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balladetto · 6 months

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reasons to cup a face / always accepting / @gloryseized ( Shion )

GROUND, during a moment of intense emotional stress, the sender gently takes the receiver's face in their hands to ground them until they're calmer again.

It happens in snapshot moments.

As he registers the feel of a palm between his fingers, somehow heaving against him without toppling him over, Kane opens his eyes. He blinks — blinks again, and the inside of the Temple of Time comes into focus: a muted colour to the light that pours in through its stained glass windows as if the very air has mildewed. There's a silence here that unnerves him. He realises, at once, three things.

Kane is in a body he does not recognise but knows, deep down, is his.

He is holding onto someone he does not recognise but knows, deeper down, is his brother.

This is a Dream. Which is different from a dream, 'cause this is the type — the only type — he can still vividly recall after waking, like echoes bleeding into reality. He's been getting these recently.

Almost as though he's been waiting for these things to connect, the likeness of Shion wrests his hand from Kane's. He steps away. He's— so tall like this, figure looming, shadows on his face that can't be cut through, but so is Kane; so is the form he's been warped into, and they are two brothers divided by a space that shouldn't be making his breath quicken so hard.

"I promise," Shion's image signs, a bold declaration with bold movements, and Kane — for the same reason he knows without recognising — wants to scream at him. What are you promising? Do you have any idea? You can't promise me something like that. You can't promise me something you've already broken!

Don't leave me!

The quiet stretches. He can't move. He's stuck in a moment he doesn't know how to break out of, hand vainly outstretched and wide eyes pinned on a face he can't see. His skin feels one touch removed from splitting apart the way his heart feels one nudge off from falling over the precipice of some knife's edge, yet he aches anyway, willing to be ripped open if it means his brother will be there.

His brother will not be there.

Kane watches in helpless horror as Shion turns, boots tapping out a decisive farewell march. He's distantly aware of the little light following after him — Navi, it takes a second to place, blue and a perfect fit and so out of place at the same time. They're going ahead without him, approaching the pedestal made for the sword on Shion's back, and Kane is struck with such a sudden desperation that his body, frozen as it is, trembles. Convulses.

Stop, he can't cry. Don't leave me, he can't plead. It's only when his brother raises the Master Sword high, about to return it to its resting place, that the stone Kane's trapped in releases him. He stumbles forward — forces himself to keep stumbling forward, throat strained raw as he calls for his brother, but he can tell— he's too late. He's too late. The Dream stills, suspended on knowledge he can't look away from—

Kane wakes up to arms binding his hands to his sternum and a hot face pressed into the back of his neck.

For a second, the change thoroughly dazes him. He blinks, capturing nothing, and in its span: the world rearranges itself. Pain flares from his chest, throbbing in time with the harsh, too-fast breaths strangling him. The night is lit by firelight, casting a dim glow over cave walls and along the things in a campsite for two travellers. With how sticky his nose and cheeks and eyes feel, he thinks he's probably been crying. His brother is here.

His brother is here.

"Shh-ii—" he starts, and finds he won't complete the name.

Shion jerks against his side, inhaling so sharply it sounds like it'd hurt before hurriedly pulling away from where he's curled around Kane. The motion has him nauseous with a fear carried over, snatching at a forearm the right size with hands the right size, but his brother isn't— isn't going away. He moves until they're facing each other, gaze searching for Kane's. This up close, he can trace every contour. He can delineate every crease, put an emotion to every feature — helped by a nearby fairy's shine. Yellow. Tatl.

He— lets go. "Shion," he shakily, unnecessarily, forms with his hands. It's too cramped for brother to be signed well, so he repeats it again, and again, and again. The shape falls apart further each time, until it's little more than his left hand knocking atop his right.

Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. If he could carve this into his skin so Shion can see and understand it when his voice and fingers are as useless as they are now, he would. And maybe some part of him really tried, maybe that's what the twinges running along the lengths of his arms are, but— his brother has never needed Kane's words to know what to do.

Shion holds him gently. Carefully, palm and fingertips assured in their own tenderness. He presses a different message into the skin of his cheeks, the answer to all that goes unsaid but not unrealised.

Don't leave me, Kane begs with a bitten lip, heaving shoulders, and a weird, awful certainty that he'll be ignored.

I'm here, Shion swears with circling thumbs, eyes that reflect his twin's pain, and a steady, near irremovable warmth.

Kane's voice trips over an ugly sob. He pushes his hands over his brother's, drinking in the touch with an overwrought exhaustion, and tries to match his breathing to the slow cadence of that terribly profuse love.

