#pretty girls live in caves like sewer rats

[highly-opinionated-ramblings]

Hi I’m back again. I did end up coming up with a half decent Batman/Killer Croc plot and I figured, why not share with the entire world at large? Here ya go:

Croc escapes Arkham as part of a mass prison break orchestrated by Joker, and then, poof. Disappears off the map completely. Bruce and his team are a little bit busy dealing with Joker and the rest of the escapees, and he just sort of slips through the cracks.

Once things settle down again, Bruce briefly considers going after him. He has a pretty good idea of where Croc is hiding out, deep down in the sewers below Gotham. But then he takes a trip to Arkham to talk to the warden re: prisoner security measures, and he sees where they had been keeping him. 

In a partially flooded cellar underneath the facility, with no windows, no toilet fixture, and not even a bed to sleep on. Mold growing all over the walls. There isn’t even a real door, just a hatch in the ceiling from which they would toss down food- according to a guard, raw meat- once every couple of days.

A few days go by, and there aren’t any news headlines of people being dragged down into the sewers and devoured. Bruce doesn’t go looking for Croc.

A few years pass, and a criminal gets the bright idea (it was bound to happen eventually) to take a hostage and escape from Batman and the police by heading down into the sewers.

None of their usual tracking equipment will function right that far underground, Oracle informs him. They don’t even have an up-to-date map of the sewage system. By the time they figure out a way to get around down there, that guy will be long gone.

So he goes looking for Croc.

He finds him in an offshoot pipe under the industrial district, just where he expected to. Makes a big show of raising his hands non threateningly and insists that he just wants to talk, and eventually Waylon steps out to meet him.

“I’m looking for a man who came down here a few hours ago with a little girl. Can you help me?”

“Why should I?”

“Because he’s a convicted child molester and a murderer, and it’s the right thing to do?”

“...”

“And also because if you don’t tell me, GCPD will flood the sewers with men looking for him, and they’re sure to find you.”

“...They went that way. You can catch up to them if you take the first right off this tunnel and circle around.”

Bruce goes after the guy, and catches him, and rescues the hostage, and all is well with the world. Then, he goes back to talk to Croc again. Just so they know where they stand with each other.

“I caught the guy.”

“Good for you. If you knew where I was all this time, then why didn’t you come try to get me, too?”

“Because you weren’t doing anything. And because...I saw how you were treated at Arkham. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Living in the sewers isn’t much better, but I figured, at least you were free.”

“Free to eat rats and steal fish out of traps left by the dock, maybe.”

“I could bring you something,” Bruce offers. “Some real food. You like chicken?”

“Why should I trust you?”

“I’m just trying to help. I can’t make what’s happened to you go away, and I can’t magic you up a society that accepts you for who you are, but I can bring you chicken.”

“.........I like pork better.”

And sooooo Bruce begins visiting Waylon in his sewer lair. About once a week or so. Always with some sort of offering from The World Above. It doesn’t take long for Waylon to be sure that Batman really doesn’t intend to hurt him, and in turn to develop a fierce, fierce sense of loyalty to him.

One day not long after, in a completely unrelated incident, Batman is hurt. The thugs responsible toss his unconscious form down the nearest manhole and run for the hills. Admittedly, a smart move on their part.

Bruce lands in the water and is swept up in the tide (there’s, like, water flow in sewers, right? I’m not making that up?). Even if he were conscious, he would have had a tough time breaking free of the current (whatever let’s just go with it).

But Waylon comes to find him. He smells Bruce’s blood and comes running, fishes him out of the water and brings him back to his lair.

Later, when they realize what’s happened, Dick and Jason descend into the sewers (with their new and improved trackers, courtesy of Lucius) looking for Bruce. Instead they run into Croc, who attacks them viciously on sight. 

“We don’t have time for this,” Jason yells to Dick. “We have to find Batman, before it’s too late for him!”

And Waylon stops in his tracks. Takes an actual good look at the two men in front of him and realizes that they are not, in fact, the ones who hurt Batman in the first place coming back to finish the job.

He lowers his fists and asks, with an unexpected urgency, “can you help him?”

He leads the boys to Batman and clumsily explains the situation to them. When they decide that they’re not sure if they can totally trust him, and that it’d be best if they took him into custody in the cave for a little while, until Bruce wakes up and can tell them what’s really going on, he goes willingly.

Thus Bruce is saved. When he comes to, he’s more determined than ever to do something about Waylon’s situation. The kids might not like it- although Dick and Jason can vouch for his behavior in the sewers, and everything he did to protect Bruce- but Bruce decides to get him out of the sewers once and for all. 

He hires some contractors to dig out some subterranean rooms under the Manor’s grounds (taking extra care that none of them stumble across the Batcave in the process). Then he goes back with his own tools and creates a connecting passage to the actual cave itself. Waylon moves in and Bruce is able to keep visiting him much more often, and delivering him actual meals.

Throughout all of this the kids are just sort of staring at him suspiciously, like, “Bruce. Bruce. Be honest here. Have you. Fallen in love. With the crocodile man, Bruce.”

“No,” he says, “don’t be ridiculous!”

But he’s lying. With Waylon living practically in the same house, it’s only a matter of time before he’s forced to admit- first to himself, and finally then to his family- that yeah, he has definitely fallen in love with the crocodile man.

#My writing #batshipping #Killer Croc #what should we call this ship folks #batcroc? #killerbat? #whatever it's called I like it a Lot #there HAS to be someone besides me out there interested in this obscure ship right? #RIGHT???

[iicewitch]

✨ bleed magic

a playlist for @glitchedwitch​ link to playlist: here tracklist and favorite lyrics below:

