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nekropsii · 2 years

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Ok so hussie that SUCKS ass so much and he always came off to me from what he showed in his comics as a weirdo in so many ways. But like I never feel like i see this brought up whenever I talk about homestucks more questionable parts and I don't like that very much. U seem to talk about it a lot and I think that's good so I think it would be interesting to hear your honest unfiltered thoughts on the guy and everything that he's done

Ohh, boy. This is a doozy. Yeah, this is something I have a lot to say about… I try not to talk about Hussie too much, since they’re a bit of an upsetting topic, and I just don’t really like discussing real people, but… There comes a point where you literally have to acknowledge the Author when analyzing the Work. Sometimes, Death of the Author isn’t applicable in the way you hope it is, and sometimes, The Curtains Are Blue for a Reason.

That being said… Let’s get into this. I’m gonna be including a few links in this one, so here’s to hoping that it doesn’t break the post, and that it remains visible in tags. It’s an important discussion to have.

Content Warning: In-Depth Discussion of Racism, Mentions of Ableism and Child Predation.

Despite the fact that I prefer to analyze Homestuck from a largely Watsonian perspective, since Hussie isn’t very fun to think about, I cannot, in good faith, ignore it 24/7. In order to really be able to understand certain parts of Homestuck, you need to have some iota of cultural, racial, and sociopolitical awareness. This isn’t me saying “You need a high IQ in order to be able to understand Homestuck,” this is me saying there are certain parts of the story that are caked in stereotypes that a lot of Non-POC, especially Non-Black people, might not pick up on. Same goes for the Able-Bodied.

Hussie has proven themself time and time again to be a raging racist who is really, really weird about kids. Her writing is a double-edged sword- on one hand, Childhood, and the loss of it, is rendered beautifully in Homestuck in ways I haven’t quite been able to find in other media. The fearlessness and shamelessness in allowing the characters the make horrible mistakes and be flawed people as they grow up in harsh circumstances is an incredible thing to witness… But then there’s Hussie’s disturbing infatuation with Vriska Serket, who is a 13 year old girl, and his unabashed hatred for characters like Tavros Nitram, who is physically disabled, as well as Gamzee Makara, who is Black-Coded in a way that’s offensive.

Hussie’s bigotry is transparent. Let me use Gamzee in particular to expand upon this topic, because he’s… A pretty obvious choice when it comes to this discussion.

Gamzee Makara is a Dirty, Drug-Addled, Hedonistic, Unsupervised Mess of a child who has an Absent Father, Horrifically Violent Impulses, and a religious devotion to a Hip Hop/Rap band. While it’s undeniable that, from a Watsonian Perspective, Insane Clown Posse is a legitimate basis for a real, in-universe Cult, it’s also undeniable that- in tandem with the rest of his character- that obsessive devotion to those specific genres does not read well, as they’re historically Black music genres, and Black men are stereotyped as having a particular affinity for it. I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge how Gamzee’s character is largely treated as a joke, with him mostly being portrayed as significantly more stupid, bumbling, and useless than his peers- to the point where it’s a remarked upon thing in the text of the story- and that this, when taking in the context of the racism behind the rest of his character writing… Reads as a Minstrel Show.

This doesn’t even touch on the concept of “Chucklevoodoos” within the comic, which has its name derived from a real world, currently practiced, legitimate African Religion. It’s most often quite offensively boiled down to mysterious, spooky, magical nonsense, and as something that’s simultaneously unknowable (to white people,) all powerful, and primitive /lesser (than Abrahamic Religion.) The presence of “Jujus” as a set of mysterious, extremely powerful objects within the game of SBURB raises some red flags in conjunction with the rest of the things I’ve listed as well- it wouldn’t read nearly as poorly without the previously aforementioned extreme racism, and with said racism in mind, I can’t help but think that it also being associated with the Makaras while also being borrowed, once again, from African Religious Practices, was intentional. Don’t get me started on Kurloz.

(Wikipedia may not be the most detailed source ever, but it serves its purpose to prove that this is an actual thing, and I’m not just talking out of my ass here.)

It’s disheartening, but unsurprising, to see a fandom that seems to pride itself on a sense of Acceptance, Awareness, and Diversity be unable to grapple with the fact that the creator, and the source material they’re working with, is inherently bigoted. Pointing out that the Racism and Ableism in Homestuck exists is not at all something people should shit the bed about, and it’s not a conversation put on the table purely to tell people to stop liking Homestuck; Critical Enjoyment of media does exist, and you can be aware that a piece of work has some deep, deep issues and still enjoy it. I would know- I’m literally an Alpha Troll-centric blog.

Shifting gears here, but Hussie’s ableism is well known- ranging from things as obvious as early Homestuck’s liberal usage of the R-Slur, (though that was quite normalized online during the period in which it was used, and I’d argue that that’s partially a product of its time,) Tavros’s horrible treatment due to his disability being something that was supposed to be viewed as “deserved,” Tavros’s disability as being something that needed to be “cured,” and Terezi’s Pseudo-Blindness, to things as obscure as the way Hussie handled Horuss Zahhak’s canonical Systemhood.

Also, though it’s not in the vein of bigotry, I need to expand upon an earlier point… Hussie’s obsessive, unabashed attraction to Vriska Serket, who is a 13 year old girl, is a significantly more openly discussed topic, I feel, but I’ll go over it still. Andrew Hussie has what is functionally just a Self Insert within the comic, bearing their name and their- at the time- exact image. This Avatar of himself even shares the role of being the Writer of Homestuck, and the line between what is an actual reflection of Real World Hussie and what is just a character is extremely thin, and extremely blurred. That said, a decent portion of people took Hussie’s Avatar as near purely a character- but his attraction to Vriska was a genuine thing. Hussie’s Avatar takes every opportunity he can get to physically stalk Vriska, and sexually harass her. The stark age gap between the two of them is, if I recall correctly, remarked upon in the comic, and Vriska’s disgust and discomfort is seemingly supposed to be a part of the joke.

There’s a lot I could talk about here, but I’m not currently equipped enough time, mental and emotional energy, space, or words to tackle everything cleanly in one post. The start of the web is there, the foundation is built, but I can’t adequately weave it all in a single day. I hope you understand. There’s quite obviously more to be said, about Meenah’s use of AAVE, Damara’s aggressive over-sexualization paired with her speech patterns, the running theme of Child Predation, so on and so forth. A lot of my thoughts on Hussie aren’t kind. They really aren’t a good person, no matter how much any of us wish they were.

#gamzee is like… Hussie found the wiki page for antiblack stereotypes and used it as a checklist #homestuck #homestuck meta #beta trolls #beta kids #alpha trolls #alpha kids #vriska serket #tavros nitram #gamzee makara #andrew hussie #nekro.pdf #nekro.sms

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clonerightsagenda · 6 months

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i would love to hear anything more about communications director minkowski that you would care to share, it sounds like a very fun route for postcanon! 👀

It IS very fun. In lieu of writing a coherent post I just spent quite a bit of time scrolling through 3 years of discord messages for good tidbits:

Gill spent part of my day wondering “you know you’d expect Lovelace to have some Loud And Pointed Opinions about Minkowski being offered the post of Communications Director but maybe instead she’d be the first to figure out there’s no better way to dismantle the company than from the inside out” Kat If you want a job done wrong you gotta do it yourself Gill Minkowski: They… want me to be the next director… and I think I’m going to take the job. Lovelace: …actually. That sounds like an amazing idea. Minkowski: Minkowski: who are you and what have you done with Captain Lovelace Kat Careful Renee. That joke has a bit of an edge to it Gill Nobody’s getting out of post-flight quarantine without an identity crisis of some kind it seems Kate I bet Lovelace would jump at the chance to have a woman on the inside… who has a lot of practice ruining Goddard's plans. Gill Lovelace, probably: You’re gonna need your own version of Cutter’s hypercompetent Right Hand Minion, and it seems to me that the person who kept him distracted while you put a harpoon through his torso would be the ideal candidate. Lovelace: Also, it’d be fun to deface Kepler’s old office.

Kat was thinking about Minkowski marriage drama in the context of her voluntarily signing on to be comms director under the same contract as the last one fully aware this means everyone will try to kill her just in case she can keep everyone else safe and then having to explain that to her husband tfw your wife never prioritizes you bc she's too busy prioritizing a) dying in space b) dying on land now Gill Dominik Koudelka, maybe: it just feels like I have to get myself kidnapped by shadowy corporate goons if I want to spend time with you!

Kate Communications Director Minkowski 1) definitely publishes her own adapted fifth edition of the Survival Manual that’s not a joke and full of useful things and 2) mostly inspired by things Eiffel did that his justification was “well no one ever TOLD me this would happen in space!” Gill “Leprechauns are not real. Ghosts, however, are.” “In the unlikely but theoretically possible event that leprechauns are discovered at some point in the near future, disregard previous. It’s important to keep an open mind.” Kate Adaptability! Flexibility! Priorities! Acknowledgement that space is full of unpredictable and incomprehensible bullshit! The spirit of the new space age Gill Tip #1002: You may say “fuck”. Once.

