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yikesharringrove · 4 years

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the fic you wrote for my last prompt was amazing, ty 😭 can you do 50 + 56 this time please? and if you want to work in dyslexic!steve too that would be awesome! 🥰

You are speaking my fuckin’ language, dyslexic Steve is my ABSOLUTE jam. Honestly, whenever I write Steve, he’s dyslexic, although sometimes it’s not mentioned because it’s not important to Harry’s journey @ jk rowling

Thank you for your request! I’m really glad you liked the other one I wrote! You’re anonymous so I don’t know which one that is but I really enjoyed writing them all! Sorry for my manic energy rn.

Something a little different, it’s modern au! This is probably nothing like what you were thinking so I’m sorry, but I kinda love it ngl.

50: Secret Admirer

56: “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

Prompt list!

Billy spent three and a half hours reading through every single tweet on the account.

There were so fucking many of them. The earliest one was timestamped from four days ago, so obviously, this person had no life outside of tweeting.

Tweeting about Billy.

He had a few personal favorites. He had retweeted them to his account, figuring may as well play it up, make a joke outta everything.

@ImHardForHargrove: sorry WHOMST gave you the RIGHT to have eyes that fuckin blue im YELLING

@ImHardForHargrove: watchin u play basketball is a religious experience y are ur arms so BIG hhnnnng

And Billy’s absolute favorite, which he pinned right at the top of his account

@ImHardForHargrove: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Billy knew he looked good. Knew he turned heads wherever he went. He did that on purpose. But realizing someone at Hawkins High had set up a thirst account for him, well.

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” Billy had explained the situation to Robin, letting her go through the account on his phone. “Like, It’s kinda nice, whoever this guy is, he’s got a crush. But also like, It’s kinda creepy. Plus he’s objectifying me,” Billy was talking through his sandwich.

Robin made a face of disgust. “Why do you keep saying ‘he’? All of the girls in this fucking school are practically drooling for you.”

“Hard for Hargrove, Robin. I know you’re like, revolted by the peen and whatever but that does not excuse a lack of basic sexual education and anatomy.” She gagged at him. Honest to God, gagged. He thought she was gonna spew all over the table.

“If I ever hear you call it a peen ever again, it’s on sight Hargrove.” Heather plopped herself down next to Robin, kissing her cheek before zeroing in on Billy’s phone, still in Robin’s hand.

“Have you guys worked out who it could be yet?” Her eyes were wide at Billy.

“Billy says he thinks its a guy even though people with penises aren’t necessarily men.” Robin gave him a pointed look.

“Yeah Robin, I know that, but, I don’t know I just think it’s a guy penis-having person.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you actually think that, or are you just hoping in that goblin little brain of yours that this account is Steve Harrington’s.” Billy could feel the heat spread down his neck.

“Billy, I know Steve is like, the only out guy in this whole fucking town, but you can do way better than him. PLUS, I feel like it makes more sense if the person running this account wasn’t out and had to channel their gay yearning through social media.”

“First of all Robin, you have this vendetta against Steve that I don’t get. He’s a nice guy. He’s kinda dopey, kinda dumb, but he’s like, sweet and shit. Second, I’m not out, so it still could be him because he doesn’t think I would, like, accept his advances or whatever. Hence, gay internet yearning.” The chime of the bell sent them packing their lunches, Billy’s phone vibrated in Robin’s hand. She rolled her eyes when he realized he turned on notifications for the account

“Get a fucking life you loser.” She slapped the phone into his hand. He opened the new tweet with embarrassing zeal.

@ImHardForHargrove: i saw u talking with ur mouth full and it was yucky but i was still 🥺🥺

His head shot up, trying to see who would have been facing him during lunch, but the cafeteria was almost empty.

The rest of the week Billy took deliberate care of every interaction he had with anyone. Observing who was in his surroundings, and making note of everything he did and said. He took extra caution around Steve, wanting to spot any minute detail that could give away who ran the account.

The account started blowing up. People were retweeting like fucking crazy. Everywhere he went, he was being asked if he’s seen it, like he doesn’t regularly retweet the good ones. The search for the owner of the account had spread throughout the whole school. A few girls even tried to claim the account was theirs, but every time that happened the account would tweet out something to discredit whoever made the claim, proving them a liar.