1. poniko’s room [lights on] - yume nikki ost instrumental 2. distant past - everything everything Take me to the distant past, I want to go back Save me from the distant past, I wanna survive Canine fangs about my throat You're bleeding over Eden like a goat Tall blade dripping in every field I'm blooming like a fuming human shield 3. president heartbeat - everything everything Were you born in a cave now? Do you live in a cage now? If you burst into flame now Will they call you a human being? And your spine is a glass spire And your flesh is the concrete And your blood is the sewer And your skin is the city wall 4. orange caramel - catallena The small, dancing Catellena (Red Sun) Without knowing, I’m falling for you Chic and proud, Catallena (Red Sun) Jutti meri oye hoi hoi, I’m bewitched 5. wings - little mix Mama told me not to waste my life, She said spread your wings my little butterfly Don't let what they say keep you up at night And they can't detain you 'Cause wings are made to fly 6. eighth wonder - lemon demon Extra clever. Earthbound spirit. Ghost in the form, of a mongoose. And I have hands. And I have feet. I'll never die, I am a freak. Hello, I'm here, I'm living in the wall, I know I might be small, but I am a... Freak 7. the will of one - the protomen As I walk through the city streets These frightened people watching me pass There is an evil that holds them here Yet they won't try breaking its grasp But if I stay here with you Then I will leave them to their doom Do not say this is how it has to be You do no better than the fools of this burning city 8. father of death - the protomen What have I done? Though I did not pull the trigger, I built the gun That he holds in his hand Last night I dreamed I climbed to the top of a mountain of metal For miles I could see the destruction of man If the shadow blocks out the sun... there will be Light! If it stays 'till the sun is set... there will be Light! If the sun never shows its face again... there will be Light! No matter how dark the city gets... there will be... 9. i’m a hex girl - hex girls With this little cobweb potion You'll fall into dark devotion If you ever lose affection I can change your whole direction I'm a Hex Girl and I'm gonna put a spell on you I'm gonna put a spell on you 10. free - mother mother Love, let my anger Turn into peace Love, let the doves cry out in the streets Love, let the poison bleed out of me Love, let my love inside go free A bloody war Behind my eyes I come out right on the other side 11. the sticks - mother mother  I'll be gone for good Out there with the creatures in the woods And I'll be understood Make friends with the pagans in the nude I'll be no different Just a little less interested In all that new world shit 'Cause there ain't no new world in the sticks 12. infinitesimal - mother mother There's a million, billion, trillion stars but I'm down here low Fussin' over scars on my soul, on my soul, on my soul, on my soul On my soul, I am so infinitesimal, oh They say it started with a big bang But they say it was really just a small thing Strangely I'm feeling like a big bang 'Cause I've been making something out of nothing 13. burning pile - mother mother My mama, lonely maid Got her buns in the oven, and she never got laid My papa, renaissance man Sailed away and he never came back again All my troubles on a burning pile All lit up and I start to smile If I, catch fire then I change my aim Throw my troubles at the pearly gates 14. build god then we’ll talk - panic at the disco Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains And a few more of your least favorite things 15. life is looking up - forgive durden Could this be the day I've waited for When all my hard work doesn't go ignored? Maybe she was right, the will realize I can change the world open us their eyes They know I am more than some eager blood Not some average bones, I believe in love I just want to prove I deserve this gift I will change the world, maybe this is it 16. bleed magic - idkhbtfm Crawling up your skin Potions pills and medicines To drain you And bleed your magic out 17. the oracles on the delphi express - the dear hunter You've been stuck in the middle of patience and animosity. With a lust for solidity, and a cryptic history, your luck's running thin. 18. chattering lack of common sense - GHOST Wait, what is going on here? I'm a little out of sorts I've been contemplating fallacies and things that scare me "Why not try to let go?" I've been feeling out of order I'm allowing change, so take a good look; This is me This is what I've come to be This is what I've come to be 19. daydream - j-hope  Wishing on a sky Wishing on a scar If there’s the sun I want to dream Wishing on a sky Wishing on a scar If there’s the moonlight I don’t want to wake up from it 20. witch flight - yume nikki OST instrumental 21. wiggle - cosmo sheldrake Hey ho, where did you go Did you wriggle or roll Did you giggle or grumble through Tom Thumb from where did you come Did you toggle or run Did you skip, trip, or stumble through 22. counting stars - one republic I’m old, but I'm not that old Young, but I'm not that bold And I don't think the world is sold I'm just doing what we're told Lately I been, I been losing sleep Dreaming about the things that we could be 23. urban caravan - fake type Because there’s a surely a bunch of fresh possibilities out there If I don’t try it out, ain’t that just a waste? In the end, it looks like the world is so wide that curiosity is inexhaustible There’s war songs but also songs of peace, The feelings remain just the same Keep your unwavering faith’s compass close to your heart 24. counting cards  - rainbow kitten surprise Jokes we tell to laugh, dear Laugh to hold back the pain Pain is in the mind, dear Stars are much the same Gone in the time it takes the light to reach In time you'll find We're blind to the things we don't believe Paint me red, paint me red Picture that, picture that Picture us and God shaking hands just because we can 25. god of marie - MASA This is our creed, aimed at a God that’s gone all floaty. We’re pure! We’re fans of Marie. We’re not doing anything wrong! Hm? Are you a fan of Marie, too? The stoned Reverend and his crazy worshippers Are surrounded by smoke in the cathedral The highest god has come down. We give thanks to ganja! 26. bad apple - nomico Will I exist in a place like this? Will I exist in a time like this? If someone like me can change, if I can change, will I turn white? Am I dreaming now? Or seeing nothing? My words are useless even if I speak I'm just tired of being sad, I should go on without feeling anything 27. my songs know what you did in the dark - fall out boy All the writers keep writing what they write Somewhere another pretty vein just dies I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see That you're the antidote to everything except for me 28. magia - kalafina If I can follow my path without wavering, I care not if my heart shatters. I wish I had a spell to stand against the sadness that's ever before my eyes Back when I loved books about wonderland where a captive sun shines, I believed the fairy tales that told me all my wishes would come true 29. immortals - fall out boy I'll be the watcher (watcher) of the eternal flame, I'll be the guard dog of all your fever dreams, Sometimes the only pay off for having any faith, Is when it's tested again and again everyday, 30. the last of the real ones - fall out boy 'Cause you're the last of a dying breed Write our names in the wet concrete I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me I'm here in search of your glory There's been a million before me 31. interweb - poppy And the world feels smaller When it's at my fingers So let's keep talking Tell me what day is it Can't turn it off yet, I'm wrapped up with it So let's keep talking Tell me what day is it I caught you in my interweb I caught you in my internet Well, maybe I'm a spider 32. armed and ready - casey lee williams Remember all too well My time of living hell The night my enemy would conquer But now I've been set free Lived through the tragedy You'll wish you'd killed me, now I'm stronger! Feel like I'm finally unbroken Oh, now I'm back from the dead Strength back, confidence growing Out of my way 'Cause I'm armed and ready (armed and ready) 33. red like roses part 2 - casey lee williams I couldn't take it, couldn't stand another minute Couldn't bear another day without you in it All of the joy that I had known for all my life Was stripped away from me the minute that you died I wanna tell you that you're all that ever mattered Want you to know that, for eternity, I'm shattered I tried so hard just to protect you, but I failed to And in a prison of abandonment I've jailed you 34. lapis lazuli - zach callison She wanted to leave this place And get herself back in space Lapis Lazuli You fled into the bottom of the sea Lapis Lazuli You were so mad but then you came around to me 35. unreasonable behavior - OFF ost instrumental 36. devil’s train - the lab rats Or I can be the bee in your bonnet, your best friend forever Two peas in a pod flockin' like birds of a feather And you never have a need to beg, work, or steal If all this sounds worth it then let's make a deal Sitting on the tracks waiting for the night train Looking down the road, ain't never gonna go back Listen for the whistle through the wind and raindrop Who's gonna ride the devil's train tonight? 37. the room where it happens - leslie odom jr No one really knows how the Parties get to yesssss (Parties get to yesssss) The pieces that are sacrificed in (Ev’ry game of chesssss) Ev’ry game of chesssss We just assume that it happens (Assume that it happens) But no one else is in (The room where it happens) The room where it happens We want our leaders to save the day— But we don’t get a say in what they trade away We dream of a brand new start— But we dream in the dark for the most part Dark as a tomb where it happens 38. the perfect fit - dresden dolls I used to be the bright one Smart as a whip Funny how you slip so far when Teachers don't keep track of it Can't you just fix it for me? It's gone berserk Fuck, I'll give you anything If you can make the damn thing work 39. million years - nico vega You better learn from a man who's afraid to dance With a witch like me, and a wicked trance, 'cause A spider bite is a natural wound, but a dagger in the back is a plastic tomb Ain't nobody knows the trouble I've seen, but they know the sound of their own damn scream, well Lady bug! Bring me news, or a soul so rich and a crystal pool Let it burn, let it burn, singing songs of truth 40. i want you - savage garden Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes And I am taken to a place Where your crystal mind and magenta feelings Take up shelter in the base of my spine 41. pursuing my true self - shihoko hirata Loading loading loading Quickly reaching maximum capacity Warning warning warning Gonna short circuit my identity We are living our lives Abound with so much information 42. backside of the tv - persona 4 ost Lost destiny Far outcry They hear you no more Numb feeling Whole dizziness Deep scars No pain No sanity Body aching Control your own fate Invisible Real enemy Bring your mind Deep Down A moment of truth, tell me what's really happening Their rhyme is nothing but you've got everything Bro, you've got everything but you don't know anything 43. rivers in the desert - shoji meguro A river in a dry land The last ace in a lost hand When the hope of new beginnings burned our feet Now we need it: A heartbeat for a tin man An oasis in a singed land Remind us what we're here for: Creating new life Creating rivers in the desert 44. again - yui I'm wanting to scream that we're living to make our wish come true can you hear it? We won't be able to take it safe, because we have no place to go back to I'm always grateful for your kindness, that's why I want to be strong I'll welcome friend or foe for the sake of moving forward You still have too long a life left to erase these feelings completely, don't you think? I want to redo the things I left undone, So let's go, one more time! 45. komm susser todd - arianne It all returns to nothing, it just keeps Tumbling down Tumbling down Tumbling down It all returns to nothing, I just keep Letting me down Letting me down Letting me down 46. the spider and the lamps - forgive durden I'm the Spider, Crawl inside her! They don't understand, This is their last chance, No more idle hands, I'll destroy the lamps, Then they'll know, Whose in control. 47. here comes a thought - estelle and aj michalka You're losing sight You're losing touch All these little things seem to matter so much That they confuse you That I might lose you And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay We can watch, we can watch, we can watch, we can watch them go by From here, from here, from here 48. black paper moon - tommy heavenly6 Don't be scared of the pumpkin carriage the witch drew Cuz it can show in your eyes A symbol rises to the top on the card I dropped in the sweet crimson jam Your destiny - if you wish Any sort of world Can be yours 49. to zanarkand - ffx ost instrumental 50. poniko’s room [lights off] - yume nikki instrumental

#gene's playlists

[i-love-trash-blog]

Santa With Muscles

What has infamous white collar criminal Jordan Belfort, Hulk Hogan, Mila Kunis, and the Holiday Spirit in common? The answer is Santa with Muscles. A movie whose very name invokes the question “why?”. This movie was made in 1996, which it 3 years before Jordan Belfort would plead guilty to his financial crimes. Why is this relevant? Because Jordan Belfort was a producer to this monstrosity. Personally, I first came into contact with Santa with Muscles in my sophomore year of high school, and it has taken up a certain percentage of my mind ever since.

             There’s no clear thesis of this movie, instead, we get a weird mix of “be kind to kids”, “be kind to orphans in particular” and “there should be more orphans”. Yes, this movie is strangely very pro orphan. But we’ll get to that.

             The plot of the movie is thin and inedible. Hulk Hogan plays a selfish millionaire who is first introduced in a scene in which he beats up his staff. After throwing one of his butlers over a balcony, he decides to go paintballing around the town with some people who I assume are also getting paid by him. This results in a high-speed chase between him and the police where he shoots a paintball gun at their police cars.

             To get out of the consequences of his actions, he jumps out of the car and makes his way to hide in a nearby mall, where he finds a Santa costume and uses it as a disguise from the police who have now followed him into the mall. We don’t hear anymore from them for a while, I assume that they do just give up and don’t bother calling the FBI on a maniac who started a high-speed chase in a suburban area with them.

             While running from the police(and after being mean to a kid just wanting to see Santa), Hulk Hogan falls down a garbage shoot and knocks his head hard enough to loose his memory and pass out. Don Stark, dressed as one of Santa’s elves, finds him, and promptly steals his wallet. Once Hogan wakes up, instead of taking the obviously concussed man to a hospital, Stark convinces him that he is Santa and that he has to go say hi to the kids.

             Meanwhile, up on the hill, a man named Ebner Frost is putting the shake down on a shoe shop owner to sell his shop. This is our main villain. We also meet the four minor villains. Dr. Vial, a inexplicably Canadian chemist with overly large teeth for some reason. Ms. Watts, a woman with electric gloves. And Mr. Flint, a scary geologist. I don’t know how they did it, but Mr. flint is the scariest of the three.

             Back at the mall, two guys, one of whom is wearing a D.A.R.E. shirt plot to steal money from the orphanages fundraising table. The woman appears to be asleep, but after the two guys steal the bowl of money, drop the bowl of money, and get caught by a young girl who just saw Santa, the woman still hasn’t woken up, so we can only assume that she is dead. The little girl screams for Santa’s help in stopping the thieves, not the police or any other adult, just Santa. Hogan, who has been playing Santa without knowing who he really is, hears her and rushes off to beat up the thieves.

             Afterwards, he notices the booth for the orphanage, and makes the decision that he has to go help them, pushing the overly eager mall crowd out of his way, and taking Don Stark with him.

             At the orphanage, we find that Frost’s lackies are vandalizing the building. Hulk Hogan tries to stop them, but he doesn’t actually do much and they get away. He is invited into the orphanage where he meets the two care takers and the three orphans that are left. They explain that they are running out of money and had to get rid of all the other kids. Then they express who sad they are that they had to get rid of the other kids. I would assume that they adopted the kids out. My question is why it took them not having money to support the orphanage for them to get those kids adopted. They seem like they’re not doing a great job at finding homes for these kids.