Kat thought: re Goddard possibly having prison labor going on, maybe when they got Eiffel out of jail they just transferred his sentence to them, and Comms Director Minkowski finds out she technically owns two of her crewmates now and isn't super happy about it Eiffel: so for the next 23 years my ass is yours I guess Minkowski: I don't want it Minkowski, sifting through paperwork: why… why do I own prison laborers now? Can I pardon them? What is this news anchor voice: Goddard Futuristics stocks dipped today as new director Renee Minkowski gave the entirety of their asteroid mining staff early release, quoted as saying "Go home. The fuck." Gill Comms Director Minkowski like ok first off we’re actually giving our workers benefits Kat we'll reroute some of the money headed toward all the R&D for evil shit Gill we’re also defunding our paramilitary branches. Why do we even have those?? Kat Jacobi, raising hand: To do stuff like break into Elon Musk's Mars colony and take him out with extreme prejudice Lovelace: ok that one sounds justified actually Gill Lovelace: Can I go fuck up Elon Musk’s stupid libertarian summer camp? Minkowski: Later, I need you here right now. Lovelace: Aw, ok. ): Kate Okay project Fuck Up Elon Musk can stay

Kat underappreciated aspect of the comms director Minkowski concept: DC girl Minkowski finds out she now owns like 75% of the politicians on Capitol Hill. Is not sure how to stop owning them It's like feeding wild animals, they keep coming back for your money even when you try to cut off the lobbying Gill Minkowski: next time a senator shows up at my house I’m siccing Lovelace on them Kat Minkowski: Cutter had an entire budget line for funding ballot initiatives and…. wow, that's a lot. Hey Doug, what are your thoughts on felons being able to vote? Eiffel: Felons can't vote? Minkowski: …. yes?? Eiffel: Oh. Huh. I don't ever vote so I didn't notice. And I see from your expression that you don't approve of this.

Gill Comms Director!Minkowski: If you need me, I’ll be in a meeting. /crawls into the vents Kat Local unions still talk about the super weird HVAC remodeling the new director insisted on

Gill You are an astronautical engineer at Goddard Futuristics’ special projects division. You were handpicked by the special projects manager herself to work on this new prototype. The craft you and your colleagues poured untold hours of work into is commandeered by Warren Kepler, Legendary Local Douchebag, and two of his minions (an entire ship! For three people!!) to go off and babysit one of your boss’s boss’s ultra-secret pet projects, which you quietly believe is actually an elaborate fraud scheme of some kind. You rage at this. Then, you mourn. Perhaps you drink heavily. Either way, you move on, setting aside your quiet hope that the Urania one day re-enters terrestrial skies, but gradually making peace with the idea you may never see this particular fruit of your labor again. And then a year and a half later you get it back and the interior is just plastered in printer paper that looks like a brigade of toddlers just went nuts on it with their crayons. And also your boss is dead and the apparent leader of said toddlers is the new communications director. Kat Hey at least the astronautical engineering division can feel vindicated that that shuttle a few years back didn't malfunction Gill Engineer: So that shuttle didn’t malfunction and Cutter was actively orchestrating a fake explosion and cover-up. Then he sent Warren “Oh just let me fire off this prototype in a civilian area” Kepler and his goon squad up in our prototype to go fuck around with you guys some more. Minkowski: Yup. Engineer: And you killed him. Minkowski: …yes. Engineer: …did you kill him painfully? Tell me it was painfully. (Minkowski is mildly worried about how she acquires some of her new supporters) Kat Lots of long simmering resentment Kate I imagine she gets a lot of goodwill points for taking out Cutter and Kepler… imagine

Kat comms director Minkowski having to do tax fraud to protect her team somehow Gill Jacobi, having just another day in the office, doing taxes: god this is so dull, I hate tax season. I wonder if Minkowski’s gone and holed up in the accounting department, she probably lives for this kind of thing. /smash cut to Minkowski threatening an IRS agent at harpoon-point Kat Minkowski making Hera her own LLC so she has rights now: This is legal according to Citizens United as long as no one looks at it too closely (my dad became an LLC today so he can contract with his work after he retires. I joked he will be the last person able to vote in the household once they take everyone else's rights away but corporations are people) Gill “Minkowski Commits Tax Fraud” would be an amazing chapter title for a fic at some point though Kat Minkowski early in the mission diligently doing her taxes in space because she's a good American citizen Minkowski like 5 years later: fuck capitalism Gill That one meme image but it’s, Minkowski: You mean the game was rigged all along? Minkowski @ herself: always has been. Kate This is my strongest Minkowski belief Gill Minkowski: wow, capitalism sucks, and growing up in a Soviet satellite state was also awful. Perhaps… the true problem… is giving people the power to wholly dictate other people’s lives…

Kat after the story of the Hephaestus crew breaks and they're famous Eiffel gets Minkowski a funko pop of herself it has a little harpoon Kinsey i support this wholeheartedly Gill It is both unsettling and adorable. She sets it proudly on her desk at work Kat someone coming into Comms Director Minkowski's office: uhhhhh Minkowski sitting next to her funko pop: what it's got the same psychic damage potential as Cutter having a #1 dad mug on his desk and everyone's too scared to ask about it Gill Concept: Minkowski eventually being gifted the Funko Pop versions of her entire crew They’re referred to affectionately(?) as her minions Kate If you’ve been called to her office because you’ve done something Sketchy and Capitalistic, you might even prefer looking into the creepy flat soulless eyes of the funko pop rather than Minkowski’s very, very sharp and angry human ones Gill Another mental image. Lovelace, beholding her funko pop: I mean, I don’t think my eyes are that terrifying even when I’m possessed by unknown cosmic entities, but other than that, it’s a perfect likeness. Lovelace: Look, she even has her arms folded because she’s mad at the other little plastic crewmates for being idiots. I love her.

#tales from the groupchat #wolf 359

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marinerainbow · 7 months

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Hey! So while I was reading your Popshine/JessicaxRoger Switcheroo AU I was listening to that Steven Universe Song- Its Over Isn't It (And just a precurser- i havent seen this show i just like the song and am just taking context clues from it). And I've been stewing on it since, and can't stop thinking about a Shiny x Poppy x Psycho love triangle with this plot! Lots of angst ahead, I warn you 😅

Like, imagine both Psycho and Shiny are in love with Poppy and she cares deeply for the both of them too. Shiny can make a joke of this, playfully argue with Psycho any time he's around and bother him as much as she can- because she doesnt think she'll actually lose Pops to him but his presence does annoy her. Her heart is, inevitably, broken when in the end Poppy chooses him.

I was fine with the men-

Who come into her life now and again.

I was fine, cuz I knew,

That they didn't really matter until you.

I was fine when you came, and we fought like it was all some silly game.

Over her- who she's choose-

After all those years, I never thought I'd lose.

Poppy and Psycho then have the twins, and Shiny fades into the background (as much as she can, I mean. Poppy still loves her and wants to be friends of course)- until Poppy dies. I'm not sure how, considering she is a toon of course, but it was definitely tragic.

Now Shiny has to help Psycho take care of the twins because he can't do it alone (She certainly knows it), and she needs to keep the last bit of Poppy left over, safe.

Of course you're welcome to ignore this if you want! Just thought I should tell you since it's about your OC's 😅

AWSTTHJOLNJTESDU7JHTEDF ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY!?!? WELL YOU SUCCEEDED-

Ok ok ok. Before I get into my response to this, I've got some headcannons for this little AU. So. Poppy is dead. Psycho is not only mourning the sudden loss of his wife, but he's also a father now. He's got two kids he has to figure out how to raise through the depression. This would be hard on anybody. But on someone as mentally unstable as Psycho?? Holy. Shit. He's gonna need a lot of help. Shiny knows this, and although she and Psycho aren't friends thanks to their little love rivalry (I like to imagine she and Psycho could get along on their own. Maybe not be best friends, but it's Shiny's whole damn job description to get along with everyone she meets. If they didn't love the same woman, she could have made an acquaintance with Psycho work), she steps in whenever she can. Being more than just the Godmother Poppy asked her to be for the kids; at this point, the twins are practically her own, too. And she's the closest they have to a mother figure in their lives.

In fact, I think in this storyline, Shiny would have offered to take Psycho's position in the Toon Patrol. Those kids need a parent who won't get pulled away because of a new job. Or could easily be killed on said job either. And Psycho needs to be able to focus on his children full time now that it's just the three of them. Sure, if he does die too, the twins will be under her care, but Shiny isn't going to deprive them of the father they need now. Not to mention that this is around the 60's-70's; burlesque clubs aren't very popular now. Not as much as they were in her time anyway. Shiny needs a new job. And hey, she already had one foot in the criminal life with her moonshine business. Why not kill two birds with one stone? (Sometimes Psycho does have to get called for a job that only he can do, though he is still mostly a stay at home dad.)

