#or i'm wrong and i doubt i'm wrong tbh

[starredwrites]

i'm having thoughts about amatonormativity and why it sucks and they're long-winded and hard to properly express bc it's late at night but i wanted to share them so i summarized them with a meme

this realization brought to you by the realization that a lot of people who say acephobic shit without actively denying asexuality exists just mentally swapped "virgin" for "asexual" and carried on with their lives. this best evidenced by people being "accepting" of asexual women but ignoring/erasing asexual men.

#i'm either galaxy braining hard enough to write a grant proposal for this novel #or i'm wrong and i doubt i'm wrong tbh #sometimes being aroace in a traumatized way makes you like. realize things #ace #aro #acephobia #amatonormativity #arophobia #aphobia #there's. there's equally fucked up assumptions about aromantic ppl #but i am too tired to express them coherently i may do it in the morning in a rb #actually 3rd option. i am explaining it Really Badly

[tag-if]

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

last post before i log off for christmas, i apologise for the radio silence, we've had a family crisis on this end :')

anyway!! some of the traits will be a bit 'generic' (read; they'll make sense) but some of them might seem a bit random - i promise there's a reason for all of them though aksdh

under the cut :)

BELIEVES;

K. Valiev ; A. Bellefleur

DOESN'T BELIEVE;

A. Caras ; T. Bellefleur ; M. Serrel

TRAITS;

A. Bellefleur; independent / caring / emotional

K. Valiev; empathetic / cautious / mature

A. Caras; social / logical / patient

T. Bellefleur; rebellious / stubborn / caring

M. Serrel; flirty / strong sense of self / perceptive

#tag-if #the advisor's game #twine wip #ro ask #ro; a. bellefleur #ro; k. valiev #ro; a. caras #ro; t. bellefleur #ro; m. serrel #it's all gone slightly wrong right in time for christmas #absolutely livid #still i'm gunna make the most of it #i'll be back near the new year i reckon #unless someone asks something that particularly sparks my interest #then i might go all adhd on it for a bit #but tbh i doubt it #so #i'll see you all in the new years :) #happy holidays my dear readers :)!

[mellotronmkll]

cannot put into words how much finding out that women with autism being misdiagnosed with bpd is like a super common thing shook my entire understanding of everything I had experienced my whole life that was the real final nail in the coffin but it's crazy I somehow didn't know that until recently

#And like It Just So Happens #Anyway at this point...and now that my mother has started literally just sending me lists of all the traits that are obvious in hindsight a #things she missed and now is kicking herself I'm just like...well it's just like I'm documenting things and I really think once I just #have insurance you know . I've just been like What if I'm wrong for like a year now but to be honest #I think at this point after all the research I've done and discussions I've had it's like. There's no way bro #Like you have a multi page google doc of evidence #And like it's funny cos my mom will be sending me random texts out of the blue too like did I mention already the fact that you would #sit and study maps for hours as a kid and if anyone interrupted you you had a meltdown and I'm like well #But its like these texts constantly all day #And im like tbh you're going through the same realization process I went through but now you're also telling me things I forgot or didn't #even know that are just blasting any. Doubt of the water #But I think she feels guilty also that she never noticed and im just like shrug I don't know like #there's just many many many such cases so like #But its very helpful I was so scared to tell her about it for so long but apparently she'd been already wondering for ages too so like #And now she's also just like This makes so much sense it just makes everything make sense and I'm like see. That's what I'm thinking too

[thatdemiboymess]

Drew some bees for a friend of my aunt - he wants a friendly and cartoony bee with a honeycomb and a drop of honey for a candy he's selling, apparently! :33

#irl #my art #bumblebee #bees #its my first time trying to draw a bee tbh #they're very cute and i especially like their funky little beaks where their proboscis comes out #i kinda doubt he's gonna decide to use my art tho tbh but i think they're cute so I'm posting them here anyways #i haven't drawn anything in a while either so this was kinda nice to do even if it was also a bit frustrating #then again the reason it was frustrating was cause my aunt is acting as our in-between and her friend seems to have a very specific idea of #what exactly it is that he wants and not talking to him directly to figure that out is kinda not working #I also think he got a bit confused on the difference between horizontal and vertical because I drew the horizontal one first #and part of his feedback was that he wanted it horizontal and in flying motion so??? #anyways it's not like he's paying me so if the second one isn't what he's looking for I'm calling it quits #my aunt did actually offer to pay me for it but I don't wanna take any money from her since she's not the client - it feels wrong #she's just trying to do a friend a favor by introducing him to an artist ya know??? #...also low-key don't feel like this (my art) is worth actual real world money so ehhhh... #ANYWAYS!!! Look!!! Cute bees!!! #EDIT I have been offered like $30 but it is still on the table kinda since I'm not willing to make anymore changes asdfghjkll #$30....for bee??? Little bee drawing??? May have to delete/take this down if indeed $30 for little bee drawing...