             Anyway, they also explain how Ebner Frost has been buying up properties all around them and keeps terrorizing them for theirs. They also never dig deeper into finding out who Hulk Hogan is. They ask for his name and he just says ‘Santa’. Don Stark is also going along with the Santa act because he needs a thumb print activation to access Hulk Hogan’s bank account. He doesn’t ever get the thumb print, and it’s a very loose plot thread.

             The adults at the orphanage offer to let Hulk Hogan and Don Stark stay the evening. There’s not a good reason for this, the movie is set in California so it’s not like there’s bad weather and they couldn’t go to their own homes, if they had them. So they spend the night with three kids that believe Hulk Hogan is Santa and two adults willing to allow two complete strangers to stay in the same house as those kids.

             Now, in a competent movie, something would happen. But the good middle chunk of the movie is just the same business of the villains coming to the orphanage and Hulk Hogan beating them up while dressed as a jolly old man. But we do get a big reveal at the end of the second act, when Hogan finds out that Frost wants something that’s underneath the orphanage. He goes to the people living here and asks, “What’s under the orphanage?” He gets a couple answers. Sewers, dirt, rats, storage. And then finally they say “Oh yeah, also the catacombs, the kids used to play down there.” As if that wouldn’t be the most pressing answer to that question.

             They take a trip to the catacombs, which later are revealed to have actual skeletons in them (you know, for the kids). There’s a giant vault there and the kids know some of the numbers and Hulk Hogan suddenly knows all the rest of them! They get inside and find magical glowing rocks which Mila Kunis explains are full of electricity. Having taken several courses that involve electricity and magnetism, I can confirm that this explanation is 100% USD certified bull.

             The rocks start exploding so Hulk Hogan and the orphans leave the cave (that’s not a sentence I thought I’d ever have to type out). But now Hulky is Sulky because he wants to know who he is and why he knew the combination to the lock. Don Stark tells him to calm down and shows him the clothes that he was wearing when he was found in the Santa suit. They’re covered in orange paint from the paintballing. Don convinces Hogan that it’s blood and that he could be a criminal, and Hogan believes it. His concussion is definitely getting worse.

             They get upstairs to find one of the villains holding everyone hostage. Hogan chases him through the orphanage and up a tower where another mechanical Santa asserts its dominance and pushes Hogan off the tower and into a garbage truck. He hits his head again and regains his memory, Then wakes up at home in his mansion, because one of the workers at the dump recognized him and sent him home.

             While being sad at home, he gets a call. There’s danger at the orphanage! He rushes over and he and Don Stark take down the minor villains one by one. He finds the workers at the orphanage and the old man sits him down and explains that Hulk Hogan grew up in this orphanage! And was best friends with the main villain! How could he ever forget?! Now he remembers every part of their friendship!

             He goes down and fights in the catacombs with big rocks full of electricity. Eventually he wins the fight with Frost, but the rocks have become unstable and the orphanage is going to explode! Luckily everyone gets out ok, and the last we see of Frost, he’s being carted away by the same police from before who now don’t care about Hulk Hogans crimes!

             The movie ends when the orphans move into Frosts mansion, and now there’s more kids there! Hooray they’re having a party! But wait. If there’s more kids at the orphanage, that can only mean one of two things. Either there are parents willing to let their children play around in an orphanage, or there are more orphans. Maybe the explosion caused more damage than we initially thought.

             And that’s Santa with Muscles, a movie that should have never been. There’s many weird lines and details (like one of the police officers yelling about him being in Desert Storm???), and the mere concept is pretty hard to wrap your head around. But apparently this is the kind of stuff you can do when you have secret-Swedish-bank-account money, so I say, thank you Jordan Belfort. Thank you for the garbage.

#movies #bad movies #santa #hulk hogan #jordan belfort #santa with muscles

[kenjiro-s]

Behind Crystal Waterfalls

Akiyasu Kurahashi x Kagemaru

The cave was filled with the soft sound of rumbling water and Kagemaru rolled his shoulders back under his cool kimono. He was losing precious hours of sleep to deal with this so he hoped it worked out.

 Judging by the several voices he could identify, his Sentinels had done their job well. The quiet Tengu twins who walked on both his sides had delivered their reports in short clipped tone and he was glad he had put his hair up in a ponytail when he’d woken up that afternoon. Things were going to get messy.

 The three men hung from hooks in the stone ceiling, all tied up and fully restricted, and it took the one near him a moment to register the new presence in the cavern. Kagemaru looked them over.

 The one closest to him looked…familiar but he couldn’t place the face. Not that it mattered. Now, who was the leader…

- Who, the fuck, are you ? Did your pimp send you here as an apology for attacking us ? ‘Cause I’m down for that.

 The other two men kept silent. His question answered, Kagemaru allowed his claws to extend, hand still curled in the folds of his clothes. He still paused to check himself, making sure he looked exactly how he was supposed to. Loose obi, kimono open up one leg…Nothing out of the ordinary.

 The leader had called him a prostitute. Kagemaru sighed, tapping his lip with his folded fan. A civil adult man would not be offended by the remark, especially with the image he had been crafting so carefully. Too bad for those three that he wasn’t exactly civil, then.

- I could ask the same thing. – He stepped around the bodies hanging from the ceiling, almost smiling at their struggle to spin in the ropes and keep him within their sight. Cute. They tried to keep some of the power in the room. How very naïve. – Because see, you were caught poaching in an already claimed territory.

 The men went silent. He allowed them to look at each other, obviously trying to communicate without words. It might have been impressive if they didn’t sway gently like cocoons with every movement.

- I want to talk to your boss. – Ah, so it wasn’t “master” anymore, was it ? Kagemaru snapped the fan open, letting the air curl around his hair. Three pairs of eyes followed him around like feral hounds and it would be pathetic if…No, actually, it was pathetic. They were definitely a sad excuse for criminals. He shook his head.

- You are. – Their expressions froze for a heartbeat. They looked at each other again.

- I’m talking about the owner of the filthy den by the theathre. – Filthy ? The excuse for a human being dared to call one of his establishments “filthy” ? He kept his face placid and his little smile on, but inside was calculating which patch of skin was the most sensitive to pain.

- That would be, as I already said, me. – Kagemaru made sure his fan was moving slowly and barely moving his hair. – How can I help you, gentlemen ?

- You. – Kagemaru raised an eyebrow in response. – Fuck off and get me your boss. Now.

 That was rude even for him. He remembered Akiyasu calling that one soldier he’d probably disemboweled “vulgar” and how disgusted he’d sounded. The man in front of him had to be happy he himself wasn’t that easily offended.

- If you would like to do business in the Entertainment Quarter, you should show some respect. Otherwise, well, there has been a serious wraith problem in the Capital recently. You never know where they will pop out from. And who will end up another statistic.

- Are you threatening me, you little…

 He could see the cogs turn…turn…turn…and click. The leader’s lip curled up in disgust and he huffed a breath out. – Oh, I’ve heard of you. You’re that demon, right ? The one who takes his clothes off and then chews through gullible teens’ throats. A blooddrinking slut.

 - Do you think you are helping your case ? Because form my point of view…

- My brother will have you and your pack of rabid yokai put down like the mangy mutts you are.

 Kagemaru could hear the heavy silence from behind. His Sentinels would never react to such a lame insult but he wasn’t so noble. He only liked to pretend he was.

- Your brother ? – The man spat on the ground. What was with lowlifes and spitting recently ? Akiyasu had said the same, that one of the soldiers had spat on him. Such a disgusting habit. He hadn’t managed to hit his pretty new kimono so that was good, at least.

- He will have you decapitated on the city square. Yokai were supposed to be killed off years ago and a public execution will definitely list the spirits of the people.

- Tell me something. – He folded his paper fan again. – How did you think this was going to work ? You and your men escaping form here ?

 The leader swayed a little more in the rope, glaring at him. Kagemaru simply dragged his fan down the man’s throat, watching his Adam’s apple bob as the swallowed. He could almost taste…

 Fear. Behind the insults and bravado the man was afraid. And so were his subordinates. Terror. Good.

 He smiled. Wave of terror washed upon him and he relished in it. He’d thought about letting the waterfall wash their insides down the river but the filthy mouth of the ringleader and their shared fear was making him want to play a little.

- You know what ? I am feeling generous. Just to show you that I am open to discussions and negotiation. And always willing to let such young entrepreneurs as you to thrive in my city. Of course, you would have to show me you are willing to work for me, but I am willing to make amends. What do you say ?

- What I’d say ? – Kagemaru cocked a hip and noted with mild repulsion that the men’s eyes still went up and down his bare leg. How very simpleminded. Those were the kind of people Saotome would probably stumble upon out of sheer bad luck and then her Ayakashi would rip them apart. Hm, now that was an idea. Make them be somewhere where the stupid little girl would be…Two birds with one stone. But the leader wasn’t finished yet. – I’d rather slit my own throat than to work for a whore spider. How’s that for an answer, Jorōgumo ?

 He didn’t sigh. Not this time. He would have let them go with a good scare. He would have. Considering how tired he was, he really didn’t want to bother. But the “whore spider” comment…Kagemaru had a thing for that specific name for his race and it really, really ticked him wrong. “Whore spider”…This, added to the prostitute implication, made him think they had a certain opinion about him that he didn’t feel too good about.

 So he just walked around the wriggling bodies, letting a claw graze each and every man. Usually, he would go for a flashy and painful spot but he had done what he’d had in mind and now just wanted to go and sleep. So, quick incisions on their forearms, where the ropes had bunched up their sleeves it was and he was done.

- If you seek a healer, hmm… - Kagemaru looked at his bare wrist. – Within the next half an hour you might manage to keep all your vital organs in a working condition and have almost normal lives. I’d hurry, though, the venom works quickly. Untie them.

 The last one was directed to the pair of Tengu by the door.

- The reason I am letting you go is because I value power. Which you don’t have. And killing you would honestly be such a mess. Not worth it. So here are the conditions. Pack your rubbish and your useless little guards, and leave the Capital. No harm, no foul. I forget about you, you forget about me. Do we have a deal ?

- Fuck you, demon ! – He shook his head.

- Twenty four hours starting now. If you haven’t left by the end of the countdown, we would talk again. Oh, and I would really look for a healer now, if I were you. That thing will liquefy your insides.

