#petco bullshit

[spidermilkshake]

I want to ask for the future--is the Petco "1$ per gallon" tank sale over winter even worth it? Are the base tanks they're selling built even good? I'd generally not want to bother giving money to an aquatics shitstain like Petco or Petsmart, but do they offer like a 30 gallon from a decent maker for $30 or so that will allow me to have that bigger tank that won't LEAK... or won't be toxic to fishes and inverts? I'm leery but tempted. I would much rather settle for like... a better 25-ish gallon that doesn't support them and is better overall, and definitely would want a 30 gallon for the regular sale price of the Petco BS if it was decent.

#aquarium #future aquarium #petco #petco bullshit #fishkeeping #fishblr #live planted tank #let's have the experiences #it's a pricey hobby with even one tank #so let's hear it

[biteapple]

hey me applying to work at fucking Petco years back was WAY harder and longer than me applying to work at a fucking, advanced technician stupid fucking factory job

#no bullshit no fucking pages worth of a personality test just enter the actual shit in and you're done. HOW is it harder to apply for Petco

[jelliclevettechstudent]

Clients: Veterinary hospitals get kickbacks from Big KibbleTM!!1! You're trying to scam me with Hill's, Purina, RC, etc!1!!

Petco, literally telling its sales associates to get people to switch to their over expensive boutique brand grain free foods that have already been linked to heart disease multiple times:

#former Petco employee here!! #ITS BULLSHIT #my dog died of a mix of his cancer and heart disease #from grain free #vet #veterinary medicine

[ynbabe]

bffs with the rookies- incorrect quotes 1!

Just a lil sum sum to show more abt the relationships in the AU

Y/N: A stake to the heart won't kill a vampire if their tits are big enough. Oscar: Yeah, you just catch it. Logan: Nah nah nah, deflects it. Stake? Just bounces right off. Done. Back to doing hot girl shit. Arthur: Then I just use a spear instead. Y/N: You are trying so hard to kill a vampire with big bazongas, and for what? Why would you do that to the ecosystem?

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Oscar: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?! Logan: Merry crisis. Arthur: Jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way. Y/N: Hoe hoe hoe. Oscar: Guys, please.

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Oscar: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Logan? Logan: Arthur, easily. Arthur, laughing: What the fuck, man. Logan: Well, Y/N would be too easy. She’d probably be into it. Y/N, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, man!?

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Logan: How do I ask someone out? Y/N: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two. Logan: No! Arthur: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car. Logan: Stop! Oscar: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream. Logan: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.

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Y/N: Fight me! Arthur: Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle? *Later* Logan: Why is Arthur crying? Oscar: Y/N kicked him really hard on the ankle.

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Y/N, to Oscar: When was the last time you let someone hug you? Oscar: *thinking* Oscar: 2012. Arthur: 2012…? Oscar: Yeah. I almost died and it really freaked Logan out so I let him hug me.

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Lando: You know what? Lando: When I joined this friend group I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit. *Y/N, Arthur and Oscar continue screaming about mold water* Lando:Not the other way around. Logan: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water.

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Lando: Mice are having sex in my walls. Arthur: Tattletale! Logan: You're just being ungrateful. Y/N: It's their home too, you know. Oscar: So what? Don't slutshame them. Lando: The mice are fucking AND now I'm getting heckled.

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Oscar: Team A will consist of myself, Arthur, Lando, and Logan. Oscar: Team B will consist of Y/N, cause she scares me.

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How Lando and Y/n became friends:

Logan: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like- Logan, to Arthur: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual. Y/N, to Lando: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire. Oscar: There are two types of people.

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Charles: I’m not mad, I just need to know why you two had a fake ID. Arthur: *Incoherent mumbling* Charles: Huh? Y/n: …You need to be 18 to hold the puppies at PetCo.

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Charles (brainstorming ideas for pranking Max): How much could a serial killer mask possibly cost? Y/n: Well it’s hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it’d be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don’t know if I’d be very successful. Charles: Huh, that’s pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that? Y/n: …I am very passionate about Halloween, Charles.

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Y/n: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts! Arthur, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack. Y/n, deadpanning at Arthur Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.

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Arthur, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs? Charles: It means like in hand-to-hand combat. Arthur: Ohhhh- Y/n: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

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Logan: Have I ever told you that I love you with my whole heart? Y/n For the love of all that is holy, I am not taking you to McDonalds. It’s 2am! Logan: Mean.

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Y/n: Dumbest scar stories, go! Oscar: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Charles: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Logan: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Arthur: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Max: Max: I have emotional scars.

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When Max and Charles got spam called by Y/n and the group after their party:

Max: I CAN'T DO IT! Charles, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER! Max: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE Lando: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US. Max: Max: I appreciate it, Max: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH- Charles: Max- Max: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE! Lando: Max we gotta- Max: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. Max: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Max, motioning to Y/n, Oscar, Arthur and Logan: NOT FUCKING THIS

#f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 incorrect quotes #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri #logan sargeant x reader #logan sargeant #lando norris x reader #lando norris #arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc

[blankvort]

tangentially animal-related hcs 4 the mean girls crew bc i am now responsible for giving a goldfish daddy issues

cady

inexplicably allergic to dogs and always in the first four stages of grief about it. don’t @ me about the medical semantics i just want her to suffer a little

tried to get a job at petco the second she turned eighteen but learned of the above information in the most destructive job interview since janis’s application to be the local coffee shop’s cool gay barista (they were worried that she’d swear at fighter-jet-takeoff volumes if she touched hot coffee) (she did, but only because they started playing a shitty pop cover of one of damian’s fave show tunes) and came out of the building a puddle of mucous and tears

grossly fascinated by the grossest of primitive functions. her insta page is all dope and authentic until you find a selfie taken using the back camera 0.5x with the corpse of an effervescent snail and a bunch of reels telling you how to narrow down what bird species are destroying your garden by the splay of their shit

has a miniature aneurysm whenever movies get stuff wrong about animals. artistic liberties are granted to janis alone. like sure if she’s in the theater she’ll sit through the movie fisting popcorn down her throat but as soon as she gets out of there the entire mall becomes a soapbox for dissecting the bullshit sexual dimorphism of giving female animals eyeliner

thus while i know the headcanon of her loving the lion king is basically canon i think she’s absurdly secretive about it. like she’s burying her merchandise and blu-ray copies under her bed in the dead of night while secreting more sweat than should be possible. she could come out to her parents and elope to antarctica no problem but liking the lion king which implies that lighter manes = stronger lions is a death sentence

