#or smoke weed because it is very illegal in japan and their lives would be destroyed if caught with it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

barnesbabee · 4 years

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Edge Of Glory || C.J

Pairing: Choi Jongho x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst

Words: Idk but from the top of my head I’d bet on 3126 words

Pieces of lyrics from the song are written in bold

⚠ drug abuse, mentions of physical/psychological abuse (not from the idol), mentions of death and suicide, dystopian!au ⚠

Warning: There are disturbing/ scenes described. Read at your own risk.

ᴀᴛᴇᴇᴢ x ʟᴀᴅʏ ɢᴀɢᴀ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ || ᴘ4

ʙᴀꜱᴇᴅ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴇᴅɢᴇ ᴏꜰ ɢʟᴏʀʏ ᴍᴠ

A worldwide pandemic took all nations by surprise, one worse than any century had ever experienced, one that all safety precautions, medicine and technology couldn’t fight. It came down onto the whole world like a train and the population decreased greatly, along with all of the resources.

Hazmats became the trending fashion and hospitals became the new hotels. Everything was at max capacity, and the bodies of deceased people piled up on the streets. Pale corpses that looked like they had been drained of all of their blood laid against the walls, on top of each other, or sprawled on the road. It was every man for themselves, and chaos dominated.

You were a little relieved, however. Your parents wouldn’t allow you to leave the house for safety, but every time you looked out of the window every deceased person seemed to be of age, more specifically, a mature adult. Mostly people from their thirties on.

Maybe it didn’t affect younger people? Maybe their immune system was good enough to fight the disease?

You had many doubts, but not enough answers. No one had answers, and suddenly everyone had a God. When nurses and doctors fled, when the news disappeared and it all stopped being transmitted, everyone started praying, ironically.

Your parents were jittery and nervous all the time, but that was a normal reaction, they had seen and experienced the outside world. You felt safe in their presence, although seeing them come in the house in the yellow suits kind of scared you.

Months were spent in this routine, and all seemed normal (within the limits). One day, however, you were woken up by loud banging on the front door. You immediately stood up from bed, a little dizzy from the sudden movement, and wobbled over to your door. You pressed your ear against the wooden door to hear whatever went on downstairs. You had never gotten visitors…

You heard the downstairs door creak open and a male, harsh, demanding voice spoke.

“Any kids in?” He simply asked.

“N-no, Sir. We’ve never been able to have kids.”

You frowned at the shaky voice. They did have a kid though...

The nervousness in your mom’s voice, the violent man’s tone, and the lie immediately raised a red flag for you. You became uncertain and shaky. Who was he!?

You prepared for the worst. You shoved a couple things in a backpack, the absolute necessary, and opened your bedroom’s window as quietly as possible. You looked down at the previously green grass outside. It was far. If you had to jump you were gonna hurt yourself, so you just prayed that they’d leave.

“Surely you wouldn’t mind us looking around then?”

Your eyes widened, and you immediately took this as your cue. You put on the black gas mask your parents had given you in case of emergency and sat by the window pane.

“What? B-but I told you we don’t have-”

“Ma’am please step off or you’ll be taken.” He rudely interrupted your mother.

You heard heavy footsteps echo throughout the house, and without a second thought jumped off. You pursed your lips together to prevent the scream from escaping past your lips as you landed on your side, on top of a couple of rocks.

You got up as quickly as you fell down and ran. You ran as fast as you could, always holding your aching side.

You had no idea where you were wandering, you had no idea what was safe or not, and you had no idea what was happening, but you ran anyways.

It had been four days. You had seen some people running around and looting stores, you had seen some people in suits patrolling, and you had seen huge tanks taking over the city. You always felt the floor shake when one of them approached, so it was easy to hide. You wondered what they were for, but then again your imagination had run short.

You hadn’t found a place you deemed safe yet. You’d sleep in hidden street corners and stolen from beaten-up shops to survive, but you were becoming tired and desperate. Hope died very quickly in a place like that, and every morning it was hard not to give up.

After the longest days of your life, you decided to risk it. You went into the only part in town you hadn’t scavaged. It was previously known for illegal activity and for being generally very shady. Strangely, it was the most familiar part of town. It was dark, cold and scary, just like before.

You walked warily, looking the torn-apart buildings 'from head to toe’. Most of them were locked up, or too damaged to even enter, but a particular building caught your attention. The windows were sealed, but the door had a chain that had been broken. You approached it and carefully removed the chain. The metal door creaked against the floor and made an ugly noise. You closed it just as slowly and carefully inspected the bottom floor with the poor flashlight you had found in a hardware store.

It was clean.

You moved upwards, and all of the floors were clear of corpses. A sense happiness and relief washed over you, as you might had just found a place to stick around in.

As you reached the floor just below the rooftop, your eyes glistened and your face lit up.

A mattress with a couple of blankets laid against the wall. There were unopened cans of food organized near the window, that gave you a perfect view of the safe and unsafe areas. As you were about to inspect the food and the expire date on them, someone spoke behind you.

“Hello?”

You jumped at the voice. You spun around quickly and held the turned-off flashlight close to your chest. Your eyes were widened and you were frozen in place. The male in front of you, on the other hand, was relaxed yet confused.

He had a long dark fringe covering his eyes, and his skin was very pale.

“W-who are you?” You asked, trying your best not to stutter out the whole sentence.

The man looked at you as if you were stupid.

“I’m the person living here?... The owner of this five-star suite, actually.”

Your face fell a little at his statement and he chuckled.

“What? Did you think you had hit the jackpot and just found a perfect place waiting for you?”

You averted your gaze and blushed slightly in embarrassment at how stupid your thoughts sounded when said out loud. Neither of you said anything. You could immediately tell that there was a big contrast between your personalities: while you stood there, stiff and nervous, he was relaxed and staring at you with a mocking glare. You were a little confused as to why the male wasn’t freaking out over a random person walking in where he lived and trying to claim it. It was suspicious…

The man looked at the mattress on the floor, then at the cans.

“Wanna share?”

You were taken aback by the question. Why would he willingly share what he had? Why would he willingly spare half of the very scarce resources he possessed?

“Why?” You quietly asked.

The man understood your confusion, most people would shoo others away and refuse to even let them come close to whatever they had gathered.

He walked over to the mattress and sat down with a groan. The stranger took a very poorly joint up to his mouth and took a hit, then puffing out the smoke and creating a small cloud between the two of you. He opened his mouth to say something but was immediately cut off.

“We’re in the middle of an apocalypse and you’re getting high!?”

It wasn’t like you to stress over something so little, but the near-death experiences, the fear and all the running away had transformed you into a shell of your former self.

“It’s… It’s not an apocalypse.”

You furrowed your brows and cocked your head. How would he know what all this was anyway?

“Well it’s kinda- Can you fucking sit down or something you’re stressing me out, standing there holding that flashlight like I’m gonna try to murder you.”

The statement stole a chuckle out of you and you sat down on the floor in front of him.

“To put it shortly, this pandemic is a war gone wrong.”

There was a long silence, as he let you process the tiny bit of the puzzle he had just told you. It was understandable that you didn’t know what was going on, no one really did know but the ones that had been exposed to the government’s horrors.

“This… virus. It wasn’t someone’s carelessness or a lab security breach, it was a biological war that went to shit. A country unbeknownst to everyone apparently sent out a virus to wipe out Japan and Korea, it was speculated inside the borders that it was because of the lucrative rise and some countries were losing their economic powers over a lot of major cities. But it spiraled out of control and everyone is slowly dying. It’s much worse than anything anyone had ever seen, and in a panic, the government started doing what they call ‘recruitment of the younger generation’. Don’t let the name fool you, we were taken against our will…”

“We? You were there?”

Jongho sighed, his voice dropped considerably and suddenly the weed tasted odd. He threw away the joint and rested his head against the wall. Guilt and shame filled his body, and he wasn’t able to look you in the eye as he explained what went on in the place he had been confined in.

“I was… taken. From the house I was in. They take only young people who are healthy and capable. No disabilities inside those walls, only the ones they deem good enough to procreate and rebuild our country. We… We are forced to work, they do tests on us, they treat us like lab rats and the boys… The boys are forced to impregnate girls.” His voice cracked at that, clearly hitting a deep scar. His chest began to rise and fall quickly.