 And then he turned, stepping out of the cavern, trusting his Sentinels to untie the men. That could have gone better, he guessed. Maybe. He just needed rest.

 A few hours of no sleep later, he was buried in a pile of paperwork that was leaning dangerously to one side on his desk when something crinkling dropped on the formal letter he was reading. Jumping back and almost impaling the newcomer’s eyeball on his pencil, he caught himself on time and dropped back in the chair. He was usually all about teasing Akiyasu because the man was just way too stuck up to bypass, but today he had way too much work and also was sure the three morons from earlier would not pack up and leave like the good boys he’d pretended they were. No, he was sure they would stick around, try to wreak havoc and then he would have to pull out their spleens through their ears.

- Boss. Fancy seeing you here. – Not. He was in his office right across from the opera and it was almost time for the performances for the evening to start. He didn’t have much time before the whole quarter echoed with music and laughter, and he really wanted to catch up on the papers at least a little.

- Saotome’s awaken another Ayakashi bond. – Kagemaru waited, hand holding the fountain pen in a loose grip above the paper. And, kept waiting. And more ?

- Cool…? – Akiyasu narrow his eyes behind his glasses. Honestly, Kagemaru knew he had to show some kind of empathy to his current kind-of-boss, but he couldn’t find it in him. Not when the little sewer rat’s words rang in his head.

- Cool ? You understand this could ruin all of our plans, right ? Are you thinking about that ? Can you even comprehend how serious this is and how much it can mess everything up ?

 Was he ? Obviously not, judging by what people seemed to think. He was apparently just a pretty little arm candy, not capable of a single coherent thought. Smoothing down his silk kimono, he spun the pencil around his fingers, silently gloating at how Akiyasu’s eyes followed the movement. Easy. Too easy. And he was supposed to be the dumb one ?

- This might come as a huge surprise, Onmiyoji-san, but I am fully capable of using long words and doing complicated calculations in my head. So, yes. I can, in fact, think about that. I know it clashes with your opinion of how all yokai are a little more than rabid beasts walking on two legs, occasionally, but it is a fact.

 Akiyasu just frowned at him.

- Whoever you’re talking about, it’s definitely not me. So if you can focus on the problem on hand, that would be…

- Actually, no. – He hadn’t realised he’s stood up. – I can’t focus on the problem on hand. And based on everyone’s opinion of me and my kind, I don’t have to. Right ? All I need to do is smile prettily and be the lapdog and decoration of a bigger, stronger, more masculine man. Or am I wrong ? Boss.

 Akiyasu kept frowning, hands loose at his sides.

- I have literally never said any of that. What’s wrong with you today ? Anyway, as I said, Saotome is doing whatever she thinks would help her, so I wanted to ask you of you have someone trusted we can get to keep an eye on her while she’s at school.

 Kagemaru carefully put his pen by the stack of papers on his desk, keeping them perfectly parallel.

- As you might notice, if you tried for a moment to pay any attention to anything outside of your little revenge plot, I am busy. Responsibilities, you know. Some of us have to work for our food.

- Listen, Spider… - And then he froze. Good. Kagemaru exhaled and lowered himself back in his chair. Akiyasu, standing completely still, had his eyes glued to his own hand on the desk where Maelstrom was slowly moving a leg and seemingly not in a hurry to move. – Call it back.

- Call her back ? Why ? You seem to be perfectly fine talking to spiders, don’t tell me a pretty little girl like her is scaring you.

- What…is…she ? – He was catching up fast. Kagemaru propped his chin on his hand, feeling Tempest settle on his shoulder. Akiyasu had the decency not to flinch at the sight of the second tarantula.

- Poecilotheria metallica. Ornamental tree spiders, if you think the actual name is too complicated for you, what’s with all the syllables. Beautiful, aren’t they ?

 Akiyasu, on the other hand, seemed to reach some kind of conclusion. Lowering himself slowly, he squatted in front of the desk without moving his hand and looked at Maelstrom, checking her out from as many angles as he could without disturbing her.

- Definitely. Is she a pet ? – He also appeared to be trying to check all the corners of the room for more tarantulas. Cute how he thought he would see them if they really tried to hide.

- They all are. – The cogs turned. Turned. Turned….and stopped.

- How many…do you have ?

- Twelve. – Oh, that was going to be fun. Maelstrom was completely still and Akiyasu had gotten bolder, nose almost touching her brilliant blue body. Only, Kagemaru hadn’t mentioned one little detail about the breed. And since he knew his spiders…

  A human, even with supernatural sight and reactions, would have a hard time seeing a Poecilotheria metallica move and register it. And Akiyasu hadn’t been expecting it. Which was why when Maelstrom jumped and made contact, the other man dropped like a rock on his ass and scrambled back. Only, he couldn’t really escape since the spider was hanging tight. To his cheek. And then he raised his hand…

- If you slap her, I’m cutting the arm at the elbow. – Akiyasu froze, eyes wide and glasses askew. Across the entire room, silver webs glittered in the dying daylight, reflecting the sun like razorblades. Around Akiyasu’s wrists, silk glittered like water, blood beading and dripping down. He could feel it colour the web, soft little vibrations making him taste his victory in the still air. It slid down his throat like ash and he dropped the webs, feeling Maelstrom scurry to her hole on his bookshelf.

 Akiyasu sat on the floor a breath longer and then got up, dropping his sleeves down, seemingly not caring about the red dripping from his fingers.

- So, are you in or not ? – Kagemaru paused by his desk, hand almost reaching for the ornate fountain pen on the desk.

- And what can I be of help with, boss ? – He chose to lean backwards on the wooden surface instead, cocking his head and crossing his arms. Akiyasu shook his hand a little, dripping more blood on his handwoven rug and pushed his glasses up his nose.

- I need someone who can pass for human completely. Saotome’s been taking her two-tailed yokai with her to her college recently and with all the bonded demons awakening, I want to keep a closer eye on her. I also know you employ all kinds of individuals and that if you want to, you can have someone watch her.

 Kagemaru twisted his lips in distaste. He employed all kinds of individuals, huh ? Now what, he was valuable for something other than his looks ? He replayed the conversation.

- Why would they need to pass fully for a human ? I thought you didn’t teach her to read energies.

 Akiyasu shook his head with a disgusted frown.

- It’s one of the lecturers. I suspect he’s not human and he seems to be really fond of Saotome. I wouldn’t want him to notice something.

- Are you actually hinting you want me to go ? – Akiyasu looked up from pulling his sleeve which was starting to stick to his bleeding arm.

- I don’t want them to attract attention. If it were you, the professor will try to get in your pants in about three seconds.

- You got a problem with that ? – Now the other man crossed his arms again, face cold.

- I have a problem with you actively trying to ruin my plans, yes. Definitely. What, did someone burn a warehouse of opium of yours or something ?

 Kagemaru raised an eyebrow. He’d heard enough of another famous and rather vulgar expression to recognise purposeful evasion. But Akiyasu was like that, wasn’t he ? Proper all the way…until he reached the point where it clashed with his plans.

Still. He huffed in annoyance, getting up to pull out his emergency bottle of almond liquor. It was that kind of a day. Raising the heavy bottle, he didn’t bother looking over at Akiyasu. The man should have been used to his bad habits already.

- Some kid and his gang of useless lowlifes were selling dirty stock outside of the theatre by the planetarium. Two of my clients are in the hospital with life threatening sepsis and one of them lost an eye.

 Akiyasu blinked. Well. Someone was surprised. Because he cared enough for his business to keep track of every little thing or because he actually got that involved ?

- Someone dared to try to sell something stronger than artificial and fully nonworking vitamin C on your territory ? – The other man pulled on his sleeve again, frowning at the way it kept sticking with blood. – Are then suicidally dumb or just suicidal ? – At his expression, Akiyasu pushed his glasses up his nose. – What ? Everyone knows of you and how you don’t leave witnesses unless it’s good for your business. I am just wondering which clan they are from so I would know who not to talk to about future plans. Kids these days, honestly…

- Washijo. – The other man just waited. – The moron on top is his grandson. – He shook his head, taking a big swallow from the bottle again. – Let’s see if they manage to find a healer fast enough to stop their bones from melting in their bodies.

- You poisoned them ? – Kagemaru shrugged with one shoulder.

- I don’t take it lightly when people try to kill my clients. I also don’t take it lightly when people call me a “whore” and imply I sell my affections by the hour to the highest bidder.

- You also have all the doctors in the Capital on payroll. They are probably dead already. – Akiyasu rubbed his eyes. – That man will come here and bring war.

 Human were supposed to be empathetic, weren’t they ? Because he would expect that comment from his mother but not from the man who was claiming to fight for justice. Oh, he knew Akiyasu was rotten to the core, one didn’t go that far with a pure heart. One also didn’t learn to suck cock like that in two tries after being a virgin but that was a different matter. Point in case, that had been cold even for the one who had befriended a gullible girl just to sacrifice her and her friends on the altar of pointless revenge.

- And ? – Akiyasu stared back for a moment before turning on his heels and leaving in a flurry of robes. – Hey ! Come back, you…

- I got a ceremony in the shrine tonight and have to prepare. Don’t bother coming over, it’s a private event. – Kagemaru knew his mouth was hanging open. He’d never been disregarded with such little care. People begged for his attention and that one human thought that just because their goals aligned for one very narrow period of time, he could just order him around…

 Private event. He felt silk bite into his fingers, the thin white threads drowning the room in reflections. Private event. Akiyasu Kurahashi, the shrine priest who was so high above the calls of the flesh it had taken Kagemaru months of chase to get him naked on his back in his office in the opera, and the man was entertaining company like nobody’s business. Probably that was why he’d been distracted recently, and when he went along with his teasing, he went all the way fast and easy. Because he wanted to be done and go to his lover pure and calm.

 And the only person he had shown more interest recently was…

 Kagemaru was going to have Saotome kicked out of the city, dishonoured and broken, left with nothing but her own fragile mind. If she was the one stealing his one access point to Onmiyoji power, he would take her father and her powers, her bonded yokai and her career. Her beauty. If the bitch dared to spoil his plans, he would show her why Jorōgumo had some of the nastiest reputation from all yokai. People didn’t just cross him and get out unscathed.

