#on stuff to treat myself for a show stopping performance

[psychoticwillgraham]

*gets good money from the show*

*immediately spends half of it on ‘useless’ things*

#finding bullets was the highlight of my day #I’m pretty sure I have every major mcr studio album now #to me they’re not useless but that’s what mom calls all of my purchases #that are not related to drag #but the guy who organized all this told me to use half of it #on stuff to treat myself for a show stopping performance #and save the other half for drag clothes #he told me that I deserved to spoil myself especially after how massive of #a moment this was in my career #so suck it mom

[wilwheaton]

These were definitely dark times for you, but are you able to take pride when you see comments like these knowing you helped bring it to life?

I've spoken about this a LOT in the last few months, while I've been promoting my book. Short version is that I'm incredibly grateful to have had the experience, and for that performance to be part of my legacy. It's complicated, but it's okay.

It's hard to watch, because 36 years later, after escaping my abusers, Just about all I can see and remember the pain, the sadness, the insecurity, the overwhelming certainty that I was worthless, all because of the way my dad treated me and my mom used me.

But I'm so grateful that it opened the door to Star Trek, which opened the door to the life I have now, the life I love. Actors can go their entire careers (most do) without a single movie like Stand By Me on their resume. Not only did I get to be part of something that means so much to so many people, I've had the privilege of standing on its shoulders ever since (once I stopped trying to get out of its shadow).

I'm still friends with Jerry. I just saw him on my birthday, as a matter of fact. Rob goes out of his way to always make sure I know how proud of me he is, and how much the movie means to him.

But here's the thing that's probably most valuable: I was Gordie. I was the invisible kid. I was the scapegoat. My brother was the one our dad loved, and our dad didn't try to hide it. Neither of my parents gave a shit about me as a person, and my mother only cared about what she could use me to get for herself. I didn't believe in myself. I thought I was no good. I believed in my heart that I was worthless.

For decades, people lauded me for being a great actor in that movie. The truth is, I was just existing as the person I was, translating my lived experiences and feelings into Gordie's experiences and feelings. And I did that with the guidance and help and gentle support of Rob Reiner.

To this day, my parents lie about me and my life. They lie about his abuse, they lie about her manipulation. They gaslight me about things I lived through.

And I can point to Stand By Me, fifty feet wide and towering over the seats in the theatre, and show the world the child they hurt and used, because it's captured on film for the world to see.

Like, I'm a fine actor. I can get it done. I'm absolutely above average. But I'm not that good. I'm not good enough to create that stuff. I was just in an environment where it was safe to feel it and express it for the very first time.

Stand By Me is a wonderful movie that means more than I can imagine to at least one generation all over the world. Even though I cannot ignore the pain in my eyes, or forget the uncomfortable way I felt in my own skin, I'm so grateful to have been part of it, and honored that so many other people who worked on it feel the same way.

[ur-boyfiend]

hai , here's some chan x reader fluffy domestic stuff, if anyone wants to see a continuation lemme know ^^

you’re lying in bed on your back, eyes closed and earbuds in.  your skills at zoning out are strong, so you’re not very aware of your surroundings. you don’t have any plans for today, but your friends and boyfriend like to stop by unannounced, so you don’t particularly expect to be left alone all day. 

that’s why you’re not that surprised when you feel someone's weight drop on top of you. you pause your music and pull out your earbuds, looking up slightly to see a mop of curly blond hair. laughing quietly, you gently run your fingers through your boyfriend’s hair, and he leans into your touch. 

“what’s goin’ on channie?” he seems more tired than usual, which is saying something. he mumbles something in response, but his face is still buried in your chest so you can’t actually tell what he’s saying. 

“love, i can’t hear you.” 

he lifts his head up to look at you, and his expression almost reminds you of an upset puppy, “people don’t know how to do their jobs. i came in and nobody had finished their part of the project, you could tell they all expected me to finish it for them. so now i’m doing the entire project myself.”

you frown, knowing that being one of the best students in the music department meant people assumed chan would do their work for them if they asked. you’ve given plenty of students deadly side-eye when they tried to bother chan, but most of them just try again when you’re not there. 

“can you tell your professor?” 

chan just shakes his head, “i don’t wanna tell the professor because that’d give them the chance to get their shit together. i’ll just do the project myself and leave their names off of it, their loss.”

you laugh quietly, appreciating the pettiness. you were probably a bad influence, but because of chan’s default sweetheart personality, you were glad he wasn’t letting people take advantage of him anymore. 

“if there’s any way i can help let me know, alright?” 

“you have your own classes to work on, i don’t wanna use up your work time.” 

you shake your head, “the biggest assignment i have right now is my end of semester project for my visual arts class, my team for the year end fashion show is actually ahead of where we need to be since we’re all prone to hyperfocusing on the work.” 

chan grumbled slightly, “imagine having a team that do their work, what a concept.” 

you gently scratch at his scalp, still running your fingers through his hair, “is there anyone else in your class you could team up with? maybe not for this project, but for future ones?” 

chan shrugs, “i try not to interact with people unless they interact with me first, i don’t need to prompt people to bug me.” 

you snort, knowing how he feels. people used to treat you the same way, the difference is you’re just a lot more intimidating than him, and people figured out pretty quickly that you weren’t gonna do their work for them. 

“i think one of my friends was talking about his boyfriend needing a new team for his assignment, i’m pretty sure another one of our friends is in a similar situation… lemme ask real quick.” 

he hums in confirmation and you grab your phone from where it sat abandoned on the low shelf next to your bed, quickly putting in your passcode and opening the ‘dance hoes’ groupchat. you know each other because of how often the performance and fashion departments work together, everyone in the chat had done modeling for you at some point. 

you send a quick text, ‘hey can the catboys get online?’

quickly you get responses from two of the other chat members, both asking what was going on, one much more kindly than the other. you’re pretty sure chan has fallen asleep on you, but you keep playing with his hair as you ask the pair about what they’d mentioned earlier. 

they both give quick confirmation, and you explain your idea. both disappear for a second, before confirming that their boyfriends were down to meet up with everyone. you decide to work out a meeting time later, so you set aside your phone and curl up with chan, tugging a blanket over both of you and closing your eyes, falling asleep in your boyfriend’s arms.

#boyfiend writes #skz #stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids x y/n #skz imagines #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #bang chan #bang chan x y/n #bang chan imagines #bang chan x reader #chan x reader #chan fluff #chan x y/n

[kiwi-solace]

Yandere!Ateez: How You Meet (Pairs)

Warnings: pussy eating, *cough* eiffel tower *cough*, unprotected sex, creampie, yandere themes: obsession, implied stalking and legit stalking for now, dubious consent. If this isn’t your cup of tea, then kindly skip. 

Word Count: 6.3k

A/N: Soooo February is coming up and even though I have not written in so long (college and other stuff) I wanna get back into it. Plus I am lacking in yandere content (my guilty pleasure) so I decided fuck it I’ll do it myself lol. Plus y’all can’t tell me you don’t find yandere!ateez fun. BUT, I have to layout the groundwork first from the beginning before diving on into their profiles. I did not mean for San and Wooyoung’s to end up as a straight up smut. I haven’t written smut since like 2017 so that was a shock lmao. No beta read we die like men 👀

♡ THIS IS NOT A REAL REFLECTION OF THEM IN LIFE ♡

♡ Hongjoong - Seonghwa ♡

Order, Dilligence

Every few months, you like to dress in your best evening gown and treat yourself to the city's best operas. Normally these places are out of your price range, but your college had managed a deal with the opera house with its prestigious drama department. However, you don’t go unless you feel you’ve earned it by successfully passing a critique, surviving midterms or finals, and other things of the sorts. Just last week you finished by not only surviving your finals week, but passing with flying colors that included your critiques for pieces that made you feel passion you hadn’t felt in a long time. Why not let that passion grow by watching a show stopping performance practiced and perfected by performers out of your league in expertise? It’s a chance to finally relax and enjoy the arts surrounding you. 

You know it’s common for the wealthy to appear at the opera house on a regular basis, which gave you a lovely excuse to buy an elegant gown, but you knew to stay out of the way for the most part. The last thing you wanted was to get on the wrong side of some celebrity or accidentally offend someone’s future CEO. On the other hand, this was a great opportunity to grow your network and make connections that would help you out in the near future and you will one day–you just haven’t worked up the courage to do so. That didn’t stop you from random conversations during intermissions and finalies on occasion, which brings you to your current situation. It’s unfortunate you know the celebrity that you caught the attention of would only cause trouble rather than provide any future positive aspects into your life. Little did you know during this interaction two stark personalities were watching you closely from the private balconies.

“I appreciate the kind words Jinyoung, but I believe there are far better prospects in this room than just me.”

“Nonsense. Nothing could be better than your divine presence. I should be thanking you for letting me be this close,” he smirks as he leans in closer, arm snaking behind your back. You can feel the stares this is garnering and the malice of envious women are even louder. You start to shuffle away in an effort to get away from his grasp, but his grip only tightens at the movement making you fall stiff in the denial of your efforts. “Trying to get away doll?”

You really want to roll your eyes at that. “I just think it’d be more appropriate for the setting if we were not so close to each other. I do not want to ruin your reputation.” You could care less. What you do care about, is the amount of attention you’re earning yourself instead of staying the invisible nobody you believed you were. It’s nice to pretend once in a while and act like you are desired by such high profile people, though you actively avoid trouble as you’d not like to be on the receiving end of hate campaigns online or in person. “I appreciate the consideration, but I can’t let such a person leave me now,” he purrs. In that moment, you spot a glint in his eyes that wasn’t there before making you freeze in place before you could comprehend what was happening. It seemed like everything stopped around you, including your own body against your will. As panic begins to settle in, two figures approach behind you and one of them places a hand on your shoulder, making you jolt in place. 

If you weren’t in such a public setting, you’d be freaking out at Jinyoung, wondering what the hell just happened to you. You’re cursing him in your head as the fear that rose starts to turn into anger when a voice from behind you brings you back to the situation at hand. “Who’s this lovely lady Jinyoung?” a deep voice says. You shift your body to face the mysterious speaker only to come face to face with the city’s most prestigious CEOs and high society couple–Park Seonghwa and Kim Hongjoong. 

Your eyes widen as you acknowledge their presence and politely bow to them. “A lady with manners is always a plus in my book,” Seonghwa states as he gives you a quick once over then turning his attention to the now silently glaring Jinyoung. “I’m sure you won’t mind us stealing her from you now would you Jinyoung?” Hongjoong questions, but anyone watching could tell it was rhetorical. You don’t know why you willingly looped your arm around Seonghwa’s arm as you made eye contact. You don’t know why everyone seemed to be looking away as they moved out of your way when the three of you walked towards the exit. You don’t know why you willingly got into their limo, squeezed between the both of them even when there was ample space to spread out. Your mind felt empty. Nothing was being comprehended besides bits and pieces of conversation between the two of them and sometimes aimed at you. 

