#plus I'm not even going into what it meant for me and my fandom friends at the time

[lumienn]

So... You & Me is now a fully produced song and I have a lot of feelings about it

#i loved the og snippet so much I pirated it off youtube when it was first uploaded #and I still listen to it to this day #it was just two members of this band I loved making a song from the heart #and Bailey's voice is genuinely amazing #I'm not ready to listen to the produced version #I already hate the thumbnail. I hate their new logo I hate the editing #it was all about a simpler and better time... why did they have to make a music video out of it #plus I'm not even going into what it meant for me and my fandom friends at the time #it's just #blergh #now united isn't what it used to be #I'd have loved it if Bailey produced it solo though #like it doesn't even need a video #anyway #Bailey May #Now United

[kanmom51]

Came here for a bitch rant

Because I could and because I wanted to.

I'm going to say this.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, now that we all know that JM and JK are enlisting together, going to be joint at the hip during their 18 months of military service, all I want to say is:

I friggin' told you so!!!

Yes.

I did.

I told you they are ok.

I told you not to worry, that nothing has changed between them.

I told you so.

But if you still don't believe me, please explain how these 2 young men managed to secure an enlistment together, as in going through the whole service side by side. And correct me if I am wrong, but as far as I know this is a first time this is done with an idol.

Only the two of them.

None of the other, as the ot7s will butt in to say, super close members.

If it's about either of their stability, safety, mental health (and not about how close they are and need each other), how is it that out of all of the members it's ALWAYS the two of them? How is it that RM isn't the one to go with JK? How is it not Tae or Hobi with JM (the best friend and 'soulmate' - yes, I did that)? But it's not, is it? Because it's about JM needing to be with JK and JK needing to be with JM. Period.

And if you don't see that, if you don't understand that, well, yeah, I guess either you are purposefully evading it (will talk about that one) or are just plain %$^&*.

Also, have to say this as well.

Now that we know that not seeing them over the past months together meant absolutely nothing about their relationship. This whole process and getting this approved, it takes time. If they haven't been wanting this for a long time and if they still at present didn't want this, well folks, it wouldn't be happening. They want this. They NEED this. And let me tell you something (been a lot of that going around today), knowing this is happening, them being together through this all, with the plus of Jin being around for the first 6 months, means that as far as they are concerned, I will definitely be sleeping well at night. Of course I would rather none of them had to go to the military, but this, my friends, is what we can call maximizing the best of a shit situation. I can sleep well at night knowing JM will be safe (we all worried about his safety, let's be honest) and JK, well, the thought of him without JM by his side. His anchor, his safe place, his catalyst, yeah. I was worried. And now I actually have a smile on my face. Kind of had it ever since I heard this was happening. Every single time I thought about their enlistment over the past few days and everytime I will after they enlist. They are together!!!

THEY ARE TOGETHER!!!

Yes folks, you heard this from RM.

Thank you oh wise leader for letting us know those two share a bed. Can you please shout it out for the ones sitting in the back?

Oops. Sorry. I forgot.

But seriously, the way the two were flustered at the end. Priceless.

So yeah, I guess that was my bratty way of telling off "oh ye of little faith"...

Will this change things up in the fandom?

Well, do you really want to get me started on that one? Not sure you do. I guess I'll suggest you brace yourself for this one...

I will start by saying that my daughters are convinced. I mean, they have kind of been getting there over the past year with JK's lives and behaviour and their interactions when we got them. But this, well yeah, this is GIGANTIC. And if you don't see it, or won't see it, then it's a you problem, not a them problem.

I'm 100% sure there will be those that continue to ot7-fy their relationship. And don't get me wrong here, I'm an ot7 gal all the way. Love all 7 of them to bits. But whoever does not and will not see that JM and JK, their connection, their relationship is just different, well they have an issue. And they will continue with this. Because for many of them to admit that JK and JM are closer with each other than with any other member, to admit that they are even the best of friends, is super problematic. Admitting that throws them straight into the boiling water. Admitting that means seeing it all. Seeing everything (the physical and emotional and sexual behaviours between the two). And doing that means two things. First, admitting that the two are together together, as in a couple, as in actually have sex with each other (to the homophobes among them that is a big no no). Second, to those who have this need to glorify the 7, and not understand that within those 7 are seven human beings with relationship that are not equal to one another. JK and Tae's relationship is unlike JK's with Hobi or JK's with RM and so forth. But more so, having a couple in the mix in their minds is possibly the beginning of the end, which is damn stupid, cause these two have been together for years now and are more ot7 than any claimed ot7 out there (you know, those claiming to be ot7 who constantly ignore or overlook Jikook interactions or for the matter of it, overlook JM, period). So, I kind of predict that won't be changing.

The spin-masters (TKKs, Yoonmin's etc.), well, they will keep on spinning. But not because they don't see it. No. But because they do!! And they need these stories and theories and plain ass stupidities to try and explain it away. The fun part about this one is seeing how every single time their story gets blown up to smithereens by facts, much of the time coming from the members themselves, but also from Bighit or others.

So, to sum it up, nothing is going to change, lol.

Well, maybe, just maybe, some of the reasonable ones out there, those that don't have their feet planted roots deep in the ground, those that do have the ability of critical thinking, they might just see it for what it is.

And if they don't well, wait till those two's travel show comes out, cause from what I'm seeing (from them - depends how it's going to be edited, but then again, how much can you edit out?), it's going to be wild.

Anyways, I do think I'll be back to post about the live, but in any case, will use this opportunity to wish all four of them a safe enlistment. May their basic training go by as fast and as easy as possible (it's going to be so cold...), and may these 18 months go by as fast as possible, but how ever fast or slow they go, I hope they keep safe and can be as happy as possible while serving their country.

I, for one, can't wait for them to come out on the other side.

See your hectic asses for Festa 2025.

#Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jungkook #JK #JM #Jimin #Jikook military

[ceasarslegion]

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows

#ramblings #what do i even tag this

[gretagerwigsmuse]

'cause you care, and i swear that i'm here, but i'm there it's gettin' harder to hunt me down (Part 2/2)

Pairing: Rooster x Fem!Reader

Summary: In hindsight, your crush on Bradley started innocently enough - he came into the bar one evening and you thought he was cute. Well, more than cute, but it all had to start somewhere...

OR Y/N and Bradley over the course of many, many weekends at the Hard Deck

Author’s Note: enjoy part 2! thanks to everyone for all the support on this, it’s been so fun to write for a super active fandom. i also posted this on ao3 if you’d like to read it all at once. let me know if you like it!

[Part 1]

-------

one and a half weeks ago

You spent the next week thinking about texting him, wanting to text him, wanting to talk to him. But it never seemed like the right time. 

Plus, Bradley was probably - and justifiably - busy. He didn’t need you bugging him. He was assigned to that mission you kept hearing whispers about and Penny told you that two of his friends, Natasha and Bob, were in an accident earlier that week. And then Admiral Kazansky passed away on Thursday.

So, it had definitely been a busy week for Bradley, to say nothing of how busy you had been at work. You were sitting in on so many depositions you thought your head was going to explode, in addition to all the briefs you were helping the ADAs write. Your head had been swimming in legalese for days and you actually relished what was sure to be a busy Saturday shift after an already chaotic Friday one. 

Penny had mentioned to you on Friday that there was going to be an informal reception at the Hard Deck after Admiral Kazansky’s funeral on Saturday, so she would need everyone at work a little earlier to help out. 

You, Jimmy, and Maddie were all at work getting the bar ready when Penny showed up around three o’clock to say that the reception was winding down at the Kazanskys’ and that everyone would be at the Hard Deck within the next hour or so. 

Despite everything going on, you did hope to see Bradley there and at least talk to him a little bit, ask how he was doing, see if he really meant to give you his number last week. Maybe see if he wanted to hang out, just the two of you, once his mission was over? A girl could dream after all -

“- Well aren’t you just a pretty little picture?” 

You rolled your eyes upon hearing Jake’s voice, but still turned around to face him. He looked sharp in his dress blues - and he knew it. “What can I get you?”

“I’d say you, but we are all supposed to be in mourning, so I’ll just take a beer for now.”

You leaned over to get a Budweiser out of the cooler and slid it over to him. “I’ll put it on your tab -”

“- But first you gotta tell me what’s up with the sundress?” He jutted his chin out towards you. “And not that I don’t love the normal jeans and t-shirt look on you, but this is something else, darlin.’”

The unexpected compliment, even coming from Jake of all people, coupled with his southern drawl, caused you to blush. The sundress wasn’t anything that would be considered garish or in poor taste in light of the circumstances that day, but you did feel pretty in it. 

“I wanted to wear something a little nicer because of the funeral, is that so wrong?” 

“Ain’t nothing wrong about you, honey.”

Jake took a long sip of his beer, staring you down the entire time. You knew he never would actually do anything about it, but you always got so embarrassed whenever he flirted with you. You didn’t like the attention it brought - you liked when guys were more intentional, more reserved in regards to their actions towards you.

“What is it with men and sundresses?” you said under your breath, not expecting a response.

“Ehhh,” he shrugged, “probably the fact that most of them are see thru…”

You glanced down at your dress and then back up at Jake, who was smirking. “You’re disgusting.”

“You’re fine,” he waved his hand, “and not for lack of trying - or should I say looking - on my part…”

Your expression remained unimpressed and you were contemplating asking if he wanted to close his tab to get him out of your hair; meanwhile, Jake’s eyes roved around the bar and lit up when they seemingly landed on whoever he was looking for. 

“You don’t believe me, fine, let’s get a second opinion on the appeal of sundresses, not limited, of course, to if they’re see thru or not - oh, this’ll be good - Bradshaw!” 

Shit. Shit. He wasn’t asking Bradley to come over? God, it would be less mortifying if he asked Captain Mitchell. Because Jake couldn’t know? Could he? 

Granted, Jake was a pain in the ass, but he was way more perceptive than anyone ever gave him credit. And he was also the textbook definition of a gossip.

“Bet you’d just love to hear ol’ Rooster croon about -” 

“- Don’t you dare -”

You crossed your arms across your chest and glared at Jake, not taking your eyes off him as you slowly moved over towards The Bell. The opportunity had never arisen for you to ring The Bell before, but you’d always wanted to do it. And to have it be because of something Jake said? Well, that was just a bonus. 

Before you could put your hands around the rope, Bradley sauntered over and stood beside Jake. “What do you want, Bagman - hey, Y/N.”

“Hey, Bradley,” you said with a smile, ignoring the fake gagging expression Jake was making behind Bradley’s back. “Can I get you a refill?”

He ducked his head and smiled. “Nah, I’m good for now. Maybe in a little while though - so, what do you want, Hangman?” his tone changed immediately and you held back a laugh at the abrupt one-eighty. 

“Well, Y/N and I were -”

You kept sneaking glances at Bradley while Jake was talking. God, he was even more handsome up close and seemed so confident and self assured in his uniform. He looked way too distinguished in his dress blues and you were slightly thankful he had left his hat back at his table. Maybe he’d let you try it on later if - woah there. No. There would be no later. 

Lieutenant Bradshaw was not going to take you for a ride while wearing that stupidly attractive hat and uniform of his. He was not going to pull you close to him in some darkened hallway and whisper absolutely filthy things in your ear about how he wanted to fuck you in the cockpit of his plane -

“- Y/N?” You startled, turning to face Jake and Bradley, the former of whom had interrupted your daydream. “Was just asking Rooster here why he thinks you’re looking so dolled up for us tonight?”

Bradley shoved Jake. “And I was just telling Bagman it was probably because of the funeral.”

“Exactly - see, he gets it!”

Jake smirked. “Oh, I’m sure he gets it. He gets it plenty - say, thoughts on sundresses, Bradshaw?”

“Fuck off,” Bradley grumbled and then tossed you a quick smile. “She’d be well within her rights to ring The Bell on you.”

You nodded and took a step over towards The Bell again. “Bell hasn’t been rung all night…bet this crowd would love a free round after the long day they’ve had…”

Bradley put his hands in his pockets and rocked on the backs of his feet, eagerly watching the scene unfold. Meanwhile, Jake just scowled. 

“Minx. Well, on that note, I’ve got to beat Fanboy and Bob in a game of pool. So, I will see you around, my dear.” 

As he disappeared over Bradley’s shoulder he mouthed the words you’re welcome and you fought the urge to flip him off. 

“Sorry about him, we really shouldn’t let him off base.” 

You laughed. “Ehh I've dealt with worse at Stanford. He’s mostly harmless, all bark no bite - at least where I’m concerned.”

That caught his interest and he leaned forward on the bar. You briefly glanced down at all the different medals and ribbons on his jacket and saw him doing the same thing with your sundress. 

“What uhh - what do you mean?”

“I don’t know - I guess he just kind of haggles me or flirts with me, but it’s not like he means anything by it? So, I don’t really mind.”

Bradley frowned. “How do you know he doesn’t mean anything by it?”

“It’s Jake,” you said like that was enough. But it apparently hadn’t been because Bradley was still looking at you intently. You blushed. “I don’t know, he teases me about being a lawyer and all the pantsuits I’ll have to wear - which is ironic coming from a guy who wears a uniform everyday.” At this Bradley conceded a nod. “But like he doesn’t actually want to date me or sleep with me? I think it’s just second nature for him? Like that’s just how he talks?”

“Maybe…”

Someone a couple seats down from Bradley requested a couple waters and you quickly got them settled before turning back to him. “And then the whole sundress thing…”

“What about it?”

You were suddenly nervous, anxious even. “He called you over to get your opinion -”

“- Yeah, on why you were so dressed up -”

You groaned. “- Oh my god, you’re literally wearing a suit and have medals on your chest! I’m not the one who’s dressed up here, it’s a sundress for fuck’s sake. If you think this is dressed up, you should see what I wear to work!”

Bradley held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. You aren’t dressed up, you’re in very normal attire for working behind a bar.”

“Thank you,” you settled down, but then remembered you hadn’t finished what you were saying earlier and cursed yourself for bringing up the topic in the first place. “He called you over to get your opinion on if my dress was see thru or not -”

“- He what?” 

Ironically, the first rumble of thunder filled the Hard Deck at Bradley’s words and you almost smiled. 

“He said that was the appeal for sundresses for guys and wanted to know if you agreed,” you mumbled. 

“Why would it matter what I - not that I’d look for that in the first place - because I wouldn’t, I mean -”

You cut him off, saving you both the embarrassment. 

“- He knows we’re friends - friendly, I mean. He knows we’re friendly and he was just trying to mess with me.” 

The more you explained it, the dumber it sounded. God, you’d kill for a distraction. Why was no one else up at the bar getting drinks? But Bradley just nodded - once - and leaned back. 

“Right.”

Another rumble of thunder sounded, this time followed by some lightning. You could hear the rain pounding on the roof of the Hard Deck and dreaded going out into the storm. There was no way you were going to bike home to your bungalow in the monsoon outside and contemplated calling an Uber, surge pricing be damned. You quickly pulled your phone out from under the bar to check the weather. The storm wasn’t going to stop until three and it was only just after ten thirty. 

“You okay?” Bradley asked. 

You nodded and put your phone back. “Yeah, just looking at the weather. Storm’s not gonna stop for awhile, kind of snuck up on me. I biked here.”

“You biked here?” For added measure, a particularly strong gust of wind howled outside. 

“Well, there wasn’t any rain in the forecast when I looked this morning,” you quipped, “I don’t live too far away, so yes I normally bike here.”

“I can give you a ride home - I mean, if you want?” he said after a moment. 

You glanced around the relatively deserted bar. It was slow for a Saturday night after the majority of the funeral guests had left and you had no doubt Bradley would be bored out of his mind waiting around until your shift ended. It looked like his friends were getting ready to leave soon anyway. 

