#phandom fic fests bingo

[maybeformepersonally]

Fic: Fragile Tension

Title: Fragile Tension Author: maybeformepersonally Rating: PG-13 / Teen and Up for implied, barely-there violence Summary: Phil’s family deals in espionage, which was working out just fine until he decided to shack up with a civilian.  Word Count: 4142 Author’s Note: Written for the Phandom Fic Fest Bingo, for the square “Spies”. The title is a reference to the song by Depeche Mode. Read on AO3

Phil was terrified. He and Dan had been enjoying an early night in when the lights went out. Phil’s internal alarms immediately went haywire. It could just be a power out… except that when he leaned back to look through the doorway and into the hall, and past that to the sitting room, he could glimpse through the far left sitting room window that the neighbours seemed to have no such issues. It could be a problem with the wiring, or even in the supply company… except that Phil had people whose jobs were to prevent such inconveniences in his day-to-day life, and he’d had professionals scope out this house before he and Dan moved in. The house had state of the art security, some of which wasn’t available to the public yet, so it was highly unlikely that someone had tampered with it by mistake, and the people who would have the skills to tamper with it on purpose… Phil was understandably concerned.

He’d immediately tried sending a distress signal to both Martyn and Corn as soon as he scoped their surroundings to find them as empty as they’d been before the lights went out. He didn’t want to think about how he might need backup, but he was no fool. He wasn’t jeopardising Dan’s life for anything, least of all his professional pride. He had no signal. He knew what he’d find but he tried Dan’s phone anyway. No signal. There was no way this was an accident. Fuck.

Dan had wanted to go to the garage by himself to check on the fuse box and that’s when Phil started to panic. In a cold and calculated way that only really came out when he was working, but still. Panic. Of course, he didn’t normally have his civilian husband-to-be with him on the job. Phil was wishing he hadn’t insisted on having this date night tonight, if only he’d been alone at home when whatever this was happened, with Dan safely out of the way of harm…

 Phil insisted they should stay together, so they should both go. Dan looked dubious, but Phil could see he was afraid too. Phil let some of his panic show and Dan caved immediately. He probably didn’t want to be alone either, though for different reasons than Phil. They moved slowly and silently through the house, Phil discreetly taking a couple of things on the way that he could use as weapons. He had switched to on-the-job mode automatically, so he didn’t realise, wouldn't realise until later, that most civilians wouldn’t be able to match him on stealth at a moment’s notice while sneaking through an almost completely dark house (even if it was your own house).

 Who would send people to get him in his home?, thought Phil furiously as he moved through the main hall and into the next room. ‘A lot of people’ was sadly the answer, if only they knew where to send them. Fuck, if something happened to Dan because of him… this is exactly why he’d resigned himself to staying single way back when he’d got heavily involved in the lifestyle. That resolution had lasted an embarrassingly short time as soon as Dan came into the picture, though at least Phil could say he’d lasted a full twelve years with nothing but one-night-stands and short dalliances before that happened. As soon as he met Dan, however, it had gone flying out the window. For all his resolve, Phil had been smitten from day one.

 Martyn had run so many background checks, even once it became painfully clear that Dan was squeaky clean, that Phil had stopped trying to dissuade him after a while. Better to let him get it out of his system, it’s not like the results would change if Martyn kept it going. Eventually he’d calmed down and started to get to know Dan beyond Phil’s reassurances that no, Martyn, he’s not a honey trap, he’s not a plant, he’s not a mole, he’s just a bloke I fell in love with, okay? Can you give him a chance, at least? Your checks keep coming up empty, and we both know how good you are at what you do. I also know you got the best of the best confirming your results. It’s not his fault our family is so dysfunctional, okay, and I really like him.

 It hadn’t taken Martyn too long to warm up to him once he admitted Dan was a civilian and agreed to give him a chance, thankfully. Phil didn’t like to think about his relationship with his brother during those early days before he did. Those were dark days.

 It had taken weeks of Martyn coming up with nothing, the first and only screaming match he’d had with Martyn, and Cornelia’s interference to wear him down.

 ***

“I’m just worried about you,” the desperation in Martyn’s voice was almost enough to make Phil hesitate. Almost.

 “I know you mean well, but you’re being irrational.”

 “You’re my baby brother!”

 “I’m 31 years old, Mar. I can take care of myself. I have a triple digit kill count, for fuck’s sake.”

 “And an almost non-existent relationship history,” Martyn cut in, relentless.

 Phil winced, but he was done indulging Martyn’s overprotective act.

 “Don’t you dare. I have more successful missions that most operatives twice my age. Just because I don’t date often doesn’t mean I’m helpless.”

 “I’m- I’ve just never seen you take a risk like this. No one is this clean, Phil, it reeks of a cover-up. And I’ve never seen you this… taken with someone before. I just want to make sure, okay? Can’t you stay away from him until then?”

 Phil sighed. He was tired of fighting with his brother. They’ve always been close, it was awful being at odds with him like this. He could understand Martyn’s initial mistrust, but at this point he was being unreasonable. If Martyn of all people hadn’t found anything incriminating yet then it was almost impossible that there was anything to be found.

 “Mar, you’ve been investigating him for weeks now. There’s nothing there. And I do know how to take care of myself, you know, I can defend myself if it comes to that. Not that I believe it will-“

 “In a physical fight against an opponent, yeah. But what if he makes you fall for him and you can’t bring yourself to hurt him-“

 “You’ve been with Corn for over seven years now,” Phil’s voice was uncharacteristically cutting, but he was tired of this.

 “We knew she was safe!” Martyn immediately counters. Cornelia doesn’t say anything.

 “Mum and Dad are good, but they’re not infallible. She could have been a plant.”

 “She’s not-!”

 Phil rolled his eyes, trust Mar to completely miss the point as soon as Phil brought up Corn. “Obviously she wasn’t! What I’m saying is: you took a chance! Why should I not get the same leeway? Why can’t I take a chance? It’s a good chance. Odds are pretty good what with your extensive research on him. You know I’m right!”

 Martyn hadn’t budged then, but Phil knew from his pained expression that he had got through to him.

 It’d take another week and a half of Martyn calling in every favour he could think of and several other professionals looking into it before he caved and agreed to give Dan a chance.

***  

Now, Phil focused on the very real, very present threat to his fiancé’s life and wished he could have his big brother’s overprotective vigilance looking over both of them.

 By the time they crossed the three rooms between them and the room that led to the garage door, Phil was so on edge he’d swear the fear was a physical presence on the back of his head. Fuck, he’d have to kill in front of Dan. Soft, sweet, wonderful Dan who insisted that Phil catch bugs to release them outside instead of killing them, even the ones he was terrified of. Dan, who had slid into his life, and his heart, and his home, with his bright dimpled smile and his gentle heart, bypassing Phil’s qualms and concerns and better judgement like it was nothing.

 What would Dan even think…?

 Creak. Click. Thud.

 He didn’t get to find out what Dan would think because Dan had shoved him safely out of the way around the corner and thrown himself at the thicker shadows at the end of the hall and what the hell, Phil rolled and moved towards the scuffle, heart stuck in his throat, just in time to find several dark shapes on the floor, unmoving, and four more shapes fighting viciously in his parlour. Three of them had guns. Dan didn’t. In the half a second it took him to assess the situation, Dan had hit one of his assailants in the throat, jumped to execute a flawless thigh choke on another and stabbed the third one on his way down, landing on his feet as the three masked men fell to the floor.

 Phil just stood there, in shock.

 Dan wasn’t even out of breath.

 “Phil?” Dan whispered, looking at him, behind him, scoping the vicinity for more threats. He had a butterfly knife on his hand, how had Phil missed that? When did he get it?

 Dan turned to get a 360° look around, giving Phil a blurry look of his broad, lovely back, that back that Phil kissed whenever they cuddled with Dan as the little spoon, sprawled soft and warm and boneless in Phil’s arms; where Phil loved to bury his face first thing in the morning, before he has his first coffee, or any time he walked into the kitchen to find Dan cooking for him, for them, and he couldn’t resist wrapping his arms around his chest and burying his face at the back of his neck, breathing in Dan’s scent and squeezing him against himself. And suddenly, all Phil could think of was Martyn’s warnings, Martyn’s questions, Martyn’s worries, what do you even know about him? Did you tell him anything about our work? Don’t you think it’s suspicious he shows up when we’re pulling probably the biggest mission we’ve even been involved in and just conveniently asks you out?

 Dan turns on the light, the little click of the light switch superimposed with the click of Phil taking off the safety on his gun.

 ***

 He can see Dan freeze for a moment, then turn around to look at him.

 Phil’s face is completely blank. He’s worked very hard to perfect that blank look.

 A near imperceptible sound to his right calls his attention, but he doesn’t take his eyes off Dan’s wide, startled ones as he moves his hand and shoots the remaining assailants before they can creep in on them. He’s pointing the gun back at Dan in two seconds flat, long enough for him to make a move, Phil knows now, but Dan doesn’t. Dan is still completely frozen, staring Phil down.

 Phil doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know if he could even shoot him, even if it turns out Martyn was right about him all along, but Dan takes the decision off his hands when he deflates and moves back against the wall, one step away from Phil, and slowly extends his arm to drop the knife he’s been holding on top of the decorative vanity desk there. They’d had an ‘argument’ about it. Dan had seen it and immediately wanted it and Phil had said it was too expensive and completely useless, it wasn’t even big enough to store things in. He’d caved, of course. He’d wanted to buy Dan all the useless, expensive things he craved, had wanted to spoil him.

 “Okay,” his voice is a whisper still, but Phil can hear it tremble despite the volume. “Do it.”

 Phil doesn’t talk, doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He just stares blankly at the man he’d sworn to love and protect and cherish as he points his gun straight to his head.

 “Get it over with. I don’t want to know. If it wasn’t real… I don’t want to know.”

 Dan’s expression felt like a physical kick in the gut. Phil knew those eyes, knew what Dan looked like when he was trying, desperately, to hold back tears. He’d seen him look sick, look scared, look exhausted, but he’d never seen him look shattered before.

 Phil never really stood a chance.

 *** 

After Phil puts the gun down, his senses going full-on hyperactive work-mode and assuring him there’s no other threats lurking around, just Dan. Just Dan. Something in Phil breaks, something like his composure, maybe, or possibly his heart, and he has to exercise all of his hard-earned discipline not to burst out crying where he stands.

 He’s clutching Dan in his arms in the next second, holding him tighter than is probably comfortable, but he knows Dan doesn’t mind by the way he melts into him, and damn it, if he really is a plant then Martyn was right because Phil already knows he’s going to let Dan kill him if he tries.

 “I can’t. But I need… I need to know. It wasn’t- it was real, for me. It was real.”

 “Me too. It’s real for me too, Phil, I love you-“

 “Tell me. Everything.”

 “Okay,” Dan is clearly trying to pull himself together, and Phil is distantly impressed because all he wants to do right now is sink into Dan’s chest and not move for the next few hours. “But we need to go. Now.” Phil made a noise of protest, he didn’t want to let go of Dan, but then Dan let out a shaky breath and said, “There might be more coming, or outside, they could call reinforcements-”

 “You're right.” Phil acquiesced. He still took a few long seconds to disentangle himself. At least Dan seemed just as reluctant to let him go.

 “Phil-” Dan interrupted himself and made a face as a thought occurred to him. “Oh god, is that even your name?”

 “No, my real name is Kyle,” Phil intones with a terrible American accent. He might be having some kind of mental breakdown.

 Dan stared back at him with a blank expression that told him he was aggressively suppressing some kind of reaction, and the visual was so familiar it eased something in him and that coupled with the relief of the adrenaline of the last few minutes, made him burst out laughing. He sounded hysterical. He probably looked insane.

 “Yes, my name is Phil what the hell, Dan?”

 “Oh.”

 “Is your name not-?”

 “No, of course it is.”

 They stared at each other some more, until Dan grabbed his hand and moved them to the garage.

 Phil tried not to startle too badly when Dan picked up some hitherto hidden weapons on the way, and instead busied himself with doing the same.

 ***

 After a few minutes of riding in silence, Dan was the first to break.

