#only time she feels anything for THE longest time was through murderizing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

diaryujin · 1 month

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𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍

summary: Sunghoon has never felt any spark in his heart, none of that silly love he’s read about in novels in his free time. No one interested him, and it wasn’t like his father, the king, would let him have friends, male or female, for fear of being betrayed or developing feelings for them. He lived a life of isolation, excited for nothing – neither the idea of being married to a pretty princess nor becoming the next ruler of the Park kingdom. He most certainly did not expect you, his new guard, to change all that. He did not expect you to brighten his days and light up his heart.

includes: death, murder, war/battle, attempted murder (kinda), breaking in, royal au, romanticized medieval setting of sorts, forced marriage/proposal, a lot of time skips so it moves somewhat quickly, brief mention of a toxic ex, death by illness, joking mention of jumping off a balcony, blood, wounds, denial of death kinda, graves, lmk if i missed anything!

genre: angst

pairing: prince! sunghoon x guard! fem! reader

word count: 8.1k (woah)

taglist: @kflixnet @kpopslays @jvjsssnaa a/n: it’s finally here! i sacrificed sleep for this and i do not regret it at all. this fic has two milestones for me - being my longest fic + a fic i’m kinda proud of. i hope you all enjoy it as much as i did writing it <3

PLEASE REBLOG/COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED THIS FIC 🫶

Sunghoon was reading over some papers pertaining to the kingdom’s matters when he heard a knock on the door.

“Enter.”

One of the guards came in, before bowing upon seeing him.

“Sire, his Majesty wishes to see you.”

He nodded and set the papers in a neat stack. He then put them in a drawer and locked it for security. He then stood up and followed the guard, maintaining a neutral expression.

His mind was working much faster than normal though.

His father was very strict, and the slightest mistake meant an extremely harsh lecture. He flicked through his memories, trying to remember what he could have done wrong, and what he should say as his apology.

He pursed his lips as a thought crossed his mind - was his recent trip to the colder regions made known to his father? He had gone for administrative work, but he couldn’t resist spending some time there ice skating, which the king always considered useless since it benefited only the person skating, not the country. He had done his best to keep it under wraps, but maybe one of the guards reported this to the king. Damn it.

He mentally slapped himself for using such crude language. Those were the words of peasants and did not suit a prince like him. Holy moly…buckling barnacles, great heavens…such lengthy words to express frustration, he thought. ‘Damn it’ was only two syllables.

As he snapped out of his reverie, he entered the Throne Room. His father was seated on the grand throne at the end of the airy space. The seats where the ministers sat were empty. Court was always in the morning, and it was probably lunchtime by now - the prince wasn’t sure.

He stood a few feet away from his father. The guard bowed and left, and Sunghoon made eye contact with the old man in front of him. He didn’t seem angry, so the younger relaxed a bit, letting out a sigh.

“Why have you called me here, father?”

“I’ve received some proposals from other kings. They’ve sent me paintings of their daughters. A lovely selection of princesses, I must say.”

Sunghoon had to physically hold himself back from rolling his eyes.

“Father, I’ve already told you this. I am not ready for marriage and I am not interested in this topic.”

“Yes, but it’s good to start early. Maybe you’ll change your mind after-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt you Father, but why have you actually summoned me?”

The king narrowed his eyes at his son but didn’t say anything more about the topic.

“Well, I’ve decided to get you a personal guard. There have been many threats of attacks on the palace, so it’s better to take this precaution.”

“Interesting. Will he be with me all the time or-”

“She.”

“What?”

“Your guard is a female.”

To say he was shocked was the understatement of the century. His father? Hiring a woman? As his bodyguard? What if he-

“Are you serious?” “Yes. She is very capable and I’m sure she will protect and serve you well. I trust you to keep your relationship with her strictly professional.”

It wasn’t like he knew how to have a non-professional relationship with anyone outside of his family anyway.

“Yes, Father. Will she be with me at all times?”

“Indeed she will, except for when you are sleeping. At that time, she will stand outside your door and guard you.” “What about her food and sleep?”

“That is not your concern.”

“But-”

“Silence!”

He immediately bowed his head slightly as a sign of remorse for stepping out of line. This was going to be interesting, he thought. He had little to no interaction with women outside of his mother and sister, and the small talk he made with princesses and duchesses of other kingdoms was always awkward. Now he was having someone of the opposite gender, a woman, watching over him nearly 24/7.

He slowed down his train of thought. Why was he thinking like a teenage boy ogling over a girl? He was the crown prince, he was better than that. It was going to be a new experience, that was all.

“May I meet her now?”

“Of course. She’s arriving as we speak.”

Just then, the door opened, and you entered, a male soldier on either side. Sunghoon’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, but nothing came out of it.

He was having a cultural shock of sorts. All the women he had met were all dainty, graceful and poised - the epitome of perfection. You, on the other hand, had an air of authority about you — rough and firm. A few scars were on your face, probably from battle. You bowed the full 90 degrees, and he could only respond with a small nod.

Oh fuck, you were gorgeous.

And he used foul language again. Stupid Sunghoon, he reprimanded himself.

He didn’t take back what he said, however. Your beauty wasn’t the type written in books or sung in ballads, but it had to be known to the world, somehow. He was almost tempted to write one himself.

Hold on, why was he thinking all this? His father had just told him to not think anything about you that crossed the lines of professional, and thinking about how pretty you were was not within those lines.

“This is your new personal guard, Y/N.”

You came over to him and bowed again, although at a smaller angle than before.

“N…Nice to meet you, Y-Y/N.”

Did he just stutter?!

“It is an honor, my prince. I swear to serve you to the best of my abilities.”

“I’m sure you will.”

He managed a small, formal smile, looking completely pleasant and unfazed.

Which he very much was not. He wanted to jump off the nearest balcony when you said ‘my prince’. He didn’t know why - you weren’t the only one who addressed him in that manner. You might’ve even learned it from someone in the palace, so why was he so hot and bothered with the way you said it?

“Your duties start today, guard.”

“Yes, your Majesty. I will not let you down.”

He was going crazy. You were just his new guard. Nothing less, nothing more. He would just have to rein in his thoughts and get it all together. Not a difficult task at all.

As you stood behind him as he walked through the kingdom’s streets a week later, he seemed to keep a little distance from you, which was unsafe. Anything could happen within a few meters.

“My prince, you must slow your pace.”

He turned his face to look at you as he stopped walking.

“Oh? Why is that?”

“There’s a gap between us, and anyone could attack you with that.”

“Ah. I see. In that case…you can walk next to me. Or something.”

You stood next to him now. He quickly looked at the fruits a vendor was selling, trying his best to avert his gaze so that you wouldn’t see his reddening cheeks. It was unknown to him as to why he was so flustered. You were only doing your job, and that was it.

“Our kingdom seems to produce good crops.”

“Indeed they do, my prince. The farmer and the cultivators work very hard. It always seems to go unnoticed for some damn reason, though.”

He heard the angry tone in your voice and the curse word you said. This seemed to be a sore topic for you. He was curious, so he decided to ask more.

“What do you suggest, then?”

“We export more crops so that they get more revenue and in turn, they get paid as well. Increase the demand.”

You shrugged before turning your attention to a little kid who was clinging to your leg. You leaned down and patted his head, smiling a bit. The kid laughed and ran away. Sunghoon watched this interaction with interest and it dawned upon him that you cared about the people and their welfare, like a good ruler.

Wait, why was he thinking about you being a ruler? You were only a soldier, and with the hierarchy now, there wasn’t much chance you could become more.

It did make him wonder, however, what you would do if the people rebelled. He shook his head, not wanting to think so dark. Your suggestion was smart, though. It made more sense the more he pondered over it. He’d mention this to the old man and see what he’d say.

“Shall we move on, guard?”

You stood up properly before nodding.

“Yes, my prince. Apologies for slowing you down.”

He dismissed you with a wave of his hand.

“Nothing of the sort. Come, let’s go.”

You both continued your stroll and for some reason, his heart was beating very unnaturally. He only had this issue when he was agitated, but there was no reason for him to be scared now, so why was this happening?

It had only been two months since you became his personal guard, yet you were his closest and most trusted friend. He took all your ideas seriously and told them to the king who somehow accepted them, and called him ‘ingenious’ for supposedly coming up with them. He hated taking false credit, but he knew that he couldn’t tell his father that you were the mastermind of them all — he would then question Sunghoon as to why he was talking to them in the first place, which would lead to you being removed from your post and replaced with a boring male soldier.

He didn’t want to lose you, not when he finally found a change in his monotonous life, someone to brighten his dull days, someone to call a friend, even though it was only known to the both of you and no one else. He couldn’t bear to have you gone.

He was sitting underneath a tree, looking up at the sky in the comfort of the gardens reserved for his family and visitors alone. His father never came here out of his own accord - he always considered it a waste of time. His mother was in her room, and her sister was in another kingdom discussing alliances. This was a moment very rare, just you and him, with no one to interrupt or catch you two slacking.

You were sitting next to him, only a few inches away. The wind was blowing gently on his face. He closed his eyes and smiled, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Your presence next to him was oddly comforting. He opened his eyes again, turned his head, and looked at you, wanting to ask you something.

“Guard, you know how I always give your suggestions to the king and how he always says ‘I’ did a good job thinking about them?”

Your face tightened the same way it did every time he took credit for your ideas in front of his father. He sighed.

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, I wanted to apologize for that.”

You tilted your head at him, clearly not understanding two things - why he was suddenly saying sorry, and how you doing that simple thing made him go insane. You took over him, body and soul. All he could think of when he tried to sleep was you. It was just two months. Two months, and he was already attached to you. He was convinced, however, that it wasn’t love or anything stupid like that. No, it was simply him forming a close connection to the first person who cared about him. Not everything was romantic affection. He had never tasted this emotion, obviously, but he’d say that he knew enough about it to confirm this wasn’t it.

“Why now, my prince? I’m sorry- I just didn’t expect you to, y’know…actually apologize. Never met a royal who’s done so. They’re all usually stuck-up snobs who think their shit is worth the entire kingdom.”

He snorted at that. It wasn’t like you were wrong, most of the royals he met were indeed very arrogant. He didn’t dare anything about it though, simply doing his best to not behave like them.

“It’s not right of me to take credit for something I don’t even have the brain for. I don’t mention your name for your security. If my father knew I was talking to you about matters like these, then…”

He made a motion of him cutting his own throat, complete with the sound effect. You grinned a bit, which was enough for him to be over the moon, but then you laughed. Not just a ‘teehee’ or a ‘haha’ - an actual, proper laugh. His heart swelled, maybe his jokes didn’t suck that much. Your laugh was indescribable. It was a delightful sound to listen to. It was short, but he wanted to hear it every day at least once for the rest of his life instead of those ballads that were sung in the court all the time.

The way your eyes formed crescents, the way your face was half in the light and half in the shadow, the way the wind put an orange leaf in your hair like it was an accessory - it was making him sick in a good way. He rarely saw you smile, let alone laugh like this. He knew that you had to keep your expression serious all the time - all the soldiers had that training - and this was a proud moment for him to see you loosen up. He couldn’t help the small smile on his own face.

“My prince, is he really that harsh? I’m aware that he is super damn strict to us soldiers, but that’s expected since we have to be toughened up to protect the land.”

His smile faded before he shook his head in agreement.

“I’d say so. It’s for my good- I am the next in line, after all.”

“I don’t think forcing your child to have no friends is how you raise him to be king. He won’t know how to have proper social interactions.”

There you were again, hitting the mark accurately with your observation. He sucked at interacting with other people. Slowly, he was starting to dislike his father more. The faults he never saw in him earlier were becoming visible, the saint-like image he had of the king since childhood fading away. Was this meant to happen? He wasn’t sure.

“Right. I’m living proof.”

You shook your head in alarm.

“Oh shit- please don’t be offended by my idiotic statement, my prince…I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, really-”

He chuckled at how you were panicking and made a motion with his hand for you to calm down.

“It’s okay. I didn’t take it that way.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

He saw your body relax as he rested his head against the bark of the tree again. He gazed at the sky, eyes fixated on the clouds and the way they moved in the direction of the breeze. Two questions lingered in his mind, and his mouth suddenly blurted one out.

“Do you ever sleep?”

It was random, sure, but he had to know. He was concerned for you. He never saw you leave his side, except for when he was asleep, and he already knew what you did then. You were still staring at him, but he didn’t notice.

“I do. I’m a normal person, my prince, I can’t function without food and rest. That’s impossible.”

“When?”

You let out a slight laugh at his curiosity, and his heart started pounding faster again.

“You don’t notice, do you? That means I’m performing the stealth part of my job well. When you’re in the dining room or a meeting surrounded by the best soldiers. That’s when. I also don’t stand watch for you every night. I alternate with another guard.”

His mouth formed an ‘o’ shape in understanding. He didn’t notice it at all, which meant that either you were a master of stealth, as you said, or he was just blind. It was most likely the former since he had no doubt in your abilities.

“I see. I was very worried for you, honestly.”

“I’m honored that I was an object of your concern, my prince.”

He scoffed at your slightly surprised expression.

“Of course, I would. You’re my personal guard, what reason is there for me to treat you inhumanly?”

That stupid fucking slip of his tongue.

Shit, he just cursed.

Damn it, again.

His tutor and family would go crazy if they could read his thoughts.

Of course he had to refer to you as his, like you were property. Of course he had to emphasize on that word as well. You were making him loosen up too much. It shouldn’t have happened, not at all. He couldn’t continue like this, what if he accidentally cursed in front of people? He would never be heard of again.

“I’d say I had expected that, but you’re different from other royals, so not really.”

“I understand. Also, you don’t have to call me ‘my prince’ when we’re alone. Just Sunghoon is enough.”

Your eyes widened in astonishment.

“My prince, I wouldn’t dare to-”

“Really guard. It’s fine.”

“But his Majesty-”

“He doesn’t have to know. Our secret.”

“If you say so…it’ll take me time to get used to calling you by your name, princ- I mean, Sunghoon.”

“Already getting there.”

“I guess so. In that case, you can call me by just my name. No need for ‘guard’.”

“Your wish is my command, Y/N.”

This was new. Not referring to someone by their title was disrespectful. He learned from a ripe young age that if he didn’t call someone by their title, he could end up with his head on a guillotine block in some places. Were you seriously making all his long years of education unravel? Silence fell upon the two of you before he spoke up again.

“What do you think love is like?”

You must’ve been taken aback, and he expected to see such an expression on your face. Instead, when he stole a glance at you, it was something else. Wistful? Longing? He couldn’t name it exactly.

“Books don’t give it justice. Neither do ballads. It’s…more than that.”

He was intrigued by your response. He raised an eyebrow, signalling you to continue.

“Oh? You’ve been in love before?”

You stared at him, a sad smile forming on your lips, a look flashing in your eyes. One of remorse, he recognized.

“Yeah. It was depressingly…beautiful.”

His chest tightened at your words for some reason.

“Heartbreak?”

“Kind of. We fought a lot…our personalities were very different. Then when we finally reconciled…he died. An illness took him away.”

Your eyes were filled with so much hurt, it almost made him cry. This was his first time seeing you emotional, vulnerable, and while he was honored that you trusted him enough to show you this side of yours, he wondered how much you were hiding away. All he wanted was to protect you so that you would never have to go through something as painful as that. He made a resolve to make sure that he was never the cause of the agony in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s fine. It was just- unexpected. It’s been a year anyway.”

“I hope this doesn’t bring back memories you buried, but…how would you describe love?”

You rested your chin on your palm, thinking for a bit.

“Love isn’t only about the physical signs. For me, love is always wanting to be by someone’s side, being so head over heels for them that even the littlest things like…I don’t know, something stupid, makes you remember them. It’s being their biggest supporter, but also telling them when they’re wrong. Love is wanting to keep them safe from all the bad in this world. It’s when even the simplest thing they do brightens your day, like a smile or a small act of kindness. Love is when you put their needs and wants above everything and everyone else. There’s obviously more, but that’s my personal experience.”

Holy moly. Sunghoon was in love.

He was in love. That emotion many desired to feel at least once. All his previous notions and confidence about it being platonic flew out the window. He very clearly did not learn enough about this feeling. He didn’t know whether he wanted to be happy that he could say he had loved once in his life, or scream in frustration that he fell for someone out of his league and not some princess who he was supposed to want like this.

God, he hated himself.

“Pri- Sunghoon, are you okay?”

Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He couldn’t let you know, he was a hundred percent sure that you didn’t feel the same. Plus, he was the prince, and if you both were caught, it would mean bad for him and catastrophic for you.

“I’m fine. Come, let’s go. We might get caught if we stay any longer.”

He stood up immediately. You were confused but followed his orders. What he said, you obeyed.

It had been eight months since you became his personal guard, and half a year since he realized that he was in love with you. He tried to distance himself, but one look or word from you and his resolve faltered. He was so deep in this pit, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to dig deeper or climb out. He wanted you to stay away and he also loved the way you destroyed every single one of the walls he built around himself subconsciously.

He matured, and he was no longer the shy boy who didn’t know how to talk to someone of the opposite gender. He was a confident and charming crown prince now, the man of many’s dreams. You were the only one on his mind though.

His father was now eager to get him married off, and he had to comply with his wishes, He was no longer the king who served the people anymore - he was corrupted, only thinking about power. Sunghoon did his best to undo the damage inflicted on the population, but the situation was getting tense, and he knew it. Rebels were raising their heads and it was his job to keep them in check. It was difficult, but you helped him through it.

Presently, he was sitting in the dining room with his family, the king, queen, princess, and officials of the Hwan kingdom. This was the proposal his father liked the most because the Hwan kingdom was rich in resources, and this alliance hidden as a marriage would give the Parks access to those coveted precious stones. He was hoping, however, that the other king would say no for some reason and he’d be free.

He had no interest in the princess, however. She was too boring for him. They had zero common likes, and the only thing they related to each other on was the struggles of being next in line. This was probably the worst match he had ever met. She seemed like she wanted this much less than he did. She was at least trying, he had to give her that.

You stood behind him on his right side. He so desperately wanted to turn around and see your reaction to all this. Your face had to have no expression now, obviously, but you both shared secret looks with each other in odd situations, and he was sure you’d find this amusing. The chatter across the table died down suddenly, and all the attention was on the two kings in the room.

“We’ve agreed on this marriage. Prince Sunghoon and Princess Hyeju are now betrothed!”

Sunghoon’s hands, which were tapping the table, stilled. He froze in shock, every voluntary muscle in his body stopping movement.

No, this couldn’t happen.

This was a nightmare, a terrible dream. He pinched his thigh underneath the table and ended up proving to his dismay that he was wrong.

This was the worst day of his life.

His father droned on about the details of the wedding. He tuned it all out. He tilted his head just a little to see your face and noticed that you were gripping your spear much tighter than necessary. You knew that he didn’t want this, not at all. Maybe you were angry on his behalf.

He couldn’t do anything about this, however. This was just his fate, and he resigned to it immediately.

The meeting ended, and everyone, including Sunghoon, stood up and exited the room. You followed him as he went straight to the gardens to clear his head. His family would be occupied with entertaining the guests and making more plans, so it was just you and him. Again.

He sat in his usual spot underneath the same tree. He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. He heard the sound of you sitting down next to him, before feeling your hand lightly grip his shoulder.

“Hey, Sunghoon?”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine.”

“I know how much you don’t want this. Trust me, I don’t want it either.”

The second sentence was uttered in a more quiet voice, and he moved his hands away from his face to look at you in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Your lips formed a thin line, your body language making it clear that you were saying this with hesitation.

“I don’t want you to marry her.”

You removed your hand from his shoulder. You looked down at the grass, fresh and green from the new spring season.

“Why? I mean- other than me not wanting it personally, there’s no reason you should hate it…this is an amazing opportunity for the people and the kingdom! We will prosper-”

“Fuck the people and the kingdom- I want you, dumbass.”

His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

“What…do you mean.”

“I love you really badly. That’s what I mean.”

He couldn’t believe it. You, the very person he always desired desperately, his forbidden fruit, loved him back? Wanted him? This wasn’t real. He must’ve been knocked out after the marriage announcement and slipped into a pleasant dream.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You want me to prove it?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t know what to expect, but you grabbing his face and crashing your lips on his was the farthest from his vague idea of what might happen.

It lasted for a few seconds before you pulled away suddenly. You noticed his dazed expression and started to panic.

“Shit, shouldn’t have done that, please don’t kill me, I-”

Your voice snapped him out of his haze before he placed his hand on your waist and pulled you in for another kiss. His hand tucked one strand of hair behind your ear and you melted into the action, calming down instantly. He was so gentle, so careful, he was holding you like you were a delicate object that was to be treated with utmost care at all times. When you both parted, his face wore a lovesick smile, his eyes sparkling like stars.

“I feel the same.”

“Yeah, it was obvious.”

He chuckled at your comment, before frowning.

“You know this is dangerous, right? We shouldn’t be doing this.”

Your shoulders slumped at his words, knowing that he was completely correct.

“I do. I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. I just didn’t…know how to tell you.”

He shook his head. To him, you could do no wrong. It was his fault. He should have gotten rid of you so that he could nip the blooming flower in his heart from the bud. He shouldn’t have been such a coward.

“I understand what you mean now. I don’t know how to stop it, though.”

“That’s…fine. Just knowing you feel the same is enough for me.”

It wasn’t. Neither for you, neither for him, and you both knew that. The fact that he couldn’t be yours and you couldn’t be his simply because of both of your duties was like a nasty, sharp torn ledged in the soft flesh of his heart. You and him were not meant to be. Your romance was only a fantasy, to be never fulfilled.

“Precisely. This is all it’ll ever be.”

It was night. He had one week until his wedding with the Hwan princess, and he was dreading it. Seeing your face became unbearable for him sometimes — you reminded him that he had everything a commoner could only dream of, but even the poorest of poor could love and he couldn’t. He was ready to throw his entire life away and disappear with you, but his fear of what would happen next to the country held him back.

He stared out the window in his bedroom which gave him a perfect view of the private gardens. The place where it all started and ended. The moonlight shone on the trees and flowers, giving it a peaceful aura, different from the cheery one it had in the daytime. Even in the comfort of his silk night clothes and soft blankets, he was in a state of unrest. He wanted to run, wanted to be free, wanted, wanted, wanted. He lay down, resting his head on his pillow as he waited for sleep to find him while he closed his eyes. Thankfully, the night was kind to him, and he dozed off almost instantly.

Sunghoon was rudely woken up by you frantically shaking his figure, pleading with you to wake up. When he came to his senses, he heard alarms sounding in the palace and immediately understood that it was an emergency, although what might’ve exactly happened was beyond him.

“Y/N, Y/N, I’m up. What’s going on?”

He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and slapping his face for good measure.

“Rebels. Come, we need to run.”

The first word was enough for him to be fully alert. He foresaw them coming, so it wasn’t a big shocker for him. He put on his slippers and looked at you with determination. He was actually trying to mask his fear, but you didn’t need to know that. You grabbed his arm and ran out of the room. He was a bit startled at your speed at first, but quickly matched your pace. When you both reached a corridor, you slowed down, wanting to be careful of surprise attacks.

“Hide your face to the best of your ability. I’m not sure if they’ll recognize you in non-prince clothes, but it’s better to be safe. They’ll aim for me instead since I have the palace uniform.”

His chest tightened. You were ready to give up your life for his. He knew that was protocol for all soldiers - royals over their own lives. He knew, but you were different. He didn’t want you to die, he couldn’t imagine a life without you. You were his oxygen, he’d suffocate if you were gone.

Suddenly, he noticed a flash of light. He heard a whoosh and he saw the way your hair moved in the direction of the sound. He assumed it was a gust of air along with the lights of the palace shining weirdly, but then he looked at the wall in front of him and realized what it was - an arrow. It was embedded in said wall, and you had missed it by a hair’s breath. Literally. It had scratched your face, but other than that, you were fine.

You pulled him down to remain on the floor, before you stood up and ran to the rebel that shot it, your hands gripping your sword tight. You engaged in combat with her. She was rather buff, and even though she only had a bow and an arrow holder on her, she was slowly gaining ground in the fight. She was blocking your thrusts with her bow, catching your moves with its string. She landed a harsh blow on your chest, and he gritted his teeth seeing your sharp flinch. He had to do something and fast.

He crawl-walked across the floor, making sure to stay unnoticed. He moved to stand behind the rebel before forcefully grabbing her neck. She was gagged, and the sudden lack of air caught her off guard. You took the opportunity and struck her in the heart, and he let go of her.

You both ran off, eager to get to the safe room specially built for situations like this. Barely some distance away, he raised his head, neck aching from the constant strain, when you suddenly pushed him to the ground and covered his mouth with your hand. He was about to protest, feeling kind of hot and bothered with his position, but then he decided against it. You definitely did this for a reason, and he could repress his feelings for a while.

Your head turned as you stared at a rebel passing by, praying he wouldn’t notice you both. He was blind to your movement thankfully, and as soon as he left, you got off of Sunghoon, pulled him up, and ran. You pushed the door of the safe room which was behind a cupboard open with your shoulder, and he then realized that he was the first one to reach. The door closed, and he glanced at you, relief and gratitude clear in his eyes.

You gave him a thumbs up and turned to leave to assist the other soldiers with getting the rest of his family to the room when he suddenly grabbed your wrist. You looked at him with confusion, and you opened your mouth to ask him what he was doing when he placed his lips on yours. You let out a soft gasp when he held you closer, one arm around your waist, the other hand on your back, holding you close. This wasn’t like the last time you kissed — this was desperate, filled with emotion. He let go of you too soon, eyes shining with tears.

You both knew that there was a chance you wouldn’t come back to him, and this could be the last time he saw you.

You squeezed his hand in an attempt to reassure him. He just nodded at the door, knowing that you had your duty. You bowed and left as he watched you in fear, praying that you’d make it.

After the attack by the rebels, there were always new questions about the palace’s security floating around. Quite a few lives were lost. None of them were you or his family, but Sunghoon still grieved for them mentally. He couldn’t imagine the agony their families must’ve been going through, and he managed to convince his father to give all the deceased’s close relatives compensation.