 But that would have to wait a few hours. He signed the letter to the Inugami who ran the underground hospital right beneath the lake. The man going and checking the unfortunate souls who had taken the contaminated opium was all he could do for them at that point. He sincerely hoped the venom would kill them. Because if they came back…

 Now. Work. Smile, sing, dance, be pretty. Don’t think of Akiyasu and Saotome losing their clothes on the moonlit meadow behind the shrine or he would find her and take her pretty eyes out. The night was just starting.

 Just as the sun was rising, he stumbled in his flat above the biggest restaurant in the Capital. He needed to wash off his make up…right now. He could feel it itch and burn his eyes and cake on the strands of hair sticking to his face.

 Oyama, the officer who’d come on the scene, hadn’t even had the decency to look surprised. The bastard.

 The man who’d bled out on the floor, on the other hand, wouldn’t look surprised anymore. Ever. His nice kimono was dripping with blood, his sleeve was ripped and the place where the absolute piece of shit had bitten him was turning a disgusting black colour. The dead man probably had some kind of contagious disease and that was why his arm was going blue and purple.

- Tatsuomi said he’s never seen such an accurate stab wound in his entire career.

 Kagemaru paused, kimono dropping to the floor while he blinked the black all over his face away. What was Akiyasu doing there ? Was his mysterious lover such a bad lay he had to come here to scratch his itch at five in the morning ? Also, Tatsuomi…

- He deserved it. – He heard a sigh. With his webs spread all over the flat, he would feel every breath, step and heartbeat so it wasn’t a surprise when Akiyasu stopped right in front of him. What he didn’t expect was the hand on his chin raising his face.

- I never said he didn’t. Tatsu also said he had more than enough witnesses and that he was only surprised the guards didn’t break that guy’s spine. Apparently, you were faster. Stop rubbing, here…

 The wet cloth rubbed on his cheek and he tried to pull away but Akiyasu held on. He really, really wanted to put a blade through the man’s trachea but he was too tired. The beast had sneaked his hand under his clothes while slobbering all over his hand, bitten down when he’d tried to get his hand off without breaking it and then punched him in the face. He’d died half a minute later, bleeding out from a neat and accurate would in the temple.

- Get out. I am not in the mood for you.

- Do the words “Déjà vu” ring a bell ? – Oh, he was so going to burn his shrine to the ground, consequences be damned. He was absolutely doing it.

- Don’t make me call my Sentinels.

- You won’t. I have news about Washijo’s clan. – He what ?

 Kagemaru kept silent, enduring the rubbing that was carefully taking his make up off first from his face and then from where it had stuck to his hair.

- I went to have a chat about their bad practices and how the gods frown upon young men selling drugs to unsuspecting citizens. Only, Washijo himself told me they would never set a foot in the Capital ever again. Something about the Jorōgumo who owns the city. They even warned me against said yokai. Apparently, he is a monster enough to make even the most dangerous hunters think twice. So they are moving out.

 Oh. So the venom had worked. Good. He really didn’t want to deal with the rat who ran the clan. He had standards, after all. Still.

- What were you really doing there ? – Akiyasu was quiet for a moment.

- I didn’t want them to think that going to a shrine and cleansing their blades would help with the specific yokai they had a personal issue with. People who come and pray for endless power are so annoying…I still set the city wards to activate if they don’t leave within the time period you gave them. Which means in about… - Akiyasu paused. – An hour and a half.

 Wards to blanket the whole Capital ? That was…Kagemaru frowned while the other man kept cleaning his neck and shoulders from any leftover make up. That was a complicated spell. Especially since there were other shrines with powerful priests, even if one didn’t count the endless number of Ayakashi that roamed around. The sheer power and intricacy such a spell would require…

- When ?

- When ? – Akiyasu pulled a cotton yukata on his shoulders. – Last night. Took me a while with my father’s books being locked in the militia’s archives. Doesn’t matter, now all we have to do it wait. Either way, they are not coming back.

#ayakashi #ayakashi romance reborn #akiyasu kurahashi #akiyasu #akiyasu ayakashi #ayakashi kagemaru #kagemaru #fanfiction #oneshot

[treago]

A SUMMARY OF WHAT HAPPENS IN EARTHBOUND BY YA BOI TREAGO

your neighbor who is a fucking annoying asshole bothers the police to try and see a meteor

a telepathic bug from the future will emerge from the meteor.

an alien will attack you and potentially wreck your shit if not for the bug

your mom kills the bug, and he tells you with his dying breath to go to 8 special places

a man called “Lier X. Agerate” destroys his own home and digs into the earths crusts and finds a golden statue

You assault a local gang and their steam robot

You fight an enormous ant so you can listen to music

You fight the police force to get them to remove a roadblock

Fight a local insane man in a park

You pay a cool looking kid to rip you off

you pay this fat kid that lives with rats to invent cell phones and the ability to erase pencils from this plane of existence

You encounter and subsequently destroy a cult that now has possession of that gold statue from earlier to recuse a psychic girl

You fight a giant mole to listen to more music

same local insane man in the park gives you ten thousand dollars. you give a local band thats in debt ten thousand dollars so you can ride a tour bus through a tunnel full of ghosts

You see a town full of zombies and decide that staying at the hotel would be a great idea, and so are thrown into a pit in a cemetery.  Your psychic friend contacts a nerd in boarding school telepathically

Nerd gives bubblegum to a monkey.  Monkey leads you to the lochness monster

Nerds father who abandoned him 10 years ago gives him a space ship, so he can crash into the pit in the cemetery and lock pick a door.

Fat kid invents zombie paper which is like fly paper for zombies. You put it in a circus tent and enjoy your life

You encounter friendly aliens.  One of them will tell you the password to an enemy base is 3 minutes of silence.  You go behind a waterfall and do nothing for 3 minutes to fight sludge

You trip balls in a hot springs with an alien while drinking coffee

You take a bus to the city.  It breaks down in the desert.  You walk the rest of the way to the city.

The same band gets indebted to another theater.

You go to the desert near a mining dig. You fight the 3rd strongest mole, the 3rd strongest mole, the 3rd strongest mole, the 3rd strongest mole and the 3rd strongest mole.  A construction worker gives you a diamond for the trouble. You pay off the debt with said diamond.

A haunted mall abducts your psychic girlfriend. 

Local insane man visits the city to find golden statue and fucking dies writes a haiku and tells you go insane

You decided going insane is a pretty great idea and go to an alternate dimension.

In the alternate dimension you square up with the golden statue.  You destroy it and discover your been dissociating in a warehouse.  

Your neighbor somehow becomes a business person in this city

Fat kid makes trout flavored yogurt dispenser.  The delivery guy just gives it to a random person in the desert.  A maid mentions her boss would love a yogurt dispenser

You then give a bunch of monkeys pizza, hamburgers, sandwiches, eggs, towels, rulers. A guy in a turban gives you your shit back.

A monkey teaches you how to run to other towns at the speed of not having to deal with the bullshit teleport

You enter the business mans building an destroy his security robots because the maid forgot to tell you a password.

You talk to the businessman and discover he was possessed by the statue from early.  He returns your friend. 

Your neighbor fucking pisses off in a helicopter says he doesnt need the businessman anymore.

You fight a mushroom near stonehenge to listen to music

You eat cake and have a bad trip.

Now controlling a prince, you meditate so hard your consciousness rips your arms, legs, ears, eyes away from you.  You’re now officially a psychic prince.  Also none of that happened.  He teleports to the rest of the group.

You visit a theater and get an autograph on a banana.  You give the banana to a guard to go into a sewers and kill a rat.  You listen to some music near a weird sculpture

You go to the princes home together and fight the avatar of storm and thunder.  You listen to music on a pink cloud.

You go to another desert, walk through a pyramid.  The prince gets bored and fucks off to learn how to summon meteors.

A man in a giant rock robot gives you his submarine so you can access a a swamp.  More sentient sludge will try to attack you.  Prince will come back and beat the shit out of it with meteors.

You meet more aliens.  The fat kid and nerds dad gives you the ability to erase erasers from existence back at stonehenge 

You discover a secret alien base in stonehenge that has abducted people.  You kill these aliens.  They are the ones your bug friend protected you from early on.

Fat kid donates a book about overcoming shyness to a library.  You give it to an alien. He directs you to a sentient rock.  The sentient rock directs you to a different alien, but that is evil.  You listen to music and get a message from yourself about yourself and your unease.

You are dropped into a world where everything is gigantic.  You get near a cave of lava and fight a dog made out of carbon.  you listen to music.

You retreat into your own psyche.  At the heart you discover the golden statue is a reflection of yourself.  You destroy it and wake up

You upload your consciousness into robots, dying and being reborn in the process, and then go to the future to fight the expression of evil.

Your fucking neighbor is there being an asshole in a robot, along with your flesh body stuck in a machine.

The evil cannot be defeated, so your characters pray help from:

aliens, the indebted band, the psychic girls parents, the boarding school, the princes town, the local gang leader, your family

You are swallowed by darkness

There is one last prayer is the final bit of support is YOU!  the player holding the controller.  

The kids die and their spriits float away

its okay they get back to their flesh bodies i guess

#press J to skip

[aros001]

Read through light novel vol. 4. Random thoughts.

I don't think I've ever seen an adaptation/source material relationship quite like that between Goblin Slayer's anime and light novels.

Episodes 1-4: most of vol. 1. Episode 5: mix of vol. 1 and beginning of vol. 4. Episodes 6-9: Entirety of vol. 2. Episodes 10-12: Rest of vol. 1. It certainly wasn't a bad season but it's funny to see the books adapted in such an almost random order. Closest I've ever had to this was Rising of the Shield Hero, which adapted vols. 1-5, the beginning of 6, and then at the end a little bit from vol. 10.

“There are people who use a torch instead of a lantern, because it doubles as a weapon.”

Guild Girl mentioned with a smile that rats and insects both despised fire.

“What kind of adventurer would do something like that?”

Goblin Slayer: "You've got something on your face."

Goblin: "GORB?"

