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moldisgoodforyou · 4 years

Text

give a little: chapter two (jj maybank x oc)

MASTERLIST

pairing: jj maybank x oc

synopsis: charlotte “charlie” walker is a rising senior at the university of south carolina, an exercise science major, a kappa, and is back in the outer banks for the summer. she’s stubborn as hell, isn’t rich enough to be a kook or poor enough to be a pogue, and is used to being in the background. she and jj both go to USC, her sorority and his frat (beta) running in the same social circles but the two rarely speak at school. things change when they run into each other at the boneyard in the summer.

warnings: drinking, swearing, mentions of sex, all characters are 21+

mainly filler!

wordcount: 2.6k

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JJ nodded. “Alright, good night Charlie. I’ll see you around.” He leaned in slightly, like he was about to kiss her, then changed his mind at the last second.

She realized her eyes had almost fluttered shut in anticipation, then shook her head, taking a large step away from him. “See you around, JJ,” she replied over her shoulder before going inside.

She shut the door behind her and leaned up against it, smiling to herself. Maybe JJ Maybank wasn’t all that bad.

JJ had walked all the way home that night with a dopey smile on his face. It took him 45 minutes to get back to his side of the island, but he decided it was worth it to get Charlie home safe. The next morning, he woke up early and was at the kitchen table of the Chateau, scrolling through his phone like a madman. John B ambled out from his bedroom, confused at why JJ was already up. “Dude, you just disappeared last night. Did you hook up with Charlotte?” He asked.

JJ shook his head, intent on whatever was on his phone screen. “No, of course not, and she prefers Charlie.”

“Okay…” John B took the seat across from him, intrigued by his friend’s strange demeanor. “What are you looking for?”

“Look, I didn’t get her number last night, and I found her Instagram but I don’t want to slide in her DMs and be all creepy. So I texted two girls in Kappa that would know her, but I kind of ghosted them after we hooked up so obviously no response there. I even thought about seeing if she’s on Facebook but no one is on Facebook anymore.”

John B just gaped at him in response.

“What?” JJ snapped, annoyed.

“I mean, it’s just...I’ve never seen you like this about a girl before,” John B laughed. “Did you even kiss her?”

JJ shook his head and ran his hand through his hair in distress. “Of course not, she was drunk.”

John B scoffed mockingly, shaking his head. “Like that’s ever stopped you before. Why are you so set on this girl?”

“Have you seen her? Plus, I want to prove I don’t have a reputation. We go to the same school, we might as well be friends,” JJ reasoned.

“Yeah. Okay. Friends is what you’re after,” John B replied, dubious, as Pope walked into the Chateau.

“Who wants to be friends?” He asked.

“JJ claims he just spent a good hour tracking down Charlotte on his phone just so they can be friends,” John B told Pope, shaking his head.

Pope had the same reaction as John B. “I haven’t heard that one before. Did you guys hook up?”

“Why does everyone assume that? And John B, I told you she goes by Charlie.” JJ replied, going back to his phone.

“Such a simp.” John B punched JJ’s arm lightly.

“You’re one to talk, have you seen yourself with Sarah?” JJ snapped, shoving John B back.

Pope laughed. “You’re both simps, but JJ, you know her family’s ice cream shop is right next to the Wreck, right? Why don’t you just go find her there?”

“Oh my god, Pope, that’s the best idea you’ve had in centuries! Let’s go.” JJ practically jumped out of his seat, before Pope clapped him on the shoulder to stop him.

“You think the shop is gonna be open at 9 am?”

JJ slumped back down in the chair with a groan.

_______________________________________________________________________

Later that next morning, Charlie woke to a couple texts from Grace after she had confirmed she got home safe.

Grace: so JJ Maybank took you all the way home and you didn’t even kiss

Grace: like, THE LIST JJ Maybank

Charlie laughed, reading the texts and shot off a quick reply.

Charlie: nothing happened, like I told you. he’s not into me like that at all

Grace: i just don’t want u to get hurt like u did with rafe

Charlie: that feels like so long ago, I’m not gonna let that happen again

Grace: i mean it was only 5 months ago, i’m looking out for u ok

Grace: and remember this is JJ we’re talking about here, of all people

Charlie: I know. talk to you later

After getting ready for the day and pulling on her uniform, Charlie sighed before looking over her slightly-hungover appearance in the mirror. “Another day, another dollar.” She yelled goodbye to her parents, slipping out the door before they could berate her again for not staying in to watch her brother - even though he was eleven and definitely old enough to be at home alone. Unluckily for Charlie, her little brother Jamie was also old enough to notice her sneaking out and waited up to tell their parents the second they came home from date night.

Charlie got in her car and inhaled deeply once she realized she could still smell JJ in the fabric of her front seat. After a moment, she caught herself. “Get a grip, Charlie,” she muttered to herself, then drove to work.

She prepared the shop and just as she was unlocking the front door to open it to the public, Kiara walked out from the Wreck.

“Hey, Charlie! I didn’t know you were back for the summer.” She greeted her warmly, waving to catch her attention.

They had been friends in high school, nothing close, but close enough for her to know that she wouldn’t be caught dead being called Charlotte. The two had drifted apart once they went to separate schools, Charlie at the University of South Carolina for exercise science and Kiara at the University of North Carolina Wilmington for marine biology, but they kept in touch through social media.

“Kiara, hey! Yeah, just working with the family business, you know how that goes. Um, sorry we didn’t really talk last night, JJ was -”

“JJ was being annoying, I know.” Kiara interrupted, laughing. “Trust me, you don’t need to explain about him. He got you home safe though?”

“Yeah, definitely. Just drove me home. It was nice.” Charlie smiled.

“Is the list you were talking about real?” Kiara asked. “I hope not, I mean I knew JJ was bad in high school and he doesn’t really date, but he doesn’t seem to really brag about girls when we hang out.”

Charlie gave a slight grimace, nodding. “It’s real. It started as a joke, honestly, but then it turned out to be pretty helpful to know who to avoid. But yeah, JJ’s not at the top just for kicks.”

“Oh my god, you’d think with all the lectures I gave him and Ted talks I sent him he would know better. I love the guy, but I know how he works.” Kiara shook her head and gave her an apologetic smile on his behalf.

Charlie shrugged. “I think he just flirts too much and doesn’t realize how quickly girls fall for it. I don’t know. Hey, I have to open, but I’ll see you around? We should catch up.”

Kiara smiled. “Definitely. I’ll text you. Bye, Charlie,” she nodded as she left.

Charlie returned to behind the counter, servicing a handful of families over the lunch rush until the customers died off around 2pm. The A/C hardly worked in the shop and all the spare fans were pointed toward the ice cream, refrigeration cranked up high, but Charlie was still a sweaty mess. After not having customers for a good half hour, she pulled off her apron and stood in the back, then peeled off her shirt for good measure, wearing her bikini top underneath. She sighed in relief as the cool air hit her skin, leaning against the wall. Her relief was short-lived and she jumped when she heard the bell of the door opening, peeking around the corner. “Fuck,” she muttered, grabbing her shirt again.

JJ, John B and Pope walked in and John B glanced around. “See, she’s not even here -”

Charlie quickly pulled her shirt back over her head as she walked out, JJ doing a double take at the sight of her dressing.

Pope elbowed John B to get him to shut up and smiled pleasantly at Charlie. “Hi Charlott - uh, Charlie, nice to see you again! I didn’t know you worked here.”

She smiled at his fumbling of her name. “Hi Pope. Yeah, um, Walker Ice Creams, my family runs the business. I’m just working here while I’m home for the summer.”

“Very cool.” Pope nodded, then stepped on JJ’s foot out of view.

JJ yelped before Pope shot a glare at him. “Hi Charlie!” JJ greeted, a little too brightly.

She quirked an eyebrow at his demeanor. “You okay?”

“Yeah, are you okay?” He replied, trying to flirt and failing miserably.

John B gave JJ a look and mouthed “what the fuck are you doing” to him before turning to Charlie. “Excuse this dumbass. Can I have a cone of mint chocolate chip please?”

“And I’ll take a cup of the cookies and cream,” Pope chimed in, trying to cover for JJ’s weirdness. JJ scanned over all the flavors, watching as Charlie scooped for the two of them.

“Do you want anything, Maybank?” She questioned, and it was like a light had flickered on in his brain at the sound of the nickname.

“What’s your favorite flavor?” He asked.

“The chocolate fudge brownie. I have a big sweet tooth though, so it might be too much,” she shrugged.

“I’ll take a cone of that, please. I love chocolate. And, uh…” he paused, before feeling his wallet in his back pocket. “I’ll pay for all of us.”

John B and Pope whipped their heads over in surprise. “It’s okay, JJ, we can pay for our own -” Pope offered before JJ cut him off.

“Nope, I got it! My treat. You’re welcome,” JJ responded, talking through gritted teeth with the last words.

Charlie rang them up after handing out their ice creams. “Thanks again for taking me home last night. I obviously hadn’t planned on being too drunk to drive, so...”

JJ waved his hand in dismissal. “It’s no problem, I just wanted to be sure you were home safe. Are you coming to the next Boneyard party?”

“You guys already have another one planned? When is it?” Charlie asked and JJ panicked, looking over at John B and Pope for assistance.

“Uh, this Friday?” John B said questioningly.

“Yeah, exactly, this Friday. You should come.” JJ grinned.

“Yeah, maybe.” She responded, seeming uninterested.

JJ frowned a little at her lack of enthusiasm. “Right, well, I’ll see you around then.”

The three of them walked out and immediately started arguing out of Charlie’s earshot once they got outside. Charlie didn’t notice, cleaning up, til Pope came back in a moment later with a crumpled up napkin in his fist. “I think you dropped this,” he said as he set it on the counter then walked back out. Charlie waited for the boys to walk away before opening it, seeing “JJ - 252-630-8416” scrawled on it in Pope’s neat handwriting. She smiled to herself and shook her head, then pocketed the napkin.

_______________________________________________________________________

Later that day, the Pogues were all out on the water, hanging out. John B and Pope were eagerly retelling the story of the ice cream shop to Kie, JJ interjecting multiple times with lies of different lines he had “flirted” with. “And after all that, he still chickened out and didn’t get her number.” John B finished the story dramatically.

“Don’t worry, JJ, I saved your awkward conversation.” Pope claimed proudly, crossing his arms.

JJ gave him a wary look. “What did you do?”

Pope grinned. “When I told you guys I went back because I left my keys in there, I actually gave her a napkin with your number on it. You’re welcome.”

JJ immediately responded by punching him in the arm, Pope groaning. “What the hell, Pope! Now I look desperate!”

Kiara tilted her head, confused. “You know, I saw her earlier when she opened the shop. I have her number, you could have just asked for it.”

JJ practically jumped out of his seat to grab Kiara’s phone. “You could have spared me all that! Holy hell, Kie, give it to me.”

She frowned, holding her phone out of his reach. “No. You should only have it if she wants you to have it.”

JJ sat down with a defeated sigh, knowing not to push her or he’d earn another lecture about feminism from Kiara. He slumped in his chair dramatically. “I’m never gonna talk to her at this rate.”

_______________________________________________________________________

After her shift, Charlie went over to Grace’s house to wind down for the night. Grace greeted her at the door and immediately lifted her friend’s hair off her neck.

Charlie ducked out of her grip, walking in the house. “Hey! What are you doing?”

Grace smirked and crossed her arms. “Checking for hickies.”

Charlie blushed slightly and groaned. “Grace, I swear to god, nothing happened!”

Grace laughed. “Just being sure! I can’t blame him if something did, he’d be stupid not to make a move on you.”

“It’s not like that,” Charlie shook her head. “If he was ever vaguely interested, he would have said something at one of our Kappa mixers.”

Grace poured them both a glass of wine and flopped onto the couch with her. “Would you have considered it? If he did make a move?”

Charlie ran the tip of her finger around the wine glass, avoiding her friend’s inquisitive gaze. “Um. I don’t know. He’s probably bad news.”

Grace nodded. “Exactly. I mean, he’s hot, but at what cost? Just find a Touron at a Boneyard party. It’s been more than enough time though, you need to get laid.”

Charlie sputtered, choking on her sip of wine. “Grace!”

Her friend just rolled her eyes and handed her a napkin. “Think about it. You broke it off with Rafe three whole months ago and you’ve only been on one date since. And you lied and told me you hooked up with that Beta just to get me off your back. It’s not like you don’t have any options either, you practically rejected half the soccer team -”

Charlie blushed. “Okay, okay, Grace, I get your point. I just don’t know if I’m ready. I mean, the way we ended things wasn’t -”

“No.” Grace interrupted. “You broke it off with him, it wasn’t a we decision, because he’s a lying, cheating bastard. You didn’t deserve any of that. What you do deserve is a good old-fashioned dick appointment. Just not with JJ Maybank.”

Charlie laughed in spite of herself. “He and John B and Pope came into the ice cream shop today. They said there’s a party Friday, I guess we could go?” She offered halfheartedly, fishing the napkin with JJ’s number on it out of her pocket.

“What is that?” Grace raised her eyebrows.