probably got banned from a bunch of zoos for interrupting field trips 

janis

had one of those angel/wolf/dragon/whatever hybrid phases as a kid like all good artists. did those like. not quite furry but not quite human animal art commissions on twitter for a while for the funnies but discovered a lucrative market and never turned back

does not know how to hold human or animal babies. like she’s good at taking care of them in terms of general physical and intellectual nourishment but that limp wrist is not supporting any necks properly

mercilessly makes fun of the whole “would you love me if i was a worm” trend. she doesn’t even love most humans what makes you think she has any answer for you regarding that other than that she’d turn you into a super deep art piece museums would purchase for exorbitant amounts

that being said she feels like a vivarium girlie to me. she’s nocturnal like a pillbug and post-canon constantly tries to convince the plastics that her pacman frog is poisonous

feeds her meticulously decorated ant farm gourmet meals every day. anyone else gets microwavable mac and cheese at best

this one probably won’t make sense unless you’re a jenny nicholson fan but she has a fake id for buying wine and turning the corks into those hallmark craft animal sculptures (and selling the open wine bottle to mrs george in back alleys)

damian

his grandma owns the most omnicidal chihuahua in the state of chicago. it’s how he learned to dance with such mental and physical dexterity. how else would he have survived visits to the nursing home

^ attempted to adopt the chihuahua’s children to have his own bruiser woods moment. turns out, even with his classically trained tenor voice, puppies and janis respond to the “drop it” command much the same way. that is to say they do not drop it and the puppies ran away with ninety nine per cent of his anastasia-inspired music box memorabilia

has a love-hate relationship with cats the musical. like memory is one of his top ten karaoke songs but he’s not going to admit it until he’s several fruity seltzers into the night. wishes all the actors in the movie had been replaced with real cats picked off the street before anything else was approved

played milky white in a scammy local production of into the woods and so so so embarrassed about it. he had to be on stilts the whole show

stuck a fish in regina’s backpack sometime in sophomore year but found karen feeding it and talking to it about her worst fears and greatest dreams felt too guilty to continue with the next phase of his plan (sticking a very hot picture of janis in regina’s backpack) (karen probably would’ve tried to talk to the photo too)

regina

musical specific but i think she didn’t Exactly do a matching animal costume with gretch and karen because 1) what can you dress up as when your friends are going as a cat and a mouse. cheese? 2) had cady not moved into the neighborhood, she’d have gone as a sexy lion to ease into the prospect of. you know. with shane oman but going as a sexy lion when your shiny new homoerotic frenemy has a lion pin on half her clothing isn’t quite a non-questionable choice

had a warrior cats phase she keeps under lock and key in the very depths of her closet. her closet is an iceberg of issues that goes shein -> homosexuality -> warrior cats and climate change is doing a number on it

fried a couple of janis’s ants alive with a magnifying glass sometime before middle school. she’s never flirted normally in her life

the bulk of janis’s furry commission clientele. she has so many emails for alternate accounts that she could get every american president ever suspended from twitter if national security let her. that’s including the dead ones

remember the nigh-rabid chihuahuas damian had. yeah she’s been raising those in secret for a few years now. mrs george doesn’t notice because regina hides them in her hair and extensions are, like, totally in or whatever

had a horse girl phase. all her drawings of horses came out like this meme tho. the art freaks nickname was born out of jealousy

gretchen

chose to be a sexy cat for halloween to match with karen because she has no sense of identity. also because she remembers regina’s warrior cats phase

actually a guinea pig person. i’ve never met a guinea pig person but she feels like one. they’re both in dire need of daily interaction and likely polyamorous

but also peri-canon gretchen could not keep a pet alive she’d spend every cent of the wieners fortune on buying the animal’s love

speaking of. her family bought a stable to fuel “her” horse girl phase. she just wanted to make regina happy and couldn’t stay on a saddle if there was an escalator that plopped her right on the horse

cares about the puppy bowl more than she cares about the superbowl

instinctively pets cute animals. if they bite her then she deserved it

karen

chose to be a sexy mouse for halloween because tom and jerry was having a media marathon and she’s into that sort of power dynamic

believes in unicorns more than she believes in horses. this is because she had a horse girl phase for the hottest of seconds before realizing that none of the ponies at the apache trail sale had horns and thought they had their horns cut off for aesthetic reasons

animals love her so much. survived a jellyfish attack because the jellyfish sensed she just wanted to pet something shiny and absolutely respected that. pests of all shapes and sizes evict themselves stat when karen says her mom doesn’t appreciate her hundred thousand dollar lotions being invaded by peril-bringing insects. strays follow her 24/7. gretchen is jealous (of the animals)

thinks tigers are very sick zebras

thinks blobfish are cuter when they’re all flesh putty out of their natural habitats but would also break into a zoo if she thought the animals were being mistreated

was banned from australia at the age of eight because she tried to have a sleepover in a kangaroo’s pouch

aaron

mean girls insta described him as a golden retriever so i’m also hcing him as being allergic to dogs <3 equality

becomes deeply fearful of all fauna after falling into a research rabbit hole for the sake of connecting with cady. what do you mean buffalo are some of the deadliest beasts on the planet and not just a type of chicken wing

kevin g

a preteen vsco girl in her granola advocacy era stuck in a teenage boy’s body. he has saved more turtles than any natucate volunteer by repurposing his rejected business cards to make a selfie stick long enough to stick him in the same selfie as gretchen wieners. the selfie stick has been in progress since daycare. he has also gone to the hospital more than any natucate volunteer do not trust this man with shop class equipment

#mean girls #cady heron #janis sarkisian #janis ‘imi’ike #damian hubbard #regina george #gretchen wieners #karen smith #karen shetty #aaron samuels #kevin gnapoor #kevin ganatri #these r so long for no reason #who wants goldfish pics btw

[pensarecool2]

I fucking hate chain pet stores. They are fucking awful. I only go to shit like PetSmart and PetCo anymore cause they are the most convenient places to buy frozen rats (I know I could buy them online, but most places require that you buy them in bulk and I only have one snake and its not really practical for me) and I hate it every fucking time. These places sell you sick pets, give you improper care "advice" and then sell you products that encourage improper care. they do this so that your pet dies prematurely so that you go and buy a new one. It is fucked up.

I worked at a summer camp last year, and there was a kid who said that her parrot died of old age and it was everything I could do to stay calm. No fucking parrot is about to die of old age, especially if you're telling me it was like 3 or 5 years old.

Basically all pets that are marketed as having a low life expectancy only have a low life expectancy if they are being mistreated. Or if they are specifically bred to have health problems (for example, certain dogs such as pugs or certain snakes such as spider ball pythons). Or if they are rodents, because rodents don't live that long for the most part, but they sure as shit will live longer than they typically are toted as living if you take care of them properly.