So to the twins in this storyline, Shiny is not just their cool aunt. She's involved in so much of their lives. Going to school functions with Psycho to support all three of them, celebrating holidays all the time with them, and just generally making sure he doesn't screw up as a dad. She and Psycho here don't necassarily like each other, but she's short of moving in with them from becoming a complete member of their household. It's partially due to her legal status as a godmother, and she herself has grown an attachment to Poppy's children. And it hurts her so much more because this is the family of the woman she loved, and the other man.

Because she's trying her best to be the stability this family needs, Shiny never got to really mourn Poppy's death and, as such, hasn't been able to truly move on. She feels like she can't truly talk about her position about this to anyone since she has to be strong for the kids. But eventually, bottled emotions have to come out one way or another. Why not let them come out in song?

Also, after our convo, I'm making widower gardener Psycho canon in this AU :)

Warnings for: past character death, angst, plenty of cursing, a lot of crying. Also emotional singing (I don't care if it may come out as cringy- if I can't animatic Shiny singing this song, then I'm gonna write it!)

January 2, 1973

"Goodnight, Shiny."

"G'night, you little rascals. Don't forget to bite the bed bugs back for me!"

The two children giggled, Percival letting out a "That's gross!" around his laughter, before their father gently nose nudged them both towards the hallway. The twins gave him and their godmother one final hug before making their way to the back of the house to do as they were silently told how they could behave so well despite being raised by two hooligans, Shiny had no clue. It must be Poppy's influence. Usually Psycho didn't pay much mind to bedtimes, though it was late on an already long day. They all needed rest...

The grin on Shiny's face finally fell, only after Psycho glanced briefly towards her- telling the old dancer in his own way to go home now, before following his children. Now it was just her alone standing in the seemingly empty living room. It had been a long day for them all. Especially for the kids...

'Another birthday come and gone...'

visiting the grave of a woman that they didn't even know, but were supposed to. That would be scary and thought-provoking for anybody. No matter how old or young they were. Who knew what kind of shit was going through Penny and Percy's heads whenever they saw their mothers name on a tombstone?

But at least, they had as good of a support system they could get. All Penny and Percy needed to worry about now was what story their father would tell them tonight, and how many sheep they'd have to count to fall asleep. But they were getting older, too. And someday, they would lose the innocence that came with childhood...

Shiny's fists clenched, and an ugly frown tugged at her lips, choosing to glare at the floorboards as if they somehow spoke ill about her. Every year, this day was so damn hard for her. At least on the twins' birthday, she could distract herself with Penny and Percy's happy demeanor and what the day is supposed to be about. But on Poppy's birthday, all anybody could think of was how their friend was no longer with them to celebrate with.

The weasel woman growled a little before silently storming towards the front door, trying so hard to ignore the pain in her heart. She had to leave and go home anyway, but she also needed some fresh air. It was the only thing that could help her now- or at least that was what she could hope.

The former dancer's paw hovered over the doorknob in hesitation when she heard the familiar pitter patter of rain drops hitting the roof. Before she even stepped outside, 'Of course. Of course, it's going to be raining tonight.' If she were religious, she would have taken this as a sign that even the universe was sorrowful on this day. didn't bother with thoughts like that. They brought no reassurance or comfort to her despite so many people telling her it would.

Shiny just barely managed to not slam the door behind her before sinking down onto the porch steps. The night air was chilly, causing the rain to feel ice cold on her skin, not that Shiny cared at the moment. And the lamp across the street had gone out again. Shiny hadn't bothered turning on the porch light; it would just draw more attention towards her. More so than a wrech sitting on someone else's porch in the rain in the middle of the neighborhood would. At least the people around here knew to mind their own business.

That was one of the things Poppy liked about this place when they went house hunting; it was a valuable perk for anybody married to unlawful citizens. The perk for Shiny was that her house was just a few blocks away, and she could have visited Poppy and the kids more often...

"Fuck!" She roughly rubbed her eyes, trying desperately to get rid of the now familiar stinging before the floodgates started. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why? Why? Why did it have to be so damn hard just to think of that woman's name? To think about a future that would never be reality now? She knew why, but why!?

Shiny sucked in a long, overdue breath and heaved it out before slumping over in defeat. Her elbows were resting on her knees, but they hardly supported her it felt like, as she hung her head. If she closed her eyes, she knew that Poppy's grave would be all that she'd see, so Shiny settled for just staring into the wet, muddy ground. Her voice was so soft, so fragile, she would have wondered if she actually said anything if she wasn't focusing on other things, "Why did it have to be you?"

God. So much had changed over the years. It was hard to believe they all had come this far. How much they all had changed. Sure, Smartass still had his gang, and the rest of the boys were still in it. But everything was different. And it wasn't just Psycho becoming a father and widower. She was different...

So much had changed. Nothing was the same. Or ever will be again... She couldn't even remember the last time she sang. Singing and dancing used to be one of Shiny's favorite forms of expression; it had been more than just a way to make money to her. But there wasn't a need for it now. She worked in the night under a very different career now. What point was there in singing anymore?

Shiny ran a paw through her hair it had grown longer over the years. She simply hadn't bothered to cut it anymore. She couldn't see the point in it nowadays before tilting her head to the left to look at the poppies lining the house. She was careful, despite her broiling emotions and shaky paw, when she reached towards the one closest to her and grazed her fingers over the petals. It was actually Percy's idea to plant the poppy flowers, 'so mom can be home' he had said. Just more proof that the little kit thought about things a lot more than kids his age should. Of course, planting your mothers namesake to try to keep her close wasn't how it worked, but who would care? Certainly not his father. Or her.

'You always loved my singing.' The thought wormed its way into Shiny's head before she could stop it. But now that it was there, she just... Couldn't fathom the energy to force it away. Not while she was out here alone, on her sweethearts birthday, with the cold rain and breeze as her band for the night, 'And I loved to sing for you... I'd give anything to sing for you again...'

But Poppy wasn't there to hear her sing anymore. It was no longer the same. Shiny had always thought that she sang for herself, which was partially true. But she found out the hard way too that she also needed someone to offer her voice to- something to sing about. But what?

...

"I was fine... With the men... Who would come into her life now and again..." It had been years since she had found it in herself to sing anything. Let alone whatever was on her mind. She somehow already knew what she was going to sing about before the words even left her lips, but right now, she couldn't care less, "I was fine... Cause I knew, that they didn't really matter... Until you." Her eyes narrowed into a spiteful glare, as she thought about that damn weasel inside the house now. She wanted to think of him as a homewrecker in all honesty. Though how could she when Poppy had never loved her the she had hoped she would?

A shaky breath, to try to calm her raging nerves. It was futile, but it was either try or just go all out and bat shit crazy in the rain. Shiny focused back on the flower, thinking back to all the stupid things Psycho and Shiny used to do to compete, "I was fine. When you came, and we fought like it was all some silly game... Over her."

Another crack in her voice. Another breath, "Who'd she choose..."

Shutting her eyes tightly, Shiny managed to tear her gaze away from the flower bed and lift her chin towards the cloudy night sky. Though it wasn't in pride, "After all those years, I never thought I'd lose..."

"It's over, isn't it?" It was, wasn't it? "Isn't it?" Now that she was never coming back, "Isn't it over?" After leaving behind so much, "You won. And she chose you. And she loved you. And she's gone..."

Only one thought crossed her mind as a droplet that wasn't from the current weather slipped down her cheek; if their silly little game was over now... "It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on?"

Penelope felt restless, sitting upright in her bed and watching the rain pattering against her window intently, rather than laying down and trying to sleep. She always loved the rain. As long as she could remember. She especially loved it when it was a heavy downpour.

Though she was scared that mom's poppies would get ruined. Thankfully, dad was already on it, and had left real quick to make sure the garden had shelter for the night, "Percy?"

She didn't look her brothers way, but she could still hear the sleepy muddle in his voice. She didn't know how he was able to hunker diwn to bed so quickly, "Yeah?"

"Do you think mom liked the rain too?" Dad and unkle Wheezy had mentioned that their mother wasn't too fond of thunder a few times, but thunder and lightning were different... Maybe she had something in common with mom.

Finally tearing her gaze away from the window, Penelope looked over to the other side of the room, where Percival, in his own bed, was. The little weasel rubbed his eyes and blinked them into focus before he shrugged, "Maybe... Dad likes the rain, and they did a lot together. So she probably did."

"Yeah. That's right..."

Penny nodded, though Percival noticed how she looked to be frowning. He sighed, knowing exactly what she was thinking. It was something they both thought about, especially on days like this. How everyone they knew got to know their mother... Except each other.