 Phil knew he would, he could see his agitation growing. Phil was still too busy processing his new reality.

 “You almost fell flat on your face when we first met!” Dan demanded out of nowhere, bewildered. He was driving them away from the house, but his focus was understandably mostly on Phil and the revelations of the last few minutes.

 “I was nervous! You’re very attractive!” Phil defended himself, and the domesticity of it felt like a balm to his metaphorical open wounds. They sounded exactly like this when they disagreed about what painting would look best in the master bedroom, back when they had just moved in together.

 Dan shot him an utterly disbelieving look, mouth open and eyes squinting, and Phil felt he had been entirely justified, because if his boyfriend could look this attractive when he was pulling that face and immediately after rocking the foundations of Phil’s world, then no warm-blooded male-attracted person could be expected to function normally when faced with peak Summer Dan in his white skin tight tank top and his taut black tracksuit trousers which exposed his delicate ankles and hugged his thighs just so, and his silver hoop earring and his luxurious mane of wild chocolate brown curls and he was only human, okay? And gay. Very human and very gay. Phil maintained that he’d done well, considering.

 ***

 Almost exactly one year later, on a joint mission (and they only pull joint missions by then, they will not agree to be away from each other unless absolutely necessary), Dan is seething with jealousy watching his husband seduce some poor schmuck.

 He is also very turned on. It only makes him angrier.

 “You never did that with me,” Dan comments later, once they're out, mission completed and objectives met, when Phil is sprawled out comfortably next to him in the enormous plush red sofa at the hotel room where they’ll be spending the night, before going home. He's been looking at something in his phone for a couple minutes now.

 “What?” his husband asks, distracted.

 “You never pulled those honey trap skills of yours on me.”

 Not even in the early days. Granted, the initial impression Phil had left on him when he slipped into Dan’s life - literally - rather clashed with the suave worldly seductress he'd just watched Phil put on and then off like a second skin. But Dan had seen enough to know… Phil was good, exceptional even, and he could have made it work with a few adjustments.

 But now, Phil is sputtering at him, visibly offended for some reason that escapes Dan. He’s so expressive; Dan’s always loved that about him.

 “Of course not!”

 A little frown finds its way to Dan's brow without his permission. “Why not?”

 Phil just makes a high, distressed noise and a lot of hand motions for several seconds. Dan stares at him appreciatively. His quiff is still damp from his shower and drooping a bit, and he’s clad in nothing but the two large fluffy white hotel towels. He’s ridiculous. Dan loves him.

 “Because!” Phil manages to sputter out eventually.

 “Because what?” Dan asks, at a loss. He can tell Phil is genuinely mildly upset about whatever it is, but he can't figure out what it is.

 “Because!” Phil repeats, “You weren't a mark!”

 “...I mean, yeah.” They'd talked about this. Extensively right after the revelation of their secret identities came out. “But,” here Dan hesitates, but he knows they need to talk about it.

 “But you liked me. Really liked me, you said. You told me you thought I was gorgeous. That you were so mesmerized that you walked into that potted plant…?”

 He greedily took in Phil’s blushing face and spared a little amused smile at the knowledge that even after all this time, after everything they’ve been through together, he could still make Phil this flustered.

 Phil sighs. “I did.” It's said quietly but firmly. The words hold a conviction that soothes into Dan's bones like warm cocoa on a winter night.

 “Fuck, Dan, I walked into a fucking potted plant because I was so entranced with you I wasn’t watching where I was walking. I'm a trained psy ops agent.”

 Dan couldn't help the little smirk at that, nor the warm glow spreading over his chest.

 “But you were- I liked you! I mean, I liked you. I wanted… I wanted you. For the first time in a while, I wanted something for myself.” Dan can see him sink back into the seat with a long exhale, and he takes the hand extended to him and lets Phil pull him next to him. “I didn't want to… to approach you like a mark. I didn't want to entice you with some made up persona. I wanted to get to know you. As myself.” He takes another deep breath. “I wanted you to get to know me. And to like me.”

 “Oh.” Dan’s response is small. He stays quiet for a while after that, digesting the revelation, his fingers trailing up and down Phil’s arm absent-mindedly.

 “…Phil?” Dan breaks the silence after a few minutes.

 “Yeah.”

 “We're going to roleplay that though, right?”

 Phil laughs good-naturedly.

 “You will be the irresistible honey trap and I can be the hapless mark, who's hopeless before your worldly charms…”

 “Okay, okay,” he's still laughing.

 “And I can be properly enchanted and-”

 “You won’t be, though, you’ve been with me for over two years now.”

 “…whatever makes you think that knowing what you can do in bed will make me less likely to fall to my knees in worship?

 “Shut up.”

 Dan wasn’t deterred by the words, as Phil was giggling as he said them, and he could read the grin on his face. That was his self-satisfied, proud grin, the one that was almost a smirk. The one he got when someone tried to flirt with him in front of Dan and Dan got possessive. The one he got when Dan got more needy and whiny than usual and he not-so-secretly loved it.

 Yeah, Dan was going to be crossing off another fantasy from his bucket list soon.

 Phil pulled him closer by his shirt to kiss the obnoxious grin off his face, and Dan knew he’d won.

 ***

 Phil would have nightmares about the night when everything came out for the rest of his life. Sometimes it just plays out like it did in reality. Sometimes it’d be different in some way. The worst one is the one where he presses the trigger. Sometimes Dan screams at him, tells him he doesn’t love him, tells him he never did, that he was a job, that he’s glad it’s over. He doesn’t mind that one so much. In others, Dan tells him he used to love him, so much, but he can never trust Phil again (“You broke my heart. Might as well kill me. You’ve already killed us”). In some of them, Martyn shows up and it’s him that shoots Dan (this is the one that’s guaranteed to make him wake up shaking, because it’s always so real, and it could have so easily been true).

 He’ll have these nightmares for the rest of his life and every time it happens, when he wakes up in a cold sweat, or when he’s woken up by the tears that start falling from the corners of his eyes, when he wakes up shaking, feeling like his stomach’s dropped or like there’s an alarming tightness in his chest, every time it happens, every single time, he’ll wake up and reach for his husband lying next to him, in their bed, and he’ll bury his face in Dan’s chest, or Dan’s neck, or Dan’s gorgeous brown curls, and he’ll let himself cry for a bit until he’s calmed down enough to go back to sleep or to get up and face the day. Dan almost always wakes up, and he often holds him close and rubs his back or his sides comfortingly while Phil tries to calm down. He always whispers soft encouragement and gentle assurances, ‘I love you so much’s and ‘shh, it’s okay’s and ‘I’ve got you, I’m here’s. And every single time it happens, Phil will be desperately, unspeakably grateful.

 Grateful that he gets to have this, that he got to keep this. That he didn’t completely fuck it up. That Dan’s here still, by his side, in his arms, in their bed, safe and warm and alive and still every bit in love with Phil as they were back when they decided to move in together, as they were in their first anniversary, as they still were, despite everything, that day when Phil confronted Dan with a gun in his hands and other weapons hidden on his body as backup, in the hall of the home they built together. He’ll cry and he’ll hold Dan tight and he’ll be grateful.

 He’ll be grateful for Dan, who he met, improbably, by sheer luck, and was immediately enamoured with despite knowing next to nothing about him, all those years ago. Dan, who even more improbably seemed just as enamoured with Phil’s awkward charm and general weirdness, and even asked him to go on a date with him. Dan, who’d always been there for him, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, as the minister said at their wedding.

 Most of all, he’d feel grateful for Dan’s incredible courage. He’ll be grateful that Dan was so brave when Phil couldn’t gather enough courage or faith or optimism to trust Dan first. And he’ll remember what Dan told him that first time Phil opened up about the nightmares and told him all this.

 Dan said, “I’ll always be there so you don’t have to be brave.”

#PFF Bingo Fest 2018 #phandom fic fest #phandom fic fests bingo #phanfic #am i writing now #phan au #phan #spies au #this is my favourite i've written for this fest

[lestered]

dnp + milk

for pff bingo 2019 (prompt: lactation kink)

#phan #phandom fic fest #pff bingo 2019 #* #i'm.........so sorry #how many followers am i gonna lose for this #happy sunday uwu #ask to tag i guess???? if milk makes you uncomf or smth?

[combeauferre]

safe place

when dan has an argument with his dad, the only place he wants to be is in the north, in phil's arms

for the bingo prompt "writer's choice" (parents)

read on ao3 

"Okay, sweetie, how about you go and have a shower? Leave me your phone and I'll ring your mum, yeah?"

When Dan's gone, Kath breathes a sigh. She picks up her own phone first, dropping a text to Phil and her husband to come home as quick as they can, before she takes up Dan's phone to ring his mum.

It only rings twice before someone picks up.

"Dan? Thank God."

"Hi, Mrs Howell," Kath begins. "This is Kath, I'm, uh, Phil's mum?" She hears a huff down the phone, something she hopes isn't a sob.

"Kath," Dan's mum breathes.

"Dan's here." She doesn't need the question to be asked.

"Oh, Kath, thank you so much." She does hear a sob, then. "Has he been with you long?"

"No, only about five minutes."

"Can I speak to him?"

"I've sent him up to shower," Kath tells her, "It's raining buckets out there, and he was soaked through when he got here. Didn't want him catching a chill." 

There's a shaky breath on the end of the phone. 

"Mrs Howell, is everything alright at home?" Kath asks tentatively. "I know it's not my place but... he seemed quite upset."

"He and his father had quite a nasty fight," Dan's mum says, quietly. "I thought Dan had just left to go let off some steam round the block, but then he didn't come back and-"

"Hey," Kath says soothingly. "It's alright, he's safe, okay? We'll make sure he's fed and gets some rest, and we'll send him back when he's ready. It seems like you've got enough on your plate already, maybe it will do the two of them good to have some time apart."

She really feels like she's overstepping at this point. She has no right to ask about Dan's home life, or to suggest what's best for this woman's son and husband. She stiffens, expecting Dan's mum to snap at any second and tell her to bugger off and send Dan home right this instant. It doesn't come.

"Thank you," Dan's mum breathes. "Thank you so much, Kath, really."

"It's the least I can do, Mrs Howell."

"Please, it's Karen," Karen says softly.

-

Nigel is quick through the front door and into the kitchen.  

"Kath, is everything-" Nigel stops when he sees Dan sitting there, his hands round another mug of tea. He's wearing Phil's York hoodie, hunched over and curled up in his seat to make himself smaller. "Oh. Hello."

"Hi," Dan says softly.

Phil follows in behind him with a bag of shopping, but he drops it when he sees Dan. His hair is still wet, his eyes are wide and scared.

"Dan?" he is quick to Dan's side, enveloping him in a big hug. "Is everything okay? What are you doing here?"

Dan does his best to hold back his tears then. It's what he needed, those big arms around him, that Phil smell next to him. He feels a couple of tears fall, and turns his face to hide in Phil's jacket.

"Me and dad had a fight," he says, his voice cracking slightly. "He called me a... a..."

"Shhh," Phil whispers, running his hands through Dan's hair. "You don't need to tell me what he called you if it's too much, okay?"

Dan nods silently, allowing himself to breathe in Phil's scent and relax a little in the safety of his arms.

-

His mum rings again that night. He's nervous to pick up, but he knows he owes it to her.

"Hi mum," he croaks.

"Dan," she breathes, "You had me worried sick."

"I'm sorry," he whispers. If he raises his voice too much it'll break.

"I'm not mad, sweetie," she tells him softly. "I'm really glad you have a safe place to go if you need to, yeah? But you have to tell me." Dan sniffs. He's trying really hard not to blubber, but he hates that he worried her. "I just need to know you're alright."

"I'm alright," he tells her.

"I spoke to Kath earlier," she carries on. "She told me you're welcome to stay as long as you need. Just let me know when you're coming home and I'll send you some money for the train, yeah?"

"Ok. Thanks mum."

His throat is dry when he hangs up, but he feels better for having spoken to her. Sometimes he feels like he's too hard on her, when he thinks she's being a bit of a shit mum. But it's times like this that remind him that, really, she's human too. She has flaws and sometimes it's hard to be perfect. But she cares about him, she loves him and she's happy for him that he has Phil. Even if she doesn't know how he has Phil.

