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dylansslutt · 9 months

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judas kiss / t.s

part three of dishonest (mini series)

authors note// hi thank you so much for your feedbacks, if i have anything unfinished yall really want another part too please lmk bc i literally have lots of ask/request or even things ive started up & forgot ab or have in my drafts. butt i am going through and finishing out some stuff, i just took a vacation and rlly needed some me time... BUT IM BACK BITCHES!!!

also... holy shit a thousand something followers!!!! thank you guys seeing the endless love and support of my writings has boosted me into starting my own book series ... but thats for another spill. thank you again for following me on my journey of my shitty writings to my development.

i got this tip thing working, i do work full time & go to school so any tips are welcomed and appreciated but either way ty all.

anywhore here is the third part/ im thinking final part as well. let your imagination think of the end... unless too many of yall want more.

tag list: @allie131313 @casa-boiardi

summary: lying about your identity, leads you face to face with the one and only thomas shelby. as chaos unravels much more surfaces as well.

staring in the mirror, feeling the old, yet the familiar feeling of a silk night gown cascading down your body. remembering the time lasted only for a mere few years. years you weren’t happy. the bruises were faded mainly, except the slight pain in your ribs still.

taking small pain killers help.

the day has left you tired leaving the rest of the clothing in the corner of the room. laughing almost as you take in the fact; he really did get you some new clothes. as well as being kind of enough to grab some of your own from your apartment.

which you were notified was absolutely trashed, yet hidden away you found a picture. one of you, your mum and sister. so young... so innocent. the memories of everything was building up.

the gown fit you nicely though, the cloth was soft and comfortable. something you almost forgot what felt like, since being alone on the run . glancing over at the clock noticing it was getting late.

biting your lip softly, things mule over in your head. how thomas was and if maybe, just maybe you two met under a different circumstance. hell even just a re-do of your meetings.

ignoring it as your hair gets tucked behind your ear. deciding to leave this room and not be cooped up.

as you step out, your eyes flicker down the hall. movements halting as your mind comes more clear. he was right there in that room.

the room you’ve seen him enter a mere few times. the light flickers through the crack of the door. it was there. right in front of you.

hand never leaving the door knob, biting your lip in deep thought. happy he got you your clothes from home, as well as a few new items. must’ve gotten help from a lady because there’s no way he chose these alonesome.

shaking these thoughts your feet spring into action. hand beside you now as your focus was on where he was. fist raising to knock on the ajar door. it swings open wider, creaking slightly as thomas sets some papers down.

smoke still in hand as his eyes lift to yours, exhaling the smoke from his lips. he lifts it back up, inhaling again taking in the sight of you. in more different clothing than anything he has seen before. work uniform, one little outfit, and his clothing. you looked good, stunning in a way.

he was as he usually was, expect a bit more exposed.

the anger still present when your wounds become more visible, thankfully more faint now. he’s already sent john to deal with that particular matter, but now he had to deal with some stuff tonight.

“got to look at the stuff, thank you.” giving him a small smiling, trying to make this attempt for a better start forward. needing time to plan future things as your mind hasn’t had a hint of peace.

he nods licking his lips, ashing in the tray.

“can’t have you walking around naked, can we?”

the joke brought a smile small to your lips, as your head thinks about the picture. unaware if he knew it was there or if someone else did the work. his focus is back on the papers making you step in. taking in this private study he enchants himself too; felt like him.

biting your lip softly, the sight of him before you has your mind in another place. he looks like something you saw only moments before. a mirror image of yourself. less battered and bruised on the outside though, yet he was tired. his eyes red, the bottle out in the open. he was more open, more vulnerable.

“y/n?”

you shake your head, a blush crosses your cheeks. “sorry. what ya’ say?”

he holds back his emotion, but his attention is now yours. “i’ve gotta meeting tonight, tomorrow some more to do. until then just stay here, out of harms way for the love of god.”

he stands up and stares at you. your lip ends up between your teeth, feeling a bit nervous. he didn’t sound so serious so fierce, he sounds exhausted. as you were to even fight back, which he noticed.

“if you are up by the time i get home, we should talk.” your eyes narrow at his words, nodding slightly. hands coming up to brush your hair back once more.

“just knock on my door when you get back, thomas.”

with that you open the cracked door wider, rushing out of the room. everything felt too tense too unsettling in there. only when his footsteps become noticeable, you realize he was following you.

heart racing as you reach halfway down the hall, nearing the stairs. for a moment, your eyes flicker to the front door.

the thought crosses your mind. ignoring it as you continue to ‘your’ room desperate that he isn’t actually following. that he would walk himself down those stairs instead.

as you reach the door his presence was there, the defeat leaves you. turning around to face him. his face was inches from yours. something deep in his eyes as he pushes the door open.

“thomas?”

the door closes behind you as he is now only standing in front of you, a heave in his chest almost. “their dead, alright? the men from that night, their gone.”

your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “wh-why are ya’ tellin’ me this?” he comes forward cupping your cheek. the look in his eye is something you’ve seen before. loss.

staying still in his embrace, “i-i don’t want ya’ scared of me... for some fuckin’ reason.”

the confession made your mouth shut completely. “i don’t want ya’ scared at all.” it didn’t feel exactly true but it what was easiest for him to say.

that was until he pulls you onto his lips. hands landing on his chest, mouth moving with his out of instinct. pulling away as you push him back slightly. staring into the eyes of a loss man, knowing this could end terribly.

your chest rises and falls quickly, “i- told ya-”

“tell me to stop then, y/n.” the deep stare between you two leaves something rattling inside of you.

“i-i get your past. i know mines fucked, but i-...” you trail off biting the inside of your cheek for a moment. the internal debate ends with him pushing forward.

lips on his he pulls you close, your hands around his neck as you both fall back on the bed straddling him. his hands push against your back, deepening the kiss. the hold on you wasn’t harsh, just tight possessive like. as if you were to disappear at any moment.

pulling away for air, his lips trail from your cheek to your neck. the giggle escapes your lips involuntarily, and for a moment thomas sighs. not of boredom and displeasure but of relief.

it made your heart swirl because you felt it too. the non-serious feeling of this. even though it wouldn’t last, it felt real for the moment.

his hand slips down from your waist onto your thighs. eyes flickering back up at you. your hands tug at his shirt, him taking the hint to remove it. the bare chest was there and now you could really look at it.

“thomas.”

his hand grips the back of your neck, pulling you into a kiss. he flips you over and he holds himself up against you. your back against the bed, other hand trailing between your thighs, you just as desperate for his touch.

he lifts the gown up slowly, teasing you with his touch. his head drops into the crane of your neck, kissing it softly before tugging your panties down softly. a soft gasp escapes you and he whispers something in your ear.

“so fuckin’ beautiful.”

your eyes roll back as he swirls your clit, the sensation incredible. “fuck.”

“taste good too.”

he enters a finger before he slowly moves his body down. his motion was slow and you whine when he leaves you. looking down seeing him between your thighs now, inches from you. his eyes flicker up, the blue prominent.

“impatient ay’?” your hand flies into his hair. trying to ignore the urge to roll your eyes,

“did ya’ forget that already?”

without another word his tongue swirls around you, a soft moan leaves you. he continues but slowly adding a finger. your calves press into his shoulders more, leaving his tongue to move slightly faster.

“oh th-” he slides another finger in making your words cut short, back arching off the bed slightly. giving him access to push your gown up above your breast. his hand comes back down around your thighs, feeling them shake around him.

unable to take it anymore your hand pushes at his head, but he holds it down instead. speeding up as your stomach drops, a moan leaving your throat. liquid coats his fingers and tongue as he stands up completely.

“do ya’ love anyone y/n?” the question caught you off guard. your breathing uneven coming down from your high; his pants drop and your body felt even more turned on.