Wordlessly, the kit crawled out of his bed and walked over to his sisters side of the room. He did hop on the bed with her, but he did reach over to hug her, which she returned silently. Neither of them spoke a word. They were young, but they still knew each other best.

"... I'm gonna get a glass of water." Penny decided after a moment, pulling away from the sibling embrace and sliding off of her bed easily. Percy decided to follow her. It sounded like they could use a drink- as their unkle Smarty would say.

The trip to the kitchen was relatively short. It wasn't even too bad when they had to get creative to reach the glasses in the cupboard; usually, dad got the cups down for them, but he wasn't around. So Penny just climbed onto the counter like she had seen dad do sometimes and passed down her brother the cups. They had done this trick a lot, much to their family's detriment.

Percival could only hear the rain pouring down onto the roof. Though he was reminded that he wasn't the twin that inherited their mothers hearing when Penelopes ears twitched and tilted towards a direction. He followed confusedly after her when she started walking towards the front door, "What is it?"

The rabbit child's ears were pointed toward the door, before her bright blue eyes widened, and she hopped onto the couch closest to the front window. Percy followed suit, searching for whatever it was that she heard. When he saw the familiar figure sitting on the porch, his eyebrows shot up to his forehead, "Shiny?"

"She was supposed to go home, right?"

The two shared a look. Silently asking the other the same question; listen? Or go back to bed?

...

In that secret language only siblings could understand, the two agree to creep back towards the front door and crack it open. Just a tad; not enough for Shiny to hear them, buy enough for them to listen to what she was saying.

Or rather, singing, "Shiny can sing??"

"Shh!"

Lucky for the twins, the rain was loud enough in Shiny's ears to block out any other sound. Honestly it was a wonder she hadn't gone deaf from countless night in the past dancing along loud bands... Her heart ache might have had a hand in her lack of focus now, too.

The weasel gritted her teeth and tugged at some hair strands- which was getting wetter by the minute. Including her clothes and fur. But she just couldn't give a damn now. Besides, it allowed her to pretend that the tears streaming down her cheeks were just raindrops, "Who am I now in this world without her!? Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her..."

Poppy was always naive; she always wanted and hoped for the best in this wretched world. But that didn't mean she was dumb. Poppy had faced her own suffering in her life, and she always looked out for the people around her, no matter how awful they truly were. The way she treated her criminal friends, how she treated her, was proof of that. Shiny knew that she could always trust the rabbit because of it. And that was what made Poppy stand out to her out of everyone in her life, and what she had loved the most about her.

But nowadays... She still loved Poppy, and she loved the twins. But sometimes, Shiny wondered what would have happened if she had tried to discourage Poppy from more of the choices she had made. Would it have been worth being more controlling if it meant Poppy would be alive now?

The singer shook her head at that, knowing in her heart that that kind of thinking was wrong. Besides, it's not like it would change anything, so what was the point? "What does it matter? It's already done. Now I've got to be there for her kin..."

From the front door, Penny and Perry couldn't believe their ears, and even shared a look. As if they had to verify with the other that what they were hearing was really real. Their aunt had always told them that she and their mother were close, but she never said anything about this. She never looked this sorrowful talking about their mom. She was always so cheery and strong; had she been hiding this from them all along? "Percy...?"

Their shared thoughts stopped in their tracks when Percy noticed Shiny standing up from the porch, and quickly gestured to his sister. The kits ducked behind the door, just in case she had planned on going back inside, or was about to glance behind her. They stayed there, holding their breaths, until they heard their godmother's voice again. Louder, almost yelling, and more strained this time. Like she was cracking under the weight of what she said next, "It's over, isn't it!? Isn't it!? Isn't it over!?"

They both flinched from their hiding spots, feeling the pain that Shiny carried through her voice. They slowly peeked back outside once they deemed it safe, and could see Shiny now stood up from the porch and off the steps, standing fully in the pouring rain now. It was hard to see with how dark it was, but it looked like she was trembling even. All Penny and Percy could do was continue to listen. It was all they knew what to do now.

The weasel felt like she was going to crack under the weight of all her pent-up emotions. Her breath huffing out all shaky and fists clenched so tight by her sides. She felt so weak right now, on her own, but all she wanted was to scream and shout and punch a pillow. Or better yet, a wall. Her vision felt blurry, and not just because of the tears in her eyes, and she wasn't even thinking about all of the painful memories like before. Right now, even though it felt so hard to do, all she could do was take in one long breath, and scream into the sky with all the heartbreak that she had pushed down all these years, "You won, and she chose you! And she loved you! Now she's gone!"

...

That's it. There was no turning back now. She couldn't take it back now. Or fault the ears of anyone who may have been listening. Blinking away raindrops and tears, as if that final scream had taken her voice, all Shiny could manage now was a soft, pained tune, "It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on...?"

Quiet sobs escaped her lips as her head fell, now staring at the muddy ground. Her shoulders shook with her crying, but that didn't stop her from wrapping her arms around herself, trying to find some way to find warmth and comfort now, "It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on?"

Letting out everything she had locked away didn't help in the slightest; all it left was cold emptiness. At least, that's what it felt like now. At least no one was here to see her like this...

"Shiny?"

Her eyes grew wide, and a gasp escaped her before she whipped back around towards the doorway. Seeing the two she had hoped would never see this side of her was bad enough, but seeing the utter confusion and worry on the twins' faces, worry they shouldn't have to feel for her, made her heart sink even further than it had. How much did they hear? "O-Oh! Hey, guys... Shouldn't you be asleep...?"

Usually, the kids would have some witty excuse, or at least what they thought was clever, and act innocent. It would make Shiny laugh every time before she called them out on their mischief and sent them back on the right path- doing whatever it was they were supposed to be doing. But now? Stepping fully outside and onto the porch in their pajamas, Penny and Percy didn't answer her. At least not with words. Though the many questions that they didn't ask- or didn't even know where to start- were clear as day in their wide, sad eyes.

They heard it all. Or at least enough. Enough where she couldn't make up a lie to distract them. Not that that would have stopped them. They were persistent little kits.

And now, because she couldn't keep a damn lid on herself, wasn't strong enough to keep it together, Shiny had no choice but to reveal the complete truth, "... I... Kids, I..."

But where does one even start?

I really wanted to add Psycho's reaction as well. But I couldn't figure out how to write it in while making it flow with the story. I'm kinda afraid that adding the twins in this already jumbled the flow of the drabble a bit- but I haven't written them yet, and wanted to try 😅

He is in the backyard, so I don't know if he could even hear her sorrow... Though maybe he came back inside last minute?

But anyways! I hope you like this answer, and I apologize for taking so long XD let me know what you think! ^^

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curioussubjects · 1 year

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Ok so I have some spnwin-spn connection spec I wanna share with y'all from back when @alwaysanoriginal were spiraling over some interview about The Winchesters (as we do). The second to last question is about John's journal being created, which of course made me think of plot hole vampmimes. Of course.

Or maybe not so plothole-y?

That was mostly a joke, though I did hope tonight was going to maybe for the lolz address that. Well, little did I know because that old convo continued with this:

DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING YOU WATCHED TONIGHT

DOES IT

Char, then, decided to come for me in the night and point out that the Running on Empty montage in 19 has some pretty choice scenes featuring Changing Channels, Wayward Sisters and the AU rift, Dean time traveling, and The Heroes' Journey (which I always argued was essentially the intended finale metaphorically).

Side note: sorry to expose y'all to my private ravings lol

A lot of this actually comes back to a point Billie made in s15 about Chuck building reality with himself at the center to keep it ticking. So how can you possibly beat him? By letting him think he won. I can't help but remember that delightful line from Dean in s12: "‘Cause we’re not trapped out here with you. You’re trapped out here with us." You know, that one time Dean and Sam pulled a death gambit to escape a black ops site.

But back to The Winchesters: last week we had Carlos refusing to play Loki's game (a god who can affect reality, or one's perception thereof) and winning. But to do so, he had to put his life on the line. He had to be willing to lose everything. By the way, I am once again feeling very emotional about Carlos saying he sacrificed everything for hunting, but he gained so much more because that's it! That's the thing! So yeah...cue Carlos singing Hard Times Come Again No More to his family.

This week John is the one with the seemingly inescapable fate of death (courtesy of vampires because of course), and while he doesn't tap out of the game, he realizes he knows nothing about the context of what he saw. He only got half the story, and the rest was up to him. It's appropriate, too, that this week we get another Supernatural classic with Mary reassuring John that they will find another way. And yeah, John does and wins.

And, I mean, if we're talking fate and god and gambles, why not remember a nifty piece of advice Sam and Dean received from Fortuna in The Gamblers: “Don’t play his game. Make him play yours.”