I also fucking hate the pure misinformation bullshit that is that small animals should be in tiny cages because they are small. Fuck that fucking noise. No! Just because an animal is small doesn't mean it deserves a tiny ass cage. And pets are not decoration either. They are living, breathing creatures who deserve to be taken care of properly and treated as such.

I hate it when people assume all animals are dogs or all animals are people, and then get are somehow shocked when they are injured by their pet. All animals are going to have different body languages, and are going to act differently. Individual animals of different species are all going to have their unique personalities. If you have a goddamn lizard and it is moving in a way similar to a fucking dog, that does not mean it is experiencing the same emotion as a dog showing the same behavior. I am sick of people making videos and posting online how "cute" their pet is acting, and the pet is clearly upset/distressed.

If you get any pet of any species, even if it is a cat or a dog, you have to do extensive research on them ahead of time. Websites designed to sell you pet products and/or websites belonging to chain pet stores like PetSmart or whatever is in your area do not fucking count towards that research. Even if you are getting a pet cat, and you think you know about cats, I swear to god do research before you get a cat because I will hear people say the dumbest shit about cats and claim they are an expert because they have one.

It's not that fucking hard to learn about an animal before bringing it into your home. And if you are a person who buys pets as surprise gifts for the holidays without knowing 100% ahead of time that the person you are giving the pet to is going to be able to take care of it and wants to take care of it, then I hate you. You are a bad person. Pets are not fucking toys, you piece of shit. I am going to tag some Christmas tags in case some of the depraved fucks who impulse buy or gift animals instead of plushies, resulting in countless rehomed and/or abandoned animals see my post. I want you to know that I do not like you.

And before anyone tries to say that I am against having pets or that I am vegan, I am not. I have a ball python along with 7 cats. (One of the cats I grabbed off the street a few months ago, and she gave birth to 5 kittens. They are adorable.) I also quite enjoy eating meat. I, however, do not fucking enjoy people who do not respect animals, or do not do proper research before getting pets.

Also if you have exclusively outdoor cats, or you have indoor/outdoor cats, fuck you. There are a handful of exceptions, such as if you are on a farm and have a barn cat, or if you are in a certain country where it is not an issue. However, if you are in the United States at the very least, there is no reason for you to have a free-roaming cat. If you want your cat outside, leash it, or have a covered area they cannot escape. Cats are an invasive species, and their life expectancy is so fucking low when they are are exclusively or partially outdoor. I do not care if you have one outdoor cat that lived long. On average, an indoor cat is going to live like 20-30 years. Outdoor cats are lucky if the manage to reach 10. My mom got a pair of kittens like 5 years ago and kept them as indoor-outdoor. She now has one cat. The other one was hit by a car, and this is not uncommon in the slightest. Plus, even if your cat does stay alive, they will harm local ecosystems via killing the local wildlife. Just because cats are animals, does not mean that they belong in the wild. They are domesticated invasive species.

#rant #pet rant #animal rant #rodents #small animals #cats #outdoor cats #pet stores #chain pet stores #animal abuse #christmas #christmas pets #christmas puppy #christmas kitten #reptiles #indoor cats #do your fucking research #blurry ❓🦑 #the squid system 🦑 #🦑 lore #christmas gift #pet shops #pet shop #psa #animal awareness

[marc-spectorr]

So I want too talk about Stevens book shelves and him with books in general. I know at least half of those books are about Egyptology and the other half are french poems. I also imagine a 3rd of them are about gold fish because I feel like Steven is the kind of person who researches things before he dose them. So I know he dose his best to try and take care of the Gus's. (There will be more about the fish later.)

In the first episode I think there is a clip of Steven going through a Egyptian mythology book and highlighting things. I don't doubt he writes notes in the margins like the dad did in journey of the center of the earth. I like to think he sticky tabs things too especially things that amuse him. He probably goes through stationary very fast.

His bookshelves are chaotic. Not to mention all of the books stacked on his desk. I can imagine trying to organize his bookshelves with him and he gets fussy by the end of it because he knew where all of his books where in his little stacks everywhere. But, If you tried to find anything it would probably take all night. That would probably lead to your first couple fight tbh.

He also probably has notebooks filled with all the info on god's and goddesses, and I can see him making his own hieroglyph codex ect. He's a really good note taker.

Long story short if you let that man wonder into a bookstore he would have credit card debt in a millisecond.

(I'm putting my fish nerd Glasses on. -i really want a tank of cherry barbs and peacock gudgeons but, I digress- If I remember right goldfish need to be in really big tanks so they grow and move around freely. -in my head there like the midsize version of koi fish- Gold fish get really big I think some can get to be at least 10 inches or more. I'm just really happy to see the gold fish in a nice big tank instead of a bowl. Or some small bullshit tank from Petco/PetSmart. Don't get me started on Betta fish or hermet crab housing it's horrible honestly. I've wanted a fish tank for a while can you tell lol 🤣. )

Anyway I know you're filling down and if I could hug you through the screen I would. I hope my ramblings made you smile today 😊 take it easy Callie 🧡

hiya hi sails! it's always lovely hearing from you :))

there's something sooo cozy about steven's flat despite how chaotic it looks with all his books lying around (and this is coming from me, a neat freak haha). but going back to what you said, i'm pretty sure he writes little annotations on the side/post-it notes. imagine finding his favorite poetry book and reading the lines that he highlighted bc they remind him of you. also, idk why, but i'd find great pleasure in organizing those books in a more orderly way lmaoaoa. it'll be his own library in the comfort of his home 🥺

hehe i agree, steven def did his research before getting gus 😌. i'm still soft thinking about how gus 2.0 has a friend with him in the tank. hopefully there'll be a third one once steven and marc are cool with jake sksksk (but i'm forever picturing him adopting a cat, and at first, the other two are worried that their fish might get eaten or something but turns out the sweet kitty is alright just watching them swim around in the tank)

#asks #vermillionsails

[precambrianhottopic]

the level of bullshit you'll get up to when you don't have a car is off the charts dude my friend and i who don't have our licenses have spent probably 6 hours in our local petco over the past 2 weeks. we don't even buy anything

#plush.txt #ah the power of the single establishment within walking distance of schoo

[foodielifter]

DNA’S/ONLINE SCAMS MASTERPOST

nobody asked for this but im doing it anyway ✨

i will edit this as time goes on and i order from more places! feel free to message me with or reblog with your own experiences from different stores, this post will be my individual thoughts and experiences

this will not just focus on dna’s, its more like the best methods to use for different online stores. currently planning on either doing chewy, petco or petsmart next

AMAZON:

hella easy, usually theyll just give you a refund without question. stuff like food or stuff that can’t be repurposed can’t be returned at all so you don’t always have to file a dna, you can just say they were damaged and they’ll refund you in full. stuff like clothes, blankets, anything that can be washed and used by other people they’ll want you to return, though, so always do dnas for them. if you order something off of amazon fresh grocery delivery and say that the entire order was messed up, they might even double the amount you spent and refund it (THIS HAS ONLY HAPPENED TO ME ONCE SO DON’T QUOTE ME IF IT DOESNT WORK). do not do this too often or they will lock/blacklist your account or address!

