#our good friend sunk cost fallacy is telling me i should just go through with it as the story with minimal work requirement

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Number of stories I would like to write: Many.

Number of stories I find myself able to write: Zero.

#adventures in writing #i've got less than a week to write a four loves story #(i want to have one done by valentine's day) #i have multiple stories that have been battering my imagination #i've been home sick and so have time to write #and i get in front of the computer and the energy is gone #everything i write takes so *long* #i got a semi-decent opening to the cinderella story but there's no way i could write anything worth showing in time #i tried a beauty and the beast short piece but the tone isn't coming together #i would like to try the goose girl but there's a key plot point that's shaky #i should just finish up the 12DP #whether or not part two works for people #our good friend sunk cost fallacy is telling me i should just go through with it as the story with minimal work requirement #but i'd also like to write something *else* you know? #too many grandiose ideas not enough words #same song different day

[argentsunshine]

adding to persona but good au :

the interrogation room actually makes sense and the pt's actually stop being assholes to kechi and pay attention to him practically telling him whats happening to him/him silently begging for help (gee i wonder who else did that but became a pt. hmm...) in the gc conversations and everything..

you see i find this interesting because - compared to Akechi's behaviour - the Thieves are actually pretty chill to him, by which I mean that if futaba or haru just straight up killed him they'd still have the moral high ground compared to him. some of the Thieves have less good reasons for being openly antagonistic towards him, but none of them has a reason worse than "actively plotted to kill one of our best friends" so i think being a bit prickly is understandable. also, just on an interpersonal level, he's just kind of a dick a lot of the time, especially towards people he thinks are dumber than he is, which is most people.

it's also basically impossible that he would have accepted help in sae's palace, even if the Thieves had had all the pieces - he's so resistant to being helped that he tries to kill them all multiple times in the engine room. he's so deep into the sunk cost fallacy - he's dedicated years of his life to this plan, done things that he's clearly not comfortable with, and put so much power in Shido's hands that he has to follow through with it. he's so deep in the sunk cost fallacy that he doesn't even seem to consider that Shido might get rid of him first until that fact is literally pointing a cognitive gun in his face.

but i do think the question of how people treat akechi is interesting! on the level of questions that most people actually have to deal with, how do you treat someone who's clearly suffering in some way but has decided to make this your problem? on a more societal justice level, what do you do when someone with no access to justice within the system resorts to illegal means? if someone commits a crime can what they've done be evaluated separately from their upbringing? can justice be left in the hands of the people harmed or should it be impartial? what's the purpose of the justice system and what's the purpose of punishment? if someone in a vulnerable situation is manipulated into hurting someone, where does the blame lie? where do you draw the line?

also you could argue there's shades of misogyny in the fact that futaba and haru's pain is treated as ignorable because akechi is also suffering. i think it's interesting to examine it in terms of them being able to break the cycle where akechi won't let himself, and what that takes, mentally

now none of this is to say that i don't think people should like akechi or want better for him - i think actually moralising about people liking fictional murderers is boring, and if anyone rbs this from me going "and that's why akechi should die <3" will get blocked - i just think that as a character he raises a lot of interesting questions about. well. justice. and the way people view others. (i have a lot of thoughts about him and "unsympathetic" mental illness symptoms, because my own mental illness often presents in ways that make me hard to deal with, though obviously on a lesser scale) i keep getting worried someday someone's gonna put me in Nerd Jail for getting excessively... (waves hand at the previous paragraphs) about all this.

i mean at the end of the day do what you want and think what you want. i just think it's inherently more interesting to examine things

in conclusion:

#if you're wondering if you should unfollow me for being full of myself this is your cue

[ghostsontelevision]

ok this is my tabletop bitching post of the day. i’m allowing myself this.

i really wish that when people defended dnd they would say like, "i like dnd i think it is a fun system" and not "well i paid $70 for the books and none of my friends want to learn something new soooooo i have to play dnd”

like it is FINE to like dnd. i am very much of the belief that a system is only as fun as the people you’re playing it with, so if you settle down with your friends to pretend to be elf wizards and dnd is the medium through which you do that, hell yeah, you can absolutely have a great time doing that. i’m currently playing dnd with friends and we’re having a really good time! we’re having fun! dnd can be fun!

but when your only defense of why you’re playing a system is the sunk cost fallacy, it doesn’t make you look like an adult who has made a reasonable decision, it makes you look like someone with stockholm syndrome. like you understand that if you say “i already spent a ton of cash on dnd!” my thought is going to be “oh! they think other ttrpgs ALSO cost $70! i should point out that most ttrpgs are $15-$30, and you can get a dungeon world pdf for $10″. if you say “my friends and i already spent all our time learning the rules of dnd, we don’t have the time to learn a new ruleset!” i’m going to think “oh! they think other ttrpgs are all at the same complexity level of dnd, i should point out that powered by the apocalypse games have pretty simple rulesets and often include cheat sheets in your purchase!”

but if you just say “i like dnd and i have fun playing it”, my response is “alright, fair enough”, ESPECIALLY if you’ve already played other games. i realized i loved other tabletop games because my friend introduced me to them and i realized things i found to be shortcomings of dnd weren’t inherent to tabletop, so i usually assume people are in the same boat i was, because if you’re not big into the culture, it’s hard to realize dnd isn’t the only game that exists. but when someone says “i’m aware of other games but i am playing dnd because it is fun to play”, then hey, i’m not in a position to tell someone else what makes them happy. i just think saying “well i already put so much time and effort into this thing so i’m going to keep playing it even if it sucks” makes it sound like you’re stuck playing a game you just tolerate instead of one you actually like, which is going to prompt people to try to help you find something you’d like better.

also i looked it up and the players handbook + dm guide + monster manual are $150 total which is an insane price and you should steal dnd like your fucking life depends on it

#ttrpg #i stand by my assertion that more actual plays should branch out tho like i think even for one shots its good to diversify #also its insane that the players handbook and dm guide are two different books like why. theyre skinny ass books just combine them #i also am sideeye at people who would rather read 150 pages of homebrew rather than 100 pages of a new game but that. is whatever #like i said i cant make you do anything and if you like dnd you like dnd #posts by me

[imjustthemechanic]

The Price of a Soul

Part 1/? - Agent Russel Part 2/? - The Letter Part 3/? - Miss Lake Part 4/? - The Stewardess Part 5/? - An Assassination Part 6/? - Fallout Part 7/? - Face to Face Part 8/? - Deals, Details, and Other Devils Part 9/? - Baggage Part 10/? - Private Funding Part 11/? - Just Passing Through Part 12/? - Party of Four Part 13/? - Resolute Part 14/? - The Wreck Part 15/? - Body Snatchers Part 16/? - Out of the Frying Pan Part 17/? - A Miracle Part 18/? - A Matter of Circumstance Part 19/? - Nome Part 20/? - The Future Part 21/? - A Hero’s Welcome Part 22/? - Up to Speed Part 23/? - Expect Further Delays Part 24/? - The Welcome Wagon Part 25/? - Fugitives Part 26/? - A Reluctant Accomplice Part 27/? - Deja Vu Part 28/? - Interview with a Madwoman

Hey, check it out, I’m still alive.

-

Peggy knew she couldn’t spend all her time moaning over the romantic dilemma life had presented her with.  She let herself dwell on it for a moment, then forced her mind on to more practical matters.  By the time they returned to the farmhouse, she’d decided how she wanted to approach this interrogation.

“I think you should talk to her first,” she told Kay.  “While I’m out of sight.”

“You’re the one who knows her,” Kay protested.

“Yes, but she’s expecting me,” Peggy reminded her.  “If we start with you, it’ll catch her off guard.”  She did not want Dottie to think she was in a position to make demands.

Kay nodded slowly.  “All right, you go down by the hood.  I’ll open the back.”

The back boot opened with a creak.  Peggy could immediately smell ammonia.  At some point during the night, Dottie had needed to relieve herself and had been either unwilling or unable to hold it in.  Peggy probably ought to have felt sorry for her, but after all Dottie had put her through, it was hard.

There was a silence that was just a bit too long to be the moment in which Kay pulled the tape off Dottie’s mouth, and Peggy found it rather reassuring that the woman could still be taken by surprise.

“Dobroye utro,” said Kay.  That meant good morning.  “Olga Barynova.”

“Kto ty?” asked Dottie.  Who are you?  Her voice was level and measured, deliberately toneless.

“I’m you, but smarter,” Kay replied in English.  “You didn’t read the message.  You didn’t think you needed to, because you already know everything. Surprise!”

There was another silence, as Dottie re-assessed the situation.  Peggy wondered what was going on in her head.

“You won’t take me back,” Dottie said.  “You’ll have to kill me.”

“You didn’t read the message,” Kay repeated.  “Do you want to know what it said, or are you just going to lie there in a puddle of your own piss trying to pretend you know what you’re talking about?”