My point is if we look at 19 and 20 much like we would a vision from an amulet, none of the plot of Supernatural needs to change. It's fated. But as Millie says, and John says, and Dean say: fate is what you make it. And if The Winchesters is about how Sam and Dean became the Winchesters, then what else is this show but the context we've been missing all along.

(send this man to stan jail tbh)

[also what is more Winchester stupid than the cosmic consequences of saving your family...like...say...releasing the Darkness or...causing an Akrida infestation...though who knows that could've been on purpose for reasons. I'm putting nothing past spnwin.]

Don't ask me how Dean goes from pulling a death gambit to get into heaven to time travelling to tweak with his parents' past. We're through the looking glass here people and we'll simply have to wait and see -- but the puzzle is for sure getting less mysterious. Something free will, knowledge, family, and Growth, something. Therapy. You know, The Winchesters.

Or I'm totally off the mark and I'll have egg for face who's to say, but for now, as a treat, I'm feeling very

#yes that's an apollo gift of prophecy joke that only 10 people will get what of it lolsobs #the winchesters #supernatural #spnwin #spn #the winchesters spoilers #spnwin spec #spn meta #my writing #remember how we've been joking about the finale being absurdist theater #WELL DO I HAVE BIG IF TRUE NEWS FOR YOU LMAO #please think about that godawful barn speech as a french mistake attempt at acting #if there's a lock there must be a key style #it's FICTION! A COMPLETE FABRICATION!#but it's also true because it happened we lost we sacrificed everything #but we gained so much more #chuck won #...but then he didnt!!!!

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dietraumerei · 4 months

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2023 Book Reviews

Ok, let's see if Tumblr lets me post this (I think it shouldn't be too long?) -- it's all my book reviews from 2023! Entirely unedited and just copy-pasted in, but on the off chance anyone else is interested in it, here it is.

I finished Tolkien and the Great War which was like…¾ very good. The last quarter was a fairly inexplicable and incredibly boring discursion on the early versions of what would, essentially, become the Silmarillion. Although a lot of his early works and early conceptions of what the Middle Earth mythology would be do tie into his life and experiences as a very young man in a hellish situation, this was just like…a recitation. And it was followed by a brilliant analysis of why Tolkien turned to an older medieval storytelling form instead of the modernists that we think of when it comes to the usual WWI writing! It was so good! The good parts of this books are so good! I simply cannot bring myself to care about the phoneme shifts his languages undergo.

It did remind me that I want to return to Paul Fussell’s writing in 2024, so there is that?

Also Tolkien’s bitchy disapproval of the aesthetes is never not hilarious to me.

I finished Hogfather, about which I refuse to give any kind of review other than to say I’ve been reading it nearly every December for going on 23 years now, and it’s a perfect book and I love it.

I finished Congratulations, the Best is Over! and I feel some kinda way about it. I love R. Eric Thomas, but the longer-form essays are sometimes good and sometimes not so good? I didn’t dislike it at all, but I’m also looking forward to what he writes next, as I think every collection gets a little bit better.

I finished The Custom of the Country and oh my god I LOVED IT. The Age of Innocence is still my favorite Wharton because Ellen Olenska, but this was the book that made me scream the most. It’s funny in the way that reality TV is funny, in that you laugh because you are horrified. Undine Spragg is the most magnfiicent monster in literature. She’s horrible. I adore her. What a fabulous work of art/car crash this book is.

I finished the latest Perveen Mistry Mystery, The Mistress of Bhatia House and it was wonderful but oh my god it is STRESSFUL and kind of a hard read at times because everyone is just being a huge dick to each other. (Also there’s a pretty major plot point left totally un-tied-up at the end which is wild, but I guess it’ll get sorted next book?)

I finished Lolly Willowes which tbh I didn’t love as much as I hoped I would, but is a very excellent book with some mind-blowingly relatable bits and I enjoyed it immensely. I love Sylvia Townsend Warner but just need to go in without expectations and enjoy the rather lengthy ride. (For such a short book, it takes awhile for anything to happen.)

I read Dolls of Our Lives and the more I think about it the more I disliked it. I’m tired and lazy so here’s the review I sent a friend:

I finished Dolls of our Lives last night. I found it…okay. The editing is often bad which was depressing. It mostly felt really tonally inconsistent – they’re both historians and know their stuff, but keep putting in schticky little pop culture jokes that are a) not that funny? and b) just appear out of nowhere. If you’re going to look at AG through a pop culture lens, do it properly, don’t just randomly name-drop pop culture stuff. It occasionally dips below surface-level analysis, but it’s not super memorable and I don’t see it aging really well. (I’d LOVE someone to write an accessible book that actually does look at AG dolls both within their own cultural contexts and the context of when they were released, to say nothing of the interplay of doll + book, and maybe with an added chapter on how girls and dolls play, and what it meant to release a doll that wasn’t aspirational in some way, whether it be an adult like Barbie or a baby doll. Okay, maybe I want three books. But it feels like there’s a lot of richness to dig into, and I’ve yet to see anyone scrape more than the surface.) Anyway, 6/10, it was okay but the authors do themselves a disservice. There’s a small section at the end where they talk about themselves and how the podcast has changed them and how it came about and it’s the best bit of the book because it’s actually vulnerable and interesting, with some theory thrown in, and it’s barely shticky at all.

I will now add that I think it’ll age like milk, and I’m super disappointed.

In happier news, I read The Murder of Roger Ackroyd which is simply a masterpiece, and reading it was a deep and abiding pleasure. I know the twist and it still worked wonderfully on me – if you don’t know how it ends, I REALLY urge you not to spoil yourself and also to read it, for it’s wonderful and you will scream at the reveal.

I finished When the Angels Left the Old Country after @lesbrarian recommended it and it might be my favorite book I’ve read this year? Top five, certainly – it’s tense and beautiful and funny and full of love and very Jewish, and it just filled me with joy to read, even the sad parts. The comparisons to Good Omens are unavoidable, but really I find it a very different story in a lot of ways, although certainly with connections. I adored it, and it’s one of those books I can’t wait to re-read. Also every time I think about the angel too much I want to cry, but in a good way.

I also – finally, after many breaks – finished The Path the Power, the first volume of Caro’s LBJ biography. Oh my god, this book. THIS BOOK. The next time I do this I’m going to update every week on what I learned that week because there is just so much in this tome. I want to visit the Pedernales, but not in summer. The description of grass-growing was riveting. The descriptions of the lives of the farmwives before electrification was riveting (and horrific). The play-by-play for elections in the forties literally kept me up past my bedtime. And I have not even touched on Pappy O'Daniel (a real person!! who was apparently toned down CONSIDERABLY for O Brother Where Art Thou) or Lady Bird or how Caro more than once makes sure to mention that Johnson had a dumptruck ass.

Anyway, Lyndon was a vote-buying absolute fucking weirdo from birth and his mother was just as weird and his father was fascinating and I’m a little in love with Sam Rayburn. Do not let either the Old White Man History or the fact that this book is a fucking doorstop stop you, this is a masterpiece and I see why it won a Pulitzer. (whoops, looks like it was another volume that won the Pulitzer) I cannot wait to read the other volumes, which I estimate will take me about a year per book, but worth it!

I finished Menewood, about which I cannot possibly write intelligently. Hild was and is so important to me and I love that period in English history so, so much, and the immersiveness of the books, how heartbreaking and hard and wild and wonderful they are! It did push me to plan to get Hild in non-ebook format; they’re both absolute bricks so it’s easier to read the e-book but I found it super helpful to be able to easily refer to the family trees and maps and stuff.

I finished Lauren Groff’s The Vaster Wilds and as a certified Groff stan I loved it. It’s gross and hard and has the most amazing end, and like Matrix I am excited to re-read it over and over and unlock more language and more beauty and just more.

I finished Here for It by R. Eric Thomas and loved it. It’s more serious and longer-form than what he writes for his newletter or Elle, and really benefits from it; he’s an incredibly talented storyteller. Not what I was expecting, but all the better for it.

I am DNF for A Lady for a Duke which I had such high hopes for! I don’t think it’s a bad book, but it is not a book for me, unfortunately.

I finished Everything I Need I Get from You: How Fangirls Created the Internet as We Know It and have a lot of feelings! I think it’s a really, really good book that’s respectful of fans and interesting, but it focuses almost solely on One Direction fandom, and I kind of wish that was clearer from the title and the summary? Like, no shade to that being the topic, but it feels like this is being sold as kind of a universal look at online fandom, and…it kinda isn’t?

(yes i’m salty there wasn’t anything about snapewives, yes this was somewhat soothed by chapters dedicated to L*rr*es and B*byg*te, YES I am afraid of 1D fangirls.)