“It’s okay, I wouldn’t want to make you wait around for me. You’re sweet for offering, though.”

“Offering what?” Penny came up behind you with a crate of clean glasses. 

While Bradley said hello to her, you took the crate from her hands and set it on the bar top to empty. “Uhh Bradley offered to give me a ride home, but I said he didn’t have to wait around for me.”

Penny shrugged. “You can head out early if you want? As long as you get those glasses put away, you’re all set.” She winked at Bradley and you pretended not to notice.

“Great, thanks - guess I’m all yours then.”

“Guess so…”

With Penny’s blessing, the two of you dashed across the parking lot towards Bradley’s Bronco some ten minutes later. Once he saw to it that you were all settled in the car, he ran back over to get your bike and then put it in the trunk. By the time he got in the car, he was completely soaked - from his fancy white hat all the way down to his shiny black shoes. The car roared to life beneath you both and the radio played softly in the background. 

“All set?” he asked and you nodded. “So, where am I headed?” 

“Uhh just take a right out of here and head down the street for about a mile or so.”

“Sounds good.” He pulled out of the parking lot and set off down Orange Ave and past the Hotel del Coronado. The streets were deserted, everyone seemingly put off by the rain and the late hour. Bradley drove with more care than you had originally figured, but that could have been due to the rain. Silence stretched between the two of you, but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable, easy. 

“Thanks again for the ride, Bradley.”

He shrugged. “S’no big - hey, you know you can call me Rooster, right? You don’t have to call me Bradley all the time.”

It felt weird to use any of the teams’ call signs, like you didn’t have the right to do so.

“I only know you as Bradley, would be kind of odd to call you anything else, I guess.” You frowned suddenly. “Do you not want me to call you Bradley -”

“- No, no. I mean, I like it. Ever since I joined the Navy, it’s pretty much been Rooster or Bradshaw. No one consistently calls me Bradley anymore.”

“Hmmm, Lieutenant Bradley Rooster Bradshaw definitely is a mouthful.” 

He laughed. “Might be a bit hard to fit on my drivers license.”

“What if I call you Brad?” It sounded weird coming out of your mouth and you laughed at the expression on his face. “Yeah, I didn’t like that either - oh, take a right here and it’s the second house on the left.”

Bradley turned onto G Avenue and, though it was dark and raining heavily, the Mentors had left the porch and driveway lights on, which still illuminated the entire house.

“Holy shit, Y/N.” Bradley let out a low whistle as the Bronco rolled to a stop in front of the Cape Cod inspired, cedar shingle bungalow. 

Well, maybe bungalow wasn’t the right word for the main house, but it did sum up the guest house you were staying in on the property. You couldn’t see the ocean from your bedroom in the little bungalow out back, but the beach was still only a couple hundred feet away. It was lovely, really - completely renovated, had a full kitchen and dining room, was totally private, was a quick drive to your office and bike ride to the Hard Deck, and Mrs. Mentor - your mom’s closest friend from childhood - even let you pick out the linens in the bedroom. It was perfect. And you were going to be sad to say goodbye to it when you went back up to Stanford in the fall. 

Bradley was still looking at it in awe and you chuckled. “Okay, to be frank, it’s not my house. It’s my parents’ friend’s house and I’m just staying here for the summer - plus, I’m in the guest house out back.”

He leaned over the steering wheel to peek at the house in front of you both and shifted the car into park. “Oh, the guest house, excuse me. I was gonna say, here I am telling everyone to tip you 25%, meanwhile you’re practically living on millionaire row in Coronado…”

You had noticed your tips had increased over the past couple weeks and were faintly mortified that Bradley had told people to do that. But at least it would explain some of their knowing looks lately. 

“Oh, shut up.” You elbowed him in the stomach and he exaggerated a groan. “Tell them to stop doing that, too, it’s not necessary. If they feel the need to do it for anyone, let it be Maddie and Jimmy - I’m serious,” you added when Bradley just smiled.

“Then why do you do it - bartend?” He cut the engine and it was just the two of you and the pitter patter of rain on the roof.

“Well, I used to be a waitress and thought it might be fun to change things up.”

Bradley shook you a look. “You know what I mean…”

You shrugged. “I was fine getting my own place for the summer - contrary to my father’s beliefs, the DA’s office does pay me - but my parents swung this for me instead and I felt kind of…spoiled, I guess? Like I’ve lived a really privileged life and I guess I just want to contribute in some way? I’m not saying I’ll be able to pay my parents back for some seventeen odd years of private school on top of college and law school amongst other things, but I’d like to start somewhere? And until I really make good money, the Hard Deck it is.

“Plus, it gets me out of the house and stuff - out with people and everything. I don’t know too many people around here and there’s always someone new coming into the bar and it’s never boring, so…”

Bradley nodded, considering this, and you. “I think we’ve got a leg up on the lawyers there.”

“Possibly…”

He just shook his head fondly. “Alright, counselor, I think there’s an umbrella in the back seat if you want to use it? I’ll get your bike.” The door creaked open and he jogged to the truck bed, while you fished around for a massive golf umbrella in the back seat.

You mentally prepared yourself to brave the rains and got out of the car. But instead of heading to your front door, you went around to the back of the car, where Bradley had just gotten your bike out. You held the umbrella over his head.

“You can go in,” he said over the rain, “I’ll be right behind you.”

You shook your head and shifted the umbrella again so it was completely covering him. “I’m already soaked - and that uniform looks important.”

He chuckled under his breath and shook his head. “Fine, but I’m pretty sure we can both fit under here. As long as you’re okay with your ten-speed being the casualty?”

You looked up at him and smiled. “I think I can live with that.”

The two of you dodged some puddles on the driveway and made your way up a short set of stairs to your front porch. There was barely enough room for the two of you on the landing, to say nothing of the bike Bradley was half carrying, half leaning against the porch railing, so you were practically on top of each other under the umbrella. Despite being soaked through, you could still feel the heat pouring off his body. You’d never been this close to each other before - you could faintly smell his cologne and felt the hard planes of his chest against your back as you shakily unlocked the door. You could blame that on being cold from the rain. At least that’s what you told yourself.

Once you got through the threshold, you flicked on the lights and your little bungalow lit up before you both. Practically everything was white - the walls, the linen couches, the curtains, the marble countertop, the kitchen cabinets, but oddly that made it easier to clean - at least that was what Mrs. Mentor had said. There were subtle pops of color in the throw pillows and rugs, in addition to the artwork lining the walls. Plus, everything looked great against the herringbone hardwood floors. It was definitely to your taste, but you wished the assorted knick knacks and decor doting the space had been yours and not something Mrs. Mentor picked out at Serena and Lily.

“Okay, now this is exactly how I imagined your place would look.”

You scrunched your nose. “Is that supposed to be a compliment or -”

“- Oh without question, Miss Hospital Corners. I’ve seen you clean the bar, you’re freakishly neat. Jimmy and Maddie don’t put nearly as much effort into it. I like it though.”

“Har har,” you rolled your eyes, “make sure you take your shoes off, but you can put the bike in the storage closet over there?”

“The bike goes in the storage closet? Jesus, this place is fucking nice,” he muttered and then set off towards the storage closet near the back of the bungalow.

While he was gone, you gave the living room and kitchen a quick once over, looking for anything out of place - read embarrassing - but found nothing. You turned on some additional lights and headed over towards the kitchen. 

“You want some water or anything?” 

“Sure,” he shouted back. You could hear his footsteps getting closer to the kitchen as you fished around in the refrigerator.

You didn’t turn around as you asked: “Still or sparkling?” 

He let out an exaggerated groan and you finally turned around to see him taking off his suit jacket so he was just in his white dress shirt. “No mineral water? Come on, Y/N, you’re slacking here.”

“Oh, please forgive me for my egregious error, Lieutenant Bradshaw. I won’t let it happen again,” you said, laying it on thick. 

You were both standing there, smiling at each other like idiots and the kitchen suddenly felt too small. Bradley took one step towards you, then another, causing your arm to brush against the cool stainless steel refrigerator as you leaned back. You peered up at him and he opened his mouth to speak, but something out of the corner of your eye in the fridge caught your attention.

“- Oh, there’s a - it looks like there’s an extra Topo Chico back here - so, mineral and sparkling water.” You held the bottle between the two of you and practically thrust it into Bradley’s chest.

His eyes flitted between your face and the bottle, before settling back on you. A slow smile crept across his face. “I’m gonna be honest with you, I don’t really know what mineral water tastes like.”

“And here I thought you were a man of refined taste?” He shrugged and then took a sip. “Initial thoughts?”

“It’s fizzy,” he stated the obvious, “and also a little salty? But it’s good, thanks.”

You smiled, pleased and then fished around in the fridge for another bottle for yourself. When you closed the refrigerator door, your hand brushed against your dress, reminding you of how wet you still were. You hazarded a quick glance over at Bradley, noting the way his wet shirt was practically plastered to his body. He wasn’t wearing an undershirt. You swallowed. 

“I can put your clothes in the dryer if you’d like?” He raised his eyebrows. “I mean, maybe not your jacket, but the rest of it? Like your shirt and pants and stuff because I feel like that jacket’s something that needs to be dry cleaned and like I wouldn’t even know where to start with putting the medals and pins back on -”

“- That would be nice, thanks.” 

“Okay,” you squeaked. “I’ll probably do the same. In fact, I’ll just wash everything too, the machine’s really quick.

“The laundry’s just over here.” You thumbed over your shoulder and he followed you. “Wait! You don’t have any clothes to change into uhh - I have a couple sweatshirts that might fit you, if that works? You’re out of luck with the pants, though. You’re like almost a foot taller than me, but I can try -” 

Before you could ramble any further, you dashed off to your bedroom, hunting through your closet for your baggiest sweatshirt. The worn, grey Pebble Beach crewneck was slightly big on you, so you hoped it would fit Bradley. For good measure, you also grabbed a pair of sweatpants you’d had for years. They probably wouldn’t fit him, but it was worth a try. Finally, you changed out of your own sundress and into a pair of cashmere pajama shorts and an oversized oxford before you headed back down the hallway. 

“I found one, hope it fits…” you trailed off, any further words you had been about to say were lost to the ether at the sight of Lieutenant Bradshaw standing in his uniform pants and his uniform pants only in your hallway. 

“Oh, uhh thanks,” he ducked his head, “figured I’d save you some time, but should’ve warned you -”

“- It’s fine - you’re fine.” He was more than fine, really. Very fine. And tan. So tan.

He took the sweatshirt from your hands and slipped it on. Shockingly, it did fit him, but probably wouldn’t be the size he would’ve bought had the sweatshirt been new. “I uhh got you some sweatpants, too. So, I’ll just let you change. The bathroom’s down the hall if that works better than doing it in the hallway - changing in the hallway, I mean.”

Bradley blinked slowly, shaking himself out of his thoughts. He seemed just as embarrassed as you were. “Right, thanks. I’ll just - yeah.”

While he was gone, you threw in a quick load of laundry, figuring he could throw his pants in himself. Normally, you wouldn’t mix the whites and the darks, but time was of the essence here and you wanted to get everything cleaned. Bradley probably didn’t want to hang out in your living room all night. 

By the time he came back, you had started the laundry and were sitting in front of the TV, watching the SNL cold open. 

“How do I look?” He did a little spin, showing off the too short sweatpants and too tight sweatshirt. 

You laughed. “You’ve never looked better. Here, have a seat.” 

He sat down on the couch close, but not too close to you and you both relaxed as you watched the opening monologue and the first couple sketches. Like in the car, the silence wasn’t awkward between the two of you - it was easy. You both sipped your drinks, occasionally glanced at your phones, laughed at the sketches, and eventually you got up to put both your clothes in the dryer. Neither of you were terribly fond of the musical guest, so you started chatting again, gradually getting into deeper conversation topics.  

“So, what do you do next - in the Navy?” you clarified, “After this assignment is over and everything?”

Bradley considered this. “Probably just go back to China Lake.”

“That’s near Death Valley, right?” 

“Hmmm, it’s about halfway between Death Valley and Sequoia.”

“And do you like it out there?”  

He thought for a moment before replying. “No one’s ever really asked me that.”

“But do you?” From what you knew about that part of the state, it was very remote. Though you’d only known Bradley for a couple weeks, you didn’t really see him in a place like that. 

“I don’t know? It’s fine, I guess? I have my own house, which is nice, but - I don’t know. It’s quiet and sometimes that’s nice. But sometimes...”

“It’s not. No, I get it.” 

“Plus, it’s not really a - never mind.”

You shot him a look. “What? Trust me, I have no allegiance to China Lake, my feelings won’t be bruised if you were about to say something shitty about it.”

He made a face and then flopped back on the couch. “It’s gonna sound stupid, considering I don’t even - well, it’s not exactly where I’d want to have a family or make a life with someone, really. And I know that’s dumb to say since I don’t even have a girlfriend, let alone a family, but yeah. I don’t see myself making a life there.”

“Is there any place you’d like to go instead? I know you guys don’t exactly get to pick, but like, best case scenario, where would you go?”

“Who knows, maybe I’ll get a promotion if I get picked for this assignment and it goes well?”

“But where, Bradley? Humor me.” 

You didn’t know why it was so important for you to find this information out. It wasn’t like you’d see him again after he was done with his assignment at North Island. He would go back to China Lake and you would go back to Stanford until graduation and then hopefully to San Diego. So, why? Why did you want to know everything about this man?

“You planning out my life for me, Y/N?”

“I’m a big planner.”

“Oh, really? I never would’ve guessed. You seem like the type to index your tupperware containers.” You rolled your eyes at his teasing. “What do you see down the line for me then?”

You twisted your mouth in thought. “Well, first things first, you have to come back from this mission safe and sound, think you can handle that?”

Bradley sat up on the couch suddenly and mirrored your position, sitting criss-cross applesauce, and looked at you solemnly. “I’ll try my hardest.”

“Good, that’s good,” you stammered, caught off guard by his earnestness. “So, uhh you get back here safely and then get a promotion to become - shit, I don’t know what comes after Lieutenant?”

“Lieutenant Commander.”

You scrunched your nose. “Really?”

“Followed by Commander -”

“- How original -” yon quipped. 

“- Then Captain -”

“- Oooo Captain Bradshaw has a nice ring to it. I like that better.” He laughed. “Alright, so now you’re a Captain and get to pick wherever you want to be located and you’re thinking you want somewhere with a beach because your dear friend Y/N said the salt air is good for your health, so you pick Hawaii -”

“- There isn’t a naval air base in Hawaii -”

“- You’re kidding?” That goddamn Ben Affleck Pearl Harbor movie had you all turned around. 

Bradley shook his head. “Nope, just a regular old naval base and I don’t really know how to sail, so that’s out.”

“Aren’t you in the Navy?”

“I land on the boats, sweetheart, I don’t sail them.” 

Your cheeks grew hot once the pet name slipped out, seemingly by accident. “Well, why don’t we skip that part for now and focus on the girl.”

“What girl?”

“The girl you’re going to find and want to make a life with,” you teased, leaning into the bit. 

But Bradley wasn’t laughing. “I don’t know…”

“Come on, Lieutenant,” you teased, “I’ve seen you at the Hard Deck. You keep playing that piano, I know you could definitely have your pick. How old are you?”

“Thirty five.” You hadn’t thought he was that much older than you. The other pilots were in their late twenties. “And what about you?”

“I’ll be twenty seven in a couple weeks.”

Bradley cocked his head. “Awwww, Y/N, you’re almost a real grown up.”

