#phoebe is sleeping on my lap as i type this

[clairehadenough]

The new pictures seem to have hit a nerve. I'm sitting here reading really nasty essays, paragraphs of unhinged and very entitled rage. It's all weirdly personal with these types, as if he spat in their faces. As if they had a claim on him. And the conspiracies! Whoa... talk about reaching. How very Q like. Let's not even mention the disgusting hatred towards Alba, because it's downright shameful.

So I'm sitting here, drinking my coffee, reading all this crap, and I'm like, "All he did was get married."

He got married. He's was dating a woman, and now he's married to her. That's it. As that anon said, he's not the single dog dad anymore, and they're all pissed off. No more meet cute fantasies, no more dreams about Norman Rockwell holidays in MASS with the Evans clan, no more snuggling on the couch watching disney movies while his dog sleeps on their lap. That's all over for them. And they are mad about it.

I'm very curious to see how long this can really go on and how much worse they're going to get. How far can the delusion go?

You nailed it anon. But I think fanfiction exists for a reason? For them to “live the dream” a way or another because they can’t have it in real life? You’re exactly right, they are mad at him because IN THEIR HEADS, he made them lots of promises but he failed at fulfilling them in real life. They remind me of that episode of Friends where Phoebe is so mad at Ross because of something he said in her dream lol. Like, why?

#So sad

[sortofanobsession]

Roy/Jaime with Keeley friendship: Established Roy/Jaime. Jaime goes to Manchester to see his mum and is going to take the train back. A horrific train accident happens and Jaime's name was on the passenger list. Everyone thinks Jaime is dead, Roy is beside himself. Jaime is in fact alive and on different train, totally oblivious. He comes home late and decides not to wake a sleeping Roy, just climbs in with him. Imagine Roy's shock when he wakes up to his very much not dead boyfriend in his arms

A/N: I liiiiiive for this type of request. This is similar to a buddie one I did a long time ago but different enough that I had soooo much fun writing it. I'm still new to writing this group but I'm doing my best. Please remember that I am a lowly Midwestern American gal that has never left the States (though my sister did just get back from Scotland). So if their are typos or errors I apologize. Not beta read.

Enjoy

Ao3

Ted Lasso Masterlist

Paring: Roy Kent/Jamie Tartt, Roy & Keeley (platonic), Jamie & Keeley (Platonic), the afc Richmond himbos being themselves.

Word Count: 5k+

Content warning: train wreck, mentions of death, grief and loss, angst (happy ending), mentions of abuse, mentions of paranoia, mentions of head trauma, mentions of alcohol abuse, self-deprecation, self-destruction tendencies. Swearing, lots of swearing (can't believe I forgot that warning in a Roy Kent fic...)

Dead Phones and Train Wrecks

Jamie Tartt had always wanted his mother to be proud of him. Roy Kent had told him he'd never know if she was unless he got over the bullshit his dad did and went to see her. And as usual for Jamie, Roy was mostly right. So Jamie had gone to Manchester the week before training started for the new season. It would have been better if Roy had come with him, but someone had to look after Phoebe, and he needed to prepare for the new season. Roy had said that they would go earlier in the off-season next time. And that was enough to get Jamie to not put it off any longer. And he had a good week, despite having a few awkward run-ins with former Man City teammates and the occasional disgruntled fan. He didn’t care much about those. He was just glad they managed to avoid his dad. That was usually easy by avoiding the pubs and not eating at the same place regularly. It was annoying to have to keep such a paranoid schedule, but Jamie just told his mum it was because of the paparazzi. She didn't need to know that was only part of it. They just enjoyed trying new places, and thankfully, no one gave them too much trouble.

Jamie had decided at the last minute to take his mother to a restaurant in Liverpool she loved but rarely went to. His dad had never wanted to go that far when they were still a family, and Jamie hadn't had time once he got picked up for training. It was an underrated and easily overlooked cafe she would visit with her family when she was young. So Jamie had decided to have one last meal with his mum before he headed back to Richmond. Another new memory his dad couldn't taint or take from them. One for just Jamie and his mum as they try to fix their relationship. 

The one thing Jamie didn’t account for was losing his charger and his phone dying. He didn’t think too much of it because Roy already knew he was going to be taking the train back and he didn't need to pick him up. And it would be late by the time he got in. Roy had to be at training the next day. Jamie did too, but if Jamie was tired, he could manage. He'd played in far worse conditions, thanks to his old man. Roy was grumpy on a good day. A bad day? Well, Jamie wouldn't be the reason the team ran laps til they puked, this time at least. Making sure Roy got sleep was a big part of that. So he told Roy over and over that he'd be fine. Jamie could survive having a dead phone for a few hours if he had to. He would be bored out of his mind, but he would suffer through it if it meant he could see Roy at the end of the day. He could catch a train after dinner and be home in a few hours. Roy wouldn’t get too mad, he hoped. He said goodbye to his mum outside the Lime Street station, got a new ticket, and managed to make the 7:30 train to London. He’d probably have to catch a cab or train home from there since his phone would be useless, and uber was not an option.

Roy couldn't breathe. He just alternates between staring at the news story on the TV and his phone. The train Jamie was taking home from Manchester was now a derailed heap of twisted metal and flames. He'd talked to Jamie just a few hours ago. But now he wasn't answering. No texts. No calls. 

Roy had thought the day he'd retired from football had been the worst day of his life. But he'd give up his career, really anything and everything, to just go back a few hours and hear anything but that fucking voicemail message when he called Jamie's number. He looks at the headline again. The story updates, and the casualties number just keeps going up. Fuck. This cannot be how it ends. This can't be how Jamie Tartt’s story ends.

His phone rings in his hand, and his eyes snap to the screen with hope. Hope that is shattered when it's not Jamie calling. It was Ted. He doesn't have it in him to answer. He doesn't think even Ted Lasso's trademark optimism can help here. He can't let that damn yankee give him hope. Because Jamie had a recognizable fucking face. If he had been among the group they had rescued, that would have been news. Every news site was all over this story. Especially after someone at the train station had leaked that Jamie Tartt had been on the passenger list. Roy's phone kept going off with alerts and messages. But they were not from the one person he needed them to be. He looks up at the TV. The news just kept repeating the same thing. Casualties are high. First responders are searching, but it's a grim and solemn site. Thoughts and prayers. They just keep saying that their hearts go out to the families and friends. And that makes Roy want to scream. He wants to hit something until his knuckles bleed or his bones break. To feel something other than the pain in his chest and the ice-cold grip of fear on his heart. 

His doorbell being rung, followed by knocking, finally drew his attention away from his TV and phone. 

“Fuck off!” He growled when he threw the door open.

“I would if you’d have answered your phone,” Keeley says. She isn’t mad that he spoke to her like that. Roy was usually abrasive, but she knew right now he was the human equivalent of a live wire in water. ”Be glad it’s me and not everyone else.”

“Right now is-” Roy starts, but she stops him.

“I know,” she says, her tone sad. 

Roy doesn’t have the energy to fight her, so he lets her in and returns to his living room. She follows him.

“Oh babe,” she says as she takes in the state of the room. The lamp that sat on the table was in pieces across the room. A few other things were not where they used to be and were probably among the other shards of ceramic and glass around the room. The one thing that was moved but wasn’t broken was a framed photo that usually was on a shelf. It was laying on the sofa next to Roy’s phone. It was a photo Phoebe had framed for Jamie’s birthday. It was of Roy and Jamie at one of Phoebe’s matches they’d been able to make. Phoebe got red carded and both men for sticking up for a teammate that had been fouled. Roy had been proud. Jamie had told her he’d do the same. Her teacher had texted Roy the picture with a reminder they were not supposed to encourage getting tossed from the game. Roy hadn’t cared. Sticking up for her team was more important than how many minutes she’d missed. Jamie had kept the photo for his lock screen for a while before it was gifted to him. Keeley set the photo on the table. It would crush Roy if anything happened to it now.  Roy was never great at handling his emotions, especially the more painful ones. She glances at the news coverage. She grabs the remote and lowers the volume but leaves it on. She knew he would lose his shit if she turned it off. She didn’t want to make this harder than it already was, but she couldn’t just let him brood and spiral until he a broken shell of the man he was. Jamie had always brought so much out of Roy. For better or worse, Jamie had always made Roy feel, even when he didn't want to.

“When did you last hear from him?” She asks. He grunts as he picks up his phone.

She bites back a sigh. “He texted me last night, but I haven't heard from him today, have you?” she tried again.

Roy rubs his eyes but knows she will get it out of him eventually. 

“He was at lunch. Fucking prick…” Keeley didn’t miss the way his voice broke as he said it. His fists clenched and opened repeatedly as he continued. “Lost his charger and didn’t know if his battery would last, but he’d try and stay off of it. Told him to get a new one. He said he’d be with his mum, so it wasn’t like he’d actually need to be on it. I told him that was stupid. That he was being stupid. Keeley, one of the last things I said to him-I didn’t mean to-he…”

“I know,” she puts a hand on his arm. “I’m sure he knew that you didn’t mean it.”

“Doesn’t matter if he did or didn’t. He’s dead.” 

“We don’t know for sure that he-”

“LOOK AT IT!” Roy shouts as he points at the TV. “IT’S A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!”

“I know, but we don’t know anything yet, Roy. He could be fine, he-”

“If he was unharmed, he’d help. That’s just the shit he does now. Wants to help. And that would be on the news. He’s Jamie Fucking Tartt.” Roy sat down like it was taking all his energy to just exist. “If he’s injured, someone would have called, some hospital. And that would be news. The only other option is that he’s still in there. In that…fuck.” He pushes his palms against his eyes. His head hurt, and his eyes ached. Part of him just wanted to lie down or pass out. Maybe when he woke up, it would all just have been a fucking nightmare. Jamie would text him and say he was fine, and Roy would drive to wherever Jamie was and never let him go anywhere without him. But the more realistic and cynical part of Roy Kent knew this was real. There was no waking up from this hell. 

“Okay,” Keeley says. She knew he had a point, but she just couldn’t let herself think that yet. If she did, she would lose it. Jamie was her friend. Roy was her friend. She needed to focus on keeping Roy at some sort of functioning baseline. Roy’s phone lit up. Ted was calling again. Roy just groaned and shoved it away. Keeley picked up.

“Hey, Ted,” She says as she goes into the kitchen. She’d make some tea. That will at least be something she can do to help.

“Keeley? You with Roy?” Ted asks.

“Yeah,” she answers. 

“How is he doin'?” Ted asks. “Need one of us to come over? Because we can-”

“It’s not good,” she admits. “He just keeps checking the news. He’s already assuming the worst.”

“Maybe I should-”

“You just deal with the team, training starts tomorrow, and since they all are back, I'm sure they know. Colin and Isaac have already been texting me. You handle that. I’ll deal with Roy Kent.”

“Oh, okay,” Ted seems a bit hurt. 

“I know you want to help, but I don’t think he wants anyone to see him like this. Not even me, but Jamie…I’m sure the team is struggling too. You focus on them. Leave this to me for now.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll see if any of Rebecca’s connections or Trent’s buddies know anything they aren’t sharing yet.”

“That would be great. I'll let him know someone is at least trying to do something."

"We're all trying. Let him know he's not alone."

"I will. Thanks, Ted.”

“Call me or Beard if you guys need anything or if you hear anything. If he…they’ll find him.”

She finishes making the tea as she ends the call. She pulls her own phone out and tells the team she is with Roy and that she’ll keep them in the loop. Text her, not him. 

She hands Roy a mug that he takes almost on reflexes alone it seems.

“Ted says to call if you need anything,” she tells him. She sets his phone down on the seat beside him. “And I told the team I was here and to text me. Should give your phone a bit of rest.”

Roy grunts, eyes barely leaving the TV. 

“Ted’s going to see if Rebecca and Trent can get any information that they might not be releasing publicly.” That had Roy’s attention snapping to her. 

“Do you think they’d be able to find out if…”

“No guarantees, but I’m sure they’ll try if they haven’t reached out already. Have you talked to Jamie’s mum?”

“I can’t…not yet. I-”

“You don’t have the answers she’ll want. I get it, babe.” She sets to clean up the broken lamp and other debris. 

“You don’t have to-” Roy starts, but she stops him.

“You drink your tea, I’ll do this, and then we get some food.”

“Not hungry,” Roy grunts.

“Still need to eat,” she says as she tosses some bigger pieces in a bin bag. Roy doesn’t say anything. It’s only after she finishes cleaning up that he thanks her. She waves it off. 

An hour or later, Keeley almost called Beard for backup. The passenger list had been leaked before Keeley had even come over. So Keeley hadn't been surprised to find James Tartt Sr. making the whole damn thing about him. How his son had lost his way, and it's a tragedy that he'd never make a comeback. The audacity of that man to talk like that. It made it seem like Jamie was confirmed dead, but Keeley knew better than trust anything that came out of that man's mouth. He was an abusive and manipulative bastard. Roy had been enraged, and it had taken nearly 20 minutes to calm him enough to make a few phone calls. Rebecca was already looking into what could be done about Tartt Sr. Trent hadn't any new information, but he would make sure the reputable press knew the man was a pathetic old sod that knew nothing about Jamie. 

“Jamie might be fit as fuck, but even he can’t survive that,” Roy says nodding at the screen when she came back into the living room. She looks over to see what is surely helicopter or drone footage of the charred carriages of the wreck. She sits beside him and nods. 

“All we can do is wait,” she admits and settles in to wait with him.

Roy kicks Keeley out when it gets late, and it’s clear there isn’t anything new being reported. She only goes because he says he is going to turn in for the night. He gives in and crawls into bed. He pulls Jamie’s pillow closer, and the normally comforting scent of Jamie has fresh tears and sorrow rising in his chest, making it hard to breathe. Roy falls asleep from exhaustion on Jamie’s side of the bed. 

Jamie was completely knackered by the time he reached London. People were saying the entire rail system seemed to be a fucking mess because of one train derailing. Jamie cursed himself for not having a working phone to look into it himself. Roy was right. It was stupid to have let it die. Jamie’d actually resorted to reading a book his mum gave him out of boredom on the train. The train got in over an hour later than normal, so he caught the first cab and would just pay the stupid fare. He just wanted to go home. See Roy and sleep in his own bed. He isn’t surprised the lights are all off by the time he lets himself into their flat. With practiced ease, he navigates the familiar layout. Leaves his shoes by the door after locking up. Silently making his way through the quiet hall to his room. He grins as he carefully sets his stuff inside the room. The lights from the street gave the room enough light to see Roy fast asleep on Jamie’s side of the bed. It makes Jamie’s chest feel warm and fuzzy. They were used to spending all day, every day together. They live together. They work together. Jamie is still shocked Roy hadn’t gotten annoyed with having him around 24/7. That Roy hadn’t gotten tired of Jamie’s shit and sent him packing. And here the man was, sleeping on Jamie's side of the bed, using his pillow like he really, truly, missed Jamie. He doesn’t have the heart to wake Roy now. And he’s honestly too fucking tired to chat. Jamie just quickly changes and carefully crawls into bed. Feels weird to be on Roy’s side, but he’s just happy to be home and in his own bed with Roy.