“Um, JJ’s number, Pope passed it on,” Charlie shrugged. “I’m probably not gonna do anything with it but I thought I’d keep it just in case.”

Grace reached over and plucked it out of her hands, promptly ripping it into pieces despite Charlie’s feeble protest. “We went over this, I told you that boy’s no good for you. Will you let me do your makeup and pick out an outfit?”

“Why’d you have to - ugh, yeah, sure. Whatever makes you happy,” she teased.

Grace clapped together her hands in excitement. “We’re gonna get you laaaiddd!” She sang, making Charlie blush again and whine in response.

“I hate you.”

Grace laughed. “No you don’t. You love me.”

tags: @booksandshish @jiaraendgame

#outer banks #jj maybank obx #obx fanfiction #obx x reader #college!obx #obx fanfic #jj outer banks #outer banks fanfic #outer banks fanfiction #college outer banks #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank #jj maybank x female reader #jj x reader #mine #jj x charlie

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madmadmilk · 5 years

Text

Like Dark Chocolate Part 7 | Tom Holland x Reader (FINALLY)

IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING, BUT WE’RE BACK IN THE GAME BABEYYY. Thank u for waiting so patiently~ it literally took like 6 months lol pls be kind ((pics not mine))

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: You can’t help but fall into something familiar, something warm, something you deserve. He’s been waiting for you while you’ve been wondering. They say time heals all wounds, but the real question is, how much time does it take to even believe you’ve healed?

Warning: Swearing, sweating, and something like forgiveness

Word Count: 10.8K petals on the floor

Special thank you to some of my lovely BETAs: @fangirl-writer-awesomeness @laucontrerasv @spidey-waffles11 (and honestly anyone who sent asks looking for this. thank you)

“Same old Tom.”

Your head tilts as you look into those familiar chocolatey browns. You can see the arrow run straight through his heart. It’s the first time he’s hearing your voice say his name in a month. And it’s one of the few times you’ve let yourself say it out loud.

There’s a familiar taste that coats your mouth.

I don’t want to admit it but––

A shallow breath catches in your throat, a faint smile on your lips. You just can’t hold it back anymore, old feelings threatening to spill over.

I do miss you, Tom.

They were never really forgotten.

Just a little bit.

And well, you could never hide it from yourself.

You fight the smile on you dry lips from widening, you fight the warm flush ferociously crawling up your chest, you fight every urge in your body from jumping up to wrap yourself up and all around him.

You missed him.

And the bare sight of him is enough to drive you mad.

“It’s been a long time.”

“It has been,” you reply curtly, eating up the sight before you. He was dressed in a rush, slouchy, ruffled but smelling like a cosy detergent and sexy shampoo. The giddy smile has never left his lips.

The space between you both is maddening, easy to be made close, easy to pull further apart.

Your fingers twitch by your sides.

Ha.

He probably can’t even remember the text he sent you–– “Blink 3 times if you miss me,” how the hell would you count how many times a person blinks? We do it all the time? When does the clock run––

But, Tom… Tom gets it. Of course he does.

1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3.1, 2, 3.

A devilish grin stretches across his boyish face, an overwhelming excitement vibrating through him. He stood taller, shoulders hunched up as he leaned forward. It was a short victory he would hold against you and then it evenly faded into a relieved smile. The corners of his brows pull down as he lets out a soft sigh. You can hear the click of his tongue. His shoulders slump in satisfaction, and cheeks pinken as if his whole body being was saying, “thank god, thank god.”

He finally has your attention, better, at your admission.

His quiet voice confirms,

“So you have been reading the things I’ve sent you,” whispering now, “And listening?”

Haha.

You give him a blank stare, but inadvertently stretch your lips from smile to pucker to smile. You’re trying not to give him anything more than your telling blinks. You’re not going to make yourself anymore vulnerable, any more needy, any more…. generous. This was already too much.

But the silence gives him one more confirmation; tells him that you still think of him, at least enough to let him think you do. And this circular rationale reminds you of just how much of a sweet lil cavity he is.

An aching pain you can’t ignore.

He nods, wiggling his jaw while his eyes dance over your shoulders to your nose and back to your eyes,

“Good to know.”

Oh, hell.

Tom’s confidence comes and goes as he laughs to himself, only to flush in embarrassment. Neither of you can keep your composure. Both of your minds roll over all the little things he’s said in the messages and that’s more than enough to fill the remaining gap between you.

You feel like you know almost everything he’s feeling right now.

Almost, almost.

He clears his throat, scratching his head and bowing down,

“Listen, I–I really didn’t expect to see you at all. For the while. It’s just that Mal messaged me about an emergency, just saying that it was you and––“

“It was me. I sent it,” you clarify, not wanting to smear any more blame on your ill neighbor. Hadn’t she had enough? Questionably.

“I used her phone.”

“Oh,” he laughs emptily. You see his entire face sink in guilt. He scratches his head a little harder, trying to piece it together.

“She practically begged me to get your attention and she––“ he hums to your truth, “She showed it to me. I… I saw the messages she sent to you.”

Tom freezes, and drops his hand. He searches for an answer in your eyes. His blinks are slow, and the deep stare makes you all too aware.

Suddenly, you wonder if that was a breach of his privacy, if his healing should have been done alone. If you had stepped into a part of him you weren’t meant to see.

You step forward, putting your hands up.

“Sorry! Uhm, she… She let me read what she sent you, at the end… end of it all,” an uneasy chuckle falls past your lips, “She left your conversation open… and yeah, I saw a little bit. I think she was apologizing to me with it… or something like that.”

He nods, stare looking past you now, far away. He mutters under his breath,

“I’m still waiting for one too.”

And now you felt the restlessness of guilt; maybe it was a breach of trust. You squeeze your eyes tight for a second, trying to reorganize yourself, trust this and trust that. You’re getting tangled deeper into problems you were trying so hard to move past, smooth past.

The truth is all you have left.

You offer him a way out of the storm, praising softly,

“At the very least, I want to say thank you… for uhm, letting me know you were coming.”

His brows twitch into a furrow before he smiles gently, his cheek pulling. His hands were itching to reach out, to hold you. And, honestly, if he did… you wouldn’t resist too hard. Maybe.

“Of course,” Tom confirms so lovingly. In that short phrase you can hear the tumbling of his feelings, the way he had to hold back from spilling his heart out and taking all of you in his arms, up and away from this cursed apartment.

But you both hear the echo of your own words, cast like a spell, “give me time.” So he did.

“And…. I’ll be getting out of your hair now.”

Your head tilts as you take him all in. His hair has dried, somewhere between curls and waves, the bags under his eyes are deep but the expression on his face is warm. You notice his pause, wondering if you should ask him to stay.

You can’t.

And he knows that.

Tom cracks into a laugh, rolling his head in a circle. You stand back on your heels, tension dissipating. He rocks back too, and starts to pick up his scattered jacket and hat. He puts them on quickly and you lean against the back of the couch. The apartment is quiet, save for the sound of his rustling clothes.

He heads to the door, ruffling his hair before he sticks it back under his cap. His hand is on the doorknob, cranking it slowly. He turns back to give you a dazzling smile,

“It was really, really amazing to see you again.”

You stomach flips. You can only nod and smile, as he holds your gaze. He looks down stepping out and––

“Hey! Tom?”

He looks over his shoulder expectantly, and you take the door. He’s still halfway inside your apartment, and sorely full in your heart. He raises his brow in question, stuffing his hands in his pockets as you hold the door open for him.

Here it goes.

“I… I stayed around because… I kind of wanted to see you.”

His jaw drops.

“It was nice.”

And that goddamn heart-stopping grin is burned into your memory. You could see the sunshine and hope leaking out of his pores as he smiles with an open mouth.

Ooh.

And with a boyish chuckle, he accepts.

“Thank you, Y/N,” the flushing boy turns back and retreats with a happy skip,

“I’ll see you around.”

My name.

You don’t let yourself watch him walk away for too long, and shut the door quickly. Similarly, trying to shut out the emotions welling in your chest. Warm, worn, weak.

If Mal was awake, listening, or even remotely on “your side” you could just imagine her slow clapping to that awkward exchange.

You and Tom had finally moved forward; maybe they were baby steps. Or maybe they were even something less.

Anything is better than where you were nearly a month ago.

You retreat back to the couch and sink into your spot, alone with your rambling thoughts. Are we in, or are we out? Are we back? Is there more? Are we less––?

Gah.

You laugh as you wipe your hands over your face. You pull your cheeks down and let out a garbled sigh.

It’s really annoying how much you miss the taste of chocolate.

☎️ “Hey, It’s Tom. Again. Uhm, alright… This…. This feels ten times MORE awkward now that I know that you actually listen to these. Haha, shit! And I’ve sounded so pathetic in every single message–– hahaha, but, uhm, thanks. Not sure what part I’m thanking you for… but… I’m just thankful for you. Hah, hope that’s okay. I really just can’t believe I got to see you. It’s really been a long while, and I… I just wasn’t sure how we were even going to meet again. And, I realized I don’t have many pictures of you and you haven’t updated ANYTHING so––– oh, oh my god. I didn't mean to sound so fucking creepy! I swear I’m not checking on you everyday or something, hahahaha. Wah! I–– well. I don’t think i’ll ever forget what you look like, and I hope you’ll let me stick around……………… ugh, I’m the worst. For fucks sake. Hm….. you…. You really did look amazing, babe. I couldn’t breathe. And maybe you look even better without me……. Ahem. Ah, yeah. Sorry this is a fucking, that I’m a fucking mess. I’ll leave you be. Yeah. I’ll-- uhm, later. Bye, Y/N. I’ve missed you too.”

☎️ “Hey! Hey, uhm, It’s me. Tom. Again, again. Haha. Okay, uhm, totally slipped my mind, but I’ll be at Jay and Jae’s wedding like next, next week. Harrison said you were going as his date? Yeah, no problem with that. Just– uh, yeah. Just letting you know i’ll be there too. I know Mal, is invited so, she might be around? I’m not too sure. And… shouldn’t Zendaya be back around that time? Hahaha. Yeah, i–– This is just a heads up. I…. I won’t bother you there but…. Can i say that i’m looking forward to seeing you again so soon? Because I am….. Ooooohhhh….. Okay. Yeah, sorry. I’ll see you there, or not. Bye, babe.”

You smooth out your dress over your legs as you sit in a stiff chair. You kick your feet next to Harrison, lost on his phone. He ignores your fidgeting.

True to Tom’s voicemails, that you did listen to the moment you got them, you were at a wedding. Together, but not exactly. Jay and Jae were distant friends of yours, closer to Tom and his group of friends more than anyone else.

So naturally, Tom was there, sitting alone and far off, since Harrison took you as his date. He kept a professional distance, you would say.

Now, Mal was meant to be here too–– but she wasn’t. She declined without giving a specific reason, but you could imagine a few. The idea of fluffy bright whites, bouncy chatter and the honest glow of fairy lights might not shine too well on her particular shade of red.

Not that she doesn’t deserve her own sparkly moment in time, but you suppose this is all too fresh. And all too soon.

You reach out to touch the flowers wrapped around the chair in front of you. Were they real? Were they fake? You occupied yourself like this, and wondered…. Should you be feeling the same way as Mal?

Your eyes dart around, following strings of lights and greenery and warm sounds. Being at weddings, whether you knew the party well enough or not, has always made you feel loved. There's a certain warmth and love and respect that just overflows and spills into your own heart. Making you nostalgic for things you’ve never felt before.

So lovely.

Your thumbs smooth over a large petal.

And a ceremony like this…. Isn’t that bad. One day…

Your eyes flicker up, immediately finding that curious cute cavity.

One day maybe.

Tom is sitting with his arms resting on his legs. He switches between looking up, waving at distant friends and checking his phone, only to put it away quickly. He’s fidgeting too– trying his hardest not to look directly back at you.

You still catch him a few times.

You lean back, obscuring yourself from his view and line up your arm with Harrison. You lean your head on his shoulder and laugh to yourself, pressing a fist against your lips to stifle it.

“Hm?” Harrison hums, craning his neck to see your face, “What’s so funny?”

You quiet down and smile gently. Curiosity is bubbling inside you and you feel like you’re in such high spirits–– the giddy nature of weddings is infectious, after all.

Is it because you feel like you have the upper hand tonight? Because Tom is trying so hard to not stare, but is so bad at hiding it? Because you feel like nothing can go wrong from this point?

Knock on wood.

Having Harrison by your side definitely feeds you a bit of confidence, at his expense. But you don’t think of that immediately. Things are only just coming to focus for you, and you eyes are willing to see.

You squeeze Haz’s arms softly, and suggest,

“Shall we invite him over?”

The golden haired boy scoffs, cocking his head back before looking at you,

“You sure about that?”

“‘Can’t leave him looking like a chump all by himself, right?”

He smiles at your thoughtfulness, raising his eyebrows then standing up. He calls over his friend quickly without much question. Tom perks up at the call of his name, and you could see his eyes widen across the ways.

He shimmies his way over, dodging people with a easygoing smile. He stands next to Haz, nodding his head politely,

“Hey, guys.”