You became suddenly sad and worried for the stranger. Your face contorted in a pitiful look and you approached him, patting his thigh for him to know he had your support.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to tell any more…”

The male glanced at the joint he had thrown away and regretted doing so. He really wished he had something that made the conversation easier.

“No, the more people know, the easier it will be to destroy this whole shit. Letting the world die is better than what they’re doing to us. I was… forced to make girls pregnant. I- I don’t even know their names. I don’t even know who they are, they push you into a room and they watch you, to make sure you do things right. When people refuse to do so, there’s a punishment. But I was always too scared of it so I just followed the rules. In a couple of months I’ll have… I’ll have a children in there. A son, who knows maybe a daughter… And they’ll be forced to do exactly what I ran away from. Fuck I’m a monster!”

The male hit his head against the wall, hard. His eyes were tightly shut (certainly not hurt from the bang against the wall, but from something much deeper) and tears threatened to fall.

The psychological side clearly was much worse than any physical work they were forced to do.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. You didn’t do that because you wanted to, right? You did it because you were forced. If those kids are as smart as you surely they’ll get out too.”

He scoffed and turned his head to look at you.

“I got out because I was lucky. I was done with life, I didn’t want to be there anymore. But because the suicide rate was crazy high inside those walls everyone was always watching. I knew a guy though, he managed to pass around drugs and my plan was to overdose… But when the time came I always pussied out. As time went by and I kept consuming I became thinner, paler, weaker… I looked like I was about to die and they didn’t understand why, but at some point they stopped wanting me there, they deemed I was unfit. They cut off my food and water, they left me to die in a room. I was lucky because I passed out. They thought I was dead and threw me over the border. I woke up in a pile of dead bodies, bathing in blood, dirt, puke, and God knows what else. I could barely move, but I dragged myself out of the corpses and tried to survive the best I could.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. You wanted to say something, but what was there to be said? ‘It’s going to be okay’? You both knew it was a lie… There was nothing to be said and all you could do was greet his lengthy life-story of the past couple months with silence.

“That’s why I smoke weed. Y’know… kinda takes me out and makes me forget everything’s gone to shit, drowns out the worst in my head.”

You nodded, a little uncomfortable yet understanding his position.

Luckily, Jongho who had been through Hell and come back, was great at shooing away the awkwardness.

“Now that you know about my kids, I’m Jongho by the way.”

“I-I’m Y/N.” You introduced yourself, a little shocked at the way he was fine with joking about it.

“Well Y/N, buckle up. We’re in a warzone now, it’s the end of the world. There ain’t a reason you and me should be alone.”

You and Jongho sat at the top of the building. The sun was going down and you sat on his lap. His arms were around your body, holding your hands as he tried to teach you how to properly roll the thin paper.

“Y/N! We don’t have infinite weed! Stop messing this up!”

“I- Are you joking, Jongho!? You pushed this mess onto my hands because you wanted to have a reason to have me on your lap!”

You stood up (faking anger toward him) and walked up to the edge of the building, dancing and prancing around.

Jongho laughed at your cuteness and threw away the very much ruined romantic joint he tried to do with you. He walked over to you and placed his hands on your hips.

“I won’t get high tonight but at least I was happy.”

You looked at him, surprised at the sweet comment. The sunlight gave his skin a golden tone and the slight wind blew his hair back. He smiled at the big eyes you were giving him, and chuckled upon realizing how little it had taken to make you speechless.

“What?” He asked, as you wouldn’t stop staring.

You giggled and placed your hands on his biceps, subconsciously playing with them.

“Nothing it’s just… I didn’t know you could be cute.”

Jongho faked a shocked expression, never breaking eye contact.

“Excuse me! I can be adorable!”

You scoffed and slapped his chest.

“You’ve been cute to me like, two times.”

“Two?” He asked, not remembering what the first had been.

Your eyes drifted away and you blushed slightly.

“Well, you let me stay with you… That was really sweet, thank you.”

Jongho lifted your chin with his index finger, making you look at him.

“And I’m glad I did.”

There was a small, comfortable silence before you spoke.

“Why is that?”

You were eager for the answer. Jongho was unpredictable, you never knew what to expect of him, so you looked deep into his eyes as you awaited a response.

Jongho looked away, before looking back at you and pressing his lips against yours, for a kiss that lasted no longer than a second.

“Because I like you.”

It was incredulous. You expected him to say that, but it was so… unexpected. You opened your mouth to speak, but he cut you off as per usual.

“And I know, I know it’s been like two weeks, but it’s hard not to fall for someone like you once you spend every second of every day with them.”

You blushed slightly and hit his chest.

“Plus, you’re one of the most beautiful women out there.” He said as he caressed your cheek lovingly.

“Jongho, who knew you could be so sweet…”

“I know, right? But then again, everyone is dying and there’s like, a dozen women out there so you don’t have much competition.”

You two laughed, and before you could hit him, Jongho ran away and ran downstairs. Once you found him, you tackled him onto the mattress, but of course he won over you, and began tickling you all over. He’d only stop when you begged and were almost crying.

You looked into each other’s eyes. The dim light coming from the windows setting a lewd mood. Once you had regained your breath, you grabbed the back of his head and kissed him. The kiss lasted a little longer than the previous one, slightly losing its innocence.

You had never gone beyond kissing with anybody, so you were surprised at yourself when you deepened the kiss and rolled your hips against his, you didn’t hate it however. You wanted to continue. The world was ending and you were making out with the hottest man you’d ever been with on a mattress, so if there was a perfect timing, that was it.

You moaned onto the kiss, signaling that you wanted more, but Jongho pulled away rapidly and looked away, a little embarrassed.

“Jongho? Did I do something wrong I-I’m sorry I had never done that before and I-”

“You were fine Y/N, don’t worry… It’s just that. Those things I did… Those girls, it wasn’t that long ago. I don’t think I’m comfortable, I’m sorry, love.”

You felt bad for making him feel like he had to apologize for his feelings. You started to panic, but you had to calm yourself down in order to make Jongho feel comfortable.

You placed a hand on his cheek and kissed his forehead.

“It’s okay Jongho, I don’t mind waiting. I’ll wait for you a million years, even when we’re both old and looking like raisins, I promise I’ll still want you.”

The male giggled, showing the gummy smile you loved oh so much, and buried his face in the crook of your neck.

“I got so lucky… You’re all I need.”

You woke up with Jongho shaking you and calling for your name. You immediately shot awake and sat on the mattress you called a bed.

Your boyfriend threw his heavy mask onto a corner, grabbed both of your cheeks and kissed you passionately. His eyes were teary and puffy. His whole face was red and his coal-coloured hair was stuck to his forehead. You furrowed at the way his hands were shaking as he held you.

“Jongho?” You asked, a little nervous.

“Yes, darling?” He questioned.

His voice was as shaky as his hands, and anxiety started building up in the pit of his stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

His jittery eyes took in all of your features before smiling nervously.

“Nothing baby!”

He kissed your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, and finished up with a long kiss on your lips.

Suddenly, the ground shook. Once, twice… Jongho tried to block the window with his broad back, but you could still see the shiny, shooting star-like object coming down from the sky and colliding with the ground. A loud sound echoed in the air and the ground shook once more before you saw a mushroom-like explosion in the distance.

You couldn’t hold back the tears as panic immediately enveloped you.

“J-Jongho what- what’s going on!?” You asked, your voice rising for the first time in months.

Your boyfriend looked at you with teary eyes and held your face in a way that you couldn’t look at the window.

“Nothing, doll. Everything is fine, we’re gonna be okay.”

Jongho hugged you tightly. You quickly wrapped your arms around him and held him as close as possible, as your brain put two and two together.

The two of you pulled away and looked into each other’s eyes.

“I love you.” He whispered.

And, before you could reply, he pressed his lips to yours, in what you both knew to be your last kiss. So you didn’t pull away. And when the sky fell down, and when the blasting got closer to you, you still didn’t pull away.

And so when everything went black, neither of you noticed, because your eyes were still closed, and you were still holding each other as if the world wasn’t ending, and you were the only thins that mattered to each other.