Roy was sure he had lost his mind when he woke up to the warmth and weight of an arm across his torso and legs tangled with his. His heart was pounding. What the fuck had he done? Had he gotten into the liquor before he went to bed and called someone? Had he gone out because being in their shared flat was excruciating, knowing Jamie would never walk through the door again? Was he that fucked in the head that he would do something this fucking heartless before even getting any confirmation, any closure? Roy was a fucking prick, and he couldn't even remember doing it. He just remembers going to bed and missing Jamie. But someone was here now and in their bed. It pains him to think of anyone else in his and Jamie’s bed. He just wants Jamie. He takes a shaky breath. He was almost afraid to open his eyes. The weight seemed so familiar. When he inhaled, he nearly choked. That scent was so very much the scent of home. Like Jamie fucking Tartt. And it broke his heart because there was no way this was Jamie. But part of him wanted to enjoy the insanity of the moment. Embrace the delusion his brain created at the idea of Jamie being alive and wrapped up in bed with Roy like he never left. Like he never went to Manchester. A sob caught in Roy's throat as he buried his face in his bedmate's neck. But the part that loved Jamie enough to still see this as a betrayal won out, and Roy couldn't stand it. He opened his eyes and was about to pull away and cuss out whoever it was when his world ground to a halt for the second time in less than a day. He'd recognize that fucking gorgeous face anywhere. That little scar on his brow and those perfect fucking lips. It didn't just look and feel like the familiar presence of Jamie Tartt. It was him. Either Roy had cracked up, and he was having the most vivid hallucination ever, or by some miracle, Jamie was right fucking here. Roy couldn't hold back the sheer amazement any more than he could hold back from touching Jamie. He needed to know this was real. That this wasn't a dream. He hadn't done something stupid and gotten himself brain-damaged. Fuck. Please let this be real. He carded his fingers through Jamie's hair. Brushed his fingers over Jamie's cheekbone and jaw. He gripped Jamie's face and placed a hesitant kiss on his lips. It all felt so impossible, but here he was. He could feel Jamie's muscles move as he stirred. Roy can't keep in the happy sob that rips its way from his chest as Jamie's eyes blink open. Fuck, those eyes were often his undoing, but this time Roy would happily get lost in them for eternity if it meant he got to keep Jamie with him.

Jamie wakes up with a hum as he feels fingers in his hair and featherweight touches to his face. Then a barely there kiss Jamie could have easily just dreamt of. It was gone so fast. He smiles as he blinks his eyes open and sees Roy looking at him like he'd never looked at him before. Like Jamie was some sort of fragile masterpiece or rare treasure. But something in that look had alarms going off in Jamie's head, and at first, he isn't sure why. He gets a good look at his boyfriend and can't even process the number of emotions Roy seems to be struggling with. But he knows one thing for sure. He had missed that man more than he thought he could for being gone for just a week. 

Something in Roy shutters when Jamie's eyes open. Jamie smiles at him, and Roy thinks his heart might explode. It's a sleepy smile that always does things to Roy. Fuck, he didn't think he'd ever see those eyes in person again. Never see that smile. And the combination now makes his stomach flip, and his heart soar. Between the warmth of Jamie's skin under Roy's hand and the fact that he could feel Jamie's breath on his wrist. It makes the air catch in Roy's lungs, and his hands shake. Jamie was there. He could feel tears falling for once, and he didn’t care if anyone saw. Jamie was home. He was alive. Roy hadn't lost him.

Jamie was starting to get worried. Roy hadn't said a single word yet. And Roy fucking Kent never cried, but there were tears now. He'd cried when he announced his retirement from football, but Jamie had never seen it happen again. Jamie cried on occasion, but not Roy Fucking Kent. What the fuck was going on? “What’s wro-” Jamie starts to ask but is cut off when Roy kisses him. It’s a desperate and needy kiss this time. It wasn't anything like the ghost of a kiss he'd gotten before he opened his eyes. It was dizzying. Part of Jamie doesn’t want to end, but most of his brain is still confused as fuck. Roy was literally shaking. He pulls away to look at him again.

“How the fuck-” Roy starts but stops when Jamie reaches up and brushes tears off Roy’s face. Roy resists the urge to close his eyes and melt into Jamie's touch.

“Rough night?” Jamie asks.

“You’re alive,” Roy says it like it is genuinely magic. His eyes shone with what would call joy, maybe shock. Though Jamie couldn’t figure out why he was so shocked.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Jamie grins. “I know I took a bit longer getting home, and you were out cold when I got in. I was knackered. Why would you think I wasn’t? I know my phone was dead, but not me.” 

Roy grunts and sits up. He pulls the covers back to get a good look at his boyfriend. even moving his shirt out of the way to check for bruises or worse. Jamie just goes with it. He knows when Roy gets like this; there is no point in arguing. Roy could be a hell of a mother hen when he thinks someone he cares about is hurt or sick. Apparently, now was one of those times. 

"Roy, why-" he starts to ask.

“Because your fucking train crashed!” Roy’s heart hammers in his chest as his hands move to check Jamie over again. Jamie is as solid as ever. Nothing seemed broken or even bruised as far as he could tell. He had to remind himself that Jamie was here and didn’t seem to have a scratch on him. 

“We hit a few delays, but…” Jamie says. Roy can see the moment the gears seem to click, and Jamie realizes what happened. “Oh shit, the train from Piccadilly was the one that-okay now, that makes alotta-”

“Jamie,” Roy’s voice held more emotion than Jamie was used to as he grips the back of Jamie's neck, pulling him in until their foreheads touched. Whether it is to get Jamie to focus or to ground himself after thinking he'd lost Jamie, well, Jamie wasn't sure even Roy could answer that right now. But he didn't hate it. “What the fuck happened?” Roy finished saying.

“I went to dinner with my mum in Liverpool. Caught the train from Lime Street. Fuck, Roy, I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

Roy cut him off by hauling him into a bone-crushing hug. “Everyone thought you were dead,” Roy manages to say, "your fucking old man, he said you were…fuck, Jamie, I thought I lost you." But it’s mumbled by the fact he’d buried his face in Jamie’s neck. Jamie’s grip tightens at the mention of his father. Bunching the fabric of the shirt Roy hadn’t even taken off when he went to sleep. Jamie hadn’t noticed the night before but it had been one of his, not one of Roys. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Jamie apologizes, “My stupid phone-”

“Fuck,” Roy growls. “Never. Again.”

“What?” Jamie is confused by the swift change from having his arms full of a desperate boyfriend to an angry one. 

“You’re never going anywhere without me again,” Roy grits out.

Jamie lets out a shocked laugh. “Well, that’s not very realistic. You can’t be with me every second of-” Roy kisses him again and again. And Jamie lets him. 

“Fucking watch me,” Roy says when he finally pulls back but keeps Jamie tight against him like if he lets him go, he will disappear. 

“I usually do. We have a mirror. You’re fucking fit, like have ya-” Jamie is cut off as Roy’s phone starts to ring. Roy growls at it. Jamie huffs a laugh and looks at it over Roy’s shoulder. “It’s Keeley.”

“She can fucking wait,” Roy says, pulling the younger man back down to him. Jamie hums as Roy removes Jamie’s shirt. And Jamie almost forgets about the phone call, almost. Because it rings again. Roy grumbles something about throwing the damn thing out the window. Jamie chuckles as it goes to voicemail. 

“Ya know, if everyone thought me dead, then we should probably-” Jamie is cut off again when Roy moves and pins him against the mattress. 

“She. Can. Wait.” 

“Sure, yeah, she can wait,” Jamie grins as Roy’s mouth moves to his neck. The rest of the morning is spent with Roy proving to Jamie that he needs him more than Jamie ever thought possible. And Jamie couldn't help but fall even harder for the man he'd spent years looking up to.

The AFC Richmond locker room has an uneasy silence as Keeley walks in. Morning training had been a dismal affair. It was like there was a black hole in the lineup where Jamie Tartt should be. Roy had told Keeley to meet him there. She looks around the room. Everyone looks devastated. They all knew that Jamie’s train had derailed. They knew the crews were still working on recovering the dead. It broke Keeley’s heart all over again seeing Dani Rojas wipes away tears and trying to avoid looking at Jamie's name on his cubby. Rebecca and Higgins were talking to Ted, Beard, and Trent.

“Is this about losing Jamie?” Sam asks when he sees Keeley. It seems almost painful for him to ask. It’s like he avoided saying his best friend was dead.  

“Yeah, did they find him?” Colin asks. Clearly, avoiding the words as well. 

“Where’s Kent?” Rebecca asks as they all leave the office and join the locker room.

“Roy said he was on the way,” Keeley says, glancing at her phone to ensure she hadn’t missed an update. “And yeah, said he wasn’t going to repeat himself, so everyone better fucking be here.”

“Everyone’s here but him…and well…Tartt,” Isaac says. “Obviously.”

“Maybe we shoulda donnit in text,” Jamie says as Roy kills the engine. He looks over at the player’s entrance at the dog track. Nervous that everyone would be pissed they didn’t tell them sooner. Or that he was playing a trick on them or something.

“They wouldn’t have believed it, and it’s always better to do this type of thing in person. Although I wouldn’t mind keeping you to myself a bit longer,” Roy admits. 

Jamie grins. “Later,” he assures. “Because I feel bad they still think me dead. And I just keep seein this mental image of Dani looking like a kicked puppy, and I can’t live with that.” 

“Fine,” Roy grunts. “Let's go.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Is the first thing they hear when they walk into the locker room. Jamie flinches. 

“Fuck off, Isaac," Roy glares. His hand goes to the back of Jamie’s neck to anchor him. It is silent for a moment before everyone seems to start asking questions at once. Some of them are not even in English. Jamie's eyes go wide for a second, but he shakes it off. These were his friends, and they clearly had been feeling his loss.

“Jamie?” Keeley asks, and despite the chaos of the room, including Roy shouting at everyone to give them a fucking minute and they’d get their answers, Jamie hears her. He goes over to her. 

“I’m sorry, Keeley,” Jamie says. “I didn’t know. My phone was dead, an’ I-Oof-” She half lunges at him and hugs him before he can finish his apology.

“You scared me,” she says when she looks up at him. 

“Didn’t mean ta,” Jamie insists. 

A loud whistle has everyone wincing and covering their ears. Jamie covers one of Keeley’s ears and presses her against his shoulder to cover the other. She can’t help but smile to herself. Can't keep the tears of joy away, either. He always surprises her these days. And not just by not being dead. He was so kind. He was easily one of her best friends. The whistle is followed by silence. 

“Fucking hell,” Roy glares at Rebecca. She had taken Ted's whistle and blown it.

She shrugs. “Worked, didn’t it?

“You alright, Jamie?” Ted asks him when Keeley nudges Jamie and Roy further into the room. She sits on the bench in Jamie’s spot.

“Yeah, Coach,” he nods.

“Now I know you all have questions,” Roy says. “And they can fucking wait. Just listen.” He looks over at Jamie. Jamie’s nervous, and his hands are in his pockets

Roy just nudges him on. 

“So you all know I went to visit me mum, haven’t seen her in years. Roy had me plan the whole week, but well, since when have I ever followed directions for that long?” Jamie grinned, earning a few chuckles.

“Yeah, I was set to be on that train from Manchester. Was supposed to spend the whole time in Manchester, but the less time I spent anywhere near those Man City pricks, the better. Seen too many of em over the week. So I had taken me mum to a cafe in Liverpool she likes. I took a later train from there. My phone was dead-”

“Of course, it was,” Sam shakes his head. “How did you survive before coach?” 

"Feigned indifference and being overly cocksure, that’s how," Keeley answers. "But he's better now."

Jamie grins at her before continuing. “Right, so the mess out of Manchester delayed the whole fucking system, but no one was sure what train was the one that caused it, so by the time I got in, it was late, and I just went to bed. Didn't bother checkin’ or wakin' anyone."

“Must have been one hell of a shock for you, Roy,” Ted comments. Roy just grunts. 

Jamie nods. “Pretty sure he didn’t think I was real, but that didn’t last long.” Jamie laughed. “Think he felt more in less than a minute than he knew he could.”

“Fuck off,” Roy says, but any impact the words might have had were undercut by the fact his hand was on the small of Jamie’s back like he was afraid to not have a physical connection to the man he thought he had lost. 

“You knew all morning and are only telling us now?” Jan asks.

“If I had my way, you’d still all be in the fucking dark," Roy admits. Still not happy to have to share Jamie's attention so soon. "Don’t owe you shit when I'm at home."

That got a number of negative reactions from the players.

“He doesn’t mean that,” Ted says in an attempt to calm them. Roy grunts. Ted continues, “I know we all feel lucky to have you back, Jamie. Fellas you can ask him all the questions you want after training. Yesterday was a dark day, but today is brighter. Suns out, let’s get out there and get the ball rollin’.”

The players complain, but they go. Most patting Jamie on the back or hugging him in Dani’s case. Jamie laughed and hugged him back. 

“Take your time, but not too much time,” Ted told Jamie as he followed the team out. 

“You good?” Roy asks Jamie. 

"Yeah, coach," Jamie nods and grins. 

“Sure you want to train today?” Roy questions.

“You going to be fine if I do? It's a big pitch, and you haven't let me outta your grip since you woke up.” Jamie counters. Roy was still coming to terms with the emotional whiplash of the past day, and Jamie knows it. They had called Jamie's mum and Roy's sister when things had settled. Phoebe had been devastated when she thought Jamie was gone. Jamie had spent a good ten minutes convincing her that he was fine and they'd come to see her in a couple of days. Roy had barely let Jamie out of his sight the whole time. Roy just rolls his eyes and leaves him to change. Although Roy kept glancing over at him as he did. Roy goes over to where Keeley is talking to Rebecca and Higgins about a press release letting the fans know Jamie is fine and a statement about the accident. Maybe even getting some pictures proving Jamie was back training with the team. Rebecca had approved the idea, and Keeley had already texted a photographer friend to come round. 

“None of that thought and prayers bullshit,” Roy tells them. “Empty fucking words.”

“He has a point. Maybe do a donation to the families or the workers. Thoughts and prayers seemed meaningless when he’d nearly thrown his remote at the tv when they started reading tweets about it on the news. Would have needed a new one if I wasn’t there,” Keeley says. 

Jamie chuckles as he laces his boots and checks his shin guards. “Didn’t save the lamp,” Jamie grins.

“You didn't give a shit about that lamp. Could have been your stupid rabbit sculpture. That thing is-” Roy starts to say but stops when Jamie stands up and walks over. 

“Fuck off,” Jamie grins. “Going to train, or you joinin’ the PR team?”

“Fucking Prick,” Roy grunts but goes with Jamie to the door. 

“You fuckin’ luv me,” Jamie smirks. 

“I fucking do,” Roy easily agrees. “Don’t make me regret it.”

“Never,” Jamie gives him a kiss before they head out to join the team. 

#prompt fill #royjamie #roy kent #jamie tartt #ted lasso fic #keeley jones #tw: train derailment #tw: train wreck #tw: major disaster #tw: mentions of death #tw: mentions of abuse #tw: grief #tw: loss #tw: angst #tw: paranoia #tw: mentions of head trauma #tw: mentions of alcohol abuse #tw: self deprecation #tw: self destruction #tw: swearing #tw: cursing #tw: cussing

[exrayspex]

life update since i've been away recently

i actually feel like blogging again and am awake enough to do so for the first time in weeks! so, updates bc Stuff has happened:

so my dad had been unemployed (again) for a year almost exactly, and every single job he applied for in his career fell through. we think it's bc word has gotten out in the field that he's an asshole and that his alcoholism is starting to effect his work since his body can't metabolize it like it used to + he regularly injured himself while drinking. which still sucks. but he finally got over himself and started applying for jobs outside his field and got one! it's only part time and the pay isn't great (he's a shopper for a grocery shop + delivery service), but it's something! and we really, REALLY fucking needed it. he's still looking for a better job in his field, too.

phoebe bubba had had an ear infection that wouldn't quite go away even with me regularly cleaning it with special ear wash, and we were finally able to get her in to the vet. she had a bacterial ear infection and we got mediated ear drops for her. i gave them to her and poor baby HATED it, but all two weeks of the ear drops are done and i just checked her ear the other night and it's finally all clean and healthy!