( What a strange Dream, he will later think as they drift back to sleep. A strange fear, he will correct, squeezing-hand-in-squeezing-hand. Shion would never leave him. )

#gloryseized #* gloryseized & kane / if i'm alive‚ my brother can't be dead.#( hi. i'd say sorry for the length and sorry being obsessed with them but. i'm really not sorry at all #[collapses on my face] HILARY. HILARYYYYY I AM SHAKING YOUUU #touching on what we discussed re: memories of adult timeline kane crossing over to child timeline kane #i imagine the tailend of those memories comes mid-mm so that's great!! that's so cool!! [bursts into a puddle]#also thinking about how kane would not develop the intense touch aversion grasshopper does. esp @ his brother. and god. GOD.#eternally emo over these two thanks 😭😭 TRULY THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN!! )#* lionheart / ic.#* lionheart / answer.#* ic / para.#* v / stars of unchanged fates.#ask to tag /#long post cw

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declinlalune · 1 year

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Jirt and Tie || Andy & Ryan (Ray)

TIMING: current. PARTIES: @spaceforanother & @declinlalune SUMMARY: andy runs into ryan again while thrifting after he saw her stealing the last time. CONTENT WARNINGS: Brief mentions of memory loss.

Andy heard the bell above the door ring and turned around to see Ryan as he walked in in the sweater she had helped him pick out the last time they’d run into one another, which, coincidentally, had been at this very spot. “That thing makes you look a little aged, I warned you.” She let out a laugh before moving down the row of hangers, moving aside a rough looking jacket that could not be saved. She had already found a few things for herself and Alex, and was beginning to look for Kaden, just as a means to let him know that she was grateful he was around. With her basket of findings hanging over her arm, she sighed as she moved away from the lost causes.

The last time she and Ryan had run into each other, he had seen her slipping something into her bag. Instead of saying anything, he turned a blind eye and had asked about the sweater he was currently wearing. Andy picked out another jacket that looked a little too small for Kaden and held it up to Ryan with a tilt of her head. “This is more in line with the trends, I think. That still matters, right?” Not that she would know– she never had much of a life that existed within said trends.

Ryan had certainly gotten better at taking over Rays body since the first time. And the first time had been months ago, back when he’d first bumped into Andy actually. She’d let all his odd mannerisms pass her by as he fought to keep control. Or perhaps she was being kind because he’d not said a single word about her pinching something off the racks. Who was he to judge, he was stealing someone else's life at the moment after all. He’d even given her his real name, a mistake he hadn’t made since then, but it made him feel so normal to see her. So he’d come back thrifting often, getting into the habit not only to potentially run into a prospective friend but also to indulge in the more outdated clothes places like these held…clothes that reminded him of his own style before he’d died.

“Can’t hurt to look a little older right? More respect from the oldies on the street this way.” Ryan shot back with a cheeky grin. He held out both arms when the jacket was lifted to Rays form, letting her size him up. “I’d say it depends on your aims, are you trying to be trendy or do you prefer comfy? Or maybe you even want to look at little aged.” he teased her slightly. “What are you looking for today anyway? Anything specific?” Looking back to the racks he started to shuffle the fabric around.

“I mean, I guess?” Andy arched a brow at Ryan’s comment, not truly understanding him, but deciding not to fight him on whatever respect he wanted to delve out in the form of a sweater that looked like it’d been from a vintage magazine. “Is that the grandpa sweater thing? I think I saw that on tik tok, teens just going thrifting for the sake of finding old people’s sweaters they either donated or were forced to donate, if you know what I mean.” The whole concept was kind of sad.

“But obviously comfort is key, anything else, and what the hell is the point?” Even if Andy had lived a different life— one with normalcy like a regular education, a high school education, she would have preferred comfort to style any day. It showed in the dungarees she wore and the way her converse were worn in. “Eh, nothing really, not for myself. For my sister.” She pulled a t-shirt off of the rack and quirked her lips to the side after noticing the bleach stain. “I could probably tie-dye this or something.” She’d done that a lot, in the past— to make it seem like she and Alex had new clothes. A new appearance could do wonders for the grueling day-to-day they once lived. “What about you? Out here for more grandpa sweaters?”

“They’re doing that? That’s a bit offensive…I’m not a grandpa and I like this sweater.” Ryan pouted a little. But if he really thought about it, at least a familiar style was coming back into style, it’d be easier to act more of this time if he spent some of Rays money on anything. Casting an eye around he wondered if any of his old stuff would surface in a thrift like this. Maybe his parents had donated all of his things, maybe his roommate back in college had stolen a few things that didn’t fit anymore. He hadn’t really thought about it too much.