Peggy really did rather wish she could see the expression on Dottie’s face. It was probably well worth seeing.

“What did the message say?” asked Dottie.

“That I have no intention of turning you back over to them,” Kay reassured her. “I want you and I to go back together, and we’re gonna burn the place down.”

Dottie laughed.  “That’s exactly what you would say if you were here to drag me back, because it’s exactly what I would say to you if our positions were reversed.”

“You don’t trust me?” asked Kay.  “You sure do seem to trust Peggy Carter, and I’m pretty sure she wants to see you rot in jail for the rest of your life.”

“Peggy thinks she’s one of the good guys,” Dottie snorted.  “She keeps her promises even when they’re stupid.  If you’re anything like me, you don’t know what a promise is.”

Peggy decided that was her cue.  She came and stepped into Dottie’s field of view.  It had clearly been a rough night for Dottie in the trunk of the car. She’d evidently struggled quite a bit, trying to loosen the tape, and had not succeeded.  There were red marks on the visible skin of her arms and legs where it had dug into her flesh.  Her hair was in disarray.  She did look momentarily surprised when Peggy came into view, but hid it quickly.

“Peggy, Peggy, Peggy,” she said, clucking her tongue  “You of all people should know better than to partner up with one of us.  We’re bad news.”

“I decided I needed some expert advice,” Peggy replied.  “Despite what Chief Thompson thinks, I am not nearly deranged enough to think like you do.”

“I’m not deranged,” said Dottie.  “I know exactly what I’m doing.  You just can’t believe that because it doesn’t align with your goals.”

“You want revenge,” said Kay.  “You want to get back into the USSR un-noticed and destroy the people who made you. You don’t want another little girl to ever become what you are.”

“I’m not that altruistic,” Dottie replied.  “I was seven years old when they put me and my best friend in a ring together and told us that only one could leave.  I just want them to suffer.”  She smiled tranquilly.

“So do I,” Kay promised.

“I don’t believe you,” Dottie told her flatly.  “What’s in this for you, Peggy?  Or are you the altruistic one?”

Peggy decided on the truth.  “Kay has informed me that one of Captain America’s men is a prisoner in the USSR,” she said.  “I want to help rescue him.”

“Aw, you’re doing it for love,” said Dottie.  “That’s cute.  So what makes you think I have any idea where to find him?”

“Because the same place that made us is also working on him,” said Kay.  “He’s part of the Winter Soldier program.”

“And you don’t know where to find that?” Dottie asked suspiciously.

“My information is out of date,” Kay replied.

“I promise,” said Peggy.  “I will not return you to your masters.  I’m not sure what I am going to do with you, but I know to give you back to them would mean your death.”

“Oh, no,” Dottie shook her head.  “It would be way worse than that.”

“I will rescue Sergeant Barnes, and you two may do what you wish with this Red Room and the people in it,” Peggy said.  “But I promise that when I leave Russia again, I will take you with me.”

“What happens if I refuse?” asked Dottie.  “Are you going to send me back to jail to have you hanged for treason, Peggy? I know you’re not going to kill me… that’s not your style.”

“No, but it’s mine,” said Kay.  “And I doubt she’ll shed a single tear.”  She took out a pocket knife.  “I know you’re thinking of how you’re going to run away, or how you’re going to betray us both, but keep in mind.  I know all your moves.  I know all your hiding places.  There is nothing you can do, and nowhere you can go, that I cannot anticipate.  Do you understand?”

“Oh, yes,” Dottie said.  “I understand perfectly.”

“Do you agree, then?  You will help Peggy to find Sergeant Barnes, and in return I will help you to destroy the Red Room?”

“Absolutely,” said Dottie.

Peggy knew they couldn’t trust her, and realized she was counting on Kay to make sure they could keep Dottie under control.  Kay had asked Peggy to trust her, hadn’t she?  Now there was no choice.  Was there a chance this still might turn around?  That Kay might turn out to be the enemy after all?

It didn’t matter.  Peggy was already in this too deep.  Sunk Cost might have been a fallacy, but when the cost involved was one’s freedom and reputation, there wasn’t much to be done.

“It’s a deal, then,” said Kay, and started cutting the tape off Dottie.

“So,” said Dottie, entirely too casual.  “It’s Kay, is it?”

“It is,” said Kay.  “And what are you calling yourself these days, Olga?”

“Not Olga,” Dottie replied.  “Olga Barynova died years ago.  I like the name Peggy uses for me.  After all, I am quite dotty, and I tend to do things under the table.”  She looked at Peggy and smiled.

Peggy did not smile back.

“Then that’s what we’ll call you,” said Kay.  She finished cutting the tape, and began peeling it off.  “You’re hungry and dehydrated after being in that trunk all night.  Come inside and we’ll give you something to eat.”  They’d saved some of their own breakfast for her.  “And you can tell us everything you know about the Winter Soldiers.”

“Ah-ah-ah,” Dottie wagged a finger.  “I’m not stupid.  I’m not telling you anything until you’ve held up your end of the bargain. When we’re in Russia and haven’t been caught, then I’ll tell you where we’re going.”

Peggy would have protested, but Kay just shrugged.  “That sounds fair,” she said.

“And how are we supposed to know what part of Russia we’re going to?” asked Peggy.

“That I can tell you after breakfast,” Dottie said.  “Don’t worry about money, I’ve got some stashed away for the occasion.  Now where’s that food.  I’m starving.”

The two women sat and watched Dottie eat her breakfast, and Peggy’s misgivings only increased.  Talking to Dottie had reminded her rather sharply that Kay was a master manipulator… she’d manipulated Peggy when Kay had been the one in prison, and now she’d managed to play Dottie, too, something Peggy would have thought was next to impossible.  Now it was her, of all people, whom Peggy had to trust with her life, because the only alternatives were jail or Dottie.

Somewhere along the line she’d made a terrible mistake.  In fact, the longer this went on, the more Peggy was sure the whole thing had been a series of terrible mistakes, right back to…

… well, no.  Not staying in New York wasn’t a mistake, because if she’d done that, Steve would still be frozen in the arctic ice right now.  And anything she’d done after that… no, there was really no point at which she could have extracted herself from this and not gotten in trouble for it. Not unless she was willing to admit that getting Steve back at all was a mistake, and she couldn’t possibly say that. Or could she?  When Kay had told her outright that this wasn’t how history was ‘supposed’ to go, maybe it was a mistake.

It didn’t matter now, did it?  The future was already changed, and they couldn’t go back and fix it.

Dottie devoured the breakfast they’d set out for her without the slightest thought of table manners, stuffing so much in her mouth that Peggy was afraid she’d choke.  Once she’d satisfied her hunger, she asked for some twigs from the woods.  Peggy sat with her while Kay brought back an armful they’d already gathered up, intending to use them as kindling.  Dottie selected the ones she liked the shapes of, and arranged them into a map of the USSR.

“We won’t get in from the west,” she said.  “They watch that too closely.  To go from the east, we’d have to pass over Chinese airspace and that’s just as risky. From the south we’ve got the Himalayas blocking the way, and I don’t think any of us are crazy enough to try to go from the north.  Not even me.” Dottie glanced up at her companions and smiled as if this were a very funny joke.

Peggy did not smile back, but Kay chuckled a little.

“The way in,” Dottie went on, “is through Turkey.  The area is mountainous and difficult to patrol, but the locals know their way around I have some things prepared.  It’ll be a long hike, but we can take the train from Tbilisi to Stalingrad…”

“Volgograd,” said Kay under her breath.

“… and from there, I’ll tell you where we’re going next,” said Dottie.

“Mm-hm,” said Peggy.  It seemed straightforward enough, though Dottie was right – it would be a very long walk through some hostile terrain.  “You said we’ll need that money you mentioned… where have you got that squirreled away?”

“Nevada,” said Dottie.  “Joseph’s hanging on to it for me.”

The first Joseph Peggy thought of who might have anything to do with Dottie Underwood was Josef Stalin, but that could not possibly be right.  “Who is Joseph?”

“Joseph Strieber.”

It took a moment for Peggy to remember who that was, and then it seemed almost as unlikely as Stalin – perhaps more so.  “The Governor of Nevada?” she asked.  “He’s the one who wants you caught!  The mafia is breathing down his neck after you robbed the Toucan Hotel!”

“Plausible deniability,” said Dottie.  “If he’s the one shouting that I need to be in prison, the mob won’t realize that he’s the one who let me into the Toucan at their grand opening.  I was his date for the evening.”  She smiled.  “And now I can make him do anything I want.”

“So we’re going to Carson City,” said Kay.

Peggy thought she’d better make sure Governor Strieber didn’t get a look at her during this visit… she had enough problems right now without a desperate politician getting any leverage over her.  “Then we need to catch up with Steve,” she added.

“Steve?”  Dottie cocked her head and smiled.  “We’re taking Captain America with us?”

“It’s his friend we’re rescuing,” said Peggy.