COOKIES. i'm love baking, obviously, and wanted to make a shit ton of christmas cookies and try some new recipes. it took me a While to have the energy for it all, but i got around to it and enjoyed it so much and love the results! i made peanut blossoms, soft gingerbread cookies (which i made into lady and nonbinary gingerbread bears bc fuck men, gingerbread and otherwise), and slice-and-bake shortbread cookies w christmas trees in the middle and red-n-green sugar crystals! i freehanded the green triangles for the center and used very careful chilling and setting out to make the tree-shaped core and then put the un-dyed dough around it to make a round log with the trees holding their shape in the middle. very proud of how well i did on those, and without a tutorial or anything!

so we have been p broke lately and were preparing ourselves for a christmas where we just had delicious cookies and made a nice meal to have together in our pretty decorated room w our tree and foregoing any presents except for one to mail to my wee cousin, but! my mom remembered a couple days ago that my dad had lots of points with airline frequent flyer programs that would expire at the end of the year if they weren't used, that he racked up when working his old job. and the rewards programs allows you to use points to get gift cards for all kinds of places! so she did that and got several gift cards that allowed us to get gifts for some other family members, her boss and the woman she cares for, and have some left over to get each other some things! all without spending any actual money :D my dad and i went to target yesterday and used a gift card to shop for my mom, and it was tiring but fun! and i think my mom got me an over-ear gaming headset to replace my old one that is quite literally disintegrating!

so my phone is a galaxy s3 and i've had it for over 4 years, and my parents have the same. they still work, which is impressive actually, but they're very slow, we can only have a few apps at once bc they're so low on storage, lots of newer apps can't be installed on them, they're unable when anything is updating/downloading, my mom's camera is broken, my dad's has issues with receiving calls, all of them just freeze up completely and have to have the battery taken out to work again pretty regularly, etc. but my dad called sprint yesterday to try and negotiate a lower monthly bill/maybe switch plans, since we hadn't changed plans for years either.....and ended up being able to switch to a Better plan AND get us each a galaxy s7 and still have our monthly bill be $30 cheaper!!! apparently our old plan was a fucking ripoff lol, and he got us previously owned, refurbished phones that cost half the price of new ones of the same model. i think it also helps that he said how he'd been with sprint for over a decade but was looking into switching providers if he couldn't get a better plan and spend less lol. one of the gift cards my mom got is for amazon and i'm hoping i can find some decent cases and screen protectors for all three of us with it!

so i started playing neverwinter online last summer, and i've become hooked lol. i'm also in a good lgbt guild and alliance!! i almost quit the game after i hit max level since i couldn't solo most stuff anymore, but the people in it were all so nice and helpful and not judgey about me being still relatively new to mmos in general (i'd played a little bit of lotro, wow, and eso but not much, and i had once been super into fucking wizard101 lol, but that one's very different from most, actually more like magic the gathering than other mmos). anyway, i've started to break into actually being decently good at the game, i'm on nearly every fucking day lol, and i'm pretty involved in like contributing to guild stuff/running dungeons w guild people, and the dude who is the current guild leader is gonna mostly retire from the game in 2018 and asked me if i'd be up for taking over for him then, and i said yes! he's ranked up my permissions to do guild stuff and has been slowly showing me how to do things and what bugs to look out for when doing them, and it's fun and exciting! plus he's still gonna be around on psn and occasionally in-game after he goes, so i'll still be able to ask him for help/advice since i'm definitely not as knowledgeable as him. i've also been talking more in the guild and alliance chat and on mic too, and it's nice! ooh and i recently did some research and a respec on my main and she's now easily doing like 1.5x her previous damage and i've had a couple people be like "wow holy shit" since which like yes.....YES.....fuel my dps ego.....(also just? people in this game/guild generally seem to like me?? it's so unfamiliar and nice!) ((also also i started a tank alt and got her to max level already! and she's super butch and super hot))

our proposed plan of restoration was submitted to the historical neighborhood board thing and approved! and today the third contractor is gonna come over to discuss what work we'd want done on the house and provide an estimate. then my parents just have to do a bit more paperwork and can finish their application for the grant we can get since we're now in an official nationally recognized historical neighborhood! the grants are given in order of application, and there's currently only one ahead of us, so hopefully we can get it early on in 2018 and have that money to do some much-needed repairs on the house! the bird family living in my windowsill will fucking finally have to move lol. no more screeching and scratching right behind my head every morning! it won't be enough money to get every repair we need done, but it will def cover the worst stuff, like that and our rotted porch! also the contractor we're hoping to use is a nice guy who's done work for us before (he fixed our fence when it broke a while ago, my parents have some mutual friends of his, we trust him), and the other day when he was here my sweet hutchie made friends with him :) there were pets and purrs!

OKAY i think that's mostly it lol. thank you for caring if you actually read all of this! :D you are now up to date on the Life of Spex. also if any of you start playing neverwinter and want a guild invite, lemme know! :)

#long post #so sorry how long lol #i just had a lot to say for once! #And couldn't figure out how to put it under a cut so. #phoebe is sleeping on my lap as i type this #a precious old lady baby cat #oh also #christmas #alcoholism #i feel kind weird talking so much about money/my family's financial situation but #It's my blog and that's what's been on my mind so here it is #And my dad won't see it so he can't yell at me for talking about it

[winchesterxxi]

Two Left Feet (Din Djarin x Reader)

Rating: G ( General Audiences )

Type: Fluff

Summary: “Din wakes up just to find reader and Grogu dancing around and that goes on almost everyday since she joined them and Din seems to get used to it, but after a really hard day, reader suggests dancing with Din for the first time and he's not quite the dancer type.”

Word Count: 1.6k (short but sweet, I promise)

Warnings: Non-canonical music (for the sake of working well with the story); teaching someone with absolutely no rhythm how to dance (all my fellow dancers know the pain, and yes it is a warning)

A/N: For the sake of rhythm and story pretend the songs I’m referring to, in order, are (1) Rasputin by Boney M. (2) Tusk by Fleetwood Mac (3) Club Tropicana by Wham! (4) Moon Song by Phoebe Bridgers

MASTERPOST | REQUEST HERE | KO-FI

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Din was a fan of routine.

He was a man that liked peace and quiet, to lead his life with the schedule that he pleases, not having to attend to anyone else.

But the galaxy just told him no.

At first, his life was disrupted by what was by now his protegée, despite everyone calling him his son, that little green ball, over a decade older than him, Grogu.

Then, you came. It’s not that you disrupted his life per se, on the contrary, you were his salvation when it came to managing between taking care of Grogu and going on dangerous missions or fighting the Empire. But he soon found out that the peace and quiet that he had instilled in his clan of two was not going to be kept long with the clan of three. 

You had a thing for the kid, a deep affection, a motherly love, if you will. Taking care of most of the mundane tasks like bathing and feeding him but the little ball really started reaching out for you more than Din because, on the particular case of your little group, it was the mom that meant fun and the dad that meant business.

Grogu loved how you would play music through the ship when Din was away, having little dance parties with him, as he sways between his tiny legs to the beat of the music.

Whenever night time came around or Din was with you, you tended to not want to disturb him as much, so you would just hum along some tunes to entertain the kid. He was particularly fond of this one tune (1) where he could clap along, giggling at the silly dance you would make.

At first, Din was not amused by it. As said before, he was a man that enjoyed peace and quiet but seeing the joy that you brought to the kid, who previously only had a little ball to entertain himself, slowly but surely started to soften his heart over time.

This one morning, stationed in some random planet after a long mission, he slid out of his cot, fully armored headed towards the sound of a rhythmic thump coming from the main deck of the ship. 

It wasn’t the first time that he would wake up to the beat of a song and even though he couldn’t bring himself to admit it out loud, he preferred it a thousand times to the sound of the cockpit signals going off.

Walking towards the source of the sound (2), as it became more clear,  Din leaned against the door frame as soon as he spotted the scene unfolding in front of him: you shaking your hips side to side, slightly bent down so that you could grab Grogu’s little hands, the kid laughing out loud as the two of you moved to the beat.

Noticing Din close to you Grogu coos at him, extending his hand in his direction and making grabby movements.

Looking up, you straighten your bag dancing up to where he was, maintaining your eyes fixed on the T-shaped helmet on the beskar helmet.

“Come on, old man. Join us!” You tug at his arm but he just stands straighter, reaching his full height, arms still crossed across his chest.

“I don’t dance.” his voice rumbles through the modulator. You just continue to sway your hips and move your shoulders next to him trying to at least get a small shuffle in his weight out of him, but he remains undefeated.

Just as you were about to pull him harder in your direction, the lights in the distant cockpit go off and a deafening beeping fills the Razor Crest. Din stomps past you and rushes to the panel.

“Saved by the bell.” you mutter under your breath, before pausing the music and rushing to the seat by his side, getting ready to co-pilot, not before grabbing the kid and buckling him up to your lap.

The perks of being a foundling, you ask?

People feed you, bathe you, carry you on their laps and most importantly, you don’t need to actively engage on any sort of physical activity that might reveal itself to be exhausting, say a bounty hunt.

The kid was insufferable.

It was stark dark outside of the ship and you had already tried to put him down to sleep about three times, but every single time he would just refuse to close his eyes, making sure to display his reservoir of unused energy.

If it’s tired that you need to be, it’s tired that I’m going to make you, You think to yourself.

Settling him down on the ground, your fingers reach for the control panel of the lower deck tapping in a few times before a tune (3) starts fluttering out of the rusty speakers.

The kid’s ears perked up in a flash as he giggled and started shaking to the sound of the music in the middle of the room.

You shake your head down at him, before climbing up the ladder that accessed the top deck, adjacent to the cockpit, dangling your legs from the edge, allowing you to not only keep an eye on Grogu but to also be within Din’s reach, would he need something.

You were floating through hyperspace, only the stars lighting where you sat, Din just a few feet to your right, sitting at the pilot’s chair.

“Are all kids like this?” you ask him breaking the silence, as the music below you sounded quite distant.

He turns his chair to face you, leaning against its back.

“How would I know?” he questions.

“Oh, right. Stupid question.” You laugh and shake your head down, checking on the kid, but Din maintains his eyes trained on you from under the beskar. “Next time you’re the one dancing with him to exhaustion.”

“I piratically have two left feet. That’s not happening.”

“Was that a joke?” You ask mockingly and he chuckles.

It isn’t until you beckon him closer with your finger that he moves, cautiously walking to where you sat, following your gaze and looking down at the kid who had seemingly fallen asleep from exhaustion on the floor, curled up on himself.

You both chuckle at the same time,  unconsciously looking at each other only to avert your gazes as soon as your eyes met.

“I-...I’m going to put the kid down.” You avert his gaze as your cheeks were flaring up, quickly descending the ladder and picking the kid up, walking towards his improvised crib.

A few minutes later, you emerged from the bottom deck, sliding the access to the ladder closed, only to be met with Din’s right side facing you, the pilot seat facing the side of the ship. His legs crossed in front of him and his hands tucked underneath him as his arms formed an x against his chest.

This was the typical position which he used to fall asleep on the cockpit but you knew by the way his head was positioned that he wasn’t actually sleeping, but rather looking out at the stars.

Not wanting to disturb the scenery in front of you, you just rest your hip and upper body against the control panel wall, admiring the beskar hunter.

“Penny for your thoughts?” the way his voice resonated through the chamber would’ve scared you a few months ago, but instead you remained unmoved, only a smirk growing on your lips.

“A few actually.” you finger pads skim through the control panel before you smile to yourself and click on one of the tunes (4) you had recently chipped into the ship’s system.

Din’s helmet slowly turns your way, just in time to watch you slowly walk up to him, only the shine of the closest stars illuminating your figure. You looked beautiful, there was no denying that.

When your knees brushed against the side of his chair, you extend your hand down to him, inviting him to join you at a standing level.

Din gently grabs your hand and stands up to his full height, a few inches higher than you, inducing his helmet to face down at your own face.

“I told you, I don’t dance.” his voice is but a whisper, raspy and tired but so full of adoration for you that in no other setting would he let transpire through the modulator.

“You don’t have to.” You right hand trails up his arm until it comes to rest on his shoulder pad as your left fingers intertwine with his, his head shifting to follow both actions, one at a time. 

“Just hold me and shift your weight from one foot to the other.” it is your time to utter but a whisper as you bring your braided hands to rest against his chest, followed by one of your temples.

It was quiet between you as you danced, his smile never fading, his fingers momentarily leaving yours only to have both of his arms around your waist, beckoning you closer against his body as you swayed to the slow strums of the music, relishing every second of it.

“Isn’t dancing easier like this?” your barely audible wouldn’t it be for his closeness to you, the sultry sound of it, mixed with the warm feeling of your body pressed against him, had his heart racing.

“I actually wouldn’t mind if every day ended like this?” his answer surprises you, but you try to hide your smile, keeping the side of your head rested against his chest.

“Are you going soft on me, Din Djarin?”

“Not a word to anyone.” You bite your lips containing a chuckle and the man in beskar repeats the action but unknowingly to you, as the beskar helmet concealed it. And you stayed there, in his embrace, and him in yours swaying through the night, every time ignoring the restart of the song, secretly hoping that the other wouldn’t complain. 

Secretly hoping you could stay like this forever.

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TAGLISTS

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@blondekel77​  @pedrobreakmyback​

DIN DJARIN TAGLIST

@niall2017​

PEDRITO TAGLIST

@weirdowithnobeardo

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Want a completely personalized imagine just for you? Click here!

#Two Left Feet #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin #din djarin x reader #star wars #fluff #star wars fluff #Pedro pascal #Pedro pascal x reader

[supernicheplaylists]

a specific type of numbness (playlist)

Sorry for the short break! I should be back and posting more frequently! Hopefully you'll like this playlist; I personally love it a lot. Also the song "You Missed My Heart" takes place in my home state of West Virginia which is kinda cool :)

Also no Youtube for this one because it blocked too many of the songs

Playlist links:

Spotify

Wherever you listen, I would really appreciate if you left a like or followed so I know that people are liking my playlists! Thank you!!

song list + favorite lyrics below the cut

Jesus Christ - Brand New

"Do you believe you're missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else, but with nobody in your bed the night's hard to get through"

Honey and Milk - Flower Face

"I think God's passed out in the bathtub again, cause nobody answered the door. And the love that you made me fight for was never love at all. The red light shines through the window and I've got a black eye for every bed that you've made. The honey and milk on my fingertips was never enough to make you stay"

Overwhelmed (Stripped) - Royal & The Serpent

"This mind isn't mine, who am I to judge? Oh, I should be fine, but it's all too much"

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

"If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see I'd put you in the mirror I put in front of me"

Samson - Regina Spektor

"I cut his hair myself one night, a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light and he told me that I'd done alright, and kissed me 'til the mornin' light"

Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead

"She lives with a broken man, a cracked polystyrene man who just crumbles and burns"

Flume - Bon Iver

"Only love is all maroon, lapping lakes like leary loons. Leaving rope burns, reddish rouge"

Smother - Daughter

"I should go now quietly, for my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep. Where all my layers can become reeds, all my limbs can become trees. All my children can become me. What a mess I leave to follow"

When You Wash Your Hair - Matt Maltese

"You did some things that you forgot, drinking wine and smoking pot. You tried to be someone you are not"

All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham

"You say the ocean's rising like I give a shit. You say the whole world's ending, honey, it already did. You're not gonna slow it, Heaven knows you tried. Got it? Good, now get inside"

Four Walls (The Ballad of Perry Smith) - Bastille

"These four walls contain you, supposed to save you from yourself"

You Missed My Heart - Phoebe Bridgers

"I rattled off a list of all the things I miss like going to the movies with her and the way she kissed me. Driving into downtown Wheeling, showing her off. Backyard barbecues and reunions in the park."

Shallows - Daughter

"Dry your smoke-stung eyes so you can see the light. Staring at the sky, watching stars collide"

Smoke Signals - Phoebe Bridgers

"I want to live at the Holiday Inn where somebody else makes the bed. We'll watch TV while the lights on the street put all the stars to death"

Poison - Sofia Mills

"I don't wanna lose this, say it ain't so. Say it's just poison burning my throat"

The Draw - Bastille

"Are you drifting way beyond what's normal? 'Cause round your mind ring the words that they would say"

Hey, Ma - Bon Iver

"Full time, you talk your money up while it's living in a coal mine. Tall time to call your Ma, hey Ma, hey Ma"

Still - Daughter

"Two feet standing on a principle, two hands digging in each others wounds. Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats. Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to move"

Re: Stacks - Bon Iver

"There's a black crow sitting across from me, his wiry legs are crossed. He is dangling my keys, he even fakes a toss. Whatever could it be that has brought me to this loss?"

