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#once i go to sleep there is no fixing it
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never have i been so entirely exhausted from sitting in front of a laptop in a dark room for three hours gay! and so full of delight and happiness! like wow! i have not felt this good in ages!! and its a good kind of tired! i feel like im glowing!
but shit, the update is more than i could've dreamed of. like i said - three straight hours of combing, and i probably still missed a thing or two! i'm even saving the storytime audio to enjoy in the morning, i haven't listened to it yet!
i already have so many thoughts and emotions but i'm... so wiped out oh my god lmao. so much new stuff at once! i need to sleep on it all! and in the morning i will be more than happy to reply, interact, answer asks on this subject, share my actual thoughts - i just need to take the rest of the night to Process and rest, yk yk
and i know i "missed" some links on my liveblog! i know i know! i didn't add every single thing i found - like most of the Wally audios - because i'll be compiling them all into a labeled post tomorrow! when i wake up! i'm already looking forward to it <3 i'm confident i personally found all of them, though! i was Thorough! i went through everything at least twice, i tabbed through, i clicked on Everything...
but yes i hope you all are having a wonderful Update Day/Evening/Morning/Afternoon As The Case May Be. this is truly a delight and again, more than i could've dreamed of. i'd forgotten what it's like to be so wholly excited and delighted by something! it's been so long since i've felt this kind of genuine joy and whimsy! usually im white-knuckling my optimism and happiness but tonight it was all authentic 100% non-forced From The Soul!
#a very exciting day of Not Much Happening and then Everything At Once#the constant (joyous) stress over the update and then the intense euphoria of experiencing it....#very very exhausted i have no energy left in me for literally anything#a sleep will fix that though#and ill be back to Chatter and Ramble#absolutely unprompted#scribble salad#i cant believe we're only at the very beginning... there is already So Much!#so much good stuff! incredible stuff! monumental work! i literally cant fathom that this is the Tip of the iceberg! what the fuck!#but thats something to swoon over another day#we have the update!#a plethora of audio clips and new information to chew on!#but yes yes i will make a tumblr post with all of the links#in order! labeled! for your convenience and viewing and reblogging pleasure!#and a different post with my personal thoughts and emotions! i have many!#alright yes stepping away from the laptop now#water. teeth. cats. sleep. yes. totally going to do that.#i already know im gonna lay down get cozy and then my eyes are gonna Fly Open. Wide Awake#perhaps i should take some melatonin lol#i want to be able to wake up in a timely manner Well Rested and ready to compile!!!#a melatonin night it is!#but yes i hope you all are having fun!!!#feel free to shoot me asks and such! i am more than happy to Respond and Discuss!#i will be making my main posts / sharing my thoughts before answering anything tho lol i will say that now#that way i can say my piece#and then if i get any asks about something ive already covered i can just Link the Post!#for ease of all of us <3#but yes goodnight!!!#i cant wait to scribble and talk and AGH!!!#to clown and everyone working on welcome home you guys are the fucking most and its just. its everything
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bitchfitch · 1 year
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he believes in you.
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squintydrawafist · 1 year
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Tim's in denial or his siblings are teasing him baselessly
you decide
also the sheer amount of times I get to use this as a reaction image in discord 🤣
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and-stir-the-stars · 1 year
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another fnaf one-shot (aka my excuse to further traumatize Michael), this time for THE dire consequences au
tw: food horror, descriptions of injury, blood, victim-blaming, vomit
word count: 2,749
Michael stared blankly at the space his little brother had been moments before.
“Evan… you– you remember being alive, don’t you? You know that I can’t… keep doing this, right?” 
“Evan, I– I’ll come back. You know I will. I always come back. I won’t leave you ever again, just… please open the doors. Then we can– we can play outside, yeah?”
“That weird sound was, um… it was my– my stomach, Ev. I’m hungry–” The words drowned in a half-muffled sob that Michael couldn’t quite hold back. “I’m r-really hungry, Ev.” 
The hunger wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the thirst, though. At one point, Michael’s mouth had gotten so dry that just moving his tongue had felt like razors stabbing the interior of his mouth, and every swallow and shaky inhale had been sandpaper against the lining of his throat. At that point, Michael had finally gotten over himself and drank from the awful-tasting rainwater– what he hoped was rainwater, at least– that leaked into this room from the ceiling. 