ALIEXPRESS:

hard to do dna’s on since theyll pretty much just tell you “sorry it says its delivered so it’s delivered whether or not you got it”. half of the time though things take WAY longer than their marked delivery date anyway so you can say that it hasnt arrived after that date and they’ll have to give you a refund, and your clothes will still probably arrive. particularly easy to scam though, make up some bullshit excuse about your outfit being torn or otherwise not as you expected and you’ll get refunded in a few days (especially if you provide picture evidence, just take something you already have of similar color or whatever and rip it a bit or just take a pic off google and alter it so it can’t be reverse searched). this is better to do on shops that are obviously automated and not individually ran,  you can tell if they’re just another copy shop if you look up one of their products and the same thing is being sold at different places. do NOT do a dna with an independent shop as it’s essentially the same as lifting from a mom n pop or a depop/etsy store. you’re hurting actual people there.

WISH:

similar to aliexpress but a bit easier; if you don’t receive your order in a timely manner theyll actually ask you about it and you can say that you didnt get it. like aliexpress itll probably take longer than estimated for your things to arrive, so you can file for a refund and still get your stuff some time later. like before, you can tell if they’re a bot shop if you can find the exact same product at different places

DOORDASH:

you cant get your money back with doordash but they do give you refunds with dash credits, which is basically currency that pays for your order for you. i don’t do dna’s here often since it requires you to chat with cs (not that it matters, i just dont like talking to people — just say it was delivered to the wrong address or smth) but rather i complain abt the food (claim something was missing, something wasn’t made right etc) and i’ll still get money back. do this once every other order and not every single order or else they’ll stop giving you credits/only give you minimal credits. you can also possibly tell your driver to take their time with delivering, as late orders are an automatic 10$ back in credits no matter what. as far as i know this does not affect the driver if you don’t directly complain about them and give them a good rating, but obviously if your drivers an ass then complain about/rate them however you want. they will absolutely ban your account if you do it too often so be careful with it!

[doberbutts]

@ghost-honeyy

I think we might have a small misunderstanding here- I used to train for petco and now train for a different big box store. I am not complaining about the training aspect as that honestly has changed very little from one job to the other- my current company is much more anal about positive reenforcement only, to the point where I personally think it's a little silly but with logic I can at least actually understand- but more about the management.

Both companies have perfectly fine training styles that are, frankly, nearly identical. The problem comes from whether the individual trainer has the skills to put it in use- I'd like to think after 7 years at Petco I have a decent enough track record for that one. My current company I have only been with for two months but so far it seems I'm well recieved and honestly that's all the company cares about.

However management-wise it seems many Petcos have become absolutely toxic pits of sludge during the pandemic- while they are making some changes to make things a bit better for the employees, it seems many are expecting far too much from an already thin labour force and instead of hiring more or raising wages or defending their employees from the vile bullshit they have to put up with customers, Petco has instead opted to crack the whip and add more and more and more expectations on a crumbling morale.

This made the prospect of coming to work fairly unappealing for me and when my Petco opted for ADA violations rather than working with me for a solution to keep me working with a leg injury *I obtained at work*, I jumped ship to a company that pays me twice as much for half the workload and actually listens to me when I say I need something to make the magic numbers happen. I'm happier here than I've been at Petco in a long time and it sucks that a job I've had for so long turned into what it did, especially when I had absolutely no problem with the work.

[wakamotogarou]

One of the greater struggles in my life right now is my dog's nails. Because of lockdown and my extreme social anxiety we have not left our home for as long as I can remember. Her nails have grown long enough that they bend a bit to the side and I am really upset over this.

My family has not been very helpful as we have reached an impasse due to a shady corporation known as "Petco" and its even worse associated "Banfield" are all drone like people who lack compassion for animals due to compassion burnout. They require an unnecessary shot that puts my dog at risk before they are willing to trim her nails.

I cannot let this continue for much longer, she is in pain damn it and the last fucking thing I need are bullshit hoops to jump through. I do not have patience or tolerance for pin-brained minions who couldn't give a shit about my dog.

#personal #venting

[trashyglam]

Today when I went to petco there were so many little skinny pigs for sale just like my baby. So cute!!!!!! I was literally laughing and talking to them through their cages in the aisle and anyone who walked past me must’ve thought I was insane but I don’t care. I always go to look at the skinny pigs they have in stock because it reminds me of the first time I ever saw my Karen🤎🐷 I knew I had to have her and I’m so happy that I did because she is my best companion for life and I love taking care of her she keeps me in check, she keeps me motivated and reminds me that there are bigger and more important things in life than the bullshit that goes on in my head.

[orowyrm]

working like chain retail sucks dick. i hate it when my managers are well aware that we don’t need to be open and really want to close so we can all go home but they can’t because of fucking. corporate bullshit. we’re gonna get 10in of snow anyone who’s going to petco in that weather is in fucking sane

[phlegm-the-alcoholic-dreg]

Feeling like a complete trashbag this morning. Poor Pickle has got the snots, and I'm 80% sure it's from the stupid bedding I got him. What I thought was a soft colourful cage bedding from Petco was in fact some repurposed paper bullshit that would make a better cat litter than anything.

Gonna take him to the vet asap, and hopefully start him on some oral antibiotics. Of course I'm a complete wreck at 5am waiting to be able to schedule the appointment.

I'm being irrational as fuck, but if anything happens to my pointy child, I will probably burn my city to the ground.

#gift of the litterbox #pickle the prickle #hedgehogs #african pygmy hedgehog #hedgie #ugh I'm a mess

[all-hail-the-witcher]

are you drunk, high, or sober

so kids

today is,,,,mikeys birthday!! my lil bean boi is growing up awww

anyway though, so, obviously we did not go to high school together cause fuck distance so for this Special Occasion I decided to combine my freshman bio class, my senior English teacher, and a bunch of mikeys 1 am bullshit together to create what I think could be an accurate rendition of how we would have met if we had gone to high school together.

really it’s just a crack fic about evolution and hot cheetos.