“Hey, come sit with us,” you offer plainly, pointing beside Harrison.

You could see Tom doing the math in his head, but he doesn’t challenge it. He smiles instead, a little wary and a little stiff but thanks you. You could hear Harrison snort in dull annoyance, making you giggle.

You’re giddy for real.

Haz is sat between you two during the wedding ceremony, but you can feel whenever either of them turn to look at you, hot stares on your cheek. You all sit and stand together, following the procession.

“Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” the taller boy teases over the tension, bumping you with his elbow. You bump him back and he continues, “I’m in the line of fire.”

“Shut up!” you whisper back to him, catching Tom’s attention.

He turns to you, only like quarter cheek, but you can see the side of his eye wrinkle and how his cheek lift in a smile. You’re left looking at the teasing image of his jaw and ear and cheek and the tangle of waves on the nape of his neck––

Bring the heat.

The ceremony ambles on, and in the lull you hear Tom joke with Haz,

“Can’t wait for the drinks, man.”

Pffft.

His face was dusted pink. He needed something to keep him cool, something to do with his hands, and it might as well take the edge off too. It really couldn’t do much harm at this point. But would it even help with his nerves?

You stop yourself from giggling again, some kind of ancient, wretched, cliche girliness crawling out from you. You’re trying to play coy, but you can’t go exposing yourself.

Is this what it’s like to be wanted? And know you’re wanted?

Feels a little nice to be on this end, you have to admit.

You pull through the rest of the service, crying as the grooms whisper their vows to one another. Honestly you could barely hear it, but the way that they cried and smiled and cheered told you everything you needed to know.

Your heart swells as they kiss and walk by, everyone throwing handfuls of petals over them. It rains pink and white, a small flurry of love.

And while you take in the loving visual, you miss the way that a certain brunette turns back to catch a glimpse of you. Through the light mist of flowers, he sees a happy tear mark down your cheek and wishes nothing more than to be by your side and wipe it away.

“Catch you in a few,” comes Harrison’s voice and parting tap on your shoulder.

“Huh?” you blink, rubbing the corners of your eyes delicately.

He smiles, tilting his head towards company calling his name. He disappears into the crowd after giving your shoulder a squeeze and Tom a sharp pat on the back.

Ah, alone at last. You roll your eyes and nod to yourself.

There’s a wave of people leaving the ceremony to walk over to the reception hall, but you end up waiting in your row with Tom. You step close to his back, peering over him to see if it would be any easier to get out. You don’t talk.

After a while of being stuck, you both dart between chairs and exit the opposite way. You feel his hand almost touch the small of your back as he urges your way through.

The touch doesn’t connect, but a part of you wish it had.

You laugh bitterly as you push through the doors that lead out. It’s more than a bit ironic that you meet again at a wedding. The place of commitment and love and attempt at eternal happiness.

It’s kind of funny actually.

You step onto the sidewalk, shivering slightly at the cool spring weather. The smell of spring and summer was strong, but your teeth still chattered.

You stand side by side as you wait to cross the street, cars zipping through. You’re too aware of the space you hold between each other. You hold your hands to your chest and look ahead to the reception hall, glittery lights and soft noise wafting through.

“That was beautiful,” Tom comments quietly.

“Wasn’t it?” you smile, brought back to those glimmering emotions. You blink the wetness away from your eyes as you face him for a moment.

I’m such a sucker.

His hair is gelled back neater than usual, though a rogue curl tries to coil at the side of his head.

For…. things………..

“Mhm,” he hums, returning your gaze warmly. Those dark browns caught a twinkle the evening glow. Your heart beats oddly, as your lips pressed together. Tom smiles then taps the back of your arm, looking ahead of you.

“Let’s cross this street now.”

And you walk behind him, following his steps while skipping in your formal shoes, watching the broad sweep of his back in a smart black jacket.

You felt safe here.

Again.

Tom stood by your side as you crossed the threshold of the reception hall. The clack of your shoes against the hardwood didn’t catch any new attention but it sounded so fucking loud to you.You felt his shoulders roll back, as yours did, taking in the beautiful sight. Fairy lights and flowers and white drapery, hidden and highlighted by crowds of people. Wah.

You turn your cheek softly to look at him, your lashes fluttering. He was doing the same thing, both cautious of what to do and what to say next. You can’t stand at the entrance forever.

Oh, fuck it all––

“Hey! Tom! Is that you–?” a new voice crackles into range. Said boy ducks down and hollers back to an unfamiliar crowd, stepping away from you.

“Y/N!” and that call was for you, from a blonde you could hardly call yours.

You bounce back to Harrison, quickly hooking your arms into his without thinking. You wanted cover, fast.

Tom’s presence beside you was short lived as you went separate ways to greet some familiar faces, to your frail relief. You both get swept away in the tides of people, hardly saying goodbye to one another. Hm. You look back over your shoulder to see Tom smiling back at you gently. Hmm. He nods simply, then turns away.

See you later.

You suck in your cheeks, feeling a pang of disappointment as your expectations didn’t last long. But it’s fine. It’s fine. You weren’t even counting on spending the time that you did with him. Its fine! Really!

You float between hanging out with Harrison to meeting up with some old friends. Eventually starting to be dragged away by some especially gossip-y pals, Jenn and Sam. You hold on to Harrison’s arm as they tug you away,

“Nooooooo, guys, I can’t leave him by himself!”

Haz pries your fingers off one by one, sticking his tongue out and pointing behind him,

“Don’t worry about me, I have some other chumps to hang out with.”

You tilt your head for a second to see Tom, of course, looking down. His hands are stuffed deep into his pockets, laughing to himself, a pretty smile you wish you could have ignored. There’s a little unease that you notice about him too quickly, and that’s when you bounce back up.

Ha.

“Enjoy,” you say quietly, quite literally being pulled to the bar.

Conversation blends in seamlessly, with the help of some casual alcohol and swishy dancing. You haven’t met with them in along time, catching up and dissecting updates you’ve only seen through instagram and facebook. Then that drama starting spilling out as you look deeper into your cup, seeing where it all was heading….

“So, I heard Tom and Mal officially split,” Sam starts.

“Tom and Mal? They were a thing?” Jenn gasps.

“Yeah, official-ish–– right, Y/N? You roomin’ with Mal right now, yeah?”

And you nodded, “Yeah.”

“And they’re over? Done?”

Their eyes both shone bright with excitement, nearly licking their lips for the spill. Please, oh please! Share that shit!

You hold your shakey glass to your lip, wishing you didn’t have to answer this. But under their wide eyed stares and the desire to speak some truth, you squeak,

“Yeah, something like that.”

And they assume the pitying position quickly with,

“Oh, poor Tom. I knew he’d get dumped. He’s too nice and Mal was obviously taking advantage of that––”

And,

“Oh, well, I heard that Mal was just trying to use him to get back with someone.”

“Like, Jon, right? Or was it Tobey? I don’t remember––”

“Yeah, and Tom isn’t the type to date frivolously, so he must have known––”

Their story was wrong, but not so wrong. Just enough to get you itching. Itching to set it straight and itching about whether or not you had the authority to correct them. Like what, just save Tom’s face, and tell them that Mal got what she deserved? That could be easy. But what happens when they ask about your role in this story–– is it even yours to tell?

“They did look great together though, Tom was head over heels for that bitch.”

“How could she let him go? I mean, the girl was all over everyone all the time, but Tom was a good one.”

They looked for him in the crowd, spotting him and cooing in pity. They were being so obvious, god. And at this point, you really couldn’t help yourself. You spoke in a hushed tone,

“Hm, actually, Tom dumped Mal.”

“Huh? For real?” and “Tells us what happened!”

You pause for a second, trying not to get in too deep.

“I don’t know for sure, but Tom realized he could… be better.”

“‘Be’ better? Not ‘do’ better? What do you mean by that?” Sam pushes, leaning closer to you, stepping by your side so you could both get a view of Tom swaying with some friends.

You shrug, turning your back to Tom, “I don’t know! I just saw the aftermath. I haven’t really talked to him, or Mal. It’s been tense–– you know?”

“Yeah, we get it,” Jenn nods solemnly, but perks up to wave, “We can just ask Tom himself! Hey! Tom! Harrison!”

Gah–!

Both of them are waving and making a scene towards the pair of boys somewhere behind you. You can only hunch your shoulders to brace yourself. It’s not like you could just walk away––

And “poor” Tom didn’t even realize you were there until the last second, freezing as he stops next to you.

Huuuu.

You’re very aware of how close he is.

With no formalities, no greetings, your friends cut right to it, only directing themselves towards the darker brunette,

“So, how have you been, Tom?”

He shrugs coolly, laughing sheepishly. His eyes are a little half-lidded as he blinked,

“Just… ask what you want to ask.”

Woah.

You look at him in dull surprise, Harrison too. You notice the soft pink glow on his cheeks and how he’s supporting himself on one leg. Maybe he’s drunk? Maybe he’s just that ready to get it over with.

Cheers.

“Sooooo, you? And… Mal?”

“Not a thing anymore,” he shrugs again, holding up his beer bottle and smiling cryptically.

Your old friends turn on the pity again.

“Awwww, but you guys were so cute together!”

You have to squint your eyes at that remark, knowing they were egging him on. Buttering up the situation, but…. Ugh. You hate these kind of exchanges. But hey, transitions are important right?

Tom tries hard not to look at you as he nods slowly, explaining only a little bit more.

“Yeah, we… just didn’t work out. We… we wanted different things.”

You could see the questions bubbling in their pretty lil heads, but they offer some kindness, some room to take a breath.

“Oh, well good on you for getting out, Tom. We’re happy for you.”

And there it goes. You laugh under your breath at their blatant flip of the coin.

Tom smiles a little warmer this time, eyes crinkling genuinely.

“Thanks, ‘appreciate it.”

“And you know,” Jenn sings, shimmying her shoulders, “If you’re looking for a new, new love. There’s plenty of candidates right here!”

She bumps your shoulder, making you fall towards him. You dance a few steps forward, clinging onto his arm to balance yourself. You scoff as you stand up straight, your hand gripping his sleeve and nearly stretched across his chest.

Oh.

He stiffens beneath your touch.

Right.

You pull back to yourself, stepping aside as he clears his throat. Your brows furrow but he continues to speak uninterrupted.

“Ahem, yeah… thanks. I’m still–– I’m figuring things out. But I’ll be sure to do it right next time.”

Next time.

And you crack a one-sided smile, pursing your lips and looking down. Haha.

Harrison gives Tom’s shoulder a hard pat, not to be forgotten.

“If you get a next time!”

Oh, that was a bit pointed. A little sharp.

Tom opens his mouth in reaction, booing. Harrison laughs wide hugging his shoulders as everyone teases. You can’t look straight at him, knowing that you would fold and join into the glee all too quickly.

He looks too pretty in this light.

“Well, we still have some rounds to make,” Haz hugs Sam, then Jenn, then you, “We’ll grab a drink with you later.”

You close your eyes in the short embrace with Harrison, recharging. He squeezes your shoulder and starts to pull Tom away. Tom was in the middle of hugging your old pals, no hard feelings.

He gets to stand before you but speaks to the group,

“Yeah, ‘nice seeing you guys.”

The one rogue curl has turned into three framing his face, his canine pokes over his lip in a warm smile, and you feel the world stop turning.

“Y/N.”

You nod, giving him a quiet goodbye, tracing the lovely expression on his face. You blink softly, calming the pinpricks in your heart.

Damn.

And before you realize it, you’re smiling.

Greaaat.

It’s getting harder to deny that he’s got you got.

Cos now....

I’m actually kind of rooting for you.

How great is it that wedding playlists are full of love songs, huh? Gives you lots of material to think about as you bob your head to some bops with a chilled glass of wine in hand.

“I love you” and “I need you,” those are the songs singing. And the warmth in your face? You can blame it on the bubbly.

Right.

You raise your glass with another circle of friends as you spin in a daze. You let yourself blend into the blur of company, focused on remaining present.

Present as in–– not falling too back into those chocolatey clutches. Too soon anyway.

You don’t need to spend this time thinking about Tom. You don’t need to worry about where he is or how you’ll meet again–– in the next hour? After this wedding? Next week or…

Stop!

You’re just two separate people living on this planet, and your worlds don’t need to revolve around each other. At least, not all the time.

Tom is respecting your space, and you his. You don’t know what happened during this month long break, but… you still have time to think some things through. Whatever.

You nod along with friends to the music, finding your attention drifting away as the songs switch to something slower. The spell is wearing off, clarity is coming.

“I’ll be right back,” you hum but sure they didn’t actually hear you, and head to the bathroom.

And what a surprise, he is standing outside talking on his phone.

He doesn’t see you at first, kicking his feet on the floor and spinning alone. You tiptoe past him, and maybe that was when he notices you–– you can’t fully tell either because you’ve already made it inside.

You make no impression of it, only looking at your face in the mirror. You take out an oil-blotting sheet and press it against your forehead. You look at your reflection, and it simply stares back. Nothing new, just some lines of wear and tiredness beneath your eyes. The usual.

You exit the restroom, and he isn’t there.

Hm.

