#ppl continue killing and disabling themselves and other ppl and FOR WHAT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

musicofthenightphantomoftheopera · 7 months

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I’m not really excited about my birthday this year…..

Come November 17, 2023, I’ll be 25 years old.

I should be excited. I should be making plans to celebrate. But I’m not. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t.

That day will just solidify the fact that Covid took away my entire early 20s. The time when I’m supposed to be going out into the world and “figuring myself out” “meeting new people” “making mistakes”and “growing as a person” according to most movies, tv, and people I’ve met. All of that stolen from me. Gone.

I have Asthma, therefore I am disabled. So I have a lot more at risk than most if I catch it. Since 2020 when the pandemic started, I stopped going out to places as often, I wore a mask at all times to protect myself, and others. I stopped going to anime conventions entirely. I didn’t even have a birthday party that year outside of the one my family had cuz I was that scared. And when the vaccines came out of course I got fully vaccinated as soon as I could, But I still exercised all those other cautions.

I like everyone else thought it would be over in a couple months or at least after the vaccines came out, But it wasn’t. due to the disturbingly widespread acceptance of abelism, eugenics, anti vax misinformation and right wing propaganda brought on by covid and those in power who simply cannot be bothered to care about anyone other than themselves & would gladly laugh & celebrate our deaths should we not survive, I like many other disabled people have been forced to become prisoners in our own houses for the last 4 years.

Nowadays I watch through my phone as people and friends alike go to anime conventions, Rennaisance fairs, and other fun life events with absolutely ZERO covid precaution to keep themselves & other safe even though the virus continues to kill ppl by the millions and act as if nothing is wrong.

I see them there and wish I could be there too having a good time and living my life. But I can’t.

(And don’t bother coming at me with the whole “you can’t expect us to mask forever, it’s restricting!” First of all of you don’t wanna end up like me or worse you kind of have to and second of all. It is a goddam peice of fabric over your face. I am asthmatic and I can breathe in not one but TWO masks perfectly fine. So can you ya goddam crybaby. Get it together. )

I know if I go if catch it and run the risk of becoming more disabled than I already am. All the conventions I wanted to go to, the Rennaisance fairs I could’ve attended. All the plans I had for my future were ripped away from me. But not a lot seem to care.

Because the universal truth about ppl in America is that not a lot of people give a fuck about disabled people. Most of them see us as less than human and actively want us to die. Even if it’s their own family members or friends. Anyone the claim to care about. No one is safe.

You have no idea how many horror stories I have of people saying “it’s only killing the elderly and the disabled, so who cares?!” Not only is that ungodly vile but also wholly untrue. It’s killing & disabling ppl my age and also children. But again. Not enough care.

I used to be so excited about seeing what the world had in store for me in the future. But now I don’t think I have one anymore. And how can I be excited to experience a world with so much ugliness that I’m pretty much risking my life every time I leave the house nowadays?

If the plague doesn’t get me there’s the risk of a wacko that just so happens to have a gun deciding to shoot up a place because of their inhumane ideology or they were “having a bad day” or run the risk of a man literally doing one of the worst possible things you can do to another human and knowing that because of the state I live in, I will be penalized or even imprisoned for not wanting a rapists baby.

It makes me never want to leave the house again even though I desperately want to. And want to be part of the world again. But I can’t. Because even if I do nothing at all, I’ll be punished. But I don’t really know what I can do or if there’s anything I can do to fight back besides voting. I have no political power. I have almost no money no matter how hard I try to work for some, And no resources. I also recently moved to a very rural area. I have no friends that live near me nor do I know or know if I can trust anyone here, therefor Di have no community to rely on. Besides my family I’m basically completely isolated. And it feels like my granny and I are the only sane ones left in my family because my mom and stepdad refuse to wear masks. My mom got the vaccine but refuses to mask.

I can’t leave because 1 I’m broke, 2 I’m also autistic which actually bans me from gaining citizenship/a visa in certain countries, and 3, this fascist ideology is spreading and abelism and covid are still pretty much everywhere. There is no true escape.

I can’t even get any therapy for what I’ve been through due to the US Healthcare system being a sick joke and I can’t afford it and of course the risk of having an ableist therapist or one who has zero experience with autistic ppl or one that’s just there to collect a paycheck.

What am I supposed to do? Why do I even bother trying anymore? What’s the point of living if I’m just living in a constant state of fear, anxiety, anger and hopelessness and misery? I can’t get excited about Halloween, Christmas, or even my own birthday anymore because I’m so emotionally exhausted and I feel so hopeless. And don’t even get me started on climate change anxiety.