It feels like enough, for now.

#abie has a life #dnp #phan #phanfic #dan and phil #dan howell #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #phil lester #mine #phandom bingo #phandom fic fest #pff bingo

[candanandphilnot]

Another gifset for @phandomficfests bingo! This one was for my "road trip" square from "Dan and Phil's Bus Tour (Bonus)" when they started their tatinof tour!

Thank you @yiffandquiff for some gifmaking tips!

#phan #phandom #phandom fic fest #bingo fill #tatinof

[itsmyusualphannie]

robot in the dorms

Title: robot in the dorms (ao3) Beta: kishere (@filiisaceaf) <3 Word Count: 5k Rating: T Warnings: Alcohol (a character is drunk at one point)

Summary: dan goes to university in florida and meets his roommate phil. after a few months, and despite dan's facade of disinterest, he begins to actually like phil and his nerdy ways. the robot that phil designs doesn't help. or: another "oh my god they were roommates" fic but COOLER because robot

Author Notes: this took me so long to write but i had SO much fun. i also wrote the scenes entirely out of order, which was even more fun. the only problem is that i now want a smol robot of my own

Bang! The door of the dorm room crashed shut behind Dan and he winced at the noise. His black suitcase thunked against his heels as he shuffled forward, glancing around the room. It was small but well-lit, with tall windows spanning the length of one wall and allowing a generous view of the campus outside. There were two beds, two dressers, and an ugly orange rug that made Dan’s eyes burn when he looked too long at it. Only one side of the room was bare, left empty for Dan to occupy.

The other occupant of the room had jolted when the door slammed, sitting up on his bed. Dan glanced at the paraphernalia sprawled across his new roommate’s bed and dresser.

“...Hi,” said Dan, after a too-long pause.

The other man had been regarding him with a smile. He hopped off the bed when Dan spoke. “Hello!” he said. His voice was bright, and notably very British. “You must be Dan!”

“Yep.” Dan trudged forward and hauled his suitcase onto the empty bed. “And you’re Phil.”

“I am!” Phil had moved closer when Dan turned around, his arm outstretched. Dan glanced down with bemusement at the hand that was being offered and shook it reluctantly. “Nice to meet you!” Phil continued. “It’s weird that they’d put both of us international students in the same room. You’d think they’d want us to be with someone who actually lives here in Florida so we’d learn more about it.”

Dan shrugged and shoved his released hand into his pocket, glancing over Phil’s shoulder at the posters adorning Phil’s side of the room. “Cool posters,” he said.

“Thanks,” said Phil automatically, then, “Oh, do you like video games?”

Dan tugged the zipper on his suitcase open and flipped the lid, revealing a PS4 with the cords wrapped tightly around it to conserve space. It was nestled between rolls of jeans and folded shirts. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Ooh.” Phil hovered behind him. “Nice, I have an Xbox. What are your favourite games?”

“Name one and I’ve probably played it.” Dan found himself, hesitantly, beginning to like this guy and his overabundance of enthusiasm. He glanced at the CD shoved into one of his suitcase’s many side pockets. “What...music do you like?”

“That’s a loaded question,” Phil said thoughtfully. “I like almost everything. I’d have to say my all-time top band is Muse, though.”

Dan felt a smile tugging at his lips. He turned back toward Phil, attention fully on his roommate. “Oh, yeah? That’s my favourite too.”

“You have good taste,” Phil informed him. “They’re a great band.”

Dan was smiling unhesitantly now. “Yeah. They are.”

“Yep.” Phil was grinning back at him.

This, thought Dan, this might turn out okay.

~~~

This is not okay, thought Dan, just as someone’s shoulder collided with his back and sent him stumbling into his dorm room. The door had been hanging open suspiciously, but he was grateful for it now since he’d avoided face-planting into it.

Someone screamed in the hallway and Dan cringed. The mass of bodies he’d had to push through in order to get to his room was...excessive. He had no idea what was happening out in the hall and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

“Oh, hey,” said Phil from his bed.

Dan stared at him dumbly. His roommate looked ridiculously comfortable and Dan was a little envious. He was sprawled across his bed, head dangling off the edge as he peered sideways at Dan, and legs propped up against the wall beside his bed

“...Hey,” said Dan.

“There’s a party going on, I think,” Phil offered. He had a textbook resting face-down on his chest.

“Oh. Cool.” It was not cool. It was only two weeks into the semester. Parties at this time were ridiculous.

Phil sighed deeply and turned back to his textbook, lifting it from his chest to peruse the crinkled pages. His head was lifted at an odd angle since there wasn’t anything to rest it on, and it suddenly looked incredibly uncomfortable. Dan watched him for a long moment, unblinking, then crossed the room to his own bed and sat heavily.

Another scream made its way into their room. Dan had not shut the door behind him, so he watched disinterestedly as two bare-chested, bellowing guys sprinted past with a flailing girl hoisted on their shoulders. More people milled around outside, their chatter indecipherable.

“Do you have any homework?” Phil asked. Dan could only see the top of his head now. There were tiny ginger strands invading the deep black of his hair.

“Always,” said Dan, although he found it entirely unfair that he should have so much work when he’d barely even started the semester.

Phil dropped the textbook onto his chest again and let his head fall back until his upside-down gaze met with Dan’s. “Want to join the riot?”

“Sure,” said Dan. Not really, he meant.

Phil tossed the textbook to the side and clambered off the bed, almost falling and braining himself against his dresser. Dan stared at his abandoned textbook as it toppled toward the edge of the bed but didn’t quite fall. It teetered ominously.

“Cool. Uh, do you drink?” asked Phil.

Dan didn’t look away from the precarious textbook. “Isn’t the drinking age different in America?”

“Well, yeah, but.” Phil shrugged, shoving his differently-socked feet into the discarded shoes by the door. “Pretty sure I saw someone lugging an actual barrel of alcohol past earlier, so I’m not sure it matters.”

Reluctantly, Dan stood as Phil waited for him by the door. “I dunno. Maybe.” Crossing the room, he pushed the textbook further onto Phil’s bed. He did not feel like the textbook appreciated his effort as much as it should have.

Phil headed out into the hallway and Dan followed him, navigating around a group of students sitting cross-legged in a circle on the floor. He didn’t know where Phil was going, but also wasn’t sure he cared to know. “Do you like parties?” he asked Phil’s back.

“Well, not really,” Phil said. Dan could barely hear him over the conversations going on around them. “But it’s part of the experience, right?”

Dan wasn’t entirely positive, but he shrugged anyway. Phil didn’t see it.

“Are you a party person?” Phil asked, glancing back over his shoulder. He almost collided with a couple making out against the wall.

It was really a ridiculous question. Dan didn’t think he had done anything at all over the past two weeks that would make Phil think he was a party person. A tiny snort escaped him, but when Phil raised a questioning eyebrow back at him, he just shook his head. “Not really,” he echoed Phil.

“I guess we’re both getting out of our comfort zones,” Phil said brightly.

Something squished under Dan’s foot. He squinted down at the floor, barely able to see it in the dim hallway lights, and realized he had stepped on a banana. Sighing heavily, he kicked it away. It slapped wetly against someone’s bare ankle. Dan hurriedly made his way after Phil, who was already a dozen paces down the hall. Someone squealed behind him, probably the person who’d just been assaulted by a banana peel.

“This looks like the life of the party,” said Phil when Dan had caught up to him. He was standing at the entrance to the common area, staring uncertainly at the chaos inside.

Dan blinked slowly at the room. There was a group attempting karaoke, their voices screeching painfully through the entire area; muscular jock types milling around a pool table, laughing uproariously and slapping each others’ backs; multiple people dangling on the couches, tables, and chairs around the room; and a dozen or so giggling in the corner with hands full of suspiciously-sloshing red plastic cups. A barrel was almost exactly in the centre of the room. A guy dressed only in tight boxer briefs and thigh-high socks bellowed “KEG STAND” and crashed into the barrel, but immediately three or four people who had been hovering around the barrel hauled him back to his feet.

“Well,” said Phil. “That looks...exciting.”

Someone vomited onto the pool table.

“I think I’ve had a great college party experience. My experience is...complete.” Dan took a long, slow step backwards.

“Yeeaah,” said Phil, dragging the word out. “Do you...want to go back to the dorm room and play Donkey Kong?”

“Yeah, let’s,” said Dan.

“Let’s.”

They did.

~~~

Two months later, Dan had no idea what made him want to go to college. He was tired literally all of the time. His eyes were so bleary when he stumbled into his dorm room that he didn’t see Phil at first. His mouth opened in a jaw-cracking yawn and he shoved backwards with his foot until it connected and the door swung shut. It was only after he carelessly tossed his backpack toward his bed that he saw Phil. One arm was sprawled across the desk as he slumped over it, fingers twitching as he dreamed. His glasses were crooked on his face and his mouth was open as he drooled a little drop of spittle onto the computer that his face was smashed into.

Dan should not have found it as attractive as he did. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes, and crossed the room to shake his roommate’s shoulder. “Hey, wake up.”

“Whuh,” mumbled Phil. He shuffled away from the touch, burying his face into the unforgiving plastic of his laptop case. The frame of his glasses screeched against it.

Wincing, Dan tried again. “Wake up, dork. You fell asleep working on your...robot thing again.”

“Huh!” With a start, Phil awoke, snorting in alarm. His arm flailed and something toppled off the desk, but he just yawned hugely and squinted around until his gaze fell upon Dan. “Oh. ‘G morning.”

“It’s afternoon,” said Dan. “I just got back from my second class.” He couldn’t look away from the glasses that were hanging lopsidedly from Phil’s nose. One side of the frame was drooping sadly halfway down his cheek.

Dan sighed and reached out to correct the placement, pushing the glasses back into their correct place. Phil just blinked dimly up at him.

“What’s today,” he said, voice hoarse with sleep.

“Wednesday?” said Dan, but it was more of a question. He wasn’t entirely sure, himself. The days all seemed to blur together, especially near the middle of the week when it was just class after assignment after class after test.

“Oh,” said Phil dumbly, and then, “Oh!” He turned frantically to his computer, fingers scrabbling at it for a few long moments before he yanked it open. Dan shamelessly glanced over his shoulder as Phil hurriedly opened his email and refreshed it. Phil ignored the multiple unread emails and opened one from a few weeks ago. He sighed deeply upon skimming over it.

“It’s not due until tomorrow night,” he said, clearly relieved.

“What’s not due? Oh, your project.”

“Yeah, but just the coding part. I can build the actual mechanical part later, and then audio will be due at midterms.” Phil shut the laptop. He scrubbed at his eyes and sighed. “I need coffee. I need to finish this, but I need coffee first. Want to go get some?”

Dan had already had about three coffees this morning, but what would one more hurt? He agreed, Phil shoved his computer into his backpack, Dan ignored his own bag and its loads of homework, and they set off towards the campus’ closest coffee shop.

They were regulars, and were both friendly to anyone who supplied them with caffeine, so the barista greeted them as soon as they walked inside.

“Hey, Bry,” Phil returned her greeting and headed toward their usual table in the corner to haul his computer out and set it up. Dan ordered their usual drinks, two caramel macchiatos, and then after a quick glance at the deep bags beneath Phil’s eyes, had two extra shots added to Phil’s. He examined his own fingers, then. They were trembling. He probably didn’t need the extra shots for himself.

“Thanks,” said Dan once Bryony handed him the drinks. He joined Phil at the table, but took his time walking over. It was disconcerting how good Phil looked, even sleepy and rumpled. “How much do you have left?”

Phil slurped loudly at his coffee before answering. “Too much. Can you get the - ?” He waved halfheartedly at his backpack sprawled beside him on the floor, and Dan obediently leaned over to dig in it and pull out what Phil was most likely referring to - a chunk of twisted metal with wheels and soldered antennae. It thunked solidly when he placed it on the wooden table next to Phil’s laptop.

Phil pet the ugly hunk, almost absentmindedly. Dan scowled down at the long pale fingers stroking the unfeeling lines of metal, wondering exactly how jealous he should feel. He took a sip of his own coffee. Maybe he did need the extra shots.