Billy was starting to lose hope it was Harrington. The tweets were coming at all different times, posted whenever the person thought about it, so Billy was losing track of who was near when he said or did something. And the tweets were always about stupid stuff Billy didn’t register doing. On Wednesday night the account said

@ImHardForHargrove: hi when you chew on your pencil and it makes me 🥴 that is all thx for comin to my ted talk

Friday afternoon gave them all:

@ImHardForHargrove: walked past ur classroom and u were asleep ive never wanted to CUDDLE someone so bad in my LIFE

But Saturday, Saturday renewed all hope for Harrington Billy could possibly have. Lauren Kranz was throwing a party. It was the first real rager in a while, so everyone was there, and everyone was sloshed. Everyone but Billy, who’d agreed to be designated driver for Robin and Heather like some kinda idiot.

He was brooding on the back porch when his phone went off. The account was active, and the owner was drunk.

@ImHardForHargrove: I can seeeeee u oyt the windw I wan u 2 FUC ME. RAW DOG.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry ur so beauitiful nd THICCC

@ImHardForHargrove: I wana shoot my shot but idk if u lik bois

@ImHardForHargrove: (ys i am boi)

@ImHardForHargrove: nd i dont wana get my heart broken agin 😥

He was right about it being a guy. He was right about him being too nervous to approach him outright. His brain was screaming stevestevesteve at him. Hawkins was shook when Steve came out as bisexual in his sophomore year. He was the golden boy, a real jock. He was NOT the kind of guy people would assume queer in a small midwestern town.

He was kind of a douchebag, dumping one girl for another, sleeping with her and never calling again. But then he settled down with this guy from the University of Indianapolis for a few months until Steve caught him cheating. Apparently, he had slashed the guy’s tires. Billy was impressed.

The next year came Wheeler, who only stuck around long enough to make sure Steve was nice and whipped before she fucked off on him too. So Steve retreated. Spent more time with middle schoolers than anybody else. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line anymore until he knew it wouldn’t be stomped on. Billy could respect that.

Billy couldn’t risk being out in a town like Hawkins. Word always had a way of getting right back to his dad, and in a tiny hick town with nothing better to do than gossip, it was usually only a matter of hours before Neil heard something he didn’t like.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry 4 bad typing rn. drunk nd dysl exic ren’t a happy combo

Billy’s heart stopped. The drunken idiot was giving himself away. Maybe if he sat here staring at the account long enough, enough would be revealed he could figure it all out like a shitty drunk episode of Blue’s Clues.

He was so focused on Twitter, refreshing his feed, again and again, he didn’t notice a very drunk, and very unsteady Steve Harrington stumbling out the back door towards him. Until he crashed into his back.

“Sorry, Bill!” Billy had Steve by the shoulders trying to keep him upright. “Heyy I have a question for you.” Steve grabbed one of Billy’s hands and veered over to the table and chairs arranged neatly on the small patio. When they were sitting, Steve kept ahold of Billy’s hand.

“Hi.” Steve was smiling like a little kid. Billy was in fucking love.

“hey, Harrington. What was your question.”

“So-oo. I have this friend. A very good friend. Super close. And he has a big ol’ crush on you but he’s too scared to ask you himself because he keeps getting his heart fuckin’ broken so he wanted me to ask. Are you into guys?” It’s a miracle Billy understood any of that, every word blending into the next.

“That depends.” Billy leaned in, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He saw Steve take in a sharp breath, following the movement with his glazed eyes. He knew Steve was talking about himself, he just wanted to rile him up a little. Make him blush first. “This friend you’re talkin’ about. He’s our age? Like you’re not trying to set me up with one a’ your kids, right?” Steve physically recoiled.

“NO, you fuckin’ pedo. I’m NOT trying to set you up with a fuckin’, fuckin’ middle schooler. My friend is, uh eighteen. He’s a senior.” Unless Tommy fuckin’ H. suddenly had a penchant for dick Billy didn’t know about, Steve was 100% talking about himself.

“Well, if he’s as pretty as you are, I’d love to go out with him sometime.” Billy winked. Steve went red.

“Okay, but like, does that mean you’d go out with me? Like I’m as pretty as me, right? Because I was talking about me. Not ‘a friend’ I was talking about me. Steve.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out. You know, I was hoping it was you running that Twitter. Any time you’d tweet out something you wanted to do with me, I was always picturin’ doing it with you, Baby.” Billy was practically purring. “Especially all the shit you wanted me to do TO you.” Steve gave something between a whine and a groan and flopped himself onto Billy’s lap, straddling him with very little grace.