Your forever wasn’t long, but as you held each other and tears streamed down your faces, you knew that it had been a good forever.

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queenofallimagines · 4 years

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Hi :) can you do the boys / todo , kiri , Baku n deku / reacting to s/o who smokes weed pls 🙃

Okay so weed is Completely illegal in Japan like no medical card nothing it’s completely out and it’s very criminalize because you know drugs are bad and yakuza so I’m just gonna pretend like they live in I don’t know California where weed is legal and easily accessible

Bakugou:

- Ultimate stoner number one

- He’s a little confused when he sees you doing it because he such a goody two shoes

- Wait come on he goes to bed at 8 PM does all his homework is at the top of his class

- Let’s say your casual

- He catches a joint in your room

- Secretly smokes it when your not there

- Chilled out af

- It had lavender in it

- He was knocked the fuck out by the time you get back

- “Did you smoke my blunt.”

- “No I’m not into that stupid shit.”

- “.... it was in this box wrapped in another box under the bed only you could’ve taken it.”

- He gets blazed with you whenever

- Will hotbox your doorm lmao

- He gets those ted stoner eyes

- He starts wearing shirts with 420 on it especially because that’s his birthday

- He’ll smoke a blunt and go to class and be super focused-energetic af lmao

- Only Deku knows

Izuku:

- Speaking of which he is stoner number two when you can’t change my mind

- will smoke your whole stash and not know it

- Straight up it helps his anxiety a lot

- He feels calmer in crowds

- Chill af

- Like he’s tryna get iida to hit some

- When you find your weed is gone he panics

- “I-it was an accident!!”

- “It was 4 grams sir.”

- He’s going to have a smoke session with you bakugou juro and tokoyami

- Smoke squad

- He has weed socks

- All might has smelled weed on him before but said nothing

- he’s really good at keeping the smell off of him so most people won’t even know

- He has one of those cool filter things that gets rid of the smell

- Eats edibles mostly

- Sneak in half of one at once so he can be more energized during training

- And the other half before a test

- He will find any special occasion to get high

- Giggly stoner

- Everything is funny

- Like bakugou threatens to beat his ass and he laughs hard af

- Horny too

- Will get Hugh and feel you up

- Wats to go down on you mostly pops a homer then falls asleep

Todoroki:

- never even heard of weed before

- Probably went to a big private school

- Which coincidentally is where the most drugs are

- But he was too busy you know being abused by his father to notice

- So when he catches you smoking he’s like

- “ those are bad for your lungs.”

- “ it’s not a cigarette.”

- Gets high pretty quickly

- He’s good after like three puffs

- Good to have in a smoke session BC he is responsible

- Brings a spare lighter

- Snacks

- Drinks

- Bong

- He has one that shaped like a dinosaur

- Whenever you have it he’ll have some too he’s more of a social smoker

- He definitely won’t do it as much as the others because number one his father would lose his shit and number two he just doesn’t have the time

- Will take care of your weed when your away

- Keeps it hidden and fresh

- will buy weed shirts

- Wears it as pajamas

- “Do you think birds like to fly?”

- He’s the one to ask weird questions

- Wants to be super lovey-dovey and in your face

- “I love you more than anything in my life.”

- Clingy af when high

- Stares off k to space a lot

Kirishima:

- Lovey diver high

- “Babe your soo,,,,cute.”

- He’s gunna be in the sky lmao

- Will see you doing it and be skeptical

- Once he does research he’s totally down

- Can inhale without choking the first time

- Will accidentally activate his quirk And just lay there

- “Bro,,, what if bakugou drank lighter fluid. Would his explosions be bigger?”

- “He would die kiri.”

- He’s gunna ask all questions

- Holding your hand

- Wants to cuddle

- He will decorate your weed box

- With red riot stickers

- Will accidentally eat like 4 weed brownies in one go

- He sees god

- Is the one to talk shit about the edible

- “Man I ate the whole thing this ain’t doing shit.”

- Has a convo with Jesus Mary and Joseph

- He likes the bong better BC he can shotgun more smoke with you

- Turns into a make out

- He’s gunna get turnt lmao

- Plays 6lack and vibes

- Lil uzi vert too

- “Man that fool sojia boy got bug twitter fingers.”

- Will tweet cryptic messages

- He is the hits blunt meme

- Like someone get him pls

#kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou #my writing #drugs tw #bakugou katsuki #bakugou scenarios #bakugou x reader #todoroki shotō #shoto todoroki x reader #deku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya #boko no hero imagines #x poc reader #x black reader #my hero academia imagines

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surveysonfleek · 6 years

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1211.

Do you want your last ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? sure. If you have a smartphone, what’s the last app you downloaded? What about the last app you uninstalled? the last app i downloaded was that simpsons tapped out. i need to kill time lol. the last app i deleted was a business one. If you were a straight member of the opposite sex, who are some celebrities you think you’d have a thing for? rihanna, beyonce, rita ora. not sure who else. Have you ever dyed your own hair? How did it turn out? yes. it was fine, not a huge change. Right-handed or left-handed? right-handed.

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? just a boring iphone one. Does your first, middle, and last spell something? huh? Favorite TV channel? i don’t have one. What is your least favorite breed of dog? i don’t have one tbh. it all depends on the dog’s personality. In your opinion, are leggings appropriate to wear as pants? yes, i think they’re fine as long as they’re not see through. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? nope. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? yes, wine.