“What sort of thing does your sister like? Is she all for comfort over style as well?” Ryan let Rays face bloom into a smile. “Now tie-dye is something I can get behind.” he complemented. “Oh nothing specific, but also something very specific…you know…the usual thrifting situation.” he joked shuffling through the racks idly, just happy to be chatting. “Maybe I can help you look for something…or cause a distraction?” he said, amusing himself quietly and flashing a smile to Andy to show he meant no harm.

The way that Ryan seemingly fell into thought wasn’t lost on Andy. She watched him for a moment, but decided that asking him why it seemed like he’d seen a ghost was pushing too far past any kind of private barrier that’d been set up. She knew she had her own, and the wall grew larger with every day. Who was she to ask her new thrifting-friend what was going on in his head? “Being a grandpa is in though, remember?” She grinned at him before pushing the t-shirt back onto the rack, deciding that the beach stain was in too weird of a position for it to be redeemed by a tie-dye job.

“She wears a lot of… t-shirts.” That didn’t really help at all, but did it matter? Before they’d gotten to Wicked’s Rest– before Andy had gotten a proper job, they simply got what they could afford. Now that they both had a means of income, even if it were on the smaller side, they were better able to express themselves in their style. “Think of a hiker, then think of somebody who plays soccer?” She let out a laugh before moving onto the next t-shirt. At Ryan’s question, Andy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, ha-ha, funny. I’d do that even without your distraction, thanks!” She leaned against the rack and stared across to the other side of the aisle where a pair of denim cargo shorts stood out to her. “Had no clue they made those in denim.”

She brought Ryan out of his thoughts with her comment and he felt a small tremor shake Rays body as if he’d lost a bit of his control being so lost in thought. Wiggling his fingers as discreetly as he could he pulled another sweater off the rack and shook it at her in mock outrage. “Damn right it’s back in. It should have never left. It’s the perfect style if I do say so myself.” Shaking off his melancholy thoughts he dove back into the task at hand.

Ryan glances at Andy with a slight raise of Ray's eyebrows at her less than descriptive answer. Even as she expands he doesn’t quite know what to do with that sort of information. “They don’t really go together in my head I’ll be honest. But I can try my best to match the idea.” he chuckles, starting to search for some sort of jersey, or maybe a t-shirt with a funny caption on the front. That was hiking attire as far as he was concerned. “Ah but think about how much more you could get with a little more time and effort.” he waggled Ray's eyebrows another time for good measure before following her gaze towards the denim. “Everything should be denim, all things deserve a denim twin. Full denim is what you should get your sister. That’s proper hiking clothes, durable and versatile. Would she suit it?...who am I kidding, anyone would suit denim on denim.” he walked around the racks and found a denim jacket to vaguely match the shorts.

“No, they go together. I think you just need to see her, or it, in action.” Andy had figured out her sister’s style and that it wasn’t too far from her own. While Andy wore a lot more overalls than Alex did, they had been able to exchange shirts back and forth for the most part since the height difference didn’t matter quite as much. At the mention of denim on denim, Andy shook her head with a laugh. “Hell no. Do you know how much denim makes you sweat? Please don’t tell me you’re hiking in denim.” She scrunched her nose and pulled at the nylon t-shirt. “This is better than denim.”

Even though he’d clearly been joking, she couldn’t get the idea out of her head. “Hey, don’t they call that something? Canadian tuxedos, or something?” She swore she had heard the saying before. When, she wasn’t sure– possibly on the television in a motel room or something. Who the hell knew. Andy put the shirt back onto the rack and hummed under her breath. “I don’t know anything about style, really, but I do know that that jean jacket you’ve got in your hands? An eye sore.”

“Whatever you say,” Ryan agreed idly as he’d shifted the racks in order to find what he was looking for. He lowered his prize at her displeased face. Denim on Denim wasn’t coming back? But sweaters were? God what were kids his age in this decade even doing. He didn’t think the kids at the college looked too terrible, but they were clearly missing some of the real flare of the last few decades. “I only hike in denim.” he pouted at her rebelliously, not telling the truth but not willing to let this issue pass by.

“Do they?” Ryan asked curiously. He’d not heard that, but then again it seemed he’d missed a lot in the darkness before he’d found Ray to possess. He recoiled dramatically and clutched the jacket to Ray’s chest. “No way. A masterpiece, I’m going to wear this every day from now on and you can’t stop me.” he jutted out Ray’s chin and took the coat off the hanger. He looked at it for only half a second to register that it was indeed a womens small before he put a great deal of effort putting arms into the sleeves and trying his very best to get it over broader shoulders than he was used to on his old body.