There’s not really a point to this. I just needed to vent and wanted to share my experience.

#I feel hopeless #hopeless #personal vent #vent post #disabled #i hate it here #just why #i feel alone #mental health #trauma #abelism #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #i don’t want to die #i’m tired #isolated

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iftari · 23 days

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re-reading warrior cats n its like. what if u werent white as writers? what if the positioning of medicine cats as one of the (few) speakers w starclan (literally dead spirits.!), being one of the (few) cats that understand n have herb/medecinal knowledge n also being both on the outskirts of sm of clan life while also embedded right in the core of it bc no clan can survive without a med cat was actually explored in varying interesting ways. esp bc the writers CLEARLY dont know what to do ab disability other than 'ur positioned to taking care uwu' or 'die'..........................which like....ok. lame. loser. dumb tokenizing position of interesting dynamics n archtypes.

sum1 on reddit is like 'what if a medicine cat went evil' n like GHATS interesting to me. making fake signs n weaponizing starclan against a clan. also could parallel how doctors n nurses literally treat patients n esp disabled ones like SHIT like they know better n never listen. n the whooole arc could be in dedication to making all the clans realize they need to reconcile w the abelism they clearly keep engaging in bc the med cat couldve never done whatever evil they did without having a preexisting foundation for it. an examination of the warrior code in general. of the culture. bc its so clear the book is a white savior understanding of indigenous culture so its attempting to deviate from the western lens of 'if ur not useful ur useless' by having things like 'we take care of elders n kits!' but even still the authors clearly havent understood the concept properly bc that code still embodies the capitalist notion of 'usefulness'. 'we protect the kits so we have a useful cat in the future that can Protect the Clan. we care for the elder bc they Served Us' n when a clan doesnt its seen as >:( (rightfully bc u SHOULDNT kick out elders n kits..) but like...the basis for it is that u shouldnt do it bc its a *life*. thats it. n if the clans understood that then the books couldve explored the concept of kittypets n rogues in various ways outside of just '>:( ur not one of us!!1!!' esp in relation to fascism. couldve explored rogues in specific territories continuing to be rogues/loners but engaging during specific times (like winter - easier to survive in a crew) or occasional rogues teaching specific tricks or whatever. also couldve explored the concept of like...roaming rogues. cats that exist outside of borders n roaming btwn all clans sharing info much like a merchant or smth. inevitably this leads to a 'this cat is violating the warrior code!1! its a spy!' which once again makes the clans have to sit w themselves n be like...what is the purpose of our code? what is the politc behind it? what parts r relevant and what parts arent anymore? or a plot where a rogue cat is specifically given starclan powrs n literal job is to roam btwn the clans n like. try to keep the peace. maybe a medicine cat gets >:( n is like ur undermining my authority....i'll kill u!!!! n like ok lets explore THAT as an insecutity bc medicine cats arent above evil they arent like inherently ~special~ theyre literally just. cabs.

back to the disabled cat thing its like. disabled ppl have embodied a lot of thigns. sometimes theyve wanted to do a Thing n learned how to accomodate their needs which we do lowkey see w the first arc (prophecy begins) w lostface --> brightheart n other times they become writers/storytellers n artists or whatever. which goes back to another question of like...clan culture. its so clear that the writers base a lot of clan n writing off of real human culture but also they keep it pretty simple n change things around as necessary for plot which is like. ok. what if this silly little ficitonal universe did get fleshed out? what if the writers actually did have the guts to like explore how misogyny?? shows up in a group of fucking fictional cats. how liberalism keeps paving the way for loser fascists. etc.

#warrior cats #very silly for me to be doing this for a book series i havent read since mid school (at the latest) n target dem is like #age 8 but here i am :D #i feel like...from wath i can rmr...addressing misogyny isnt too out there bc if grade school me could pick up on it...cmon #also havent really finished my reread but i do rmr one of my frustrations was redundency n repeated plots so like idk #mix it up. evil medicine cat. explore sexism. explore abelism. etc etc. rogue cat as the Chosen one #explore spirituality. etc etc.#warrior cats analysis

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decolonize-the-left · 3 years

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hey. i'm disabled. i live in america. i voted. trump would of destroyed social security, one of the only safety nets we have. we cannot do any activism if we are left to die because we cannot pick up another weapon to fight. so many forms of change throws us under the bus as if we don't experience horrific shit and need change too. voting and having a president isn't what radically changes things but disabled people are very vulnerable and we lack so many resources already that having someone take away the little we fought hard for will kill us. small steps count when you consider that not everyone can pick up your weapons. so i don't see it as so black and white. not everyone voting is doing it to sit back and not care. i'm sorry. i'm not devaluing what you are saying because you are right but we cannot overlook the disabled when it comes to voting. again, sorry.

