears before quickly getting up. I knew I looked like a mess. That reflected very well how I felt.

"Uhm, no, thank you. There's supposed to be a car waiting for me."

It took me half an hour to reach my hotel and I unpacked a few things. I had brought the stupid pink bear Niall had won for me and put it on the large bed along with one of my pillows before taking my phone to text Dylan. I could feel my heart thump so hard in my chest I felt like I was about to have a heart attack.

"I'm here, we really need to talk."

---

"You can't be serious."

I blinked a few times, staring at Dylan, as he reached for my hands on my lap and I let him take them and squeeze my fingers. I had decided to go see him at his apartment and I couldn't pretend the sight as I was on the road didn't shock me. The sight from his apartment was even prettier and I took a mental note to visit this country again. Perhaps, with Niall?

"I'm.. so sorry." I replied with a frown, looking down at his hands holding mine.

I suddenly felt insecure about my decision. After all, Dylan and I were happy, right? We had been happy since day one. He was a sweetheart, a gentleman and he was funny, and sensitive. He was laid-back, soft, and he was always there for me. He was the first and only person to break my walls after Niall broke my heart and also, and I hated to say it, he has been extremely important in my therapy process. How could I leave someone who literally put me back together and be in love with someone who completely tore me apart?

"Okay, you don't want to get married anymore, I understand." he pointed out, shaking his head slightly. "It was too soon, maybe, I get it. But we don't have to break up.."

I pressed my lips together and looked up at him, trying not to cry.

"We do, we have to." I let out low so my voice wouldn't break. "I'm not into this fully anymore and I don't think you are either."

"I'm just... busy here. I promise I love you just as much as I did, even more. And I miss you all the time, Olivia." he added, moving closer as I finally let tears fall on my cheeks. "Please don't cry babylove."

I closed my eyes at the nickname he always gave me and swallowed to keep the sobs in without much success. I never thought it would be so tough to actually break-up with him but it was. We had history together, and this relationship with him had been more important than any romantic relationship I ever had before, except the one with Niall's.

"I'm gonna ask for a few days off." he continued. "We can spend time here together and just... love each other again. I'm gonna do anything I can to remind you how happy we are together, I swear."

I looked up in his eyes and took my hands to bring them to his face. I shook my head and breathed in before licking my lips.

"You deserve so much better, Dyl." I admitted low even if saying those words hurt like hell. "You deserve so much better than a girl who can't be 100% with you."

His eyes roamed quickly on me and I saw him tear up.

"It's because of him, isn’t it? You're breaking up with me to be with Niall."

"No!" I closed my eyes, trying to keep my voice down. "That's not why I'm breaking up with you, Dylan I just... I can't do this anymore. I don't have a good reason for this. And I know that no matter what happens, I will be the bad guy in your story, and I think it's true. Maybe I'm the mistake you'll always regret, and maybe I'm the toxic girl you'll have fallen for. I'm so sorry to have that role in your life. That's not the part I expected to play, I promise."

"This is not a movie, Olivia." he let out a bit louder. "These are my feelings, they're real! This is my life, our life. Please, don't ruin this."

I felt my heart jump so high in my chest I was going to puke. Didn't I ask Niall the exact same thing when he broke up with me over a year ago? I brought my hands to wipe my own tears and sniffed before swallowing hard. I had to leave. I had to stop this torture, for both of us. I finally got up and he didn't stop me.

"I love you, you know." he just added as I was grabbing my purse. "Don't you love me anymore?"

"I do." I just said, turning to look at him. "That's not the problem, Dyl. And It's no one's fault."

I waited in front of the door and sight.

"Don't worry, I'll find the best Italian girl for the show. You concentrate on your movie, okay?"

"I don't give a fuck about this show anymore. Or that movie, for that matter."

I felt something twist in my chest and breathed in before sighing.

"Yea, me either."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam #i seriously never know what to tag this #but i hope you like it

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logan-are-you-okay · 6 years

Text

Just a day at the hospital

It’s been three days... three days since Chase was stabbed by that man. They caught the guy, and apparently there was recordings on that block that caught him saying ‘How’s this for Bro Average?’ Guess he just didn’t like the show... Good thing MARKIPLIER TV has two episodes recorded of a show before they go on, so people won’t be missing their episode this week. Sadly, it’s also been three days since he has last seen Bing. The nurses keeping asking if he can come back, but Chase keeps rejecting him or he’s just asleep when he comes by. The only ones he allows back are his daughter and son. However, Chase keeps screaming whenever he’s asleep. Being woken up by his nightmares, the doctors always ask what’s wrong... but he never tells them. Why should he? It doesn’t injure his physical health so they don’t need to worry about it, right?