The wedding was called off for now, much to his delight and his father’s despair. The old man had accused him of doing something to sabotage it, but he had grown a thicker skin, thanks to you. All efforts were now being put into strengthening the forces of the kingdom, and the actual matters of state were being ignored. This would lead to more rebellion, but his father didn’t seem to care. At this rate, he could die if he stepped out of the palace grounds — the people hated him that much. Sunghoon was already preparing to become the next ruler since that future would become a reality pretty soon.

A surprise attack was inevitable, but he didn’t expect the aggressor to be the damn Hwan kingdom.

They must’ve heard about the damage inflicted on the palace from spies and knew that the Park kingdom would be focusing its efforts on repairing it, thus taking advantage of the situation. It was smart of king Hwan, Sunghoon would give him that.

He rode his horse while inspecting the soldiers preparing for battle. None of them were properly ready for this. Many veteran soldiers were on break and were called back suddenly. They all did come, and he was grateful to them for that, even when they had the right to refuse. The troops were arranging their positions quickly, and a little bit of his anxiety relaxed. Their army was strong, they could face this.

As he rode back, he saw his father, who was seething with rage at being betrayed, Sunghoon’s brain was in overdrive. Many of these brave soldiers would sacrifice their body and soul for a stupid fight that wouldn’t bring much to the land that could have been easily prevented. He knew it would happen, but didn’t do anything that was enough to fix it. He couldn’t keep falling short of what was necessary, that wasn’t what a future king would do.

Not wanting to talk to the old man, he rode a little further where you were on your own horse, surveying the battlefield. He relaxed a bit more upon seeing you and moved to be next to you.

“This will be a tough fight, Sunghoon.”

“I hope it remains a fight that ends today and not a war that stretches over days.”

“Where we are victorious.”

“Obviously.”

“My- Sunghoon, what will you do in case your father…is killed?”

The slip-up and the way ‘my Sunghoon’ rolled off your tongue so perfectly made him miss your actual question for a moment. He let out a soft giggle, before manning up to think. He hadn’t considered that possibility at all. If that happened, then he would automatically become the next king. He’d rule the land and hopefully lead better than the previous king and his reign would be peaceful. He’d make sure of that.

“Be the next ruler, of course. I’d promote you to my personal advisor.”

You cracked a small smile at that.

“Not enough brain. Plus, what if I don’t make it?”

“Won’t happen. You’re too sexy to die. Your abilities are top tier too, you’ll survive.”

You laughed now, and he smiled fully at you. This was a situation unheard of — right before a whole battle, he was here flirting with you and laughing. So very serious.

He leaned his head closer to yours, hair falling over his eyes. They were pleading silently with you to steal one last kiss, one last secret gesture of love before you both left to fight, one last chance to hold you. You shortened the gap, about to comply, when the war horn sounded, signaling the start of the battle. He frowned, angry at the lost chance, but quickly kissed your forehead. You pecked his cheek in return, before putting on your helmet and riding off.

The sound of hooves hitting the ground and the sight of dust flying from them brought him back into the moment, and he rode in the same direction as his own army, intending to lead the fight. His father was weak and made dumb decisions, so it was up to him. He moved directly to the frontlines, pulling out his sword from its hilt as an enemy soldier charged at him. He fought with ease, and soon a dead body was on the ground.

He should have been desensitized now upon seeing gore and corpses, but it still disgusted him. He gritted his teeth and averted his gaze as he parried with more enemies. Soldiers were dropping left and right from both sides. Blood splatters were on his own face from fighting so fiercely. It was a miracle that he was still standing with only minor injuries, the Hwan soldiers were vigorous.

Time was passing quickly, although for him it felt like an eternity. He just wanted to go back after all this ended. He didn’t care if he had to marry the Hwan princess, all he wanted was for this bloodshed to end. The sound of arrows being shot, horses neighing, grunts of hurt and dying soldiers — it was all too much for him.

All of a sudden, a more experienced soldier was attacking him, he could tell by the moves. His entire focus was on fighting back because this guy could actually kill him, that much was clear. He didn’t notice the other soldier charging towards him from his left with a spear until he heard a clang.

His eyes darted in the direction of the sound for a second, only to see you had blocked the attack and thrown the soldier off his horse. He was impressed and inspired by you, and with renewed strength, he killed the veteran. He gave you a thumbs up, before looking to his right as someone else ran to replace the deceased soldier. He was ready to fight that person and everyone else with you and for you.

Then, tragedy struck.

An arrow was heading in his direction. Occupied with the current fight he was in, Sunghoon was in no position to dodge it, and you took the blow. Pushing his horse with your own, the arrow lodged in your chest instead. The only reason he noticed it was because of the sound of pain you made. He finished off the man fighting him, and then turned his head to look at you. Your head was drooping slightly and your grip on the reins of your horse had faltered.

No, no, no, this can’t happen!

You were supposed to stay with him, you were supposed to be by his side forever, he was supposed to get more chances to love you, even in secret, not just lose you like this.

He immediately shoved his sword back in its hilt before grabbing your torso to steady you. You were very faintly there, you just had to keep going a bit more for him, and he knew you could.

“Y/N, hold on, okay? Don’t close your eyes, please.”

“Try…ing.”

Fuck, your voice was so weak, you really were trying. He’d end your suffering soon, he promised silently.

Coincidentally, the war horn sounded once more, signifying the end of the battle. It was his kingdom’s, which meant he had won, just like you wanted.

But you weren’t conscious enough to realize it.

He promptly sat you on his horse in front of him, one arm around your waist holding you close and tight. He galloped fast to the palace medic, the best one in the entire region. He ignored the weird looks and the shouts of his name, traveling with urgency. He had to move fast for your sake, and also for his own. He’d lose his shit if you…no. You weren’t going to, he was sure of it.

“Try to not focus on the pain, we’re almost there.”

That was stupid advice, but he had to say something, anything to save him.

“This doctor will fix you up, I swear. Just- don’t give up yet, Y/N. I beg of you. It’s all I’ll ask for this badly from you.”

Your head was now tilted back, and it rested on his right shoulder. You opened your eyes slightly to look at him, which he took as a good sign.

Then you spoke.

“I won’t…won’t make it. It’s…no point…denying it…my…Hoon, I…love you.”

At your words, Sunghoon’s lips formed a thin line as he squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds to force his tears to stay back. He could feel the blood running from your wound and collecting onto the sleeve of his suit, but he refused to accept it. You would make it, you couldn’t die.

“Shut-Shut up. You’re not dying, not when I’m here. Look, we’ve reached- you’ll be okay, I swear.”

He got off the horse, your limp body in his arms bridal style.

He wished he could be holding you like this in a different, more happier situation.

The doctor rushed out of her house and knew that it was urgent upon seeing the prince at her door. She took you in and he waited outside, pacing around nervously. He was so certain you’d survive, but the wound could be a major setback for the rest of your life. He’d have to make adjustments to accommodate you at the palace. He wouldn’t mind though, it was for you after all.

The doctor came out after a few minutes, and he waited for her to say something along the lines of ‘she survived, but ___’. Not to see her shake her head with a soft sigh.

“I’m sorry. She didn’t make it. She was gone when you came here. We tried our best, but…the arrow was poison tipped, which reduced her chances of surviving to zero.”

No. No no no no no. This lady was old and wrinkling, she was probably cuckoo and playing an unfunny prank on him.

“Can I see her? Alone?”

“Of course, sire.”

He rushed inside immediately, expecting to see you on the bed bandaged up and smiling at how well the prank worked on him-

She was right. You really were gone. You took your last breath in his arms. Your arms rested limply by your sides. The arrow was removed, but the blood stains were on your armor as evidence that the fatal injury did indeed happen. Useful reminder for a delusional ass like his. Your helmet was off your head now.

He sat down on a chair next to your bed and held one of your hands gingerly. It was already turning cold, and he hated it. He felt freshly made cuts and bruises along with older scars on your palm. His gaze fell on your face. The scratch you got from the rebel’s ambush was still partially healing. He took in your features with intense concentration, engraving them in his memory. He despised the fact that you looked so much at peace right now – when you just left his entire life in turmoil. He needed so badly to shake you back to life or something, but he knew that there was no point now. He lifted your hand up to his lips, kissing it in a tender manner, a weak replacement for the one you both missed maybe an hour or two before.

Just when he let go of your hand, the doctor rushed in with news.

“Sire, his majesty has passed away due to a…similar poisonous arrow shortly after victory.”

Both the people he knew wanted to win the most were dead just after it happened. Ironic, he thought - this was worthless now.

King Sunghoon walked through the cemetery for soldiers who had sacrificed their lives for the country. He stopped right in front of one which had many flower bouquets, a lot of them from his own previous visits, all of them your favorite flowers. He got on his knees on the right side of your gravestone, head bowed in respect and hands folded in his lap.

“Hello, Y/N. I know I’ve come to see you many times before, but I can’t help it. I miss you so much. You left too soon. I still believe that I should have taken that arrow instead of you…although it was for the better in hindsight. At least your last memory was of me and your pain ended quickly.”

Silence. He quickly wiped his eyes.

“I love you, Y/N. I still do, so much. I should move on by now, but it’s hard. Not when you meant so much to me, not when you changed me. A little for the worse, mostly for the better.”

He laughed dryly, looking at his hands. An expensive ring gleamed on his ring finger.

“I married a queen who I liked a lot. Not the Hwan princess, although she and I keep in touch often. We’re allies now. Kind of ironic, since I lost you and the old man in a war against that same kingdom’s old ruler.”

He wasn’t willing to let himself break, what if someone walked in on him sobbing over a dead soldier's grave? What would they think? He poked his eyes with his fingers, still in misery. No matter how much he tried, everything in his brain led back to you. While he didn’t want you to fade or leave his mind exactly, you were only meant to be a guest, visiting occasionally, not a permanent resident, not someone he still needed. When he calmed down, he quietly lifted his crown off his head and put it on top of your gravestone. He placed a solemn hand on it, closing his eyes. “This is a love stained crown, tainted with you and I, along with all our memories. Your affection will never wash away, no matter how much I try. I miss you and I love you, and I hope you’re doing better, wherever you are.”

#mallow’s works #mallow’s oneshots #divider by fairytopea #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen royal au #enhypen angst #sungoon #park sunghoon #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon angst #sunghoon royal au #enhypen fic #sunghoon fic #sunghoon prince au #sunghoon enhypen #kflixnet

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judeswhore · 2 years

Text

tell me again; steve harrington

summary: steve was fully aware that his feelings for you went beyond “just friends” but the fear of ruining years of friendship kept him radio silent. however, a murderous wizard wreaking havoc around hawkins and a little bit of encouragement from his younger friends has him finally admitting the truth.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

requested: yes

warnings: slight st4 spoilers

notes: i’m so sorry this took so long i wasn’t really sure what to write so hopefully this is okay, i think this is the longest steve fic ive ever written. also thank u sm for 2500 followers!!! i’m v grateful and appreciative, the feedback on my fics is always so amazing so thank u v much for that :)) you can find my masterlist here.

steve was completely unable to keep his eyes off you for more than ten seconds at a time, no matter what he was supposed to be focusing on, his attention always found it's way back to you, gaze soft but tinted with concern. he'd let his eyes linger on you while trying to hold a conversation with nancy and robin, struggling to come up with ideas to help figure out the ins and outs of the curse but failing miserably because of his fear that you might become the next victim. there wasn't anything in the world steve harrington was more afraid of than losing you.

you'd been a constant light in his life since you were both twelve years old, a never changing force attached to his hip through everything. every up and down you'd been there, every fight with his parents, every failed test, his rocky relationship with nancy and his downfall from king steve to the designated babysitter. you'd been with him through it all, always there to give him your best pep talk and that earth shattering smile that would have him forgetting why exactly he needed a pep talk in the first place. steve knew deep down there would never be anyone like you again, his heart would never react to anyone like it does to you and he wished, god he so badly wished, he'd not wasted so much time on things that didn't matter. because hawkins was going under and steve was scared he'd lose you before he got the chance to show you just how much you meant to him.

for the hundredth time that night he let his eyes seek you out again, tuning out dustin and lucas' conversation about getting more supplies to eddie as soon as possible. nancy and robin had disappeared upstairs not too long ago, robin mumbling something about getting food before she passed out. you, however, were sitting on a mattress across the room from the sofa he was perched on, your back against the wall, legs crossed as max lay with her head against them. the two of you were mumbling quietly to each other, max's head tilted at an angle to meet your eyes, your head dipped low as though to hide your conversation from the others. steve watched the way your fingers sifted gently through the younger girls hair, an almost mother like gesture that sent a pang of longing through his heart.

max being cursed and you all so unsure how to save her had tilted the groups axis significantly, however steve knew you had been completely thrown overboard with the revelation. max had always been like a sister to you, you'd taken her under your wing her first week in hawkins after an unfortunate run in with billy and, as dustin had been with steve, she'd clung to you ever since. even after everything that happened at the mall, you were the only person max didn't push away, the only person she let take care of her when there was no one else around. steve knew you were hurting, knew you felt lost and unable to help and he wanted to pull you into him, to wrap you up in his arms and kiss you until you stopped worrying. but he knew that wasn't possible. like steve, you wouldn't stop worrying until you were more than one hundred percent certain that all the kids were safe.

your lips suddenly tilted into a soft smile, that smile that had steve's knees threatening to give out, and you playfully flicked at max's forehead, a brief moment of normality passing between the two of you. max's smile wasn't as bright, didn't quite reach her eyes, but it settled steve somewhat because he knew it was real and that meant it would ease something inside of you too. max curled her fingers around yours and held your hand to her chest, tilting her head even further as she muttered something that made you nod. slow but full of purpose and then your fingers returned to her hair.

"dude, don't you think it's time to tell her how you feel?" dustin's elbow landed in steve's ribs following his mumbled question and the older boy winced and groaned, pressing his hand firmly to the spot. he finally managed to tear his gaze from you, eyes instead landing on the two boys watching him with knowing looks.

"what are you talking about, henderson?"

"don't you "what are you talking about" me, harrington. you know exactly what i'm talking about." dustin nodded his head in your direction before falling back against the sofa, slouching with a book settled on his lap. "if you keep staring at her like that she might start to melt."

"i'm not staring at her. i'm making sure she's okay, making sure they are okay." steve huffed like a petulant child at being caught out. he knew he wasn't exactly the most subtle when watching out for you but still. friends watch over friends. steve does it with all of them.

"you're staring at her like she might disappear if you blink." this observation came quietly from lucas, and sliding his gaze over, steve found him watching max. the expression on his face was so clear to steve, so obvious. it held every single thought and emotion that had been running through steve's head for the past few hours and in that moment he knew, just like him, lucas' heart was already sitting firmly in max mayfield's hands, whether she knew it or not.

"i don't-" lucas shook his head before steve could continue, running the tip of his finger repeatedly around the mug he was nursing between his hands.

"i get it. i feel like max might disappear if i'm not looking too and it's the worst feeling i've ever had." the words tumbled from his lips, edges harsh and jagged, raw with emotion that screamed to steve. because it didn't matter how young lucas was, how little time he might have known max, he was in love with her and steve understood the gravity of loss when love was involved. "none of us know what's gonna happen next, steve, but i think y/n deserves to know how you feel. don't leave it until it's too late."

"i can't. i-" steve shook his head and dragged a hand through his hair, a light feeling of nausea rolling over him at the thought of finally coming clean. he'd kept his feelings locked away for so long he wasn't sure how he was meant to tell you. what if you hated him for leaving it so long? what if you thought of him as only your friend and he ruined that by making things awkward. he'd rather have you as a friend, unaware of how much you meant to him, than not have you at all. "she knows i love her." which was true enough. you knew steve loved you to some extent, that just above the surface love that he felt for the rest of his friends and he thinks deep down he could live with you only knowing that level of his feelings if it meant never having to say goodbye to you.

"you're in love with her, there's a difference." dustin pointed out, thumbing at the pages of his book, his eyes darting between steve and you. "look, we have no idea who might end up cursed, we have no idea what's gonna happen to us all, don't let something so important slip through your fingers because you're a coward."

"i'm not a coward. i just can't lose her and if she doesn't feel the same then i've fucked up years of friendship and i can't do that."

"and what if you lose her anyway? what if you never tell her and the world fucking ends and she's stuck thinking all she ever was to you was a friend."

"i don't think she'd be all that bothered about-"

"jesus christ, harrington, y/n is so obviously in love with you. she looks at you like you hung the moon.” lucas shook his head, the words hissed lowly in order to keep quiet from the two girls having their own secret conversation. "the way you two look at each other, like there's no one else around, like you'd run straight to fucking hell and back for the other with no hesitation. that goes way beyond friendship and if you don't do something now there are so many ways that you could lose her. there are so many things that i wanna say to max and i don’t even know if i have the time to say them all. make your move before it's too late."

lucas took a deep breath and let his attention settle back on max, that troubled look returning to his eyes. steve knew max and lucas were going through somewhat of a rough patch and his heart gave a twang of sympathy for the other boy. he knew exactly how suffocating it felt to have so much to say and no idea how to say it. you and max were still huddled together, whispering words back and forth, your fingers still running comfortingly through the tangled strands of her hair. as though feelings steve's eyes on you, you glanced up with that favourite smile of his, the one that so easily sent his thoughts skidding away. little did he know as he sent you his own smile, that max had been giving you the exact same speech he'd just gotten, a speech that in just a few hours would change everything.

everyone was sleeping, soft snores and light breaths the only sound in the wheeler's basement but you couldn't seem to settle, tossing and turning on the tiny mattress in front of the sofa every five seconds. it was hot and stuffy and your mind was racing from your earlier conversation with max. the younger girl had lectured you on not being honest about your feelings for steve, had almost scolded you for hiding your feelings when, in her words "steve worshiped the ground you walked on and it was time you both stopped dancing around the truth". she was right, obviously, about your feelings, but your fear of steve's rejection was a dark cloud over your head and was enough to keep you quiet. you could love him in silence, that had always been okay.

max's constant reminder to you of the curse and how there was no guarantee in life also wasn't helping you sleep. you were running out of time and options and you weren't at all ready to say goodbye to the girl you'd come to think of as a sister. you would save her, you had to. a sigh puffed from your lips, unintentionally loud as you flopped on to your back, eyes turning towards the ceiling. steve was sleeping on the sofa above you and you jolted when his hand appeared over the side, fingers prodding lightly into your cheek as he gave a soft grumble.

"stop wriggling." he mumbled, words muffled from what you assume was a result of his face being smushed into his pillow.

"sorry," you tried to keep quiet, fighting the urge again to flip back on to your side. "can't sleep, everything's uncomfortable." steve was silent for a few seconds, his hand still dangling over the edge of the sofa, fingers so close to your face and then suddenly his head was hanging over the edge too. his eyes were heavy and sleepy, hair a complete mess from the pillow and your stomach flipped, goosebumps rising across your arms at how effortlessly pretty he looked. he cocked his lips in a lopsided smile and tapped his fingers against your chin.

"c'mere." then he disappeared again, slumped back into the comfort of the sofa but you didn't move, stayed rooted to the mattress because you weren't entirely sure you'd heard him correctly. that was until he gave a breathy laugh and spoke again. "come here, y/n." his voice was low and still full of sleep and it stirred something inside of you, made your mind race a mile a minute.

sitting up you turned your head to see steve settled back into the sofa, his fingers curled around one corner of the blanket to hold it open for you. his eyes seemed to twinkle, that lazy smile still glued to his lips as he waited for you. without too much thought you climbed up beside him, laying on your side, your face in line with steve's and you gave a quiet hum when he let the blanket fall back around you both. his hand fumbled to wrap it around you, tucking you in so tightly that your chests were almost pressed together. he was warm, the heat radiating from him and it made your thoughts a little foggy.

"better?" his breath fanned your face and this close you could make out every freckle across his nose, every fleck of green in the browns of his eyes and you never wanted to look away.

"yeah." you gave a small nod, slightly flustered and unsure of where to put your arms and so you kept them awkwardly sandwiched between you. so awkwardly in fact that steve chuckled and took one hand in his own, lifting it to his lips where he skimmed teasing kisses across your knuckles. his gaze was intense, so much so that you wanted to squirm and you were more than shocked at the gentle press of his mouth on your skin.

"wanna tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" you just shrugged, not really wanting to voice your worries about max and the curse, feeling as though saying it out loud would make it all the more real. steve hummed in understanding and it tickled against your fingers before he dropped them again, his hand stayed locked around yours however, thumb sweeping back and forth over your palm in a way that had you fighting back shivers. he was still watching you with that same overly intense look in his eyes, your faces so close together from resting against the same pillow. "you know i'll never let anything happen to you, right?"

"there are things that even you can't save us from, steve." you mumbled the words softly, unsure whether he was talking about you alone or the group but the flicker in his eyes suggested it was the former. he gave your fingers a quick squeeze.

"i'll do anything to make sure you're safe, i need you to know that. i can't lose you, y/n.”

"i know. me and you against the world, right?" you shuffled in closer to him, thankful for his warmth because it seemed to have calmed you somehow, a layer of comfort wrapped around you. steve sucked in a breath when your knees bumped against his legs, a soft pink tinting the tops of his cheekbones. he let go of your hand, his gaze still locked on yours and instead brought his fingers to your face. he brushed the backs of them over the curve of your jaw before tucking your hair carefully behind your ear.

"i can't lose you."

"you're not gonna lose me," you curled your own fingers around his wrist and tilted your head into it, an unfamiliar boldness washing over you as

you pressed your lips to the soft skin. steve's lips twitched into a smile, one that felt like liquid heat inside of you. "gonna be stuck with me for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not, harrington."

"i think i could live with that." his eyes searched your face, taking in each and every small feature as though he was committing them to memory. the way he was looking at you made the hairs on your arms stand up, heat curling in your stomach as your heart gave a thud. he'd never looked at you with such intensity before and you weren't sure how to handle it, your body feeling hot under his attention. his palm found your cheek, soft against the skin, and you melted into him with the first swipe of his thumb beneath your eye. "you're so beautiful."

you let out a startled breath that fanned across his lips and it was only then that you realised you'd moved so close to him, your faces only inches apart. his eyes fell to your lips, gaze dark and every thought in your head turned to dust in that moment, steve's fingers the only thing you could focus on. the entire room seemed to have fallen silent as though waiting for one of you to move, even dustin's bulldozer snores seemed muted to your ears.

"steve-"

"i love you." the words tumbled from his lips, a little harsher than he intended and you blinked in surprise, lips parting again on his name but he was speaking already. "i mean, i'm in love with you." those words were a lot softer, muttered almost nervously into the room and you didn't miss the flush on his cheeks or the anxious waver of his voice.

"you're in love with me?"

"so in love with you." his nod was slow, his lips curving into a tentative smile. his thumb trailed to your bottom lip and he carefully brushed over it, tugging it down ever so slightly before letting it snap back into place. "you have no idea." you were frozen, eyes locked on steve but he was staring at your mouth, eyes glassy and a little unfocused and you wanted to know what exactly was running through his head, wanted to know if his thoughts were as jumbled as yours.

steve harrington was in love with you. your best friend, the boy who teased you about your braces, the boy you fought russian's with, the boy you'd been in love with since he first offered you his chocolate bar when you were twelve years old, was in love with you. your mind wouldn't let you believe it, your heart hammering in your chest as you wondered over whether he was just joking with you. but he looked so serious, so set and the nervous glint in his eyes made you think that he maybe was being honest.

"you don't have to say it back, i know you probably don't feel the same but with everything that's happening with the curse and us having no fucking clue what we're doing, i just needed you to know." you arched your eyebrows at him and shuffled impossibly closer, lifting your hand to brush his hair back off his forehead.

"you seriously think i wouldn't feel the same?" he just shrugged, suddenly looking shy, his eyes flickering around your face and you gave a quiet laugh, head shaking. "steve, i've been in love with you since we were twelve." you felt his entire body go tense against you, his thumb pausing it’s back and forth motion across your chin and the awe struck expression on his face made you giggle quietly.

“why didn’t you say anything?”

“why didn’t you say anything?” you prodded his cheek playfully and he sent you a sheepish grin, ducking his head ever so slightly. you watched him, slipping your hand over his neck until his hair tickled the tips of your fingers. “i guess looming death is a great way to get a love confession out of someone, hm?”

“lucas made me realise that i want you to know just how much i love you in case the worst happens. i need you to know how much you mean to me, that i don’t just look at you and see my best friend, that i look at you and i see someone i wanna spend the rest of my life with. however long that might be.” a slow smile curved your lips at his words and you pushed your fingers completely into his hair, leaning in to nudge your nose against his. your chest felt light but hot, completely fuzzy because steve loved you.

“i love you more than i thought was ever possible, i’m so in love with every single part of you steve harrington.” steve’s grin was wide and full blown, almost taking up his entire face and it was that smile that made your first kiss so ridiculously awkward for the first couple of seconds. it was a clash of teeth, a bump of noses, the gentle knock of his chin against yours until you giggled and he laughed and then he was kissing your properly. full and with so much love your blood seemed to sing in your veins and your heart hammered so harshly against your chest you were certain it was trying to reach his.

his fingers gripped lightly at your chin to keep you tilted towards him and the soft noise he let out into your mouth when you shifted your fingers through his hair was decidedly your new favourite sound. his lips were warm and soft, so soft you were determined to know what lip balm he used, and he tasted of mint, his toothpaste not yet having warn off, with the tiniest hint of the coffee he’d been stealing from you all day. you felt dizzy, drunk on his kisses and in that moment you’d do absolutely anything he asked of you. steve’s body shifted until he was half hovering over you, the blanket thankfully covering you from any prying eyes however you hoped everyone was still fast asleep.

this moment was one you wanted to stay in forever. in time, whenever you thought of fleeting happiness, it would be this moment. steve’s lips on yours, his previous declaration of love branded into your heart like an immovable stamp. he nipped ever so slightly at your bottom lip and then mumbled his next words directly into your mouth, the sound muffled and messy, his voice a little shaky.