“Just let us lead you doll, we’ll take care of you,” Hongjoong cooed as he hooks his arm around your lower back. “You were right on coming tonight Seonghwa. It seems like others have become just as intoxicated with her as us.”

“When am I ever wrong dear?” He smirks. “But this little stunt will bring some unwanted press unfortunately…we should also do something about Jinyoung touching what’s ours,” he scowls.

“Nothing we haven’t taken care of before. You know the drill by now,” Hongjoong’s eyes gaining that similar glint before he steels his face as they approach their limo waiting for them.

“Ah~ our love is finally with us darling,” Seonghwa purred as he tucked his face in the crook of your neck and took a deep breath. “Even with all the years of life we had, she’s the most intoxicating I’ve ever been connected to…besides you love.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Hongjoong laughs as he mirrors Seonghwa, dragging his unusually sharp teeth along your neck. Had you been in a better conscious state, you would’ve pulled away from the both of them. None of this was making sense. You felt trapped in your own body, thrown into the lion’s den in their presence as the driver began the journey to god knows where. 

“W-where…” you attempt to speak, but it’s taking much more energy than you can expel at the moment. An intense wave of exhaustion washing over you just from that one word.

“Oh. Our love really is meant for us. No one is able to even utter a word when compelled by you Seonghwa~” Hongjoong teases before leaving a light peck in the crook of your neck and sitting up. “But this better not be a sneak peak of future disobedience,” he sighs. “So troublesome.”

Seonghwa laughs a little as he also sits up and rests his hand on your thigh. “She’ll be the perfect little pet in no time even if she did Joongie. She is our soulmate after all. She’s the missing piece to us.” He pauses to turn your  head towards him, a smile gracing his face as his eyes begin to glow an ominous red. “You can rest (y/n), we’re finally taking you home where you belong with us.” 

And with that final command, you lean into him and fall into a deep slumber.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

♡ Yeosang - Jongho ♡

Service, Attentive

Had you known you would be catering your kingdom’s royal anniversary party you’d think someone was playing a prank on you. In fact, you still think it’s all a dream as you and your team bring in the large order of pastries into the kitchen to be inspected and set up in the ballroom for the kingdom’s kings to celebrate their anniversary of taking the throne a millennia ago. You weren’t alive when they first began their rule, only being a young enough witch, your kind isn’t really known for their longevity in age unlike other supernatural beings in the world. It really all depends on the class and path your magic chooses. You had known since young that you weren’t cut out for the more offensive or combat driven magic. Enjoying helping others, you learned that you could pair spells into objects including food to be digested for the masses. After years of training and perfecting your technique, you finally opened your own modest bakery that sold pastries based on health, luck, and fortune. Each category had varying effects, but your strongest spells were the ones in health, including longevity and especially disease ridding spells. It had become the talk of your small seaside town that had spread through the kingdom within a few years that led you here, in the kingdom’s grand palace today. 

It was last month when a messenger had come to her bakery with a royal summons in hand. At first you thought they had the wrong witch in mind, you were only a small bakery owner with a bit of witchiness to add onto it. Very modest. But the messenger insisted the letter was for you and you were to cater for the upcoming anniversary with a variety of your pastries for the established guests that would be attending along with the majesties. Ever since then, you had been working nonstop with organizing the spells for the increased number of people you’d be serving along with your regular customers throughout the normal work day. To say you were tired was an understatement, but you can’t say it wasn’t worth it as you passed through the threshold of the palace. You never imagined you’d be able to step foot into the palace let alone potentially meet the majesties. You’ve heard many rumors about them ranging from their ethereal beauty to their dominating presence. Growing up in a town on the outskirts of the kingdom doesn’t grant you many opportunities if at all seeing them in the flesh. Even in their routine visits around the kingdom, it’s been recorded that they’ve only approached your town a handful of times. Times you weren’t even born yet. 

Setting up was easy with the palace servants aiding their help to move things along faster than it would’ve taken if it had been just you and your team of your five apprentices. As you worked, you heard a range of excited whispers about the presence of the kings nearby. Apparently the servants have seen less and less of them over the years for some unknown reason. Many guessed it could be as small as needing a break, but some had believed one of them had fallen ill. You hope it wasn’t the last reason, knowing if that were true they’d have eager invaders in a heartbeat and your town would be one of the firsts to go. The health of the kings is the strength of the kingdom. By the time you dismissed your team to change for the party, the sun had started to set and guests were beginning to arrive at the gates. You knew it wouldn’t be until another thirty minutes when they’d be allowed to enter the ballroom, so you went ahead to change yourself and look for the garden you had spotted when walking through one of the long corridors. 

With a few slips up on the path, you manage to find yourself in the middle of the royal garden. You wander around until you see a fountain up ahead surrounded by the tall shrubbery that lines the path beautifully. The sun dips lower, painting the sky in pink and purple hues signaling the moon’s takeover soon. Every passing minute you can feel your own magic radiate underneath your fingertips. Now that you think about it, you don’t usually feel your magic this strongly even when there’s a full moon at its highest peak. You were far from being the strongest witch, but it didn’t mean you were weak either. As you approach the fountain you gaze into its tranquil ripples as you try to pinpoint why almost your entire body starts to vibrate until you hear a sharp sound to your right, alerting you of another presence. The man you come face to face almost takes your breath away as he stares directly at you, questioning. You opened your mouth to greet him, but before you could say a word, you felt an overwhelming pressure suddenly drop onto your shoulders as he continued to stare. He seems to notice your discomfort and approaches you to lift a hand to your arm. “Are you alright?” His voice was much deeper than you expected from the way he looked, but it was a pleasant surprise. 

His touch also not only lifted the pressure you felt, but reigned in you magic tenfold. “I am okay now, thank you,” you smile and take a deep breath, noticing he hadn’t let go yet. “Did you come to see the sunset in this garden?” Being silent would only make things awkward with a stranger, and you’ll be damned to embarrass yourself even once in front of him. You can already feel your skin heat up from his lingering touch. 

“Yes I did. I believed I needed a time of peace before I made my appearance in the ballroom.” He smiles. You look away from him and at his hand to avoid any more unnecessary eye contact. Just his presence makes you nervous, and you’ve never been one to flirt. Following your gaze, he pulls his hand away seemingly embarrassed to have forgotten he was holding you. “I apologize for touching you without permission. While I wanted to soothe your magic, in turn it began to soothe my own being.” He pauses before stepping away from you toward the palace. “I hope to see you at the party later,” he says before making a swift exit, leaving you alone with your thoughts. The encounter felt important, and yet you couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why. In addition, just his touch was able to reign in your magic, which was already alarming, but your magic seemed to soothe him too if what he said was true. Shaking your head, you decide to compartmentalize that for later deconstruction. As of now, you had a party to attend. 

You and your team of apprentices stuck to your display of pastries as the guests mingled and danced with one another. Occasionally, you’d try to push your apprentices to make connections and you could stay and answer any questions the guests had for each pastry available, but they insisted on staying by your side. It wasn’t until a bit halfway through the majesties finally made their appearance, the air changing with the pressure they brought and the guests all stilled and to bow their way. Before you could bow, you stood shocked as you realized the man you spoke to in the garden was none other than one the kings and you barely showed your respect. You moved quickly to bow before the situation fully settled in. As you rose along with the other guests you could feel his stare on you, but you refused to raise your head in their direction as they were announced to the guests. The one you met was none other than King Yeosang and next to him was King Jongho who looked more beautiful than the rumors could supply.

You may have not realized it now, or even as the party progressed and made their rounds, but Yeosang couldn’t get his mind off of you. No one outside of Jongho could settle his turbulent soul and calm his rampant energy that has only grown more restless as the years went on. They’re in a time of peace, while that is good for the wellbeing of their people, it’s not in their nature to remain so kind, so his soul has been more than disobedient ever since. When he left the garden, he made a beeline to Jongho to tell him of this experience. He had to share the news of a particular witch he encountered that was able to achieve such a feat, but knowing how protective Jongho is, he wasn’t surprised by his apprehensive curiosity. They planned to keep you here close to them to explore this new revelation and see if you really are their missing piece. 

Their queen.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

♡ Mingi - Yunho ♡

Protection, Adoration

It had been years since you returned to your hometown you think as you open your childhood bedroom door. Ever since you graduated high school, you were college bound in the big city and haven't looked back since. It wasn’t until almost five years later with constant pestering from your family and old friends you decided to finally visit. Placing your bags down next to your closet door, you move over to your window sill to gaze at the old yet familiar view of the right behind your house. You recall your friends growing up had always been afraid to sleep over your house and would only come during the day time. By the time the sun would threaten to set, they’d be long gone so you would usually be the one to travel to them after the fifth disappearance happened while in your middle school years. 

Your friends always wondered how you weren’t afraid of the forest right outside your window, but you shrugged off their concerns and told them you didn’t believe the rumors, knowing damn well the people that would go missing were very real. Denial can be a powerful thing if you put your mind to it. Though you know the real reason why you never felt afraid was far from the more rational side of reality. A pull to the forest had always been felt by you, even as you gaze at it now, a deep longing is felt. When you moved away, that longing only increased tenfold as you went to pursue your dreams, to the point after these five years, you couldn’t take it anymore. You know you shouldn’t walk into that dark forest, the light being unable to pierce through its density even in the bright hours of day, and yet you find yourself getting up to leave the house in a daze. It’s like an out of body experience before you realize you’re at the edge of the forest not long after. In shock, you take a deep breath and look at your surroundings to see if anyone could see you standing at the forest edge. I shouldn’t do this–but you must. Even your thoughts are contradicting themselves as you take the first step to cross the threshold. The crunch of the fall leaves sounds louder in the stark silence, making you hesitate on taking your next step. Last chance to back out. Closing your eyes, you take another step, releasing the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. You open your eyes to take in the reality of things and turn around only to not see the houses that were once there. Only darkness surrounds you now–panic begins to settle in at your current situation.

“How…” you say to no one but yourself, unable to believe what just happened. Steeling your nerves as best as you can, you turn forward to continue moving, hoping you’d find something that could help lead you back out of this unknown maze this is turning out to be. You don’t know how long you had been wandering, the concept of time lost on you when the sun and moon isn’t there to lend a hand, all you do know is that you’re being watched. That telltale feeling as if something or someone is staring at you hasn’t left ever since you began your path further into the forest. No matter how many times you checked around yourself, you couldn’t find anything except more trees and plants. You haven’t even seen a single animal in this forest adding onto its eerie nature.