#music reccs #music blog #music recommendation #good music #music #specific playlists #aesthetic playlist #playlist inspo #playlist for you #pov playlist #playlist #concept playlist #Dissociation playlist #3 am things #song suggestions #spotifyplaylist #youtubeplaylist #youtubemusic

[ongaku-ato-kakikomi]

Could you Joey tribianni x ace reader? One where she's hesitant to tell him because she thinks they're gonna break up. But it ultimately comes out when he makes a move on her

Joey gives you quick glances from his place on the couch, hesitant to do anything since you've placed yourself so far away from him. You also seem to be concentrating on the movie you both rented, passion settled in your eyes due to the interesting storyline. He would hate to break that moment for you, especially with how much he loves how invested you can get with characters. And normally, he would enjoy the movie too, simply happy to be living this moment with you, but the conversation he had with his friends earlier today keeps playing in his head. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - 

"So you really like her, huh?" 

 Joey notices the teasing smile on Ross's lips, though it's the light in his eyes that tells him that his friend is happy for him. 

 "Yeah..." Joey smiles warmly as your face come to his mind. "Yeah, I really do." 

"That's great." Ross gives his shoulder a gentle tap. "I'm really happy for you, man." 

 Chandler finishes taking a sip from his coffee, giving his two friends a squinted look.  "She must be really good in bed." 

"Chandler!" 

 "Oh, what? Don't look all offended, Ross." The sarcastic man takes another sip. "They've been together for three months and he hasn't tried to sleep with anyone else. This is a first." 

 "Actually, um..." Joey takes a small pause, not quite sure how to say it. "We haven't... done anything." 

 His two friends give him a shock, though he's not sure which is the most surprised. 

 "You haven't...?" Ross makes a strange gesture with his hand, to which Joey nods. "Wow... That's... really unusual from you-" 

 "Who are you-" Chandler suddenly cuts him off, pointing rather roughly at Joey. "-and what have you done with my best friend?" 

 Joey just blinks in confusion. "Huh? What are you talking about, Chandler... I'm still me!" 

 "I don't believe it." Ross gives out a sight while Chandler speaks. "You're telling me that you haven't slept with anyone at all in three months? Not even her?" 

"Chandler, please..." The sarcastic man gives out a groan of frustration before he lets Ross take over. "Joey... Why?" 

 "Why... what?" 

 "Why haven't you slept with (Y/N)?" 

 "I don't know, I just..." He shrugs. "... don't feel like we need to. Plus, she seems rather distant when the topic comes out, so I figured I would just leave it alone." 

"Oh." Chandler's voice suddenly seems pitiful, the guy looking down at his cup of coffee. "Well, you two had a good run." 

 "Huh?" Joey notices that Ross's eyes are filled with sadness and comfort, something that makes him utterly confused. "What do you mean by that?" 

 "She's gonna break up with you, man." 

 "What? Really? No!" Joey looks away from Chandler to give Ross a desperate look. "I really like her! Why would she break up with me?" 

 "I don't know, maybe you lost your mojo or something and she doesn't think you can get the job done-" 

 "Now, let's not lose hope." Ross gives Chandler a small glare to shut him up before he focuses back on Joey. "Maybe you two just... need to sleep together. Make her see that you can be more than just... you." 

 Joey stays silent for a moment, worry all over his mind. "You really think so?" 

Chandler gives him a look from his place. "It's worth a try."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So here he is now, sitting on his couch next to you as you two are watching a movie. His friends words getting louder in his head...  and if he doesn't do something about it soon, they're just never going to shut up. 

 He notices how you tense up when he wraps an arm around your shoulders, asking himself of this really is a good idea... He can already hear Chandler's voice telling him that if he gives up now, it's you he's giving up: forever. And so he gently hugs you closer despite his instincts telling him to stop, his lips touching your cheek for a small second before you part away and put the movie on pause. 

 "Joey, we need to talk." 

 He moves his arm away when you turn towards him, his stomach twisting. "What is it...?" 

 "Well, um..." You look down at your lap for a second, biting your bottom lip nervously. "It's kinda hard to say..." 

 'Oh no...' He thinks, watching you with worry as he notices the hesitation on your face. 'This is it... She's gonna break up with me...' 

 You look into his brown eyes with uncertainty, internally terrified of how he's gonna react to what you have to say... while he's internally terrified that you're going to leave him. 

 "Joey..." You give out a sigh, deciding to just let it out. "... I'm asexual." 

 He blinks for a few seconds, confused. "Huh?" 

 "I'm asexual." You start playing with your hands, really nervous now. "Which means... that I'm, um... not interested in having sex." 

 'He's gonna leave me now.' Those are the words you hear in your mind as you watch him slowly starting to understand, feeling sick to your stomach at the thought of him tossing you aside for something better. 'There’s no way he’ll-' 

 "Oh, thank god." It's your turn to give him a confused look, not understanding how he's suddenly smiling in relief. "I thought you wanted to break up with me." 

"What? No, of course not!" You take his hand in both of yours, worry settling in yours. "I really like you, Joey." 

 Happiness seems to instantly appear in his eyes, his lips stretching out. "I really like you too." 

 You give out a relieved laugh, partially hiding your face with your free hand. "To be honest, I thought you would want to break up with me." 

 "What? Because you don't wanna have sex?" 

 "Yeah..." Your lips turn into a small smile. "Phoebe and the girls have told me that you're quite the Don Juan." 

 "Well, I do have a certain charm, don't you think?" 

 You snort when he caresses his chin while smirking proudly. "Yeah, yeah you do." 

 You spend the rest of the afternoon talking about what you're going to do: whether you'll occasionally have sex with him, if he can have other sexual partners, or any other type of arrangement that better suits you. Joey is happy with whatever you decide because he better spent a lifetime with you than anyone else.

#friends #friends imagine #friends imagines #friends x reader #joey tribbiani #joey tribbiani imagine #joey tribbiani imagines #joey tribbiani x reader #imagine #imagines #x reader #request #requests

[fanficnewbie]

Sienna Weighs In P6

OPEN HEART: SECOND YEAR - CHAPTER SIX

(ETHAN x FEMALE MC)

MC is Dr. Francesca Houseman *This entry takes place between the visit to Leland Bloom’s house and the tests on his yacht. (This is a chapter by chapter series…)

Sienna cheers on Francesca for standing up to Ethan.

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS Chapter 1:  MC tells Sienna about her Ethan convo at Donahue’s. Chapter 2:  MC and Sienna discuss Ethan’s gym routine. Chapter 3:  MC questions how well she really knows Ethan. Chapter 4:  MC takes Elijah and Sienna to see Evelyn’s exhibit. Chapter 5:  Sienna talks MC through a panic attack over Ethan. Word Count: 1889 Rated: Teen

***

“To standing up for yourself!” Francesca and Sienna clinked their beer bottles and each took a healthy gulp before setting them back on the bar. 

Francesca turned and surveyed the Sunday night crowd at Donahue’s, it was only slightly busy. Old school hip hop played while a few patrons danced. Most were at tables littered with various drinks and engrossed in animated conversations with their friends and/or colleagues. 

She swiveled back on her barstool to Sienna who gave her a knowing smile. “It felt good didn’t it?”

Francesca grinned widely, “It felt soooo good! Almost as good as Baz & June coming to my defense on the way over to the Bloom Estate. Ethan’s been treating me like crap for weeks and it was nice to know that others noticed it too.”

Sienna nodded, “I’m not gonna say I told you so but…”

Francesca playfully pushed her, “Shut up.” She took another sip, “What did Ethan even say to you when he showed up yesterday morning?”

Sienna shrugged, “Nothing really. He looked pissed and it was obvious he was there to see you so beyond ‘hello’, there wasn’t much to say.”

Francesca toyed with her beer bottle, “It probably kills him that you know about us.”

Sienna took a sip, “Well that’s his deal not mine. You guys are both adults, I’m just tired of waiting for the man to come to his senses. It’s like watching Elijah and Phoebe all over again.”

Francesca groaned and chewed on her bottom lip before looking back up, “Hey, speaking of Elijah…”

Sienna held up her hand, “Jackie already told me and you guys should just drop it. You gave him your advice and now it’s up to him. We’re all going to deal with our interns the way we see fit and that just is not going to look the same for everybody.”

Francesca scowled, “Sothy can’t even do a basic blood draw, that’s not acceptable.”

Sienna grew sullen, “We all have our individual challenges to overcome.”

Taken aback at the sudden shift, Francesca studied her friend closely. The week before she had commended Sienna when she triumphantly shimmied into a pair of jeans from college, but now she realized that she was starting to look too thin, almost gaunt with darkening bags around her eyes. She touched her arm, “Hey, so many of these conversations are about me and my dumbass issues. But are you okay? You’ve been so tired lately and you’re still losing weight…”

Almost on cue, Sienna turned to her, her face instantly brightening, “No silly, I’m fine, I’m great. You brought me out for a celebratory drink so let’s celebrate!”

Francesca sighed and gently squeezed Sienna’s arm, “Listen, you know you can talk to me about anything without judgment right? I’m your friend and I’m here to help you through whatever. This doesn’t always have to be about me and I’m so sorry if it has been totally one-sided as of late.”

Sienna smiled, “Francesca I love our convos, and I love helping you, and I know I can come to you, and I promise, I’m fine. A-okay.” She patted Francesca’s hand reassuringly.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Sienna reached for her phone. “Hey, I haven’t checked Pictogram in like forever. Did it work? Did Dr. Ramsey like that photo you posted a few days ago? Oh my God, I can’t believe I forgot all about it.”

Francesca smiled smugly as Sienna unlocked her phone. Yes, Ethan had liked her photo. It was a stunner, one she had taken the Summer before she started at Edenbrook. Surprisingly, the whole thing had actually been Jackie’s idea…

***

“So hell hath frozen over and Ethan Ramsey has a Pictogram account!”

Francesca was sitting on the floor in their living room, her back against the couch with her laptop in her lap. Sienna was above her, sitting horizontally across the couch in the same position. She peered over Francesca’s shoulder, “Oh my god, you got him to post a half-naked photo of himself?!”

Jackie walked into the living room with her tablet, “Who’s half-naked?”

Sienna and Francesca both froze for a second before Francesca answered. “Uh, Dr. Ramsey. I helped him create a Pictogram account so he could search Gwyneth’s product history. His profile photo is from when he ran a triathlon so he’s in swim shorts. He only allowed me to use it because he figured nobody would ever see it.” 

Jackie sat down and leaned over Francesca to view the image, she raised her eyebrows, “Wow! Who knew he was hiding that six pack under his lab coat? Damn Francesca, I’m finally starting to see why you’re so into the guy.”

Jackie’s eyes met Francesca’s astonished gaze, she chuckled, “You really don’t think I’m that stupid do you?”

Francesca’s face reddened, “Please don’t tell me it’s that obvious?”

Jackie thought for a second, “Nah, I honestly think I may be the only one who’s caught on, besides Sienna of course. I mean, we live with you. I’m sure you’re fine at Edenbrook, I’ve never heard any rumors.”

Sienna nodded, “Francesca, you know I’d tell you if I ever heard anything. I mean some people are still jealous of your rapport with Dr. Ramsey but they all attribute it to your top intern spot and Banjeri save.”

Jackie shrugged and she typed on her tablet, “Accurate.”

Francesca visibly relaxed, “Okay well, I can live with that. Anyway, I was just telling Sienna that he has an account now and I think it’s kind of hilarious. I mean, he kept it private and I’m his only friend.”

Francesca suddenly turned to her friends, her voice earnest,”You guys cannot tell anyone about this account or picture. He’ll know immediately that it came from me. Promise you won’t tell.”

Sienna put her hand on Francesca’s shoulder, “I promise. You already know we can keep secrets hon.”

Jackie gave Francesca a mischievous smile, “Same, but only on one condition.”

Francesca paled, “Oh god, what?”

Jackie turned her screen around where she had pulled up Francesca’s Pictogram account, “You set a thirst trap.”

Sienna frowned, “What’s that?”

“No, no, no, no.” Francesca vehemently shook her head.

Jackie turned to Sienna, still smiling broadly, “It’s a sexy photo that you post to make your followers thirsty. In this case, to make one specific follower thirsty.”

“No, it’s obvious and desperate and…” the panic in Francesca’s voice started to mount.

Sienna cut her off, “I like it. Where do we find a photo?”

“Wait Sienna, what? No!” Francesca looked at them both incredulously, “How pathetic does that make me look? Less than two weeks after Ethan becomes my PG friend, I post some random, sexy photo? Come on, even he could see through that one.”

Jackie shrugged, “I’d say you’ve waited too damn long as it is!”

Francesca was at a loss for words as she stared down her two friends. She slowly realized that she had no choice if she wanted to keep Ethan’s account under dibs and sagged against the couch in defeat, “Fine. But only because I know you won’t find a photo worth posting anyway.”

Undeterred, Jackie opened a new browser window, “What photo storage account do you use and what’s the password?”

Francesca gave her the details as she stood up, “I can’t believe this is happening, I need a drink. I’ll be right back.”

Her friends didn’t even acknowledge her exit as they started scrolling through the hundreds of photos on her Google account. 

Several minutes she returned to their flabbergasted faces. “What? What’s wrong?”

Jackie turned her tablet around and Francesca’s eyes went wide. “Holy shit! I forgot all about that photo.”

Jackie shook her head in awe, “I didn’t even think you had it in you.”

Sienna giggled, “That my dears, is a bona-fide thirst trap.”

Francesca sat down and marveled at the photo, “I took that in Cancun after graduating from med school. I went with a group of friends and it was the perfect day on the beach, so we decided to be silly and take photos in our favorite “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition” poses.”

Her mind started to change as she contemplated Ethan’s reaction to the photograph. “Hmmmm, I do look kinda hot huh?”

Jackie raised an eyebrow, “Kinda? No red-blooded, hetero man will be able to resist the allure, the pure sex of this picture. Dr. Ramsey among them.”

Francesca took a deep breath, “Post it.”

***

Sienna scrolled through the likes and comments, “Wow, is this the most popular post on your account?”

Francesca laughed, “I believe so. Even the friend who took it wanted me to tag her for credit.”

Sienna grinned as she came across Ethan’s red heart, “There it is.”

Francesca smirked, “Yup.” she leaned in, “And let me tell you the most infuriating part. I kept checking my phone to see if he had liked the photo. Nothing for two days. So, the next night I was up really late studying. I didn’t go to sleep until just after 1am, and I checked my phone before I dozed off, nothing. I woke up like three hours later to pee and guess who had liked my photo?”

Sienna’s eyes went wide, “Wait, in the middle of the night? He was on your account in the middle of the night!”

Francesca nodded, “And, and this was after the whole Gwyneth/Board thing. So at the same time he’s giving me the cold shoulder at work, he’s lurking on my account at home.”

Sienna shook her head in disbelief, “That man is so confused.”

Francesca rolled her eyes, “Whatever. That’s why I stripped down in front of him yesterday.”

“What?!” Sienna’s mouth hung open. 

Finishing the last of her beer, Francesca smiled, “I needed to kick him off his hypocritical high horse. So, after he barged into my room telling me I had three minutes to get ready on my day off, I called his bluff. I literally took off my underwear right in front of him. I mean, I turned my back to him but still, the look on his face was fucking priceless.”

Sienna turned to Francesca, put hands on her shoulders, and met her eyes, “You are officially my hero.”

Francesca smiled, “Well, that deserves another round.” She motioned to the bartender.

“Plus, I’m sure we’ll only be celebrating this victory tonight. Who knows how he’ll act towards me at work tomorrow, especially now that we’re in this absurd competition with Mass Kenmore.”

Sienna exhaled, “Yeah, you and Aurora going to be okay? I cannot take a repeat of the Landry experience.”

Francesca nodded, “I swear to you that we’ll be fine, We talked it out, made a pinky promise and everything. I’m more worried about Ethan and Tobias.”

Sienna frowned, “Aurora’s new boss?”

“Yeah, apparently he and Ethan have some bad blood,” Francesca shrugged, “I have no idea what it is about though.”