“tell me again.”

“hmm?” you couldn’t concentrate. not when he was kissing you the way he was, when you could feel every inch of his body up against yours, the heat of him swirling white hot happiness in your stomach. he pulled back slightly, lips only inches from yours and sent you a small smile. the tops of his cheeks were flushed and his hair was messy from your fingers, falling carelessly over his forehead, just kissing the tops of his eyebrows.

“i wanna hear you say it again, so i know i’m not dreaming.”

“you had me like this in a lot of your dreams, harrington?”

“a few of them, although we’re both usually wearing a lot less clothes.” you smacked his shoulder at that, eyes rolling despite your grin because you’d be a liar if you said you hadn’t had similar dreams. steve smothered his laughter in your hair, trying his hardest to stay quiet and not wake the others. he was guaranteed to be teased once they found out he finally admitted how he felt and he’d much rather have shared a few more kisses before that happened. he took a few seconds to calm his giggles and then tipped his head back to you, dropping a kiss to your chin and then the corner of your mouth. “tell me again.”

with a sigh you took his face in your hands, palms soft against his cheeks and stared headlong into those dark eyes that had you hooked from day one. your thumbs brushed beneath his eyes and you lifted your head to nudge his nose. “i love you.” there was such finality to your words, a solid statement, a fact, something that would never change and that was all it took for steve to bring you in for another kiss. this one was deeper and a little more desperate but still so utterly and completely toe curling. you had been through your fair share of kisses but nothing would ever come close to this one.

#stranger things #stranger things blurb #stranger things fic #joe keery #steve harrington #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington smut #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fic

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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yesimwriting · 1 year

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Final Girl - Part 8

Series Masterlist (updated chapters 1 -9 and extras) Final Girl Masterlist

A/N this took awhile,, but i always want to put my best foot forward bc of how much this series means to me, which means i work when i’m in the right headspace for it and have the time to invest,, which hasn’t been lining up too much recently 😭 anyways i see all the supportive comments and appreciate them sm!!

also keep in mind that my priority is not the timeline, like if you’re feeling like the month before halloween is the longest month of all time,, it’s bc i want to give them bonding time before the heavy murder stuff!

Series Summary: Y/n can’t believe that she has to leave the only home she’s ever known just because her mom’s latest boyfriend has a house in some town in California. Just as she’s starting to think that Woodsboro might not be that bad, something life altering happens after she agrees to sleep over at the Becker’s house. Now her name is practically synonymous with Ghostface’s/

Chapter Summary: Y/n tries to get back to normal and work on her friendships, but there’s nothing normal about surviving a serial killer attack, and it’s no one’s fault her friends keep noticing. She’s navigating the start of dealing with her trauma while also trying to be a good friend, especially since Billy hasn’t been feeling like himself lately. In a desperate attempt to feel like a normal, healthy teenager, Y/n crosses a personal boundary.

----

My mom has often told me that in many ways, I was born as an old lady.

She’d always say it after I tried being responsible. Suggesting that she give herself a curfew on weeknights, or at the very least, call if she was going to be late. Reminding her that there’s a reason people gave her the side eye when she took a visibly underage me into R-rated movies.

Now that I’m older, I guess she was right in a lot of ways. I wasn’t the kid-iest kid, if that makes sense, but there was one thing I was always good at: playing dress up.

With a mom like Gloria, it would have been hard not to. For years, my mom’s closet basically had the same magical properties as Disneyland. I thought that that mindset might have just been nine-year-old me, but apparently not, because Tatum and Sidney have been looking through it like it’s life changing.

“Okay.” Tatum picks up one of my mom’s shimmery wrap and tosses it over her shoulder. “It’s official, when I die, I want to be buried here.”

I look over in time to watch her observe herself in the mirror. “Then I hope you live for a very long time.”

She wrinkles her nose. “That better not be the only reason.”

“Course not, you know I love you very much, Tate-a-boo.” I make a quick kiss-y face, and Tatum almost giggles before returning the gesture.

Turning away from my mom’s dresses, Sidney smiles. “Please, for all our sakes, don’t let Stu hear you say that.”

After the joke settles, I practically snort. “Good point.” I step a little further into the closet, refocusing my attention. The only reason we’re all in here is because I wanted to borrow a pair of shoes before going out to the nail salon. It was Tatum’s idea, and the state of my cuticles made me agree. My social hibernation has not been good to them. “Okay, these are the shoes.”

Sidney steps out of the closet to give me the space to do the same. I slip on the shoes, happy with how they look with my outfit and their level of comfortableness. My mom rarely buys any shoes for herself that aren’t heels, so she ends up taking anything that’s remotely comfortable from my closet.

“I want to stay here.” Tatum’s hand brushes against the sleeve of something cashmere. “Maybe forever.”

“And leave your nail beds like that?” Sid glances away from the full length mirror that’s right outside of my mom’s closet. She turns her attention to her reflection, adjusting the fluffiness of her always, almost magically perfect bangs.

Tatum halfheartedly glares before stepping out of the closet. “You’re such a liar.” She raises a hand, studying her palm while walking out of the closet. “You told me they looked fine yesterday.”

Sidney almost smiles before throwing me a look. A quick raise of eyebrows that seems to say got her. “We’re gonna be late.”

----

The first nail appointment after awhile always feels like willingly volunteering to get a bunch of paper cuts. It’s not overwhelming painful, just a little irritating. After feels nice, though, now that my nails look fresh and I know I don’t have to worry about having my cuticles professionally gutted for a little bit.

And being around Sidney and Tatum is nice. Familiar in a way that’s still new. It’s weird in a good way. Like I could start throwing around cheesy terms like BFF and it wouldn’t even be dumb. It’d still be ironic, but I think they’d get the sentiment. It’s not that I’ve never had good friends, but this is different. A little more open.

Like right now we’re in Sidney’s room and we’re not talking about anything in particular, just going off of whatever comes up. I could probably say the dumbest thing in the world right now and it wouldn’t even feel unfitting or awkward.

“...Shut up, he was not that bad.” Tatum’s trying to sound more upset than she is. Somehow Sidney found a way to tell me about Tatum’s first boyfriend. A total middle school romance--they even went to the 8th grade dance together and held hands and had their first kiss under the bleachers. Sounds cute enough, but according to Sidney he was a total weirdo. Even by 8th grade boy standards. “He wasn’t.”

Sidney laughs again, the movement has her arm bumping into mine. “He tried to eat a live lizard because Stu dared him.”

“No way.” I snort. “Your first kiss was with a lizard eater?”

Tate sighs, dropping her head against the side of the mattress and crossing her legs on the floor. “Tried. It ran away and no one ever found it.” That’s still objectively hilarious. I can’t picture Tatum with anyone that out there, but then again, she is with Stu.

Not that he reminds me of an 8th grade boy trying to eat a lizard, but he was the one that came up with the idea. “Maybe Stu ate it.”

Tatum glares, halfheartedly shoving my leg as Sidney clasps a hand over her mouth to avoid laughing too hard. “I’ll ask him.”

It’s strange to picture them like that. A little younger, growing up together. “So you guys knew each other back then and now...”

She shrugs, “I don’t know...it just kind of happened. He was always hooking up with or seeing any girl with a pulse and I didn’t even see him like that until after--” She cuts herself off with no warning. “You know Sidney and Billy have a way nicer getting together story.” Tate snaps her head up to look at Sidney, whose expression immediately shifts. “Right, Sid?”

Sidney’s eyes briefly meet mine. There’s a bit of uneasiness there that I don’t get. What could the end of Tatum’s thought have been? What could she have been about to say that might have been--oh.

“Yeah,” she agrees, “Billy and I were hanging out for weeks--”

“You can say her name.” My throat feels drier than it did a second ago. “I won’t freak out if you mention Casey. Promise.”

Tatum’s eyes briefly shut. “That’s--” She doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. I’m right. Why wouldn’t she think I’d freak out? After the way I acted at that party. “No one would blame you if you did.”

It’s easy to say that it doesn’t matter when you’re not the one that has melt downs. “Yeah.”

There’s a brief stretch of awkward silence, the light mood now tainted by the exact thing that’s kept me away from my friends for so long. Maybe keeping to myself was about more than the safety of others--maybe I don’t want anyone to know what I’m like now.

“It’d be weirder if you weren’t a little messed up about it.” Tatum hums the words with such casualness I can’t help but laugh, even when Sidney snaps her head to the side to give her a seriously look. “I’m serious, only a total psycho would be able to see that and jump back into things.”

Sidney sits up a little more, “And you took the SAT a week after it all happened. You’re doing a lot better than most people would be doing.”

I nod, glad that they’re at least good at pretending that I’m not a total mess. “Yeah, guess I’m just sensitive about it because I freaked out on Noel at that party.” Ugh. That’s been something I’ve been trying really hard to forget. “He probably thinks I’m a total freak.” My eyes squeeze shut at the memory of the party. I had been a total mess. I flip flopped on murder accusations like it was nothing and nearly ran to Casey’s house in the middle of the night. “He’s probably told everyone I’m a total freak.”

“You don’t know that.” Sidney’s nice for trying to comfort me, but it’s not the best argument. She picks up on my expression because she then immediately tacks on, “Okay, let’s be logical--why would he do that?”

“Why wouldn’t he after the way I acted?” Ugh. Every guy that knows him is going to think I’m a complete weirdo. This is what I get for trying to date. “And it’s not like he called after. He hasn’t even talked to me in class since.”

Sidney’s eyebrows draw together briefly before her hands move off of her lap and land on her comforter. She pushes herself to stand. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

“Noel’s a total scrub. You’re better off.” Tatum stands too, scratching the back of her arm once. She approaches the bag she abandoned near Sidney’s door, “I brought that eyeshadow I was telling you about. The sparkly, blue one that makes everyone look like Baby Spice.”

She exhales what’s almost a laugh and I find myself not being able to answer. That does sound like something I’d normally happily go along with. Even though Tatum tends to go for a more subtle look on the day to day, she has a solid makeup collection. Lots of trendy shimmers and bright colors that are fun to swatch and mess around with. But there’s something about the way she said it...breezed away from one topic to this.

And the way Sidney just got up like she was hoping that’d change something. I sit up a little straighter, trying to remember what it’s like to not feel paranoid all the time.

Sidney stops adjusting her hair and messing with her bangs in the mirror. “Or we could hold off on that and go to the video store.” Another change to a topic that normally I’d be all over. “I think Randy’s working, we could bug him a little and get something to watch later.”

Okay, another thing I’d normally want to do. It has been a minute since I’ve gotten to annoy Randy, and the itch is definitely there. Maybe they’re just trying to be good friends and cheer me up, but they’re spitting out suggestions in a way that feels like they’re really hoping one will stick.

“Are--do you guys know something about something?” Ugh. If this is my paranoia acting up, I’ll never recover. Why can’t I just go along with things? “I don’t know if it’s me and my head, but you’re acting kinda weird.”

“No, we’re just--” Sidney’s eyes don’t stay on me, they shift over to Tatum for the briefest second. I blink and almost convince myself I’ve imagined it. “You’re not crazy, we just don’t want to stress you out.”

I push myself onto my feet. “That is the worst thing you can say to someone you don’t want to stress out.”

Sidney’s eyebrows draw together like she’s worried. I almost feel bad for pushing. “Noel not talking to you isn’t an accident or your fault.”

“Sid.” I snap my head in Tatum’s direction. She hesitates beneath my stare and gives in with a sigh, “Okay, Noel’s a player who brags about crushing girls’ virginities and breaking up with them the next day. He talks about every girl he’s dated like they’re some kind of car and there are even worse things written about him in the handicap stall of the second floor bathroom.” Tatum pauses, considering how she’s going to word what actually happened. “You’re going through a lot right now and that’s the last thing you need, and we were worried about you, so we talked to Stu and Billy and basically...got Noel to back off.”

Oh my god. The embarrassment, anger, and shock are all fighting for dominance in my mind, but none of them overpower the other so the feeling is just really fucking bad. All I can picture is Billy and Stu talking to Noel like I’m some little kid or someone with brain damage that can’t make their own choices.

“You guys suck!” I wipe at my face with the back of my hand, exhaustion cutting into my irritation. “Like really suck. I’m not some child that can’t make her own decisions.” Ugh--I can’t even decide how to react. “It’s not like I was going to marry him or anything.”

Tatum watches me with a certain level of uncertainty. I don’t think I’ve ever snapped at her or Sidney before. “You’re not exactly a casual dater.”

“Well--I-I could have been.” It feels awkward, almost reluctant, and I hate myself for it. She’s technically right. I’ve never casually dated, but I’ve never seriously dated either, so it probably wouldn’t kill me. “Either way, it might have been a mistake, but it was my mistake to make.”

“I know, Y/n,” Sidney breathes the words slowly, “We didn’t mean anything by it, it wasn’t like a whole scheme or anything it just--” She’s trying, really trying. “We wanted to help you.”

I didn’t need help, I was fine. The genuine hint of worry in her tone keeps me from pointing that out. I just stare at her and then at Tatum. Why does it matter anyways? Everyone gets to be normal and do dumb things and have people they’re close with and relationships and all I have is the stupid ‘almost murdered’ label.

“Why does it matter enough for you to--” I cut myself off, not sure what I’m really asking or what I mean.

Tatum lets out a small sigh, the sound almost reluctant, maybe a tiny bit annoyed that she even has to talk about this. “Because you’re our friend,” she half shrugs like what she’s saying should have been assumed , “And we love you.” She presses her lips together briefly, “Duh.”

Sidney throws a look in Tatum’s direction, “Yeah, we love you so much we were willing to risk you being super mad at us because we were worried.” Sidney pauses to take a breath. “We shouldn’t have done it behind your back, and in the future we won’t meddle.”

When I don’t ease, Tatum tacts on, “If it makes things any better, Stu’s normally a total guy’s guy about this kind of thing and even he thinks Noel’s a total creep.” She scratches the back of her wrist, “And those two never care about this stuff, so, boohoo, we all love you.”

Okay, that doesn’t exactly fix things but it does take the edge off just a tiny bit. They all go way back, and that’s intimidating. And Tatum’s trying to be funny about it, layering on the sarcasm so that I’ll laugh. I hate that it’s almost working. “Well, as long as it’s just everyone being obsessed with me...” The joke feels like a bit of a betrayal, so I tact on something else, “I’m still mad, though.” That feels even weaker. I’m too in my head about all of it and still pretty embarrassed despite the fact that I didn’t do anything. It won’t last forever, but right now, it’s all feeling like too much. The safety of my bedroom feels miles away instead of the few blocks it actually is. “I think I-I’m gonna...”

“No,” Tatum huffs, “It wasn’t supposed to be a thing.” She tilts her head to the side, silky blonde hair bouncing with the motion. “We haven’t seen you in forever and it was more Stu and Billy’s thing, they’ve been ready to start a thing with him since like the 9th grade.”

More Stu and Billy’s thing? That almost makes sense for Billy, who Noel casually suggested could be a murderer. But Stu? Noel seemed to like him well enough. Maybe it’s a loyalty thing. I can see Billy and Stu having a bit of package deal friendship. You can’t hate on one without becoming enemy of the other. And with how generally protective Stu seems to be over his friends, it’d make sense.

But still. I am not a bargaining chip or an excuse or someone that needs their approval on who I do or don’t date.

“Let’s do whatever you want to do and then if you’re still mad, we can invite them over and you can yell at them.”

Tatum almost smiles, “You’re good at that.”

That...feels a little weird. “I’m good at yelling?”

“No, it’s like when you told off that reporter. One minute, you’re normal, but then, when you need to be--bam! You’re super bitch.”

I laugh, this time it’s genuine. “Super bitch strikes again.” The exit is still close, and some nervous part of me wants to cling to the out. I’m not sure if it’s out of some form of fear or genuine anger or both. But I do want to stay around them a little longer and go take way too long renting a video just to annoy Randy. “If I get to pick what we do, I say we go bother Randy and get a movie. He’s had it easy for too long.”

Sid half scoffs at my ominous tone. “How do you know?”

"Knowing whether or not Randy needs to be annoyed is my superpower.”

----

The video rental is surprisingly empty for early Thursday evening. Schools are out and it’s close enough to the weekend where normally there are more people stopping by to check out what they want to watch in advance. Today doesn’t reflect that. Good to know that my Randy distress radar is still in tact.

There’s an older man adjusting the latest release aisle, changing out movies. He’s the only employee that I see as I scan over the store and a part of me nearly deflates. Sidney did say she thought Randy would be working and I have no way of knowing. Our friendship has also been a victim to my recent hermit ways, and it’s likely suffered more than my connection with anyone else. At least my other friends are in a couple of my classes or need to walk down the same hallways. Most of Randy’s classes aren’t near mine and we only share a study hall, which he often uses as an excuse to leave early in order to get to work. Meaning that most days I only see him during lunch.

The door to the back swings open and behind a cart of VHS tapes, there’s a familiar face. Randy. I find myself smiling as I approach the counter he’s coming up from behind.

“Excuse me,” he glances up, a bit of surprise causing him to raise his eyebrows, “I was wondering if you have a copy of Child’s Play 2, but not the original, the extended cut with the alternate ending, Sorority House Massacre, uncut, duh, and/or Fox’s original version of Clueless.”

Randy blinks, unfazed by my bullshit. “I’ve been around you too long to fall for that last one.”

I almost laugh. I can’t believe Randy remembers my rant about the developmental nightmare that was the original Clueless pitch. Fox wanted a TV show, but they got a movie instead, and that took way too long for no reason. I had talked about it a lot longer than I meant to the other day at school. “You caught it.”

“Decoys are always more obvious than they seem to the person making them.” It feels like some kind of movie rule reference, vague enough for me to get how it applies but not so random I feel the need to ask. “So are you here to rent something or make my job harder?”

“A little of both.” Turning my head, I gesture to where Sidney and Tatum are. They’re in the same aisle, backs to each other as they scan through options. “We wanted something to watch and Sidney said she thought you’d be working today.” I tap my nails against the counter. “And I had this feeling that things have probably been too easy for you.”

Randy’s lips turn upwards but it feels a little different than a smile. “Yeah, nothing but peace since you...”

“Became a total paranoid PTSD recluse?”

He half shrugs, “Jack Torrence.” I roll my eyes, a little relieved that Randy’s joking about it instead of pressing. It’s part of the reason he’s a good friend to have. “You’re feeling better, though, right?”

Spoke a little too soon, but that’s an okay question. It’s not invasive, it’s just an offer. “Getting there.”

Randy nods, taking in the answer for what feels like a little too long for two words. Maybe he’s feeling the honesty of what does seem like a cop out answer. I’m not over it by any means, but feeling better is a process that’s starting to work. “That’s good.” He pushes the cart slightly before pulling back to place. “You’re good.” Randy lets out a breath, tugging and pushing the cart again. “I mean--deserve to feel good and normal.”

I grin at the stumble in words. It’s rare that we’re openly nice to each other instead of acting like little kids after one pulls the other’s hair. “I get what you mean.”

His lips part, but no words come out. Randy’s eyebrows draw together as his mouth shuts. What is--a firm touch on my shoulder snaps the question out of me. My head turns and some kind of comment about being rude to people in line rises and immediately falls back down. Stu! And then I remember my earlier conversation and it feels a lot more like: Oh. Stu.

It’s such an instant flip that for a second I don’t react. Stu pulls his arm around me in a quick attempt at a side hug, but I’m so stiff it’s more like being shoved into him. “Look who’s here.”

Bumping into him is by no means new to me. Small town, same friends, some overlap in hobbies. But this time it’s different. I promised myself that Stu and Billy would get scolded for meddling as soon as possible, but I didn’t expect run into him in public. It’s like being a parent with a child that’s misbehaving in church. You can’t do anything but redirect until you get to the car.

Stu drops his arm back to his side. “Thought you were doing something with Tatum and Sid?”

“They’re over there,” I gesture vaguely with a tilt of my head, trying to seem casual. I might not be willing to get into the whole Noel thing in front of Randy and the suburban mom trying to settle a dispute between two kids who can’t decide which movie to get, but Stu probably is. “I wouldn’t look too closely, girls’ night movies might make you sick.”

Stu misses by just a second. He does wrinkle his nose in a display of the kind of good humor I’d expect from him, but it doesn’t feel as natural. There’s nothing wrong about his reaction, it just feels lacking. Missing his usual brand of energy. “I have no issue with girls’ night movies.”

Clearly, I’ve been spending too much time with him because I get the joke instantly. Now it’s my turn to cringe. “Why do I even talk to you?”

“Because, buggsie, your life would be so boring without me.” The nickname does make my expression warp, but this time it’s more like trying to keep in a laugh than anything else. “If your only movie influence was Randy, you’d be a lot less likable.”

Randy sighs. “Keep telling yourself that.”

The words are just a little too sharp. They’re good enough friends in some senses. Not two I’d guess hang alone together, but I like to think at the end of the day they like co-existing. That doesn’t mean they don’t bicker from time to time in a way that feels different than when Randy and I fight like little kids or Stu and I fight like an old married couple too lazy to get divorced.

“No need to be bitter, dude,” Stu’s hand is back around my shoulder, “I gave you a whole five minutes.” That was a weird thing to say. Random, and not in a fun sort of way, but before I can ask, Stu’s pulling me forward. “You want to help me sneak up on Tay?”

I throw Randy a look that hopefully communicates my level of confusion and some sort of see you later. “Uh...” Stu’s already turning like I’ve answered, “Sure?”

When we’re finally closer to the shelves than the counter, Stu lets me go, his hand sliding down my arm a little before retracting. “So you go up to Tatum, talk to her, keep her distracted, and I’ll sneak up behind her.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” He’s moving along so quickly and casually, but I’m still fixed on that last comment to Randy. It wasn’t banter-y and Randy didn’t say anything back, which feels a little weird. “That last thing you said, the five minute thing?”

Stu barely pauses, head tilting in a way that feels confused. “Oh. Gave him five minutes to make a move, but you know Randy, not a closer.”

It’s said casually enough that I could think Stu’s being serious, but there’s also a hum of sarcasm in there. And what he’s saying does feel too unrealistic to not be a joke. Randy and I are completely platonic, there’s no way he sees me like that. Plus, I’d like to think that if a guy I’m around that regularly liked me in any sort of way, I’d have at least somewhat picked up on it.

“Shut up,” I shove Stu’s arm, “You’re not funny.”

He holds his hands up in defense briefly. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

It’s said casual enough that I’m finally given a second to think. The nagging voice at the back of my head is finally given the opportunity to remind me that I’m supposed to be mad at him. Or, at the very least, irritated until I can tell him off for trying to make decisions for me behind my back.

“Interesting that you mention shooting you, be--”

“Ouch,” Stu hums, a little too pointedly, “Thought we were all good, angel.” I press my lips together, staring at the ground to avoid giving him anything to latch onto. “I’ve been on best behavior. Minding my business, just here to check something out.”

I stop, a motion I think is subtle enough but Stu picks up on it immediately. He turns and grabs my wrist. The contact is sudden enough to force me to look up. Stu’s watching me, his expression seems innocent, and not in that pretend way either. There’s a hint of confusion behind his eyes. I’m not sure I entirely believe it, but I think it’s possible that what I’m mad about isn’t coming to mind. He has no reason to think I’d know about it.

His hold is firm and oddly warm and bordering on distracting.

“Stu,” Tatum’s cheery voice snaps the two of us out of our stand off.

He pulls away quickly, eyes falling on Tatum. “There’s my girl.” Stu pulls her into a hug and gives her a quick kiss. “Y/n was going to help me sneak up and surprise you, but she’s in a mood.”

Ugh. Stu has a way of dismissing any type of reaction that doesn’t work for him as me being in a mood or pouting. “I am not in a mood.”

“Give her a break.” Stu’s hands are still on her. “Y/n found out about the Noel thing.”My gaze instinctually shifts back to Stu. His easygoing grin falters. Tatum smiles at him with a coy look that I guess could be interpreted as some kind of apology. “Don’t get moody, she pulled it out of us.”

It takes him a second, but Stu eventually eases off of her. He doesn’t look as content as before, but his expression hints at nothing else besides casual annoyance. “She can’t be too mad if she’s still hanging around you and Sid.”

“I got to tell them both off already.”

Stu turns, something smug tugging his face into an almost smile. It’s infuriating. “If that’s what you’re into, babe.”

Tatum scoffs and halfheartedly smacks his shoulders. “You’ve been around long enough that I don’t have to apologize for him anymore, right?”

“Right.”

Stu lets out a breath, “Geez, you two sure act like you love me.”

I am so not in the mood to say anything nice about Stu in front of him. “Maybe if you minded your business a little more--”

“Okay,” Tatum pushes herself into the budding argument and looks at me. “Save your energy for when there’s two of them.” Good point. If I yelled at Stu and Billy separately every time they messed up, I’d be yelling constantly. Tatum’s attention shifts back to Stu, “Is he around? Sid’s around the corner.”

Stu shakes his head once. “Nah, it’s still early and he only said he might call. He’s been a little out of it.”

Billy’s out of it? And out of it enough to not be around Stu for once? It’s not like they’re literally attached at the hip but a weekend evening where both me and their girlfriends are busy and they’re not hanging out together? That in itself hints at something being wrong.

I think through the last I heard from Billy, but nothing particularly stands out. He might have briefly mentioned his dad but not in a concerning way. Not in a way that indicated he’d have to spend extra time with him or anything.

Billy has also been weirdly absent. No recent warning-less appearances at my window. Has he been going through something and I’m just too caught up in my personal issues to notice? God, this serial killer nonsense has turned me into a terrible friend.

“He okay?”

Stu’s eyes flit up to meet mine. “You might want to hold off on the scolding, but last time I checked in, yeah. Just all angsty, you know how Billy gets.”

I blink. Last time he checked in. Maybe I’m idealizing their friendship too much, but I’ve always felt like they were looking out for each other. Closer than Stu’s current reaction warrants. Or maybe I’m overthinking things and Billy’s just taking some time. He doesn’t seem the type to want to talk about fuzzy things like feelings.