Do you hate it when people smoke around you? i don’t really care. What do you want for your birthday? a watch. Who is the most inappropriate person you know? i know a couple but only when they’re intoxicated. Who in your phone has a heart after their name? my boyfriend. After breaking up, what’s the worst? learning how to move on by yourself. Do you have a second mom? nope. When was the hardest time in your life? What made it so hard & how did you overcome it? when my parents separated. it was just a shitty time in my life, i dreaded going home just coz they ignored each other. How do you relieve stress? sleeping, watching movies/tv shows. When you die do you want to have a funeral service? Why or why not? yeah, i would. it would bring a lot of people together i guess. What illegal drugs have you tried? Describe how you feel when you take each. If you haven’t tried any, would you ever want to? weed, coke, mdma. are shrooms illegal? if so, then yeah i’ve done that too. What is your opinion on capital punishment? eh. What period of history was your favorite to learn about? If you don’t like history, what is your favorite thing to learn about? modern history. Where is your favorite fast food restaurant & what do you order when you go there? burger king. a whopper. i haven’t had one in ages. What do you think about smoking in public places? it’s fine. What’s your favorite cheese? camembert. What’s your favorite type of chocolate? milk. How do you like your steak? medium rare. What’s the last time you ate something you’d picked in the wild? i feel like i’ve never done that. Arrange the following in order of preference: Pineapple, Orange, Apple, Strawberry, Cherry, Watermelon, Banana. banana, watermelon, pineapple, orange, apple, strawberry, cherry. What is your opinion on “God?” i believe in them. i’m just not religious whatsoever. What is your favorite Christmas movie? elf. Who are the three most important people in your life? i’d have to choose four. my immediate family and boyfriend. Why did you go to the doctor the last time you went? i had food poisoning. What is your favorite boy band? boyz ii men. What is your favorite Beatles song? i don’t have one tbh. What is your favorite type of bird? toucans are cool. What is something you hate, but wish you loved? olives. If you could profoundly release anxiety’s grip on one area of your life what would it be? everything. i have the weirdest irrational anxiety. it’s frustrating. What’s the cutest thing your SO does, but denies it’s cute in any way? his mannerisms. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? yeah, i’m in mid laughter haha. Does it irritate you when people go on and on about how amazing their boyfriend/girlfriend is? only if it’s the only thing they talk about. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark color or a light? i like neutral shades, browns, pinks, nudes. What do you believe in the most? idk. What do you avoid like the plague? driving haha. i do it anyway. What is your main goal of the year? finding a new job. Do you listen to music while you drive? always. Waffle cone or bowl? cone. Do you like video games? Why? it really depends, i’m picky with them. they’re fun to kill time with. Do you take selfies with those animal filters? when they first came out on snapchat they were cute but now i just think they took tacky. What book will you NOT read? many. What YouTube channel can you not stand to watch? stupid ones. pewdiepie, those logan brother, ricegum etc. they’re terrible, i don’t get the appeal. Do you like big, normal or small glasses? normal. How do you feel about colored contacts? it’s whatever. to each their own. Is pregnancy beautiful? sure. Do you dance at weddings/parties or are you shy? sometimes. when i’m in the mood. Are you kind to animals at all times? i don’t really take notice of them tbh. Have you ever been bitten by an animal really hard? yes. Do you trust dogs? only my dog. Do you trust cats? nope. What stereotype do you fall into the best? slacker. Do you have to take stairs or an elevator to get to your house? stairs. Have you ever seen a pelican in real life? yes. all the damn time at the beaches. Do you carry pepper spray with you? nope. Name three sites you have been bullied on. none tbh. i keep a pretty low profile. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. nope. not one out of control. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? no. Have you ever had a emergency surgery? no. Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed? natural. What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? anxiety lol. and food. i have a weak stomach. If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? of course! What unnatural hair color looks best on you? really dark purple. What is your least favorite pizza place? i don’t know tbh. What is the name of your first pet? dopey. he was a bird lol. What is your favorite fairytale? hmmm. rumpelstiltskin. Have you ever suffered a fracture? yes. in my pinky from basketball. What countries would you like to visit? japan and the bahamas. Had a serious surgery? the most serious would be a dog bite when i was 2. i only remember bits and pieces of it though. Gotten stitches? yes. Bitten someone? not seriously. Would you ever cosplay? probably not. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? pretty quickly. Have you ever drank from a real coconut? yes! not as sweet as i thought it’d be. Do you have bird feeders hanging up outside? What about any hanging plants? nope. If you were poor, living on the streets, & had no family to aid you, would you take up a job offer to work in a slaughterhouse? if that was the only job i could get, then yeah. it would suck but unfortunately we need money to live. Have you ever had a grandparent come live with you? yeah. Do you keep your fortunes from fortune cookies? i did for awhile, kept it in my phone case. When you walk into your bedroom, is the light switch on the right side or the left side of the door? right. Who makes the majority of the food for Thanksgiving in your family? we don’t celebrate thanksgiving here. Does your house have a real chimney? nope. If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why? no idea just because i’ve never been through one. probably a hurricane though? i think my house could withstand that. How did you learn to ride a bicycle? pretty sure my dad taught me. i relied on training wheels even though i knew how to ride without them and finally just got rid of them when i was about 8 lol. If you want any tattoos or piercings, what’s next on your list? don’t want either. Are you good at understanding baby talk? nope. What was the last movie that you saw in the theaters? it’s been forever. i think it was deadpool 2 or ocean’s eight. Can you do a hand stand? nope. If you could, you would go to the moon? probably not. Do you like candy canes? no. Have you ever gotten in trouble at school for wearing revealing clothes? no. we had uniforms. Have you ever seriously thought about getting plastic surgery? no. Do you prefer your jeans normal or ripped? normal. i like acid wash and that distressed look though. Have you ever actually woken up screaming because of a nightmare? no. Have you watched Breaking Bad? i’ve seen about half of it. Have you ever been skating? yes. Do you feel comfortable singing in front of others? hell no. Name four favorite fast food restaurants & what you usually order at each one. burger king: whopper meal. mcdonalds: cheeseburger or applie pie. kfc: twista meal. sushi hub: i always get sushi and avocado, crispy chicken and avocado and prawn katsu rolls. Name four favorite sit down restaurants & what you usually order at each one. hurricanes: ribs. hooters: wings in either spicy garlic or teriyaki sauce. idk where else tbh. Would you say you’re more close-minded or open-minded? Is there anyone in your family or group of friends you’d consider close-minded? If so, does it ever bother you? definitely open minded. i think my family and friends are quite open minded. i’m not really close to anyone who i really disagree with when it comes to my views. What is the most fucked up movie you’ve seen? Why? i honestly forgot what it was called but it was on netflix and there’s just a room of people in this weird room and only one could survive. When it’s time to dress up for a special occasion, are you more likely to wear a dress, a skirt, or dress pants? a dress. If you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it? What is your favorite flavor? i never ear oatmeal. Have you ever been brave enough to cut your hair in a very different way? If you have, did you regret your decision after? nah. How attractive is a girl is a suit? How attractive is a guy in a dress? it all depends on how the clothes fit the person tbh. What does your dad do? he works in a factory. Are your fingers long, or short? they’re pretty stubby. Are you allergic to any dogs? nope. Have you ever used an epi pen? no. What is the meaning of your first name? goddess of wine. funnily enough i’m not a fan of wine. Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? i don’t think i did actually lol. Does it usually take you awhile to recover from illnesses? sometimes. it depends. i’ll either get over a sickness in a couple of days or it’ll take weeks. Would you rather get married outside or inside? inside only because knowing my luck it’ll be raining. Do you put your elbows on the table when you eat? Do you think it’s rude? i don’t think i do but i don’t really consider it rude. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? yes. What are your thoughts on mini-skirts or mini-dresses? not a fan of them on myself. Have you ever died in one of your dreams? yes haha. then i woke up. Which is tastier: fruity gum or minty gum? fruity tbh. Be honest, have you ever bullied anybody? Who was it? not seriously. i’ve been teased but i haven’t been a constant target. What was the mascot at your elementary school? we didn’t have one. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? the proposal. Have you ever had a significant other NOT believe you when you said “i love you” to them? Why was that? How did you react? nope. Is there a band logo you would get tattooed on yourself? no. If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? hospital. wouldn’t want to jeopardise anything. What was the last thing you ordered online? invitations to be printed. What’s your favorite planet? earth. What are three things that fascinate you? travelling, space and culture. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder? no. Do you enjoy doing yoga? not really. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? nope. Have you ever had fondue? yes. only a chocolate one though. i’d love to try a cheese one. Have you ever taken photos in a photobooth? yes. If you have a dog, do you walk it regularly? not really. he’s turning 15 this year and is super old. we have a huge backyard so he still runs around when he wants. Do porcelain dolls scare you? they don’t scare me but i definitely wouldn’t want to start a collection. Which is worse, Teletubbies or Boohbas? boohbas were weird af. Would you ever consider getting a tattoo on the inside of your bottom lip? nope. Do you like to play air hockey? yes. Have you ever been in a castle? technically yes. it’s just not my definition of a castle. Are you a lightweight when it comes to alcohol? i’m okay. Do you like tacos? only soft tacos.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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against-a-dark-background · 3 years

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JAKARTA LEGACY

My mental state began to deteriorate when the Australian Embassy was bombed on the 9th September 2004. I was standing on my balcony, eight hundred metres away from the embassy when the bomb went off. The sound was like no other that I have ever heard, it was like a flat smack! The blast wave knocked me backwards against the wall of the balcony.

Foolishly, I decided to have a look at the bomb site. My ex-boyfriend Todo, with whom I had only broken up with about a month before, worked in the embassy in the AUSAID department. I tried to get him on the phone, but it just kept going to voicemail. I was worried about him; I still had some remnants of care from our relationship. When I got there, the scene was carnage. People were walking around aimlessly in a dazed state. Windows within a 500-metre radius were shattered, paper was falling from these jagged openings like rain, cars were destroyed, trees and bushes were shredded, burnt, and stripped of their leaves, and body parts were strewn around the bomb crater.

After about ten minutes, I realised I was going into shock, so I ran back home and called Arman to find out where he was. I was so terrified he had been near the blast. He was on the north side of Jakarta and had not even heard the bomb explode.

I would never have guessed that on my first day in Jakarta I would be leaving in severely deteriorated mental health. My first day in Jakarta was somewhat of a disappointment. My boyfriend at the time, Todo had decided to go to work on my first day in this strange and wondrous — and confusing city, leaving me to my own devices, not speaking a word of Indonesian and not knowing a thing about Jakarta.

I had come to Indonesia because Todo had arranged a job interview with English First, a private English language school. Luckily, I had organised an internet friend to be my tour guide. His name was Jojo and he was extremely cute. He was a little shorter than me, with close cropped hair, kind almond-shaped eyes, and kooky teeth like David Bowie’s. He met me outside the Australian Embassy, we grabbed a taxi, and set off to explore Jakarta.