Sienna thanked the bartender as he placed fresh drinks in front of them and reached for hers, “Well that’s a good thing right? Now, he has somewhere else to direct his anger.”

Francesca thought for a moment, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Cheers to that!”

Sienna clinked her glass, “Hun, how many times do I have to tell you…I’m always right!”

Read the Ethan Pictogram Companion Piece here: Pictogram Pitfalls & Chapter 7:  Francesca confides in Sienna how she met Ethan’s mother. 

***

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING. YOUR LIKES AND COMMENTS MEAN THE WORLD!

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[bbrandy2002]

Happy Birthday @jessiembruno

Wacky Drabble 32:  Papi Had A Rollin Stone

Prompt: I never lied to you.

Liam, Jessica, Leo, and Drake

It’s been a loooooong time since I wrote one of these. I just had to make time for this lovely friend who I first read and met when we were among only a handful who posted the very first wacky drabbles for @emceesynonymroll​ last summer

Jessie gave me ideas for plots and scenarios she wanted me to write for her…mostly revolving around, her Leo, who I freaking adore. It will not be anywhere close to as good or funny as she writes Leo, but I gave it my best effort. The best I could guess when it comes to writing for him is, anything goes. If it popped into my head, I had none of my usual reservations and just typed it out…lol

Jess, you are one of the sweetest and funniest people I’ve met here. I’m so glad to call you a friend. I hope you have an awesome birthday!!!

***This was soooo inspired by a FRIENDS episode and some of the dialogue comes from it, with some creative differences to accommodate Drake and Leo’s part. (The One Where Phoebe Gives Birth).

THE PALACE–CORDONIA

Liam had grown tired of the neverending, annoying pregnancy symptoms. Nine months of mood swings, weird midnight cravings, stealing his shirts because nothing else fit anymore, waking up at all hours of the night because of a bad dream about the baby, and the constant crying at the drop of a hat.

Leo had become too much.

When it came to pregnant Jessica,  Liam would bend over backward to make her comfortable;  he was surprised that he rarely had to.  She possessed that strong Garcia blood in her veins with a tenacity and strength that left him in awe of her. 

Leo, however, had become an even bigger pain in his ass since Jessica announced her pregnancy. From the beginning, Leo had inserted himself into every facet of the pregnancy; from claiming equal importance, referred to the baby as “our baby,“  fought with him over feeling the baby’s first kicks,  and considered Liam – the baby’s father – the third wheel.

Sympathy pains were just one of his latest nuisances to pop up.

Liam walked back to his quarters after a long, arduous day in the office. He was exhausted from a lack of sleep after Leo woke him up last night with indigestion. Liam questioned why Leo would enter his quarters, walked past the kitchen and awakened him for a glass of milk at midnight. Apparently, Leo wanted to also be held and reassured the baby would be okay. Jessica offered to get up with him but Liam insisted she stay in bed and rest and he would take care of his brother. He really wanted to take care of his brother.

Leo cried to him for three hours, wondering if he was still desirable and sexy before he finally fell asleep on the couch. 

Liam wanted the old Leo back … the one who used his credit card to buy everyone at that Greek bar a drink without him knowing, who got him sloppy drunk and married him off to a stranger – that he also had a threesome with that bride on the same night – who had caught Liam masturbating into Jessica’s shoe while he cried his eyes out over her. He would gladly take back that Leo.  This newest Leo was weird as fuck.

Liam pulled out the key card to his quarters, swiped it through the keypad, and had just opened the door when he heard his name being called from behind him. A member of the maintenance staff approached with several white take-out bags stuffed with styrofoam containers. 

“What is all this?” Liam asked curiously of the elder man who he once caught in the laundry room with Regina, holding two large hamsters and a container of Crisco.

“Sir, I have a DoorDash from … let me seeee … Pickled Pink, for Queen Jessica and Prince Leo.” The man shifted the large bags around in his arms then passed the heavy load over to Liam. 

Liam looked over the bags that he struggled to carry in his arms and hoped Jessica’s pelvis was wide enough to birth their inevitable 30-pound baby after eating all this food. His pants started to tighten just thinking about Jessica’s even more curvaceous hips. A lot more cushion meant even tighter pushin. The guard noticed and began to wonder if it was he who was making the king salivate and bulge in his pants.

”Your Majesty,” he stated with a suggestive tone, “I’ve got a couple of minutes to burn if you wanna … you know.”  The maintenance man repeatedly thrust his tongue into the inside of his cheek and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“GOD NO!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!! AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LAUNDRY ROOM!”

While doing a balancing act with Leo and Jessica’s DoorDash, Liam turned and nudged the door open with his shoulder. After entering his quarters, he turned the corner into the living room. 

“Squeeze … hold … release … and squeeze … hold … release …”

Liam’s eyes went wide when he saw Leo and Jessica sitting on the floor, their backs leaned against the front of the couch and their legs stretched out in front of them. Scattered around them were several empty containers of Chinese, boxes of pizzas, what appeared to be Dorito taco bowls, bags of peanut M&M’s dispersed across the floor, and half-empty glasses of strawberry milkshakes. 

With their eyes closed in full concentration mode, they hadn’t noticed Liam was standing there, glaring at them in bewilderment.

Leo’s measured voice continued to call out. “Squeeze … and hold … and release …”

“What the fuck happened in here and what are you two doing?”

Leo’s eyes popped open and he looked to his younger brother, answering matter-of-factly. “Just what it looks like, pendejo - we’re doing our Kegels.”

Liam furrowed his brow. “Leo … you don’t have a … uhh …”

Leo rolled his eyes and huffed exaggeratingly. “Don’t need it; Papi Chulo likes to keep the Big Mushroom thick and robust. Watch what I can do.” Leo leaned over to the end table and picked up a paperweight. He placed it on the crotch of his gym shorts, moved his hands to the side, and started moving it up and down with only his carajo. “I can lift a brick with this power tool … pretty impressive, huh?  Ohhh is that my fried pickles?

Liam grimaced and shook his head – somewhat in disgust of watching his brother power lift his great-grandfather’s paperweight with his dick, and the other part from the increased food consumption.

“You ordered all 10 of these fried pickle containers for yourself?”

“God, Liam, no!  Do you think I’m some kind of animal?  One of them is for Jessica.”

“Yeah, that’s … that’s much better.” Liam replied sardonically before he dropped all of the bags onto Leo’s lap and watched in disgust as he and Jessica began to ravage through them.

Liam slid a pizza box to the side and cleared a path of garbage to walk over to Jessica, who smiled at him with a mouthful of fried pickles. He bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead. “Kegels, huh?” He smirked a twinkle in his bright blue eyes, getting charged over the prospect of her tightness around him. “I’ll try to forget the fact that you’re doing them with …  my brother.”

Jessica chewed and swallowed hard, while Liam’s thumb wiped the ranch dressing from the corner of her mouth. “He’s a good workout partner, Liam. Drake never wants to do Kegels with me anymore.”

Leo laughed out loud with a mouthful of food that flew everywhere. “That’s because Drake is already a pussy!”

Liam crouched down beside Jessica and took hold of both of her greasy hands. “Come on, love, let’s get you off the floor and somewhere more comfortable.”

 As Liam pulled her up from the floor, Jessica felt a gush of fluid stream down her legs, leaving a very visible wet mark down the insides of her yoga pants.

Jessica peeked down and saw the remnants of wetness left behind. She looked back up at Liam. “Shit! I think my water just broke!!”

Without warning or hesitation, a frantic Leo tossed his food aside, jumped up, and shoved Liam out of the way. “Oh, God! It’s HAPPENING!! The baby is coming now?! I haven’t sterilized the apartment yet!  We haven’t checked the durability of your nipples! The mucus plug is still intact! How will the baby come out now?!?! Oh, the fucken humanity!!!” Leo glanced down to the ground where a stunned Liam was hunched over on all fours. “Dammit! Liam now isn’t the time to lay around! Call for a fucken car … our baby is coming!!”

“LEO!!!” Liam shouted while he pushed himself up from the floor and wrapped his arms protectively around Jessica.

Liam instructed Leo to get Drake and have the white Navigator ready out front while he took  Jess upstairs to change and clean up. 

Leo nodded to Liam, called him a jizzslobber, and agreed to do exactly as he was told.  After Leo ran and slid out the door of his quarters, Liam pulled the phone from the inside of his suit pocket and hit the contact for Bastien. “Bastien, I need you to meet Jessica and me in the black Navigator parked in the service garage, ASAP.”

Jessica rubbed her hands over her swollen tummy as she walked with Liam up the stairs and turned to him “I thought you told Leo we were taking the white one?”

Liam grinned wide. “Change of plans, my love.”

SERVICE GARAGE-PALACE

After Liam helped Jessica clean up and change, he grabbed their hospital bag and climbed inside the black SUV where Bastien was waiting. Just as they pull out of the gates, Leo and Drake popped their heads up from the third-row seat.  “AHA!!! I knew it!!”

Startled, Liam twisted around to face him. “Leo! What the fuck are you doing in here? I told you to get the white SUV.”

Leo crossed his arms on the back of Liam’s seat and sneered at him. “I knew you were trying to pull some fast shit. You didn’t look me in the eyes, little brother, and you were squirmy as fuck. Everyone knows that’s the telltale sign of lying.  I’ve never lied to you, except that one time I told you it was Drake that left the KY jelly and anal plug in your office desk. They were mine. Besides, Jessica texted me and told me your plan about the switcheroo. The lies keep piling up, Liam. It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

Liam clenched his jaw and turned to Jessica. “Why would you tell him that, love?”

Jessica shrugged. “He’s my focal point for breathing. I need him.”

Drake ran a hand down his face and spoke up. “How the fuck did I get dragged into this? I swear to God if I see your snatch, Garcia, I’m gonna fucken annihilate your focal point.”

Liam snapped his head toward Drake and gawked. “NO ONE IS SEEING JESSICA’S … PRIVATE AREA!”

Leo flicked his hand dismissively and patted Jessica on the shoulder.  “Don’t listen to him, Jess. Remember …  listen to my voice … find your inner sanctum … your aura perimeter…ooohhhhhmmmm.” He closed his eyes and placed his hands near both sides of his head with his middle fingers touching his thumbs. “Oohhhhmmmmm …”

Drake smacked a hand to his own forehead before he shouted, “Bastien!! Let me out of this fucken SUV! I’m not listening to this fucken shit all the way there. I’ll fucken walk the rest of the way.”

Before Bastien could acknowledge him, Jessica plunged forward and clutched her stomach. “Owwwww! I think I’m having a contraction!!!” 

This only made Leo go louder. “OOOHHHHHHMMMMMMM.”

Liam reached for Jessica’s hand and squeezed it tighter. “It’s okay, love. I’m here. Listen to MY voice.”

It was a continuous cycle of,  “Ooohhhmmm”s” and “Owwww’’s” and “Let me the fuck outs” and “It’s okay, my love’s” all the way to the hospital.

CORDONIA MEMORIAL HOSPITAL

The SUV pulled into the private entrance of the hospital where paparazzi were already waiting.

Liam stepped out, cursing to himself over the assumed leak to the press, and helped Jessica slide out his side of the vehicle.

Bastien and Drake immediately began shuffling the crowds to the side and yelling at them to get back.

Leo followed closely behind Jessica and Liam and reached into his pants pocket. “Hey, Liam!” he yelled.  

Liam turned to face him. “What?”

Leo threw a pink glitter bomb that landed squarely in the middle of Liam’s chest, which created a sparkly poof of epic proportions around him.

Liam started coughing ferociously and rubbed his itchy eyes. “Leo! You motherfucker! Why in the blue hell did you just do that?” He continued to cough and wipe the shit ton of pink glitter that was plastered on his shirt and spread into his golden hair.

Jessica covered her face while she snickered uncontrollably. “You really got him good, Leo.”

Leo swiped the air around him to avoid the tiny particles of glitter floating through the breeze. “Look, man, it was getting entirely too serious back there. Jessica and my gummy bear need a stress free aura perimeter. See how happy she looks now?”

Jessica picked a piece of the glitter off her tongue and wiped it on Liam’s shirt: “I do feel happier now that my aura perimeter has become more sparkly. Thanks, Leo!”

Leo stood taller and winked at his brother. “Told ya!”

Liam shook his head and let out a heavy, sigh. “Let’s just get in here … and both of you leave your damn aura perimeters outside!”

MATERNITY WING –EXAM ROOM

Inside the exam room, Jessica was dressed in a hospital gown and laid on the bed hooked up to the monitors. Liam was at one side stroking her hair, and of course, Leo was on the other side drawing faces with boobs on balloons he made of out of latex gloves and assigned each one hooker names from Cordonian nobles. Musty Madeleine, Hootered Hana, and Deepthroat Savannah. The last one was, Choke-A-Bitch Bertrand – their spoon lovin pimp.

Jessica felt another sharp pain spread across her stomach and bore down harder onto Liam’s hand. “ FUCK!!!! THIS HURTS!!!”

Liam’s face fell into her busting cleavage and yelped, “ Love, my hand..my hand…my hand!”

Leo was getting frustrated by the wait and swept aside his lineup of rubber hookers and the one peculiar-looking pimp. “Wheres the fucken doctor at? Gummy bear could be coming out right now and no one is here to catch her. I guess I’ll have to save our baby!! Leo shuffled to the end of the bed and started to lift the sheet that draped over Jessica’s leg before Liam yelled for him to stop.

“Fucken Liam! You’re supposed to be ohming and not yelling at me!” 

“Fuck your ohhhmm bullshit, Leo! It’s stupid anyway.”

Leo shifted his posture and took a more defensive stance. “Take it back Liam…I mean it.”

“Go ohm yourself, Leo.”

 Jessica gripped the sides of her bed and yelled out, “IM STILL IN PAIN!!! AHHHHH!”

Leo suddenly felt a ripping pain and grasped his lower stomach before he fell to his knees. “AHHHHHHH! What the hell is that?”

Liam massaged soothing circles over Jessica’s arm, deliberately ignoring the fact that Leo had just crumpled to the floor. “Sweetheart, I love you so much, just breathe through the pain.”

Leo cried out, “I’m trying,  but it’s not helping…ahhhhhh!!”

Liam had become frustrated with Leo long before this day began but now felt he was taking these sympathy pains to the extreme. 

Drake knocked on the door and slowly inched his way in while covering his eyes with his hand. “ Everything okay, you guys? Thought I heard a fucken hyena in here.”

Leo tried to stand, but the pain ripped through him even more, causing him to lurch back to the ground. “ Ahhh! It’s this pain in my lower stomach. I knew I shouldn’t have fucked that cashier in a White Castle bathroom without a rubber!!!”

Liam could tell by his brother’s writhing in the fetal position on the floor that he really was in a lot of pain. On the flip side, this would be the perfect opportunity to get Leo the hell out of here. He cleared his throat, “Drake, would you mind taking Leo to get checked out? I’m really concerned about him.”

Drake lowered the hand that covered his eyes and his gaze immediately fell on Leo. “You gotta be fucken kidding me? There’s nothing wrong with this douchebag that a few days worth of strong antibiotics and ointments wouldn’t clear up.”

“NO! I have to be here for the birth of our baby! If she sees Liam’s ass chin before I can prepare her, the results could be disastrous!”

Liam scrunched up his face and placed a finger over his chin. He didn’t have an ass chin and had no idea what the hell Leo was talking about. With a desperate look in his eyes, he turned to his oldest friend. “Please, Drake.”

Drake pinched his nose for a moment then dropped his hand to his side to reluctantly approach Leo and help him up. “Fuck it! Come on.” He placed one of Leo’s arms around his neck then Drake wrapped his arm around the sides of his waist and led him to the door; Leo shouted Spanish, and what sounded like a cricket in his ear the entire way. As they made their way past Liam, Leo stopped long enough to give his brother some last-minute advice before he parted. “She’s not wearing a bra or panties right now, hombre. I packed an extra shoe in her bag in case your kinky ass needs to choke your monkey. Kapeesh?”