“Well, if you’d told me that from the beginning, I might have agreed to help without all the threats!” said Dottie, delighted.  “He’s a dish, isn’t he?”

“So people say,” Peggy said.  People who’d never met Steve, and didn’t realize that he was so much more than that.  But she had another worry now, she realized… Dottie liked to know people’s weaknesses, and now she already knew what Peggy’s was.

#fanfic #captain america #agent carter #peggy carter #steve rogers #steggy #fix it fic

[adrunkgiraffe]

I have been through this journey before, so I get to be actually frustrated about it.

IUnder a read more because im not subjecting y’all to this. Also: I should caveat I haven’t watched the episode cause I’m waiting till its on Netflix but I have watched way too many other episodes of Supernatural so I have a right to say these things. 

TL;DR: I mean you all knew Cas’ confession was fucking bullshit and that SPN is...hm. But I’d like to actually express my genuine frustration, for a moment? I’m going to say things you already know, but I have too much knowledge of this show and too much stupid meta in my brain about a series I haven’t genuinely enjoyed for at least 5 years which makes this not just blandly bad but disgustingly insulting to me not even as a gay just as like. A writer?

Or, even shorter: Cas’ confession is just a Charlie Bradbury Speedrun 

So. As some of you may know if, for some reason, you followed me back in 2013 (and till...okay fine 2015), I used to be, uh. Really into SPN. Really, I was into Destiel. Like, as in, I slogged through seasons 1-3 to get to Cas and am also really vulnerable to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and projecting onto characters. (I was in 8th grade in 2013, okay? Get off my back)

Also, because I monopolised use of the TV, I kind of...also got my parents into it? In a “this is silly but fun” kind of way.

Over time, critiques of the show from viewers, learning what queerbaiting is at all, fatigue with how long it was going, and also fatigue from how characters I enjoyed, like Rufus, or Crowley, or Ellen, or Jo, or Kevin, or Charlie, or Cas a few times, kept getting killed off. As time went on, it didn’t escape my notice that, aside from Cas, all of these characters fit one or more of the following criteria:

They were a woman

They were a person of color

Were Queer or Queer-coded in some way (listen Crowley was bad rep but at least Mark Sheppard actually kissed a man on screen)

I also just...generally got tired of the way the show treats women and sidelines people of color. 

The final straw really came with Charlie’s death. It got us all excited, because she hadn’t been back in a bit! And it was interesting to see how reuniting with her dark side from Oz had changed her! (yeah remember the fucking Wizard of Oz storyline? The writers sure don’t!) And maybe she’d get developed! Because at this point, Charlie and the fairly good writing of her character was a major upside for the series! Charlie was cool, fun, gay, and morally complex in a way...none of the female characters had been before her, in large part because by definition, her relationship with the boys would always be platonic.

And then. Offscreen. She is violently murdered. For no damn good reason. Like, literally, her being brought back in this episode after fucking off to europe after having returned from fucking off to Oz seems to have filled two purposes in total. 

The codex is solved (but Sam doesn’t know till next episode)

Charlie is dead, which means Dean can be angry, specifically at Sam, and kill more people because he’s the big bad this season. 

That’s it. Two things. Twooooo whole reasons to do this episode. Whoopee. 

But you didn’t come here for this, you came here for me to rip this reveal to shreds. Don’t worry, I’ll get there. What I want in your minds is that Supernatural already had a really good anddynamic queer character. And then they killed her off to make Dean angry. No, it doesn’t matter that they brought her back in season 13 or whatever. They made that decision. 

After the rage this incited, I started realizing general flaws in the writing (I had probably already noticed them but now I was angry enough to complain.) Every conflict is born of Sam and Dean not communicating/taking on burdens and Dean being angry at Cas for reasons that ranged from good to ridiculous, but in a way that always went way too fucking long, (which...yes, does make the “you do it for love” gifs fucking hilarious). It didn’t help that seasons 11 and 12 were next, which meant Demon Dean and GOD’S FUCKING SISTER, plus the decision to resurrect Mary, which, while I do like her later scenes, as a season 12 finale it...well I’ll be honest it kinda sucked. It undercut the majority of the Winchester’s’ arcs and their slow and painful journey out of their father’s toxic vengeance quest and knowing Mary as a person when it’s too late to know her was one of the last semi-compelling grounders of the narrative. 

By this point it was a hate-watch for my parents and I.

So then, I’m at college, and I’m not watching anymore cause I don’t have the motivation or access to Hulu to continue, and SPN is bad. I watch the Scooby Doo crossover when it comes out and my friend and I make fun of it, and we also continue making jokes about Dean and Cas and queerbaiting because we’re queer, but I don’t keep up. My Dad does though, so when I return, I watch some with the fam and lads. It’s even more tiring without context. 

So flash forward to Quarantine, my sister, the only one with taste, has left, and we have run out of netflix to watch. So we return to the well, and seasons 13-14 are. I’m gonna say it. Bad. Really fucking bad. The cycle of bad communication continues, season 14 has like seven antagonists and the way it’s structured makes it so I literally cannot remember the timeline of a season I watched 3 months ago. Oh also, they have a queer coded cannibal snake monster for...well I guess Jack’s snake bud was cool but like. Huh wow it’s almost like these writers don’t handle queers well. 

Our one saving grace is Cas, but he’s barely in any episodes, though I did note that his deal with the empty, being happy completely for one moment killing him, that struck me as “this has potential and I know they’re gonna half-ass it somehow.” Also Jack and Mary, but then oh...plot….The most compelling it gets is literally the finale.

But then, 3 days later, the first half of season 15 comes out on Netflix and it’s...actually kind of acceptable. The new character they give Jack’s actor is fun to watch him play until they make him evil. Exploring just how toxic Chuck can be gave the series direction again. The alternate future was genuinely scarring, and Eileen’s return was genuinely moving. Most of all, though, Cas got the opportunity to tell Dean no, that Dean was being unfair to him, had always been unfair to him, and he was sick of it. I had no illusions, I knew Destiel was never gonna happen, and Cas was gonna die, but giving him that bit of agency, letting Cas grow and be self-sufficient, and be angry with Dean not for existential reasons but interpersonal ones, was such a good sign for me, and Dean grew too! Dean fucking apologized for being horrible and Jensen Ackles had a...yknow what, ill give it to him, he had a good acting moment. 

But the thing. About. The “I love you.” 

Let’s take it in parts.

What was good: I’m gonna admit it, lads, “Wanting what I can’t have” - AS A LINE - is good, and, structurally, there is something to the Empty Deal that could have been an interesting aspect of Cas’ arc when it comes to self actualization and being on even footing with Dean. The problem is, this is Supernatural, and that arc only comes up when I bring it up because character study, even in bad media, is fun for me. 

What was bad:

I mean. Like. All of it? All of it. 

Okay. Fine. I’ll be specific. 

Cas dies immediately when - possibly because- he is revealed as having feelings for Dean. They kill him as they queer him, that’s a Bury Your Gays Speedrun right there.

Like the least they could have done is have him mention it to someone in another scene or something to establish some romantic feelings on the part of canon a full episode beforehand. That would have been the literal bare minimum. 

When Cas starts praising Dean, for some reason both the writing and Misha’s acting take a bit of a downswing (from...where it already was). Cas, whose most powerful moment this season was acknowledging that Dean’s anger at him is cruel and unfair, flatly praises him for doing everything out of love and it reads with a misunderstanding of both Dean as a character and Cas’ understanding of Dean. Dean is angry! VERY ANGRY! And it’s a problem he needs to work on and rarely does. 

Talking out of my ass, a better speech would have been about how Dean is angry because of his love for Sam, family, and the people around him, how, for better or for worse, he can’t help but be angry on behalf of others, and that his journey of moving that tendency towards the better is what made Cas care so much. Guys this alteration to the metaphor took 2 minutes to write tops I am an Art History student and these are TV WRITERS WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CAN YOU TELL THEYRE NOT TRYING YET? 

A better speech would, of course, have come out of a better series. My point: this part was half-assed. Poorly written. Wow it’s almost like the series is also poorly written. 

 Also, Misha is the better actor of the three(***OF THE THREE), but his choices in that scene are jarringly out of character which. Makes the bad writing worse. It doesn’t help that they cut to the same fucking shot of Dean 3 times. The chemistry in that scene makes it feel so fucking hackneyed. Because it is. 

This combines lead me to the point: (wait there was a point to this?)

As someone who does not have the luxury of watching this capsized ship fall into boiling seas from a distance, it is less insulting to me that they did this so last minute and then sent Cas to the Void than it is how they did it. They had ingredients for something that could have been compelling enough to me as a former fan of the show to think that they had put effort into it, that they had decided months, perhaps even years ago to do this, and had crafted a storyline around it. That this was an intentional decision they cared about. It wasn’t. It was barely even pandering, because it’s almost insultingly blatant. 