See?

White folk will always allign themselves with their self serving whiteness at the cost of others. And this is why every time y'all say "vote blue" it's coming from the mouth of snakes.

Like maybe stop letting ppl get into presidential elections who don't serve your interests??? Start demanding your candidates give a shit about you and your needs. Because you're right disability is fucked up and disabled ppl are left behind more often than not.

So how is voting for someone who's harming disabled Indigenous folk a vote in the interest of all disabled people?

Oh, you forgot about them huh. You forgot white ppl aren't the only disabled ppl with needs. You forgot you could experience a disability AND be brown/Black. Yeah, disabled PoC exist. And why don't you go ahead an ask me how much access we have to resources regarding our disabilities compared to our white counterparts who don't live on reservations. Ask me what our disabled care is like, what our healthcare in general is like. In fact news just broke recently that a tribe was given expired covid vaccines. Remember when they sent body bags instead of PPE to reservations when COVID started?

White folk need to immediately stop pulling the "but my oppression" card because I promise y'all there are brown & black ppl struggling 10x more than you on the SAME axis of oppression who NEED the change that you're content to continue passing up in exchange for the status quo that serves you. Because even disabled, the laws and status quo still serve you better than it will EVER serve us as long as white supremacy is what's breathing life into law & order in Amerikkka.

You're worried about disabled rights care? Remember that should include care for Indigenous and Black disabled ppl, too. Not just disabled white ppl.

When we say "we demand better" there is nothing stopping you from joining in on that. Makes no sense to ask us to stop and settle just because it works for you when you could join us and improve life for us all instead.

#asked #answered

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merrysithmas · 3 years

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The good thing abt Steve and smth ppl are missing in the current discourse is he really did say Fuck America literally every chance he got and criticized the US govt every second he wore the suit and the govt absolutely hated him for it.

Even in the 40s he didnt want to kill anyone "for America", but as a disabled man couldn't fathom not standing up to the eugenicist Nazis. He wasn't politically motivated by nationalism but instead by human compassion. In fact, it is extremely likely he was highly critical of the US govt as a young man preserum given his impoverished life circumstances and constantly failing health. Living in NYC, seeing the shanty towns in Central Park, unable to afford life-saving medicine, watching Bucky and his mother kill themselves to make a nickle, surrounded by the radical leftist art scene in NY as an art student - Steve saw and lived injustice every day. And empathized with people who suffered different social misfortunes than he did (the woman crying in the movie theatre, "I don't like bullies", Peggy suffering sexism) although his personal list was extensive itself.

To him, the shield was always more of a philosophy and never attached to a specific country, which is what made it so easy for him to blow off 117 countries for Bucky, or tear the star from his chest yet defend the world in the vestiges of his armor against Thanos - he was fighting for what was right and not what was dictated by any country or political ideology (which is the main issue in Civil War with him being against the Accords, and one he was extremely well-positioned to understand having been used as a symbol and propaganda against his will many times, and having witnessed the dangers of state-sanctioned violence in WWII and CATWS. Even if Steve's argument was also faulty to an extent, you can absolutely see why he would argue for that perspective).

Steve was as FDR leftist artist in the Great Depression post Crash 1930s, disabled and chronically ill, diminutive and likely targeted by US eugenicits in NYC who vocally campaigned against disabled people being alive in the 30s (saying they should be sterilized or killed), son of an Irish immigrant single mother, lived in historically queer neighborhood of Brooklyn, an artist, and in the MCU coded as bi. He fights for whoever needs him, not for whoever tells him to. He was always highly critical and tongue-in-cheek/tired of the costume, drawing himself as the dancing monkey in CATFA ("Ready to follow 'Captain America' into the jaws of death?" he confides his mockery in Bucky, who heartwarmingly assures him that no, he is following Steve.) Steve continued to question, dog, and make trouble for the US continually after that until he wholeheartedly said Fuck You in CATWS and just dropped the shield (and never picked it up again until he handed it off to Sam, who he was confident could do something meaningful with it that he was not positioned to as a white man).