CORDONIA MEMORIAL HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM

Leo was lying partially on his side, holding his stomach,  while Drake stood next to the head of his hospital bed. A doctor studied an x-ray that hung to a viewer on the far wall, then flipped the light off of it, removed the film and turned to face Leo and Drake.

Leo glared at the doctor, “What is it, doctor? You can tell me. I can take it…is it The Clap? Its the Clap isn’t it? Oh God! I got The Clap, Drake!! Why does all the bad shit happen to me?”

“Don’t talk to me, Leo,” Drake groaned. 

The doctor inched closer to the men, “Mr. Rhys…its not..the clap…I’m afraid you have kidney stones.”

“What? Kidney stones? Is that like slang for Gonorrhea?”

“No, sir. Its slang for kidney stones.”

Leo returned a half-hearted smile. “Doctor…Wh…what else could it be?”

 “Kidney stones.”

“Orrrr?”

“Kidney stones.”

 “But if it was something else…”

Drake had finally had enough of the back-and-forth exchange and yelled out, “Its fucken kidney stones Leo! You’ve got rocks in your pee-pee man!”

Leo’s eyes widened and his gaze went from Drake and back to the doctor.” Is that true? How do I get them out doc? I can’t be smashing some chics ass with rocks weighing down my Papi cock, I got a rep to maintain.”

The doctor regarded him thoughtfully. “Ordinarily, we try to break the stones up with shock waves, but yours are too close to the bladder. This means we can either wait for you to pass them … or … we can go up the urethra.

Drake began to chuckle before he clapped Leo on the shoulder. “You are sooo fucked dude.”

Leo shrugged Drake’s hand off of him and shook his head. “FUCK THAT! NOTHING IS GOING UP ANYTHING. UP IS NOT AN OPTION…WAIT…WHATS A URETHRA?

“It’s the hole you piss out of, man.”

Leo’s head snapped back to the doctor. “ ARE YOU FUCKEN CRAZY?!”

30 minutes later

Leo was screaming on the bed while he jerked Drake around in a headlock. “Ohh! Get these things out of me!”

“Breathe! Breathe through the fucken pain, Leo!” Drake instructed while Leo continued to bounce his head around.

“I want the drugs, Drake! I want the drugs!” he cried out while rocking back and forth, taking Drake with him.

“I do too! I do too!”

5 more minutes later

Leo was laying back on his pillow, recovering from one of the most painful experiences of his life as he sought to catch his breath. “Oh my God.”

Drake squeezed Leo’s arm with a look of pride in his eyes. “You did it, man. That was fucken incredible, Leo!”

The doctor approached the two with a small, clear contain that held the two kidney stones Leo had just passed. He shook it in front of him, “Would you like to see them?”

Leo nodded and reached out to take it from him. He held them in front of his face and Drake leaned in closer to get a better look. Leo smiled at them. “They’re so small, Drake.” 

A knock on the door pulled the two men from their attention on the tiny, ragged stones Leo held affectionately in his hand. They looked up to see Liam entering the room.

“Hey! I heard what happened. Are you okay, Leo?:

“Yeah. My dick hurts like a motherfucker, but in the end –” he held up the container, “–I have these two little cuties to show for it.”

Perma tags: @emceesynonmroll @romanticatheart-posts @burnsoslow @dcbbw @ao719  @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @hopefulmoonobject @texaskitten30 @drakesensworld @janezillow @merridithsmiscellany-blog @mskaneko @loveellamae @queenjilian @sirbeepsalot @pedudley @caroldxnvxrs @jovialyouthmusic @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog

#liam x mc #liam and jess #prince leo #choices trh #happy birthday jessica

[catastrophoebe]

28-37 71-79 81-89 94-100 for the ask thing? i know that's a lot to answer so no pressure to do 'em all!

hey thanks so much for asking!! it means a lot!! 💞 here goes: (i think i got all of ‘em?)

28. what type of music do you like? i really really love sufjan, obviously, and other than that i pretty much lean towards indie stuff but i’m not super picky (i can tell you i don’t listen to rap or country, though!)

29. have you ever been skinny dipping? nope!

30. how many pillows do you sleep with? two!

31. what position do you usually sleep in? either flat on my back or on my side, i guess?

32. how big is your house? kinda big, i suppose (it’s got a basement, first floor, second floor, and attic)

33. what do you typically have for breakfast? i go through phases where i’ll eat the same thing for breakfast over and over till i’m tired of it, but until recently i’d been eating avocado toast and greek yogurt!

34. have you ever fired a gun? no siree

35. have you ever tried archery? yep! we did an archery unit in my gym class...

36. favorite clean word? hmm, first one that comes to mind is ubiquitous

37. favorite swear word? fuck and any and all variants

71. what makes you nervous? in short, everything (anxiety gang, whoop whoop), but specifically i worry a lot about having health issues/dying and also most every social situation, yo

72. are you scared of the dark? not really, no!

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes? not really, except for grammar mistakes #grammarpolice

74. are you ticklish? yuppo

75. have you ever started a rumor? not that i can recall!

76. have you ever been in a position of authority? not really? i mean, i’m the oldest sibling, so that’s gotta count for something, ha

77. have you ever drank underage? not other than a few sips!

78. have you ever done drugs? nope

79. who was your first real crush? i was intensely infatuated with my next door neighbor named lucian for quite some time...

81. can you roll your rs? not super well, but kinda

82. how fast can you type? mmm, average at best

83. how fast can you run? a couple years ago i could run an 8.5 min mile, but i’m probably a heck of a lot slower now

84. what color is your hair? dirty blonde!

85. what color are your eyes? hazel!

86. what are you allergic to? nothin’ that i know of!

87. do you keep a journal? i used to bullet journal religiously and i’ve been meaning to get back into it, but no, i don’t journal at the moment

88. what do your parents do? my dad is an emergency room doctor and my mom was a lawyer, then a stay-at-home mom, and now she works in human resources

89. do you like your age? hard no! i’m at a weird time where i feel like i’m wasting my life and i don’t know what i want to do when i get older and people are starting to ask me about my plans for college and gah it’s just very overwhelming

94. what are your strengths? gee, i dunno, i guess i’m very thoughtful and meticulous and kind, if that counts

95. what are your weaknesses? oof, well, i get burnt out very easily, i’m awful at time management, i’m pretty intense, etc., etc.

96. how did you get your name? partially from phoebe in the catcher in the rye and partially from my great (great?) grandma, but mostly my parents just liked the name

97. were your ancestors royalty? not to my knowledge, but i know nothing about it!

98. do you have any scars? yuppo, quite a few- ones of note include one on my shoulder where i ran into a tree branch on a horse and one on each thigh from when my cat slid off my lap but tried to cling to my legs for support

99. color of your bedspread? white with purple, orange, and blue designs on it

100. color of your room? dark blue (‘cause it used to be my parents’ room and we’ve never gotten around to re-painting it for me)

#mine #asks

[queenslasharchive]

Another Damn (Vam)pire Story, Chapter 4 (The Prologue)

(Author’s note: This is the epilogue of Another Damn (Vam)pire Story, but not of the Another One Bites At Dusk Series. You’ll be seeing more installments soon! :) 

Also: We do not support pedophiles or non-con here. Amy and Robbie’s (more than platonic) relationship is completely consensual and doesn’t occur until Robbie is a grown ass adult who can make his own decisions about who he wants to love and be with. :)

Bapuji: Robbie’s name for Freddie, father in Gujarati. Bunic: grandfather in Romanian.)

“Eye of newt, and toe of frog, 

Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, 

Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting, 

Lizard’s leg, and owlet’s wing,— 

For a charm of powerful trouble, 

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. 

Double, double toil and trouble; 

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.” 

― William Shakespeare

Robbie Deacon met The Devil when he was seven years old. 

And he wasn’t talking about his Bunic either, Froggie’s father. 

Actually, Amy was a Prince of Hell, so just a powerful demon. Not exactly The Devil but close enough. 

He met his then-contractor at a street carnival in Piccadilly Circus, he had a pocket full of 10 quid and a line of younger siblings trailing after him like a clutch of eager ducklings.

Mikey, Lo, Jimmy and even little Felix, a too-warm wet face nuzzled into his neck as he toted the vampiric toddler along. 

Their fathers had been busy preparing for a show at the time, leaving the kids to their own devices or in the care of their usual Nanny Freestone. (Of course they’d snuck away from Uncle Phoebe. It was all they ever did). 

The babies, Lulu and Rory, were still with their minder.

While an excited Mikey made them stop and stare at every shop window as they passed by. Lo and Felix were gumming at Robbie’s mustard-colored hair or yanking at it in fistfuls. Jimmy had his face buried in Robbie’s tummy like an angry little limpet as they waddled along.  

Being a big brother right sucked sometimes. 

Mikey raced on ahead of them, until he collided sharply with a pair of black jeans that sent him falling backwards onto his bum, arms pinwheeling as he went down with a soft oomph.

The tall redhead scowled down at Robbie’s little brother, as though the poor kid had killed somebody instead of just being his overexcited self. 

Robbie raced over (well, as fast as he could race with all his attachments) and dragged his little brother to his feet, positioning himself between Mikey and the scary redhead. 

“Sorry, sir. He’s just excited.”

Robbie really didn’t sound all that apologetic, but he smiled anyway. 

Concealing his birth-father’s temperament behind his soft child features. 

“It is okay, Robert.” 

The tall man hummed and Robbie thought that was the end of it, dragging the kids along with him. But he stiffened mid-turn. How did he…?

“Come.”

The man wasn’t smiling, but he seemed warmer somewhat as he beckoned, fingers curling towards his palm in a come hither motion. 

Robbie’s arms were suddenly weighed down, heavy as anvils with the children who rested there.

He remembered being utterly terrified of the redheaded man, in his dark clothes and rattling chain jewelry. It was like a nod to one of the ghosts from A Christmas Story. 

The seven-year-old was planning on just plain running, until he saw the glint of something strange in those dark feral eyes. Oh no. 

“Mikey, take the kids and go to Uncle Phoebe. Now.”

He passed over Felix and Lo near seamlessly and Jimmy obediently took Mikey’s hand at Robbie’s behest. “Run, and don’t look back.”

“But…” He saw his little brother’s lip start to quiver and he shook his head slightly, eyes wide. 

‘Remember Froggie’s lessons?’ He mouthed pointedly, as clarity dawned in his little brother’s eyes this is what he trained us for and in the next second the younger was practically flitting away, off to get help and their little siblings to safety.

As Robbie turned back to the redheaded man looming before him, tiny hands curled into fists as he stood his ground. 

Trying to portray his whole defense with his eyes alone. My Froggie, one of my fathers, has fangs half the time, and my baby brother does too. My Uncle Phoebe is a hairy scary werewolf. You aren’t all that impressive, bruv. 

“Come, Robert. We have an engagement.” 

The redheaded man, his demon, his soon-contractor, Amy before he knew him as Amy, took him by the hand.

One tiny soft (human) hand wrapped in a huge clawed other. 

“How did you know my name?” 

Petulant, with his bottom lip jutting out plaintively as he was tugged along into the shadows. The walls around them seemed to ripple, all the colors and lights were swimming around and around and made him nauseous. He used the redheaded man’s hand to anchor him. 

“Are you here to hurt my family?” 

That question came out more demanding than the first, and when neither was answered, he ripped his hand away.

Teeth gritted tight and his nose wrinkled, spinning around with fists raised. As if he could actually defend himself against one of Froggie’s enemies. 

The room stopped moving the moment their hands disconnected. 

The demon before him was less than impressed. 

“I’m not here to take anything from you, or to hurt anyone you love, Robert. In fact, I’m here to give you a gift.”

Robbie’s narrowed suspiciously. “I don’t want The Bite or a Turning.” He wasn’t stupid. 

The redheaded man smiled. 

“I am not a werewolf or a vampire, little Deacon. I created them.” The creature came closer and closer, until they were right in front of each other, close enough to touch. “Oh no, I am here to give you a gift that will let you help your family, keep them safe, and thwart the laws of life and death.” 

“That’s impossible. Besides my family is full of immortals anyway. I don’t need you.”

Scowling, pudgy arms crossed and lips pursed like a pair of taut strings. 

“The living dead cannot die.” Robbie froze. “That little brother of yours? With the diluted vampiric blood? Enjoy his maybe twelve years of life, before the vampiric blood destroys the marrow of his long bones and takes his life with it.” Robbie looked up with genuine fear in his big blue eyes. 

“Felix? That’s going to happen to… I’ll be able to save Felix with your gift?”

The demon nodded, extending a hand again. 

“You’ll be able to save them all.”

Robbie Deacon, seven years old and raised by human monsters, peered at that hand suspiciously once more. “What’s the catch?”

“I, Avnas, Prince of Hell and 58th spirit of the Goetia, will have claim to your human soul.”

Robbie Deacon gave claim of his soul to a demon when he was seven years old. 

He became a contract-witch that day, a future warrior of Amy’s thirty-six legion army. 

One of the damned. 

-X-

“Why me?” 

Robbie would ask in later years, sleeping with his head pillowed in Amy’s lap after one of their consensual midnight excursions. 

He would ask it as a man, with a halo of mustardseed curls around his head, a pentacle scar on his palm and a tongue like a viper. His porcelain fingers interlaced with a hand that had once been so big. 

The redheaded demon’s blue flames licked at his skin like the raspy tongue of a cat, tickling rather than burning as the witch snuggled closer to his contractor, his demon, his lover.

Amy used his actual forked tongue to play with Robbie’s pointed ear, bending the cartilage back and forth, back and forth, before he spoke. 

“I am all-knowing, all seeing, carissimus.” The latin word term of endearment sent a pleasant shiver up his spine. “I saw more than you as a stubborn child back then, I saw what you would become.”

Blue eyes met red. 

“You knew that you’d love me one day?” Robbie smiled, smugly like the cat who’d gotten the cream. Amy rolled his eyes and lightly pinched the younger man’s backside, making him pout something fierce. 

“No, you cheeky little imp.”

Before Amy, he wouldn’t have known that a Prince of Hell could blush.

“The love is all your fault. Nobody else but you would fall in love with a demon. Perhaps there’s something wrong up here.” Gently knocking on the side of Robbie’s head.

The witch shrugged, wiggling even closer. 

“My Dad fell in love with a half-vampire, So I guess like-father-like-son. We both love the dangerous types, the ones who could probably kill us.” He furrowed his brow, still pouting. “But …If not love then what?”

“I saw what you could do, what you were going to be…My boss didn’t want you fighting on the side of the angels.”

Those hands, burning with blue hellfire, gently rubbed their thumbs across his cheekbones. 

“I just wanted a soldier.”

Robbie snapped his teeth instead, in a beautifully gory smile. A man who wouldn’t bow, who wouldn’t be tamed. “Funny, ‘cause if I remember correctly, I’m the one who wanted you.” 

-X-

Robbie knew that his Bapuji was sick, long before the adults bothered to tell them anything.

But they knew. 

At least poor Felix certainly did. The little boy could smell it, the same way the cats could. Sometimes he would have to cover his nose and mouth and run into another room to cry. Things were really really bad. 

For the rest of the kids it was just a suspicion, but it wasn’t hard to see the looming death-sentence with the way everyone else acted around him. Hell, around them. They weren’t that dull. 

Bapuji was always smiling though, smiling widely with all his teeth exposed, as he would ask them what they wanted for Christmas and their birthdays. Even if their birthday had just gone by. He went shopping over and over and over again. And sometimes he would spend hours in the garden painting. 

When Robbie found the little clutch of presents for each of them, hidden away in a room upstairs, with different dates and birthdays written on them in Bapuji’s careful hand, he stiffened and closed it again.

Running to his room before he burst into tears. 

He was thirteen years old, still in the stage of his platonic frenemy relationship with Amy, that was far more hate than anything else… although edging towards eventual begrudging acceptance. 

When he awoke in the middle of the night to the demon’s voice himself, shaking him awake, he scowled and almost cast a spell from sheer irritation but…

“Robert, your Roger is dying. He tried to…”

“…Turn, Bapuji.” His raw more-than-awake voice finished for the demonic entity speaking inside his head and he threw himself out of bed. “Shit!” 

