#or as if most people with aspd dont have huge egos | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alostlittleriverlotus · 1 year

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i dont get on much anymore just cause I don't have anything to really say. :p

I'm just vibing and dealing with personal stuff.

But I think I finally have something to say so let's go, another NPD rant. About ableism towards NPD/ASPD. HUGE trigger warning for ableism/ableists and ableist language. We love you narcissists, we love you antisocial peeps. 💜💜💜

The abuse that's commonly done by NPD and ASPD folks. It has nothing to do with the disorders. It's not more common cause it's those disorders, it's cause people slap narcissist and psychopath on any undesirable toxic traits. Completely ignoring what NPD and ASPD are. Seeing NPD as some evil manipulative ego centric disorder. Seeing ASPD as the uncaring manipulative asshole disorder.

That literal stigma prevented me from knowing I had NPD and DEFINITELY kept me from knowing I had ASPD because I didn't fit the abusive stereotypes of them.

If you can read my posts and still think I'M the one misunderstanding shit like narc abuse, you don't actually care about victims or any of the nuance with a situation.

I have encountered more toxic people under the label of depression than I have with people with personality disorders. I have been called heartless, hollow, empty, told I am a leech for everyone around me. I see my disorders constantly lumped in with the worst of humanity, people I actively stand against.

Anyone regardless of disorder can be toxic or abusive. Any personality disorder can be toxic or not. But there are so many stereotypes that most people don't even know what it's actually like to have PDs. When you look up NPD, it's all about how to deal with a narcissist, how to hurt a narcissist, how to leave a narcissist. Imagine being in a low episode, searching for help, and you get bombarded with that shit. Imagine looking up ASPD and just seeing stuff about psychopaths and sociopaths.

You can try to act like you're explaining it to me, but I have witnessed actual ableism from this. Being an abuse victim does NOT give you the right to stigmatize a disorder. Even if not your intention, you are doing just that. I literally had my defense of narcissism be compared to a fucking r*pist as if I was defending a r*pist. They literally compared narcissists to r*pists and as a csa survivor, that ain't fucking fun.

So go ahead, say that it's important to understand the abuse given out by people with NPD and ASPD. I have abusers that have those disorders and I have those disorders. I have been treated like the enemy for having a disorder I can't help within the mental health spaces. The fact I have to accept ill get some people in my inbox saying shit to me if I post about NPD/ASPD says it. And BPD folks that try to say they're the good ones (this is mostly a TikTok thing), siding with that ableist rhetoric isn't gonna save you. Because people conflate BPD and NPD a lot and when one of us PDs are demonized, it will quickly devolve into other ableism and demonization.

Ableism will start with the "scary, abusive disorders" and will quickly become about most every disorder. Pushing the "bad" disorders under the bus won't stop anything. Catering to ableists by shoving NPD and ASPD under the bus won't do shit. Maybe the disorder did personalize the abuse, my abusive ex used his ADHD and GAD and depression against me. It literally made me loathe being diagnosed with GAD and ADHD being a correlated those disorders with HIM. But I never once thought to blame other people with those disorders because of one bad person. You can talk about your abuse without lumping in how they're a narcissist. There are other words: selfish, egocentric, self centered, egotistical. That gets the point across that they're full of themselves and selfish without correlating it with NPD.

And for those that will say that "narcissist is separate from NPD" that is not what happens. I can separate them as well, but the majority of people cannot and that only adds to the stigma. When you look up narcissist, you find NPD. When people with NPD try to look up their disorder, they find articles about evil narcissists.

NPD and ASPD are not more likely to be abusive. They'll be toxic, any trauma response can lead to toxic relationships. I've been toxic too! Cause I never had a chance to learn to regulate my emotions, I was neglected and ignored and left to care for myself so much, I had to learn to manipulate and fake to be able to be accepted.

Not to mention relationships are so incredibly nuanced and abuse is never the same. Also as someone that fell down that narc abuse hole years ago cause of how common it was to see, it only keeps you trapped in anger and pain, furious that people will try to sympathize with narcissists, angry and hurt and trying to pathologize the pain you endured. There are more nuanced ways to discuss an abuser having NPD and ASPD. You lump the disorder in with abuse and put them as the two most evil disorders. I can just say I have NPD and I'll be told "of course you'd defend abusers, you're a narcissist." Not all abusers have NPD/ASPD. A majority don't. Yes NPD/ASPD impacted the abuse I faced, but I wasn't abused because of their disorders, I was abused because they were abusive.

If you fail to understand that, that is not my problem. There are people who word it better than me, I do my best to communicate despite my difficulties. If you can't see the harm that this does when people with personality disorders already struggle to get help because of stigma, that is not my problem. I have explained, I have done my best to communicate, I have made it clear why it's harmful. If you still fail to understand that, then just don't bother.

If you leave some anti-narcissist stuff in my box, I'm gonna just ignore it or delete it. I'm not giving you the time of day.

I mention NPD/Narcissism and ASPD and I instantly have to be prepared for people to be upset. Looking up narcissist/narcissism anywhere and being bombarded with how evil, soulless, and empty we are. I have been told I'm lying about my abuse cause of my BPD, now imagine if I was more open in other spaces about my NPD/ASPD.