“never really had a chance to experience love. probably doesn’t exist.” you confess the mere summary as you spread your shaky legs. his grip on them tightens, moving you closer to him.

he stares down at you in a way that you truly didn’t understand. “i like ya’, ms.solomons.” he confesses as he spits down on you. the action so dirty, but the confession so clean.

“just y/n, thomas.” the intent was known and he kisses your knee before moving. the feeling of him entering you slowly, made you grip his arm that held your waist.

“i sometimes-” you stutter out as he rocks against you slowly, fighting to keep your eyes open.

“i sometimes like to believe it could be true.”

he leans forward, the angle deeper than before as he kisses you deeply. his free hand coming to cup your jaw. his hips pick up speed leaving you a moaning mess in his mouth.

he was gentle, taking in what you reacted too. this wasn’t your first time but he felt as if you were innocent in a way. your eyes flicker up to him before you tug your dress over your head.

leaving you both completely exposed, “it’s true.” he confesses pulling away, turning holding you up against him as he lays down. your knees against the bed as he bucks up into him.

“ya’ crazy mr.shelby.” he pushes your hips down even more leading to the familiar feeling arise again. your nails sink in his shoulder, biting your lip clinging to him.

“say’s the one who’s dead.” you try to get a witty remark out but your orgasm spreads, feeling yourself starting to clench.

“yet ya’ look so fucking alive around me.” the wetness spreads down your thighs as he doesn’t let you go. “m-maybe i feel alive- with ya’.” the deep moan leaves you, the feeling of your bare chest touching had you in a whirl.

he’s buried deep in you as you cling to him, almost in tears overstimulated. you beg him. “tho-thomas. i-”

“so fuckin’ good.” his his shake slightly, as he leans back staring into your eyes. “do you trust me?” at how you were feeling you’d trust anything. your eyes flutter but you nod.

he stutters into you as his releases inside you making your eyes widen. pulling back panting as his eyes connect with yours. two different looks.

“wh-what did you do?”

“do ya’ trust me?” the logic in the room was clearly not there because without a second thought you nod again. he kisses you softly, “be mine. stay alive and i promise ya’ everything you could need.”

you pull yourself out of him, wincing at the feeling. your eyes stare into his, as the covers surround you,

“but you don’t love me.”

his eyes drop slightly, “i can see somethin’ in you. i need someone like ya’, think of this as something good.” you feel so exposed staring at him in disgust. “ya’-ya’ just came in me, who knows if i’ll get pregnant! thi-this is not gonna end well. what the fuck were ya’ thinking?”

“what the fuck was i thinkin’? oh my go-”

he sits up, “i’m thinking fuckin’ smart! ya’ know this shit, i am rising y/n, i need a wife and i need someone who can be that wife.” you stare at him and stop for a moment. it cut off your overthinking for a moment.

it wouldn’t be real but it could be. yet either way you could be safe... you could be free of being on the run. you could be alive.

“i need to think on it? i-i can have your answer tonight.” your words tremble slightly as you slip your gown on, facing away from him. “hey.” his hand lands on your shoulder.

your flinch makes him wince, scooting closer to you. covered up with the sheets. “i haven’t asked just anyone this question. this is fuckin’ insane but i-i do like ya’. we can figure this shit out because you know it’s true.”

“you need me just as much as i need you.” you mutter as a small smile appears on your lips, “i need a shower for a fact and nap thomas. you have somewhere to be, should get going.”

his hand leaves yours taking your hint, “i’ll knock on your door tonight. get some rest.”

after he redresses and the door closes behind him, the tears stream down your cheeks. you wanted him but you were so scared and conflicted.

your answer was yes from the moment you realize he was as stubborn as you but you were now a ghost.

you were laid down, the candles still lit allowing thomas to see your image. he walks closer but you were barely asleep. he sits down beside you and sighs heavily.

he doesn’t know you’ve woken up, and his energy was strong. you figured thomas shelby out and for a man to keep you around long enough...

you knew from the beginning you liked this man, but being ‘dead’ has made you believe any. any of that type of thing was impossible. slowly you turn over, facing the man who stares ahead.

“eric is tryin’ to be a political man. if ya’ know alfie, imagine a sickenin’ no good bastard times a billion.... as him.” the words made thomas sit a bit straighter. you felt vulnerable now, half asleep tucked into a new home.

you had to give a answer.

“i’ve looked him up, he isn’t much and from what i’ve heard. alfie really doesn’t give two fucks for him.” the way he settles his sentence lets you know that eric is no threat. to you or himself in any aspect.

“charlie’s mother, i-i won’t ask you to speak of her.” you sit up now, thomas takes in your sleepy appearance. “if i take on that boy as my own. i will love and teach him as my own, but you have to tell me about her so he can know his true mother.”

your eyes swell up slightly. “she won’t be forgotten in your mind ever, i know that. so let me learn, let me be there for you so i don’t go crazy. so i-i can do better...”

the words hit thomas and he only shifts to maintain his composure. you don’t notice since your emotional more so, but he knows he did right choosing you.

“i have a story, everything about how to make you ‘undead’ since your job at it wasn’t the best.” that made your eyes look up at him. “i know ya’ can’t be her, but i do have some’ towards you.”

his hand reaches out to cup your face. “she wanted some of the stuff you did as well...”

the deep stare was all that was needed, you let this moment last. he was gone when he lost her. loosing her was loosing apart of himself. you accepted it because you truly knew love was not meant for you in this lifetime.

slowly breaking the moment, lips almost trembling but your composure well gathered now. “if we do this- ya’ can’t treat or make me out to be some fool of a house wife. i-i’m more than that and i’ll be damned to be one of your puppets.”

moving out of his reach makes you ache for it more yet thomas sees something within you. you were sorta like polly sometimes. strongly determined woman.

“ya’ help me stay together, ya’ help me keep this household together... my family together and whatever ya’ want is yours.” flickering from each eye, he awaits your response and you nod.

“i agree, to be your wife. i agree to hold your secrets, now for i wish to get rid of the jewish ways though... go back to the gypsie ways. please.” your desperation was without notice and he kisses you.

kissing you felt like kissing grace.

setting down the glass of whiskey, your eyes train along the inside courier. everything was simple, everything was different. charles was taken to bed not too long ago, you didn’t see much of him but it made you think.

too take on this responsibility was what you were raised for. yet you ran from it because eric was a vile man... so is thomas. your heart aches though due to the surprising feeling erupting yourself; that you may just like the man ever so slightly.

with your past and his it felt like you both being so fucked up, it could work? sighing heavily and grabbing the glass once more. the liquid slips down your throat as you enjoy the peace of true alone time.

telling his maid, well lady of help to head to sleep since you were up. if charles was to awake you could handle it or if need be. get her up. charles really ponders through your mind, for you would be like a mother.

you could be his mother, yet you would never wanna replace his true mother. what was she even like? what did she view or believe? what the hell did she see in thomas shelby?

he said she was a bit like you, in what fucking way?

you move and see her painting and you looked nothing of her. she looked of class and elegance, some real princess shit. you didn’t compare to that, so what motive was this?

make me alive again, was this his plan? biting your lip you throw back the remaining liquor. rolling your eyes at the empty cup, you head towards the kitchen.

smiling to yourself of the kindness that francis left out the bottle for you. moving forward you almost reach the counter but you were hit over the head. your body hit the ground harshly, the glass breaking surrounds you.

it flashes back to the moments of your mothers death. yet before you could react you were hit again, and the darkness overtook you.

you awoke in a moving vehicle, head pounding your face contorts in displeasure. trying to focus your vision, your eyes land on a priest as well as a few other men.

“hello miss solomons.” the priest smiles wickedly and you stare back unfazed, or atleast as much as you could appear.