“Shut up,” you grumbled. You wanted to pivot the conversation to something else - something more neutral - when your eyes landed on Bradley’s fancy white hat that was still on the kitchen island. “Can I wear your hat?”

“So much for being a real grown up…”

“Please? It looked very jaunty.”

“Jaunty?” You nodded, a huge smile on your face. 

“It’s the perfect word! Or maybe dapper?” 

He considered this for a moment. “I like dapper better, actually. Why do you want to wear my hat so badly?”

“Is that not kosher?” You scrunched your nose. “Like since I’m not in the Navy, I can’t wear it?”

Bradley sighed and tried to look serious as he thought over your request. “You’re lucky I brought it in here with me…” 

He got up from his spot on the couch and crossed over to the kitchen where he had left his hat and other personal belongings. With much pomp and ceremony, he dusted off the hat and held it out for you to take. It was slightly too large for your head and the brim slipped down your forehead to the bridge of your nose. Bradley chuckled softly and leaned down to fix it and suddenly it felt about ten degrees hotter in the living room. 

“You happy now?” he whispered. 

You matched his tone. “Very.” 

He sat back on the couch again, but this time closer so that your thighs were almost touching. His hair had dried and it was fluffier than you had ever seen it and you were dying to run your hands through it. He’d probably let out a little moan before pulling you into his lap. 

You’d slide your hands up his chest before eventually clasping them behind his neck and would slowly bridge the gap between the two of you. You’d kiss him passionately, eagerly, while he’d be hesitant at first and then respond with a fervor. His hands would grip your hips, grinding you down against him, and he’d let out a moan as you divert your attention from his lips to his neck. You’d mark him so everyone would know he was yours when he showed up for inspection -

“- Why’d you never text me?” he asked suddenly. 

You shifted on the couch, rubbing your thighs together slightly, and then took the hat off. You couldn’t believe you’d let yourself get lost in your daydream, especially with him sitting right next to you. 

“Oh uhh, I guess I didn’t want to bother you? I know you have that mission coming up and didn’t want to distract you or anything. It sounds important.”

Bradley conceded a nod. “Yeah, but you can still text me. I might not reply right away, but -” You leaned over to grab your phone off the coffee table. “- What’re you doing?”

You tapped out a couple words and a moment later felt Bradley’s phone vibrate on the sofa. “Texting you.”

“I see you had my number saved already…”

“I may have…” You’d done so before you even left the Hard Deck that night - as Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw. “And now you can text me and bother me at work.”

Bradley sighed. “Probably won’t be able to, too much next week. Might be out of town for a bit.”

“Oh - oh.” You read between the lines. “You’ll text me when you get back though, right? Like just to check in?”

He reached across the couch to grab your hand. “Yeah, of course, Y/N.”

You squeezed his hand back and both smiled, though it didn’t quite reach either of your eyes. The mission was coming up, meaning that not only was Bradley off to some unknown region of the world to do some unknown, though probably heroic and terribly dangerous act, but that he would also probably be leaving town shortly after. Your window of opportunity was narrowing and you didn’t know what was worse:

Not being able to tell him how you felt. 

Or telling him only to hear your feelings were unrequited. 

---------

half a week ago

A week later saw the Top Gun Twelve celebrating a successful mission at the Hard Deck. It served a dual purpose - obviously toasting to the mission, while also giving everyone who was heading back to their home base a proper send off. 

Jake was giving a surprisingly emotional and rousing speech to all the aviators and mission support staff in attendance that night. It was filled with plenty of 

teasing remarks, but also had a sweetness to it that you knew some of the others wouldn’t have expected. But that was Jake - all bark, no bite. Underneath it all, he was just a big softie. 

You were half listening as you emptied the dishwasher behind the bar, trying to get all the champagne glasses ready for the toast. You also kept sneaking peeks at Bradley, who was standing towards the back of the group, a smile on his face. He looked lighter, clearly happy the stress of the mission had abated and he even came over to talk with you earlier. 

“So, I kept my word, you know?”

“Oh?” You leaned your elbows on the bar, a coy smile on your face. 

“Uh huh, not only did I come back safe and sound, as promised, but I also texted you…”

“So, you did, Lieutenant.”

His eyes twinkled with mischief. “It’s actually Lieutenant Commander now.”

“Oh, my apologies Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw,” you laid it on thick.

“Apology accepted. But see, I think all this entitles me to a reward of some sort.”

“I’m sure the Navy has you well taken care of.”

He leaned across the bar to whisper in your ear. “What if I don’t want it to be from the Navy, sweetheart?”

Your body prickled with desire and your breath hitched. This was new territory for the two of you. Even last weekend, the closest you had gotten was briefly holding hands. Granted, you talked about just about everything under the sun, but this - the unspoken sexual tension between the two of you - was still relatively new. And you desperately wanted to explore it - now. You just hoped Bradley did, too.

Bringing yourself back to the present, you had just grabbed the last champagne glass out of the dishwasher and took a couple steps over to the counter where you’d placed the other ones, when you lost your footing. Your high tops slid over a stray ice cube and you tripped, quickly losing your balance and dropping the glass on the floor with a resounding crash. 

You landed with a thud and a groan. “Shitttt, owww.” 

You lifted your hand up to rub your elbow when you noticed a huge piece of glass sticking out of it. Blood quickly started oozing out of the wound and you found yourself getting light headed at the sight. 

“Oh, fuck...”

There was a slight commotion on the other side of the bar and before you could even blink Bradley was leaning over the counter. “Shit, Y/N are you okay?”

Your eyes clouded with tears, totally overwhelmed by the situation and Bradley quickly hopped over the bar top and crouched down next to you. 

“Shh, shh, it’s alright, sweetheart.” He gently grabbed your hand and started looking over your injury. “I got you.”

The blood continued pouring out of the wound and you moved to take out the glass, but Bradley stopped you. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a couple people swarming around the bar top, but only Bradley sat beside you. 

“No, don’t take it out yet. We don’t know how deep it is.” He grabbed a stray rag from underneath the bar and started dabbing at your cut.

You took a deep breath, trying not to freak out. You really hated blood and the sooner you got the glass out, the sooner you could wrap up the cut. “I don’t care, just take it out.”

Penny dashed over with the first aid kit. “Here, honey,” she said to Bradley, handing him a plethora of gauze and band aids. It was clear none of them really knew what to do beyond how to wrap up the wound or tie a tourniquet. “You’re gonna be fine, Y/N.”

“Do you think I need stitches?” The thought made you queasy and you knew before Bradley even spoke that a trip to urgent care was in your future.

“Might be a good idea, this looks pretty deep - can I get some water, Penny?”

She quickly poured some water from the tap and brought it over to Bradley. He dabbed a clean cloth with it before wrapping it around your hand again. 

“Alright, sweetheart. I’m gonna wrap this and then we’re gonna see my friend, sound good?”

Penny looked at Bradley questioningly once the term of endearment slipped past his lips, but other than that, made no comment. 

“Is friend code for something? I’ve seen Goodfellas, I know how this usually works.”

Both Bradley and Penny laughed. “At least we know she’s not in shock,” Penny said.

The two of them got you on your feet and you realized you’d amassed quite the crowd. You looked down at your feet, not wanting to meet anyone’s eye. This was the last time you were going to see some of them, too. Great final impression.

“Alright, show’s over,” Bradley said good naturedly and for the most part, everyone left you alone. 

A couple of the Top Gun pilots you’d gotten to know over the last couple weeks hung around, including Jake, Mickey, Bob, and Natasha. 

Jake’s eyes were filled with concern as he approached you. “You alright?”

You grimaced and held up your hand. “Could be worse.”

“Try not to move it too much, you don’t want the glass to come out before you get to the doctor,” Natasha said, “but I’m sure Bradley will take care of you.” His name was said with a slightly teasing lilt, leading you to believe this wasn’t the first time the team had ragged on him about it. 

“We can call ahead, let them know you’re coming?” Bob offered and Bradley nodded at him.

“Thanks, man. We should get going, though.”

They all offered various platitudes and well wishes and then the two of you were off to where you presumed was the base. Bradley drove extra carefully, even drawing up a line of cars behind him on 4th Street, and you raised your hand above your heart as instructed by Mickey. Once you got through the security gate, he drove a little faster. It was your first time actually on base and you only wished you could enjoy it more - all those hangars and buildings holding god knows what kind of planes and state secrets.

“My friend Ryan’s working tonight, best medic I’ve ever had. He’ll be able to stitch you up, no problem.”

You sniffled and wiped at your tears with your other fist. “I’ve never needed stitches before.”

He smiled at you and patted your leg. It reminded you of your thoughts from earlier in the evening and how you wanted to get even closer to him - you just hadn’t envisioned it this way. 

“First time for everything,” you mumbled, “you ever have stitches?”

“Occupational hazard.” His hand still hadn’t moved from your thigh. “I was worse when I was younger - eyes closed, head first mentality. But then I got spooked on a mission and started overthinking everything. Haven’t had a close call since - well, since recently, I guess.”

“I want to ask, but don’t at the same time.” The Bronco hit a bump in the road and you hissed. “Shit.”

Bradley rubbed slow circles on your thigh with his thumb. “Sorry, we’re almost there. Keep holding your hand up.”

True to his word, you arrived at the clinic on base a few moments later, where an older looking gentleman in fatigues was standing out front waiting for you. Bradley parked - terribly, you might add - and quickly got out of the car.

“Rooster!” the guy, who you assumed was Bradley’s friend, Ryan, called out. 

“Hey, man. Thanks for helping us out, this is Y/N.” Bradley nodded towards you as he helped you out of the car. 

Ryan held his hand out for you to shake then thought better of it. “Nice to meet you, Robbie said you had a nasty fall and might need some stitches?” Robbie? He must have meant Bob.

“Yeah,” you winced after you stepped off the curb funny and the pain shot all the way up to your hand. Ryan and Bradley held the clinic door open for you and then Ryan directed you down the hallway past the triage area.

The clinic was quiet at this time of night. You imagined it was only really busy during the day during training missions or flights - more serious injuries were probably taken care of elsewhere. After walking past a few closed doors, Ryan led you into one that was open and had all the lights on - you assumed it was his personal exam room. 

“Alright, have a seat over here and let’s take a peek at this sucker.”

Bradley helped you up on the exam bench - needlessly, though that didn’t mean it was unappreciated having his hands on you for even a brief moment - and Ryan started unwrapping the dressings Bradley and Penny had hastily applied at the Hard Deck.

Despite the pain you were in, the wound traveled well and Ryan mentioned how pleased he was that you hadn’t taken the glass out yet since it could’ve hit a nerve. As he prepared you for taking the glass out, you subconsciously grabbed Bradley’s hand with your other hand. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and didn’t once complain at the vice grip you had it in as Ryan stitched you up.

“She’s a trooper, Rooster,” Ryan teased Bradley once he finally finished. “Now Miss Y/N, you’re gonna be in town for a while, I presume?” You nodded. “Good, good. We’ll set something up in about a week or so to take these stitches out. It’ll scar for a while, but shouldn’t be too permanent.”

You glanced down at your now heavily bandaged hand and turned it cautiously. “Thanks, Doctor Ryan - really, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it, letting us come in like this.”

The older man chuckled. “It’s no big, Bradshaw here knows I like the late shift, so this gave me something to pass the time. And hey, I like that - Doctor Ryan.” You smiled and made a mental note to send him a thank you card addressed exactly as such. “Now, what plans do you kids have for the rest of the night?”

Bradley shrugged. “Not sure, it’s this young lady’s first time on base, though…”

“Then I think a full tour is in order, don’t you?”

You tilted your head. “A full tour - at night? Is that even allowed?”

Ryan laughed. “I’m sure they’d let your Bradley do just about anything he wanted on base right about now…” You glanced at Bradley - your Bradley, apparently - but found he had ducked his head and his cheeks were red. “A tour certainly wouldn’t be out of the question.”

Bradley let out a sigh, but didn’t seem too put out. “What do you say, sweetheart? You want the full tour?”

This time it was your turn to blush. The term of endearment rolled off his tongue so nicely and you were reminded of all the times he had uttered it earlier in the evening as he was taking care of you.

“I’d love to, actually.” The two of you stared at each other, smiles doting both of your faces when you remembered there was someone else in the room.

Ryan chuckled. “Well, don’t let me keep you…”

“I’ll be sure to tell anyone that it was your idea, lest we get caught…” Bradley recovered quickly. Ryan just waved him off. “You ready?”

After thanking Doctor Ryan again for all the help, you and Bradley left the clinic and climbed back into the Bronco. He took as much care getting you situated this time as he did earlier in the evening - even going as far to buckle you into your seat. And if his hands lightly grazed underneath your t-shirt as he pulled back, then you just hoped your blush wasn’t as obvious as his. 

Like Doctor Ryan mentioned, the base was relatively deserted this time of night and Bradley cruised down the streets with ease, calling out different buildings and whatnot. The base wasn’t just military buildings - there were also stores and restaurants and other facilities for the naval officers and their families - it was like its own little town. 

As the Bronco rolled up to stop sign, you recognized the street you had come in on going one way, but with a muttered fuck it Bradley turned in the other direction and started driving deeper into the base. 

You didn’t ask any questions, you just leaned your head against the window, lulled by the low murmur of the radio and Bradley’s smooth driving as you flew past a new set of buildings, each one larger than the next. Eventually, you stopped in front of what you figured was a hangar and Bradley parked the car - this time better than when he did at the clinic - and cut the engine. 

He turned towards you. “Alright, remember if anyone asks, Rear Admiral Peters said we could be here…”

Your mouth gaped open slightly as his words sunk in. “Wait, wait Doctor Ryan is a Rear Admiral?”

“And a shit-stirrer, too, but -”

“- You had a Rear Admiral take a piece of glass out of my hand? What the fuck, Bradley? Like he doesn’t have anything else better to do?” 

He just laughed. “It’s literally his job, he’s a doctor, Y/N - do you even know what a Rear Admiral is?”

“No,” you sassed right back, leaning closer towards him, “but I do know it’s higher than a Lieutenant Commander -”

“- A highly decorated Lieutenant Commander, I’ll have you know…” 

He glanced at your lips and then back up to your eyes. And he had the absolute dopiest smile on his face and you wanted to kiss it off - just climb over the center console and straddle his waist and kiss him, injury be damned. Because Bradley looked so goddamn happy and irresistible and at ease with himself and you. 

“How could I possibly forget,” you whispered, drawing closer towards him. The air in the car was electric, like there was some invisible string pulling you together.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he rasped, “Let’s go see some planes.”

You two got out of the car and made your way into the hangar. Bradley seemed to have way too much fun sneaking down the corridors, Mission Impossible style, and he kept shushing you when you laughed at his increasingly dramatic evasive maneuvers. Eventually, you got to a locked steel door and Bradley took a keycard out of his pocket and the lock hissed. He grabbed your hand and you two walked through the door before your mouth gaped open at the sight before you.

“Hoooooly shit,” you said in awe, looking up at the rows upon rows of planes spread out before you. “There’s no way we’re actually allowed to be here - even with Doctor Ryan’s blessing.”

“I mean, I think I can be granted a little leeway - after practically saving the world and all.” You shoved his shoulder and he let out a grunt. “Come over here, you can see my new plane.”

You let him drag you across the hangar to an F/A-18 in the corner. “New plane? What happened to the old one?”

A wicked smile crept across his face. “That’s classified, sweetheart.” 

He said the words teasingly enough, but you understood that for Bradley to have a new plane, that meant something had to happen to the old one - like it getting blown up or shot at on that fucking crazy mission. But you reminded yourself that he was standing here beside you, looking as giddy as a kid in a candy shop and you temporarily pushed the thought out of your mind. You approached an F/A-18 on the far side of the hangar with the words “LCR BRADLEY ‘ROOSTER’ BRADSHAW” printed just underneath the canopy.