SPN kinda proved to me that it didn’t care about queers when Charlie was killed off. It proved it to me again when Cas, not only died in confessing his love for Dean but did it in the weakest result of what could have been a surprisingly strong story.

#destiel #i don't fucking care im tagging it #bury your gays #queerbaiting #homophobia #also: i should say there are a lot of moments where i refer to aspects of the writing as good #this either means i was 14 when I watched it #or #it's something that i find compelling #that #IN ANOTHER SHOW #OR IN A HYPOTHETICAL WHERE THE WRITING ISNT LADEN WITH HOMOPHOBIA #could be fun to explore #like there are these structural motifs #and themes #which could have made the show good #could have made that confession...passable #but they didn't even write it well by supernatural standards #is my point #My other point is i get to actually be mad about this because I actually watched and put emotional energy towards this show #i shouldnt have but i did #so now I get to write about it #and if you reply we been knew to this post #youre correct #but also #wow do you maybe think I was already aware of that?

[proteusspade]

On the debacle with Fallout 76

 I feel like the debacle with Fallout 76 has become a testing grounds for a lot of the dominating theories and myths about video games and video game consumers in general, as well as more specifically about Bethesda studios and Bethesda gamers. I apologize for the LONG post ahead, but there’s a lot to unpack here and I want to make sure everyone’s on the same page before I try and make any big points. For those not in the know, I will attempt to summarize: - Bethesda released Fallout 76, a multiplayer installment in the Fallout franchise, with a set release date of November 14, 2018.  - The game was announced with the marketing that it would be playable and enjoyable as singleplayer, that every person you ran into would be a real person, that it was a new Fallout experience, that its graphics would improve upon Fallout 4′s graphics by 16 times, and notably, one collector’s edition which cost $200 was marketed as coming with a wearable helmet and a canvas bag.

The beta was shaky and riddled with bugs, and upon release, the game itself was still pretty much broken -- far moreso than other Bethesda titles, and this coming from a company where the running joke since Oblivion has been that the bugs are so prevalent that they are a feature, not a flaw. An enormous patch was released shortly after launch, which was larger in size than the game itself, and which not only didn’t fix almost any of the bugs, but created hundreds *more* bugs, as if they didn’t playtest the patch at all.  For players like me who can go a surprisingly long time in a Bethesda game without seeing any bugs at all, I will note that these bugs include: - T-posing enemies which either spontaneously assume their correct animations only when you get close, or never do, or which teleport suddenly into you to try and display their attack animations - Horrendous enemy A.I. where a lot of them will just stand in one place looping an animation - Enemies spawning out of thin air directly in front of you due to slow loading - A bug where enemies spontaneously heal the exact amount of damage you deal to them, making them invincible - Falling through the ground out of nowhere - Clipping through and getting caught in the world - Frequent server crashes, often due to in-game happenings (the game eventually gives you access to nuclear bombs, but the same bombs can crash the server if you drop them) - Frequent disconnects - Frequent game crashes (with no ‘save game’ function) - Body horror bugs like the Wendigo Bug which have been present since Fallout 4 and haven’t been fixed by Bethesda yet, even though modders were able to fix them weeks after Fallout 4 came out. Three years ago.  Moreover, the game directly ported over most of its visual assets from Fallout 4. Most of the landscape elements come from Fallout 4, almost all of the weapons come from Fallout 4, almost all of the outfits and armors come from Fallout 4, most of the monsters come from Fallout 4, the physics and gunplay is directly ported over (minus the ability to pause the game to open your inventory, of course, and minus the time-slowing aspect of V.A.T.S, which makes V.A.T.S almost completely useless), the character creation is ported over, the loot is ported over, the base-building system and all of its assets (walls, floors, anything you’d use to build a base) are ported over. Basically, other than trees and certain monsters unique to West Virginia, you’ll have a hard time spotting content which isn’t directly ported over from Fallout 4, often without palette swaps. Is the promise of better graphics fulfilled?  Well, the lighting is significantly improved, and even very pretty and atmospheric -- though occasionally light will shine through solid far-away objects, like mountains. Modders had done this almost immediately with Fallout 4, too, though, so it’s not really a huge achievement. And the landscape is much more colourful than in any other Fallout game, which is admittedly a nice change of pace, even though it makes no goddamn sense why the trees would survive while everything else dies around them. But other than those two elements... yeah, it just looks like Fallout 4, but usually doesn’t render as well due to being on a multiplayer server and due to the graphical glitches. How about the promise that every person you run into is a real person? Well, that was true all right, but how anyone thought that was a good idea is beyond me. It’s one of those things that sounds really cool and innovative until you think about it for literally any length of time at all. Why would that be a good thing? Unless you have quite a lot of friends who you’ve somehow got onto the same server (which, by the way, I don’t think has much functionality in Fallout 76), you’re not going to be very interested in those people, and you have no reason to be. They’re just big lumps of immersion-breaking, as I seriously doubt many people are going onto the game to vocally roleplay their way through the game experience.  Moreover, this means no NPCs besides monsters and robots. No quests from anyone but robots and holotapes. Now, I like holotapes. I’m one of those unbearable players who listens to every holotape and reads every computer terminal. My favourite part of Fallout games is usually finding out the big stories behind Vaults or unusual locations. But when you are doing this quest for someone you will never meet, and have complete certainty of this fact, the reason to do quests in the first place starts to ebb away. You just get holotapes or robots telling you to go to a place, kill something there, rinse, repeat. That’s the entire game. Nothing is achieved; everyone who recorded those holotapes is dead, or a monster now. You’re not doing anyone any favours. There’s no one to help, there’s no one to hate, there’s just you (and whatever people you’re playing with, who, again, aren’t really part of the story as multiplayer gamers don’t typically roleplay). The main quest of the game revolves around trying to find the previous Overseer of the vault. There’s zero suspense, interest or urgency, because as a player, you know with complete certainty going in that if you find her, she’ll be dead or a monster. When you remove the NPCs, you remove all our reasons to care about quests. You also remove all interactions in the game besides “kill thing, loot thing, make stuff with loot”. And killing monsters with such laughable AI and glitches, AI designed for Fallout 4 where V.A.T.S could pause the game and dropped into a game where it doesn’t, isn’t nearly enjoyable enough to make that game loop anything but ghastly. How ANYONE thought this was a good idea is beyond me, and I’m pretty sure at this point that they didn’t do it because they thought it was a good idea, they did it because having NPCs function like they would in a singleplayer game, while in a multiplayer server, is an incredibly daunting task. When literally no one asked for the game to be multiplayer in the first place, but hey. Is the game fun to play alone? Not from literally anyone I know who has, no, and this is due to the above factors. Is the game, as the marketing said, more fun to play with your friends? Well, yes, but the same could be said of cleaning out a moldy garage alone versus with friends. Being with friends makes anything more enjoyable. The game does not cease to have all its serious underlying problems when you play with friends, you just have someone to commiserate with and witness this bullshit with you. Is this a new Fallout experience? Not really. It’s Fallout 4 with a prettier landscape, story constrained to holotapes and therefore constrained to the past (and not the present the player is actually playing in!), and it’s arguably not even a Fallout experience at all. It wears a Fallout skin but the core roleplaying, choice, and narrative features of the game are gone, and all that’s left is a world that’s much bigger, but where all the new space is pretty much empty anyhow.  Oh, and the canvas bags for the collector’s edition were cheap vinyl when people got them, Bethesda just went “yeah canvas was too expensive lol, u can have five dollars’ worth of the game’s microtransaction money for free tho if you want, just file a complaint”. The amount of the microtransaction digital money wouldn’t even buy a virtual canvas bag, mind. Then someone threatened a lawsuit, and it looks like people are going to get their actual canvas bags. But they still need to file a complaint, and WHOOPS! They accidentally doxxed everyone who filed a complaint, to some other people who filed a complaint! The absolute cherry on top. (Yes, it really was an accident, it’s even stupider than it sounds.) So what can we take away from all this? Well, I wouldn’t take away much hope for Fallout 76 as a game, for one. It’s a dumpster fire, and they keep pouring gasoline onto it. But the game has scored abysmally low basically everywhere. People have noticed, and they’re not pleased. The game’s price has dropped 30%, and that’s in the first couple weeks after launching, which is completely unheard of for a AAA game. Returns are going wild. Youtube is FULL of videos taking Fallout 76 to town. So clearly, gamers won’t lap up whatever you give them just because it’s a sequel to something they love. The sunk cost fallacy hasn’t run that deep, and people are suddenly extremely skeptical of whatever Bethesda releases next -- which at this rate, is going to be either The Elder Scrolls: Blades, or their new sci-fi game, followed by The Elder Scrolls VII (title as yet unannounced).  I would also suggest that studios may finally have been given a good indication that clumsily slapping multiplayer on something that had success as single-player isn’t the greatest idea. This is a lesson that probably should have been learned years ago, but better late than never.  I would also hope that game studios, Bethesda especially, develop a touch more respect for their fanbase and realize that player bases can be lost. Bethesda has relied upon their fanbase to mod away their bugs, laziness, and incomplete content hampered by release dates for many years now, but faced with a multiplayer game with no mod support, they are put in a position where they have to realize how heavily they’ve been leaning on those mods. But there’s another part of the story that isn’t being covered so much -- one which challenges the assumptions which has led Bethesda and the players to such a disaster in the first place. Red Dead Redemption 2 has been in the makings for a long time now, but was released something like a year late in comparison to its originally announced release date. The new Kingdom Hearts has been repeatedly delayed. I’d expect the fans would have reacted with nothing but outrage! But they ... haven’t, for the most part. There’s been some frustration and groaning, especially with people who have pre-ordered the games, but for the most part, the fans have been pretty understanding. It turns out they’d rather have a game come out finished than come out on time.  That seems simple, and even obvious, but for close to twenty years, it has been the prevailing logic that for a game to sell well, it has to come out at a pre-defined and specific date, and if it isn’t done, that’s just how the process of making games work, and we’ll fix it in bug patches, or wait for mods to fix it. This is such an assumed phenomenon that it shows up repeatedly in Extra Credits, a show which talks in great detail about the production of video games, and I’d be hard-pressed to name a game that I own or play which doesn’t have unfinished content, even if it’s fairly bug-free. But here we are, Red Dead 2 is out, and it’s a roaring success, despite considerable delays. The conventional wisdom is simply wrong. And it gets even better. This is the trailer for The Outer Worlds, a game made by Obsidian. I urge you to watch it. First of all, the game looks good. The graphics are good, the human characters are expressive and dynamic while still looking realistic. The backgrounds are great. The humour is great. The world-building, what we see of it, looks very promising. And oh my god, the shade they throw at Bethesda is gorgeous. Not only does Obsidian highlight themselves as the creators of Fallout and Fallout: New Vegas -- that is, the two most-loved Fallout games -- they play with the concept of a cryogenically frozen player character (possibly lampshading the use of the same concept in Fallout 4), and they point out that player choice isn’t just about a binary “who do you shoot” moment -- another moment from Fallout 4, and one of the few real choices you get to make in that game -- and implies that variety of choice, including non-combat choice, is going to be a Thing in this game. Look at the comments section for that video. You will see hundreds, nay, THOUSANDS of comments praising the trailer, talking about the shade it casts on Bethesda, making New Vegas meme jokes, praising the music, lauding the humour, wondering about the characters it shows us. You know what I didn’t see? Even one single, solitary comment complaining that there’s no definite release date shown anywhere in that trailer. Seriously, watch it again. It doesn’t say exactly when it’s coming out. Just 2019. No month. No date. Just sometime next year. You know... when it’s done. What you might not have known was that The Outer Worlds was originally estimated to come out this year. You didn’t know that because they didn’t release the trailer until just recently -- when they were far enough in production to produce such a great trailer, for one, but also once they were far enough to be certain they would be finished with production within a year.  No one cares when it’s coming. They care that it looks like a good game with so much original effort put into it. That’s what matters. And maybe if the game studios can realize this, we’ll finally see an end to the exploitative bullshit that happens -- exploitative of not just the gamers, but of the thousands of overworked employees it takes to make a AAA video game -- in the service of an absolute deadline above the game itself. God, now that’s a thought. So don’t be discouraged by the failure of Fallout 76. There’s way better on the horizon. The myths that studios need a firm deadline to put out a good game, the myths that players in some way demand a firm deadline, the myth that players will sit there and take any level of bullshit, they’re all being thoroughly, publicly debunked. Feels good, man. Feels good.