“We were going to ask you guys to come over, but if he’s not up for it, that’s okay,” Tatum says, “You can still come by later, but I think you should check in on him.”

Now I’m starting to feel antsy. Like I should go check in on Billy, but I don’t even know what that’d look like. The realization that I’ve never been to Billy’s house hits hard and with no warning. Whenever we all hang out, it’s at my place or someone else’s, and when it’s the three of us we go to Stu’s and sometimes my house. The thought rubs me the wrong way, like this one thing is pulling on the threads of our friendship.

He’s one of my best friends and I can’t even say I know what his room looks like.

“I’ll probably stop by soon.”

That makes me frown. Probably. Soon.

“Oh, that reminds me.” Tatum’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “Dewey wanted me to give you a head’s up that he’ll be trying to meet with you soon. He wants to go over some....stuff.”

Ugh, this again. I can’t escape it. “Yeah. He has my number, Dewey can call whenever, but the warning was nice.”

Stu shifts back like he doesn’t quite believe what he’s hearing. “He wants to talk to her again?” He’s more offended than I am. “What? It’s not like anything’s changed.”

Tatum shrugs, “I don’t know. Dewey doesn’t give me the details.”

“Unless they have new evidence, they shouldn’t be dragging her back into it just because they don’t know shit.”

I should tell him to drop it. That this is my business and maybe it’s time we establish some firmer boundaries, but I can’t get the words to form. The whole thing feels hypocritical. I should be annoyed, but I’m not because he’s saying what I can’t.

It’s brief, but for a second it almost feels like Stu might be the closest to someone that gets what it feels like. The irony is insane, considering that there’s no way that empathy’s his strong suit.

“I don’t know. It’s not my thing.”

Tatum is understandably a little defensive, which is fair. Especially when considering our earlier conversation. This isn’t fair to her. “It’s okay.” The words feel like a flat cop out compared to Stu’s instinctual defense. “It’s not Tatum’s fault and Dewey was really nice about it last time--”

“Last time? You mean when they ambushed you at the hospital before they let you take visitors?”

My stomach knots at that. The feeling of waking up there, confused and unaware of what I’d just been through and then being made to feel like I was completely alone while Billy and Stu were waiting outside for me. “That’s not his fault.” A dry defense. “It sucks, but it’s for the greater good and it won’t take long.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince myself or him. “It’s okay.”

Stu half sighs. “I’m going to grab my movie and head out, maybe stop by Billy’s.” He tuns to give Tatum a brief goodbye kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll see you soon, Y/n. Make sure you get to yell at me before it builds too much.”

At that, I roll my eyes but still wave him off.

----

My eyes are on the phone again, staring down the extension on my nightstand like it’s keeping things from me.

Ugh. This is ridiculous. I snap my attention back to the homework in front of me. Some extra credit for my math class. It’s an attempt at damage control because the test I had to take the morning after being attacked by a serial killer is seriously bringing down my GPA. Too bad calc has never been my strong suit. The distraction that is my inability to move on from what Stu said is definitely not helping.

Even after Sidney, Tatum, and I left the video store, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Stu’s uncertainty and what Billy could be going through. Maybe Stu was playing down how much he knows because Billy didn’t want anyone else knowing. I could see that. Hope for that since the thought of Billy locking himself in his room and dealing with whatever it is completely alone tugs at my heart.

I could call. He might not answer, but that’s okay. It might make me feel better to just do something and it’s not like I’ve never called him. There’s also the more extreme option of showing up to his place. I’ve never been to his house, but he’s pointed it out before. Even though I physically could get there, that feels like too much. If I’ve never been over, it’s probably for a reason.

There’s also Stu. I could call him to ask about Billy. He’s more likely to tell me about how Billy’s doing than Billy. But that also feels weird for no reason. Again, it’s not like I never call them.

I glance over at the digital clock on my desk. 7:56. Okay--it’s not too late. Not weirdly late.

I stand before I can think about it too much, walking over to the phone. If it’s going to be distracting, I should just get it over with. Maybe having some kind of answer will make it easier to focus on things.

The phone rings about three times before there’s an answer. “Yeah?”

“Hey.” Okay, that one word feels super awkward for no reason. “Hi--it’s um--” Be more normal. It’s just Stu. “It’s Y/n.”

A quick breath that feels more like a laugh than it sounds. “Yeah, I figured that out.” Great, now he’s making fun of me. “I also know why you’re calling.”

“Really?”

I can feel his amusement over the phone. “You can’t stop thinking about me and want me to come over.”

I snort as soon as the words wash over me. What was I expecting? “You figured it out. This is a booty call.”

Stu sort of laughs. “Yeah? I can be over in five.”

Pressing my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing, I sit up a little more. “Loser.” I reach over for a pillow and pull it on to my lap. “Okay, so actual reason, I was trying to do something for calc, so obviously my mind was wandering and thinking about literally anything else.”

“Obviously.”

My fingers brush the fluff of the pillow’s exterior. I brush the strands flat and then back into little spikes of hair. “And at some point, I started thinking about what you said at the video store. About Billy.”

There’s a brief silence, and then another one of Stu’s breathy-accidental-laughs. “Aw, you’re worried.” Ugh. “That’s cute, angel, I’ll make sure to tell him.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t be a spoilsport.”

My nose wrinkles at that, nails smothering my pillow’s layer of fluff. “Is he okay or not?”

For a second, the only thing coming from the other side of the phone is the general static of someone’s movement. “Bossy.” I roll my eyes, but before I can tell him to spare me tonight, Stu continues, “Why didn’t you just call Billy?”

It’s a fair question, which only bugs me more. “Because there’s no way to call someone and ask if they’re okay based on a passing comment without sounding insane.”

I pinch the thin hairs of my pillows between my thumb and index finger. “And it’s less insane this way?”

Feels like it. “Kinda, yeah.”

“Don’t worry your pretty head about it. Billy’s fine, he’ll be back to his usual levels of brooding soon. Promise.” I don’t know what to make of that, so I just focus on my pillow. “It might help if you called him tomorrow. Let him sleep it off for a little longer.”

That’s probably a good suggestion. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” My eyes drift back to the still open textbook on my desk. My mom is out with Wells so I can’t even use her as an excuse to not be doing this right now. I briefly bite my tongue to give myself a second to think through what I’m considering. “You um--are you doing anything right now?” Even more awkward. Great. “I could really use an excuse to not work on calc right now.”

“Now it’s a booty call.”

Being friends with him is so annoying sometimes. “I hate you.”

“Ouch,” a brief shuffling before he speaks again, “You know I love distracting you--” I roll my eyes. “But tonight’s--”

“Shit, is Tatum over or something?” A hand flies over my mouth. Of course I’d call at a time where he had someone over and be a total mess. “I’m sorry.”

Some more static before a response, “No, it’s--” He sighs once. “Billy’s here and he’s--” Oh. My embarrassment is definitely doubling, but there’s still some relief there. At least he’s not alone. “Maybe you should come over, help cheer him up.”

“You’re kind of an asshole for not mentioning that earlier.” I push the throw pillow off my lap and let my back fall onto my cocoon of larger pillows. “And it’s fine, I wouldn’t want to overwhelm him or anything.”

“No,” Stu’s answer is quick but feels a little flat. Almost worried. “You--I think it’d be good for him to see you.” There’s still a bit of hesitance there, like Stu’s not telling me the full story. Maybe he can’t. “We rented a few movies and I think I might still have those sour gummy things you like.”

I really do love sour gummies. “Is Billy okay with it?”

“It’s my house, bug.” When I don’t say anything, Stu sighs, “Kidding. C’mon, he loves you.” I don’t know why I’m debating so much, it was my idea, but now it feels a little intrusive of me. “And we’re a lot more fun than calculus.”

“Not a high bar you’re setting there.” Stu pointedly scoffs. “Okay--if you’re sure Billy’s okay with it, I’ll be over in a few.”

“Need to go ask your mommy?”

I’m already pushing myself to my feet. “Shut up.” An ‘at least I have a parent that gives a shit’ nearly slips out and I just barely manage to bite my tongue. That’d be like reacting to a playful shove with a punch to the face. Besides, my mom’s not a factor right now. She and Wells are out to dinner with some friends. She left me with a 20 to order pizza and maybe rent a movie. “I can still not go.”

Stu chooses to ignore the (empty) threat, “See you soon, babe.”

I push open the door of my closet and search through it as quickly as possible. It’s not like I need to get dressed up to go to Stu’s, but my stained pajama pants from the ninth grade and practically threadbare tank top aren’t things I wear out of the house. Especially now that fall is making evenings a lot chillier. “I don’t get our friendship.”

“I keep you supplied with those awful sour gummies.”

I smile despite myself, grabbing something out of my closet. “That explains it.” Bending down, I pick up another article of clothing. “See you soon.”

----

“There she is.”

Stu pulls me into a hug before I can think to react. He’s always so warm and everywhere. I think it has to do with his smell. It sounds weird but he’s so consistent about it. Enough expensive laundry detergent to drown out most of the usual teen boy body spray musk to a level that’s tolerable and sharpens the slight hint of weed that seems to cling to him. Even that is balanced. Subtle unless you know to think about it. But now it’s a little more overwhelming than usual...fresher.

Like he just finished a joint. I stare at him for a second and while his eyes seem mostly normal, there’s a bit of a red tinge there. If it wasn’t for the smell of weed, I wouldn’t have noticed. “Are you high?”

The corner of Stu’s mouth pulls up into an almost smile. He’s amused. “That’s a fun way to greet me.” I give him a pointed look. “Mmm...maybe a little.” Stu extends an arm, halfheartedly punching me in the shoulder. Instead of dropping his arm like usual, Stu relaxes his fist in order to squeeze the top of my arm. “What gave me away, angel?”

“With you, it’s always a safe guess.” He sort of frowns, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Kidding. You smell like a dispensary.”

Stu squeezes my arm a little harder. “Judgy.” He tilts his head slightly. “And here I was going to offer you some.”

“No one likes me when I’m high.” That’s true enough. I get all paranoid and clingy. Randy won’t even smoke around me if we’re alone just in case.

He half scoffs. “Nah, that’s just for people that don’t know how to handle you.”

Handle me? I’m about to give him some sarcastic answer, but when my eyes meet his, the reaction freezes over. He’s staring at me with a concentration that feels more prominent than his hand on my arm. I don’t know why, but I feel the need the redirect and break the silence. “Where’s Billy?”

“In my room.” Stu swings a hand around my shoulder and starts guiding me forward. “C’mon, he’ll be happy to see you.”

I should shrug Stu off of me, but it feels easier to just let him. Besides, there are other things to worry about. From the vagueness Stu’s been handling mentions of Billy with, I half expect him to be in a straight jacket or something. “He--he does know I’m here, right?”

The only answer I get is Stu placing a hand on his bedroom door once we reach it. He releases me to push open it open. “Hey, feeling any better?” Billy doesn’t get a chance to reply before Stu continues, “Because I brought you a present.”

Weird...and kind of objectifying, but in a weird way. It’s not so much the words, but the way he’s saying them. This is definitely an ambush. Stu pushes the door open all the way before I can really react. I still make a point of smacking his arm. “Don’t make it weird.”

I turn my head towards Stu’s room. Billy is in there, sitting with his back against the headboard and he’s looking at me but there’s little recognition. It’s more like he’s seeing through me. I want to assume it’s part of some kind of side effect of being high, but I can’t quite get myself to dismiss it as something so casual.

Any fight directed at Stu evaporates into the air and morphs into this weird veil of tension. Not good or bad. Just heavy and full, bleeding through the room and into the hall where I’m still standing.

“Hi,” it feels like an attempt at cutting through the harshness, “I heard you were feeling bad so I thought I’d come back and make you feel worse.”

Billy’s eyebrows draw together slightly, like he’s considering how to react. He settles on a, “Yeah?” It feels smaller than the way he usually is.

I swallow my instinctual reaction. “Yeah--things aren’t looking too good in Iraq and everyone’s getting too comfortable with nuclear bombs.”

The corner of his mouth turns up into an almost smile. It’s not quite there, but the thawing of the icy layer behind his gaze is cracking. “Anything else?”

“I still think the Princess Diana divorce is kind of a bummer.”

Stu sighs dramatically. “Of course you’re on her side.”

“There is no other side, Charles is the worst.”

Stu walks fully into his room and practically flops onto his bed. His head hits Billy’s calf and Billy throws him a dirty look before adjusting. “Charles is next in line for the throne. That entitles him to all the girls he wants. That’s just history.”

I wrinkle my nose and halfheartedly glare at him. “He’s also probably inbred.”

Billy sits up a little further, reaching for what I’m assuming is a joint. “Definitely inbred.”

The small vouch of support is strangely easing.

Stu tilts his head to look at me briefly. “You two deserve each other.”

“Don’t pout.” Maybe not my smartest joke, but it’s too easy to pass up on.

He props his head up just to glare at me. “I can still kick you out.”

I roll my eyes and Billy wordlessly extends what he’s been smoking. Stu reaches for it absentmindedly and Billy moves his arm away. “You need to slow down.”

Stu doesn’t protest, which has to be a byproduct of his easy high. I’m so distracted by that it takes a second for it to click. If Billy isn’t handing off the joint to Stu, he’s trying to give it to me...the person who’s going to be around their mom and a cop before the night’s over.

“Can’t tonight.” I’m so going to get bullied for this, “My mom would know immediately, and then she’d kill all three of us.”

Billy sits up a little more, not fully taking his hand back but relaxing it a little. Stu drops his head back down, accidentally landing on Billy’s leg. I suppress a laugh when Billy lazily shrugs Stu off. It doesn’t work, because Stu still glares at me as he curls into himself slightly. “You could stay over, sleep it off.”

Maybe Stu’s more high than I thought. I take a step forward, feeling awkward about the distance. “I don’t see how that helps the my mom killing us all thing.”

“You could call her from my home phone, tell her you’re staying over at Sidney’s or Tay’s.” Stu doesn’t wait for my response before stretching out an arm in my direction. “Come here.”

It feels a little bit like a trap, but at the same time, standing this close to the door is probably weirder than anything Stu’s going to try. I walk forward and sit down on the edge of his bed. Stu smiles lazily and adjusts so that his legs are on my lap. They’re long. He’s basically an arachnid.

With Stu, a firm approach is usually best, but this seems harmless enough so I don’t kick him off of me. “You’re like a spider.”

He laugh-scoffs, stretching even further. “Like a daddy long legs.”

There’s a weird attempt at sultriness in his words. It’s so stupid I can’t hep the terrible laugh that comes out. “Shut up. You’re so gross.” Now I do want him off of me. He won’t move so I try dragging myself back a little. All that does is make me bump into Billy’s arm. “Sorry.”

Dismissing my apologetic look with a short wave of the hand still holding the joint, Billy sits up even more, angling himself towards me. “You should be.” It’s sarcastic, but still oddly flat, like Billy’s putting work into being a part of the conversation.

Stu, clearly feeling forgotten, softly kicks his leg. “Your sobriety’s bringing old Billy Boy back down.”

I lean back, ignoring the way my fingers brush against Billy’s. “I promise me being high would only depress him more.”

“I like you high,” Billy muses flatly, “You get all jumpy.”

I roll my eyes, trying to straighten to pull my hand back but Billy doesn’t let me get that far. His hand turns over and pulls his fingers between my own. It’s a casual enough attempt to pull me back into place, but his eyes are so quick to meet mine. There’s something almost nervous about the shift, and vaguely familiar. An uncertain, begrudging request for reassurance I’ve come to associate with people going through some sort of depressive episode.

“That was one time,” I mumble, “And it was because you guys are assholes and didn’t tell me that it was extra strong.”

Stu’s leg moves again, “It wasn’t extra strong, we just didn’t pace you.”

“Either way--assholes.”

Billy moves his thumb along my knuckles. “We’ll be nice this time.” He takes a deliberate hit and exhales the smoke in a way that lingers. I can feel the smell of it, a paranoid part of me thinking it’s already caught up in my hair and clothes and skin. Like my mom will just be able to tell already. Maybe it is already too late.

And it’d upset her. She’s already worried enough about how I’m handling all the killer stuff, if she thinks I’m acting out and smoking she’ll probably freak. This also wouldn’t be the first time I did something like this and didn’t tell her...or the first time I stayed over at a friend’s house to sleep something off.

It’s also objectively nice to be around them. Also, Billy’s whole slightly off thing is something I’ve definitely seen before. The familiarity finally clicks into place, a few memories of my mother from when I was younger. Bad ones, days in which things slipped through the cracks before my mom was diagnosed and started managing that part of herself.

“Even if you don’t smoke, you should call your mom...stay over.” Billy gets the words out stiffly, like some invisible force was trying to shove them back down his throat. “Keep me from being alone with that one.”

Stu lets out a sound that’s sounds a lot like a tired “fuck off”. The casual disapproval makes me smile.

Billy takes another, much shorter hit. I let myself observe the process. The way the smoke goes in, how he holds it in, and finally the way he forces it out. Billy wordlessly turns the joint around in a silent offering. I give in with an exhale and reach over. Billy doesn’t let me get that far, moving so that his fingers are almost to my mouth. I part my lips and let him hold the joint there as I inhale. He doesn’t give me long before taking it back. He runs his thumb along my knuckles. “Hold.” I struggle, but follow through. “Good. Now breathe.”

I let it out with a slight cough.

“There ya go,” Stu mumbles, patiently dragging his leg up my thigh. “You’ll feel better.” I wish I had more experience with smoking outside of them. If I did, I’d have a reference point to tell me if Stu’s weed is actually extra strong or not. I’m sure what he gets is considered good shit, since he definitely has the money and tolerance. “You should call your mom before you get all giggly.”

I openly frown. “I do not get ‘giggly’.”

“Yeah, you do.”

I’m not in an argumentative mood. Maybe it’s the atmosphere or the weed is already starting to cloud my judgement. I should call my mom, though. It hasn’t been that long since I left, which means she’s probably still out with Wells. It’ll be easier to just leave a message on the machine. She always checks when she gets home.

Ever since the first incident, my mom keeps a cell phone on her that’s always on, but it’s still weird to both of us. I don’t have the number fully memorized yet, it’s written on a note held to the fridge by a magnet back home...a few blocks away. The cell phone isn’t exclusively emergency, but my mom doesn’t love portable technology. She thinks they’re tacky and breed rudeness.

I tap Stu’s leg, “Up.”

Surprisingly enough, Stu listens, letting me go. I let go of Billy’s hand and reach for the extension on Stu’s nightstand. I quickly dial my number and leave a flat message. Staying over at Sid’s, have fun but not too much fun, love you and see you tomorrow.

In a moment of straight forward association, I almost went with telling my mom I was staying at Tatum’s, but I have to talk to Dewey soon and my mom will probably be there and that felt like a potential loose end.

Stu half snorts, “Love you and see you tomorrow, mom.”

I shove Stu’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

“Have fun but not too much fun,” Billy mumbles, a lot more subdued but just as teasing.

Rolling my eyes, I move back to the edge of the bed where I was sitting before. “It’s an inside joke.”

Stu leans forward and pinches my cheek. “That’s adorable.”

The patronization doesn’t sit well and my eyelids feel heavier than they did a second ago. “I hate you guys.”

“Clearly,” Stu breathes, reaching over and taking the joint from Billy. “Oh, Billy, forgot to tell you, Y/n’s supposed to be mad at us.” Billy tilts his head a little too far to one side like that’s news enough for him to be curious. “Tay told her about the Noel thing.”

Billy feels imbalanced, head leaning one way and spine straight. His eyes harden over again. “Really?” He takes my hand again, this time a lot less softly. “Over that asshole?” I let him run his knuckles over my hand again, even though this time it feels a lot less soothing. “If none of your friends like a guy, that usually says something about the guy.”

I’m sure there’s some kind of joke I could spin. Maybe about where he learned that one from. Get that from Cosmo? But the bordering on defensive look behind Billy’s eyes is overbearing and messing with my head. Stu is seriously in danger for bringing this up right now.

“It’s not about the guy,” I manage, “It’s about...” All the points I had feel a lot less concrete under Billy’s scrutiny...or maybe it’s the weed. Or both. I swallow, dropping my gaze to my lap as I try to really think. Okay, it’s definitely both. “Timing and boundaries.” It feels fractured. “Like even if a guy totally sucks, you can’t go over my head about it.”

Stu lets out a sigh, dropping his head onto one of his pillow’s. I glare openly. This is all his fault. Why bring it up now? Billy was just starting to act a little more like himself. “I don’t know what you see in him.” Ugh. It’s like he’s not even hearing me. “Especially with the way he talked about Casey.”

That last part hits its intended goal. Stu’s staring at the ceiling, so I can’t see his expression, but he seems to take my silence as a win. I don’t know Noel as well as they do, but he did talk about Casey at that party and it wasn’t exactly kind.

I squeeze what I can grab of the comforter like that will tether me here. It half works but it does nothing to ease the tightening in my chest. The memories mix uneasily with the start of my high. The dip of panic doesn’t suit the way my body wants to feel and it all blends together in a way that leaves me on edge and a little nauseous.

There’s the sound of someone moving, but I barely pick up on it. Billy smacks the side of Stu’s head. “Too much, asshole.”

Stu throws Billy an offended look before craning his neck to look at me. I must look as off as I feel, because Stu does sit up. “Shit,” he pushes himself back, “Sorry. I didn’t think--”

“You never think.” The words are pointed, but not completely angry. If I was feeling any better, I would’ve laughed. He slowly reaches forward and I don’t stop him from prying my fingers away from the sheets. “Your trip going a little bad?” I nod. “Don’t think about it.” Easier said than done. “You could end up like Stu the one time he smoked too much while watching one of those old horror movies where the special effects are basically held up by a string.”

That cracks at the panic a little. “What did he do?”

“Convinced himself that it was real and we were the ones that were off.”

I almost laugh. “Actually?”

“Shut up,” Stu sighs, a little bitter but not actually mad.

Billy ignores him, “Actually.” He turns my hand over carefully before running his fingers over the thin scar on my palm and up my wrist. “So you’re already doing better than him.”

For a second, I let myself study Billy. The wisps of hair falling forward, the slight pinch between his eyebrows, his focused expression. Billy almost always holds himself with a certain tenseness. Whether that’s force of habit or natural to him, I’m not sure. Maybe that’s why he gets along so well with Stu. They balance each other.

“Are you...” I don’t know where I’m going with this. “Are you feeling any better?”

His expression briefly clouds, pulling into something much more blank. He drops his gaze and for a second I feel like I might need to take it back. “Yeah--yeah, don’t worry.” Again, easier said than done. Billy clears his throat almost immediately after, like that will erase the fact that he actually responded.

“Good.” It doesn’t sound overly positive, but he hasn’t convinced me. “I’ve missed you, a little.” That feels a lot more real.

Billy angles his head downwards, almost smiling. “Only a little?”

“It’s not like you haven’t been around at all.” He traces an invisible line up my wrist. “Maybe more than a little, anyway.”

“Aw,” Stu hums, his hand finding a place on my back. He leans forward and rests his head on my shoulder. “You two are adorable.” I’m not really given a chance to answer before Stu lets out a sigh that I feel against my neck, “Don’t be mad.”

Honestly, I’m not feeling any anger. I’m a little annoyed at him and frustrated that I’m still not normal. That’s all there is. It’s too tiring to turn into anger. “’M not mad,” it feels like a confession, “A little annoyed at you, but not more than usual.”

He breathes a sarcastic, “Haha” into my shoulder.

With no warning, I start to unweave myself from them. I think they’re too confused to ask until I’m actually standing.

“Where are you going, angel?”

I don’t really know, so I can’t really answer. Stu’s room isn’t super familiar. I’ve been in here a couple times, most of them brief. I take a second to really take in the space. A lot of posters, the ones that aren’t directly bloody movie posters feature practically naked women and some combine the two. It fits him.

“Getting a feel,” I decide on, “You can tell a lot about a person based on their room.”

Stu moves to the edge of his bed, grinning at my focus. “Really?”

I move to pull open the drawer of his nightstand. “Mhm.”

“You’re not going to like anything you find in there.” He places a hand on the front of drawer but doesn’t stop me.

It takes me a second too long to realize what he’s getting at. By then, I’ve already taken in a cover of a magazine with a model that’s wearing even less than the girls on the posters, a box of condoms, a surprisingly neatly stacked set of polaroids, an old deck of cards, and a few random odds and ends all crammed in there.

My nose wrinkles, but I’m too distracted by the polaroids to make fun of him. I can only see the top one, but it’s innocent enough, an accidental snapshot that sort of looks like a blurry person on a couch.

“Polaroids?” I pick them out of the drawer and flip to the next one. A small lump that looks like a cat in Stu’s living room. Weird, I’ve never seen one in his house and he’s never mentioned having a pet. Maybe these are old pictures. Before I can snoop any further, Stu pulls the stack of photos away from me. “You’re no fun.”

He rolls his eyes as he moves the first photo back into place. “You’re nosy.” I don’t say anything because I’m not so high that I’m clueless. This is a little weird of me, but I can’t help the impulse. “What if the next picture had been me naked?”

“You take naked pictures of yourself and keep them in your nightstand?”

Stu intentionally ignores my laughter. “You don’t need pictures for that, baby, you can see the real thing.”

My laughter picks up again. “Yeah? Let’s go right now.”

At that, Stu does crack a bit of a smile. “Let’s make Billy strip first.”

“Deal,” I mumble through another laugh.

Billy drops his head onto a pillow, “Fuck off.”

I turn my attention back to the card deck and dig them out with my nail. “Any naked pictures hidden in here or am I good?”

“No promises.” With that as my warning, I begin to shuffle the cards absentmindedly. “Why? You wanna play strip poker?”

Ignoring him, I move back to my previous position on the edge of the bed. “Think I’m good.”

I drag the nail of my thumb along the edge of the cards and focus on the sound of them. Billy nudges my knee with his. I look up as he extends his arm, silently asking for the cards. I hand them over without thinking much about it. Billy begins to actually shuffle in a way that would fit Vegas.

