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devildomwriter · 1 day

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“Ah, So THAT’S why Lucifer has a picture of Mammon asleep set as his cell phone background for a while there.”

“That’s a nice story. Those two really do love each other, huh?”

“…You think?”

— Solomon and Satan (Chapter 2-C)

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kpop-otome-yandere-here · 6 months

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Mc: *laying on a pool chair, unconscious*

Levi, panicking: They're not breathing!

Solomon: I'll give them mouth-to-mouth!

Mc: *opens one eye,* Ew no! Let Mammon do it! *Closes eye*

Lucifer:

Beel:

Solomon:

Satan:

Levi:

Belphie:...

Mammon: GET OUT OF THE WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

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authormars · 21 days

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MC: How do angels reproduce?

Simeon: Well, it's a very complicated process and the Father-

Lucifer: Mitosis

MC:

Simeon:

Lucifer, pointing to Satan: Mitosis

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me shitpost #obey me satan #obey me simeon #obey me mc #obey me incorrect quotes #i think i'm funny

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slutifer · 10 days

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Lucifer: mc, you can’t just say “spit in my mouth” when one of us does something you deem attractive

mc: but why not??

Mammon: yeah it’s just saliva, what’s the problem??

Satan: did you know that saliva is almost entirely water? only 0.5 percent of it is anything else, but that tiny portion is full of useful enzymes-proteins that speed up chemical reactions-

Lucifer: stop-

Satan: among these are amylase and ptyalin, which begin to break down sugars in carbohydrates while they are still in our mouths. if we chew a starchy food like bread or potato for a bit longer than normal, we will soon notice a sweetness. unfortunately, bacteria in our mouths like that sweetness, too-

Lucifer: STOP-

Satan: they devour the liberated sugars and excrete acids, which drill through human teeth and give them cavities. other enzymes, notably lysozyme-which was discovered by human scientist alexander fleming before he stumbled onto penicillin-attack many invading pathogens, but not the ones that cause tooth decay, alas.

Satan: …

Lucifer: …

mc: …

mc: spit in my mouth

Lucifer: MC

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anintrovertedechoe · 8 months

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the brothers: mc let me carry ur bag for u ! ur human it might break ur back and then u’ll die :((

solomon: my back hurts !!

the brothers (and barbatos): lmao kys

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lyrichi · 18 days

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[mc is reading a devildom textbook that is on human world history]

mc: .......

satan: ... you look troubled

mc: yeah cause it's all wrong

satan: what do you mean?

mc: well, first of all it says the earth is flat

#why did it take me so long to come up with an outrageously wrong history fact #uh #im literally studying the cold war rn #yeah #wo hoo #obey me crack #obey me shall we date #obey me shitpost #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me #obey me mc #obey me satan

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tsukii0002 · 1 month

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Mc: I can't take it anymore… If you continue to be so irresponsible I'll take the kids!!!!

Mammon: Please Mc! Forgive me, I promise I will change. I will be a better father!

Mc: I can't ensure the welfare of my children over words.

Mammon: Mc! I will never stop caring about our children!!!

Levi: *confused* What are they doing?

Asmo: Oh *eating popcorn* they are arguing because Mammon bought birdseed for canaries instead of special birdseed for crows for the new chicks.

Satan: *stealing popcorn from Asmo* And now Mc has restricted Mammon's care over them.

Levi: And what do the parents think, the crows?

Satan: *holding back laughter * They're on Mc's side.

Levi: Pfff *starting to laugh*

Mc: It's too late...

Mammon: Mc nooo!!!!

.

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my-names-angel-but-im-not-one · 2 months

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Petty mc #4

*everyone playing the guessing game in HOL*

MC: alright guys guess who am I?

Everyone: okay!

MC: *starts to slouch* ""yeah Lilith died because of God , now I'll never forgive humans , even though they have nothing to do with it!!"" *Starts to fake strangle themselves*

Everyone:

MC: alright guess now that was a pretty good acting !

Belphie: *sweating* I don't like this game anymore.....

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notcreative360 · 21 days

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*In the library, with the Anti-Lucifer League..*

Satan: Alright time to make plans to absolutely ruin, and destroy Lucifer. Got any plans?

Belphie: We could put a curse on his pillow so he'll end up having nightmares every time he sleeps.

Satan: Ok, not bad, not bad. Mc? How about you?

Mc: Glitter.

Satan: Wha? Glitter? How is glitter supposed to ruin Lucifer?

Mc: We explode him with glitter in his room. Not only will it be a big hassle to clean off, BUT he will find glitter everywhere, everytime. Because once glitter gets on something, it never leaves. It will also keep finding random places to appear, he'll see glitter for centuries, hehehehe.

Belphie: ..You devilishly little sheep~

Satan: Alright lets do it!

#Next thing you know it's the Anti-Lucifer League that ends up being exploded with glitter #obey me #obey me game #obey me shall we date #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me nightbringer #omswd #obey me Anti-Lucifer League #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me shenanigans #obey me sheep mc #obey me brothers #obey me crack #obey me shitpost

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temis-de-leon · 1 month

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Based on that one joke from TikTok. My pc is still broken and I can't write anything decent:

.

MC: Fuck… I forgot to peel my skin today.

Mammon: What?

MC: My skin, I didn't peel it today.

Asmo: Like a mask?

MC: No, just my skin.

Asmo: Solomon's never done that.

MC: It's just the girls, Solomon doesn't know shit.

Satan: You have to peel it?

MC: Once a month, just after my period.

Asmo: You're molting?

MC: Yeah, sure.

Mammon: And you didn't do it today??!

MC: Don't worry, I can do it tomorrow.

Satan: Nonsense MC, we can help you now.

MC: …no, don't worry… it's kinda taboo for girls anyway…

Asmo: Don't be silly, MC! We'd never judge you!

Satan: And it'll probably take less time if the three of us are helping you.

Mammon: That's right! C’mon MC, let's peel your skin off!

MC: …oh no.

.

Masterlist

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corvus-for-ddd · 9 months

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#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me nightbringer #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me ideas #obey me texts #obey me thoughts #obey me memes #obey me imagines #obey me twitter #obey me devildom #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #corvus for ddd

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devildomwriter · 2 months

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“How DARE you throw something at me!”

“Satan, calm down.”

“Shut the hell up!”

“What did you say…?”

“I’m sick of you and your older brother act…!”

“Well, I am your older brother, after all. Or wait… in your case, I guess I’m something even greater than that?”

— Satan and Lucifer (26-15)

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kpop-otome-yandere-here · 9 months

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Mc: Just… Apologize to each other on the count of three.

Mc: One, two, three.

Lucifer:

Satan:

Mc: Well, now I'm disappointed in both of you.

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masterofdemons · 1 year

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Hello. Today I offer you this.

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slutifer · 6 days

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Solomon: mc isn’t feeling well, so how ‘bout i take over their cooking duty tonight?

Lucifer: is that a fuckin’ threat

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l3viat8an · 2 months

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MC: the human life is a strained and tense one. I envy the life of a smooth rock….resting on the beach warmed by the sun...unaware of the trials and tribulations of human life.

Satan: Do you need to talk?

MC: I wish I was a croissant.

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