“This is - wow. I feel so small standing next to these - not literally, just like it’s so much bigger than me.”

Bradley’s lips quirked up slightly. “That’s how I used to feel, that’s how I knew I wanted to fly.”

“Did you want to fly because of your dad?” You’d heard Penny and Captain Mitchell mention Bradley’s father plenty in passing, but Bradley, himself, had never brought him up.

“Yeah, kind of hard not to. I don’t remember him too much, but what I did was all about flying and planes and the Navy. Almost didn’t happen either.”

You turned to face him. “Oh?”

“Maverick - Captain Mitchell, pulled my papers at the Naval Academy. It sent me back four years.” That was why he was so much older than everyone else. “It’s hard to be a naval aviator if you don’t start at Annapolis.”

“Did you do NROTC in college? They had it at USC, a couple people in my major were in it. I remember they’d already been up for hours when I was rolling out of bed for my 9:35 class.”

Bradley nodded. “Yeah, I did it at UVA and was probably exactly like those kids before your 9:35. I had the biggest fucking chip on my shoulder, too. I was just so - angry at Mav and hadn’t been thinking as straight as I should’ve and my mom had just died. I was a mess.”

You were dumbfounded. “I had no idea.”

“Some parts of it are kind of surreal, too - about the whole Navy thing, I mean. Like when I was first made a Lieutenant, I realized I had surpassed him - my dad - in rank and that every subsequent promotion would only further the gap between us.”

“I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be proud of you. I’ve heard the way Captain Mitchell talks about him, he seemed like a great guy.”

“Yeah, I think he would be.” Bradley sighed and gave the plane a quick pat. “Well, uhh what about you and your parents, huh? How do they feel about you being a hot shot lawyer?”

You laughed. “Oh, they’ve told all their friends at the club about how their daughter’s going to be District Attorney some day.” That got you a laugh. “But I could totally sell out and go into corporate or entertainment law and they’d still be proud of me.”

“What do they do?” 

You both had started walking amongst the planes again, slowly making your way back to the door. “My mom doesn’t work, never has. She and my dad got married right after they graduated from USC, but my dad’s an exec at a golf company up in Carlsbad.”

Bradley seemed impressed. “I assume they both play, too?”

“My mom plays at least five times a week, but my dad might get three rounds in if he’s lucky.” 

“Hmmm, now that’s a problem I’d love to have.”

You scoffed and glanced down at your bandaged hand. “You’re telling me.” 

It was quiet between you two for a moment, but it wasn’t strained. As always, it was easy. Bradley’s right hand kept brushing against your left as the two of you meandered between the planes. You took a chance and linked his pinky with yours. Emboldened when he didn’t pull away, you laced the rest of your fingers with his. 

“You ever think about what you’d do if you weren’t in the Navy?”

Beside you, Bradley sighed. “Sometimes - especially when I’ve had a tough day or am on a deployment.”

“And?”

“I loved history when I was in school - still do, really. Military history, historical fiction, old school spy novels - that sort of thing. So, I think I’d be a professor - or a history teacher at the very least.”

You smiled. “No, that sounds perfect, actually. You seem like a big reader, too, though I can’t really say why.”

Bradley laughed and it echoed throughout the hangar. “Fills the time on base. But I think I’d focus on post World War II history, like the Cold War, all leading up to the early nineties.”

“You’ve thought about this,” you said earnestly. He nodded, looking almost bashful. “You could still do it?”

“What? Go back to school and get my PhD?” he joked. “I’d be surrounded by all those young kids -”

“- You’re thirty five, Bradley, not eighty five - plus, I thought you were younger when I first met you?”

He jumped on the topic change. “Oh really now?”

You rolled your eyes and swung your still clasped hands. “You have a young disposition, okay? But uhh back to the original topic…you can still do whatever you want, Bradley. We all can and you deserve the chance to try, too - if you want, that is.”

He absorbed this, thinking it over seriously and you two stopped walking. “I’m gonna miss having my little planner around - also my future lawyer.”

You smiled, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. You didn’t like being reminded that this had an expiration date. It kept bringing up your thoughts from last weekend; did you tell him how you felt and risk rejection or just resign yourself to leaving things as they were and wait until you went your separate ways? 

Because you liked him - you really liked him and you thought there could be something special between you two. But did he see it the same way?

A noise snapped you both out of your thoughts and Bradley glanced around, looking for the source. “Come on, we should head out.”

You two made your way back to the Bronco, this time with less spy moves from Bradley and giggling from you. The drive back to your bungalow was more subdued and the silence heavier than normal between you. Something had shifted between you two in that hangar. 

After minimal instructions from you on how to get back to your place - Bradley said he had an idea where to go, but didn’t want to get lost - you two got out of the car and he walked you to your front door. You had just turned the key in the lock, opening the door slightly, when you stopped to look up at him.

“So, uhh thanks for everything tonight - again. I really appreciate it - and hey, it’s a good thing I’m not right handed. Might make work a bit of a pain next week,” you were rambling at this point, but you didn’t want him to leave. 

He ducked his head. “It’s no big, I’m just glad I was around to help.” 

Oh, god. Why did he have to look so cute and adorable when he said that? Damn him and that stupid smile of his. Why’d it make you feel like the only girl in the world?

Suddenly, unable to waste another second, you surged forward on your tip toes and grabbed a hold of his shirt with your hand before putting your lips over his. When he didn’t respond right away, except to put his hands on your waist, you immediately pulled back and let out a deep breath. 

You couldn’t believe you’d actually done that and gave into your impulses and just kissed him. And for him not to react or do anything about it? You couldn’t even muster up the courage to look him in the eye and see the expression on his face.

Fuck. Oh god, oh shit. 

“Right, sorry. Uhh thanks again, but I have to go - early day tomorrow and all that.” It was Sunday, but that didn’t matter. “So, I’ll see you around? Or maybe not because - yeah, thanks again, Bradley -”

“- Wait, Y/N -”

But you’d already snuck past him and crept through the door, closing it behind you. God, you were such an idiot. You were friends - that was all. All those little endearments and looks were just how Bradley acted around everyone.

Maybe.

So, why didn’t he kiss you back? Why didn’t he want you? You’d done everything right; taken your time, gotten to be friends, and - fuck. Your eyes started to fill with tears. God, this was so embarrassing. You leaned your head back against the door and took a couple deep breaths, centering yourself. You stood there for god knows how long, going over everything from tonight, from last week, from each interaction you’d had with Bradley. How were you going to face him at the Hard Deck the next time you saw him?

Eventually, minutes later, you shook yourself out of your pity party and went into the kitchen. You put your kit of medical supplies from Doctor Ryan on the counter and started going about your nightly routine, content with wallowing in bed all morning until your shift tomorrow afternoon.

But it was funny. Looking back as you laid in bed, you realized you didn’t hear the Bronco pull out of the driveway until after you turned the kitchen light on.

---------

today

The unfortunate thing was the woman, Abby, seemed rather perfect. She worked on the base in Comms or Targeting - you weren’t quite sure, but Bradley seemed to know exactly what she did - and had her Masters in Aeronautics and Astronautics from MIT. 

Mickey had set the two of them up. Apparently, he and Abby went to undergrad together at Vanderbilt and had reconnected when she had transferred to North Island a couple months back.

She had two Dirty Shirleys - you tried not to scowl at the irony - and Bradley had two pints of Sam Adams. 

And she was pretty - really pretty. She wore a sundress that you desperately wanted to ask where she bought it from and her brown hair looked really soft and shiny in the way that you could never get yours to be and - god, she was perfect. And seemed really fucking nice, too. It would have been so much easier to hate her if she had been a bitch, but she actually seemed pretty cool to hang out with. You cursed Mickey for having such a lovely friend.

Plus, she sounded perfect for Bradley. She was smart, accomplished, and seemed to be rising fast in the Navy. They both rattled off Naval jargon and acronyms like nobody’s business, but you couldn’t tell if Bradley seemed a little more subdued than normal because that was how he acted on a date - a real date - or if he wanted to spare you from any further embarrassment?

Which brought you back to your original thought that this might’ve been easier if Abby wasn’t so fucking perfect and pretty. Because Bradley was pretty, too. Well, maybe not pretty, but he was handsome. And they looked good together. And they’d probably go on a bunch of dates and get married and trot around the world with their equally beautiful kids, probably named after his parents in some variety and - fuck. You took a deep breath and went back to drying some glasses further down the bar from the couple.

You absently glanced at your right hand and the wound still stretched across your skin. Doctor Ryan had called you yesterday about scheduling an appointment to get your stitches taken out and you had originally planned on asking Bradley if he wanted to come with you - if only to be given a chance to see Doctor Ryan again, obviously - but now you weren’t so sure.

Maybe this date of his was a blessing in disguise? It could be a clean break after Saturday night. It wasn’t like you would both be in San Diego for much longer. Bradley was probably heading back to China Lake within the next few days - he hadn’t heard if a base change was part of his promotion yet - and then you would be back up to Stanford in late August. This thing - this stupid, silly, unspoken thing between the two of you wasn’t meant to last. Better to lose him now then later on when you had really fallen for him. 

(But you already had. You totally had.)

With a glance at the clock above the bar, you figured you would ask the couple if they wanted another drink after you had heard the sound of a straw sucking on air a couple minutes ago. You made your way over to the two of them - only to see Abby with her hand on Bradley’s bicep - and took a deep breath, steeling yourself.

“Your dress is really cute,” you said honestly, the comment slipping out before you could think better of it. 

Abby thanked you and mentioned the store where she had bought it. “And I must say,” she added teasingly, “you have to be the best dressed bartender I’ve ever seen here.”

“Oh, I actually just got off work at -” you started to reply, but Bradley cut you off. 

“- Y/N’s been working in the DA’s office this summer, she’s in law school at Stanford.” Damn him.

Abby turned her attention back to you and you nodded shyly. “Err yeah, I normally just work here on the weekends, but Penny needed some last minute help tonight, so here we are. Me and my business casual - I even have a blazer in the back room if needed - but uhh, do you guys want another round of drinks?”

They both glanced at each other, feeling the situation out. You could tell Abby wanted another drink with the way she was twirling her paper straw around in her empty glass, but Bradley just shook his head and pushed his empty pint towards you. 

“Nah, we can close out.”

“Cool, sounds good. I’ll be back with your check then.” You nodded and turned on your heel towards the register. 

The back of your neck prickled with awareness as you swiped Bradley’s credit card through the reader. Though you couldn’t be sure, it felt like his eyes were on you. You tried to block out their chatter behind you, but you caught a couple words from Abby: 

we should --- again --- back on base --- maybe

You grabbed the check-pad and slipped the receipt and Bradley’s credit card into it with a little more force than necessary. As you approached the couple, you found Abby looking at you curiously and you subconsciously shrunk back into yourself.

“Uhh here you guys go, have a - have a good night.”

Abby called out a thanks, but you had already headed towards the other side of the bar, not wanting to wait around to hear whatever empty platitude Bradley would surely offer. Though you didn’t turn around to see for yourself, you could hear the scrape of their barstools on the wood floor and the tinkling of the bell above the door, signaling the couple had left. 

You let out a great sigh and rested your elbows on the bar before resting your head in your good hand. Fuck. Stupid fucking Bradley Bradshaw - what kind of a name was that, anyway - going off and making you think - what? What did he really make you think? That he liked you? Did he really lead you on? No. He had been nothing but friendly and kind to you over the past month or so. 

Granted, sometimes you had caught him looking at you like you had hung the moon. And then there was how sweet and protective he was last weekend when he brought you on base and how insistent he always was with making sure you got home safely. But that was just - that was just friendship, wasn’t it? He was just being thoughtful. It probably had something to do with being in the military and having a strong moral code. 

Maybe.

The bell above the door chimed again and you righted yourself to see who it was - and promptly wished you hadn’t.

Bradley. 

“Y/N…” He strode across the bar towards you.

You swallowed thickly. “Can I get you something else?” Your words were all business and professional, but you knew he had seen you slumped over the bar.

“I uhh yeah, actually. I was just curious if you needed a ride home or anything?”

“Well, it’s not raining, so no, Bradley I don’t need a ride home,” you snapped, not at all feeling bad about the hurt expression flitting across his face.

“Right.” He rapped his knuckles against the bar top. “But maybe I can wait around until you’re done with your shift? Talk?”

You just looked at him blankly. You really didn’t want to talk, but it was inevitable and at least if you did it now, you were going home anyway and could wallow all you wanted. “I guess…”

He sat a couple seats down from you, seeming to know you needed some space, and started watching the Padres game. You could tell he was glancing at you as you went about getting ready behind the bar and you eventually took pity on him and got him a glass of ice water.

Penny only needed you till nine that night, so Bradley didn’t have to wait around long. At one point, Captain Mitchell came in and the two chatted for a bit. If nothing else, you were glad to see that things between the two had been resolved. Both Penny and Bradley had alluded to something happening on the mission that brought Uncle Mav back into Bradley’s life and you were pleased the men’s time at Top Gun had resulted in something positive. He kept sneaking looks at you, even while talking to Captain Mitchell, but you avoided making eye contact or acknowledging him. 

And then it was time for you to clock out and talk with Bradley. You briefly considered sneaking out the back to avoid him, but figured you couldn’t drag this out any longer. You stopped by the mirror in the backroom to fix your hair and check your makeup, but then chastised yourself for caring and went to meet Bradley outside. 

There were a couple of picnic tables off the back of the Hard Deck towards the beach and that was where you found him. The soft light of the moon, coupled with the porch lights off the back deck made him look so handsome and you couldn’t help but be disappointed he hadn’t been dressed up for you. 

Bradley turned around at the sound of your approach. “Hey…” 

“Hey…” You crossed your arms over your chest, protecting yourself. Your navy blue blazer normally felt like a suit of armor against snooty colleagues and pretentious law school classmates, but now it just made you feel stuffy and bookish after seeing Abby in that pretty sundress.

“So you uhh wanted to talk, so - talk?” you stuttered.

Bradley took a couple tentative steps towards you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I had no idea you’d be here and I know that -”

“- Why’d you do it? Why’d you make me think you liked me and then - and then throw it back in my face - by going out with the most perfect girl in the world, mind you - when you know -”

“- You weren’t supposed to be here -”

“- And that makes it better, Bradley? That I wasn’t supposed to be working tonight so I wouldn't have to wait on you and your date? I don’t do this - I don’t go after guys too often. You could’ve just told me you didn’t like me, I’m a big girl, I can handle it. Kinda already got the hint on Saturday night.”

You would’ve accepted it with grace had he actually told you he didn’t like you. Granted, you probably would’ve had a good cry when you got home and texted your friends from school all about your failed summer romance with a naval aviator. But you would’ve accepted it. 

He heaved a great sigh. “But I do like you, Y/N.”

Despite his confession, you couldn’t help but feel small. “Then why’d you go on a date with Abby tonight? She seems lovely, by the way…” you couldn’t help but mutter.

“She’s Fanboy’s friend. He had set her up with Hangman initially, but he had to leave town sooner than he thought and couldn’t go, so he asked if I would.

“And I didn’t see the harm in it; I’d see her once, just hang out and talk, and she’d never be the wiser that Seresin couldn’t make it. It’s why Fanboy picked the Hard Deck, actually - it’s not exactly a first date spot - and he knew I wasn’t looking for anything with her. 

“But then I walked in and saw you standing there and my heart dropped to my stomach and I froze. And you seemed so normal about everything and I kept wanting to text you and explain, but didn’t want to be rude, so I figured I’d just tell you after and then I saw you when I came back in the bar later and you just - you looked so sad that I just had to make sure you knew - because I don’t think she’s the most perfect girl in the world - not at all. But I think you might be - for me.”