You make your way, pulled into some conversations and breaking free for another drink, waiting at the counter of the bar. Your fingers tap against the counter fidgeting not out of impatience and––

There’s a raucous eruption of laughter and rustling beside you. You turn your cheek to see none other than, that man. He’s hugging another guy as they stuff a few bills into the tip jar. He notices you this time.

Small smile, and then disappears into the crowd.

You managed to smile back as your drink came and you flit away just as quickly. There’s an incredulous laugh that edges in the back of your throat.

Hmm.

Next, you go out for some fresh air on the balcony and, huh, he’s there, too. Harrison and Tom smoke some cigars with the grooms and you quite literally smack your lips and turn a heel to the other direction.

Not the kind of air you were looking for at the moment.

You sputter a laugh in disbelief, shaking your head as you clomp your way to… wherever the hell else.

God, you weren’t even looking for him! He was just always fucking… right there. Your pace quickens and you focus on the tap of your shoes as you run away––

But there’s something else in your step.

Disappointment?

Maybe it’s weighing on you that he isn’t making any moves. Not that you want him to, but you kinda did expect him to.You see him miraculously after a month and he leaves all those begging and wanting messages and now you see him here and–– nothing.

Shit, Tom. Don’t be such a great guy.

You laugh, shaking your head, feeling your hair come undone a lil. You tuck it behind your ear as you come back to face the twinkling lights.

You’re making it hard to ignore you.

You take a deep breath, rolling your shoulders back in an attempt to relax. Sliding your way back onto the dance floor, you find friends and hold onto your waning freedom.

Dancing is the best way to get him out of your head. He’s outside, you’re in a tangle, you won’t find him here. You won’t even look for him here!

Shimmy. Sing. Shake. Grind.

Your eyes are closed to just fall in tune with the music, and maybe you’re dancing badly but that’s always alright. Just enough to get the feelings out.

In the throes of expressing yourself with your body, you fail to ignore another body coming up behind you, shushing your friends. Warm hands melt down your waist, rolling with the contours of your hips.

You yelp, jumping up and falling back into the body. You turn to see that it’s just Harrison, laughing smartly. His cheeks are flushed as he hugs your waist close to him,

“Hello there, thing.”

Thing.

“God! You scared me.” You swat at him, as you struggle against his arms to face him. You hug his own waist back easily, fingers spreading across his back. You giggle sheepishly, feeling the full weight of tiredness as you’re finally able to lean on someone.

His warm fingertips gently brush hair away from your sticky face, commenting,

“You’re look beautiful, even 3 hours into this thing.”

“That’s the alcohol speakin’, Haz.”

“No, no.Just accept it,” his eyes soften, watery blue, “I mean it.”

Oh, the pang of guilt.

“Not looking so bad yourself,” you say, patting his cheek. You could feel the beginnings of stubble beneath your hand, sending shivers down your spine.

The song slows and you collapse into a dance together, feet shuffling softly and heads leaned. You take solace on his shoulder, breathing in his manly cologne, still going strong. You can smell a feminine perfume mixed along in there somewhere too––

“So, where’s Tom now?” you callously ask.

“Why are you looking for him?”

“N-no, I’m just wondering,” you callously reply.

Harrison shallowly laughs at your obvious interest, shaking his head to hit his chin against you.

“‘Trying not to keep bumping into you, he says,” you hear a deep sigh come from deep within, “Ya’ll are so annoying.”

His bold hand pats the space right above your ass in poor punishment. You inhale deeply, words spilling,

“I don’t know what to do with… with this, honestly.”

“Spend some time with him, you’ll know.”

You frown, craning to look back at him, eventually standing straight before him, “I… don’t want to.”

“Then don’t look for him,” Haz says firmly, bluntly, clearly.

He’s giving you an empty smile, his eyes icy. And it hurts your heart, hurts you knowing that he’s still having a hard time with this too. You step back, making distance,

“I’m sorry, Harrison–– I didn’t mean to.”

“No, no, you’re alright,” his eyes close, tilting his head. His perfect hair falls with his movements, “I don’t want you to pity me, just–– just let yourself be happy, or else i can’t move on.”

Woof.

That’s the first time he’s said it out loud.

And you hear it loud and clear.

You don’t know what to say, offering him a crooked smile, eyebrows pulled. You try to give him a look that looks more like understanding rather than pity.

He chuckles, a bit more genuinely this time,

“What are we going to do with you?”

You bob your head. You’re a wreck and you know it.

“Dance?”

“I dare you to dance with Tom.”

“What?No way! I can’t do that,” you look past Harrison as he spins you. That pretty boy is standing alone against the wall somewhere far off. He’s not looking in your direction now, but you could never be sure of where his eyes were mere seconds ago.

“No!”

You want to tell Harrison that you’d rather dance with him, no one else, but that would just be twisting the knife in further. Pure cruelty.

“Come on,” Harrison hugs you from behind, swaying for a moment while he presses his cheek against yours. The grain of his stubble tickles your face as he whispers into you ear,

“There’s nothing to be worried about.”

Easy for you to say, is what comes to mind. There’s PLENTY of things to worry about–– but further burdening Harrison with your troubles is just.... Unfair, and you know it.

Fuck it all.

The song ends, and Haz lets you go with a soft spin and swivel. Your shoes tap on the hardwood, as he motions for you to go. It fills you with a little bit of confidence, if you can call it that.

You make your way, looking back to see the beautiful boy already chatting up some people nearby, his perfect smile on display. There was a little ease given back to you there. A little.

The songs get slower, and it’s harder to make it out there alone.

Your stupid eyes keep trailing back to Tom leaning against the wall, glass in hand. You suck in a breath and finally waltz yourself over to him.

At least you have the element of surprise on your side, right?

“Hey.”

“Ah! H-hey!” he’s caught off guard, pushing himself off the wall to stand tall.

You fall into place next to him, looking around as you control the pace.

“You enjoying yourself?”

You’re aware of how strange this sudden exchange must be, but you’re tired of running in place. You think Tom picks up on that too as his shoulder slumps in casual ease, able to speak loosely,

“Of course, great company and an open bar. It’s a good night.”

You break into a wry smile, wondering who and where his company was. You were out there with his best friend, who was left?

That’s a little mean, haha.

“You’re not gonna go dance?”

“No one I wanna dance with out there,” he bumps his head to the music, looking out into the sea, and back at you.

You exhale, taking a small leap,

“No one for the… past few months?”

Tom fights a grin, puffing his cheeks up as he turns to you fully. His eyes scan over your face, looking for permission to be back on that cheeky shit,

“There’s only (1) person that comes to mind.”

Mmhmm.

“––Well ,a few ones. But you’re the main one, don’t worry,” he jokes with a weak smile.

That’s enough to make you laugh though, his easy teasing. You fix the strap of your dress as you smooth out the conversation with just as much tact,

“So, how have you been otherwise, busy?”

“Yeah, a little bit, and you?”

“Not busy enough,” you laugh, maybe this wasn’t so easy. The nervous energy boiled in the pit of your stomach as you kept talking, “––with work and class and stuff. It’s been slow but i’d rather be stressed. I don’t know it’s weird, being idle.”

“No, no, I get it,” Tom points his finger as he takes a drink, maintaining eye contact, “Don’t overwork yourself though.”

“Thanks.”

And the conversation stops, not flowing to the next thing like it used to.

There should be so many things to talk about, so many things to catch up on, movies, shows, life, anything! But there were still wrinkles you had to iron out, not to be forgotten.

The silence isn’t unpleasant though, though you can credit that to being at a loud and rowdy wedding. Lots of background noise and things to avert your gaze to.

“How’s Mal?” he asks outright and suddenly.

“Doin’ better,” you reply just as earnestly, “Haven’t talked to her much though, if I’m being honest.”

“That’s good. She… really worried me last week, but we left on good terms.”

Thank god.

You face him fully this time too, “I’m glad. That’s great, Tom. I’m really happy for you.”

He puts down his glass, scratching his nose to hide his face. You can see his eyes were a little watery while his brows furrowed,

“Listen, I– I gotta clear some things up with you too. If you’ll––”

You hear the loud crackle of a microphone, eyes directed towards the mass of people rushing to the dance floor. The DJ announces it’s time for the bouquet toss, people pushing beside you asking you to come join, Hands reaching out as they pass.

Uhm, hell no.

You shake your head in rejection, it may just be superstition, but you’ll take no chances. Predictions for the future made you queasy, forever waiting for those star sign events to come true. It’s limiting, in a way. Strings of people pass by you, pulling at you and Tom to join. They smelled a little too hopeful and a little too much like alcohol.

“Come on, you’re single. Just go!”

“No thanks,” you breath.

“Why, are you taken?”

“No,” you had to reply over and over.

You held still, your stomach churning for some reason. Maybe it was just having your future ~love~ predicted and dissected by a crowd of people. You just felt rushed and hot and annoyed. These festivities were meant to be fun, harmless! But you feel too conscious about it in this state.

“Want to get out of here?” Tom offers, expertly sensing your nerves, his hand already hovering over the small of your back.

“Please.”

He takes the outside and you walk along the wall, weaving through threads of people while his hand guides you. You couldn’t look at him, embarrassed about your mini-meltdown as he leads you out into an empty hall. It led to a quiet lobby.

No one was there, the only sign of use were the half-drunken booze littered across a table. There was still plenty of room to stand and talk. You lean against a marble column and look out the window. There’s meant to be a view of the city, sparkling at night, but the glare allowed you to see your reflections. Both of you stood apart and stiff.

You hug your shoulders, thinking of just moments ago, “Pushy.”

“Sorry about that,” Tom offers, leaning against the same pillar, close. “Is this alright?”

“It’s not you,” is all you can return.

You both take the moment to try to look past your own reflections to the outside world, listening to the muffled sounds of the DJ and blurry cheering. Soon enough, you push off the column stand closer to the glass, looking out and seeing clearly.

“I have to apologize for speaking on your behalf… about Mal.”

There’s a beat of silence before he comes beside you again, searching for the same view. In the faint reflection, you see his hand reach for yours and stop, stuffing his back into his pocket. He pretends he hadn’t moved at all.

“No, no, thanks for saying something. I, uhm, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”

You both chuckle, looking down–– no one really knows anything. It’s contained, it’s a secret.

It’s stills something that’s only between the three of you.

And it’s all you can think about lately.

What are we now?

During this gap, you’ve spent so much time thinking about what to say, and what you would do when you get the chance to speak one on one…. But now you’re fumbling. So far, you don’t know anything about thisTom. This Tom you have seen for days, weeks, months. You don’t know what he’s being doing, how he’s doing or what he’s even thinking about–– not like before. Not like back when you could read his mind. Not like when you knew, “I’m on my way” meant “I’ll be 10 minutes late, but I’ll be there.”

There’s so little to go off of.

The boy before you wasn’t a complete stranger, but not exactly a friend either.

And you don’t know where to start with that.

You cross and uncross your arms in the dragging echo of silence.

You feel like a child, helpless. You feel like a teenager, confused. But worst of all, you felt like an adult who has no idea what the fuck to say.

It would have been comforting to know that Tom felt the same way, but you didn’t notice that. You didn’t see how his forefinger pressed into his thumb, and how he bit the inside of his cheek, navigating the same path to the truth and apology.

It would actually be a relief for someone to burst in at this moment.

But the time for peace and clarity has arrived, and you both know you shouldn’t let it go.

“I’m sorry for… kissing you the last time I saw you. The last, last time, I mean. At the party,” Tom courageously blurts, turning a frustrated red. He steps back to the column, leaning against it as he balls his hands into fists,

“That’s one the biggest… things I have to say sorry for. And… yeah, you know the rest. I just–– I know that I shouldn’t have done that. The alcohol and confusion isn’t an excuse… and yeah, it’s disgusting, I know.” He trails off, hoping that you would pick up from there. But you don’t, properly giving him time to say what he needs to,

“I–I’ve been so lost for so long, you know? Looking for someone to be with, and Mal was there. She was someone who wasn’t perfect, needed help… Someone I thought I could help. And I wanted to stick through it, but when I met you––aside from what happened between us, you taught me that I deserved better. Better than someone who wouldn’t do anything in return for all I’ve done. That that relationship isn’t… something I had to destroy myself to save,” he looks up, looking for you.

“You just… none of this is your fault and you don’t need to feel bad for any of it. For me.”

Tom laughs, shaking his head more curls and waves coming undone.

“You don’t need to be anything to me. But I’m just going to be the sap that’s still falling in love with you for a while longer.”

The laugh takes a bittersweet turn, and you can tell he wishes he were holding your hand–– anything to physically show you he means it. But you’re not sure you’re ready for that kind of direct touch just yet.

You’re just absorbing it all in. It’s been a tumultuous few months, both caught in a vicious tide. Rolling, tumbling, drowning–– and it’s not an excuse for either of you. You can’t just let things fall where they may.

“No… Tom, I have to apologize too,” you start shakily, after you hear cheers from the vibrating reception.

“For what?”

Breathe.

The past few months of getting close to Tom, getting closer and falling apart, run though your mind. And you really wonder if he thinks that you are blameless in this catastrophe.That you hadn’t seduced him or wanted him while he was promised to someone else.