Snatching up his rusted bloody athame, ceremonial knife, from the little locked box he kept hidden behind the wooden slats underneath his bed, and an old book that Amy had given him, after he’d used his own blood to sign his name on the first page. It had become his, the ritualistic Book of Shadows of a contract-witch. 

Then he was running down the hallways and a flight of twisty stairs as fast as his pink socked feet would allow him to do so. 

Cursing both the carpeting and Bapuji’s penchant for pretty things, every time he nearly tripped and flung himself into the sun with the force of it.

He knew the way to his fathers’ room, nestled as it was in the center of the house like a heartbeat, because he’d traversed the path multiple times a day, from the time he was old enough to be autonomously mobile.

Of course he loved his Mum, the way a child is always wont to do.

The same way he loved his Aunts and Uncles Joe and Phoebe. But his fathers were something else entirely.

Froggie, Bapuji, Dad, Brimi, they were his primary parents. Sure, his Mum was as well, especially on tour stuff, and the Uncles and Aunts had been loving on him since the day they’d arrived. But his relationship with those four was something special.

It no accident that he called his siblings, his siblings. 

Despite the differing blood in their veins.

He careened into that room with all the decorum of a battering ram, nearly taking his eye out with the fucking casting knife as his hip slammed against an end table near the door and shattered a fancy purple vase. Fuck.

He was just about to apologize too, on reflex, when he actually processed what was happening in the room before his eyes. 

Holy. Fucking. Shit. 

Joe was shaking in the corner, arms wrapped tightly around himself and eyes shut against the world. 

Bapuji was crying at the end of the bed, held safe in Uncle Jim’s arms, turned away from where Robbie could see, all he could see was the hair… hair that was longer than he remembered, a lither body too… and the quaking shoulders as he sobbed.

Brimi was on the floor, legs tucked under him and staring at the carpet, not even making a sound. Like he’d just crashed there or something. Unable to move, think or even breathe. 

It was the scene on the bed though, that really made Robbie feel ill. 

Phoebe, Dad and his Bunic, his grandfather Vlad, were feverishly working over a corpse with fanned out dark hair and the same round features as Felix. 

Froggie.

But also not Froggie at all. 

Despite his chaotic entrance, it was if nobody had so much as seen him, a veritable ghost as he neared the bed, eyes wide and horrified, pupils stretched from corner-to-corner of his blue irises. 

His Bunic was biting Froggie’s arms and chest, over and over and over again. 

Phoebe was doing the same on his end, hoping that at least one venom would take hold, and it looked as if someone had tried to force the corpse, that thing lying akimbo that was once Froggie, to drink as his full lips were smeared with crimson blood. 

His Dad was doing CPR, pounding on Froggie’s chest with the whole of his body weight, as if desperate to get the dead heart beneath his hands to start beating once more.

It was utterly devastating to see. 

His Dad wasn’t normally good with emotions, unless it was anger or upset. But the man on top of Froggie was frenzied, sobbing so hard and screaming complete nonsense, that it was a wonder that he had enough air to blow into the corpse’s mouth at all. Forcing the chest up and down, up and down. 

But it wasn’t catching, it wasn’t doing anything.

That spark inside the corpse, that spark that had once made Froggie, Froggie, was just gone.

That thing wasn’t their Froggie anymore. 

His hand reached out, and he felt all of two years old again, reaching out for Froggie to kiss his booboos better, a tiny pale hand that always found a home inside a too-warm one. 

A slightly larger pale hand now touched that same skin and it was chilled like ice. He recoiled at the wrongness of the sensation. 

“Froggie.” He whimpered. 

Something that finally seemed to spurn the acknowledgment of the other living beings in the room. Although now it was Robbie who couldn’t look away from the dead. 

“Robbie.” Phoebe sounded strangled. “Robbie, please go back to bed.” A forced tearful smile that never reached his eyes. 

“…There’s nothing you can do.”

“He wouldn’t want you to see him like this.” His Dad sounded utterly destroyed, his voice was wrecked and almost as bad as he looked.

“Well, I don’t give a damn about what he wants!” Blood pooled in Robbie’s cheeks. His teeth were gritted tightly and he flung his athame and blood book onto the bed, climbing up on his hands and knees to join them. “I’m going to save his life!” 

Vlad blinked at him, and those ruddy feral eyes honed in on the ritualistic items before him. His mouth falling open slightly in shock. Robbie could see the fangs playing peekaboo there.

Then his gaze turned back to his fallen son and he was resolute all at once. 

“What do you want us to do?”

His Dad was aghast. “Robbie, what are you on about?” A sad laugh as he stopped giving chest compressions and sat back with a tearful desolation about him. “Love, there’s nothing you can do.” He sounded like he was already dead. His father opened his arms for a hug or maybe absolution, but Robbie simply shook his head, setting his jaw tightly as he took his Book of Shadows into his arms. 

He opened it to a blank page and used the sharp edge of the cover to garner a drop of blood from his thumb. Pressing it to the parchment. 

Amy, I need candles for the circle and symbols of earth, air, fire and water to call each corner. 

Please. 

“Here you are, little witch.”

The candles were made of long strips of white and black wax, life and death, five that he set to one side, a vial of water (at least he sincerely hoped it was water), and a handful of …dirt.

Yes, of course, thank you so much Amy for this handful of old black dirt without a container. 

“Cheeky little brat.”

He resisted the urge to stick out his tongue. 

Instead he snatched up the candles and all but threw them into his Bunic’s arms. “Here! Make a circle around the bed but don’t light them.” 

“What are you doing, darling? Where did those come from?!” 

His Bapuji’s voice sounded weird.

Not a bad kind of weird, but like he’d never smoked a ciggie before in his life or ever even gotten sick in the first place. Robbie turned over to see blood tears drying on a Bapuji that he’d only ever seen on old album covers, except this one had red eyes, fangs that stuck out farther than his existing teeth and a strange feral sheen about him, with the way he focused on everything Robbie was holding. 

The only thing the little witch could say was: “Oh God, it actually worked.”

The next thing was: “I summoned them. Please I’ve got to heal him, Bapuji. I need you to get Brimi off the floor and Uncle Joe out of the corner. Please trust me, I can do this!” His voice was verging on the desperate and his Bapuji must have seen something there, because he jumped into action. 

Uncle Jim helped as well, his Uncle Jim who looked at him in a way that he never had before.

Almost with something akin to fear. Fear of him or fear for him, the boy didn’t know.

“Bri, please get on the bed, love… Yes, there. Now that’s the ticket.”

“Joe, darling, come we can’t do this without you.”

It was only when they were all on the bed, looking at him in varying states of shock and confusion that he picked up his athame again. 

And used the sharpness to carve a pentacle into the soft pale flesh of his hand.

Blood welled up from the deep slashes in his flesh, like oil from the deep dark recesses of the earth. His Bapuji swallowed hard, turning away from the blood with the trembling form of a newly turned vampire, while his Dad cried out and snatched up his son’s injured hand with his own. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

Trying to blot at the raw flesh as if to stop the bleeding.

Robbie snatched his hand back defiantly. Setting his jaw against the only person who could out-stubborn him. Their usual peacekeeper was a corpse between them.

“Robert Deacon!”

He completely ignored his father and turned to the group at large. 

“Join hands and don’t scream.”

He took the dirt into his own.

“I call to the guardians of the North! Children of the earth and new life! Hear my cry, bring back your son who cannot die!”

He spoke in a voice that wasn’t his own. But one that wasn’t Amy’s either, his casting voice was deep, raw and gravelly like it was being dragged up from the very pits of hell. Blue flames exploded in his palms to burn up the dirt, and the candles at the front of the bed lit up with hellish light. 

Then the vial of water. 

“I call to the guardians of the West! Children of the sea and change! Hear my cry, bring back one who cannot die!” 

Then he paused. Looking at the many faces pressed in a circle around him, looking at him like they never had before. Like in that moment he wasn’t their son, he wasn’t little Robbie Deacon anymore. He was a monster. A thing of nightmares. 

“I need something made of metal to call the guardians of fire…”

Instantly his Bunic was pressing a black steel ring with the face of a gargoyle into his hand. 

“I call to the guardians of the South! Children of fire and passion! Hear my cry, bring back a father who cannot die!”

Then he held his athame into the air, still dripping with his own blood. 

“I call to the guardians of the East! Children of air and loss! Hear my cry, save one who cannot die!” 

Suddenly the entire room was ablaze with hellfire, flames that wouldn’t burn anything except for what Robbie wanted them to. His eyes were closed as he reached out and laid a hand on his Froggie’s bare chest. 

“Lower, Robert. Find his iliac crest, where his blood cells are made. Wake up the marrow.”

He slid his hands down lower, to hug his father’s hips. Staining the icy skin with his blood. 

Under Amy’s careful guidance he forced the blood cells to reform, forced the vampiric blood in those veins to start jostling about once again. Fighting inside the body to manipulate it. To get that heart beating. He poured everything he had into it. 

Froggie holding his hands as he stumbled through his first steps, his first lost tooth, his first triumphs and his first defeats, his first crush, his first broken heart: all the milestones of his first thirteen years of life.

Dancing around the kitchen with socks as ballet shoes.

He never cared about his father’s unique lineage or the red eyes and fangs. He never cared about the baggies of blood in their fridge or anything that they couldn’t control.

His Froggie was always perfect in his eyes.

He always knew how much the family meant to his Froggie, but he also knew without a doubt, that above all else. They, he and his siblings, were the loves of Froggie’s life. 

Reading goodnight stories in funny voices to make them laugh, coming up behind them to sweep them up in his arms, tickling and kissing the daylights out of them. Spinning them around up on his shoulders.

Froggie would’ve done anything for them. He had even given his life for Bapuji. The purest kind of love was selfless love.

Love beyond all confines. 

Please. He doesn’t deserve this. Amy, please. 

He felt the small twitch and then how that deadened heart began to beat once again, slow at first and then in the frantic pounding staccato beat of a dhampir. 

Froggie’s skin grew flush with an uncomfortable heat, and his fanning dark hair began to lighten. Half-mast blue glassy eyes darkened to a crimson red, the milky haze fading away. 

Roger Taylor woke up screaming.  

Jackknifing up ramrod straight with full vampiric features displayed: wrinkled bat nose, elongated fangs and bloody eyes.  Alive, so fucking alive. 

Well, about as alive as the living dead could be. 

The flames on Robbie’s body were extinguished all at once, and he flung himself into his Froggie’s trembling arms, sobbing like he was three years old again instead of thirteen.

Clinging to that bloody skin and letting that too-fast heartbeat fill his ears with its heavenly sound. 

-X-

The fact that his dads’ bed was strong enough to hold all of them (Froggie, Dad, Brimi, Bapuji, Mum, Auntie Dom, Uncle Phoebe, Uncle Jim and Uncle Joe), was pretty spectacular, considering all of them were clinging to Froggie and each other, without the slightest thought of letting go. 

Dom tore his dads and uncles a new asshole each for not calling her once things went sour with the change (the one that apparently everybody knew about but him) and Froggie seemed to be reeling from the fact that he’d nearly ended up six-feet under. 

Robbie shook his head from where his face was still smushed into his Froggie’s furnace-warm chest. 

“No,” His voice was small, eyes still closed. “The living dead can’t die.”

His Bunic was sitting by the windowsill, a gentle smile on the young yet ancient face. 

But that smile faded when turned on his grandson, edged by a touch of knowing sadness. 

“Which one was it, guriță?” He asked softly, eyes shaded. “Which demon?”

Froggie was sitting up at once, looking at Vlad with bewilderment. 

“What demon, Dad? What are you talking about?”

Vlad gestured to Robbie, then turned fully to face the teenager. “Which demon did you sell your soul to, Robert?”

To say that all hell broke loose would be an understatement. 

He simply hung his head and spoke over the throng. 

“Avnas. And I didn’t sell it, I let him lay claim.” 

Vlad cocked an eyebrow, “A Prince of Hell? Well. I suppose you deserve credit for shooting high.”

“So I wasn’t hallucinating you being on fire?”

His Froggie sounded sick. Robbie just shook his head. Still not daring to raise his gaze from where it was examining the drops of blood on the bedclothes, ones that looked like rose petals spread across the plush duvet. 

“You’re thirteen years old! How in the hell did you sell your soul to a demon?! Why? What possessed you to do that?”  

His Dad looked livid and it was finally enough for Robbie to raise his head and glare with everything he had. 

“I was seven years old!” He wailed, fists clenched and tears welling up in his eyes. “It wasn’t exactly in my life plan, alright?” 

He whipped his head around to meet their stares head-on. “Yes! I’m a contract-witch, I let a demon lay claim on my soul to save my little brother’s life, to have the power to save all of yours, and I’d do it again if given half the chance!”

He was crying genuine human tears. 

“No need to worry about my damnation!” He let out a little hysterical laugh. One of his Froggie’s favorite words. “I’ve already gone and damned myself.”

His Brimi, his closet father at the moment, dragged him into a hug so crushing that he whimpered. The others followed suit.

He almost didn’t hear Amy’s sad voice, heavy and guilty in his head. He never knew a demon could feel remorse.

“Little witch, I am so sorry.”

-X-

Phoebe turned Joe into a lycanthrope once he started showing signs of having AIDS as well. 

They had been together for as long as Robbie could remember and he threw white petals at their little forest wedding in the backyard. 

Their family grew as he did, every years or so bringing more siblings with it. 

Josh came only a year or so after his first meeting with Amy. Luke and Cam were his Mum’s last foray into the baby-making front. And he was old enough to have fathered them himself by the time they came along. But he loved them all the same. 

Tiger Lilly and Rufus Tiger Taylor came after a family trip to Mexico. 

They were naguals, shape-shifters who could take the form of jaguars. Mesoamerican indian folklore called them protective spirits that guarded the rural villages from the dark sprits who lurked in the deepest parts of the jungle.

He called them his little pain-in-ass imps who were always underfoot, causing mischief with their half-transformed faces and bending Bapuji’s cat army to their will.

But beyond it all, they were his baby brother and sister, and he loved them thusly. 

Lola May Taylor was a Christmas baby, left on their doorstep like a little Christmas miracle.

Obviously her parents hadn’t realized that they’d chosen to leave their baby on the Addams’ family doorstep. (Or maybe they were more like the Munsters?)

She and Aunt Mary’s little boys completed their family. 

As years passed, he wondered how long it would be until Bapuji and Froggie would change Dad and Brimi. 

The answer for Dad was on a warm spring day in March, when he was in his late fifties. 

Curly hair shot with thick waves of gray that they teased made him look like The Bride of Frankenstein. He had been in the kitchen with Phoebe that morning, making a cup of coffee with Bapuji sitting up on the countertop stealing kisses, as the family all sat around the table and wherever else they could fit.

Hanging out during a weekend brekkie. 

When his father’s face had suddenly creased with a surprise pain, and the cup had fallen from his grip, shattering into a dozen pieces on the floor. They’d all watched it fall. 

Watched as their father collapsed to his knees, gripping his chest and curling inward from the pain of his heart-attack.

For an instant Robbie actually thought the older Deacon was bending down to clean up the mess. 

Froggie and Bapuji changed him on the kitchen floor, all of the kids huddled around like a horde of emperor penguins. Robbie ready to conjure, just in case. 

Dad woke up to his new life with everyone he loved watching with bated breath. Robbie would never get used to the way he looked like his vampire Dad’s twin. 

Brimi lasted the longest, he was in his early seventies when he came home from from a routine doctor’s visit with a set of test results in one hand and a clutch of freshly cut flowers in the other. They changed him in bed, all three of them together. Robbie sat against the door into the wee hours of the morning, listening, ready just in case. But he wasn’t needed. 

They were all okay. 

And it was only the beginning…

-X-

His Amy, his friend, his contractor, his demon, his lover, was a living, breathing demonic asshole. 