“You sound like my little sister.” Really, he seemed her age, too, which meant that in theory, he should be able to help her with the current trends, but with his grandpa sweater on, Andy wasn’t all too sure he knew them much himself. “You only hike in denim?” She arched a brow and shook her head with a laugh. “Sure, and I’m sure you wear clogs while doing it, right?” Wearing denim while hiking wasn’t entirely unheard of, but it sounded uncomfortable. She only wore it when she knew she wouldn’t be outside a lot of the time, and out of anything, flour had an easier time coming out of her jeans than it did anything else.

“They do. Is that not a thing anymore?” Andy questioned reality for a moment, thinking back to the show she’d seen it on, but she couldn’t recall the exact timing of it, or decade it had taken place in. “Maybe you can bleach it, make it look a little bit acid wash, really fall into the vibe you’re obviously trying to set for yourself.” She watched him as he started to put the jacket on, and it was then that she noticed it was going to be way too small for him. Andy snorted before stuffing a t-shirt that looked okay enough for Kaden into the basket. “You know, I don’t think that being able to make things larger in the washer machine works, just the shrinking thing.” Which she’d done a lot of, if she were being honest.

“Of course I wear denim, it’s all about the warmth and durability of your clothing on the open trail.” Ryan insists. He’s definitely joking, Ray doesn’t own a denim jacket, and he wasn’t quite ready to start financially running the kid just yet. At least not on something like that. He was fine with hoodies for the moment. “Clogs? We all have our limits. Clogs might be mine. Are you saying you have seen someone in clogs recently? Is it your sister? Is that why she won’t wear denim on denim?” He teased making a face at her as if this was the more horrific news he’d heard recently.

Not willing to give up so easily, he tried to turn Ray’s shoulders this way and that in order to squeeze every millimeter of him into the jacket. It was very much not working. But Ryan was having fun trying. “Are you kidding, this is my exact size, I’m but a tiny little guy. The smallest guy around, I’m a small I swear I am.” he insisted. At some point his grip on the fabric slipped and he was unable to reach the ends of the jacket anymore. It was sticking up at the back like some sort of tiny cape in the breeze, except it had also trapped his arms and elbows to his sides. He was pinned. Not willing to admit defeat, he turned around like nothing was wrong and nodded at the t-shirt she’d found. “A good find? Is that your sister's style?”

“I can’t argue against that, considering the amount of times I’ve used jeans as a blanket.” She paused for a second before picking back up, “I sometimes get lazy and forget my comforter in the dryer.” That was a lie, but Ryan didn’t need to know that. Andy squinted at Ryan with a raised brow at the mention of clogs. “You know, I think she might be the kind of person to be into clogs. They might make her taller.” Andy was only about five inches taller than Alex, but she sure held it over her sister’s head. In fact, it was the only thing she held over Alex’s head.

Andy leaned against the clothing rack as she watched Ryan attempt to fit the jacket the rest of the way over his shoulders. It looked like the seams would pop in protest at any moment. “Yeah, you definitely are. Got the t-rex arms going on and everything.” She pointed out the fact that his elbows hadn’t even reached through to where they should have been. It was an occurrence she faced often– getting too toned for some of her favorite jackets. She hoped it never looked this comical. “You should get it, I think you look great in it.” Andy grinned at Ryan before turning her attention back to the t-shirts. “A good find, something that doesn’t have holes in it, and something that will make her feel good, yes. I guess. That pretty much sums it up.” She shot a look at Ryan who was still stuck in the jacket. “I think you ripped it at the back.” It was a lie, but she wanted to cause him even further defeat, just as a means of having fun.

Ryan paused for a second and turned to give Andy his full attention after hearing her words, and then she clarified and he averted Ray’s eyes. Was she a liar? Perhaps. Was HE a liar? Definitely, so who was he to try and pry and judge. They were only acquaintances after all, just friends of the thieving kind. “Aren’t…” he hesitated for another moment wondering if he was going to sound crazy, he really was still only learning the trends these days. “Aren’t crocodiles technically clogs? You know that squishy shoe people like?”

“Yeah if you’re not wearing your jackets with t-rex arms what are you even doing, clearly nothing good. You should really get yourself sorted, you know.” Ryan laughed a little when she played along and agreed. “Maybe I will.” He scanned Ray’s eyes over the racks and nudged a few more shirts up towards where Andy was looking through for her sister. It sounded like she was making a good attempt to cheer her sister up if he had the right end of the stick at least. He was willing to help any way he could, even if it was being an accomplice to more crime. What would he care anyway, if they got caught it’d be Ray going down for it, he was sure the kid could figure that out for them. A small shiver of worry filled his soul as she mentioned ripping the back. Maybe he WOULD be the one taking something today. “You’re kidding right?” he said, trying to look over at the back of the jacket unsuccessfully. He then attempted to remove his arms to get it off…and could’t. He shot her an imploring look. “Help.”

