#i don’t want to feel like this anymore

[girlyteengirl16]

holidays make me so sad, everyone is surround by people they love but i’m all alone

#mentally unstable #trauma #i wanna kms #tw depressing stuff #mental abuse #pls kill me #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #i want to be okay #tw depressing thoughts #mentally tired

[doodle-bug81111]

#backrooms aesthetic #weirdcore #nostaligiacore #greif #sadcore #sad coquette #oddcore #i don’t want to feel like this anymore

[xxlosthopesxx]

The demons in my head are so loud again.

#fight those demons #need you #i want to heal #i don’t want to feel like this anymore

[bollylion]

What is so frustrating about being high masking is that no one believes I’m disabled.

Yes, I can banter and make small talk all the live long day with you, but I also cry myself to sleep from exhaustion.

Yes, I am the articulate Black token of your dreams, but I am also a middle to high support needs autistic that can only safely unmask at home.

I have a plethora of diagnoses that seems to increase everyday, but no one sees that. Instead, I’m told that, “You don’t look autistic!” as if it’s a compliment. More often than not, I am denied support services because I’m so intelligent and can’t possibly need help.

And the worst part of all is that so often I believe them. I believe I don’t deserve help. I believe my struggles are a moral failing on my part. I believe that I deserve to rot in my sorrow as if it wasn’t them who left me here.

I’m just so tired.

#neurodivergent #autistic black women #autism #autistic #neurodiverse #actuallyautistic #rant #im cryin #it huuuurts #im crying #i don’t want to do this anymore #i don’t want to get up #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #masking #high masking

[skiny-just-not-yet]

maybe if i was skinny he would have said he hates when i hurt myself but how else can i cope. i want to find someone who can help me harm myself

#i don’t want to feel like this anymore #ana vent #tw ana thoughts #tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm

[corazon01]

You say we’re different because of our ages.

I say we’re different because I can see you in my future & you only see me warming your bed at night.

#personal diary #poetry #sad poem #confession #love #lust #catching feelings #I hate this #im not okay #im tryin my best #relationship pain #relationship #falling in love #i’m not special #do you even care #i don’t want to feel like this anymore

[tibbardraws]

Whaaaat of course I’m fine???

*Echo trumpet solo of “Ma Belle Evangeline” plays in the background on loop behind me*

Anyway…

#shit makes me cry like a baby #😭 #I just want to put it on loop and listent to it for hours #it makes me want to weep about life #send help #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #aaaaah #disney princesses #the princess and the frog #ma belle Evangeline #he just loved her so much and the trumpet is so lonely

[musicofthenightphantomoftheopera]

I’m not really excited about my birthday this year…..

Come November 17, 2023, I’ll be 25 years old.

I should be excited. I should be making plans to celebrate. But I’m not. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t.

That day will just solidify the fact that Covid took away my entire early 20s. The time when I’m supposed to be going out into the world and “figuring myself out” “meeting new people” “making mistakes”and “growing as a person” according to most movies, tv, and people I’ve met. All of that stolen from me. Gone.

I have Asthma, therefore I am disabled. So I have a lot more at risk than most if I catch it. Since 2020 when the pandemic started, I stopped going out to places as often, I wore a mask at all times to protect myself, and others. I stopped going to anime conventions entirely. I didn’t even have a birthday party that year outside of the one my family had cuz I was that scared. And when the vaccines came out of course I got fully vaccinated as soon as I could, But I still exercised all those other cautions.

I like everyone else thought it would be over in a couple months or at least after the vaccines came out, But it wasn’t. due to the disturbingly widespread acceptance of abelism, eugenics, anti vax misinformation and right wing propaganda brought on by covid and those in power who simply cannot be bothered to care about anyone other than themselves & would gladly laugh & celebrate our deaths should we not survive, I like many other disabled people have been forced to become prisoners in our own houses for the last 4 years.

Nowadays I watch through my phone as people and friends alike go to anime conventions, Rennaisance fairs, and other fun life events with absolutely ZERO covid precaution to keep themselves & other safe even though the virus continues to kill ppl by the millions and act as if nothing is wrong.

I see them there and wish I could be there too having a good time and living my life. But I can’t.

(And don’t bother coming at me with the whole “you can’t expect us to mask forever, it’s restricting!” First of all of you don’t wanna end up like me or worse you kind of have to and second of all. It is a goddam peice of fabric over your face. I am asthmatic and I can breathe in not one but TWO masks perfectly fine. So can you ya goddam crybaby. Get it together. )

I know if I go if catch it and run the risk of becoming more disabled than I already am. All the conventions I wanted to go to, the Rennaisance fairs I could’ve attended. All the plans I had for my future were ripped away from me. But not a lot seem to care.

Because the universal truth about ppl in America is that not a lot of people give a fuck about disabled people. Most of them see us as less than human and actively want us to die. Even if it’s their own family members or friends. Anyone the claim to care about. No one is safe.

You have no idea how many horror stories I have of people saying “it’s only killing the elderly and the disabled, so who cares?!” Not only is that ungodly vile but also wholly untrue. It’s killing & disabling ppl my age and also children. But again. Not enough care.