Slowly Chase rolls over on his side, trying his best not to yank the things that where helping him breathe. The pain in his chest wasn’t as bad anymore, it just stung and pinched when the stitches where being pulled apart. The worst thing of this all, is that when he’s alone... he’s left to his thoughts. He can’t stop them, it just happens whenever he hears dead noise.

“Sir, one of your family members are here. May I send them in?” A nurse asks as they cracked the door to the room. The hospital here was different then the ones at home. Usually they had curtains to block off each section for each room, but this was a Medicare center. It was almost like the top ER that you had to go to if your injury was super severe. Also the kids where at school right now, the only family member that lives close by was someone he’s never ever met. So... who could it be?

“Yes, you can...” He says with a groggy voice. The IV fluid was really making his mouth dry, and the more he moved his chest, the more it would hurt. God this was so stupid, hooked up to machines for something that he should be able to do on his own. God what was wrong with him? Suddenly the door opens, then promptly shuts. Chase slowly sits up grunting as he goes along, once he’s able to he looks up at the door and his eyes widen. Bing, fucking, Iplier... right there in front of him.

“Sorry, Bro. They wouldn’t let me in any other way.” He says casually. How many times had he tried to get in here and he just... rejected him?

“What did you tell them... which member anyway?” He asks timidly, the tension in the room you couldn’t even cut with a chainsaw.

“That I was your husband.” Chase’s stomach turns into knots as his throat feels like a lump got stuck in it. Why...why of all things would he say that?

“O-Okay then...” Bing then walks over to the chair right next to the bed and pulls it up closer. Chase looks down and plays with his hands. His head was still screaming to fucking run! But his heart kept screaming, IM GONNA GO RUN UP MTN EVEREST WANNA JOIN!? God if his heart goes any faster, you’ll be able to see it through his skin.

“So...” Bing asks, probably trying to start a conversation. Chase just bites his lip as he tries so desperately to stay looking away from Bing. Every single part of him was screaming his name.

“Why do you have to stay here for so long?” Bing says while looking directly at Chase. Desperately Chase tries his hardest to not look. There is no point whatsoever.

“The guy... h-he stabbed through my rib cage and it nicked my lung I guess...” He says while slowly lowering himself against the back of the bed. This was so stupid...

“Well, what did you tell them about all those scars that you had?” Chase’s eyes widen as he gets asked. Did he know that they asked him that? Or was he trying to get it off of him of what they actually are?

“T-the scars?” He says kind of high pitch trying his hardest on what he actually told them. They asked when they where wheeling him in out of surgery while he was on loopy gas so that he would tell the truth. However, he had a strong mental capacity and still managed to lie about it.

“I-I said that they where from b..Bro Average shoots.” Technically is wasn’t a lie, it is what he told them! Just... not what actually happened.

“Ah, Alright then. How about you tell the truth to me?” Chase Quickly swallows looking at the opposite side of the room as he fiddles with his necklace that his son made him while he’s been at the hospital. It had a shark tooth on it, and the line was covered in red and green. Somehow it was able to bring him peace as he did.

“I-I don’t understand w...what you mean...” He says very timidly, not wanting to talk anymore. However he’s met with pressure being added onto the bed right next to him. Now this really made Chase’s heart go a bajillion Miles a minute! Being questioned already being thrown, and then adding into the mix of Have Bing sit next to him. Instantly his body tenses up as he feels Bing place a hand on his back rubbing small circles.

“I’m not stupid Chase. I went through every single one of your ‘Bro Average’ videos trying to find which stunts could’ve given you that scar on your eye, or the scars that I saw on your chest not to long ago.” Chase instinctively pulls up the covers that he had up to his chest, almost as if trying to hide them out of embarrassment.

“Also I payed very close attention seeing scar after scar show up in different places as the series went on.” Bing slowly starts lifting up the Medical night gown as his fingers softly trail up Chase’s skin which makes Chase bite his hand to prevent from making any noise. He has never had a man, let alone his crush touch him... if you don’t count that kiss, BUT THAT’S ALL DIFFERENT SHIT! Chase can hear Bing sigh as he sees... even more scars. Chase can start to feel the guilt rushing inside of him as he screws his eyes shut trying to stop the images from passing by.

“...I don’t w-wanna talk about it...” He says while his hands dug into the medical pillow that his head was on. There was no point in any of this, telling... who’d believe him? He’s a fucking guy and no one thinks women can do such horrible things...