“It’s this code,” Phil groaned. He let go of the metal disaster and smashed the keyboard on his laptop, somehow managing to type something in the mess. “I’m trying to get it to perform actual functions and all it can do is drive around in circles.”

“That’s a function, isn’t it?”

“I mean. Yeah, but I want it to be unique. This isn’t…” Phil waved a hand at the innocent, hideous metal. “...I can’t even call it a robot.”

Dan didn’t know anything about electrical engineering, but he was fairly sure that it could be considered a robot. He gulped down a mouthful of macchiato instead of saying anything.

“I need...I need,” Phil muttered. He said something else inaudible, then took the lid off his coffee and buried his face in the opening, inhaling the steam.

Dan considered being concerned. “You can do it,” he said, but his tone was too flat to sound encouraging. He poked the robot thing. Its wheels squealed against the table as he pushed it toward Phil. “Robot says you can do it.”

“Robot is a liar,” Phil pulled away from his coffee inhalation just enough to inform Dan.

“Well,” said Dan. “I can’t inspire you. I only got up this morning for class because it was philosophy and I wanted to argue with the dumbass from yesterday who said Freud was a legend. Otherwise, I’d still be in bed and it’s…” He patted his pocket for his phone, and, not finding it, squinted at the screen of Phil’s laptop, “...it’s almost three.”

“What a life,” Phil said dully.

Dan patted the metal chunk. “You should just make it into an alarm clock. But like, one that attacks you if you don’t get up.”

“Huh,” Phil agreed unenthusiastically, and then, thoughtfully, “Huh.”

“I was joking,” Dan pointed out.

Phil set down his coffee. “Hmm,” he said.

“Hmm,” Dan repeated, but it reached tones of infinite suspicion. “Lester, don’t do it.”

Phil was already typing away at his laptop. “It’s a good idea,” he said. “It’s better than what I had. Which was...nothing.”

Sighing deeply, Dan sat back in his chair. Maybe he should just go with it. It couldn’t hurt anything, could it? Phil hadn’t been able to get the thing to do anything other than trundle in circles for almost a month, and his project was due the next day. Surely he would abandon it after he had to show it to his instructor.

Yeah, Dan would just go with it.

~~~

Dan had decidedly changed his mind after just one month.

“Phil!” he called, knowing that his roommate would be able to hear him over the sound of running water from their shared bathroom. He glared down at the tiny chunk of metal that had whirred across the room and attached itself to his foot as soon as he walked in the door. At first, it had been cute - but the “freely roaming the room” part was a problem. Although incredibly simple, the small robot zipped everywhere around the room and, despite Phil’s promises that it wouldn’t actually work as an alarm clock, had even climbed into Dan’s bed once. He had woken up to a chirruping metal blob on his chest, so naturally, he had screamed and thrown his blankets - along with the robot - onto the floor.

The water in the bathroom shut off. “What?” Phil yelled back.

The tiny antennae on the robot’s hulk swivelled. Dan frowned at it. He knew the thing didn’t have any cameras, but he still wasn’t sure how it heard anything or how it navigated. Phil claimed that it ran via solar power and soundwaves, but Dan had once seen it chug its way across the silent room at midnight to bury itself under a pile of socks.

The bathroom door opened, and Dan realized that he hadn’t replied to his roommate. He glanced up just as Phil stepped out, steam sweeping past him to humidify the dorm room. As usual, he was draped in far too many towels. Dan stared for a moment too long at the drops of water beading on Phil’s neck and creeping down his chest, and then he yanked his gaze away and flicked his foot to toss the metal creature across the room.

It squealed as it flew across the room, then landed lightly just beside Phil’s foot. A moment passed, and then it flipped over, whirring and chirping happily as it spun around Phil.

“Your little R2-D2 keeps attacking me,” said Dan, belatedly.

Phil scooped up his creation with careful fingers. Dan carefully ignored that his towels parted to reveal a very nice torso. “Don’t be mean,” Phil reprimanded. “He just likes you.”

“It’s an inanimate object,” Dan pointed out.

“He is very animated. And his name is Susan.”

Crossing the room, Dan hefted his backpack onto his bed. “You’ve decided that just now?”

“Yes,” said Phil emphatically.

The robot chirruped.

~~~

The dorm room was empty when Dan staggered inside. He almost slipped on a sock on the floor as he shut the door, so he cursed soundly at it. The cartoon penguins decorating it looked mournful as he kicked it to Phil’s side of the room. He dumped his backpack, heavy with the weight of textbooks, too many assignments, and stress, next to his dresser and then sat heavily on his bed.

He took a sip from the wine bottle in his right hand. The alcohol burned when it went down, warming his throat and stomach somewhat unpleasantly. Dan wasn’t entirely sure that it was actually wine.

Fucking Phil, he thought, and then repeated it out loud. “Fucking Phil.” He glanced around the room, making sure that Phil wasn’t actually there, then swallowed another mouthful of dubious alcohol. He had gotten it from the two guys down the hall that peddled suspicious goods, but nearly an hour had passed since then. Dan didn’t quite remember what he had done between then and now, and was almost certain that it wasn’t too important.

Lifting the wine bottle, he examined the contents inside. There was nothing floating inside at least, he noted, but there couldn’t be more than another sip or two left.

He took care of the rest of the alcohol in two swift gulps, then thought for a few long moments and heaved himself backwards to shove the empty bottle between his mattress and the wall. It wouldn’t do for an untimely random room check to find evidence of his sporadic lapse of judgement. It was just… “Fucking Phil,” he repeated. The words felt right on his tongue. “Fucking...Phil.” He laughed then, a helpless giggle, and slapped a hand over his mouth. He wished.

Dan let himself topple sideways on his bed, then hauled his feet up to the bedspread. His mind felt bubbly.

“Wooo,” said something from the floor.

Dan definitely did not squeal. He did not flail and kick one foot into the wall. His toe did not hurt.

Another minute passed before he regained his composure and managed to peer over the side of his bed to the floor.

Phil’s robot sat on the ugly orange rug, antennae pointed directly up at him and tiny sensors whirring indistinctly. It chirped at him, undeterred by Dan’s fragrant breath wafting down toward it.

“Oh,” said Dan. “Hi, Susan.”

Susan whistled in reply. Dan was about 96% positive that Phil had illegally downloaded clips of R2-D2’s sounds and used it for his pet project. The noises were extremely similar, in any case. Dan managed to pull his arm from where it had ended up beneath his stomach - though he didn’t quite know how it had gotten there - and reached down to pick up the robot. He brought it very close to his face to examine it, and one of its bristling wires stroked his nose.

He sneezed and put it on his pillow. It chirruped cheerfully.

“You look...cool.” Dan squinted at Susan. “You look...like you’re missing something.”

“Vroo?” said the robot.

Dan nodded confidently. His head drooped and he slowly let it fall until his forehead rested against the blankets, and there he blinked rather slowly at the indistinguishable blurs beneath him. “Yes,” he said, and then shoved himself upright.

It took him more than a few minutes to drag himself off the bed to dig through one of his dresser drawers and find what he was looking for. He managed to successfully sit back on the bed, but couldn’t quite get one leg all the way up, so he just let it dangle off the side. He piled the handful of items he had collected next to the pillow, where Susan was still patiently waiting.

“You are a cool robot,” he informed Susan. “But you are missing a thing. And that is an eyeball.” He procured the plastic googly eyeball with a flourish, although the flourish nearly broke his hand when he thudded it against the wall. “Ow,” he said.

The robot did not argue as Dan, very slowly and carefully, applied a few drops of glue to the back of the plastic eyeball. He may have gotten a bit on his fingers, but he wiped them off on his jeans. It wouldn’t hurt, surely.

“Here,” said Dan, and affixed the eyeball directly above one of Susan’s tiny whirring wheels. The fake pupil wobbled as the robot tipped on the pillow. Dan regarded it with great approval, and then he applied the other eyeball to the opposite side of the robot.

“Weeooo,” said Susan.

Dan sighed and stroked its delicate frame. “You’re such a good boy, Susan.”

Susan purred. It may have just been the motor running, but Dan preferred to believe that it agreed with him.

Dan sighed again, very heavily. “Fucking Phil,” he said ruefully.

The robot made a low, compassionate noise. Dan stared into the fake eyes he had attached. They contained so much emotion.

He felt himself tear up. “Why are you so perfect,” he mourned. “With your...stupid smarts and your stupid perfection. Stupid pretty eyes. Stupid hair.”

“Beoop?” questioned Susan.

Dan groaned and slumped sideways to lean against the wall. It was not as comfortable as his pillow would be, but since Susan was currently residing on it he decided to suffer for the moment. At least then his physical torment would match the emotions he felt. “Fine, not you,” he told Susan. “It’s fucking Phil. He’s. Too much.”

Susan beeped sadly. 

“I know, right?” Dan commiserated dolefully. “It’s just...you know?”

Susan’s fake eyes peered up at him, clearly unknowing.

Dan carefully placed a forefinger in front of Susan’s tiny speakers. “Shh. Don’t tell anyone, but...I’m a little drunk. And sad. And…” he sighed, again, “...I like Phil. So, so much.”

“Vrooo,” said the little robot.

“Do you think he would date me if I was a robot,” asked Dan.

Susan, very unhelpfully, did not respond.