He has to notice my mesmerized stare, but he says nothing. “Do you actually know how to play anything?”

My mom briefly worked at a casino when I was in the first grade and she’d have to bring me in sometimes, but I retained nothing. “Not really.”

That starts something. A process that should have been short and easy. Billy trying to explain different versions of poker and Stu trying to trick me, but only sometimes so I couldn’t know to for sure not trust him. It’s a mess of laughter and a refreshing lack of angst. Every once in awhile, someone insists that a loser has to take a drag from a joint, so everyone’s progressively getting worse. I’m pretty sure Stu’s cheating somehow, but I have no proof and I’m too out of it to get any.

It’s so lighthearted and genuinely fun that I’m fighting against the heaviness of my eyelids. It can’t be that late, but I’m already starting to feel drowsy. I’ve finally been given good cards, so I really need to get it together. “I won.”

Stu scoffs, eyebrows drawing together as he eyes the cards I just set down. “No--that’s not--”

“I won,” a yawn cuts my sentence in half, “Don’t be a loser about it.”

Stu picks up all the cards, ignoring my protests. He’s already mixed me up a couple of times. “I can let you have this one, because you’re--”

“Because you have to.”

Billy turns his ankle, tapping his foot against my leg. “Don’t be mean about it.”

That was nowhere near mean. “Dramatic, both of you.”

Stu’s mouth falls open in a mock gasp as he continues to gather cards. I don’t know what he’s doing until he drops them all back into his drawer and shuts it. He then walks towards his dresser, pulls out a T-shirt, and tosses it in my direction. “After all I’ve done for you.”

I pick up the T-shirt and fold it onto my lap but make no move to go to the bathroom to change. “I don’t want to go to sleep.”

“You’re half asleep already.” Billy ignores the dirty look I give him. “Just change in case you fall asleep.”

Stupid voice of reason. I scratch the back of my wrist and decide to give in. If for no other reason than the fact that Stu’s shirt is almost weirdly soft. Rich people must have access to different kinds of fabric. I reluctantly get up and find Stu’s bathroom.

I change quickly and take a second to make sure Stu gave me a long enough T-shirt. Thankfully, he did, so I don’t have to feel extra awkward about anything. I fold my clothes and bring them back with me.

“Looks nice on you, babe.”

Drowsiness hits harder without any distractions. I blink, unsure on how to respond. Stu’s always a flirt with everyone, but it feels a little weird to react to it while standing in his room at night in one of his T-shirts. “It’s the rich guy cotton.”

The corner of his mouth turns up. “And those legs.”

“Shut up.”

Billy turns onto his side, fluffing his pillow. “Go to sleep before he gets worse.”

“Yeah.” The two of them look comfortable, all settled. “I’ll crash on the couch.”

Stu props his head up on an elbow. “You don’t wanna do that. Living room’s creepy at night and you’ve smoked too much. You’ll get scared.”

“I’m not 12.”

“It’s safer here, you wouldn’t be alone if something happened.”

Ugh, Stu can never resist trying to get me paranoid. “Nothing’s going to happen.” That’s what I thought when I was at Casey’s.

“Just get in bed,” Billy mumbles, half asleep, “I know how this argument goes with the two of you.” When I don’t move, Billy sighs, “If I fall asleep and you get freaked out, I’m not helping.”

Stu lays back down, “He means it. He’s an asshole when he’s tired.” He pauses for so long, I briefly think he might have fallen asleep. “...’S not a big deal.”

True. It wouldn’t even be the first time we all fell asleep in the same bed. And Billy’s slept over in my room enough times for that to barely phase me. “Yeah.”

I walk over towards the bed. “Drink water,” Billy mumbles the words with his eyes still shut. I look over at the nightstand and there’s a glass there that wasn’t there before. I drink a few long sips until Stu sits up to steal the glass from me.

Rude. “Give me--”

He downs the rest of it in a few gulps, “Go to bed.”

I roll my eyes, but unfortunately do listen. Stu pushes me towards the middle, ignoring my surprised huff. I smack his arm before covering myself with his bed sheets. I barely get to reflect on how much of an asshole move that was before I fall asleep.

----

A/n fun fact, there’s a moment in here where Y/n came superrr close to accidentally finding out who Ghostface is :)

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#scream #Scream 1996 #scream imagine #scream x reader #Stu Macher #stu macher x reader #Billy Loomis #billy loomis x reader #ghostface #ghostface x reader #Poly! Ghostface x Reader #poly!ghostface #slasher #slasher x reader #final girl fic

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supernovafics · 10 months

Text

series masterlist | last part — next part

pairing: modern!actor!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 2.7k words

warnings: asshole!steve, explicit language, mentions of alcohol

summary: somehow your life becomes equivalent to a friday the 13th type of horror movie. there's no serial killer or any murders happening, but the day is full of so many problems that it feels like you'll never get out of this shitstorm

CHAPTER TWO | ❝𝒊𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒆❞

It had to have been because of something you’d done in a past life. Perhaps you were a murderer or committed other horrific crimes.

In your head, that was the only thing that could explain why today had been the shittiest and most hectic day you’d probably ever had. And even though you were only halfway through this godforsaken Friday, you knew that nothing would ever be able to top it.

You were hit with issue after issue, and when you solved one thing it seemed as if three more popped up. It felt like a fucked up game of whack-a-mole.

And just when you thought you could finally have somewhat of a breather, you were bombarded by a production intern bawling her eyes out. She had made a mistake earlier that day that she was still feeling pretty emotional about; she put the wrong time on the call sheet for Monday and printed and handed out copies with the typo. It wasn’t that big of a deal or the most detrimental mistake that could’ve been made— in fact, with one quick announcement and some reprints the problem had been fixed— but you could understand why she was upset about it.

“It’s okay, alright? Please stop crying, Hannah.”

“I’m sorry,” She said with a sniffle. “I just really wanna do a good job and I know I haven't been, and I really don’t wanna get fired.”

You were about to reassure her once again but you were interrupted by a PA tapping your shoulder to grab your attention.

“Hi, sorry to interrupt, but I have Steve’s lunch order that you asked me to pick up,” He said.

“No, no, you’re fine. Thank you so much,” You said, actually completely thankful for the interruption. You grabbed the outstretched bag from him and then looked at Hannah again. “You only made one mistake. I promise it’s okay, and you’re not getting fired.”

She nodded and you gave her one more reassuring smile before you rushed off in the direction of Steve’s trailer, quickly glancing through the bag to make sure that the order was right as you sped walked to the completely other side of the set.

“You’re late,” Was the first thing he said to you when he opened the door.

You briefly glanced down at your watch; 12:05pm. You were only five stupid minutes late, but of course he was annoyed at you. “The day has been really hectic and–”

He shook his head at you before you could finish. “I don’t really care.”

There was a lot you wanted to respond back with, but you held it back.

“Got it,” You said instead as you handed him his food and started walking away before he could close the door in your face.

It had only been two weeks since filming started and it was pretty clear that neither of you liked each other. He definitely didn’t like you, for reasons that you assumed were because he didn’t like anyone and he was somehow physically incapable of being nice. And in return, you decided to just not like him back because you couldn’t care enough to do anything to try and make him like you. Mainly because trying to do so felt like an impossible feat in itself, and also because you quickly came to the decision that he didn’t deserve your genuine niceness.

Barely a minute after you’d walked away from Steve’s trailer, you were summoned by the lighting department to help handle an issue they were having. It truly seemed as if you would never get a break.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Way too many hours, and a shit ton of more problems to fix later, you were finally home. And after the longest shower ever, you were sitting on the couch in your living room, a bowl of freshly popped popcorn on your coffee table in front of you next to a bottle of wine that was moments away from being opened.

Your plan was to watch the worst reality TV show you could find and laugh at it until you fell asleep, and you knew that because of how exhausted you were from the day it would probably happen within the hour. And you didn’t even feel the tiniest bit embarrassed that you’d be going to bed before ten o’clock on a Friday night.

You were only a few minutes into a show called Love on the Mountain and hadn’t even poured your first glass of wine before your phone started ringing.

A part of you truly wanted to ignore the call because you could only assume that it was work related, and you wanted to hope that whatever it was about could wait until tomorrow, or hopefully even Monday. But, of course, the part of you that could almost never turn your work brain off needed to look at who was calling.

You regretted it almost immediately when you saw Steve’s name lighting up your screen.

You wondered why he could possibly be calling you right then, and then as if the universe was simultaneously screaming and laughing at you, you looked around and your eyes immediately landed on the big yellow envelope that contained the script rewrites Steve needed to have sticking out of your tote bag that was sitting on your small dining room table that at most times doubled as a work desk.

Fuck.

You were supposed to give the script rewrites to him, or at least put them in his trailer before you left for the day, because they were for all of the scenes that were filming on Monday, but it had completely slipped your mind.

You answered the phone and then shut your eyes. “Sorry, I already know you’re calling about the script rewrites. It completely slipped my mind. When do you want me to give them to you?”

“I would’ve really liked them hours ago,” He said, the annoyance unsurprisingly very clear in his tone.

This was the only time you could actually understand him being annoyed at you, but hearing how pissed he sounded still managed to piss you off just the same.

You inwardly let out a long breath. “I can bring them now.”

He didn’t say anything in response to that, and instead hung up. Barely a minute later, your phone pinged with a text from him that was simply his address.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

When you walked into Steve’s apartment building, you were met with the sight of a man standing behind a front desk. It was always easy to tell that you were at an expensive apartment building in LA when the lobby felt eerily similar to a hotel. Your building didn’t even have a lobby; there was just a hallway that led to some insanely small elevators.

You gave a small wave to the man and then showed the yellow envelope. “Hi, I have this for Steve Harrington.”

The front desk man, whose name tag read James, nodded at you. “Yes, he told me to expect someone coming to bring something for him. You can go right up.”

“Can I just leave this here with you?” You asked because you did not want to have any sort of an interaction with Steve right then; what you really wanted was to get back home.

“Usually with most packages, yes. But for this, Mr. Harrington told me that he wanted you to bring it up.”

Of course, he did. And you knew the exact reason why he was doing this was so that he could say some sort of shitty comment to you about this mistake you made since he apparently hadn’t done enough of that on the phone before he hung up on you.

“Is there a bathroom I can use first before I head up?”

James gave you an apologetic look. “Sorry, the bathroom in the lobby is for residents only, and management is really strict about that rule.”

“Okay,” You responded with a small sigh. “What floor is Steve on and what’s his apartment number?”

“He’s at the Penthouse, so you’ll just press PH and his place is the only one up there.”

You nodded at that before heading to the elevators. On the entirety of the ride up to the top floor, you mentally prepared yourself for whatever Steve would say to you, and you also pushed your need to pee far away.

Your knuckles rapped against his door in three quick knocks and after making you wait for an unbearably long minute— which felt so much longer than just a minute and almost made you think that you’d somehow ended up at the wrong apartment— Steve opened it.

“Here are the script rewrites,” You said and you held out the envelope for him to take.

“Thank you,” Steve said, his voice unmistakingly condescending, as he grabbed the envelope from you. It was actually kind of fitting that the first time he ever said a “thank you” to you was in a sarcastic way. “Sorry for making you do your job.”

Apparently, the mental preparation you’d done on the elevator had been no help at all because his words in that moment irritated you more than anything else he had ever said to you.

You were at your breaking point for dealing with all of his shitty remarks pretty much every day for the past two weeks and giving him nothing back in response. You’d continuously swallowed down everything you had wanted to respond to his comments with, but right then, it was as if every other annoying thing you’d dealt with from the day was bubbling over, and for once you actually couldn’t hold back.

“Oh yeah, no problem,” You said, easily matching his sarcasm. “I actually did this all on purpose because today has been the absolute worst day ever and I wanted to make it even worse by talking to you right now. Honestly, the perfect way to end this shitty Friday.”

You almost felt bad for everything you’d said, maybe that outburst was a bit much, but then for the briefest of moments you could’ve sworn that one side of his mouth quirked upward in something that resembled the tiniest of smiles before he simply looked at you with the straightest face you’d ever seen. It was hard to feel bad for what you said when, at least for a millisecond, he seemed somewhat amused by it.

The two of you stared at each other for a few moments. You expected him to say something in response to your comeback, but he began closing the door instead. Of course, right then was when your need to pee decided to come back.

“Wait.” You said, placing a hand on the door before he fully closed it. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“No,” He said and then finished shutting the door.

“Okay, I’m sorry for what I just said,” You said, making your voice loud enough so he could hear you through the door. It was actually a bit easier to apologize without having to look at him. “I shouldn’t have said it.”

His response came barely a second later. “Still no.”

You were so close to letting go, but you knew that you wouldn’t be able to last on the twenty minute drive back to your place, which could potentially be pushed to thirty minutes depending on how terrible LA traffic decided to be right then. Therefore, you knew you had to keep trying. But you also knew that you’d rather pee your pants than beg Steve Harrington for anything, so you weren’t going to say one “please” to him.

“Come on. The guy in the lobby said that I can’t use the one down there because of some management rule.”

Steve didn’t say anything to that so you decided to continue.

“If I die of a bladder infection, you’ll get stuck with a random PA as an assistant for the rest of filming, and you’ll probably hate them more than you hate me. Also, if I die I promise I will haunt you so much.”

It would’ve made sense to assume that he walked away from the door by then, probably to his bedroom or somewhere else far away from where he could potentially hear anything you were saying. But, something told you he was at least still lingering by it.

“Steve?”

Finally, he decided to say something. “You’re not gonna leave, are you?”

You almost laughed at how annoyed he sounded. “No, so unless you wanna get blamed for me dying outside of your door, you should just let me use your bathroom.”

You heard something that sounded like a cross between a scoff and an actual laugh, and then moments later, the door opened and he let you inside.

You refused to admire anything about his apartment as you walked in. Not the phenomenal looking kitchen that had a huge white marble island in the center of it. Not the living room area that had a huge television hanging on the wall and an even bigger white couch that looked way too soft and inviting. And definitely not the floor-to-ceiling windows that provided a beautiful view of the city; you could even see the fucking Hollywood sign lit up in the distance.

There was nothing you admired about his apartment. In fact, you kind of hated the place.

And you were also a huge liar.

“The guest bathroom is down the hall,” Steve told you. “The door on the left.”

You nodded at that, avoiding eye contact with him because you didn’t want him to see how enamored you were with his apartment; you were sure that it was written all over your face.

You headed to the bathroom, which for just a guest bathroom seemed way too big, and it simply became another thing that you upsettingly liked about the place.

After using the bathroom, you looked in the mirror and were quickly reminded that you hadn’t cared to change out of your pajamas before leaving your apartment, so you still had on a pair of black sweatpants and a gray t-shirt from high school that had faded letters and random bleach spots. The only thing you added to your outfit was a zip up hoodie because it was actually a little chilly outside, and you now zipped it up because you felt embarrassed about your shirt, even though Steve had definitely already seen it.

You finished washing your hands and then left the bathroom. You saw Steve leaning against the kitchen island, already looking at the script you’d given him.

“Thank you for letting me use your bathroom,” You said as you started heading toward the door. “See you Monday.”

He only nodded at you and didn’t say anything else before you opened the door and left.

When you were in your car, your phone pinged with a text from him.

Steve: Let’s try not to have anymore fuck ups next week, okay?

You rolled your eyes at his message.

You: Sorry but I’m already planning to fuck up your coffee order on Monday so yeah…

Steve: Really great joke.

It was almost too easy to read the text in his usual sarcastic tone.

You: Not a joke.

You were close to leaving the conversation there; putting your phone down and ignoring whatever else he’d say to you as you drove home to finally have the night that you wanted to have. However, there was something about him now seeing you as bad at your job because of this one mistake you made that didn’t sit well with you.

You pressed the call button on his contact name before you could think better of it.

He answered on the third ring. “What?”

“I always do my job well, by the way,” You told him. “Today was a shitty day and it was actually a bit hard to juggle your shit with the other shit being thrown at me, so the script rewrites completely slipped my mind, and I’m sorry about that. But, it won’t happen again.”

You expected him to immediately hang up on you like he did with all of your other calls because none of them ever had an actual ending, but he didn’t hang up. Instead, he simply said, “Okay,” and then ended the call. You had a feeling that that was probably the closest you’d ever get to getting any sort of a “goodbye” while on the phone with him.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

next part!

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington series #stranger things fic #stranger things imagine #stranger things series #stranger things smut #stranger things fluff #steve harrington x y/n

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themotherofblood · 11 months

Text

CHAPTER 3 | RIVER OF GOLD | The Journey | T.L x Reader

series masterlist | main masterlist | chapter 2

tw: mentions of rape and murder

~ the wedding was charming, if a little gauche ~

"My new home— it doesn't feel much of a home. It is foreign, I am foreign. I see it in the way the attendants glance at me, mayhaps my wild hair. A mythical creature trapped in a fine gown made of crimson velvet and gold. The beaches however are beautiful, sometimes I take off my boots and stand at the shore; salt water cools my feet and just for a moment. I don't miss home."

The journey had been swift, the preparations made through the evening with rows of wheelhouses and bannermen on horses, a joy parade to have Tywin lead his young wife to his ancestral seat. Ravens were sent hours before the blazing afternoon sun, to have your chambers thoroughly prepared and unpacked with your belongings. It appears Lady Genna Lannister had taken personal initiative to gather a toehold of handmaidens and a personal secretary for your coffers.

Your sisters had been tearful, puffed-mouthed poppets clinging to your skits with their dolls in hand. Nyela had fixated a minute glare upon your husband as he conversed with his brother in the Great Hall. The household staff gathered to see off their darling lady and liege lord.

"You swore you would take us with you," Ellia whimpers, "we supposed to visit Uncle Doran."

"We were supposed to," you correct, taking a piece of her loose behind her ear "I'm sorry darling." You engulfed her, the scent of lily soap so strong, it felt like engulfing your mother.

Nyela still clung to your back, small eyes—hooded and glaring at Tywin. When he turned to look at you, an amused frown settled upon his forehead as he looked to your hip.

"You're our sister, you stay with us." She grumbles, if her tiny ineffective fists could do anything, she wished she could drag you to your chambers and lock you in.

"I will write to Doran and Oberyn, they will come get you. Alright?" You crouched to meet their eyes, holding on one shoulder each.

Ellia, still pouting, buried her head in your shoulder, nuzzling the motherly warmth she often tried to find in your arms. Your brother walked over, having taken your brother from his nursemaid's arms and walked over to you. The boy, barely over two summers, had not a clue of why his siblings lamented for you. A stranger yesterday and now a stranger today, you held his little fist. Tracing over his face, the feathery touch of your fingers tickling at his skin making him giggle.

"I'd be a stranger to you the next we meet," you cooed as his tiny fist curled around your finger, babbling away at your hair sat by your chest. "You be good."

Your brother Olvyar turned to you next, a brotherly smile curling in his lips and eyes covered in guilt. You knew he felt terrible for stopping you from running, but in truth he was saving you from the cruel wrath of your father's pride—you were not his pride, even with his flesh and blood, you never would be. The one hard bone your father swallowed, even though Olvyar was his brother's seed sired by your mother. He was a son, a young man knighted and proud.

Olvyar for the longest time wanted nothing to do with your father's estate nor Westerlands politics, if he could. He too would have abandoned your father for adventure at sea with Oberyn, however seeing as though the only mere morsel of affection within Loren Maerilys was for him, you'd told him. Standing on your toes and pinching your older brother's teen puffy cheeks.

"You take care of us, you would be the lord of Deep Den." You hissed at him, hoping your brother would see reason beyond his boyish dreams

When you looked into his eyes, your own was looking back at you, just far more grief-stricken as yours were glossy. You opened your mouth, your form of a farewell was to be another lecture to your elder brother. He however chased your word back into your mouth as he opened his.

"I will look after them, and write to you at every turn of the moon." He reiterates, tilting his head just so as he looks down at you. "I will take care of them, I will be the Lord of Deep Den."

You held his arm, sternly nodding at him before pulling him to a half embrace. Squeezing his larger body so tight he had to set little Loren down to reciprocate.

"Don't let them be afraid, Olvyar. Don't let them be alone." You whispered, closing your eyes tight to fight away the tears threatening to fall.

"Never."

"My lady... it is time," Tywin called, standing with his hands clasped in front of him with a coaxing quirk to his brow and a forever stern disposition.

You bowed your head, to use your brother's chest as a shield as you wiped the salted drops away from your lash line before straightening yourself.

Dressed in a comfortable gown, devoid of fastened corsets or itchy gold hems to travel with ease through the eight hours of journey to Clegane Keep and then after a respite another four hours to Casterly Rock—your new home.

You offered not one look to your father as you walked out of the Great Hall holding onto both your sister's hands on either end. Your brother following behind as you were ushered to your carriage, you gave Deep Den one more glance; a superstitious tendency as you called to Mother Rhoyne for protection before taking the footmen's hand as he helped you into the sizable carriage. Reined in by eight horses, the wheelhouse was rather extravagant for such a short journey.

You settled in for a moment, sighing and resting your head against the plush velvet padded walls inside the carriage, your new home— you were married.

Perhaps even your bedding had made it so anxiously apparent on your skin that you no longer belonged to yourself, but to the crimsons and golds of house Lannister, to Tywin—

He had been rather aloof to your presence since the bedding last night, having made you feel so warm, an exasperating pinnacle and making you squeak at the strum of his fingers. Your cheeks burned hot even as you felt the gentle cramp within your claimed environs. Then this— your handmaiden Odiele found an odd form of compliment when Tywin's cupbearer had approached your lady's maids to inquire of your health.

You took that wholeheartedly as you had prepared yourself to break your fast, and then the waft of cold hit you. Not a word, not a word to you beyond formalities, it is at that moment your mind gave way to further past your bedding and to the ceremony feast. Your Daima Eldrã had told you, men often melt when their frigid minds crawl to their pillar. It was a deal, that was your marriage. You looked to your belly, wondering if a blonde child had already made a home there, waiting to spread within you and have you waddling about all fat and sweaty.

You were sure your mind had raced even harder than the dozen horses shifting in your riding party outside, however, the very man that clung to the crevices of your head peaked through the door of the wheelhouse. Pulling himself in and sitting opposite you, he glanced at you for a mere moment, the glint of questioning in your eyes that called to him. You thought he would ride with his brother.

"You seem displeased?" Tywin raised his brow, appearing defensive, perhaps irked by your reaction.

"No- I thought you were to ride with Lord Kevan, my lord," you muttered, still finding it hard to meet the steel green of his eyes, the frown perpetually etched onto his forehead often left you dislodged for your firm disposition. He did scare you, you would never let him have the satisfaction of knowing so.

"If that is what you wish, my lady." Tywin shuffled to the edge of his seat. His discontent was apparent, you had displeased him. He is your husband, he is trying, and you are trying.

"No- I, stay..." you stutter holding onto his arm "Please." You blurt out meekly.

He grunts for an answer, turning to the stained window as you shuffle closer to it, waving at your sisters clinging to Olvyar's side as the horses neigh, and the procession moves. The first carriages trot away from the moat bridge, and then your carriage moves. That unsettling dread fills your chest again, regressing you to a child of seven summers being sent as a ward to Dorne to your uncles. You gave up the olive greens of your house to the mustards of Martells and now you gave those up for the crimsons of house Lannister. Shedding skin after skin, no home would truly be yours, first the burden of your father then the responsibility of your uncles and now a child bearer for your husband.

Tywin should have travelled with Kevan, irked at his brother's attempts to find leisure in this match. Kevan had physically hauled his elder brother away from their carriage to yours. So here he sat, within the first hour of the ride. The carriage shielded both bodies from the chilled air outside but made the inside unbearably stifling with tension, you would meet his eyes, freeze and curl your lips to a tight smile before uncomfortably looking away.

A young thing so fierce he had thought, you cowered from within, a small sense of satisfaction within Tywin. Maybe you wouldn't try and strangle him to death at night, or stab him as he coupled with you. A Martell after all, a tinge of distrust was highly warranted of the Old Lion. What worried him even more was taking you to Clegane's Keep. A true test of your loyalty— what loyalty? It had only been two days since your wedding— he could picture a torn sneer over your face. Being made to present your dainty hand to the man who had raped and murdered your dear aunt and Targaryen cousins.

He watched as the rocking of the carriage lulled you to soft slumber, head resting against the cushioned wall. Hugging yourself with your neck cranked to find comfort, pouted mouth breathing puffs for lazed breaths. The terrain of the Gold Road was smooth with nary a bump, yet Tywin came to sit next to you. The uncomfortable crank in your neck ought to make it ache in the morning, your head finding itself on his shoulder as you slept, the thick cloak covering your body as you lift your legs next to you. Resting against your husband.

A tight jostle however startled you to consciousness, your adamant need to still remain ridden by sleep you peeked one eye open, taking a moment to gather your bearings, Tywin's hold on you tightened, making you aware that you were indeed resting against his body. An apologetic frown upon your brows as you made an attempt to shuffle to the other end, his hold remained firm.

"Sleep." He whispered, squeezing your shoulder.

You, by the Mother's grace, remained a bed for the remainder of the journey. A mellow call of your name is what broke you away from your clouded warm dreams of the sea.

The face of your handmaiden however above you as she sat with a cloak in her hands, you grumbled awake, rubbing your eyes with the back of your palm.

The tenuous tugs of sleep still had you curled to the cushioned seat, grumbling as Syaria pulled you up, accustomed to your demands for more sleep she shifts to hold you straight. You scowl at her mothering, hissing as you felt the bitter tug of the hairbrush she ran through your mussed hair to neatly put into a braid. She slipped the cloak over your shoulders, humming to herself as your body was finally in focus and properly awake.

"Lord Tywin?" You croaked, one last broken yawn breaking through you. Shrugging the gentle ache in your shoulders.

"Out with Lord Kevan." She mused, letting you a satisfied hum before shoving a branch of Meswak for you to chew on.