That’s pretty shit of you, right?

You lick your bottom lip in a small smile, Tom always had that kind of innocence about you. The assumption that you don’t play the game, that you could never wish ill-will. He could never think that you had ever schemed against his relationship.

And you didn’t, explicitly, but….

“Tom,” you dig your heel into the ground, leaning against the window while you watch his face, “I shouldn’t have ever… tempted you–– or spent that time with you. Back then, in the beginning, you had Mal. And I walked right in between you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did, and maybe it wasn’t forcefully or with the intention of taking you away but… it was wrong of me to even try to confuse you. It was selfish and stupid.”

And it hurt everyone involved.

Whether it started with you is up for debate, but you want this cycle of hurt to end with you. Or end with the truth.

You think of Harrison and even Mal. Maybe it’s not your fault or Tom’s fault, but it’s hard to feel blameless as you assess the damage.

“If I hadn’t gotten involved, none of this would have happened and…”

Your eyes shift left and right as you wait for his reply. Tom hangs his head, rocking for a moment before coming back up to smile,

“It’s okay.”

His words hang in the air, releasing you. And something has changed, with your confessions, something has reverted back to those glossier days. He teases,

“I’m glad you confused me.”

You scrunch your nose at your words being brought back.

Tom and Mal’s relationship was rockier than either of you knew at the start, and with your intentional slash unintentional meddling, lots of things came to light, got messy and now… you’re here.

Confused.

Far from the start, but still just as lost.

Tom’s brows raise and soften as he watches your heart on your sleeve,

“I…. I know there’s still a lot to think about but… I gotta say that I’m so happy that you’re still here talking to me.”

You have to laugh, one that you can’t swallow and pretend. You rub the corner of your eye, and muse,

“I’m not that cold, Tom.”

But you had been, and he knew he deserved it.

And while time has not swept away all the hurt, the path seemed a little bit clearer.

There were still some things you couldn’t deny.

“Hey... You know what?”

He hums in response, kicking off the column to come stand beside you again. You could see the pretty wrinkles on the side of his mouth deepen as he breathes into a smile.

You start,

“Despite this mess, I’m glad I got to know you. At all.”

His dark eyes widen as he takes it in, the future still in question. His pale hands yearns to reach out to you, and even with this new confidence he is wary of rejection. Instead he cuts through the still and get straight to it,

“What does that mean?”

You felt caught off guard at his parry, but your answer comes out all on its own.

“It means that, I’ve liked you, Tom. and––”

And?

“I don’t completely want you out of my life.”

You find yourself smiling as you tuck your chin back in embarrassment. That sounded an awful lot like you still felt That Way about him. You shut your eyes and sigh, shaking your head a little bit.

“Not completely?” he repeats, egging you on for more. He leans close to you, making his way back to your heart.

You chuckle under your breath.

“Let’s start over.”

Tom’s brows harden.

You stretch out your hand towards him, which he cautiously accepts as you put out the flames.

“As friends.”

There’s another loud round of applause that echoes through the hall. Shouts and whistles bleed out to the lobby.

“As friends,” he murmurs.

You shake firmly, avoiding his eyes as your hands fall back to your sides. You turn your cheek to face away from him and suggest,

“Let’s get back in, yeah?”

You don’t want him to see the strange, flustered, excited, happy expression drawn so obviously on your face.

“Let’s,” Tom agrees easily.

His hand smoothes over the small of your back, in a brave and bold little show of camaraderie.

Let’s start off as friends.

You smile stiffly, because you don’t want him to know that your heart is pounding like it used to.

That it would be too easy to melt back into that old mold.

Let’s just see where we go from there.

As with all romantic dramedies, you enter the party together with no resolution or closure to your prior conversation. And once again, you are immediately swept away into the tide.

You lose each other for a moment, following the flow of people and conversation. But this time, you find your way back to one another, willingly.

Tom stands tall by your side, instead of cowering away, and you roll your shoulders back with inviting poise. You feel at ease and he smiles warmly.

That’s not to write off the unbelievable and undeniable tension stretching in the small gap between your shoulders. It’s TOO real.

Your hand had bumped his once, and you both jump back and fumble over hurried apologies.

“Sorry.”

“You’re good.”

And it’s back to standing still but not too still. You both manage to relax with your favorite blonde slash brunette makes his way, and stands in between. He’s throws his arms over both of you, drunken weight pulling down as he sways.

You laugh at the rumple in his collar, fixing it while berating him for still being so drunk at the end of the night. Harrison waves the hand on your side and twirls a finger in the air,

“Indulge a little.”

The celebration nears the end as the lights dim and people start making two lines by the exit, standing together holding party poppers to burst over the grooms in the grand finale. A parting gift of glitter and petals and kisses.

Tom has placed Harrison in a chair by the wall, both of you standing nearby. You both snicker as he rubs his eyes and checks his phone, undoubtedly texting you both.

Facing forward, you hold the small device in your hands as you wait together, scraping to make small talk. Your voice startles him.

“You know, Z is coming back in a week.”

Tom’s eyes widen, looking at you with genuine surprise. He nods, looking for more,

“Oh, for real? Does she want––” His eyes dart from side to side, thinking of his next words carefully.

You finish it for him.

“She wants to see you. And uh-oh, biiiiig trouble.”

“Oh,” he pulls an exaggerated face, tugging at his collar.

“Not all bad trouble. But–�� you know, it could help your case if you could help us with the move. Uhm, If I could trouble you with that.”

Tom smiles wide, his eyes crinkling near shut as he looks down. This is your arm stretched out towards him, offering a path back to where he wants to be. But it’s just a feeler, if anything at all.

“Yeah, of course, I’d love to.”

You giggle, shaking your head. No one wants to help anyone with a move, dummy. God, you don’t want to take advantage of his feelings but–– he does have a car and some apologies he wanted to make. Haha, it’s nothing malicious! You could just use the help.

“I can bring Haz and Jacob too, if that’s alright.”

“Oh, I don’t have that much shit.”

“Just Harrison then?”

Your eyes scan over him, wondering if he was worried about spending time in the same place as 3 women who were, arguably, after his throat. You really can’t blame him for looking for some protection.

You offer your sympathy with a edging smile, “Yeah, bring the drunkard with you. He’ll be a lot of help, yeah?”

You both turn back to look at him, squinting into the crowd. You laugh as he finally finds you, and offer him a little wave. You turn to Tom to see if he was waving too, but he wasn’t.

His face is close, and tilted towards you. You could see those freckles you missed so much, and the brow you’ve always wanted to tame. You could smell that faint boyish cologne that always reminded you of home––

“Oh! Here they come!” Tom interrupts, his whole face perking up animatedly. His smile is so wide and true, leaving you in a daze and you turn back to the grooms.

They make their way through the lines, dressed in white, only to be covered in glitter and streamers and petals.

You squeal in excitement, screaming congratulations as you pull the string and feel the pop in your bones. Tom is whistling and howling beside you, a cheeky hand making its way across your back.

Goosebumps prickle across your skin as you watch the new couple pass.

Hey.

They disappear into night, as the crowd collapses into one. You hear stray pops and fizzles, delayed responses but none to go to waste. The flurry of confetti is dense and never ending, feeling like a stubborn snow flurry in the early spring.

You lean into the warm palm into your back, and spin to find it’s owner.

Through falling flowers, muted music and passing bodies, you turn back to Tom.

Lovely Tom.

And he’s found you too, hair tousled just right and lips a rosy pink.

Picture perfect and sugary sweet.

“Hey, you.”

Your back is still blooming with warmth even after his hand falls away.

“Hey.”

Before the flurry ends, he’s pulled you aside to avoid the bustling of people making their exit. The dim light and soft rustling makes you feel small and lonely, yearning to be held again.

Your eyes shift towards Harrison, coming up from his seat and taking a video of the falling flowers. You blink back into your body.

Straightening yourself out, you tuck hair behind your ear, making rogue petals fall out onto the floor. You and Tom laugh, as he brushes his shoulders off and shakes his blazer.

You’re shaking off your dress as Harrison comes up, and Tom speaks low,

“Can I give you a ride home?”

Oh, the night’s not over.

You look at Haz, still in and out of his coordination and seeing that he was your ride… you agree. You walk with the pair of boys clinging to each other into the warm night and softly bump into Tom’s shoulder.

“Did you plan for this?”

He raises his brows to give you a smug smile,

“Nope, only hoped.”

You roll your eyes as you get into Harrison’s car–– Tom must have gotten a Lyft or something. Harrison surrendered his keys and quickly settled into his seat up front. He dozes off quickly, dropping his phone and making no reaction.

Tom snickers as you take a picture of the blonde sweetie, sitting back to type on your phone.

He plays some whatever late night radio music, and it’s quiet in the car but it’s not so bad. It’s comfortable.

You don’t feel the pressure to talk after all the talking you had already done.

You focus on picking off flowers that have gotten into precarious places, and rub the glitter off your skin. You seethe,

“These better be biodegradable.”

And Tom laughs, glitter and paper confetti falling out of his hair.

He takes you home on familiar dips and turn, getting back to your apartment in no time. You almost forgot about your roommate for a moment too––

He parks to the side and as you gather your things he runs out to get the door for you, making you blow up at your hair. You take the hand he offers as you step out,

“Thank you, thank you. That’ll be all.”

You start to walk to the front door, realizing Tom is following you after the car door shuts and you hear his hurried steps. You look at him, lips pressed to avoid a smile. He shrugs,

“Just want to make sure you get inside.”

You both look towards the door, only a short distance away. And reconvene with those dark browns, curious to see what could happen next.

He understands that there’s still a line, still a few things to settle. And you appreciate that–– except for the fact that your insides are buzzing to take him in, to watching something dumb or to catch up or to drink drinks or to just to have him on your couch again.

But it can’t be tonight.

You climb up a few steps, making yourself a lot taller than him, and lick your lips,

“”Thank you, Tom. Uhm, it was nice talking to you again.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he scratches the side of his neck, “This eases some of my worries.”

“You don’t have to worry,” you say softly leaning back.

“But I want to.”

You shake your head, throwing your shoulders up as you laugh,

“Stay worried then!”

Tom pouts, slapping his arms at his side in defense, and you only rub your nose.

“Thanks,” he sarcastically nods, continuing the banter. He wants to spend more time with you too, to wrap himself in that fuzzy gray blanket and tell you how much you meant and mean to him. But he rocks back on his heels, trying to get away from your sweet scent and away from the sweet licks of temptation.

Let’s not make the same mistakes twice, yeah?

“Text me when you make it back, okay? Tell Harrison to too,” you conclude, stepping on the brakes.

He smiles a little too wide at the permission you just gave him, and you only realize it a second after. Then the lines of communication were open again, that this is something you will really move forward with–– and as Tom bows his head to hide his ecstatic grin, you catch sight of a stray white petal knotted in his locks.

“Hold on!”

You reach forward instinctively, and he keeps his head lowered. You hold the side of his head with one hand, the bottom of your palm smoothing across his forehead and the other plucking the petal from a nest of gel,

“Got it.”

And he looks up then, with no warning. You hand frozen in place, and ultimately cupping his cheek. Your thumb presses against the corner of his lip, pressed in a gorgeous and heartbreaking smile.

You manage to speak, “Look, silly.”

Your hand shakes as you show him the white petal between your faces, and he defiantly looks past it and straight at you.

“You can keep that,” he whispers, making your hair stand on end.

And it’s funny because your arm lowers, and your hand slides off his burning cheek onto his chest. You smooth down his lapel and hold his gaze before you let your hand fall back to your side. You wished nothing more than to tumble forward, to collapse back into his arms. To embrace him wholly, for him to embrace you back.

To forget the stupid messes made and fall in love with the sweetness again.

“I will.”

There’s still a trust to be earned, a new recipe to follow. Proper ingredients, real sugar and in the end, it’s still gotta taste good too.

But, oh, what would wouldn't do to kiss him again.

To take a bite of that sweet chocolate.

“I’ll see you soon, Tom.”

I wonder what it would taste like now?

A/N: …… FINALLY. OH MY GOD. it’s been like what, 6 months? Since December? This series took a hard hit because of my birthday and holidays and tumblr banning blogs left and right. I’m glad to return to it, and fucking… END it. Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck around, remembered this series and asked for updates! This is for you.

If you can, please like, comment and reblog. I want all of those who have been waiting for this to see the end! Maybe like 2-3 more chapters left?

And i’ll let you know when i can update next. The next one won’t be as long, so maybe i can get it out in a week or two?

Track #LDC or #Like Dark Chocolate to see the updates!

Again, thank you so much and i love you guys! See you very soon.

Peace,

Madmadmilk

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tenebraetempest · 7 years

Text

Football, Video Games, and High School - A Phan AU

Chapter 2: The First Letter Chapter 1 here ao3 wattpad deviantart

Dan has seriously considered not going to school the next day. He knew for absolute sure that it was going to be awful, but he also knew his father would simply murder him if he let his grades slip over something such as bullying. But even if he knew it was out of care for his education, he kinda wished they’d be more easy and understanding, but that’s asking too much out of any type of parent, he figured. He took his sweet time walking to the tube that day, missing the first one that would get him there on time, but he really just… Wasn’t feeling it today. He made it on the next one around, gripping onto the pole to hold himself up as the train jutted down the subway, heading to his school.