“You can’t wear crocodiles.” It took her a moment to realize that he had meant the shoe, after he clarified. “Oh! Well, maybe?” She knew that crocs were expensive, but maybe she could either find a discounted pair or a knock-off brand and gift them to Alex. Andy knew that they had charms, too. She’d seen a girl with them once and had commented on the rainbow flag. The girl lit up like the fourth of July at being recognized. It made Andy feel good.

Andy rolled her eyes, a small smile curving at the corners of her lips. Ryan reminded her of Alex a little. Nothing in the appearance (clearly), but in their mannerisms. Alex was a little more cold towards people she didn’t know, but that came with the territory of what they’d been through. Andy was far more outgoing, and even it was a stretch to claim that she was at all. “You got me there. Maybe you should get one of those masks, too. Like at a costume shop.” She continued to look through the rack only to admit defeat a couple of seconds later. There was nothing else good that anyone in the house would appreciate. When Ryan asked for help after struggling to look over his own arched shoulder, Andy snorted. “Yeah, yeah.” She set her basket down and helped Ryan out of the jacket. She held it out for him to take after they’d gotten it off his arms.

“You should try to go smaller, I bet those would fit great. Like a kid’s shirt.” Andy picked her basket back up and turned her attention to a different rack– overalls, she could use another pair.

Having decided that perhaps one instance of being trapped for the day was enough Ryan found the empty hanger for the denim jacket again and hung it back amongst the other clothes. “As much as it’s the fashion I don’t think I could spring for a coat like that. Someone will have to bring back denim on denim without me until his next paycheck.” As he said this his phone lit up in his pocket. He pulled it out and cringed visibly, unable to smooth that over if she’d seen he spoke quickly so as to avoid suspicion. That had been Ray’s co-worker at the restaurant texting him to remind him of a swapping of shifts. Not one to completely ruin his host's life Ryan would have to give control of the body back as soon as possible to let the kid earn money. “Ah damn I forgot I had a shift at work.” Ryan explained quickly to Andy. Sliding the phone back into his pocket Ryan flashes her a smile. “Happy hunting? I’ve got to run. See you next time!”

Ryan didn’t wait for much of a response before heading for the door. If anyone watched him closely as he made his way down the street his whole body shuddered through a few steps before he blinked… or rather Ray blinked. He was dazed and confused looking down at the phone in his hands open on a text. Right. Work. Got it.

Andy frowned. “So much for the Canadian tuxedo.” She flicked through a few more items, watching Ryan out of the corner of her eye as he took out his phone. He looked visibly uncomfortable with whatever was reflecting on the screen back at him, but Andy didn’t think anything of it. “Oh–” She turned around to watch Ryan as he ducked out of the shop, not giving her any time to give him a send off. He was a weird kid and kind of funny. For once, she was glad that there was nothing inherently supernatural about him– it was easy to get lost in a conversation without the constant reminder that she was the predator and those around her were unknowingly prey. “See ya.” Andy muttered under her breath as she turned around to continue shopping.

#para: jirt and tie #para: ryan (ray)#memory loss tw #wickedswriting

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daydream-ideas · 1 year

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Daydream about spending the night at the aquarium and sleeping there.

#fun fact: actually did this as a kid!#i dont remember it because my memory is shit but i did do it #daydream #daydreaming #daydreamer #daydreams #immersive daydreaming #immersive daydreamer #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreamer #para #paras #paraportal #paracosm #paracosms #the daydreaming queue

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dom-i-nate · 6 months

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F2F: Going to class was absolutely brutal. It physically hurt to leave the bubble of safety they'd made in Nate's suite, but there was some unspoken agreement that they would all be back there that evening. Danny had made sure he was the last one to leave, swallowing hard as he set the small stack of letters on the coffee table, Nate's name written in bold on top. His stomach churned all day, anxiety about if he made the right choice to show those to Nate mixing him up like acid. He hit the gym after classes, trying to work out some of his nervousness and also giving Nate time to find what he left. Coming back to his boyfriend's suite, he paused and took a deep breath outside of the door, before letting himself inside. "Babe? Are you here?"