Far up ahead, you think you can see the forest lighting up as if there was a light at the end of this endless tunnel. This could be the edge of the forest you were looking for to get back to your home! With that thought, you pick up your pace, not wanting to fully run to conserve energy, but the desire to get out of this forest is overpowering the longing you originally felt that brought you here in the first place. Approaching this edge, you stop in your tracks at the sight you’re met with. A beautiful flower field stretches beyond you as the sun bathes it with its rays. Wandering further in, you’re amazed that something so beautiful was hidden in this dark forest–it almost feels like an entirely different plane of existence. Where the forest filled you with fear of the unexpected and a cold feeling, this field wrapped you in its warmth and happiness as you sat in a patch of grass, careful to not crush any of the neighboring flowers. Looking back up at the sky you see that the sun hasn’t reached its highest point, which means it was still morning. At most maybe two hours had passed since you entered the forest, yet it feels much longer than that. Sighing, you lay back onto the soft grass, lost in your own thoughts of how you got yourself in this situation. Why have other people get you into bad situations when you can do it perfectly fine by yourself, you laugh to yourself at that.

You don’t know when you dozed off, the comforting warmth of the morning sun and the peaceful atmosphere the flower field created leaving you in a tranquil daze, but by the time you woke up the sun was a bit past its highest peak in the day. Blinking away your sleepiness, you don’t register the furry warmth on either side of you, nor the curious yet excited eyes that watch your every move. Lifting yourself to sit up, you yawn and stretch out, arms rising and falling to the side only to land on furry warm bodies instead of the cool grass below you, making you jolt in place. An embarrassingly high squeal comes out as one of the large wolves to your right, with a warm auburn color sits up and brings its face closer to yours. You move to pull back away from you, until you realize the wolf with black fur moved behind you to keep you from moving away, all with an excited tail wagging at an alarming speed. Why are they so excited? If I were their prey I feel like I should feel way more alarmed than just the confusion and shock I have as of now. The auburn wolf moves to clumsily lay in your lap as you’re lost in your thoughts, ignoring the fact its way larger than what your lap could hold. Its whines bring you out of your thoughts to focus solely on them. “H-hello?” You don’t know why you’re talking to it, but from the way it’s looking at you, you can’t help yourself from trying.

The wolf from behind you scoffs and shifts to move in front of you as well. He eyes the auburn wolf and tries to push them off of your lap with their nose, causing adorable whines from them as they reluctantly get up to sit in front of you instead. The black wolf then barks at you before raising its paw to you. With how incredulous this situation is, you’re not surprised at yourself when you lift your hand to grasp their paw in your hand. When you woke up in your cottage today, you didn’t think you’d be shaking hands…or paws with a wolf, but I guess you can check that off your imaginary list. The auburn wolf, annoyed with the lack of attention, rolls onto its back to attract your attention and maybe even a few belly rubs if it's being honest. You let go of the black wolf’s paw and let out a giggle at the display the other is showing. After a quick inspection, you come to realize the wolf was male and reach over to give a few tentative pets on his belly. His tail wags in approval as your petting becomes more confident. The black wolf begins to mimic its friend, wanting the same amount of affection and you happily oblige the both of them. While this interaction was bizarre, it was a welcome distraction from your daily work/life schedule. 

People usually say to avoid the forest surrounding your hometown, but finding this flower field in addition to adorably cute wolves was making you think otherwise. If you hadn’t wandered in, you would’ve never had this experience. It wasn’t long until the sun started to set, alerting you to the time that has passed since you awoke from your unexpected nap. Getting up, the wolves perk up from their resting positions from your sudden movement. You sigh as you stretch out from sitting for an extended period of time and turn to face the both of them. “It was nice spending time with you both, but I have to get home now,” you smile as you turn to leave towards the direction you came. However, you only make it to the edge of the clearing before the large black wolf runs in front of you, interrupting your path. Stunned at first, you move to go around the wolf and wave, but he only follows to block you again. The auburn wolf joins him at his side and growls as you move to step aside once again, causing fear to slowly well up inside you. “I have to get home you guys, it’ll be dark soon,” you plead your case. You don’t know why you’re talking to them like they understand you, but their eyes seem to speak louder than your own words. The black wolf nudges you back as the other gently bites your sleeve to pull you in the opposite direction. You try to yank your arm back and move again, but their growls make you still in your movements. Will these wolves hurt me? What was I thinking to trust wild animals? You can’t help but talk down on yourself over ignoring the lessons that you’ve been taught since young. 

There’s a reason those who enter this forest never leave and now you’re the next victim. Never enter the forest.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

♡ Wooyoung - San ♡

Infatuation, Dependance

“Sannn, we need another person, they’re not giving me enough energy,” Wooyoung whines as they exit the apartment complex their latest treat lives in.

 “It’s not my fault you’re so insatiable,” San retorts with a knowing smile, “but I do agree, we’re gonna need someone new soon.” They continue their walk, traveling with no destination in mind at the moment as they discuss their plans when Wooyoung stops in his tracks before looking around. Even though it was still the middle of the night, it wasn’t hard for them to sense or see anything in the night.

“Over there,” he says and points across the street to you, walking briskly with your headphones in. San looks over in your direction and has to stop himself from running over and taking you right then and there. Normally they have their instincts under control, but even from this distance your soul smelled like the most appetizing treat they’ve had in a long time. Last time they had encountered a delicious soul like yours, they devoured them all that night, while he did regret not savoring them, they sure as hell had a memorable time they’ll never forget. But ever since then, it was like nobody ever lived up to the level their taste had been raised as they were left to feed from mediocre (at best) souls. “Well what are we waiting for,” San smiles as he and Wooyoung begin their trek to you.

On the other hand, you were quickly trying to return home after your shift. Tired from the day, and feeling tense, you’d like to unwind before taking yourself straight to bed afterwards. Seeing your apartment complex finally come into view, you pick up your pace until you’re stopped dead in your tracks by bumping into someone. You could’ve sworn you were the only one out here, but as you look up to see maybe the most handsome man you’ve laid eyes on with a friend with just as much beauty, you take a step back and begin to apologize. 

“It’s no problem at all, I should’ve been watching where I was going,” San says as he steps to the side. You nod in response, afraid you’d make a fool of yourself if you opened your mouth. “You shouldn’t be out here alone, you know. We could walk you the rest of the way if you’d like,” Wooyoung offers as he steps towards you with a kind smile. Normally you’d have your alarms blaring in your head, but as you look at them, you can’t help but nod again to allow them to escort you. “Well then lead the way doll.”

It was a quick walk, and really didn’t need an escort, but who were you to say no to them. You could barely think of a coherent sentence let alone have rational thoughts. Now at the entrance to your building, you turn to thank them for escorting you and wish for them to get home safe.

“No problem at all. Hope you have sweet dreams tonight,” Wooyoung winks before they turn to leave.And boy did you have the sweetest of them all.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

You open your eyes when you hear a sudden to the left of you. You don’t know why, but you feel as if you were no longer alone in your room. Slowly turning your head you squint as your eyes try to adjust to the darkness, but are unable to see anything.

“Right here love,” a voice to your right suddenly says, causing you to jolt upright and look to see who’s beside you. You hear a giggle from your other side when you acknowledge the person beside you was one of the men that escorted you. 

“W-wha–” you begin before you’re cut off with Wooyoung’s finger. “No need to think about it right now (y/n), we just want to pleasure you. Will you let us?” he asks as San from the other side of you pulls you closer to his lap. His lips trace your ear as they wait for your response, fingers lightly pulling at your shirt. “We can take care of you so well baby,” San whispers into your ear, sending shivers down your back. You whimper slightly from embarrassment of how much they affect you so easily, but also because in that moment San starts to nibble right below your ear, making you feel weak. Wooyoung, not wanting to be excluded from the fun, moves in front of you to open your legs and pull down your shorts. 

“No panties?” he smirks at you before lowering himself to your thighs, trailing light kisses that evolve into full love bites the closer he gets to your core. San reaches around you to pull your shirt off and immediately grasps your breasts to fondle them. “No bra either,” he laughs, “it’s like she knew we’d be here.” San moves your head to the side to gain better access to your neck, then latches onto it without hesitation. Your soft pants egg Wooyoung on to finally lick your slit, causing you to instinctively close your legs, but he grabs onto both of your thighs and pushes them back, folding you. 

“Let go for us (y/n), we’ll take good care of you. Right Youngie?” San smirks as he looks back at his partner lost in between his legs. He knows he’s not going to get a reply from him as he’s too lost in lapping at your lips to care about anything else around him. You yourself are lost in the feeling as Wooyoung begins to suck on your clit like his life depends on it and easily slips in two fingers in the meantime. San attaches his lips to yours, swallowing your moans and moves his hands to pinch at your nipples. Your breath hitches a bit at the pain followed by a loud moan as San lets his tongue wander your mouth, overpowering your tongue in an instant. You feel like you're going numb yet you’re being lit ablaze between the two. Tightening around Wooyoung’s fingers, he proceeds to add two more as he lifts his head to look at the state you’re in.

“Sannie, she tastes so good, can she be our pet?” Your walls pulsate around his fingers at the implication. You haven’t been able to explore your kinks before, only really having few vanilla experiences, but this is giving you the chance to explore things you never thought you’d like. You moan at the thought of being their pet, being taken care of, punished if you misbehave, but rewarded if you’re good…you need that in your life. Even if this is just a dream, you want this to continue every night if possible. Wooyoung doesn’t wait for a reply, focusing on increasing his pace and lifting his head to leave a trail of love bites along your abdomen. San presses himself against you from behind so you could feel the effect you had on him and what to anticipate. 

“Of course Youngie, she can be our pretty kitty,” he purrs happily into your neck. You can barely hear him at this point, too focused on the familiar coil that’s ready to unravel. “I-I’m–” You don’t even get to finish your sentence as you feel Wooyoung pull away from you and hear both him and San laugh at your whines. “I was so close–” you lift yourself up a bit to face Wooyoung, “Why’d you stop?”

“Can’t let you cum unless it’s around one of us kitty,” he teases and finally removes the last few articles of clothing on him, San following suit. From there San moves to the top of the bed, pulling your legs closer to him as Wooyoung situates himself behind you. “On your hands and knees,” San commands as he taps your thigh. You flip over to get in position and look up to see Wooyoung positioning his cock in front of your face with a smirk. You felt him before he was fully hard, but you didn’t expect the size he grew too. What he lacked in girth he made up for in length and it left you salivating for it.

“Open wide kitty,” Wooyoung says and you happily oblige, his tip laying heavy on your tongue. You push yourself forward to take him in more, moaning at the taste and the breath he takes in above you before sighing from the relief. “I’m gonna fuck your mouth now, just relax,” he warns as you open your mouth wider, eagerly preparing for him. He starts out slow to give you a chance to find a proper rhythm before he begins to snap into you. His moans fall deliciously from his mouth, getting lost in the feeling of your mouth, you want nothing more than to give yourself to him. Losing yourself in the feeling of Wooyoung, you’re reminded of San behind you as he presses himself against your core, slowly trailing his cock up and down your slit before lining up with your hole. 