#fallout #fallout 76 #the outer worlds #outer worlds #red dead redemption 2 #gaming #release date #rpg #western rpg

[zmediaoutlet]

let your heart be light

I was asked to write a coda for my J2 college AU and I thought, well, why not. Have a seasonal little slice of life, a few years after. Merry Christmas, friends.

(read on AO3)

They have to leave for the party in an hour. Jared took a shower earlier, when he got home from the office, and he’s in jeans and his ratty old UT hoodie and fuzzy socks, idly watching the Bulls struggle to keep up with the 76ers. Jensen, unsurprisingly, is freaking out.

“What could you possibly be doing in there?” he calls.

There’s a clatter of something in the bathroom. “I don’t want to hear it,” Jensen says back, in his ‘stern teacher’ voice, and Jared rolls his eyes. It’s snowing again, outside the window, and Jared leans back against the stack of pillows on their bed, watches it fall. Two years out of Texas and he still can’t get over it. Snow at Christmas. Practically a miracle.

Jensen’s talking to himself in the bathroom, nothing Jared can actually hear but it’s got that sharp quality of a bad day boiling over. Jared sighs, stretches his legs out and crosses them at the ankles. “How’d your students do on their final?” he says.

“Christ, don’t get me started.”

“That bad, huh?” The Sixers draw another foul and he watches them all square up for the free throws. He wishes he had a beer, but they’ve both been too busy to shop for the past few days. “Is this the behavioral class, or the principles kids?”

“Karla hasn’t finished grading the behavioral exams—it’s the principles class that sucks. Of course, it always is.” Jensen comes out of the bathroom, then, just a towel around his waist, and heads over to the big dresser they share to rifle through for underwear or pants or something, who knows. Jared watches his back move, the game completely forgotten. This is a much better show. “I had this girl email me, asking me to please give her a C, because—I don’t even remember, but I looked up her class score and she earned a 42. I don’t get why these kids think they’re gonna be econ majors when they can’t pass the first class.”

“It’s a mystery,” Jared agrees, calmly. Not the first time he’s heard this one. Jensen slants a glance over his shoulder, and Jared shrugs, all innocence, and Jensen rolls his eyes and grabs whatever he was grabbing, goes back into the bathroom.

Halftime on the game and Jared girds himself, heaves off the bed. His hair—well, it looks how it always looks. He pulls on the nice jeans, the ones Jensen got him for Christmas last year, and a dark soft sweater, good belt, dress boots that Leila from the department complimented him on at the new faculty welcome dinner they’d gone to, when they first arrived. “Hey,” he says, zipping them up, “didn’t you say Leila’s pregnant, again? Do they know yet if it’s a girl or a boy?”

“Girl,” Jensen says. When Jared goes into the bathroom Jensen’s frowning at his hair in the mirror, a navy blue button-down hanging open over his pale chest. Jared finds his cologne in the drawer on his side of the sink, watches Jensen fuss. When it’s summer they need to get home to Texas, get a tan back on that skin. He misses the shoulder freckles. Jensen lets out a short frustrated breath and apparently gives up, though his hair looks fine to Jared. “They should name the baby Thank God for the Delay on My Tenure Clock Abramovitz.”

“I don’t think that’ll fit on the birth certificate,” Jared says, and Jensen snorts, leaning in close to the mirror to look at some imaginary spot. His face is still set into grim lines, though, not really laughing, and Jared knows that Jensen actually does like Leila but you couldn’t tell from how he’s acting.

Back in the bedroom, Jared flicks through some playlists on his phone and then sets it in the stereo cradle, presses play. Jensen vocally hates bright poppy Christmas music, and Jared calls him a Grinch for it but secretly agrees. They compromise on this: the hymns they grew up with done in soft instrumentals, cello and piano and harp. No singing, but Jared can hear the words in his head anyway, and he turns the volume up just enough that Jensen should be able to hear it in the bathroom. He goes and leans against the big window, watches the snow fall. His shoulders are starting to feel tight, and he closes his eyes.

“Damn it,” he hears, sharp. Jensen’s nervous for no reason. His colleagues are relatively easy to get along with and this is just a party at the chair’s house, same as last year. Just one difference.

“Do you not want me to come?” Jared says.

There’s a thump, behind him. “No—what?”

Jared takes a deep breath and turns around, sits down on the window seat. Jensen’s dressed, now, neat pressed slacks and the argyle sweater Jared makes fun of pulled over the top of his button-down, his hair perfectly mussed, his eyes startled. “I don’t need to go,” Jared says. “If it’ll be easier for you.”

“What are you—” Jensen starts, shaking his head, and then his expression clears. “Oh—god, are you talking about Walker?”

The particularly crotchety, unfortunately tenured prick who made what Jensen referred to as a comment after the welcome dinner, but Jensen refused to elaborate on what exactly he said. Jared couldn’t make it to last year’s party, since his own at the firm was the same night and he couldn’t miss a major social event in his first year. This is the first time since then he’s coming to a department event, as Jensen’s giant obviously male date. “I’m not trying to be an equality activist here,” Jared says, shrugging. Jensen frowns. “If it’s too much, if you don’t want to be obvious at work, I’m okay with that. If that’s why you’re—”

He waves a hand vaguely, and Jensen’s frown just deepens. “I’m being a prick, is what you’re saying, and you’re trying to give me an out?”