You felt your heart softening and took a step closer to him, though he didn’t seem to realize it, too caught up in his own feelings.

“I had this whole plan, actually.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was gonna ask if you wanted me to come with you to get your stitches out and then we could get dinner after? Like a proper date - away from the base and the Hard Deck and everything? And I know that isn’t exactly what anyone would want to do on a first date - no one ever really wants to go to the hospital, but -”

It was funny how close Bradley’s idea mirrored your own. “- I would’ve liked that,” you said softly.

He sighed. “I like you, Y/N - so much. And I really like to be given a chance with you. You just caught me off guard the other night and I shouldn’t have let you go without telling you that, but you bolted before I even got the chance to say anything. So, now I want to say that I’m sorry - for tonight and Saturday and making you think I didn’t - that I don’t like you.”

“I like you, too,” you practically whispered, “It’s just - Bradley, what are we doing here, though? How does this end well? I mean, maybe I shouldn’t have pushed - you’re going back to China Lake and I have to go back to Stanford in the fall and we could’ve parted as friends.”

You didn’t want to fall for him anymore than you already had. He just made it so goddamn hard to resist him.

He stepped forward and took your hand. “I don’t want to part as friends or whatever - I want to be with you, Y/N. For as long or as little time as we’re allowed. My transfer request went through, I’m going to be stationed here - on North Island. So, we have the rest of the summer to spend time together and get to know each other even more.”

You ducked your head and smiled. God, you knew you were going to cave into him and his stupid smile and sweet words. “The rest of the summer, huh?”

A smile crept across Bradley’s face and he bit his lip. “Maybe longer, too. Depends on if you want to keep me around when you go back to being a hotshot lawyer and all..”

“Hmm, it’s too bad Stanford’s a seven hour drive from North Island...” You’d looked it up once, okay? Fucking shoot you.

Bradley rolled his eyes. “You’re forgetting one thing, sweetheart.” You scrunched your nose. “I have a plane.”

“That sounds like misappropriation of government funds, Lieutenant…”

He took a step towards you and slipped his hands over your hips. He had an impish smile on his face. “That’s Lieutenant Commander to you, counselor.” You ducked your head. “But I do have my own plane.”

The image of Bradley standing in front of an old fashioned Cessna briefly flashed through your mind. Maybe he’d take you flying in it? “And you’d fly up to see me? You’d do that?”

“Yea -” you surged forward to kiss him, cutting him off. This time he kissed you back and you wrapped your arms around his neck, the both of you losing yourselves in the kiss. All too soon, Bradley pulled back and laughed. “Why are you always cutting me off to kiss me?”

You clicked your tongue. “Maybe I think that mouth of yours could be put to better use elsewhere?”

“Oh yeah? Want to know what I think?”

This time he leaned forward to kiss you, coaxing your lips open with his tongue. He tasted like beer and smelled him home and you didn’t want him to let go of you. You threaded your hands through his sandy colored hair, finding it just as soft as you’d always imagined. After a moment, you pulled slightly on his lip before dragging your lips along his neck up to his jawline, making sure to slightly graze your teeth against his skin. Bradley pulled you closer towards him in response and pressed his hips against yours. 

You wished you hadn’t been wearing a blazer and a work dress and that Bradley didn’t have that light blue oxford on - even though he had looked so handsome in it. Because you wanted to be closer to him and feel his skin against yours and have him tell you how beautiful you were. 

He pulled back to smile at you and you found yourself doing the same. You both probably looked a little dopey standing there staring at each other with the most adoring smiles on your faces, but for right now it was perfect. 

“You’re worth going the distance, Y/N.”

Because now you had all the time in the world.

-----

taglist: 

@nikkmarie @delicateflorencia @idkwiabiawia @domerpalmer​ @myname144244​ @unknown1010000202 @rosiahills22 @millama19  @itzzgillianj  @roosterschanelslut  @arianna-bradshaw @n3ssm0nique @katiemcrae​ @the-winter-marvel33 @the-untamed-soul @shanimallina87 @ nikkmarie @jadedcircus @wishingwell-2  @athenxt  @anotheronechicagobog @alana4610 ​

#bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster imagine #top gun maverick #top gun #top gun imagine #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x oc #sorry if i forgot to add you to the taglist i'm new at this #writing #bradley fic

[binnieceo]

"I don't support it in real life!"

Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits... And also no, I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

I have some free time and you were polite in your ask, so I'll answer you since I believe you were genuine in your question.

I'll answer your question in parts, if that's alright with you!

"I don't support it in real life!" Then why write about it?

Well, it's not because I don't support something that I'm not allowed to write about it!

Fiction is just that... fiction. They are stories. I'm sure there are many stories in your folclore that depict hideous acts (such as murder, rape, incest, etc etc) but neither you or your people agree with them or think that the things done in those stories are okay to be done in real life—because stories are just stories and bad things done in stories are meant to stay in those stories.

And dark content is present in most media forms, whether you like it or not. I don't know which fandoms you are a part of (since you sent this ask anonymously) but I'll just list a few:

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has canonical torture, murder, racism, self-harm and even genocide

The Dragon Prince has canonical racism, torture, murder, kidnapping, blackmailing and gaslighting

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has canonical slavery, racism, murder, torture, child soldiers, child abuse and much more (its been a while since I last watched SPOP so i don't remember)

Adult shows also tackle these subjects. Doctor House, Game of Thrones, Hannibal, The Simpsons, South Park... God, even the HOLY BIBLE has stories with rape, murder, slavery and much more in them! And that's a SACRED BOOK!

If for coping purposes, why post it online for others [...]

I don't speak for everyone who sees this post, but when I post online, I post for myself. My fanfics are all completely self-indulgent. And while I appreciate my readers, I don't write with them in mind.

But on that same note, the stories are mine and I can do whatever I want with them. This is the internet and I can post whatever I want, anytime I want. If I decide I want to post a rapefic on ao3, I will. If i want the fic to be private for me and my friends, it will stay private.

Plus, other people might find my stories and relate to them or even enjoy them! I write about rape and sexual harrassment, for example, because I am a survivor, and so many survivors have found my stories and messaged me about them, thanking me for putting into words what they couldn't. It's rewarding, really. Being able to connect with people so deeply over stories.

[...] (especially actual predators) to see and consume?

I'm gonna be completely honest with you. Predators, pedophiles and the like are NOT reading ao3 fanfiction. They are out there on chatting websites trying to prey on children, or going out of their way IRL to take advantage of young family members or unknown children/teenagers.

If I crave a hamburger, I'll go out of my way to eat it. I won't open a review talking about the burger or stare at pictures of burgers. The same goes for predators. NO PREDATOR OUT THERE is reading fanfiction about Klee Genshin Impact. Me posting or not posting my fanfiction WILL NOT CHANGE THAT.

But on the off chance that a pedophile really sees an underage fanfic of a fictional character, then... that's a good thing, don't you agree? I don't know about you but I'd much rather if a pedophile read smut of Klee Genshin Impact than if they went out of their way to abuse and traumatize a real, living and breathing child that exists in real life and will suffer for the rest of their lives because of it.

Characters are just that, characters. And in fanfiction, what we write about them isn't real, it isn't canon. They aren't even canonically traumatized by what we write, but real people are.

Why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?

I don't know if you've ever read my fanfics or if you're just throwing this question out there, but to me personally, I have never written about rape/sexual assault and painted it in a positive light, much by the contrary.

As a survivor, I highlight how horrible the abuse made me feel and use my characters to talk about it. Not once have I glorified or written about sexual abuse in a positive light.

But if you're not talking about me personally, then I have to say... I'm sorry? Do you learn your morals from fictional content?

Ok fine maybe you can learn a few morals from MLP like "don't lie" and "be nice", but do you really open a show like South Park with racist, homophobic jokes and go "ah yes, this is a perfect example! I should base my morals off this show"? Do you?

Are you really unable to tell what is right or wrong by yourself? Does watching a slasher movie with a charismatic killer make you go "wow! Killers are amazing! I want to be like them!" Does watching action movies make you think that it's cool to commit arson and shoot people?

If your answer is yes, then I am so sorry but there is no other way to say this other than... that's your problem.

It's not the writers' duty to tell you what's wrong or right. They are not pre-school teachers who will grab you by the hand and point and tell you what you should or should not do-The writer has one and only ONE duty: To tell a story. They can portray whatever they want to portray in WHATEVER WAY they feel like, and you're supposed to be an adult about it.

And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor [...] You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones?

Yes, because fictional minors are... fictional? They are not real? They DO NOT EXIST?

I'm so sorry but if I ever saw a child/teenager with the same proportions that lolisho/anime gives them then i'd be calling the authorities ON THE SPOT because THAT SHIT IS AN ALIEN AND IT IS NOT HUMAN.

Children don't look like that. Put up Klee Genshin Impact next to a real child. They are so incredibly different that once you notice how uncanny it is, you'll feel weirded out because she won't even look like she's human anymore.

You wouldn't accuse all furries of fucking real life dogs just because they think their blue dog fursonas are hot, would you? (what if anthro blue wolves were real? I'd be scared out of my mind to be honest,)

It's not because you're sexually attracted to something fictional that you find it hot in real life (god bless me and my breeding kink girlies who are sex repulsed and are terribly afraid of getting pregnant)

Hey, have you heard of like, lesbians who fall in love with fictional men? (like me lmao), do you think those fictional crushes make them any less lesbian? No, because these guys are not realistic. They have blue hair, extra limbs maybe, and were literally designed to be loved and to be perfect.

There are SOOOOO many examples I could give you, but I don't want to go on and on because I got my point across

But like, you do understand that fictional characters are... fictional, right? You can't even say that they are minors because... they aren't. They don't have a birth certificate, or a family tree saved in a country's government somewhere. They do not exist, you are aware of that, right?

When a "child" or "minor" is fictional, there is no child, there is no minor. You can't touch, groom, rape or abuse something that does not exist.

Law was made to protect the children who suffered, or who are, suffering because of abuse right now.

And by that i mean, real, living breathing human children who have their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams for the future, and families that exist.

Fictional children/minors are nothing but tools, characters, a way of expression. THEY DON'T EXIST. They don't eat, they don't cry, they don't smile. They won't do anything unless they're commanded to by the writer.

They have no lives, no mind. And they will only grow up when the creator decides that it's time for that to happen. The line is there for this exact reason.

YOU CAN'T HURT OR PROTECT A CONCEPT.

You using your time to send this ask to "defend" PIXELS isn't doing anything to help or advocate for REAL CHILDREN who are suffering in the world right now.

Honestly, this only makes it seem like you're the one who doesn't care.

By the end of it all, i have no idea why you sent me this ask. Yeah I am anti-harassment but I don't think I've posted lolisho/underage content before? (again, I stray far from these because i find them icky and triggering) So I don't know why you focused so much on fictional children rather than the other things I do talk and post about on this blog.

And before I go, I want to shine a note here:

I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits...

I don't know how old you are, but you know damn well what you are saying and what you are doing. And I'm gonna say it again: Implying or flat out CALLING people pedophiles without proof can get you into real trouble.

Don't misuse that word. It has a meaning and a weight to it. I wasn't a victim of pedophilia myself but I know that real survivors would feel enraged at the way you're just throwing out words and accusations as if they were nothing, as if those people didn't suffer because of it.

I'm asking not for me, but for any other person who may come across this post, DON'T GO OUT THERE USING WORDS YOU DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF. You are causing more harm than good.

Also, send your asks un-anonymously next time. Don't be a coward.

Have a nice day!

#proshipper #proship please interact #anti harassment

[cupcraft]

I just think it needs to be said that adults have to regulate themselves in online spaces in a way that is responsible for minors in fandom spaces. This will be long im sorry.

And im not specifically talking about adults with lists of DNI minors and block anyone at or under a certain age as well as make it clear their blog may not be safe for minors (ie spaces with a lot of nsfw content). Though curating an experience is a big part of being responsible of course. This post though is mostly delving into adults' behavior and how you need to be aware of your behavior.

For example, if you're an adult who purposefully curates a blog dedicated to fandom discourse, harming other people in the fandom, vagueing, and just having general toxicity about people ESPECIALLY when the targets of said harassment and toxicity are often the youngest in the fandom this is something you really need to reevaluate yourself about for a million reasons but including how this harms and serves as a poor example to younger people what a fandom space is meant to be. Like when I see minors involved in these types of toxicity, not to say they shouldn't be informed or held accountable or the ppl harmed should forgive them, but as an adult I mostly feel sad. I feel sad because I hope they're going to be okay when they're my age and look back on themselves. I hope they're safe esp when the adults around them act like this kind of behavior is normal and okay even though they've long graduated high school (even though ot wasn't okay then either for the record). Like does it not bother you that you're an adult who feels superior sending hate campaigns and ask box harassment and cyberbullying to minors on the internet because you're insecurities are that large and you've no ability to regulate them healthily? Does it not bother you that you teach young ppl in the fandom to do similarly by your actions, and affect their experience? Does the harm not bother you?

Because it should bother you. When you grow up especially in online fandom spaces you do need to be more aware of not only your words in general, but how many people may look up to you and use you as example and that you have a responsibility to be healthy online for the sake of yourself, others, and esp the youngest of the fandom.

Because it hurts to think ppl can grow up in fandom to think "oh sending kys and gore and dead animals over [insert discourse] plus potentially bigotry is normal because everyone around me does it and I want to fit in and I also fear speaking up against the adults who do this because you know the harassment".

And you might say "well cup im just gonna block all minors the end I get to harass people forever hahaha haha!" And well okay, but for another post (plus ones I've made before) there's still a million reasons this is fucked up you see but I'm just focusing on one aspect rn in this post.

And then there's the adults in fandom who all of a sudden hit my age and all they do is belittle kids and the way they act and there is all of a sudden a Certain Maturity that needs to be upheld for Everyone but Especially Adults.

So on the first point this includes adults who are like "I hate kids!!!! They are so [insert anything negative]" and it includes any comment to meta/writing/art/etc that is like not allowing a younger person in fandom to grow. Like the way I talked as 11 years on the internet was incomprehensible and frankly would've been subject to "omg kids are so cringe ew!" For sure these days, ig I was lucky my online friends were also 11 at the time. Looking at my old fandom Meta posts when I was 15, like I could imagine the way I see adults talking about takes like "oh shit I was worse!" Which is just a bag full of insecurity for me, but I also can't imagine being young in fandom and directly experiencing such critiques all the time. Like does it not bother you, once again? That you don't want to see kids in fandom grow into their creativity and co-exist safely in fandom as they do in public and experience overall and public joy? Why do you hate I mean hateee kids as an adult and why does their joy spark hate and misery in you (you might need therapy or to work that out srsly). And do the effects of your actions not bother you? What do you think you're doing other than silencing the creativity and joy in people and invoking ways to people please or for minors to Act Mature (in reality acting the way these adults want to avoid harassment ofc!) Instead of of course just experiencing joy and fun and community as they would normally.

And that brings me to my last pt of the effects of you hit [adult age] and must Act Mature and not Care About Cringe Fandoms or Watch Cartoons and do anything that would indicate you god forbid Don't Have a Real Job. This is the reality for growing up in fandom its finite once you're 19 no more Cringe of course /s! Because I've been subject to this take before as a criticism, and I've seen essays about how adults who watch Bluey are destroying the world forever, and I can take it because I go to therapy and I'm secure in my own maturity where it matters and joy where it matters. But imagine how younger people in the fandom feel. Like you're basically telling kids "btw once you're at Adult Age you must stop having fun forever and you must have a Real Job (or Education) and stop enjoying Immature things like fandom (even though I am in fandom btw im not a hypocrite saying this) or you're a freak immature adult who will never grow up". Like wow.