I also read Phoebe’s Diary because I adore Phoebe Wahl and it was cool to read a middle-grade novel/graphic novel from her! (Most of the book is typeset, but there are lots of great little cartoons and drawings interspersed. I really, really liked it, although sometimes it’s a little hard to read because a) it is very realistic which means it’s like 95% about boys and boyfriends and that gets kind of old and b) it is very realistic and made me so unbelievably grateful that I never ever have to be 16 again. I would be extremely curious what a contemporary sixteen-year-old thought because it’s kind of a semi-period piece (set in 2005-6) and a few bits of it sort of…haven’t aged well from that period? (There’s one character who I think we’re meant to dislike but I love her so much because she reads aro-ace.) Anyway, I’m really glad I read it although at times it was painful, 10/10 do not miss being sixteen.

I haven’t finished anything, but I’m DNF for Sarah Vowell’s Lafayette in the Somewhat United States because I found it hard to follow and frankly incredibly boring. (I am going hard for the DNF’s these days, life is too short.)

omg so much! I read Learned by Heart in like three days, and it made my Anne Lister-loving heart sing. Truly, it broke my heart and it was so sweet and so happy and sad and just so good, I loved it and I’m hoping it triggers another bout of Lister hyperfixation.

I also read Agatha of Little Neon, which was likewise sad but sweet and happy and hopeful. It had a lot of feelings, but I loved it very, very much, and it just…made me feel good inside?

I was DNF on The Late Americans by about the sixth Sad Gay Man whose personality traits were that he was Sad and Gay and [insert one additional trait here that is shared with at least one other Sad Gay Man]. I love Brandon’s newsletter and his criticism; I did not like this novel.

I FINALLY finished Herzog! For a relatively short novel, it benefits from a slow reading – and I even basically skipped over the philosophical bits because my love for sad mid-century white men only goes so far. Anyway – a little to my surprise, I enormously enjoyed it. I don’t know that it’s, like, the greatest novel ever written and it’s edging into my ‘This got a Pulitzer? Really?’ pile, but a) I can see why it was groundbreaking and amazing and the Saga of the Everyman when it came out and b) honestly it’s really funny and interesting. It’s a little bit Odyssey-like, and Herzog is such a likeable schmuck, and just, yeah. It was great. It’s also a wonderful love letter to both the Berkshires and Chicago, and I loved the very quick Vineyard Havens moment.

Our Wives Under the Sea – a friend said this was the best book she’d read all summer, and I think it’s up there for me. It’s haunting and weird and beautiful and sad and I loved it very much.

Painted Pomegranates and Needlepoint Rabbis: How Jews Craft Resilience and Create Community - hah, I just realized this was a gift from the friend who made the Our Wives rec! I’ve got a little theme of reading about how craft creates meaning in various communities/subcommunities, and this fits right in. It’s definitely an academic text, but I found it extremely accessible. It doesn’t present a very diverse portrait of Judaism – which the author absolutely admits to and apologizes for – but for what it is, it’s a very interesting and valuable text, and I’m glad I read it and it’s part of my collection now.

I finished Big Swiss which is one of those books I ought to hate, but I was…not necessarily loving it, but definitely fascinated as hell with it. It’s such a gross book, and Greta is so majestically self-destructive, I actually could not look away. Magnificent, 10/10 would watch barely-likeable protagonists fuck their own lives up again.

Also, not a book, but I finally read Blackmun’s dissent in DeShaney v. Winnebago County, a landmark case that essentially determined that the government is not actually expected to protect you. (Skip noted segregationist Chief Justice William Rehnquist’s ruling, but the Wikipedia article on the case breaks it down well.) You can read it here – scroll down to the very bottom, his dissent is only 4 paragraphs, and it is beautifully, wonderfully written. The ‘Poor Joshua!’ paragraph is the most famous, but I return again and again to the passage Justice Blackmun quotes from Stone’s Law, Psychiatry and Morality, and particularly the line “What is required of us is moral ambition.”

(I learned about the case and Blackmun’s dissent through the podcast 5-4, which is both excellent, and a good antidote to growing up in the shadow of the Warren Court, as I did. The Supreme Court has always sucked, it turns out. Seriously, it’s one of my favorite Supreme Court podcasts and I subscribe to, um, a lot.)

I read Brutes in about two sittings, it was so good. What a wonderful book about the horror of being a teenage girl, and I mean that in the best possible way. I loved it.

I finished, appropriately enough, Ned Boulting’s 1923 which is a beautiful book about the Tour de France and the nearly-forgotten Theo Beeckmann, and about the covid pandemic and history and tracking people and places down through time. I am an enormous fan of Ned (and David and Pete for any other Never Strays Far fans), and although this book very rarely pushes just a touch into bathos, it is mostly beautiful and wonderful and I’m glad he wrote it and I’m glad I read it.

(I finished it on June 30th, which is rather an important day in the book so I’m proud of my timing too.)

I also read A Half-Built Garden which I have a lot of very complex emotions about. I don’t know if I liked it, but I like how it made me react and think and feel and get grumpy. I’m not even sure it’s all that great, but it sure did make me think.

I finished Fintan O’Toole’s massive We Don’t Know Ourselves about Ireland in the last 50-odd years. It is very good, and sometimes very hard to read (he pulls no punches regarding either the IRA or the Christian Brothers) and I’m glad I read it.

I also finished Secrets Typed in Blood, the third of the Pentecost and Parker mysteries. It starts off the weakest (or maybe I was just in a Mood), but it is, as ever, a good, quick, satisfying mystery.

I read Elizabeth Kilcoyne’s Wake the Bones which I loved – I normally prefer a bit more gothic in my Southern horror, but the very end especially is the most incredible reveal. I could not stand the protagonist and I still liked the book, that’s how good it is.

I also read Scorched Grace, which is apparently first in a series about a crime-solving nun. It’s written as a hardboiled noir and, yep, that’s what it is, which means it’s also not good, but it’s supposed to be kind of hacky, so it works? It’s *gruesome*, but I liked it well enough, I think noir just really isn’t for me.

Oh, and I guess I’m on an Irish lit kick because I read Foster (more a novella than a novel), which I found pretty meh, tbh.

I keep starting new books and I’m now in the middle of at least two Giant Tomes, oops. I did finish Saltwater by Jessica Andrews which is better than the Kirkus review it got! It didn’t, like, change my life but it was good reliving being at Uni in the UK and also I enjoyed it, all I ask of a book.

The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett: umpteenth re-read, a perfect book. I have beautiful editions of all the Tiffany books now, and hope to slowly make my way through them.

Red Shift by Alan Garner: I was heartened to learn that this is one of his most difficult books; I will be honest that I struggled, but it’s lingered in me, and I hope to re-read it many more times and keep untangling it. It is very, very good.

Hons and Rebels by Jessica Mitford: I’ve been meaning to read this for ages, and it didn’t disappoint in the least. I’m fascinated by the Mitford sisters, and this is such a good peek into them.

It also really drives home how unutterably boring a landed-gentry upbringing was.

Trust by Hernan Diaz: ok you know how people win Oscars nominally for some meh role, but it’s clearly really for an older role that they were overlooked for? That is this book and the Pulitzer, when In the Distance probably should have won. It was fine, but I was kind of underwhelmed. Next time I’ll just read some Wharton.

DNF on Upright Women Wanted which I wanted to love very much and absolutely hated. Next time I’ll just re-read Whiskey When We’re Dry.

I did finish Murder Under Her Skin, the second of the Pentecost and Parker mysteries. It was great fun and a very good mystery and I am excited for the next one.

I finished All the Beauty in the World, the memoir of a Met Museum guard. I have an almost guilty fondness for the Met; it really should not exist, but I love it, and I loved reading this very much. I do miss easy access to world-class museums :/

I also read Michelle Tea’s Against Memoir, which has the best fucking essay of all time about the SF girl gang HAGS, but really I loved the whole thing. I’ve become an absolutely massive Michelle Tea fangirl and use her tarot book all the time and just ugh, I can’t wait to get more of her stuff.

I just finished Elie Mystal’s Allow Me to Retort: A Black Guy’s Guide to the Constitution. Mystal is incredibly funny and smart and is an amazing Twitter follow if you are still on the bird hellsite. It is easy to think that funny writing is unserious, but this is deeply serious, and is a very good argument for pretty much a new Constitution that wasn’t written by enslavers. Also now I finally understand what substantive due process is, and what the difference is from procedural due process. (I also grasp the ninth and tenth amendments a little better too.) Anyway – really, if you are at all interesting in con law, or how much the Supreme Court sucks, or how broken a document the Constitution is while containing seeds of a better document, I deeply recommend this.

I finished The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows, and continue to very much enjoy Olivia Waite! This is *not* an nice, fizzy romance – the romance is, honestly, a pretty small part of the plot, and that’s not knocking it one bit. It’s queer and scary and very good. I definitely would be okay going back to a fluffy romance soon, but I’m glad I read this.