Michael had been here for… what? Two days? Three? Four? The Afton wasn’t all that sure anymore. He’d had a watch– you needed one when you worked the kind of jobs Michael Afton did– but it had gotten smashed when Evan… when Evan had…
And there weren’t any clocks in the room he was trapped in, either. Or windows. 
Michael was limping around the room’s perimeter now, cursing the lack of windows. Michael thumped the hand of his good arm against the walls as he moved, listening for any sound that would indicate a weak point and looking for any cracks or leaks or anything that would suggest he might be able to tear the unusually strong walls down with his bare hands and escape. He didn’t know how long he would have until Evan came back. 
“You can’t be hungry, Mikey; we’re playing a game now. Don’t you want to play? Don’t you like playing with me? You said you did. Were you… lying?” 
“Fine. I have something we can play that will make us both happy! Just wait, Mikey!” 
Michael’s perimeter check proved useless. He didn’t find anything, but deep down, he had already known that he wouldn’t. With nothing left to do but sit at one of the decrepit tables littering the room, Michael shot a despairing look at the heavy steel doors barricading the thresholds. He didn’t know how many nights Michael had spent in the last year with that specific brand of heavy, impenetrable reinforced steel doors keeping the monsters out. Now, instead of keeping the monsters out, those same doors were keeping Michael pinned in like a drowning rat. Michael wanted to laugh at the irony, but all he could do was bury his face in one hand– just one hand because he couldn’t even move his other one, a bitter voice pointed out in the back of his mind– as stuttered breathing rattled in his chest. 
Michael flinched, his hand flying away from his face at the sound of something crashing onto the table before him. 
“Be right back!” Evan chirped before disappearing again. 
Michael rubbed his hands under his eyes to stop his tears in their tracks, making his skin burn at his hasty and overly aggressive administrations. He took a few moments just to breathe, and ignored the oppressive silence ringing in his ears as he forced the corners of his lips upward. His lower lip wobbled dangerously, and Michael sank his upper teeth into the chapped pink flesh to rectify the slipup. The smile felt… stiff, but hopefully it looked real enough. 
Michael managed not to jump as much this time when Evan materialized beside him. 
Evan dropped something else on the table, something that fell with a sickly, wet-sounding slap. Michael didn’t get a good look at what it was before Evan reached across the table and grabbed something he had dropped off earlier. 
“Normally these are set up on the tables here. I hid them, though,” Evan whispered, like he was telling Michael a secret. “I didn’t like looking at them. They made me sad. But this will make it okay, I think.” 
Michael’s brow furrowed in confusion, but he didn’t stop Evan as the little kid put the red-striped party hat on Michael’s head. Though, he couldn’t stop himself from wincing when Evan released the elastic string keeping the hat in place with just a little too much force and the elastic band stung against the bottom of Michael’s chin. 
Evan picked up a green and blue striped hat for himself. Michael worried for half a second that the hat would phase straight through Evan’s head, but the eight year old put the hat on his head with no problem. 
“Wh-what’s all this for, Ev?” Michael’s gaze travelled across the table, taking in the party hats and the brightly colored– and dusty– paper plates and cups. Just seeing the plates was enough to make Michael’s stomach gurgle painfully, and the Afton shot a nervous glance at his brother. 
Evan didn’t seem mad, though. If anything, his smile widened. “A party.” 
“What kind of– party?” Michael plastered the smile across his face to hide his stutter. 
“Guess!” 
“I don’t know,” Michael said as Evan handed him a cheap plastic noise maker. “A– A tea party?”
“No, silly. It’s a birthday party.” Evan put a pink plate and cup in front of Michael and grabbed a purple one for himself. 
“A… birthday party.” Michael’s mouth went painfully dry as he stared down at the noise maker in his hand. 
“Mm-hmm! You’ll like it, Mikey, because you can’t have a birthday party without cake!” 
Michael stared at his little brother’s eager smile, absolutely dumbfounded, because… exactly where the hell would Evan have managed to find cake here, in a building that had been completely abandoned for years? 
Then Evan reached over and grabbed… something off the table before throwing it onto Michael’s plate with a wet slap. Maybe it was the close proximity, but somehow, the smell didn’t hit Michael until right then. It was awful– like something rotting, musty and sharp– sharp enough to sting Michael’s eyes until they watered. 