“Can you j...just turn the IV up... I don’t want to think about this a-anymore..” he can feel the movement in the end shift as Bing looks from the IV to him.

“Chase... the IV’s almost at 11... you could die...” Bing says with his voice full of concern. Chase soon lets tears fall, how can he act like this? He’s being so selfish, turning it up to 11 would kill you... tears start to escape his eyes as he thinks about that. Stacy’s words echo in the back of his mind, she’s right. Every single little word that she’s ever muttered to him. He’s an idiot... a bitch... a pussy... a cunt... stupid... horrible father... selfish... a faggot... scum of the earth... a failure... an abortion gone wrong... he should just do what she told him to do... just jump... just fucking jump... Randomly he feels Bing’s warm arms wrap around him, but doesn’t dare open his eyes. He wasn’t tense in the embrace, nor was his heart going a million miles. It was peaceful and calm as he cried out. If it was anything else, he would have rejected this. Chase slowly puts his hand on top of Bing’s of the one that was on top of him.

“I’m right here, Chase... you can tell me anything.” He says in a very light whisper trying to comfort him, but it doesn’t really help...

“W...why do y-you even c..care? D..damage h-has already been... d-done...” He says in the heat of the moment. Why should Bing care? It’s not like it’s going to change who he was. It’s not like Bing can help him in anyway, Stacy was already in jail for a DUI... there’s just no point anymore. In any of this. He just ruins everyone’s lives. First he came out bisexual which ruined his relationship with his parents... he married Stacy which ended his relationship with his best friend... he ruined his children’s lives by bringing them into a horrible family of yelling, screaming, swearing... then he ruined his life with being with Stacy... no matter where he went he was her’s... never able to escape the mental and physical scars that she left...

“I Care, because I’m your friend. Dude, I can tell when someone’s lying to me, please just tell me... you can’t keep something bottled up.” Bing says while slightly hugging Chase with the arm he had wrapped around him. It’s not unhealthy... it just didn’t matter... he’s one person in a place of billions... the only reason that he holds on is because of his kids. They are his only anchor in this world... if he wasn’t there they’d just be with Bing. They already love him so much...

“I-I don’t b..bottle it up... my thoughts r-replay it to me...” great fucking Excuse Chase. A- for effort... The weight on the bed shifts again as Chase feels Bing pull him closer to his chest. He can even hear his heart beat and heavy breathing. Alright NOW his heart can go ten million miles an hour and not get pulled over on the freeway. Hell heart, you just do you! Also, guess Bing’s lying down now next to him.

“Chase. Brody. You need to tell me, if you do I’ll tell you something about me. Would that be alright?” He asks with a commanding, but also comforting voice. How does that even work? He takes a deep breath, filtering through his words very carefully.

“M-my ex...” that was all he was able to manage to say before tears came pouring down. Please don’t make him say more! Please don’t make him say more! Just even saying that was to much for him to handle. Bing slowly turns Chase’s head to the side so that they where both looking at each other. Chase wanted to desperately look away, but Bing’s eyes where so beautiful...

“I would never treat you like that.” Chase lets out a long airy breath as they look at one another. The silence was peaceful, then having the last words be those... made Chase only fall even more into his love for Bing. What did he do that could have possibly been right that made Bing kiss him those three days ago? What was the one thing that he’s done right in his entire life to have Bing hold him like this? Was it because he was hurt? Did Bing feel like this was his fault?

“I promise.” Chase’s thoughts get cut short once again as Bing kisses him. Why was this happening to him? Don’t get him wrong, he loved it as he kissed him back, but what did he do to deserve this? His whole life has been a fuck up, but right now? Everything was perfect. No Stacy in his mind... no scars that stained to his body like an infection.

Slowly Bing’s hand moved to the side of Chase’s waist as Chase hesitantly moved his arms around Bing’s neck. Was this was he suppose to do? Or was he suppose to be doing something else!? He’s never been in this type of position before. His hands where shaking from the anxiety and ‘This was actually happening’ feelings. Bing must’ve felt it as he pulled back, and placed his forehead against Chase’s.

“Relax, Chase. I know what I’m doing.” With that he again pushes his lips against Chase’s.

All over again Chase melts into it, completely intoxicated by this. In the back of his mind, he can barely hear the anxiety of where did this leave them now? Once they where done with whatever this was... what where they going to be? Deep down Chase hoped this meant that they would go out and try to be a couple. However he didn’t know what Bing was feeling. Maybe the same? He has been the one to start all of this. However it doesn’t matter now. He’s in the moment right now, and everything was perfect.... right now.