Dan heaved a breath and painstakingly squeezed himself next to the robot to lie down. He stared wide-eyed at the delicate chunk of metal only an inch from his face. “You have beautiful eyes,” he told Susan, and then he fell asleep.

~~~

Dan woke up with a start when the door to the dorm room slammed shut. He jolted upright, squinting blearily toward the source of the noise. It took him a few moments, but then he was able to make out the figure standing by the door. It was Phil.

“Ungh,” said Dan, and flopped back down. His head spun, a distant memory of his drunken adventures the night before. He half-heartedly attempted to remember what he had done, but the memories were too vague to recall anything other than stumbling to his bed. He might have...talked to Phil’s robot?

“Um,” said Phil, still standing by the door. “Dan.”

With a searing bolt of clarity, Dan remembered that he had glued fake eyeballs to Phil’s robot last night. Phil’s midterms were today, which meant that part of his project had been due today, which meant that...Dan had probably ruined it. He cast desperately back into his uncertain memories, but he couldn’t remember exactly which part of the project was due.

“Fuck,” Dan said, and then, in a moment of maturity, hauled his blanket over his head to hide from Phil’s gaze. His hand was stuck to part of the fabric where he had attempted to wipe off the glue last night.

“Dan,” said Phil.

Dan was silent for a very long moment, and then he groaned quietly. “I’m so sorry, shit. I didn’t mean to do it, I was drunk.”

“You didn’t mean to do what?” asked Phil, but his tone sounded somewhat uncertain. Dan was almost tempted to pull the blanket off and look at him.

“I ruined your project, didn’t I? The fucking...eyeball things.”

“What?” Phil seemed confused now. “Oh, no, I wasn’t showing the actual robot today, the complete project is due at the end of the term. I think the googly eyes are cute, actually. They make Susan look friendlier.”

“Oh,” said Dan. His voice was muffled by the blankets. He blinked slowly in the darkness he had inflicted upon himself. “Okay. Uh...what’s up, then?” he tried, then cringed at himself.

Phil cleared his throat. “Well, um. The audio part was due today. You were super asleep earlier, so you probably didn’t hear me come in, go to sleep, then get Susan this morning and take him to the computer labs to...uh...compile the audio he’s been recording over the past few weeks for my project.”

“You...what?” Dan frowned up toward the ceiling - at least, he thought it was up toward the ceiling. He couldn’t really see where it was.

“Yeah, I told you before I started the recording. And you said it’d be fine if I recorded everything, as long as I cut out anything embarrassing. But I left it until the last minute so I had to do it all this morning before my mid-finals today. Anyway, I was just going to compile a one-hour block of random bits of audio from everything he’s recorded.” There was a shuffling noise. Phil shifting from foot to foot or moving closer, maybe. He was rambling. “But...well, he was recording last night. And I didn’t mean to invade your privacy or anything! I was just trying to find bits of audio - stuff that didn’t mean anything, just words or sounds out of order.”

“It recorded me...last night,” Dan repeated. “While I was drunk.”

“Um, yeah - ”

“And you listened to it.”

“...Yes, but - !”

“Nope.” Dan rolled over and smashed his face into his pillow. He had a very vague idea of what he had confessed to the robot last night, but he didn’t want confirmation of it. He didn’t want Phil to gently let him down in his Phil way that would make it impossible to be upset at him. At this moment, in fact, Dan didn’t want Phil to speak to him ever again.

Phil sounded cautious when he next spoke. “Do you...remember what you said?”

“Nmhphp,” said Dan into his pillow. His hand was still stuck to the blanket.

The mattress dipped beside Dan as Phil sat down on the bed. “Did you mean what you said?” he asked quietly.

“I was drunk,” Dan said weakly.

A feather-light touch trailed across his back. He shivered under the blanket. Even with the layers of material between him and Phil, he could still feel the heat of Phil’s hand. It burned him, branding him in place with the weight of his spoken confession that he never thought Phil would hear.

“Yeah,” he said.

Susan beeped from somewhere in the room, a cheerful sound that broke the heavy silence after Dan’s single word faded away.

Dan could feel Phil’s fingers tightening on the blanket, and then the comforting material was pulled away from him. The pillow was warm against his face where he was still buried into it.

“Dan,” said Phil, and so Dan rolled over, finally, to look at him.

Phil was smiling.

Dan thought bizarrely that the crinkles at the corner of Phil’s eyes were simply too deep to possibly exist. He wanted to press his fingers into them and make the smile on Phil’s lips grow even wider. He wanted to turn back around and hide from the brilliance of the expression.

“Idiot,” Phil said, unbearably fond. “I like you too.”

Dan just blinked slowly up at him.

“Want to go get coffee?” Phil asked. Still grinning, he brushed a thumb under Dan’s eye. Dan hadn’t realized a tear had escaped.

“Yeah,” he said again, and caught Phil’s hand in his, and a smile crept across his face to match Phil’s.

They stood and they left to get coffee, beaming at each other with enamoured expressions the entire way.

Susan whistled after them, then drove up the side of the bedspread onto Dan’s bed and perched on Dan’s pillow, its googly eyes spinning madly. It chirruped in a way that sounded like laughter.

“You’re such a good boy, Susan,” it said in Dan’s voice.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phanfic au #roommates au #college/university au #oh my god they were roommates #robots au #phandom fic fests bingo 2019 #phandom bingo 2019 #angst #fluff

[secretlywritingstories]

Hung(over) on You | Phan AU

Summary: Tipsy Dan were brave enough to talk to boy. Drunk Dan was secure enough to make out with them. Blackout drunk evidently went home with guys - or well, one guy who seemed much too kind and considerate for someone who had been forced to deal with blackout drunk Dan's incompetence.

Word count: 3.3k

Genre: Fluff (Alternate First meeting/University AU)

TW: Slight worry about having slept with someone while drunk and unable to give actual content but it's really minor.

Part of my Phanfic Bingo Card! This one being hangover: A severe headache or other after-effects caused by drinking an excess of alcohol

A/N: I’m going to try to go for a full plate before the deadline in five weeks, so consider following me on here if you like this. Enjoy!

Read on AO3 or below

It wasn’t uncommon for Dan to wake up with a pounding headache. It came with the territory of being a fresher at university. He felt like he had spent more time partying these past couple of months than actually attending lectures. He couldn’t say that he exactly minded it. It was nice to let loose and let himself feel less restricted.

Tipsy Dan was bold in a way that sober Dan never could be. He dared to go up to hot guys and do his best to flirt with them. He didn’t have to hide his sexuality here, so far away from his parents and his little hometown.

Now, tipsy Dan might be brave enough to chat to guys but he was still lacking the balls to carry through with anything. It was mostly just harmless and fun flirting, where Dan would get that buzz in his stomach that wasn’t just from the alcohol that he had consumed. It felt full of promise and exciting.

Drunk Dan, however, was a bit of a disaster. At least if his friends were to be believed. The bravery and boldness morphed into being cocky and a bit of a douche. It made him dare to make out with strangers who didn’t know what the hell they were doing with their tongue. Dan just knew it felt like he was choking on it.

But not even drunk Dan had ever gone home with anyone.

Blackout drunk Dan had evidently decided to change that.

Dan woke up with a pounding headache and his limps felt weighted down and he barely could expel enough energy to keep his chest breathing. He felt terrible. A groan made its way through his throat but it died there, so suddenly that he almost choked on it when he managed to crack open one eye just a bit. He did not recognise this room. Not at all.

It wasn’t even the room of any of the friends that he had been out with last night.

He tried to recall when he’d last seen his friends but he couldn’t place it. Everything turned fuzzy around 2 PM when he’d sauntered up to the bar and ordered a round of shots. His wallet would be crying in the morning but he convinced himself that it would be worth it. The bartender had called him cute and given him an extra shot that he had downed at the bar.

The heavy feeling in his limbs lifted a little as he felt the rush of panic. He was somewhere unfamiliar, in a bed and…

He was just wearing his boxers.

His shirt, jeans and socks where nowhere to be found.

This time a noise made it through his throat but it was more of a squeal than anything. You’d think he was a fair maiden by the way he ripped the duvet against his chest. His heart was beating and he was trying to rationalise what the fuck had happened last night but everything was just gone.

Granted, he didn’t think that the stabbing pain in his temples would make it easy to remember. It took him an embarrassingly long time to notice the lump of a human that was lying face down next to him in bed. He had been too caught up in his own panic.

It was probably a guy, judging by the broad expanse of his back and the short black hair. Again, they could not be. Dan was never one to judge but he couldn’t help the way that his body seized up at the great amount of pale skin on display. The person had a lot of lovely subtle freckles and Dan felt a bizarre pull to put his hands on the constellations and trace them.

He couldn’t remember talking to someone in particular last night, let alone the person still sleeping steadily next to him despite the weird noise that had erupted from Dan a moment before.

Every part of his body felt sore, once he shifted but it felt more like the hungover kind of sore than the sex kind of sore. Again, it could just be wishful thinking. Dan didn’t really like the idea that he had been incoherent enough to lose huge chunks of memories and someone had taken him home. He needed to contact his friends. He needed his phone.

A quick glance around the dorm room told him that his clothes were scattered around the bed, presumably thrown off last night. He spotted his black skinny jeans and he began the mission to crawl out of bed to get them. He wanted to take all of the duvet with him and wrap it around him like a protective cocoon but the stranger was partly lying on it and he did not want to wake the presumed owner of this dorm room.

Still, he felt so incredibly naked, slipping out of bed, and tiptoeing over to the floor to pick up his black jeans. He found his phone, let out a cry of triumph until he tried to turn it on and found it unresponsive.

This was just typical. He always forgot to charge the thing. Or he remembered to charge it but then ended up stuffing it back in his pocket while it was filming or something equally stupid and the charge drained out.

“It’s dead,” said a strange voice. It was deep, with a slightly northern lit and Dan startled in his half naked glory with the jeans limply in one hand and his treacherous phone in the other.

The stranger definitely had a masculine appearance and he was gorgeous. Striking blue eyes and even with ruffled hair and a face puffy from sleep and probably alcohol, Dan still felt how his breath caught in his throat. It didn’t help that the duvet was pooling around the guy’s hips as he propped himself up on his elbow.

Dan wanted to be suave and cool. He wanted to keep up the kind of party boy, flirtatious and brave student air that he had been trying so hard to cultivate but, in that moment, he just felt all of the walls fall apart around him. He felt so very tired and it wasn’t like he was ever going to see this stranger again. He let his mouth speak without filter. Any attempt at a filter would probably have been broken anyway, by alcohol and bad decisions.

“Did we fuck?”

Dan’s blunt words caused the black-haired dude to frown for a beat before he turned his eyes down to the mattress beneath him.

“Do you not remember anything from last night?” the stranger asked instead of answering.

“Clearly not,” Dan rumbled, pointing an accusatory finger in direction of the man on the bed. He was fairly certain that he looked very unintimidating in his half state of undress, hair sticking up in every direction, like it did every time he just woke up, and his probably bloodshot eyes.

“Well, then I believe introductions are in order,” the guy said casually and then he just flopped his legs over the side and revealed some of the ugliest pyjamas pants that Dan had ever seen. The bright yellow hurt his hungover brain and the emoji pattern made him want to barf.

“What are you wearing?” Dan asked, and took an unsteady step back as he eyes the pants like they might jump out and attack him.

“As much as I appreciate you staring at my crotch, I’m trying to introduce myself here,” the guy said and walked closer. Too close. Dan looked up, bashful at the stranger’s words, even if his intentions had not been to stare like that.

Only the guy stopped at a respectable distance and held out a hand. A pale, big and steady hand. How this guy was so put-together early in the morning after waking up to a stranger in his bed, Dan had absolutely no idea. He might be an alien.

Dan eyed the offered hand for a beat longer than he needed and the he shifted the jeans to his other hand before shaking hands with the stranger that he was still not sure if he’d fucked last night.

“Who are you?” Dan asked as they shook hands.

“You know you asked me that last night too. Only I believe you added ‘beautiful’ at the end of it. I’m still Phil. Nice to meet you again?” the guy, Phil, said with a smirk on his face.

He was way too chipper for this early in the morning. Could he not tell that someone was practicing bad drum covers inside of Dan’s skull?

“Dan,” Dan bit out anyway because his mother raised a polite gentleman if nothing else. Sure, he had a whole suitcase full of trauma and stuff but at least he had his manners. Thanks, Mum.

“I know,” Phil said with a chuckle and let go of his hand. “You introduced yourself yesterday. I remember it.”