Jared shrugs, jaw set. “Being kind of a bitch, is actually what I’d say.”

He hadn’t quite realized that he was this irritated. The current song ends and his phone starts playing a soft version of I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and Jensen rolls his eyes but also walks straight across the rug in his socked feet and goes to his knees between Jared’s spread legs. Jared blinks, but Jensen only lays his hands on Jared’s knees, slides his hands up to his hips, his elbows resting easy on the tops of Jared’s thighs. When he finally looks up and meets Jared’s eyes, he looks chagrined. “I want you to know something,” he says.

“What,” Jared says. It’s a struggle to be irritated with Jensen in this position—he’s got too many good memories associated with it. Pavlov’s domestic partner.

Jensen squeezes his hips through the layer of his jeans, his tucked-in sweater. “If I ever let my behavior be affected by fucking Walker,” he says, “I have had my brain dissolved by undergraduates and you should just put me out of my misery.” Jared huffs, and Jensen’s eyes crinkle just a bit at the corners. “I’m serious. You know, it’ll have been a good run, but—sunk cost fallacy. It’s not worth going on if I ever actually start paying attention to Captain Homophobe, we’ll just have to cut our losses.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jared says, making his voice serious, and Jensen smiles at him, even though it’s small. Captain Homophobe, he thinks, and tucks that away. It’s the most he’s gotten out of Jensen since the comment and he wants to ask what that means, but he knows he won’t get an answer. Maybe he can find some way to unobtrusively break Walker’s wrist if they have to shake hands at the party. He leans back against the big poofy pillow in the window seat and Jensen pulls back a little, folds his arms over Jared’s thighs. “So. What’s the deal.”

“It’s—” Jensen shakes his head, drops his eyes so he’s looking through Jared’s stomach. He licks his lips. “Nothing. I mean, not one thing. I’ve got that paper to finish with Traeger, and students are annoying, and Karla is a sweet TA but her paper proposal sucks and I don’t know how to help her fix it without just giving her an idea, and it’s Christmas in like ten days and I still don’t have anything for your dad that will magically make him like me, and I can’t crap out a baby to push my tenure clock back and I’m worried I won’t get anything significant published in the next three years and then, god, who knows what.”

Jared wraps a hand around Jensen’s where it’s fisted against his thigh, and Jensen glances up at him, shakes his head again. “I’m just—bitching,” he says, and pinches Jared’s thigh, and Jared obligingly says ow. Jensen smiles, and leans down to kiss the spot he pinched, a little warm press through Jared’s jeans. “Honest. That’s what I mean. It’s not—anything, really. Just a shitty day, and I’m stressed, and I’m taking it out on you, and now I’m going to make you go to my stupid work party with me, and I feel like an asshole.”

“They’ll probably have wine?” Jared tries.

“I’d rather have about a twelve-pack of Shiner right now,” Jensen says, but he’s watching Jared’s face. After a long moment, the stereo pulsing out a slow jazzy version of the chestnuts roasting song, he sits further back on his heels, puts his hands back on Jared’s knees. “Okay?”

It’s a more serious question than it should be. A little lump rises in Jared’s throat, but he swallows it away. “Yeah,” he says, and takes Jensen’s hands in both of his, helps pull him to his feet and then lifts him by the waist, tugs him in quick with a startled oof and gets a lapful of—boyfriend, for lack of a better word, but that doesn’t seem sufficient. Jensen clings to him for a second, startled, and then wriggles his weight into a more comfortable position. Jared hooks his hands behind the small of his back so he doesn’t overbalance and Jensen leans into it, makes enough space between them that he can look down into Jared’s face.

He’s so beautiful. Jared doesn’t say that out loud, much, not least because it makes Jensen flush and then hit him, but it’s true. Almost five years together and he’s still amazed, sometimes. Jensen left his top button undone and Jared carefully brings a hand up, parts the shirt more so he can see the soft hollow of his throat. Leans in and kisses there, and feels Jensen’s heart beat solid and steady under his skin.

A hand cards through his hair, soothing. “I was thinking,” Jensen says, and Jared lays his forehead against his collarbone, hums in response. Jensen’s fingers work against his scalp, long dragging pulls, and it’s draining the tension out of his shoulders. “Maybe, when I get back from the conference in January, we could look into getting a dog.”

Jared pulls back. Jensen lets him, but he keeps his hand in Jared’s hair. “But—” he says, and shakes his head. “We talked, about—how it wasn’t fair, in the apartment, and you had that whole speech about picking up dog shit in the snow.”

“I still think it sounds like hell, yes,” Jensen says. He tucks Jared’s hair behind his ear, drags his thumb over his fresh-shaven jaw. “But then I thought, well. I can deal with hell. And I thought, hey. It’d make you happy.” He shrugs, thumb still moving idly against Jared’s jaw. “Seems like as good a reason as any.”

Jared covers Jensen’s hand, turns his head and presses a kiss into the palm. “Jen,” he says, kind of helpless. “You—really? You’ve been thinking about this?”

“That weird-shaped present under the tree is a leash,” Jensen says, smiling down at him. “So you can stop making filthy guesses about harnesses or whatever, freak.”

“That totally won’t stop the filthy guesses,” Jared promises, and then leans up and kisses him, for real, sliding both hands up his back to keep him in place. Jensen’s mouth parts all startled under his, but he’s as sweet as ever, plush mouth and tender lips, mint on his tongue. Jensen fists both hands into his hair and holds on, lets Jared control the kiss, and Jared wishes very much, just now, that they didn’t have a work function to get to. When he finally pulls back, Jensen’s mouth is a pretty damp red, his cheeks flushed. He runs a thumb over the lovely swell of Jensen’s bottom lip, takes a deep breath. “When we get home,” he says, flicking his eyes up to Jensen’s. “I’m going to lay you out and show you how thankful I am for my present.”

He’s half-hard just imagining it—the snow outside and the two of them warm together, and the half-light from their lamps, Jensen’s skin creamy pale against their dark blue sheets. He’s going to take his time, like they haven’t been able to for weeks and weeks.

Jensen’s eyes are dark, and he kisses the pad of Jared’s thumb—but then he climbs backward off his lap, takes a visible deep breath and glances at his watch. “I’ll hold you to that,” he says, and he’s so flushed and perfect that Jared surges to his feet and kisses him one more time, leaning down and cupping his face between his palms.

The snow’s not too deep, but it’s still freezing, and Jensen tugs on his boots while Jared grabs their coats and scarves. Jensen’s phone beeps just as Jared’s putting on his gloves and that means the cab’s waiting downstairs, and they’re almost out the door when Jared realizes what he’s hearing. “Shit, hang on,” he says, and trots back through the apartment to the bedroom where his phone’s still pumping out music—Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, now, cut off in the middle when he yanks the phone out of the holder and shoves it in his pocket. Jensen’s already called the elevator, and so it’s only a few seconds for Jared to lock the door and then they’re in the car by themselves, sliding down to the snowy Chicago street outside. Jared watches the numbers tick down, like he always does, and so it’s a surprise when Jensen’s gloved hand finds his and squeezes it, briefly. Jensen’s not the hand-holding type.

When he looks over, Jensen’s still just a bit flushed, or maybe he’s flushed for some other reason. He takes his hand away and shoves it into his coat pocket. “Love you,” he says, watching the falling numbers on the display.

Jared looks at his profile for a second, traces the perfect lines of it, and then leans over and kisses his temple, soft, just once. “How much trouble do you think I’d be in if I poured snow down Walker’s pants?” he says, and grins when Jensen lets out a bright startled laugh. “Tis the season, right? Snowball fight at the faculty party?”

“I will actually kill you dead,” Jensen says, smiling, and when the doors open Jared lets Jensen push him out into the lobby but then hooks an arm over his shoulders, tugs him in close, and keeps him tucked there, warm, as they walk together out into the snowy night.

#j2 au fic #baronsamediswife #marrieddorks #wetsammywinchester #my writing #this is a 'christmas fic' #about the same way that the original is a 'college fic' #which is to say--only tangentially #but i still like these two #the way they refuse to be tropey #and also think each other is just the best #<3 #merry merry

[turtle-paced]

I was trying to explain to a friend why I like Jon in the books, but not the show. However, I had a hard time putting my thoughts into words. How do you think the show has changed jon from the books?

In three key ways that will force me to insert a cut for length.

First, and at this point in the show’s run most obviously, book!Jon is a smart guy.

Almost the first thing Jon Snow had done as Lord Commanderwas institute daily archery drill for the entire garrison, even stewards and cooks. The Watch hadbeen placing too much emphasis on the sword and too little on the bow, he had said, a relic of thedays when one brother in every ten had been a knight, instead of one in every hundred.

- Samwell I, AFFC

The Night’s Watch takes no part, avoice said, but another replied, Stannis fights for the realm, theironmen for thralls and plunder.