He wasn't sure how he made it through the day, and he was definitely on auto pilot. Some how, he'd made it to the end of the day and barely made it to his suite. His body still ached, bruises still obvious and he'd been a bit shakey trying to get back in a normal eating routine. He'd tried to eat what Daisy had left for him, but it turned his stomach, which made him even more mad that this trip tried to ruin mac and cheese for him. He had every intention of crashing out for the rest of the night, but he couldn't help but notice the letters. Intrugied, he picked them up and took him to the bedroom with him. He was just finishing the last one when he heard the voice that made his stomach flip. "Back here, baby!" he called back, looking up at the doorway with the last letter in his hand. "Is this true?" he asked with a wide smile - the first in a week. "You...you really love me?"

@domdannyandrews

#para #p danny #danny #about danny #memories

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fabray-austinsub · 6 months

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Self Para | 11.18 (Saturday)

Tw: Physical abuse, degredation

It was day three and to say Austin was a mess was the understatement of the century. From eating nearly nothing and having little to no sleep for days, his mind was starting to play tricks on him. One of the worst parts was the 'needing to be hard' thing first thing in the morning and pretty much any time he wasn't. He'd spent a lot of the time in a dark corner of the small cell, hating every moment of having eyes on him as he stroked, and the end result still not being impressive.

It felt like the guards spent an awful lot of time in their cell in particular. Could have had something to do with the fact that Austin was not quiet during most of these interactions. He'd get in the guard's face when they went to mess with Kyla, or he'd be overly obnoxious when they were poking at Javi. It's just what Austin did - it was all he knew. But, due to his antics he'd put a bit of a target on his back, even after promising Matt he wouldn't. So when potential buyers started coming around, there was one particular guard who stood right behind Austin, making sure he was up at the bars to be seen.

It made Austin's anger grow more inside him, feeling his skin flush red. He mostly kept his gaze down, trying to ignore how they spoke about him like a piece of meat. "He's too skinny," one man said, shaking his head in disappointment. "Mmm, says here he's mouthy, not sure I'd put up with that," another woman hummed. "Look at that! You call that hard!? It's pathetic," another sneered, causing the guard to take a look to see Austin had gone soft. "Hey! You're supposed to be hard when they look at you!" the guard sneer, cracking his flogger hard against Austin's back, his knees buckling underneath him.

"Yeah, super easy to be hard when you're hittin me!" he yelled but when he turned to look at the guard he was met with a hard back hand to his face. He wouldn't cry. He refused to cry no matter how hard his skin was screaming. It was something he'd learned to control years ago, that crying in reaction to physical pain only pissed the aggressor off more, and Austin was happy to do so.

He might have taken it too far, giving a laugh as a reaction to the slap. He could hear the guard growl as he grabbed Austin by the arm, forcing him back against the bars to continue to be seen. "Do it, or I'll do it for you," he growled against Austin's ear. He growled as he started again, hearing the laughs from passersby calling him pathetic and worthless. "See, one day you'll be here for real," the guard growled happily against his ear, "And the day that happens. I'll be here, waiting. And there will be no institute rules to save you."

That chuckle would haunt Austin for the next several weeks.

#self para #memories #tw: abuse

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yooneundal · 6 months

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Reacquiring Nightmares

The sun showed no signs of rising anytime soon, But Eun-dal couldn't sleep a moment longer. So he slowly got off the floor, careful to not wake Eun-wol as he slipped from the room, a slight creak causing the young boy to freeze, eyes darting about, nothing, the house was quiet. He sighed softly, before making his way to the kitchen, his feet moving him quickly. He opened the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, he soon poured himself a glass of water, drinking half of it before refilling it and returning the bottle to it's proper place. Eun-dal's mind was fuzzy, his hair a mess, ears and cheeks flushed, so he didn't think too much of his mother sitting at the coffee table in the dark when he made his way to sit on the couch and watch the sun come up. He paused, setting the glass on the edge of the coffee table so he could reach down and pull up his mothers sweater that had slipped off her shoulders. "Eomma.. morning... it's Eun-dalie." He whispered, but nothing. He shifted, his foot touching something. Bending down, Eun-dal picks up the cloth and holds it up in the dim lighting from outside. Hanbok.. was Eomma finally making his? She had made Eun-wol and Appa theirs weeks ago but had claimed she had forgotten. But seeing the half finished top made him smile happily. "Eomma, thank you." He called out dropping to kneel next to her. But that's when he actually took the time to look at his mother. She was slumped over, and oddly still. Eun-dal's smile fading. "Eomma? Your scaring me." He said laughing weakly, as his heart pounded in his ears. "Eomma!" He said finally daring to touch her. She was cold, and his hand jerked away violently, body trying to remove him from his seat. In the process, his glass of water falling to the floor, the unfinished top on the floor. Everything froze, he couldn't breathe. Eun-dal's ears started ringing, before he knew what to do next he was already turning and attempting to run, he needed Eun-wol he would know what to do, he always did. Eun-dal stumbled and slipped, falling unto the broken glass, but forcing himself up, into the hall. He hadn't taken two steps into the before as if his brother knew he was needed appeared. Seeing his brother Eun-dal finally lets out a sob, pointing to the living room while shaking his head. Eun-dal's hands are bloody but all he needs is Eun-wol, He made things better. "Eun.." He sobs out clinging to his twin. All he can do is sob until he can't any more, unable to move, staring, for hours he stared, he was unable to to respond. at some point he passes out.