(Sorry @alaughingfreak I couldn’t make it angsty! My brain wouldn’t let me)

#chase brody #bingiplier #hospital #doctors #septicart #kiss #makeups #it counts fanficton is still a form of art

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wildlove836 · 7 years

Text

2017

wow. okay. when I said 2016 fuck me up I didnt mean literally.

but god damn, once again I’ve rung in the new year heartbroken as can be, but wait there’s more. I fell in love with someone. he’s somehow worse than the last guy and hell I love him a thousand times more.

I’ve dealt with so much shit this year. I’m in a relationship with a drug addict. I didnt know it until about 3 months ago. I mean I knew, but I didnt know.

He asked me to marry him literally the 3rd day we spent together. no I didnt say yes, but apparently I did because now hes calling me his fiance n shit. I ‘lost’ my virginity to this guy. It sounds fucked up but it isnt as bad as it seems. or maybe it is and I still have a long way to go before I figure it all out.

I think I really love him. I think he really loves me. But people keep telling me he’s going to love those little crystals more.

I’ve seen some shit. My humdrum life has done a fucking tail spin in the last 6 months. I went from a full tank of gas and watching netflix all day to $1.43 in my bank account and needles hidden in the dresser drawers.

I’ve seen junkies, I’ve had shit stolen. I’ve watched him physically and mentally change without even noticing.

I’ve been choked and pushed and bruised and screamed at. I’ve done the same things back in a rage I didnt know I was capable of.

I’ve heard stories from child hood that make no sense but make perfect sense and I know I cant change the past but I’d very much like to.

I smoked weed and that shit was great at first but now its the only way I cant really talk to you, it seems. you told me that wasnt it but trust me. i’m too afraid to tell you the truth when we’re not...chill.

I’ve cried and screamed and walked away. I’ve waited hours upon hours for you to call. I havent slept and I’ve slept too much. I had a real panic attack for the first time in my life.

I’ve sat in the ER with you for 6+ hours after you crashed your car from being on adderall. I watched you literally mentally and physically break down in the pizza hut parking lot while normal fucking people watched and wondered what the fuck they could do for you and I just sat there next to you counting change from your pockets because you lost the receipts.

im sorry. i lost them somehow. who fucking knows. i’ll take the blame for it though if thats what I have to do.

i walked across train tracks wondering if maybe my foot my get caught while you told me you were addicted to sex and of course I should have already known this but surprise I didnt. its still my fault though.

we missed trick or treat with your daughter because you were on acid.

then the other day you brought her to my house and slept the whole time. you said what does it matter my parents see me taking her out of the house. well what the fuck do you care right. if you’re playing the part of dad. you son of a bitch. i love that girl and I know you do too but you better try harder. you better or you’ll lose faster if you have her.

I’ve seen you coming down down down. with a knife in your hands and the doors locked and the lights off. I’ve watched cops drive by thinking you were already dead.

I’ve had the best sexual experiences with you and only you. I got drunk and gave you a blow job after knowing I’d never have a dick in my precious mouth.

you called me perfectly imperfect for a while, now that i’ve lost my innocence you call me your miracle. these days I feel like a burden. enabler is the word i’m trying not to say because I know its the truth. but i didnt know. i swear i didnt.

and not in the fucking physical sense. i’m not giving him money or anything like that. im stressing him the fuck out. BUT FUCK HE NEVER MAKES ANY SENSE. and im stressed out too. doesnt anybody see that?

everybody knows him like I know him now. a fucking mind fuck. this little twat can turn a sentence around on you so quick you’re wondering what you even said in the first place. this mother fucker can have you so god damn confused you’re rethinking your whole life.

he does it on purpose. I think so he feels more normal on the inside. the only question I have is, was it the meth that brought it out of him or was it destined to come out eventually on its own. the crazy will never subside and I must admit that’s what somehow attracts me to him.

feeling like a complete dumbass after every conversation we have. BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THIS. he’ll say, like I already knew it. and then i’ll realize I did already know it. he was telling me all along, but in his own way. like a secret language. and I cant fucking afford the rosetta stone for crazy talk.

half the relationship i spend KNOWING this shit isnt right for me and here i am thinking i have to do this i have to do this but i still dont know what love is. its breaking the god damn futton i know.

there’s no doubt about what i feel but really is it worth it. will he kill me. will i kill him. ive done things i never thought i would do. ive seen things i never thought i would see. the world is my fucking oyster over here. anything is possible. anything can happen. anything.

regardless, here I am. alone and wondering what hes doing. if he’s okay. a thousand and one fucking questions because he doesnt have a phone for me to call. and somehow now it feels like its my fault. it is my fucking fault and im crying a lot right now because of it. and im alone. so he can calm down. but i cant calm down without him. i need him. i need him. I NEED HIM. and im going insane worrying and wondering and crying and feeling okay for a little while.

now im just mad because hes okay without me. hes okay. and im not okay. it isnt fair. FUCK YOU. it isnt fair. do you even love me? DO YOU EVEN CARE. DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME. duh.