I also finished The Return of the King and words fail me, honestly. It’s been so long since I read the trilogy, but I truly cannot wait to re-read it; Tolkien is so much better than what came after, and it’s been good to re-learn that. The battle of Pelennor Fields is the scariest thing I’ve ever read. I have discovered four new emotions. I cried at the end. I mean, *you* sum that book up! (I have precisely zero desire to watch any of the new shows and whatever else comes out; the original trilogy was lightening in a bottle, and I will keep my memories warm and good, tbh.)

I finished Square Haunting, about women writers between the war and Mecklenburgh Square. It was quite good and interesting, and it was nice to build on the writers I already knew about (pretty much just Dorothy L. Sayers and Woolf), and learn about Eileen Power and just…that whole London set. I don’t know if tons of it will stick with me, but I’m pleased I read it.

Remembering Denny, by Calvin Trillin. It’s about a classmate of his from Yale, and about how people change and show different sides of themselves, about being gay pre-Stonewall and about the Silent Generation. It is very, very good. (Also FULL of people! Larry Kramer shows up at one point! And early on there’s some stuff that unexpectedly linked to my own life which was just WEIRD and kind of wonderful too.) I love Calvin Trillin so much.

Fortune Favors the Dead, an excellent little queer noir mystery, I am excited to read the next one.

The Hollow Places, I really love T. Kingfisher, love a good quick horror read. This hit a lot of the same beats as The Twisted Ones, which isn’t a strike against it, but I’m hoping for something new with the next book. Still, A++++++++ landscape horror.

I read Women Talking which was…fine? It was okay, I wasn’t blown away I have to say.

I read Hérnan Díaz’ In the Distance which I truly ought to have hated, and I don’t know if I *liked* it, but it’s going to stick with me a long time. It’s a Western, kind of. It’s dreamy, and violent, and lovely.

DNF on Charlie Brown’s America: the Popular Politics of Peanuts. There is a great book to be written on this topic. It is not this book, which quickly proved unreadable.

And I finished The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics which was fun and lovely and a nice fizzy romance, especially after In the Distance, lol. I’ll def read the next books in the series!

I have been reading at a good clip! Let’s see, I finished Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens which is about a ghost and George Sand and Chopin and making decisions and it was so joyful and so lovely and very queer. I re-read Lauren Groff’s Matrix and loved it even more the second time; I was able to snag a signed hardback copy from a friend and I’m delighted to own it because the book itself is beautiful, and it’s a dreamy read. And finally I read Calvin Trillin’s The Tummy Trilogy which is a collection of his three books that collect his food writings. These essays are glorious, hilarious, charming, a celebration of good food and good eating and regional food. I will say, though, that the final book is really by far the weakest, and I will skip it in future; the first two books are perfection. (FYI, if you do pick this up, and I really recommend it, note that he was writing in the 70′s and they are a bit of their time, but in a way that is good-humoured at least.) I’ve also got his Remembering Denny and I’m really excited to read that soon.

I finished Times Square Red, Times Square Blue and enormously enjoyed the first essay about Delany’s time in the porn theatres of Times Square. It’s character sketches and talking about how people meet and relate, and I loved it. The second essay is vastly denser and more theoretical, and I will be honest most of it went over my head. I liked most of what I grasped, although his plan for how to end catcalling of women is…certainly there.

I also read Kate Beaton’s Ducks in basically one sitting and it’s so, so good. It’s much sadder and harder than I thought it would be, but it’s worth reading.

I read Bad Land because Jonathan Raban died last week, and I am absolutely gutted. He was a magnificent writer and Bad Land was so good and so rich and a bit funny, and it got me up in my feelings as I read about him driving over the pass into Seattle, following the trail of Montanans, while I was flying into Seattle (and then going north through the rain). It’s so, so good, and I will miss Raban so much.

I also finished The Two Towers, about which I can only say that it’s kind of a weird bridge book, but it has some of the best and loveliest lines and also jesus I can’t write a review of Lord of the Rings, it holds up, ok?

I finished Bill Bryson’s 1927, his history of a fairly amazing year in American history. The occasional fatphobic jokes were…weird and not funny, but the man can write a good popular history book. It was my airport reading coming back from the east coast, and very good airport reading it was.

I finished Homewaters, which is a gorgeous book about the natural and human history of the Puget sound region, and I loved it. It’s not the fastest-paced book going, but it’s a fantastic history and goes into the biodiversity of the area, and I’m so glad I got it.

I also read A Prayer for the Crown-Shy in one sitting on an airplane. I did not glom onto the Monk and Robot books as much as I thought I would, but I liked this a lot, and found it really lovely. I hope very much that there will be others.

Finally, last night I finished reading Shadowlands: A Journey Through Britain’s Lost Cities and Vanished Villages. Some chapters are better than others (or maybe I was just more awake?) – I found the chapters on Skara Brae and St. Kilda genuinely riveting, but still don’t quite remember what happened at Old Winchelsea, for example. The last chapter, on Capel Celyn, was startlingly hard to read; I have mostly left my time in Wales in the past. Not in a bad way, but there’s no point in it being in my daily life, but it was much more painful to read about my once-home than I thought it would be. (It’s also just an absolutely gutting story.)

#weekly update #sort of

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welcometogrouchland · 1 year

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ok a curveball: manny/camila or caleb/evelyn

"curveball" both these couples are canonically married anon /j

Jokes aside BOTH OF THESE SLAP AND ARE HIGHLY UNDERRATED, ESPECIALLY MANNY AND CAMILA!

A for Caleb and Manny: Like, Camila and Manny's nerd4nerd romance is so sweet, so highschool romcom-esque, it's so incredibly fluffy, until you remember that Manny fucking died. Of a terminal illness. And like. You can tell how much Camila loves him by the way his things still litter the house. They are so incredibly sweet and sad to me and tbh as much as I joke about other ships w/ Camila (hiiiii darimila <3) realistically, I know that she is never really going to get over Manny. Not in an unhealthy way, just. He was her first and only love, and the joy he brought to her life is something that only Luz can even come close to replicating (Luz brings joy into her life in a similar but distinct and unique way, btw)

And Caleb and Evelyn...OUGH CALEB AND EVELYN

A+ and they only score higher bc of the weeks following and leading up to thanks to them where I was physically incapable of being normal about them. It was fucked up they had a GRIP on me

I'm much more settled about them now and I'd say that currently they leave me torn. Not on what we actually know- the tragedy of their relationship, the idea that they both represented a form of freedom to the other with their shared cardinal motifs, the way they've massively impacted the narrative and the lives of everyone in it and yet most of the world will never know their names, and yet you wonder if they'd be content with that so long as the couples and heroes of the modern era can be free and happy in a way they never got to be- that's all spectacular. Rich with potential and depth.

It's about what we don't know and whether or not I even want it explored in canon. On the one hand, yes, obviously, I want spin-offs and post-hoots dedicated to unlocking their past and telling us everything about them as people and their dynamic with each other.

On the other hand, I almost prefer the autonomy over their story that the fans have gotten. We don't have the constraints and considerations of the crew so we get to run buckwild! Personally I love the idea of Caleb and Evelyn meeting under false pretences, I love some lies and betrayals and some drama and then some making up and living together and oops! They're boning now! And oops! He's dead now. Literally this is riveting to me.

But the crew only has so many minutes to tell this story in, and has age ratings and audiences to consider. They probably wouldn't be able to give it the nuance and horror it deserves. So I think, in the end, as much as I wanna know what Dana thinks went down, I'm also content to keep exploring them in a mostly fannish context <3

Sorry the witteclaw section is so much bigger than the Nocedas section, they just have a lot more ambiguity to mine. I'll end this by saying though that I would actually sell my soul for on screen Manny content, in any sort of capacity. I NEED to know how he paralleled Luz, and maybe even Eda, how he kept that bright cheery smile we always see him with despite the undoubted hardship and pain he was going through, how proud he'd be of how far Luz and Camila have both come, how happy he'd be at the idea that his families grown with the addition of vee and maybe even hunter, how glad he'd be that his daughter and wife never lost their spark. I have to stop now or else I Will Cry

#ramblings of a lunatic #asks #manny caleb and evelyn are chilling in the afterlife rn. to me

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the-crow-binary · 1 year

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I'll give you some work to do: Isaactor, Isaavor, Isaacula, Hecula, Macula, and Lenector :)

OH OKAY SO THAT'S HOW YOU WANNA PLAY ? MHM. I SEE. OKAY. WE'LL PLAY.