_____

ship: platonic (bro) ralbert

genre: straight crack

words: 2529

editing: I was about to say no but I actually did !!

warnings: Race is a raging bromosexual, hot cheetos, danny devito, conspiracy theories, fish are untrustworthy monsters, yaks, lactaid, bros bein bros, albert just wants his pencil back okay

_____

Albert fidgeted in his seat slightly, highly uncomfortable in his priest clothes. Well, okay, they weren’t priest clothes, they were his graduation robes. Except he had bought them a size too big accidentally and they now looked like priest clothes. Race had made fun of him endlessly, even commenting that they should cosplay as priests sometime. Obviously, Albert had flat out refused, but that didn’t stop Race from sending him the occasional Psalm or slightly incorrect Bible passage.

But enough about Albert’s priest clothes. Let’s get back to the matter at hand: graduation.

It was a daunting day for both of them: a relief that they had finally made it and yet also sad because they wouldn’t get to pelt each other with spitballs during psych anymore. High school was where Albert had met Race, all because of a particularly cursed biology lesson during freshman year. It had never been established if Race had been entirely sober during that first exchange. Albert had always claimed that he was hungover at the least. Whatever the case though, Albert felt a smile stretch slowly across his face as the voice of the valedictorian faded into oblivion and he recalled the events of that day…

•••

“-in fact there was a time when people thought that giraffes were just horses who decided they wanted to eat leaves.”

Albert tuned back into the biology lecture he had effectively been ignoring when the blonde kid next to him with the dead fish hair swatted the pencil he was sketching with out of his hand.

“Dude!” Albert whisper screamed. “Give me that back!”

The kid, who was an asshole for stealing his pencil, instead twirled Albert’s pencil thoughtfully. “Nah, you're missing the best part of the lecture! I’m doing you a service!”

Albert rolled his eyes. “Look, people were dumb. It’s not my fault that some idiot 500 years ago thought that a giraffe was a horse in disguise.”

Asshole glared at him sideways in a manner that Albert could only describe as disappointed.

“What?”

Asshole sighed heavily. “Some people don't appreciate the cryptid animals of the world.”

Now it was Albert’s turn to stare disappointedly.

“Okay so like,” asshole’s eyes lit up and he threw Albert’s pencil with such force it landed two rows away from him before bending forward to stare into Albert’s soul, “you know about fish right?”

Albert’s disappointment was beginning to morph into annoyance. Plus he really just wanted his pencil back. “...yes?”

“Okay so essentially, fish aren’t real.”

“Wrong. I have three.”

“They’re government spies!”

“No they’re not! I bought them myself from petco!” Albert considered for a moment. “And besides, one of them is paralyzed.”

“He’s malfunctioning!” Asshole slapped the table so hard that the people in front of him looked back slightly to see what was going on. “It’s a glitch in the system!”

“What? No. He’s just...dying? I guess?” That was actually kind of sad now that Albert thought about it. Maybe he should just euthanize Rudolph…

“No, dude, I’m telling you. Fish aren’t real!”

“And I’m telling you that you're wrong!”

“Look,” asshole was starting to sound exasperated now. “Have you seen a fish since the government shut down?”

“Yes, I literally just said that I have three at home!” Albert leaned down to grab another pencil out of his bag so he could continue drawing. He was about done with this conversation.

Asshole sighed heavily. “You're a horrible person. A non-believer. When your robot fish report you to the government for hoarding all the lactaid for yourself in your basement then I will say I Told You So.”

“First, they’re not robots. Second, I’m not even lactose intolerant?”

“Well.” Asshole paused to pull a bag of hot cheetos out of his bag. “I am. And I fully intend to hoard all the lactaid myself when I take over the world with my seven yaks so you better have a good security system.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Albert paused looking for a pencil to stare at the asshole next to him.

“My master plan to take over the world with seven yaks,” asshole said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

“And what does that have to do with fish?”

Asshole considered for a moment before pulling off one of his white converse high tops and pointing to his socks that were covered in- wait were those cryptids?

“You see my toes?” Asshole said, wiggling his foot around for emphasis. It was then that Albert began to question whether or not this kid was entirely sober.

“Yes…?”

“They can fuck them. Honestly. Fuck fish and fuck everything they stand for fuck them.”

“Okay.” Albert gave up searching for a pencil, deciding that talking to a potentially high person was more entertaining than doodling shitty flowers in the margins of his notes. “Do you have any other opinions about animals that I should know about?”

Asshole considered for a moment while crunching loudly on his hot cheetos, effectively getting orange spicy dust all over the table and Albert’s notes.

“So, whales,” he said finally.

“What about them?” Albert almost regretted asking.

“They sLap. But also, they’re BIG,” He turned to face Albert, his eyes wide, “and they don't need to be.”

“I mean, they do eat a lot of fish, they have to store it somewhere.”

“They could just, like, shit it out.”

“That would be a lot of shit.” Albert tore a piece of paper out of his notebook and began to fold it into a paper airplane. “Also I’m pretty sure that they already shit, so that doesn’t solve the problem.”

“But they could shit like, POOF!” He threw a small handful of cheetos in the air for emphasis.

Albert stared in confusion at the pile of orange crap now littering the lab table. “You want…..whales…….to have explosive diarrhea…..so that they can be smaller?”

“Yes,” asshole said confidently, beginning to eat the cheetos off of the table.

“That's...interesting.”

Asshole threw a cheeto into his mouth casually. “You know if you made out with a whale technically it would be brushing your teeth.”

Albert turned his head slowly to face the asshole seated next to him. “I’m sorry. What?”

“You heard me.”

“Doesn’t mean I wanted to,” Albert muttered under his breath.

“Also-”

“Oh no.” Albert put his head in his hands.

“Hey! You asked for my animal opinions!”

“That was before I knew they included making out with whales who have explosive diarrhea!”

Asshole threw a hot cheeto at him.

“Fine, fine,” Albert sighed, brushing hot cheeto dust off of his shirt, “let’s hear it.”

“Well, no offense to anyone who actually likes them but kiwi birds are weird and why did they need a fruit named after them and why are they fuzzy and who gave fruits the right to be fuzzy like what the fuck- WAIT-” he flung out his arm so that is wacked Albert in the chest and stared into oblivion as if he had just seen the ghost of shrek, “WHICH CAME FIRST THE BIRD OR THE FRUIT?”

“I don't know?” Albert said unhelpfully.

“God they’re as cryptic as whales,” asshole groaned, all but slamming his head into the table.