[Stabs goblin in face with burning torch]

Goblin Slayer: "It was pain!"

That second chapter really suckered me in at first into thinking it was a flashback, but I suppose that was the idea. It's like when Batman saves a family from an alley mugging. It's a classic way of showing the hero keeping what happened to them from happening to anyone else. Goblin Slayer is making a difference, even if he doesn't always feel like he is because of how endless the world's number of goblins seems to be.

As much as Spearman could stand to take the hint that Guild Girl is not into him, I do really like that Spearman isn't at all a bad dude. Again, he has a spear but he's not a Motoyasu. He's not hitting on every attractive woman he meets or treating his party as an excuse to build a harem for himself. Witch feels like his trusted ally and equal before anything else, not just someone he's trying to impress because she's got big bizongas. Admittedly I'm not entirely sure what his relationship with her is. The implication is that she maybe likes him romantically (seeing Guild Girl as a romantic rival and all) and they talk about going on "dates" but it's hard to tell how serious either is being about that.

The chapter with the goblin sentry guard was kind of interesting for me, because part of the way into reading it I realized I had read it before...the manga version. I'm stumbled upon the chapter by accident through a Pintrest link of one of the pages where Goblin Slayer is carrying poor spear girl (Spearwoman?) out of the cave. At the time I'd thought it was a fan-comic, not because it was badly drawn but because the goblins had a different design. Between that and this chapter, I think the manga's was harder to get through, but for a different reason than the anime could be. The anime had audio, so the screams from Fighter and Priestess when the champion bit her arm were what left me really shaken up (Fighter especially because, while I wasn't seeing it, I knew what was happening). With the manga, how much of Spearwoman's body was shown off, the positions she was in, and the angles of the camera made it feel uncomfortably like a porn comic. I don't have a problem with fanservice in and of itself. This volume and previous ones have plenty of fanservicey artwork. But there's a time and a place for it. Cow Girl and Priestess trying on battle bikinis and High Elf Archer waking up in the nude? It's pervy but still harmless. A woman being violently raped should not be used to titillate the audience and I'm so glad the light novels have had the good taste (so far) to not do anything like that with its illustrations. Even High Elf Archer, when her clothes were torn away by the goblins in Water Town, she escapes non-violated and we get the art of her helping Goblin Slayer walk, but she's not drawn at all in a sexual way despite being half-naked.

But back to the actual volume, I really liked showing things from the goblin guard's perspective. The goblin happy with the spear he stole...at first. But then wondering if the belt would have been better and then hating the goblin who got the belt instead of his "stupid" spear, with said goblin likely thinking the same about him, just the other way around. Again, they're not mindless monsters. They're incredibly selfish and self-centered, each one believing he is the best and thus that he is the one entitled to everything. It also serves as another reminder that goblins are no victim of racial circumstances. Yes, there are no females of their race and thus they have to force themselves on others in order to procreate...but they seem like they would probably be doing that regardless. When their victim fights back, they hurt her more as punishment and to break her. And when their victim doesn't fight back, allowing themselves to be violated so that hopefully it won't hurt anymore (yeah, there's a lot in this chapter that's hard to get through but that especially with how unfortunately real that mentality feels), the goblins hurt them even more, taking it as an excuse to go as far as they can with them.

These aren't mindless monsters that have to rape to survive. They like the pain and suffering they cause others.

Which is where he comes in; to stab them, impale them, light them on fire, and kick them in the d*ck before stabbing them again.

Hm? Cow Girl thought suspiciously, but an explanation was soon forthcoming.

“Today is...a bit of a rough day for it...”

“Sure.” Cow Girl gave a strained smile and nodded. It was something every woman had to deal with.

You know...I've read through three other fantasy LN series in full thus far. Overlord, Konosuba, and Rising of the Shield. And I'm pretty sure out of all of them (and even out of the majority of other series I've read/watched), Goblin Slayer is the only one I've seen that even acknowledges girls having their periods. I get that it's like watching a character go to the bathroom; it's not usually relevant to the story and you can just assume it's happening off-screen. But it still just sat with me for a moment and I went "...Huh. Yeah, that would be a problem for them, wouldn't it?"

Also, these two are just adorable together. I like that they're friends. They don't pass the Bechdel test (though High Elf Archer and Guild Girl surprisingly do) but their bonding was still great to read.

“I have no interest in magical swords, but I do have a ring.”

“Oh yeah?”

“It allows underwater breathing,” Goblin Slayer said briefly. “Even if the goblins stole it, it would do no harm.”

“What would they even want it for? Wait a second—you just assume it’ll get stolen?”

Spearman was pressing on his temples, but the steel helmet nodded and said, “Of course. It wouldn’t fit on a goblin finger.”

After Cow Girl and Priestess trying on the battle bikinis I was already laughing at the idea of a Goblin Slayer beach episode. Now I really want to see that. Everyone's on the beach showing off their summer bodies and swimwear while he's still in his full armor. They're all playing volleyball and building sandcastles and he's slowly turning the ocean red as he's just murdering goblin sharks all day.

All seriousness through, I do love this consistency with Goblin Slayer's character and methods. We've seen tons of goblins throughout this story and the only ones that maybe would have benefited from underwater breathing would have been the ones on the boats in the sewers of Water Town. Otherwise, yeah, it'd be useless to a basic nest and they'd have almost no way of finding out what it can even do, so they wouldn't even move elsewhere to take advantage of such magic. Plus he has apparently destroyed nests by flooding them before, so it makes sense he'd want to prepare himself for just in case he ever got caught up in the water.

Also, Goblin Slayer, Heavy Warrior, and Spearman were a really fun team to see work together. I love the sense of respect the three share and that Goblin Slayer never has any problem acknowledging how much better they are than him when it comes to things like leadership, charisma, enthusiasm, or just certain general abilities. If there is a little bit of competitiveness it's still very friendly and never becomes a pissing contest between the three. Heavy Warrior and Spearman don't exist just to make Goblin Slayer look good by comparison. In fact, they're very good at what they do. It's just what they do isn't murdering the ever-loving sh*t out of goblins, thus why they're not the ones we're following the story through.

“I picked up the spear,” he said. “The shaft is broken, but the point remains.”

"You are hurt and broken right now. But you can recover. You can be okay again."

This is probably just me looking way too deep into things but I like to believe Goblin Slayer said those words because of his party's, and especially Priestess', influence on him. I'm sure he's saved many women from goblins in the past but before Priestess I think he just saved their lives, sent them off to the temple, and then just kept moving on without looking back, thinking about nothing other than killing more goblins. After all his and Priestess' time together, and her making it clear he played no small part in helping her keep moving after the tragedy of her first party, maybe he's now wondering if there's more he can do to help these women recover, even if it's just a few kind words to help them hold onto their sanity after what they've been through. Spearwoman was so attached to that spear that hearing that it's still intact enough to be fixed maybe helped her believe she could be too.

“Isn’t it?” She stuck out her delightfully average chest, as proud as if she had grown it herself. “And you know what? The person who brought it was someone you saved recently.”

“...Was it, now?”

“Uh-huh!” Guild Girl let her eyes drift to the corn with an expression that bespoke relief. It was rare that adventurers or mercenaries found themselves with a second chance when they had failed once. “It’s great, huh?”

Does that imply it was Spearwoman? I'm hoping so. It'd be nice if someone who was used by the goblins (hopefully NEVER one of the girls in the main cast) did still manage to go back to being an adventurer again and wasn't just left permanently defeated. Honestly, it'd be cool if either her or Fighter or someone like I'm describing came back and adventured with GS's crew for a bit. Goblin Slayer witnessed what they do and it almost happened to Priestess and High Elf Archer but we don't have anyone yet who was raped by the goblins and yet is still fighting. Sword Maiden is about the closest but her very understandable trauma and duties as the Sword Maiden keep her away.

God count: Earth Mother, Supreme God, Deity of the Basin, Krome

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GoblinSlayer/comments/fu0b1w/read_through_light_novel_vol_4_random_thoughts/

#goblin slayer #random thoughts #reddit repost

[peculidar]

Writing Prompt 2

You're a protagonist of some description, determined to save the day! The only problem is that you're trapped in the wrong genre, and your normal approach will lead to problems. There were hundreds of us, maybe thousands, trapped beneath the remains of New York city, forced to live like rats in the sewers of Manhattan. As if on schedule, my mind wandered to the last time things were "normal". There I am, thirty-eight and gorgeous, champagne glass in hand, making a speech at the release party of my critically acclaimed self-help book "You Don't Actually Need a Man". I am wearing a stunning designer fall piece and about a million dollars worth of borrowed diamonds around my neck. The photographers can't get enough of me, my publishers sing my praises, and thousands of women are lining up outside with posters of my...

"Alright everybody, our latest scavenging efforts have proven useless. We're going to have to resort to catching and cooking the rats." My lovely memories are interrupted by Brandon Asslehoff. When our group of thirty-or-so survivors settled in these particular Manhattan dwellings, he pretty much became our self-proclaimed leader. Brandon appeared to be around my age, a bigoted pig, and very obviously NOT from Manhattan. The fact that the weather is cold, does NOT excuse the layers of sweatpants and lack of shaving that's been going on around down here. I admit, it's been hard to follow my regular beauty regime but at least all the laser hair removal I invested in above ground is paying off now. Luckily, I had a whole phase where I explored "natural" beauty procedures, so I've made use of above ground twigs and leaves to mush up some homemade cleansing face masks. I remember how mad Brandon got when he realized what I had used them for. Apparently, they were supposed to be used as something that makes the firewood burn. As if the word "fire" in firewood does not already indicate that it is WOOD that BURNS. His condescending tone is what really pisses me off, you know, because it's like he doesn't even know who I am. Who I was?

"I suppose you're going to suggest us women cook these rats?" I retort with a smirk.

"Well, considering we men are going to be risking our lives chasing the vicious creatures around some of the most disease ridden areas of the sewers, yes, it would be nice if the women did their part back here in the safety of our dwelling," Brandon responds with the stiff expression of a constipated old man.