But Robbie had to give him credit, a living, breathing demonic asshole with morals. Nothing happened between them until Robbie Deacon was a grown man, a goddamn adult with a free-for-all choice of what he wanted to do to with his life. He didn’t owe anything to Amy or hell until the day he was steered away from the pearly gates. 

But they fell in love anyway. 

Even though demons were meant to never love humans. Even though he should hate the demon prince for claiming his soul like a greedy asshole who didn’t want him tearing Hell apart by the seams. 

They loved anyway. The truest rebels of all. 

“My little witch, my sunshine… I’ll burn the contact, take it all away, if you only ask.”

“No, this is my life. My choice.”

You’re my choice.

He didn’t say. He didn’t need to. 

It wasn’t ordinary. It wasn’t normal. But it was theirs.

They loved. 

-X-

“Mama, life had just begun

But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away…

Mama, ooh (any way the wind blows)

Didn’t mean to make you cry

If I’m not back again this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

…I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me

He’s just a poor boy from a poor family

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

Bismillah! No, we will not let you go (let him go!)

Bismillah! We will not let you go (let him go!)

Will not let you go (let him go!)

Never, never let you go

Never let me go, oh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh, mama mia, mama mia (mama mia, let me go)

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me…”

-Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody 

#maylor #frian #joger #froger #breaky #deacury #fic #submission #author: waywardrunawaycherryblossom #series: another one bites at dusk #au #roger: vampire #freddie: vampire #john: vampire #brian: vampire #extended family #relationship: polyamorous #relationship: established

[harrywavycurly]

LWN Q&A still happening? If so can we just get a glimpse of what bestfriend Harry and Niall are like? ❤️

Hi my lovey!! So bestfriend Niall and Harry is something i love talking about!! They both are the absolute best friends anyone could want but they are very different types of friends so having them both together is perfect!

Niall is the one that will threaten anyone who makes you even look like you’re about to cry while Harry is the one who holds you and makes sure you’re okay. Harry is there whenever you need to cuddle and just have a breather while Niall is there with a six pack and your favorite pizza for a movie night to help you chill out a bit. Niall isn’t afraid to show you his emotional side, he will cry with you but only over things that really deserve tears like if someone breaks your heart and he’s holding you and he hears your sobs he will get all misty eyed because hearing and seeing you break down will make his heart crumble. Harry will cry at movies, songs and even those damn ASPCA commercials with you so that you never have to feel like you’re crying alone he calls himself a “sympathetic cryer”.

Both of them are always just a phone call away, they will drop everything for you because you’re a giant part of their world and they love you. Niall shows his love by just being there and listening to you vent about the drama at work or a new person you’re kinda into and how he always has a protective hand on you whenever you’re out and about. Harry shows his love by giving you his favorite hoodie he always sees you eyeing whenever you’re over and by running his hands through your hair when your laying in his lap while watching FRIENDS reruns and telling him that he’s the perfect mix of Monica and Phoebe causing him to laugh and he show you in the way that he just seems to know when you need a hug or a kiss to the forehead or just his arm over your shoulder so he can pull you closer.

The two of them feed off each other though whenever they’re together with you, if Niall sees Harry is going to cuddle you when you’re not feeling good he will run off and start on making you some tea. Harry will go and grab pillows and blankets if he comes over and sees Niall is holding the tv remote and picking a movie with you sitting with your feet in his lap getting comfortable. Both of them will take care of dinner if they get a text about how busy of a day you had and how you’re just too tired to do anything, Harry will cook while Niall gets your favorite wine. Both boys will help you get into bed and get comfortable when they have to carry you home from the bar after you’ve had a few too many martinis, Harry will fight with Niall over who gets to sleep with you but then they just figure there is enough room for the both of them since they put you on the side just in case you end up getting sick in the trash can they placed by the side of your bed.

Bestfriend Narry are just amazing and I legit wish they were my bffs 😩💖

#life with narry #life With Narry Q&A #narry #bff Narry

[chocobunnydrops]

Tortoiseshell Charms

I just realized I never posted my KHR Secret Santa from last year lmao so here it is !!!

Title: Tortoiseshell Charms

Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Rating: G

Words: 2k

Summary: Spanner acquires a cat. A disappointing amount of domesticity ensues.

2k words of cats being cats plotless fluff ft. slightly scatterbrained roommate Shoichi in the college au we all need.

Read on: ao3 •  ff.net • below

Groceries in hand, Spanner unlocked the door of his apartment. It was snowing heavily outside, as it did in Japan, but he rather liked the change in climate from Italy. In the two and a half years he’d been here for university, Japan having four seasons was one of the things he’d come to appreciate.

Spanner shook off the snow and dropped his keys on the counter. Shoichi, his roommate, didn't seem to be home at the moment, which meant he was probably slaving away in a lab somewhere, as Spanner had just returned from doing. Ah, the life of an engineering major.

As he was preparing to unpack the groceries, a loud mrrrrow gave him pause. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think that was…

A cat, perched regally on the kitchen table, licked her paw and smoothed it over her head.  

Spanner pondered the new feline while stocking the cupboards with instant ramen. Courtesy of his term project, it had definitely been a few days since he’d last visited the apartment, but he couldn’t recall there being a cat here. Maybe Shoichi had picked one off the streets, or from the local animal shelter. He had read somewhere that pets helped with anxiety, so maybe that was it…

Ramune in hand, he looked at the animal once again. She was a tortoiseshell, like the one his grandfather had in Italy, with pale green eyes that met his in a cool, level gaze. For a second, he wasn’t sure if he was sizing the cat up, or the other way around.

She was probably female, as tortoiseshells nearly always were. His grandfather called them cheeky little things, but with an affection in his eyes that left no doubt that he loved them. Personally, Spanner was lukewarm to them, but as long as Shoichi’s new pet/therapy animal didn’t bother him, he didn’t mind the new roommate.

The matter settled, Spanner popped open a bottle of ramune, set the kettle on for instant ramen, and sat down to study.

Several hours later, the scrape of the door against the floor signaled Shoichi’s arrival home. The redhead stamped his boots on the welcome mat and dusted himself off, shedding layer upon layer of jackets (Shoichi tended to get cold easily) before joining Spanner in the kitchen.

“Oi,” Spanner said, nodding towards the cat, “Where did that come from?”

Shoichi stared at him. “It was here when I got back from class yesterday. I assumed it was yours.”

Spanner blinked.

Shoichi rubbed his head.

The cat yawned.

“So…want to keep it?”

“You know,” Spanner said a few days later, during another one of his rare visits home, “We haven’t given you a name yet.”

The tortoiseshell, cozy in the new bed Shoichi had purchased from the pet store, didn’t respond.  

"Sen," Spanner decided. "What do you think?"

The cat meowed disapprovingly.

"Doraiba?”

She flicked her tail and turned away from him.

“Fine, we'll wait until Shoichi comes home and see what he thinks.”  

Spanner busied himself making a pot of tea (he was British, after all, and already running low on ramune) before starting on his homework. He’d much rather work on Mini Mosca (he was in the process of adding a vacuuming program) but alas his pesky degree required certain grades to graduate, and certain grades required finishing homework.  

He was halfway done designing the motor for a wind turbine when Shoichi shuffled in, nose bright red from the cold, and declared that Professor Kominato was many words he could not say in front of children for holding lecture in this weather.

Spanner privately agreed and informed him of the name conundrum.

Analytical as always, Shoichi studied the tortoiseshell carefully. “She looks like a Phoebe.”

The cat made a sound of disgust.

Shoichi laughed. “Okay, that’s a no.”

Not-Phoebe hrrrumped in the way only a cat can and rolled on her back, demanding belly rubs as compensation for the ill-fitting name. Suddenly, Spanner was struck by inspiration.

“Maru.”

The cat meowed indignantly.

Shoichi laughed again and stroked her admittedly round belly. “Sorry Maru, but Spanner’s got a point. For a stray, you’re remarkably well-fed.”

Maru huffed.

Spanner pushed up his goggles and rubbed his eyes. He’d lost track of how many hours he’d spent in the lab, but judging by the piles of lollipop wrappers on his desk, it was a considerable amount of time. Two days and eleven hours, by his estimates.

Which meant that it was about time he went home and fed Maru. Honestly, he should probably just program Mini Mosca to do it at set intervals (a much easier code than most of its functions), but Spanner enjoyed the break. It was strange, because he had never enjoyed stopping in the middle of a project before, often working days on end without sleep, spending more time in the lab than his apartment.  

Shoichi constantly scolded him for not taking care of himself. Spanner retorted that Shoichi wasn’t any better, spending literal days glued to his computer in a similar manner, hair disheveled, face unshaved, perfecting his latest project. He had come home far too many times to Shoichi slumped over his keyboard, snoring, while intricate programs ran in the background. At least Spanner always dragged himself to bed (if the little cot in his lab could be called that) before collapsing.  

Spanner’s keys clanked when he dropped them on the counter. The sound always sent Maru purring around his legs, as if the sudden affection would make him dole out an extra serving of cat food. No such luck. Spanner had long grown immune to tortoiseshell charms.

Mini Mosca put the kettle on and Spanner quietly thanked him. Shoichi was sleeping over at that Byakuran kid’s again (they had been spending a lot of time together lately), so the apartment felt oddly quiet without the click-clacking of his keyboard or the electronic bzzzzt of a program running.

Maru pawed at his pant leg, reminding Spanner of the all-important dinner. Spanner poured her food into her bowl, and reprimanded her when she stared pleadingly at him when she quickly “finished”.

“Maru, there’s still food in your bowl.”

Maru gazed at him with devastatingly big green eyes.

“Maru, you haven’t even eaten everything yet.”

Maru mrrowed pitifully.

Spanner sighed and pushed away his instant ramen (Mini Mosca’s cooking functions were advancing, but not quickly enough). He reached for the bag of cat food and pretended to pour more in before placing it back in the only locked cabinet in their apartment. Maru, as they found out early on, could somehow get into every nook and cranny of the apartment they hid the food in. Shoichi had come home one day to find her wedged contently in the heating duct, an empty bag of cat food sitting between her paws, and that had been the last straw. He and Spanner spent the next day reinforcing one of the kitchen cabinets with iron deadbolts and a fingerprint recognition system.

Spanner picked up the bowl and moved it slightly to the right, making sure to swirl the container so the food would be in different places. Lo and behold, Maru trotted right up and started eating again. Spanner stroked her fondly.

“You know, this is why we called you Maru.”

Maru, oblivious to the jibe, licked up the last of her meal with satisfaction.

Now that he had a cat, Spanner preferred to work at home when he could. Maru curled up in his lap while he typed away on his computer, and he absentmindedly scratched her behind the ears. Every now and again she’d hop off and sit in front of the fridge, meowing loudly to remind him that they both needed to eat. If that didn’t break his concentration, she’d plant herself firmly on his keyboard and swat his nose with her paw until he stood up.

But sometimes, she would clamber onto Spanner’s keyboard for no apparent reason. Even after he scratched her under the chin, gave her a toy, and tried to coax her away with cat treats, she still refused to budge. Evidently, it had been far too long since she had sat on Spanner’s keyboard, and she was intent on enjoying it.  

At first, Spanner tried to reason with her. “Maru, I have a spare keyboard on my dresser. You can sit on that one.” To which Maru blinked once before settling down more.

Next came bribery. “Maru, I’ll buy you a new mouse toy if you get off my keyboard.” He received a bored yawn in reply.

Physical action was his last resort. He gently wrapped his hands around Maru’s ample midsection and hoisted the chubby cat off the keyboard. Maru immediately sank her claws into his sweater and positioned herself on his shoulder. It wasn’t enough to hurt, but it was definitely an indication that she wouldn’t be letting go anytime soon.

Which was somewhat of a problem, given that he had class in fifteen minutes (and hence needed his keyboard to finish up a homework assignment he had put off to work more on Mini Mosca…the cycle of procrastination never ends).

Seeing as negotiating had failed spectacularly in getting Maru off his keyboard, Spanner decided that no college student gave enough of a shit to protest his bringing a cat to class. It certainly wouldn’t be the weirdest thing he’d seen in his electrical engineering lecture.

He bundled up Maru in her little penguin-patterned scarf and hat before sliding into his own jacket; Maru graciously lifted one limb at a time to allow him to put it on. Then, with a quick glance at his watch to check the time, they were off.

3 pm was Spanner and Maru’s favorite time of day, because that was when the mail truck rolled to a stop on the curb of their apartment building and started unloading a conglomerate of packages in every shape and size.

Spanner, predictably, was excited because he finally had whatever part he was missing for his project.

Maru, predictably, was excited because of the box said part came in.

It was a symbiotic relationship, and one in which the mailman was very, very well-greeted.

Maru’s Top Five Spots to Nap, as compiled by Spanner

5. Under the kitchen sink

4. On top of Spanner’s keyboard

3. On top of whatever textbook Spanner is reading

2. In Spanner’s underwear drawer

1. Unknown. Maru disappears for a certain length of time and returns looking refreshed. Further investigation needed.

Like winter, midterms had come and gone, leaving Shoichi and Spanner with free time for the first time in weeks. Icicles dripped from the eaves of their roof, and grass was just beginning to peek through melted patches of snow. They embarked on an impromptu but highly necessary trip to the supermarket, where the two roommates enjoyed each other’s company while buying the store’s entire supply of instant ramen and coffee (the latter was for Shoichi; Spanner preferred ramune, even if it didn’t give him a caffeine rush).

Despite being laden with groceries, the walk home was quick and pleasant, and Spanner scarcely had time to unlock the door before both he and Shoichi were calling for Maru.

Truth be told, they had grown a soft spot for the tortoiseshell and couldn’t resist picking up a new toy or two every time they went to that specific supermarket. Shoichi blamed it on the marketing. “Placing cat toys in the check-out aisle…right as we’re about to leave…and always on sale too…it’s cruel.”

His bank account agreed.

“Maru?” Shoichi called again. Their tortoiseshell, usually so diligent about greeting them whenever they came home for the toys, had mysteriously vanished.  

A light mrrrow in response led them to the kitchen.

Maru was perched regally on the table, but upon their entry moved aside to reveal another cat. This one was white and fluffy, but in a way that bore an unfortunate resemblance to the tousled chaos atop Byakuran’s head. Maru mrrrowed again and flicked her tail proudly.  

Shoichi looked at Spanner.

Spanner looked at Shoichi.

“So…want to keep it?”

A/N: Do Spanner and Shoichi ever figure out how two cats managed to sneak inside their locked apartment? …nah probs not.

Sen – Wire

Doraiba – Screwdriver

Yes Spanner is a confirmed nerd who would definitely name his cat after tools…

Maru – round or circle, bc pudgy cats are the cutest and the name just sounds super cute so.

This was my first time writing Spanner and Shoichi, so I apologize if they acted ooc! If you have any comments or constructive criticism, I’d love to hear it :3

Thank you for reading and (belated) Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!

~Tressa

Random Headcanons for this au

Spanner came to Japan for university because of its advanced robotics/engineering programs and coincidentally ended up at the same school as Shoichi. Neither really had any friends going in so they were like hey why not let’s be roomies. 

They’re perfect roommates because (before Maru) neither was ever really home—they basically lived in their respective robotics labs and came home only to shower and pick up mail.

They’re both majoring in Engineering, with a specialization in robotics (hopefully that’s a thing). They both find university A Struggle.

Basically Spanner is the definition of a Ravenclaw who is hella smart and could easily get straight As if he actually did his homework on time but would rather work on Mini Mosca/other personal projects.

Spanner and Shoichi both live off instant ramen because neither has the time to make anything better. Since coming to Japan, Spanner has since gotten addicted to ramune because it’s so sweet and fizzy??? Like his lollipops but in liquid form???

Mini Mosca is a side project he’s been working on for the past couple of years. Is basically the same as he is in canon—a mini home assistant—except that he’s not finished yet.

Honestly getting a cat is such a good thing for Spanner bc it makes him actually take care of himself and eat and come home more and she probably actually does help Shoichi with his stomach aches and anxiety too so !!! this has been a psa pls imagine Spanner and Shoichi with cats.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr spanner #irie shouichi #khr secret santa 2016