That peaked Dan’s interest. Had he been the only one that had been blackout drunk? At least, he might be able to get some answers from Phil about what had happened last night and why Dan woke up in his bed.

“How much of it?” Dan asked.

“All of it,” Phil said, and this time his smile turned a little softer, more tentative. “I was at the party picking up a drunk friend.”

“Wait,” Dan said, trying to get his slow and alcohol-drowned brain to cooperate. “You were sober?”

He spat the word out like a curse word and he was stepping back, out of Phil’s space and he kept moving until he had backed himself up against the wall.

It was one thing if they had just been drunk idiots having fun. But Dan having been so inebriated and Phil being sober did not sound like a good combination. Dan would have been at the mercy of anyone in that moment. And God, had Phil taken advantage of him? Sure, drunk Dan would undoubtedly have found him a hot piece of ass but it was wrong for anything to happen between them if one was sober and the other was so drunk. It wasn’t-

“Hey, hey,” Phil said in a soothing voice but he didn’t step closer. His warm voice wrapped around Dan and there was a familiar and comforting quality to it. “Nothing happened between us, okay? I didn’t touch you. I didn’t take your clothes off.”

“Why are they off then?” Dan almost screamed, too frazzled and too hungover to deal with any of this bullshit. “Why am I at your place, if nothing happened?”

“Please allow me to explain,” Phil said and walked over to the bed to sit down. His chest was rising a little more strained than the steady rhythm that Dan had seen when Phil had been asleep. “You said you don’t remember anything from last night, right? Let me tell you what I remember, okay?”

That sounded reasonable, even to Dan’s stupid brain. “Okay.”

Phil shot him a smile, warm and a little worried and Dan felt like something melted inside him. How dare Phil look so cute? And he was shirtless and he looked so good. Blackout drunk Dan could have made a worse choice, Dan absentmindedly noted, even if he was still a little unsettled by the whole thing.

“My friend called me. He was very drunk by the sound of it, so I got out of bed at 4 AM to go fetch him and walk him home,” Phil said, like it was obvious, but Dan knew a lot of his friends would never have done that for him. “I arrived at the party and spotted my friend outside talking to someone. You. The two of you swore that you were new best friends after you’d been next to each other in the toilet queue. I tried to ask you if you could find your friends but you just pouted and said that your phone was dead and your friends were gone. I didn’t want to leave you, so I offered to walk you home.”

Phil took a breath, looking at Dan as if he hoped that his words had sparked any memory. It hadn’t.

“I don’t remember that,” Dan said quietly and started to pull himself away from the wall he had pressed against in a weak attempt to create space between him and Phil.

“I figured. You were really drunk. It took you three times to get your own name right,” Phil said and he sounded almost amused. “I walked my friend home first and then I tried to get you to tell me where you lived. You tried to tell me but you are horrible at giving directions and I think we ended up walking in circles for a good half hour. Finally, I just told you that you could crash at mine as long as you didn’t mind sharing the bed. This place is too small for a couch and as hospitable as I can be, I was not sleeping on the floor for a stranger. No offense.”

“None taken? The way that the story is going, I feel like I should be the one apologising to you,” Dan said. He couldn’t recall any part of the story but Phil’s description of drunk Dan was plausible when compared to how Dan’s friends had talked about him before. “What about the lack of clothes?”

“You said you were too hot and too sticky and just started stripping,” Phil said and he turned his gaze away slightly. Dan had forgotten he was still only in his boxers. “I tried to get you to borrow a shirt at least but you were out like a light from the moment you lied down on the bed. I was so tired that I just joined you and went to bed.”

“Huh…” Dan said and breathed out. He walked over to the bed, in measured steps and sat down next to Phil. “I’m sorry for being such a nuisance and accusing you of… you know, taking advantage.”

“It’s not a problem, honestly,” Phil said, smile warm and understanding and Dan felt blinded. “I understand why you were worried. But I swear I was trying to get you home but you were being very uncooperative and…”

“And?” Dan prompted even if he had a feeling that he would regret it.

Phil pulled a face that looked caught between cringe and bashfulness. “You were very clingy and… eh, complimentary.”

Dan buried his face in his hands. “Kill me now.”

“No, don’t say that,” Phil said and reached out to carefully touch Dan’s shoulder. It was probably meant to be reassuring but the contact of Phil’s fingertips against Dan’s bare shoulder felt almost intimate. It might also be how gently he reached out. “You were very nice.”

Dan barked out a laugh. “I doubt that.”

“Well, you did say something about climbing me like a tree,” Phil said and smiled widely, almost giggling and it made his tongue push against his teeth. He looked very lovely.

“I repeat, kill me now.”

“How about some food first?” Phil suggested and got up from the bed. “I’ve got pancake mixture in the fridge across the hall. They’re just waiting to be made.”

Dan blinked a couple of time, trying to discern if the man in front of him was a mirage. He might have been inclined to believe so if it was not for those horrendous pyjamas’ pants.

“You want to cook for me?” Dan asked baffled.

“Yeah,” Phil said casually. “I bet your head is killing you and there is nothing that pancakes can’t solve.”

Dan wasn’t even sure how to begin to argue against that logic. He decided just to drop it. Besides, at the mention of pancakes, he felt how empty his stomach seemed to be. Pancakes sounded heavenly. Even more so if they were cooked by a kind-hearted stranger who had not only looked after his drunk ass but given him a safe and warm place to sleep as well. Maybe, especially because it came from Phil.

Phil seemed to know Dan’s answer just by the expression on his face. He walked over to his closet and pulled out a shirt with NASA printed across it. Fuck, he was a nerd too. This was too good to be true.

Dan decided to come to his senses and pull on the pants still loosely clutched in his grip. He had to jump a couple of times before managing to pull them up. Then he went to collect his T-shirt but he nearly balked when he came close to it and caught a whiff of something nasty and felt something sticky coat his fingers. He dropped it like it had burned him.

“Gross,” Dan muttered under his breath and stared at the fabric.

“Here,” Phil said, so easily, as he reached over to hand Dan a red jumper with black spots. It reminded him of a ladybird and it seemed oddly fitting for Phil.

“You’re lending me clothes now too?” Dan asked, with a raised eyebrow. “You a saint or something?”

“Far from it, but you should always try to help where you can. Want breakfast or not?”

Oh, how Dan wanted it. He wanted this pancake breakfast with Phil and he wanted many more to come. He wanted to be back in Phil’s bed, sharing it with him when he wasn’t just passed out unconscious. He wanted to lean across and close the distance between them, so their lips could meet in a kiss. He wanted to hear that giggle in Phil’s voice and see how his eyes lit up when he spoke. The feeling hit him squarely in the chest.

He had never longed for anything this deeply. Suddenly, it felt so silly for him to fill his days with parties, getting drunk to work up the courage to talk to guys, when it was possible to have quiet mornings like this with a guy like Phil.

Phil who was still looking at him, with an open and patient expression. Dan slipped the red jumper over his head and the fabric seemed to hug him, offering the same amount of comfort that its owner had given him.

Dan wasn’t sure how blackout Dan had managed to run into Phil but he found himself endlessly thankful for it. Without him, he wouldn’t be here and Dan had a feeling this was somewhere that he really wanted to be. It was so new, so fragile and exciting at the same time, but Dan could already tell that this was something extraordinary.

“I want breakfast,” Dan finally said and he didn’t add that he wanted so many more things too. They could start with breakfast and Dan promised himself that he would not leave without getting Phil’s number. He was not letting this guy slip through his fingers. He was fairly certain that he would never find another one like him.

“Let’s go then,” Phil said cheerily and reached out a hand for Dan to take.

This time he didn’t hesitate in placing his hand in Phil’s and it would only be the first time of many. Dan could feel it in the very bones. The hangover seemed to almost evaporate as Phil’s palm pressed against his and he dragged him to the small kitchen where he proudly pulled out the pancake batter.

From then on, Dan didn’t need tipsy or drunk Dan to be able to talk to hot guys. He could talk to his boyfriend, his companion through life, just fine when he was sober.

#phanfic bingo #phandom fic fest #pff bingo 2019 #my stories #phanfiction #phanfic #phan au #phan fluff

[lovestillaround]

Bingo 2019 Masterlist

Grey skies

rating: t words: 818 for the square: divorce summary: it’s just an evening, and Phil comes to see Dan

Wanna be your stormy weather   

rating: t words: 3,5k for the square: writer’s choice (migraine) summary: Phil doesn’t expect his day to end with a migraine attack

in disguise (the world can’t see me)

rating: t words: 1,4k for the square: all or nothing summary: Dan has a habit of going out when he isn't well

Coco

rating: g words: 1,1k for the square: forever home summary: Dan and Phil move into their forever home

Edges

rating: t words: 1,8k for the square: envy summary: Phil is gay and he hides it

Interlocking

rating: t words: 700 for the square: topman summary: Dan buys a sweater. The sweater has zippers.

I had a lot of fun participating in the fest! Last year I didn’t, but now I know that I would definitely do it again, if I given a chance. It pushed me through some writer’s block and it allowed me to try out new things, to experiment - with my writing style, with the form, but mostly with the subjects of my fics. So thanks guys for organising it. I feel quite accomplished and I even got a bingo! Yee!

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #pff bingo 2019 #phandom fic fest

[fourthingsandawizard]

PFF Bingo 2019 - Masterlist

*One of my fics ended up taking on a life of its own, spiraling into a much longer chaptered story, and at the time of Bingo closing, only has the first chapter posted. The dark purple squares above are squares already filled, the light purple are squares that will be filled by the time the chaptered fic is completed

Firewhisky

Rating: Gen

Words: 1752

Summary: Dan is fast asleep at Hogwarts when he gets a 2am call from a Firewhisky-fueled Phil in the club

Bingo Prompts: writer’s choice (magic au), drug/alcohol use, birthday

Read on ao3

I Might Grow Out of It (A Galaxies and Greenhouses Prequel)

Rating: Gen

Words: 2498/?

Chapters: 1/?

Summary: Discovering you're somehow different from the rest of your family can be difficult; realizing you're even more different than you originally thought can be devastating. All the magic in the world can't help Phil 'grow out of it,' but embracing those differences may just help him realize how magical he really is.

Bingo Prompts: writer's choice (magic au), sibling relationships, symbolism, missed train, motion sickness, rejections, tatinof, secret admirers, and Vegas

Read on ao3

#phandom fic fest #phandom fic fest bingo #pff bingo #pff bingo 2019 #bingo 2019 masterlist #my fic #my phanfic #my phanfiction #hogwarts au #phan hogwarts #phan hogwarts au #modern wizard au #wizard dan #wizard phil #ravenclaw phil #hufflepuff dan #pureblood phil #muggleborn dan #platonic #phan if you squint #phandom #closeted character #sexuality crisis #phan au

[possumdnp]

the mince pie codex

Rated T, 3k

Summary: Dan and Phil make it their mission to find the best mince pie.

Written for bingo prompts 2017 + baking

Read on ao3!

#phanfic #phanfiction #possumfic #phandom fic fest: bingo

[throwing-roses-into-the-abyss]

Puppy love

Phil goes to the dog show. He comes back with more than just fun stories and instagram selfies. Dan is pretending not to be pleased, but honestly, he can’t say no to those cute puppy eyes.

But then, strange things start to happen…

2638 words/ Prompts: dog, nightmare, suspense/thriller

Written for the @phandomficfests Bingo 2019. Prompts: dog, nightmare, suspense/thriller

Thanks as always to @obsessivelymoody for betaing!

Read on AO3

#fic #phanfic #phan #phandom fic fest #pff bingo #halloween fic #horror phan #so anyway I wrote this whole thing in one go last night #I don't know how or why that happened #I didn't have any sugar or drugs or alcohol #I just sat down with a cup of tea and boom there was a whole fic #shrug emoji and all that #so uh I hope y'all enjoy #I put trigger warnings on it just to be on the safe side #so if you don't like demonic stuff don't read! #I'm not gonna be responsible for you if you ignore the warnings and the tags #also anyway this is my last fic for the bingo #I'm making a masterpost next week :) #6 fics aint bad!

[farkenshnoffingottom]

PFF Bingo 2019

I only managed the one fic this year, for the prompt ‘bed sharing’

Boys in the Big City - Rated G - Word Count: 660

The night before filming "Boys in the Big City," Dan reflects on moving in with Phil.

#e's endless rambling #dan howell #phil lester #phandom #pff bingo 2019 #dnp #phandom fic fest

[maybeformepersonally]

Fic: Coincidences mean you're on the right path

Title: Coincidences mean you're on the right path Author: maybeformepersonally Rating: G / General Audiences Summary: Dan had been watching Amazingphil since he was a teenager. He never thought they would actually meet, of course, and so he is understandably surprised when Phil walks into the room. Word Count: 4055 Author’s Note: Written for the Phandom Fic Fest Bingo, for the square “Fandom AU”. This is a canon divergence AU where they never met in 2009, and Dan never started making videos or became an internet cult leader. Now, it’s 2018 and they unexpectedly cross paths. Read on AO3