Michael stared down at the– something– in abject horror. It was slimy, as though covered in mucus, and was growing mold. Most of the mold was a dark, deathly green, but spots of soft white mold grew on it as well, like a sheen of fresh snow or frost. But Michael didn’t notice the worst part until he stared down at his plate in horror for several long moments: the mess on his plate was moving; it writhed as though in pain. The molding mass shifted on the plate, sections of white splattering against the playful pink as though lurching toward him. Maggots, his mind supplied a moment later. 
“Evan…” 
“You can’t have a birthday without cake.” Evan scooped some of the moldy mess from the table with his hands. “Lucky us, they had some in the kitchen still.” 
Michael shuddered as maggots slipped between Evan’s fingers and wiggled on the table between them. As Evan dropped the “cake” onto his own plate, Mike stared at him in stupefied horror. Did Evan really not… see the obvious problem here? Michael would have an easier time believing Evan had picked up a couple of rats that had died in the cupboard years ago than believing the disgusting mess in front of them had ever been cake. 
Evan returned Michael’s stare with a pout. “You have to sing.” 
“I– sing? What?”
“Happy Birthday!” Evan huffed through his nose. “Duh. What else? You’ll sing it for me, won’t you, Mikey? You’ll sing me Happy Birthday, this time? Please?” 
Michael’s lips parted, but the protest died on his tongue. 
“Please, Mikey?” Evan whimpered. 
Michael’s tongue darted over his chapped lips. Not that it did any good. “O-Of couse I will.” 
The pitiful sadness vanished from Evan’s face, replaced with a smile. In the back of his mind, Michael couldn’t help but think the smile on Evan’s face looked just as desperate as the tear-filled frown from moments before. Michael shoved the thought away. Evan deserved every moment of happiness he could get. And this was the least he could do for Evan, wasn’t it? The very least. 
“H-Happy birthday to you…” Michael winced as the words cracked upon his dry tongue, but Evan didn’t seem to notice. “Happy birthday to you…”
Evan’s eyes never once left Michael’s face as the older sang. Evan’s lips silently formed the words Michael sang as though savoring every word and basking in the evidence that his older brother was here for him and singing him Happy Birthday, like Mike was the loving brother Evan had always wanted. So… why did watching Evan mouth along the words make Michael feel like a ventriloquist dummy going along with whatever actions and words his puppet master demanded of him?
“Happy birthday, dear Evan; happy birthday to you.”
Evan sniffled. 
Wincing, thinking Evan was about to cry, Michael moved to reassure and comfort his little brother. But then Evan smiled up at him. 
“See? Th-that wasn’t so bad, was it? My birthday c-could have been this ha-happy the first time around…” Evan rubbed at his eyes with another sniffle, but the smile was still stretched across his face. “Now we can eat the cake.” 
Before Michael could even process the six simple words, Evan grabbed a fistful of the maggot-infested mold and shoved it in his mouth. 
“Evan!” Michael practically jumped out of his seat in horrified panic. Was Evan trying to make himself sick?! …Could ghosts get sick?
Evan’s smile dipped momentarily. “It’s okay. You kept saying you were hungry; you can eat now.” 
Michael’s stomach churned violently as Evan scooped another handful of mold into his mouth. Maybe ghosts couldn't get sick, but he could.
“Ev, I-I can’t eat this,” Michael whispered. 
“Why not? It’s my birthday cake. You… you don’t like it?” Evan asked in a small voice. His shoulders hunched up around his ears like Michael had yelled at him.
Michael’s resolve crumbled as Evan stared up at him, his light green eyes shining with tears. “It’s… not like that…” 
“I don’t understand,” Evan whimpered. “I thought you wanted me to be happy. You kept complaining that you were hungry and ruining our games. But now you won’t eat? Why? Because now I want you to? Do you hate me that much?”
Michael’s fingernails dug into the tender skin along his palm, and the Afton focused desperately on the sharp pain to ground himself. “I-I’m sorry, Evan, I am. But you don’t– I can’t–” 
Evan trembled as he looked up at Michael. Not an ounce of understanding passed Evan’s features, only a confusion and hurt so profound that Michael couldn’t bring himself to keep protesting. 