I used to be so excited about seeing what the world had in store for me in the future. But now I don’t think I have one anymore. And how can I be excited to experience a world with so much ugliness that I’m pretty much risking my life every time I leave the house nowadays?

If the plague doesn’t get me there’s the risk of a wacko that just so happens to have a gun deciding to shoot up a place because of their inhumane ideology or they were “having a bad day” or run the risk of a man literally doing one of the worst possible things you can do to another human and knowing that because of the state I live in, I will be penalized or even imprisoned for not wanting a rapists baby.

It makes me never want to leave the house again even though I desperately want to. And want to be part of the world again. But I can’t. Because even if I do nothing at all, I’ll be punished. But I don’t really know what I can do or if there’s anything I can do to fight back besides voting. I have no political power. I have almost no money no matter how hard I try to work for some, And no resources. I also recently moved to a very rural area. I have no friends that live near me nor do I know or know if I can trust anyone here, therefor Di have no community to rely on. Besides my family I’m basically completely isolated. And it feels like my granny and I are the only sane ones left in my family because my mom and stepdad refuse to wear masks. My mom got the vaccine but refuses to mask.

I can’t leave because 1 I’m broke, 2 I’m also autistic which actually bans me from gaining citizenship/a visa in certain countries, and 3, this fascist ideology is spreading and abelism and covid are still pretty much everywhere. There is no true escape.

I can’t even get any therapy for what I’ve been through due to the US Healthcare system being a sick joke and I can’t afford it and of course the risk of having an ableist therapist or one who has zero experience with autistic ppl or one that’s just there to collect a paycheck.

What am I supposed to do? Why do I even bother trying anymore? What’s the point of living if I’m just living in a constant state of fear, anxiety, anger and hopelessness and misery? I can’t get excited about Halloween, Christmas, or even my own birthday anymore because I’m so emotionally exhausted and I feel so hopeless. And don’t even get me started on climate change anxiety.

There’s not really a point to this. I just needed to vent and wanted to share my experience.

#I feel hopeless #hopeless #personal vent #vent post #disabled #i hate it here #just why #i feel alone #mental health #trauma #abelism #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #i don’t want to die #i’m tired #isolated

[swearthat-y0ubel0ng]

Don’t spiral

Don’t spiral

Don’t spiral

Don’t spiral

Don’t spiral

Don’t spiral

#the last time I did it lasted a month and a half #I almost killed myself #and almost relapsed #why is this so hard #I don’t want to feel like this anymore #bpd #depression

[caitlyn-blogs]

~diary thoughts~ #163

I want to drop out so fucking bad. I have no future and I’m lost in my classes. But I don’t have a backup plan. I’m just miserable trying to complete every assignment. It’s never ending and I just want to end it. Life is so not worth all this shit.

#anxiety #depression #dead inside #i am alone #i don’t wanna do this anymore #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #not good enough #tired of living #i don’t want this #i don’t want to live anymore #i give up #i have nothing to live for #i want to die #never enough #college #university #rip my gpa #exams #i’m crying #dropout #quitting #i hate everything #college is exhausting #college is kicking my ass #college is killing me #i wish i was fucking dead #i wanna kms #i am so tired #sobbing #university is killing me

[velv3tdream]

I’d like to think I’m somewhat of a strong person, maybe I’m not, but I’m tired of always being sick. I have covid again (4th time) and if you throw that in to the mix with an autoimmune disease I feel like I’m never going to be a healthy functioning human again, which then triggers my depression and it turns in to a vicious cycle.

#i’m always sick #i can’t stop crying #i’ve had enough #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #just screaming into the void #i’m so exhausted

[3-lavender]

I better get these freaking pills soon. I’m so sick of living like this.

#it sucks #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #I’ve dealt with anxiety before I even knew what anxiety was #alone #but now I’m going to take meds and hopefully therapy #I really need someone to talk to

[doodle-bug81111]

#i don’t want to feel like this anymore #backrooms aesthetic #pixel aesthetic

[youhavetobebetter]

The stars didn’t warn me about that

l.s. may 05 2022

#my writing #poem #poetry #quote #poet #quotes #grief #friendship breakup #depressing poem #loss #I thought I was past this #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #i wrote this at 4am #in 5 minutes #I can’t even remember the good #stream of conscience #kinda sorta #astronomy

[minkyungseokie]

Something I made for our king. It might be bad, but it’s my first time making something like this

#dream smp #youtube #techno never dies #dsmp techno #i wish things were different #i wish he was still alive #i wish he was here #i am so tired #i don’t want to be alive #i don’t want to feel like this anymore #I don’t want to hurt anymore #i’m in pain

[sad-travaler]

TW (SH)

All of my usual warning signs of a coming relapse are occurring and I can’t stop them. I don’t want to but at the same time I want to so fucking bad it hurts. I don’t want to worry my friend by telling him because if I end up not doing it I’ll feel like I was just seeking attention in the end but that’s not why…right…right?

#tw depression #tw self destruction #drowning #depression #SH #pain #mentally ill #I’m sick doc #I don’t want to feel like this anymore