[starpros-sunshine]

seb. seb hes not smiling. and has a fatui background................

I knowwwwww he's still everything to me you do not know how smitten I am with Lyney as a character

#he's soooo #i love it when the silly magicuan has a mysterious past and isn't actually allll that silly #I'm a little angry at the traveler for reacting the way they did at the end if the archon quest ngl #how is Lyney so different from Ajax please explain to me why you think him beingba fatuus is unacceptable but Ajax can get away with almost #commiting genocide #i mean ik it's kimd of about the withholding of information but come on. #they were nothing but nice to you the entire time cut them some slack and give them the benefit of the doubt will you #and god lyney in his voicelines is so. is flirty the right word he certainly is very very friendly good god man #Lyney and Lynette can do no wrong in my opinion I'd forgive them about anything #i don't mind the fatui that much tbh i mean yeah sure as an organisation they're. bad. to say the least #but if we look at the individual fatuus it's just kinda. okay. #Dottore sucks sure I like Tartaglia i really like him he's a very interesting personality Signora is dead she doesn't concern me anymore #and I don't know enough about the rest #Arlecchino looks very promising though I'm very intrigued by her #and so far Lyney and Lynette just seem like two people who got caught up in the organisation i don't have their vackgrounds unlocked yet #but!!!! i am intrigued Oh so very intrigued #Venti Kaeya and Diluc are my favourite genshin characters they have such a special place in my heart they mean so much to me #but Lyney is my favourite character in terms of I am normal about him Fontaine has SUCH a good cast #we have the girls of all time we have the silly magician and the socially anxious diver and then theres Manfred von Karma #if he was a genuinely nice man that had a solid moral compass and was actually devoted to the concept of justice #I like Neuvillette he also seems very interested i would Love to know more about his relationship with Furina #and Furina!!!!!! she's so silly I adore her being all confident and then if cuts to her inner monologue and she's just losing it #i love that #I really really like Fontaine so far the only grievance I have is that they should've put more accordion into the soundtrack but that's #irrelevant in the face of the osts just all being absolutely gorgeous #yumefan🌠🎼

[airenyah]

calling it now, this:

is gonna be this kinda situation isn't it dfkdfgdg

#i'm half joking #i doubt it will be a bunny (do they have rabbits in the forest over there?) #but it would certainly be hilarious #airenyah plappert #our skyy 2 #os2: aofverse #os2: aofverse spec #adrm #ok no for real i've been thinking what if it was (one of) our lost boys #my money is on the kid tbh considering the size of the bush #but it could also be tian or pran #idk maybe one of them decided to go get help or sth #idek it's pointless trying to predict p'aof's bbs anyway #i'm probably totally wrong

[ssaalexblake]

It is, objectively, super funny that the Trek fandom in general is sitting around hoping that STP ignores their faves and doesn’t try and involve them. I mean, it’s many other things as well, but it’s funny that I keep being recommended random posts of random people crossing their fingers hoping that their blorbos will be ignored, never be seen on screen, and therefore saved from anything from bad characterisation to death via stupid contrived avoidable circumstance. 