Jojo took me to the place where the Hotel Indonesia and the Plaza Indonesia sit side by side in a circular formation. Plaza Indonesia is a giant shopping mall with all the Western trappings one might expect to find. Next, we went to Monas – Monumen Nasional, sometime jokingly referred by westerners as “Sukarno’s last erection.” This is chiefly because it resembles a phallus and I’m assured that this is no accident. We climbed all the way to the top and looked out over the city, then we went back down to the museum at the bottom of the monument and took in some of Indonesia’s great history. After this, we went to a karaoke bar on the north side of the city and we sang a few songs and made out like teenagers. The day having been spent, Jojo and I went back to the Australian Embassy where I waited for my boyfriend to finish work.

Todo did not stay my boyfriend for long. I had lived with him in a shitty little boarding house known locally as a kost. These were everywhere in Central Jakarta, some of them cheap and rat-infested and others at the more luxurious end of the scale. Todo was a tightwad and even though I had my own cash, in those first few weeks of being in Jakarta, I had no idea of what to do or where to go — and I couldn’t speak the language yet. So, we lived in one of the shittier kosts. We never went anywhere and never ate out, despite this being a cheap thing to do. He left me to my own devices day after day as he went to work, and I suppose this was kind of a good thing — I got a crash course in Bahasa Indonesia from the other residents of the kost.

One night, Todo took me to a gay nightclub called Two-Faces where he spent the night guard-dogging me against any guys that showed an interest. But that all changed when Arman walked in and we locked eyes from across the room. He managed to sidle his way over to me and sit down next to me. We exchanged pleasantries and he gave me his business card — he was a finance worker for Mitsubishi, and this is the lie I told Todo— that I was interested in buying a car from Arman.

Three weeks later Arman and I were living together in a more upmarket kost where they cleaned your rooms daily and did your laundry, and there was a little café out the front where you could get breakfast. Salted duck eggs, rice, little fish called terasi served with peanuts. It was paradise compared to my previous kost.

My medical troubles in Jakarta began in earnest in September 2004 when I woke up vomiting a chocolate-coloured mess and having no feeling down my left side. As ambulances in Jakarta were mostly for ferrying the dead to graveyards, we had to call a friend who had a car as we didn’t have one at this stage. They were reluctant to help us initially until I shouted down the phone:

“I’ve had a stroke!”

On the way to the hospital, I insisted on smoking several cigarettes as I knew I wouldn’t be able to smoke in hospital. Arman, now my husband, to his credit took a week off work and slept beside my hospital bed every night. I had only known him for three months, so that’s when I knew he was a keeper. With Arman’s help and a lot of effort, I recovered from my stroke and regained the use of my left side. My speech was not affected but to this day, I sometimes transpose letters when I’m handwriting, as I’m left-handed. I credit Arman and my neurologist for my return to health. My neurologist was a fabulous woman in her thirties who had long, red, fake nails and whose lipstick bled through her cloth mask. I got on with her very well and it was her psychiatrist father who treated me later.

The next knock to my mental state occurred when we were living on the top floor of a 46-storey building. Arman was managing a company for his friend in Japan at this point and they had bought an apartment for us. At 02:00 one morning there was a 7.3 earthquake that shook the whole building waking us in fright. We ran all the way down the stairs — 46 storeys that took us over 25 minutes to get to the ground. I suppose you could say that I had PTSD at this stage as I had nightmares and slept poorly, waiting for the next earthquake.

My other medical troubles involved drugs but not illegal drugs. One afternoon after I had finished work, I decided to go to the Rumah Sakit Tebet, which is a typical, small, Christian-run hospital. I went into the emergency waiting room and there was a cliché nurse in a pressed, white uniform. She even had a little white hat on.

“Bisa Bahasa Inggris?” I asked

“Ya, sedikit-sedikit,” she replied

“I’m having a panic attack, I can’t breathe properly, and my heart is racing. Can you please help me?”

“Ok, you wait here,” she said.

I sat down in the waiting room, my legs jiggling and my hands shaking. I waited for what seemed like an eternity, but it was only about twenty minutes. A tall, grey-headed doctor came out and waved me in. He sat me down and asked for my symptoms. I repeated what I had told the nurse, can’t breathe properly, heart racing, I feel panicked. He asked me what I wanted him to do and I said,

“I need some diazepam.”

“Oh, I see. Have you ever had it before?” he asked.

“Yes, I used to be on it when I lived in Australia. It’s essential medication for me.”

“Well, I can give you some tablets today,” he said.

This doctor, this soft touch, became my go-to for my future diazepam needs. I would present at emergency, spin the same yarn about having a panic attack and I always got what I wanted. Sometimes it was diazepam, sometimes it was lorazepam — sometimes I even managed to convince the good doctor to give me a 10mg diazepam injection — which was magnificent, and it eased my troubled mind — at least for a short while.

When this doctor had finally had enough of my histrionics, I went above his head and bribed the doctor in charge of the hospital to continue to supply me with the drugs — it worked, corruption is endemic in Indonesia and it penetrates all levels of society — I craved those chemicals to calm my traumatised mind.

My mental problems grew increasingly worse after another earthquake struck, this one worse — 7.6 in magnitude and only 170 km to the north-west, off the coast of Jakarta. I was in the lift of my apartment building at the time and it began to sway from side to side, smashing into the walls of the elevator shaft as it went up. When I got out of the elevator, I couldn’t stand up because the building was swaying so violently. There were several people there with me and one of them was yelling “Oh Tuhan, oh Tuhan, oh Tuhan,” right in my ear. Tuhan being a cry to god. I couldn’t stand it, so I got up along the wall to my apartment and went inside, smoked three pipes of weed, and lay on the couch until the earthquake subsided — I did not care if the building collapsed — I was on the top floor, and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

It was at this point my mental health took a turn for the worse. I engaged in further drug-seeking behaviour and would often turn up for work under the influence of whatever I could get my hands on — diazepam, morphine, tramadol, gabapentin. No one at work noticed but I was buzzed every day. It was not at all for pleasure; it was self-medicating for the mental trauma I was suffering.

The next brush with death occurred on the 14th July 2009, when Arman and I ate at the Srivijaya buffet room in the J.W. Marriott Hotel in Kuningan, Jakarta. Three days later, on the 17th July, a suicide bomber walked in with a backpack full of explosives and detonated his bombs. At the same moment, another suicide bomber walked into the foyer of the Ritz-Carlton, directly opposite the Marriott, but he was stopped by security, wherein he detonated his bomb. I was quite disconcerted by this experience.

At the time the bombs went off in the Marriott and the Ritz-Carlton, I was teaching a Study In Australia Program (SIAP) to captains and majors in the Indonesian military. The SIAP IELTS program was designed to ready these military personnel to a level of English that would allow them to undertake master’s degrees in counterterrorism and the like at Australian universities. It was a cooperative effort between my school, the Australian Embassy, the Department of Defence, and ABRI, the Indonesian Military.

When we heard the bombs go off; I asked my military students if they knew who was behind the bombings. I was with several majors and captains, smoking outside during a break from class. I had some idea as I had heard talk from my in-school students, some of whom were the children of government workers and big businesspeople.

“I think I know who was behind the bombing,” I said.

“Who do you think it was?” asked one of the majors

“Was it the guy who’s running for vice-president with XXXXXXX?”

“I don’t want you to say that again,” said the major.

“So, am I right?” I asked.

“Please, you can’t talk about this anymore. It is dangerous for you,” he said with finality.

Since then, I have been enduring the weight of knowing who was behind the twin bombings of the Ritz-Carlton and J.W. Marriott Hotels in 2009.

Arman and I decided that it was best if we go and live in Australia, where I could get the medical help I so desperately needed and the support from my family. Arman set out to become a permanent resident of Australia and he had to do this by himself, as I had to work and was of little use.

My mental state began to decline further and people at work noticed there was something wrong with me. I missed a promotion and my reaction was ugly to say the least. I began to act out and soon other teachers noticed my behaviour and would ask me if I was ok. I lied and said I was, but things were deteriorating. My manager called me into his office

“I’m going to get down to it straight away,” he said. “Would you like to take a few weeks off, to get your head right?’

“No,” I shook my head in denial. “No, please. I’m fine. I can still teach. I’m doing my job well, I think. There’s been no complaints.”