"You just assume the women here have no interest in hunting the rats. Listen up buddy, we may be in some weird post-apocalyptical shit hole setting, but that doesn't mean we've gone back to caveman times," I walk to the center of the cave and let my empowered voice ricochet off every ridge in motivational echo. "Women today are STRONG, INDEPENDENT, and more than capable of doing all things you men can do. Am I right ladies?"

Silence.

I look around at my fellow women, dirty and hunched over, cowering behind their men, avoiding eye contact. Are these really my Manhattan sisters or did I accidentally end up in a cave with the frumpy help? Where were the fire-filled women who could spend all day in stilettos and then stay out all night drinking with mojitos? Where were the sisters who chose to be single and true to themselves instead of conforming to society's standards by marrying someone who wasn't right for them? Where were the ladies I marched with when the conservatives wanted to close down Planned Parenthood?

Was I all alone?

"Well, I don't know about you girls, but I'm going to hunt the rats!" I cry out triumphantly.

"No, you're not," says Brandon. "You would just get in the way, and you'd have your legs exposed to bites with those three quarter skinny jeans."

I consider Brandon's point and realize that perhaps I need to plan a change of wardrobe before I go out hunting mutant sewer rats. I imagine all sorts of cute camo jumpsuits I could wear. With leggings for extra warmth (and bite prevention). But where would I ever get those down here?

"Well, I'm not cooking! I don't know how to cook!" I say.

"No surprise there. Just sit here and try not to interfere with the people who are actually doing something."

What a jerk! Who does he think he is? I go back to my little corner and let my mind wander back to the struggles of my former life. Moving to New York on my own, getting my first journalistic internship, my own column, publishing my first book. All these things had been challenging, but I accomplished them and had earned a name for myself.

How could I possibly achieve that level of success in these settings? I don't know. I really don't know.

#creative writing #writing prompt #short story #prose #my writing

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #56: Love #3.

Written: 3/4/2017

It seems like no matter what I do for people, my work is never appreciated. They always find some little detail to focus on, just to make me look like the bad guy, no matter how much I’ve given up for them. Like, when I was fired from my job, they talked about all of the times that I was out doing business not even related to what they paid me to do. They complained about how the phones kept ringing when I would leave, and it was a pain for them to answer them, which is pretty silly. Answering a phone isn’t very difficult, so its really not much for them to have to complain to me about it. And I was out getting snacks for everyone, I was going to bring this delicious cake but then they fired me, so now all of that planning went to waste. Sure, I might not have brought it in for everyone, but that’s only because I had to make sure I could find the right one, so I had to go to all sorts of different bakeries just to taste test their selections. Its not my fault that I only wanted the best for the company, and it was so hurtful that they couldn’t see how I was looking out for them.

Being without a job wasn’t very fun, especially since it lead me to not be able to do so many things, just because I had to worry about money. So, I knew that I had to find some other source of income, just to be able to pay for all of the movies I like to go out and watch, all of the restaurants I go to, all of the time I spend talking with my fortune teller, the dancing, the aquariums, the trips to the beach, all of it! My first idea was to find a rich guy who would be able to pay for all of these things, but then I realized that I’m not attractive enough to play that kind of game. And any trick I could use to make myself seem more beautiful was rendered useless, because any other girl who was naturally more attractive than me could use the same tricks, and still look way better than me.

Then, during my last appointment with my fortune teller, who is the sweetest person I know, he told me that there I can probably find work through one of my relatives. So I realized, hey, I have that cousin who is shut inside of that big old house of his, and he probably doesn’t have anyone to help him because of that rash of his. I could go over to his house, just show up, and start cleaning everything, make him food, and then he’d probably be so pleased by all of my hard work that he’d have to start paying me as a housekeeper. And I know he has money, he did write that one book that everybody seemed to be talking about for the longest time.

So, I go over to his place, which is some old, two story house that looks like its right out of a scary movie, and I manage to get inside. I hadn’t seen him in five years, but he still hid his key in the same place that he used to. You think he would have to put it in a more secure place, since it would be so easy for somebody to break in, but I guess he could also just not leave it outside, lazily hidden, because he never left the house anyways. Maybe he forgot about it. Whatever his reason was, it just proved that he needed somebody to take care of him.

You can not imagine how awful that place smelled, it was like a sewer pipe busted, the sewage spilled everywhere, and then it died, rotted, was eaten by a sick and mangy dog, that ended up dying, and then as it died it evacuated its bowels everywhere, and that was the gist of the smell. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, and maybe thats a line I heard from a movie, but it still smelled really bad! My eyes were watering, and I almost threw up everywhere, so I had to press my scarf against my nose and mouth as I scrambled to open up every window inside the house. Did I mention that the place was also covered in so many layers of dust, that it was almost solid? Like, I had to scrape the dust off of some of the windows just to be able to open them. And the rats, flies, ants, spiders, it was a complete mess. He was really lucky that I needed another job, because the place was in dire need of a woman’s touch.

When I was going around, trying to push that awful smell outside, I finally found the room that had the source, but I honestly couldn’t even walk inside. It was like there was a solid wall of stench that kept me from entering. I had to run into a bathroom, throw my scarf into the sink, fish around in my purse until I found a bottle of perfume, which I unscrewed the lid of and had to spill onto my scarf. Yeah, the perfume was pungent, but it was my only hope of making the house livable. I had to press that into my face, just so I could have a chance of entering that last room.

And guess what was inside of it. Guess what the source of that awful stench was. It was my cousin, sitting in the arm chair of his study, leaving his body fumes to fill the home. I had no clue when the last time he showered was, but he was in really bad shape. I didn’t have time to focus on him until I opened the windows in the study, but when I did I started gagging, he was just way too gross. Dust, bugs, blood, mold, all covering his body as he just sat there allowing it to happen. I told him that I was there to lend him a hand, since he obviously needed the help, but he just sat there, and refused to talk to me. And the way he was sitting there was taunting, too, because his mouth was as open as his chest, which was crawling with maggots, kind of like he was saying “I’m going to keep my mouth open, like I’m about to say something, but I never will.” Like it was some childish way to tease me, oh did it ever get on my nerves! And he refused to even look at me, instead he just looked through me, like I wasn’t even there. I even waved my hand in front of his face, and he didn’t show any sort of reaction.

Upset, I started to stamp my right foot on the ground, an old habit I picked up from my childhood, when I wanted to be an equestrian, and I told him if he didn’t want my help, he was going to get it anyways, because we’re family and he clearly needed some assistance. There was no way that I was going to let him live in such terrible conditions, it was just out of the question, and since I had to risk my health to assist him, the lease he could do was pay me. And still, he didn’t answer. I tried to at least convince him to take a shower, and at least think it over, but still, he refused to say a word. The nerve. I pointed out how everything he owned was covered in dust, but this argument wasn’t good enough to illicit a response. So, since I realized I was dealing with childish behavior, I knew that I had to treat him like a child. I told him that I was going to go downstairs and make him a delicious lunch, and if he wanted any of it then he would have to be clean first. There was no way he could resist, because I doubt he had a good meal in quite some time.

Yet, when I finished making the Monte Christos, and yelled upstairs to tell him it was ready, and that he better get in the shower before it got cold, he still never budged. I didn’t hear him move around at all, but I refused to go upstairs and check on him, it had become a waiting game. The smell of the sandwiches had to of wafted upstairs, and it was probably the first pleasant smell he’d enjoyed in months, so it was only a matter of time that his appetite was stronger than his need to be so stubborn. Yet, two hours passed and I couldn’t hear him move at all. It was ridiculous, how childish he was being, and I would’ve left, told him where he could stick it, but I really needed the money, so I had to wait for him, think of some new plan to get him to bathe himself.

All of the sudden, somebody came through the front door, and then there was this man, this dreamy man, who was very surprised to see me. Like, this guy was fairy tale prince levels of dreamy, like he should’ve been modeling underwear, like he could’ve had a stable acting career, even if he was terrible at it. This guy could’ve had a cactus for a dick, and I still would’ve done anything just to be able to fuck him. Luxury car companies could’ve made a killing if they just let him drive around in one of their cars, let people see the man driving and think, “I want that to be me, I need to have that car”. You get what I’m trying to say?

Anyways, he seems surprised that I’m there, and I ask him if he’s a friend of my cousin. He says he is, and was just checking on him, then he asks if I’ve talked to the cousin, so I tell him that I saw the brat upstairs, and that he refused to even give me the time of day, even though I got most of his stench out of the house, and made this wonderful lunch for him. Then, I realize, if he wont shower in order to eat, I could threaten to take the meal off of the table, making it more desirable. I had a friend who would do something like that. If her boyfriend wasn’t in the mood for sex, she would tell him, “Fuck me now, or you will never get this chance again.” And sure, if the guys had any amount of self worth they would usually break up with her, like who is she to pressure them into sex? But, the guys who were more socially awkward, and felt worse about themselves, they’d cave in since they wouldn’t be sure how long it would be until they could have sex again. And my cousin definitely did not have good feelings about himself, because he would be clean if he cared. He wouldn’t live the way he did.

So, I yell upstairs and tell him that if he didn’t clean himself, quick, I was going to give his lunch to his charming friend. I felt like giving a compliment to his friend would also work, because it could get me on good terms with the hunk of grade A meat, but also it would contrast with my cousin’s opinion of himself, so he’d want to eat the lunch, so the better man couldn’t have it, just out of spite. Sometimes negative emotions inspire people better then positive ones. Maybe that’s why I was fired, I was trying to help them, maybe I should’ve been meaner, more assertive. Instead of trying to prove my value to them, I should have made them prove their value to me.

He never showered, or even left that room of his, so I ended up just sharing the lunch with his handsome friend anyways. What was it to me if he wanted to live like this? I could still find some way to get him to pay me anyways, plus just being able to talk at that beautiful, chiseled face was enough to dissipate any amount of anger that I was feeling. He had such interesting stories to tell, but I don’t know if they were actually interesting, or if it was because he was hot, but I don’t think that mattered. I’d pay $50 to watch him explain civil engineering. He had the funniest things to tell, sometimes, like he told a story about how, when he was very young, he attached a bunch of fire crackers to his cat and exploded it. Kids do the silliest things! And, he told me about how much trouble he had in relationships before, and that’s when I knew that he may have been interested in me, and since I’m very.. Well, as my mother always called me, “plain”, I knew that if a man like that was making moves on me, there was no good reason to not try to lock him down.