#that picard one #i feel like this could be some kind of bottom line on fan reactions tbh #we don't WANT our faves back #is... one hell of a indictment really #meanwhile the posts that truly baffle me are the shippers between the titular character and his ex cmo being Happy #if this were one of my big ships #(i casually enjoy it in tng) #i'd be Fuming!!!! #she's treating him like a doormat #they literally haven't had Any positive interaction?? (i've not seen this week's ep tho) #i... have not seen any content here that makes it seem like the Show ships it tbh #and if i trusted the writers i'd think that's bc they're not trying to push the ship #but i don't trust them. i've watched this season. l o l. #like honestly the downgrade in respect JL would be getting here if they decided to dear john laris for this ship is #astounding #(my main theory is they're gonna have Her ditch him so he doesn't look bad. if the stoy doesn't fit just bullshit it #is the method of this season so i don't feel bad for assuming this of them #if i'm wrong good. but i doubt it)

[errorcannotload]

i wanted to ask you this for the longest time but like... what is your favorite kind of yuzuru characterization. i have been exploring The Butler for a while now and honest its wild to me how much the way he is portrayed can change, but for me you are kind of the Yuzuru expert so i want your opinion

ohhhh... Yuzuru asks are my favorite asks

ill be really straight up, I love all sides of his character and I can't decide on one or even two! The way how he's so versatile is one thing I really like about him and how different people portray him in another light. His unconditional care, his snarky side, his insecurities (when it comes to Tori agh), and yet his confident appearance and doings are all so opposing to each other but he somehow makes it work without irritating me personally. (idk, characters that act very different at times aren't really my thing I think? or maybe I am blind.) Maybe it's just me so don't quote me on that but I have the feeling that he handles everyone else in a slightly different tone? With obvious differences between Tori and Eichi but also between his classmates. Orrrr they just make him not appear enough and it's the character's development that has to happen at a faster pace. Who knows! This guy is very heavily masking and he doesn't realize it himself.

I am not someone who can write very well or for long so I hope that this suffices, otherwise you can always ask more and I'll try my best to answer! And if anyone knows Yuzuru as well, please feel free to correct me. I haven't read every one of his stories just yet v.v

I just hope these points make people more interested in his character as a standalone! He's so great! But maybe it's also me liking the butler archetype. Still, give him a chance, and your money /j

#yuzuru fushimi #i am the yuzuru expert for people omg... #tbh i am so nervous about posting this because what if.. I'm wrong about his character omg? doubting myself as yuzuruP #this was fun tho ty anon!! #anon #asks!

[running-in-the-dark]

every time my mother tells me about all the cool things she did when she was young/my age/whenever, all the fun she had, all I can think is: I want to be happy for you but I can't. I'll never have any of that, I'll never have those experiences, because you've been telling me that I'm bad, not good enough, too loud, too quiet, too much, not enough, wrong in every possible way, all my life and it broke me.

#like #I can't just stop thinking this #I can't just stop being like this #my brain is. not capable of that #yeah shit is more complicated than that. things aren't that simple. her life wasn't always easy #but that doesn't make it okay #knowing that the way she treats me is wrong doesn't change anything either #idk. maybe it would have been like this anyway. but I doubt it. #I'm just so tired of being afraid all the time #I'm tired of hearing her brag about her awesome experiences and the guys she dated and the holidays she went on and all that shit #while I can't fucking go into a supermarket on my own #and then she wonders why my brothers didn't turn out like me. well maybe the fact that their parents were nice to them and helped them #with shit all the time had something to do with it? maybe it's that they were allowed to be kids? maybe it's that they were allowed to #make mistakes? maybe it's all the fucked up shit that happened to me and not to them? #but no you're right it's because they're simply better than me. they're just inherently good and fun and interesting and I'm not. sure. #I'm tired of all of it #I know I should simply go no contact with her and that would magically fix everything somehow. #sure. losing the rest of my family at the same time would probably be great for me since I have so many other friends! great idea. #I just want to drown tbh #yeah I'm feeling very emo tonight I don't fucking care I can say stupid shit if I want to #I'm gonna go cry now #yeah I'm bitter and pathetic. that's literally the problem #personal

[lunar-fey]

i wish my brain would . stop. or at least slow down a bit

#the fey speaks #cant even finish one thought before i get interrupted by 5 more.... #truthfully wonder if what was diagnosed as adhd when i was a kid was actually a combo of autism + mania #maybe not though. tbh. maybe i have a 'delightful' mix of all three. #but anyway i was saying that because i don't actually USUALLY have my own thoughts distract me from my own thoughts. #i'm pretty distractable via external stimuli but not so much internal . except for when i am manic. #and idk the thoughts interrupting thoughts things seems like an adhd experience. but like i could still have it and just not that symptom. #i am not even really thinkinga bout this to be clear. this is just word vomit #even if i wanted to consider 'whether or not i actually have adhd' #which i do not. #i am pretty sure under normal brain conditions i have never doubted it #so i am probably just like. seeing things wrong right now #sorry my brain shut whatever i was thinking about there down already i forgot where i was going #i think i was just gonna say i think it wouldn't be very fruitful TO consider it. consdiering im a bit impaired atm #probably not the right way to word that but whatever. #ACKTUALLY maybe i shouldn't even be manic posting in the first place?