“I’ve heard things from the other teachers, they say it sounds like you’re not coping well. Please consider a holiday. I think it’ll be of great benefit.”

“No really, I’m okay. I’m coping well. I really don’t want to take time off. I don’t need it.”

After this, things became so bad that I broke down and cried in a class full of children, who I’m sure were scarred by the experience.

Arman was working hard getting his permanent residency and I became too much to handle. We went to see a psychiatrist, the father of my neurologist, who put me on a raft of psychoactive drugs and then decided that I should be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. It was an odd feeling being in an Indonesian psychiatric hospital, for a start I couldn’t communicate well with the other patients and it was hard interacting with the staff.

I did make one friend — a 19-year-old boy who apparently was suffering from major depression. From my perspective, he seemed like a shy, introverted nineteen-year-old boy, whom I suspected was gay. His parents had admitted him when he failed to thrive at ITB (Institut Teknologi Bnndung) university. He and I would talk every day while we smoked in the outdoor area. I developed a bond with him and after a few days, we were fast friends. He told me all about his inability to cope at university and his parent’s insistence that there was something wrong with him. I strongly believed there was nothing wrong with him at all.

The food was abysmal — sloppy rice with fish and other such tasteless muck. My psychiatrist insisted that I stay in the hospital for three weeks, which did not mesh with Arman’s arrangements for us to go to Australia. He telephoned my parents who in turn telephoned the Australian embassy. They then sent out two consular officials who demanded my immediate release from the hospital. My doctor had no choice but to comply.

Arman had organised everything, his permanent residency, our tickets to Australia and he had arranged for our belongings to be sent via air freight to Brisbane airport. So, I found myself on my way home to Australia doped up to the eyeballs on alprazolam, chlorpromazine, haloperidol, and several other drugs. It was a rough flight home but I’m usually a good flier. I found myself popping 2mg alprazolam every other hour because I could not cope with the panic.

When we arrived home, my parents almost did not recognise me, I knew because I saw their shocked looks. My face was all puffy, I was bloated, I had put on weight and I had dark circles under my eyes. My mum cried when she saw me, so I must have looked a mess. My mum and dad had organised a caravan for us to live in in my sister’s backyard.

It was a dramatic comedown from living on top of one of the tallest buildings in the middle of one of the largest cities in the world.

I began to get proper medical care. I saw a G.P. who referred me to a psychiatrist who then took me off most of the drugs they had put me on in Jakarta. I slowly began to improve but to this day I have Bipolar II Disorder, PTSD, anxiety, and panic, and ADHD – Inattentive Type.

I am on the Disability Support Pension.

This is one side of the legacy of my time in Jakarta. One day, I shall tell the rest of my Jakarta legacy.

#Jakarta Legacy #Fictional Memoir #Psychotic Break #Self Medication #Drug Misuse #Bipolar II Disorder #PTSD #9th September Australian Embassy Bombing - Jakarta - 2004 #2009 JW Marriott & Ritz-Carlton Suicide Bombings #7.5Earthquake while on the 46th floor of an apartment building #Charles' Fictional Memoirs & Sci-Fi & Pop Culture

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kittynightterrors · 5 years

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Medicine

Pairing: N/A Rating: T Content: Untreated ADHD, recreational drug use, depression, anxiety, shit ass hero society, unbeta’d vent fic ao3: right here Notes: Hey, so I’ve never written for My Hero before, and this is a vent fic centered around Presnt Mic. Uh, go easy on me?

Knowing from a young age that something was wrong with you was a strange feeling, especially when the people who were supposed to take care of you didn’t do their job. In the age of the internet it was easy for Hizashi to look up how he was feeling and go “hey, mom, dad, I think I have ADHD.” They agreed he did, but they never took him to the doctor for it. “If we make this official, you’ll never be a hero.”

He wanted to be a hero so, so bad. So, he stopped trying to fix his brain. It was hard, his grades went from being great to being not so good. The classes he cared about, he would excel in. He could lose himself in an English paper, to the point of forgetting to eat. And when it came to the subjects he just didn’t care about, it wasn’t that he was bad at them, he just didn’t care. He was smart, but he just didn’t apply himself. “Hizashi, if you would stop listening to that damn music, you could get into any Imperial University you wanted!” But, he didn’t want to get into some big Imperial University, he hadn’t even been sure he wanted to go to college. Shouta and Nemuri pushed him to apply to something small, but respectable, and together the three of them worked on Hizashi being a semi functioning person. Alarms and check ins helped him eat and sleep properly. It was nice. College saw a huge shift in his grades, given that he could actually pick what he wanted to take. His attention was constantly captivated, and he went from borderline failing to honors. It was nice, like maybe his stupid brain wouldn’t get the best of him. This improvement landed him a semester abroad in America. College was so different over there than in Japan. Parties were everywhere, and Hizashi was sitting on the fence of joining that life style. The loud music, the flashing lights, it was more his style than anything back home. Out in America he picked up a side job DJing for small little house parties. People paid him to play music and run his mouth, it was the dream! The party scene had its downfalls though: namely drugs. Weed, fantastic, amazing, everyone who wanted to should be able to smoke it! Alcohol, eh, take it or leave it. Ecstasy, after doing his research, he had become so picky about the stuff he never did it. Adderall though, that had been something else. The only thing he knew about the stuff was it was very, very illegal back home. Americans were often detained for having a legitimate prescription of the stuff. His friends had told him it was a lot like coke, just legal coke. “You’ll feel great. And studying will go by so quick.” Except, he didn’t feel great and studying didn’t go by very quickly. He had watched everyone bump the pill and decided to follow suit. Everyone at the party was having fun, geeked out of their mind. And he just sat there with a mild headache from snorting a pill. This amazing, finals enhancing drug did nothing for him. “How ya feelin’ Zash?” “Like I have a headache?” “....Dumbass, do you have ADD?” Oh… There went his brain ruining everything again. Before leaving America, he had gone to his college’s psychiatric facilities to try to get a concrete answer about his ADHD. What he got was… enough. A yes without it being explicit. “Technically, I can’t diagnose you, but I can screen you. At this school, you need a diagnosis to get meds. Outside of the school, this screening is all you need to get a prescription.” The person he had seen had been kind enough to not make anything official without Hizashi’s say so. Not with how mental illness was still seen in the world. For such an advanced society, the hero world still held many old stigmas that should have died away a long time ago. Mental illness was still such a messy topic that most agencies would rather ignore a great hero with a problem than actually try to help said hero. There were some quirks that could help, but ethics and morals came into play a lot. It caused many people to just lie about having any problems, and lying often times got people hurt. While he had been in America, there was an incident with a female hero. She had untreated PTSD and snapped during a mission, taking her life along with the life of another hero and a villain. It wasn’t her fault, if her agency, hell if anyone, had been willing to help her, she would probably still be here. Instead, there was a larger wedge driven in the hero community. When Hizashi moved back to Japan, he had two semesters of college left, but it felt like an eternity. Having a professional reaffirm his suspicions about his own mental health might have been worse than just going against the grain. He was hyper aware of all of his mood changes, any time something was overwhelming he would just freak out. His usual happy go lucky personality had died away under the weight of trying to beat this illness with no help. If he got anything official, he would be screwed. He would never be a hero, though, if he was honest with himself, that was why he was in college. He couldn’t be a hero. He needed a degree so he could teach. At least being a teacher, he could help the next batch of heroes, right? At some point in his hectic life, Nemuri and Shouta had basically become his roommates. He hadn’t been sure when or how, but it was nice. Nemuri was very motherly and Shouta was super logical. It was the perfect combination for when he would absolutely lose his shit during finals. Higher level classes meant more projects, and Hizashi took on too many classes. So, he lost sleep. He’d get anxious and try and finish a month long project in a weekend. He would get it done, but it cost him a lot. How his friends stayed with him was a miracle because by the end of college he could barely function. His straight A’s dropped to C’s because he just stopped caring. Still, he had managed to get that piece of paper that said he could teach. That’s what he had resigned himself to doing: teaching and maybe he’d pick up another DJing gig. It was fun. He needed fun. Shouta and Nemuri, though, were not too thrilled with how easily Hizashi had just given up on being a hero. “You know your provisional license is still good. You can finish up the National License.”