You had a faint memory of feeling warm, the heavy feel of arms upon you to find your husband's chin resting on your head as he lay awake. You shuffled out of the carriage, the other maids of your horde holding up a sheet of white cloth as you changed behind its security into more appropriate riding clothes. You sat on the foot of the carriage, shooing away the Westerlands maid as she bent down to lace your boots, you were perfectly capable of tying them yourself.

Once ready they pulled away the white curtain as you stood to your height, stretching your arms up in the air to yank at any odd knots within your skin, the carriage had swaddled you in for nearly seven hours from dusk to dawn. The Gold Road was painted orange with the peak of the morning sun, horses neighing away as people changed shifts, a moment of respite and preparations for your arrival at Clegane's Keep.

You walked back five paces, your lovely black mare Nysa sat with her hooves curled in, Eldrã lovingly feeding the sweet thing apples, spoiled girl—

"Might I interrupt for a ride?" You called, Eldrã turned to you smiling, she petted your cheek before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"You rest alright, dæriya?" she asked, concerned but toying at a far greater subject as she with ease switched to her mother tongue of Rhyone. He was with you last night. sweet girl

"Quiet well, daīa." you hummed holding onto Nysa's reins as you pulled yourself onto her.

Fredrick already stood at the ready. If you were to bolt away from the procession, you pointed your head to the edge towards the clearing where you were sure your husband sat with his brother breaking fast.

"Sleep well, Serret?" you asked a spurt of happiness within you, having the people closest to you accompanying you through this new journey.

"Well enough, my lady." He smiled baring his thirty-one perfect teeth, one happened to be chipped.

"Race with me?" you smiled sheepishly, pointing at the edge of the forest.

"I don't think racing at your station is appropriate now." He pressed, he wouldn't deny you. He never could, he never would.

"And if I were to order you, use my station. Would you do it?" A cheeky grin spread through your face, head tilted and mischief coating your features after a moon.

"Then I shall have no choice but to obey, my lady."

"Then we race!"

Nysa took off with the speed of storm winds, your braids whooshing against the wind as you tore through the forest line, the sun already risen, the orange fading and clear blue skies up above. It felt like an exotic delicacy willed into your environs as the fresh air bathed your skin away from the lingering tensions from the night before. You stopped, right at the edge of the forest line. Turning back to find Fredrick five paces behind before he too halted next to you.

You giggle, poking your pink tongue out at him before turning to bask in the scenery, you finally let your thoughts flow as you tarry.

"How am I expected to raise my palm to a man that raped and murdered my aunt," you muse, that sullen heaviness in your heart wet again weighing you down.

"Do you want me to kill him?" He blurted, a jape in all honesty but a blade pierces a man all the same.

You chuckle, shaking your head— a fine prospect, a violent one but one that Oberyn had fantasised over multiple times, Gregor Clegane's head resting at his foot. You wondered if you stared at his plate of food at lunch, you wondered if The Mountain might fear you of poisoning him. The entirety of your family sat shaking their heads on your shoulder.

You looked around, about a yard away sat your husband by a thoroughly filled table, a black tunic and vest of sable fur with his leg bent and resting over his other. Fine leather boots reaching up his knees, he was watching you from a distance. His arm shot in the air, finger bent to call you over to him.

You sighed, looking at Fredrick before turning Nysa as you trotted over, dreading the conversation you were soon to have.

"My lords." You bowed, barely meeting their eyes. Relishing the sudden warmth against your skin from the lit fire.

"My lady."

"Wife."

Lord Kevan rose from his seat, gesturing for you to replace yourself, he passed a knowing nod to his brother before leaving.

"Are you cold?" Tywin asked, inspecting the gloves on your fingers and the fur lining of your coat.

"The weather hasn't agreed with just yet I'm afraid," you agree, smiling at him "The Dornish climate is a lot more forgiving."

All you could do was rub your leather gloves palms together, speak to him, say anything dammit—

"I have employed a governess for you," Tywin began, setting his plate of food "all the way from Oldtown."

"What use would I have for a governess? Our children would have years before they needed one."

Tywin looked surprised for a moment like the mention of possible children tickled at his hoped.

"You were raised Dornish, it is for your own good."

You frowned, toying at the cusp of what he meant.

"What? Being devoid of good societal behaviours, do you think I am unladylike?"

Tywin's lips pressed into a hardline "You are expected to be the Lady of Casterly Rock, now I will not have mockery being made out of my lady wife and by extension me."

"And why do you suspect it is so? It is you who wanted a lady wife with more than half a brain, have your feet turned cold now my lord?" You appeared irked, pushing your weight against the chair you sat on, married for two days and your husband already believed you daft.

"Do you intend on letting Gregor greet you?"

Silence, an arrow right on the mark you stared at him through the lining of your scrunched eyebrows, that heaviness greeting itself once more.

"You will perform your duties, my lady, you wish not to be greeted. I will allow it. However, the matter of the governess is unchanged if you are to raise my sons."

"My lord, the Keep is ready for you." a foot soldier approached.

You sucked in a sharp breath, wishing you had a pendant vial of poison before stepping foot in that establishment. Tywin gave you a stern look once more before helping you into your horse.

The two of you rode to meet the procession, you very valiantly chose to ride in on Nysa, the niceties of lady ship so far behind your mind, and your husband shook his head as he rode in front of you.

The attendants of Clegane's Keep and the one monstrously large man stood amongst the crowd. People revered the blonde image of Tywin atop his white stallion. Their liege lord once in a moon had come to grace them.

Smile, you should smile but instead, your face seemed to have frozen itself to an unimpressed leer, eyeing Gregor with the malicious power of Mother Rhyone, drop dead— drop dead you sick bastard.

Footmens rushed to lay stools by the horse to make your unhorsing more graceful as you huffed off, patting Nysa as she gently neighed before walking to your husband.

The gruff voice of Gregor Clegane echoed, you were wishing a lance through his heart "Welcome to Clegane's Keep, my lord—" he bows his head before turning to you "My lady."

The anticipation burned up as Tywin watched you from his periphery, honour the fool that ruined your family, you lifted your hand and Tywin's chest deflated. A gloved hand turned and presented for the Mountain to bend and lay a kiss upon your palm. A gloved palm, you remained untouched.

"Clegane's Keep is yours."

Tywin turned to Kevan this time, his younger brother who appeared rather amused at your doings. He merely hoped that you would be introduced to Genna soon.

A gloved hand, a leather toy for a dog, deprives him of the honour of greeting you. You never said you'd let him.

Ahhhh first of all, I thank everyone for the support through this odd time of drama. I figured I’d best focus on my writing and thank everyone that reached out to me.

Secondly. I totally wanna make the reader poison Gregor Clegane, I’m just not sure if I wanna do it this early.

Taglist (thank youuuu💐)

@joker640 @wondergal2001

#tywin lannister x reader #tywin lannister smut #tywin lannister x oc #tywin imagine #tywin x reader #tywin lannister x you #tywinlannisterxyou #tywin lannister #game of thrones fanfiction #game of thrones #game of thrones smut #charles dance #gregor clegane #lord Tywin #kevan lannister #house lannister #house martell #lannisters

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tightjeansjavi · 1 year

Text

Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Boston QZ: Part 15

“They See Right Through Me”

Joel Miller x f!o/c

A/N: thank you for your patience as I took the time to write this for y’all. This was not only the longest chapter I have written, this was also the hardest, and emotionally challenging one thus far. I am extremely proud of how this has turned out. Thank you for reading ♡

Summary: Save who you can save Joel.

~word count: 11.7k~

Warnings: age gap (o/c is in her early 30’s Joel is in his 50’s) established relationship, angst, dark! Joel, mean! Joel. You’re gonna hate him by the end of this chapter! Joel, canon typical violence, death of a major character, trauma, arguments, gaslighting, PTSD, anger, rage, heart break, triggering themes that may be disturbing for some viewers. Please proceed with caution and read the warnings. (+18) minors dni !

Songs for this chapter:

“The Archer” By Taylor Swift

“You Are My Sunshine” by The Civil Wars

“Godspeed” By Frank Ocean

“Same Old Same Old” by The Civil Wars

“take a moment to breathe” by normal the kid

“My Cell” The Lumineers

“Paper Houses” by Niall Horan

“Wait” by M83

“Save Yourself” by KALEO

“It’ll All Work Out” by Phoebe Bridgers

Summer, 2023 : 5 Miles outside the QZ

“From this point forward, the three of us have to actively remember that Ellie is just a kid.” You spoke, sitting along an old crate in the abandoned building you, Joel, and Tess had found to take cover from the storm. Ellie was asleep, in the middle of the room. She used her backpack as a pillow, under a bed of moss.

Joel scoffed alongside you. His hand was still bloodied and bruised up. The thin skin of his knuckles were torn, shredded, and you were doing your best to clean out any debris embedded in the flesh. “She ain’t just a kid. She’s fuckin’ cargo to us.” He gritted out. He could feel the muscles, and tendons in his hand twitching. He had definitely broken it from the amount of times his fist made contact with the FEDRA soldiers face.

“Does she fucking look like cargo to you Joel? That’s a kid who’s life just got drastically turned upside down in a matter of hours. All she’s clearly known is Marlene, and the fireflies, and now 3 strangers.” You shook your head, refusing to make eye contact with him as you swiped a bit of 20 year old disinfectant along his knuckles, eliciting a hiss from between his lips.

“She is cargo. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you don’t let your emotions get in the fucking way. You forgetting what we’re doin’ this for? We’re doin’ this for Tommy, Gwen. We get the battery, the truck, everything Marlene promised us, and we go and find my brother. That’s the plan and it ain’t changin’ darlin’.”

“You know, if I had just met you two, I’d think you were an old married couple by the way you fuckin’ bicker together.” Tess whispered, amusement in her tone.

Joel rolled his eyes immediately in response. “Yeah?” He scoffed. “Well, we sure as hell ain’t an old married couple.”

“No, but you’re actin’ like one. At this rate, I’d put a ring on her finger sooner, rather than later Texas.”

“You see an every kiss begins with Kay or jade jewelers, or whatever the fuck around here? Cause I sure as hell ain’t seein’ any. Not to mention, that ain’t our style. Marriage? That’s hilarious Tess. Really fuckin’ funny.”

It wasn’t that Joel thought there was anything bad about marriage. It was more-so the fact the that he hadn’t had thoughts about marriage in over 20 fucking years. Besides, putting a ring on your finger seemed way too cliche. Totally not yours, or his style.

“I think I’d actually commit murder if he even attempted to put a ring on my finger.” You chimed in, your eyes were still focused on tending to Joel’s hand.

“That’s exactly 100% why you’re Joel’s girl.”

“Damn right she is.” He agreed.

“You’re both seriously beyond insufferable right now. Just wanted to let you know.” You mumbled under your breath with a small grin tugging on your lips.

A bright flash of lighting, followed by a loud crack of thunder, ended the lighthearted banter.

“Have you thought of the possibility that maybe Marlene is lying about the truck, and weapons that she promised us? Look, I have my reasons to not trust Marlene, but I really think we need to think about this from a logical standpoint. If the case ends up being there’s no truck, or weapons, we can’t just leave Ellie to fend for herself.”

Joel was ripping his hand from your grasp when you had attempted to bandage his knuckles up. He had given you a stone cold look, one that sent an unpleasant chill down your spine.

“Marlene seemed too fuckin’ desperate to make up a lie like that darlin’. Besides, Tess and I have known Marlene far longer than you have. If she says there’s a truck and weapons waiting at the state house, she ain’t lyin’ about that. The only reason you have to not trust her is because she’s a fuckin’ firefly.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as you tucked your first aid kit back into your backpack and stood up. “Yeah? Well if you remember correctly, she’s the reason why I got fucking thrown into lockup. Her and the rest of the fireflies are the reason behind that. You just want me to go along and trust her? She’s never even fucking liked me Joel.” His gaze fell upon your face as you shrugged off your jacket and gently placed it over Ellie’s curled up sleeping form just a few feet away.

“You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time Gwen. Shit fuckin’ happens. You don’t wanna trust Marlene? Go on right ahead and see where that gets you. You’ll be eating your words the second we drop this kid off and get our reward.”

You scoffed under your breath as you sank down against the wall, far away from him now with your arms crossed over your chest. “Yeah, okay Joel. Can you stop being a fucking asshole?”

“Stop saying stupid fuckin’ shit and then I won’t have a reason to be an asshole darlin’”

You bit down on the inside of your cheek, tasting copper along your tongue. You missed the moments where Joel was attentive to you, and your feelings. Where he was tender, gentle, soft with your heart. You missed that side of him desperately.

Ellie, unbeknownst to the three of you, was wide awake and listening to the entire conversation as it ensued. The second you placed your jacket over her, she felt an immediate trust for you. Especially for the fact that you emphasized that she was just a kid. She was wary of the other two you traveled with. Especially Joel. He seemed like one mean motherfucker.

Joel had taken the first watch of the night while you and Tess slept. Except, you couldn’t sleep at all. Despite how mean your partner was to you earlier, you couldn’t give him the cold shoulder forever.

He had turned his head towards you in the slightest when he could hear your boots scraping against the pavement as you stood up. He let out a soft sigh when you sank down beside him, pulling your knees up to your chest.

“Why aren’t you sleepin’ honey?” His tone was much softer now, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up.

“I don’t sleep most nights anymore Joel.”

He frowned at this and finally looked over at you, turning his body so he was facing you. His good hand was still firmly grasped around the machine gun strapped across his shoulder.

“You wanna talk about it? I’m all ears for you darlin’” he rasped.

“There’s nothing to talk about Joel. This has been going on for months. I’ve come to accept that a decent night's rest is not something attainable for me anymore. I’m on edge constantly, and for good reason.” You had your chin tucked into your shoulder as you looked over at him. The rain wasn’t as heavy anymore but there were still low rumbles of thunder in the distance.

Joel took a deep inhale through his nose, his nostrils flaring slightly as he breathed out, feeling the tension in his shoulders dissipate.

“C’mere. You ain’t have a reason to be on edge when I’m right here. Okay? Look, I know these last few months have not been ideal. Shits been handed to us left and right. I don’t want you thinkin’ that I don’t care either, alright? You know I do.” He slipped the rifle off of his shoulder before he was reaching for you, gently wrapping his good hand around your forearm, coaxing you closer.

“I know you care, Joel. I know that you’re just stressed over Tommy, and now this whole situation. I just…I got so fucking comfortable when we were just..happy. You remember that?” You didn’t fight him as he gently pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly to his chest, resting his chin along the top of your head. His arms were secured around your middle, your back pressed firmly to his chest.

“We both knew that wasn’t going to last forever baby. Those were the best moments. I ain’t forgotten them. M’sorry for the way I’ve snapped at you. I don’t know how to deal with how I’ve been feelin’ about Tommy. I know that’s not an excuse to treat ya that way. I don’t wanna lose you too..”

“We could have stayed with Bill and Frank y’know. There were so many houses and we could have had a comfortable life there. I know it sounds silly, how can anyone live comfortably in an apocalypse? Somehow Bill and Frank have. They’ve pretty much gone and done the impossible. Listen, I know you don’t mean what you’ve said. Does it hurt me? Absolutely. You’d have to do something unforgivable to lose me Joel. So please don’t go speaking like that.” You placed your hands over his, as you gently brought his damaged hand up to your lips, lightly pressing a kiss to the broken skin on his knuckles.

“Maybe we can have that one day, sweet girl. Just the two of us, okay? We’ll find a home somewhere to call ours. Maybe a couple horses, a nice big yard? A library for all your books..a decent mattress, with pillows that aren’t moth eaten. A nice big kitchen where we can cook together. We’ll have Bill, Frank, Tess, and Bea over every weekend for dinner. I’ll make sweet love to you every fuckin’ night. Doesn’t that sound wonderful baby? We’ll have that one day, I promise you. It’s just not in the cards for us right now, but that’s okay. You wanna know why? Cause no matter what, I got you, and you got me. Kay? No matter what happens.” He whispered against your hair, his eyes closed as he pictured a domestic lifestyle with you by his side. He wanted that so fucking badly with you. He could nearly taste it.

You were left feeling stunned in his arms. Joel’s confession was well thought out, tender, filled to the brim with all the little details. You could tell by his deliverance that this was not something he came up with on a whim. No, your Joel had thought about the possibility of having a normal life with you for a long long time. “No matter what happens, I got you, you got me. Always.” You whispered.

Joel tightened his grip around you slightly. He didn’t care about the throbbing pain from his freshly broken hand, or the impending reality that your lives had drastically changed in a matter of hours. He just wanted to make sure you got a decent night of sleep finally.

So, he sang. Just above a whisper, the same lullaby you had sung to him the night that his nightmares nearly consumed him.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away. Please don’t take my sunshine away…”

You were fast asleep by the time he whispered out the last word. He held you all night long, listening intently for any sounds that could be of a threat. Even when it was Tess’s turn to take watch, he didn’t wake her either. His gun was nearby, ready to grab if needed. His eyes stayed trained on the sleeping teenager just a few feet away. Ellie, who he viewed as just being cargo to transport.

By morning's impending approach, the storm had since passed on. The sky was painted in an array of pink, red, and orange hues. Although a sight to behold, a red sky at dawn was never a good sign. The old saying goes, red sky at night, sailors delight. Red sky at morning, sailors warning.

The four of you had no inclination to predict that this was Tess’s last day walking in the living realm. Predicting the weather was something just about anyone could do. Predicting the moment someone would take their last dying breath? That was a feat impossible.

Ellie had slowly awoken to the sun's warm rays peeking through the cracks in the abandoned building. A golden butterfly fluttered above her sleeping form as her eyes slowly opened. She was still in a sleepy state as she slowly sat up, taking in her surroundings before she heard a loud creaking sound behind her.

She was greeted by a stern look from both Joel, and Tess. He was holding his assault rifle between his hands. The barrel of the gun pointed at the ground. The look he was giving the teenager was menacing enough as it was. The only kind face Ellie could find in the small space was yours.

“Morning…” she spoke, hesitation laced in her tone.

Just as she began to slowly rise from the mossy floor, Joel had lifted the gun in her direction, causing the teenager's eyes to go wide and you kicked his chair with your boot from where you stood behind him. “Joel..” you warned. He could feel your eyes glaring into the back of his skull, disapprovingly.

“If you say that she’s just a kid one more fuckin’ time.” He snapped back, keeping his gun trained on Ellie.

“Do I look like I’m infected? Seriously, can you not point that thing at me man? What, are you actually gonna shoot me?”

“Just might. Now, show us your arm. Slow. If you make any—”

“Sudden movements you’ll shoot. Yeah, I think I fucking got that part.” Ellie quipped back. She slowly lifted the sleeve of her hoodie revealing her 3 week old bite mark in the sunlight. From where the 3 of you were, it was pretty obvious this was not a fresh bite in the slightest.

“Yeah, it’s not getting any worse, is it? I’m not infected. This thing is 3 weeks old and I haven’t turned into one of those..things.”

Joel slowly lowered his gun before he slowly looked over at Tess before he let his gaze slightly drift up to you. “What the hell was Marlene doin’ with an infected kid in the first place?”

“I’m not infected. She found me after I was bitten and before you ask, no. She didn’t shoot me. She locked me up in that shit hole and had her guys test me every fucking day. They chained me to a pipe and made me recite my name and other shit back to them to see if my personality had changed. It clearly didn’t.”

“Did your shit attitude come before, or after you were bitten?” Joel asked.

You kicked the foot of his chair again, this time a little harder.

You could tell the teenager fought hard to not roll her eyes at him. “Y’know the thing I think really impressed them was the fact that I didn’t turn into a fucking monster.”

When the three of you didn’t respond, Ellie slowly rose to her feet and Joel’s gun followed. “Really man? I thought we were done with that shit. Can I just go pee now? I’ve been holding it for a while.”

Tess had grabbed an old magazine on the floor and tossed it over to the teenager. “Go ahead. You can find a nice spot back there.”

Ellie caught the magazine before she started to walk towards the back room to do her business. “There’s not gonna be anything bad in here?”

“Just you.”

Once Ellie was out of sight, you nearly wanted to rip Joel’s gun from his hands but refrained as you crossed your arms over your chest with a sigh. “She made it through the fuckin’ night, Joel. I think you can cut it out with pointing the gun at her. She’s clearly not a threat to any of us.”

“It doesn’t fuckin’ matter. It’s gonna happen sooner or later. Maybe her body just has a late response to the cordyceps. She can’t be trusted. I told you this was a bad fuckin’ idea to begin with and now that we know she’s infected, you still think we’re gonna follow through with this?”

“You saw her arm, Joel. If she was infected it would have looked completely different. We’ve seen what infected bite marks look like and she is not one of them.”

“Yeah well I ain’t about to go and take that chance. We’re close enough to the wall. We can sneak her back into the QZ and we’ll just find a different way to get the battery. I ain’t hauling an infected kid around with us.”

“We take her back to the QZ and they’re gonna kill her. FEDRA see’s that bite mark and she’s through. You really wanna have a kid's blood on your hands like that?”

“Do you hear yourself right now Gwen? You’re actin’ like this kid has some fuckin’ life ahead of her or somethin’. We take her back to the QZ and get the battery a different way.”

“What happened to fiercely believing in the fact that Marlene is gonna have a whole truck and weapons waiting for us if we bring her to the state house? You’re just gonna go and abandon that?”

“You should be jumping for joy over the fact that we’re finally fuckin’ agreeing on somethin’ for once. An infected kid is not worth the possibility of that truck, or the weapons we were promised.”

“I’m with Gwen on this one.” Tess finally spoke as Joel whipped his around suddenly to look at her, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re what?”

“You heard me Texas. I don’t think I need to repeat it.” She spoke without looking at him just as Ellie had returned. “You hungry kid? You can share some of ours.”

“Thanks. Marlene sent me with my own.” Ellie spoke as she sank down into the moss, pulling out what appeared to be a chicken sandwich from her backpack.

“Is that chicken?” You asked, feeling your mouth water at the sight of something besides the dried, tasteless jerky the three of you were eating.

“Yep. Marlene said they get it from smugglers..guess not you guys.” She smirked a little as she took a bite of her sandwich.

Tess was already up and out of her chair and Joel had tried to stop her but she pushed him away. “Why are you so important to Marlene? Hm? Don’t even think about lyin’ to me kid. If you do, we’ll take you back to the QZ.”

“Well..you take me back and you don’t get your battery.” Ellie responded.

“Ohh. So you got a good set of ears on you huh? Well, then I’m sure you heard that he wants to shoot you then right?”

Ellie no longer possessed a smirk on her face as she slowly looked up at Joel’s displeased face. “So then why hasn’t he shot me already? If what you’re saying is true.”

“Trying to change the subject isn’t gonna do you any good either. So I’m gonna talk to you like an adult, alright? Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doin’ this for us because apparently you’re worth somethin’ to Marlene, whatever that may be. So if I were you, I’d drop the smart ass attitude because his patience? It’s wearing mighty thin. I suggest you answer my question. Why are you so important to Marlene?”

“What about her? Is she not a good person either?” Ellie spoke, gesturing her head towards you.

“Gwen? Let’s just say..she’s better than the two of us but not by much. Sweet face, sure. Knows how to wield a knife like it’s the fuckin’ back of her hand.”

“That’s badass.”

“Answer her question, Ellie. It’s alright.” You spoke softly, earning a disapproving look from your lover.

“Okay..well, Marlene told me not to tell anyone and here I am telling the three of you..” she sighed, rubbing her hand over her face. “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west with doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

“Oh of course they are. Yeah, sure I’ll believe it. This ain’t the fuckin’ first time we’ve heard about a possible cure. It’s all horse shit.” Joel muttered under his breath.

“So whatever happened to me is—”

“The key to finding the vaccine. That’s what they all fuckin’ say and guess what? They’ve tried to find a cure numerous times and ain’t nothin’ worked. It’s the same goddamn thing every single—”

Ellie rose to her feet in a fury, staring at Joel head on. “Fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for this.”

“You and me fuckin’ both. We’re wastin’ daylight the more time we spend talkin’ on this nonsense. I’m done. Pack your shit up and let’s go. We’re takin’ you back to the QZ.”

Tess let out a sigh, running her fingers through her hair. “Let’s just finish this Joel. We get what we want regardless. We take her back, and we risk all 4 of us getting shot. I don’t know about you, but I still have some life worth livin.’”

Joel clenched his jaw tightly, breathing in deeply through his nose. This was not a good idea. However, we was now outnumbered by two. “If she so much as fuckin’ twitches—”

He was cut off by the obnoxious sounds of Ellie portraying a clicker. Making the snarling clicking sounds as she contorted her limbs at an uncomfortable angle.

“Ellie don’t.” You warned her.

She rubbed the back of her neck, clearing her throat as she nodded, “okay..”

The 4 of you gathered up your things to head out and just as Joel was lifting his rifle from the ground, slinging the strap over his shoulder, Ellie asked if she too could have a gun.

“Can I have a gun?”

“Absolutely fuckin’ not. Not a chance in hell.” Was Joel’s immediate response.

“Okay, Jesus fuck. Fine. I’ll just throw a fuckin’ sandwich at them or something.” She muttered under her breath as she threw her backpack strap over her shoulder.

As the 4 of you stepped out into the warm sunlight, you watched as Ellie looked around the ruined city in amazement. Buildings half fallen over, taken hostage by thick vines and moss. There were giant craters, the size of small moons, where the government had sent bombs to slow down the rate of the infected.

Joel had come to a halt in front of the impassable wreckage blocking a quick path to the State House. “Long way or short way?”

“It’s the long way or the ‘we’re fuckin’ dead way.’” Tess added.

“Long way it is then. We’ll have to go check from the hotel first. See if the coast is clear. C’mon.” You were leading the way now, while Ellie walked alongside you, Tess in the middle, and Joel in the back.

You and Ellie engaged in small talk. You genuinely wanted the kid to feel somewhat comfortable with this entire situation and Ellie seemingly appreciated your efforts. She told you how she had gotten bit and you had to admit, this kid was pretty ballsy for her age. “Well, I mean, you got some balls on you, sister, that’s for fucking sure.”