“Don’t forget about me kitty, you’re doing so well for us,” he slowly begins to push inside of you, groaning as your walls greedily suck him in. “Fuck, such a slutty hole sucking me in like that kitty.” You moan pathetically around Wooyoung, your walls throbbing around him as he starts his relentless pace. San was thicker than his partner, and he knew how to use it, making sure he brushes against your g-spot with each thrust. If you were able to think before, they’ve successfully fucked you brainless. All you can try to ground yourself with is the intense grip you have on the sheets below you, but it’s not enough to take your mind away from the mind numbing pleasure being given to you. “Shit, she’s perfect for us Woo, how could we have gone so long without this,” he grunts, grip tightening on your love handles. “I’m sure our kitty would love to be bred all day everyday,” he smirks when he feels the effect his words have on you. “Such a dirty girl.”

“I’m sure she’d pass out before we got our fill,” he laughs in between his moans, pulling San forward for an intense kiss. San’s hips stutter a bit, getting lost in the feeling of his lover and his potential lover. After getting a taste of you, they can’t let anyone else even think of touching you.

Hearing them above you pushes you closer to your peak, bringing your hand to your clit to let you reach it quicker. At the movement, San breaks away from Wooyoung’s kiss, eliciting a whine from the latter, to focus on you. “She’s close Wooyoung, and so are you. Be good for me prettys and cum.” With those words, Wooyoung whines as he stills his hips, shoving his cock as down your throat as he can, spilling his seed down it. “Mm, I think she loves the taste of you, fuck,” San’s hips start to stutter, approaching his eye as your orgasm finally washes over you. 

You don’t remember much after you came around San’s cock. You vaguely remember San pulling out of you after he reached his own high, making sure he made his claim deep inside of you before Wooyoung began the aftercare for you. “You did so well kitty, you were so good for us.”“Just rest love, you’ll need it for later,” you hear one of them laugh next to you. You feel yourself being tucked in and cuddled on either side of you. After being pleasantly filled, your mind is left fuzzy and you can’t help, but fade into darkness from the comfort being provided. 

“We’re gonna have so much fun with you kitty~”

#yandere ateez #yandere #ateez reactions #ateez reaction #ateez scenarios #ateez scenario #poly #poly!ateez #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jung yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #yandere hongjoong #yandere seonghwa #yandere yunho #yandere yeosang #yandere san #yandere mingi #yandere wooyoung #yandere jongho #yandere kpop #yandere ateez au #supernatural au #yandere!ateez #ateez x reader #ateez smut

[samijey]

broke my promise to myself and actually watched the jey/gunther match and let me tell you... whoever booked that finish wanted jey to look like an idiot. mega rant under the cut which you should honestly read im not your mama but you should read it

he splashes gunther after getting dominated for 80% of the match and an (honestly underwhelming) spear and we're meant to believe the +2yr champion who's beaten virtually everyone on the roster (including drew who recently beat jey TWICE) was about to be defeated right there?......okay............ but it gets worse

when the referee (for no real good reason) stops the count at 2 after jimmy rings the bell, jey "forgets" about gunther and turns his back to him, allowing gunther to get back up almost IMMEDIATELY (remember we were meant to think he was about to be beaten 5 seconds earlier) yet jey quickly superkicks him BUT THEN decides to dive at jimmy on the outside instead of going directly for another splash (girl help) so ofc when he does go for the splash, gunther gets the knees up, and to add a cherry on top of this shit sunday, pins jey right there after performing no extra offense - doesn't even roll him up, jey just lies there flat on his back and gets pinned (while michael cole screams "GUNTHER ROLLS UP JEY USO" to make me even more mad, apparently, as zero actual rolling takes place in the ring - just a leg hook & weight on the shoulders combo... and not a particularly vicious one either) I just ??????

and of-fucking-course as the TV feed gets cut, cue cody and punk who come out all smiles ready to do the usual fanservice routine for the live crowd and suddenly jey is mostly done selling what just happened and is smiling along with whatever you wanna call it - sending the crowd home happy?? since when did that become mandatory for broadcast shows??? why can't emotionally devastating moments count just as much when it comes to delivering a satisfying ending to the live crowd??? are you telling me they couldnt have had jey walk to the back WHILE SELLING the heartbreak/frustration of what happened and THEN send cody out to do the fanservice thing??? fuck maintaining suspension of disbelief I guess - you can't even argue that "it's fine it was just a treat for the live crowd" because WWE has posted the footage everywhere and promoted it heavily.

imagine if after the camera stopped rolling at last year's rumble, sami had got up, undone kevin's handcuffs and they both hugged and cut a cheerful promo at the crowd - everyone would've blasted wwe for undermining the impact of that finish and not letting the moment breathe.

here's another, even more similar example - remember what happened after summerslam when jimmy attacked jey? he sold the devastation of the moment all the way until he exited the arena, so why is this any different? because it's "just" TV and not a PPV? nah, i'll tell you why: because wwe does not give a shit about this current version of jey's character - he's there to spew the same catchphrase 100x an hour (because it sells merch and pops the crowd let's be honest), display a grand total of two personality traits, and rub his popularity off onto the people wwe actually consider stars

for comparison - you cannot tell me that if it was cody in this position (just lost an important match thanks to the most important person in his life + got attacked by them on top of it) wwe wouldn't have had him look devastated or cut an emotional, tearful promo that would've then been posted and promoted everywhere

"chill, it's not that serious" my apologies for wanting something i love (and KNOW can be so much better with minimal effort) to have a basic level of logic and thought put into it, it's not like wrestling booking is rocket science and we know wwe is NOT incapable of actually delivering good stuff 🤷??? the standards for this show are so damn low and seeing no one else be bothered by it does my fucking head in ouch ouch wheres the aspirin bye

#jey uso #wwe #the usos #jimmy uso #i fr wasnt gonna tag this at first #but fuck it i'm mad and yall will hear about it #if you consider yourself a jey fan in any way shape or form... i genuinely think you should read this

[aesthetictanuki]

I don't speak about it really, because it's kind of personal, but maybe I need to get through the journey with others... and I have some stuff to talk about.

Because yeah, when I first saw that an autistic criteria fit me, I just thought "oh, but that's just one haha, whatever."

And another one. And another. And another.

Every one.

I remember wondering why I felt like no one likes the actual me.

Why it feels like no matter what I do, they hate me for it. Why it feels like everyone's on the joke that I'm not a part of, but the butt off.

Why I cried while my mom brushed my hair because it hurt me so much; why upon touching certain textures, I can feel them in my bones and in the pores of my skin until I touch something I like, or distract myself with my interests; why my parents couldn't play a certain show when I was around, because the intro felt like it was drilling into my ears and I'd cry and panic every time. Why when I want to interact with what I like, sometimes excitement caused palpitations so heavy that I have to pause and calm myself down somehow.

Why I couldn't control (still can't really) the volume of my voice; why I can't feel the space around me and where I'm in it; why I talk about certain topics so much and to such an extent that it's exhausting and creepy to others, but it feels physically painful not to, and also because small talk - or talking about something I'm not interested in- feels so exasperating. Why simply kicking a rock, for example, made me feel genuine remorse for the inanimate object, feeling like I just kicked a dog; why when my routine is broken or something unplanned/unprepared happens, I'm panicking, shaking and paralised at the same time. Why since early childhood, I had this haunting feeling of being observed and perceived, which caused anxiety. Why I had to drop out of college and I've never been able to keep a job, because it all feels like it's eating me from the inside.

Why I feel like, as someone online put it, "a fish out of water and forced to act like a mammal"- why I take stuff literally every time; why I have to follow rules that are illogical and have no grounds in reality; why people are offended when, in my eyes, I state a fact; why I had to practice my expressions in the mirror, because I still don't know what to do so I don't hear "oh, you don't like it?" and "damn, you're that mad at me for it?" during Holidays and my Birthday. Why during a confrontation/stressful situation, my voice no longer works and I have to physically force myself- and that eats me alive (and still doesn't have to work), not to mention hitting and biting myself when it's too much.

And so many more.

So many why's, and maybe that's the answer. My whole life did feel like fitting to others was like putting a mask I hated. It's still hard to act/be the way I trully am. I want to have friends too. I just want to be accepted. And I do question myself constantly...

But I also live in a place where diagnosing is expensive, not to mention doctors in my country still have a lot to catch up on- because that one time I tried, I got suggested BPD (I don't even fit the criteria), because diagnosing AFAB people sucks.

I'm just trying to figure it out, and deep down I wish it's not the case due to the treatment of others I see irl and online. I just want to be happy while also understanding myself and my needs.

But deep down, I know, I think. It's hard not to doubt yourself when so many people made you feel like crap and now it feels like you've been performing for them your entire life- and it's very difficult to stop, because I still remember how the kid me was treated for being me.

I am just simply trying to find the answers for all the why's in my life.

#autism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autistic #autistic adult #self diagnosis #vent #tw vent #personal #this may be edited a couple of times #also thank you to anyone reading :')

[adultswim2021]

Squidbillies #50: "Not Without My Cash Cow!" | July 20, 2009 - 12:15AM | S04E10

Sometimes I think maybe I’m too hard on Squidbillies. When I point out that the show rarely makes me laugh it’s a true statement, but I don’t know if that makes me an effective arbiter of the show’s quality. I probably didn’t laugh out loud too much at the last Aqua Teen season, but I probably made less of a point to tell you this because I’m fonder of that show and those characters. If I’m being honest, the quality of these two shows this television season was probably fairly negligible. I would even go as far as to say that this was the best season of Squidbillies that I’ve seen, and I’m more fond of the show than I was last go round. 

In the conclusion of this two-parter: Durwood has taken Rusty from Early’s home. Early has seller's remorse, and is also promptly caught in a lie trying to disguise Lil as Rusty in order to keep his government child support checks from drying up. So, Early feigns that Rusty has been suspiciously kidnapped, causing Amber Alerts in the area. A media circus ensues which Early milks for all it’s worth.

Meanwhile, Durwood’s family home life isn’t all it’s cut out to be. His wife is addicted to wine and muscle relaxers. Durwood is revealed to be jobless, and we cut to him at a gay bar while pretending to go to work. His wife shares this fact with Rusty, also telling him that Durwood doesn’t know that she knows. It doesn’t stop with this overshare; she seduces Rusty, who gleefully fucks her. When Durwood comes home, she claims Rusty raped her. That’s when they simply stuff him into a sack and throw him back into Early’s yard.

I’ve been trained to be lightly wary of these types of take-downs of suburban/middle-class America, and this one doesn’t exactly reinvent the wheel. But it works well enough to pass the time for an eleven minute Adult Swim cartoon. It’s sorta fun to have one of your guys be a squid that’s walking upright in shoes, you know?? That dude straight-up unfurls and I gotta tell you, I was glad to see it. Not saying I loved this episode too much, but I liked it. Squidbillies: reasonably funny.