As Dan waited, he realized another figure stood beside him that he recognized. He felt his heart start palpitating in his throat and loudly in his ears when he realized who it was. It was Phil fucking Lester. He stood there, his team jacket over him, and his hood pulled tightly over his head, but he still managed to recognize him. Should Dan say something? Should he stay quiet? Has he even noticed it was him next to him? He figured not, when he noticed Phil had his headphones in. Dan also had his headphones in, but only on bud as the other was broken, and Phil had a full headset cozily wrapped around his head.

He quietly was curious was he was listening to. He had some Arctic Monkeys playing on his own, he really wondered what kind of music a football captain would be into. Dan watched as Phil pulled out mp3 player. Ah maybe he could figure out—It was kinda creepy to want to know so badly though. He adverted his eyes but couldn’t take it, he looked again. Mr. Brightside… He liked the Killers? That was really cool, he thought, until he realized Phil had been looking right at him when he peeked to his mp3 player. Dan felt his face turn a deep red, and he quickly turned away. Fuck fuck fuck, if he didn’t notice him before, he definitely noticed him now.

Phil seemed completely uninterested in him being there. Dan was relieved really, no longer interested in starting up a conversation about music because he was so embarrassed from him just suddenly looking at him with that cold, icy glare he had the first time they met, too. He seemed so soft, so sweet when he was talking to others though… He really hoped he could see that for real one day… Have that boy smiling and laughing while talking to him, being close… But that was nothing more than a probable fever dream. Soon the train stopped, and Phil was the first to get off since they had both been cramped up right against the door. Once Dan stepped out after him, he noticed Phil seemed to be running. Not an extremely fast run, but like a jog, in a rush to get to school without exerting himself too hard.

Dan didn’t follow because honestly he didn’t need to have a damn asthma attack the second he walked through the school doors, he was way too awfully unfit for that kind of shit. He figured he didn’t want to be in trouble for missing the first class. Probably a grade requirement for the sports team. Or something. It’s not like he could’ve known. The only time he’s ever done sports was in elementary school at the playgrounds and he would get teased for being no good at all. Okay, enough of your brain wondering off again. Focus on getting to school, Dan.

Dan finally made it to school and headed to his locker, when the bell rang. Great, first period was already over. Oh well, he could just make some excuse with his next class… He opened his locker, and a note fell out of it. How strange… He bent over and lifted it up. There was no name on it… Simply a cat sticker over the flap you open it from. That’s certainly strange. Maybe it’d from a girl? He couldn’t imagine some girl sending him a love letter on the second day. Let alone a fucking letter in the first place since people either taunted or completely ignored him. There was that one girl from yesterday, but she was mostly just offering to help him because he tended to always just looked like some lost puppy.

Okay, instead of making assumptions, maybe he should actually read it. He removed the cat sticker, and placed it on the inside of his locker. He thought it was rather cute… And then turned back to the envelope to open it up. He pulled out the paper, a neatly folded sheet of lined paper. The hand writing wasn’t too awful either, but it definitely didn’t look like a girls. That made him slightly suspicious of this whole thing… He read it in his head, ignoring all the pushy students stumbling around to their next class.

‘Dear Daniel,’ It read, a bit formal. I hope this doesn’t scare you. A random letter from someone you haven’t even had a full conversation with—Rude even, maybe, but I hope you don’t see it that way. I wanted to apologize for scaring you yesterday. I wasn’t threatening you, I simply warned you since my friends can be jerks.’ Oh… Dan quickly realized who it was a felt his face become a bit pale. He read on, ‘It was meant to actually be like, a considerate warning. But some say I come off scary when I don’t express actual facial expressions, which I should’ve done. Um, also for scaring you from slamming my hand against the lockers yesterday to get your attention. I tried to clarify things then, but you ran off.’

‘I left your pencil that you dropped while running yesterday in your locker through the slit. At the bottom of your locker should also be a new wallet. I went shopping for dinner last night for my mother, and found this wallet at the shop and thought it’d be kind retribution, since Adam told me what they did to yours. Sorry about that. Enjoy your new wallet, at least. And be more careful with your school supplies! Those are very easy to lose track of, let me tell you.’

‘Last thing before I completely end this letter, I saw you at the cemetery last night. I didn’t say anything since I noticed you were probably hiding for a reason. Sorry for whoever you’ve lost. I lost my father about a year ago and I know how hard it can be. I always visit his grave and talk a little before I head on home, and when I was there, I figured you had been doing the same. There’s a flower shop called Lady Martins Flower Shoppe, its right outside the school grounds, I always go there for my flowers, I even recommend it.’

‘Whoops, I just realized I’ve written too much and have probably only annoyed you since you probably don’t like me cause of my friends. I don’t blame you. Bye.

-Phil Lester’

Dan looked down to the bottom of the locker and he was right. His black mechanical pencil, and a new wallet sat there, and Dan couldn’t help but fluster a bit. Phil Lester wrote him a letter and holy crap he was the sweetest person ever. His friends might be shite, but he seemed like an absolute sweetheart and it made his cheeks flush. He placed his pencil away, and looked to the wallet. It was a lot studier than the other, and it was a nice black. Nervously he put it away in his pocket. Maybe that’s why he saw him rushing to school, to place this in his locker since he didn’t want to actual confront him. He was quite nervous in his presence, so it made sense… He folded the sheet up, and stuffed it in the inside of his coat pocket, wanting to keep it close to him.

It wasn’t some love letter, but to him it almost felt like one. He wished he could think of some way to thank him for what he’s done, but he didn’t know which locker was his. Maybe he could slip him something in one of their classes together… Or catch him afterschool while avoiding the other two. Well… The lovely thought of avoiding the other two didn’t last long because there they were, right over his shoulders.

“So I guess this emo fuck can smile every once in a while.” Adam said, placing a menacing hand on Dan’s shoulder.

“Seems so, Adam. What, did your boyfriend tell you how everything’s gonna be awight, huh? How he’s gonna coddle and protect you hmmm?” Joseph cooed, pretending to make a kissy-kissy face.

“Quite being jerks for two minutes, idiots.” A girl’s voice sounded. Adam and Joseph turned, and Dan nervously shut his locker and turned as well. She had long twin ponytails, nice blonde hair and a very bright red lipstick which made her stick out quite a bit. Her light jacket read the schools name, and had a tennis racquet under it. A tennis team member? “Let the kid get to his class already.”

“Aww Louise, come on. We’re only having a little fun, sweetheart~” Adam said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Louise, apparently, shoved his arm off.

“Not your sweetheart now, or ever.” She rolled her eyes. “Now go off before I tell coach.”

They both quickly nodded to that, and headed off to class, giving Dan a nasty glare before. Louise took a deep breath, and turned to Dan. She was a bit large and curvy, her hair tied in pigtails were curly, and she had a rather noticeable gap in between her front teeth, and gave Dan a smile. “Sorry about those idiots. My names Louise. Captain of the Girls Tennis team!”

“U-um, hello…” Dan shook the hand that Louise stuck out, nervously, and retracted the hand back to his pocket. “I’m Dan.”

“Oh, don’t be so nervous Dan!” She exclaimed, smacking his back “Stand up straight and show some back bone, will ya? They’ll stop bothering you if you can manage that, yeah?”

Dan yelped slightly. Fuck, she was too strong, he thought rubbing his back that actually really hurt… “I would if I could,”

“Of course you can! Look, I’ll sit with you at lunch and teach you a thing or two, yeah? See you!” She quickly headed off to class then. Dan sighed exasperated like. This place was just way too strange… Lunchtime rolled around and he headed out the back of the school, near the track so he could be alone. He was munching on a bag of chips he had in his bag, sitting quietly. Until he was interrupted immediately by the familiar girls voice.

“DAN! I told you to meet me at lunch, you nerd.” Louise said, dropping down beside him, crunching on an apple.

“Ah… Sorry, it slipped my mind,” He lied. He felt awkward trying to look for her and preferred being alone during lunch anyways… He nervously shifted around against the ground. “Why did you want to see me again…?”

“Right! I wanted to go ahead and teach you a thing or two about having more confidence in yourself! Hah!” Louise smiled brightly, chewing into her apple again.

“That’s a kind offer, but I think I’ll have to take a pass.” He said, closing up his bag.

“Oh come on, don’t be so scared. Let be your guide! Talking to girls, or boys if you like! And how to work on avoiding bullies all that stuff! You definitely look like you need it.” She cheekily teased, poking his cheek.

Dan shook his head, standing up. “I don’t need any help.”

Louise pouted slightly. Then, she stood up. “Fine, but in case you ever change your mind~” She slipped a piece of paper into Dan’s jeans, and left.

Dan groaned, and pulled the paper out to look at it. It was her phone number. Yeah, as if he ever needed it or was even gonna call her. He stuffed it back into his pocket not wanting to just liter it, and then heading to his next class early. He figured he could probably wait in the hall and hopefully avoid anyone by being the first in the class once the teachers back…

School ended not fast enough for Dan, and he stayed back in his last class. He waited for all the students to mostly flood out before waving off his teacher, and stepping out of the classroom. The hall was completely empty—Except for Phil. Who was standing down the hall, seeming to be waiting for someone? He caught a glimpse of Dan, and then approached him, causing Dan’s heartrate to go through the roof. “Hey, Howell.” He said, a hand in his pocket.

“Ah- Erm—Hi,” He flustered. “Dan—You… You can just call me Dan… It’s fine.” Dan corrected, not really sure why he kept using his surname.

“Ah, alright. Hey Dan.” Phil leaned against the lockers all cool like and Dan’s flustered heart couldn’t look away, tightly gripping onto his backpack strap. “I hope you got my letter.”

“Ye—Yes! I did!” Whoops, that was a bit too loud. “I—I mean, yes. Thank you… It really means a lot, I don’t deserve a present from someone so um, out of the blue—”

“It’s fine. You probably needed something to hold your ID and stuff so I didn’t want you to try to scramble together for one. Also, I really hope I’m not intimidating you too much. I really don’t bite,” He chuckled softly.

Oh fuck he had the cutest laugh and he was talking to him AND laughing WHAT THE FUCK. “Oh- No, it’s fine. I’m just nervous since I just moved here…”

“Where are you from? I actually came here two years ago from Rawtenstall. I was a sophomore when I started here too.” Phil said, twirling a pen around in his fingers.

That explains his accent being the way it was… “Wokingham,” He answered, a bit too quickly and suddenly. “My—Grandmother was buried here, so… We moved here to be closer to her.”

“Ah, that’s why you were at the cemetery.” Phil realized, thinking for a moment. “Sorry about that. I bet you really miss her,” Phil quickly changed subject, trying not to hit a nerve or anything. “You seem chill, really. Sorry the guys don’t take a moment to get to know someone before messing around with them. Once I graduate I’m gonna be more than glad never to have to talk to them again.”

“No one really does, its fine…” Dan felt really awkward, fuck he really didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to look too much into Phil’s big eyes because he’s get even more red faced.

Phil felt a bit bad when he responded like that, and then thought of something. “Ah- I saw you were interested in what I was listening to this morning. Do you like the Killers?”

Dan jumped slightly at that question. “Erm, yes…! They’re a really good band, I was just listening to Arctic Monkeys this morning and was curious looking over to your mp3 player…”

“Arctic Monkeys too? You got good taste. I wouldn’t mind talking to you more, so…” Phil thought, and then stopping twirling the pen, ripping a piece of paper off the crumpled sheet in his pocket. He wrote down his number and email, and handed it over to Dan. “I wish we had more time, but I better get home.” Phil left then, walking off. Dan felt like he was melting into the floor slumped on the locker.

The moment Dan got home he grabbed his phone immediately. He waited impatiently for the phone to pick up before speaking. “Louise, I think I’m gonna really need that help in confidence boosting.”