“Thanks.” She had a grin creeping up on her face.

“Soo..no one is gonna come looking for you right? Mom, dad?..boyfriend?..”

“Uhhh well, I’m an orphan and nope.”

You could feel Joel’s eyes on the back of your skull as he walked behind you, shaking his head at your efforts to befriend this cargo.

“See, everyone told me the big open city was gonna be crazy! Infected runnin’ around everywhere. Are we even gonna see any? Cause I’ve heard there’s like super-infected that explode fungus spores on you! Is that not true?”

“Shit, I hope not. Those sound fuckin’ terrifying.” You said with a small grin.

“Okay, what about the ones that have their heads split open and can see in the dark like bats?”

“You mean clickers? Yeah, there’s lots of those. They’re the most common type that we’ve come across. Not the hardest to kill, but they use echolocation—” you were cut off by the sound of a loud, distant animalistic yell coming from deep within the fallen city.

On instinct, Joel was close to your side, looking around as you waited for another yell to follow. The only sound you could hear was a crow perched on a tree nearby.

“Let’s keep movin’” Joel spoke as he gave you a gentle nudge forward.

As you approached the hotel, Ellie had her own set of questions for you as she kicked at the stray rubble beneath her red, worn sneakers.

“So is he like..your boyfriend or somethin’?”

“My boyfriend? Well, no. Not exactly. I wouldn’t call him that if I’m being honest.”

“But you’re like together, right? I think that part is pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, we are. Just don’t think he’d particularly enjoy me calling him my boyfriend. It’s not really his taste.”

“Well, no offense to you, he doesn’t seem like the boyfriend type anyway.”

This elicited a light laugh to slip past your lips as you covered it by coughing into the sleeve of your jacket. “Oh, you’re right on the money with that one, kid. He is far from the boyfriend type.”

“But he’s like your partner then?..Your person?”

“Yeah, something along those lines. I wouldn’t go as far to put us into a box, y’know?”

“I understand..what about Tess? Does she have anyone?”

“Back in the QZ she does. She has a girlfriend named Beatrix.”

“Wicked.”

“You two done chit chattin’ up there?” Joel spoke, distaste evident in his tone.

“Yeah, we’re just makin’ the time pass is all.”

“Oh yeah? Well ain’t that fuckin’ nice for you two.” He scoffed as he walked ahead of you, stopping at the foot of the stairs looking into the overflowing of water into the once hotel lobby.

“Is he always this grumpy?” Ellie leaned over and whispered to you.

“Oh, this isn’t even the worst that you’ve seen of it, kid. Trust me.”

The 4 of you started to trudge through the green, murky water to get to the other side of the lobby. Ellie being the kid that she was, wandered off to the side when she saw what used to be the front desk and pressed on the bell a few times as she leaned over the counter. “Ding! Ding! Yes, sir. I would like your finest suite, please.” “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage?”

“You’re a weird kid.” Joel watched her with a quizzical expression etched on his weathered features.

“You’re a weird kid.” Ellie sarcastically responded back, nearly sticking her tongue out at him as she pushed the luggage trolley forward.

A very deceased human Skeleton slipped out from behind the trolley and scared the living daylights out of the teen. Much to yours, and Ellie’s surprise, Joel was at her side immediately, gun raised in the direction of the apparent threat.

She’s just cargo, my ass. Was the first thought that came to your mind.

Joel had offered Ellie his hand as he helped her up but as soon as their hands touched, he was ripping his away from her grasp, staring down at it momentarily with a hard expression on his face. Perhaps it was from the fact that his hand was still freshly broken. Or there was a possibility he was shocked that he even allowed himself to touch someone who was ‘infected.’

After climbing 10 flights of stairs, you were met with another obstacle that was definitely not present the last time you had come through this way. “What the fuck man. This definitely wasn’t here last time, was it?” You asked, bent over slightly as you were catching your breath.

“No, it sure as hell wasn’t. Maybe we can try one of the doors?” Tess walked past you, trying the two doors with no luck.

“Damn. Well, maybe we can go climb through it and work our way around?”

“It’s worth a shot.”

Joel had pushed Ellie to the side then, before giving you a boost up over the rubble before you helped Tess over the side, grasping her forearms as you pulled her up.

“Just be careful, alright?” He spoke as he slowly sat down on an abandoned suitcase across from Ellie.

“Yeah yeah. We’ll be fine, cowboy. Just keep an eye on the kid.” You peeked your head out from a gap in the rubble and gave him a reassuring nod, and a subtle wink.

Ellie sat across from him, flipping her switchblade and catching it by the handle each time.

“That’s a nice knife you got there. Where’d you learn to do that?” Joel asked.

“The circus.” Ellie deadpanned.

Joel let out a deep sigh, looking off to the side as he tried to figure out why he even bothered to make small talk with a teenager.

“Where are you from?” Ellie asked.

“Texas.” He gruffly responded.

“What about Tess and Gwen?”

“Detroit. It’s in Michigan and Gwen is from Chicago.”

“I go to school, smart ass. I know where Detroit is. Chicago has that giant fucking bean, right? Always wanted to see it.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it. She’s obsessed with it. No fuckin’ clue why.”

“Uh huh. So you two like a—” Ellie already knew the answer, thanks to you. She was just slightly curious to see what Joel would respond with.

“Pass.”

“Oh well cause she told me you guys were—”

“Pass.”

“How’d you end up in Boston?”

“Pass.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Talk to a fuckin’ brick wall? Fuck. She was right, you are grumpy all the time.”

“She what? God dammit Gwen.” He growled lowly under his breath. “No more questions about me, alright? That’s enough.”

“Alright, grumpy. How long do infected live?”

Joel whipped his head back around towards her, narrowing his eyes before he chuckled, “Oh, I thought you went to school.”

“Yeah, well..it’s a really shitty one.”

“Some of ‘em last about a month or two. There’s others that have been walkin’ around ‘bout 20 years.”

“Yeah? You ever kill one?”

Joel nearly scoffed at this question, almost offended that this kid even assumed that he hadn’t killed any.

“Yeah, I have killed lots of ‘em.”

“Was it hard killing them?..like, knowing they were people once? Has it ever bothered you?..”

Joel was slightly taken aback by her question. He often did forget that the infected used to be everyday people he would see on the street. Sometimes he would be forced to face humanity, and realize that he was in a sense, killing people. He wasn’t a total monster like many would have assumed him to be. He just wasn’t the most open with sharing personal details about himself.

“Sometimes. It’s easy to forget that they were once people when they’re comin’ at you with one goal in mind; to turn you into one of ‘em. So you gotta decide if it’s gonna be you, or them. You think I survived this long without havin’ to kill?” He sighed as he leaned back against the wall. “I ain’t exactly proud of it, but it’s what you gotta do to survive. It's always either gonna be you, or them.”

“What about that guy last night?”

Just as Joel was going to respond, he could hear rustling just outside the door and he was up in a flash with his gun aimed at the door.

“You can put the gun down, cowboy. It’s just us. Relax.” You spoke through the door as you pushed it open, revealing you and Tess on the other side. From the looks on your faces alone, Joel could tell that something was definitely wrong.

“What now? Did you guys see something?”

“Yeah, and you’re not gonna like it. Not one bit I’m afraid.” You confirmed.

“Fuckin’ fantastic.” He grumbled as he gently nudged past you and Tess followed by Ellie.

Shortly after, the 4 of you were standing over the ledge of the hotel, looking down at a shrieking hoard of infected, writhing on the ground below. You were standing alongside Joel, noticing that he was nervously fidgeting with his fingers and picking at the skin around his cuticles. You gently grabbed his hand, interlocking your fingers together as you gave his hand a light, reassuring squeeze.

“The last time we were here, there weren’t nearly this many of them. Most of them were still deep inside the buildings. Guess enough people came wanderin’ through looking for the QZ. They found themselves seeking shelter..went inside the buildings and that’s how they get more of the fuckin’ city bit by bit, year after year.” Tess stated, glancing over at you and Joel momentarily before looking at Ellie.

“What’re we gonna do?” You spoke quietly to him, gently stroking your thumb across the outside of his hand, leaning in close to his tall frame.

“We’re gonna have to go through the museum. We ain’t have another choice darlin.’”

“That was nearly a suicide mission the last time we went through..remember?”

“Yeah, but there’s a chance whatever is left of ‘em is dead by now. If it gets dicey, we split and figure out another way, alright? Right now, this is our only option and I ain’t lookin’ forward to it either.” he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead, just a smidge of affection that it seemed like you both needed.

“They’re connected in more ways than you know. The fungus also grows underground. Long fibers, like wires. They’re all entwined under the surface and if you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place, you can awake a dozen infected somewhere else. They know where you are and it’s only a matter of minutes before they find you. You’re not immune from being ripped apart, kid.” Tess explained.

Ellie was fully listening, soaking up all the information that Tess was providing her. The situation at hand was becoming all too real for her 14 year old self.

“We have to go through the museum. It’s the short-way and not the most ideal, nor the safest, but we ain’t have much of a choice.” Joel spoke up, letting go of your hand as he stepped forward.

“I had a really bad feelin’ you were gonna come to that conclusion Texas.” Tess spoke with a sigh.

Ellie’s eyes nearly bugged out of her skull when she saw the amount of fungus tendrils stretched across the expanse of the outside structure of the museum. The colors were faded, not nearly as vibrant as freshly infected. Despite their obvious expiration, the building still looked ominous and uninviting.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me. We seriously have to go through there? You sure there’s not another way man? This is screaming ‘DANGER’ like c’mon, aren’t the lights flashing in your brain right now too? Cause mine are like fuckin’ sirens.”

Joel ignored the teen as he bent down, inspecting one of the thick strands of fungus. He used the butt of his gun to stab at it to check and see if it was in fact dead. “It’s bone dry. Good chance that they’re all finally fuckin’ dead in there.” He was already pulling his flashlight out from his bag while you and Tess were pulling out your guns.

“I have a spare hand y’know.” Ellie stated the obvious.

“Congratulations.” Joel responded.

He was the first to enter the museum, rifle at the ready. When he deemed it was safe enough to enter, he turned his head towards the opening of the door and gave you a quick nod to follow.

Once the 4 of you were inside the museum, Ellie’s pupils had blown out when she saw just how much fungus coated the walls, floors, and pretty much any inanimate object. It was everywhere.

Joel was still extremely cautious where he stepped, shining his flashlight along the fungus infested floor. It appeared that the once living infected, were all deceased by now. That was until Ellie stumbled upon a fresh kill and let out a surprised, “oh shit!”

Joel was immediately stepping around her, gun raised and his face immediately fell as he looked over at you and Tess. So, maybe they weren’t all dead after all. Or maybe this guy was attacked outside the museum and just found himself to be in an unlucky situation.

The three of you began to talk in a hushed whisper over the situation. Ellie could barely decipher what was being said from how low your voices were but she caught onto the bit of the conversation regarding ‘not hearing them’ what the hell were they going on about? What were they listening for? As far as she was concerned, the museum was deathly silent.

“I don’t hear anything. Who, or what would you hear?” Ellie had suddenly asked. Joel’s response was to raise his hand off his gun, giving her a warning look to shut the fuck up with his eyes alone.

“Did an infected person do that? Cause I was attacked by one and it sure as hell didn’t do that. Dude is all torn up. I’ve never seen anything like it.” She whispered.

“Okay, from this point forward, we are silent. Not quiet. Silent.” He emphasized heavy on the silent part as he looked sternly at Ellie. He held no concern over you and Tess being silent but this kid was already becoming a nuisance in his eyes. “You got that? Not one single fuckin’ sound. This isn’t funny business, kid. This is the real fuckin’ world.” He harshly whispered.

“What—”

“No. No questions. Just do what I say, alright? You wanna live to see another day, don’t you? Exactly. That’s what I thought.” He whispered as he lowered his gun and took a few silent steps to the side, locking eyes with you for a moment. Your Joel never usually showed fear. He was able to encase it well behind his hardened features. A furrow of his brow, the quirk of his upper lip, all used as decoys. Even in the low lighting, you could see his face etched with fear. Just as fast as it appeared, it was gone again, hidden behind the vast ridges of his weathered skin.

Joel had taken the lead while you silently stepped behind him, keeping your finger hovering over the trigger of your gun, ready to react if need be. You glanced back at Ellie and gave her a reassuring nod to follow you while Tess walked behind her. Despite how quiet you all were being, the old floor boards were creaking with every step your boots took.

The stairway was absolutely covered with now bone dry fungus. You couldn’t even see where the next step started from how dense the fungus was. It creeped up the walls, over paintings and the railings of the staircase. You watched Joel’s footing as he carefully stepped over a mound of once living infected. You couldn’t even make out their faces as the fungus had completely morphed them to be unidentifiable.

The sickening crunch of a once human hand beneath Ellie’s shoe had Joel whipping around, shining his flashlight that was attached to the rifle at the teenager. He gave her one long look before he turned away from her and continued to head up the stairs.

A few more steps up and Joel was at the opening of the doorway, slowly pushing it open as you waited for his silent cue. Just as he had given it to you with a slight nod of his head, some of the building's structure began to collapse and crumble as you, Tess, and Ellie stumbled inside before the debris could crush the three of you.

Joel was reaching down grasping the kids arm as he quickly helped her up from the dusty floor while you helped Tess up.

Then there was a loud screech, one that you had heard far too many times. It still sent deep chills down your spine.

click click click click

Ellie was slowly backing towards a wall, her eyes wide with fear as she tried to steady her nervous breaths.

Out from the shadows, illuminated by the steady, bright beam of Joel’s flashlight was a clicker. Its head was completely split open by the cordyceps. The brain cavern was taken over by the fungus. Thick, putrid and brightly colored. Clickers could not see, as they were blinded by the fungus, but they could hear, and they could hear very well.

Its body contorted at an uncomfortable angle as it clicked and snarled.

Another screech was heard;two clickers.

Joel was already quickly nudging you against the glass case. His face constricted painfully in your view. This was not an ideal situation to be in. Not one fucking bit.

Ellie was in his direct eyesight and he quickly mouthed to her, “they can’t see, but they can hear.”

The clicker let out a loud, bone chilling growl from the other side of the glass case. You found yourself squeezing your eyes shut momentarily, holding your gun firmly against your chest.

Don’t make a sound. Don’t move. Don’t make a sound. Don’t move.

Joel had slowly brought his pointer finger to his lips, keeping his eyes locked on Ellie to keep her calm.

You could feel the teenager's anxiety, and fear rising with every second and you silently pleaded with her to stay strong.

Joel had turned his head slightly as the clicker stumbled around the side of the glass display case. It was so close you could nearly feel its putrid breath on your skin.

Ellie had let a sharp breath slip past her lips and it was loud enough for the clicker to hear her.

It all happened in a flash as the clicker turned around and screeched loudly before it lunged. Joel had gotten a few shots into its body from where he stood, but it wasn’t nearly enough to inflict any serious damage. “RUN!” he yelled as the other clicker appeared from the shadows. You shot at it once before grabbing Ellie’s arm firmly in your grasp.

Tess had taken a couple more shots before she followed behind you. The three of you ran around the corner, hearts racing and blood fiercely pumping. The clicker was hot on your tail and gaining on you quickly. In one quick movement, you shoved Ellie to the ground, ordering her to crawl to safety.

You and Tess turned to shoot again, but neither of you had time to aim and wasting bullets was the last thing you wanted to do.

You both could hear a loud crash from the other side of the room and Joel’s heavy boots before everything went silent again.

click click click click

Joel had taken cover behind another glass cabinet as he quickly unloaded and reloaded his small pistol. His senses were on overdrive when he heard the low clicks approaching. His eyes squeezed shut momentarily, thinking that his cover was blown.

The clicker had let out a low snarl before it stalked in the other direction and he could barely make out Ellie’s crouched form behind the tarnished glass.

His footsteps were quiet, calculated and precise as he moved from his hiding spot and crouched beside Ellie. He had no other choice but to get her out of this situation. It was almost as if in those crucial moments, his protective nature had completely taken over. He was going to get this kid out of here, unscathed if it was the last thing he ever did.

Him and Ellie silently communicated with their eyes alone. One tilt of his head and she was quietly moving along the side of the glass case, following his lead. Just when he thought they were in the clear, something had crunched beneath his boot. It was stray shards of glass. His blood ran cold at the crunching sound. Neither him, nor Ellie had time to react as the clicker lunged over the glass case and threw itself on them.

You could hear Joel’s grunts and Ellie’s terrified screams from where you stood behind a nearby wall. You were going to have to act fast if you were to save them both.

bang bang bang

Joel had pumped the clicker with lead, causing it to stumble backwards, allowing him and Ellie to scramble to their feet.

You peeked around the corner, taking aim at the clicker's head before you pulled the trigger and sent it stumbling to the ground. Even after its body hit the floor with a sickening thud, Joel pulled his own trigger a few more times till it was no longer moving.

The second clicker came charging out of the blue, but didn’t make it far as Tess had thrown an ax at its neck, and you finished it off with a bullet to the head.

Once the apparent threat was deceased, everyone let out a shaky breath. From where you were standing, you could tell Tess was injured from the way she was avoiding putting too much weight on one foot. “You alright?”

“Just a twisted ankle, I’ll live. Don’t worry.” She responded.

“Fuck me.” Ellie exclaimed as she lifted up the sleeve of her hoodie and revealed a fresh bleeding bite mark along her forearm. “I mean, if it was gonna happen to one of us..”

You were at her side then and gently tugged her sleeve down. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Tess’s final and only request

You sat alongside on the roof, pulling out a roll of duct tape from your bag as she pulled off her boot. You wasted no time to start to wrap her foot with the tape. “Just a sprained ankle you said? Nothin’ else?” You asked, looking up at the older woman momentarily.

“Yeah, just a sprained ankle Gwen. I’ll be fine.” Tess looked at you as if she was studying your features. As if she was storing your image deep inside her brain so that she wouldn’t forget you, or your face.

Joel had given the kid a piece of cloth to wrap her arm before he was crouching down on the other side of Tess. “You can walk, right? Ain’t need any help?”

She looked at him the same way she had just looked at you. She wanted to keep your memories up to the very last second. “I’m fine, Texas. Really. Go on and make sure she doesn’t accidentally kill herself or somethin.’”

He gave her a small nod before he stood back up. “Yeah, I know. It looks scary and all but it really ain’t that bad.”

Ellie turned around briefly to look at him before she responded, “no. That was scary. This is wood.” Before she stepped across the thin planks to the otherside.

You gave Tess’s arm a light squeeze before you followed after the kid, glancing back at them momentarily before you crossed over the narrow planks of wood.

“What if the first bite didn’t take? What if the second one does? We’re in way over our fuckin’ heads with this Tess. We all could have fuckin’ died back there and—” Joel was cut off by Tess snapping back at him.

“How ‘bout you just take the good news? Can you please just do that for once? None of us are dead. We’re gonna finish what we started Joel.”

He looked at her briefly, trying to decipher what had ticked her off so easily before he let out a sigh and grabbed his rifle from where it laid on the discolored roof tiles and slung it back over his shoulder.

I failed them. I failed them both. I failed Bea. Tess silently thought to herself as she pulled her knees up to her chest, taking in a few shaky breaths.

Joel crossed over the planks and stood alongside Ellie.

“Is it everything you hoped for?” He asked.

“Jury’s still out.”

“But, man, you can’t deny that view.” Ellie concluded.

You were reloading your gun off to the side, glancing over your shoulder to see Tess approaching. Her demeanor alone was a sure signal that something was off. You just couldn’t figure out what exactly had happened back there. It was going to drive you up a wall, not knowing. You were sure of it.

“C’mon, let’s get there before it’s dark. We’re wasting daylight. Let’s go.” Tess gritted out between her teeth as she was already climbing down the old steel ladder. Her erratic movements threw you off guard completely.

You stopped alongside Joel, brushing your hand across the outside of his bicep before you followed Tess and Ellie down the ladder.

Joel waited a few moments in silence as he glanced down at his broken watch strapped around his wrist before he grabbed the side of the ladder and climbed down.

They’re gonna hate me.

They’ll see right through me.

What will Bea think?

Will she think me to be dead?

I let her down too.

She’ll never know what has become of me.

I won’t turn into a monster.

I won’t become one of them.

Tess was leading the way to the state house. Her footsteps were uncharacteristically fast. She seemed on edge, nervous, sporadic.

The 4 of you were crouched behind a long abandoned car outside of the state house. There was a large military grade truck parked outside. However, there were no signs of weapons, or the fireflies.

“Where the fuck are they? Marlene said they would be here. She fuckin’ promised us.” Tess whispered.

“Everyone just stay here. Alright? Somethin’ ain’t right here.” Joel whispered back before he crept from behind the car to investigate. Once he approached the truck, the 3 of you took a bated breath as he opened the door, aiming the barrel of his gun at the inside of the truck. He was met with blood stained seats but no fireflies.

The side of the open truck door was spattered with blood dripping down the dull metal.

Something definitely was not right here.

Joel had glanced back at you and Tess, shaking his head slightly to signal that it wasn’t safe just yet as he crept around the back of the truck slowly. He took a deep, visible breath as he opened up the two heavy steel doors and was met with no signs of any passengers inhabiting the vehicle.

“What the fuck is goin’ on Joel?” Tess asked as she walked towards him, brushing off your hand along your arm.

“The fuck did I just say about stayin’ back? It ain’t safe! Why didn’t you wait for my–”

“They went inside.” Ellie confirmed from where she was standing. There was a trail of blood leading up the gravel steps to the state house. This definitely was not a good sign at all.

Tess was already heading up the steps in a fury. From where you stood, you could see her hands trembling. “Come on!”

“Tess just wait a fuckin’ minute! By the looks of it, the fireflies are dead and we ain’t gettin’ our battery!” Joel yelled at her to stop.

“Come on!” She was insistent with her tone.

You, Joel, and Ellie had no choice but to follow Tess into the state house. Once inside, you were all met with the bodies of the deceased fireflies, all in a circle in the room. Their crimson blood spilled out along the tiles, staining them in a dark red.

“I mean, there’s gotta be a fuckin’ radio or somethin’ right? Help me look for one!” Tess spoke in a rushed tone as she frantically started looking through the deceased fireflies supplies, knocking over items onto the tile below, creating all sorts of noise.

“Tess? What the fuck is going on with you?” There was an edge to your tone as you came up alongside the older woman. “Maybe Joel was right..maybe we should go back to the QZ and regroup.”

“Fuck that. We’ve made it this far, and now you want to turn back? No. Help me find a radio, Gwen! There’s gotta be one around here. There has to be!”

Joel had noticed that one of the deceased fireflies had clearly been bit as he used his boot to tilt its head to the side.

“Tess, what the fuck are you doin’?” He asked while he watched her rummage around in a fury.

“Where did Marlene say she was taking you? Ellie! Where did she fuckin’ say she was taking you?” Tess ignored Joel as she walked over to the teen and you instinctively stepped in front of Ellie.

“Uhh..I don’t know. All she told me is that she was taking me west but she didn't say where exactly.”

“Just west? Fuck. Okay. She didn’t tell you anythin’ else?” Tess wasn’t even looking at you. Her eyes were frantically searching the expanse of the room. “Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right? Joel? Gwen? Can you fuckin’ help me?! Stop just standin’ around!” She snapped as she started searching for anything she could find on the deceased bodies.

“No! Tess..it’s over. We are goin’ home, alright? We are way over our heads, bit off more than we can chew. We’ll go back to the QZ and–”

“That’s not my fucking home!” Tess snapped. “I’m stayin.”

“What the hell do you mean you’re stayin’? What the hell has gotten into you?! You’re actin’ fuckin’ weird! Why won’t you even look at us?!” Joel spoke exasperatedly.

Your blood suddenly ran cold. You figured out why Tess’s behavior was so sporadic and uncharacteristic for her just as Ellie had figured it out too.

“Fuck. She’s infected.” Ellie spoke softly, the realization washing over her.

Joel looked at Tess then and felt his world suddenly begin to cave in, all at once. Just before he could open his mouth to speak, you were stepping in front of him, feeling your heart pounding out of your chest.

“No. Tell me it's not true, Tess. Fucking tell me its not true!” You pleaded with her, as Joel was already protectively pulling you back behind him.

“Show me. Show me your fuckin’ arm Tess.” He demanded and when she took a step towards him, he immediately took one back. He did his best to ignore the pained look that struck across Tess’s features.

Tess let out a sigh as she drew her hand up to the collar of her jacket and pulled the fabric back to reveal the fresh bite mark along the base of her neck, along her collar bone. You could see the veins of the fungus growing up her neck already. There was only a matter of time before she would be completely gone.

“Oops, right?” She said with a pained laugh, tears threatening to spill over.

You pushed Joel out of the way once more, you weren’t afraid of Tess. She wasn’t a monster. She was still human. She was still breathing, pumping blood through her veins. “You can’t fuckin’ die. You can’t! Tess…what about Bea? You–” Your own tears had threatened to spill over as you shakily grasped the collar of Tess’s jacket between your fingers. “This wasn’t supposed to happen to you!”

You could feel Joel grabbing your forearm, trying to yank you back. “Let me the fuck go!” You snapped, ripping your arm from his firm grasp.

Tess was hugging you, nearly knocking the air from your lungs. You could feel her entire body trembling as she held you. “You fuckin’ listen to me okay? I haven’t got much time. You protect him, okay? Please protect him Gwen. He’s going to need you more than ever now. No matter what happens, no matter what he says, please don’t leave him. Keep him safe. Please.” She whispered, squeezing you tightly.

“Tess, I–”

“Promise me Gwen. Promise me you’ll be there for him”

“I promise.” You whispered.

“Tell Bea that I love her, and I'm sorry.”

Tess released you from her grip and frantically pushed you away as she stumbled back.

She addressed Joel directly now, balling her hands into fists, to ease the trembling. “Ellie. Take your bandage off.” She asked with a shaky breath, walking over to the teen as she grabbed her forearm in a firm grip.