WHY DID I QUIT MY FUCKING JOB. I had what I needed. besides clarity and sanity so fuck, you cant blame me. hes been driving me insane since he spotted me.

but I know he fucking loves me. crazy people dont fuck around with shit like that. if they mean it they mean it. i feel it. I know it. I love it. its the only thing I understand ever. is my love for him. is it true. is it real. who fucking cares. its real and its ever present and its mostly reciprocated in good and bad ways. if i could walk away from it i already would have . i swear. i already would have but i havent so get off my fucking back.

but love is hard they tell me. love is fucking hard as hell and you’ve got to suffer before you can enjoy that shit, otherwise its not worth it. I realize this is too long and i’m not gonna reread it so nobody else is probably going to read it. thats okay. i needed to get it down on ‘paper’ just in case.

god just fucking pray for me or something. every time I feel like something is going to get worse it does okay. I had people burning up spoons in the trailer we were supposed to live in just to shoot up heroin and I was too busy making sure my boyfriend wasnt killing himself in a shed to realize.

old dude (thats what they call people in fairdale) literally over dosed in the bed that was supposed to be mine. in the bedroom that was supposed to be mine but I cant say anything about it? I CANT SAY ONE GOD DAMN WORD ABOUT IT?

nah because bf is too nice to people who ‘care’ to realize what they’re really doing in the big picture. she put her clothes in the closet that was supposed to be mine. mine. FUCKING MINE. but i cant be mad because shes homeless and has cancer. what a fucking lifetime movie. I DIDNT NEED THIS TO KNOW I WAS A SELFISH PERSON. I ALREADY KNEW. I’M GOOD AT HIDING IT. I WANT MY CLOSET SPACE BACK. I see drug abuse and friendship and something strikes me as sketchy. OMG. and dont get me started on the cheating.

he cheats on me. he puts his dick inside his best friend while they’re fucked up on whatever. they tell me she says no everytime he asks but this time she didnt. oh wow. what a perfect picture of a life im stuck in. what a romantic gesture. WHAT A FUCKING ROMANTIC COMEDY OF LIFE. i can keep my perfect pussy to myself and he cant go one fucking day without trying to put his dick in something. I WILL BUY YOU A FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT TO FUCK IF THAT WILL KEEP YOUR DICK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

he says hes taking a shit when he goes over there but he takes a shit every time and they’re long shits. idk if its to fuck or whatever but its for sure about drugs. drugs that tear people apart and keep the glued together and they’re fucking ripped seams. god this sounds like fucking trash and it is. it literally is. and I know it but I cant do a damn thing about it because I love this trash. hes not trash. but he acts like it.

I know he’s not trash because somehow he has it all figured out. its like his autistic niche is seeing into the future and knowing for god damn sure that something is going to turn out the way it is but he wont fucking tell me. just straight up tell me the truth.

naaaah. that’d be too logical. he’d rather tell me the alternative lie. to keep me safe. HA. OKAY FROM WHAT. my life is so fucked up now.

needless to say 2016 has royally fucked me up. there’s probably a shit ton of stuff I forgot to mention and I should of because this is my collective fuck up recap but oh well. its not the last of it anyway. I know that for damn sure.

I just hope that when we get married or whatever the fuck next big thing happens in our lives. I hope it balances out the bad shit. because the bad shit is getting really hard to deal with. like really hard. like my hands are shaking sometimes hard and i feel like i cant kill myself because even in death i’d be worried about you and its nobodys fault but its our fault.

I know it is. he’s not even supposed to be in a relationship right now and what does this fucker do. he falls in love. true love with an innocent girl who has no idea what shes about to fucking go through. god damn. somebody help me. somebody really help me. I know I will always love him. more than the other mother fuckers I thought I cared about. I will fucking love him.

I FUCKING LOVE HIM. it makes me angry how much i love him. because it hurts me. a lot. but I wont stop. I cant. i wont. i never will. even if he stops loving me. i dont see how. but if he did. i’d still be calling and showing up and waiting outside and peeping in windows like a fucking nutcase. its my fucking ride or die. even if we broke up and i met someone else. god its not gonna be like this. it might be better. it might be a fucking dream. it might be date nights and morning kisses and flowers at work. but it wont be this. it wont be what i have with tey. nothing will ever be like this.and i fucking love that. im obsessed. im entranced. im in deep heartache love.

and ironically he does literally the worst thing he could do. the worst thing. he could. is love me irrevocably. whole heartedly. stubbornly. passionately. intentionally. desperately. in return. a love that i could live with for eternity. without a shadow of a doubt love. til the day we die in each others fucking arms.

its killing him. its killing us. but its keeping us alive.

how sobering is that shit.