“well you see, there’s so many ways this here can go. yet as of right now, you are actually of great use.” his tone menacing and your head was spinning.

you try desperately to maintain eye contact with his. unsatisfied with your response of nothing; he nods as one of his men move forward. the hit makes your head sling to the side. blood literally splattering onto the window beside you.

the taste of blood in your mouth has became a all too familiar feeling. as you let your head hang lowly, you over hear someone mutter. “we are almost there.”

moving your hand to wipe your chin, seeing the back of your hand covebloody finally angers you. not knowing where this was going, you finally look back up. “i think we might just have to use the boy instead.”

your heart drops, distracted now. the boy? of course it had to be...

“what boy?” you finally speak, it slightly muffled due to your severe swollen lip. this gets the mans reaction. “she speaks!”

“what boy?” you question again, feeling a sense of protectiveness all of a sudden. what is going on with you?

“ahh, mr.shelby’s boy. ya’ see we have a deadline, and i do have orders with him. oh i spoke to your cousin mr.solomons... he does seem to have a keen interest of seeing you.”

sitting back you take in everything, the deep wrenching pain in your chest over came you. ”didn’t mention if it meant alive or dead, though. dear.”

tears fill your eyes, as you realize everything. this was all a lie, a pawn, a game.

“yet your price is a wager, does thomas care more for your safety or does your cousin? or i could merely kill you now and just let you be what you so ‘desire’.”

his words let everything truly settle now. you never escaped. you just switched paths.

it almost could make you laugh, until it did. you looked crazy and stupid but you were laughing, hysterically almost. wincing at your lip throbbing, heaving out as your head pounds from the movement. you stare into the mans eyes dazed. he stares back at you in discomfort but looks away.

thomas got his own kid into this shit. he better have this all figured out. dizzy from the amount of hits to the head you’ve taken. you look back over and see the man on your right snatching out two pills. eyes widening slightly as you try to move back.

“what is that? wh-wha-no!” the men hold you down, your kicks and hits defenseless. the pills shoved in your mouth. water forced down your throat whilst your nose was plugged, left you choking on the water. forcing you to swallow.

yet they continue it for a few seconds longer, leaving you to start choking horribly. knowing it was swallowed, you were let go finally. shaking and drenched in water, you wildly swing your fist forward.

pure rage in hitting the man on the right. your leg kicks the other guy, before you hit the priest once. a strong hit leaves you slumped, mind swirling until you were no longer able to stay awake.

a strong jerk makes your eyes flicker open. charles was crying softly, making you ignore your own pain. sitting up you look at the man holding him. out of it but desperate you plea.

“give him to me. please, i-i was a mother, i know how to make him stop.” you lie out of instinct but the man seems irritated and hands charles over with ease. ignoring their looks as we come to a stop.

pressing a soft kiss to his head, you hold him soft rocking him softly. your watch the men get out of the vehicle, it was dark out now and your head hurt so bad.

keeping it together for the sake of charles, you try to stay focused. the priest man comes back and you clutch charles more tightly, charles surprisingly soothes down within your hold.

“come on, lets go.” knowing what happen last time, you slowly move out the car, careful with charles the cold wind hits your skin for your only in a nightgown and light sweater. which was blood stained.

the darkness led you to follow him, but soon a room with light appears. you sat down as instructed, feeling the light make your head hurt worse. you notice the two other guys didn’t follow through and he was now alone.

trying not to move, you let charles sit beside you. oddly enough he gave charles something to eat while you stay silent. he looks up at you with a smile.

“the deal is all taken care of, you will be taken care of soon.”

this sick bastard. he gets up suddenly looking back at me, “stay here.” the tone was threatening and you nod softly. scared of what might happen, you sit quietly listening in hard.

moments pass before you heard the words uttered, “please don’t shoot.” you fly up, feeling dizzy from the quickness, glancing back seeing if charles will be okay.

moving forward grasping the wall beside you, as the spots slowly fade from your vision. following the way he took trying to listen in on where the sounds were coming from.

moving quicker at the noise of grunting and painful sounds, ignoring your own pain. you round the corner, taking in the sight of the priest guy fighting a younger guy.

in the oddest moment you notice a hat, the familiar hat. the cap thomas had, a similar one on the ground. “you know who your fucking messing with?”

he throws the guy against a bench, swinging on him. both hands wrap around his throat in such a swift motion. the look on his face reminded you of what yours probably looked like. without thinking you grab a nearby book.

“i’ll take the fuckin’ life from ya’.” you throw the book, it missing your goal hitting him in the back. “leave him the hell alone!” rushing forward, as he turns around one arm coming out. his elbow hits you harshly making you fly back.

hitting the side of a bench, your ribs aching out from the movement. not even knowing what you hit, you stay on the floor. tears leave your eyes unwillingly from the pain.

flying back the back of your head slams into a bench, rolling over sideways. in a slump, you barely were able to make out what was in front of you. all the damage to your head, you knew in nursing this was severe.

“both of ya’ gypsie bastards” without a second thought, the man slices the priest eye. him stumbling back in pain, as the younger man kept coming and coming at him.

“melanie?” you call out as you swore you heard her voice. snapping out of it at the slam open of doors.

two men emerge from a door, too much in pain to handle that situation. trying to push up, hearing the sound of charles cries. “charles.” you gasp out, completely remembering the boy.

managing to get up shakily, moving forward only to stop momentarily. taking in the sight of the bloody mess of the once alive priest. the image locks you in, before you turn back. your were weak and slow but you reach charles.

collapsing beside him leaning back against a near wall. ignoring everything in the world, for it was too much to bare. how odd you found yourself near something of pure innocence; after the chaos you just endured.

charles babbles as you softly sob, “oh charles.”

“it’s alright.” the mans voice spoke, stopping you momentarily. you went silent uncertain exactly anymore of anything. despite everything though you speak up.

“thank ya’.” your tone hush as if you weren’t bold to speak loud. the man sighs out and you wince.

“but ya’ gotta get th-thomas.” the words slip out weakly, eyes flutter as they gaze upon the boy. not even noticing he came around the corner. blood soaked and shaken up, trying desperate to stay focused.

“i’m michael, i’m tommy’s cousin.”

so simple, which was all that was needed. “y/n solomons.” he helps you up, you lean against the wall as he scoops charles up. “hold onto my arm, there is a car outside.”

managing to get inside, but once settled your body slumps. you try to stay up, but the tiredness takes over.

still out not noticing you arriving at the shop, or that michael already took charles inside to the rest of his family. he notified them of you. ada and polly knew for they were the ones who helped you get your clothing.

thomas spoke of you to arthur once.

michael ends up carrying your lifeless looking form inside. polly rushing out orders, ada making a place for you to lay. you were set down and polly pushes your hair out of the way examining you, but when she touches you.

her heart sank. for no reason apparent it just did.

“someone call thomas.” and the cheerful glee of happiness of charles was apparent but the dark silent loom of your appearance was one of unease.

“mum, sh-she helped save him.” he confessed out to polly, who let out a sigh. “well call the damn doctor as well, for christ sakes.”

your eyes flutter open slowly, “charles?”

polly grasp your hand, “he’s safe dear, your both safe now.”

“n-no my head. i can’t my head.” you groan in agony, and your heart aches. “thomas?”

the room went silent. “tho-thomas?” polly speaks up, “he’s on the way.” yet after those words your eyes roll back. “the doctors on the way!” ada calls out and polly sighs in worry for the girl.

#thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby smut #thomas shelby fic #Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby smut #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby angst #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders smut #peaky blinders fandom

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dez-wade · 6 months

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I can’t stand people who won’t even listen to any criticism (NOT HATE) about their fave ccs like it’s genuinely so aggravating. People fr fr need to stop treating ccs like they’re this higher presence that can never have a word spoken against them that’s not positive otherwise you automatically hate them it’s so fucking unhealthy to think like that. I’m seeing on Twitter some people just genuinely being like “hey I think maybe bad should just listen to why Etoiles and some fans think it was a bug even tho bad is refusing to back down from his belief that it wasn’t” and there’s so many people being like YOURE JUST HATING HIM IM SO SICK OF PEOPLE HATING HIM. Brother what? People are allowed to give their opinion on the behaviour of another human being. Honestly this whole event is so fucking draining as a viewer I’m genuinely considering just taking a break from QSMP until it’s done. Between the hate that teams were receiving from red fans the first few days to now blue team talking about how they feel discouraged because green team fans are saying they didn’t deserve the win and now you’ve got more hate but that in turn is making fans even more on edge about people just giving genuine feedback/criticism omfg I’m so tired 😭 sorry for the rant I just had to get it out <3

Yeah. It's kinda a complicated situation because you have also to consider there're two types of that don't take criticism: Those who think their CCs are perfect angels that can't do no wrong, and the wounded animals who are used to getting so much hate that everything is perceived as hate. BBH fans are the second, at least in these past few days because let's face it, the Blue team is getting a lot of hate. People are being nice to Green because they befriended Red and because they're feeling like the underdogs.

I agree that Bad was wrong on this one, I'm watching Tubbo and he explained to BBH it was a bug because he said that he used spawn multiple times to hide from events, like the hunger one. BBH wasn't aware of this because he simply assumed it always worked on Spawn, he never went there in an disaster. He should have listened to Etoiles. But it seems like he understood in the end, thanks to Tubbo.

Anyways, this event is going to be hard to discuss especially when shitty situations like this happening, so it will be toxic all over. As much as I'm sorry and disappointed or Green, I am quite worried about Blue getting even more hate and getting discouraged.

#qsmp #fandom neg #qsmp discourse

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soldier-poet-king · 1 year

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not to be like my parents are incapable of being happy because theyre pathologically committed to being miserable people and it’s bringing everyone else down and i desperately need to leave but rent is so expensive and i am on a sweet contract for work rn so i cant leave the city for a more affordable city until i find employment but like. ‘everything a goddamn ordeal in area family’ is 10000% correct and im EXHAUSTED

im TRYING NOT TO BE MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED AND CRANKY DURING THE BLUEST TIME OF THE YEAR. I am working on MYSELF and being cheerful instead of cranky even though i want to scream and i am changing my diet bc im having Tummy Problems and im Going to the Gym for the brain endorphins and like. holy shit i went grocery shopping with my mother and i will NEVER do that again it’s exhausting. she’s SO nitpicky and penny-pinching and i GET that that’s how she was raised and we were poor when i was small but 1) we’re no longer THAT poor 2) IM BUYING MY OWN GOCERIES and the mental hoops to save 50 cents is NOT WORTH IT + im going flexetarian so the amnt of money im saving on meat means i can get nice produce

3) I WANTED TO GO ALONE but ‘this way we save on gas’ like WOW A WHOLE FIFTY CENTS I WILL JUST PAY FOR IT MYSELF HOLY SHIT. she treats everything (cooking, grocery shopping, LIFE ITSELF) like it’s a chore she just has to get through and like sure, she’s a SAHM cooking for a whole house and i have sympathy for that, but like. MAYBE she wouldnt be so miserable and crabby if she took the opportunity to view these things as smalls joys, or at least opportunities for joy. i LOVE cooking and grocery shopping, yes sometimes im tired. but it’s about an attitude of opportunity and wonder at the smallest things. a whole store full of so many kinds of foods? endless opportunity! all these people going about their lives? the smallest children? yes even that cranky woman yelling into her cellphone? wow look at the miracle of human existence. cooking? im sharing love. like yes it IS trite but it is such a wonderful way to live, and before anyone says ‘oh the joy wears off’ it doesn’t! not if you work to cultivate it! i spent years on my own and i never got tired of grocery shopping it was a weekly joy!

and then ofc we got home and my father is being pissy and grumpy and it’s just like. LEAVE ME GODDAMN ALONE. let me cook and exist in peace.

like no wonder these ppl are so unhappy if they take every single neutral (or even positive) experience and find a way to deliberately put a negative spin on it, play the ‘woe is me’ long suffering card, blame it on their spouse, etc etc etc. on purpose on purpose, they are determined to be miserable on purpose and it creates this godawful aura of unhappiness in the whole house

and it’s not even like they can play the mental illness get off free card. im more mentally ill that either of them by a SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT. however i acknowledge it. i seek help. i take meds. i do what i can to help myself get to a baseline functional, and from there i work to cultivate peace in a positive feedback loop bc like cbt and ert do work, at least somewhat, if you actually put the effort in. they refuse to acknowledge that their moods and behaviour is abnormal, they refuse to admit anything is wrong no matter how much i plead, how much EXPLICIT ADVICE i try to give, if they wont even see the problem they for sure arent making attempts to fix it.

i am a fuckin adult and my parents mental health is not my responsibility esp after they keep refusing all my offered aid but like. it is very hard to cultivate joy living with people who are SO DETERMINED to remain miserable after literally a DECADE+ of me trying to fix things

i have to come up with interesting excuses to go grocery shopping and cook at odd hours when i can be LEFT ALONE to do the things that bring me joy

#franposting #family bullshit #i am SO ANNOYED #im once again a teen where leaving my room means i enter the Miasma of Misery #take 10d10 psychic damage if i leave the safe zone of my bedroom #bc everyone is SO MISERABLE HERE #how am i the chronic depressed ex suicide the most cheerful functional emotionally mature person here #IM THE ONLY ONE MAKING ANY EFFORT AT ALL #I JUST WANNA MAKE MY LENTIL STEW AND DANCE AROUND IN THE KITCHEN AND CULTIVATE PEACE #i have so much more to say but im a broken record and becoming unintelligible #im just. WOW. FUCK THIS. FUCK THIS SO BAD #im. so tired of fighting it #but i cant be passive they're emotional vampires #and i am trying SO HARD to manage a little crumb of peace. a refuge for my tired heart in these blue wintry months #but like. oh man i am going to start looking at jobs SUPER FAR AWAY after this contract is uo #do i WANT to go to like. idk. fuckin saskatchewan for work? absolutely not #but I WILL IF IT FREES ME FROM TORONTO #i mean there's def the most jobs in my field in the toronto area #BUT I CANNOT AFFORD TO LIVE HERE ON ENTRY LEVEL PAY #like HOT DAMN rent prices in this city #someone in like. the maritimes. hire me. god that's the dream. or montreal. or mid sized city ontario.#i wanna go out west but BC is way too expensive #and i think i might die on the prairies they make me feel so agoraphobic i need hills and forests #and the territories are TOO COLD and DARK

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 8 months

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honestly, one of the worst group job interviews I ever did (minus the one where I accidentally made a vague sex joke in front of 60 people mid assessment day) was when I applied for a youth clothing store that also has a spin-off quirky millenial and gen z hipster stationery store (aussies will know exactly what retail chain im talking about lmao).

anyway. first of all, for this shitty retail job, I had to go all the way to southern sydney (where I don't live- specifically the suburb of Miranda) to go to the assessment centre at the local RSL club (which meant I had nice food at the end which was a win).

but GOD. when they filed us into the assessment room to split us into groups, we had to file in in a CONGA line where the people leading the interview had party poppers and streamers and we had to show our "party loving vibes and down to have fun boss bitch attitude!!!"

like gina and ross, for the LOVE OF FUCK. we're selling shitty over-priced clothes that should be really be sold at $5 a piece (ie what we make them for in bulk in bangladesh) instead of $50 for a pair of fucking yoga/activewear leggings (even if they ARE really comfy). we harass people at the counter to buy a $2 enviro canvas bag for our charity.... and back in the day, it was the bottled water. like hell I'm dancing into an interview in a fucking conga line, for the LOVE of god.

and plus, ironically, NEVER have I once had someone be this horrendously PERKY in store. hell, half the time there's only EVER one store clerk in the ENTIRE mega store or separate store, depending on which shop you're in. or maybe there's two people, but the other person's in the back. very occasionally, yes, they'll ask you about your day and help you style an outfit. but other than that, they never talk to you until you get to the counter.