He told me about how he could have a temper, and that led some of his girlfriends to leave him, sometimes having to go to battered women’s shelters, but he was so sweet to me as he spoke about it, and I knew that he would never be that way with me. I could never even make him upset, why I would just love him all the time. Plus, it was a little rude of them to ghost him like that, he was a human being too. And everyone had their own problems.

Then he told me about how he was responsible for my cousins condition, apparently he was dead, and I felt a little silly for never realizing that. I guess death always seemed like such a distant thing, like something that happens to people you don’t know. He talked about how he broke into my cousin’s house, beat him for several days, and then ripped his heart out and ate it, but I can assure you that it was funny the way he told it, and it may seem a little ghoulish, but there are, as the saying goes, two sides to every story! Maybe my cousin deserved it. He was pretty dickish, even in death. And, maybe the handsome man was just a little troubled, and you know these types of people are really just products from their terrible childhoods, and it really isn’t their faults. I mean, they’re the real victims here, and we shouldn’t be pointing fingers at them just because they have problems. I mean, doesn’t everybody? And who cares if he kept coming back to the house, just because it got him turned on a little bit, everyone has their kinks. Do we look down on gay people for what they do? No, we don’t, because its not the right thing to do, shaming people’s sexualities.

Plus, I knew that I could change him, I could mend the wounds from his tortured past, and I could make him better than he currently was. I knew that I was different from those other girls, and he had so much potential to be a great boyfriend, maybe even a great husband. Imagine how smart and beautiful all of our children would have been, I would’ve been so proud of them, they would have been able to do anything!

So, when he offered to take me out on a date, take me out on the town, I had to say yes. Screw my cousin, he was dead and couldn’t pay me anyways. ———————————————————————————————————

That was probably the most magical night of my life, even if we really just went out to dinner, and took a walk in the woods. When we were in that restaurant, which was very classy by the way, I was so pleased to have that man on my arm, he was the best accessory any woman could’ve asked for. I can’t express how happy it made me feel to have all of those people see me with him. I really felt like I was somebody. Hell, I can’t even remember what I ate, because the whole time I was so focused on him, this character that came straight out of a romance novel, the kind of guy that you imagine on lonely nights. I swear, he should be banned from catholic churches because the nuns wouldn’t be able to resist fawning over him. I know that I keep describing him like this, instead of talking about that night, but this is just how love feels. All you want to do is talk about the person you love, and the rest of the details don’t matter. Who cares what we ate, if I found the man of my dreams?

I’d call him the one for me, but I think he’s actually the one for everyone. One size fits all. And I don’t know how he isn’t already taken, or how those other girls treated him like they did, but I guess that really does show how special I was for him. He was my glass slipper, my prince charming. He could’ve led a cult and wouldn’t have to say anything except his orders. People would just flock in to gawk at him, and if he told them to burn down a public school, they would do it, just so that he wouldn’t get upset, and they wouldn’t be able to see his face any more.

So, after dinner, he drives me far out of town, and its was magical the effect the moonlight had on him. It was like he was glowing. It was like I was in heaven. And then, after quite some time of driving, that really only felt like a couple minutes, he takes me for a walk in the woods, he says he knows a breathtaking spot that I would love to see. Very romantic. But didn’t he know that he was already my breathtaking sight? What else could I ever be shown in my life that would be able to impress me more than he did? It took me a while, as we were trudging through the woods, him walking briskly and not waiting for me, as I struggled to keep up, but kept slowing down when I saw the way his ass moved, and I realized maybe the spot was just going to serve as a prop for himself. Just some setting where, when he stood inside of it, he looked better than ever.

Finally, we arrived at this serene stream, and seeing him look down into it, into his reflection, him staring back at himself, it was really too much for me. My heart could’ve burst out of my chest because of how in love I was. There was even a deer a little ways down, drinking from the stream, and I was right about my theory, because taking the scene in just made me dizzy. So, he told me to sit by him and watch the water, and I did, why wouldn’t I? And he put his arm around me, and why would he? Why would he, somebody who is the definition of perfection, want to be with somebody like me? Maybe he knew that I had a kind heart, maybe he knew I could change him.

There really was no way for me to know what was going to happen next, and it really just seemed out of the blue. Who could’ve guessed that he would be so violent? He grabbed the hair on the back of my head, and slammed my face into the bed of the stream, so my face was covered in mud, and water whipped around the sides of my head. I was so confused by this, so shocked, that it took me a little while to start struggling. And after it seemed like I was going to pass out, like I was going to drown, he pulled me out of the water and threw me against the ground. I choked, tried to catch my breath, and wanted to ask him why he was doing this, I thought we were really a good fit, but he started pummeling my stomach with a rock that he had picked up. It must have had an edge to it, because I could feel it tearing into me, cutting into my intestines, crushing everything inside of me. I was able to manage a scream, although it wasn’t very loud, so he shifted his attention to my face. My nose was shattered and moved to the left side, one of my eyes became swollen, and I was unable to see out of it, then he started to knock my teeth out, and it was difficult to not choke on them.

And as this dragged on, seemingly with no end, I wondered what I did wrong.

#Free Write #Short Story #Writers on Tumblr #Romance #Relationship

[changeling-fae]

My Experience Watching the Rat Phantom

Decided to watch the Rat Phantom and uh, my thoughts during:

- Rats would eat that baby, also that particular rat would be swept over the waterfall because force and gravity.

- So I guess this Erik is like Lucius Malfoy’s creepy sewer brother?

- Man, Christine’s breasts are bouncing all over the place in that dress.

- Christine why aren’t you immediately freaked out about this dude touching your face and talking about mind reading? Ok I guess we’re just going with it.

- Why are the rats super into eating human flesh but not the defenseless baby in the beginning?

- Why is Christine’s maid buddy being such a jerk to the poor flower boy, he’s just doing his job. Is she like LND’s Meg and jealous of Christine or something?

- Those are tiny children ballerinas in I’m assuming a rehearsal for a legit rich people pay to see production.

- Again, Christine, why aren’t you concerned about a creepy dude mind chatting you. Wouldn’t this be considered like devilry in the 1800’s?

- “What do you want me to do?” You’re asking the telepathy guy for instructions? Do you want to be thrown into an asylum Christine?

- Oh sure, meet him in a dark secluded place where no one knows your location, seems smart.

- … “Your female smell”…? Wtf.

- I honestly can’t tell if he’s mind controlling her or if she’s just really into a strange telepathic creeper groping her. Was that earlier first scene together the first time she met him or do they have an established relationship just implied?

- Is that poor couple really not concerned with why someone would purposely live in a sewer if they supposedly have wealth?

- And she’s whipping out the breasts.

- I’m uncomfortable with that old guy giving that little girl ballerina sweets.

- Guess the Raoul counterpart just got friendzoned.

- I predict murder in this poor couple’s future.

- I don’t think earthworms live in stalagmite.

- Does Paris have such an intricate underground cave system, they look like they’re in caves of Kentucky.

- How did that guy’s scream not echo through the caves and immediately alert her to his disappearance?

- This cave has really good lighting.

- And of course her breasts are perfectly visible and bouncing as she flees for her life.

- Ew, wtf.

- Are there only three ballerinas?

- One of the workers killed at the beginning’s name is Gustave?

- For an Opera house that the wealthy pay to see, this place feels very dead and empty. It just feels like a couple people rented it out for the weekend.

- Malaria acts like cyanide?

- Is Christine posing for Victoria Secret?

- Still unsure of what Christine feels for the telepathic rat dude. Lust or fear? Both?

- Did Raoul’s brother just take him to a brothel?

- I know there are a lot of out in the open dicks in this place but you don’t have to be one Raoul, don’t just shove women to the ground. Or kick them, or throw wine on them.

- This film just keeps going further down the depraved rabbit hole of disturbance.

- I knew I didn’t trust that old guy with chocolates.

- How the hell did he have that many chocolates on him?

- And that traumatized little girl still gets slapped in the face.

- Love both of them? You’ve had like zero interaction with them other than being groped by one and given flowers by the other.

- If this rat catcher has been catching rats for 8 years how has rat groper not killed him yet? I guess he assumed stupidity would do it for him?

- I really hesitate to call any of this Phantom of the Opera.

- I feel like I’m watching the beginnings of a really bad porno.

- What does Medusa have to do with anything? Medusa would turn your creepy groping ass to stone you messed up excuse for a Phantom.

- That was quite the mood change from Christine.

- There is not one likable character in this film.

- This movie aggressively hates women.

- Of course Carlotta chooses to sing, how else will the director make good on his threat of sexual violence to her breasts.

- Would a chandelier cause decapitation like that?

- I don’t understand Christine’s maid friend, maybe she realizes what a shitty film this is and just wants it to be over with.

- And it gets worse…

- This is really creepy since Christine is played by the director’s daughter…

- Oh my god it gets even worse, wtf.

- “My love”? You’ve had like 5 min of on screen interaction with each other! Disney couples have a more believable romantic scenario.

- Am I supposed to feel sympathy for any of these characters? The only ones I feel bad for are the little ballerina girls who deserved better by not even starring in this film.

- Boy, those rich people are pretty nonchalant about a chandelier crushing their buddies like a day ago.

- Instead of running after hitting the guy with a rock you just scream…

- There was just a rifle lying around for plot purposes?

- So does he eat people, if so he’s a pretty wasteful cannibal.

- I’m so confused, is the director remembering that Erik let’s her go in the book but forgot that he created a repulsive Erik in his version? The ending feels very tact on.

- Did Christine just go insane? Like straight up lost her mind?

- Also why didn’t the Satan rats help their gropey sewer baby? Did they hate him too? Was it because he stuffed them down his pants?

- Whelp, I just lost an hour and a half of my life.

In conclusion this film was an experience, in the same way that getting food poisoning from gas station sushi is an experience.

#Phantom of the Opera #poto #technically I guess #seriously wtf