#2017 #NewYearNewMe #relatinship #boyfriend #love #writing #spilledink #addiction #drugs #help me #literally #im so lost #and so in love

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bxtch26 · 4 years

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My cowboy ❤️ Arthur Morgan ⚠️smut and fluff⚠️

Modern AU Arthur

The wind blew your long curly brown hair around in the vehicle. All the windows were down. You let your eyes slip closed and head fall into your husbands shoulder. He smiled, shifting so one hand was on the steering wheel and the other around your shoulder. The big black truck rolled down the backroads, to wherever Arthur was taking you. He asked if you wanted to just take a ride, you obviously agreed. You always did this, never really having a destination. Just enjoying each other’s company. He softly hummed to the country music coming from his radio. You smiled, intertwining your fingers with his on your shoulder. He placed a soft kiss to your hair before slamming the gas pedal at a sharp turn. You fell right into his lap, and his cowboy hat almost flew out the open windows.

“Whoops. Sorry darlin’.” He drawled from above you. Your head still in his lap, you bit your lip getting an idea. You were going to get him for that.

“Mhmm.” You reply as you adjusted so you were laying on your stomach, legs bent at the knees and feet crossed at the ankles- your cowgirl boots out the window. You licked your lips and started to unbuckle his belt. He drew in a sharp breath, cocking an eyebrow lookin down at you.

“And jus’ what are yew doin?” He inquired, placing a soothing hand on your back and caressing it.

“Shut up.” You replied as you shoved his pants down just enough for you to take him out and give a few lazy strokes. He grunted, his grip tightening on the wheel. As you continued your movements his hand found the bottom of your shirt, untucking it from your pants and sliding his warm calloused hand up your soft back. You gave the tip a lick, tasting the pre cum as he fiddled with your bra strap and bit his lip. You kissed the head, before bending to lick long stripes up his shaft. Before he could process the motion he slapped your ass and moaned. You loved his response, eagerly continuing your actions. You gave teasing kisses and licks to distract him before swallowing him to the root. He moaned again, his hand finding the back of your head. You felt him twitch in your mouth. He was always so communicative, in bed or otherwise.

“Jesus.” He groaned when you gagged, but kept your composure. You did it on purpose, knowing that’s what he loved. You pulled off of him, replacing the action with your hands only to say

“Just your wife’ll do.” He let out a breathy laugh before you engulfed him again. You continued this for a few minutes before Arthur’s hips started to stutter and he was gasping and panting.

“Im-im about to... if you wanna stop..ohh.” He struggled to get out. You just moaned around him as an invitation to come, reaching down to cup his balls. He had no choice but to oblige and he felt himself flood your mouth. Throwing his head back quickly but returning to see the road ahead. He pulled over into a clearing of trees as you milked him of every drop before pulling his now soft member out of your mouth and shoving it back into his pants. You looked up at him with a devilish grin as you looked him in the eyes when you swallowed his spend. Arthur groaned at this, grabbing your hair and flinging you up to straddle him. You gave him a devilish smile and knock his hat onto floorboards to comb your fingers through his long blonde hair.

“I love you.” He stated before smashing his lips against yours. You reciprocated with the same love and lust. His hands found your ass, going inside your jeans and gripping it to make you grind forward. His mouth swallowed your moan as he did it again. He was starting to grow hard again, you could feel it. It was just becoming evening now, the sky a shade of pink and purple. But you’ve never seen a more beautiful sight than the one below you. Arthur was such a sweet, compassionate, loving man. You couldn’t imagine what life was like before you met him. And you didn’t want to. After a while of your mouths on one another, kissing any skin available he was rock hard again as you you were soaked. You kicked your boots off below you and delicately began to undo the buttons on his shirt, not breaking the kiss, when he grew impatient and ripped it off- the remaining buttons flying everywhere. You broke from the kiss for air but also to laugh at his eagerness. He leaned forward with more care to your shirt. Undoing the buttons, licking and sucking the new skin available to him after every button. You just threw your head back and combed through his hair while he did so. He gently pushed it off your shoulders, immediately discarding your bra as well. He leaned back, letting his shirt fall off his shoulder as well and just staring at you.