Michael swallowed hard, dutifully ignoring the painful lump in his throat that he couldn’t quite get rid of. Dark brown locks of hair fell over his face as he glanced down at the putrified lump of mold before him. His hair obscured his view of the revolting mess slightly, but that didn’t stop acid from burning at the base of Michael’s throat at the mere thought of touching that thing, let alone putting it inside of him. 
His gaze darted across the table, half-heartedly looking for any silverware– really, he just didn’t want to look at Evan or the horrifying sludge right in front him– but came up empty. Looked like Evan had forgotten to grab any in his excitement for his ‘birthday.’ 
Shuddering, Michael pulled his hand away from his lap and inched closer to the plate. He determinedly did not look as he grabbed some–
Ohmygod ohmygod ohmy–
Michael had done a lot of gross and deranged things in his life– he had been a teenage boy for a long time, after all– but no amount of eating worms on a dare or putting salt on slugs or skinning and gutting things while hunting with his friends could have ever prepared him for the disturbingly moist feeling of mold on his skin, the squish as his fingers closed around the mold, the way the dampness clung to his fingers like old syrup on the side of a bottle, or the itch of maggots wiggling against his skin and slipping between his fingers, or for that godawful smell. The vomit rose from the bottom of his throat and filled his mouth. Michael felt dizzy as he held the vomit in his mouth long enough to raise his fingers to his lips and pretend to eat the filth. Hoping Evan wouldn’t notice, Michael dropped the mess back onto the plate as quickly as possible and swallowed his own vomit back down, wincing at the acid searing his mouth and throat. 
“Mmmm…” 
Michael hummed in ‘delight,’ hoping against hope that Evan wasn’t paying enough attention to notice what he had done, or the disgust still written plainly across his features. 
Michael should have known better. 
The despair on Evan’s face gave way to anger as he glared between Michael and the pink plate. “You can’t do that! You have to actually eat it or it won’t mean anything, Mikey!” Evan launched up from his seat so fast, his chair went flying behind him with a loud crash. “Why are you doing this?!” 
The whites of Evan’s eyes began to glow, and Michael’s eyes widened in fear. “Evan, wait–”
“I thought we were having fun– I thought you came here because you wanted to be with me– why do you keep RUINING EVERYTHING, MIKEY?!” 
Electricity fritzed through the room with enough intensity to make Michael’s nerves tingle and his hairs stand on end. Michael didn’t have enough time to react before Evan screamed, and Michael’s throat tightened under a bruising force as though someone had their hands wrapped around his windpipe. 
Eyes widening, Michael frantically tore at the space around his throat– even his broken arm jerked upward in his panic, making the Afton’s vision go red as pain exploded through his nerves at the jerk of his twisted appendage. As much as Michael struggled against the force choking him, though, there was nothing physically there for Michael to rip off. He could do nothing but wheeze as he clawed at his own throat fiercely enough to draw blood. Tears leaked down his face and, far too quickly, the pressure in his chest from his lungs begging for air increased and increased until the pain in his chest overcame the tight squeezing around his throat. 
Then, just as Michael’s vision began to darken, the pressure around his throat ceased. Michael gulped down oxygen, practically clawing it out of the air, but each breath burned his tortured throat and led Michael into a coughing fit that hurt his throat and chest worse than being choked almost to unconsciousness. 
It took Michael an embarrassingly long time to realize he was sobbing as his good hand hovered protectively around his throat, as though he could do a single thing to stop that awful pain from happening again. 
Michael blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision without using his hand to wipe away the tears. 
Evan was still glaring at him. Hands clenched, lip wobbling, tears streaming down his face. 
“I d-don’t hate you,” Michael cried. He wished he wasn’t openly sobbing, but he had better things to waste his frighteningly limited energy on than keeping his eyes dry– like keeping his head up so he didn’t face-plant from exhaustion and pain directly into his plate of ‘cake.’ 
“I n-never h-hated you, and I– I shouldn’t have— I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” 
Michael flinched as two small arms looped around his neck. He almost shoved Evan away out of instinct, but belatedly, he realized Evan wasn't trying to hurt him anymore. It was just a hug. Evan, the little brother Michael had missed so much for so long, the little brother Michael was fucking terrified of, wrapping him in a hug. 
"I didn't want to do that," Evan whispered. "I wish you would stop making me so mad."
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, Evan…"
"It's okay," Evan said softly. "Just eat your cake, now, Mikey. Cake makes everything better." 