Like the conservative and near unnuanced take of to be Mature you need a real job (whatever that means) and to only watch adult shows in a normal manner (again whatever that means) aside, like you're really telling kids to grow up and be insecure. I'm serious! Like of course as you grow up it's important to mature no duh, but with real maturity means realizing there are times to be serious and there are times to enjoy things. Maturity doesn't mean I can never watch bluey god forbid else I have a not real job or become media illiterate as a consequence (esp when actually marketing wise a lot of kids shows are meant to also be entertaining for adults watching with their kids... and lo and behold your media literacy doesn't go away magically the moment the show starts). Like you really want younger ppl in fandom to be miserable and grow up miserable and create a cycle of miserable lest they become Cringe Adults that watch a harmless cartoon and enjoy it.

I'm never good at ending rants like this but conclusion. Get a grip on yourself and insecurities and be really careful how you foster fandom community for yourself but also to those that grow up in these spaces too.

As always add on/send asks/correct me/add nuance/etc. ❤️

#my musings #discourse #long post #you can rb this

[24-7-testing]

For The People Who Are Still Alive...

Hey Portal Friends and Followers,

I hope you're all doing well! Lately, I've had something on my mind that I think it's time to share with you all. Over the past year or so, my life has taken some significant turns! Major events have included graduating from college, starting my career in Design Engineering, and getting married! Life has been an exciting roller coaster, and I'm enjoying all the fun new things.

However, among all the changes, I've also been contemplating my relationship with the Portal games and the Portal Fandom. Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been active on this blog for quite a while. The Testing Queue still goes out daily but, beyond that, I haven't been sharing new artwork or engaging as much. My YouTube channel, where I used to make Portal videos and build robots and props, has been on a long hiatus too. Everything Portal-related in my life just doesn’t seem as captivating as it used to be.

These days, when I think about Portal and all the things I used to do in the fandom, it conjures a strange feeling in me. On one hand, I still hold the story and characters dear, and I fondly remember all the fantastic fanart, interactions, and stories that I’ve seen as part of the fandom. But on the other hand, the fervor and eagerness I once had seem to have softened. It's like my passion has transformed from being a passionate superfan to a calmer and more passive enthusiast.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of transition in their fandom journey? If so, I'd love to hear how you dealt with it and any insights or suggestions you might have for me. Feel free to reply or DM.

These feelings have left me with a dilemma: what to do with my blog. I don't want to abandon it or delete it, but even refilling my queue is starting to feel tiresome. Plus, without active effort I'll eventually run out of posts to queue from my archive, so maintaining the queue alone is only a temporary solution. I've been toying with the idea of inviting someone who’s more active in the fandom to become a Moderator for the blog and keep it alive with fresh content, but I'm still uncertain about this option. If you have any feedback on that idea, please reply or DM.

So that's where I stand now. My life has taken me in a new direction and, while I still love Portal, I don't have the same time and energy to invest in the fandom as before. I'm eager to find a way to keep this blog alive in a way that feels authentic and will keep the content you all followed for going for the foreseeable future.

If any of you have encouraging words, suggestions, ideas, or thoughts, I'm all ears! Your support has meant the world to me, whether you've followed 24-7-testing since its inception in 2016 or if you just followed a few days ago. Please don’t be shy about replying or DMing me. I'm genuinely grateful for each one of you!

Rock On Portal Fandom!

- 24-7-testing

#24-7-testing rambles #aperture science #aperture laboratories #portal #portal 2 #portal fandom #life events

[the-lincyclopedia]

Winter holiday fics by lincyclopedia

Thanks for the tags, @cricketnationrise and @doggernaut! When you tagged me, I wasn't sure if I had any winter holiday fics. I have 12, across four fandoms. In my defense, I have over 200 fics total, so I lose track of what I've written sometimes. (Also, looking back through my AO3 account, it's like, man, I used to write. Unfortunately I've been too depressed to do much of that for a while now.) Anyway. Here's what I've got, organized by fandom:

Check Please

Deck the Halls with Balls of Holly

Ransom misunderstood the lyrics to "Deck the Halls," and he and Holster wind up making some interesting Christmas decorations for the Haus.

This is a super short one-shot featuring platonic Ransom & Holster friendship from Bitty's POV. (It's part of my series of fics based on misheard song lyrics.) The relevant holiday is Christmas.

Palentine's Day Karaoke

This fic is inspired by @softfloralbro's story "Shitty Knight's Palentine's Day Spectacular" and is basically a karaoke playlist wrapped in narration. The basic idea is that SMH has a karaoke party on Valentine's Day, and everyone serenades their friends. Set in February of Year 2.

This fic is full of SMH friendship, music, and not much else. The relevant holiday is Valentine's Day.

In Your Warmth I Forget How Cold It Can Be

In a world where the graduation kiss never happened, it's winter break of Bitty's senior year, and Bitty and Jack are both out and single. The plan is for Bitty to spend New Year's Eve with Jack at Jack's condo, but that plan goes awry when Bitty and Jack return from the airport to find a homophobic slur painted on Jack's parking space. TW for homophobia.

Basically, this is canon-divergent Zimbits getting together. The relevant holiday is New Year's Eve.

too long i've been afraid (of losing love i guess i've lost)

Dex gets disowned after coming out as gay. SMH is there for him.

Basically, angst, hurt/comfort, and platonic Frogs content, plus some platonic Dex & Bitty. The relevant holiday is Christmas.

Five Times Lukas Was Homesick Plus One Time He Didn’t Have to Be

It can be hard to go to school in another country where everyone speaks a different language and no one celebrates your holidays. Luckily, Lukas has friends to help when he’s homesick.

Okay, this is a 5+1 and only one of the scenes is actually about a winter holiday, but I like that scene, so I'm including this fic on the list. The relevant holiday is St. Lucia Day.

When Lucia Day Dawns

For Lukas's senior project as a music major, he has to plan/lead a public music performance. He decides to form a choir to sing Swedish Lucia/Advent/Christmas songs on St. Lucia Day (December 13). This is the Friday before finals and everything is stressful—until the concert starts and suddenly it’s perfect.

This is another Lukas-centric fic about being Swedish. The relevant holiday is St. Lucia Day.

Carry On

Right Now

A one-shot set during Christmas break of Simon and Agatha's fifth year at Watford. Even though they're not ultimately meant to be, they made sense as a couple once.

This is very jossed by Any Way the Wind Blows, but I still kind of like it. It's pre-canon Simon/Agatha. The relevant holiday is Christmas.

Stranded

After leaving Baz's house and dropping Penny off in London, Simon and Agatha get stranded in a ditch in the middle of a snowstorm. Ex awkwardness ensues.

Unlike "Right Now," this fic features Simon and Agatha as exes. The relevant holiday is Christmas.

Sounds Like a Date

Baz is a barista stuck working on Christmas Eve. Simon is a handsome customer.

This is a coffee shop AU featuring a Snowbaz meet-cute. The relevant holiday is Christmas.

Yuri on Ice

Ice Quality

One of Yuuri's college friends invites him to spend Christmas with her family, and Celestino approves as long as Yuuri promises to skate while he's there. Trouble is, the town's indoor rink is closed for renovations. A one-shot set during Yuuri's time in college in Detroit.

This is a pre-canon platonic Yuri & OFC fic. The relevant holiday is Christmas.

Happy New Year, Otabek!

Yuri and Otabek have been best friends for four years, and Yuri's had a crush on Otabek for a while, but he never expected Otabek to like him back. Until, that is, Otabek gets drunk at the Grand Prix Final banquet and says some things Yuri doesn't expect. It's going to be a very interesting New Year's celebration in Almaty . . .

This is a post-canon Yuri Plisetsky/Otabek, and it's the only multi-chapter fic on this list (though it's still pretty short). The relevant holiday is New Year's Eve.

Sherlock

Over the Table and through the Giggles

John has insisted on hosting a Christmas party. Again. Everyone but Sherlock is drinking, and John is telling stories about Sherlock, and suddenly Sherlock decides to kiss John. Plotless fluff.

This is a canon-divergent Johnlock getting-together scene based more heavily than you might guess on my sober-but-sleep-deprived friends and me being ridiculous in high school. The relevant holiday is Christmas.

I'm guessing a lot of people have been tagged, especially from the Check Please fandom, but I'm going to try to pull in some Queen's Thief folks. I tag @worldsentwined, @newtsoftheworldunite, @hoeratius, @eponymiad, and anyone else who wants to play!

#a lin original #fanfiction #tag game #holidays #check please #omgcp #omgcheckplease #carry on #simon snow #yuri on ice #bbc sherlock #sherlock #christmas #new year's eve #st. lucia day #valentine's day #online friends

[suzyq31]

WIP Tag

Thanks for the tag @nodirectionhome-ao3! I almost feel unworthy as I really am not writing much now and feeling a lot of conflict about how to move forward in fandom, but it's still fun to have a chance to chat about what I am writing (even if it's slow).

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends

Titles

Maybe Tomorrow: The epilogue is all that's left! This is a hard story to categorize, but essentially Harry and Hermione are fixing up Potter Manor the first Christmas after the war, on Christmas Eve they wake up to find themselves seemingly in the future, or some possible alternate reality. Friends to lovers, time travel, domestic fluff and plenty of angst thrown in.

Untitled James and Lily. A one shot sitting in my drafts. Mischief and games, and a first kiss. Possibly going to connect it to At The Beginning.

Found. I've actually pulled this from Ao3 and it's become a personal project instead. It's a spin off from my Seasons Series. Second generation, original character, coming back from the dead and other fun stuff. Harry/Hermione.

Iris. Another project I'm unsure of. It's still online, but may take it down in future to also write for myself instead of an audience. It's the first long story I ever attempted, and was a tad ambitious with it. Harry and Hermione. Hidden child, post war, angsty as hell. And a mystery plot that is slowly driving me insane as I try to weave in the appropriate clues.

Don't really know at this point. @bettertoflee and I have lost steam on In Between which is supposed to be a steamy, fake dating, 8th year Harmony. Life is just hectic and neither of us are feeling overly motivated. I have several vague James and Lily ideas floating in my brain, as well as a few original short stories I'd like to experiment with...but lately writing has been a chore and my creative muse feels depleted!

As you can see the theme is that I have all these Harry and Hermione WIPS, yet no will to work on them, or at least continue posting (sigh). And I would like to write more James and Lily, yet keep freezing. So fun times all around!

Upcoming Scenes, Events, Details

So it's just the epilogue left. One detail is that so far it's only one scene and not very long, but still, I am so excited to finally wrap this up and reveal some stuff. It's probably the story that has meant the most to me on a personal level, and it feels so good to have finished something that I worked hard on and am proud of.

There is a kiss that I am very eager to write. Plus some group dynamics that I'm having fun experimenting with.

Now that I'm not writing this for an audience there has been some freedom with being able to let go of certain details and it feels great to just jump around and have fun with it. I'm working on a scene of a cute "first" date that makes me all fluttery ❤️ Also Ron will be making another appearance soon, and I do love writing him.

There are some cute scenes I'm excited to write, but they are a ways away and I don't want to say too much. I will say there is a kiss that I am also very excited to write in this one to! Let's just see if I ever get through all the "mystery" bits.

Well, if we could summon the energy/ability, there is a smut scene in In Between that I know I'm eager to write, or read, who knows which of us will make it happen 👀 I would also very much like it if my desire to write would come back as I keep getting snippets of Jily banter in my head that would be good to get down.

Not sure if anyone will be interested in reading any of this, but yes a glimpse at the chaos of my writing life (at least fandom wise).

Anyone who wants to participate, consider yourself tagged! But will also add a few that I am curious about! @glitterwitch1 @myst867 @annonymouslyblonde

#harry potter fanfic #harry x hermione #harmony fanfic #jily #james/lily #writing woes #my wips

[no-psi-nan]

🥺🥺🥺 not 2 be sappy on main but omg I actually started off in Deviantart ages ago, that was the closest thing to social media for me until the tumblr migration lol. But I never really interacted with people on there, and even upon moving to tumblr, never really interacted with people here too often either. At first I had my main blog which was meant to be more professional since I was selling art to get a little college income, so I didn't really make too many irrelevant posts. Then I decided that I wanted to be able to reblog art and support other artists, so I made a side blog where I carefully curated and tagged the posts I reblogged. I made a few original posts but no one ever interacted, and eventually I realized that people only ever sent me asks there if I tagged anything wrong. Also I found out that adding stuff like series and character tags to a reblog on tumblr is basically useless because the op will pretty much always tag those things which makes it searchable on your own blog even if you don't tag it yourself. And if op DIDN'T tag it those things, your tags will make the post searchable on your blog but NOT in the general search, so it doesn't give op any more of a boost than just reblogging it tagless. So I made another sideblog, which I still have today, and I just rapidfire reblog literally anything I find shareworthy lol. Not any interaction there but at least I'm not wasting my time meticulously tagging strangers posts hsfjdlshfks. Since I was best friends with a big name fan in my main fandom (we became friends when I left a long emotional comment on their fanfic btw <3), I helped run some small fandom events and met more people as well. When I switched fandoms, it was a fandom event that gave me a new friend too, my posts never got any traction. Large fandom discords didn't really work for me either. But on this blog I was lucky, and for the first time people started like actually responding to my comments and posts, and get conversations going! And genuinely that's what's kept my brain rot so powerful I think, because bouncing ideas off each other and joking around and shitposting is genuinely the most fun I've ever had online!! I have to thank desta and oatmeal for the fun times especially, and hillbilly---man left really nice comments on my first few fics that really encouraged me, and I always have fun trading ideas with alienn, saikikthoughts, and crookedlyinnernightmare, plus everyone else who's on here, that's too many people to type out. AND I TYPED UP A BUNCH MORE STUFF BUT TUMBLR FUCKING DELETED IT!! Are you shitting me.... Well I think I remember saying that even if it's been getting kinda quiet and boring lately so my attention is starting to wander (I've pretty much posted all of the meta that's not deep fanfic hc at this point and my drawings take me a long time to make), I'll never delete this blog and I'll still be putzing around online until the day I die probably. And I'll always remember these days fondly and hope to find another great community like this one. And also I highly encourage everyone to post, reply, interact, and play with fellow fans! I've made lifelong friendships over blorbos and even if we don't have the same blorbos any more, we're still friends. Obviously stay safe online, never send money to strangers, probably wait like a year to start shipping each other stuff but still, reach out because you never know who you might meet! I've been lonely irl for most of my life for various reasons, and my online friends have been a lifeline honestly, they're all really important to me. Two of my best friends today come from fanfic comment sections!! Also I need to get around to archiving my meta on AO3 lol (yup, it's for meta too!) but that's gonna be a lot of work so -_-U).

#notes to nopsi #🥺thank u for making an old blogger like me emotional at 7 am #even if tumblr fucking pissed me off by deleting half the post #Also I appreciate the 'hate' anons because even though it must have been super embarrassing for them #it was fun to do some more analysis on a topic I usually don't think about <3

[fizzingwizard]

joking with bf about tumblr and realized I don't understand what people get out of social media anymore - like at all.

My first real "social media" was myspace. It was short-lived. But I liked that (back then) you had your own page, you filled it out with your information, you had your music and banners etc. Not so many images back then, but the point was your page was yours. Customizing your own space was fun.

Then I moved on to livejournal which was even more self-involved. You had your journal that was just yours. You could put anything in it, anything you wanted, and it wouldn't go away unless you chose to delete it. But other people could look at it and interact with you in the comments. And you could join communities where you'd meet other people with similar interests, which would then lead them to visit your journal and you to visit them.