"EOMMA!" Yoon cries out, sitting up, gasping for air. His face covered in tears, his body covered in sweat. He grasped at the blanket under him and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breathes bring him back to the present. "It was just a dream, it was just a dream." He nodded to himself wiping the tears away. Leaning forward the idol sighs, reaching for his phone and quickly calling his brother who answered on the second ring. "Eun.." He managed to get out before sobbing. "I had that dream again..."

#&self para #&memories #trigger warning #tw: death #tw: blood

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firecaptainphoenix · 7 months

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Ashes

I could hear the signs calling out from the bottom of the fire I am like a torch flickering in the wind as the saying goes

About: Jay wakes up and Phoenix gets the news of how things are looking for her. TW: injury tw, memory loss tw, death mention tw

It's been a long night, people groaning and moaning in pain at the station. They'd moved who had been able to be moved to the clinic overnight, for some it was also those willing. He's grateful for Knightley spending the night, as much as he wanted to send Jay over to the clinic, being away from the station was a non-starter. That and having her as well as Dodger in one place made him feel better.

He'd crashed hard in the chair next to his daughter's cot, head resting on Dodger’s shoulder. Exhaustion and stress had taken its toll, both physical and mental. Celia’s little brother’s face still flashed in his head, how broken they had looked sitting next to their partner.

He hates what it reminds him of, hates how it had made him feel, grateful for the curtain giving some sense of privacy while he and Dodger sat with Jay. When he wakes up he grunts, more than likely to old now to be passing out in random chairs, even with Dodger to sleep on.

Despite his best efforts it seems Dodger had also slipped into sleep, he knew he'd been awake most of the night. Gently talking Phoenix back to sleep each time he jerked awake. The image of being too late for Jay firing through his mind every time. Leaning over he pressed a light kiss to the other man’s forehead taking off his jacket to make him a makeshift pillow.

Hearing rustling he's quick to turn when he sees Jay stirring with a groan. “Hey Jaybird, take it easy, you took a good hit to the old noggin,” he said grabbing his water bottle and holding it up for her.

It's about half an hour for her to be fully coherent after some water. Dodger going to the house to grab her a change of clothes, Phoenix had caught the way her brow furrowed when they kissed before he left. He shrugged it off figuring she was still worried about him and Dodger from earlier.

He pulls the curtain back seeing that a few people are also getting ready to head home or being reassessed for discharge or if they need to now go to the clinic. Spotting Felipe who'd been sleeping against Mo he motions for him to come over.

The boy doesn't hesitate doing his best not to sprint through the people walking about. When Jay sees him she visibly brightens before Phoenix can't see her over Felipe hugging her gently. The relief is short lived; he'd been glancing away when Felipe kissed her, opting to give them their moment when he hears Jay make a noise of surprise.

Her face is bright red, Phoenix's brow furrowing as he looks at her. It's not like she's never kissed Felipe in front of him, hell she's usually the one initiating. Still she looks both stunned and confused, stuttering as she asks what he's doing.

Phoenix feels dread building in his chest, it must show on his face because when he catches Knightley’s gaze the man is rushing over. He's at Jay’s side giving her a reassessment, asking her a few questions here and there.

“Do you remember what you dressed up as for the festival?”

“Yeah I went as Supergirl and Dad went as Clark Kent with a Superman shirt underneath.”

That's wrong. That had been last year's costume, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. Doing his best to keep his face neutral both for her sakes and Felipe’s who looked ready to be sick.

“Do you know who I am?” He hears Knightley ask.

“A doctor?”

“Jay…” Felipe trails off rubbing at the back of his neck, “Come on…That's Knightley you-”

“I’m Doctor Knightley, but you can just call me Knightley. It's nice to meet you Jay,” Knightley said, cutting off Felipe and briefly shaking Jay’s hand. “I actually help his uncle, I've been giving him more medical training.”

Jay had been glancing at Felipe, the confusion still there before she's looking back at Knightley. Slowly nodding none of what he says seems to be sparking any recognition. “Once I get back on my feet, could I come? Most of what I got came from junior rangers and the fire station. Never hurts to learn more, right?”