“I don’t think I can, Sho. The stress, the stigma. I.. I think I’m good. I’ll just teach the newbies. It’ll be fun.” That was a lie, but it was one he was willing to live with. He liked teaching his friends English, so maybe teaching kids would be like that. It had to be, because if he didn’t have teaching, he really didn’t have anything. He didn’t want to think about not having anything, but each day he went without a job looked more and more grim. If he had a normal brain then maybe he could be a proper adult and he could go and be this hero. He could save people and function, and not lose his shit over the dumbest thing. A part of him wanted to finally get diagnosed and get on medication, but he knew the minute he did that he signed away any chance he would ever get of being a hero. So, he stayed unmedicated. Just living day to day. Sometimes he would be perfectly fine, just existing in his apartment with his friends. Other days he was freaking out for no real reason. He had looked it up, and apparently because he wasn’t treating his illness he was slowly developing new ones. Namely anxiety and depression. He could tell it was straining his relationship with his friends, but he couldn’t get diagnosed. He just couldn’t, and with medication being so hard to get, he just decided to take matters into his own hands. Energy supplements and weed eventually became Hizashi’s go to once he got himself a job at a radio station. The stuff he was drinking was great, it had vitamins and all this other crap, had little sugar. It helped him focus unlike caffeine pills. At least, that’s how he reasoned with himself. He’d drink the powdery drink before a show, go on for the six hours he needed to be hyped up, then go home and share a joint with his friends before sleeping. Rinse and repeat. Thankfully, his boss at the radio station let him have full reign of the show. So when the drink would make him hyperfocus on his anxiety rather than his music, he’d just queue a non stop playlist and freak out at his desk. It sucked so bad, but it paid his rent. And usually Nemuri or Shouta was out on patrol during his sets so they would bring him something to calm him down. This new regiment went on for a couple months before Nemuri came home one night and threw a bottle of pills at him. Confused, Hizashi read the label over and over, squinting at the prescription and the name attached. “Concerta… Tatsuya… Nem, whose are these?” “Yours.” “Nem, seriously.” “Zashi, seriously.” That night they had a long talk about everything, how Nemuri had suffered from depression. How Shouta found the pharmacist willing to illegally help heroes. How very, very illegal the whole process was. They didn’t bring it up because the process wasn’t guaranteed and it involved some unsavory people. He wasn’t exactly happy that they had gone behind his back with this, but they all knew if he knew he wouldn’t have gone. So he was a little less mad. He didn’t take the medicine immediately. It stayed untouched for about a month, just sitting on his nightstand as he decided what he was going to do. On one hand, he could be a hero. He could just lie about his mental illness and keep it pushing. On the other, he had read up on the medicine, and it was very scary. Just missing one dose could fuck him up. Missing several would put him in a bad spot. Hero work or self medication. That’s what his choice boiled down to. He couldn’t pinpoint why, but one day he just decided to take the medication. It felt great. He was focusing within the hour and he wasn’t drifting off to do other things. His radio show was just the right amount of hyper without going off the rails. He felt productive. It was great. He forgot to take it the next day, and while it wigged him out, he had red he hadn’t been on it long enough for it to do anything. So, he started setting alarms for himself again, a habit that died off at some point. He couldn’t remember why he stopped. Sleep, eat, medicine, clock in, sleep. Rinse and repeat. That’s what his alarms were for. After a couple of weeks he was able to silence all of them except the one that woke him up. It was nice. Having a schedule that he could stick to. After months of being on the medicine, he finally got the courage to go and get his National Hero License. It was scary, but his friends helped him through it. The medicine didn’t help too much with his anxiety, but he wasn’t really willing to fuck with more than one medicine. So he chose to deal with the anxiety by itself. Breathing helped, knowing that getting his NHL would be the best thing ever helped. When he walked out of the building with that piece of plastic, with his two friends waiting for him, he broke down in tears. He couldn’t help it He had come so far because of them... because of him, too. The months turned to two years, and Hizashi was starting to forget who that scared little boy was that he used to be. When he wasn’t a hero, he was still a radio DJ. He found that working multiple jobs was the best thing for him. The more occupied he was, the better off he was. Eventually, he even decided to apply for a teaching position too. Just to add one more thing for him to do. The talk with Principal Nezu was a little intimidating if he was honest. The furry little creature might be small in stature, but he could command the attention of a room. Still, Hizashi laid out his concerns and his own demands. He wanted to be open about his condition if a student had those concerns as well. He never wanted someone to suffer like he had. He wanted to change the stigma. Somehow. Nezu, surprisingly, was okay with this, so long as the student was the one who approached Hizashi with the question. As Hizashi started to teach, and students actually approached him on how to deal with their ADHD, the Pro wanted to push the stigma more. He went to his agency with a hypothetical, a student wanted to know what to do. They laughed and he threatened to leave. Sure, he wasn’t All Might or Endeavor, but he was Present Mic the DJ who brought in a decent chunk of change for his celebrity status, and money talked. They agreed on doing PSAs about ADHD, but they weren’t looking to bring on a hero with the condition. It wasn’t good enough, so he left. And it was a PR nightmare for the agency. “Dear Listeners, Present Mic just became a free agent…” Was it dumb to blast the agency on air? Oh yeah. Did Shouta chew him out? Fuck yeah he did. Did Hizashi feel great? Amazing. It felt so good to do things for himself, to make his own terms. Without an agency, Hizashi started to get more bold on his radio show, creating a monthly Monday show dedicated to mental health. It had its ups and downs, some people loved it, some people hated it. The radio station’s ratings were up so his boss didn’t care one way or another, especially when people would call in to threaten or belittle Mic. Still, he kept it pushing because if he was going to be the only advocate the he was going to be the loudest advocate.

While he never out right admitted he had an illness, everyone could figure it out. The NHL had tried to strip him of his license, but with not real concrete diagnosis they had no reason to. They gave him a firm talking to, reminded him that they were not a fan of his “shenanigans.” So, Hizashi just got louder. He started selling merchandise with “Remember their names” on the front and the list of heroes that, globally, had lost their lives to untreated mental illness. The money went to advocacy groups. He was going to make sure that if the NHL did anything stupid, it would back fire on them.

His hero work was getting choked off by the NHL, he knew it was, but he was just going to keep fighting. Principal Nezu supported his fight, so did his students. He knew how Nemuri and Shouta felt. That was all that mattered. The people that mattered about him cared, and that was enough for him to keep fighting. After the merchandise came a forum, an anonymous place for people with and without quirks to discuss mental illness. At this point, his words had spread out past the hero community in Japan. He saw users from across the globe on his site and he knew he was slowly gaining traction. Slow and steady.

His twenty sixth birthday marked his two year fight for equality, and unfortunately no heroes had really spoken on it. He understood, they didn’t want to jeopardize everything, but it was still frustrating. It was a pretty standard day, outside of a little extra time spent with his best friends. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, until he got an email from All Might. He reread it at least ten times before shrieking, triggering his quirk on accident. Poor Nem and Sho, but seriously, All Might wanted to be on his radio show to talk about mental health and destigmatizing mental illness! They had to tell him to breathe in between his excited outbursts. He was feeling such a strange mix of emotions that he could feel the tears in his eyes. He wanted to be happy, but everything could go so wrong so quickly.

“I admire your tenacity, Present Mic. Everything you’ve done for Mental Health Awareness, it’s very admirable.”

Mic was speechless, but he played it cool, he had to, he was on air.

“I appreciate that, All Might! You’re the first Pro to say anything. So, seriously, I appreciate that.”

“I want to give money to the cause. I might not understand what people are going through, but I can empathize. Let me help.”

Who knew all it took was All Might opening his checkbook for the hero world to change their minds about mental health. Suddenly it was the in thing to be pro mental health. It was a blessing and a curse, but it was better than nothing. All Might helped Hizashi with getting in with some politicians to work on legislation. They worked with getting heroes, civilians, and even villains (in custody) access to whatever it was they needed. It was slow, but needed because Hizashi was not going to let another kid suffer like he did.