When lj tanked I moved to tumblr, where once again, I have my own space, I can talk about whatever I want, people can choose to interact with me if they feel like it, plus there are visuals and video and a feed which delivers new posts from people I follow. It's easier than ever to just explore, meet people with similar interests, and make connections, while cultivating my own journal/scrapbook that is a record of myself over the years.

It seems to me that self-involved element just isn't interesting to many people anymore. Even though Instagram and Tiktok are definitely very invested in the self! I guess the argument is probably that no one reads text posts anyway, the best way is to post video or images and at most have a short quick to read blurb attached at the bottom. But the attraction of text posts, for me, was never the idea that other people were going to read them. It was simply self-expression. The enjoyment of talking about what's going on with me and working through it. It's nice to get comments, but sometimes the comments, well, make you feel worse, especially on a personal post.

On fandom posts I hoped for notes, but in general I liked to stew in anonymity. I thought about having separate blogs for fandom posts and personal ones. But you know why I didn't? Because I like going to someone's blog and seeing more there than just their art or fanfiction. I like knowing a thing or two about their lives. Not so I can judge them. Because it makes them feel real, relatable, like a friend. Someone I'm not meant to worship for their skill, but appreciate and support, by my own choice, as part of a community. When there's no info at all and it's just a fandom blog, it feels commercial to me. I'm always relieved when a fandom blog links to their personal blog, although I also find that much more jarring than if everything's just in one place and searchable by tags.

These days everyone tells me to be on Discord, Tiktok, or Instagram. But in none of those places can I develop my own personal space the way I like to. I can't even find groups with similar interests on them. Maybe some exist, but if they do they're nowhere near as easy to find as they used to be. When I was in my twenties I could always find people to chill with, no matter how tiny the fandom was. Now the point is to have a sleek, clean, specific persona so people know immediately what you're selling (even when no actual money is involved). You're selling art, you're selling fanfiction, you're selling meta, you're selling activism, you're selling witticisms. That's all great. And what we've all known, even since the days of myspace, is that what doesn't sell is personal posts. Talk about yourself = followers walk away. There's nothing for them here. Multi-fandom blog? Yeah but I only like one fandom you do, so clearly we have nothing in common and shouldn't interact. Lol. Honestly there are so many people here on tumblr I'd like to interact with, except when I visit their blogs they seem like they wouldn't want to interact with me. I'm only a little bit cottagecore, not 100% cottagecore. I sometimes post about books, but sometimes about anime. So the book-lovers who stick up their nose at anime don't want to hang out with me, and the anime-lovers who don't get classical literature maybe think I'm gonna be a snob toward them. Because they know "too much" about me. If they knew less, if they knew only what they'd feel comfortable knowing, because my blog is anime-only or something, then maybe we'd be friends. Not that I'd call that friendship :) but you know, in that shallow, hyper-specific social media sense of the word.

That's my theory. I never was popular on any social media site - personal blogs rarely are! Never wanted to be either (I've been here since I was in college and uhhh absolutely do not judge me please by anything I wrote when I was stupid nineteen). And it may be that very personal feature of tumblr which makes it less attractive to people than places where the point is to be a persona, instead of a person. Persona attracts, person not so much.

I just feel sad that this type of social media seems to be disappearing when I have no appreciation for the type that's replaced it. Believe it or not, I want to see y'all's novel-length text posts. Even when I don't read them, I still want to see them. I like having my little group that I follow and the only people I unfollow are blogs which self-promote more than I have a taste for. Small spaces are so underrated and I guess that's only to be expected.

#tumblr #social media

[in-newjersey]

So here are my thoughts on my first time seeing a live BMC production!

Making this non-rebloggable, I am not a real theater critic and I do not want to draw any attention to this actual cast on an anonymous blog to strangers on the internet

For starters, casting!

I respect the variety going on here and the degree of diverging from famous character appearance-tropes. Tiny Latino Jeremy who's as fit as a gymnast and can (and does) do acrobatic spin kicks sometimes? Love it. Plus-size butch-esque Brooke? 10/10. Genderfuckery long-haired Michael who gesticulates with a huge fan through most conversations? Hell yeah. Pink-haired Nirvana-grunge-style trans guy Jake? Now we're talking. Christine a head taller than Jeremy? Awesome.

I will not get too into describing actual real people on here much more than that but in general it was wonderful to see a wide range of character-actor types inhabiting these roles. As someone involved in The Fandom, even though I have frequently expounded upon the mutability of character traits per the text, you do still absorb a general idea of what the characters "look" like; so it was a fun twist to have literally none of the performers fall into those tropes.

I will also say - and this is not a read - that I am no longer going to assume I'm too old to play any of these characters, because I guess that's the magic of community theater lol

On to Thoughts, which I will loosely group by characters:

Rich was fucking awesome. Like I was impressed by the singing skill across the board, but this guy fucking killed it at every turn. I looked at my friend I went with after The Squip Song and we both were like OH OK. Rich also wore mostly KISS T-shirts? Like the shitty glam rock band? But yknow, work. Excellent voice (if casting were a little more 'stereotypical,' he probably would be an excellent Michael). Emotionally, he was on the more explosive side while SQUIPped, melting toward just charmingly cute once in 'real Rich Goranski' mode.

The aforementioned Jake was an interesting take on the character. Definitely leaned more into the kind of douchey side of things, but did at least at one point seem genuinely into Christine (although the actor was very much leaning into the interpretation 'yeah he has multiple interests and he honestly likes them all in the moment but gets bored quickly, and that includes girlfriends'). Is that kind of shitty? Yes. Is that a realistic take on what a rich popular 17 year old might be like? Also yes. Nirvana-fan Jake was not a concept I thought of before but I was down for it (though I discovered later on the cast instagram page that the guy playing Jake said that his version of Jake thinks Nirvana is a clothing brand which, like, galaxy-brain take lol).

THE SQUIP!!!!! Actually cycled through Keanu Reeves costumes, which I loved. Started out in Bill & Ted, then Matrix, then POINT BREAK of all things, before landing on a pretty-impressive-for-the-budget version of the light-up circuitry priest robe thing from the Broadway style. He had the hair and beard pretty close to present-day Keanu too, which made him both line up with the resemblance and seem significantly older than the other characters; voice-wise, this guy was clearly a skilled baritone, which meant his delivery on some of the more rock-style songs was a bit unusual, but not bad. This SQUIP was suave at the right parts but did NOT shy away from being scary: the 'take me inside you' part with Brooke during Upgrade was staged very menacingly with regards to how he was physically moving around/behind Jeremy. The Play was delightfully sinister, leaning HARD into the SQUIP as literally puppeteering everyone: saying their lines and moving his hands like marionnettes throughout, keeping things very creepy and villainous.

On the topic of the play, the fight choreography kicked ass. Mr. Reyes's ALL THE WAY TO BROADWAY rant was delivered while he yanked Jeremy off the ground by his shirtfront and then threw him furiously across the stage, genuinely concerning and upsetting to watch (especially as the SQUIP was miming the same actions and lines behind him, obviously in control of Reyes's body) (I literally said 'oh fuck' out loud when it happened and got a Look from the presumably-grandma in the row ahead lol). The fight choreography during Two Player Game Reprise was also solid: the guy playing Jeremy was FIT and did a lot of impressive acrobatic kicks and such, and the person playing Michael being a lot taller and larger worked well with letting him like bounce off, lift him up for spin kicks, etc.

And in general, I respected how much this production was willing to let certain moments be dark. The Play in general was pretty horror-movie-climax; I also respected that the costuming did indeed look like so-so high school mockups of a modern zombie movie. But the whole number was eerie, SQUIPPED character movements and voices became unnervingly smooth and robotic, and positioning the SQUIP as the puppetmaster in the middle, literally moving the characters around, just sold the whole thing wonderfully. Very appropriately leaning into the horror part of horror-comedy.

Similarly, Do You Wanna Hang? was scary. AS IT SHOULD BE. My friend who came with me compared it favorably to the car scene in the movie 8th Grade, where you're just On Edge the whole time you're watching. The actress playing Chloe did a good job with it, that's an uncomfortable thing to portray but she went for it and it paid off in the moment.

Chloe and Brooke had a fun dynamic: the styles of the costuming/performers did add some interesting dimensions. Chloe was, as usual, pink and perfect and feminine, head-cheerleader vibes; Brooke was short haired and dressed a lot more masculine. Brooke had a very earnest sense of vulnerability to her, and excellent comedic timing during Do You Wanna Ride and The Smartphone Hour, as well as just the minor background-acting moments. They leaned pretty hard into the 'Chloe will take things just because Brooke wanted them, because she likes that Brooke is always a little jealous of her, and thinks that that's friendship' and, like the portrayal of Jake: is that a shitty thing to do? Yes. Is that a realistic thing teenagers might do, especially poisoned by toxic ideas about femininity and power? Also yes.

Which is a good spot to add, the ensemble was small (4) but they were serving it. The band appeared to be octogenarian church volunteers (oh, yeah, this was at a church??? Wesleyan Methodists, so the cool liberal branch of American Christianity) so I will say that with what they had, they were making it work. It would have been served well by a second keyboardist and/or guitarist to do the trumpet parts (it was drums, bass, guitar, and piano). One of the ensemble members, a tall goth-femme person with hot pink hair, played the role of the theremin by doing the melodies in remarkable and ethereal bel canto. And honestly, work.

Jenna Rolan was fun: could belt for the gods, had some pretty-intense Crazy Eyes thing going on that really sold the comedic moments and made her appropriately frightening as the Final Boss in the squipped battle at the end, styled like an early 2000s-lesbian-coded-soft-goth best friend archetype. No notes, 11/10.

The actor playing Mr. Heere/Reyes/Stockboy did a fantastic job of making those three seem separate, and as I mentioned above, really made Mr. Reyes come to life in a dynamic way. Sidenote, this production changed all references to Hobby Lobby to Michaels, which I found both funny and appropriate. Fuck Hobby Lobby, we all hate Hobby Lobby.

Back to characterizations, Christine was sweet and straightforward. Not as quirky or dynamic as Stephanie or a lot of other actresses make her, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Very gentle and smooth voice, she just really likes theater and wants someone to like the real her. They went with ballet-style choreography to introduce her during More Than Survive, which is always a wonderful touch for the way the music swells. There were points where I think a little more creative movement or a wider emotional range might have worked well, but the take on the character was consistent.

I am going to keep that positive thread through the next sections: while I might not have agreed with the interpretation through the text, I do respect going in a starkly different direction to how most productions and fans usually take such things.

I have enormous respect for the performer playing Michael for radically making it their own. The cast bios had pronouns, and Michael's performer was they/she/he, which as a fellow they/she/he who would love to play Michael someday was rad to see. They kept the CREEPS shirt and a hoodie with a lot of patches (albeit a black one with red accents), but that was about it. Michael had light-up cat ear headphones and a huge black fan which he used throughout, alternated between baggy sweatpants or just a floor-length hippy skirt, usually high-heel ankle boots, and some kind of green bathrobe thing for The Pants Song? Characterization, again, respect for making such an iconic character so heavily different. This Michael was not....very emotional. He was usually snippy and sarcastic in a very erudite and matter-of-fact way, at pretty much all points in the show. Not a lot of emotional range going on: this is a Michael who is in some combination of 'doesn't give a shit' and 'not going to let this bother me,' which came off....interesting. The chemistry this created with Jeremy was a starkly different one than we usually see. The original productions - and most since, and the majority of fandom depictions - imagines a Michael and Jeremy who, at their core, love each other a lot. However that manifests of course varies, but you Usually get the impression that (even with a little bit of codependence), these two genuinely love each other and spending time together, which makes moments in the show either heartwarming or devastating to see happen between them.

Not these versions of the characters.

Which didn't make it bad, but it did shake things up. This Michael and Jeremy didn't give deep-love-friendship so much as they gave 'we sat next to each other in 1st grade and don't have other friends. so. I guess we're best friends, huh.'

Which is an INTERESTING and somewhat bleaker, but not unrealistic, take on them. That, sadly, summarizes a lot of friendships, especially at that age and with the sort of vacuum of suburbia on your social sphere (nevermind how a lot of society discourages boys from emotional connection with their friends; if anything, the fact that this Michael was definitely queer might suggest that Jeremy even pulled back emotionally because he didn't want to seem gay or give this Michael the wrong idea). It definitely sells Jeremy feeling lonely, even with his best friend hanging around. Two-Player Game came across a LOT better than I was prepared for - I have waxed about how it's a hard number to pull off - not in spite of, but almost because of this. Like, sure, they've played through this game a million times before, they know every beat, they love it like they love each other, right? even though they seem.....kind of bored. Or at least like they're waiting for something else to happen. College? Girlfriend? Different friends? Just wait two years. Whatever.

To get critical, I will say that this dynamic did not really help Michael in the Bathroom. The fight beforehand and the song itself did.....not really lend themselves to a not-very-emotional friendship between them. The singing was perfect, so not faulting that: it's THE big song of the show, so that's a lot of pressure and the performer had a splendid voice, but the snarky-not-caring-that-much attitude didn't quite do it for me - Michael didn't seem sad or upset so much as pissed off, but still fully keeping it together (despite the lyrics saying otherwise). Tonally, the 'wish I'd offed myself instead' just sounded sarcastic ("wow, SORRY I CARED AT ALL, could've just killed myself for all you seem to care" kind of vibes) THAT SAID, it was consistent with the rest of the characterization, so I admire it as a very specific acting choice. There were also characters on stage - presumably outside the bathroom door, listening in - that turned a good portion of MITB into a comedic number; as I have said before, not my personal take on how that should go, but the audience was laughing along with it! So that's the wonderful mutability of theater.

Strangely enough, this actually made Michael and Jeremy's relationship at the end of the story work out just fine? The SQUIP experience kind of sparked a "wow we really do care about each other, huh" realization from both of them. Again, mad respect for taking such a different approach to such a well-worn character relationship.

So, overall, I am very happy I got to see this. Love to support live theater, love to be surprised by a story that I thought I knew pretty well inside and out, came away with plenty to think and talk about. If you can, go support your local community theater!

#be more chill #soliloquy #michael mell #jeremy heere #christine canigula #jake dillinger #rich goranski #chloe valentine #brooke lohst #jenna rolan #the squip

[stormyoceans]

I'm telling you, this vice versa fever is never going away, and I owe a HUGE chunk of it to you. A few thoughts I had in the past hour:

1. There isn't enough good peuntalay fics on ao3. My boys deserve so much love. I am a sucker for feelings and emotions and i think about them post vv so many times in a week it's just sad. I always welcome recs 🙌🏻

2. Jimmysea went from being almost the same height to SEA being taller than jim and this is something i stay up thinking about. There's just SOMETHING about that height difference that's so DELICIOUS, it makes my imagination run WILD (not in a sexual way, only pure thoughts here)

I will forever come to you about my random peuntalay and morkday thoughts so prepare your inbox 🤭😚

PEOPLE THINK IM KIDDING WHEN I SAY I’LL BE 90 YEARS OLD AND STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS SHOW BUT WATCH ME TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS AT THE RETIREMENT HOME LIKE EXCUSE ME DO Y’ALL KNOW ABOUT QUEEN VICE VERSA THE SERIES THE FIRST OF HER NAME

right now im just so very grateful to have you sharing this endless derangement with me tho 💜 also the fact that im even partly responsible for your vice versa fever makes me way happier than it probably should sfjksgfjsg

unfortunately i don’t have many fic recs ;;;;;; part of it is because these days i have so little free time that i usually give priority to watching shows or reading books, but i also have to admit that i am annoyingly particular when it comes to fanfiction: i need the characterization to be as similar to the one i have in my head as possible, otherwise i just can’t bring myself to fully like the story ;;;;;;;; if you checked ao3, you’ve probably already read the few recs i have, but let me share them anyway to spread some love!!!

a glitch in the universe by @morkofday

After spending almost eight months in their own universe, Puen and Talay are finally getting married. Their wedding day is supposed to be the best day of their lives, the perfect start for their forever together. But as Talay recognizes Tun in Puen's body moments before their wedding ceremony is meant to begin, it becomes obvious that the universe has very different plans for them.

home by NgumNumNom

A 3+1 fic where 3 times Puen felt lonely and didn't know what the comfort of home was vs the 1 time when his home was right beside him. Plus a bonus because we all love fluff.

husbands to be by @distant-screaming

“I just can’t wait to get married to you,” Puen's grin widens. “My husband.” (Puen and Talay plan their wedding. As usual, they don't stay on track for long.)

regretted anticipation by @distant-screaming

Puen knocks on Talay’s door. He hopes the person who opens it this time will be Talay.

they're not that many, but imho these are really good!!!!! i agree with you that we do need more tho!!!!!!