WHY must we prance around in a CONGA line with streamers and be our "best perky selves" to sell FRIENDS or h**** p***** or some other 90s/2000s branded shit??? to sell strawberry scented spray hand sanitiser and face masks???? to sell a mini desk vacuum or a laptop stand??? to sell shitty jeans that rip after one wear (a testimonial from my friend that used to work there while we were in uni)???

like I obvs didn't get the job at this store bc my feedback on the day was "you're just not PERKY enough to bring the *insert the business here* brand alive in store to give our customers a positive, energetic, down to earth, spontaneous and fun loving immersive experience for our brand and charity!!!" like no shit. you made me travel nearly 2 hours by car, and go to my wits end with sydney parking and driving (I accidentally made my dad go up a one-way street..... the wrong way).... I'm tired as ALL hell just getting here.... for an interview that could've been SO EASILY conducted at my local fucking shopping centre for the local stores in my area. of course I'm not going to be too thrilled about acting like a fucking clown during this assessment centre.

like I get this brand did this assessment centre in sydney bc like "it's where head office is" or whatever the fuck. but my god. travelling to sydney from where I am, is a pain in the fucking ass. just conduct it locally, in my area, so I have more chance of being perky. but also. this "be perky and fun loving, dance in a conga line" bullshit for an interview, just feels like a spectacle that I have no energy for. just conduct the outfit selling and styling portion and make me watch the BS brand/company video and call it a day.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona's job hunting thoughts and woes lol #ilona's work thoughts #ilona's work dilemmas

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 2 years

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Hey Dr. Grey. Do you have any tips for coping with anxiety in fandom spaces please? I would really value your advice.

oh, hello, anon.

i am...going to respond to this but i am first going to say its felt like the past few days my asks have gotten a bit nosy in regards to my...personal boundaries with fandom/who i talk to in fandom/why i do, why i don't etc etc etc etc. and that is fine, but will respond in a way that maybe is perceived to be more on the rude side. i am likely to be way more personable in DM's and asks i can respond privately to. this admittedly feels like its fishing for information and i'm not sure why? but, we shall respond.

--i don't know what...part of the fandom is bringing you anxiety, sweet anon, and i am sorry it is. fandom should be fun. i repeat, fandom should be fun. but sometimes it just straight up isn't, and im sorry. i'm...going to address this generically? because i honestly need more information about...the anxiety source to provide any sort of tips.

i am also going to be disclaimer this as: i'm generally not a person who gives to fucks what other people think of me. like if someone wants to talk? okay, have a nice day, so glad i gave you something to talk about. and i care....very little what a group of internet strangers, who are just here to read about gay wizards, think about me based on what i post. but here are...some tips that i use for having a better...online experience?

uhm...first tip is curate your experience. if there are people here causing you stress and anxiety (it might be people you follow, people who don't follow but see on your dash, certain ships, certain groups? idk) filtering and blocking. im very liberal with the block button, and i have no qualms about it. if someone is stressing you out/making you anxious and you're not sure why-- block them. if someone cares that i have blocked them, i have never gotten feedback about it so uh...i think people can move on, ya know?

*the rest is below the cut to avoid dash spam

second, "people aren't thinking about you the way that you're thinking about you"-- so here's the deal. im not going to sit here and be like "yah fandoms don't talk shit about other people in the fandom!" because that would be a lie.

we absolutely do. in our own separate little discord servers, but the thing is its usually about fandoms that don't...interact. example: i talk shit about the Pro-Snape fandom all the time! I don't get them! Ship and Let Ship but also what the fuck was hot snape summer. (and im not going into their asks and their pages, and being like WHAT THE FUCK), i am just ???? in my own little crew. and they're probably over in their crew being like "have you seen Grey's page, they don't even write snape ever." and its HORRIFYNG to them, but like....whatever? I don't care what they think.

but, people aren't thinking about you and your works and your blog the way that you're thinking about it. another wolfstar writer or page is someone we cheer on. we're all too wrapped up in our own unfinished WIP'S and silly little headcanons and lives to be concerned with what someone else is doing. if someone is shitting on my wolfstar or moonchaser or whatever in their own private little servers, good for them. again, so glad i gave them something to bond over! i'm building community through hate and i love that! but i love my wolfstar. and my 11 friends do too (or if they hate it, they're not telling me to my face, which is alright by me). that's all i can care about.

third, i love a good boundary. i really and truly do. and i know there is a pressure on tumblr and in the fandom communities to be like WARM AND INVITING AND CHATTING WITH EVERYBODY AND GETTING TO KNOW EVERYBODY all the time, but like...that's fake. you don't have to do it, if you don't want to! have two friends, have 8000 friends, whatever you want. if the people and the pressure and the NOISE is whats bringing you anxiety....tone it down.

you don't have to talk to everyone. you don't have to update every week. you don't have to respond to all your comments. you don't have to write a novel in the authors notes. you literally don't have to do anything you don't want to do. it is your space. you make your home however you want to make it. fandom is supposed to be fun.

make it fun again anon.

(also, i will reiterate that if you DM me, I will not bite. and can respond to this more appropriately.)

#asks #grey answers

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kelsiejayy · 2 years

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i would love a stranger things ship/match up please 😄 im a biromantic asexual (sex-repulsed so my partner would have to be ok with that) woman! im 5’5”, short brown hair, i wear glasses, i have facial piercings (a nose ring, septum ring, and snake bite lip rings 😎) and shshshs im pretty chubby and self conscious about it so ye I’m low key like “would they still like me if I looked like no one who’s currently on the show 🤡” but it’s not a big deal to address if it makes u uncomfy

Personality wise I try to crack jokes and be sarcastic 24/7 because I have no idea how to hold a normal conversation otherwise. People say I’m nice but it kind of feels weird to be called that?? Like I try to be nice bc I have pretty intense anxiety but I fly off the handle as soon as little things deviate from how I plan a particular moment to go and tbh I can be so vindictive in the safety of my mind but I digress. When it comes to ~romantic feelings~, my plan is to pretend I don’t have a heart and push people away even if they make me feel good bc I have ✨vulnerability issues✨ so they would need to be able to put up with my bs and how much I swear up and down they won’t want to stick around. Maybe who can just pick me up like a sack of potatoes (physically or metaphorically depending lol) and refuse to put me down until I chill which would probably work 😂 they also need to have a sense of humor bc if I told a joke and they didn’t laugh I think I’d die lmaooo

As for hobbies, I love to write fiction and I’m majoring in creative writing at college rn, I used to love to sing but my neuroses kind of ruined that (prob a good thing bc I was a huuuuuuge diva), I collect comic books and action figures, I love video games, mystery novels, uhhhh. Yeah. I hate candy, cooking, and driving (never had a license never will babeyyy). I’m brain dead so that’s all I got but hopefully that’s enough 🙏 thank u so much

hi thank you for your request!