Steve visibly appears as a bygone era's "perfect man" and outright REJECTS both this supremacist definition and the shield's gatekeeping/the shield itself. Sam visibly appears as an "outsider" to exclusivist and systemically racist systems and yet EMBRACES the shield's potential. They are both radically standing up for the same cause in different ways and this comparison depicts why they are so closely aligned and best friends.

The irony of Steve Rogers as Captain America is hugely important to his character. In many ways, Steve is depicted as a reluctant hero who struggles with the strength of his own moral ideals versus the highly imperfect symbol he dons. This is different from other superheroes who usually self-create their alter egos as symbols of their more perfect, empowered selves.

In contrast, it is Steve's natural hardiness, independence, and righteous outrage in the face of wrongdoing which represents America's best ideals, but distinctly is opposed to its government which directs that he act as its image. As Steve holds the shield we see the image of a person who is critical of the govt for falling short of its principles and simultaneously embodies the ideal qualities that a equitable and free US is supposed to hold. Importantly, and definitively for his character, Steve as Cap shows how wanting the US really is for the goodness it robotically claims to have. And that is why he is important and impactful as Cap, essentially because he is uncomfortable with and critical of the costume.

The status of the suit often does not coincide with his personal beliefs. Yet he wears it to attempt to level up the system he is, for a while, mired in. Steve is not a patriot, not in the common sense of the world, he is instead a patriot of the humanist cause. This puts him on-site for many enemies, including those domestic to him and thus defines him as a hero.

Though his physical appearance suggests that he might wear the suit with a blind nationalist fervor a la John Walker (depicted as a perfect automaton soldier), Steve could not be further from that mindset (a good individualist man). As a now "perfect specimen" poised to be accepted and revered, Steve has the ability to choose an easy life where he is free of the hardships and ostracization he endured preserum. Yet instead, post CACW, Steve chose to continue to stand on the side of progress, the "little guy", to abandon the shield and now finally proudly embrace his pariah status and fight for those pushed aside or deemed unsalvagable or scapegoated (symbolized by Bucky) as he recognizes that while America's rule may benefit some, it still causes other to suffer and struggle (as he once did).

Not to mention, as a meta point, he was crafted as the "perfect man" from a sick, disenfranchised disabled boy who absolutely loathed Nazis by Jewish comic artists to mock the Nazi Aryan ideal - inverting their eugenicist visual image of perfection by empowering someone Nazis would view as worthless to burn their entire evil regime to ash.

He still, today, stands staunchly at odds with far right extremists and fascists in the US today and worldwide. He's the furthest thing from them and he'd have no problem in showing it. Choosing Sam as his successor, proudly, confidently, lovingly, and as a brother in arms who steps back so others can speak for themselves and tell their own stories, Steve shows his cultural and political understanding and his good heart once again - this time as an ally, friend, and a champion of the heroics of others.

#steve rogers #steve rogers meta in 2021 its more likely than u think #bring him back as nomad pls

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citrus-feline · 5 years

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ppl really are just like “lol ur just sad bcuz ur not allowed to be lazy” when mentally ill & disabled people complain about capitalism making them actually want to commit suicide because it makes us all seem like burdens.

how can you have such a lack of empathy?? for a fucking Second just imagine what it would be like from that persons perspective before telling them that they should suck it up and just do it (somehow?? despite their situations making that near impossible, if not outright).

idk what to tell you if you think that this is a thing that is okay to let happen. it is not uncommon to any degree for people in this type of situation to feel like a burden and to consider things as drastic as suicide. that isn’t uncommon. that happens, a lot. but you’d rather believe that we are all in some kind of evil group of dumb kids who pretend just because they want to be lazy??? there are kids who do that, yeah, but the majority of people who complain about this kind of thing aren’t like that.

you can continue to tell us that we are awful people for thinking this way, and i want you to know that it isn’t helping. you saying that shit is upright making it worse. even if it WAS true, what is the point of saying it? you are implying that people who go through this Deserve to feel like burdens and Deserve to want to commit suicide, even if that wasn’t your intention. that is what we see when you type that out.

you all act like we never have tried and we are just sitting with our unknowing perceptions of how things work, but let me tell you that almost all of us have tried, multiple times at that. finding a job with these circumstances in the first place is incredibly difficult. i can sometimes do an okay job at getting people to believe that i’m normal because my appearance isn’t really affected by what i go through, while other people don’t have that grace. and even then, even when i was hired after months and months of searching and being turned down over and over and over because my personality wasn’t what they wanted..... my employer would eventually learn that i am not normal. it’s Really hard to hide that type of thing when it affects you every single day of your life, turns out.