“Thank God. ‘Cause you’re so fucking hot I’d let you do anything to me. Anything, Bill.” Billy smiled softly at him.

“Then let me take you home. Let me put you in bed to sleep off all this. And let me take you to breakfast tomorrow. Something nice and greasy for your hangover tummy.” Steve was a puddle in Billy’s lap. “C’mon, Drunky, git your ass up.” Steve just giggled and muttered Drunky Skunky under his breath.

Billy sighed and stood up, hefting Steve up with him.

“Bil-ly,” Steve whined. “You’re so strong, this is so fucking hot. I gotta tweet about this.”

“Tweet it later, Sweet Thing.”

It took Billy for-fucking-ever to find Robin and Heather (they were making out in the basement with the stoners). But Steve chirped and cooed into his ear, so happy Billy could lift him and hold him like it was nothing.

The last tweet from the account was timestamped from Sunday evening.

@ImHardForHargrove: Hi this is Steve. Billy’s my boyfriend now 🥰#ThirstWorks

#I'm gonna reblog this in the morning too #Im v proud of it I want people to SEE IT #harringrove #steve harrington #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargorve #modern au #modern harringrove #yikes writes #harringrove prompts #Harringrove Prompts list #harringrove prompt fill #prompt fill #prompt fic

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william-s-churros · 6 years

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random very personal post i guess

like back in the day or what the fuck ever and even like... recently i was still upset about shit but weird- i dunno. i guess i’m pretty old now lol and im just kind of like. i dont care. i mean, no one really bothers me about anything and im really glad about that and i kind of like being a weird hermit in my little corner of the internet because i absolutely never want to be involved with the shitshow that i went through back in like 2010-2013 or whatever

anyway... time makes it easier to realize how irrational you’re being; grinding, horrible, i-want-to-kill-myself-tier shitty work environments where you sit there ruminating over every single fucking thing that’s ever happened in your life all day every day. you’re like, why did that hurt me so much? why did i get upset about this thing? why do i fixate on this pain? like, no, i was hurt, but does that justify me perpetuating nonsense and rehashing shit and causing problems for people that hurt me in the past? i mean, that isn’t really what i want to do with my life.

the problem with the internet really is that it propels interpersonal drama into a spotlight for all to see and then people pick it apart in kind of a... i don’t know... shameful way. it’s very understandable actually; people get curious about human relationships, their ins and outs, the issues we all face as people. i really don’t think it’s surprising. i think the fixation on it as a form of entertainment is a bit alarming; but it is what it is.

where am i going with this... i have no idea... this is really very vague. i mean, if you knew me from before then you know i was a mess back in the day; im still a bit of a mess, more of a like, small, smouldering trashfire as opposed to the gigantic fully-ablaze dumpster of a human being i used to be. i mean, that’s kind of what growing up is. i know when you’re like a teenager, 20-24 year olds can seem like adults but holy shit, they are definitely not. they are idiots (source: me) i don’t feel like an adult now and im 27. it’s not like i feel like i’m a kid either-- don’t get me wrong. im not trying to infantilize myself, but a lot more of adulthood is figuring shit out than you might expect, and the concept of an adult that you had as a kid is very different from the reality of being an adult. and i mean, your 20s are just a horrible decade as far as i can tell haha. you’re just going to go through a lot and learn a shitton about yourself and the people around you. i can only hope that when i’m 30 i won’t be such a fool, but we’ll see.

in any case, i don’t want to be the excuse anyone makes to hurt another person, no matter what i have said or complained about publicly in the past. a lot of people have done a lot of things to me that i didn’t like but how many of those things were honest mistakes, i’ll never know. how much of that was just the two of us not jiving as people as opposed to an active desire to be cruel, you know what i mean? how much of it was merely my interpretation of the world that influenced my understanding of the things that were happening to me because of my paranoia and my neurotic tendencies? how much of what i was interpreting was just carelessness or their own paranoid, neurotic tendencies? i know i’ve hurt people, too, and not on purpose. it’s not that i’m trying to shift responsibility from myself, but sometimes it’s a part of being alive and being who you are. people are complicated and shit happens and things you expect to work just don’t. you want to do things but you can’t, sometimes. you are the person you are and that doesn’t gel.