STRANGER THINGS: eddie!

ok so before i begin i wanna say eddie does not care abt looks...although he cares about your piercings and will never shut up about how hot you look with them you will have to deal with that 24/7...besides that eddie will continuously reassure you he likes you for you and it is not a facade. he definitely understands having issues about being vulnerable and will always persist on talking through thoughts with you and just being around. i feel like to enforce how much he is infatuated with you he will just go over to your house and sit in your room or wherever you are until you have to forcibly kick him out because he has been there for way too fucking long and he would need to change his clothes and shower. this man would be whipped i am telling you. i don't think eddie really knows how to be fully romantic but he tries his best bringing you books he thinks you would like or movies that you might enjoy. he would force a karaoke night though. he would love to hear you sing but he arguably loves how much you would laugh when he tries to imitate whoever the artist is that's playing. overall eddie will try his best to understand how to help you and even if he can't fully do it he always wants you to know he is there and ready to talk whenever you want or need.

i hope you enjoyed it! if you have any feedback please feel free to give it i love to hear what y'all think!

if you would like to request a ship head over to my blog they are open as of 6/23

#ships #stranger things request #stranger things fic #stranger things ship #stranger things imagines #stranger things #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson ship #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson

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tearskillstardust · 4 months

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ahh, hello hello! i just wanted to drop by to say that i loved how you did my submission for the december game. something about the way you write is so intricate to me. reading through the whole thing made me feel like i'm an actual protag. woah. seems like i really am destined for dendro, fascinating... first, the quizzes i took online in my free time told me so and now, you. so i'll gladly take that notion with pride, heh. the part about being a part-time researcher is also accurate! i'm a bio student and also someone who values 'freedom' per se, so that fits me well. (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

furthermore, the letter from neuvillette is soooo soft and adorable. i would like to hug him. i think he gives out good and warm hugs (whenever he does, that is).

p/s: i nearly toppled when i saw alhaitham's name at the top— the funny thing is that my boyfriend, coincidentally, happens to be quite alhaitham-coded LOL. both of them are such wet blankets (affectionate). maybe, that's a sign i should keep on pestering him to try out genshin? hehe, who knows. i've gotta say, though, that i didn't expect pantalone at all but what you said about my dynamic with him is very convincing, aha. also, the moodboard you made is really pretty! it really has that elegant and classy vibe to it, i'm honored.

and again, thank you so much! i will be looking forward to your future works (have i mentioned how much i admire your writing? repetitive, i know, but i want to say it again nevertheless!) and i wish you good luck in each of your endeavors. take care! have a wonderful day/evening ♡

— 🎐

i'm so glad you could relate to it! lol for most of the part i went by your big 3 really and then thought that you could very well be interesting in biology and related fields, and then there was a tendency of leading a double life that follows with gemini and virgo placements so yup!

i feel so flattered that you could relate to it! 😭🥺

lmao bet you neuvi would give the warmest and longest hugs because that would very likely be his way of relaxing. he would never be the one to pull away first!

ha it'd be fun if you managed to convince your boyfriend to play genshin with you and then introduced him to al haitham 😂 best luck!

im so happy you spent effort into writing this feedback it's honestly very heartwarming and lovely 💕 looking forward to more requests by you, id be glad to work on them!

have a nice day, both to you and your partner! <3 may luck favour you on your journey!

#genshin impact #genshin #anon <3 #event

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1d1195 · 5 months

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SAM MY LOVE I FORGOT TO SEND IN MY FEEDBACK😭

I typically write out my thoughts on my notes app(have a folder just for your stories🤧) bc this is me trying to be organized lol . Anyways this time I did fully put down my thoughts I just forgot to send it through here like a dummy lol BUT I DID NOT FORGET ABT YOU BESTIE!!! So here are my thoughts lol

YOU TRULY KNOW HOW TO KEEP THE STORY GOING IN SUCH A GOOD WAY!!! You know I love anytime Niall shows up in your stories bc you truly write him so well, I NEED HIM!

when i tell you once I read that she unexpectedly feel down, I just knew that Ava was behind bc my heart DROPPED! And then she apologized, my heart felt so sad :( I mean I can't blame her because I do the same thing too and it's a hard habit to break! Then them talking about the eggs... PAIN PAIN PAIN ALL AROUND! But I like it, it keeps the story moving!

Also I am not mad at here for wanting to be friends with him at all! Like personally I would have just been stubborn and guarded but I know I would have folded soon lol BUT THATS WHY I AM NOT HER, SHES HER OWN SELF! And Niall is gone so I don't blame her and shes in love so yeah lol oh and that "munchkin" part 💔💔💔 so good!

NOW I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE WAS CHEATING EVER!! like I really felt that Ava was cheating or had cheated on him and like it was so satisfying to see that unfold, like it may sound fucked but it felt nice to know lol And maybe Im feeling just a tad bit petty but I kinda liked to see harry grovel a bit but only a tiny bit! bc it is very hard to get out of a toxic and manipulative relationship and it is something hard too do no matter shitty it was! He does has some healing to do and its a process but still happy for both to be out of it ya know.

And the end... SAM😭😭😭😭AHHHH so so so GOOD!!!!!

Side note I saw that some anon was just being straight up mean and that is not okay. It's one thing to give constructive criticism and that's fair but there is no need for just straight up saying they don't like. we all experienced something not being for us and that's okay but I would never just be mean to that author, ever. And I want you to know for every thing you post no matter what is such a gift! And I want you to never forget how loved and appreciated you are! love you so much!-💜

I'm OBSESSED A WHOLE FOLDER AHHHH 😭 I don't deserve you

I love Niall so much if I wasn't a Harry-girl I would be feral for Niall. Honestly, sometimes I still am. I see tiktoks of him and I'm like 🤤 Personally, I think he should be illegal. He's really fun to write and I wish I could tear myself away from Harry for two seconds to write a fic about Niall.

I'm glad you feel that way about her wanting to be friends. I really wanted to them to NOT be friends but I also would have folded very quickly. I also wanted to keep the plot going and I didn't want to be like *seven months later* because I think the whole Niall moving thing is still fresh so idk it made sense when I did it so I'm glad you're good with it! I love my munchkins 💕

When i started this story I didn't WANT you guys to like Ava but I wanted to keep an air of mystery but I think everyone assumed she was probs doing something worse (not that that makes Harry's thing okay) but again part of my process was ensuring that Ava would sound AWFUL when the time came to announce her secret.

Don't you worry about groveling and healing, I got you covered 🤣

You're so so nice 😭 I have a bit of a pleasing-complex so I feel so bad when I disappoint people. I shouldn't let it get to me but it's easier said than done.

Thank you for your message I love you and your brain so so much 💕

xoxo

#💜#love and dryer sheets

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helpyeungrowup · 2 years

Text

good bite

contents: body dysmorphia, eating disorder, health

my relationship with food has never been good.

body dysmorphia has been something that I have just been living with since forever, and to be completely honest there was never a time when i liked how my body looked.

the physical pain or feeling of hunger is something that i don't feel often, which leads me to forget meals or just forget the whole day. so eating to me was (and honestly still is) a chore, i didn't find much satisfaction ever since i was a child.

rumors spread in middle school that i was anorexic...i don't know who started the rumor and i don't know how it came about but once it did start to circle my mind started to focus even more on my body. instead of being upset at the person who made the rumor and the classmates that believed it, i was upset with myself. i thought "if i didnt look like this no one would've said anything"

numerous diets, numerous workouts, healthy and unhealthy i did everything and anything i could.

and i regret that.

i feel sorry to the younger version of me who had to go through hating herself and wanting to look "presentable" for others. i didn't want to be an eyesore to others, being an eyesore to myself was more than enough.

fast forward to my sophomore year when i started having stomach pain and indigestion after every meal

one month passed and i lost 20 lbs without myself even knowing

biweekly doctor's visits sometimes even more frequent, monthly bloodwork, physical therapy, planned out diets from a nutritionist...nothing worked.

here i am....going into my second year of college still dealing with stomach pain.

the periods when im under stress, eating is the last thing i do. the stomach pain turns into the feeling of throwing up and food doesn't appeal to me at all. i would rather write a 5-page essay than eat.

my pain automatically made me see food as a bad thing...even more than before.

dont get me wrong, at times when I'm happy or when I'm content i see food and think "oh that looks so good i want to eat it"

i enjoy baking but only because of the feedback and praise i get from others.

seeing the joy that food gives to others is one of the many things that i am envious of.

i wish i could feel happiness and pleasure when i eat and i wish i could eat until i feel completely full.

but instead i have to calculate how much to eat and what to eat and what i should avoid.

i still have hope though!

my first year in college i found friends that help me see food as a good thing, they're the people who keeps me in check and would remind me to eat. I'm not as afraid to eat anymore and its nice to feel the excitement before a meal.

my relationship with food is still a bit...rocky but i think that's ok because my relationship with my own body and my own emotions is still being worked on and i don't plan on stopping. even though listening to myself is cringe and embarrassing, i have one body and i have to love it and cherish it.

i have to stop hating myself. giving myself attention is the most foreign thing to me but I'm sure not only will i be thankful for it in the future, but also everyone around me will be too.

and this is all something that i realized...while writing this lol.

honestly these past few weeks have been a living hell for me, the month of June and the month of July has been dog shit and i cried everyday just like my highschool nightly routine.

im still trying my hardest to be as positive as i can be but rn its just too much energy to be positive and i think maybe its ok to be sad and a bit more mellow than usual.

my default when i become sad is to be a hermit in my room and shut down all forms of communication with everyone, but this time around I'm asking for help.

in the end, i think i learned that its not good to be completely selfless. its needed to tend to yourself and at times be selfish. taking care of my own body, mind, and soul is a journey but its a journey that i am willing to go through and its also a journey that i dont plan on soloing.