Albert chose to ignore the mess of a person next to him and pretend like he was still taking notes, as the teacher had grown suspicious of what was happening in the back of the room and was beginning to eye them. But, Albert still didn't have a pencil so it didn't really work.

“What does a kiwi bird look like anyway?” He asked once the teacher’s eyes were off them.

“Your worst nightmare.” Asshole turned his face on the table so that he was looking at Albert.

“Alright then.”

Albert decided that if he was going to pass this class he better take out a pencil and at least pretend to take some notes. However, after digging a pencil from the very depths of his bag, he discovered that the asshole was still intently staring at him.

“Aren’t you going to take notes?”

“Notes and my brain don't mix well,” asshole said, eating another hot cheeto. Albert wasn't quite sure how there were that many in the bag considering he had thrown at least half of them on the desk. Maybe he was a wizard. “Ask me more questions about animals.”

“Can’t you tell me your name first?”

“You've sat next to me for two months and you don't know my name?” Asshole clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Tisk tisk Albie.”

“Oh no, you are not allowed to call me that,” Albert groaned. He hated that nickname more than anything. Well, he potentially hated kale more, but only cause it tasted like unwanted veiny leaves.

“I’ll call you whatever I want until your sorry ass learns my name, Albie.” Asshole smirked. “Now, ask me about animals.”

“Alright, uhhh…” Albert’s eyes wandered across the doodle-filled pages of his notebook until they landed on a drawing of a shittly looking smiley face sheep. “Opinions on sheep?”

“I want a sheep,” Asshole whispered wistfully. “They seem fluffy. And precious. Like clouds.”

“Good to know.” Albert doodled a sheep jumping on a cloud. “What about, uh, crickets?”

“Hmmmm. They’re kinda scary.”

“Are they now?”

“Yeah. One time one got stuck in my brother’s dorm room and he was so scared he sent me a snapchat video of him screaming.” He paused to monch another cheeto. “Yeah. Crickets are scary but rubbing your legs together under a blanket as such is nice so crickets make some points I guess.”

“Rubbing your legs together under a blanket?” Albert asked incredulously.

“Yeah like, when it’s 4am and you can't sleep? Have you never done that before?”

“No…?”

“Oh.” Asshole looked disappointed for a minute. “Well, you're missing out bro.”

“Oh so now I’m your bro?”

“Of course, bro. You’re my bro, bro.”

Albert scribbled down a line about Darwin from the board. “Stop saying the word bro.”

“No bro. I gotta let everyone know we’re bros, bro.”

“No bro.” Albrt sighed loudly. “Fuck, now you got me doing it!”

“Isn’t it great bro?” Asshole used his finger to draw a heart in the cheeto dust that was still sitting on his desk. “Bro, look that's us!”

Albert glanced briefly at the cheeto dust. “Isn’t that kinda gay?” he asked, returning to his notes.

“It’s not gay if you have socks on,” Asshole said quickly. “And I definitely have socks on, so we’re good bro.”

Albert stared long and hard at his seatmate.

“Got somethin’ to say, bro?” Asshole smirked.

“Are you high?” Albert finally asked.

“Nah bro. My body is a temple. I only do-” he paused to wink “-brocaine.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Albert said definatively. “Never talk to me again.”

Asshole shrugged and went back to eating his hot cheetos. Albert went back to taking notes, pausing every few minutes to flick cheeto dust off of his paper.

Eventually, the teacher said something about cheetahs and the asshole next to him sighed deeply.

“I wish I could be a cheetah,” he said wistfully. Then he looked down at his bag of cheetos. “Or a cheeto.” Carefully, he pulled one out and inspected it. “Danny DeCheeto.” he decided, popping the cheeto into his mouth and crunching loudly.

Albert burst out laughing. He just couldn’t help himself. There was something about the way that he has said it so bluntly that made him have to laugh at the terrible pun.

“DASILVA!” The teacher, Jeff, who Albert lovingly referred to using his first name because he was a crappy teacher and didn’t deserve formalities, yelled.

“Oh now you’ve don’t it,” asshole whispered excitedly.

Albert elbowed him in the ribs.

“Stop interrupting my lesson with your absolute idiocy! I’d give you detention if I didn’t run it!” Jeff yelled halfheartedly. Albert didn’t particularly care.

“It wasn’t my fault!” he called back. “This kid’s been talking all through your lesson and it’s really distracting!” He pointed at the asshole next to him. “I was really enjoying your lesson on cheetahs!” he added just to be a kiss up. Albert always made it a point to kiss up to teachers who hated him because it just made them hate him more.

“HIGGINS!” Jeff yelled again, this time at his seatmate.

“I’m not on a sports team so that’s not my naaaameee!” he singsoned back, also just to annoy Jeff.

“RACE!” Jeff yelled instead.

“Yeeees?”

“Stop distracting my students who actually want to learn!” Jeff gestures wildly with his hands. “It’s rude! There are some people in here who want to actually hear about cheetahs, not about whatever you’re doing back there with cheeto dust!”

“Terribly sorry!” Asshole, or, Race, called back in a way that was clearly not sorry at all before Jeff returned to his lesson.

“So,” Albert whispered, “Race, huh? I thought I wasn’t allowed to know your name.”

“Oh be quiet Albie.” Race scowled, licking cheeto dust off of his fingers.

“Hey! I told you not to call me that!”

Race pointed a cheeto dust covered finger at him menacingly. “One more word out of you and I’ll have my yaks come lick your eyeballs.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Albert gasped in fake horror.

“I would,” Race said just as the bell rang.

Albert watched as he swiftly brushed all of his cheeto dust into the floor, scooped up his bag, and gave him a mock salute. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“If you bring cheetos I’ll have to steal your socks!” Albert called after him.

As he scrambled to put his stuff away, Albert couldn’t help but think that this was the start of a really good, yet definitely weird, friendship.

•••

Albert was pulled out of his memory by the crowd clapping wildly for the valedictorian. Soon after the student council President was announcing that it was time to move their tassels and then everyone was filing out of the rows back out to behind the field.

From somewhere in the crowd, Race materialized, attacking him in a giant hung.

“WE DID IT BRO!” Race yelled, jumping up and down.

“YEAH BRO!” Albert yelled back.

After a few minutes of celebrating, Albert reached into his pants pocket for the bag of hot cheetos he had stashed there, handing them to Race, who immediately started laughing.

“Do you remember the first time we met in Jeff’s class?” Albert asked. “You were being an asshole and got cheeto dust all over my notes.”

“I remember,” Race smirked. “I was literally talking out of my ass to try and get you to laugh.”

“Well, it worked.”