He had to maneuver his arm so it wasn't pinned under Evan’s hug– and bite back a whimper as the movement jostled his broken arm– but Michael reached for the plate again without any thoughts of complaint. 
@dire-kumori @catwithacupofcoffee
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rohirric-hunter · 7 months
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Everyone has been so mean to Corunir and Golodir lately and I loaded up RangerCamp so I could just hang out and watch them vibe and chill and have a nice time.
Then I spawned in 12 bandit chiefs and for some reason they all had the ice spike spell which instantly crashed my game.
#rangercamp#fallout new vegas is doing that thing where when i open it it instantly minimizes itself#i dont remember how i fixed that with skyrim so. le siiiiiiigh#anyway lothrandir did not eat at his scheduled mealtime#radanir did tho so theres that#i need to add eating sleeping and patrol routines for corunir and golodir#i need to add it other assorted routines so they will all mingle a bit more; right now corunir and golodir just kind of hang out alone#radanir comes up here occasionally but the others do not#i wonder if i can expand the sandboxing area? although i think its the presence of stairs that is keeping them from moving#because i specifically positioned corunir in such a way that the stuff in the lower camp would be in his sandboxing range#and yet he doesnt go down there#stairs :shakefist:#the navmesh is fixed tho and what a weight off my shoulders#anyway i added in a thing where if your health is under 50% candaith will have a special greeting where he advises you to sit down#demonstrating you know a reasonable amount of concern for what 50% health actually entails#unfortunately this line also triggers if you are under 5% health and its sort of ridiculous then#so. idk how to fix that. i could add another condition to the line#i could add a different line that triggers if youre under 10% and set its priority higher#i think i tried to do that actually but it didnt work because i was trying to add a scripted event to it#where like once a day if you triggered the line he would give you a small health potion or something?#anyway scripting in skyrim is horrible and i hate it and all the tutorials out there SUCK#so. i might have to put all this on hold while i do a damn scripting tutorial from the beginning#because no one will just explain how to make npcs hand you things#its all 'were going to learn how to make notifications pop up onscreen and make text boxes!'#why would i want that. skyrim modding tutorial authors#why would i want to do that
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SENDING MY FIRST ASK FROM THE NEW BLOG!!!! i feel like i am sending a letter from a new address... crazy. ANYWAY HOW R U TONIGHT!!!! i hope ur havin a good day!!!! kicking my feet like a teenager at a sleepover rn tell me abt ur day who r the blorbos in ur mind rn what kinda art r u workin on lately how's it going friend!!!
HIIIIIII HI HI . HELLO SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG- i mean catboy cellbit!!! . dude i am. dreading the coming week tbh but it is fine !! we will get thru it we will survive!!! i am so sleepytired but alas i also cannot sleep so i may just have another night of reading and music ahead of me . wah. i hope u are hsving a good night <3 IVE BEEN COMPLETELY ART NERFED TOO BTW. my laptop died on me a couple days ago and while i was able to find a new one affordably it will not be here until the 13th 😔 so no digital art from me for a while. sigh. i DID just decorate my new sketchbook with stickers tho so im hoping that will get my brain in gear for traditional art again. AS FOR BLORBOS. oh . u know. the usuals. vash the stampede. zacharie from off . masky marblehornets (also tim marblehornets) . to name three of them.
#who are ur blorbos rn. i dont watch qsmp i think sering ur posts abt it are really funny bc im like. guy walks into the room on fire gif.#i have no idea whats going on in here congratulations and/or my condolences <3#thank u thank u i love the sleepover vibes. literally had gossip talk w one of my other friends earlier#(name withheld for reasons but if u see this u know who u are and i love u )#so the vibes are so correct#i have 2 work tomorrow :( not looking forward 2 that.#however it IS my last day of my long term overnight job which means i will be able to sleep in my own bed tomoerow night.#this is something i have not done for like. close to a month now. whcih is why ive been sleeping so awfully! so hopefully that fixes me#also have. job interview on wednesday for another aquarium place..#fingers crossed this goes better than my last one but also part of me is kind of hoping it doesnt go well#bc i hate transitional periods and i dont want 2 go thru the moving process again#and i dont want 2 meet a bunch of new ppl all at once again. and do the while job training thing.#alas that is the anxiety talkimg and i do actually want the job bc it would be good for me <3#sorry it is late and im soooo fucking sleepy so im rambling !!!! do not feel like u have to respond to . gestures vaguely at all that#its blorbo talk time. i desperately want 2 warch more mh right now#however the house im.staying in IS in the middle of the woods and very isolated and i have been so scared and paranoid#so i am OUTTA LUCK sigh. i will simply watch smth silly instead like gg tmph or david attenborough or perhaps spongebob will b on the tv.#asks#friends!!!#false-anachronism#<< oh fuck new url!!! i got like halfway thru typing ur old one before i was like WAIT SHIT.