ALSO JIMMYSEA’S HEIGHT THE ULTIMATE LONG LASTING MYSTERY IN THE NOMNOM FANDOM because if we listen to them then jimmy is 180 cm while sea is 178 cm BUT I SWEAR MOST OF THE TIMES SEA DOES LOOK JUST A TINY BIT TALLER SO WHAT'S THE TRUTH!!!!!!!! either way sea really has grown a lot in the past couple of years and it makes me sooooo emotional, he was so teeny tiny back then 🥺

i actually love that they don't have such a big difference in height and build, just enough to have their characters be perfect for cheek kisses and back hugs GOD BLESS

#also i hope you know that seeing your messages either in my inbox or in my DM always makes me incredibly happy #so feel free to stop by whenever you want!!!!!!! #i just might take some time to reply ;;;;;;; #[gives you lil kissies on the forehead] #ismay 🤍 #puentalay #fic rec #maybe one day i will write my big fat love letter to puentalay where they just. grow old together #alas the gods have not given me the gift of writing but that also never stopped me before #m: ask

[onekisstotakewithme]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by the incomparable @remyfire (a few days ago now, sorry!) so thank you so so much for the tag!!

I think pretty much everyone I know/would tag has been tagged already, so if you haven't been yet, or if you just want to do this, please do! (Answers are under the cut because 20 questions take up a lot of space)

How many works do you have on AO3? 209, ish. (two fics still in the anon stage of exchanges!)

What's your total AO3 word count? 1,377,748 words! (so 1.3 million!!) 217k of that for this year 😅 but of course I haven't published everything I wrote this year so that number is a LITTLE low.

What fandoms do you write for? M*A*S*H and The West Wing, primarily.

What are your top five fics by kudos? Ties That Bind (Star Trek); a wild call and a clear call (that may not be denied) (Star Trek); Uncharted Territory (M*A*S*H); ye who are weary, come home (M*A*S*H); Beautiful to Take a Chance (M*A*S*H). so my readers like the spirk and the beejhawk (plus my M*A*S*H ensemble piece!) even if the actual kudos counts are probably pretty humble.

Do you respond to comments? I don't usually, and I should, but I get a little overwhelmed. I DO try and leave a thank you note in the end notes of each chapter though, because I love and cherish each comment.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm admittedly not typically an angst writer, so I had to think hard on this one. I go in usually for bittersweet or even happy endings... i guess probably 'a wild call and a clear call (that may not be denied)', if only because it's a pon farr fic and Jim and Spock are essentially 'mated' now, but uh. They don't end up together at the end of the fic.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Ah. see, this is more my speed. I like to think i write realistically happy endings... the happiest ending? I've written many (not enough 'happy endings' wink wink) but the happiest in context, I'd say, is the end of katabasis. a decision is made to keep going, to keep living. i also have a soft spot for you were meant for me (aka Peg sees Singin' in the Rain and decides to choose polyamory).

Do you get hate on fics? Not so far! But I also don't write particularly controversial subjects on a regular basis... I have had a few comments over the years that misunderstood what I was doing, but I'm reluctant to classify those as hate.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Uh. I write smut. I only publish some of it, because I'm so incredibly self-conscious about it. I want to write more, but I genuinely can't tell if what I'm writing is good/hot or not because I do not have the distance to do it. I'll write smut of all kinds (hell, I have a triad draft with everything from oral to pegging in it. it has not yet seen the light of day) but publishing it is another story. I really want to get better at it, but I have no idea how to get over myself. (it's the religious upbringing/repression/whatever but either way. sucks ass.)

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I don't typically write crossovers! I have a few that have chewed on my brain for a few years but don't exist yet (M*A*S*H x Star Trek:TOS) plus a few I think would just be funny (Hawkeye running as a third party candidate in the 1998 election in West Wing). But I haven't. Anyway, someday I'm going to write that MASH/Trek crossover and then it's over for all of you.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! My fic "Here's Hoping We Meet Now and Then" (aka BJ gets everyone to help him with the goodbye rocks) was translated into German by my dear friend @vanillatumbleweedscoffee. You can find that translation here.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have! And tbh, I love the idea of collaborating more. (HMU). My friend (and beta) and I wrote a Charles/Donna fic back in 2020 or so, called "getting to like you (getting to hope you like me)" and I'm quite fond of it honestly. Plus a few verses that I've contributed to, but I don't know if those count as true collabs... More collabs!!!

What's your all time favorite ship? Ooh. Probably CJ/Danny, punnihawk (BJ/Peg/Hawkeye), beejhawk and Charles/Donna. No, I'm not narrowing it down any further. (Bisexuals? Choosing ONE thing? no.)

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Okay. Sad moment of truth: I want to edit and post "make of our hearts, one heart" so badly. But I got so burnt out in the process of writing it, and editing 125,000 words is a particularly daunting task especially considering I think I basically have to rewrite it from the ground up... plus also not knowing if anyone even still wants to read it isn't helping (but that might be all in my head.) Essentially, I want the 125,000 pound albatross removed from its place around my neck. But do I think I'll finish it? I don't know. It has the triad wedding, literally all the smut that's fit to print (pegging! oral! one of my favourite BJ/Peg scenes!)... idk. Is it defeatist? Yes. I want to. I just don't know if I can.

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue. I think I'm pretty good at getting the vibes of characters. I'm good at coming up with plot concepts, and pretty decent at description. I think I'm good at fleshing out character backstories and giving voices to underutilized characters (Peg, Donna).

What are your writing weaknesses? Smut. all the way down. (If anyone out there has read my smut and has suggestions on how to improve... hmu). I can fully admit that I struggle with finding what I write hot, I struggle with sexy descriptions and honestly I just feel very self-conscious about the whole process. But I want to get better at it. I just don't quite know how. Is this too honest?

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? The occasional phrases, sure, but the only language I know besides English is French and that's more of an "I can read it" than "I can write it" situation. So overall? no.

First fandom you wrote for? Lost. (lmao). Followed by Downton Abbey. All of them still linger in their terrible glory on my ffnet account.

(Part 20 continued in reblog)

#uncharted territory being my most kudos'd mash fic is so funny to me like my tag for the bus has incredible staying power ig #m*a*s*h #the west wing #fan fiction #writing #thanks remy <3

[zmediaoutlet]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged to do the do by @prince-of-elsinore, ty ty for thinking of me

How many works do you have on ao3?

211 (and elsewhere, maybe a dozen we don't talk about, bc they suck, on livejournal; maybe a couple dozen short pieces here on tumblr that have never migrated to ao3)

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,515,103

What fandoms do you write for?

Almost all Supernatural, but also some video game fandoms (FF, DA, maybe BG3 soon), MCU, etc. usual suspects.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. oh so good, oh so fine -- 993 kudos 2. there will be better days -- 846 kudos 3. see things so much clearer -- 621 kudos 4. into the flood again -- 602 kudos 5. side two, track one -- 558 kudos maybe someday we'll break 1000, lol

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely I do, and would find it rude not to. I know other people have all kinds of reasons they don't respond but I don't have any of those reasons, especially since I'm pathetically grateful every time someone bothers to say they liked something, lol. If anyone's even a tiny bit encouraged to become a repeat reader by the writer responding, I want to encourage that as much as possible. Plus, every once in a while, you can get a dece conversation going in the comments! Find a like-minded fan! That's worth any effort to compose a few sentences of thanks. The only comments I don't respond to are emoji strings or cut-and-paste 'another kudos here' comments, because they're not actually comments. (I appreciate the thought, but... I don't want them.)

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have had some beta friends who would argue about this one, lol. I guess the saddest is probably the hollow summer, since the whole plot is kind of hurt/no comfort. I don't believe in a successful boy king, let's say that.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again, probably depends on how you define 'happy'. glory days is probably the most cheerful; for me, the happy comes better with more experience behind it, so the thirty-third yard would maybe be my personal choice.

Do you get hate on fics?

nope; worst I ever got was some twerp who actually responded to someone else's comment, bitching that I didn't put the right peepee in the right poopyhole. But only one of those, ever, and safely ignored. idk, I don't attract that much.

Do you write smut?

...yes.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

only one, and it only sort of counts -- i heard love was blind, which is Cordell Walker/Dean Winchester, but of course the point is that Dean's getting the body of his brother by other means. I like crossovers but I usually want there to be a point beyond 'let's mash these two faves together and see what happens'; I'm more inclined toward doing a whole-universe fusion, e.g. fully placing characters with what you can salvage of their key backstory elements into a universe not their own... which I guess would also count as a crossover, wouldn't it. so I also did that with putting the Winchesters into the Dragon Age 2 plot, in whatever we were before. definitely 'crazier' than the first one here, lol.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think that's the kind of thing that happens on WattPad. Who cares.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, a few.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I tried; it didn't work. Both people need to be contributing to the writing for it to really count as 'co-written'; nevertheless it's stuck with both author names on ao3 because I don't think there's a way to change that.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I think from context this should be clear. Although will also forever hold many small candles for the little guys.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

the aforementioned "co-written" fic, which was meant to be a huge series. The first fic is finished because I brute-forced my way through it, but there was a full five-season arc we were going to try to get through. Alas. The first one is decent, though, and works as a complete fic on its own: In a Cursed Hour.

What are your writing strengths?

voice, pacing, naturalism; characterization, though that can be argued in a fan-space

What are your writing weaknesses?

plot -- I find it intensely boring. Avoidance of plot then tends to flatten stories into similar non-arcs; I don't mind that, but it's a skill to exercise.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'll only do Spanish, and that's only because I studied it for eight years. Even then it's usually the wrong choice, unless it's a fully blended multilingual story (which most are not, and in the wrong hands it comes off as absurd); better to convey through the POV character either understanding it or not, and dealing with it in narrative instead of straight dialogue. Although a word or two here or there is nbd, clearly.

First fandom you wrote for?

Final Fantasy VIII

Favorite fic you've written?

well, questions, you got me, because I don't believe in favorites. at this moment in terms of writing skill I think the best might be asceticism, but in terms of one that sits in my head and fully just is canon, lol, it might be there will be better days, mentioned above. the only heaven fic I need. I guess that says something.

kind of interesting to look at the stats, if also stressful. let's get some other writers to be interested/stressed -- uhh @redmyeyes, @phynali, @hellhoundsprey, @stillwaterseas, @whiskeycherrypie

some shots in the dark :)

#i kinda like this small text thing #i mean i need to get out my old lady readers but #keeps it tidy #writing meme

[mdhwrites]

I think the main reason why people see Amity and Hunter as more Sasha esque than Boscha may also lie in the screentime distribution. Boscha's not that prominent and only had like two episodes where she was relevant after season 1 and wasn't exactly that important in the overarching arcs the same way Amity and Hunter are on TOH or Sasha on Amphibia. Plus Boscha barely even had time for a redemption aside from some slight hidden depths in For the Future, but there still isn't much on Boscha's redemption due to how close it is to the end so it does make it harder to compare her to Sasha.

Oh, I 100% get this. Me going 'Boscha is TOH's Sasha' is not me trying to say people are idiots. I might have problems with how fandoms analyze things (and trust me this isn't just a TOH thing. I lived on the living room couch of a Trekie and Star Wars fan for two years while the sequel trilogy and Discovery come out. Online criticism fucking sucks.) but this isn't one of those cases. I have a unique perspective as a fan of Boscha so I'm far more likely to even think of her at all versus any other fan of the series, let alone in a positive light like in comparing her to Sasha. Then again, it's mostly a comparison through the fact that they do share vices as much as they could share virtues. I am weird like that though because my writing caused me to need to analyze the scraps we had.

I... pause on saying the lack of redemption makes her hard to compare. It makes it so less people will care because if you don't have a capital a Arc fandoms just kind of ignore you (and make sure it's capitalized or be ignored like S1 Anne) but I don't think it makes comparison harder. Not when Sasha's arc is not her personality or character. It affects her character but who she is stays consistent. Even post redemption, she's coming up with strategies and asserting force because Sasha is a forceful person. She is a leader and she cuts through bullshit, hence why Commander Anne has her obviously fighting against herself by trying to act like those aren't still a part of her character. It's actually part of what's great about the therapy angle for her because she is absolutely your therapist, NOT your friend and she will be the first to make that clear.

It's not like Boscha and Sasha have no similarities post Sasha's redemption after all. Sasha still gets pissed when people bring up things she's sensitive about and will absolutely throw down if you challenge her on her beliefs. She actually GAINS a similarity in being willing to listen to Anne versus just about anyone else, just like Boscha listens to Amity while nobody else. That's because it's STILL Sasha. Her redemption wasn't about her erasing who she was.

Her redemption, which is part of what is both good about her redemption and redemptions in general, is from a shift in perspective, not in character. She didn't suddenly become a good person. She always had the capacity for good. Her encouragement of Percy can even show that. She could uplift people even back then into being their best selves but it was purely for selfish reasons. Others didn't factor in beyond how they could serve her. Post True Colors though, that changed. She decided others mattered and so she started helping them as best she could. Zuko's shifting definition of honor is like this as well.

I'm kind of sad that in The Power of Love, my story where I wrote Boscha first, I never really finished her arc. Her shift in perspective was in not needing everyone to approve of her in some way anymore. To not have to fight everyone who insulted her or assert dominance over her surroundings. She found peace in just being herself. You actually had to give her a reason to kick your ass instead of doing it just because people fearing her still meant they respected her... But she'd still kick your ass if you did something that pissed her off. She still would call people names because she's kind of a bitch like that but there's less malice there, stuff that did genuinely start happening the story already as her arc progressed in stages. It also means though that her confidence is far more honest. She doesn't need your approval. She's awesome so you can go fuck yourself and if someone else is seen as awesome too? Good for them but it doesn't matter to her anymore so she doesn't need to do anything about them.

And I bring that up in part to show that you can go a lot of different ways with a redemption besides just making them a generically good person. That is not what redemption or growth should be unless that is genuinely who the person always was and then... Why are we redeeming someone who is apparently kind of boring? Their personality, their details, etc. like that should matter both to their villainy, their arc and who they are afterwards.

And well... I have kind of complained a LOT about TOH's arcs for being about character replacement rather than growth and so long as that stays true, just about no one in that show could ever even compare to Sasha. Not when post redemption, they barely have enough personality, let alone consistency, to reflect the complex teen. You have to look at the abandoned characters like Boscha instead for one that can accidentally even try to step to Amphibia's game.

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I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #Boscha #sasha waybright #Amphibia