“This is real. Joel, she’s fucking real. Look at her arm!” She let go of Ellie’s arm and brought it down to her side. Her forearm was twitching, trembling as the cordyceps were quickly invading her nervous system.

“You get her to Bill and Franks. You load up on ammo, and you take her out West. You find Tommy and the fireflies.”

“No.”

“There is no time to fuckin’ argue with me! You take her to Bill and Franks. I’ve never asked anything of you Joel. Never asked you to feel a certain way about me.”

He went to open his mouth but she immediately cut him off.

“No. You shut the fuck up and listen to me ‘cause I don’t have time. This is your chance to do some fuckin’ good for once. To make up for all the fucked up shit we did. You keep her alive. You keep her safe. You hear me? You set everything right.”

“Tess, No. I can’t fuckin’ do that.”

“Yes you fuckin’ can Joel. Please say yes, Joel, please fucking say yes.” She pleaded with him, a stray tear rolling down her cheek .

“Oh fuck!” Ellie yelled as one of the presumed deceased bodies snarled, clawing at the ground.

Joel wasted no time to pull his gun out, aiming it at the infected and pulled the trigger, sending a bullet straight to its head as it collapsed down to the mossy floor.

fuck fuck fuck.

The tendrils of the cordycep fungus rose up between the deceased fingers, and it dawned upon you that the infected were more connected than you could possibly understand. The fungus was weaved intricately below the surface, webbed together in a firm structure.

You could hear the approaching snarls from outside the wooden doors.

They were coming.

Tess was already moving around you, using the butt end of Joel’s rifle to open up the large barrels of gasoline, spilling the flammable liquid onto the tile. She was working off pure adrenaline as she knocked over each barrel. She tossed a box filled with grenades onto the floor.

The realization that Joel was losing another person who was so important, so close to his heart, was crashing down on him. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears. His eyes and mind went blank as Tess approached him. “Joel…save who you can save.” She whispered her final plea to him. These were her last words spoken in the walking, living realm.

Joel understood, as he searched her eyes. He seared her memory into the deep cavern of his brain. He would never forget her and he refused to let her down.

In a flash he had grabbed Ellie’s arm in his one hand and yours in the other, immediately yanking both of you away from the immediate danger.

“No! We’re not leaving her! We can’t! Get off me, you fucker!” Ellie yelled as she clawed at him, trying to pull her arm from his grasp.

You stumbled after him, frantically looking over your shoulder at Tess for the very last time. She gave you a small smile, followed by a reassuring nod before her face was obstructed from your view as Joel pulled you and Ellie outside, to safety.

All you hoped for was that Tess went peacefully. That she didn’t die in fear. You hoped that she died with memories of you, Joel, and Bea. Tess deserved that. She deserved to die peacefully, painlessly. You loved her to her very last moments.

Moments after Joel pulled you and Ellie outside, there was a loud explosion of breaking glass, and bright flames. The sound had Joel throwing his body over you and Ellie protectively. You could hear the distant screams of the infected suffering in the hot flames, and billowing smoke. You hoped to god that Tess wasn’t one of those blood curdling screams.

Joel immediately had his gun raised, ready to shoot down any stray infected. There were none. They were all dead. Tess had sacrificed herself for your lives. She gave you a fighting chance and you’d never forget her bravery.

You brought your arm around Ellie’s shaken up frame, giving her a firm squeeze. You kept her close as you turned her body away from the destruction and death.

Joel had already walked away as he could feel tears begin to prick in the corner of his eyes. He quickly blinked them away as he slung his rifle over his shoulder.

The three of you were dead silent as you walked into the nearby woods. Your mind felt numb, and your heart was raw. Tess had so much more life ahead of her to live. She had friends, a lover, and a purpose. She was smart, witty, and brave. She fought for those she loved, till her dying breath.

Joel was crouched down alongside the river, far away from you and Ellie. He was reaching into the clear stream, picking up rocks below the surface and gently stacking them upon one another. He was creating a cairn in her memory. A silent memorial for her short life. He thought of her as he placed each stone on top of one another.

I’m sorry. I should have done more. I should have been quicker. I should have protected you. I let you down. I failed you.

Your approach towards Joel was hesitant. You had no idea how he was going to react to your attempt to comfort him. You knew he didn’t handle loss, of any kind, well. You refused to let him suffer alone. He had his moment where he could mourn in peace. You wouldn’t take that moment from him. He deserved it. You both did. Despite this, your heart pulled you towards him. You had to make sure he was okay. You needed each other more than ever now. Tess’s words echoed in your mind with each step you took. “No matter what happens, no matter what he says, please don’t leave him. Keep him safe. Please.”

Joel could hear your footsteps slowly approach. His back immediately tensed up at the sound of your boots crunching under stray twigs. His heart yearned for your touch, your comfort. His mind was scrambled. It screamed for him to shut you out. This was your fault, after all. You insisted they take the kid from the get-go. In his eyes, and his fragile mind, Tess was dead because of you.

He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the warm expanse of your palm press between his shoulder blades. His breath trembled as he fought hard to not lean into your touch.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” He hissed lowly, keeping himself facing the stream.

“Joel, Please..Don’t—”

“Don’t what? It’s your fuckin’ fault that Tess is dead.” He harshly whispered, clenching his jaw tightly as he let his toxic thoughts slip through his broken, cracked lips.

His words felt like a thousand knives stabbing you in the heart over, and over again. You took a shaky inhale, remembering Tess’s final request to you.

“You don’t mean that. You don’t mean that Joel. You’re upset..let me–”

He whipped around to face you, his eyes narrowed into slits as he rose to his feet, towering over you. “I fuckin’ mean every goddamn word. You insisted from the get-go that we take this fuckin’ kid. I told you it was a bad idea. See what happens when you try to be the fuckin’ hero, Gwen?”

You took a step back from him, feeling your own tears threatening to spill over. “Stop. Please fucking stop! I am not at fault for Tess’s death! Neither of us could have predicted this to happen Joel!”

“I fuckin’ told you that we should just take her back to the QZ! What do you do instead? You fight against me, tooth and fuckin’ nail! Every goddamn fuckin’ time. Why couldn’t you have just listened to me for once in your goddamn life!” He spat, taking two heavy steps towards you.

“Because Ellie is just a fuckin’ kid! She’s just a kid that is now OUR responsibility! Tess agreed that we shouldn’t take her back to the QZ! She agreed with me, Joel!”

He scoffed, shaking his head as he let out a deep chuckle.

“Do you fuckin’ hear yourself right now?! Fuckin’ take some accountability for your fuckin’ actions! Tess is dead because of you! Bea is never going to see her again, because you wanted to fuckin’ save this kid, this cargo! How does it feel, huh? Are you fuckin’ happy with yourself Gwen? Do you feel fuckin’ good inside right now baby?! TELL ME HOW IT FUCKIN’ FEELS!”

Joel’s booming voice rattled your skull, and pierced your heart. You physically felt yourself cowering away from him, shrinking in on yourself.

Ellie had heard Joel’s yell from where she was sitting against a nearby tree. She was up and running to your aid immediately. You watched as the teen shoved at Joel with her hands, pushing him back with rage filled in her tear brimmed eyes.

“Hey! Leave her alone, you fucker! Leave her alone! It’s not her fucking fault! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Ellie yelled as she shoved his chest as hard as she could.

Joel was grabbing the teens wrists in his calloused palms, immediately shoving her away.

“You fuckin’ stay out of this kid! This ain’t your fuckin’ business!” He felt his pulse drop when he heard the familiar click of your gun perched firmly between your shaking hands. The barrel was shakily aimed at him.

“LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS JOEL. YOU WANNA LET YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME? FINE. LEAVE ELLIE OUT OF THIS!” You yelled, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“You gonna fuckin’ shoot me?”

“If you lay your hands on her again, I won’t hesitate.”

“You’re breakin’ my fuckin’ heart baby.”He seethed between his gritted teeth.

“Gwen..” Ellie pleaded with you.

“It’s okay, kid. I will handle this, okay? Please just...just go sit down. Please.” You whispered, giving the teen a reassuring nod that everything would be okay. Joel would never hurt you. He would never dare.

Ellie looked between you, and the brooding man before she reluctantly nodded, walking away.

Your gun was still aimed at your lover as your tears continued to fall. “How fucking dare you speak to me like this Joel. What the fuck is wrong with you?!? How dare you speak to Ellie like that! She has done NOTHING to you, Joel!”

He took a few menacing steps towards you, feeling the barrel of your gun pressed firmly against the cavern of his chest. Your lower lip was trembling, your eyes glassy with tears as you looked up at him.

“You gonna pull that fuckin’ trigger baby? You gonna pump me full of lead?”

“You know I can’t Joel. You know I fuckin’ can’t.” You whispered shakily.

“Just like you can’t fuckin’ admit that you’re the reason Tess is dead. Can’t own up to your fuckin’ actions to save your life.”

“Please stop Joel. Please. I’m begging you to please fucking stop. You’re hurting me. You’re fucking hurting me!” You yelled. Your tone was raw, heartbroken, beaten.

“Who are you fuckin’ shedding those tears for, huh?! You shedding those tears for Tess? She hated you! You know she fuckin’ hated you with every fibre in her fuckin’ being! You don’t get to cry for her! She meant NOTHING to you. Don’t stand there and act like she did! You don’t get to weep and feel sorry for YOURSELF!”

The barrel of your gun was pushing so deep into his chest now. Surely there would be a bruise of some sort forming but it was clear he didn’t give a fuck about that. Not even in the slightest. He felt his heart screaming at him to stop but it was too late. The words were spoken and they were etched deep into your own heart. Joel had gone and done the unforgivable.

“Fuck You. You don’t get to stand there and tell me how I'm allowed to feel Joel! She was my fucking FRIEND too! We had our differences, and we overcame them! I fucking loved her and YOU don’t get to take that away from me! YOU DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO TELL ME HOW I CAN AND CAN’T FEEL!”

Joel’s breaths were coming out in heavy puffs, fanning your face as you watched his nostrils flare, and his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Deep down, he knew this wasn’t an argument to win. He was just devastated that he lost someone so close to him. He never learned how to handle loss well, his old habits, and toxic feelings welcomed him in with soft whispers, and warm touches.

This was not your Joel.

“Gwen…” He whispered.

“No. Fuck you. You don’t get to say all that, speak to me that way, and take it all back. You don’t get to fuckin’ do that Joel.”

“Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t–”

“NO.”

“Gwen. You know I didn’t mean it..I lashed out, but I didn’t mean any of it! I got you, you got me, Always. Remember? I’m so sorry I–”

As soon as he was reaching out for you, you harshly pushed him away, pressing the barrel of the gun further into his chest.

“You’ll never fucking touch me again Joel. Never.” You whispered.

You removed the barrel of the gun from his chest, pointing it upwards towards the sky, before you pulled the trigger.

The deafening sound of the bullet being released and cracking through the cool air had him flinching.

You wanted him to know that you could have pulled the trigger on him. You loved that man too much to hurt him. You could never.

“Stay the fuck away from me. Don’t you dare come near me.” You seethed, tucking your gun back into the holster around your waist before you turned on your heel, and walked away from him.

Joel was left standing near the rivers edge, watching as you walked far, far away from him.

‘Cause do I love you..Oh, I do..and I'm going to ‘til I'm gone…’

Tag list:

@chaotic-mystery @peterhollandkait @yuly @soft-cryptids @dinsdjrn @myrealmofchaos @itskenziebb @lovers-liability @korynnekorynne @ems-alexandra @kirsteng42 @casssiopeia @novemberrain-writes @goodwithcheese @loquaciousferret @sarahhxx03 @777-wonders @bearsbeetsbeskar @beskarandblasters @dinsdjrn @bonglorddaryl @mirasantidotes @luvrking @finnsbubblegum @pedrostories

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qierxing · 10 months

Text

Enlightenment

Commissioned by the delightful Veritasventis

Yan! Al-Haitham x OC | Omegaverse AU

“The strength of a man's virtue must not be measured by his occasional efforts, but by his ordinary life.”

i. Praxis - Praxes are the roots of the nation of wisdom. They stem from an unwavering will, validate words of honesty and bring forth the fruit of wisdom.

“You must consider it, my dear!”

Al-Haitham’s eye twitches. The excited voice continues without pause.

“Think of what we can do! Your talent in translating Khareniahn script can easily be enhanced under my tutelage!”

For the past half hour, he’s been trying to finish his meeting annotations with the finances department. And in that past half hour, Lady Faruzan has been trying to take Briony under her wing. They were colleagues under the same Harvastat darshan, and yet for the longest time now, Faruzan had regarded him as a rival. Strange. He excels in tuning out others when necessary, but this has been enough of a distraction to send the familiar itches of annoyance through him.

“I’m flattered, Madam Faruzan,” his disciple smiles sheepishly at the lady, eyes sparkling with barely restrained amusement. How she can find anything amusing about a nuisance, is something he remains confused about. “But I’m quite comfortable with Sir Al-Haitham as my mentor. I have no doubts that I will only be a hindrance to you in the long run.”

He can feel Faruzan’s eyes rake over him critically, the whiff of dry burning sand is enough to let him know of her displeasure. He only smiles internally.

“Ah yes, I’m aware that our lustrous young Scribe here is…” the pause in her words is enough of an indicator of her disdain of him, “well-known for his exploits. But I fear he will bore you, my dear.”

“If Briony was bored, she could have easily let me know and be on her way.” He says. The smell of dry sand grows stronger as Faruzan lips stretch into a strained frown. “You make it sound as if I’m holding her captive against her will.”

It’s not entirely wrong. He would not stop her from leaving if Briony so wished it. Who was he to keep someone doing something they’re no longer interested in anymore? (It’s a different story on whether he wouldn’t give some cursory advice dissuading her if she did so.)

He leans back and watches Madame Faruzan cross her arms with furrowed eyebrows. If he didn’t know any better he would merely dismiss it as anger at the casual way he addressed her, rather than with the respect one would give a senior scholar. But he knows better.

“Well…” she sighs, waving her hand dismissively. “I know when I have lost this time. But my offer will always be open to you, young one, if you ever change your mind.”

“She won’t.” Al-Haitham bluntly cuts in, causing her to shoot a pointed sharp glare.

“I’ll keep it in mind, Madame.” Briony flusters, sensing the air become murderous between her mentor and the elder lady.

As they watch her glide away, Briony turns to him. “Must you be so forthright when it comes to Madame Faruzan?”

“Madame Faruzan is the type of person to steamroll everything in her path unless it’s a firm answer,” he returns to his annotations with indifference. “You know, she’s going to keep pestering you since you didn’t refuse her outright.”

“I don’t particularly mind.” Al-Haitham frowns at the small smile Briony has as her eyes return to her book on Khareniah mythos. “She only means well, and besides, I do enjoy talking with her. She has the most exciting stories about my specialization, you know.”

“Are you sure it’s not because you’re a pushover?” Once he says the words, he knows he might have reached a point of no return.

Briony’s face closes off. “Excuse me?”

“I understand that you feel that you must get along with everyone here at the Akademiya,” he dips his pen in the inkwell, before resuming to write again. “But there is no need to be so accommodating. You’re only going to run yourself ragged if you try to do so in the long run.”

“Sir, I think you’re going too far.” Her voice is comparable to the blizzards that rage in Snezhnaya, but he presses on.

“Perhaps. But I only want to reiterate that you do not need to concede so much. Here in the Akademiya, we are supposed to be equal. Remember?”

“Sir Al-Haitham.” The warning in her voice causes him to stop mid-writing to look up.

Briony’s face is a mixture of conflicting emotions, but most of all, anguish. It makes him only slightly guilty that he had to resort to being so forward.

“I find it insulting that you would go so far as to call me a pushover just because I don’t completely refuse interactions like you do.” There’s barely held back rage in her trembling voice. “And you of all people should know that just because all genders should be treated equally here, doesn’t mean it actually happens. A mere beta like me is not as protected as an alpha like you.”

“Briony-”

“Excuse me.” Briony gets up abruptly and her chair screeches back, echoing in the large library. Some students glance over, whispering quietly. No doubt they’re already spinning out theories on what is happening between them. “I would like to be alone.”

Al-Haitham watches her storm off, a sudden weariness sinking into his bones.

“Hah! Why am I not surprised that you managed to even drive away your apprentice with your rotten personality?”

Of all people to catch on, it had to be his roommate, who’s happily jeering at him over dinner. He’s too preoccupied to give his usual comeback, trying to figure out how to rectify the divide of the argument between him and Briony.

“You know, I swear she’s too good for you sometimes,” the fragrant aroma of biryani and curry powder is smothered under the dancing scent of mourning flowers and charcoal, evidence of Kaveh’s delight. “I would’ve long walked away from your terrible mentoring.”

Before he can retort to that, the next sentence makes him stop.

“Even the sweetest omega wouldn’t have tolerated your holier-than-thou personality. You know, you should really learn how to–”

Something clicks in his mind, and he hums in thought as the rest of Kaveh’s lecture gets tuned out entirely.

—

ii. Admonition - Admonition are the branches of the nation of wisdom. It comes from a pure heart and is to be paired with wise thinking affording humble words clarity and good deeds conferring real meaning upon what is said.

Briony’s eyebrows near raise to her hairline when she glances over the book list Al-Haitham hands her casually.

“I don’t think I’ve seen a required readings list this long since my first year at the Akademiya,” she jokes lightly, but he picks up on the nervous lilt in her tone easily.

“Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it seems, “ he waves a dismissive hand, “I’ve no doubt at your level you could get through half of this list in a couple days or so, give or take. It’s mostly to review your foundations and extrapolate that knowledge in hypothetical situations.”

Briony nods, viridian orbs scanning down the titles scribbled on the parchment.

“Do you want me to pick up the materials now? I’ll be passing by the library anyway.” Briony asks. He starts, realizing that he was almost caught staring.

His lips turn into a frown, but his hand quickly covers it while he shifts his face into a thoughtful expression. He’s memorized the Akademiya departments’ time tables to the minute, and if he’s not wrong then–

–the Kshahrewar darshan’s monthly gathering is about to adjourn.

And he’s certainly not about to let his student walk blindly into another poaching attempt.

“No, leave it.” Briony blinks in surprise as he stacks some books in a neat pile and pushes them towards her. “You’re better off going through these while I go fetch them. I have to report to a higher up anyway.”

“If you say so, sir.” His face betrays nothing as he heads toward the door, adjusting his headwear. Turning around, he observes Briony making herself comfortable at the ornate desk he recently moved in just for her. (Kaveh would have his head for the style, but the seller did say it was made out of the best karmaphala wood. It was a decent bargain for the price.)

When he leaves, a tiny smile tugs at the edge of his lips.

“Scribe Al-Haitham!”

A voice calls out behind him and he turns around to find an unrecognizable alpha student rushing up to him. The scent of jungle hits his senses, a pungent odor of petrichor and faint traces of floral notes making his nose scrunch subconsciously.

“What is it?” His answer is dry and holds no hospitality, and yet the student beams with the coarse acknowledgement.

“I’ve read your recent thesis proposal on secondary genders and I was in awe of your groundbreaking conclusion on the subject! I wanted to come compliment you myself on it.“

“Thank you, but it’s merely the result of observations and research. I just recorded and analyzed what I had gotten out of it.” His good mood is slowly sapping away, although it doesn’t help that this alpha’s earnestness is slowly grating on his nerves. He could just decide to walk away from this encounter. Nearly every student at the Akademiya had an inkling of his usual attitude, and it would not be far-fetched to be silently snubbed by the lofty seeming scholar. Not that he actually ever would look down on those who were his colleagues, but taking advantage of others’ perceptions of him is something he long used to his benefit.

However, he’s a mentor now.

Briony’s reputation is now tied together with his, whether they want it or not. Al-Haitham could care less for his—it wasn’t intentionally built, but it turned out quite well for him in the end. At the very least, it ensured that he wasn’t trapped in vapid conversations with arrogant superiors or green eyed rivals.

But he knows that Briony values her standing within the institute. He can’t blame her, because it certainly was an important facet in academia life. Connections made here are the next lifeline that could make or break a future research project. This relationship was mutually beneficial–so he resists the urge to simply turn around and shut out the rancid scent this alpha exudes.

“By any chance, would you be willing to take on another apprentice?”

He had forgotten that poaching goes both ways. Just as many elders were hoping to take a young scholar to pass down their knowledge, there were those who yearned to be guided to greater heights. “Unfortunately not.”

Petrichor ages into mold, the alpha quickly becoming displeased. “Surely your hands can’t be that full tutoring that beta?”

Hah. Al-Haitham tilts his head, feigning confusion. “What does my student being a beta have to do with whether I want to take on disciples?”

The alpha flusters. “I’m just stating that someone of your stature deserves a brighter student.”

And there it is, the real crux of the matter. He doubts this conversation would be happening if he hadn’t chosen Briony of all clamoring freshmen lining up for him. For all its progressive changes the Akademiya likes to boast about, the culture within is hardly different from a millenia ago.

“Then I’m sure you’re well aware that Briony Ostaros is not only responsible for pioneering the translation between Sumeran and Khareniahn, but also helping establish a conservation group for the Eclipse Dynasty’s artifacts and texts?” He shifts, and the alpha flinches. He doesn’t often use his pheromones, but there is certainly a limit to his patience.

He’s been told his scent is rather light for an alpha. Because he rarely (if ever) gets agitated, his scent does not overpower one’s senses. His Nani had compared it to ‘walking through a garden–both noticeable but not attention catching’.

But that’s certainly not the case now, as he folds his arms and stares ahead; a subtle, but clear show of dominance.

The alpha’s head is already bowed in submission, cowed into silence. It’s clear that even he could not refute the truth. With that anticlimactic conclusion, Al-haitham is finally able to leave, sparing no last words or scorn for the alpha behind him.

“You’re back rather late. I got through two whole books while you were out,” Briony chuckles lightly as he strolls in. “Did you run into your roommate again?”

“I would argue that I couldn’t be this tired if it was Kaveh,” he snorts, shaking his head. He plops the stack of books in front of her, and she stiffens drastically, hands shooting up to cover her mouth.

He raises an eyebrow in mild concern, “Are you alright?”

She doesn’t respond at first, taking several rushed, quick breaths before looking up in fear, “Are you angry?”

The past confrontation registers in his brain. He realizes the strong scent of parchment and coffee blankets the air, suffocating to all but him.

“My bad. I forgot to regulate my pheromones…let me just get the windows-” He moves to open the windows, but he’s interrupted as his student jumps up.

“No need! Excuse me, I’ll be in the lavatory.” Before he could say anything, much less reach out to check, she rushes out of the room, hands still covering her face and mouth.

A gentle breeze flows from the window, rustling the papers on the desk, and stirring up something he did not detect before.

The refreshing scent of greenery under the hot sun.

Interesting. The smell tickles at the edges of his memory.

He files this event away in his mind.

—

iii. Ingenuity - Ingenuity is the leaf-veins of the nation of wisdom. It springs forth from benevolent consideration, sets words of integrity on the right path and should be completed by harmonious conduct.

Al-Haitham does not recall many memorable things about his childhood.

If pressed, he might be able to remember his parents or perhaps the full detail of his Nani’s aged, wrinkled face, but this, he remembers vividly: the cloying scent of padisarah incense weighing heavy in the air, the sound of old pages turning every so often, and the smell of aged books and parchment. He’d sooner recall the books he’s read in the libraries of his home and his Nani’s before he could ever recall the color of his parents' eyes.

Is it because he always dedicated himself to have a clear mind to the path of absolute truth? Or maybe it’s because his parents died early and his Nani could not fill in their missing gaps. He could always ponder on it, but in the end, it’s the same conclusion: that his parents and Nani did their best in the limited time with him. It doesn’t matter now, given now that it’s in the past.

It is this mindset that encouraged his dismissal of the rigid societal expectations over alphas, betas, and omegas. Stereotypes and preconceptions always had flown over his head, and whenever he bothered to sift through them like grains of sand through a sieve, he always found the core truth at the end.

Especially that preconception that omegas were weak-willed and feeble. He knew by now through his observations of the world around him that such myths and conceptions are always spun to the majority’s favor and thus this is no different. It is far more convenient for society to pretend that omegas were frail and unable to fend for themselves with their distracting scents than it is to acknowledge them as individuals with various traits, personalities, and abilities, just like betas and alphas.

And so, it takes a while for all the puzzle pieces to finally click together with that in mind.

How did he not see it earlier? The way Briony conducted herself within the Akademiya, the mysterious scent, it all pointed to only one sure conclusion: that Briony was not the beta she made herself out to be.

It finally comes to him, like most inspirational ideas do, late in the wee hours of night: that fragrance was the exact same scent that his parents used to come home with when they returned from their field research trips.

It’s the aura of the rainforest without the draining effects of humidity or thick fog. It’s the most notable fond memory he holds of his parents, and so he’s very sure that he could not be mistaken when he remembers the soothing effects when he breathed it in that day.

He doesn’t need to delve into classified documents and do some discreet ‘field’ research to figure out what Briony was assigned as. But he’s a researcher, and even the most philosophical scholars cannot jump to conclusions without surefire proof. The cursory glance into her adoptive family only confirms his ground-breaking hypothesis.

Of course, this won’t change anything in his interactions with her. It wouldn’t have mattered even if she was an alpha by chance. It’s a secret that he holds close to his heart, not out of consideration, but triumph.

“I’ll be out of the city for a week.” Briony nervously fidgets with her fingers while looking anywhere but him. “But I promise to make sure to finish up the work you give me by then!”

He hums and nods with no change of expression. “No need to rush. I know you’re pretty diligent when needed. I have no issues if you have other matters to take care of.”

The relief in her face is enough to make his inner alpha purr quietly in contentment. He’s happy to provide, even if it’s only this much. If he concentrates hard enough, he can catch the scent of fresh plants and padisarahs in bloom, the aroma so familiar and soothing. He watches as she leaves, head tilted in musing.

Omegas are left vulnerable in their heat state, he recalls in his mind. It would be best that he prepares the necessary accommodations and sends them over as soon as possible. Discreetly and anonymously, of course.

#yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin #commissions #my works

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