“Of course, always more than welcome to,” it's only the fact he's learned how to smile that keeps Knightley from grimacing. They've had this talk before, had it at Celia's house when Mo had brought him by for a family dinner. She'd been more eager than Mo even, and now this.

He's worked emergencies before, and had barely reacted to it all. Even now he's still fairly fine all things considered, able to compartmentalize. Still, with this, now he understands when people would scream that things weren't fair.

It's a few more questions and another check up before Knightley is asking to speak to Phoenix alone while Felipe stays with Jay.

“How bad?” The first words out of Phoenix's mouth as he does his best not to openly stare at his daughter.

“She has a concussion, memory loss isn't uncommon with this. She'll also likely need some physical therapy for the arm, that glass was in there deep.”

Phoenix rubs his mouth, nodding as the other man speaks before swallowing, “She'll get it back though, like it'll come back?”

Knightley wants to be optimistic, wants to not just for Phoenix but for Jay. “I don't want to give you a false promise, it is likely it'll come back slowly. She could wake up tomorrow with it all back or it could take a few months.”

Nodding Phoenix spares a glance at Jay seeing the way she's trying to talk to Felipe. Though they both seem to be avoiding meeting the other's gaze.

“Is this my fault? If I had done something different would…” trailing off he shrugs and shakes his head glancing away. He'd asked the question without thinking and now he's almost afraid of the answer.

“It was an earthquake, I doubt there's anything you could have done,” it's not often Knightley feels like he said the wrong thing, but he notices how Phoenix clenches his jaw.

“Yeah. Heard that before,” Phoenix knows he sounds bitter, and maybe he is. At one point will he and his daughter get a damn break already? It was bad enough that she got hurt. But with an earthquake of all things, it feels like God is openly laughing in his face.

Knightley hesitates, briefly glancing at Jay, “She's alive and stable, that's better than most.” He's been trying not to think about how declaring a young blonde woman dead made him feel, dragging Xander away from Minnie. Then going on to treat Jay, another young blonde, shaking his head to force that line of thought away again.

Phoenix grimaced and slowly nodded, “Yeah you're right… Just fuck this town is just…”

“You want something to blame, even if it's you, but that's not going to do you any good,” running a hand through his hair Knightley shrugged, “She's going to be relying on you a lot. Based on her answers I'd say she's lost about a year’s worth of memories. It would be best to keep her with people she knew during that time and slowly reintroduce anyone new. Overwhelming her with too much information could send her into a panic.”

Phoenix was nodding, gripping his wrist in his hand, he would have fidgeted with the necklace he usually wore. But that had been given to Jay something else he'd likely have to explain. “Fuck… Dodger he moved in… what do I?...” He's trailing off again, finding it harder to speak and hating himself for it.

“She knew Dodger a year ago, that wouldn't be a bad place to start,” Knightley offered him.

Letting out a sigh of relief he nodded again, glancing at Jay then back at Knightley. He hates what he's about to ask but his options are limited. “Listen I know you're the commune doctor, but you wouldn't be opposed to a house call for her. I mean I'll pay you obviously.”

Knightley blinked in surprise, “I'm not opposed to it, but isn't your brother a doctor as well?”

“Yeah but our other brother is already banged up good and under his care. Don't need him worrying about every Romero you know? Also a year ago she was still nervous to ask Hawk for anything, scared of bugging him cause he got an important job or whatever. His daughter also works at the clinic and fucking hell that's another thing.”

“You know when I said don't overwhelm her with information that applies to you too. Just take it one day at a time, and I'll swing by to check on her.”

The rest of the talk is just plans for when to meet up as well as who would be good to leave Jay alone with to catch her up. Waiving him off and by the time Phoenix is back with Jay, Felipe has gone back to his uncle who Knightley is also with, going over Eagan’s care.

His brow furrowed when he noticed Jay tapping on her legs. “You feeling alright Jaybird?”

Glancing up she shrugs tapping idly again, “I don't know, before he left Felipe was tapping on the bed. I'm trying to figure it out. It's not Morse code like you taught me, I feel like I remember. But it's just letters I think..”

Knock code. God it had been annoying but he's never been more grateful to see her tapping away. “Oh yeah what letters do you think it is?”

“Um…” her cheeks flush red again and she glanced away, hands still tapping, “I think it's I-L-Y but that's probably not right. I'll just ask him about it later.”

#phoenix lore #self para #injury tw #death mention tw #memory loss tw #house calls: knightley #playing hooky: dodger #//last one cause i needed to wake this kid up for my own mental health #//i dont have a favorite npc child stop looking at me!

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