Any personality disorder can lead to toxic and unhealthy situations because these are severely traumatized people with no idea how to fully cope. It has taken me years and accepting I had NPD/ASPD to get to a point where I have healthy communication. I refused to believe I was a narcissist cause they're evil and abusive. It only made my toxic narcissistic traits worse. I wanted to be a "good person" and so I refused to accept I had NPD/ASPD. After destigmatizing the disorders, avoiding narc abuse shit, all of that and learning about the disorders from people with em, I went: Oh shit, I think I have these. Is that possible? And lo and behold, I do. And suddenly I'm not forcing myself to fake, I'm not hiding some of my "shittier" aspects. My friend MA helps me by letting me unmask 100%. These traits I'd be so demonized for the second I showed them to others are accepted by MA and suddenly I find ways to communicate better and learn to be healthier. Cause instead of being treated like a monster for a disorder I never asked for, I'm treated with understanding. So when I do mess up, I don't feel defensive or upset and I will apologize.

Demonizing disorders, lumping NPD/ASPD in with abuse just leads to more stigma. It'll start with these two, but it'll come right back to BPD just like it still is for many people. I will be told narcissists can't love, narcissists can't feel for others, narcissists don't deserve to live. I'm told sociopaths are monsters, psychopaths are pure evil, getting lumped in with murderers and r*pists. I've met shitty people with NPD/ASPD. I've met good people with NPD/ASPD. And creating a single stereotype of the disorders around the evil/toxic/bad parts completely ignores many narcissists and antisocial folks that don't fall into that stereotype. Cause I've met narcissists that fit the criteria, but don't fit the stereotype created around the criteria.

You are ableist. You have a chance to learn and I hope you grow out of this. But if not then I have no sympathy for you. Cause in the end, you're just fighting alongside ableists and people that don't want us to even be alive or get help. If your first instinct is to hurt a narcissistic abuser, how are you any better than them? And I'm all for victims of oppression and abuse reacting how they can. But maybe realize that your initial trauma response to such things is not always right. Just because you don't attack random narcissists and antisocial folks on the internet doesn't mean there aren't people doing that. And you believing in narc abuse allows that opening, just like in many other situations. You allow that shittiness to happen.

I sincerely hope you can learn and grow from this. Cause I've been there too, with other situations too when I was younger. It's easy to fall down that hole. And I hope tou can look back on this in the future and have matured and be better. But if not then oh well, stay away from me. I'm willing to educate, but if you aren't willing to listen then just stay away from me. Nothing I say will ever make you listen.

The tone for this may come off as rude or uncaring, but this comes from a very personal and passionate place. And having come so far in my journey, I will say this shit. Just as I have gotten anti-narcissist ableism in my inboxes, I have gotten thanks and people saying that my posts have helped them feel less alone. And ultimately that and educating others is my main goal.

Narcissists, antisocial peeps, any heavily demonized "abuser" disorder, you are so worth it. You are not these stereotypes that people make you out to be. Even if you're toxic, remember you never have had a chance to not be in survival mode. It doesn't excuse harm done, but if you get stuck in that area of self hatred, it makes it harder to grow. Sometimes you are shit and it isn't good, but you're learning to be better. You don't have to get help the expected way especially with such a broken mental health system. You deserve to be treated as human and as a fellow trauma victim. You don't have to feel love in a normal way, you don't have to be the norm or expected way of anything. You can be better. What matters is being at a point where you don't have to rely on that survival mode and trauma responses. You're safe here. Whether you feel love, whether you have been abusive/toxic in the past have gotten better, whether you're struggling to be better but you're still trying, whether you struggle with being a "good person." You're welcome here. It doesn't fucking matter. You know your life, not me, not these strangers. You don't need to be a "good person" to be worthy of love and understanding and be able to just live your fucking life. Whether you aren't working to getting better. I don't know you, I don't know your story, I don't know your life, it ain't my place or anyone else's place to judge and you are welcome here. You don't need to explain every tiny aspect of yourself and your disorder to be worthy of being treated with respect and kindness and decency. You are welcome here :)

All I focus on is what you stand for, whether you're anything like ableist or homophobic or racist or transphobic etc. or anything else like p*dos or r*pists.

We humanize people here and you're welcome here. Especially if you've been so demonized by people. The stereotype of a good person is complete bullshit. You deserve understanding and love.

Of course this is a very general/blanket statement and cannot list every single tiny thing that is or isn't acceptable. Also I hope this conveys things well as I am having a harder time communicating my thoughts lately especially since what I say can so easily be misinterpreted.

This is one big rant about ableism. Fuck ableism, it won't be tolerated on this page at all. Anything else problematic as well. It doesn't matter whether your abuser has or doesn't have NPD/ASPD. It doesn't fucking matter. And focusing so much on the narcissist abuser or "psychopath" abuser is stigmatizing, harmful, and doesn't do shit to actually help you heal.

Anyway, love you fellow narcissists and antisocial folks. This was focused on NPD/ASPD, but any personality disorder, you're loved here and welcomed here. Especially since PDs are either ignored/forgotten or completely demonized.

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