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beeeskneeess · 2 years

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My initials are AR and here's an emoji💞 I'd like to ask how dl feels about me and Im going to give you a reading on "what will the next few months look like?" I'll be using tarot and clairvoyance

I see you focusing alot into your hobbies and doing the things that you love? I see you being free spirited idk why but i had a vision of a girl playing badminton this might represent you actually playing a sport that you like and enjoying it. I see you focusing on making your inner child happy and your truest self shine. I suddenly heard 5th house? 5th house in astrology again represents our hobbies, kids and inner child. You will also be attracting other people's attention? I see you might also find a new thing that will help you earn money in the future? You will also be taking risks and pushing your own boundaries i suddenly had a vision of a girl studying in a yellow light at 2 am? You might be focusing on challenging yourself to be and do better. I also see you being super satisfied and happy with the results you are going to recieve. You will finally notice that your hardwork is paying off and it will make you more confident and will want you to achieve more greater things!

Helloo!! It does i’m actually trying to take on roller skating and yeah i feel like many people would watch me do it cos its not really well known or done a lot. The new thing that will help me earn money in the future resonates cos i’ve been thinking of quitting my job cos it doesn’t really pay well :’) i initially thought it would but it didn’t. And coincidentally my light is color yellow pls? 😭 this was really nice thank u soo much for the exchange!!

what does dl feel for you:

The first word that came to mind was happy and content when they’re with you. There’s never a dull moment. You make them step out of their comfort zone and try new things that they never tried before, and it helps them heal? Something came to mind earlier like ‘the one thing i liked about her was the one thing i also didn’t like, her unpredictability?’ They constantly don’t know what’s coming and in the end it would just surprise them. I feel like though like from my cards and what i’m feeling is that there’s no romantic feelings anymore, if that’s what you’re going for or looking for. I feel rn its more platonic. (Trying, very hard to make themselves feel like its platonic) I feel like their very confused (i’m personally very confused) cos like the i pulled songs were all like the past and idk if you have a past with this person? Idw to assume, but like you know its like if you didn’t have a past with this person then like i feel like they “want” to feel happy without you, but heh they’re just confused or i’m just confused idk ( i need to ground more ) I also feel Like they’re too scared to ask you out? Cos they need to heal and at the same time they’re still afraid to give love. I feel like with you they feel like they can heal/ be themself. They feel safe in their own skin. And they are able to feel vulnerable with you. But i think they feel like they are unable to return what you give to them what they give to you. All of my cards are looking away, i feel like you distract them from what happened to them. Whatever it is it broke them inside, and they’re trying, and you give them hope and they’re ultimately very thankful for that. Giving vibes of Right person, wrong time. I’m sorry in advance if i read the situation wrong.

I was confused the whole reading, i’m very sorry, Please leave feedback if you can cos this felt chaotic or maybe that’s just me :’) Tell me if you have question or want me to redo i’ll do it :’)

Songs:

Happier than Ever by Billie Eilish

Once Upon a December Dream from Anastasia

You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’ by The righteous brothers

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1uvtae · 2 years

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Are you sure you have not been hurt? 🤨🤨

yes. i have never ever been in love nor had a heartbreak >:) no love, no PAIN.

(i should be doing by french assignment but here i am, writing another piece.)

it was all about fate at the end of the day | knj

credits of this gif goes back to the owner !

word count: 1.0k

genre: pain + angst :') teacher + student romance is not my thing but how about one sided angst >:( this is more of a "wrong person, wrong time" trope too- also mentions of alcohol!!

summary: why would fate bring you two together but never give you a chance?

authors note: two pieces in 2 days i hope we can continue with this streak for xmas21 with kae !! i love you all so much and i promise you there will be something less painful coming your way but im just an angst lover

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚ feel free to request or give some feedback here !

⭑･ﾟﾟ･:༅｡.｡༅:ﾟ::✼✿　　✿✼:ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

the most memorable love you can remember was in the second year of university, on a sunny day where the marshmallow-like clouds covered the sky above, the sound of a marker being scribbled on the whiteboard, your mind followed a blue butterfly traveling through the summer air, and you had your eyes focused on your professor. mr kim.

he was in his mid-twenties, it was technically possible for you to become a professor at such a young age, but definitely not easy. just a few years away from your age, you felt attracted to the man. how the sun finds its perfect way to fall on his face, how you can see his faint dimples when he smiles lightly when lecturing. there are soft noises coming from the cars driving by and slowly at the red lights, windows rolled down and blasting kinds of music. sometimes it makes you feel like there was only you and him in the room. sometimes it’s because it is.

you felt the need to arrive at all his lectures on time and well dressed, collecting every question you had on the back of your notebook, whether it was something you already knew the answer to or something he had already explained millions of times in class, you wrote them all down and picked one of two carefully to ask afterschool. you couldn’t use it all up though, or else there wouldn’t be an excuse to see him after school the next time.

but after all, you and him were never the right ones.

your head was lowered down, taking notes down carefully, making sure not to miss a single word he said. you feel your classmate nudge your arm. “is mr kim engaged?” you didn’t flinch, highlighting an important point with your highlighter. “i don’t think so, pretty sure he’s single.” “then what’s up with the ring…” you slowly raise your head and catch glimpse of the simple ring on his left finger. you feel something poke your heart and you immediately switch glances and look down at your notes, trying not to sink that piece of information in too deep. but it has already felt like as if you were drowning. “maybe he just thought the ring looked nice.” you mutter and your classmate nods in agreement.

after class you find yourself standing in front of the white office door, contemplating to knock it or not. maybe running away and dropping out of school is the best option at this point. you don’t know why you’re here, another question on the learning subject? or do you just want to ask about his ring that has been bugging you for the entire day?

he sits on the office chair and slightly bends over, keeping a safe distance but still close enough to circle the topic sentence on the notebook, your eyes followed the silver ring on his left hand. it was a minimal classic silver ring, very suitable for his style. you clear your throat and try to search for words. acting all gossiped up and casual, you begin. “mr kim, are you engaged?” he sits up and looks at you with a slight smile, his dimples showing and you feel the palms of your hands start to clam up and your t-shirt slightly sticking to your back. he gives you the ink pen back and he chuckles lightly, leaning back into his seat. “you’re being quite nosy today…focus on studying y/n.” you close the notebook and unzips your backpack. “what? i’m just pretty curious.” you tried to sound as unserious as you can and shove the notebook in your bag, “yeah. got engaged last week.” you feel your hand stop in the action of trying to sip your backpack back up.

you aggressively try to zip it back up, using all your strength and he looks at you in concern. “need any help with the zip?”