that said if you have ever listened to me about people, please note that i will never be offended or hurt if you went and did independent research, you know what i mean? in fact i want you to do that. if someone hurt me but you have a good relationship with them eventually i’m not going to be like “oh you’re a terrible person.” like, some people are just not compatible and that’s okay. you don’t have to like everyone you meet and no one has to like you. being hurt by a person=/=this person is completely irredeemable forever and ever you know what i mean? i don’t know. i’m probably never going to enjoy being around this person again, but how should i know? maybe they grew up and changed too. maybe we can be chill.

in essence, though, what i’m saying is that most times i have found that my name is invoked not in my best interest or with any particular concern for my well-being but rather to further a goal in humiliating another person or proving they are a bad person. i don’t really want anyone to do that. if anyone does that, they’re being a dick probably. people can hurt you and not be bad people. i don’t know. use your brain, theres times when shit is legit bad and the people who do it are bad and there’s times when it’s not like that but people get hurt anyway. i dunno. call-out culture isn’t like, bad inherently or anything but it’s something that can absolutely used for evil and sometimes im just like... please look into things. believe people but realize that means believing yourself and other people as well.

anyway... my point is mostly-- and this is coming from a person who has been like specifically named a victim in callout post-problematic human-whatever the fuck you call it stuff; please look at the people you are being told are bad as people, with empathy. i mean this sincerely; nothing anyone has done to me has ever warranted the prying and boundary violation that people that have had to endure with my name invoked against them, even if mine was one of many.

so i guess i was wrong, i know i said i don’t care but i do! i do care that people are being made to feel bad because they maybe hurt my feelings like honestly that’s not much of an excuse for hundreds of people to decide a person is a bad person idk. not to be cheesy but be excellent to each other idk. just... idk. forgive me my trespesses as i forgive those who trespass against me. love and peace and chicken grease and all that jazz.

#stop talking matt #this is pretty personal i apologize #stuff i have learned from being old #sfw