[useryennefer]

Idk why i just randomly decided to check a fb group chat from 10 years ago where my elementary school bullies were planning a class reunion but here we are

#and idk why I'm shocked and bamboozled that i feel like shit now #also I've been thinking a lot about something that's been making me feel so depressed lately #so this is an other layer to the depression cake <3 #and the thing I've been thinking about is really stupid tbh and i know that I'm probably wrong but still.. #sometimes i doubt myself and i start panicking about my relationships #idk #this is super vague lol but idek if i really wanna talk about it tbh #sigh anyways #personal

[scarletcomet]

lil vent in tags. self harm tw.

#i had a dream about self harm last night #wonder what that says about me and my mental state🤔 #im 179 days clean #that dream was kinda triggering wtf is wrong me #i've had the urge a lot lately tbh but i haven't done it largely because i want to get the little 6 month medal on the calm harm app #6 months is like 182.5 days so i guess that means i'll get it in 3-4 days #kinda nervous that i'll relapse after that tho #the next medal after 6 months is 1 year and i doubt i'm ever going to get that #i haven't gone 1 year without self harm since i started when i was 14 (i'm almost 21 now) #tw self harm #personal

[mrfoox]

Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over

#miranda talking shit #Autism tag #I do kinda have some idea.... But its hard. I think the biggest difference is how nervous and 'diffrent' i am around them #As usual i struggle to say excatly what it is im feeling for a person. I just know at the bottom i care about them a lot #But do i have a crush or am i just fixated bc they are intresting to me? Who knows lmao #The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived #Now im just like... He baby. I got an idea how he works so i am no longer obsessed #Unfortunately oliver ive still not gotten an handle on. I found him intresting from the first few months of knowing him #But after a year it just became way deeper since we started to discuss such topics. Now I'm like... I probably dont have a crush on you #I probably just really want to understand you. But who knows honestly but please talk to me more i got to ask more things #As i turned 18 and had my breaking point and then started to recover and meet a lot of new different people... #I slowly but surely got so intrested in people unlike myself. Usually unknown things scare me but something changed and since then it just #Wants me to hear more and understand as much as i can about them. Guess its my autistic brain seeing them as a mystery or a puzzle #Challenging things mentally like that really is something i love. I love to think and thoerize and wonder. I do however hate it #Like... I feel creepy about it. I know i dont feel this way intentionally but i also can't tell anyone about it without them thinking im #Weird or creepy etc. Or i guess i am scared people will think i dont care about people but just want to study them? Its more the other way #Around. I care about people and thus want to understand them? Dont enjoy it though. It feels wrong and i feel guilty :')

[lostsouldierbye]

i’ve never opened up the mcu bucky & tony can of worms and i’m still scared to do it 

#idk i guess the ball is in tony's court #bucky takes responsibility for any and all crimes committed under hydra #like yeah yeah he knows it wasn't him #but if someone accuses him of killing so-and-so he won't deny it #so tony being big mad about the truth of his parents deaths #bucky will take it #he uhhhhh doesn't think he deserves to DIE over it #i mean it's complicated #his relationship with his own life and what he DESERVES is like fucked up #on the one hand he doesn't think he can repent for what he's done #on the other hand he wants to balance out the wrongs with rights ??? #but also his definition of 'right' is also #fucked up anyway #so from the outside it almost doesn't even look like he's doing good ??? #but his heart's in the right place ???? #anyway i don't know many canon tony's in the rpc so i doubt this will ever get addressed #did ca:cw even happen really #my default mcu verse is set immediately after tws and/or after endgame with every possibility of simply skipping over ca:cw bc fuck that #but willing to leave the starks on his hydra hit list tbh because it does kinda make sense #if big bad wolvie can forgive bucky for killing his preggo wife/gf ??? i'm sure tony can come around #❪ ⠀ * ⠀ gen ⠀﹕ ⠀ooc. ⠀ ❫ #tbd