“Oh yeah, he got so mad at you.” He picked up the bag of cheetos, smirking. “You know, the funny thing is, I don’t even like hot cheetos. They’re too spicy and they make my mouth burn.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Albert chortled.

“But, since they’re a gift from you bro, I’ll cherish them forever.” Race made awkward kissy faces at Albert who shook his head in response.

“That’s gay bro,” he said mock seriously.

“It’s alright,” Race reassures him, winking. “I have socks on.”

________

see I told you it was cursed

hbd b r o (o no I don’t have soccs on :o)

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

tag list @fairly-awkward-trashcan @well-the-kids-do-too @racetrackcook @ughwaitwhat @aw-jus-let-em-try @elmerss0cks @voice-foundshoe-lost @stopthe-presses @ridin-in-style @pinecovewoods @i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing @bencookisagod @be-more-chill-evan-hansen @stellar-alpaca @saxoph-ella @smolcanadiankid @disney-princess-sized @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @insane-tomato @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @have-we-got-news-for-you @thatfancyclam @myidkwhatmynameisblog @legoflambwrites @not-a-scam @albertdasillvaprotectionsquad

@entschuldigung-bitches @thebroadwayaesthetic @tea-and-theater @seasickdolphin @auspicioustarantula @newsies-of-ny @mrs-higgins @spot-me50-papes @papesdontsellthemselves @deathcast-s @the-poodles-of-pulitzer @hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters

@humanracoon @irondad-spiderson-duo @holistically-eating-cookie-cake @nico-nasty

#saphie scribbles #ralbert #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #newsies #newsies fics #theyre so crazy #wait that means we’re crazy #i mean #thats not wrong #saph and mikey are fuckin ICONIC #sometimes #the other time we are just plain disasters with a sense of humor so bad it’s almost funny #YEET ILY DUDE

[artificialqueens]

What's New, Pussycat? (branjie) - writworm42

A/N: For Holtzmanns, who asked for Brooke helping Vanjie get over a fear of cats. Thanks a million and a half to Meggie for beta-ing <3

(1)

Brooke expected to open the door to a hug. She expected to open the door to a high-pitched yell, little arms thrown around her neck, a big, long, excited kiss on her lips. She expected to open the door to a ball of pure joy and energy, one that would make her feel excited and giddy, too.

What she didn’t expect was for Vanessa to stand stock-still and stare right past her.

“Babe, are you okay?” Brooke frowned. She turned around, worried, to see what Vanessa was staring at, but there was only Apollo washing himself contentedly, while Henry sat and observed the scene.

Suddenly, it clicked.

“Jo, are you… Are you afraid of cats?”

“No!” Vanessa protested loudly. There was a beat, Brooke staring Vanessa down with a bemused look, and Vanessa looked down, sheepishly admitting, “Yes. It’s not my fault, though!” she interjected when she noticed the smirk spreading on Brooke’s face. “They got the third eye!”

“Baby, they’re just animals.” Brooke tried and failed to hold back her laughter, giggles coming out in snorts as she tried her best to keep them in.

“I know that! Don’t mean they ain’t carryin’ some kind of demon-type juju bullshit!”

“Oh my God.” Brooke wiped her eyes, still laughing. “But you’ve seen them before, you knew I had them.”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t expect them to greet me at the motherfucking door! Starin’ at me like that. Shit. Might as well just try an’ kill me right here.”

“Well, unless you want to sleep outside tonight, you’re gonna have to come in.” Brooke slung her arm around a hesitant-looking Vanessa and steered her inside, pushing a little to offset the suddenly heavy, stubborn drag of Vanessa’s feet.

“Relax, babe.” Brooke cracked a smile, giggles escaping once again, “I’ll protect you.”

(2)

The truth of the matter was, having a boyfriend who was afraid of cats just wouldn’t do. Henry and Apollo liked seeing Brooke around, liked being able to know where she was in case they needed her. They liked having full reign of the house and being able to go where they pleased, whenever they pleased. They liked to sneak up on Brooke and butt their heads against her shins and liked to stare at strangers, daring them to touch their human.

Vanessa, on the other hand, spent their first day together holed up in Brooke’s room with the door closed, insisting that it stay that way overnight, yelling back every time she heard the cats meowing on the other side of the door. At one point when she had to go to the bathroom, she insisted Brooke come with her and guard the door, adamant that she didn’t want ‘some bitchass whisker monster’ sneaking up on her and ‘snakin’ me with its claws while my drawers are down.’

No, it was absolutely unacceptable–something had to be done. And Brooke had ten more days to do it; ten days she was sure she could take full advantage of.

On day two, Vanessa went out with Kameron while Brooke stayed at home to “finish up some work.” Vanessa hadn’t been too happy, but when Brooke promised her with a wink that she’d make it up to her later, she got over it pretty quickly. Vanessa had barely closed the door behind herself before Brooke whipped out her laptop, furiously Googling animal phobias and how to get over them.

(3)

Vanessa was still so blissfully fucked out the next morning that she didn’t even notice that Brooke had left the door wide open when she’d gotten up to make breakfast. It was just as well; Brooke needed Vanessa nice and calm if her plan was going to work.

“Hey, baby!” Brooke smiled widely as Vanessa wandered into the kitchen, eyes still bleary with sleep. “I made pancakes.”

“Mm.”  Vanessa yawned and slid up beside Brooke, wrapping her arms around her waist and nuzzling into her side. Brooke leaned down and kissed the top of Vanessa’s head, breathing in her smell: faint traces of Old Spice mixed with the lingering musk of linens soaked with sex filling Brooke’s mind with memories of lazy mornings in bed and cuddles on the couch, kisses over home-cooked meals and the weight of Vanessa on her lap while watching their friends perform at the club.

She was so wrapped up in breathing Vanessa in that she failed to notice the other smell building up in front of her until Vanessa pulled away suddenly, diving towards the grill.

“Shit, babe, the pancakes!”

Okay, so maybe Brooke’s original plan of cuddling up on the couch to eat breakfast while psychoanalyzing Vanessa’s fear didn’t work out. But, on the other hand, Vanessa was so busy trying to scrape the smoking remains of burnt batter off the grill that she didn’t notice Henry and Apollo creeping over to watch the action.

(4)

“I can’t believe this.” Vanessa huffed, slumping back against her seat dramatically.

“It’s just a quick stop.” Brooke kept her eyes on the road, suppressing a flash of irritation. She knew that this was all part of a plan Vanessa didn’t necessarily agree to, but did she have to be such a brat about it?

“Pet stores smell, Mary! I can’t be stinkin’ up all of Nashville! I got a reputation to uphold.”