Isaactor:

1-The MF and PtR mangas <3 Love how they and their relationship is depicted in both. Mostly because Isaac is SUCH A FUCKIN MESS LMAO 2-The drama. <3 The tension. <3 (the little bit of psychological horror in Rosaly's death scene in the PtR manga :) ) Aaaaa <3 3-Hector wanting Isaac and getting him but only partially because Isaac will always see himself as Dracula's servant before anything else and Hector will forever be second place no matter how much he cares <3

Isaavor:

1-THE FUCKING STABBING SCENE- AAAAAAAA and the first fight too, of course. <3 They were already flirting back then. 2-The parallels you talk about better than I can. <3 3-Their japanese voices. Like FR ISAAC IS OUT THERE DOING ASMR TO THE DADDIEST OF THE TREVORS TO HAVE EVER BELMONT. GAH. I LOVE THEM.

Isaacula:

1-There's no way this can be healthy and i'm all here for it. <3 2-Isaac doesn't need nobody to dehumanize him, he does it all by himself. All he lives for is pleasing his Lord <3 3-Well okay this is extremly niche but in the context of the "Dracula was still Mathias before Lisa's death and he actually cared a lot about Isaac and saw a bit of himself in him and their relationship was somehow wholesome" idea... the heartbreaking drama of Mathias' fall, turning into Dracula who, out of madness driven by grief, no longer feels the same way about Isaac. He changed for the worst and Isaac lost his father figure... but still, he's his Lord, and he loves him. He will never abandon him, even if Dracula no longer cares about him... like he used to.

Hecula:

1-THE FUCKING TORTURE ??? PLEASE ??? EVEN WORSE THAN ISAACULA. HOLY SHIT. HECTOR DOES NOT LIKE WHAT DRACULA DOES TO HIM. And that's hot. <3 Give me that sweet sweet drama and pain. <3 2-Dracula using Hector as Lisa's replacement because he misses her so much and have the worst coping mechanisms ever like holy fuck dude <3 3-That one attack in CoD where he hugs you with his wings and drink you blood. <3

Macula:

1-HHHHHHHHHHHH "self love" and "self acceptance" and "accepting your fate even though you hate it" themes <3 The hate and disgust beetween the two (Mathias being mortified at his future self, Dracula being reminded of how he used to be, realising how low he has fallen, and absolutely hating it wich basically means hating him) that eventually lead to those themes <3 2-Selfcest but deeper. Hot. <3 3-Sex used as salvation. <3 (hate that i have to limit myself to just three things > :<)

And ofc, the best ship, Lenector:

1-Lenore's death scene. Her choosing to look at Hector instead of the sun when she dies (and the music was really emotional, really good). Too bad it wasn't as deserved as people seems to think > :< 2-Hector giving Lenore a piece of her own medicine by trapping her. Ok it served more as "protection" or whatever but at least she was terrified <3 Especially when Isaac arrived. Lol. Lmao. 3-Hector patronising Lenore. The sex jokes were big ew but him being sassy or standing up to her from time to time was nice... but it's also what gave me the false hope that he was playing her game to manipulate her and stab her in the back later, wich KINDA happened but definitely not in the way I wish it had. >:(

#there. happy ? <3 #bitch. <3 #castlevania #beevean ask #isaactor #isaacula #hecula #macula #i am NOT tagging Lenector lmao #ship ask

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jonnyparable · 1 year

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My Sad Online Legacy

Right guys so I just saw that in his video about ranking Sims 4 controversies, Youtuber Satch On Sims, who is delightful, actually used my Reddit Post (below) on the saga as the thumbnail to represent the Snowy Escape shrine drama, which he helpfully ranked controversial, right beside the cupcake machine, and under toddlers.

After which he also proceeded to gaslight Asians into not being upset at Japan for killing so many of us, including my grandmother's sister lol and to just let imperialism slide. So it's come to this, guys. This is my sad online legacy now, this is my contribution to Sims media!

I'm joking of course. Mostly. It's just surreal to be watching Sims videos while eating, and then suddenly see my own obscure reddit post appear on a British YouTuber's fun quirky video about historical genocide. Feels kind of full circle somehow, since the British, after lording over my people for more than a century, did surrender to the Japanese and abandoned us to our fate, so there you go, what a laugh. Anyway, I do honestly love his content, he's very funny, but come on, we all respect and understand that it's not ok to use the N word, and that the holocaust happened, so I think it's ok to say that we don't need Shintoism (or any religion) or Rising Sun motifs in a game where you can get eaten by a plant that is also a cow. Just disappointed that he had to use this one random issue to project his own opinions about sensitive Gen Z twitter drama shit stirrers, when he admittedly didn't even know the historical context that made people upset in the first place. Some drama isn't performative. Yes of course it's a pain to sort through them, but labelling all outrage as silly is not just being too lazy, or privileged to do the work, it's also very ignorant. Until Japan fully reconciles with their past, history and trauma unfortunately creeps and oozes up in the most stupid and random of places, like the Sims.

They gave us Cardcaptor though, so it's all good.

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autumnslance · 2 years

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hello i know this is like. super late but i saw some of your posts on werlyt and i wanted to add that im pretty sure livia's attraction to gaius overall is mostly an ENG thing. the scene where gaius tells her to meet in his office later is, actually, standard procedure in japan for bosses when they need to scold employees in private. ive actually seen several japanese players express confusion over non japanese players viewing that in a romantic context. and its obvs not the first time that (1)

(2) the english team has fucked up, as we have seen with nael van darnus always being intended to be female in 1.0 but the english translation team didnt realize that. so while i do think its a shitty attempt at retconning, i do think that the scene everyone cites as "evidence" of gaius and livia having an affair is moreso something that was lost in cultural translation, as he doesnt ever express anything otherwise. the eng team seems to. make many things romantic for no reason

-----------------

Combining both asks. My Sorrow of Werlyt tag; some faint praise and plenty of salt, fair warning. My Livia sas Junius tag as well as I've talked about this before.

I dunno even know that the EN team specifically is "making" things romantic for no reason--in fact, there are criticisms of some character translations that seem to try and ensure there isn't romantic misconception from some characters--as it is players reading so many things with shipper goggles on, and this is a case of poor context.

Though it does sound like a weird request; for me, as a former soldier, once the other officers had left, the criticism or instruction would happen then and there, not in an hour (unless Gaius needed the time for something else), and if needing guaranteed privacy from other soldiers, I would have said "office" not "quarters" as the connotations there are very different in English (and officers/high rank NCOs that I knew had an office separate from their personal quarters while on base). But there are a lot of folks playing EN, perhaps some of them more familiar with the tropes, or simply non-ship focused, that didn't read romance into it at all ever.

Overall, everything Livia says in EN lean toward an obsession with her foster father, though his reactions to her are far more reserved and offhand--to the point of forgetting about her entirely even, his interactions with Cid (and later the Auri quintet) as much more important. He reacts more to Rhitahytn's death than hers, which strikes me as odd. Even something simple would do.

Nero makes a comment after Titan about Livia being "in love" though how much it's supposed to be a joke or what also seems lost in text and translation.

In general I think ARR needed a few more editing passes they had no time and budget for, given they rebuilt an entire game in the span usually reserved for an expansion. They did OK overall, though some weird choices then have haunted the story and characters since.

Also the EN localization team has changed over the years, so the teams have been picking up and recontextualizing the pieces over the years. Koji's been over on FFXVI, so Kathryn Cwynar has been EN local lead since Shadowbringers, as revealed in a 6.1 live letter (she's the bespectacled lady doing translations during FanFest 2021 and those PLLs when Miss Aimi cannot). The EN and JP are mostly written together, but there's still a lot of back and forth, too, as well as interaction, cultural checks, and consistency with the other languages they have to manage. Kate's twitter has an interview pinned with the Local Leads for each language, and the coordinator, from in March 2021.

I also have a post on the Eula/Nael mess, and in that case it's one of those things the devs claim they decided to retcon-but-we-don't-like-to-call-them-retcons, perhaps rather than admit to an error or place blame for mistranslation of a major figure. Which is another aspect of cleaning up some of those missteps that linger, and we're honestly not going to know that answer for sure.

EDIT ADDENDUM: DT has a good point in the Replies too (that I usually mention, at least did in another post); everything we ever see in ARR about the “relationship” is entirely Livia’s statements and POV, across all languages/translations. So if people are reading into it, it’s because they’ve been primed to based on Livia’s comments and Nero’s snarking. Not anything Gaius himself ever said or did, and the “My quarters, one hour” line ends up a victim of translation as players take Livia of all people at face value, not considering her POV is very, very skewed.

Though it is common enough for players to take everyone at face value, heroes and villains alike, without considering their personal perspectives, misinformation, misunderstandings, outright lying, and other agendas, before we even get to how each player interprets those lines they’re taking as absolute truth.

#Final Fantasy XIV #Livia sas Junius #Sorrow of Werlyt #Lore #Translation #Language #Kathryn Cwynar #Eula Darnus #Nael van Darnus

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daja-the-hypnokitten · 1 year

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Jukebox reviews part 11! For context, see my post “A Project” under this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA stories, they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa

Feels Like the First Time