[johnaeryns]

look, i know this is probably going to sound whiney but can you guys like... stop highjacking my farscape posts? they already don’t get a ton of interactions because the fandom is pretty small and that doesn’t bother me because i really love the show and i like making stuff for it and talking about it but it seems like half my posts people will either add their own takes to or copy tags onto that don’t necessarily reflect my interpretations and then people just end up commenting on that other person’s addition and it’s a real bummer for me, especially if it’s something i spent a lot of time on or was excited about and took time articulating and then everyone ignores it and comments on something that i either don’t agree with or that someone didn’t seem to put a ton of time or thought into. i’m glad that other people are excited to talk about the show and seem to like my posts (i think? tbh it’s a little hard to tell sometimes) but you don’t need to piggyback off them to talk about whatever you want to talk about. you can do that in your own post. i’m aware that i’m one of a very few people regularly posting content for the show but they are still my posts that reflect my feelings and opinions and i’d imagine you guys wouldn’t feel all that great if you were excited to talk about the show and then someone else heard you talking about it and started talking over you and everyone else responded to them instead. i really don’t think anyone’s trying to be malicious and may even be trying to engage with me (again, i can’t really tell) but when it’s done like this it doesn’t feel like people are engaging with me or really care about what i have to say as much as using what i have to say to promote their own thoughts and it hurts my feelings a little. 

#* #and i've said before i don't like blocking people when i don't think they know they're doing anything wrong #but at the same time they are my posts #and i don't expect them to get a ton of engagement or for people to be grateful for them #a lot of the time i mostly making them for wren and myself #but i make them because i care a lot about them and having people take that thing i made because i cared so much and write me out of it #and make it about something else #kind of gets to me a little #that's all #i'm not trying to attack anyone #like i said i don't think people realize this is what they're doing #and tbh i kind of doubt it will stop #but i just needed to express this

[thebewilderer]

i'm doing my office hours and we have little cubicles, so we can pretty much hear everything everyone else is saying

and there's this one kid that's in my friend's office hours right next to me and has been there for an hour

and he has been NONSTOP TALKING the WHOLE TIME about how he doesn't understand the material and how he doesn't know how to approach the problems and how he understands this one thing but not the rest of the things and how that's bad because he doesn't understand and -

like my guy. if you're asking a question to the person whose job it is to help you, you need to shut the fuck up long enough for him to be able to answer!!

the few times this idiot kid shut up long enough for my friend to actually start to say something to help him, he interrupted within literally one minute

my friend has not gotten to finish a single sentence. in an hour.

#his voice is honestly making me nauseous #what the fuck is it with men and just talking nonstop at people when they don't understand something #like specifically men #this friend does it too btw he's just outmatched by this idiot #the women i'm in classes with? if they even have the slightest doubt about something they just don't contribute at all #which is its own problem tbh but #VERY fucking indicative of the huge amounts of sexism in the stem fields #but oh my goddd these men need to learn to shut the FUCK up #i unfortunately work with one too #and if we're working on a problem #he'll just nonstop yap yap yap about it without actually saying anything #like i get he's trying to talk himself through the problem but. i am not here to be your fucking rubber ducky. do that shit quietly. #there's one (1) guy in my little cohort group of mathematicians who will actively stop himself when he finishes a sentence #(instead of adding on a 'because like' or 'what i dont understand is' or 'okay so') #and ask me what i think about the problem and his approach #ONE #and that's in my little group like that's not even these fucking kids i'm trying to teach #who somehow simultaneously think they need help and think they know better than me?? #i did an exam review for them the other day #and one kid kept asking questions (good! i encourage that!) and then actually being quiet to listen to my answer (love it!!) #BUT this ONE OTHER GUY in the room #who was ALSO THERE FOR THE REVIEW TO HEAR ME GO OVER THINGS #he KEPT TRYING TO ANSWER QUESTIONS #like someone would ask ME a question (me the TA the PhD student the person hosting the review session) and HE would start answering it #and i'm just ?????? #what the fuck is wrong with men in STEM fields #it's fucking insufferable #if you want a rubber ducky just BUY A FUCKING RUBBER DUCKY #i am here to do math not to be a pretty mannequin that you get to talk at all fucking day because you love the sound of your own voice #its so infuriating