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hgfstreamchats · 4 years

Text

Megamind

thenightetc 09:14 PM Hello! highglossfinish 09:14 PM Hello, night human! thenightetc 09:14 PM Megamind, eh? We're in for a treat! SSHammertime 09:15 PM Yeah!!! starlightseller 09:15 PM ooh it’s been forever since I’ve seen Megamind SSHammertime 09:15 PM You're welcome! thenightetc 09:15 PM :D thenightetc 09:16 PM Thank you! starlightseller 09:16 PM yea thank you!! highglossfinish 09:16 PM Aaand we'll just be saving *that one* for another week! highglossfinish 09:17 PM Oh look, more possums!

thenightetc 09:17 PM No video or audio here, anyone else getting it? highglossfinish 09:18 PM Nothing? thenightetc 09:18 PM Nada. highglossfinish 09:18 PM Scrap. thenightetc 09:18 PM It also, on the left side, isn't showing anyone else here... thenightetc 09:18 PM I'll try reloading. highglossfinish 09:18 PM I'll try reloading. SSHammertime 09:18 PM Me being here with Papa made the coolness level too high SSHammertime 09:18 PM we broke it thenightetc has joined the party. thenightetc 09:20 PM Oh there we go! SSHammertime has joined the party. SSHammertime 09:20 PM Yaaaaay! thenightetc 09:20 PM I can see but not hear it... thenightetc 09:20 PM oh, my volume was just too low thenightetc 09:20 PM There we go :) highglossfinish 09:20 PM Wonderful! starlightseller 09:21 PM I’m on my phone so I don’t know if that’s why I don’t see anything,, SSHammertime 09:21 PM Try reloading? starlightseller 09:21 PM I’ll get on my computer in a second and see if that helps starlightseller 09:22 PM ^-^ starlightseller has joined the party. starlightseller 09:22 PM There we go! SSHammertime 09:22 PM Yay! thenightetc 09:23 PM \o/ thenightetc 09:25 PM Cat... no. SSHammertime 09:26 PM they want to BAP thenightetc 09:26 PM What would they even do with it if they managed to kill it starlightseller 09:26 PM they wanna bapbapbap thenightetc 09:27 PM They are very foolish. starlightseller 09:27 PM this reminds me of the time my cat tried to fight a praying mantis starlightseller has left the party. starlightseller has joined the party. thenightetc 09:29 PM That's a great preview image. SSHammertime 09:29 PM welcome back! starlightseller 09:29 PM hi! my internet does not like me so sorry if I keep popping in and out ;w; thenightetc 09:29 PM It's like that sometimes! starlightseller has left the party. thenightetc 09:33 PM I forgot it started like this highglossfinish 09:34 PM Why are all the good movies hard to find? starlightseller has joined the party. thenightetc 09:34 PM Aggressive copyright-holders! highglossfinish 09:34 PM There we are! thenightetc 09:34 PM \o/ SSHammertime 09:34 PM \(^o^)/ thenightetc 09:35 PM "death" thenightetc 09:36 PM Is that your discord notification? highglossfinish 09:37 PM Comes with the emulator. I'll shut it up. thenightetc 09:37 PM Who left a baby in prison though SSHammertime 09:37 PM I like the prison people better highglossfinish 09:38 PM Oh, for Pit's sake. starlightseller 09:38 PM honestly that’s a mood Thebes has joined the party. thenightetc 09:38 PM Although since it's Megamind himself telling us this, I do kind of wonder if it's true Thebes 09:39 PM hello! SSHammertime 09:39 PM Hi!!! thenightetc 09:39 PM Hi! We're not too far in yet :) Thebes 09:39 PM woo! thenightetc 09:42 PM Oh, come on. A class of ten year olds would LOVE the exploding popcorn SSHammertime 09:42 PM ....does he not wash his clothes? SSHammertime 09:43 PM he just keeps getting sticker! thenightetc 09:44 PM hahaha highglossfinish 09:44 PM He's like Starscream, if Starscream was fun. starlightseller 09:44 PM that made me laugh SSHammertime 09:44 PM I like jailbreaks! thenightetc 09:44 PM Yeah! highglossfinish 09:45 PM Don't we all! starlightseller 09:45 PM jailbreaks are always fun thenightetc 09:45 PM An ocean inside a bigger ocean. starlightseller 09:45 PM I am not gonna lie I had a crush on Roxanne when I was a kid thenightetc 09:46 PM Well! thenightetc 09:46 PM She's super cute. thenightetc 09:46 PM Yeah dude you're LUCKY she got kidnapped before she heard that mess. SSHammertime 09:46 PM uh-huh! thenightetc 09:46 PM HA highglossfinish 09:46 PM Clever! thenightetc 09:46 PM Very! SSHammertime 09:47 PM evil laughs are important! SSHammertime 09:48 PM ew, shoes are dirty don't kiss them! thenightetc 09:48 PM Yeah, quit it with that thenightetc 09:49 PM Those are adorable SSHammertime 09:50 PM TEMPTRESS thenightetc 09:51 PM Thinkin' about it on the way over highglossfinish 09:51 PM They're trying their best. SSHammertime 09:51 PM She's not scared of anything! thenightetc 09:51 PM She's seen it all! SSHammertime 09:53 PM I can't wait to fly thenightetc 09:54 PM It does look like fun! SSHammertime 09:54 PM He knew she was smart, so he planned ahead! thenightetc 09:55 PM Flicker. SSHammertime 09:56 PM he said crap! highglossfinish 09:56 PM Shame on him! SSHammertime 09:57 PM not very superhero to swear SSHammertime 09:57 PM that's foreshadowing SSHammertime 09:57 PM 3:3 starlightseller 09:58 PM this is one of my favorite songs -w- thenightetc 09:59 PM Hehehehe starlightseller 09:59 PM i love it thenightetc 10:00 PM Ha. thenightetc 10:00 PM Oh, Minion. thenightetc 10:04 PM His pyjama cape SSHammertime 10:04 PM you gotta have fancy pajamas Thebes has left the party. Thebes has joined the party. thenightetc 10:04 PM Yikes SSHammertime 10:04 PM CREEPY thenightetc 10:04 PM "That's MUCH worse!" highglossfinish 10:05 PM Eugh. starlightseller 10:06 PM hey look its john green Thebes 10:06 PM This will clearly end fantastically SSHammertime 10:07 PM he doesn't look happy enough for john green starlightseller 10:07 PM true SSHammertime 10:07 PM slippers! thenightetc 10:07 PM Hahaha thenightetc 10:07 PM ...Is this guy a fan thenightetc 10:11 PM Honestly how does she not recognize his voice highglossfinish 10:11 PM Jealous, Minion? thenightetc 10:11 PM Hahahhaah SSHammertime 10:12 PM This is why we don't have a doormat thenightetc 10:12 PM Heh. SSHammertime 10:12 PM She'd be a good superhero thenightetc 10:13 PM God thenightetc 10:13 PM She would be! thenightetc 10:13 PM I want an au where SHE gets the injection thing highglossfinish 10:13 PM Agreed! highglossfinish 10:13 PM She deserves it. SSHammertime 10:13 PM Yes! thenightetc 10:14 PM Amazing SSHammertime 10:14 PM it's a party! thenightetc 10:15 PM Nooooooo SSHammertime 10:15 PM THEY'LL BE OKAY SSHammertime 10:15 PM I SAY SO thenightetc 10:15 PM I'M SURE THEY'RE FINE highglossfinish 10:15 PM He looks like an egg. thenightetc 10:16 PM ...does Megamind. Believe what he said happened? With the ninjas? SSHammertime 10:16 PM y'know, he was right there when roxanne said there was a doormat SSHammertime 10:16 PM ....huh SSHammertime 10:16 PM he's probably, like, "i don't remember sending ninjas?" thenightetc 10:17 PM Honestly he deserved that SSHammertime 10:18 PM he had a creepy poster SSHammertime 10:18 PM ! thenightetc 10:18 PM I didn't see it :U SSHammertime 10:18 PM it was roxanne! SSHammertime 10:18 PM 3>:[ highglossfinish 10:18 PM I'm glad I didn't see it. thenightetc 10:19 PM Oh jeeez D: thenightetc 10:19 PM ........ SSHammertime 10:20 PM ..... thenightetc 10:20 PM Wow SSHammertime 10:20 PM i like the song, though thenightetc 10:20 PM Ha! highglossfinish 10:20 PM "Read words, kids." SSHammertime 10:21 PM Good advice! highglossfinish 10:21 PM Indeed! thenightetc 10:22 PM awwww SSHammertime 10:23 PM ewwww SSHammertime 10:23 PM EEEEEWWWWWW thenightetc 10:23 PM literally huh thenightetc 10:23 PM ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww SSHammertime 10:24 PM PARHOOM Thebes 10:25 PM flawless poker face thenightetc 10:25 PM Ha. thenightetc 10:25 PM Brilliant plan. highglossfinish 10:25 PM Sounds like these two have A Talk. SSHammertime 10:26 PM 3:( thenightetc 10:26 PM Awww nooooooooo highglossfinish 10:26 PM Whatever arrangement they have can survive it, if only they're frank about it! thenightetc 10:26 PM They can work through this! SSHammertime 10:26 PM Things will be okay! SSHammertime 10:27 PM That's how good movies work thenightetc 10:27 PM Huh. So she arranged this... subconsciously? highglossfinish 10:27 PM Ew. SSHammertime 10:27 PM i think that's how the papers were in the lair? SSHammertime 10:27 PM and ew thenightetc 10:27 PM Ewwww thenightetc 10:27 PM Ohhh of course starlightseller 10:28 PM aaa I gotta go TTwTT sorry I couldn’t stay the whole time but thanks for having me!!! thenightetc 10:28 PM "I just stole a flower stall" SSHammertime 10:28 PM bye! thenightetc 10:28 PM YIKES starlightseller has left the party. highglossfinish 10:28 PM What a charmer. SSHammertime 10:29 PM eeewwww SSHammertime 10:29 PM i can't get goosebumps but i'm getting the heebie jeebies thenightetc 10:29 PM Ewwwwwwww thenightetc 10:29 PM All of the heebies. thenightetc 10:30 PM Right on the first try SSHammertime 10:31 PM ...why did nobody notice that? thenightetc 10:31 PM Nobody notices anything, ever highglossfinish 10:31 PM Oh dear. thenightetc 10:31 PM *facepalm* SSHammertime 10:31 PM AAAAAAHHHHHH SSHammertime 10:32 PM she's having a bad night 3:( highglossfinish 10:33 PM Ouch. thenightetc 10:33 PM "well no, that was the point of lying" thenightetc 10:34 PM I actually want to know where Minion even went highglossfinish 10:34 PM Likewise. SSHammertime 10:37 PM RUIN HIS LEVEL highglossfinish 10:37 PM Ruin his everything! thenightetc 10:38 PM A... leash. thenightetc 10:38 PM Yikes thenightetc 10:38 PM "Dating" is pushing it at this point highglossfinish 10:38 PM I'll say. SSHammertime 10:39 PM this is bad, because he wants the murder SSHammertime 10:39 PM ugh thenightetc 10:40 PM dude she was never your girlfirend thenightetc 10:40 PM or going to be, ever. highglossfinish 10:40 PM You didn't see this coming when he was melting your head in training, Megamind? thenightetc 10:41 PM Apparently not! SSHammertime 10:41 PM he's got high intelligence and low wisdom! thenightetc 10:42 PM High charisma too thenightetc 10:43 PM God. thenightetc 10:43 PM Natural 1 on that sense motive check thenightetc 10:44 PM Ha! thenightetc 10:44 PM So that definitely killed a whole bunch of people. SSHammertime 10:44 PM 3:( thenightetc 10:46 PM Keep his logo. After faking his death. SSHammertime 10:49 PM HE'S STUPID thenightetc 10:49 PM VERY stupid. thenightetc 10:49 PM "hung out" thenightetc 10:50 PM Awwwwwww thenightetc 10:51 PM Awww! SSHammertime 10:52 PM MINIONNNNNN SSHammertime 10:52 PM 3:D thenightetc 10:52 PM :3 thenightetc 10:53 PM Hellooooooo SSHammertime 10:53 PM YEEEAAAAHHHHHHH highglossfinish 10:53 PM I love that bit. thenightetc 10:53 PM Me too! thenightetc 10:57 PM Although really that's just kicking the can down the road to the next city highglossfinish 10:58 PM "Yeah, sure, why not?" highglossfinish 10:58 PM Hah! thenightetc 10:58 PM I love that line SSHammertime 10:58 PM NICE LINE SSHammertime 10:58 PM another nice line! thenightetc 10:58 PM Yesss thenightetc 10:59 PM Ha! SSHammertime 10:59 PM YEAAAHHHHH thenightetc 10:59 PM I hope that hurts. thenightetc 11:00 PM Awwww SSHammertime 11:01 PM 3:D thenightetc 11:01 PM Heeeee SSHammertime 11:02 PM "sir, you are still tall" highglossfinish 11:03 PM "Sir." thenightetc 11:03 PM This is such a cute movie. SSHammertime 11:03 PM 3:D highglossfinish 11:03 PM An excellent choice! SSHammertime 11:03 PM You're welcome! thenightetc 11:03 PM You have good taste in movies. :) SSHammertime 11:04 PM Thanks! thenightetc 11:06 PM "Yes. Day." SSHammertime 11:06 PM 3XD highglossfinish 11:07 PM Any suggestions you'd like to end on, my dear? SSHammertime 11:07 PM Hmmmmmm 3:3 SSHammertime 11:08 PM Oh! I know! thenightetc 11:08 PM 👀 SSHammertime 11:08 PM Clue! from 1985! SSHammertime 11:08 PM and Treasure Planet! thenightetc 11:08 PM Oooooo! Thebes 11:09 PM Those are both a LOT of fun SSHammertime 11:09 PM Oh! And the Great Mouse Detective! SSHammertime 11:09 PM The Road to El Dorado! SSHammertime 11:09 PM 3:D highglossfinish 11:09 PM Onto the queue they go! SSHammertime 11:10 PM Yay! thenightetc 11:10 PM All great ideas! SSHammertime 11:10 PM I'm full of them! SSHammertime 11:10 PM Also snacks thenightetc 11:11 PM I wish I had some snacks, but I don't want to go to a grocery store at this particular time. SSHammertime 11:11 PM that's fair! highglossfinish 11:13 PM Lets see, things to end the night on. thenightetc 11:14 PM I like this channel! Starscreamillar has joined the party. highglossfinish 11:16 PM "Kill me." Starscreamillar has left the party. Starscreamillar has joined the party. thenightetc 11:17 PM Ahhh, buttercream. thenightetc 11:18 PM F. Starscreamillar has left the party. Starscreamillar has joined the party. highglossfinish 11:20 PM Anything anyone would like to see? thenightetc 11:20 PM Hmmmmmm. Starscreamillar 11:20 PM I would like this accursed program to work properly. thenightetc 11:21 PM I'm kind of morbidly interested in that 1950s one SSHammertime 11:21 PM Hhhhhmmmm thenightetc 11:21 PM Middle right. SSHammertime 11:21 PM I wanna see kermit saying "no it's not a cookie!" Starscreamillar has left the party. Starscreamillar has joined the party. highglossfinish 11:22 PM The journey cake? thenightetc 11:22 PM Sounds good! SSHammertime 11:22 PM 3:D thenightetc 11:23 PM FIRST CLOOOOOOOOO... Thebes 11:23 PM Few muppets do 'unimpressed' like Kermit thenightetc 11:23 PM An orange! SSHammertime 11:23 PM i like his crumple face! thenightetc 11:24 PM Hahhahah thenightetc 11:24 PM Oh my gosh highglossfinish 11:24 PM That's a threat, Kermit. thenightetc 11:24 PM Don't reward him for it. Starscreamillar 11:24 PM He is going to eat that frog. thenightetc 11:27 PM Honestly I'm glad we can just buy yeast now. SSHammertime 11:27 PM this bread tiny! SSHammertime 11:27 PM YEAST! thenightetc 11:27 PM Ha! thenightetc 11:27 PM *high five* SSHammertime 11:28 PM High five! thenightetc 11:34 PM Huh. thenightetc 11:35 PM I want to try that, now. highglossfinish 11:36 PM Anything tastes good if you cook it over and eat it in front of that fire. SSHammertime 11:36 PM 3:D highglossfinish 11:37 PM Well, that's all I've got! thenightetc 11:37 PM What an "all" it was, though! highglossfinish 11:38 PM It was! Thank you again for that, Impact. SSHammertime 11:38 PM Yooooou're welcome~! <3 thenightetc 11:38 PM Thank you for the stream; this was lovely. And I hope we'll see you around, Impact. :) highglossfinish 11:38 PM You'll have to regale us with more movie choices in the future. SSHammertime 11:38 PM Yeah!!! Starscreamillar 11:38 PM A pity I missed most of it, but it was nice to catch even the little I did. highglossfinish 11:38 PM You've certainy been missed! Thebes 11:39 PM Thanks for the stream, it was a good one~ Starscreamillar 11:39 PM I shall have to make every effort to catch the next stream in full. Until then! Starscreamillar has left the party. thenightetc 11:39 PM Goodnight! Thebes has left the party. SSHammertime 11:39 PM Bye everybody! highglossfinish 11:39 PM Good night! thenightetc has left the party.