Dan’s had a stressful day at work, to say the least. This, coupled with staying up much later than he should have last night for an impromptu, ill-advised Netflix marathon is almost enough to tempt him into skipping the gym for the day. Almost, but not quite, as he knows he’ll struggle to fall asleep if he doesn’t tire himself out. It’s for a noble cause, he tells himself, and drags himself there, albeit grudgingly.

 He’s in a mood today. It’s the only reason why he’s dragging his feet, really. He knows he’ll get into it as soon as he starts, that’s what always happens. And he understands how crucial exercise is for his mental health. It really has helped a lot since he’d taken it up two years ago. He allows himself a pout and some internal grumbling about it anyway.

 Well, as it turns out, he will never be so grateful for his hard-earned discipline, for if he had caved to temptation, he would have missed out.

 He’s quite at home in the machine room, doing his own thing with headphones on, as usual, jogging on the treadmill, when none other than Phil Lester, a.k.a. Amazingphil, a.k.a. the star of an embarrassingly large amount of Dan’s teenage fantasies (and also an occasional star of a few current ones), struts into the machine room and sits down on the fucking Leg Press Machine directly in Dan’s line of sight.

 Dan barely avoids faceplanting on the treadmill in shock.

 The next thirty minutes are a test to his already frayed nerves that Dan wouldn’t have expected to pass, but somehow he managed to play it cool and he doesn’t stare too obviously (he hopes) nor does he make a complete fool of himself in front of his kind-of-celebrity crush (he thinks), dealing a fatal blow to his self-esteem and ruining one of his favourite places to unwind in one fell swoop.

 They’re both wearing headphones, and he’s still starstruck and a bit shocked that Amazingphil of all people just walked into his regular gym in a tight green t-shirt that brings out his eyes and tight black shorts that bring out… other assets, so he doesn’t even try to strike up a conversation. He’s too nervous, anyway, he’d probably embarrass himself, and then he’d be out of a gym because there is no way he’d come back here if that were to happen. He doesn’t want to have to scope out gyms again, that way lies madness.

 So Dan finishes his set, grabs his things, and he nods to Amazingphil as he leaves. And he doesn’t go hide in the bathroom for a little freak out; he can freak out at home, like a functional adult.

 Now, Dan isn’t the huge fan of youtube he used to be when he was a teenager, but he still follows a few channels religiously. Amazingphil and PhilGAMES are the only ones he has the notifications on for, because he may be a grown man and a professional these days, but Phil still holds a special place in his heart. (So what if he never got over his teenage crush, have you seen Phil’s smile? He’s only human, and there’s nothing wrong with a harmless crush on an unattainable sort-of-celebrity. Sue him.)

 ***

Phil came out officially a few years ago, but it’s been pretty obvious that he was bi from way back on his early days of youtube, so when he tries going to the gym and decides to make a video about what a disaster it was, he doesn’t think twice about going on a rant in the video about how as he was leaving, he saw the most gorgeous man working out and he may or may not have decided to get some exercise on the machines instead of running away because he wanted to stare at this earthly Adonis for a little while.

 “And that’s the story of how I went to the gym, almost died because I was too socially anxious to tell the instructor the workout was too intense for me, went to hide in the bathroom to catch my breath for 15 minutes, then went to run away without saying goodbye, saw the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on and felt compelled to man up, go back to tell Leon that it wasn’t working out for me and that I’d like to try the machines so that I could go at my own pace, then embarrassed myself by being the most unfit person in Britain in front of a fitness god with the face of an angel. But hey, I least I got some exercise in! Also, I may be going again just to see if I run into him again. Not to talk to him, or ask him out, I just want to bask in his beauty. What’s the bi equivalent of a useless lesbian? Because that’s me. Oh, I know! A disaster bi. I’m pretty sure I’ve read that somewhere,” he ends with a laugh.

 “That’s not creepy, right? Is that creepy?” he asks PJ later. PJ laughs at him, but reassures him that so long as he’s respectful and doesn’t stalk this guy or something, it’s fine. And really, Phil probably couldn’t be a creep if he tried. He’s too polite, and also too good a person to actually put his own selfish desires above someone else’s comfort.

 Slightly reassured, Phil goes back to the gym again to try his luck. He wasn’t completely serious in his video, he’s not going to keep going to the gym to stare longingly at this guy. He’s hoping to talk to him at some point, feel him out (metaphorically!) to see if he may be interested. He’s not going to just ask him out out of nowhere, but maybe, if he seems like he might be receptive to it…

***

Dan does have a little freakout as he goes back home, but then life goes on, and he doesn’t see Phil again in the gym for the rest of the week. He figures it’s probably a fluke. Phil has mentioned repeatedly in his videos that’s he’s terribly unfit and that he doesn’t enjoy working out at all, though he’s tried a few times to get into the swing of it. That’s probably what happened, he’s tried it again (it isn’t lost on Dan that it’s the middle of January, and Phil has joked that getting fit is always one of his New Year’s resolutions), but he’ll probably get bored soon.

 The big freakout comes four days after, when he gets a notification that Amazingphil has uploaded a video called “Why I should probably not go back to the gym… but will anyway”. He’s glad he waits until he’s home to watch it, because whatever he was expecting (oh god, will he mention the awkward nerd who almost fell off the treadmill when he walked in and kept sneaking looks at him? Shit, did I make him uncomfortable?), it was not this.

 Phil wasn’t even going to try the machines? He was walking past and saw Dan and stayed to stare at him?? He thought Dan was attractive? Very attractive even? He was thinking of coming back to stare at Dan some more?? Was this even real? Was he just building up a story to make an entertaining video? What was going on? Was this real life? Oh god, he actually goes on a minute-long rant about how gorgeous Dan is and he might have to go scream on a pillow, what is his life. Dan had looked in the mirror when he went home after the awkward gym kind-of-encounter that day; he’d finished an hour long session of exercise and he’d looked it. He was tired and sweaty and he’d worn his too big grey exercise t-shirt that day. He’d looked like the exhausted, emo-adjacent, sweaty rat that he was, what was Phil talking about?

 ***

The next time, Phil tries talking to him. Nothing too ambitious, just some small talk.

He takes his chance when the man stops the machine he’s on and steps away, pulling his headphones off and into his backpack.

“Hey, um, hi,” Phil says and gives a little wave. “Sorry to bother you, I just signed in last week and I was wondering if you’ve been coming here for long?”

 The man looks a bit surprised, but not bothered, to Phil’s relief.

 “Oh, hi. Yeah, a bit over a year?” His phone beeps and he looks at it distractedly, but he keeps talking. “Since I moved in to London, really.” He puts his phone back and turns his attention to Phil again. Phil beams at him.

 “Oh, that’s great!” he maybe sounds a bit too excited about that, but he’s a bit nervous and he’s glad the guy is volunteering information and seems to be okay talking to him. “I don’t know much about gyms, or exercise, as you can see,” Phil joked, waving his right arm to encompass himself, illustrating his unfit condition, “so I thought I’d ask someone for… suggestions, I guess? If that’s okay”.

 The man looks surprised again for a second, but then he looks him up and down appreciatively and once he’s made it all the way up to Phil’s eyes again, he declares, “I don’t know that you need any. I think you look great”.

 Phil is startled into a quiet laugh and he can feel the blush on his face, but he can’t be too bothered given the current situation.

 “I’m Dan,” the man smiles at him, and Phil suddenly feels like a deer in the headlights. Oh god, he has dimples. The humanity. He’s actually a thousand times more attractive when he smiles, how? Phil has the urge to do something stupid. He powers through it, but he’s taken a critical hit, and he probably comes off as extremely weird through the rest of the short conversation. Not that he isn’t weird. He’s made a whole series of youtube videos about it. It’s part of his core branding.

 “I’d be happy to give you some tips, or whatever it is you’re looking for,” Dan starts, then his phone beeps again, and he interrupts whatever he was going to say to check it, again, then sighs. “Sorry, I’d love to help you out right now, but I really need to go… deal with this client.” His phone makes another, different sound, and Phil can see Dan isn’t happy about it, but then he shoves the phone away and when he turns to Phil again, he has a small, shy-looking smile on his face. Phil is a goner.

 “If you want... I come here every day from six to seven or so, except Sundays. If you come around that time, I’d be happy to help you?” The words lift into a question, into an invitation that Phil can take or leave.

 Phil recognises that it’s a very open invitation. If he actually wants help and nothing else, Dan would probably indulge him. If Phil was uncomfortable and didn’t want to run into him again, he now knows what time Dan comes and can plan around it to avoid him. And if he wants something else, like, say, misuse his gym membership card to come flirt with a gorgeous guy he met in the machine room…

 Dan is picking up his stuff, conspicuously giving him some breathing room, and Phil realises he might have come off as uninterested, which is the opposite of what he wants to do now that Dan’s flirted with him first, so he smiles and brings out the bedroom eyes.

 “That’d be brilliant. I’ll definitely take you up on that.”

 Phil’s gratified to see Dan looks affected, if the searing look he throws his way is any indication, but after a few seconds, his phone beeps again and he’s moving to leave.

 “Good,” he says, his slightly crooked smile giving Phil ample incentive to stick to his New Year’s resolution for once. “I’ll see you around, then”.

 Now, because Phil is a useless bisexual, it is only at this point that he realises he’s never offered his name, and Dan is turning to leave, so he blurts it out.

 “My name’s Phil, by the way!”

 Dan stops, turns back to him and gives him another one of those devastating smiles, the kind that brings out his dimples, and Phil may be swooning.

 “Phil,” Dan says, less as if he’s trying out the word and more as if he’s relishing in it. “I look forward to seeing you again”. The he turns and actually leaves.

 Phil is left alone in the machine room, staring at the door Dan left through and smiling like a lunatic for the next couple of minutes.

 ***

“Okay, I have a confession to make,” Dan starts before they even open the menus.

 “Okay?”

 “Please don’t take this the wrong way. I just… feel like I need to tell you this if we’re actually going to do this.”

 Okay, now Phil is a little worried, but he’s open to hear Dan out on whatever it is. He really likes Dan an unreasonable amount for how recently they’ve met and how little time they’ve spent together. He’d like to think he’s an open-minded person, and so he quickly decides that he’ll be kind no matter what it is that’s making Dan look this nervous.

 “Okay. I’m listening.” Phil wants to hold Dan’s hand to maybe put him at ease, but he’s not sure if that would help or make things worse, so he refrains.

 “Right. Okay.” Dan takes a deep breath. ”Um. Okay. I… knew your name. That day we talked for the first time. And the time before that, really, when I first saw you in the gym.”

 “Okay?” He doesn’t know what Dan is hinting at.

 “I know who you are, I mean. I’ve known who you are since 2006, when I first became obsessed with Youtube.”

 Oh.

 “Oh.” Phil wasn’t expecting that, but he’s not sure why something like that would make Dan this nervous, so he figures there’s more. When Dan doesn’t elaborate, but rather keeps looking at him in silence, Phil tries to break the ice. “So, you used to watch my videos?”

 Dan relaxes a little as Phil smiles at him. “Yeah. I was a huge fan, actually.” He still looks nervous, so Phil decides to throw caution to the wind and move to hold his hand anyway. When he reaches out and threads their fingers together over the table, Dan gives him a questioning look, but he doesn’t move away. Instead, he moves his thumb to gently rub Phil’s hand, and manages a shaky smile.

 Did he think Phil was going to be upset that Dan liked his videos as a teenager? Or that Phil maybe wouldn’t want to date someone who used to be a viewer? That was crazy. This was actually great, as it meant Dan had to have some idea of what he was getting into, dating a youtuber. It also meant Phil wouldn’t have to explain Youtube to him, or his nosey audience, or why there was a good chance their dates would be interrupted by people asking for a picture with him. The only reason Phil had chosen this restaurant for their first proper date (flirting at the gym didn’t count as proper dates) and had gone for a private room was so that he could get the explanation out of the way before that happened.

 “I don’t mind, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he reassures Dan. “That’s actually really flattering. Though I wonder what I did to lose you as a viewer,” Phil jokes.

 Dan winces and says. “You didn’t.”

 Now Phil’s eyebrows shoot up, but he still doesn’t pull his hand away. It gives Dan the strength he couldn’t seem to gather before.

 “I started watching you early on, and watched you all through college. I used to watch a lot of youtube then. I gradually stopped watching Youtube as a whole when I graduated and got a job, as a result of a mixture of lack of time and waning interest, but there’s a few channels I still check out every once in a while. Yours is among them.”

 Phil squeezes his hand reassuringly, and grins. “Do you follow my social media accounts?”

 “Um. Yeah. Instagram.”