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coquelicoq · 11 months
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I don't know if it's rude to ask, so apologies in advance if I sound mean, but… how come you repeatedly bring up old posts of yours from three or more years ago? Do you remember each original post you make and intentionally bring them back? Like, I don't think there's anything wrong, your blog can be whatever you want, obviously, and your stuff is always funny or curious in some way, just… I'm kind of lost as of how it came to be, I guess? I don't think I remember my own posts after 6 months, much least if I have to go back to 2020!
ahaha no it's usually just because i'm going back through a tag looking for something else! i recently went back through my entire "my posts" tag (which contains...1468 posts, dear lord) and while i was doing that saw several posts that i felt like reblogging for whatever reason. so it's usually not that i remember them and go looking for them on purpose, it's that i come across them incidentally in the course of doing something else.
if you want to know why i reblog them after coming across them, 1) usually i don't! you are seeing the tip of the iceberg lol, and 2) it's mostly because it's hard to resist the "sooo true, bestie" urge, even when the bestie is just...yourself.
#sometimes...things that are written by me...are things i agree with#but oftentimes they are not once a few years have passed lol. i mean i just looked at 1468 posts by yours truly#and queued probably 1% of them#oh i also went through my asks tag which was another 500 or so posts#if you want to know why i'm putting myself through this it's for a really ridiculous reason#namely: several nights ago i had insomnia brought on by (get this) being too excited to sleep because my brain wouldn't stop#coming up with crosslinguistic french/english puns#and a couple of them in particular i was like oh god this would be a great tumblr username!#however as i've said before i had no plans to ever change my username (even though i don't like it)#because doing so would break any links that contain my current username#i had resigned myself to just living with this username forever. but once i thought of some usernames i actually like#it became harder to resist the urge to change it...#so now i have this convoluted plan to try to identify and tag as many of the links as i can#so that after i switch names i can go back and fix the links#however i'm not sure how feasible this is. there are a lot of links#and no matter what i do short of going through all 45k posts on this blog i will be bound to miss some of them anyway#(i think getting a domain would solve this problem but i don't wanna get a domain bc i'd have to give wordpress my legal name)#indecisive superhero meme w the buttons 'the need to have punny username' vs. 'the need to be able to find things on my blog'#asks#anon#actually anon probably the majority of the time i rb something i wrote 3 years ago it's bc i forgot about it#i come across it and am like oh yeah! this! and it's like a brand new discovery so i put it back on the dash lol#anyway thanks for your ask! i got a kick out of it 😂
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guinevereslancelot · 9 days
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kept hearing weird noises in my room all night and at first i was sure it was just my cat then i got up to use the bathroom and discovered she was in the other room. strange noises continued. maybe my imagination but felt something tug my blanket a few times. cat in other room every time i got up to try to find out what was making the noises. if it was a creature of some kind i can't imagine the cat ignoring it? not that she would catch it despite mousing being her job but she would have been fixated on it? wondering if it was actually a creature in the crawl space but it def sounded like stuff in my room rattling around and stuff 🤨
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zevrans · 6 months
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#so i finished my 4 out of 4th 12 hour shift in a row last night and i'm literally so exhausted and i was glitching mid simple tasks 🤡✌️#my coworker asked to change shifts so he could have that one specific day as off#and he managed to do some very critical mistakes in his 4 days prior and that's considering his gf is often with him there#and i was the one suffering the consequences even if it's literally not my fault#ever since i've got this job i've been fixing so many mistakes of his i kept wondering who's the newbie here??#like i try to leave my shift as good as possible i clean everything check everything and do all my duties#and when i come here after his shifts it's.. a fucktonne of work mistakes and literal dirt like dude!!!#4 shifts in a row never again man never again i am so tired my brain is nerfed and i can only rest for 1 day today because tomorrow i'm#going to a doc;#my social battery is not just dead it's nonexistent at this point#i just want to lay in bed and not be percieved or interacted with for at least the same amount of days 😫#i really thought i could take a socially demanding and rather multitasking job without it taking hugest toll on my mental state huh???#and i had such a bad sleep too i had a very graphic and sickening nightmare which woke me up 2 hours after i fell asleep#and then i woke 2 more times after that and i feel so exhausted and not rested at all and so fatigued i can't even do anything#man for me my sleep being interrupted is the worst like i function better if i have a smaller amount of sleep but it's uninterrupted#than longer in hours but it gets interrupted and i wake up even once#sorry i come here once in few days vent post and then dissapearvckfkv 😭 i miss tumblr but have no energy currently to even rb anything 🥲#tbd