EPHEMERA CORNER: 

San Diego Comic-Con (July 23-25, 2009) 

Here’s the post where I basically just list all the Adult Swim related-stuff that happened at or around comic-con in 2009. I recall going to this comic-con, but I don’t think I have a good enough of a memory to definitively say what I did and where. If I remember anything, I’ll write a thing. Also, I’ll link to videos if there are any. Also, this is apropos somewhat; I realized that I’m pretty sure I’ve failed to highlight other panels at different comic-cons, but the idea of cataloging all of them to any extent just seems exhausting. Collectors of Adult Swim ephemera should do due diligence and find all the other con shit themselves. I mostly just highlight San Diego because I’ve actually gone to that one myself a few times. Thanks. 

SDCC Panel: Robot Chicken w/ Titan Maximum (July 23, 2009 - 3:00PM) SDCC Panel: The Mighty Boosh (July 24, 2009 - 4:45PM)

I can’t imagine going to the Robot Chicken panel. I don’t think I went to the Mighty Boosh panel.

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Performance (July 24, 2009 - 7:00PM)

I think I went to the Tim & Eric show with Kon, who is famous for being my friend and sometimes writing into the blog. I recall having gone to a Tim & Eric show at an all-ages venue in San Francisco maybe a few months before this. The kids were actually pretty great, but the 21+ crowd were dickheads, who vaguely treated everyone and everything like it was just a big freak show. I remember watching some girl dance during all the songs and stealing focus. I despised her.

Mighty Boosh Bash (July 24, 2009 - 11:00PM)

I remember going to this, it was basically a short stage show with the Boosh Boys and it ended with a DJ set. I mingled for like 15 minutes and then left.

Tim and Eric Awesome-Con 2009 (July 25, 2009 - 12:00PM)

This happens in a park outside the convention center. I don’t remember what happened at which Awesome-Con. Could this be the Awesome-Con where I asked to take a picture with James Quall and he just made a noise that sounded like a big sigh and I took it as a yes while he stared off into the distance. It was a dark moment, man. 

SDCC Panel: Series Development and the Venture Bros. (July 25, 2009 - 6:00PM)

I think I sat through this, and I think this might’ve been the panel where I sat next to a really beautiful girl who was dressed like Lady Au Pair. Maybe. I don’t know, I probably said that about the last Venture Bros. panel. I might be hazy on the details, but I basically remember every hot girl who ever touched or almost touched me. 

Robot Chicken Fan Event (July 25, 2009 - 8:00PM)

In your dreams, dickbag

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #squidbillies

[wawamouse]

Oz Rewatch 3: S1E06: To Your Health

Sister and I started the night by watching the first few minutes of Episode 7 before we realised that we were watching the wrong episode. A bit of a disappointment, to be honest—I had told her before we started watching that "a lot of stuff is gonna happen this episode"... but we'll have to wait till next week to see her reaction on all that.

The actual episode we were scheduled to watch, "To Your Health", centers around themes of the physical and mental well-being of prisoners at Oz. One of the concepts brought up is the notion of the aging inmates in prison, including Rebadow, who starts the episode getting jumped by some younger prisoners for a box of brownies. At a staff meeting, the staff discusses a seniors-only unit:

Sister: Wow, they're actually making sense for once! It's not happening.

Keeping in with the theme of senior-inmate health, Ricardo Alvarez's Alzheimer's plotline also emerges in this episode. I had a moment where the hacks were calling out for "Alvarez" in Solitary where I thought to myself "Huh, I totally forgot that Miguel was already in Solitary during season 1". Ope.

But I have to say, the actor who played Ricardo (Tomas Milian) did a really good job portraying the enfedbled version of the character. My yeye (maternal grandfather) had Parkinson's and a bit of dementia later on and Milian's performance always feels so heartwrenching because of how familiar it is. Sister also later said that Ricardo's storyline in this episode was her favorite because she found it most compelling.

In a later scene, Rebadow and Groves are talking in the bed over from the Alvarezes. I noticed Gloria and McManus are also in the background, but they didn't end up having a scene in the hospital during this episode. I assume an exchange of some sort was filmed and then cut, though I haven't seen any season 1 deleted scenes that show what they talked about.

Sister: The only thing that will stop him from escaping at this point would be if people were doing it on the stairs. There is no security in this place... (Rebadow tumbles down the stairs) Oh no, that's realistic, too...

Later in the episode, we see Beecher being forced to do drag and sing at the variety show. I know this is TV, but once again, Sister Pete's random psychology got a lot of snark from me and Sister; "I don't know," Sister said. "I feel like if I was in prison and someone was like 'I know what will make them behave! I'll remind them what a piece of shit they are!' ... That wouldn't work on me. I think I would get worse."

Just like in Episode 3, thought, Sister Pete putting wild faith in Beecher's ability to come to the conclusions she wants him to pays off. By some miracle, getting reminded that he's a convicted child killer (vehicular manslaughterererer) actually brings him to his senses.

Sister: But if he decides not to let him treat him like dirt anymore, wouldn't that mean he doesn't think he deserves to be punished anymore because he did nothing wrong? And wouldn't that be NOT what the prison people want?

The way our brains are just naturally unsuited for Sister Pete's style of therapy in this show is truly amazing...

The midpoint of this episode sees Beecher somehow shatter the single panel of glass in the entire unit—yes, that is my headcanon. That the panel he broke was the only glass panel because they ran out of the plexiglass or whatever the used for the rest of the place... Note that Jackson Vahue chucked a bucket at a different window later in the episode to absolutely no effect. LOL. But Beecher going off on PCP is a good scene, anyway.

Later, Sister Pete continues her psych evals by doing Ryan's. I have to say that while I liked the scene, it did read as the somewhat pointless sort that probably would've ended up getting cut for anyone else in later seasons. It's an interesting scene that sort of fleshes out O'Reily in terms of the stray tidbit about him wanting to travel when he gets out, but what do we really learn? That he's a liar, that he'll try to manipulate if he can, and that at this point in time, he wants nothing more than to do what he can to survive and get out of Oz? Oookay, but this is nothing new.

So, the inclusion of this scene feels/has always felt a little random to me in this episode. Maybe they needed to pad out the O'Reily-Adebisi-Schibetta scenes. The end part of the episode saw the arrival of Jackson Vahue and Huseni Mershah. Neither Sister nor I had much to say about those parts. There was a lot of reading Rick Fox's wikipedia page, haha.

I really loved Hill's ending monologue, though. I feel like the theme of this episode was really strong throughout and it all tied in together very nicely.

All those little aches and pains, eventually they add up to something. Body, mind, body mind, they gotta work together or they don't work at all. You gotta take care of your body. You gotta take care of your mind. You gotta love your body. Most people don't. Most people hate their bodies. You gotta get your mind to love your body. Even if you're fat around the middle, or even if things don't work like they're supposed to, you gotta love your body. 'Cause it's all you got to hold on to. It's all you got. I'll make a deal with you. I'll love your body if you love mine.

Stray Thoughts:

Tim starts the season wearing a bowtie and suit and looking like a dweeb and then spends pretty much the rest of the season and the rest of the show dressed as a deadbeat dad. I kind of wish we'd gotten more of dweeby McManus. I feel like he lost the twinkle in his eye so fast, lol. Another thing is: in this episode, Tim tells Glynn something to the effect of "You know, this is the first time you've ever called me Tim". Later in the show, I could swear that Tim mentions that he and Glynn have known each other for over a decade. I feel like the show flipflops between the idea that McManus is new at Oz and the idea that he's been working there for years already as just a regular unit manager (without having been a hack first, somehow).

Sister said her takeaway is "take your blood pressure medication"

Sister still can't remember the names of the characters. I have tried to remind her a couple times. This episode, Said obtained the nickname "Doctor.... Reginald.... Saunders" because she finds the cadence of his speech to be very dramatic.

I love how passive-aggressively Arif reads aloud during meal time

WHY is Schillinger spending so much effort on smuggling in hair dye for Beecher? First the silver then the black. Surely there are better things to smuggle in. No? Maybe the barbershop has hair dye?

#oz hbo #oz rewatch #text

[sam-the-friendly-ghost]

Sam's chats with the void: The "stupid" character

I always find myself disliking a show when it has "the stupid one" trope in it. Take 2012 and Mikey for example. Yes he's funny but he's the joke. The show treats him as stupid to the point where he doesn't get any other character trait. Does he care about anything? No. Because he's just stupid.

I think this trope personally hurts me because I am neurodivergent, and most traits that make a character "the stupid one" are neurodivergent ones. Seeing someone who just needs help with their disability get abandoned by the show because they're only there to be stupid really messes with my feelings. I've had plenty of people call me stupid for things I am still learning to manage despite the signs that I'm definitely not stupid.

Whenever I see this trope show up I give them a personality and feelings in my head. I usually let them be smart, but unable to show it for one reason or another (usually because the other characters are blind to it). This does show that a stupid character isn't necessarily bad, there just has to be a reason for them to be seen that way.

Keyword. Seen, not be. They can't be stupid, just seen as such.

Naruto is a great example of how this trope can work.

Naruto is a goofball who causes trouble. He doesn't pay attention in class, and needs to be told all kinds of common knowledge. He also cannot perform the clone jitsu to become genin. At first glance he's just a stupid character, until Iruka explains his past.

Iruka was exactly like Naruto as a child, but he also knows why. He was lonely and wanted to make friends. He wanted the family he didn't have so he did the only thing he could think to do as a child. His story mirrors and therefore explains Naruto's.

By the time we get the explanation though, we already know Naruto isn't stupid though. He can perform a harder ninjistu called the shadow clone jitsu easily. Later we learn he had a disadvantage because he was welding an overwhelming amount of chakra, and since making shadowclone take so much chakra it was far easier for him to perform. Naruto isn't stupid, he just needed to try something else. He also gets better over time, and learns how to use his strengths and compensate for his weaknesses. He might never perform the clone jitsu, and in that way he could still be called stupid, but he IS so much more than his ability to perform that jitsu. Rock lee can't perform ninjistu or genjitsu but he is amazing at taijitsu and becomes one of the best ninja ever. Almost every single character has a major weakness that could hold them back, and does until they get creative and find their own solution.

This brings me back to Mikey. How can he be more than the stupid one. He is shown to have great intuition and empathy, use it. Maybe he keeps pulling enemies over to the side of good. He is fast and an natural at a lot of stuff including smoke bombs. Make him a scout that keeps sneaking around Shredders bedroom or something. He's creative beyond compare. Let him help his brothers problem solve when they get stuck, even throwing out the wackiest ideas until something sticks. All of these ideas could be funny in their own right, and show Mikey as having strengths. When he struggles with impulse have him slowly learn to manage that. He can want to press a button, but ask Donnie what it does first, or even say "don't let me near that or I will push the buttons."