“n-no. it’s just jammed.” you bite your bottom lip from trembling as you continue to struggle to pull the zipper up while walking out of the office.

linking arms with your friend, you two walk into the night. the silence of the night feels louder than it should have been, “come on, let’s go grab a drink to celebrate his engagement.” you know you’re only saying this to make yourself feel better, to make this seem not that affecting as it should be. your friend stayed silent, gently patting your back with her hand. you understand the meaning of that gentle pat. but it doesn’t help, nothing can help.

you two drank till midnight and went to stay at her apartment. you laid on her soft bed, becoming one with the white floral sheets and the pink duvet draped across your tired body, tears pouring out like beads on a broken bracelet. you swallow the last drop of the alcohol and it hurts your throat so bad, but you don’t care, there’s a much more aching pain in your heart right now.

you open your mouth to speak and surprise yourself with how husky and rough your voice sounds. “you know, if there was never enough fate between us, why did we even meet in the first place.” you feel your whole body hurt as if you just got beaten up by something. she grabs a tissue and wipes your tears off your cheeks softly, whispering into the night. “but, you two met. and that was already fate.”

the last year of university,

he got married to his fiance and invited everyone in your class. you feel your smile widen when you see them on the stage, reading their vows, exchanging their rings, eyes filled with so much love for each other it’s spilling everywhere on the floor. and in the loud clapping from the audience, you remember the conversation you had with your friend two years ago. you’re drunk and on the bed, the softness in her voice when she said. “but, you two met, and that was already fate.”

yeah, it was fate. just not enough fate.

this is one of my xmas season uploads! ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

*ೃ༄ do you want to check out my other regular micro-ficz?

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lcthebtswriter · 3 years

Text

my love

pairing: pietro maximoff x reader

summary: some disgustingly sweet fluff, as requested. Pietro and the reader’s relationship slowly solidifies itself.

warnings: suggestive content

tags: @just-that-trash-blog, @kpopchangedmylifesstuff, @pensysto-writes, @miscellaneoustoasts, @groovyfluxie, @line-viper (hey old friend), @alien-on-a-treadmill, @statsvitenskap, @aliciabg27, @brianaraydean, @im-that-trash-over-there, @readingemmy, @caswinchester2000, @wafflebrian, @smollmikey for their fluff prompt: “No, like... It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

a/n: I’m trying out a new fic layout so let me know if you like it, or if there’s anything weird about this upper half. as always, feedback is greatly appreciated :) send an ask with your username and fandoms to get first priority in making requests and being tagged in fics related to your chosen character(s)

Growing up in a facility that manipulated your power of electrokinesis, you had little opportunity to socialize. There were meals outside sometimes, but you were all forced to wear a power suppressor. Your social skills were lacking, but the Maximoff twins understood your plight and befriended you regardless.

You went through thick and thin together. When Ultron recruited the twins, you were roped into the Avengers in a desperate attempt at saving your friends’ innocence. Unlike them, you were unaware of the suffering caused by a traumatizing loss of family. You were born from a petri dish, a lab experiment years in the making, and had no family to mourn except for the twins.

Wanda was like an older sister to you. She taught you how to read, how to process your emotions, and - when your freedom was gained - how to dress and socialize. She helped suppress your nightmares and taught you how to control your powers. You learned how to cook together, and how to become accustomed to the bustling city and new teammates that weren’t euthanized if they lost a spar.

Pietro’s relationship with you, however, was different. The feelings were subtle, the emotions having never before been experienced. You knew what attraction was, and knew that copulation repopulated the Earth.

What you didn’t know was how to react to the electricity that ignited from your fingers after touching Pietro. When he was around, lights flickered and your hair stood at attention, drawn into a force you had no control over. It wasn’t an electromagnetic field, but you felt the familiar buzzing in your head and your toes.

Living healthy lives with the Avengers brought your attention to such emotions. You and Pietro became attached at the hip, especially when Wanda was off wandering or on a lone mission. Pietro was the only familiar face in the Avengers Tower, and he felt comfortable with you.

One thing led to another one night. After many drinks and a jokingly prompted kiss, you and Pietro ended up in his bed. You didn’t know if it was his first time, but he treated you as if you were. Pietro’s strong hands caressed your body in slow, soft motions. His kisses were steady yet needy, a sensual clash of tongues and moans and curious touches.

He made your body feel as if it were ignited. You craved him more and more, and the nights spent together ended just as quickly as they started.

What would the team think? Did Wanda know?

“Of course she does,” Pietro had said once.

The question bothered you to no end. As you dressed in Pietro’s room, hurrying as to not get caught when Wanda undoubtedly barged in to bother her twin. You didn’t know why exactly the thought of Wanda knowing disturbed your mind so greatly. Maybe it was due to your sisterhood with her, or guilt that you were romantically involved with the only person she had in her life. It was one of the reasons you always left Pietro’s room under the moonlight. You couldn’t stay. The guilt wrapped you up in his blankets.

Wanda did know, however, and she assured you it didn’t bother her one bit. She knew the question controlled your thoughts, and that you were consumed with the images of your nights with Pietro. Wanda told you she was just happy that you found solace in one another.

Knowing such information switched something inside you.

Your touches lingered on Pietro in public. Eyes never left each other on the sparring mat, whether you fought each other or watched one another practice with another team member. Long nights in each other’s rooms talking and laughing became second nature, but you never stayed the night until you had a nightmare.

It had been a year since your liberation from the lab, and while Wanda helped the nightmares they never truly left. You awoke some nights with sweat-drenched pajamas and a knot in your stomach so painful even medicine didn’t help. At one point you’d almost set the lamps in your room on fire because your fight or flight triggered a surge of power.

Pietro had come into your room one night, knocking even though he knew your screams woke you.

“Are you okay?” He asked, voice low with sleep and his accent heavier.

You didn’t answer, so Pietro shut your bedroom door and crawled beside you in bed. Immediately your arms wrapped around his waist, but Pietro leaned up to take off his shirt and discard it on the floor. He knew how important skin contact was to your self-soothing. Hearing his steady heartbeat and feeling the coolness of his skin lulled you into calmness.

“Please don’t leave me tonight,” you begged.

Pietro tipped your chin up, pressing a kiss to your lips after wiping your tears away. They soaked into your cheeks, the sadness and despair quickly replaced by the comfort of Pietro’s presence.

You made love that night, soft and gentle as if Pietro was afraid to break you. Yet he wanted to show you how safe you were, especially in his arms. He wouldn’t let anything hurt you anymore.

He awoke to movement in your room the next morning. Pietro leaned against his elbow, bodyweight shifting the mattress as he watched you hastily throw on his shirt. It was bigger on you - almost knee-length - and the color complimented your sunlight-kissed skin. He thought you looked beautiful, especially since you were unaware of his gaining consciousness.

When you finally noticed his staring, you chuckled nervously. “What? I know I look crazy, but I forgot I have to meet Tony for suit adjustments,” you explained.

Pietro only smiled, his eyes gleaming in admiration.

“What?” You wondered, taking a step toward him. The hem of Pietro’s shirt was caught in your shorts.

“That shirt...” Pietro managed out.

You glanced down at it, tugging the cloth and looking up at Pietro again. “I’m sorry. It’s the first thing I saw,” you began.

“No, like,” Pietro interrupted, “It’s just... I can’t believe you’re wearing my clothes,” he said.

You sat beside him on the bed, eyebrows together in confusion. Suddenly you remembered last night was the first night he stayed in your room. You supposed you finally felt comfortable with each other enough to stay together all night. The guilt of not knowing Wanda’s approval had been so easily dismissed, but it felt nice to wake up to somebody you loved.

“Well of course,” you managed out. Pressing a kiss to Pietro’s lips, you stood and pulled socks on. Barely managing to balance on either foot, you hopped toward the door. “You’re my love, aren’t you?” The question left your mouth effortlessly, but you didn’t give Pietro time to reply.

He watched you leave him in your room, eager and waiting for your arrival.

“I am,” Pietro mumbled to himself. He was your love.

#pietro x reader #pietro maximoff imagines #pietro maximoff fluff #pietro maximoff #aaron taylor johnson

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