“I think you’ll be fine.” Brooke responded dryly as they pulled into the parking lot. Her tension dissipated, though, when they got out of the car, Brooke grabbing Vanessa by the wrist and pulling her into the shop maybe a little more urgently than was necessary.

Pet Club 96 was small, and cluttered, but it was Brooke’s go-to for anything cat-related. The store carried lesser-known cat food brands that pleased even the pickiest of cats, and their toy and sweater prices were much lower than any Petsmart or Petco this side of the county. The lone staff member was a tried-and-true cat lover, and always had the best stories to tell. Brooke was excited to share all of that with Vanessa, of course, but the real agenda for the day was a little more specific.

“Look, baby, kittens!” Brooke gasped as she dragged Vanessa over to the back of the store, to the single, large cage where three tiny, mewling balls of fluff wriggled around, sticking their noses through the bars of their cage and stepping over each other to greet the action going on outside. Vanessa looked like she was going to say something, probably call Brooke out on her reason for bringing her here, but Brooke didn’t give her the chance.

“Aww, aren’t they cute?” Brooke grabbed Vanessa by the hand and yanked her down face to face with a tiny gray one, clearly the runt of the litter, who mewed pitifully at Vanessa. “Look at him, so tiny. Hi, buddy.” The kitten responded by sticking out a paw and catching Vanessa’s hand. Brooke expected her to jump back, maybe to yell, and tense, but to her surprise, Vanessa barely moved. Rather, she cracked a little smile.

“Aw, he a little rascal, ain’t he?” Vanessa stuck a single finger out towards the cage, watching with a surprising amusement as the kitten stuck out its paw and batted at Vanessa.

“Not very scary when they’re that small, are they?” Brooke grinned, and not even the venomous look Vanessa shot her could ruin the smug satisfaction that swelled in her chest, buoying her mood and egging her on.

(5)

Vanessa jolted upright in bed the minute she heard the scratching. “Did you hear that?”

“Mm, hear what?” Brooke stirred beside her, blinking hard and yawning.

“That scratching noise. Shh! There it is again.” Indeed, a little scuffing sound followed, barely audible but no less ignorable to anyone who knew what it signified.

Brooke sighed deeply, but chuckled a little despite herself. “That’s just the cats, baby. They miss us.”

“Oh.” Vanessa seemed to be placated at the answer, but stayed upright, continuing to stare at the door intently.

“Can I let them in? They’re not going to stop otherwise.” As if to illustrate Brooke’s point, a loud, plaintive meow sounded from the other side of the door. Vanessa groaned.

“Fine, but I better not wake up with no scratches on my face, bitch. It’s too expensive for that.”

(6)

Vanessa didn’t wake up with any scratches on her face, but Brooke had to bite her tongue hard not to point out that the smaller queen had woken up with Henry’s furry body snuggled in her arms.

(7)

By day seven, Brooke hadn’t just leaned in to her reputation as a master manipulator; she’d started to wear it as a badge of honour. They were halfway into The Notebook, Vanessa wrapped in a Snuggie while resting her head in Brooke’s lap, when Brooke decided that right then was the perfect time for popcorn.

“No, don’t get up, baby, I’m the one who wants it, I’ll get it.” Brooke slid out from under Vanessa, stroking a gentle hand through her hair before gingerly escaping to the kitchen. She worked fast–swapped out the plain kernels for pre-buttered, quietly took the margarine out of the fridge to coat the bowl lightly before dumping the popcorn in on top of it.

She’d barely sat down again before the cats had appeared, their tails twitching and throats rumbling as they waited for someone to inevitably drop a kernel.

“Gross, why’s it so greasy?” Vanessa scrunched up her nose and wiped her hand off on the fabric of her snuggie, practically inviting Henry to jump up and start sniffing at the oily smear left near her legs. Vanessa kicked him away, but otherwise didn’t react, and to Brooke, that was progress.

(8)

“GET ONE PAW CLOSER, BITCH, I SWEAR TO GOD!”

“Brock? Is everything alright?”

Brooke popped her head out of her room to see Vanessa holding a plate of pasta above her head and Apollo scrambling across the room, his claws scratching against the floor.

“Yeah, mom, everything’s fine.” Brooke went back in and closed the door. “Jo’s just getting used to the cats.”

“Oh. Is that… Does he normally react to things that way?”

There was a clatter outside, a voice growling out some Spanish curse-words, and then silence, followed by a quiet concession. Fine, I’ll pick you up. Fucking bitch.

Brooke shrugged, suppressing a giggle. “It’s not unusual.”

(9)

When Brooke woke up the next morning, Vanessa was sitting on the couch with Henry on her lap.

“Do mine eyes deceive me?” Brooke gasped in mock surprise, “Are you, Jose Cancel, otherwise known as Miss Vanessa Isabella Vanjie Mateo, hater of all things feline, sitting on my couch with a cat on your lap?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “I don’t want him here, he just jumped up on me.”

“Uh-huh.” Brooke cocked and eyebrow, holding back a smirk. “So why don’t you just get up?”

Vanessa blinked, her face completely blank.

“But… he’s on my lap.”

(10)

Brooke had to admit, she’d never seen Henry or Apollo adjust to a person as fast as they’d taken to Vanjie. Maybe it was the fact that at first, she’d left them alone; maybe it was that she was secretly (allegedly) smearing the waistband of Vanessa’s shorts with just a smidge of butter every night. The details weren’t important. What mattered was, when Brooke and Vanessa went to bed on their second-to-last night together, they left the door open, and the cats slept at the foot of their bed.

(11)

“Awww, bye, little guys!” Vanessa crouched down to meet Henry and Apollo, who had padded over to sniff at the suitcases gathered next to the door and give Vanessa’s ankles a few last licks

“You’re not afraid of the demon-type juju bullshit anymore?” Brooke couldn’t resist teasing the Vanessa as the small queen leaned down to pick Henry up, snuggling into his fur and giving the top of his head a little kiss.

“Okay, maybe I was being a bit dramatic.” Vanessa conceded through a mouthful of fur, rolling her eyes dramatically. “But they’re not that bad, actually.”

“I’m glad you’re finally seeing reason.” Brooke winked, taking Henry from Vanessa’s arms and letting him down onto the floor. “Ready to go?”

Vanessa hesitated for a moment, looking sheepishly from Brooke back to the cats and back to Brooke again. Brooke grinned, a bubble of affection rising up in her chest, forcing its way out in a little laugh.

“It’s okay, babe,” she teased, pushing Vanessa out the door and giving her a quick kiss, “You’re coming back next month.”

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #fluff #domestic #writworm42