And the last rule is DO NOT MAKE THE CHARACTERS FEELINGS A JOKE! If you ever see a character say anything that feels like it should be ge focus of at least an episode and instead they get made a joke and that ideas ignored, congrats, you found the stupid one, and the worst part of the trope.

"stupid" characters often say once or twice "it feels like you guys don't like me," or something similar. Unlike characters the show actually cares about though, "stupid" characters will run into something, trip, or anything that makes the line "funny".

"Stop calling me clumsy!" Character cries before tripping down a flight of stairs.

"I'm not stupid!" Character yells. "Your even as dumb as a- a.. uhm. A super computer!"

"It's time for you to see that I'm capable!" They yell as they head out to complete a task. Cut to them pleading for help, or needing a rescue.

Anyways that's my rant about this trope. Please stop using it badly, nobody likes it. At best somebody dislikes the character. Most of the time you hurt the people who relate to them.

Bye!

#sam the friendly ghost #sam's chats with the void #tropes #character tropes #naruto #2012 mikey

[mikuni14]

Step by Step Ep 10

If you're a Step by Step fan, If you still love the series, don't read any further ✨ I may have misunderstood something from this episode, because I skipped big chunks of it, so I admit it right away. Feel free to correct me.

I have no idea what's going on with Step by Step recently. I'm literally having a hard time watching this.

Episode 10 got off to a good start with a weak, but still, calling out Pat’s bullshit. Chot is the one person I can always count on (get your shit together Jeng and make him a boss) 💖

Then BAM! and there’s the worst, least romantic confession scene I've ever seen on any BL show. And I've seen almost all of them. Wtf was that. What’s with the crying?? Throughout the scene I kept asking myself, Jeng, are you sure about this? You want that? But are you really, REALLY, sure about that??? Chop chop, ugly crying but with no tears done, and BAM! Jeng turns on his sex drive at full speed, goes full sex god mode... and I’m so embarassed that I have to take my little mobile with a little internet in it to scroll through silly videos, letting the show play in the background because...

Okay, hear me out. Personally, I love passionate kisses, sex scenes, high heat, I even enjoy problematic scenes as long as they are well acted and actors are “natural” (*cough*TharnType*cough*). I don't have much of a problem with drunk sex, dub con, whatever, as soon as I see the actors are comfortable with each other, I'll watch anything.

And I couldn't even watch the kissing in Step By Step because it was so fake to me!! Not because of the actors, I think they're doing fine from what I've seen. I mean those scenes had a vibe to me of "ok, whatever, it doesn't matter if the hot stuff fit the plot, the atmosphere of the scenes, we starved the viewers for 9 episodes, giving them NOTHING, so now it’s the bang time". I don't know why, but I felt weirdly embarrassed by all this, as if I was treated as an idiot. I mean there was nothing between them and suddenly Jeng turns on the turbo boost, puts on his sexy face and plays his sexy voice and I’m like what? how? The couple, that for 9 episodes had zero sexual tension, literally one staring scene (in ikea lol), suddenly, after the most pathetic love confession ever, immediately goes into full action and honeymoon phase. For me, it wasn't love making, love kisses, love touching. It was a pure FAN SERVICE, it was A PERFORMANCE. With an emphasis on how hot Jeng is and yep, he is hot. But that hotness, his perfect body, it was all done for the viewers, like a half naked superhero in the Marvel movies. And I didn't want to be any part of it.

Tutor and Fighter had a tension that could be cut with a knife, even when Fighter was dating a girl. When they finally started banging, viewers knew where their crazy passion came from, because it was built up throughout the series. It was SUPER SATISFYING, like getting a reward. An that’s the problem with SBS, it’s not satysfying!

I spent the rest of the episode roleplaying an engineer who had warned from the start that something wasn't working and now is tiredly watching the disaster unfold before his eyes. Literally two days ago I wrote that rules are for something, that they protect employees. I know it sounds like a nagging of a boring boomer, but it's true, a lot of “not fun” rules protect employees, especially those at the lowest level. Pat found it out the hard way. Rumors are terrible, but they happen and you can’t stop them. In fact, people saying to Pat, that he shouldn't worry mean well, but they’re wrong, because all they have to do is ask themselves: if Pat fails at work, make a mistake, screw up, will he be treated like any other employee, or Jeng will cover for him? And we can already see how defensive Jeng is when it comes to Pat, how he elevates him! And I assure you that all employees asks themselves this question!

Also, in this episode, Jeng proposes Pat as a project manager and decides he will be his successor. Pat, as far as I understand, is the youngest employee, recently hired. Didn't Jeng REALLY think about how it would look to other employees? No matter how much someone likes Pat, their first thought will be: why him? guess he earned it in bed 🤷‍♀️ And how is Chot supposed to feel when the boy he has to constantly train and tell him what to do is jumping over him on the corporate ladder? Is it fair to him?

And the worst part is that neither Jeng nor Pat try to deal with it. There are emotional outbursts again, mood swings, ignoring problems - also from Jeng's side when Pat actually wants to talk about it for once!!! But what do you expect when instead of building a relationship, we had nothing for 9 episodes and then fan service!! The funny thing is that I kind of understand why Jeng didn't want to talk and wanted to make love. He's waited so long, at some point he gave up, and now he's finally happy and all he wants to do is stay happy, and Pat's words painfully try to bring him back from the ninth cloud. I understand him as a man in love. But not as an adult man and not as a boss. 

The painful truth is this: Jeng and Pat actually have NO relationship. NONE. For 8 episodes there was a one sided pinning, using tricks to spend time together, then a big fight, then a quick reconciliation and even quicker dive into the honeymoon phase... but other than that this relationship has no substance, no foundation!! Like, why did Jeng always have to somehow trick Pat into spending time together, and why had he never just invited Pat to, for example, help homeless people? Why is this scene NOW when I think it would have been much better before??

The series for 9 episodes shows Jeng becoming more and more infatuated with Pat. Once he gets him, it's like the whole emotional part of his falling in love disappears, leaving only the physical part. Pat lives his own life for 9 episodes, dates other men, even has a short relationship, treats Jeng as a boss and nothing more, which he confirmed in the 9th episode. Then he suddenly admits that he actually does like him after all (without any plot/story/narrative leading to this confession), then, like Jeng, focuses most on the physical aspect of their relationship. There's no “relationship” in this relationship. There’s a deep infatuation, but it feels empty. It’s good in the good times and it crumbles in the bad times.

Oh, and that AWFUL scene with the father. Not only do I hate those "just try to hurt my little girl" scenes, but Jeng didn't deserve the aggression, the shoulder slapping, the shoving. And Pat, instead of saying that Jeng did nothing wrong, smiles and treats it as a "loving family dynamic." Can we please stop treating hitting like a love / family language, ffs!!! (looking at you, mom from the Love Tractor)

The brightest, nicest moment, the highlight of this ep was, of course, Chot, who is the only one who approaches his problems with dignity and reason, is able to talk about them, trusts his partner and together they make a normal, adult relationship. I love him and wish him all the best. Chot my beloved 💖

#step by step #thai bl #bl drama

[reikeip]

Crossroad ♱ Crowd 7

Location: Underground Livehouse

Keito: Kiryuu. Come to the stage, please.

Kuro: All right. Geez, I got myself tangled up in some weird shit.

Rei: Ohh. You’re wearin’ the same outfit as us, Kiryuu-kun—gonna sing with us?

Kuro: If it’s not too much trouble. I made an extra outfit just in case, an’ it seems to have backfired on me.

It’d be a waste to not wear an outfit after goin’ through the trouble of makin’ it, though.

He asked me to appear on stage with ‘im as his groupmate, even if it was only temporarily.

In exchange, he’s gonna officially recognize my clothing mendin’ as an on-campus job.

Gonna call it an on campus part-time job, an’ write it into the school rules.

Might be ‘cause I had a bad temper back in middle school, but I feel like if a teacher sets their eyes on me, I’m done for.

So if they took issue with me earnin’ a little extra money, ‘cause it’s against the school rules, it’d be pretty bad for me.

But, from now on, Hasumi will… Or more like, the student council, will protect my status.

I’ll be treated like a well-behaved student, who didn’t break any school rules.

So, that’s why I’m lendin’ my strength. Our goals have become the same.

If Hasumi—the student council—grow in power, I’ll benefit. If it goes under, I lose the shield protectin’ my back.

Someone could point out I’m breakin’ the school rules, report me to the teachers, an’ then I’m kicked right outta the school.

It’s important for me to avoid that, ‘cause I decided I’m gonna be an idol.

This time, I want to be the one who heals and gives hope to others—not the one who hurts them.

Because I know one of the things that cheered up my lil’ sis back when she was depressed, was these idols.

It isn’t fittin’ for a rogue like me, but…

I really wanna be an Idol. I can’t half-ass it then drop out.

Rei: Hmmm~... Doin’ some pretty heartless stuff, huh, Bouzu? You took a scary demon nobody could tame, threatened him, and made him do your biddin’.

Kuro: I didn’t word that good. He was honest and up front, gave me a whole passionate speech an’ convinced me himself.

Hasumi’s ideas are pretty naive, but I don’t hate ‘em.

Kuro: At the very least, it’s thanks to him that I’m standin’ on stage now. In front of this huge audience, I can sing my heart out.

I’m real happy. This is the kinda thing I’ve been waitin’ for.

“♪~♪~♪”

Keito: …Fufu. It looks like I picked the right type of music, Kiryuu’s powerful voice works perfectly with rock. It’s got some tremendous soul—if you look away for just a second, it’d kill you.

Kuro: I ain’t killin’ anything, what do you think I am?

Well, anyway. That’s what’s up, so… If Sakuma tries anythin’ uncalled for, I’ll stop him.

In every sense, right now I’ll be actin’ as Hasumi’s ally.

Keito: Indeed. I won’t take any losses—I plan on asking you to do more work like this in the future, after all.

Kuro: Haha. Next time, don’t ask me so outta the blue.

To be honest, ‘cause I was makin’ those outfits I didn’t get enough lessons in… I’m gettin’ fed up with how much trouble I’m havin singin’.

Whatever, I’ll cover that up with brute force! Hey hey, Rock n’ roll…!

Rei: Hahah. I see, ya thought this out. Kiryuu-kun’s a proud fighter, he’s able to keep me under control by force.

No matter what I’m plannin’, worst case scenario he can come over an’ restrain me.

At the very least, showin’ me it’s possible should keep me in check.

But yanno what, Bouzu? It doesn’t matter how strong Kiryuu-kun is… This ain’t some action manga, there’s no way he could take on tens of people all at once~

Ya probably thought that so long as you could stop me you’d be fine. But, this world has a whole buncha people in it that aren’t me.