even taking the horrible process of getting hired into account, people will act like when you are hired that you are good and it’s all easy from there. it isn’t. it really isn’t. i worked as long as i did for my past jobs because i went in thinking that everything wrong with me would go away when i finally got to that point. because that’s what people act like. unfortunately, that isn’t how it works. i would find myself dreading work after a month or two. by the third month i would consider suicide nearly every minute on the job, to the point of me getting so scared that my employer would notice and i would get fired or i would end up quitting because i don’t want to die just yet.

you can go on and on about how young adults these days are just too sensitive and don’t understand anything, but like... im starting to think that everyone from older generations that felt this way just... died? killed themselves? or couldn’t find a job and ended up on the streets? you know that tons of homeless people are mentally ill or disabled to some extent, right? you know that, right??? and even with all of that you still continue to say how entitled we all are when we literally just want to survive.

my dream for what i want my future to be isn’t crazy or over the top. i just want to live with my boyfriend, get married in a few years, and maybe try to go to school when i feel ready. my goal in life is to just be happy. it isn’t to be rich or famous like you all seem to think it is. i just want to survive with the person i love. i want to be happy. why is that such an awful thing to want? how am i a bad person for wanting to be happy?

im quiet and always do as im told. i dont go out of my way to make things hard for other people. yes, doing things can be really hard for me, and they normally are. but ill end up doing it, it just might take a while. the problem with how things work is the expectation of happening fast and without issue. i’ve always done things slowly because of how much thought i put into everything. it has always, even since i was very young, difficult for me to work myself towards doing something.

this isn’t something that developed during high school like so many people seem to assume. i’ve been depressed and anxious for as long as i can remember. i remember being REALLY weird when i was very young, and that’s because i didn’t understand what was wrong with me. i was miserable most of the time, even as early as elementary school. i feel like i didn’t ever have the happy, lazy experience that everyone assumes i’m trying to keep in my life. i can’t keep that if i never had it. and even if i could somehow make it happen, it hasn’t. i’m in a pretty understanding situation with my boyfriend, and i’m given time to do things. he understands how hard things are for me, and doesn’t automatically just call me lazy like everyone else seems to. it makes me feel like i have some kind of worth.

isn’t it depressing to think about the fact that i will often find myself thinking that i am worthless because of the lack of what i do? i will find myself looking at me at the core and think “yeah this is worthless, and it should be thrown away”. even when i do well i think this way. nothing is ever enough, and no matter how hard i work to ignore it, my issues won’t magically vanish. i WISH they did. and i’ve tried so hard to make that happen. but it doesn’t. this isn’t something that is simply just a made up problem that i’ve convinced myself to believe. i was suffering from this before i even knew you COULD be like this. i just always thought that i was weird and broken and unlovable and... worthless. even as a kid. i tried the same tactic of making myself do tons of things in order to try to make it go away, but it didn’t work. being the smart kid never worked. being the kid who really wanted to have fun and play but assumed i couldn’t because i needed to work harder to be ‘normal’ like all the other kids Never Worked. i never had more than 5 friends at a time for the large majority of my school life. that got a little better in high school when i started to accept whats wrong with me, but even then it was still pretty bleak.

i just. i don’t get how people can come on here, look at a post written by someone struggling for other people struggling, and then tell everyone who agrees with it that they are all just lazy and awful people. does that make you feel good about yourself? you know that we all already know that we are far from normal, right? i know only one or two people who have gone through this all without mental illness or disability contributing, but so many more who experience it with those things being the core.

if you hate disabled and mentally ill people, just say it. because you acting like you are morally superior because you are lucky enough to be able to tolerate the work environment of today is obviously how you feel. we know that people hate us. we do. i’ve been verbally abused plenty over this exact thing, from lots of different people acting like they “know the best” for me.

please just. stop talking to us if you are so unwilling to listen. we listen to you constantly. its a rare case to come across other people being loud about this type of thing without outright looking for it. if you look for it, you can find it, but i wouldn’t have ever thought to do that for most of my life. the only reason i learned what was wrong with me was because a school counselor in middle school got so concerned for me that she made me see her once a week to talk about how i see the world. and turns out, most people DONT see it the way i do! wow! sounds stupid but i actually had NO idea that i saw things so differently than other people. what a shocker, right? well, it sure was for me when i was just learning then that some people have things like depression or anxiety.

im done with this post. im tired and im going to think about something else.

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