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sbcojn · 5 years

Text

30 random facts about me for the sake of finding ourselves in the so called century of the self

...and because i am effectively trying to keep myself from studying for a statistics exam and from falling down a negative spiral of thoughts.

caution: if over sharing people annoy you do not read this, keep scrolling or log off.

i have a long a*s first name, which sounds like math and let's everyone, who ever reads my name and who has not met me in person yet, think that i'm a dude. thx mom for adding a dutch variation to it as well and for wanting your kid to have an extravagant unisex name, which no one is able to pronounce correctly! :')

my mom, my grandmas and my second oldest cousin are my idols and i talk about them all the time. i understand that it's creepy and annoying to my social environment but i can't help it and idgaf! i adore them, i want to be them and i love them soOoOo much! every single one of them is such a badass boss lady, who is not afraid of working hard, making sacrifices and never asking for anything in return. just by watching them handle life they taught me everything i need to know about it. i admire how they each are so comfortable with themselves that they don't ever feel the need to justify who they are and what they do. i am very blessed to have them in my life and to be related to them.

i lived in indonesia until i was 3-4ish.

during an exchange program from hotel management school in switzerland my mom somehow fell in love with that country and moved here with me.

here she met my stepdad, who for me is my real dad. he adopted me as soon as he met my mom and treated me as i was one of his own. i actually have most of my characteristic traits in common with my dad and that's why i hate when people remind me of the fact, that i am not blood related to him. just let me construct my own reality b*tches! i am thankful for everything he did for me and for all the sacrifices he made. in spite of being too young for that kind of responsibility he looked after his family with boldness and bravery. i love you more than everything and i am truly sorry for being such a hard a*s to you when i was little and when i was going through puberty lol!

i have a little brother, who is 4 years younger than me. he is my true partner in crime and was ALWAYS on my side no matter what. i was so afraid when my parents told me that they are going to have another kid, because i thought that meant that they needed to get rid of me. but i was over the moon when he was born. he was such a cute fat a*s baby and i instantly felt the need to mother him when i was only four. lol sorry for treating you like a baby born bro! but i loved and still love you so much and i will always help you out like you did, no matter what happens!

if you touch my family i will D E L E T E yours!

when i was little i watched to many disney movies and sailor moon. i was o b s e s s e d once my dad caught me posing like sailor moon in front of the mirror and i wanted to die! another time he caught me singing disney songs on the balcony... and i didn't know how to speak english then. i only knew how to speak indonesian and german so i sang the songs in some kind of fantasy language, which to me sounded like english and tried to enact those dramatic singing scenes on the balcony or while looking out of my window.......

although i started my life as an extra af child i always acted shy in kindergarten and elementary school. through the entire time my teachers made it mandatory for me to visit an extra class for non-native speakers. for most of my childhood every teacher thought i could not properly speak german and i was too shy to tell them that i certainly could speak german. my parents were so confused because at home i would always order them around and as soon as i was in school i was even scared to breath too loudly. so fake though :')

my chemical romance, nirvana, pearl jam, billy talent, radiohead, the flatliners, a day to remember, architects, new politics, jimmy eat world and paramore used to get me through every situation in puberty. i was kind of cocky and prided myself on my taste in music because i thought the music i listened to wAs So EmOtIonALLy dEep aNd No OnE mY aGe WouLD bE aBLe To ApPrEciAtE iTs dEpth. and to be honest, every time i listen to this kind of music now i am not able to appreciate it. it makes me sad and i am kind of emotionally stable now lol! kind of says a lot about the genius of this genre though but i can't do it anymore! listening to it takes my mind to places i don't want to go back to. thank you for your service but i am happy and became kind of an emotionally semi-stable mainstream b*tch, when it comes to music! k, thx, bye! lol

i have a scar on my forehead in between my eye brows. it was caused by playing hide and seek in the dark. me and my child hood friend thought this was a revolutionary idea and we got sooooo hyped. we ended up running into one another and her tooth finally got stuck in my forehead lol.

i always did good at school but i don't remember how. i don't remember studying a lot. all i remember is how i couldn't focus on sh*t for longer than 5 minutes. this became a huge problem as soon as i entered middle school. from then on i always got in trouble with my teachers because they wanted to downgrade me but my parents never agreed to that. and they would always be angry at me for not doing enough for school but in fact i just didn't know how to effin' focus. i remember studying my butt off but still didn't know what i was doing exactly and somehow still managed to graduate grammar school after nearly dropping out twice and showing up for class for only like half of the time. since entering middle school i was an average to really really bad student, who got eaten from the inside by teenage angst and who had an attention span of a baby. after taking care of my ADD and growing up a little all i really want to do is study. but not math/statistics man. i still hate math though. i am one of the few asian people, who is bad at math.

i love to consume pop culture in every format! in my opinion it is brilliant and entertaining. idgaf what everyone else thinks really. therefore...

i need to state that i am a huge supporter of kim k becoming a lawyer!!! yes, she is loaded but still the fact that she uses her platform and therefore her influence for a greater cause is more than admirable. as well as the fact that she has started to pursue a law degree after having four children, who are still small and managing a bunch of businesses at the same time. i mean studying law is hard af. just imagine being in your mid thirties, having to manage a dozen of businesses, keeping kanye west out of trouble, taking care of four small kids and studying law, while the world is publicly doubting you and hating on you for doing something more than great even. i mean i know people my age, who financially get supported by their parents, still live at home and have no other responsibilities other than their own education and they still can't do it. and i don't think it is something to be ashamed of because i know it is hard. but actually my whole point is that people love to hate on the kardashians and it gets boaaring.

i actually think that ariana grande's music video to her song thank u next is a pop cultural masterpiece!

i loved working at mcdonald's as a part-time job. i loved the people, who worked there. they were happy all the time and just cared about making enough money to look after their families. although mcdonald's literally stands for capitalism and commerce - there even is a term in political philosophy 'mcdonald's world' - and is one of the biggest corporations worldwide, i have never came across people, who are as precious as they are! they always looked out for one another and were all time ready to f*ck up everyone, who messed with their co-workers. i have never experienced a better working-environment since then.

i am 25 years old and i still love playing sims. while i'm at it i love to watch dr. phil. recently i just spent my whole tip money on expansion packs. i am not even ashamed. but sometimes i have trouble adjusting to the real world after a gaming session. while walking around in the city i get inspired by buildings, which just make me wanna go home and build it. like what are friends, i don't need friends, i just want to build an imaginary fancy ass house. i also get upset about the fact that there is no cheat code in real life for deactivating your primary needs like sleep. i could have been a doctor and a piano prodigy by now man! or f*ckin' motherlode my bank account at least if you know what i'm sayinnnnn'.

when i was little i dreamed of dying my hair blonde one day, getting fair skin, having blue eyes and a f*cking nose bridge. i hated my asian look. at some point i even got jealous of fellow asian people, whose skin was lighter than mine. then i went through a phase, when i kind of felt okay with how i looked but damned western beauty standards and mainstream media for making my five year old self and a lot of my other asian sisters feeling shitty about the way they looked.

sex tourism was a huge part of why i struggled with my ethnic look as well. there were times, when i even felt slutty wearing skinny jeans. and i think this needs no further explanation. thank u next.

i love the praisintheasian movements! and i adore the man, who in my eyes initiated that movement, mr. eddie huang! since fotb came out i stalked him on every platform! and while stalking (lol) i gradually began to understand how i can be okay with being asian and even celebrate being asian. i want to have coffee with this dude and i have so many questions to ask him and so many things i want to tell him! asdflkasjfd!!! but i am 500% sure that if i would ever meet him i would cry, vomit, laugh and then run away. or maybe i would act so creepy that he will put a restraining order on me. so writing down the possible outcomes of meeting eddie huang - maybe let's just not meet my idol then.

when i'm retired, i'll own a bistro somewhere in indonesia with the best coffee, wine and my favorite food. and i'll give my best to use organic and regional food items and at the same time plan the menu after a zero-waste logic. every monday there will be book club. and every friday there will be local artists performing. i would recruit my staff properly and pay them a respectable wage. my bistro would be kind of a local meeting point. lol how realistic. let a gal dream! (the percentage of that happening is like non-existent. that's why i bought myself the sims 4 expansion pack 'dine out' lmfao)

one of my favorite books of all time is 'woyzeck' by georg büchner. just look it up! i am not worthy of describing this master piece.

i will always chose hanging out wherever comfortable and chill over going out and partying. one of the main reasons is that most of the people there annoy me. in zurich the consumption of cocaine is insane and i find it annoying, unnecessary and petty. just go home if you're tired man. there is nothing attractive about a cocky ass person, who is high on cocaine! and maybe consider therapy if you need that kind of stuff to feel better about yourself. not really feel like wasting my time and money at those kind of venues. i am too boring for you anyways. srynotsry.

something that has bothered me for a long time now.... to all those kind of feminists, who get offended by my perfectly winged eyeliner: you missed the point sis. bye

i never understood how doing things that make yourself feel cute could be offensive to anyone or violate anyone's ideology. just don't look at me then ffs. thx muaaaachhhh.

i am really bad at lending books from the library. i consider not doing that anymore until the day i'll become rich. from that day on i will hire an assistant, who will keep track of borrowed books.

every time before my period starts i cry about dumb ass shit. and i am okay with it now. i am trying to keep in mind and actively remember that having my period could be the reason for this monthly emotional outbreak. but an individual still can forget the cause of the outbreak, which leads to a dramatic downward spiral every.single.time. howwwwww biiishhhh

i will not attend school/work/anything if i forget my headphones. i will turn around, go back home and get my fucking headphones. and at times, when the cash is flooooowiiiin' i'll just buy a new pair even they only pair available would cost me 40 bugs. but that is like the highest price i'd pay though lol. (7 lunch menus at my uni thoooo)

if you force me to read something in a car i will vom all over you!

astrology kind of fascinates me and i am done being embarrassed about it lol.

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