- Jon IV, ADWD

I see that one called a mistake a fair bit. Jon is inclined to support Stannis for personal reasons, and Jon’s lack of transparency is a real problem. We see here, though, that Jon’s got an appreciation for the reality that the Watch can’t stay out of the realm’s politics in these circumstances, and that everyone’s better served with Stannis ruling from Winterfell rather than the Ironborn or the Boltons.

Glass, Jon mused, might be of use here. Castle Black needs itsown glass gardens, like the ones at Winterfell. We could growvegetables even in the deep of winter.

- Jon VII, ADWD

The Lord Steward glanced back. “Women too? Our brothersare not accustomed to having women amongst them, my lord. Theirvows … there will be fights, rapes …”

“These women have knives and know how to use them.”

“And the first time one of these spearwives slits the throat ofone of our brothers, what then?”

“We will have lost a man,” said Jon, “but we have just gainedsixty-three. You’re good at counting, my lord. Correct me if I’mwrong, but my reckoning leaves us sixty-two ahead.”

- Jon V, ADWD

“Might I ask about these corpses in the ice cells? They make the menuneasy. And to keep them under guard? Surely that is a waste of twogood men, unless you fear that they …”

“… will rise? I pray they do.”

[…]

“Can they talk?” asked Jon Snow. “I think not, but I cannotclaim to know. Monsters they may be, but they were men before theydied. How much remains? The one I slew was intent on killing LordCommander Mormont. Plainly it remembered who he was and where to find him.” Maester Aemon would have grasped his purpose, Jon didnot doubt; Sam Tarly would have been terrified, but he would haveunderstood as well. “My lord father used to tell me that a man mustknow his enemies. We understand little of the wights and less aboutthe Others. We need to learn.”

- Jon VIII, ADWD

And, most importantly of all,

“I know what I swore.” Jon said the words. “I am the sword inthe darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burnsagainst the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakesthe sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. Were those thesame words you said when you took your vows?” 

“They were. As the lord commander knows.” 

“Are you certain that I have not forgotten some? The onesabout the king and his laws, and how we must defend every foot of hisland and cling to each ruined castle? How does that part go?” Jonwaited for an answer. None came. “I am the shield that guards therealms of men. Those are the words.So tell me, my lord— what arethese wildlings, if not men?”

- Jon XI, ADWD

That last one’s worth the long quote because this is what Jon’s been after all of ADWD - a fundamental overhaul of the Watch’s purpose. He’s not there to guard the realm or the North or even the Wall. He’s there to guard humanity itself. A good chunk of Jon’s big political mistakes lie in not slowing down and explaining what he’s doing to the people who aren’t keeping up with his thinking - who aren’t able to keep up. He’s genuinely one of the series’ most radical thinkers, eyes firmly on the big picture and the long term.

In the show, a lot of these ideas weren’t adapted, and most of the rest were put in Sam’s mouth.

Second, despite his introversion and somewhat standoffish demeanour, Jon Snow is an extremely caring and loving individual. It’s everywhere in his narration. He loves his dad. He loves his brothers. He loves his sisters. He loves his uncle. He loves Sam. He loves Ygritte. He cares about his peers and his mentors and the Free Folk he travelled with. He cares about people in the abstract.

This is the other big source of Jon’s political problems, actually. He cares for the lives at risk at Hardhome, and arranges a textbook lesson in the Sunk Costs Fallacy to try and save them. He cares about Arya, and, well, we see how that turns out for him. The caring isn’t bad, mind you, but how he handles it is suboptimal to say the least.

Oddly enough, we’ve started to see that demonstrated beyond his affection for Sam in recent seasons - in Jon’s interactions with Tormund, Dolorous Edd, and Sansa - but usually Jon’s love and care is only demonstrated to the few characters in front of him, at dramatically appropriate moments. This is as opposed to book!Jon who walks through a random part of forest and thinks “Arya would love this I miss my whole family so much.”

This also extends to Jon’s recurring problems with his temper. Jon gets angry over slights to Ned, to Ygritte, and over his bastardy, because they matter to him. Should he fly off the handle as he does? No, but the fact that he gets angry shows the reader how deeply he cares about these people and issues. Show!Jon rarely gets angry or bitter over his bastardy - a bit pouty from time to time, but since season one, nothing remotely like the fit of rage that forced people to pull him off his sparring partner. (Jon XII, ASoS)

Third, where Jon fits in the series’ deconstruction of fantasy tropes. Book!Jon is one of GRRM’s deconstructions of a classic fantasy protagonist. If there’s a single character who embodies the critique encapsulated in GRRM’s “What was Aragorn’s tax policy?” line, it’s Jon Snow.

Season one does a pretty good job of depicting the first crucial step in Jon’s character development - shaking him out of the better part of his entitlement issues, culminating in Jon riding off to go be a tragically misunderstood anti-hero only to be dragged back to the Watch, and then given a talking to by Jeor Mormont. What’s telling are the lines from Mormont the show didn’t adapt:

“Your brother is in the field with all the power of the north behind him. Any one of hislords bannermen commands more swords than you’ll find in all the Night’s Watch. Why do youimagine that they need your help? Are you such a mighty warrior, or do you carry a grumkin inyour pocket to magic up your sword?”

- Jon VIII, AGoT

This is a blunt statement of where book!Jon’s character development will not and should not go. That’s how we got to the Jon Snow capable of seeing those big necessary changes I outlined first. Seasons four and five gave hints of this in places, with Jon talking in front of tribunals, arguing about policy, and making decisions about Stannis, and since “Hardhome”, the writers have thrown it out almost entirely. What Jon accomplishes in the show, he’s been accomplishing by the sword. And because he’s been such a mighty warrior, in the individual sense rather than a command sense, he’s been rewarded with kingship.

It’s exactly what GRRM was trying to say shouldn’t happen with this character archetype.

In sum, show!Jon isn’t as smart as book!Jon, he isn’t as kind as book!Jon, and he’s a trope played straight in a series that’s supposed to be deconstructing that trope.

#ASoIaF #anti got #jon snow #a game of thrones #a storm of swords #a dance with dragons #season one #season four #season five #season six #season seven #asks

[sjphotosphere]