 Phil grinned warmly, “Really? So you like looking at me. Good to know.”

 Dan made an embarrassed little noise of protest, but he couldn’t really argue. “You’re nice to look at.” He was blushing a little, but he was also looking him in the eye now, shy but determined. Phil got distracted by the little rosy patch that formed right over his jaw.

 “Do you follow me on twitter? Or on Tumblr? Do you troll the IDB forums?” Phil is full on teasing him now. It seems highly unlikely that Dan is one of his most invested fans; in fact, the idea is kind of hilarious. And also kind of hot. He might revisit that idea later. In private.

 Dan laughs, “No, and no, and I don’t even know what that last one is, do I want to know?”

 “It’s a fan forum. It’s… very comprehensive. There’s a lot of information and speculation going on there. You know, actual fandom stuff.”

 Dan scoffs at that, but he’s still smiling, so Phil counts it as a win. “I’m not in the fandom. Ha, I wouldn’t have even had the time for it until recently, with the way I let work take over my life. Just… you know. I watch your videos.”

 “And you follow my Insta,” Phil reminded him.

 “Okay, that too.”

 “Is that why you watch my videos? Because you think I’m ‘nice to look at’?” Phil teases.

 “Well, I mean, that certainly helped,” Dan answers candidly, and damn it, now it’s Phil’s turn to blush. “But I wouldn’t have kept watching if you weren’t also hilarious. You’re just fun to watch, you know?”

 Phil is thinking this is all immensely cute when it dawns on him what his next to last video was. “Oh no. Oh no, god, you still watch my videos.” His hand is gripping Dan’s like a lifeline in mortification.

 “Yeah…?”

 “Mfph,” Phil says from behind his other hand. Which he is trying and failing to hide behind. His right hand hasn’t even tried to let go of Dan’s, so Dan doesn’t panic. Mostly.

 “You saw my video, didn’t you? The gym video? Where I go on and on about how fit you are?”

 “Yep;” Dan answered cheekily.

 Phil moaned in embarrassment behind his hand and Dan laughs. It sounds about as beautiful as he is, which is saying a lot. Okay, Phil may be a bit smitten, but he thinks he has reason to be, all things considered.

 “Instant favourite. How do you think I managed to find the guts to flirt with you?”

 At that, Phil peeks out of his hand.

 “I wasn’t sure if you even meant it, but. I mean, I know you must exaggerate or even make up part of your stories to make them entertaining for an audience. But. I mean, you did go on for about two minutes about how gorgeous I was, so,” Dan laughs a bit under his breath and Phil is so charmed he finally pulls his hand away from his face. “I figured I probably had a chance if you ever showed up in the gym again.”

 “I meant it,” Phil tells him. The way Dan is looking at him, joy and affection and attraction (a look that would later be dubbed ‘Heart Eyes Howell’ by Phil’s fans), prompts Phil to admit “...I actually had to reshoot that because I went on quite the lengthy rant about it the first time. And then I had to cut some of it from the take you did see, so that it wouldn’t jar the flow of the video.”

 Phil is blushing again, but Dan looks thrilled, so he doesn’t mind too much.

 ***

 Amazingphil posted “Life Update! Amazing Boyfriend? (Not Clickbait)”

 “Hi guys! So, a lot of people have been asking about this on twitter - *zoom in* and everywhere else *laughs, zoom out* so I thought I’d let you know what’s been going on in my life.

 Yes, I’m dating someone. Yes, it’s a guy. Yes, I’m very happy about it and you all should be grateful I have some self-control because if I had immediately given in to the urge to gush about him, you’d all be sick of it by now. *laughs*

 So, anyway! In this video, I’ll tell you a little about how we met, and I think some of you will be pleasantly surprised to find out that I’ve actually mentioned him before in a past video.

 Remember when I said this? [clip of the gym video where he talks about how his struggles in the gym led him to stumbling upon the Most Beautiful Man In The World.]

 Weeeell… *looks to the side*

 I did go back, as it turns out, and I didn’t see him again. But I was already there, so I might as well do some exercise, right? So I did, and nothing happened, and I came back home tired and sore and slightly disappointed.

 But then! The next time I went, I caught him just as he was finishing his, like, workout day, or whatever it is that people who exercise regularly call it, and I thought to myself, ‘Phil. This is your chance. Just talk to him. Make some small talk. No pressure, just some casual human interaction. Just a chill talk with the most attractive man you’ve ever seen in your life. Nothing to be nervous about! *laughs, closes his eyes and shakes his head at himself*

 So, I give myself a little pep talk, I pluck up my courage, and I. Go. Talk to him! *celebratory music*

 And what does he do? *Phil enunciates, giggly* What does he do as I start talking to him, just trying to set up a friendly, relaxed atmosphere? Just opening up the lines of communication, you know, some casual bants? Do you know what he does? He immediately, shamelessly, flirts with me. *Phil laughs again*

 I was… shook.

 So, we talked a little but then he had to go - which I was actually grateful for because by that time I was freaking out internally and I didn’t want to make a complete fool of myself - but! We arranged to meet again, in the gym.

 And the next time we did meet, I asked him out. On an actual date, not just… hanging out in the gym so that I had to awkwardly try not to embarrass myself as I work out in front of him even though I’m terrible at it.

 So, long story short, we’ve been dating since then. *celebratory music*

 So now you know. I am officially dating the Most Beautiful Man In The World.

*soft background music stops* Not even kidding, he’s the most attractive person I’ve seen in my life. It’s kind of surreal.

 *music resumes*

 So! I know some of you guys have been asking to meet him, as it were, and I have good news for you! I will be making a video with him soon, probably in the next week, so look out for that! Also, *zoom in* be nice to him, please, he’s wonderful and I’m really happy he’s in my life. Let’s not drive him away, yeah! *laughs*

 *zooms out* I’m kidding! He knows you’re all crazy, I told him all about you guys. And he seems ready to adopt you all anyway, so that’s alright. The poor bastard. 

 Anyway, that’s it for today! I hope you all have a great day! Please press like if you liked the video, I actually want to know if you guys enjoy this type of casual life update... talk-type thing and if I should make more of these. Click the subscribe button if you want to see more of me, and click the notification bell to be told when I post a new video! Check out my gaming channel! And I’ll see you guys soon! Byeee!”

#PFF Bingo Fest 2018 #phandom fic fest #phandom fic fests bingo #phanfic #phan #am i writing now

[lestered]

dnp + mpreg

for pff bingo 2019 (prompt: mpreg)

#phan #phandom fic fest #* #pff bingo 2019

[combeauferre]

PFF BINGO MASTERPOST 

i just like the music - g, 1.3k words

There's something soft that settles in his chest to think that he and Amelia share this passion, and he's desperate to give her the guidance that he never got as a child.

for the bingo prompt "piano"

alone at a table for two - t, 1.3k words

why he couldn't have just sat at the stupid fucking sofa, he's not sure.

for the bingo prompt "time jumps"

warnings: major character death 

safe place - g, 802 words 

when dan has an argument with his dad, the only place he wants to be is in the north, in phil's arms

for the bingo prompt "writer's choice" (parents)

surprise - m, 875 words 

maybe Phil should've thought about his suitcase being identical to Dan's when he packed a surprise for their night in a hotel.

for the bingo prompt "luggage mixup"

long live the walls we crashed through - g, 728 words

the little victories are important.

written for the bingo prompt "basically im gay"

maybe im just in love when you wake me up - g, 611 words 

Dan's not best impressed when he wakes up and the bed is empty beside him.

for the bingo prompt "morning coffee"

i really loved doing this! it made me write things i prob wouldn’t have written otherwise and it made me realise i’m not as bad at writing from prompts as i thought i would be! 

#abie has a life #mine #pff bingo #pff bingo 2019 #phandom fic fest bingo #dan and phil #dnp #dan howell #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #phil lester #phan #phanfic #phanfiction #abie writes

[candanandphilnot]

So I tried to do a gifset for @phandomficfests bingo! I've never really done gifs before so thought I'd give it a shot! They are definitely not very high quality but that's what I get for trying to make gifs on a phone that's too old to be doing stuff like this on lol

#bingo fill #phandom fic fest #phan #house plants

[itsmyusualphannie]

a person’s a person (no matter how small)

Title: a person’s a person (no matter how small) - ao3 Beta: @sudden-sky​ (patchworklove on ao3) Word Count: 900 words Rating: G Warnings: none Summary: phil loses his train, but he needs it to play with dan. cornelia helps him look for it. Author Notes: yeah idk what this is either. isn’t kid!Phil adorable though

“‘Scuse me,” a tiny voice came from Cornelia’s left. She jumped and placed a hand over her heart before glancing down, fighting back the urge to swear in her surprise.

“Good morning, Phil.” She stepped back to let the tiny ginger-haired boy through the kitchen door. “How are you doing?”

He peered up at her, eyes bright. “Alive,” he informed her, very serious.

Well, Cornelia knew where he had learned that. She was going to be having words with Martyn about saying these things to his little brother. “I’m glad to hear,” she said, just as solemn as Phil.

Phil nodded, his lips pursed, and then he trotted further into the kitchen, vanishing behind the tall counter. Cornelia followed him.

“What are you doing?”

A stool scraped against the floor as Phil shoved it aside. He heaved a deep sigh, which Cornelia could hear even halfway across the room. “Train,” he said succinctly. “‘S gone.”

“Your toy?” she asked, joining him on the other side of the counter. He was frowning mildly down at the linoleum, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought.

“Yeah,” he said, and sighed again, a deep, world-weary breath that almost made Cornelia laugh. He sounded just like Martyn when he couldn’t find the remote to the TV. “Gotta find it before I can play with Dan.”

“Where did you last see it?”

Phil shrugged helplessly. “Dunno. I looked in my room and mum’s room and under the couch already, though.”

Cornelia could hear both of Phil’s parents in the backyard, their voices a low murmur as they shuffled through the plants in their garden. She was almost certain that Martyn was with them. “Have you checked outside?”

“Haven’ gone outside today,” said Phil.

“Ah,” she said. “Hmm. Well, would you like some help looking for it?”

Phil trudged away from Cornelia and into the sitting room. “Guess so,” he said.

Cornelia joined him in peering behind the TV stand, digging through the couch cushions, and tilting back a loveseat to glance beneath it. The toy train remained stubbornly lost.

Phil also looked stubbornly lost once they had both gone over the entire room. He propped his chubby hands on his waist, clearly mimicking his mum’s motions. “I need my train,” he said adamantly. “Dan won’t wanna play if I don’t have it.”

Setting a photo frame back on its place on a bookcase, Cornelia smiled down at him. “I’m sure he’ll play with you even if you don’t have the train. Don’t you have lots of other toys?”

“I need the train,” insisted Phil, and then he marched back into the kitchen. “What time is it?” he demanded of Cornelia, who had followed him instinctively. He reached up, and with determined strength, hauled open the refrigerator door.

“Just after nine in the morning,” she informed him, after a swift glance at the clock on the wall.

“Snack time,” Phil said decisively. He plucked two apples from the crisper and somehow, with a clenched, stubborn set to his jaw, managed to cram one in each of his small jeans’ pockets. The denim bulged hilariously on both sides of his waist.

“Who’s the other apple for?” Cornelia couldn’t resist asking, although she knew this routine by heart, as it happened every day whether she and Martyn were visiting or not.

“Dan,” said Phil.

“Ah,” Cornelia said.

Phil looked very put-upon all of a sudden. His small shoulders rose up and down with a massive breath, and he stared up at Cornelia. “Need my train,” he said, gaze deep with something beyond Cornelia’s knowledge.

“Do you want to look in your room again?”

“No,” he said. His forehead crinkled as he thought deeply. “I looked a’ready.”

“You visited Dan yesterday, yes?” asked Cornelia.

“Yes,” said Phil heavily. “Every whole day before lunch.”

Time was somewhat of an abstract concept to six-year-olds, Cornelia thought. A whole day wasn’t quite...ah, but she was getting sidetracked. “What if you left it when you visited him?” she suggested.

Phil shook his head instantly, assured of his answer. “Didn’t. I ‘member taking it back with me.”

“But if it’s not here - and you’ve looked everywhere, right? - so then it must be there.”

Phil did not look very impressed by her reasoning, but after a long moment of consideration, he shrugged slowly. “Can check,” he said reluctantly.

“If it’s not there, we’ll look more over here,” she assured him.

Phil seemed a little appeased by this. “‘Kay,” he said. “But we hafta find it. Else I can’t play with Dan anymore.”

“We’ll do that,” Cornelia agreed.

Satisfied, at least for now, Phil headed for the back door. “Bye!” he said. “Going to visit Dan now!”

“Good bye,” she said, and followed him, but only to the door. She watched out the window as he trundled past his parents and Martyn in the garden, offering them waves from his small hands which they heartily returned, and then made his way over to the treehouse hoisted low on the oak tree at the very end of the backyard. There, she saw him climb inside, and she sighed a little and her smile slipped from her face. The toy train was probably there, since Phil left it there more often than not, but Dan was not. Because of the accident, Dan would never be there again.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phanfics #phanfic au #young phil #phil and cornelia #childhood friends au #implied character death #mild horror i guess #phandom fic fests bingo 2019 #phandom bingo 2019