“My eyes are up here cowboy.” You teased as you twirled his hair in your fingers.

“Oh I’m well aware.” He replied, not breaking his gaze from your bust. His thumbs ghosted your nipples, enjoying your whines.

“You gonna touch em or just stare at em-!?” You barely got the last word out before he engulfed a breast. You moaned, grinding your hips forward and hugging his head to your chest. His chuckle resonated the deep rumble through your body sending sparks up your spine as you threw your head back and he bit down on your nipple.

“Oh Arthurrrr..” you whined. He groaned against you when you gave his hair a good yank pulling him even closer to your chest

“Say my name babygirl.” He half groaned face still in your chest and giving a hard thrust up against your clothed sex. You could feel him, hot and hard as your moaned again with his name a string of curses when his fingers danced around your pantline. He unbuttoned your jeans and belt, you lifting your hips so he could slide them off. It was hard since you were in a truck but Arthur eventually pulled them off your ankles. Those rough thick fingers finding their way into your panties, playing with your wet sex.

“Ugh...baby..” you moaned softly into his hair.

“Yeah?” he cooed

“Uh huh.” You whimpered as he stuck a finger in, finding no resistance.

“Your soaked darlin’.” He groaned. He seemed pleased with that as he added another finger. You moaned and whined, rocking your hips with his fingers.

“That’s your fault.” You replied breathlessly, kissing the top of his head and gripping his hair tighter. He continued his actions, knowing damn well what you wanted. His teasing was torturous, he started to smack you ass a few times- fingers still inside you.

“Oh Arthurrr- please.” You shakily moaned.

“Please what? Huh? What do you want sweetheart?” He always wrenched every single detail out of you, making you shake and beg- it was his favorite part.

“Fuck me. Please.” You groaned when he retracted his fingers and began to pull your pants the rest of the way off.

“How? Where?” He rasped into your ear. You dug your fingernails into his shoulders.

“Hard! M-my pussy!” You squealed when his hand came down on your ass again. You bit your lip, smiling. As torturous as it was you still loved it. He moved his cock up and down your folds, coating them in your wetness. He would tease your entrance, never going anywhere though.

“Arthur. Pleaseeeee.” You pleaded while softly bouncing on his ready cock.

“Yes ma’am.” He finally gave in to your begs and pleads, grabbing a fistful of your hair and thrusting up into you. You screamed at this, it stinging only a little. He held still until you were comfortable.

“Ya ready darlin?” You threw your head back.

“Yes Arthur Yes!”

“That’s what I like to hear!” He groaned and started thrusting softly. You following and bouncing on him gently. Soon you were both comfortable, and you started going faster. And harder. Your breasts would bounce in his face, his hands gripped your ass tightly and pistoned upwards into you. Both of your heads throw back.The truck rocked, filled with your over escalating moans and his grunts. The sound of skin slapping and moans filled the car as he rocked his hips up into you for a solid three minutes. You slowed down, pulling him out of you. He whimpered on instinct.

“Shh baby. Your gonna like this.” You cooed and kiss his soft lips before maneuvering to turn yourself around. When you finally got situated, Arthur groaned at what you were doing. Reverse cowgirl, one of his favorite positions. Your breasts pressed against the cold steering wheel, hands bracing on the dashboard. He grabbed your ass and helped you lower onto him once more, easily picking up your earlier pace. You bounced into the steering wheel, making it beep a few times but you both were too wrapped up in your pleasure to care. He looked down, watching his cock disappear and reappear into your wet sex. He moaned, placing one fist in your hair and the other tightly gripping your waist as he drilled up into you.

“Yeah. You like that? Such a good girl.” He drawled out his praises.

“Your squeezin’ me reallll tight. God damn you feel so good. Mhm.”

You clenched around him at his dirty talking. Arthur pushed into you finding that spot that made you jolt forward and scramble for anything to hold onto. Your hands flew across his radio, changing the radio to some sexual song you’ve never heard of.

“You all over my skin I’m anxious

Paint my body boy I’ll be your canvas”

You and him both laughed, as he reached past you to turn the song up to drown your screams. He lifted you off of him, placing you to lay down on the two conjoined seats up front. He lifted your leg up on his shoulder and slid back into your wet sex. You moaned and bit your lip as he dove his face into your breasts once more. One hand up on the seats, the other reaching down to circle your clit. The song still blaring from the speakers.

“Don't talk to me, just show me your talent

Your talent, oh”

He was close again, you could tell by his grunts and stuttering hips. You were too as you clenched around him and panted.