(Should Your Child Become A Doctor?) [Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from a Northern California cardiologist who blogs about parenting and personal finance at DadsDollarsDebts.com. This is a great post that explores where medicine and parenting collide. We have no financial relationship. Enjoy!] Raising kids is tough but rewarding work. It is honestly the hardest thing I have done. Harder than being on call. Worse than telling a loved one that their family member has died unexpectedly. Definitely worse than dealing with my dislike of confrontation. [Wait, isn’t that the definition of parenting?-ed] Still it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Watching all of those synapses connect and all of the experimentation that goes on in my little ones head. It is quite incredible. As I am raising mini me my biggest thoughts are about how to not screw this up–how to raise a productive member of society instead of a serial killer. Parents and Kids DDD and Mini-DDD It seems that all of our interactions, starting at a very young age shape who we are. Parents are kids biggest influencers. From the time we are 1 day old, we are watching the actions of our parents, learning from their communication styles, and figuring out how important relationships work. We have to watch what we do and say in front of our kids, even when they can’t communicate. For example, Mrs. DDD and I have a pretty solid relationship. It is rare to get in a dispute, but like all relationships it happens occasionally. A few months back, we had a slightly heated conversation in front of our then 18 month old boy. He quickly changed his smiling face and started crying. It was obvious to Mrs. DDD and me that we had screwed up. We quickly changed our tune. That memory sticks in my head going forward every day. How quickly my son absorbed that feeling of conflict and emotionally reacted to it! Now I continue to try and be positive with him about all my daily interactions, including doctoring. Role Modeling Interactions and role modeling also are true for careers. When someone asks me why I became a doctor, I really don’t have a cool answer like “I wanted to help people” or “I really loved science”. Don’t get me wrong, I like helping people. This is a very rewarding job and there are days where I really feel like I have made a difference. There are days too, where I just feel like a customer service rep at your local chain store. With patient satisfaction forms and checkboxes that need to be clicked, it is hard not to get disheartened at times. So why did I become a doctor? Role modeling. My father is a physician and his grandfather was a physician before him. So I became a physician. I really never gave it any thought. It was just what I was going to do. It was expected. I assume that’s why firefighter and policeman families exist. One person does it and the rest follow suit. So I wonder if my kid will want to become a doctor, and if so should I dissuade him? This is a tough topic. When I poll my colleagues, most say they would not want their kids in medicine. We all understand how fortunate we are to be in a high paying job where we are actually helping people. For the most part we are all our own bosses (yes, even the employed physicians maintain some degree of autonomy). I am also in the camp that I hope my son does not choose a career in medicine. It seems sad to say so. I, however, will never tell him this and will try to model the positives in our fields. [Ha ha, wait until he reads this as PGY2!-ed] So how can I go forward and raise a kid who wants to do something else? Supporting Interests My plan is to be supportive of all of my kid’s interests and talents. I say interests AND talents because he may have interest and want to pursue basketball. If he is anything like me, he will lack the LeBron genes and talents. Sorry kid, you will have to go to college! As he grows and his interests change, we will support those too. Hopefully over time he will find what he is interested in and devote a lot of time to it (10,000 hours anyone?) Become talented. Make a living. This is much like the boy who built a nuclear reactor in high school, Taylor Wilson. I will try to not discourage any of his interests until he figures this out. Then if he wants to become a physician, I will support that too. If, however, he wants to become a rockstar, I am ready to buy an RV and travel around the county being his number one fan. Man I hope he becomes a rockstar. 5 Reasons I Do Not Want My Kid To Be a Doctor Emotional fatigue- As a cardiologist there are days when I am dealing with very sick and dying people. There are days people die unexpectedly. This is very trying on the soul and can lead to physician burnout. More importantly, it can lead to emotional fatigue so that when I get home, I do not have the energy to bring it for my wife and kid. I try my best to distance work from home, but some days I am just beat by the time I get home and am not as patient handling my toddler. Sacrifice- Burning his 20s in medical school and residency (minimum 7 years with some people doing up to 12 years). He will be missing out on potential earnings at that point and time with friends. Though residency was quite fun and most residents know how to party. As they say, work hard play hard! Bureaucracy- Medicine is an ever changing field where Congress, insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, and people with MBAs who have never touched a patient have more control over your practice then you do. Sunk cost fallacy- As I discussed previously, once he has committed 7 to 12 years of life towards a task, it is hard to leave it even if he hates it. [Especially if he owes $500K in student loans.-ed] So once in medicine it is likely he will stay in medicine until he retires. That makes me itch. I like movement, change, and entropy. Other careers may allow for more lateral or upward movement. For instance, leaving a $100K job for another $100K job in a different field is easy. Leaving a $300K job in medicine for a $150K job in tech is hard. Physical fatigue- There are a lot more physically taxing jobs like construction work. Still some of our colleagues, like Orthopedic surgeons, wear body lead for 8 hour surgeries. This takes a toll on the back and knees over time. Not to mention hazards such as radiation exposure, etc. The other side of this equation is that some “non-physician” jobs have you sit at a desk all day which is also harmful. Actually, my job requires me to sit in front of a computer all day. Darn electronic medical records! (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push(); 5 Reasons Why I Am Okay If My Kid Chooses Medicine Freedom to Choose- It’s his choice. If he wants to pursue medicine, without my pushing, then I am all for it. I will help him to my full abilities, though I may recommend a call-light field like dermatology or allergy. Service-oriented- He can help people. This is a job where every day I go in and know that I am helping at least 1 person. Really making a difference in their lives. That is pretty satisfying. Nice living- He will make a stable living and likely a good income. I think a career in medicine is quite stable with very rare occasions for unexpected job loss. Plus, it is a way to make over $100K and up to $1,000,000 depending on the chosen field. Will it be as lucrative in 26 years when Young DDD is ready to practice? Nobody knows, but I suspect it will still be in the upper middle class range. Great relationships- Training allows for meeting great friends. There is nothing as good for forming friendships as putting people through hardships. Medical school, residency, and fellowship all do that and the relationships built become quite strong. Some of my best friends are from these periods of my life and I am thankful for it. Job mobility- As a physician you can move practically anywhere, especially if you are a generalist. As a general cardiologist I can live in small town America or big city USA. It doesn’t matter. It may take some time to find the job I want in the area I want, but I can do it with patience and perseverance. There are not many jobs that can do that. Going forward we will see where life leads. It is so cool to watch him grow as I continue on my path to financial independence so hopefully by the time he is 10 and I am 45, I can leave work if I want and help him continue to grow into a good human being. What do you think? Would you want your kids in medicine? Why and why not? Comment below! !function()function e()var e=document.createElement("script"),n=document.getElementById("myFinance-widget-script"),a=t+"static/widget/myFinance.js";e.type="text/javascript",e.async=!0,e.src=a,n.parentNode.insertBefore(e,n);var c="myFinance-widget-css";if(!document.getElementById(c))var d=document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0],i=document.createElement("link");i.id=c,i.rel="stylesheet",i.type="text/css",i.href=t+"static/widget/myFinance.css",i.media="all",d.appendChild(i)var t="http://ift.tt/2oFUowK";document.attachEvent?document.attachEvent("onreadystatechange",function()"complete"===document.readyState&&e()):document.addEventListener("DOMContentLoaded",e,!1)(); http://ift.tt/2qH1K3j

#IFTTT #FacebookPages

[1000-rat-corpses]

here's a little behind the scenes on my toreba addiction in the form of a little baring the ugly, and a little bit of '2020 the year of the pandemic in review' loool

i post my wins on toreba in those big ol walls of shit, right

WELLLL, it aint all sunshine and rainbows...

first the depressing part.

you should SEE the level of fails i go through to get to the point where i can post those compilations. just now i spent what would have been like... 42 dollars of points (23 plays) and didn't win the fucking thing, bailed bc i wasnt sure what to do and had like idk 2 plays left of points, then someone fixed the prize's position in one shot, passed it to another person, and that person won it in 2 plays. i was right behind the winner bc i had requeued hoping my two plays could do it.

the kicker is that if i hadn't fucked it up in the beginning part by bringing it just like idk a half inch too far right, it could have been won in 5-6 plays.

5-6 versus 23, and no win. lol that shit does get to you, bc tho it's not real money im spending it's a lot of time and effort goes into earning free points so the sting is sharp and biting, and it sits on you for the rest of the day, and sometimes days after bc you no longer have that stash of points you were working for and stockpiling for so long.

i earned a lot of points for my brother's account by doing some shitty mobile game offer. i won about 3 things with something like 240 dollars of points bc i was impatient, and he wanted this goku figure. i really wanted to win it for him bc like, thats a nice thing to do right? im winning all these other things for myself so surely i can get him the one thing he really wants (ftr i have won him like at least 6 things he likes/wanted so there is that) butttttt i stupidly got all sunk cost fallacy on that machine. i won the goku with my VERY last available play. in total costing me something like 100+ dollars of points. i whaled on a miku figure i already won 3 of bc i got baited on a machine that looked 'good', and spent 90 in points on her. i whaled on a similar machine for a shitty ugly looking edward elric figure: 74 dollars worth. 72 on some stupid pocaccho plush. and these are just a few.

my worst offense was a 3am depression whale. 125k tp (125 dollars worth) gone down the drain for this lil dude. and i did not win him. ever.

because i love persona 3. and i had won THREE of the persona 4 version of this, but minato who i like way more eluded me....and the night before i passed off a one shot win to another person thinking it wasn't good. LOL. the machine i played on was total ass, and my skill wasn't up to par i guess bc it got close so many times only to be reset. i kept whaling until i reset it for the millionth time and decided to let go bc there was no progress. my friends in discord were like bro you gotta let go but even tho you've got people telling you to stop sometimes it's really really hard. the hatred i had for myself for that stupid ass whale session for probably like a week was *chef's kiss* IMMACULATE. for the record, i could have just bought him for like, 23 dollars including shipping from a website doing preorders. OR i could have just sold one of my p4 spares to make money to buy him. but no it was like, you gotta win it. i would have been 100% satisfied if i had just won him after 125k tp spent. at least i told myself that. honestly i think i would have.

now here's the sappy part.

probably what is surprising to most people is that the social aspect of this game is phenomenally rewarding. i've made sooo many new friends during quarantine. we've had so much fun across all types of media even outside of getting in voice to help each other win prizes or just give someone company while they whale a bunch of free points (these are fun nights!!). we also host movie streams together, play games together, fuck around with the mudae bot with waifu gacha and waifu wars, bitch about low ball offers on mercari lol, and try to console and help each other out in our channel called 'gamblers hotline' lol. we've seen the rise and fall of the main, singular toreba discord at the time and witnessed it get nuked for no reason bc the owner hd a meltdown lol, then watched our tiny group refrom TWICE until we got it right, then watched on the side eatin popcorn while two new 'main' discords began to fight for dominance.

we change our nicknames in discord on the fly bc it's fucking funny, and to hold ourselves accountable. I was [Punished Lycoris] after that 125k p3 whale and fail, and for a while stuff like [Lyco - FREE PLAY ONLY DAY 3] to show we're keeping our responsible streak up XD

this all sounds pretty insane i guess bc 'gambling addict found family' doesn't really sound too...normal LOL. but i can't imagine what my 2020 would have been without them. it's kinda sappy i guess. it's nice to make friends you can talk to until 3am night after night with actual voices when the pandemic had you feeling some type of way.

the days of tons of points we had back in the fall-winter of 2020 is pretty much over though - the nature of our free point offers has kinda changed so we dont hold those fun night time streams of others playing, but we're hanging in there i guess.

sooo yeeah. i could write so much more, but ill stop there lol

this is what us fucked up addicts go through lmfao

#toreba