And history, it’s always built by that nameless crowd.

Keito: …? What do you mean?

Rei: Seein’ is believin’. I’ll show ya the horrors of reality.

“Hey hey! Attention please! I’ve an announcement to make~!”

Keito: ( ? What’s he trying to pull? Should I ask Kiryuu to get involved and stop Sakuma-san?)

(No, our performance isn’t over yet… I would rather avoid starting up some sort of fight scene before the vote is done.)

Rei: “Uhh, sorry. Looks like I got my cue all mixed up. Just now, I was singin’ along with these three all nicely, but~…”

“Well, ya see, I’m not really one of ‘em~ ♪”

Keito: Hey, what are you trying to say? That isn’t what you promised—you were supposed to be my partner this time!

Rei: “Yeah. Guess you’re right, so I’ll rephrase that. I was with these guys, but…”

“But, before the votin’ starts, I’m sayin’ I’m not one of them. I can’t put up with ‘em anymore, so I’m leavin’.”

…I did promise I’d be your partner, but ya didn’t say I had to be your groupmate forever~ I got the right to leave whenever I want. Ya got a problem with that?

Keito: Wh…? Don’t be so egotistical, I don’t accept this!

Rei: Even if ya don’t accept it, the rules don’t care~

The groups are made up of volunteers. There’s nothin’ saying ya gotta write their names down an’ give ‘em a stamp of approval, and that if ya don’t it won’t count.

Hell, if Kiryuu-kun can jump in halfway through, what’s the problem with me hoppin’ out?

You were too vague—that’s your slip up.

Keito: (Guh… But I haven’t known Kiryuu for very long, I really didn’t know he’d join us until today.)

(No, I couldn’t put that much trust in Kiryuu.)

(In the case of an emergency, I set things up so Kiryuu could join at any time, but…)

(But Sakuma-san took advantage of that same vagueness in the rules, and used it to free himself.)

Rei: “An’ so the schemer drowns in his own scheme. Anyway, I’m outta there.”

“After that, I’m gonna form a brand new group on the spot.”

“Anyone who wants to join, come along up to the stage. I’ll take ya in as one of my own, so lets have fun singin’ together.”

← previous | all | next →

#reikeiptls #rei sakuma #kuro kiryu #keito hasumi

[short-horse]

I watched Wolf(2021) and it was FUCKING BORING! Like holy shit it took me three different sittings to get through and the last I though I had more than 2 minutes left but the remainder of the timer on the progress bar is all credits. The main character, Jacob, is a wolf who constantly has no shirt on like did they write this during the Twilight craze and it only got green-lit years later? Spoilers below, this movie has an R rating so read at your own risk it has lots of triggering stuff in it like abuse, there's nudity, ect...

It just… ends. There's like no real conclusion either satisfying, bittersweet, or downer ending. :[ Jacob just… escapes with the help of the cat girl. And the evil institution where all the animal kids are being held is just left there? Like the production ran out of money and they had to literally stop filming right at the big escape scene. The abusive guy who runs the place never even gets into a fight with our main wolf character even though he's supposed to be "vicious" at this point in the film. Jacob pounced on and growled at a staff member once. Which ALSO is a stupid as fuck scene. Jacob didn't even bite him, slap him, claw at him, or anything. Just growled. And he did this because the youngest of the animal kids, a little duck boy who was like?? maybe 10, was being pushed around by said staff member. Either decide if our "hero" is going to "attack" staff and defend a kid or if he want's to eat the other animal people. Because both happened in that scene. Jacob attacks the staff member and THEN stares at the duck kid like he's lunch? Pick a tone. On the subject of tone this whole film reeks "I wanted to write a kinky film but I only heard of petplay once online and never researched it." vibes. But they couldn't get their sexy film funded so they had to write a half-assed story so a studio would pick it up. -_- But lets talk about the side characters. The other animal kids are kinda great. Rufus was pretty good. Macaw girl whose name I don't remember? Her only shtick is mimicking what the staff members say to her but it's so bitchy and I like it. The "zookeeper" villain's actor does make you hate him with his performance so yay? Also, whoever is doing the whinnying for horse girl is pretty great at it. xD If it's the actress I hope they hired her because she can whinny as well as act. If Jacob was just supposed to be a reactive blank slate and we're supposed to learn about the others through him that would have been better but we don't spend a lot of time getting to know them. The sad thing is there are elements in this movie that seem okay and may have been great if someone took the time to expand on it. They were going somewhere with the secondary character, the cat girI's back story and then the film ends. We learn zip about her. It started off okay and then just had this downward spiral into MEH. I really didn't care about what happened to Jacob because he wasn't a character, he was barely a trope. DX And just exactly how old is the character supposed to be? They sorta treat him like he's a teen but his actor is really not convincing even as a someone in their early20's. *checks actor's age* and it's because he's thirty. My friend made a joke about the 30-year-old actors playing kids when I showed her the trailer but I didn't expect her to be right. There's also this scene early on in the film where Jacob sneaks out of his room at night and starts wandering around the place. He winds up in the kitchen with Cat Girl. At some point they have to hide because of the noise they are making and they choose to hunker down behind this stainless steel counter with part of the kitchen visible. Someone photoshop a Jurassic Park raptor in a screenshot because that's all I could think of. Overall if you've got time to kill I guess this movie would be fun to watch as something to make fun of in a group but watching it by myself was not something I want to do again.

[kitakashi]

yea turns out he was an arrancar so 😃 but then again something told me it wasn’t real.. his “performance” was off putting and I’m glad rukia didn’t let her guard down completely. she was half and half. I knew it was too good to be true. as for the spoiler it wasn’t something that I needed more investigation on bc if I keep watching I know it will get answered or mentioned… but the spoiler was a certain someone and his family are related to the shibas 🤯

NOOOO but hold up… I’m currently like on episode 164 and I wanna talk about it.. so by the looks of it ulquiora technically killed ichigo right? like he’s dead but if it wasn’t for grimmjow breaking orhime out to turn time back and revive him then it would have ended with our MC dead. that’s what I want your opinion on. that he died. that’s what it looked like to me. a certain show I’m watching has the same thing that the mc died but gets revived by a miracle.

as for the orhime ask i do hope this arc turns out the way I’m imagining it. if if doesn’t you’ll hear it from me again haha. also I was totally unaware of how the fandom treats her. she has a huge hate club and I was so surprised. they call her all kind of names and I was like wait hold up I’m bout to fight everyone on her behalf, orhime get behind me!! lol like the men mostly don’t like her and I’m like?? that’s a first bc y’all usually ogle over the women’s figure and stuff, but it also made me realize that at the end of the day that’s all they see. a fucking object. they don’t respect the person. it’s like for them it’s “damn she’s fine af, but fuck her i can’t stand her ass. she’s so useless” and that gets me fucking mad. I’d like to punch them through the screen if I could 😒

Kaien being absorbed and technically still existing but not sentient… it awful but at the same time a good guy like him would waste away with guilt had he been aware of what the hollow was doing. It gave Rukia some closure tho.

I mean 🤷‍♀️ Ichigo technically dies a lot? The hollow protects his mind in a way while Hime heals his body. If he wasn’t the main character I’d be concerned.

Shōnen anime doesn’t typically have a lot of strong female characters. Hime isnt alone. Sakura from Naruto. Lucy from Fairy Tail. Noelle from Black Clover. Nobara from Jujutsu Kaisen. Anzu/Tea from Yugioh. The list goes on and on. The leading female partner always receives hate. The funny part is, if you read interviews with the authors they say the FMC they created is their dream girl. I think a lot of people are unintentionally misogynistic. And others are simply jealous.

Another reason I don’t participate in fandom discussions. Too much hate. Don’t like a character? Scream to your bff if you have to and then just leave it alone.

Also, the anime typically cuts a lot especially in older animes and where do they cut it? First from the FMC. So people who only watch the anime are missing so much of the story. Maybe not plot wise but the actual depth of the characters. I’m stopping myself from ranting about how the Naruto anime ruined Sakura. And Yugioh anime making Anzu so useless. 😤

#Val talks about Bleach #precious mutuals 💍

[jwkr]

A Tale Of Two Women And How They Are Perceived

Jack Baruth by Jack Aug 23

One of the recurring themes of the stuff I write here and elsewhere is the relationship between signified and signifier. The true nature of something and the outward appearances, the appurtenances, the accessories. If I could simply obtain the gift of always seeing the former and never the latter, I would be wealthy, successful, loved beyond my limits of my imagination. It’s unlikely to happen. I’ll continue to sit in Plato’s Cave, facing the wall, just like the rest of us.

At least I have company, as this following anecdote will demonstrate.

Two women, each alike in dignity. Except they aren’t. Woman A, we’ll call her “Jane”, is successful, career-oriented. She’s attractive in a quiet Midwestern way and wears a lot of vintage clothing that verges on costume. She attends church regularly, believes in God.

Woman B, we’ll call her “Ashley”, is a professional stage performer. Drop-dead gorgeous. This close to being an alcoholic. She’s out every night showing off her body and her big eyes. Swears a lot. Isn’t afraid of much.

These are appearances. And they are mostly correct. Jane won’t sleep with anyone. She’s about the most moral woman I know. She takes relationships extremely seriously and is extremely agitated by them once she’s in them. Ashley will sleep with about anyone who catches her eye, on the first night, totally DTF, makes no bones about it. She will openly discuss sex in mixed company and speak at length about her preferences in male genitalia.

So far, so good. I’ve known them both for a few years. Just what you’d expect.

So here’s the odd thing. One of them is continually sought-after by wealthy, love-sick men who want to marry her, take her to the suburbs, and have kids with her. These men will promise and pledge anything. The other one is continually solicited by “friends” for random sex and treated about like you’d treat a fuck-buddy by every man within tapping distance.

No prizes for guessing that Ashley, the woman who’s ridden a hundred ponies, is the one who is continually receiving marriage proposals, and that Jane is the one who has men in her church congregation say dirty things to her after the service. This wouldn’t be worth a blog post if that weren’t the case. The woman who would be delighted to settle down with a devoted millionaire finds herself getting emails that resolve down to “stop by my house next time you’re in town and I’ll rawdog you on the couch, on which you can then sleep because I need my beauty rest alone in my queen bed.” The one who likes sport-fucking the way I like listening to Led Zeppelin III has her one-nighters come back from the bathroom with an engagement ring in hand.

As a result, neither one is happy. Jane keeps getting her heart broken and Ashley finds herself struggling to keep her multiple sex partners from discovering each other, as if she were a man or something.