“Mhm. I’m close darlin’.” He mumbled against your lips. You ran your fingernails down his back and he let out a rather lewd moan.

“M-me too.” You breathlessly replied with a smile. He picked up the pace, nails probably leaving bruises on your hips tomorrow . You softly slid against the seats as he drilled into you. It didn’t take long for you both to come.

“One look and you're mine

Keep your eyes on me now”

“Arthur !!!” Was his only warning you could give before you found yourself let go around him. He moaned and felt himself start to flood into you.

“Fuck darlinnnn’.” He came inside you, squirting a few loads. You just threw your head back and felt him fill you to the brim as the chorus of the song blared.

“‘Cause when the stars align

You might bring the beast out

Nowhere to run boy, run come here right now

Right now, right now

'Cause when the sun goes down, the beast comes out

Comes out, comes out”

Arthur was still balls deep into you, playfully tickling you with his beard, buried in the crook of your neck. You both stayed that way, just enjoying being one. Him tucked into your collarbone, your hand holding his back there. You reached up to turn the song down, it was night time now, and you could hear the soft cricket sounds outside. He eventually slid his soft member out of you, looking down at his and your cum oozing out of you.

“God damn.” He sighed. You just laughed at him and fixed his sweaty tousled hair.

“Well that wasn’t how I planned the night to go but you’ll get no complaints from me.” He laughed slightly as he put his soft member back into his pants, buckling his belt before giving you his shirt for you to drape loosely over your body as he got another spare from the back seat.

“Well what did ya have planned cowboy?” You inquired, cleaning your self up with his bandanna and getting dressed. He grabbed your hand and went to the back of the truck. He kissed the top of your hand and gave that goofy toothy grin as he pulled the tailgate down. Inside was a blanket and basket and bottle of wine. He had little tea lights and flowers he picked specifically for the picnic he planned. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the ground.

“I know it’s kinda dumb. W-we don’t have to if you don’t wanna-!” You cut him off by smashing your lips against his, both hands cupping his face.

“Shut up. This is amazing. I really appreciate it Arthur, you did good. Might have to keep ya round!” You teased, swatting his butt before reaching to get the bottle of wine. He grinned and got everything else. He set up the picnic and It was beautiful. He packed all your favorite foods, chose the fancy expensive wine you love but never ask for because of the price, some flowers he hand picked- not got from a store- like he always does and melted your heart to see. He had little tea lights spread about so you could just barley see everything, and the beautiful man you married right next to you. After you ate and drank some wine you found Arthur’s head in your lap. You played with his hair and he held you tight.

“Thanks for this Arthur. I love you.” You spoke as you looked down to see him smiling into your thighs.

“I love you more.” He replied. You both stayed still for a while, enjoying the sounds of nature and your bellies being full. You were all but asleep when Arthur suddenly lurched forward and attacked your with tickles.

“Babes s-stop!” You got out through laughs.

“I gotcha nowww” he taunted as his fingers dug into your soft skin. Soon he stopped. You regained your breath, and he took this opportunity to dive his tongue into your mouth. You moaned on instinct, and wrapped your legs around him to pull him in close. You made out for a bit before pulling away for air again. Arthur smiles up at you, face resting on your chest. You ran your fingers through his hair one last time before he rolled over so you were on top of him. You turn for some fingers in your hair. He lightly massaged your scalp, the other hand massaging your ass. You hummed in content, drawing circles on his collarbone.

“Cannot believe I got you to marry me.” He says after a while. You just shook you head, lifting off his chest to look him in the eyes.

“Shut up and kiss me you silly man.” So your lips were connected once again that night. Tasting each other, tongues dancing with one another, like feverish teenagers. Lazily making out, contempt feeling fucked out. You eventually lay back down on his chest, his heartbeat and soft humming lulling you to sleep. Arthur had one hand on the small of your back, the other linked behind his neck. He waited until you were deep asleep to carefully pick you up and bring you to the truck. He laid you down, covering you with his jacket and leaving a kiss to your forehead before going to clean up the picnic. When he got in the truck, he lifted your head to rest in his lap so you could lay down fully. He started the truck, relieved it didn’t wake you. He put his hand down to twirl your hair through his fingers. Giving you one last look and softly saying

“My girl.” Shaking his head at the disbelief you were his. You smiled, half awake hearing his words and nuzzling into his thigh as he gently rode off. The windows still down, the night air felt cool on your hot skin. Arthur sang softly, only making you struggle not to smile too big and let him know you were awake. He rode off happily with his wife in his lap, to their cabin in the middle of nowhere with their big Rottweiler Copper, thinking what in the hell he did to deserve this.

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