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bloojayoolie · 5 years

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Alive, America, and Another One: 51% 1:01 PM Replies Try watching her live and not propaganda u can't be serious Like Reply 2h I've seen her live, what's the problem? Give me specifics to what makes her bad. 2h Like Reply she nodded her head to eating babies Haha Reply 2h I'm not going to entertain this argument ur clearly insane bro Like Reply 2h I'm insane for asking for source backed facts? Like Reply 2h I'm not going to waste my time on this. She insane and will lose her next election because people aren't stupid Like Reply 2h solid arguement, I now see the error of my ways and will change my stance and views. 2h Like Reply u agree with a baby killer 3rd trimester abortions? 2h Like Reply Congratulations bro I'm happy for u Like Reply 2h One day I hope u look back at ur idiotic views when u have children and be as disgusted as we are with u. When u see that growing human inside ur wife just think of ur views then give me a call. When u feel that baby moving inside her, u come talk to me and tell me u stand for this 3rd fucking trimester abortions. That's disgusting. 2h Like Reply I'm pro choice and you clearly didnt read her stance or understand others'. 3rd trimester abortions are some times required because the health of the baby and mother is at risk. I hope no one ever has to go through such a horrible situation but if they do I hope they have the choice to decide instead of people like you shunning them for personal beliefs and restricting them through the... See More Like Reply 2h u know who the founder of ur pro choice views is? The same woman who wants to eliminate you. She invented planned parenthood to kill Hispanics blacks all minorities yet all u do is promote it, and u will "never" make me feel bad for supporting a baby's life. I don't care what u say woman's rights blah blah blah in my eyes ur all disgusting killers. A woman deciding she has the right t... See More Like Reply 1h Don't worry I got propaganda too 1h Like Reply so you're not pro choice? Or you're against 3rd trimester abortions? Like Reply 1h I'm against a program that was designed to kill minorities. I believe life starts at the heart beat of 6 weeks if it takes a woman longer then that to change her mind it's too late. I believe in the day after pill and I'm not a complete nut job people make mistakes but u don't get to decide after the baby is living Like Reply 1h Go watch a video of abortion survivors and listen to there stories Like Reply 1h I've listened to abortion survivors talk about how they had to get illegal abortions because their state outlawed them. I've also listened to abortion survivors talk about the extremely difficult choice they had to make when they had to choose between their own health or the CHANCE of their baby being born. Like Reply 1h no I'm talking about survivors the fucking baby Like Reply 53m Not the mothers Like Reply 53m U use these word to justify murder it's okay whatever makes u feel above everyone elseI don't care it should be illegal and the mother should rot in prison Like Reply 50m dude if I had been aborted you wanna know how many fucks I'd give? None. I would have zero recollection of ever being born or anything ever happening. I also dont feel above anyone for any of my beliefs but sure go on with your empty accusations. Like Reply 45m That does not justify abortion 44m Like Reply Im defending a defenseless baby ur defending what? Like Reply 44m Because u don't remember it it's okay? Like Reply 43m So mean I don't remember being 2 yrs old? So who cares if my parents killed me then? Like Reply 42m This ideology is murder. There's no argument u can ever make Like Reply 41m there is actually a large arguement I can make. You act as if I'm the only one that is pro-CHOICE Like Reply 40m No one is pro choice Like Reply 40m Ur pro-MURDER Like Reply 40m say it and be proud Like Reply 39m I've already said it... I'M PRO-CHOICE 38m Like Reply One day u will see, more and more people are changing away from ur ideology it's okay only time will tell Like Reply 36m I hope u never get robbed of ur child 36m Like Reply is there actual evidence to prove that people are changing their ideology on abortion or is this another one of your "facts. Like Reply 35m the polls Like Reply 34m California and New York don't run America pal Like Reply 34m http://www.pewresearch org/topics/abortion/ PEWRESEARCH.ORG Research Center Abortion Like Reply 32m what polls are you talking about? Like Reply 32m U believe every on the internet? Like Reply 31m A Democrat will not be president in 2020 because ur all insane 31m Like Reply If u truly believe life doesn't start after a heart beat idk why I'm talking to u 30m Like Reply that's funny because I think trump has a huge chance to win because you're all inside. This picking and choosing of what is and isnt a fact is hard to follow. Who amI supposed to believe according to you? How is it that everyone has the wrong information but you somehow found all the right one? 28m Like Reply You enjoy ur pro-murder life style and one day it will effect you and destroy you But no it's not effecting u now so ur pro choice it's okay Like Reply 28m I think for myself not the bias internet 28m Like Reply I get my facts from .gov not paid off websites 28m Like Reply ok so you do have sources? Why dont you ever share them when I ask? Like Reply 27m I can clearly see from personal experiences that the baby is alive Like Reply 27m I don't need the internet to reassure me that my son is alive Like Reply 27m I'm happy that you had a healthy baby and pregnancy but not everyone does. Also, I was talking about your .Gov sources. Why don't you ever share those? Like Reply 25m Ur not going to turn this around on me over a website source l just stated I don't need the internet to reassure me. My sources use is bls.gov and Congress.gov but that's not for abortion I don't need a website to tell me it's wrong I have common sense. BLS.GOV U.S. Bureau of Labor EN Statistics 23m Like Reply Margaret Sanger is who ur backing, I'm not the one defending a woman who made a program to kill my own people Like Reply 21m It's okay to get an abortion but no it's not okay to drink liquor or do drugs? But pro choice it's her body who cares let her shoot heroin while carrying a baby. Who cares if the kids mentally disabled now it's not me. It's not my child. It's her body Like Reply 19m That's fucking insane. And u keep repeating that the woman could die from the birth. Special situations don't justify every situation Like Reply 17m you see how you're not listening but instead creating your own argument? I never said any of those things. I'm pro-choice because understand that there are situations in which women have to make unthinkable choices. Some of those are medical some are personal. We definitely believe life begins at different times so we'll just have to disagree there. But if someone decides to have an... See More Like Reply 13m when does life begin? Have u seen pictures of abortion? Do u know how it's done? Like Reply 8m This is okay? Like Reply бт бm Like Reply U stand witha congresswoman who supports that Like Reply 5m if there was something medically wrong then yes I'm perfectly fine with that. Did you miss my comment about abortion time frame? Refer to that. Like Reply 1m Someone is writing a comment... Write a reply.. GIF He deleted everything after I asked if I could could post it for internet points.

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Alive #America #and A

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misterbitches · 3 years

Text

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.

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