I want to believe that there is a way for both of them to solve their perception problems, but I wonder about that. Jane is never going to adopt the “bitch shield” that would prevent her from receiving those odd advances from dudes. If she’d banged a dozen guys in her teens, she’d have it by now. Like the SCCA rulebook, the bitch shield is written in blood. Ashley is never going to have a man just walk away from her because each one of them is convinced it will be different for him. Each one of them sees her smiling at him at a party and thinks, “Although I just heard her discuss how she recently had a Ukrainian bartender ejaculate on her belly button, I know that what she secretly wants is to be my scrubby-clean wife from now until we die together on Golden Pond.” Both of these women pay the price because men can’t bring themselves to see a truth that is plain to anyone who looks.

All of this just confirms what I’ve come to realize is my life mission: to understand reality as well as I can. To free myself from all my illusions, from the cheering white lie (“Hey, I’m pretty good at playing jazz chords”) to the massive misunderstanding of how life works (“I know that I can change the way the PR machine works in the auto-journo business by just speaking up about it”). To live in reality, at all times. It’s not fun and it’s sobering and there’s nowhere to turn when you feel sad, but it is firm, you can stand on it. Once you get used to living in reality, you can change what’s broken. Until then, you’ll suffer, just like my friends, and just like every man who stands in front of them.

[desperatelyeducatedwhitetrash]

TW: rant, suicidal ideation, loneliness, depression, SA, murder, death, unemployment

I’ve been filled with so much anger and resentment lately, directed towards everyone, particularly mom and D and my family in general. I feel acutely unwanted, like I’m the thing that’s out of sight and out of mind. The people who have promised repeatedly to take care of me are not doing so, they’re just living their lives as though I am no longer in them even though I am struggling. Have been struggling, ceaselessly. The pressure of this has brought on suicidal ideation again. People are ignoring me like I don’t exist, like my problems aren’t partially of their making, so I might as well not exist. I’ve been dreaming of being murdered, of groups of men breaking into my house and raping and torturing me, killing me and all of my animals, destroying my house. Hungry wild animals breaking through the doors and windows to eat me alive. It’s truly horrific and terrifying, I’ve even woken myself from a dead sleep into a cold sweat, my heart racing after watching myself die in my dreams. Sometimes those dreams creep into my lucid state and I think to myself, would these people who claim to be my family even notice? Would they care? Or would the entire experience of this happening to me and then having to dispose of mine and my animals’ corpses be just another inconvenience and not a heartbreaking loss? I don’t think anyone actually loves me. And while I know that part of the cause of these emotions is due to pms and the stress and depression and anxiety, they do have roots in how people treat me. Or, rather, how people don’t treat me. I want to move away, to another home in another state. Somewhere where I have no “family” or “friends’” where no one even knows me, or has ever known me. If I really am going to live my life alone, I would rather struggle while actually being alone instead of struggling while being surrounded by people who “love me” and “care about me” and “want me to be happy and successful.” Because none of these people actually feel or want these things, or they would show me through their actions that that is how they feel. But they don’t. The actions that they perform toward me feel like an inconvenient obligation, an expensive burden that they never asked for or wanted, something to complain about and ignore until they absolutely have to do something about it. I’m going to be 31 years old this year, and I’ve once again fallen on hard times. But the people who are supposed to be my support system, my community, are not taking care of me. I hate to have to beg my parents and my sister, my aunts and uncles and cousins, my boyfriend, to love me. No one loves me. I feel a deep stabbing ache in my heart and a sickness in the pit of my stomach every day. I’m not hungry but I’ve been binge eating to keep away the dread. I need to stop because I’m going to run out of food again soon; $100 of food does not last as long as it used to. I’m glad I bought stuff to make bread because at least I can make beans and rice and bone broth and bread. I am so dreadfully unhappy, and no one around me notices or cares. And if they do see it, they tell me to “lighten up,” or “get happy it’s not no so bad we’ll figure it out.” The only one even trying to figure it out is me, and I’m drowning.

#tw sui ideation #tw grape #personal rant #journal #starvation #loneliness #tw depressing stuff #unemployment

[tobesoalive]

rises the moon (Josh Kiszka x Reader)

here’s a fluffy smut pice for y'all about the hottest man alive, Josh Kiszka! Let me know if you like it and want to see more of this stuff, I had a lot of fun writing it! Anyways....enjoy!

WARNINGS: smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, the usual 

“C’mon babe! Let's celebrate a little!” you nagged your sweaty, grinning boyfriend. Josh Kiszka was the love of your life, and had been since you met three years ago. It was a warm August night and he had just gotten done performing his first show in months.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to let loose a bit” he replied with a grin. “I’m kinda tired though so do you mind if it’s just the two of us?”

“I guess I could tolerate that” you tease.

After about another hour of hearing people congratulate the boys and helping pack up it was time to go. You were able to make it to the car without being swarmed by fans, but still stopping for a few photos. You offered to drive so that Josh could sleep for a little bit. Finally you pulled up to the little bungalow you and Josh had started living in a few months ago. It only made sense for the two of you to live together since you were practically inseparable.

Entering through the garage you kicked off your shoes as Josh questioned what you had in mind.

“Well I was thinking we could put on a record and maybe cook some food? Maybe even enjoy a glass of wine if you’re feeling wild”

“You know me baby, I’m always wild!” he responds, doing a weird voice that you rolled your eyes at, but deep down you loved it.

“I think the term feral suits you better” you quip, pulling him in for an embrace.

He rests his head on your shoulder, nuzzling his face into your neck, breathing deeply. You know how stressed and anxious he has been these past few weeks leading up to the show, and it made you so happy to see him finally relaxing. Silently your bodies part ways and he makes his way over to your extensive vinyl collection in the living room. He’s flipping through records when you run up to your bedroom and come back down the stairs, hands hiding behind your back.

“Hey Frodo, I have a little surprise for you”

“Oh boy what could it be, a sacred ring or some shit?” he says without looking up, putting a Fleet Foxes record on the turntable.

“Sorry for calling you a hobbit, I just wanted to make sure I got your attention.” you say as he finally makes his way over to you.

From behind your back you pull out a single joint and a lighter, one you had hand decorated with little stars and a moon. On it you had written in gold Sharpie “You are my sun”.

“Babe this is so amazing!” he says while taking the lighter in his hand and flipping it around. Josh was always keeping your sketches and random doodles that you thought nothing of, so you thought you’d put them on something he’d get use out of.

“I’m sorry I know it’s small, I just wanted to give you a little something to say congrats.”

“Are you kidding mama?! I love it, you didn’t have to do anything!” he assures you before pulling you in for a kiss.

“I will definitely be putting this to good use, but I think we should break it in now” he says before pulling you over to the couch and putting the joint between his lips.

He passes it to you and you inhale deeply, letting the sweet smoke fill your lungs. This was an activity you and Josh liked to partake in when you had a stressful day, or when you were going on an adventure, or anytime really. Not that either of you weren’t already very laid back and silly.

After a few minutes of the two of you passing the joint back and forth it was gone, and you ashed it out in the tray on the coffee table, setting the lighter to rest beside it.

“God that was a really great present actually, I just wish there was a way I could repay you” Josh says turning to face you.

“It’s a gift, you don’t need to repay me!” you tell him, starting to feel the effects of the weed.

“But you see I’m just a giving person, and what I’d like to give to you right now is a mind blowing orgasm” Josh says, and you can’t help but burst out laughing. You cover your face with your hands before facing him and saying “Kiszka you are such a dork, you’re lucky I find you so attractive!”

Both of you are grinning as your lips collide and after a minute of making out you pull back.

“After some deep consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that that is an offer i just can’t refuse”

“Oh my love you are in for a treat!” he tells you before pulling you onto his lap.

Your hips start to move against his involuntarily, and you can feel him growing harder beneath his shorts. You tug at the hem of his white shirt and he lifts his arms up so you can pull it off him. Once again you break the kiss to move down on to your knees, ready to tease him with your mouth.

“Oh no princess, none of that tonight. All I really want to do is taste you so you better get your ass on this couch” he says with a small laugh.

You giggle as you get back on the sofa, barely able to contain your excitement. He unbuttons your pants and awkwardly yanks them off, causing you both to laugh. Quickly, his face becomes more serious as he concentrates on running his fingers up and down on the inside of your thighs, lightly ghosting around where you need him most.

“Joshua please” you whimper as you throw your head back, becoming more and more frustrated by his teasing.

“Sorry baby, I was just admiring how wet you already are. Was it from me?”

“Mhmm” you moan in response, tilting your head back down to make eye contact with him.

“Well I suppose I could treat you, since you’ve been such a good girl” he smirks before pulling your panties to the side, running his middle finger up and down your slit.

His teeth bite at his bottom lip as he darts his eyes from your wet center and back up to your eyes. You’re unable to take your eyes off of him, the sight of him alone is enough to make you come.

Slowly, he pushes his middle finger in, down to the last knuckle, letting it sit there a moment before he starts to pump it in and out of you at a lazy pace. Your walls contract around him as your eyes start to tear up, desperate for more.

“Josh more please” you plead with him. Instantly he attaches his lips to your clit, the motion all too familiar to him, the hairs above his lip and on his chin adding extra sensation. He swirls his tongue around the sensitive bud as his finger speeds up it’s pace. You can feel the heat start to pool in your stomach as he continues his actions. He adds a second finger, taking a moment to pull his mouth away and use his free hand to pull your panties to the side more. He dives back in, more concentrated than ever, fingers curling up to hit the delicate spot inside of you. You can see him rutting against the couch and it’s enough to make you throw your head back and let out a loud and rather pornographic moan.

“I think I’m gonna-” you start to say as the fire in your belly builds.

“It’s okay baby, you can do it, cum for me” he says, flashing his gorgeous smile quickly before returning his lips to your clit, moaning around it, sending delicious vibrations through your body. Your fingers lace through his curls as his fingers pump at an insane speed, sending you over the edge.

Your body shakes as stars form behind your closed eyelids, every part of you basked in complete euphoria, oblivious to everything around you. After a minute you open your eyes as you whimper at the feeling of Josh dragging his fingers out of you, but the feeling of his breath still hot against your clit.

You look down to see Josh with his eyes closed, partially hunched over as his hands rest on his knees, your juices gleaming on his tan skin.

“Wow, I owe you one, that was fucking amazing” you sigh.

“I’d love that, but I’m gonna have to take a rain check, seems my problem took care of itself” he says, cheeks turning red.

You look down to see a dark spot on his green shorts, realizing that he was experiencing just as much pleasure from pleasuring you.

“Joshua Michael Kiszka, that is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life!” you say before pulling him into a kiss, the taste of you lingering on his lips. The thought of him getting off from eating you out alone drove you wild, he really fucking loves you.

“God I’ve never been more tired and content in my life” he says as his arms find their way around you, head burying into your neck.

“Well my prince, why don't you go upstairs and get in bed while I get you a glass of water and a snack”

“Oh my god, how did I get this lucky?” he says

“I ask myself the same thing everyday” you say before giving him one last kiss.

“You are my moon”

“And you my sun”

And you meant every bit of it.

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