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thethingything · 26 days
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well we accidentally fell asleep because of course we did 😒 but not quite enough to actually be a full night's sleep so I guess we'll probably nap later but I'm very torn between "oh god everything's terrible and I'm overwhelmed and feel like shit" and "okay time to work on our mental health again and get shit done and I'll probably feel better after doing like 3 basic self care tasks" but unfortunately I think about doing the tasks and I feel like screaming because accidentally waking up at your body's equivalent of midnight will do that to you
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milo-is-rambling · 1 month
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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn
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#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist#anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind#nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work#into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro#what the hell okay fine#well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every#part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again#I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge#fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my#brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame#for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man#idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs#which is good that means it’s working#I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake#later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently
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so i had a couple ocs as a kid (made for a story that i never wrote a lot for) and i haven’t drawn any of them since i was like. 14. so it’s been a hot minute but anyway i realized the other day that out of the 5 main cast i have gotten 3 of their haircuts. i remember vaguely thinking that one character always seemed to have the haircut i wanted and i had that haircut for years but recently i got rid of that haircut and had another one’s haircut then i changed it a bit and dyed it and now i have another one’s. so i’m like man 12 year old me had great taste in haircuts. i should go down the list and do them all
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yardsards · 1 year
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i think the issue with having an extremely inconsistent sleep schedule is not that your overall daily schedule will be out of wack (i am quite fine with changing schedules) but rather that all hours of the day are Schrodinger's Bedtime. like, going to bed just feels like An Option at all times and this leads to a lot of laying in bed almost dozing but not really sleeping
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arcxnumvitae · 4 months
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Part 1
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It had been a bitterly cold morning, one so cold Zhaohui had even passed on accompanying Aro to the morning chores in favor of staying curled beneath the blanket. For as much warmth as the fox put out for the dragon to leech from while they worked (or, while Aro worked and Zhaohui clung, shivering and useless, to him) the scant few moments where Aro would inevitably have to leave his side for one thing or other before returning would still last too long to brave alone. So he bid Aro a sleepy farewell, determined to remain and soak in the remaining bit of heat the other's warmth had left in the sheets.
Except, he couldn't fall back asleep, no matter how much he tossed and turned. He felt a little bad now, for leaving Aro to do the work alone. ...Not like Zhaohui had been much help as of late, but still. It was too late to join Aro at the shrine at that point, but maybe he could get those sweets that Aro liked to make up for it.
Which was how the Red Eye found himself, bundled up and shivering, on the streets of Ativere while the wintery morning sun shone weakly from above. Still unused to the phenomenon, Zhaohui nodded his greetings in return at all who greeted him first. The attention should have been nothing unusual, and yet there was a distinct prickle racing up the back of his neck-- he was being watched. Turning his head in an effort to determine what could have been causing the sensation, he caught sight of a figure not far behind him on the street-- and a familiar one at that.
Biting back a sigh, Zhaohui jerked his head towards the opening of a street that branched off into a smaller side street and the figure followed.
If he was going to get stabbed again, he would rather not cause a panic.
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lycanthian · 4 months
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need to kiss him so bad it makes me look stupid
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ghostighostly · 5 months
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I have made. Many mistakes,,,
I've gone from 'eh i never do anything dont worry we can play videogames!' To 'Sorry cant talk i have the next 3 weeks scheduled to the second and am actively having a panic attack. Bye!'
How did this happen? Christmas. And divorce, but that's less impactful.
I will now proceed to rant in the tags gootbye forever.
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