A year after the All Might interview, agencies were begging for him to join them. Hizashi had gone from being a smudge on the hero community to being this shining beacon. He declined them all, uninterested in dealing with people who would drop him when mental health was no longer the cool thing. He had heard that had happened when homosexuality was still something people fought for. Heroes would be used as a token, only to be dropped when being gay or queer wasn’t the in thing. No thanks, Hizashi was better off doing the independent thing. He wouldn’t go full underground like Shouta, but he certainly wasn’t going to an agency any time soon. No, he liked his odd hero jobs. Between teaching and the radio, he had just enough time to kick a couple of villain asses. He still had moments where worry crept up, that he would lose control and his illness would win, but that was all part of the fight. It was a long fight, and it was time people knew about it.

“Dear listeners, as you know, I’m closing in on my fifth year at the radio station, so I thought I’d do something a little different. How about I tell you my mental health journey.”

#my hero academia #mha fanfiction #yamada hizashi

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surveyjunkie · 7 years

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What genre of books do you like reading? Fantasy horror, back when I did read. Occasionally I’ll read memoirs/autobiographies too. What is the meanest prank someone played on you? What about meanest prank you’ve played on someone else? I honestly can’t remember.

Which dinosaur is your favorite? Brontosaurus Have you ever been fishing? Yes, many times

Would you rather go to an art museum or a history museum? Art museum Have you ever broken the law? If yes, what did you do? Speeding, driving with expired tags, drinking underage, and doing illegal drugs are the worst things I’ve ever done. How do you take your coffee? With cream and sugar What do you usually order at Starbucks? Smoked butterscotch latte or white chocolate mocha Which planet is your favorite? Earth, the one we live on Do you have a favorite constellation? The little dipper? Are you protective of your friends and family? Yes Have you ever stolen anything from the lost-and-found somewhere? I did that a couple of times in middle and high school. I thought I was such a badass back then.

Do you like going to carnivals and festivals? I live for carnivals and festivals Do you like working on DIY projects? Sometimes...but I rarely work on them in the first place What color are the walls and floor of your room? Floor is beige carpet, walls are teal painted Do you have any siblings? I have a younger brother Do you think you’re funny? Bitch I’m hilarious What’s a joke that you find funny? Next question. What’s your favorite food to just pig out on? Wings from BW3′s!! What’s your favorite type of pie? Apple

What is the most expensive article of clothing you own? My black North Face jacket What countries would you like to travel to? Italy, Ireland, England, Japan, Peru, Argentina Do you forget things easily or do you have a good memory? I forget about important things I did last week but I remember the exact date, time, and weather of obscure things that happened years ago....so both? When’s the last time you got a hair cut? I trimmed it a little about a month ago. Do you wear colored contact lenses? Nope. I don’t even wear normal contacts. Is your current hair color your natural color? Nope, it’s a maroon red color but it’s fading What color would you like to dye your hair? I like the color it is now, but I might get it touched up How much money do you have in your wallet? 12 dollars cash What cards do you have in your wallet? Debit cards, gift cards, my ID, my health and car insurance cards, and rewards cards What is your favorite candy to receive in your trick-or-treat bag? Big Reese’s, Airheads or jolly rancher chews Would you rather go trick-or-treating or go to a Halloween party? Halloween party. I’m too old to trick-or-treat and it’s easier for me to just go to the store and buy my own candy. Is it more fun decorating inside or outside for holidays? Inside What do you want next Christmas? Money. What is your favorite Christmas present that you’ve ever received? An LG flip phone and a pair of pink and white Etnies when I was 13. I haven’t been quite as excited about Christmas presents since then. What’s your favorite vegetable? I answered this in another survey...corn. Have you ever sold anything that you made? Nope What’s the last song you listened to? ”Guys My Age” by Hey Violet. Can you play any instruments? I used to be able to play violin, and I’m sure I could re-teach myself. I can also play some piano but I’m not very good. What instrument would you like to learn how to play? I want to re-learn the violin. What’s the last album you listened to all the way through? An Awesome Wave by Alt-J. It’s one of the best albums ever made. Do you ever want to have children? I honestly have no idea. Depends on how I feel when I’m 30. What’s the last thing you gave someone as a gift? I gave my brother a North Face hat for his birthday When you go out to eat with friends, who usually pays? We split the bill Have you ever been in a boat? Yep! Do you prefer to swim in a pool or the ocean? Pooool. Ocean water is nasty and touching seaweed freaks me out, plus there’s sharks in the sea. I’d much rather swim in a lake. Have you ever gotten lost out in public? Oh yeah. The worst was last summer when I lost my car downtown and was wandering around for 30 minutes. Have you ever had your fortune told? Yes, they had a “psychic” at after prom in high school. She told me I was going to go away for college and that my brother was going to go into the military and neither of those happened. Lol. Have you ever played with tarot cards? Nope Would you ever play with a ouija board? I have in the past What’s the last pair of shoes you wore? I’m wearing brown boots right now How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t know off the top of my head...around 20 Do you prefer wearing sneakers, flats, flip flops, boots, or heels? Sneakers or boots. What would your reaction be if you found out you had a long-lost sibling? Honestly, I’d be really excited. Would you like to have a garden? That would be awesome! I would grow my own peppers and spices. If you could grow one fruit in your backyard, would your rather it be oranges, grapes, blackberries, or watermelon? Oranges Which side of your family are you closest to? My mother’s. Are you currently in a relationship? Yep Do any of your family members own businesses? "Businesses” Do you remember the last dream or nightmare you had? No, I think it involved Josh though Do you have any rituals before bed? Usually I’ll play a game on my computer while putting something on Netflix on. Sometimes I’ll take a hit of weed or drink a glass of wine. How many pillows and blankets do you sleep with? Two pillows and usually one blanket. Have you ever accidentally bought something fake? A dolce and gabbana bag. It was only 20 bucks though but for whatever reason I thought it was real at the time. If you had your own shop, what would you sell? Art and books and candles, maybe some glass pieces. It’d be a hippie store for sure. What’s something that can easily make you angry? When you can tell someone’s going out of their way to be disrespectful. << This. Would you rather explore a jungle or a forest? Forest. Is there any celebration from another country that you’d like to see? I’m sure there are tons. When’s the last time you received a package in the mail? What was it? It’s been a while since I’ve ordered anything online, but I think the last thing I got was a bra was VS because I needed a new one badly. Have you ever sent a handwritten letter in the mail? Did the person reply back? Back in 6th grade when we were assigned pen pals was the last time, and they wrote back. They sent me Pokemon cards and candy which was really cool. Have you ever told a crush that you liked them? I don’t think I have ever had the balls to do that. Usually I wait for the other person to make a move, and shrug it off if they never do. Are you more of a day or a night person? Day What food could you eat your own body weight in because you love it so much? Boneless honey BBQ wings with ranch Do you believe in any conspiracy theories? Some of the 911 ones, yes Have you ever received an award? A few here and there. Do you have any patches or buttons on anything you own? No Do you have any friends that you’re so close to that you consider them family? Yeah Are you going to be travelling anywhere any time soon? Nope What kind of car do you drive? A silver 2015 Chevy Cruze Do you prefer traveling by car, train, or plane? Depends on where I’m going. I do enjoy riding in trains but they’re also hella slow, and planes scare me but sometimes they’re necessary. Have you ever bought a piece of art? Yes. Are you introverted or extroverted? Introverted. Do you usually make small talk with people when you’re out in public? Not unless someone talks to me first. Would you want to work at the same place as your significant other? Yeah, I think that could be fun. We could take lunch together. What is your current job? I work full-time at a research hospital Have you ever seen a ghost? No... Have you ever wished on a shooting star? Nope. What time do you usually go to sleep? 11

Do you usually have dreamless sleep or lots of dreams? It’s been dreamless lately. I only dream when I get enough sleep which is rarely. If you were royalty over a random object, what would it be? Wait what? Are you close to anyone in your extended family? Not really, I keep in touch with my cousins as much as possible but it’s hard when we live so far apart. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes What’s the last gift someone gave you? It was a gift card to a salon What is your favorite foreign cuisine? Chinese. Always will be. What is the last thing that stressed you out? The whole ordeal that happened yesterday with my stepdad. I’m just glad I have a solution now. Which type of chocolate is your favorite? Milk chocolate

#survey #surveys

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