#The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived

[mrfoox]

Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over

#miranda talking shit #Autism tag #I do kinda have some idea.... But its hard. I think the biggest difference is how nervous and 'diffrent' i am around them #As usual i struggle to say excatly what it is im feeling for a person. I just know at the bottom i care about them a lot #But do i have a crush or am i just fixated bc they are intresting to me? Who knows lmao #The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived #Now im just like... He baby. I got an idea how he works so i am no longer obsessed #Unfortunately oliver ive still not gotten an handle on. I found him intresting from the first few months of knowing him #But after a year it just became way deeper since we started to discuss such topics. Now I'm like... I probably dont have a crush on you #I probably just really want to understand you. But who knows honestly but please talk to me more i got to ask more things #As i turned 18 and had my breaking point and then started to recover and meet a lot of new different people... #I slowly but surely got so intrested in people unlike myself. Usually unknown things scare me but something changed and since then it just #Wants me to hear more and understand as much as i can about them. Guess its my autistic brain seeing them as a mystery or a puzzle #Challenging things mentally like that really is something i love. I love to think and thoerize and wonder. I do however hate it #Like... I feel creepy about it. I know i dont feel this way intentionally but i also can't tell anyone about it without them thinking im #Weird or creepy etc. Or i guess i am scared people will think i dont care about people but just want to study them? Its more the other way #Around. I care about people and thus want to understand them? Dont enjoy it though. It feels wrong and i feel guilty :')